#like do i destroy the brain or what idk
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my favorite part of bg3 is that it allows olav to collect kids and be the dad he was meant to be
#scatmaan complains#bg3 spoilers#?? sorta not rlly idk#hes got a gith baby#the owl bear baby#and now us!! from the beginning!! has returned to him#weeeeeeeeee#the moment i saw us in that cage#i was sososo happy#bc i was rlly disappointed thinking it died#i have my little intellect devourer as a summon now#he also has a kids brain he doesnt know what to do with#he told it to go back to sleep :'((#like do i destroy the brain or what idk#its sad
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G'raha looked so serious while he pleaded his case to venture into the World of Darkness with the Warrior of Light. The sudden conviction in his tone had Arsay at a loss for words. Still, she did not hesitate to meet his request with an accepting nod. He was an important friend and in the passing moons that they'd come to know each other, a strong fondness for him had taken hold of her. The prospect of helping G'raha find the truth behind his mysterious inheritance made Arsay's heart pound. It was the perfect venture for them to embark on. The first of many, she hoped. The two turned towards the impossibly tall spire that dared to pierce the heavens above. Arsay's resolve strengthened in its presence. When they next find themselves gazing at the tower -with their quest completed and the world no longer under threat of total destruction- she'll properly ask G'raha to be a companion in her travels. A grin crept its way onto her face as her gaze shifted to him. If Arsay could find it within herself to bare her heart to others so readily just as he does… perhaps their future adventures will find them together, hand in hand.
#ffxiv#wolgraha#G'raha tia#graharsay#idk just a random passage in my head that I needed to get out#im not a writer and im not pretending to be one but it was in my brain so sorry if its not as readable as I think it is#anyways imagine you are the loneliest catgirl in the world#and you meet a guy who is so swagless and cringe but in a charming way and he connects with you on a fundamental level#and you become really good friends and every time you show up he smiles in a way that makes your heart do somersaults#and you start thinking that maybe people actually like having you around not just when they need you to kill and destroy things#you let yourself open up a little and you're met with kindness and you realize you are very in love actually#but because you're still figuring out how to talk about your feelings you wait a little too long#and that guy seals himself up in a tower and tells you he'll think about your heroism in the future#and you are very sad and angry about this but thats not allowed so instead you put that energy to being the hero of all time#and every day you go to work you see the structure that reminds you of him and you cant let go of those what if feelings n ur cursed 5ever#would that be fucked up or what#WOL posting#Arsay Nun
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I’m here to bother you again!!!
You don’t have to if you don’t want to but maybe dark ship bingo with timjay or brudick????
hELLO i love being bothered by you this is delightful omg thank you, i would love to
Here is JayTim, I can't believe I only got one bingo for them. Ironically I genuinely don't view Jason and Tim as family, even when I'm not shipping them, I think they're tentative allies at best and you can only brother-ify them if you're doing very generously OOC fluff, a la WFA-style. They're absolutely toxic and codependent on each other's existence, Tim wouldn't exist without Jason and Jason is Undeniably Weird about Tim, but not brothers so I can't check off the familial squares. Also, I have no idea if I've been blocked by 10+ people, but it'd be funny if I am. And funnily enough, I don't think Tim or Jason are vanilla in any capacity even when they're not fucking. Especially not Tim, that boy is Certified Weird.
and ofc BruDick I nearly blacked out the whole board because they absolutely are weird and unwell. Some of these only apply to certain AUs of BruDick (like an idea I have rattling in my skull rn with Talon!Dick) but most of it applies to them all the time. I really need to write some fucked up BruDick, it's tragic I haven't yet. Right now the two fics I'm working on are a weird JayDick and a more fluffy DamiDick, but I have Plans™ for BruDick too. They are the OG and deserve their flowers for being the most toxic mess you've ever seen.
#necrotic answerings#batcest#jaytim#brudick#i loved this so dearly ty your asks mean everything to me <3#so do your tags on my posts you reblog i love your thoughts you Get It™#when i say timjay isn't brotherly i am mostly referencing pre-flashpoint but i don't think they're familial in the new-52 or rebirth either#i haven't read a *ton* of rebirth but knight terrors: robin was *not* brotherly and idk why ppl try to read it like that#shipping brain aside i think they can like each other in canon. get along be friends. if dc actually tried to put work into developing that#but it's not brotherly. they may both view dick as a brother. but that axis point doesn't make *them* siblings and I'll die on that hill#brudick is far more complciated because they're father/son/brothers/mentor/mentee/rivals/friends all at once#it entirely depends the comic#but i don't enjoy them as a nuclear father/son either and i think making their relationship that destroys nuance#*especially* if we're talking early pre-flashpoint or pre-crisis#it's not devoid of fatherly love but it's not defined by fatherly love either#they're complicated little guys who are barely on speaking terms half the time <3#you can tell when i get passionate about something bc my typing style changes entirely.#talking about myself? no capitals bc i'm boring as the hate anon put#talking about the ships? all uppercase and proper grammar. we must be Professionals™#anyway i loved doing this it made me rlly Think about what dynamics i like about both ships this was delightful#of all the batcest ships i think jaytim and brudick get the trophies for Most Unwell#and damitim can clock in at third#i don't yuck anyone's yum who wants to domesticate jaytim or brudick the fluffy fics can be cute and power to you#but it's not how i fundamentally ship them and i don't have interest in writing them clean or healthy
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i've thought a lot about it and i have concluded that parents just shouldn't Be Like That about their kids doing sports, you know?
#this post brought to u by my inexplicable picking up of abby wambach's 2016 memoir#(who never even LOVED soccer btw?!?!?)#kids who grow up to view their bodies as transactional pawns and their pain & suffering as currency to buy love with#too many parents are too fucking intense about sports. please relax. god. that's a baby with an undeveloped brain be NICE to it!#yeah ur kid can love a sport. but you know what most of all?#most of all ur kid wants you. your love and your attention.#and what if ur kid DOESN'T love the sport they're just GOOD at it?#you need to reinforce that you will love your children even when they're not good at stuff so they don't end up committing their lives#to things they hate just to please you!#idk maybe we should just do something CRAZY like ban child athletics IDK i feel CRAZY about this!!!#i've just read too many stories about how parents ruin their child's life and destroy their sense of self with SPORT. ahhh!!!#i think all professional athletes are fucked up in an entirely preventable way!!!!#hear me out what if: if the sport cannot be performed past the age of 25-30 then it should be gutted and revamped#so that u can't START playing it professionally until that age!#and whatever it takes to make that feasible for 30+ SHOULD JUST BE DONE.#oh god i'm in a spiral about what we have been conditioned to expect athletes to do for our entertainment.#driveby post
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"I def have adhd lol I just feel so hyper today" "isn't adhd just being quirky/loud?" "everyone is a little hyper/distracted" "this is the new tik tok trend"
#okay I used to be one of those people who would be like. no way I have it I'm not doing things all day and I don't get distracted by#squirrels or some shit like that#but I've since learnt I'm in fact hyperactive. badly actually. it's no bueno#my body bounces off the walls but it still can't catch up to my brain#I always had innatention and memory issues but I thought that was just me being an idiot#also the other day I literally forgot what I was talking abt bc of a fucking squirrel so there ya go ig#adhd#also no need for you to be moving all day to be hyperactive your brain can go off without your body syncing to it idk how to explain#anyway I think this was it all along you guys#the shit that was destroying my life was fucking adhd all along#the reason I couldn't hold a job or study or friends#the reason I could barely function the same as my friends who didn't even try#and wonder where I went wrong
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One of Hello Future Me's videos on revolution brought up an event from the Philippines back in the 80s: the dictator sent a battalion to crush a supposed revolt, only for the soldiers to be met with nuns and children offering food and water. The majority of the army defected as a result
I'm going to use rwby to try hammering this abstract concept into a coherent thought, but this incident got me thinking about how nonviolent protest is theater
If a similar event were to occur in rwby, for it to be successful, the protestors would have to be the cutesy faunus types: rabbits, cats, dogs, and the like because they're non-threatening. Attacking a sweet cat faunus would be akin to attacking a child or nun, paragons of innocence and virtue respectively. Only a monster could cut them down, and no one wants to be seen as a monster
A scorpion faunus, though? Their mere existence is a threat. That tail is dangerous, a weapon available at all times. Bull faunus have horns they can use to gouge out eyes and organs. Claim they attacked and most people would agree that killing them in self-defense is justified
Because nonviolent resistance relies on public perception, people who could possibly taint the image of the movement will get left in the dark no matter how important they are. Bayard Rustin was the one who taught Dr King about civil disobedience and was an organizer for many major events, but he opted to ride to events in the trunk of people's cars so his status as an openly gay man wouldn't harm the movement's image
There would be little wonder why the White Fang would be more popular with the "scarier" faunus. Public perception is already against them, so it's not going to change much for them if they join a violent organization, but this in turn will be seen as justification for discrimination against these types of faunus. A hellish self-perpetuating cycle
These faunus would also be far more likely to experience violence at a much younger age, akin to how black children are treated as adults even if they're literally six years old
The strategy behind nonviolent protest like the ones Dr King did is to show the world the mistreatment of the innocent, but when your existence is deemed a threat, there's little hope that you'll ever get enough support to change the system. This is why bigots constantly spew the "queer groomer" and black crime "statistics": by portraying someone's freedom as a danger to the innocent, any level of violence is justifiable defense. The police aren't attacking queers, black, and brown folk discriminately, they're attacking dangerous criminals, so it's okay!!1!
Theater can't save those already condemned and to try is wasted effort
#rwde#antiblackness tw#<- in the link#Claudette Colvin refused to give up her seat a whole 9 months before Rosa Parks yet wasnt the face of the movement#good choice considering she was only 15 and shoving a teen into the racist public eye is Not Good but her pregnancy was also a major factor#idk hopefully i got the point across#somewhat related is the trend of the privileged being the biggest advocates for peaceful protest#while the ones who've endured violence - both economically and physically - are the ones who call upon violence#which almost always means violent *self defense*#the few occasions ive read where there were actual attacks its been targeted like the BLA ambushing cops#cant say i blame them considering the mcfucking everything the cops had going on#the bpp was basically destroyed by the police and fbi at this point and that was probs a major factor in their decision#and targeted violence was exactly what the white fang was doing before cinder showed up and ruined everything#literally nothing the wf does in the show is actually for faunus liberation bc its all cinder/salems orders!!#and no one is allowed to have a brain or personality or anything so no one questions why theyre suddenly switching targets#gr8 discussion abt activism here shawluna. love that you reduced the anti racism movement to mercenaries to avoid saying anything at all#ffs they even fucked up weiss's side of the convo! obvs the fumbling of blakes ball is much worse but come the fuck on#'the wf may have assassinated company board members and family friends but were teammates now so who cares!! team rwby go!!'#fucking barf
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told my mom i'm developing a widow's peak and she laughed, saying "yeah, it runs in the family among the men."
jesus christ with that and the neckbeard i really am intersex arent i
#slightly terrified#being intersex isn't bad i know that#but it's such a different foundation on which to view myself#that's probably hypocritical coming from a proud tumblr genderfag boydyke kind of person#but i just. idk. it explains everything about what i've been through and what im still going through#i've had other trans men compliment me on how T is treating me#im not on T yet#i've been gendered as female in public yet been told i need to shave my face#and yet i've been gendered as male when wearing makeup#it's so strange#my existence is increasingly becoming foreign to the cis experience even though im not even on hormones yet#and in a way it's always been foreign#both in the trans way and in the 'i have a ton of body hair and acne at age ten' way#im usually all like 'yeah! fuck the gender binary! destroy expectations! down with cis!'#and also like. im a trans guy. i should want this and in a way i really really do#idk why my brain is being like this about it#fucking hell am i ever going to feel comfortable in my own body?
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i watched only friends ep 3 for the third time and i am stuck on nick saying the line “no one dares hurt me”. bc in context it’s nothing, and he says it with this slight smile that’s still a little disappointed but just trying to play it off and you could just see it for what it is, just him trying to act fine that boston is abandoning him or whatever. but where’s the fun in seeing things at face value. bc this is post him seeing the pictures and seeing and finding out who top is and putting the wiretrap in boston’s car and seeing boston talking to top (i don’t think it’s clear whether he actually hears what they’re saying about ray and mew and meeting up later and sticks around to see what happens, or is just generally sus of boston and hangs around bc he’s just sus and so happens to see them). this is post this constituted story he has that was sparked by that tweet about liking someone else and that’s why you can’t become something more. he thinks top is that person (and he’s kinda right), that boston likes top more than him, despite boston constantly calling him his favourite. you can see the pieces falling into place, that while boston’s behaviour serves to keep himself in control and have nick on this leash of always being there and keeping him interested with the promise of more that will go nowhere, for nick, it doesn’t just hurt him in these sad ways that keep him dependent on boston to feel good about himself and thinking he has this special relationship when he doesn’t. it also hurts him in ways that boston wouldn’t have intended, ways that turn nick into someone dangerous, someone that can be boston’s downfall. bc now he looks at top not just with sadness and envy, but with anger and disgust, bc who is this person?? what right do they have to be the person boston likes more than me?? when im the one he goes to all the time, when i have this connection, when our relationship is progressing?? bc the feeling of comparing himself to top, and his inadequate that makes him feel, bc of course he isn’t enough, of course he’s not better than top, of course boston would like him more, that can so easily turn and become something dangerous, bc you lash out at other people instead of lashing out at yourself. it’s that thing of i do everything, so why have i not earned your love?? that’s what he says in the trailer to boston; “i just want you to love only me”. it all comes together to make me think nick is gonna be the one that really starts shit. that idk, either through just telling people or maybe that wiretrap can record what happened, he’s gonna be the reason the whole mess starts to come out. and idk if he’s gonna just let it out and let boston get shit for it as a way to get back at him for hurting him, bc bc of his feelings, bc of that line in the trailer, bc i think he still depends on boston’s affection and validation, i think it’s more gonna be a matter of him doing it to push top and boston apart, so that when it all falls apart, the end of it all he can say to boston i did it all bc i love you, bc top doesn’t deserve you, bc i want to be the only person you love.
and you can see how it would happen, when it all comes out and ray and mew clarify that there’s nothing between them and everyone gets mad at boston for fabricating these stories to manipulate people, who do you think is gonna be the most mad?? top. bc he’s the one being messed with, his relationship with mew, and it’s all just ultimately bc boston wants to have sex with him. the man is ruining his relationship just for a fuck, and at this point we don’t know if there are any actual feelings, or if it’s just so that boston can feel superior and in control still. the whole point is that bad behaviour yields bad behaviour. boston is a dick, but he also doesn’t know that he’s feeding in to his own downfall. and nick is being manipulated and taken advantage of, and that’s horrid and sad, but he’s also not this helpless victim. no, i very much believe he intends to bite back just as hard as he’s been bitten. and it still hurts bc it’s such a realistically human bad relationship, the person that lacks self worth and so over invests in a relationship to give them that worth back, and the person that doesn’t want commitment but also doesn’t want to lose control, and so they dangle promises they’ll never keep like bait to keep someone trapped. and it hurts bc the ways nick will turn and start acting out aren’t just his fault, bc boston played into it and made him believe, only for it to be broken. and this is not victim blaming, but you also can’t baby nick and make out he’s harmless, helpless, defenceless. you can’t not see the grey in him. bc he’s expecting boston to be something he’s not, and so you can’t say it’s fine when he gets mad that boston isn’t that thing he wants him to be. you can’t excuse him being overly invasive of a private space like he has ownership over every part of boston and his life. yes i get it, boston plays into it, but at some point we’ve got to stop using that as an excuse, bc the behaviour is still bad, and i feel like it’s only gonna get worse. im calling it, nick is gonna turn into a mess that boston created and become something he can’t control, and it’s gonna all come back around and destroy him. bc it’s not just a matter of messing with the wrong person, it’s the fact that boston doesn’t think anyone can mess with him back, and he doesn’t realise just how catastrophic the consequences of his actions are gonna be.
#idk if I’m making sense#it’s late and my brain is whirring and this is so ranting#but I am so stuck on nick as a character bc I am just fascinated by treading this narrative line of when do you stop feeling sorry for him#and start seeing him as the villain instead#at what point can you no longer use sympathy as an excuse for whatever he’s gonna do#and I love it narratively for boston’s downfall being this random side piece he strung along not knowing he was biting off more than he#could handle with how all that emotional dependence was gonna trap him and ruin him#like the easy target that you think is predisposed to falling for your tricks and being easy to keep on a leash is actually the one you#should’ve avoided the most bc they will fall too hard and depend on you too deeply and that’s gonna grow and twist until it becomes dangerou#until it becomes self proclaimed entitlement to everything you are#and I love it bc it isn’t just this pointed revenge on nicks end it’s not like he sees everything for what it is and gets back at Boston for#it no it’s like inadvertent accidental revenge bc nick hasn’t come to see how bad Boston is but by acting out of this obsession of him he’s#the one that destroys him it’s just so deliciously ironic#only friends
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and if i said.... pet.er peve.nsie.....
#i have never read the books but ive just watched the first 2 narnia movies#it was def my first time seeing prince caspian idk ab the other narnia i probs watched it as a kid#but he..... he is calling me#mr doomed blonde twink who makes poor choices but is doing his best....... welcome back all my muses#i was gonna say welcome back kurt but... tate... levi.... probably more#ive never been. Good at writing fantasy im not great w anything that requires lore#hes just. oh hes calling to me#and the. specifically the pains of living a life in narnia and being king and then having to go back to the real world and be Just A Kid#idk if hes in the third movie im ab to watch it now but the bitter sweet end of 2 where he says hes leaving narnia and he wont be coming ba#and aslan says its bc he has nothing more to learn from it like..... kinda heartbreaking and would destroy u as a person#a world where ur king and u do everything u can to make the right choices but u dont do things really right and u get people killed#and yeah narnia prevails but it doesnt prevail bc of u. its in part bc of u but ur decision cost lives it risked a lot#and then its like. well ur leaving now and thats it bc it taught u what u needed to learn#and like maybe it did but he had no chance at redemption at fixing things there like his redemption was to leave it to someone more capable#and then he has to just like. go be a person. and live a normal life#like thats wild#im gonna go watch the third movie if u have read the books sound off on if u think i should based entirely on my little rant ab peter#the issue here tho. is if i made him. u see. two muses named peter on this blog... both with a last name starting w p.... its almost like.#its almost like one would have to be a solo blog#'but quin ur literally never here anyway' but what if for a hyperfixation muse i was here#this post started w the intent of 'narnia peter solo blog' but now... i am thinking perhaps spider peter would be a better solo bc of his.#bc of the fixation i have#however he intimidates me a Lot as a solo blog bc hes such a. everyone knows him u know hes a Big muse and i fear the pressure of that#then again narnia i think is big too? and theres the talks of the new movies so thats also potentially big muse#its crazy bc i have sososo much muse for every muse i have but my brain is saying abandon this blog and make both peters solos#and i Cant do that#but at the same time................................#my issue has always been too many blogs and being stretched too thin but also. w all due respect. who cares#like i am here to have fun and most of the time my blogs dont last bc no one writes w me not bc i dont want those muses#and yeah theres no guarantee making a new blog would change that but idk. kinda vibe w the idea of starting new
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dating as a concept feels Incredibly bleak
#idk. going off love in general bc it just destroys my brain but like.#kinda hit the realisation that a lot of people looking to date are just lonely. and if ur both just doing it bc ur lonely then what is there#i say this as someone who gets horrible infatuation for people for bpd reasons but i hate the idea of 'this might go somewhere who knows'#the lack of ?? investment ig?? is just kinda sad to me#it's uncomfortable too bc like!! im not attractive!! that's not something i can ever see in myself#and the idea that people are only talking to me for something that i will never value?? idk. Discomfort.#my 2022 brain has been firing up in a major way lately and i think part of that is realising that i shouldn't love and nobody should love me
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...
#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation?#uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made#friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go#bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple#the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula#for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b#concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown#its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a#healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take#more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end#of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me#and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this#project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data#bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i#just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem#bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping#ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and#classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die#my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday#who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio#majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes#b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative#ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week#until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad#who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we#die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him#its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of#sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol#whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄#unrelated
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You want to know how bad my memory is?
I was writing last night and I just straight up forgot that Sanji exists. I have been watching this show since 2012, he was my fave Strawhat outside of Luffy pre-TS, and I FORGOT HE EXISTED.
I was like 'hm yes well the ones who would understand are Nami and Robin... W- wasn't there one more I was thinking of a moment ago? Wasn't there another one who'd Get It?????'
'it's not Chopper. Definitely not Usopp. And it's not Zoro. That's all the remaining Strawhats at this point in the story. So... Why am I convinced I'm forgetting someone? Let's go through the arcs in my head agai- OH MY GOD, I FORGOT SANJI'
#When I tell you my memory is shit... 😭 I used to own a Sanji shirt. What the fuck??#When that post about the memory issues finally leaves my queue#Like I joke about it but this shit can be genuinely terrifying. Like knowing my brain is getting worse. Knowing I'm probably forgetting#Seriously important things and just 'oops I can't remember haha'#It's scary.#I'll never get better because I'll just relive the pain over and over because my brain refuses to remember the help and progress I make#Every day I wake up back at step 1 it's so depressing and scary and horrifying and I hate it#I can never process anything bc I just forget and if I do remember it's like a punch to the chest for the first time every time#And people get SO sick of you after a while. Constantly asking for help. Never remembering anything. They get so annoyed with you.#Anyway. On a lighter note (not actually) I'm trying out a new one-shot :)#Not to speak ill of the 'soon-to-be' dead but Garp was a shit grandfather#So I was like What If Me And Luffy Had The Same Reaction#Because self love starts in recognizing your self through the other god damn it#Even if I finish this idk if I'll post it bc of how personal it is but it has been very cathartic to write#Then again I could just publish it anonymously so my irl friends won't see it. No harm no foul.#I (kid) once pushed my mom (grown adult) out of my room when she caused me to have a meltdown so I could 100% see Luffy doing the same thin#In my defense she had a habit of taunting me and destroying my stuff to punish me after inciting meltdowns and I just wanted to be alone#I was like 7 years old at the time (hell year hell year) so I doubt I actually hurt her. She just looked surprised. I remember that.#Sometimes I wonder why I identify so much with werewolves and then I remember ah yes. The childhood of being treated like a monster.#Like a freak because when people kept pushing your boundaries you'd rather bite than let them do whatever they want to you#Oh boo hoo such a terrible thing for a child to be... Protective of themselves...#ANYWAY. like I said this wasn't going to be much lighter.#I want Luffy to punch the lights out of Garp to protect his friends. Not even in-canon just in this fic#Ik in-canon Garp is a complex guy and loads of fans love him but... Smash eggs make sandwiches know what I'm saying?#Yeah GROOVY
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can my brain please stop thinking about bg3 ive been laying in bed for like 4hrs now
#im trying to sleep but then my brain just goes “okay but like remember how our tav could probably get wings in the epilogue technically”#“oh what class and subclass should or fav characters from other media be and would they multiclass”#“man i rly need to make some of my other ocs as bg3 characters”#“should my next playthrough be an origin playthrough. or evil durge. or just evil tav”#“will i ever be able to completely move on from playing as some kind of elven sorcerer and why is the answer to that no”#“ok so ik im still in act 2 But i cant wait to kill those annoying ppl in front of sorcerous sundries again”#“only have to do a liiiiiittle more and then i can respec shadowheart to make her subclass fit with her story hmmmm”#“i cant wait to turn down the emperor as much as possible”#“would my tavs dragon wings fit with that wavemothers robe??? i think they should....”#“oooooooh what if i imagine the post-epilogue life of my tav w astarion and imagine them being guest lecturers for gale”#“my evil run is gonna destroy me so much.... no karlach... no wyll... dead aylin and idk what happens w isobel...”#“i wonder if im gonna find even more places i never discovered in my first playthrough once i get to act 3 again”#like can you just Stop @ my brain
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have gotten to the point where i know for a fact i have an honest to god Complex™️ about my teeth (experience any level of discomfort even incredibly minor for any time and get Itchy to call the dentist basically) and on one hand. girl get over that mental whateverthefuck. on the other. Is This Actually A Bad Thing.
#i banged my tooth like two dsys ago and i’m like the pain you’re feeling#is from hitting it way harder than you should have. and my brain is like What If You Cracked It What If You Destroyed It Forever#for context. 1. i checked and i didn’t it literally just hurts 2. if i did what would i fucking do.#idk. sorry. i think my general anxiety manifested exclusively in my problems with my teeth. which. sucks so bad. to be honest.#text#my post#mobi
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I just want to self destruct so badly right now, there is something so deeply broken about me as a person and I don't know how to explain that to anyone because I've masked and lied about like... my entire self for so many years of my life that I actually don't know how to express the truth, and I don't know how to do it without scaring the fuck out of everyone. I don't know how to navigate this at all without burning every bridge in the process.
#idk i'm just destroying my body instead i guess#my arm looks like it was mauled by a rabid animal i haven't gone a day in weeks without either cutting or burning#i have to fight myself very hard to not get totally wasted and fall back into the binge drinking#i keep looking for a peer support group that involves no therapists but i can't find shit#like i can't go back to therapy i fucking can't i'm afraid it would kill me or get me institutionalized this time#i don't know what to do#vent#oh and i'm worried that the constant venting is annoying/upsetting to people but i don't know what else to do#if i let it sit in my brain i'll get worse
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like. the Heartbreak that after imogen has been spending so much time denying her mother’s demand that she run only for it to be the same plead she gives her friends. specifically orym and laudna. run. i’ve already put you in harm’s way before. your lives have already ended once because of me. and in that very moment she is still denying her mother’s call for her to turn heel and run. but she doesn’t want to take the others with her in that.
and hours earlier, on the skyship, fearne echoing imogen’s mother’s words. telling her to run and her expression after like she so desperately wants to say she’ll do that. but it’s come up before. imogen’s tired of running, even if it’s a different voice asking it of her this time, i’m so excited to see how her choices play out in the solstice.
#also like. not to make everything about shipping because to be real i am invested in every choice imogen makes i don’t care if she destroys#every bond she’s ever forged in the process because she’s such an interesting character to me#but there’s something so. compelling about the pieces of each other that imogen and fearne recognize#that isn’t always recognized by others. or isn’t Pushed by others#like when fearne asked if imogen was sure her exploding wasn’t intentional#or imogen always bargaining with fearne’s thievery#or their reactions and anger and sadness around parents#like. the thing is that fearne and imogen’s dynamic gives a lot of the same unwavering support and care that laudna and imogen or#orym and fearne do. but in both those relationships the dynamic also has a sort of. stagnancy on both sides that thinks the person#they care for will stay the same version of that person#but like. there’s a willingness to slide towards provoking one another that fearne and imogen have while also being so supportive that is.#delicious. because like i Love imogen and laudna’s complication but their support seems in a lot of cases to be a Looking away from what#might typically be unlovable. or what might be hard to deal with#whereas fearne sees imogen’s storm and says I’m Not Aftraid of Her and imogen sees fearne urge her to continue to hurt her father in a brain#dive and is like. okay. the rage.#even like. fearne agreeing to do something if imogen flips sides is . idk#to me fearne and imogen are the briarwoods realness in c3. yes they see the ugly yes they’ll poke each other about it#and still. they’re there for each other.#critical role#cr spoilers#imogen temult#laudna#orym#fearne calloway#bell’s hells#campaign 3#imogearne#imodna#fearne & imogen
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