#like am I crazy or are people missing. a lot

[bruhstation]

hello tumbled er

greetings and salutation. it is I, senja heterocaine, speaking to you through your favorite home screens. now you might be wondering: where on earth has senja heterocaine disappeared to these past 5 months? well the answer is as simple as it gets

I focused on my studies.

well yes that is the main reason. but that's like the nerd "obvious" answer. there’s other reasons too. some of which includes me getting into new interests, revisiting my old, hibernating interests, getting involved in university organizations and events, getting more involved in big family stuff since I'm the oldest and the only of-age grandchild of grandma from mom's side.... lots of stuff

so I just finished the third semester of premed school right. honestly speaking, with how I was losing motivation on drawing, the art block post-art fight, and lack of time, I decided to well, take a break. and it’s pretty convenient too since it was early on in the third semester. during the entirety of it I was feeling pretty proud of myself like "oh I've been studying a lot. I've taken a break from drawing and blog stuff. surely things will get better" and it did! not immensely but it's significant enough that for once I don't feel an indescribable sense of terror after the semester ends. the focus of this semester was about reproduction systems and growth and development which is pretty fun? we get to use models and medical phantoms hands-on and poke them with needles and other rube goldberg contraptions. I did miss breeding bacterias in petri dishes and seeing my friends burn the microbiology lab’s ceiling like last semester though. my grades are also improving… slowly but surely

(aftermath not pictured: me lounging on the couch scrolling through quora to see if there are people currently in college wanting to drop out)

maybe I was aiming too high. at least my grades are better than the previous two semesters and my social life is much better than it was back in high school. speaking of exams -- I went through my first osce exam around a week ago (practical exam to see if you can actually perform the skills labs lessons from the entire semester like you're a real physician). it was the most terrifying day of the month. my dentist said I have a big tongue and that’s why I can’t speak properly if I’m being too fast. ntm I WAS NERVOUS!!! MY FIRST OSCE!!! with how I memorized everything I needed, I was pretty confident that I'd pass, though. I didn't and retook the exam the next day. the prelude was the worst crash out ever

ah ptooey. I'll just take it like a champ. my tutor who's 3 years older than me and currently in the anesthetic rotation of co-ass told me that things will get easier but that's very subjective. he's a medical olympiad student after all. my parents are pretty happy though with how my academic life is becoming better so that's that

LETS MOVE ON TO SOMETHING LIGHTER. section B: what I've been getting into ever since bruhstation was put on cryostasis

you know Transformers One (2024)? the transformers movie directed by josh cooley? based on the Transformers(tm) franchise by Takara Tomy and Hasbro? most tragic break up movie of the decade? I watched it twice, squealed once, and left me broken and inconsolable for weeks on end. it made me revisit my dormant transformers interest after 5 years. I've reread the idw comics (mtmte, LL, taao, main transformers comic), and is currently checking out more (reading the wreckers saga right now). god it made me miss rodimus and friends' zany space opera adventures. I've always envisioned casa tidmouth to have the same tone as mtmte... the oftentimes dark humor, fridge horror stuff, weird magic/science, the roller coaster of emotions, confronting the past... its crazy good.

stories where misfits and knuckleheads band together in a confined space while having crazy doctor who-like adventures am I right. like I want casa tidmouth to be like that. remind me to thank 14 year old me for this trip down memory lane. and as usual, I tend to make self-indulgent crossovers of any interest I'm thinking about at the moment with casa tidmouth

a terrifying sneak peak on what's to come.

I've been working on my oc projects too. you may have seen some of them on artfight (graciela, saudade, altair, etc) but I've been focusing the most on graciela and saudade's universe, children's heterotopia. it has the largest amount of characters in any story I've created (not counting casa tidmouth), the most effort put into planning the stories and weaving in its themes about capitalism, patriarchy, period-typical bigotry, etc. there's human experimentation and they're given powers that range from punching super hard to time and space displacement. I also inserted whatever I wanted into the story. sure, yes, there's a lesbians-only organization of which its members are named off the knights of the round table, theres a mafia that focuses more on the family drama and attempted parricide from all angles, and tragic assassin maids of which their names are wuthering heights references. also if you've been following my main tumblr hajimedics for a while, you might've seen my three fairly oddparents ocs. well I've given them the tezuka star system treatment and inserted them into children's heterotopia as well.

I've also gotten into UTAU production! I've made a number of UTAU covers but haven't uploaded them to youtube. only shared them around with my friends on priv twitter. a good friend of mine assisted in the creation of my own UTAU voicebank! their name is TORKA (like "torque"), their voice bank has a slight accent when singing in japanese (because I'm their voice lol) and CV-only, their in-universe lore is that they're an intergalactic train conductor picking up wayfarers and outcasts trying to find a place in the vast universe, and I love them dearly

moving on! this is a thomas the engine and company blog THIS IS A LIFE UPDATE POST

I'd rather not discuss about how I'm doing mentally in deep detail BUT what I'll say is that I can't confidently say "I'm doing better" or "I'm doing worse" because it always depends on the days. things are okay-ish nowadays. some days are scary. some days are boring. I still experience delusions, (ironically) worried about my anhedonia, and believe that certain bouts of confidence will trigger a jinx, but I think I've been controlling myself well? at least? I keep internalizing the belief that I'm an adult. 20 years old. I have to act accordingly and my life in real life is ten times more important than the internet. things are going to change more and more once I graduate premed and began the co-ass program. I have to think 10 steps into the future. building successful connections before you turn 30. sigma grindset and all that. sorry that was my father using my body as a spirit medium

AND ALSO. ALSO. BACK TO THE BLOG DO YOU GUYS REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME I PROMISED TO MAKE A COMIC BASED ON THE RESULTS OF THE 1000 FOLLOWERS POLL AND NEVER DID UNTIL NOW. I'm terribly sorry. I promise I will get into it I SWEAR procrastination is kicking my ass. I have to plan the dialogue and script and stuff AND DRAW BUT

BUT HERE’S THE FUNNY THING

THE BLOG REACHED 2000+ FOLLOWERS A FEW MONTHS AGO

NOW WHAT DO I DO TO CELEBRATE?

I don’t know honestly. I haven’t done the 1000+ followers celebratory comic, and NOW I HAVE 2000+ FOLLOWERS. THERES 2000+ OF YOU NOW!!!!! THAT’S CRAZY (IN A GOOD WAY)!!!! I thank you all for sticking with bruhstation through thick and thin for around 2 and a half years. I’m glad for all your support, fanarts, asks, and such truly. like wow. 2k. in such a short time too! thanks guys. admittedly, I feel kind of guilty to leave everyone hanging for months with nothing to give, especially with such a high follower number. and realistically? I don’t think I’ll be able to draw as much as I used to. like I’ve said earlier, I’ve been busy with my personal life and oc projects. it’s not like I’m abandoning this blog any time soon? I’m just speaking from a logical perspective, given my status as a student and (possibly, hopefully) future doctor too. I don't want to burn myself out posting like thrice a week, answering asks daily, I want to take things slow. at my own pace. maybe I'll focus on designing side characters as well and thinking about their roles in the story! but that's for another day. I’m just glad everyone’s still sticking around and enjoying my silly stuff

I do want to draw more for this blog! I want to put thomas and co. in more situations. make them dance for all our entertainments. but when you’re an adult, you realize that you have your own priorities. you can’t always do the things you wanna do. you can’t just drop something you don’t like out of the blue. sometimes you have to sigh, scratch the back of your neck, and brave it while saying “I sure am getting old”

oh and also I'm a butch lesbian now. still he/they (heavy preference on he/him), still preferring masculine terms like "mr", "sir", "guy", still as crazy as ever. still aroace too and not interested in dating, something that's been a constant in my identity ever since I'm in early high school. little have changed I can assure you this. I am still senja. senja heterocaine from the net.

and thus concludes senja’s life update post! what will the next post after this be about? something gordon-centric again? serious colored art? old men yaoi? silent hill UK localization? place your bets. everyone loves a good laugh

[ughsecondblogsdontwork]

I don't watch a whole lot of television, so maybe I'm missing some perspective, but I've never seen a TV show where the Main Character was a fat gay man (or person in general, I'm not crazy enough to think they'd ever try to pull this with a fat lesbian for instance) where neither his sexuality or fatness were 1. An overt problem in the narrative or 2. The butt of routine or mean-spirited jokes. What We Do In the Shadows was awesome in so many ways, but it was also awesome because I got to see a gay and fat person do all kinds of shit as a main character without being constantly questioned or degraded for being fat! I really, really love Guillermo. He's a vampire slayer! An action hero! He looks cool, cute and sexy all at once in his action scenes- I love watching him grow as a character and stand up for himself, I love his jokes, he's really such a great character! So this final season sucked, right. Like this final season was total shit ass, I'm sorry. I'm so disappointed. I feel so let down. There are a million reasons why it sucked, but right now I just feel sad because of how everything turns out for Guillermo and the queer and fat representation in the show. First of all, it really threw me for a loop when the show opened with crazy fat jokes about Colin Robinson. That obviously did not land for me at all and why would it land for wwdits viewers? We are following a show where we are emotionally invested in a fat MC and we don't have a *problem* with fatness- so why would I think it's funny that Colin Robinson "got fat"??? Make it make sense lmao.

And I don't know why the fuck Nandor and Guillermo's entire relationship was abandoned. Did every single writer jump ship and get replaced by someone who's never seen the show or??? Well, it feels like a punch in the gut for a few reasons:

This show is supposedly "queer". Every known vampire is queer and Guillermo is gay. But the only consistent relationship is Nadja and Lazslo, which isn't a problem obviously we love them, but would it kill the show for there to be...? More visibly queer relationships? It's a show that insists its gay over and over again in word but not action. I don't care if Nandor and Lazslo like to fuck each other silly offscreen, and Nadja is also supposedly queer in some way, off screen- everything is conveniently off screen. Nandor and Guillermo did not *need* to get together, but the lack of explicit acknowledgement is weird. It just is.

Also, it would just be nice! Like am I crazy? Is it too much to ask for? To see a fat MC be in love and in a relationship not in spite of their appearance but just bc the other person likes them? I feel like every show with gay couples as main characters is a romance based show that is mostly About them getting together. Wwdits is so much fun because it's about so many things! But why couldn't this be *one* of those things? Can you think of a single show in the world right now where a fat queer main character is in a relationship and their looks or their sexuality are not the key point of conversation about the relationship? I can't! This was the perfect opportunity! Nandor and Guillermo fell into a well established relationship trope that had nothing to do with appearance or sexuality, and people who like that trope were naturally drawn to it. Why did they just spit on the whole thing? It makes no fucking sense.

Any response like "well sometimes unrequited love is a good plot" "X needed to grow and Y relationship was bad" "It's better this way because of XYZ" "It would have been toxic" this is a silly tv show about murderous vampires. Guillermo is also a murderer. There is just no possible way that a relationship between Guillermo and Nandor would have ruined the show lmao. It would have been fun! Remember when TV comedies were about being fun! I sure do! Apparently asking for a fun gay relationship between the queer main characters of the "queer TV show" is just too much to ask- better luck next time! Honestly, I feel so bitter lol. Bitter and sad. A show this fun and a cast this good deserved a waaaaay better ending all around. This post isn't even touching all the other weird shit and quite a lot of objectively bad shit that was wrong with the season

Before anyone gets all weird about my use of the word fat if you're not familiar with that, I am fat and I think fat is a neutral word and am trying to normalize the usage of it instead of substituting it with shit like "plus size". Fat is not an insult in the context of my words lol

[hellonoblesky]

Looking at bad reviews for the Acolyte makes me feel like I'm actually hallucinating because like? To me, a lot of things were done for very clear reasons. All motives were clear to me almost immediately. I understood why certain decisions were made, especially when they were unfavorable. But for some reason every poor review I read is like "Yeah so there was no reason for x y z to happen" when the event in question was subtly built up for the past two episodes, or served a solid role in the tone/event progression of the show, etc, I feel like I'm losing my mind. Is it the best show ever? No. It's star wars, star wars hasn't been good forever. But is it the worst show ever? FUCK no, it's fine

[javierduffy]

in my head, kieran survived the o’driscoll kidnapping, but by the time he’d got back to shady belle after someone found him bleeding out in the street and took him to the doctor, the gang was gone, and he took the opportunity to escape the gang lifestyle, running off to strawberry and beginning work with the timber folks

years later, you can find him at pronghorn ranch in epilogue 1, lovingly tending to the horses in the barn when you go to scoop the manure, and he’s made an honest living for himself. and the o’driscolls are gone because sadie killed then all and he is finally safe and happy is anyone listening can anyone hear me

[razzledazzletrassh]

no major fic updates just yet guys TAKE MY WOY OC I MADE LIKE. April of last year IM PLUGGING SOME INFO ABOUT THIS GUY IN THE TAGS.

I may also redesign her soon or something. Make her more bug-like with some stuff. I can cook guys let me cook !!!

[james-spooky]

this is a test

[pilonciillo]

lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety

[moonchild-in-blue]

Thank you for the tag @tonguetyd! My spoons are indeed low but my sleep schedule is GONE so. Random burst of energy let's go.

I didn't know what artist to pick because I didn't want an obvious (?) one, so I'm going super niche and choosing Bright Eyes because it's been a minute since I've talked about them, and they're one of my favourites 💙

Artist: Bright Eyes

How do you feel: Nothing Gets Crossed Out

What is your gender: Bowl Of Oranges (obviously funny but also it's a beautiful song! poetic storytelling!)

If you could go anywhere: Lua

Favorite mode of transportation: Driving Fast Through A Big City At Night (yes that is the title)

Your best friend: First Day Of My Life 🥹

Favorite time of day: Sunrise, Sunset

If your life was a tv show: A Line Allows Progress, A Circle Does Not

Relationship status: I Won't Ever Be Happy Again 🥲

Your fear: Waste Of Paint

Idk who made this or not so I'm tagging randomly, no pressure to do this whatsoever! @dearscone @corviisquire @hookedhobbies @politemagic (hi!) @leonsleftbicep @melit0n

[wundrousarts]

I was going to save this until I reread Hollowpox, but that last ask reminded me that I should share this here, so I present:

Musings on Maud: Why is she considered so powerful, how does this affect her dynamic with Squall, and why is he so scared of her?

(Bonus: How can I connect it to Silverborn?)

Two disclaimers: I haven't reread Hollowpox in ages, so if there's anything that could prove or disprove stuff in this post, send it my way. Honestly send any discussion my way. I love discussing theories. Second, this was originally a reply to a Reddit comment on a post, to which you can find here. The comment discussed Maud being a signatory for a Squall safeguard, so since this comment is copied verbatim, it references that.

---

If it’s not outright stated, it’s at least heavily implied that Squall helped create/build up the Republic. It’s only existed for about 90 years, and Squall has been exiled for about 100. He mentions in Hollowpox how he knows that Maud’s plan is to take over Nevermoor/The Free State, because the Republic took over the other states in the realm and he “helped them do it.” However, unless Maud is immortal and also 100 years old, she is not the one who started the Republic from the side of the Republic. Also, no clue how long it’s been around, but Squall Industries has likely been around for awhile as well (this is how he gets his connections and power in the Republic), with Squall just constantly grandfathering himself in with the vampire trick or something.

Interestingly, Squall says two things in this scene (Chapter 34 of Hollowpox) that stick out to me:

“I made the so-called Hollowpox,” he raised his voice above hers, “because I was asked to. Because I was compensated handsomely for it. And because when the most powerful person in the realm asks for a favour, even I don’t refuse.

And

“But you’re a Wundersmith.” Morrigan was utterly baffled. “Why can’t you just stop them if they’re such a problem? I don’t understand!” “Do you THINK I HAVEN’T—“ Squall shouted, then cut himself off abruptly.

He also mentions how the Hollowpox was initially meant for the Republic, but Maud snuck in an infected otter across the border into Nevermoor— “That was never part of our deal.”

There’s definitely a business relationship between the two of them of likely consistent deals, one favor for another, quid pro quo. However, we also see that Squall can’t really go against her, something he seems to have tried before. Two chapters before this scene (Chapter 32), has this moment:

“Yes, shush. Maud said the Wintersea Party might help if there was a squid crow po.” “Quid pro quo?” “Right, one of those. She said they won’t do something for nothing, but if we could convince Prime Minister Steed to meet with her, just to have a conversation, then she would try to convince her party to share their cure.”

While it could be easily explained as part of her job, Maud seems to get most of her power and do things by extracting deals from other people. Maybe she’s knackless, or maybe she has some sort of connection to Puppeteering or a knack related to that. Not Mesmerism, but something that allows her to be persuasive, manipulative, convince people of things, and get them to do what she wants. A sort of parallel or companion to Squall’s connection with Puppeteering that we see in Wundersmith.

It’s interesting that when we first meet Maud, there is this exchange directly after she tells Mog that the Wintersea Republic would only agree to help the Free State if there was some sort of deal:

“But they’re your party,” Morrigan pointed out. “Aren’t you the one with the power? Maud stiffened slightly and cast her a wary, calculating look.

And then soon later she says this:

“Even if I could persuade my party to do the right thing – and I’m not saying I won’t try – there’s no guarantee Steed and his government would come to the table.”

The whole exchange seems very manipulative, like, “oh, I’d LOVE to talk and get this figured out, but I can’t…” There’s a big focus on conversation. Maud is wary when Mog mentions power— she thinks she means a magical power, something secret that gives her an advantage, when really she just means politically— so I wonder if she was worried for a moment that Mog realized she had some sort of coercive power.

I wonder what exactly her power is that makes Squall so scared of her, and why it possibly makes it so that he can’t fight make and overthrow her. Aside from their business relationship, which allows Squall access to Wunder and being a Wundersmith, there’s this other layer as well.

As for safeguard: I don’t know if Maud would be a signatory for a Squall safeguard, as that seems to just be for Wunsoc students, but I think that whatever their deal is and whatever her power is allows her to keep him in check. Jess said that we will learn more about safeguards in Silverborn, and I think it would be interesting if Mog learns more about them from Squall instead of Jupiter— and maybe it does end up being similar to whatever he has going on with Maud, who knows! I don’t really have any safeguard theories myself, but I will keep an eye out for what you add to your comment.

A Silverborn “silver” side note: A “silver tongue” means that someone is persuasive when they speak….. perhaps this idea, theme, power, etc. will be expanded upon in the future 🤔

[dahldahlbills]

just hit 50k in cryptids wip :’)

[gayafsowhat]

I really don't have a basis for this but I am always surprised to learn that other people think of me when I'm not there. Which is. Silly. But. People randomly reminding me they are aware of my presence and pay attention when I'm gone is like??? Whoaw. U noticed that?

[featheredomen]

...wondering how dramatic it would be to buy a mini fridge and stick it in my room because my brother refuses to understand that sometimes I purchase food and drinks that are specifically meant for me, and when I write my name on them that means that they are in fact, not for him

[pseudospectre]

Do you love this skull? And the old internet? And attribution? You might like this :)

[mars-ipan]

people have been real niceys to me about my art lately and it makes me really really happy…. :]

[moophinz]

Y8 Thoughts I Guess 🤔

I keep pacing the kitchen while repeating the same things in my head over and over again so here is my thought vomit. Long vent post incoming

• Really concerned about how likely it is that we’ll only see the Jimas interact with Kiryu one or two times in a similar manner to 6. It’ll feel even worse this time for me considering Kiryu has cancer. It’ll also be a grievance for me given something I’ve complained about a lot. How weird they are about Kiryu and Majima’s relationship. It feels like ever since the ending of 3, they haven’t allowed them much of any interaction while simultaneously making a point that they’re close to each other even with the distance and it throws me for a loop every time. It’s made even more frustrating that their social medias have no problem posting about them (especially from Majima’s angle) as though they’re an actual ship. Plus, recently sharing blatant Kazumaji art on stream. If they keep doing that after this game I’m going to catapult myself to the sun. Obviously, I never expected the ship to actually happen. All I want is for their bizzaro relationship to have some sort of proper conclusion, but I have zero hope of that. It just makes no sense to keep making them out to be besties of some sort and then not allowing any follow through on that. Hell, they were weird in Ishin, too. It’s just SUCH a strange thing to do so often.

•At this point, it feels like the Jimas are only together because no one knows what else to do with them so they just end up together for years and years. My issue here is that it puts all of them on the back burner even though there’s still stuff missing about them. Like the biggest one being that we never get to see the real Daigo. They tell us about him a lot, but we never get to see him. RGGO of course bridges this gap. It’s just disappointing to know that’ll only ever exist there.

•If Mine is back (Yokoyama talked like the only thing stopping him from that was his voice actor), would he interact with Daigo? He was such a core part of his character, and it’d be interesting if they did see each other again. I would of course like it if Mine got to tell Daigo that he loved him straight to his face even though I’m more than certain they’d never do that.

•The Ichiban and Saeko proposal and all that still has me on edge. I do N O T know what all that’s about. Yokoyama claimed the game isn’t romantic, but he’s been on a kick lately with saying one thing and the exact opposite happening so I’m feeling pretty hesitant to believe him. I admittedly have a very hard time with media that contains a prominent pairing that I do not care about, but the plot keeps pushing in my face. Like with the second Kiryu saga game. To expand on Ichiban and Saeko, I mean that in 7, there’s nothing to show they have anything romantically going on despite the player’s ability to choose to date her or any other lady. I made sure to date nobody in my playthrough since I don’t care about that kind of stuff personally. They do, however, keep teasing Saeko and Nanba in a subtle way that really surprised me. I did find it interesting since visually they’re a really unexpected pairing and a possible romance that doesn’t involve the lead character seems pretty rare. RGG also typically isn’t that good at writing romantic notes so it was another surprise for me. All in all, this is just a personal issue I have pretty often with romance in media.

I know the game is still months away, and I’m not jumping to any conclusions. Just voicing a few concerns and one thing that’s sort of me hoping for something. It’s going to be a long wait to have all my questions answered 💀

[rosicheeks]

i do not know if i ever sent this to you. i have posted it. i hope you like it Princess.