#autism parenting

[killedthedreamerdream]

Moms getting home in a bad mood try not making your autistic child cry challenge!

[autisticlifelessons]

Tips from an autistic teacher about communicating with education professionals

So, some context: I taught Primary for 1 year, and had lots of interactions with parents with all kinds of concerns about their kids. I also remember being in high school and college/university and being too nervous to approach my teachers/tutors with any problems I had until the situation was dire.

For those who don't work in education, I can appreciate how needing to speak to your child's teacher about something can be intimidating, especially if your and/or your child are neurodivergent. And if you are a student, it can be equally as scary.

It's true many teachers are overworked and underpaid, but the vast VAST majority would move heaven and earth to help you. However, there are lots of things you can do to help them to help you, so here are my top tips.

Tell them ASAP if there is a problem - alerting the teacher to a problem or concern as soon as it arises gives them the chance to nip it in the bud before it becomes a big deal. If there is a bullying concern or something you don't understand, they would much rather you told them straight away so they can do something about it than have you or your child suffering in silence for weeks or months. We are generally an observant bunch and are looking out for issues, but some things do fly under the radar. Even if it's not something they can do anything about straight away - like if you think your child is showing signs of autism or adhd but they mask heavily at school - they can bear this in mind and pass it onto other relevant members of staff so it is 'flagged' up for the future.

If your issue is complicated, be sure to put it in writing - chances are you have access to a messaging service or at least an email address. Even if you have raised your concern with the teacher face to face, having it in writing is helpful for both parties. It provides a record that the issue has been raised and passed along as appropriate, and it helps remind the teacher about what has been discussed so they don't end up forgetting about it among the million other things they have to do.

Be specific - it may seem obvious, but there is no point in having a casual chat and then throwing in a bombshell at the end. Make sure to give as much relevant detail as you can about what your issue is, and if you want to raise multiple concerns then it is doubly beneficial to put them in writing.

Think about what your desired outcome is and come with a proposed solution - this is a psychological thing, apparently, but people are more likely to be sympathetic to your concerns if you can demonstrate you have thought about how you would like it resolved. If you want your child put forward for an autism assessment, make sure you actually say this. If you know you are going to be late handing in an assignment but can give your teacher an alternative date you will hand it in, tell them this. I can't guarantee they will always be able to fulfil it, but knowing what you would like to change or happen makes it much easier to sort things out rather than just guessing.

IF THERE'S SOMETHING GOING ON OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL THAT'S HAVING A NEGATIVE IMPACT, TELL THEM!!! - I CANNOT stress this enough, especially when it comes to little ones or neurodivergent children who may have limited means of both communication and emotional regulation. Being hungry, tired, stressed etc can have an enormous impact on behaviour/ability to learn. Even a simple message or email giving the heads up your child has had a poor night's sleep because the house flooded or whatever and might be a bit grumpy that day can be a huge help to the teacher, who as a result of having this information will be in a better position to be patient with a child who is struggling. For bigger life changes such as divorce, birth of a new sibling etc, this is even more important so that your child's teacher and the school can, if necessary, put measures in place to support your child through this transition. Communication really is key.

Remember to be kind and considerate - teachers are humans and make mistakes like everyone else. Equally, there are many circumstances they have to deal with that are totally out of their control and frustrate them just as much as they do you. As I said at the beginning, the vast majority want to help you and/or your child in any way they can, and being kind can make what is a very stressful job just that little bit less.

So, there you have it! I hope these tips gave you an idea for how to communicate with teachers effectively.

Oh, here's 1 more bonus tip - if you have anything to ask that is more than just a quick question, be sure to schedule a meeting with the teacher to ensure they can devote enough time to deal with your issue. Catching them at the beginning or end of the school day generally isn't a good idea as they're very chaotic times and they likely have other meetings/appointments/deadlines they will be thinking about.

Your support is much appreciated xx

[foxglove-garden]

If anyone wonders what it's like to be a parent in 2024, I just had a special needs van driver tell me and my disabled 6 year old to "hurry the fuck up" getting him on the bus because he got excited/distracted by a fallen leaf in our yard for like 0.5 seconds.

[kiragecko]

On the one hand, I'm proud that my son understands that their sensory needs are valid and deserve to be respected.

On the other hand, the fact that they STILL think, after 8 years, that they will be able convince everyone it is right to give them a day off school every time they get bumped ...

I KNOW you hate touch, nq! You didn't like being rocked to sleep as a baby, and only wanted to be swaddled and left alone! I've been keeping people from hugging you without your permission since you were 1! I still ask you before ruffling your hair or taking your hand. I've got your back, sweetheart!

But you need to believe me that this isn't a reasonable accommodation! We can not teach an entire body of middle schoolers not to brush by you in the hall. And we can't allow you to end school the moment you're bumped. This is something that YOU are going to have to build up a tolerance for.

I am so sorry, wonderful boy. But I can't save you from this. People are going to touch you.

You HAVE to accept that people are going to touch you, or you will have a break down. Please.

[disabled-dinos]

when noah kahan said “I’m still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them” I felt that in my bones

[a-moment-captured]

His autism isn’t contagious but his smile is. Happy World Autism Acceptance/Awareness Day!

❤️Also, thank you to each of you who check in on Coit! You each mean so much to me!

@heavyhitterheaux @harlowsbby @harlowcomehome @nattinatalia @babiefries @megs1998xx @harlowaddict @iguessweallcrazyithinktho @exoticr0ses @neon-lights-and-glitter @hoodharlow @velvetstreets @labella420 @moody4world

[professorbussywinkle]

Some parents: my kid is autistic

Other parents: you are literally a saint like Mother Theresa, a being of pure light, and the second coming of Jesus Christ for being able to somehow manage to find a way to love your kid even though they're sooo fucking autistic and weird and socially retarded

[qweei]

I've started to notice two types of shitty autism parenting and i wanna talk about it though it might be pretty generalizing

tw for overall shitty parents, emotional neglect.

type A: the denial parent

aka the "refuse to acknowledge that their perfect little child is in fact autistic". they will constantly go on and on about how "mild" and perfectly "normal" they are and "not like those autistics"

they completely see autism/disability as a bad thing and even the word itself is dirty to them, so they'll use every other term but those two like "special, superpower, aspie ("they have aspergers not autism!") etc etc. constantly whenever their child's autism is brought up around others, will feel the need to compensate for it, like bringing up their achievements and things they can do, whether that'd be how they have a job, got into a good school etc. as if autistic people can't do that. because they refuse to acknowledge any of the child's weaknesses or flaws, they will never actually do anything to help them, might even scold them for this.

no one needs to compensate for anything, nor feel any shame for just straight up being who they are, this goes for everyone but especially neurodivergent/disabled ppl. not to go psychoanalyze anyone but many autistic ppl i've meet with these kinds of parents/ or just in general share the same view points mentioned, just always end up having so much built of rage, self hatred and completely lack any self acceptance.

type b: hopeless/self-pity parent

usually the parent of a early diagnosed autistic child, whom almost immediately after being diagnosed just straight up gives up on them. "oh well, what can i do..." *proceeds to emotionally neglect and refuse to raise their child*

like type a, they see autism as a bad thing, something that will forever just be forced to deal with. despite acknowledging their child's diagnosis, it's not acceptance, not at all. often you'll hear them talk about how hard it is for them personally, basically searching for pity points despite never actually putting any effort into being their for their kid. even worse, if the parent has another children who are neurotypical, they will VERY clearly treat them a lot better than their neurodivergent one.

these kinds of parents never actually put any effort in growing close with their autistic kid, like they're needs, what they like doing etc, so when they do act out because of their needs never being met, instead of trying to understand or help them they just go "it's their autism"

parents like this often from the outside gain a lot of pity from other parents, because to them the child is just acting out for no other reason than them being autistic and that's just something their parent simply "can't" do anything about it! (news flash: they can!)

ofc you can't get rid of your child's autism, it's simply just a part of them, however that doesn't mean that child doesn't need to raised or giving support like idk every other child? big fucking surprise of but autism isn't the reason your child is violent or an asshole. you neglecting their emotional needs and rather spending all your time complaining does! i understand it can be hard to raise/take care of someone who's autistic, hell it's hard in general to raise any kid, but my sympathy falls flat when instead of trying help you just blame everything on their autism.

though just wanna say that, most parents i've met who fall under this catagory, i wouldn't consider emotionally neglect or abusive to that severe of an extent. i have however noticed a pattern of parents who despite their child being diagnosed, just never actually put any effort into learning about it or understanding their child? aka basically gives up. they usually only listen to what professionals / ppl who work with autistic ppl have to say about their child, which can be very harmful since those people (in my experience) 80% of the time have no clue what they are even talking about.

[solhrafn]

I went to get V at her school and she was happy to see me. I picked her up and said goodbye to the teacher and V kissed me on the cheek.

I did not expect it.

Later, we went to do the groceries with B. after he came back from his school because he was in an intense mood and needed the distraction. It was during a thunderstorm and as soon as we got inside the store, the power went out. It wasn't the street or the block, but the whole city. Lightning must've hit something.

B wasn't afraid. He was only talking about getting a little toy, which we got. He did comment on it being dark but it was just details to him. His mind can't be removed from the object of his focus. Before the groceries we went to listen to the bells tolling because he loves that. On the way to one of his favourite churches, he kept looking at the time and stressing over how little time there was left to reach it. Outside the car, the rain was pouring violently and lightning and thunder were alternating. None of it fazed him : "Daaaaaad! It's fifty-eight! Twoooo minuuuuutes leeeeeeeeeft!"

After the groceries were done (under the emergency lights) an announcement came on the PA (both of which run on auxiliary power) stating that the city said the power wouldn't come back up in time before closing hours. People had to leave their carts and cancel their shopping.

I tried explaining to B what was going on, that it meant that the toy would need to stay there. He panicked and started crying. I kept myself together and explained that without power the registers don't work but we could hide the toy somewhere and I would come get it in the morning. After 10 minutes he agreed. I hid it over a shelf and we left.

But the power came back earlier than anticipated which allowed me to run back to the store for the essentials... and the toy. Abandoned carts were still there. A lot of them. It made it feel strange.

When I got back home B received his bulldozer and he could go to bed happy. He gave me a long hug and then he came to give me a kiss and a hug later in the night. He fell asleep right here actually, on the couch. That's where he wanted to go to bed.

Overall, even though he can be a neurodivergent energy-draining tornado, he's making progress. I'm sure the special needs school his in helps a lot with that. When he's in a good spot, he's absolutely charming.

[i-am-klein]

Autism par(ul)ent (lame) vs autistic par(ul)ent (based)

[witchcandy01]

GUYS HOLY SHIT MY DAD IS AUTISTIC

HE HAS AN OBSESSION WITH LOOKING AT HOUSES AND ARCHITECTURE ONLINE

THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE AS TO WHY HE USED TO THINK I WAS MISDIAGNOSED. HE SEES ME AS NORMAL BECAUSE HE DOESNT KNOW HES AUTISTIC

HE THINKS HES NEUROTYPICAL GUYS, HE THINKS HE HAS NO SPICE. HE THINKS HE WASNT TOUCHED BY THE TISM FAIRY

[kiragecko]

Okay autistic friends and picky eaters. I request your help for my son.

Tiny's probably on the spectrum (because everyone else in his family is), and has always struggled with eating. Both in 'normal' ways:

a restricted number of safefoods

preferring raw and unmixed foods

preferring mild or simple flavours

getting nauseous around certain smells and food appearances

fear of unfamiliar food

And also in ways I haven't heard as much about:

misclassifying flavours (some salty things being 'too sweet', some sweet things being 'too spicy')

good foods becoming bad after he eats them a few times

increasing depression and hopelessness about food

Recently, he's started skipping meals. He's eleven, and gaining a bunch of weight in preparation for puberty. While his issues don't seem to be about negative self-image, I'm worried that now is a REALLY dangerous time for him to start restricting his diet. Especially since his best friend has a lot of negative self talk around how 'fat' she is.

Do y'all have advice for how to increase my son's self-confidence around food? I don't care if he has a big diet. I just want him to feel he is doing a good job caring for himself, and that he has SOMETHING he's okay with eating for every meal. I want him to feel agency around his food choices.

Additional considerations that aren't necessary to read:

His brother is vegetarian, I crave meat constantly, and both me and my husband struggle with the executive functioning required to make meals.

Often, to feed everyone, three separate meals are required. (One vegetarian, one the adults will enjoy, and one that's okay for Tiny.) Which can get overwhelming. And sometimes we can't do it. We may be passing that stress down to him accidentally.

He has two weeks left of a school we aren't happy about. We're all very excited that next year is at a better place. Right now, I've given him permission to just come home when he's upset, since the school seems to have no interest in actually supporting him, rather than suppressing behaviour they don't like.

He used to eat a lot of vegetables and fruits, and really enjoy them. But his diet is shifting to more and more grains and processed sugar.

[naturallyaching]

I live with someone who is learning to talk out loud at 16. Yesterday he said random words and sentences, in 2 languages for 12 hours straight. 8 years of silence/yelling to this. He will communicate someday:) And the mental conditioning on fast forward I'm receiving is life changing. How we live in our minds is truly our home. Losing my mental anguish gave space for my son's chaos to come out. Feels like I'm watching life in slow mo, giving me time to make changes. With immediate positive results.

[a-moment-captured]

Option 1: will say autism acceptance instead of autism awareness. Coit loves converse too!

Option 2: Coit is obsessed with Science so this is perfect!

Option 3: I tell Coit all the time that autism is his super power!

Option 4: another autism is my super power

[ikementally-deficient]

This kills me a little inside.

We don't make Beloved Offspring eat food he hates or finish a meal if he stops halfway and doesn't start after a gentle reminder that his plate still has food.

BUT.

He has very much inherited my tendency towards hangry. Combine that with his mild autism and the general toddler unfamiliarity with physical cues, and there are days when he becomes a screaming violent mess because we missed the window to hand him a banana.

I have had to physically hold my son down and force feed him the first bite or two of something, like giving a pill to an angry cat, and keep him contained until it hits his stomach and he realises that food is a thing he likes.

It breaks my heart every time and we work hard to make sure it's unnecessary but sometimes the universe shits on you and you're stuck in traffic for an extra half hour.