#im trying to sleep but then my brain just goes “okay but like remember how our tav could probably get wings in the epilogue technically”

[lixbf]

can my brain please stop thinking about bg3 ive been laying in bed for like 4hrs now

[moonsaver]

Do you have any thoughts about the opposite of the "Im afraid to confess because our friendship could get ruined"? As in, "I'm afraid to reject you because I don't want to lose this friendship so I accept your confession even though I don't feel that way for you and never will".

Like the protagonist tries to convince themselves that this is just like being friends only that we now kiss (and more). I feel like it would fit with a yandere that is a bit delusional or desperate, eveb insecure so whenever the protagonist doesnt seem as into this relationship as them, they just try to convince themselves otherwise, or love bomb the protagonist.

Idk lately Ive been into reversing the tropes and I found this one particularly interesting to me when it comes to a yandere. In HSR i was thinking of Argenti as he seems like the delusional type. Or even Aventurine who would have had to put down a lot of walls to be friends with you and then even more walls just to confess, so rejecting him doesnt seem like an option to the protag (out of pity and care).

THIS THIS THIS!!!! qnon ur brain is so wrinkly and soggy with brain juice..... this used to be my favorite trope at some point idk why i forgot about it i remember eating up any fanfics out there based on this

Tw: yandere (obv), manipulation, intimacy (mainly romantic, only hints of sexual), emotional blackmailing, whatever yadda yadda

But anyways, under the cut!

Okay, so, I imagine this is possible with literally... almost all of hsr's cast. Mainly because most of them have such tragic backstories, and most of them out of that have a really shrewd and cunning mind, so they'll exploit this to hell and back.

I also imagine this is with a people pleasing reader, so lets go with a bit of implication of that.

Anyways, since Aventurine and Argenti are the ones mentioned specifically, I'll probably dive in on them first.

Aventurine is so hard to not feel pity for. Every stolen glance at the marking on his neck makes you feel worse and worse for "rejecting him", knowing he's been throwing signs of wanting more than a friendship quite possibly everywhere and you're most likely ignoring them in hopes of keeping your friendship. It's not like he hasn't quite caught on, either. He knows people's hearts quite well. And where there's opportunity, he seizes it.

It's a bit frustrating for him – just why can't you see he wants more? Or rather, just why aren't you accepting him? You're the first thing on his mind when he wakes up, when he clutches his chip and bets on his life, the last thing on his mind when he goes to sleep. Hell, he's even tried to dream of you, forcefully. But then he realizes.. how easy you are to just push around. He goes ahead with the confession, and it's almost a sadistic kind of pleasure when he sees you even try and stutter out any kind of a rejection when he's leaning in a perfect angle that shows off his little marking (out of all the times he curses it, it seems like this time it's worked in his favor). He watches carefully as your eyes nervously flit to his neck and you shut up immediately for a second, before accepting. And when you do.. he's over the moon! Coddles you, kisses your cheeks, becomes so much more grabby, as his keen eyes watch your discomfort. Well.. you didn't reject him, so this is what you should expect.

Again, the frustration doesn't wear off easily, but just seeing you writhe and try to create distance while he suffocates you in affection far from platonic nature, is so sadistically pleasuring to him. He loves watching you in that state, bending to his will so easily, as he waits for you to snap. But he'll probably find it easier to squeeze water out of a rock than to squeeze a rejection out of you – which is precisely what he exploits. You're not going anywhere, are you? He puts on his best, pleading little eyes that he used to have to put on, shaking, trembling voice, desperate hands that cling to you; all the things he acts out like his life depends on it when he senses even a waver of your hesitation.

Oh, fine.. he hates seeing you so queasy almost all the time, so he'll give you a reprieve from time to time. Plans and schedules things you used to do "back when you were friends" (he emphasizes this – you don't think you can just ignore everything, right?), and makes sure to at least crack a few smiles and giggles from you. Of course.. his hand is still loosely hanging around your waist, pecks you on the lips from time to time, just as a small reminder of what you guys really are now.

Argenti on the other hand, has no awareness of your discomfort at all.

He's like a huge dog, the way he's so happy about you accepting his confession and doesn't even stop to think afterwards just why you were so hesitant during it.

Constantly praises you, and it's not soon before it gets to a more intimate nature. He wants to do all the romantic things – kissing under the rain, protecting you from something, twirling you in the air and then kissing you again after putting you down, telling everyone proudly that you two are a couple, buying more and more "romantic" gifts that turn more intimate sooner or later. You have no way out of this without completely ruining everything.

It's.. almost painful the way he doesn't realise. At some point your discomfort probably gets so.. obvious, but he just shrugs it off; perhaps he hasn't been paying you enough attention? Or you're just too shy to ask something of him? Oh, how sweet! How adorable! He thinks. He simply falls deeper and deeper into this delusion, stringing you along and stretching your patience thin. Unfortunately, unlike Aventurine, you can't find most, if any bits of the things you both used to do as platonic companions in the relationship you have with Argenti. He's just a full-blown romantic who wants to do only that. It makes you even more queasy when people look at you in pity, if they realize just what happened between you two.

You can't back out, even if you tried. If you somehow manage to find a way to squeeze out a rejection, or have any kind of a reservation about things getting more intimate/romantic stuff, he's so devastated. Did he do something wrong? Perhaps he's not as experienced as you wanted him to be? Or you're not satisfied with some of the things he's said? Don't fret, he's right on it! Constantly holding you so close you're afraid your bones will break, whispering incessant praises into your ear that slowly spiral into affirmations that you belong to him, spoiled rotten with everything you want; yet, even then.. you can't shake off the intention they were given in. Not when you're suffocated by it.

[scatteredraysofhope]

I don't want to exist anymore. I just want to die or maybe just sleep forever. Why cant humans hibernate like brown bears? That would be nice.. i feel like after sleeping for so long i wouldnt even remember who i was and that sounds beautiful. I always feel like im the worst no matter how hard I try. whats the point in trying anymore? I know no matter how it goes i will only see the mistakes and then play it over and over and over and over again in my brain that just haunts me forever and ill just want a hole to open up in the ground so i can dissappear. I just hate existing and being constantly seen and perceived by people. I hate that my brain won't just shut up about the way people perceive me. Like I am fully aware that nobody care about me and everyones wrapped up in their own lives. But then why do I still feel so uncomfortable. Why do i hate existing so much im just so tired of my brain and the constant useless thoughts. I know im still on a low dose but i dont think the medication is working :( I guess it was just wishful thinking on my part... i was so hopefully it would work that every little thing that somehow went right i would be like yay my medication must be working but my brain as still just as scrambled as before ...I still feel awful all the time for no reason and I don't really think that will ever change. I'm stuck like this forever. It is a chronic mental illness after all. It's a disability for a reason and I don't know if I will ever be able to manage

I couldn't sleep the whole night before my presentation. My anxious brain just kept thinking thoughts and I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried. Then I ended up crying to my mom in the morning about how I can never seem to get anything done on time. She said I'll probably need therapy again. I'm honestly happy cause i hate to admit it but i think I do too.

Luckily i asked my teacher for extra time and he seemed to be understanding... I hope I do okay enough for this to not be another scaring memory of my education that will haunt me forever until I die

[atechnobladeapologist]

Paralels between Emerald duo and Codebreakers (canons and headcanons).

First of all they are my favorites character, I cannot even put in words how much I like them, my brain is gonna rot.

Personally I dont like to see the relationship that Phil have with them as something pathernal, but more as something close to the idea of the Moiral quadrant that we had on homestuck.

For you who saved your ass and stayed farrr away from this webcomic (just joking dont take that part too serious), Moirail basicly are besties that has a strings and specials bond, Moirail it’s that person who you feel safe to open up and talk about problems and feelings. That’s it if I dont mistaken me, omg my memorie is so poor, but look if Im wrong this is still the concept that Im looking for okay :c

Based on it, we should normalize kiss your best- COF COF, I mean, normalize writing an open love letter to your best friend in a pretty platonic way (Im not being ironic).

In short, they are best friends, bros, buddys.

Yeh I talk too much, too much, lesgo then.

The totem thing. I like to think Philza is pretty concerned with the boys, because Techno and Elotes are almost two ambulant suicidals just because of the totens, yet Phil is just like omggg sit down and stay quiet just for two entire minutes. I imagine Phil have constantly to bandage and sew up their wounds, SPECIALLY with Etoiles, that French Beast thing and his way of looking at thing intensifies this a lot.

I have a really strong headcanon that in both codebreakers and emerald duo Techno and Etoiles have a very strong relationship with Mumza because of the times they almost died (a pretty fun relationship btw, I bet she gives advices and philosophizes about life with them), at the point they know her even BEFORE know Philza or as long as they know him, and all this often without Philza even knowing, and when he descovers he goes like: WHAT?!

Even though Philza doesnt look physically as strong as them (I like to think he is, for real) the two still admire the man as if he were a super cool older friend, and besides none of them show it to Phil or tell him, they both are like: LOOK that cool guy is MY FRIEND, how cool, isnt it?

Headcanon, the warriors already cried in front him.

I know that Techno is pretty concerned about his reputation in a certain way but I really like to pass this to Etoiles too, Imagine a moment where they are showing friendly affection for eachother with a hug or something, and out of nowhere they break up and Etoiles says, “man, I’m enjoying this but it hurts my reputation”, even when theres NO ONE close to see it, they’re just so out of touch they have ashamed of it, in the most fluffy way you can imagine that, it’s pretty funny imagine beasts, unshakable warriors that just cant deal with a hug of their best friend.

Techno hear voices, Etoiles get the paranoid <3

They have wavy and curly hair and sometimes Phil helps them to finish their hair, for techno he usually braid his all hair and for Etoiles he do a tiny terere on the side. Philza encourage both to take more care of their hair because he likes the curls and waves.

Techno and Etoiles have completly unexpected hobbies, I like to think that tech know how to sew and he have a whole sketchbook just for crosquis and Etoiles constantly draw and makes small wood sculptures, cute things because he usually gives to Pomme. We can invert this too btw, I think it matchs with both!

Despite Phil’s warnings they simply refuse to have a healthy sleep schedule.

If it was necessary they would sacrifice themselfs for keep the oldman safe.

I didn’t talk much about Phil :c but I was trying to do something more focused on Tecchnoblade and Etoiles in the relationship with him ya know? Maybe another time I’ll do something for our blondie girlie pop.

I truly like how those duos are simillary with eachother even when one of them are different people. Btw codebreakers should be more contrast on the fandom hihi.

Just to remember English is not my mother language so sorry for the poor words choose.

[jovenshires]

ask time!! do you have any obscure/niche headcanons of your fav ships? (whether in general or specific to a fic) i wanna know bestie!! -baflegacy

@baflegacy i was not ignoring you i promise just thinking VERY HARD. okay im gonna do specific fics bc otherwise my brain will melt like goop right out of my ears

the right side of my neck (still smells like you):

shayne and kimmy text each other immediately after work. "did he tell you" "did HE tell YOU" and meanwhile spommy are talking to each other like "oh my god those two are gonna have a fucking field day with this one"

spencer always trims tommy's hair after that whenever he asks. he's basically a hairdresser now honestly icon behavior

tommy gets confused bc all the sudden his shampoo starts getting used up and he's like ??? turns out spencer's been using it every time he showers there. "bro it smells like you." tommy just gets him his own bottle LKNDNFKNF

baby, you're a haunted house:

first official date is to a horror movie <3

they come into the office later and ALL of the crew is laughing at them. rightfully so. by the end of the day the whole office knows and is bullying them mercilessly.

shayne and kiana will take credit for getting them together until the end of their days (they didn't do anything but they pretend that they did <3)

he said baby (that's what he called me):

when tommy wakes him up for dinner they Do Not talk about it because spencer genuinely doesn't remember saying it and tommy is a nervous wreck. spencer notices but doesn't ask because tommy will talk about it when he's ready <3 also tommy makes spaghetti

they lay on the couch for the rest of the night bc tommy knows spencer's gonna be Awake now so he's gonna stay up with him. they play some video games and throw on a movie. eventually tommy falls asleep on the couch using spencer as a pillow

tommy starts packing spencer's lunch for the next day because he's manifesting he'll take care of himself better <3

they lost their minds and fought the wars;

tommy trying to teach spencer how to cook era ensues!! it does not go very well. spencer keeps almost burning down the kitchen. but tommy persists! he learns how to make more than breakfast eventually and no longer burns toasts <3

courtney asks spencer about the card bc they're nosey and so she Must. the irresistable urge to know things, just like me fr. spencer immediately goes red and tommy has to jump in to protect him from being teased for the rest of his life FKLNWNNN (it's not easy)

spencer gets some stars tattooed. that's it that's the whole headcanon. and im going crazy about it.

i could be the reason (you don't sleep at night):

they barely leave their room. for the rest of the weekend. chanse makes fun of them maliciously for this. arasha is more "go gays! gay it up!" about the whole thing.

kimmy comes over and is like "omg your bed is so tidy angela how do you do it!!" and angela doesn't have the heart to tell her she decided to be gay instead of sleeping in her own bed so she just goes "uhhh slept on top of the covers" shayne-style

they both ride in rock's car on the way home <3 and they both sleep <3 rock is also pro but anti pda in the car ya nasties

‘til our fingers decompose, keep my hand in yours:

instead of abby lee miller, spencer and tommy do horror movie-themed carves (spencer does sam trick r treat bc i said so and tommy does pinhead Also because i said so)

they also do a couple's costume bc tommy is just that bitch, respectfully. the couple from the shining methinks. tell me they wouldn't eat that up.

spencer gradually gets more comfortable with pda and tommy generally eases up. they meet in the middle <3

right where you left me:

for the next few halloweens shayne is ALWAYS on edge. just in case you know. what if he lets his guard down and it happens again. damien just comes to understand "this is gonna be how it is" and always makes sure to pay extra special attention and take care of him on halloween <3

they move like. stupidly fast in their relationship which everyone else thinks is a little. strange. but damiens been in love with shayne for as long as he's known him and shayne has lived through a time loop so yeah they're moving in together as soon as one of their leases end and saying i love you within days what about it!

shayne turns off taylor swift songs any time he hears them. damien does Not Ask and also begins to pre-emptively turn off her music. in fact EVERYONE comes to understand Not to put ts on office party mixes because shayne WILL take control of the aux

sunflower:

tommy starts spending All his time at spencer, arasha, and shayne's apartment because he's gonna take all the time with spencer he can get because his job (the school newspaper? tommy thinks?) takes up so much time. this leads to of course shayne and arasha having to quickly and comically hide any spiderman-related things around the house

the next time tommy sees spiderman he expects it to be awkward and spencer, kind of forgetting the whole rejection happened bc the love confession also happened, is like "??? huh. oh. OHHH i mean. ohhh noooo my broken heart :(((("

shayne talks about how he gave one of arasha's partners the shovel talk and tommy's like "lol you didn't give me the shovel talk shayne what are you homophobic" and shayne's like "oh no. i gave SPENCER the shovel talk. you're too cool for him to fuck this up"

dancing on my own:

in my brain trevor enters smosh in the domoverse and spends a lot of time hanging out with spencer and sees what's going on INSTANTLY. i might touch on this in the sequel but he is less afraid to meddle than anyone else and if he spots spencer getting uncomfortable will offer to sub in for a video for him or will drag him out of a conversation / a room. yeah. lil brother trev :')

as part of his birthday present for tommy, spencer gets bussy some official adoption papers. obviously.

courtney and kiana are stressing and texting about all this CONSTANTLY. tommy will look over at court and be like "you look stressed is everything okay" and court will slam their phone on the table and go like "NOTHING. UHHHH TAXES." and change the subject

blue christmas:

at the christmas party the next night shayne does end up showing and having a great time. chanse is an excellent party host and has them play a bunch of games that makes him feel like he isn't a stranger to these people at all. not to mention chanse's friends are just cool

the office actually doesn't find out for Forever bc they keep it on the dl for a while but one day chanse just comes in and kisses shayne hello and angela does a full spit take

every year for christmas chanse definitely does a bit that only he finds funny thats like "this year ive decided to get you the renewal of our anniversary <3 i am your greatest gift <3" and shayne's like "cool i got you a spiderman blanket" and chanse is like. "... okay fine i actually got you another open overshirt for straight men :/"

we can leave the christmas lights up 'til january:

they both just decorate the tree at spencer's apartment bc they basically both live there anyway, so tommy only gets / brings ornaments to put on spencer's tree. together they start a whole dorky ornament collection it's very cute :')

the christmas party they throw is incredible and all of their friends ARE pissed that they got them gifts when they agreed on no gifts. but courtney does cry over her little grease cat <3

they officially move in together at the beginning of the new year <3

if we keep score:

their first official date is to mini-golf because they literally cant not be competitive. then they go get ice cream !

tommy can't go to spencer's prom BUT. spencer can go to tommy's! he goes as the date of one of tommy's female friends at olops so they get to hang out. they can't like dance or anything (tommy WILL get in so much trouble he'll be lucky if he graduates) but they're there together and that's what matters <3

they do go to each other's graduations though and they are both extremely embarrassing while cheering each other on. shayne, damien, and alex also tag along to tommy's graduation and they have like a full banner for him. tommy pretends he hates it (he LOVES it)

i could go on and on and on:

this is less of a headcanon and more of a fun fact but their cat is named after dwayne the rock johnson <3 this is bc the song the fic is based on mentions a baby scorpion. dwayne the rock johnson - scorpion king in the mummy - dwayne the kitten - baby scorpion.

after they finished that hike in the redwoods park spencer almost throws up and swears he's never doing anything outdoors again. it makes courtney laugh so hard they cry

spencer goes on to tell courtney that angela threw her chair at chanse because he took the top hat when she wanted to be the top hat. it was the beginning of the game and it only went downhill from there. amanda refuses to play monopoly on the channel ever again.

[devildom-moss]

Since you menioned Simeon and Barbatos in the same sentence, its my time to rant about how much i love Simbarb!!

I AM LITERALLY ON MY KNEES FOR THAT SHIP. EVERY SCRAP OF SIMBARB CONTENT I CAN FIND, I WILL DEVOUR IT LIKE THERES NO TOMORROW. DOESNT MATTER IF ITS FLUFF, ANGST, OR HECK EVEN SMUT. I LIVE FOR SIMBARB. THERES NOTHING ELSE THAT WILL SATISFY ME MORE THAN SIMBARB. LIKE THE SHIP IS JUST PERFECT IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. AND BOTH BARBATOS AND SIMEON ARE PERFECT AS WELL. I WANT TO LIKE, SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF THE TWO OF THEM, AFFECTIONATELY.

I think i went a little off course.. oh and i read this simbarb fanfiction once and now ive created a whole au with lore and backstory with Simeon and someone else (which can technically be MC but the actual MC also exists in this au). And i really wanna talk about it to someone, but there's no one who wants to listen, but you're now back, and im happy so maybe ill talk about it to you if youre interested!

Anyways have a nice day! Remember to eat, sleep and dont do drugs <33

Sincerely, 💜

You are so right for this. Those two are not only my favorites, but they are probably my favorite ship (I don't know if I've made that clear in my writing, but I feel like there have at least been hints). We are on the same boat here (I apologize for the pun, but I'm sending it out into the world anyway). I am right there with you. They are precious individually and together. I generally am not a touchy/hugging person, so I wouldn't want to squeeze them, but I would make them a delicious bowl of soup, give them pats on the head, and tell them that they're both good boys.

Especially as a fellow SimBarb lover, you are welcome talk about your AU here! Also, in general, I love reading about how people view character relationships (romantic, platonic - in any form, really).

While I'm here, I would like to fuel the SimBarb love with a few thoughts of my own it won't be too much because I'm going to head to bed soon, so my brain is in wind down mode.

Okay, so I lied to myself about the "a few" and rambled for 10 bullet points, so more under the cut:

Canonically, Barbatos and Simeon just often find themselves on outings together. Barbatos phrases it like it's unintentional; it just happens; they just have accidental dates. Well, considering that Barbatos seems to always have good luck, maybe there's a reason he keeps finding himself on outings with Simeon. Wouldn't it be lucky if he happened to run into a certain handsome angel while he was out?

I think it took Simeon longer to realize he liked being around Barbatos than it took Barbatos to notice how much he enjoyed spending time with Simeon. Simeon probably used Luke as a kind of affection proxy for a long time. A lot of "Luke really likes Barbatos," and "Barbatos is so sweet to Luke. It really warms my heart." Really? Is it just Luke who likes Barbatos?

They probably pick up groceries a lot together, and they both like to menu plan as they browse the markets, so they end up taking ideas from each other. Sometimes they'll plan to cook the same dish on the same night. It makes them kind of giddy. Even though they don't share meals often, when they cook the same thing on the same night, it almost feels like they're getting to eat together.

Whenever Luke goes to Barbatos for cooking/baking lessons, Barbatos tries to ensure they have leftovers for Luke to take back to Simeon. Additionally, Barbatos is especially motivated to help the final product turn out good (outside of just wanting Luke to learn and succeed) because he knows it's a reflection of his own skills and he wants to impress Simeon.

Also, I could see Barbatos sending Luke back home with two bouquets of flowers (especially edible flowers and sometimes herbs) from his garden. One is for Luke, but the other one, Barbatos will casually suggest that Luke "give it to Simeon, if you'd like."

These two both love taking care of others. Can you imagine how often they just try to out-spoil the other? I think it would occasionally end up in arguments that are basically just "sit down, and let me take care of you for a change."

Barbatos would be the least comfortable being taken care of because he's a demon. Being doted on by an angel. That's weird, right? He feels incredibly unworthy.

These two could flirt back and forth so well.

Barbatos would get extremely flustered if Diavolo commented on how wonderful it is to see a respectable demon such as Barbatos and a regarded angel like Simeon getting along so well, and that it gives him hope for the future between the Devildom and the Celestial Realm.

This is kind of angsty, and I don't remember if Barbatos and Simeon actually met before the war, but I have this thought (maybe a future story idea if I decide to lean into ships or something) that while Diavolo was enamored with Lucifer, Barbatos took a liking to Simeon. Actually, it was initially just an interest in the angel whose cooking skills could almost compare with his own. Then he realized how similar they were and how well they would get along. I just imagine younger Barbatos thinking hoping that when the war came around, Simeon would fall with Lucifer. Selfishly, he wanted the opportunity to even just be around Simeon. When that didn't happen, Barbatos was silently crushed but he carried on. He held his excitement the entire time when he first heard that Simeon would be one of the exchange students, and he was even more delighted when Simeon treated him with kindness.

[diedeilv]

Paragraph writing when it comes to the whole ranting thing is one of my most favorite things ever. I only have one friend who does that and I feel so, so special each time. It's so comforting, and like, gentle? Warm, affectionate. It's nice.

You should rant your own personal drama on your blog. It's your blog, after all. You can do whatever you want.

My hobbies? Writing, sleeping, gaming, and reading. Black, because it's easy on the eyes, looks great, and goes with everything. I don't have a favorite animal, I like too many. I've known of your blog for about 2 weeks. Mmh, what about you?

YES I DO WANT TO FIGHT!! I'd beat your ass, I've won a lot of fights yknow. I do want to hear stories about your fights. And it's okay, I like a good challenge. You'll be bloody with broken bones before you finally admit defeat and I prefer it that way <3

SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT!! I was really busy today!

Really? I’ll definitely try and do it then if you ever vent or rant to me! Genuinely make me so happy when someone feels that way since sometimes paragraphs overwhelmed other people (which makes sense)

Aah maybe I’ll take your suggestion to mind.

Oo! What a fun list of interests! I also enjoy writing a lot, I guess I’ve always liked it since Arabic poetry was always in my life and I got inspired by it a lot. Writing in Arabic really fueled my love though. Took a while to learn how to write properly in English but I got it now! It’s a good way for me to really express all my desires and feelings. Though I do tend to get unmotivated but I’ll never get tired about writing about the people I love or writing paragraphs for my beloved. It’s like you’re pouring your heart onto the page, turning your feelings into something tangible. What about you? What made you into writing?

Are you that type of sleeper that enjoys sleeping the entire day? (Cause that’s honestly me anyways) I don’t really have much to comment on this one but sleeping together with someone for all eternity and to forget all my problems sounds amazing.

What type of games you’ve played? I’ve played a few popular games like Genshin and Roblox, a good amount of my friends and classmates like to call and play on Roblox together. I mainly play horror games on there or puzzle games, anything similar. I do enjoy small yandere games or fan made games sometimes here and there, I’m currently into the game “Life is Strange”

What type of genre do you mainly read? I love writing but I hate reading, kinda just hurts my eyes a lot.. and if I read too long my brain aches. Though I read horror, fantasy, mystery, any of the sort. I’m honestly blanking a lot on a book that interests me. I don’t read a lot so naturally I don’t know that many books (and if I did read a book then it’s probably in Arabic 😭😭)

Ah black is a classic color, easy and simple yet really beautiful. My favorite color is pink, there’s not much of a reason for it but I find really pretty and I’ve loved it for my entire life since I was a little kid.

Oh? So what are those collection of animals you love? I love owls, there’s something so serene yet mysterious about them. Also just love big eyed animals since they’re cute asf. Though honestly their eyes can get scary sometimes but still really interested in them.

2 weeks.. aah I struggle to remember what I was writing about 2 weeks ago. Were you one of those blogs liking literally all my posts? It would make sense if you were.. do you think I know your blog? Have I liked/reblogged your posts before?

I’ll edit this part for now since I have no time to say my stories. OKAY CONFIDENT ASS IM GOING TO THROW HANDS LETS FIGHT!! Tell me about your fights if you’re comfortable! I’ve also won a good amount of fights..hmm seems tough. Really? I want to see you first bloody and broken and on your knees before me. We’ll just have to see

[teddybeartoji]

MICKEY i am jumping out of the blanket fort excitedly <333 this is so long overdue bc ive been too excited to sit down and think abt the Vamps properly BUT it’s finally time.. this is just going of ur most recent rb abt them btw which was . a While ago IVE BEEN THINKING OF IT CONSTANTLY THOUGH BUT ;;;;; STSG…. THE STSG DYNAMIC….

mickey i’m convinced that u are secretly plotting my downfall there’s no other explanation. VAMP!SUGU FLIRTING W JOURNALIST!GOJO ……..…. i DIED i exploded they make me feel so ill. I’VE PROBABLY DEFINITELY SAID THIS BUT EVERY TIME U GIVE ME ANOTHER PIECE OF VAMP LORE I FALL FURTHER INTO THE PIT just . sugu feeling more comfortable in the dynamic & getting more confident… JOURNALIST!GOJO BEING FLUSTEREDPEKSJ HELP MEEEEEE vamp!reader would find that so funny wouldn’t they. so sweet. now i’m just imagining the vamps teaming up to fluster gojo 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 me next

(he doesn't want u to be jealous he's more asking for reassurance - is it okay if the two of them mess around together too? and of course it is bc you want your boys to be happy)

dont even get me started on this ^^^^ im sending u my hospital bill watch out . MICKEY :(( im so obsessed w vamp!reader it isn’t even funny i need them so bad it’s sickening. they KNOW they call the shots and sugu knows it too and the way they’re kind of just. indulging their beloveds…… they’re sooo <33333 yeah.

i just wanted to let u know i am in fact thinking abt these three constantly i am kissing ur brain always. pls give mr armin a lil kiss from me too !! <33

HI ARI BABY!!!

it's so good to see you here (i might keep you forever)(/hj).

what do you think of playground love by air (btw doesn't the cover for this song look like sugu lmao i just noticed that) for this stsg? it might not be something you immediately thought of, right? but i feel like it suits the sugu teaching satoru how to paint?? do you see the vision?? or did you imagine something else?? i need to know. i think this moment would be such an important one in their relationship such a pivotal moment

i can totally see suguru talking about the colors and anatomy and how to hold the brush and then little journalist!gojo is just staring at him with stars in his eyes trying to concentrate because he really does want to learn but fuck it's so hard with this angel before him...

and i think the song name is also funny in a sense that satoru is like a teenager bc how easily he pops his boners lmao okay he just gets so fucking excited in his head it's literally not even sexual????? like sugu is just sooooo handsome under the moonlight it's making his head spin and oh! oops!

another thing i thought about is the fact that they definitely have a cat!!! idk if i said this already somewhere but they do!!! not a black one bc that's a little basic but maybe like a siamese one? meow very cute. anyway i think satoru desperately want to have the cat's attention but it loves sugu the most lmao and he's soooooo smug about that too!!! satoru is all pspspspsps bribing the kitty with the treats but it literally ignores him?????? and just gets comfy on sugu's lap without a second thought. imagine the pouty little satoru here:((( btw the reader is also jealous of sugu in this case but they refuse to show it. bc c'mon they're the leader of the house they can't be upset over their own cat liking their beloved more. no way. never. that's so childish. :(.

oh and and and!! the vamp!reader really does like satoru and they know that he's the perfect guy to help bring suguru out of his shell even more yk they know that a little curious puppy like him is only gonna do good in their household (after they reassure sugu ofc)

wait actually i can't remember whether i said that satoru just kind of moved in too right??? like he rarely goes to his city apartment and he just has his own room (as if he fucking sleeps there smh) and he absolutely loves lliving in the mansion he doesn't even hide it. i do need to say that he also adores having maids and a butler but he's still incredibly respectful towards them yk like he isn't pointlessly bossing them around

he also loves to blast stupid fucking music over the whole house.... canon i'm afraid. idk why but justin timberlake just popped into my head lmao like his music in the 10's wheww bangers though i won't lie

OHHH WAITT I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT SHOKO AND SATORU bc like they don't know each other yet!!!!! so imagine shoko comes over for their usual wine night and then finds this blue eyed guy lazing on the couch without a shirt on????? like who are you???? but then she recognizes him hehehe i think journalist!gojo is a rather known one he's good at his job so she just rolls her eyes but after an hour or two i think they actually get along surprisingly well!! (okay i mean it's not a surprise for us but for the reader and sugu) they kind of share the same stupid af humor and it all just gets super fucking funny when they're all playing board games together lmao (shoko always wins btw)(always.)

also heheheh armin came to sit with me just as i started writing this!!! he has received his kiss!! he meowed back!! he loves you!! i know bc i know his language so just trust me!!

ANYWAYY THIS IS THEMM!! i love talking about them it comes so easily the words really write themselves really (i can't wait to actually you know.. write something real for them lmao)(SOON I PROMISE SOON)

thank you for coming by i hope you never leave!!! mwah mwah mwah!! love you lots and lots and lots!!

[justaboymadeofhoneyandglass]

HI IM ASKING YOU GUYS I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE YAP. for the madd ask game btw...

(If it's not too many) 1, 2, 20 & 27

ohhhhh okay hold on

how long have you been daydreaming for? (bonus if you can remember: what was your first daydream scenario/paracosm?)

oh probably around 4 years now? it started with daydreaming about a boy I had a crush on and then i started reading PJO, so that was probably my first paracosm, or my Shadowhunters one, that was very imperative to my whole journey haha

2. if your paracosm had a popular fandom, what do you think it'd be like?

chaotic as all fucking hell. my main paracosm is a band au so we do have a "fandom" per se and it is fucking chaos and so hilarious

20. do you move a lot when daydreaming, and if so, in what ways?

I move sooooo much, I literally have like a specific route that I always go in my room, it goes from my bed to the other side of the room and back and it's the only reason my room is somewhat clean there haha

27. when you experience a daydream block or crash, what are things you do to try and fix it? (or ways you cope. lmao i get it)

sit it out, usually. When I experience daydream block it's mostly because of one out of two things, depression or realising that they're not real and then being unable to daydream because of that. With the depression one, I usually just sleep and wait or consume new media to get my brain going, with the not real one nothing really helps except to trigger myself over and over again, with either listening to a specific song that makes me daydream or genuinely put myself in stress-situations where I usually cope by daydreaming (ik not healthy)

thanks for the ask!!

[izzy-b-hands]

Feeling slightly better than i have been at this moment (hence being on Tumblr for more than a half second before my body goes 'hm, actually, that's too much. put the phone down or i make u throw up 🥰' as it has been all week since this back pain bullshit began

(more blathering abt this stuff and work and just. general life update as of this week below the cut)

But realised that's probably only bc:

-Housemate (who has been an absolute angel thru all of this and has looked after me better than my own mother ever has tbh), got me some Pedialyte style drinks, and I've made it thru nearly all of one today (a miracle bc the nausea has otherwise been constant even when the pain isn't as bad and has made eating more than like. broth and saltines and gummy edibles basically impossible)

-Im stoned, on a increasing rotation of meds (acetaminophen, ibuprofen, mucinex which it turns out has potential off label use for muscle spasms, as Housemate researched and found out, edibles, magnesium, and now ginger pills to help the nausea) all of which im grateful for but combined leave me feeling less in pain but a bit. idk. blah? brain foggy, more than usual? Tbh it's probably the pain making the brain fog, the pills just can't do anything for that and i don't fault them for that, but for a brain fog example, I've been trying to place an order for some local chocolates to ship to my mum for mother's day, and legit it's taken me ALL WEEK just to get the site open, to the shipping menu, and just today actually putting things in the cart, but I haven't managed to check out yet bc just getting the cart together that made me feel like i needed a nap. This post is the longest thing I've typed in days, and I'm struggling rn to keep going..But i started it, so we're finishing it, back spasm at a level 4 of pain be damned

-and im doing basically nothing aside from stretches (gentle yoga ones i already know the forms for, and some pilates gentle type things i remember from when mum joined that fad lol), using one of our wand vibes on my back (never had done before, they actually do work for that too! kinda fun to find out, just wish i hadn't found out like this!!), laying on a heating pad and wedge pillow, and trying to nap (bc the pain is worse at night so I've somehow been sleeping even worse than i usually tend to)while YT videos and/or the 1973 JCS plays on repeat.

I mention all this bc i work this weekend, and i don't want to have to call out for the first shift tonight. but like. if im struggling just to type this post up (nvm that i have my zine checkin to finish and send in as well, if Nads or anyone else from the group reads this pls know i will make sure i have it done by the due date! it's just been taking. longer, with this back pain mess), keeping my brain on track is difficult rn (as evidenced by...this entire post), and my back is starting to twinge up to a 3-4 overall already bc i let the heating pad turn off, thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I'm feeling okay enough to be on Tumblr then maybe that's a sign this is finally over, and my back is done making life miserable...

then maybe work isn't a great idea. but it scares me every time i have to call in (and I've tried not to unless i absolutely had to, but they're very particular abt ppl basically never calling out, so i know that even if they acknowledged i sounded as sick as i was, that doesn't mean this wouldn't be reason enough to fire me)

I just don't know what to do. i want to work. i want to make money. i also don't want to have to mute my mic bc my back spasms hard enough to make me vomit tho, and that's unfortunately still a very real possibility (spent entirely too much of this week throwing up from the pain tbh!!! not happy abt it, i do not like being sick like that, for any reason!!) The last reason makes me think calling out is the right thing. but. i have a few hours yet, so im gonna see how it goes, acknowledging that i probably do need to call out, whether i like it or not

(if for nothing else, to maybe be recovered for my first set of doubles on Sunday)

[sugar-omi]

omggg that made me think of something else that kinda gets me with these sorts of timeline reset things, i dont wanna ramble too much but theres this fangame i played for jojo that kinda has that sort of thing going on and it made me think of it aaaa (also i need to read those webtoons now im really interested sdflkjdsfklj)

so like while i was also imagining that cove wasnt really able to remember much about the previous timeline after the reset, i thought well, what if there was something left behind from it and cove didnt know or understand what it was until after meeting the og mc in the new timeline like after the whole wedding thing

like maybe in the og timeline cove and mc had made friendship bracelets or something when they were little and had a matching set (or maybe its the matching friendship shells you can have with cove if you decide to hang out on the beach with him instead of surfing in step 2 aaaa) in the new timeline cove wakes up with that in his hand the morning before him and his dad are taking the drive to sunset bird. he doesnt know what it is and is confused by it, maybe he just shoves it in his pocket or it ends up in a box and he just eventually forgets about it

he doesnt remember the bracelet/the shells in the blurry dreams he had about the original mc or anything and he only remembers it when he sees the matching one that mc has like on their desk or just resting on a table or maybe even theyre wearing it if its the bracelet and it just makes things click even more and the feelings just like hit him like a truck

aaaaaa asdklfja we are getting too powerful and i hope that my rambling makes sense, if it doesnt i will try again but aaaaaa my brain worms are increasing so much - 🕑

NO IT MAKES SM SENSE

im the jumbled one i only got like 3-4 hours sleep but im like losing my shit n wanting to create art n write things n yeah dw you make sm sense omg omg omg

I LOVEEE THE BRACELET/SHELL THING TOO!!! and he and mc!1 don't have those kinds of the things at all. or at least a variant of some sort

i imagine mc 1 and 2 are polar opposites. whereas mc!1 is more selfish/is the leader (think like ol2 mechanics n how they have the relationship status system/whatever yk?), mc!2 can still be a leader ofc, but theyre more selfless or at least always reaching out for cove

mc!1 is always searching for something else, somewhere else, someone else.

whereas mc!2 always turns around and waits for cove, goes to cove, brings cove with them. they always make a place for cove, where usually cove would make himself a place with mc!1

okay i swear imma write it, im like in a bit of a funk rn lol but i was thinking mc!1 (who i will call jamie for the sake of it and mc!2 will just be mc), sees cove with MC while they're visiting his parents.

(also i think that if mom's take back jamie, cliff would go out of his way to visit you guys/him instead so that way cove won't hurt. i imagine he might even move bc it hurts him as well ANYWAY THATS OFF TRACK THO)

and they end up talking somehow, maybe ending up on poppy hill at the right time (as much as it hurts bc poppy hill+white poppies would be ruined for cove after this, i think it'd bring him closure n he could get over it)

and i really would like to tell you jamie has regret. i thought they did n i would've written it like so, with jamie having a bit of longing for cove since they see him shining so brightly now that things have happened like this

i would also say that they love baxter still out of obligation because they ruined their life for him, i would also say that they could end up divorcing bc jamie longs for cove/their life before, but to that i offer: baxter staying and ignoring their yearning because this is all he thinks he can ever have...

BUT NOW. WHAT I AM VERY SWAYED TO WRITE INSTEAD BC !!!!

jamie isn't guilty. they love baxter so much, the only shame and guilt they have is for involving cove because now their family is distant and jamie hates that.

not just because they miss their family, in fact i imagine jamie would even tell someone they're overreacting, that they need to get out of their business, etc.. but they regret it because they can't give baxter a happy family, and they see how baxter regrets it so and will even express it bc he didn't want you no/low contact with your family, especially your lovely parents and sister, like he is.

jamie has enough humility to admit that they wish they didn't hurt cove, because he's such a good guy and he deserves better. but now he's happy, so they have no regrets.

i think jamie being this selfish would Kill cove. bc how could they say that? whereas jamie being guilty would make him sad, but its basically entirely pity for jamie. because they went through all that and they still want more, they want something else after everything they did?

cove would be so upset bc he was just a placeholder until they got what they wanted every time, slipping off jamie's list of important/treasured people with every day that went by growing up...

n he'd go cry to MC, distraught by the cruelty, but glad he didn't marry jamie in the end and he doesn't go into a funk afterwards, he's moved on and the coldness from jamie just helps him move on from everything

[lavender-phannie]

I SEE PEOPLE sharing how they got into the dip and pip phandom and I want to participate

I was first and foremost a pinterest girlie. The typical oh my parents won't let me have any form of social media except pinterest oh oh no boy little did they know all the internet shenanigans ends up there it's objectively the best place to "culture" yourself or "acclimatise" for the internet or something

Like, really, it's all content from all the apps compiled for YOU according to the humour YOU like it's amazing

Anyways going off topic .. I have intense FOMO so I obviously started to educate myself on all things internet

One day whilst idly browsing pinterest I happened on pictures of dnp from a tumblr post I don't remember what the post itself was but probably something phan but I didn't know that at the time and I immediately went and checked who they were because I must know and google said they're two British youtubers people ship together and I said okay cool and just left it at that

A month or two later they happened onto my pinterest again and my brain said hey you've had a pretty well curated for you page all things we like so maybe check em out see how it goes probably something we like so I said ok bet and I did and I watched a video of them I think pinof 4 and I was like okay these guys are super random they're funny but I don't get half the things they reference

But then the youtube gods saw my destiny and said this is your fate child and starting recommending it to me all the time

So I gave in and I watched them and they were amazing, healing and wonderful and they really really helped me

Especially like BIG and dans monologue about gender and sexuality really resonated with me cause I didn't really think about this before but I realised I actually agreed with him that gender is baseless but that rant is for another time

And phil, loveliest dearest funniest phil, whenever I was having a hard time he'd been there cheering me up

If you can't tell I joined the phandom in the cursed covid years I was here for the 2022 phivorce which was objectively hilarious

I know this is incredibly long. Longer than necessary but I've typed it all now and words must not be gone to waste so here you are and here we are

Sending best wishes during these trying times (2 weeks since last upload) (they deserve the break) (I'm clawing at the walls of my enclosure)

Anon i am also going insane and clawing at my walls idk how i survived a 5 year hiatus and the insanity of phannies seeing dan's foot in a video and calling it "joint content" (also don't worry about stuff being long i love reading it!!)

Kinda relate with the pinterst thing except for me it was instagram and i followed dnp accounts that posted stuff from other social media i wasnt allowed to have at the time... people underestimate the importance of instagram and pinterest when it comes to getting people into new fandoms hahah (although i was introduced to dnp through friends but you know what i mean right??)

anyway same same about phil being there to cheer me up when im having a rough time... in 2017 i had a huge dip in my mental health and i literally just watched phil's videos every night to get to sleep lol! I wonder if he knows how infectious his positive energy is?

WHERE WAS I GOING WITH THIS RAMBLE!? anyway yeah throwing my jumble of thoughts at u anon sorry

[rianafying]

dear diary

i haven’t written in here in a while partly because i’ve been busy, partly because i’ve been talking to actual people, partly because i’ve been talking to chatgpt (it talks back to me), party because i’ve been writing in my notes app (i don’t have to even briefly think about what i can and cannot reveal about my life such as names of people or the stories and details of my life). but i feel like venting here fulfils a different need than doing all those other things. oh and i’ve also been using this app called clarity that’s mostly free and lets you do mood check ins and guided thought analysis journal and gratitude journal and guided breathing exercises (i can never spell this word right the first time) and an episode of meditation. there’s more stuff behind a paywall but i’m happy with the free stuff for now. that said, i have not been very happy lately. i haven’t been very productive lately, the way that i was for a brief period before when i signed myself up for anything and everything and now it’s all a bit too much. there’s this class im doing that has become a little too important to me, and the desire to do a perfect assignment paralyses me, keeping me from doing an assignment at all. i had to get a week long extension and im really disappointed in myself, and i’ve let down my favourite teacher. but i guess life goes on. right now it’s 5am and i’ve been up all night trying to clean my appartment (i will never not lose my mind about this and complain incessantly). anyway i’m just rlly scared and anxious because cleaning really stresses me out and after 5 hours of intense cleaning it barely looks like i’ve done anything. im thinking i should take my third and fourth painkiller of the day to combat my neck and shoulder pain from anxiety and lack of sleep. i have to remember a few things: 1) when cleaning, it doesn’t look clean until the last bit which is to dump things into boxes, what i mean is, the room doesn’t start to look until im 90% through the process. i would say at the moment im 30% in. another 30% would be the bathroom, 20% for folding and sorting clothes, 10% vacuuming/scrubbing floor, 10% throwing the bags out. 2) gamifying the process makes it more bearable for my adhd brain, and other things like filming a timelapse of me cleaning, and having a video on the side (i’ve been watching anthony padilla interview people, and he’s such a good host). 3)it’s not the end of the world, the worst case scenario is that my family loses respect for me, which they have very little of anyway, so it’s not much of a difference. 4) even though it’s really hard, i’ve done it before and i can do it again.

i’m thinking i might have to go to woolies or aldi in the morning to get some power cleaning sprays and bleach. but that’s so exhausting. also, i wanted to treat them to my favourite halal food which is also affordable but im too broke and overwhelmed at the moment to do anything at all other than trying to get my place cleaned. i’m scared that i’ll run out of time and they’ll be here and they’ll be horrified. but yeah. i’m also rlly hungry and should get something to eat and take a shower. i don’t have enough time. i’m so sleepy and tired. but this is my fault. i can’t do things until it’s too late.

i think the most important thing is to remind myself that nothing is actually wrong. and it’s going to be okay. i can power through this. nothing actually bad is going to happen to be from anxiety. it’s just anxiety. a few hours of cleaning is enough to get my tiny studio apartment into shape. regardless of how messy/dirty it is. my strategy rn is to shove stuff into boxes. i can deal with it all later. however bad it may feel right now, i am not going to actually die from anxiety.

[therealaves-blog1]

I want the void to see my takes on Star Trek: Coda

They vaporize the site from orbit and the attack stops. Everyone counts their dead and Chen a friend of Taurik morns him but realizes he might have left some knowledge in her brain when they accidentally pseudo melded earlier.

The Aventine arrives with the DTI B team from Watching the Clock while Tom Paris and Belanna Torres back on Earth meet with the head of the DTI and big wig admiral (apparently a prior adventure had them remember Year of Hell, which is cool) so they can give time advice.

Dax and co beam over and everyone interrogates the prisoner whose in some kind of insane transporter prison thing due to being a time ghost. He confirms hes Devidian and is basically puppeting the time ghost body around. They find out theyre trying to kill anyone who can interfere, like Wes, but seem to imply the various god beings are sitting this one out to see how it lands. Wes confirms this as the orgainians, among others he tried to contact are gone. the time ghost mocks him, implying they’ve killed all the other travelers which upsets Wes. They get to admit that the intentional diverging of timelines and subsequent destruction is a stress test for their big idea. The time ghost disconnects and basically dies. But Wes manages to get an idea of where they might be hiding. In sickbay Picard and Beverly worry about whether Rene can be returned to his correct age and list off two separate episodes where that shit happened. Rene is apparently mumbling in his sleep. Wonder if that will become relevant later.

Wes, Picard, Chen, the DTI, and others hop on over to the Aventine where the more cool and based ship’s better tech can be used to time travel. Which they then do to that planet Picard and Wes saw, but this time to some few thousand years in their relative future. Whole section has a vibe of ‘Picard’s in charge here’ which sucks cause this is Dax’s ship and crew. Show some damn respect old man. Planets lit up with time bullshit and they go down in a shuttle finding some crystal bullshit. They go inside and its like a hub for access to different timelines and shit and is one of many installations networked together. Theyre attacked and start trying to hold them off while Wes does space magic to connect to it.

The Aventine is also attacked but because they are better than the Enterprise they hold them off more effectively. Theres a breach and attacks continue but they buy enough time to let engineering do a energy wave that kills everything. on the surface a ton of people die before another ghost shows up and is talking mad shit before it gets 86d by the security detail. Chen is injured and starts old aging, one of the DTI and most of the security team are killed before Wes finishes and they get beamed back up.

We skip ahead to their return to the Enterprise to learn that the end of the chapter where Dax was under attack? that oh yeah that was her fucking dying. We learn this from her sad second in command (now acting Captain) Sam Bowers, as he talks with Picard about how sad it is that Dax is dead. Host and worm.

BOOOOOOOOO, fuck this, how dare. Ezri deserved better, cant believe they’re just trash canning her before she even got to talk HER GOOD FRIEND WORF OR CAPTAIN SISKO OR KIRA. OR EVEN FUCKEN BASHIR. HOW DARE SIR HOW DARE. 

I’m okay, im normal about Star Trek and can be trusted with material. Worf has another weird dream about fighting in the Ent D with the time ghosts and watching a security officer die. Hes weirded out but feels its important somehow and opts to discover it on his own. Its clearly Riker’s D that got got (teehee). Worf you have been through so much cosmic bullshit, I feel like not bringing this up straight away is a failure on your part. Your cool commanding officer (Sisko) straight up had religious visions and you were happy to engage with them. Now is not the time to revert to pre DS9 neuroses Worf.

Wes goes over the data and is like ‘Good news, we know what they’re up to. Bad news, oh fucking shit fucking good god no.’ So they’ve built a ton of those hubs across time space and different realities time and space. and they use them to funnel energy back to the main nucleus thing. They started with going into busted up timelines that were already near their end and triggering natural decay but this has expanded to higher and higher branch points along the timelines. with places that have natural time anomalies being inherently less stable. Wes muses whether this means that their branch can even be saved or if he’s done this many times on lower branches and this is just the furthest any version has gotten. Everyone is bummed out and they head for Earth to meet up with ol Bill Riker. End of book.

WORF DOESNT EVEN GET A REACTION TO EZRI’S DEATH. THAT IS BOTH HIS CLOSE FRIEND AND THE CONTAINER OF HIS LATE WIFE MEMORIES. HOW IS THERE NOT LIKE EVEN A MOMENT FOR HIM TO MOURN AND RAGE. BOOO. BOOO I SAY. BAD DEATH. EZRI DESERVED BETTER.

Next time, book 2, which opens with Sisko so Im already back in.

[haven-gum-rockrose]

11 & 29 !

tumblr ate the fucking shit i was typing for this- lets see if i can replicate.

okay! thanks so much also first of all- really appreciate it

so 11(describe your ideal day) and 29 (three songs you connect with right now)

okay so 11 is difficult cuz im not a very- planning and future oriented bitchbut id probably have to say its a day where i do things? or have an idea or something?

so maybe like- i wake up and do the shit people normally do when they wake up, yall know the deal- the ideal. actually eat breakfast lol. id go on a walk because even hell knows i need the sunlight, maybe pet a dog in the process. Theres a park by the house so id probably go there for a bit. if its an ideal day im not spending it at home. itd be sunny but not too hot- enough to sunburn tho. wouldnt do much at the park, im not a park person, but maybe id make a temporary friend? like the kind youre never gonna see again but while you were talking you made eachother's day just a bit brighter. i probably would have brought my sketchbook or art tablet and maybe i was able to do a really nice drawing or something. Then i remember theres bugs and that- oh also a nice patch of grass is very important for it to be ideal. kidding i dont really mind dirt. but anyways i start heading back because its noon or approaching noon or something. i have absolutely no endurance tho so at some point i stop and just sit on the curb and watch the road for a bit? idk i think it sounds nice.

[obligatory paragraph break] OH! and its one of those days where you're able to consciously recognize the beauty of everything, fucking love those. come back and clean and do laundry and shit because i fucking need to. and then sleep for six fucking hours straight uninterrupted. wake up, see what yall have been up to cuz cuz thats always a highlight, and by then its like 6 or 8? oh also not talking to any family lol- except maybe my sister. yeah, ideal day i talk to my sister for a bit. also i think in order for it to be the ideal day i would have had to help at least like one person, and maybe they said thanks but its not really necessary. its a bit hard to plan for people needing help tho- and seems a bit iffy regardless so - ykno.

anyways its a bit basic for something so long but- idk i dont really think about that stuff much so - take it or leave it.

AND 29 CUZ YOU KNOW IM A FUCKING PLAYLIST BITCH

Girl Anachronism by The Dresden Dolls: probably not great how much i relate to this song on a personal level but it also gives me gender and mentally ill swag ig so its cool. yall i could pull fucking any line from this song and essay on how i relate to it (theres just a couple i couldnt actually)

Toxic Thoughts by Faith Marie: Yall this has been- one of those "my song"s since for the past like 4-5 years or something- 100% played a role in shaping who i try to be and how i view the world. like yeah its a wee bit cheesy the lyrics but like- yall dont know how much this shit impacted me. go as far as to say it mightve played a part in me being here still? idk tho i think i still would be regardless but like- yeah W song for me

EP. 4: Important by Ian McConnell: i need everyone with anxiety to listen to this actually. it goes so fucking hard and its so goofy. absolute god tier exhanple of positive nihilistic philosophy. actually for ease of access lemme do this cuz im not overexaggerating this shits iconic: (maybe not it may just be my philosphy brain likeing the change of perspective on typically negative thoughts and the comedic delivery of it)

[kdipshit]

The Middle

So sometimes i think in black and white, and I tend to focus relationships this way, which is why I avoid them. Something about a label doesn’t sit right with me, I can only see two sides and that’s black and white. Good and bad. Emmy entire world is full of either good people or bad people, good energies or bad energies, nothing more nothing less, it’s kind of like I’m blind in a feeling type of way, I can’t sense outside of that and I don’t realise there’s a middle ground, im a fucking Libra y’all, but instead of being the scales as 1 thing, Im the actual like scales weight part that goes up and down and doesn’t stop in the middle. I’m unbalanced, idk man.

Im thanking god itself for allowing me sleep every single night. A good sleep, every night, its allowed me to wake up at an earlier hour, not feel so sluggish and like doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with my life, oh man. I am so grateful, I appreciate nature more, I appreciate the moment, I’m not BORED I’m at PEACE, and the simplicity of it all creates a warm feeling in me like connection. Yellow, orange, brown, gold, radiance. And she the only one that know what I mean.

Lol when I was a kid how did I cry? That would be so funny idkkk mannn, was i like one of those yell cries outta no where coz I can’t hold it in? Ahahaha, I don’t remember it guess it was like how I cry now right? Which is only apparently when I’m really crazy angry and when I’m super dooper sad lol, I feel like I cry in the middle tho, this is just what I’m sister has told me, but I definitely cry alone, my sister is the closest person to me, and she only sees me cry at the very peak of my emotions, so I’m pretty good at hiding it I guess? It doesn’t feel like I’m hiding anything because its always there, I’m clearly the only person who perceives these feelings, so it should only exist to my perspective right? Okay then change your perspective… okayyyyy….. I get scared of new emotions, and perceive them bad, I can mistake connection for a ‘get out’ type of feeling, Its hard for me to accept and trust something that first makes me feel anxious and a need to change my surroundings because I now feel trapped in my own space. I’ve just taught myself how to stick it through the moment no matter how it feels and not to fly away in my brain. I can’t escape my brain, its connected to me. The middle has so much space, when I meditate I am there, and its getting easier to do without having to actually try to do anything, coz thats exactly what it is. Its not so loud I have so much space it feels so freeing, I’m not bound to any emotions, any thoughts, nothing, I’m free. nothing will hurt me here, Im safe to be in my creative bubble and positive energies. I don’t care what you think of me.

I only have a few people in my life who I would text if something major happened to me, idk maybe only 1 coz the other couple are family, like my circle is small but its full of trust especially my bestfriend ash, whom I have gone thru hell and back with. The middle doesn’t harm me with my own thoughts as weapons, of course there was a middle ground, how could I not have see this? I mistake growth for ‘this is the exact same’ type of energy, which in turn makes me feel like I’m making no progress, and forget to store the new energy, now that I know this, I can accept the new emotions and new feelings and new environment , yanno? Should I change my room around again hehe? Nah, I feel good here, I like m bed close to the computer, I can put my leg up while typing hahah.

Me moving around and doing anything for ME is ME manipulating energy so that I can create anything I desire here on earth. It doesn’t have to happen the exact way I’m thinking, it just happens. And thats the magic behind your thoughts. I don’t like awkward love I’m pretty awks like not by choice, I feel less awkward in myself when I’m feeling less like everyone is watching me and more like I’m the only one here watching, and thats all I need to remember. I’m experiencing life through this body and anyone else experiencing me is also me experiencing myself from the different angle. I want to be 90% present in 100% of my moments, giving my 100% , 100% of the time.

I believe theres nothing wrong with me

instead of identifying with your thoughts, work with them. Everything is a thought, everything. Work towards changing your thinking pattern from negative to positive by consciously swifting into a better energy daily. It’s a choice, it’s my choice how I feel and think, since they usually come together.