#In my defense she had a habit of taunting me and destroying my stuff to punish me after inciting meltdowns and I just wanted to be alone

[mako-island-moon-pool]

You want to know how bad my memory is?

I was writing last night and I just straight up forgot that Sanji exists. I have been watching this show since 2012, he was my fave Strawhat outside of Luffy pre-TS, and I FORGOT HE EXISTED.

I was like 'hm yes well the ones who would understand are Nami and Robin... W- wasn't there one more I was thinking of a moment ago? Wasn't there another one who'd Get It?????'

'it's not Chopper. Definitely not Usopp. And it's not Zoro. That's all the remaining Strawhats at this point in the story. So... Why am I convinced I'm forgetting someone? Let's go through the arcs in my head agai- OH MY GOD, I FORGOT SANJI'

[werewolfdays]

snippet - First Kiss revamp

little callback to the very first little drabble that I posted on here about a year and a half ago. pretty cool to go back and read my old stuff and see the differences and improvements. Anyway, enjoy some soft tender shit -

Just like always, my mind drifted to Nadya. I wanted her so bad that every step away from where I knew she was felt like the wrong step. That every room she didn’t occupy wasn’t worth being in. That every mention of her made my chest tighten painfully. Whenever I was in her presence, she commanded my full attention without even doing anything. My skin tingled every time I touched her, like I was losing control, but somehow not in a bad way. Every single part of me ached for her. I’ve never met anyone that could beckon both me and my wolf in such a way. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out before finally doing something about this. 

My sister’s snapping fingers right in front of my face shook me out of my day dreaming. The sounds of mingling wolves in the Den came flooding back to my senses. “Wow, you were in it pretty deep.” Skye mused, taking a quick sip of her drink, “Have you heard a single thing I’ve said?”

“Sorry.” I told her, taking a swig from my glass of whiskey.

“It’s because of her, isn’t it?” Skye guessed with a knowing smile. 

Her way too accurate guess annoyed me. “No. I’m just tired, okay?” 

She rolled her eyes at me, clearly not fooled by my lie. It made me uncomfortable. Sure, I could admit to myself what I was starting to feel, but Skye knowing it too without me having to say anything left me feeling too exposed. Too vulnerable. Not to mention the fact that it felt like I had to talk myself off of a cliff whenever I got the urge to act on my feelings. 

“You’re reading too deeply into this.” I continued with a sigh, “It’s not a big deal, just an attraction.” 

“Okay,” Skye replied sarcastically, lifting her shoulders in a shrug. I tensed slightly in my seat, knowing her enough to anticipate that she wasn’t going to let it go with a simple okay. Sure enough, she nonchalantly added, “So just fuck her and get it out of your system already.”  

“Jesus, Skye!” The vulgar implication made every muscle in my body recoil in offense. If it was anyone besides my sister who had said that I would’ve throttled them. “Don’t- don’t talk about her like that.” 

I tried not to come off as angry as I was because the shocked look on my little sister’s face made embarrassment bubble up in my chest and I had to look away. Skye wasn’t expecting me to go on the defensive with such intensity. I wasn’t either and I felt my body react to its own shock, blinking and leaning back in my seat. When I looked back up, I saw Skye’s face slowly brighten in a satisfied smile. Then I realized that she had said what she said just to get a reaction out of me. It must’ve been what she was hoping for if her shit-eating grin had anything to say about it. 

I scoffed and shook my head, “I can’t fucking believe you.” 

“What?” Skye taunted, “You can’t hide it as well as you think you can. And you shouldn’t have to. It’s okay to want someone, Jayde.”

“Not her.” 

Skye raised her hands in exasperation, “Why? Because she’s human?” 

My attention focused on the amber liquid held in my solid grasp. I swirled it around, watching a small golden wave slosh against the side of the glass. If I gripped it any tighter, I feared I would shatter it. All I did was shake my head again. The conversation was taking its toll on me. I was afraid and frustrated and the combination was painful. 

“No, it’s not just that.” Skye suddenly became serious herself, “It terrifies you. You have deeper feelings for Nadya and that scares you because you think it will destroy you both.” 

My gaze shot back up to her in astonishment. That was not the kind of reply I was expecting to hear from Skye. It was way more real than I was prepared for and I was left speechless for at least half a minute. It felt like my sister had just opened a trap door right under my feet and watched as I went plummeting into the dark. Of course she was right. I still feebly tried to fight my feelings. I thought maybe I could eventually convince myself to let it go. To let Nadya go. For both of our sakes. But this discussion began to make me realize that it wasn’t possible. Dread filled my heart, making it sink into the pit of my stomach. 

After I recovered from my shock, I downed the rest of my drink and narrowed my eyes coldly, “Thanks for the insight.” I growled, getting up to walk away.

“Jayde,” Skye called, but I didn’t even bother to look back. She knew better than to come after me right now.

At first I wasn’t sure where my legs were taking me, but then it became obvious. I was looking for Nadya. It became a bit of a habit for me to go looking for her when I was stressed. She always helped calm me down. Just her voice, her presence, was usually enough to placate whatever restless demon was banging around in my head. Nadya had somehow become my greatest comfort. Of course I saw the irony in going to her to calm myself down now, but I needed her.

That thought made me stop dead in my tracks. I needed her. Without meaning to, I confirmed what Skye had said yet again. Without realizing it, I was in a deep hole, too deep to climb out of now. And I was the one that had dug myself in it. If I wasn’t careful, I would drag Nadya down with me. But selfishly, I couldn’t bring myself to change direction. I stood there like an idiot, willing myself to turn around, but it didn’t matter because I needed her. Guilt couldn’t stop me from moving towards her, but it filled my bones with lead. 

I eventually found myself standing in front of the door to her room. My hand reached up and hesitated. There’s still time to walk away. I told myself. But I couldn’t. I simply didn’t have it in me. Three knocks sounded when I finally rapped my knuckles against the wood. A long breath expelled from my lungs as my arm fell back down to my side and I waited.

It only took a few seconds for Nadya to answer the door. As soon as she saw me, her face lit up in a gorgeous smile. Just like that, everything melted away to the relief I felt whenever I was near her. “Hi, Jay.” 

“Hi.” I greeted, letting an easy-going smile spread across my face, “Just wanted to check on you.” 

“Oh, thank you.” Nadya said sincerely, taking her glasses off and stepping back to open the door further, “Do you wanna come in?”

“Uh,” I hesitated again, knowing that if I crossed this threshold there might be another line I would attempt to cross. But there was no walking away even if I wanted to, “Sure.” 

“Everything okay?” Nadya asked once she shut the door behind us.

I walked into the center of the room, checking how this new place was working for her. She hasn’t really been living in it long enough for her scent to be fully incorporated into the space yet, but it still hung in the air like a comforting blanket. Nadya’s medical textbook was lying open on the bed next to a pile of handwritten notes. I smiled to myself at her conviction. She’d been torn away from her school life and her career path, but she didn’t let that stop her.

“I’m fine, it’s just,” I reached down to run the tip of my finger along the line of a sentence she wrote, “My sister knowing me too damn well, I guess.” I glanced up to see her giving me an understanding smile. Nadya didn’t ask, but I could tell she was waiting to see if I would elaborate. I knew she wouldn’t make a big deal about it when I didn’t. That made me feel even better. To change the subject, I asked, “How are you settling in?”

“Well enough,” She nodded while she took in her room, “And I’m not getting as many weird looks as I was a few days ago. I think people are getting used to the whole human living here thing.”

I let out an amused breath, “You aren’t the first and I doubt you’ll be the last, but yeah, sometimes wolves like their space away from humans. If anyone gives you trouble, you tell me.” 

Nadya half-shrugged dismissively, “Don’t worry, I don’t think it’s like that.” 

“I hope not.” My biggest worry when bringing Nadya here was territorial werewolves. Especially ones that got a bead on a beautiful young human. As far as I knew, there weren’t any wolves like that here, but you never know. Someone like that might show up someday. One thing is for certain, I wouldn’t let anyone like that near her. Just the thought of it made me inch towards Nadya protectively. 

“I was thinking,” Nadya started somewhat nervously, “Maybe I can help the people here like I helped you. I heard there’s technically a clinic, but nobody really goes to it?” 

“A lot of wolves prefer to let their wounds heal on their own.” I shrugged, usually being one of them myself.

She pursed her lips, “Even if you guys have supernatural healing, that’s still dangerous. Things can heal incorrectly or you can take longer to recover if it’s not treated it right. I can help.” 

“Nadya,” I sighed. It could potentially be a huge risk for her to play doctor to injured werewolves. I could think of a million different ways it could go wrong. Not only that, there was a part of me that balked when she said, like I helped you. I didn’t want anyone else to be touched by her like I was whenever she treated my wounds. It was personal and intimate between us. I wanted it to be only me. Then I realized what I was feeling was jealousy. That I was trying to take possession of her. Stupid wolf instinct. I cursed inside my mind. To spite that horrid emotion, I relented, “I’ll see what I can do.” 

Her excited smile was stunning. It made the effort of fighting off that irrational jealousy worth it. I noted that I had subconsciously taken another step towards her. Drawn in by her entrancing warmth. 

“Thank you.” Nadya’s eyes were brightened with encouragement, “I’ve just been needing to do something useful with my time here. You know, earn my keep? Maybe people might actually want me to be here if I prove my worth.” 

Even with the amusement she expressed in that last sentence, I replied seriously, “I want you here.”

I couldn’t tell if she caught my deeper meaning, but her smile remained. “Good to know I have at least one person on my side.” 

I shook my head at her self deprecating joke. “Everyone will see what kind of person you are soon enough. Then you’ll have dozens of werewolves on your side.” 

Another step closer.

“What kind of person I am?” Nadya brow raised up in question.

“Yeah.” I nodded, standing just a foot away from her, “The kind of person that sees the best in everyone.” My eyes didn’t leave hers and I drank in the warmth of her comforting gaze, “The kind of person that brings light to the darkest places.”

“You sure you’re talking about me?” Her voice spoke quietly, eyes darting down for a split second, noticing the final gap between us closing. 

I was close enough to feel her uneven breath against my skin now. Able to hear erratic thumping in her chest when I listened for it. The sound matched the feeling in my own. “You could make a dead heart beat with hope.” 

The intent written all over my face wasn’t lost on either of us. I hadn’t really planned this far ahead, but I just couldn’t stop myself anymore. Not unless Nadya wanted me to. She didn’t step away. Didn’t say any words of protest. Still, it felt like I was cornering her. Maybe I had read her wrong all along and the rhythmic racing of her heart was panic. Now that I thought about it, I smelled a hint of fear on her. A fear that reflected my own, making my hands shake. The very last thing I wanted was to prey on her. Or make her feel like she had to do something that she didn’t want. 

My entire body was tingling, buzzing like an electrical storm was brewing under my skin as my lips hovered inches away from hers, “Is this okay?” I whispered. 

Nadya’s breathing was incredibly shallow, “Yes,” She said so quietly that I relied more on her nod than her voice for consent.

Unable to withstand the torture any longer, I leaned in. I brushed my lips against hers in the lightest, softest peck I’ve ever given anyone. A part of me was afraid that if I came on too strong it would scare her away. But the experience of contact like this for the first time sent my mind spiraling completely. Nadya let out a quiet gasp that I felt hot on my lips. I realized it was because she forgot to breathe. I must’ve forgotten too, because the buzzing made my knees weak. In an effort to not topple over, I set my trembling hands on her waist to steady myself. Finally touching her gave me enough courage to lean in for a second time. 

The second kiss wasn’t as shy as the last. Nadya reached up to cup the back of my neck, pulling me closer at the same time I squeezed her hips and drew her deeper into me. To my pleasant surprise, it was Nadya that deepened the kiss. Her lips parted mine and I eagerly accepted the invitation. I got completely and utterly lost in how soft she was. Her sweet taste was better than I expected. My tongue brushed against hers briefly, causing the hand that wasn’t at the back of my neck to excitedly grasp at my right arm. 

This was everything I ever wanted. It was more. It was exactly what I needed. I guess I’ve known that the entire time. With the clarity her lips gave me, I realized it was ridiculous to ever deny any of it. I was so overwhelmed by it all that the tingling made my body go numb, but I could still feel all of her. Every inch of her that was pressed up against me. The warmth of her body and her mouth. The way her fingers tangled in my hair. How her breathing got shakier in response to the galloping of her heart. It was all-consuming and remarkable. 

Kissing Nadya made every doubt I ever had about being with her fade away. I knew things would be different with her. I could feel it with every stroke her lips made against mine. I could feel it in my heart. My wolf could feel it too. I sensed its presence come to the surface to experience everything that the girl in my arms made us feel, causing my senses to explode. That’s never happened to me before. Not like this. Not without a full moon. And it wasn’t a lack of control, which was mystifying on its own. 

Buried in the intensity, under her usual scent of mixed autumn spices, I caught a subtle note of arousal. The scent excited both me and my wolf. I started to kiss her harder for a few beats, beyond my control. A growl itched the back of my throat, hungry for more of her, hungry for the kind of contact we had been starved of for months, but I didn’t want to push it. I was content with the gift of her intoxicating kisses. Nadya didn’t need my primal urges ruining the moment. 

I reluctantly pulled away, only realizing now just how little oxygen I had been taking in. Nadya was breathing heavily too, leaning her forehead against mine almost like she was tired. We remained quiet for at least a minute, both of us still basking in the bliss. Each steady breath I felt her take reminded me that what just happened wasn’t a dream. It was real. I kissed her. And she kissed me back. Everything was okay for these precious few minutes. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a good while.” I finally told her softly.

“You shouldn’t have waited so long.” Nadya replied.