#like if it was that they always used aspergers instead of autism

[conanssummerchild]

i wonder why rick calls morty a getaway driver with aspergers in s4 when he already uses the word autism in s3 in regards to himself like does that make sense, im saying like why does he use the outdated term for morty when hes already used the currently uses term yk does anyone even care. is this significant? not at all i was just wondering idk

[hcfiles]

Henry does not have aspergers, or any form of autism, probably depression and maybe anxiety.

What he DOES have is a lifetime of growing up in what Americans would call an upper-middle class Tory military family. With emotionally unavailable parents, specifically a father who was always gone and a mother who was forced to give up her career when she started having kids because that was the expectation. Henry Cavill is an emotionally stunted individual who thinks sexism is a joke and for whom gentlemanly-ness is an act to perform, who is more than happy to use people (especially women) for his own needs. Who doesn't like taking no for an answer and in a few cases didn't (and yes you can absolutely take that to mean the awful insinuation that probably came to your mind). Who has long been accustomed to the fame of Superman and all the perks that brought with it that it's been his sole focus to try and reclaim that by hitching himself to another big franchise, instead of developing some kind of acting skill of which he actually has very little. He has a Dwayne Johnson attitude but not the Dwayne Johnson money or business foundation. He wants the perks without the work. He's absolutely one of those guys who even in his 40s and beyond is still going after 20somethings because they don't have the life experience to recognize what a red flag he is to be with. And he'll always throw someone else to the wolves in order to save his own hide. He's done it before. You all have seen it multiple times already.

He's just a regular piece of shit human being, nothing more and nothing less.

I have to agree with at least, two or three points of what you said.

[spiderfangirl22]

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (Yandere! Keanu x Reader)

PS: Yes I’m going to be putting actors into some of roles because this is an AU

And A/N: I have Autism I was diagnosed when I was fourteen same as reader so reader is kind of me. And unfortunately my home life isn’t great I’m 25 years old and I had a job at longhorn which I loved but I was told I was interfering with the waiters jobs I was helping them by grabbing drinks and refilling stuff.

And my family treats me basically like Rudolph.

Oh and another thing when I tell my family after they get annoyed when I don’t tell them shit. When I finally do tell them they say (You’re crazy, or you’re being dramatic.

And also I’ve had suicidal thoughts before and tried to bring it up but they keep saying I’m over reacting. Unfortunately I have cut myself before. So they will be some scenes in story about past self harm. I just feel hopeless but writing and drawing help me in a way cope. I’m basically treated like the villain

Chapter 2: Meeting Him

“Are You Fucking With Me Right Now?!”The sound of Jocylen screaming over the phone, made Y/N wince at how loudly her friend was screaming right into her ear drum, she just knew she was going to have major migraine for the rest of the day. “For Keanu Fucking Reeves?! Out of all the celebrities you got the hot one!”

Y/N, slightly chuckled at Jocylen’s reaction. Yes Keanu Reeves the hot one, as Y/N loved to call him whenever she and Jocylen along with Daniel, had watched the Matrix movies.

When Y/N had gotten back to her hotel room, she all but dialed her friends number, not knowing how to take this information in. It was one hell of a shock to her. Not to mention she would have to move to Los Angeles, instead of living with her Mother, and get ridiculed by her family about how bad Los Angeles was, and tease her for moving to the worst state in history.

But with the pay and the free Apartment and only a few blocks away from Keanu Reeves House, Y/N could finally start living on her home and have the freedom she always dreamed of.

After Losing her last job despite working there with everything she had to give. Someone just didn’t like her. And didn’t know if it had to do with her having autism. Yes Autism or Asperger’s to be precise, is what she had been diagnosed with at the age of fourteen years old.

And after that day her family started treating her differently, at least she knows how Rudolph felt when it was discovered he had a red nose.

Her grandparents always told her to tell the manager during an interview that has autism to get sympathy and possibly the job. Y/N absolutely hated using her Autism as a way to get something, she always tried to push it out of her mind and try to forget she even had it to begin with.

The only Person she was close to was her mother, who had done everything she could to help her daughter. And she knew her mother wouldn’t give her a hard time about moving to Los Angeles.

“Y/N? You there?” Jocylen’s voice startled Y/Ns inner thoughts and the women instantly replied back 

“Y-Yeah, sorry lost in thought,” Y/N replied with an uneasy chuckle, being embarrassed at having been caught not listening, she then looked at the folder ,Regina, had given her to look through which contained her schedule and the duties as Mr.Reeves personal assistant, biting her lip she nodded, what’s a little studying before the real thing, so she quickly interrupted Jocylen. “Is it okay if I call you back later today? I want to look through my schedule and duties for this week.”

Jocylen chuckled on the other end of the line, “You better,” She replied jokingly, “Oh I can’t wait to tell Daniel.” She happily cheered as she hung up her phone.

Y/N chuckled her her friends Enthusiasm, before reaching over to grab the discarded folder and pulled it towards herself as she laid on her bed trying to get comfortable.

“Okay, Mr.Reeves, let’s see what you have for me to do.” Y/N replied before opening the folder and looking through her schedule which was 35-40 Hours per week (Hmm not bad) she always wanted to work full time. 

But what confused her was the lack of duties she had to do for him. Hmm…Maybe Regina could explain. 

As if Regina was some sort of mind reader, Y/Ns phone rang, and recognizing the ringtone as she put for Regina, Y/N quickly grabbed her phone after putting the folder aside and answered the call.

“Regina, is there something wrong?” Y/N asked and she could her the older women chuckle on the other end.

”No problems dear,” Regina replied softly, “But there has been a switch in plans, instead of having you meet Mr.Reeves in person on Friday. He would rather you come meet him today, as he doesn’t want to make you feel overwhelmed by his presence, he would rather you feel welcomed and comfortable on your first day.”

Y/N’s mouth all but dropped open in complete shock at the news. “T-That’s perfect!” She exclaimed with glee much to the older women’s amusement. “Just let me call an Uber and-“

”There’s no need,” Regina replied cutting her off. “Mr. Reeves has sent out his driver to come pick you up, Jeff is already waiting outside the hotel for you.”

If Y/N had been in a cartoon her eyes would have bulged out of her sockets and onto the floor at her shock. She quickly got out her bed but making sure to keep her phone locked between her shoulder and ear so she could reply back.

”I’m on my way.” Y/N replied and after an awesome from Regina, Y/N hung up and got her crocs on before grabbing her bag and apartment key card, as well as her phone before all but dashing down to the first floor of the hotel. Almost knocking into people and receiving looks from them.

Not caring for their judgement, Y/N opened the hotel doors and was greeted by a 5’9 man who was not muscled at all much to her surprise as she had thought celebrities always went with the heavily muscled drivers but apparently not, Mr. Reeves.

But what shocked her was the car it was a beautiful 2020 Ford Mustang. It was a beautiful blue and it looked like it had been recently washed.

Briskly walking over to him, Y/N offered him a shy smile. “Hi, I’m Y/N, And you’re Jeff Right?”

Jeff nodded with a smile, before opening the backseat door for her, “Please take your seat Ms. L/N” he replied, and Y/N quickly climbed in, and took a deep inhale, just as Jeff closed her door, she loved the smell of new cars, she quickly put her seatbelt on just as Jeff returned to the drivers seat.

Y/N laid her head back against the comfortable leather, and looked out the window, as Jeff pulled out of the hotel entrance and onto the busy Los Angeles road.

Y/N closed her eyes and pinched herself trying to see if she was dreaming and she wasn’t much to her relief, it had been around twenty min or so when Y/N leaned forward and smiled at Jeff.

”So um, Jeff, how long have you been Mr.Reeves Driver?” Y/N asked curiously, want to know how long the man have been working for Mr.Reeves.

Jeff gave Y/N A sincere smile before replying, “Four years starting today,” Y/Ns mouth all but dropped open in shock and she started to stutter out trying to reply but Jeff Chuckled at her shock. “Don’t worry, I get that a lot.”

Y/N For her part was shocked that this man has Mr. Reeves driver for so long, Maybe he could tell her, but he’s like, Yes over the years, Y/N has heard nothing But good things about Mr.Reeves but maybe she could ask what Jeff thought about him.

”If you don’t mind me asking, What do you think about about Mr. Reeves?” Y/N asked curiosity getting the best of her.

Jeff all but smiled, “He’s a very down-to-earth, man, He will always try to help you even if he’s really busy,” he replied softly, “Heck, I was just a nobody, until  Mr. Reeves found me.”

Y/N was shocked and looked at Jeff in sympathy at saying he was a nobody. “No one‘s ever a nobody,” she all but growled but realized she had sounded angry and apologized quickly.

Jeff chuckled, “You remind me so much of Mr. Reeves already,” He replied keeping his eyes on the road. “Did you know I used to be homeless? I was lucky enough to encounter Mr.Reeves himself on a walk that day. And he actually stopped to see if I was okay, and he offered me a job and a room in his mansion, Mr. reeves is too good for this world.”

Y/N was shocked at this information but Before she could comment on it Jeff had pulled up to a giant white gate, She watched as Jeff quickly pulled out a card from his breast pocket and the camera scanned it and the gates opened revealing a beautiful house with a garden and looked to be polished marble, and Y/N smiled as she saw Regina waiting patiently for them with a clipboard in hand.

“You should see you face,” Jeff chuckled as he pulled up to the entrance of Mr. Reeves house. Y/N blushed in embarrassment before unbuckling her seatbelt, and opening her car door before Jeff could reach her.

”Thanks for the ride, Mr-“ Y/N paused not knowing his last name but Jeff all but smiled and waved her off.

”Just Call me Jeff,” He replied with a smile before heading back into the car to pull it back into Mr. Reeves garagez

Y/N was surprised that Mr. Reeves wasn’t out here. As if sensing her inner thoughts, Regina smiled.

“If you’re looking for Mr. Reeves, he’s in an online meeting right now. ,” she replied softly, before grasping Y/Ns hand through her free one and started to lead her up the stairs . “As much as Mr. Reeves wanted to be here to greet you formally, he had something to do with his company with arch.”

Y/N nodded in I’m understanding already, knowing what arch was, “It’s fine, but I was wondering if I could have a tour?” Y/N asked shyly and Regina smiled as she opened the front door after letting Y/Ns hand go.

”Why of course why do you think I’m here,” Regina chuckled, and Y/Ns eyes popped wide open at the inside of Mr. Reeves House. It wasn’t ginormous, much to her relief but it was so beautiful inside. 

Polished marble, plants, vases, pictures of famous bands on the walls (Pink Floyd, AC/DC, Scorpion) she was so entranced by the walls that Regina had to grab her harm and gently guided her to the next room.

Regina paused before opening the door and gave Y/N a smile, “It’s a good thing you love books, Ms. L/N,” Regina softly replied with a smirk, “Because we have just the room for that.”

Opening the door, Y/Ns breath left her at the sight of the huge library lined with hundreds no thousands maybe millions of books aligned against the walls.

Y/N then noticed an older looking man probably around his early 70s putting up what appeared to be a new shelf for more books, standing a very tall ladder, Y/N shuddered at the height having hated heights since she was little, it was even a miracle she managed to not freak the fuck out everytime she went on an airplane.

Especially the long flight she had from Florida to California, Five fucking hours long, she just listening to some Asmar and put her to sleep for the last three hours.

Y/N was so lost in thought that Regina had to gently shake her arm to get her attention. “Sorry,” Y/N replied embarrassed again.

Regina smiled softly before she looked down at her clipboard, “Why don’t you go pick out a book while I go and get Mr. Reeves, his meeting should be done by now.”

Y/N nodded enthusiastically and quickly rushed to the nearest bookshelf, hoping to find her latest new series obsession to start on, while Regina smiled and left the room in search of Mr. Reeves.

Y/N was able to find a book, one she’s heard about but has never read, ‘The Lord Of The Rings’ By J.R.R Tolkien. She was surprised Keanu loved these types of books, and it spoke a lot about his personality.

As Y/N took a seat on the elegant long couch, she started to read, and was only on the third page when she heard a slight crash, she immediately looked up and was horrified at what she saw, the man who had been trying to put a new shelf in the library had dropped his hammer and was now struggling not to fall from the ladder.

Y/N instantly dropped the book, not noticing it land on the floor, as she sped over and desperately held onto the ladder to make sure the older man didn’t fall. 

“Are you alright Sir?” Y/N called looking up at the man who was now slowly coming down the ladder.

The man quickly took a deep breath and nodded with a smile, “Thanks to you young one,” He replied softly as he finally reached the floor. “It seems no one but you and Keanu care about other people and their safety it would seem.”

Y/N smiled trying to stop the blush, as she hesitantly let go of the ladder. “It was nothing sir I-“

”I wouldn’t call that nothing,” A very familiar deep soothing voice replied softly, Y/N slowly looked and was shocked to see Regina standing there with…Keanu Reeves himself, who was dressed in one of his arch shirts and pair of plain jeans and shoes. 

Y/N blushed at his praise, “I barely did anything Mr-“

“Keanu,” Keanu Replied, as he slowly walked towards her, easily Towering over her with his 6’1 height. “Please call me Keanu,” He replied softly before taking her hand and pressing a delicate kiss to the back of it, his beard tickled her and she shuddered at the feeling. “And you must be the Y/N I keep hearing so much about.”

Y/N blushed before she remembered the poor man that almost fell from the ladder. But nodded at Keanu in confirmation, gently she took the older man’s hand in hers and looked to see if he was hurt anywhere.

”Are you sure you’re OK?” Y/N asked softly, not noticing how Keanu smiled in adoration towards her.

The man smiled softly, “I’m fine now Miss, thanks to you,” the man replied softly before turning his attention to Keanu who was still smiling at Y/N. “I’m sorry Keanu, I don’t know what happened.”

Keanu took his attention off from Y/N and towards his friend. “Bernard, how many times have I told you that I was planning to to that myself,” Keanu sighed softly, “And especially when you’re not feeling well? I want you to go in the guest room and rest for awhile, hell even a day or two. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

Y/N felt her heart flutter at how much Keanu cared about his workers, and watched as Bernard gave Keanu a small hug before he made his way towards what’s she guessed was the guest bedroom but not before giving her a thankful nod.

”So, miss L/N,” Keanu Replied softly, his deep soothing voice causing her to shiver. “Tell me about yourself 

PS: This is an AU so Keanus house won’t be the same as his real one. I love Freddie Highmore and Morgan Freeman.

KEANUS HOUSE + His Library

[blubushie]

how does one mask

this is referring to neurodivergence

Uhhh... I'm gonna assume this is about autism and not about ASPD... Cuz that's a whoooole other discussion...

Iunno mate it's second nature. 🤷‍♂️

To clarify I was actually never diagnosed with autism, specifically. I was diagnosed with ASPERGER'S when Asperger's still used to be considered a valid diagnosis, and not just part of the autism spectrum. I didn't find out I was actually autistic until I was around 17 and casually mentioned my Asperger's to my therapist, who corrected me that I'm autistic, and I tried to argue against it (I had nothing against autistics, it was just my understanding that Asperger's and autism were separate and she was misremembering what I'd been diagnosed with) and she told me that nah, they're considered the same disorder now, Asperger's is treated like low-support "mostly social" autism. To clarify, I'm apparently a level 2 autistic. Or was. I'm probably like level 1 now... I got better lmao.

Anyway! Iunno. This plus the ASPD means that I'm pretty good at masking. As in, I am always masking in some way. I been called weird, unusual, odd, creepy, etc but I never been called autistic that I'm aware of (have had people call me a psychopath though which is amusing cuz. Yeah.) People I meet generally seem to get the impression that there's something "off" about me, but not that I'm autistic, or in any way neurodivergent.

So uh. Yeah. Iunno. Most the time I'm masking I just think I'm being normal—as in "being me". The only time I'm actually aware I'm masking is when I get some kinda urge or some shit (like stimming) and suppress it so I don't draw attention to myself. I used to be much more visibly autistic when I was a teen (such as rocking and shit when anxious, losing my ability to speak, not being able to make eye contact, having meltdowns publicly, etc) but even then people at most bullied me for being "weird"—I was never actually called autistic, just weird.

I've improved enough that I don't even have meltdowns anymore, or at least not in the way I used to. No thrashing, screaming, crying, panic, etc. I just get angry and hit things until the anger goes back to its usual level of "simmering but able to mask".

Anyway. I can't give pointers on masking, soz. The mask at this point is more me that whatever used to be beneath it, and I'm fine with that. It's only an issue when I'm around a lotta people and have to mimic the collective behaviour/attitude/vibes of the people around me instead of just one particular person I'm speaking with. So uh. Iunno, body language I guess.

I'll warn you that if you have to ask this question, you're probably going to mimic people so accurately that you're going to make whatever disorder you have even more obvious. Like some uncanny valley shit. Ask a behaviour therapist or some shit, I'm not one. Sorry.

[totally-sick-blogger]

Girl meets autism???

It’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep and I need to talk about this.

So lately I’ve been rewatching girl meets world and by “rewatching” I mean I let it play on my laptop at night when I’m falling asleep so really I’m not actually watching a whole lot of it. But I’ve just remembered the autism episode and need to to talk about it because it was so….I don’t even know what words to use here if I’m being honest so I’m just going to go point by point.

Why did they act like it something that they needed to cure??? That part catches me off guard every time; especially when Maya GRABS HIS ARM AND TRIED TO PULL HIM TOWARDS THE DOOR. Like did she think that they were gonna go to pharmacy and get antibiotics to cure is autism or something??

Why were they so shocked that he had autism. Like it was really obvious to me from the very beginning. So the way they were all like “but you can’t be autistic???? You’re just quirky???” And when Maya was like “let’s tell them you’re not” I think that part is funny in an ironic way because usually it’s the other way around when someone says “you can’t be autistic because you don’t *insert autism stereotype here*” whereas from my perspective, farkle is the most classically autistic teen boy that is portrayed in the media.

Do you guys remember that one tiktok audio that was like “I’m not autistic! I’m just a bit silly! And I cry when my socks are right…but that’s unrelated” I feel like that basically sums up the dialogue of this episode

They were ALL losing their marbles over farkle being autistic which made no sense to me because from my perspective Riley is definitely also autistic but it presents in her very differently than it presents in farkle and I always found them both to be very relatable. I’m a little bit confused about why they never made that connection especially after isadora told everyone that she’s also autistic and has been diagnosed for a long time.

On the topic of isadora- it made me so sad how she told farkle that she would accept him for who he was and that it was okay that he was autistic and she was so happy to finally have someone to relate to but then his friends somehow convinced him that he shouldn’t do that??? Like by the end of the episode they were all like “we think it’s okay that you’re autistic but just don’t act autistic” (this is paraphrased btw) which I’m pretty sure was meant to be them being accepting and open minded but really they were all being terrible friends.

Isadora was always the butt of the joke in every episode she was in and they were always so rude to her for no reason and I feel like they often went out of their way to single her out and this got worse in a way after the autism episode. Like generally speaking they were always so ableist towards her and I would probably classify their attitude towards her as bullying because they didn’t really ever have any actual reason to hate her.

I also would like to note real quick that in the show they used the word Asperger’s instead of autism during most of the episode but I’m saying autism because Asperger’s is outdated and also named after a….very bad guy… Also I feel like there probably weren’t any autistic people consulted on the making of this episode.

Okay I think that’s all of my points for now. If you want a more detailed, better version of this post you should all go check out Lulaloopsy’s video on YouTube. (I will try to link it here -> )

[muscadevil]

As someone who was diagnosed with “aspergers”, I’m extremely glad the term is dead and not being used anymore.

Because I grew up with “aspergers” and not autism, I was barely considered disabled. No, autism was the bad one, aspergers just meant you’re really smart but a little shy!! ☺️ (/s) And as a result of almost never having my support needs met - I’m now severely and irreparably traumatized 😁👍

I always wondered what it would be like if I grew up with “autism” instead. I feel like I both would have understood myself and why life felt so impossible to navigate - especially in social & academic settings - better. Maybe people would have been more accommodating and taken my struggles more seriously. Sure I’d probably still get bullied & have a difficult time socially, but maybe it would have been better than becoming physically unable to speak for a majority of my grade school years. Maybe. I’ll never be able to know.

But I’m happy for the autistic people who no longer have to grow up with that label like I did! Fuck aspergers, both the label itself & the guy who created it.

[qweei]

I've started to notice two types of shitty autism parenting and i wanna talk about it though it might be pretty generalizing

tw for overall shitty parents, emotional neglect.

type A: the denial parent

aka the "refuse to acknowledge that their perfect little child is in fact autistic". they will constantly go on and on about how "mild" and perfectly "normal" they are and "not like those autistics"

they completely see autism/disability as a bad thing and even the word itself is dirty to them, so they'll use every other term but those two like "special, superpower, aspie ("they have aspergers not autism!") etc etc. constantly whenever their child's autism is brought up around others, will feel the need to compensate for it, like bringing up their achievements and things they can do, whether that'd be how they have a job, got into a good school etc. as if autistic people can't do that. because they refuse to acknowledge any of the child's weaknesses or flaws, they will never actually do anything to help them, might even scold them for this.

no one needs to compensate for anything, nor feel any shame for just straight up being who they are, this goes for everyone but especially neurodivergent/disabled ppl. not to go psychoanalyze anyone but many autistic ppl i've meet with these kinds of parents/ or just in general share the same view points mentioned, just always end up having so much built of rage, self hatred and completely lack any self acceptance.

type b: hopeless/self-pity parent

usually the parent of a early diagnosed autistic child, whom almost immediately after being diagnosed just straight up gives up on them. "oh well, what can i do..." *proceeds to emotionally neglect and refuse to raise their child*

like type a, they see autism as a bad thing, something that will forever just be forced to deal with. despite acknowledging their child's diagnosis, it's not acceptance, not at all. often you'll hear them talk about how hard it is for them personally, basically searching for pity points despite never actually putting any effort into being their for their kid. even worse, if the parent has another children who are neurotypical, they will VERY clearly treat them a lot better than their neurodivergent one.

these kinds of parents never actually put any effort in growing close with their autistic kid, like they're needs, what they like doing etc, so when they do act out because of their needs never being met, instead of trying to understand or help them they just go "it's their autism"

parents like this often from the outside gain a lot of pity from other parents, because to them the child is just acting out for no other reason than them being autistic and that's just something their parent simply "can't" do anything about it! (news flash: they can!)

ofc you can't get rid of your child's autism, it's simply just a part of them, however that doesn't mean that child doesn't need to raised or giving support like idk every other child? big fucking surprise of but autism isn't the reason your child is violent or an asshole. you neglecting their emotional needs and rather spending all your time complaining does! i understand it can be hard to raise/take care of someone who's autistic, hell it's hard in general to raise any kid, but my sympathy falls flat when instead of trying help you just blame everything on their autism.

though just wanna say that, most parents i've met who fall under this catagory, i wouldn't consider emotionally neglect or abusive to that severe of an extent. i have however noticed a pattern of parents who despite their child being diagnosed, just never actually put any effort into learning about it or understanding their child? aka basically gives up. they usually only listen to what professionals / ppl who work with autistic ppl have to say about their child, which can be very harmful since those people (in my experience) 80% of the time have no clue what they are even talking about.

[sakuraswordly]

@freebird_games: It’s been over 10 years since To the Moon’s release, and every once a while I still get questions on why To the Moon never spells out the word “autism” or “Asperger’s” despite it playing a key role in the plot and character.

I wanted to explain why here.

At the time the game was released (2011), the presence and portrayal of autism in media was becoming more prominent, with numerous films and other media bringing its characterization to the forefront. However, the word “autism” became very cookie cutter, and essentially an archetype, such that when someone not familiar with it at the time (most people) hear the word, it immediately colours their image of the character predominantly as the stereotype.

To no fault of their own, to be fair. It was just how media at the time had trained us, combined with the human phenomenon where our mind tends to lose focus on nuances of an unfamiliar group (the root cause of the “y’all look alike” thing).

Autism spectrum is an important part of the story. But River as a person beyond her condition was also an important part of the story. So, in an attempt to shed light on it while keeping the stereotype from affecting the perception of her, I decided to pull instead of push.

I left clues all over the game — from traits to the author for relevant research on the subject (Asperger’s was a sub-classification at the time). The mystery of the character was who she was — both her intrinsic motivations as a person, and her specific condition.

I’ve always found that it’s easier for us to truly learn and understand when we’re pulled to look further into a subject ourself, than to have something pushed onto us.

But to be clear, I think there is value in simply getting words like “autism” out there as well, and that people should do it to bring awareness. It just accomplishes a very different thing.

Like many things in biology and sociology, different roles are needed. One brings upfront awareness but may trigger barriers, and the other brings less immediate awareness but may make people more susceptive to it in depth.

Different jobs, different sections -- both of the same funnel for the sake of more understanding between people.

While making To the Moon, I got involved in online communities of people on the spectrum. I got to know several people there, and one thing I felt that I didn’t feel that clearly from media was how different people on the spectrum can be. They all shared traits that may be a bit removed from people who were neurotypical, but they were also their own unique persons with deeply varied personalities, quirks, troubles, and aspirations.

And I can’t help but feel that’s something that we always tend to take for granted, especially in times of conflict in narrative between our inner and outer groups of people — whether it be psychological, ideological, or political.

The “Y’all look alike” phenomenon is a very human and natural thing, and it happens beyond just physical appearance. I don’t think people should be blamed for experiencing it, but I do think the world would be better if we were to more actively catch ourselves when we do.

In the end, it’s interesting how fighting against the natural human tendencies is actually how we become more human. I guess that’s how we evolve.

... Anyway, I’m rambling now so I’ll end it here. Hope that explains it and thanks for coming to my ted talk~

[thenationaltreasuregazette]

ND for NT? Neurodivergence in National Treasure

(Abigail Chase Edition)

Last time, we took a look at whether Ben fits the DMS criteria for autism. Now it’s Abigail’s turn on my proverbial couch, but I thought we’d do it a little differently this time.

To change it up a bit, instead of the DSM, I have Rudy Simone’s List of Female Aspergers Syndrome Traits. The title might be outdated, but it’s a list of questions pertaining to masked autism. I thought it might be fun to go through these questions and see whether Abigail fits the bill.

By the way, there's no set number of answers that "pass" this questionnaire, and no one person is expected to have all of them. It's more about identifying trends of behavior.

Special thanks to @emmi-kat for providing some of the evidence

The questions come in four sections: Appearance/personal habits, Intellectual/giftedness/education/vocation, Emotions/Physical, and Social Relationships

This article will cover the first two, with a follow up next week.

→ The questions are like this

My responses are like this

Let’s dig in.

Part 1: “Appearance/Personal Habits”

→ Dresses comfortably due to sensory issues and practicality

Abigail dresses professionally in a style I’d call ‘tasteful and subdued.’ Based on that article about her wardrobe, the clothes we see her in are all high quality and rather expensive for what she probably makes as a government employee. You could read this as 1. The Friends Apartment Phenomenon (implausibly expensive bc its gotta look good on film) 2. She’s supposed to look stodgy and uptight when she’s positioned as an opponent to Ben’s mission. Once she joins him, she gets to dress like the rest of Team Treasure

3. Abigail invests in high quality materials due to sensory issues. For our purpose, let’s go with #3.

→ Will not spend much time on grooming and hair. Hairstyles usually have to be ‘wash and wear’. Can be quite happy not grooming at all times. 

Unlike a lot of leading ladies, Abigail’s hairstyles are very plain—outside of the gala of course. At work she wears a simple ponytail or half-ponytail, and on the treasure hunt she doesn’t even have an elastic. If I were her I’d be ripping up my expensive new Urban Outfitters getup looking for something to tie my hair up with, but she doesn’t seem bothered.

→ Eccentric personality; may be reflected in appearance

I don’t know that I’d call her ‘eccentric.’ Although, in the 2003 script, she’s a lot more openly dorky. For instance, she says: Looking stunning in her sparkly formal gown, Abigail stands with Dr. Herbert. ABIGAIL What do you think Thomas Jefferson would say if he were here?

→ Is youthful for her age, in looks, dress, behavior and tastes

For me, she’s the opposite. This is purely conjecture, but I’ve always assumed that Abigail has dressed, acted, and talked like a tenured professor since she was a kid.

→ Usually a little more expressive in face and gesture than male counterparts

I want to say a thing about masking in Book of Secrets but I do not have time right now. TBD

→ May not have a strong sense of identity, and can be very chameleon-like, especially before diagnosis

Someday I’m gonna write a whole article about Abigail’s arc of becoming a treasure hunter, but I choose to read her journey as one of unlocking an existing interest, not of taking on Ben’s identity because she’s hanging around him.

→ Enjoys reading and films as a retreat, often scifi, fantasy, children’s, can have favorites which are a refuge

No canon evidence, but send your headcanons my way.

→ Uses control as a stress management technique: rules, discipline, rigid in certain habits, which will contradict her seeming unconventionality

Yes yes yes. RILEY Ben, the… the mean Declaration lady's behind you.

→ Usually happiest at home or in other controlled environment

Her seemingly newfound interest in treasure hunting contradicts this, but outside of those very specific circumstances I get the impression that yes, she prefers controlled environments. For example, before Ben shows up at the gala she’s wandering around alone, looking like she’s uncomfortable and possibly plotting when she can leave.

Part 2: “Intellectual/giftedness/education/vocation”

→ May have been diagnosed as autistic or Asperger’s when young, or may have been thought of as gifted, shy, sensitive, etc. May also have had obvious or severe learning deficits

Gonna give a solid check mark to “gifted and fshy.” This is headcanon, but I don’t see young Abigail being any other way.

→ Often musical, artistic

In a deleted scene from Book of Secrets we learn that Abigail restores old furniture, or at least that she “painstakingly restored” an antique chair that Ben found.

→ May have a savant skill or strong talent(s)

Well she’s the Charters of Freedom Custodian at like 35 so…

→ May have a strong interest in computers, games, science, graphic design, inventing, things of a technological and visual nature. More visual thinkers may gravitate to writing, languages, cultural studies, psychology

Not exactly what’s listed here, but I headcanon Abigail to have more of an interest in cultural history than Ben does. If Ben’s specialty is the “big names and big idea” type of history, I imagine Abigail is more interested in how ordinary people experienced the periods she studies. I have no evidence for this other than I really like cultural history and would like to project.

→ May be a self-taught reader, been hyperlexic as a child, and will possess a wide variety of other self-taught skills as well

Also purely headcanon, my personal take on Abigail’s childhood is that her family moved to the US when she was in third or fourth grade—whenever the big American Revolution unit is in her state. On one of her first days she was humiliated in front of the class by not knowing a really easy American History answer. (Like, Who was George Washington? etc). So she went to the school library and took out every history book they had. Pretty soon she’d exhaused the supply and moved onto the middle grade and then adult history books at her local library. Again, I have no evidence for this, but the pre-established ideas I had about the character seem to be fitting pretty well within this list.

→ May be highly educated but will have had to struggle with social aspects of college.

If her behavior at the gala (wandering alone, wanting to leave, dealing with reluctant advances) is any indication, she may have struggled with social gatherings in college in a similar way.

→ May have one or many partial degrees

Dr. Abigail Chase has at least one completed Ph.d. Uncompleted degrees are unknown.

→ Can be very passionate about a course of study or job, and then change direction or go completely cold on it very quickly

Not enough evidence either way. The only thing we see her go hot or cold on is Ben lmao.

→ Will often have trouble holding onto a job and may find employment daunting. Highly intelligent, yet sometimes can be slow to comprehend due to sensory and cognitive processing issues

Does not appear to be the case.

→ Will not do well with verbal instruction - needs to write down or draw diagram

Does not appear to be the case. She seems to do fine working with Ben to decode the Ottendorf cypher and cooking up plans with Ian without notes or diagrams, at least that we see.

→ Will have obsessions but they are not as unusual as her male counterpart’s (less likely to be a ‘train-spotter’)

Gonna go back to: ABIGAIL What do you think Thomas Jefferson would say if he were here?

Conclusion

We still have two sections to go, but so far Abigail is lining up with the type of person described by these questions.

Actually, what I'm most interested in at the moment is how well the headcanons I already had formed about her fit this profile.

Onward!

[goodstimoftheday]

Please only read if you feel in a safe place to do so

Under the cut discusses suicidal thoughts, food restriction and abuse

Summary is: I hope I can come back to posting one day, but I'll have to be in a much different place and it will take a lot to get to that other place

I've always been what someone would call a melancholy person, it's a well told tale in my family that at the age of six I was in the room when a news report about depression came on and I asked my parents if I had that. It is also a well told tale that I'd first said I wanted to die at age four. An event that apparently put my mum on antidepressants from the shock and sorrow that her young child would say that but I didn't get help until I was seven. I was informally diagnosed as on the autistic spectrum at nine and formally diagnosed at 10 with mild autism after I failed the IQ test that determined whether you had asperger's as this was before it was a defunct diagnosis. I still remember the disappointment that hung in the air in the psychologists room. I was clever, but not clever enough. They then said I was too young to diagnose as depressed, and with time and The Book I would adapt to the world and no longer be depressed by it. And with that diagnosis and The Book, me and my parents were cut adrift to 'deal' with my mind.

The Book was a horrible thing that explained how to cope with autistic traits and train them out of your child. It wouldn't be until I was 19 that I found and read The Book for myself and recognised all the ways my parents had hurt me had come from this very book.

I never did get less depressed and I still never got diagnosed, therapists telling me everyone has depressive symptoms these days.

My mum has never had a good body image, in truth she should have probably been diagnosed with dysmorphia long ago but she refuses to go to the doctors about it, instead wallowing in the cruel world of diets that insist she just has no willpower. But somewhere in her mind she is angry and used that anger like a knife to carve me into her idea of perfection. I remember well at age five finding a key ring from weightwatchers that was fun to play with and she told me one day I'd have to go there because I had her genes. But as my autistic tongue refused more foods and I became old enough to fight back from being pinned down to my chair and force fed, and instead left hungry, because that way I would learn to be grateful for my food, it was clear I was very thin. And my mum loved this. She dressed me in all the clothes she wished she could have worn as a child and told me as my sensory issues begged her not to put the itchy sparkly tights on me again and my dim first pangs of gender dysphoria screamed as she said to do things ladylike.

Unlike some, when I reach the crushing depths of depression, I find no comfort in food. My mouth goes dry and so all I eat feels like sand and sawdust and tastes much the same. My mum loved this, though she would never admit to it consciously. As I got older and bought my own food at school or on days out, my body would plump up and I seemed to be less interesting to my mum but then the depression depths would pull me down again and I would shed weight and all of a sudden I would be beautiful, clever and deserving of presents at random because I 'was special'.

At eighteen I met someone who would become my partner for three and a half years. Some of you from my old blog would remember them. I loved them and parts of me, much to my shame, still do.

I most likely have OSDD. But for whatever reason the NHS doesn't like to diagnose this. In the course of my therapy I have taken the dissociative quotient about three times with very consistent scores that lay between that of C-PTSD and DID. So rather than diagnosing me with the disorder that sits between those two disorders, OSDD, I've been diagnosed with C-PTSD with extreme depersonalisation.

The first person to recognise this with in me was my first ever partner and whether consciously or unconsciously, they used my dissociative symptoms against me. It's hard to type but I was abused by them. I loved them, still love them sometimes, so much. I would have given them the world but they hurt me and then threw me away like I was nothing when they found someone younger and in the same country. I won't say what they did to me, only my closest friends and my therapist know, and I wish to keep it that way. It was a quiet abuse and with my dissociation that I couldn't recognise, I couldn't see the hurt until around six months after they left me.

So in the time my dissociation painted the world as bright and sunny, the parts experiencing the abuse locked away from my knowledge, I gained a lot of weight. I was an adult now, free to choose my own meals. I actually love being fat, I felt warm and happy and my body was so lovely to stim with. That's something that makes my heart sing about Aziraphale, from Good Omens, he enjoys food and I can really empathise with feeling like he's doing something wrong when people point out his enjoyment.

But my mum didn't like that, not one bit. I became the family disappointment. 'Weight problems' were discussed like a family curse. And I was uplifted as the exception, like I was there to break that curse. But my body after years of being under fed clung to the happiness of eating food I liked and showed it in my body.

After my partner left me I fell into a deep deep depression. They had hurt me in a way and used my brain in such a way that I felt like air had been taken from me. I felt like was going to die. I wanted to die. They told me I would die without them. I lost a lot of weight very very quickly and my mum was so happy, she could barely disguise it as she attempted to comfort me about the hurt my ex had done to me as I slowly realised it.

She finally bought me a new binder after using the same one for over a year, new trousers and other things. I was interesting again.

I got with another person, far too soon. He was sweet but also out of his depth with the trauma I was only just realising I had. I broke up with him after seven months, something he didn't understand at all and I felt so guilty, I felt like my abuser. But unlike my abuser I tried to remain friends, I knew how strong love could be and tearing it up was too much I knew. But in those seven months, I regained a little weight. My parents, both of them now, didn't like this.

So began now, the months of teetering on the edge of starvation. Some days I have only a snack to get me by, other's I'm allowed two hot meals. Without a job and disability benefit since 19, I have had to just resort to here. But this weird food restriction that is there some days and then gone the next has really taken a toll on my mind. I've been in this position since September 2021. Two years now of this. My dissociation is worse, my depression is worse. I don't feel real most days. And still I have flashbacks to my ex and early childhood on top of this. I don't know what to do.

That person around April and May I was talking about? I wanted to be boyfriends with him so badly but my parents made me stop dating him as I'd already put on five pounds. He was so sweet and I had to lie to him and say I didn't see the relationship going anywhere as my mum stood over me to text him. I'm fucking 25 and I can't date a guy because he keeps me happy and plump. My mum hates fat so much that I can't even explore a relationship with a guy beyond a couple of months anymore because it makes me too happy for her liking. Because with my body happiness is being fat.

I'm saying all this because I don't know how to carry on here on this blog. I try so hard to see the good in every day but I'm living with those scary deep sea creatures at the moment. I feel like very soon I'll have forgotten what the light looks like.

[ashleywool]

How to Dance in Ohio is going to BROADWAY! Also, hi, I'm Ashley.

So I guess I should start using this account to talk about it, and tell the people who I am and what I'm about.

I'm told that Tumblr is the go-to platform these days for people who just want to blog like we did in the Old Internet Days, but also have an audience that includes people under the age of Limewire. Sooo here I am.

The briefing: I'm Ashley Wool, I live in NYC, and I'm playing Jessica in the upcoming Broadway musical How to Dance in Ohio. I've wanted to be on Broadway ever since I was old enough to know what that meant. I was diagnosed in 2008 with what was at the time called Asperger's syndrome--I don't use that term anymore for many reasons, which I'll probably get into at a later date--and I thought that being autistic spelled certain death for my performing career. So I didn't talk about it for over a decade.

My decision to start talking about it more publicly was catalyzed when Greta Thunberg started becoming a public figure. When I was a kid, I was hardcore invested in anything related to environmental conservation. 50 Simple Things You Can Do To Save the Earth was basically my Bible. In fifth grade, for a science project, I recreated the greenhouse effect using glass jars to demonstrate the impact of climate change to my peers. As you can probably imagine, I was bullied pretty mercilessly--and this was long before anybody had floated "autism" as a possibility for me. I just knew I was "weird." When I saw that happening to Greta on a worldwide scale, and saw people using her autistic neurology (which she was out and proud about) as an excuse to disparage and discredit her further, I realized how cowardly I had been to allow my own internalized ableism to keep me in the disclosure closet. If this brave and brilliant teenage girl could own her neurology in the face of millions of haters, who the heck was I to not stand up and be counted as an autistic person in front of a comparatively tiny audience of Facebook friends, most of whom already knew me and loved me?

It took me a while to find my footing as an autistic self-advocate, to work out the most productive ways to use my voice within and around those circles, but I think I have a pretty good handle on it nowadays. Like any autistic person, I've got plenty of trauma stories, but I never wanted to be the "trauma influencer" who centered my advocacy around my own negative experiences and talked over people who thought or felt differently about similar experiences they or their children have had. I also never wanted to deny or discount the privilege I experience as a cis white woman who is verbal and able-bodied and grew up in Westchester County and always had support systems for the struggles I do face, financial and otherwise.

Indeed, I hope that a cornerstone of my advocacy will be championing all the support systems I was lucky enough to have, and making sure that I do everything in my power to help differently-marginalized autistic people of all ages (and the people who love them, educate them, and employ them) receive the same support.

I hope that people will look at the success I've managed to achieve and instead of attributing it exclusively to my "being talented and working hard and never giving up," they will say, "this is what an autistic person can achieve when they are accommodated and supported, and autistic people don't need to be originating roles on Broadway like Ashley Wool or winning Nobel Peace Prizes like Greta Thunberg or [insert high achievement here] to be inherently worthy of that support."

Mostly, I just want to let the world know that autistic people already exist in every conceivable industry and every conceivable circle. Including musical theatre.

[je-mappelle-sloppy-tomato]

Why is it that people always say things like

? Am I the only one who finds these ableist? And homophobic? I have never ONCE seen someone say the things these people say people do. Not once in my life have I seen someone be like "How dare you disagree with me! You're just doing this because I'm neurodivergent and a minor!" like. Y'all are either fighting an imaginary battle or a really small one. But you know what I have seem happen? I've seen this. I've seen people disregard white people's problems just because they're white, they don't know what discrimination is. They wanna be oppressed so bad. Right? No. Not in the slightest. Like, wow, it's almost like race isn't the only thing people are discriminated against for! If someone says that what you're doing is ableist or homophobic or whatever, fucking listen to them. If you are not part of a community, it's not your place to decide what is and isn't hurting it. You do not know other peoples lives better than they do. I always see the people who say this stuff say that being gay/autistic/etc doesn't give you a free pass to be a bitch. Well, guess what? Being a POC doesn't give you a free pass to be a fucking asshole. Racism is very real, but so are other issues. So is homophobia. So is transohobia. So is ableism. So is mental illness. YOUR ISSUES ARE NOT MORE IMPORTANT. THEY ARE NOT WORSE THAN EVERYONE ELSES. Wanna know a piece of autism history? Aspergers, an outdated but still commonly used diagnosis, is named after a nazi, Hans Asperger. You know what he did? He took autistic kids, and he watched them to see how "functioning" they were. The "high functioning" ones- the ones who were better at masking and/or had special interests in "useful" things- he used them. He put them to work. He forced them into child labor. What happened to the "low functioning" ones, you may ask? He killed them. He murdered autistic children because they were "too autistic." Too "low functioning." He killed them because they weren't neurotypical enough. You know what Aspergers is, exactly? It's what they tell the people he would've put to work rather than killed that they have. Thats just one piece of history about one thing. There's so much more. And it's fucking terrifying. If you disagree with a white person & they bring up that they're neurodivergent or mentally ill or queer or whatever, that's probably because you're being an ableist, homophobic fuck. POC aren't incapable of discriminating, just like gay people aren't. There are racist gay people. There are transphobic autistic people. There are racist mentally ill people. And there are homophobic people of color. There are ableist people of color; there are transphobic people of color. Think: the above post, but instead it's a white person saying "everytime you disagree with a non-white bitch they gotta bring up their race." I imagine that would have a very different response. But it's essentially the SAME FUCKING THING. And before anybody comes at me for racism, I'm fucking indigenous. I'm mixed, but I'm indigenous. I'M A PERSON OF COLOR TOO. I just happen to be more mature than some of you, and also, less of an asshole. Just don't be mean. It's not that fucking hard. If you don't like someone, IGNORE THEIR EXISTENCE! AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS! BLOCK THEM! WHATEVER! BUT DON'T BE A FUCKING DICK FOR NO REASON. YOU'RE BULLIES. You're bullying people. No one feels bad for bullies. They just feel hurt & know you're mean.

[credit-song]

It’s 2 am and I have work tomorrow but my stupid manic brain refuses to let this go and I don’t have anywhere else to put this because I spend 30 minutes typing out a YouTube comment and then the page reloaded and it was gone but I can’t let it go so here I am on tumblr instead.

The TLDR is: I think I have autism, but I probably don’t but three of my four siblings have been diagnosed with autism and I’ve been diagnosed with pretty much everything but autism and it would make way more sense if I have have bipolar disorder and autism but maybe I only want to have autism because of how my mom gave my autistic siblings special treatment.

So yeah, kinda a long TLDR but whatever. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, OCD, AHDH, Dyslexia, BPD, and got a “you might have STPD” once but wasn’t fully assessed for that. I have four siblings, three of which have been diagnosed with autism. To make things easier, I will call them:

A, the oldest, who has autism

B, the third oldest (I’m second oldest), who has autism

C, the second youngest who supposedly doesn’t have any mental disorders but also has never been assessed for anything

And D, the youngest, who had autism.

Growing up, A and I were close in age, so we were always paired together. My mom figured out pretty early on that A was autistic. We called it “Asperger’s” back then, but we call it autism now, so that’s how I’ll be referring to it. I was always considered the “normal one” in my family. When I was a young child (like, before C and D were born) my two siblings were very clearly autistic, so my mom would literally call me “the normal one.” Like this isn’t me being dramatic, I was literally the Normal One.

My mom infantilized the shit out of A and B (especially A). And since A and I were always doing things together, we were compared a lot. I was “good at making friends” and talking to people “came easily” to me. Whereas it was difficult to A. So my mom told me that I had to be sure to make friends for the both of us. Because it was easy for me and difficult for A. The thing was: it wasn’t fucking easy for me!!! I don’t know how this developed because it all happened when I was so young. But as far back as I can remember, my mom would always talk about how I was the extrovert and good at making friends and had to make friends for both me and A and I would sit there and be like “yes, I love talking to people, it’s so easy” and be lying through my teeth. I found it so difficult to talk to people. I was always saying the wrong thing and people thought I was weird. But I knew I had to be social because A couldn’t so I had to do it for both of us.

I did eventually make some friends, and I was so determined to be that social butterfly and not be the weird kid. Cause the thing was, I was the “normal one” in my family, but other people didn’t see that. I was still weird to everyone else. But I never noticed because my mom said that I was just mimicking what A did and that’s why people thought I acted strange. It wasn’t because I had autism, it was because I was copying A (which, typing that out makes me want to scream because mimicking behaviors is literally a symptom of autism).

Anyways, I had finally made some friends, but then they all decided that I was annoying and cried about everything and talked too much so they stopped being friends with A and I. Only one of those friends stuck by us and to this day I have yet to become friends with someone new and connect with them at the level I was friends with the friend that stuck with us. That friendship also fell apart because I was gay as hell for her but we were in a very homophobic environment so I just repressed it until she got a boyfriend and everything fell apart.

But at this point in time, I was still the “normal one.” I was still the one who was great at making friends (despite sucking at making friends) and great at talking to people (despite people thinking I was weird). I had this obsession with eye contact because my mom would talk about how A couldn’t maintain eye contact with people and how important it was for me to do that. But instead of avoiding eye contact, I would just stare at people when they spoke to me. I wouldn’t even be paying attention that what they were saying, I was too focused on making sure that I was maintaining eye contact. I also had a lot of interests that people found weird but I was obsessed with them. I used to go on lore dumps for hours before I eventually figured out that people didn’t like that and became the ultimate people pleaser who never talked about anything I liked for fear that I wouldn’t be able to shut up when I got started.

Then I moved out of my mom’s house and started college. I was pretty surprised to find out that most people thought I was weird. I failed miserably at making friends. Well, making friends was fine, keeping those friends was impossible. I would much rather stay in my room and spend time on my hobbies than go out and socialize. My poor roommate tried so hard to be my friend, but whenever she’d try to talk to me, I’d just be like “why are we talking? I want to go work on my story, but I guess I’ll be polite.” She must have invited me out fifteen times before I realized that “we should go bar hopping sometime!” meant “let’s make a plan to go bar hopping together.”

I desperately wanted to fit in and connect with my peers, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that they were all getting something that I was fundamentally missing out on. I would come home from class and just scream and cry in my car until I felt good enough to go inside. And then my poor roommate would try to engage in conversation and I’d want to scream but kept a cool face until I could shut down the conversation and get back to my computer.

The only people I really had any sort of relationship with were men who wanted to date me. I was pretty naive, so I was like “oh, I don’t want to date, but we can be friends!” and then we’d be friends but they’d still want to date and would always be like “man, I wish we were dating” but I really didn’t want to date and really wanted a friend so I’d just be like “haha, but we’re not!” They’d always be like “you’re not like other girls” and I’d be thinking “yeah! I’m trying to figure out why!” They very much treated me like a manic pixie dream girl but I wanted them to like me so I went along with it.

I remember once in class, well actually while I was waiting for class to start, I was talking to one of my “guy friends” and I opened up my computer to see that one of my favorite YouTubers had uploaded. I remember feeling this almost painful amount of joy. I didn’t even notice I was flapping my hands until my guy friend goes “are you autistic or something?” in such a disgusted tone that I stopped immediately. I told him about how I grew up with a lot of autistic siblings so that’s why I seem autistic but I’m not. Another time, I was at a party (the one party I went to at college and only when I was a senior), I was talking to a guy and he said that I had “really weird and dramatic facial expressions.” For some reason that sent me into a spiral because “weird facial expressions” is an autistic thing and I can’t have autism because A has autism and I’m The Normal One.

I know I’m making myself seem autistic, but I am actually pretty good at reading social cues! At least, I know that when I do something inappropriate because of people’s reactions. I thought I was good at reading facial expressions until I got to thinking about it and realized that I just don’t know when people change expressions. I will stare at someone’s face to maintain eye contact, but I have no clue why expression they’re making because I’m not paying attention. I think I’d be good at reading expressions in theory but I don’t know because I just don’t pay attention to expressions.

Anyways, I had big meltdown at college and got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I moved back home and got to know my younger siblings (C and D) better as they were only 10-11 when I left for college and were now 14-15. D had recently been diagnosed with autism and mental disorders is one of her special interests. I’m also obsessed with mental disorders, so we bonded a lot over that. And I learned way more about autism from her.

Okay, now it’s almost 3 am so I’m gonna try to sum up the rest quickly. I had serious mental health issues after coming home, so I ended up getting all the above diagnosis from various doctors and therapists. But I never felt like they were right? I guess? I definitely have manic episodes so I definitely have Bipolar disorder, but it’s like, okay so when I’m making a drink at work and I have to do it the “correct way” and if I miss a step I have to start over and that’s my OCD, and then when I can’t focus to conversations or forget details that’s my ADHD and when I have meltdowns over nothing and get super overwhelmed and can’t talk, that’s my BPD or my bipolar disorder, and it’s just exhausting to juggle around all these labels to explain everything. I was watching someone talk about when you get a bunch of diagnosis like that it probably means you actually just have one disorder that people are misdiagnosing as other disorders. But I could never figure out that One True Diagnosis. Because I definitely have bipolar disorder, but also something else is going on.

My therapist has suggested that perhaps I like to collect these diagnosises because my mom gave special treatment to my siblings with autism and thus I grew up thinking that a diagnosis meant getting love from my mother. But my mom doesn’t give me special treatment for my bipolar disorder or OCD or ADHD or Dsylexia so I’m subconsciously trying to get new disorders to find the one that will make her love me. I’m paraphrasing here, but the theory definitely holds up. But I also feel like if I had been an only child, I would be convinced I had autism by this age. Because I relate so much to autism content and I do show a lot of signs of autism. But it’s so mild compared to my autistic siblings so I don’t know if I actually have it.

I did get assessed for it once. It was a few months back. I was talking to someone online and mentioned having ADHD and three siblings with autism. They were basically like “hey, girlie, hate to break it to you, but if you’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and three of your siblings have autism, chances are, you do too.” It was the first time anyone had just plainly suggested that I might have autism (in a non-disgusted manner) and it definitely sent me spiraling. I was taking those “am I autistic” quizzes and reading the DSM-5 and everything. Even though the quizzes said that I might have autism, I wasn’t really convinced. But I thought it wouldn’t hurt to get assessed.

So I did, and the psychiatrist met with me and was like “why do you want to be assessed” and I was like “well, I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD but also three of my four siblings have autism, so…” and she gave me some questionnaires to take home. One for me and three for “friends and family.” But the questionnaires were clearly meant for parents of young children and not adults and their “friends and family.” Also my only friends are my family, and I’ve always been the “normal one” (although C is really now the “normal one” since I’m so bipolar). So the whole thing was a disaster. I was also horribly depressed at the time, so I’m the next few times I saw that psychiatrist, we mostly talked about that. She didn’t give me any sort of test?? But I guess the interview and the questionnaires were the test. In the end she was like “well, one things for sure, you definitely have bipolar disorder, okay bye” so I guess she determined that I didn’t have autism. So yeah, guess I don’t have it.

I don’t know. I guess maybe I want to have autism because of my mom? But also me having autism would explain so much. I wouldn’t have to juggle around so many labels. I’d just be a person who has bipolar disorder and autism. I weirdly think that my bipolar disorder is so, you know, disorder-y that when doctors look at how my life is disordered, all they see is the mania and the depression. But do I bite my wrist when I get stressed and flap my hands when I get excited because of bipolar disorder? Do I shut down when someone in my schedule changes because of bipolar disorder? Do I unintentionally piss people off all the ticking time because of bipolar disorder. Okay, maybe yes to the last one, but I feel like everyone looks at me and is like “that person is weird” and I wish I could be like “yeah, I have autism, I don’t care if you think I’m weird.” But I guess I don’t have autism. Cause the psychiatrist just said Bipolar. I don’t know.

[neverfakeautism]

Facial features provide clue to autism severity

by Deborah Rudacille / 20 October 2011

Boys with autism have a distinct facial structure that differs from that of typically developing controls, according to a study published 14 October in Molecular Autism1. Specifically, boys with autism have broader faces and mouths, flatter noses, narrower cheeks and a shorter philtrum — the cleft between the lips and nose — compared with controls, according to the three-dimensional facial imaging system used in the study. These distinctive features suggest that certain embryonic processes that give rise to facial features are perturbed during development, the researchers say.

The participants in the study were all 8 to 12 years old, an age range during which the face is relatively mature, but not yet affected by the hormonal changes of puberty.

The researchers used the imaging system, dubbed 3DMD, to plot 17 ‘landmarks’ or coordinates on the face of 64 boys with autism and 40 typical controls. They then measured the distance between several of these coordinates.

Boys with autism who have the most distinctive facial features cluster into two groups with very different sets of autism symptoms, the researchers found.

Boys in one group tend to have wide mouths, combined with a short distance between the top of the mouth and the bottom of the eyes. They also show severe symptoms of autism, including language impairment, intellectual disability and seizures.

By contrast, those in the second group have broad upper faces and a short philtrum. They are more likely to be diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, and to have fewer cognitive impairments and language difficulties compared with the first group.

“As a clinical geneticist, I have always been impressed by a certain facial phenotype in children with autism,” says lead investigator Judith Miles. But it wasn’t until she turned to 3DMD, developed for use by plastic surgeons, that clear quantitative differences emerged between boys with autism and controls, she says.

Those differences almost certainly reflect underlying neurodevelopmental processes, she says. “The reason to look at the face is that it reflects differences in the brain.”

Group effects:

Studies have found that children with autism are more likely than controls to have dysmorphology, or unusual physical features, of the head and skull.

Earlier this month, researchers at the University of South Alabama reported that among children referred for genetic testing for suspected autism, those who have a copy number variation (CNV), a deletion or duplication of a genetic region, are more likely to have unusual facial features than those who carry no CNVs2.

“There is remarkable etiologic heterogeneity in autism, and the use of dysmorphology phenotyping may help us come to grips with some of this complexity,” says Curtis Deutsch, associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, who was not involved with either new study.

Studies of facial dysmorphology in autism have generally relied on observation or tools such as calipers to pinpoint specific facial features.

3DMD instead uses multiple digital cameras to capture a 360-degree image of the head. Algorithms integrate the images to produce a single 3D image that is analyzed using special software.

This generates results that are more fine-grained than manual measurements, says Kristina Aldridge, assistant professor of pathology and anatomical sciences at the University of Missouri.

“We’re not talking about kids you would pick out on the street as looking different. These are subtle differences that are systematic, [in the range of] 2 to 5 millimeters,” Aldridge says. “It is extraordinarily precise.” She has used 3DMD to assess facial dysmorphology in children with birth defects3.

Deutsch has used the same technology in his own research. Still, he cautions that the sample size in the study may not be large enough to generate reliable results.

“It is also important to guard against performing a multitude of statistical tests without appropriate corrections,” he adds. “Otherwise differences that are reported as significant can result from chance alone.”

Researchers typically apply mathematical formulas to correct for chance associations. Miles instead used cluster analysis, which pulls together similar entities from large datasets.

This sort of analysis can produce results that are difficult to interpret, Miles says. “It will always give you something, but we had to look at whether clinical differences correlated with the subgroups identified by the cluster analysis.”

Using autism diagnostic characteristics, intelligence quotients (IQ), medical symptoms and other measures, she says, “what we found is that those two subgroups really do appear to be discrete clinically.”

The findings resonate with researchers who have studied dysmorphology in autism using less sophisticated measures than 3DMD.

For example, a team at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, Texas, reported at the 2011 International Meeting for Autism Research in San Diego that severe autism symptoms predict the presence of dysmorphic features — albeit those not discernible to the naked eye. “The vast majority of cases [in that study] show very subtle facial differences,” says Robin Kochel, assistant professor of psychology at the Baylor College of Medicine.

The results of the new study jibe with what she sees everyday in the Autism Center at Texas Children’s Hospital, Kochel says. “Those who have more dysmorphology tend to have more problems and be more severely affected.”

References:

1: Aldridge K. et al. Mol. Autism Epub before print (2011) PubMed

2: Gannon W.T. et al. J. Dev. Behav. Pediatr. 32, 600-604 (2011) PubMed

3: Martinez-Abadias N. et al. Dev. Dyn. 239, 3058-3071 (2010) PubMed

[unofficial-sean]

Of all my interpersonal struggles, I've never really encountered a friendship-shattering issue such as that I've encountered tonight.

The friend I'm about to talk to has been a wonderful person to me. They've often made themselves available to play games with me and I always enjoy my time chatting with them.

The issue I've slammed into is this: they've self diagnosed themselves with autism. In contrast to myself, i was diagnosed at age 9 with Asperger's syndrome. It is something I've struggled with all my life, and I'm now 23.

Some may not like to hear this, but i think self diagnosis is bullshit and insulting. Even more so after the events of this night.

They invite me over to go to a bar on the same block as their apartment. I'm excited to spend time with them. We just got off playing Overwatch together. They mentioned some bands were going to be playing there. I paid it little mind.

I arrive, we pregame, and then we go to the bar. It is as loud as any given bar is; with chatter and speaker music. I'm used to that. Its past my comfort level, but it's not debilitating. I order a Cosmo, they order a water, and because they paid my entry fee, i bought both of us the grilled cheese they said they wanted to try.

Then the band comes on stage. They start doing mic tests and the volume was excruciating. I had to cover my ears with both hands. I wasn't sure when they were going to stop, so I could not finish my drink or my dinner.

I figured they would adjust their volume after the test, but i couldn't have been more wrong. When the band began to play, it was as though someone trapped me in a box with a flashbang, or perhaps fired a gun beside my ear. It was painful and all-consuming. I may have managed to work on my drink and foods little more before, but now I could not remove my hands and fingers from my ears.

Sensory overload does not begin to describe to severity of the situation. I wasn't sure when they would stop. I just sat there beside my "friend," visibly in distress, while i waited for the band to stop so i could eat. They didn't stop. My friend finally caught on and typed a message on their phone and placed it in front of me, asking if I'd like to go outside. I nodded. The staff even noticed and offered me shittu foam earplugs that didn't help.

My food is already cold at this point. even outside, i am still covering my ears. Moreover, it is below freezing. I cant finish my dinner because it's gone cold. The band is so loud that it is unbearable even outside. I walk back inside to get my card. I sit back down with my card, outside. Staff tracks me down and insists i sign the fucking receipt. All the while, my friend is sitting there unbothered by the noise. They are more bothered by me and my suffering under the sound.

They aren't covering their ears. As a matter of fact, after they asked me to go home, they blamed me for not bringing hearing protection, and insisted that they wanted to go back. So i had to sit in my car to sober up before i could drive home.

I ran the engine, turned the heat up all the way, including the heated seats. I fell asleep for over an hour. I only woke up when i was roasting alive. I shut it all down and rolled down the windows. It was past midnight. Past closing.

They wouldn't grant me the kindness of sleeping it off in their apartment. I had to sleep in my car so they could return to that sensory nuclear bomb of a bar.

It was this that i concluded that they are not autistic. Even though I'm high functioning, that volume was sufficient to force me into being mute. It was hell. And worse, my friend lacked empathy for my situation, and instead seemed annoyed with me.

"self diagnosed with autism." Fuck off, all of you, with that. You think you have autism because you're socially awkward or some shit? It's an insult. It spits in the face of people who actually suffer from it. I gave them, and my other friends, the benefit of the doubt on the self diagnosis, but after this, i am certain they don't know the first thing about the experience of autism.

I'm done with them. Done. DONE. DONE. DONE. DONE. DONE. DONE.

[aurora1040]

Reminds me of that time period when i felt like the most accurate word for me was Aspergers. I have family in my life with very high support needs, much higher needs than my own. And when i used to try talking about my Autism to other people, they would always be shocked and say "but you dont seem Autistic!" But if i said I have Aspergers, sure, theyre surprised, but at least they found it believable.

I only ever switched over to labeling myself as Autistic because the Quora community I was in wouldnt take anything I said seriously because i kept saying Aspergers instead of Autism. Im glad that theres levels and support needs now to distinguish the different types of Autistic. Not because I think im better than anyone else, but because it just feels more accurate, and it feels like those with higher support needs needs that distinction for themselves.

OP above only further convinces me of that need.

“dont feel comfortable share my autism level or support needs, AKA own medical information, online to strangers” ok yeah understandable

“don’t personally like autism levels or support needs n don’t feel they accurate describe own experience” ok am not gonna tell you how to feel about self

“autism levels & support needs arbitrary and needlessly divisive and useless and only separates autistics so will not be tolerating levels & support needs” you being ableist asshole and ignorant.

don’t care who you are how you are how you daily life struggle no struggle. don’t care if you been described as or you fit mild or level 1 or low support needs or severe or level 3 or high support needs or everything in between or beyond. by deny this language for everyone, stigmatize this language for everyone, take away this language for everyone— you reinforcing & supporting dominant erasure narrative of autism community.

yes, “autism” alone should be enough. should include everyone autistic. but right now in lots autism community it doesn’t. right now loudest place of autism community make autism mean very specific version of low-to-no support needs, high masking, late/self/undiagnosed, verbal, level 1 invisibly autistic without ID (who often white)—version that not even include everyone with experiences just listed. not to mention erase ignore or downright deny experiences of more marginalized autistics.

so we use term describe ourselves. level 2 level 3 medium support high support. all autistic in one community yes but sometimes we need separate sub-community (especially when main community ignore us be hostile to us bully us mock us, but we deserve regardless, deserve community with people we relate more to). sometimes that separation important. we need word say “our experiences n abilities n world may be different than yours.” we need word for find own sub community. because autism so wide, just by say you autism no one know what you really talk about. because autism so wide but it being forced into something narrower.

especially those us with language disabilities. who can’t go on explain all details. who need quick word. sometimes word “outdated” or imperfect in your opinion, or word you feel icky about when applied to you.

if “autism” been made to mean only “level 1 autism” or “low support needs autism” or “verbal autism” or “high masking autism.” n only when level 2/3 & mid/high support needs adjective mentioned do people mean to include those things. then. we put it back in. if we mean all autism we say all autism. if we mean specifically level 1 autism we say “level 1 autism”. we not leave “level 1” out. we refuse.

it help level 1 (etc long list that not always equal eachother) autistics out too. imagine talk about how “today when talk to friends missed sarcasm” n all comments about “lol you able keep friends (plural)? you already working on sarcasm? am can’t even joint attention” (exaggerated example) actually don’t have to imagine. because don’t you all talk lot about how look up autism n only thing able find is white autistic boy who Really Like Trains (that some you all ableistly mock their stereotypical visible “ugly” symptoms n say not all autistic people embarrassing like that)? yeah imagine that all you find everywhere when you just trying find someone relate. because yeah sometimes you want find little corner of specific people like you to relate to even though you (hopefully?) know autism wider than you n your presentation n your symptoms.

fine if you don’t need all that, or you don’t find these words helpful for you to face this erasure.

not everyone does.

if you speaking for more than yourself. then your world need be bigger than yourself. or people you agree with.

by stigmatize these words, by deny these words, by spread misinformation about these words, you stopping those us who cannot always remember or elaborate on details of our autism. aka. silencing us. which. only make loudest autism people who erase us seem louder.

if you think levels or support needs deny humanity for all maybe that you problem. just like how if you need emphasize person before disability every single time to see them as people maybe that you problem.

levels imperfect. levels important.

support needs imperfect. support needs important.

don’t care who you are. how you are. what you are.