#but then i also remembered i am like one of the people who are Always There. quietly
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I got caught in the middle of a field once, while horses were chasing each other around being horses trying to establish where the newest one ranked. I was... 10? 11? Somewhere there. If I was alone, I'd have been a lot more panicked and calm in measure because I'd have been able to time it and dive for the fence in the biggest gap among the herd of... I think it was 8 or 9 horses, new one included. The field itself wasn't super huge, probably... 50-75 metres across, maybe a bit smaller (it has been almost 20 years, I'm going off vague Google Maps reference here) and I was in the middle so I could have made that distance quick back then (the pros of being young and also the fastest kid in your primary school at the time).
But.
But I had two other kids with me. They were... I think a year or two younger than me, one of them might have been 7ish, I can't remember exactly, only that they were younger and I was the oldest among us. I wasn't related to these kids, barely knew them or their parents, and we only went together because it was a "hey we've all earned the right to bring our horses in today!! As a treat!" kinda deal.
And, honestly, any other day, it'd have probably been fine. But the matriarch of the herd in the field seemed to have it out for the new horse that day (mine, incidentally, which turned out to be a Good Thing btw).
So the three of us get to the field, we go in because none of the neigh neighs will come to the gate and none of us are Trained Horse Specialists at this point to read that there was a Reason™ for that fact. We get to the middle of the field and we call our respective neigh neighs (mine and theirs, just one other, thankfully), and that's when things Go Wrong.
Matriarch will not accept these lower ranked neighs coming in before her. She will not accept the New Neigh going in before her.
Matriarch must now Teach A Lesson.
Cue a mini stampede of almost ten horses running full speed in this kinda tiny ass field (tbf, they alternated the paddock with the one behind it every fortnight for field management purposes blah blah), and three kids slap-bang in the middle of the field, now trapped.
I am the oldest of us. I am also the youngest of three siblings. I am not the one used to being In Charge of those younger than me. But oh boy did I step into the role like it was made for me.
I keep these kids from howling and running off, grab them with the strongest grip known to man, and make sure they stay with me okay! Stay right next to me! Do NOT run away!
And I watch these horses galloping around, chasing my horse who is so, so smart and so trusting and trustworthy for having only met and bonded with me a few days prior (literally it hadn't even been a week since we got her and she was two and had never been handled before she chose me as Her Human).
I see how she's keeping ahead of the others after her.
I see how she turns on a dime to avoid getting bit and kicked and cornered.
I see how, even though it's harder for her, she doesn't come close to us in the middle, even though it would have been an effective escape route for her several times over.
I see this and I know. I know my girl will not get us hurt if she can help it.
I also know we don't have a lot of time for us to get out and we have to go soon and move fast.
So I keep my iron grip on these two kids whose name I don't even remember (and probably didn't then, I've always been bad with names of people ngl), and I tell them, "when there's a gap, we run for that bit of fence right there okay," and it's directly in front of us, as close as we can safely get without these other 8 or 9 horses trampling us in their herd-mentality race mode.
I watch my girl and I wait for it.
I wait for her to turn when I know she's gonna.
I see the moment she's about to, unable to not turn without getting cut off and caught by the herd.
And when I do, I yell "GO" and I haul these two kids like they're the most precious, durable cargo I've ever held in my eleven years of life over to that bit of fence and I make them drop and role under.
Only the herd is faster than three kids with their inefficient two legs and differences in height and stride.
I get those kids under that fence and I have to drop and roll too because the fence is electric so I can't just grab and yeet over it (fuck but I probably could have but I was eleven and didn't know much about electricity and voltage then, or adrenaline) but I'm out of time.
My girl is all of... Christ, she was probably about five or six feet from me when I turned and saw her. The herd right on her tail.
She was terrified and being chased and running on pure instinct. The whites of her eyes were probably as big as my own were in that moment.
But my girl.
My girl with her amazing paces and even more amazing ability to turn on a single hock and pivot near 270° in a single pace saved me.
She was barely five feet from me when she up and turned and the herd, only a few more feet behind her, had to turn just as sharply to keep following her, only they couldn't because they didn't have her skill apparently.
But those few seconds her turning away from me, very likely risking injuring herself or getting caught if she failed to turn fast enough, was enough for me.
I dropped and rolled under that fence and literal seconds after I cleared it, a stampede of hooves and half-tonne powerhouses galloped past even as they tried to turn in an arc to catch my girl.
I could have left those kids in that field. I was scared, new to horses, and had a whole new responsibility shoved on me in that moment. No one would have blamed me.
My girl could have not turned on a dime, risking herself, to give me a chance. No one would have blamed her.
But I didn't. She didn't.
The things we do to protect the young, even when we're afraid or young ourselves, are the things that make us worth saving. My girl was a hero herself that day, and she saved me whilst I was saving those two kids.
It's not "human nature" to protect others, younger, weaker, needier, or just who we think we can protect in the moment.
It's just "nature".
It's the mark of empathy and by gods am I glad my girl loved me enough already to act the way she did even when terrified herself and wanting someone to protect her too.
I was rambling on the issue of museums and human remains and how certain populations are more likely to have their bodies put on display to be gawked at and then went "well I guess the Pompeii casts were of Europeans. there are bones in there right?" and Googled it to make sure, at which point I confirmed that yes there are bones in there, but more interestingly DNA testing revealed that a cast of an adult holding a child everyone assumed was a mother and child were, in fact, a man and a kid entirely unrelated to him. Honestly that's more moving to me. Maybe they were connected in a way other than blood, but maybe a stranger saw a child when the world was ending and thought the one thing he could do was hold them.
#Kat talks#Animals#Horses#Nature#Human nature or just nature#Humility and empathy are universal constants#They're not reserved for humans alone#My girl saved me then#Just like she saved my mother the day my mother got stuck in knee high mud and almost crushed by a 19 hander#My girl distracted that angry horse and led it away from my mother who was trapped#Even tho my girl was scared then too#Empathy and love are not just under the purview of humanity#They're universal to all creatures capable of thought
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How I became The Desk of Alto Clef.
My response to a SCP Group designed around Hate and Bigotry who have targeted me and others in this community.
Nah, man, my daughter is dead.
It has been brought to my attention that there is a group of people on the internet who are fascinated with my fascination of Alto Clef and Meri. Hurtful and yet cute in a way so I think now I'll choose this time and these screen grabs from their discord to explain how I came to be 'The Desk of Alto Clef'.
My Daughter died six years ago and it sent me spiraling deep into the bottom of whatever bottle I could find.
I was completely prepared to take my own life and even had the things to 'finish the job' because my life had no meaning at that point. What was another statistic going to matter anyways, right?
It was in one of these dark, drunk moments with a gun when I fell across the Volgun's video on 'reality benders and you' and fell into a rabbit hole.
Drunkenly I fumbled around the wiki and learned more about this broken man known as Alto Clef.
A man whom I could relate to in my own way. A man who, no matter what he did, could never see his daughter as I will never be able to see mine. So thus, I became a very, very shitty cosplayer.
I like to believe that over the past four years my acting ability has increased to a sustainable level and as much as I joke about things I do try to stay humble about it. Though I like to think I've become better but I digress.
I love the lore of Clef and Meri, on or offsite, to the point that I am weird about it I know, but that's how I stay connected to my daughter. Writing the Deskverse is how I stay connected to my daughter.
I am also autistic which causes me to hyper fixate on Clef as a coping mechanism.
Because of this group of people I have greatly considered leaving the community and going back to my own personal solitude. Acting, Voice Acting, Cosplaying as Clef gave and still gives me something to live for again. I may not be this group's cup of tea but I do like to believe that I have helped others. My main goal has always been to uplift those who need uplifting. I do not want anyone to ever feel how I felt in my lowest and darkest moments.
The main story in the deskverse is about a father and a daughter torn apart by the actions of an abusive mother. My real life story.
I also have ZERO clue as to why I am being involved with misogyny or yuri things. If I have offended you in any way I do apologize.
I do not plan on posting the more 'suggestive' or 'lewd' responses they have made. Overly sexualized content does make me extremely uncomfortable.
This group of people have broken my heart into pieces. Seeing this list of images and names dragging me through the mud has already smashed my unstable self-esteem as it is.
At this time I do not plan on releasing any names associated with all of this because I am honestly tired of reliving the most horrid event of my life over and over because I, for whatever reason, do not fit what this group feels is acceptable of an actor/writer/fan.
I cannot say the same for the others in which they were assaulting.
In summary Alto Clef is an outlet for the pain I live with every day. I can never see, hold, hear, smell, or speak to my daughter. I have scars on my body from her mother that will never allow me to forget that life I had. I will always remember the taste of gunpowder but thankfully my drunk ass was too weak. If your going to be bad at something, be bad at that I suppose.
I will leave all of this with a final image from the copious list and the one that honestly hurts me the most. I am honestly a shy and reserved person and frankly it takes a lot for me to get out of my comfort zone. Not long ago I went to another SCP discord server because I wanted to meet new people and someone in there was awesome. I truly enjoyed my time with this person and just found them amazing. They were kind, open, willing to listen to my ideas, and gushed over Numberonedoggo. I thought I had finally made a new friend on my own. I was apparently wrong.
Art, from some of my favorite artists, was made for the sole reason of mocking me specifically. To laugh at me for finding joy in something that gives me purpose. Something I use to drive away the darkness.
No age, disorder, illness, or reason at all can be acceptable for anyone to act in this way. You are all a mockery of everything the SCP community should stand for.
-TheDesk
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Heughan’s voice is as smooth as his whisky. His latest venture is his multi-award-winning whisky and gin, ‘The Sassenach’, the Gaelic word for ‘outsider’. He feels he is an outsider to the industry, but the idea behind the name seems to have emerged from his mother, who is an English artist and was called ‘Sassenach’ when she arrived in New Galloway, and in Outlander, Jamie Fraser calls his wife Sassenach as s term of endearment. “The name is very special to me,” he tells me.
Perhaps the video he recorded at Everest Base Camp was for his mother ?She's on IG too and we know Sam loves her so much and sometimes doesn't call her Mum but Chrissie. Cait is not a Sassenach because she's Irish. Sam calling her the Original Sassenach it's because of her character, Claire and he recently stated Caitriona is nothing like Claire (SheKnows interview). Either way it's not a big deal so don't blame me. It's just a thought and cute anyway .
Dear Sassenach Anon,
Let me count the ways. Quoting from memory first we had ' She [C] is the original Sassenach' (at one of the seasons' premieres in London, where he brought a bottle and waxed lyrical to the press over it). Then, we had 'Sassenach means foreigner in Scots Gaelic and it's a term of endearment of Jamie Fraser, the character I am playing in OL, for his wife' (numerous times for various media outlets). Then, 'I am the Sassenach, I always felt as an outsider, but also Jamie Fraser's term of endearment for his wife, Claire' (ditto). And then 'the name emerged from his mother who is an English artist and was called ‘Sassenach’ when she arrived in New Galloway, and in Outlander, Jamie Fraser calls his wife Sassenach as s term of endearment.'
The Arbuturian is a well regarded online magazine, founded in 2009 and based in London. It looks and reads to me as The New Yorker's slightly more plebeian, younger cousin of sorts - check their masthead mascot...
... and remember (ROFLMAO) The New Yorker's Eustace Tilley, its illustrious inspiration:
By the way, Eustace Tilley, one of my favorite dandies, was itself inspired by an engraving of the French count Alfred d'Orsay, by a certain... James Fraser, sometime around 1830. I kid you not and yes, totally Clan Fraser, born near Inverness:
Can't make this shite up, even if you wanted, huh?
Anyways, back to your question and this little media outlet that could. Its targeted audience is, according to Wikipedia:
In sociological lingo, AB means an educated mid-to high level management audience, with a hefty disposable income to boot (usually more than 1 million £/year net revenue). All it takes is a short stroll through their Lifestyle pages: according to them, among this year's most sought after Xmas gifts gimmicks are a Turnbull & Asser silk pocket square (£75) for him or a £200 voucher for Fairmont Windsor Park’s Ultimate Diamond Facial, for her.
This interview's one and only raison d'être was to sound appealing to this particular dinkie (double income, no kids) Generation X audience, especially as far as his booze was concerned. For he was on booze promo mode here and he obviously twisted a bit whatever (I repeat: whatever) his real motivation behind the brand name might have been to the least controversial possible version. It's hard to question or throw shite at this mum version, let alone at a version involving a heroic single parent as Chrissie H, let alone at Christmas time. This allowed him, at the same time, to elegantly keep his personal life away and separate between business and private: something he should have been doing since the very start. But S is a sentimental man and a people pleaser - we all know that, don't we?
It was important for S to be featured in this London online magazine, read by the same people he was once serving drinks to, at parties. It's all about aspirations, social climbing and being a part of that crowd. Finally!
And you, darling, are a troll, despite your protesting. I nevertheless hope this answered your very transparently targeted question, in the spirit of Christmas. Otherwise, it would have landed in the bin, where it probably belongs.
PS: Caitriona is Caitriona, probably nothing like Claire, indeed and thank God! Being 'like Claire Fraser' was certainly not what prompted the coup de foudre - I daresay, quite the contrary. Sorry, darling, to pop your bubble, but this is not exactly how the real world works.
Later edit: if the entire Everest trek was something 'just for himself', then the recorded video was also 'just for himself'. The reason he posted it on Instagram was to probably childishly rejoice/brag he finally made it and damn the consequences. Use a bit of logic.
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Echoes of Eywa's Child.
chapter 1.
(Neteyam x Human!Reader series)
Pending....Pending....
Date: December 21st,2170.
Location: Office,Unit 4,Avatar Department,Human Outpost Biolab,Hallelujah Mountains,Pandora.
Time: 10:15 AM.
A long time has passed since I've known about this once alien planet. 4.4 light years away,a world full of life,like a lost paradise,sat idly in silence,away from the death and destruction that has scattered over Earth like a goddamn plague.
The ones before us saw the danger of it all,and yet they turned a blind eye,all because the climate change and the fractures in the atmosphere caused by the heightened levels of carbon dioxide wouldn’t affect them in the long run. They’d be dead anyway by the time it got too serious. So much for doing the right thing.
I wasn’t even born when they discovered Pandora,though until I actually got a grasp of reality and gained consciousness like everybody does at 5 years old,I’ve actually wondered if the so-called “Goldilocks Zone” existed somewhere else. If God smiled upon the universe and gave another planet the privilege of life.
Trust me,I have no idea how I even got here. So much time has passed since I’ve breathed in the polluted air of Earth,but I guess it’s for the benefit of all.
Guess we'll do it like they always do,huh?Start from the beginning of it all.
Pending...Pending...
Date: January 26th,2170
Location: Home,New York,USA, Earth.
Time: 12:43 PM.
Nobody ever thought that a girl like me would end up as the head leader of the Avatar Department,or an important person in the Resistance. And I gotta say,I never quite imagined myself becoming this. I dreamt of stages full of fans,as my fingers gave birth to heart-shattering riffs. Of poetry books released under my very own name,painting the pages with complicated feelings and sensations,all of a broken and imperfect human heart. Of having my own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame,making my country proud as a well known actress overseas. Though all those dreams were scattered away,like a feather in the wind,the moment I decided to do what any other scared yet artistically talented person who wants to make her parents proud does.
I got into STEM. Mechanical and Biological Engineering.
And between the sleepless nights of studying,drowning myself in math equations and lab reports,I got a one-way ticket to Pandora in my first year of college,from the one and only Parker Selfridge. Head administrator of the RDA’s operation in Pandora. I can still feel the anxiety lingering on my tongue. They never came with internships for first years,so what was he here for?
He came in to give out 5 internships at my college,yet he left with a new potential piece for this chess game. Me. All thanks to a question he asked that I knew the answer of. And to think I almost didn't say the answer because I thought everyone knew it,but as it turns out,only I did. I sat in the hallway with my friends,staring dumbfoundedly at the bussiness card he gave me.
Only back then,the RDA were treated as heroes,important people who made way for a better life. For an undead Earth. The propaganda was all enough to trick a little mind like mine,though it’s funny how I always thought I was a step ahead of everyone. Life on Earth as I remember it was,to say the least…grey.
The cities were gray. The people were gray. The sky was…well,grey. And between spending the rest of my life here,with my dreams crumbling before my very own eyes,and going out there to actually fight for a new home for humanity,you can guess why I chose the latter.
Nothing out of the ordinary was happening for me here anyway. Gorgeous girl,great personality,they all said,but nobody ever settled. Nobody ever stopped in their tracks to take in the pure and total beauty of the chaos that is me,so I never had a serious partner before. And…I guess I was also excited to see if the stories are true.
How an actual human betrayed his own race for a…Na’vi tribe princess?At least that’s how they put it,and I don’t even want to mention how embarrassing it was for the RDA to come back to Earth with their tails between their legs back in 2154. No unobtanium. No money. No Avatars. No nothing. I was three when that happened,and I remember playing with my cousins with our cardboard toys as our parents watched the TV in confusion and…disappointment,so you can guess why they made Jake Sully seem like an actual demon,and the death of a colonel was a pretty big deal,after all.
Thing is,the RDA only shows you the pearl in their hands,and not the mouth getting ready to swallow you whole. And now I know why they were so understaffed. That total failure after 2154 made people lose trust in the RDA over the years. But to me?
The decision came easily. I needed something new.
What didn’t,though,was the pure work I’d have to do in just 6 months. Learning the language of the natives,the Na’vi. Getting to understand the differences between our anatomy and theirs. The fauna and flora. The tribes. The ecosystems. And…of course,Eywa herself,though I learned that from Dr. Grace Augustine’s botany books,not from the RDA’s training program. I honestly don’t know what Selfridge saw in me,when I know I have friends better in college than me,but I better not question it too much.
I tried telling myself that as soon as I got in cryo,it wouldn’t be a goodbye,rather a…see you later. Looking back at it now,I think it was just wishful thinking. For now,I was me,the girl nobody ever really took seriously. Just another face in a sea of others. Next time I wake up,I’d have to work in an entire department with people twice my age.
The cryo-sleep thaw was a nightmare and a miracle all at once. My lungs burned as they dragged in air for the first time in six years, my throat raw and dry, every breath tasting metallic. My joints ached as if I’d aged a century.
“Subject revived.” the sterile voice of the AI announced, flat and emotionless. I tried sitting up, only to slump back down against the cryo pod’s restraints. My body wasn’t mine yet—not entirely.
“You’ll feel like shit for a while,” said a woman in a crisp lab coat, her voice muffled as she checked my vitals. “Side effects of long-term cryo. It’ll pass. Welcome to the ISV Valkyrie, and congrats on making it to Pandora.”
The word hung in the air, heavy and surreal. Pandora.
The next few hours were a blur of debriefings and medical checkups. My body eventually began to cooperate, but my mind lagged behind. I shuffled through endless corridors with other groggy personnel, each of us too stunned to speak. We were like ghosts wandering through a ship that pulsed with life—technicians barking orders, holograms buzzing with real-time scans of the moon’s surface, the low hum of engines preparing for atmospheric descent.
When the ship finally broke through Pandora’s atmosphere, I felt it in my chest. The vibrations reverberated through every bolt, every panel, and through me. The world outside the viewport was alive. The dense, green forests sprawled endlessly beneath the floating Hallelujah Mountains, their bases wreathed in ethereal clouds. The sky shifted from pink to blue in the blink of an eye, its colors alien yet breathtakingly familiar.
For a moment, the hum of engines and the chatter of voices faded away. It was just me and the sight of this strange, beautiful moon—a place that could have been paradise if we weren’t here to ruin it.
The ship landed with a jarring shudder, and the real work began.
Adjusting to life on Pandora was like learning to breathe all over again. Everything about this place demanded respect—the gravity was lighter, the air richer, and the biology... unfathomable. Days blurred into weeks as I threw myself into the work at the Avatar Department.
My mornings began with syncing sessions in the link pods, my mind slipping into my Avatar body like stepping into a cold pool. It wasn’t seamless—at first, every movement felt foreign. I stumbled through training exercises, my longer legs and stronger muscles betraying me at every turn. But slowly, the body became mine.
Afternoons were spent reading over files on Na’vi biology, studying their neural networks and learning their language. The words felt clumsy on my tongue, but I persisted. When I wasn’t in the lab or out on field assignments to observe Pandora’s ecosystems, I was immersed in RDA briefings.
That’s where I first heard his name again.
Jake Sully.
The briefings spoke of him like a ghost, a legend who had long since passed into myth. But here, his name was a warning.
“Resistance forces led by Sully attacked the rail line near Sector 7 again,” one of the military officers growled during lunch at the canteen. “Three shipments of amp suits lost. That bastard and his little insurgents are crippling our operations.”
The room buzzed with tension as reports of attacks piled up. Sabotaged trains, stolen supplies, and destroyed equipment—it was chaos. To the RDA, Sully wasn’t just a traitor. He was the personification of everything standing in the way of their plans.
But the more I learned, the more conflicted I felt. The propaganda painted him as a terrorist, a man who had betrayed his own kind for a primitive cause. But every whisper I caught from the scientists who had been here longer told a different story.
“Maybe Sully isn’t the villain they make him out to be,” I muttered to Dr. Ellison one evening as we worked late in the lab.
He glanced at me, his expression unreadable as he pointed towards a CCTV with his head,as if to say "Shut up. They're listening."
"That’s dangerous talk,you know. Keep your head down. Do your work. They don't like questions.”
I nodded, but the seed of doubt had already taken root.
The attacks continued, each one more brazen than the last. The RDA ramped up their operations in response, sending more troops and machinery into the wilds of Pandora. But for every move they made, the Resistance seemed to be one step ahead.
And then there was the tension between the people I worked with. Some were diehard loyalists, determined to see the mission succeed no matter the cost. Others—mostly the scientists—spoke in hushed tones about the beauty of the Na’vi culture, the interconnectedness of the flora and fauna, and the destruction we were bringing to this world.
I kept my head down, just as Ellison had warned. But at night, as I lay in my bunk staring at the ceiling, I couldn’t help but wonder: which side of history would I be on?
Pandora had a way of getting under your skin. The longer I stayed, the more I realized it wasn’t just a place. It was a mirror, reflecting humanity’s best and worst instincts back at us. And somewhere in the middle of it all was me—a girl who had come here for a fresh start, only to find herself caught in a war she didn’t fully understand.
The attacks became more than background noise; they became a constant undercurrent to life on Pandora. At first, they were just distant explosions, reports in the briefing room, or muttered curses from the military personnel in the mess hall. But over time, the Resistance started to feel like a presence, a shadow that loomed over everything the RDA tried to accomplish.
Jake Sully wasn’t just a name anymore—he was a force of nature.
The first time I felt the Resistance's impact directly was during a supply run. It was supposed to be routine—a quick trip to outpost Beta-5 to deliver Avatar-linked monitoring equipment. I was tagging along as part of my training, mostly to observe.
But the Resistance didn’t care about schedules or safety zones.
The attack was fast and chaotic. One moment, the AMP suits ahead of us were trudging through the dense forest, their movements mechanical and predictable. The next, arrows rained down from the trees, followed by explosions that sent the towering machines toppling like broken toys.
The ambush hit like a storm—sudden, violent, and unstoppable.
One moment, I was riding in the back of the supply truck, surrounded by crates of equipment and two guards sharing a nervous laugh. The next, the forest erupted in chaos.
The first explosion flipped the lead AMP suit, its towering frame crashing to the ground with a deafening roar. The convoy came to an abrupt halt as arrows rained down from the trees, their sharp points glinting like falling stars.
“Get down!” someone yelled.
I hit the truck bed hard, the impact knocking the wind out of me. My mask rattled against the metal floor as I scrambled for cover behind a crate. The world around me dissolved into a cacophony of gunfire, shouting, and the eerie war cries of the Na’vi.
The guards fired blindly into the trees, their exo-packs hissing as they struggled to maintain their aim under the pressure. I peeked over the edge of the crate just in time to see one of the AMP suits stagger, an arrow embedded in its cockpit.
Panic set in. My heart pounded so hard it felt like it might burst. I wasn’t a soldier. I wasn’t trained for this. My human body was fragile here—one wrong move, and I’d be dead.
I clutched the sidearm they’d insisted I carry, though my hands were shaking too much to use it. What was I even doing here? This wasn’t supposed to be my fight.
A shadow passed overhead. My breath hitched as I looked up to see a Na’vi warrior leaping from a tree, his bow drawn, his movements impossibly fluid. He landed on the roof of the truck with barely a sound, his golden eyes scanning the scene below.
And then, those eyes locked onto mine.
For a moment, the chaos of the ambush melted away, leaving only silence between us.
He stood above me, perched on the edge of the truck’s roof, silhouetted against the glowing forest. His figure was tall and commanding, every line of his body taut with a warrior’s grace. The flickering bioluminescence of the nearby trees played off his skin, casting shifting patterns of light and shadow across his lean, muscular frame.
His face was angular and strong, the high cheekbones and sharp jawline unmistakably Na’vi, yet there was something softer in his expression. His golden eyes, large and luminous, fixed on me with an intensity that felt like a physical force. They weren’t filled with rage or cruelty but something far more unnerving—calculated curiosity, as though he were trying to read my soul in that single moment.
The streaks of blue war paint decorating his face didn’t fully mask the smooth, rich azure of his skin, which gleamed faintly under the pale light of Pandora’s twin moons. His braids, adorned with small beads and feathers, swayed gently with each subtle movement, a testament to the culture he carried with him like armor.
But it wasn’t just his appearance that struck me—it was his presence.
He radiated confidence, a quiet power that demanded attention without arrogance. It was the kind of aura that made the world around him seem smaller, less significant. The chaos raging around us felt like a distant hum compared to the weight of his gaze.
And yet, beneath that commanding presence, there was something deeper—an unmistakable grief, perhaps, or a burden that someone so young should never have to carry. It was in the set of his shoulders, the faint downturn of his mouth, and the way his hands gripped the bow with both precision and purpose.
“Drop it,” he said, his voice deep and steady, but with a softness that caught me off guard.
The words hit me like a command, though they weren’t barked or shouted. It was the tone of someone who expected to be obeyed—not out of fear, but respect.
For a second, I couldn’t breathe. The sidearm in my trembling hands felt heavier than it should, as if the very act of holding it was a betrayal. His gaze flicked to the weapon, then back to me, and I realized with a jolt that he wasn’t looking at me like an enemy. He was looking at me like a question.
“You are… different,” he said, tilting his head slightly, the movement as fluid and deliberate as everything else about him. His accent curled around the words, each syllable infused with the lyrical cadence of his native tongue.
I wanted to speak, to ask him what he meant, but my throat felt dry, my voice lost in the weight of the moment.
He crouched slightly, lowering himself onto one knee so we were nearly at eye level. Even then, his presence dwarfed mine. Up close, the details became sharper—the faint patterns of his skin, the slight twitch of his ears as they picked up the sounds of the battle behind him, the faint rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.
“You do not fight,” he observed, the faintest hint of curiosity threading through his words. His eyes lingered on mine, their golden glow unwavering. “And you… fear.”
It wasn’t an accusation. It was a statement of fact, delivered with neither judgment nor malice.
His hand shifted slightly, and I flinched, but he didn’t reach for me. Instead, he pointed at the weapon still lying on the ground between us.
The Na’vi reacted instantly. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet with startling gentleness.
“You do not belong here,” he said, his voice low and urgent. “Run.”
“What—”
“Go!”
He released me and darted back into the fray, moving with the grace of a predator and the determination of someone who had everything to lose.
I didn’t run. Not immediately. Instead, I crouched behind the truck, my legs trembling as I watched the battle unfold.
He moved like the forest itself, blending into the chaos with a skill that seemed almost supernatural. He wasn’t just fighting—he was leading. The other Na’vi warriors followed his signals, their coordinated strikes overwhelming the RDA forces.
For every bullet fired, they had an arrow. For every shout of anger, they answered with a battle cry that sent chills down my spine.
And yet, amidst the violence, there was something strangely... noble about them. They didn’t kill indiscriminately. They targeted the machines, the vehicles, the weapons. It was as if they were trying to make a point rather than simply annihilate us.
When the ambush finally ended, the Resistance had melted back into the forest, leaving behind a convoy in ruins. Smoke rose from the wreckage, and the air was thick with the smell of burning fuel.
I stumbled out from behind the truck, my legs barely holding me up. Around me, the survivors were regrouping, their faces pale and shell-shocked.
“Medic!” someone called, dragging a wounded soldier from the wreckage.
But I couldn’t move. My mind was stuck on him—the way he’d looked at me, the way he’d spared me when he could have easily ended my life.
“You do not belong here,” he’d said.
The words echoed in my head as I stared at the destruction around me. For the first time, I began to wonder if he was right.
#avatar frontiers of pandora#james cameron avatar#avatar the way of water#avatar 2009#avatar fanfiction#jake sully#neteyam sully#neteyam fluff#neteyam x y/n#neteyam x you#neteyam#neteyam x human reader#neteyam x reader#loak sully#atwow neteyam#atwow spider#atwow#atwow fanfiction#pandora
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To clarify about bringing down the Veil: I did say, and I did mean, that I don't think we should just let Solas do whatever. He's clearly having some sort of Mythal-related nervous breakdown and is intent on going it alone. This is stupid, and we really need to have an actual plan for this.
But.
Primary issue seems to be demons. Demons are often created by being pulled through the Fade, so bringing it down actually solves a problem. Demons can be complex people who aren't necessarily a problem to have around. When demons are problems, we have: the Avvar, the Chasind, the Rivaini, the Nevarrans and whatever spirit allies Solas has as experts who could line up to deal with this. This feels like the same argument the game would make about Circles and possessed mages. I want to get rid of the Veil like I used to want to get rid of Circles.
Secondary issue is Blight. Blight was contained prior to the Veil going up, so we've definitely got methods for doing that. The Veil is clearly not working as Blight-related security because Thedas has been up to its eyeballs in the stuff for centuries. You put a big mysterious city in everyone's dreams and guess what happened.
While Blight is present in the Fade outside the Black City, it is not everywhere in the Fade, and with the presence of eluvians we've got people wandering physically all over the Fade anyway. You can wander into Tainted bits of the Fade and get Blighted just like you can by wandering into Tainted bits of the Deep Roads. Don't do that! Also: make sure the Black City is properly locked up! It's common sense.
Blight, while undeniably still dangerous, seems to be operating on diminishing returns: the First Blight took two centuries to defeat and nearly wiped out civilisation; we just knocked over an Archdemon in a single battle at the cost of a few hundred lives and one fortress. And I'm betting we take out the seventh by the end of the game. Ghilan'nain has apparently been genetically engineering worse darkspawn, and we're still kicking their arses.
We should absolutely have Grey Wardens on cleanup duty in the Fade, though. I really do want to do this sensibly.
Darkspawn are also people, who can be cured of their compulsions by a modified form of the Joining. I'm certainly not wringing my hands over killing darkspawn in self-defence, but I think it's worth remembering that Davrin is wrong: they are not mindless monsters and if we can help them we should.
Tertiary issue is the Titans, who are attached to the Blight problem. The Titans were severed from their dreams in what sounds a lot like a form of Tranquility. This is a practical problem (Blight!) and a moral problem (we've got some mutilated people here!). The thing about Tranquility was that it was this utterly irreversible nightmare condition ... until it turned out that there had always been a cure, and it just involved reaching out to a spirit for some assistance. I'm not suggesting that the situation with the Titans is identical, but I am saying: bring down the Veil, reconnect with magic and spirits and start brainstorming. We can and should fix this.
Quaternary issue is just the Veil itself, which is increasingly tattered and in some places almost entirely absent. It is stupidly easy to thin the Veil and people are going to keep doing it, whether they mean to or not. So if there's, for example, Blight loose in the Veil, there is nothing stopping somebody from accidentally thinning a Blighted bit. And the damn thing will fall apart eventually. I for one would like to know its end date and be prepared for it.
So ... look, unless the game gives some last minute information on this ... Yeah, I think I want the Veil down. Solas can be a pain in the arse, but he's right about this. I've looked at his memories, and the flashbacks in the Fade: I know about the evanuris messing with the Blight, and Mythal's murder, and the ritual to lock up the gods not going as he intended. It's a mess, but it hasn't changed my mind.
Now: again, that does not mean I'm on board with Solas's actual plan. I want to grab him and tell him to sit the fuck down and work this out as a group project. Do it carefully, do it as safely as possible, and be willing to wait another year or two until we're organised.
But yes. BRING. DOWN. THE VEIL.
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Synopsis: Seonghwa watches Hongjoong crash and burn and decides to revisit a good ole tactic to help his buddy out. This is a two-part spin off of the simp!verse. Pairings: nerd!hongjoong x fem!reader; guest appearances from Soobin and Yeonjun from TXT Genre: crack, my piss attempt at humor, hongjoong my poor guy is such a simp god bless his heart Warnings: swear words, witchcraft technically WC: 2.4k (I got carried away, oops) a/n: This monster of a chapter was birthed by my sleep-deprive brain from travelling for the holidays. I'm glad I put it out before christmas though because I wanna write something christmas themed before christmas day. This fic is purely fiction and does not portray what the characters are like irl. Feedbacks, reblogs, and comments are also deeply appreciated and highly encouraged! and as always please enjoy :)) Read part 1 here ; Read simp!hwa here
Seonghwa didn’t like getting involved in other people’s lives (he’s lying to himself, really. The aries in him loves making people his puppets). But seeing his best friend and dorm mate, Hongjoong, pouting on his bed whining about his sim’s wife not reciprocating his feelings, he just knew he had to intervene. If he hears Backburner by Niki playing one more time on Hongjoong’s speaker, he’s going to go clinically insane himself.
“Okay, Hongjoong you gotta stop this! C’mon get up!” Hongjoong is currently face down on his mattress, mumbling along to the song for the nth time this week.
The Goo Goo Dolls are dead to me the way you should be too
“Joong, I swear-”
But you bring them up along with how much I fucking miss you!
Hongjoong continues to mumble along the words to the song, almost like he’s drunk. And after this, Seonghwa swears he needs a drink too.
“Look, maybe you’re a bit of a fixer upper. I was too! But now look at me, I’m in a loving relationship and I couldn’t be happier.” he still doesn’t seem convinced at whatever peptalk Seonghwa is trying to feed him. But he does stop his singing so it’s a win in Seonghwa’s eyes.
“I’m gonna let you in on a little trade secret of mine. As much as I look like the total rizzler that I am. I didn’t exactly get the girl on my looks and charm alone.” Hongjoong furrows his brows at this. Ignoring the fact that his friend just used the word “rizzler” unironically, he was desperate at this point.
“An Etsy witch?!” he looks at Seonghwa, unimpressed at the boba-eyed boy.
“Look, you just gotta trust me on this one okay?” Hongjoong sighs, I mean he was desperate. His conjured up future of you with his poodle and 2 goldfish was hanging in the balance right now. So he decided to humor Seonghwa.
“We just gotta use a little bit of manifestation. Alexa play Take a Chance with Me by Niki!”
With a newfound determination in his step, Hongjoong walks to class that day with one goal in his head. He had to figure out what your name was.
“I have to find out her name?” Hongjoong furrows his eyebrows at the instructions.
“Well, yeah. Seulgi needs to know her name for the ritual to be done correctly.” He replies in a matter-of-fact kind of tone.
“Why can’t I just use that pink stone thingy you used?”
“Because she has to wear it for 3 days. And, no offense, but I doubt that she would accept anything from you, Romeo.” Seonghwa pats him on the back. “But this will work, trust!”
“You better be right, Hwa.”
When he walks into the amphitheater, you are sitting in your usual spot typing away at something on your laptop. You were wearing a green beanie this time, seeing as the weather was getting colder. Hongjoong couldn’t help but swoon a little on the inside at you. You looked like a cute brussel sprout and he just wanted to bite you (but of course in a loving and sweet kind of way.)
“Hi!” Hongjoong starts. “We talked for a little bit last week… I don’t know if you remember.” He shyly smiles at you.
Oh, you remembered. He was the same guy who just randomly shouted at you before the class started. He was cute, you’ll admit that. He had a sort of nerdy vibe to him that you usually found cute in a guy. If only it weren’t for the piss poor first impression he pulled. You notice he still had that jittery look in his eyes, the same one he had last week. You didn’t like where this was going.
“Oh, I remember.” You give him a tight smile.
“Oh!” he manages to blurt out, albeit very loudly. This startles you and makes you jump a little in your seat. And this also causes a ruckus in the amphitheater causing eyes to look at the interaction between the both of you again. Great, you think. So much for keeping a low profile.
“My name is Kim Hongjoong. Can I ask you what your name is?” He looks down at you with a hopeful look in his eyes. He really was cute, you think. But you hated all the eyes on you. You wanted this to end as quickly as possible and return to your peace and quiet. But you also didn’t want to embarrass this guy in front of the whole class. So, you do the next best thing.
“My name is Wendy Lu.” You give him a fake name.
I mean, what he won’t know won’t kill him right? You get him off your back. He gets to search up some finance major that frequents the cafe that you work at. And in your defense, she was totally cute! She also had a caffeine addiction but you digress.
“Nice to meet you, Wendy!” Hongjoong rushes off to find his seat at the back of the room with a beaming smile on his face. This Etsy witch Seulgi sure did have her work cut out for her. But I mean, if she could get Seonghwa a girlfriend, she could totally get me one, right?
“So, her name is Wendy Lu. I came up to her this morning and asked for her name, and she totally smiled at me! I got this one in the bag.” Hongjoong is beaming with glee at Seonghwa.
They’re walking down a part of town that is a bit of a ways away from their usual path to their dorm but they had to make a detour to go to Seulgi’s physical store to get some supplies. She wrote down some instructions for Hongjoong to follow in his ritual for love spell casting and then they were off on their merry way back to their dorms. Unfortunately, Seonghwa had a 10-page essay he had due that very night to which he was very sorely behind on.
“Can we go grab some coffee first? Either I’m going to finish this essay or it will finish me.” Seonghwa sighs, a stressed look on his face as he turns to the closest cafe that was on their route.
That’s when they are greeted with you manning the cash register of the cafe. There’s a line at the cash register because this is usually when the cafe is at its busiest and you don’t even notice them coming in. Hongjoong is trying to contain himself and keep his chill. But he can’t help it if you look so effortlessly beautiful with your hair tied up and in your cute barista apron. The man is basically shooting heart eyes your way but you’re too busy taking orders.
“My usual, please. To go.” Wendy Lu tries to give you the best smile she can, but it just ends up looking like a twitch on her face. Midterms must be coming up, you concluded. Sucks to be a finance major. One iced americano with 4 espresso shots, coming right up. You finish ringing in her order and give the ticket away for your co-worker to start on her drink.
“Hello, what can I get for you today?” You bring your head up from the cash register and feel a dread settle into your stomach. It was the guy from earlier. Hongjoong, if you recall correctly.
“I’ll have a Vanilla latte, and a pistachio bagel please.” Seonghwa replies.
“Oh, and uhm. I’ll have a Caramel Macchiato with a tuna melt.” Hongjoong adds.
“Will you have this for dine-in or take-out?”
“We’ll have it for take-out, please.”
And as you finish ringing up their orders, you forget one crucial detail that just managed to slip your mind. Wendy Lu.
“Iced americano for Wendy Lu!” your co-worker, Soobin, shouts.
Both boys look at you with confused eyes as Wendy Lu grabs her drink from Soobin and rushes off. You try to ignore the tension in the room but Hongjoong blurts out, “I thought you were Wendy Lu?”
“Well, Wendy is a pretty common name.” You just nervously giggle off and hope he doesn’t press further.
“Hey, Y/n. Yeonjun needs help rolling out the croissant dough in the kitchen.” Soobin interrupts the awkward conversation. “I’ll finish that up for you, go help him.”
“Right.” You give them one last glance before walking over to the kitchen.
And we are back to square one with Hongjoong. Well, not necessarily square one, more like square one and a half. Seonghwa likes to look on the brighter side of things.
“Hey, at least you know her name! And besides, this ritual thing will still work, so what if she gave you a fake name at first.” Seonghwa tries to console his distraught dorm mate.
“When you become best man at my wedding, can you leave this part out of your speech please?” Hongjoong just lies on the floor and pouts at him.
“Oh, the part where you crashed and burned the first time you met your future wife? Sure.” Seonghwa deadpans at his friend.
“Now, just do the ritual, my guy. I have an essay to write and you have a girl to wife up.” Seonghwa motions for him to get up.
“Fine.” Hongjoong gets up and goes to get his supplies for the ritual but notices that the instructions for the ritual are gone. He furrows his eyebrows and digs through his things trying to find them but they don’t seem to be anywhere. He asks Seonghwa if he’s seen them anywhere but he claims to not even have held the paper. This confirms a theory he’s had in his head that sends a storm of unease to his stomach.
He remembers putting his stuff out while waiting for his tuna melt to be heated up. The last time he remembers seeing that pink sheet of paper was at the cafe table. He had to go back to that cafe. He checks the time and it’s around the time that it closes, if he remembers correctly from the door. If he rushes now, he could get to the cafe right before it closes.
So he rushes out the door yelling out that he was going to the cafe, leaving a very confused Seonghwa to attempt to finish his essay.
Hongjoong arrives at the cafe on a mission to find that pink-ruled piece of paper that holds the key to his happiness. The cafe is deserted at this point, the door sign says “closed” but he can still see you and your two other co-workers cleaning up the establishment. He gulps.
Here goes nothing.
He knocks on the door to the shop and points to the locked door.
You and Soobin shoot each other a look and Soobin walks up to the door.
“So that was lover boy, I assume?” Soobin glances down at you as you wipe down the counters behind the cash register.
“Oh scarf guy?” Yeonjun pipes up.
“Yeah. Kim Hongjoong.” You tell them. “Guy seems sweet and all but he brings so much attention during class. Made me want to disappear into my seat.”
“Well, seems like lover boy’s got it bad. He was going to cast a spell on you.” Soobin says trying to imitate a dracula accent.
“What? No way.” Yeonjun dismisses him.
“Look. He left it at the table they were at. Even went to that trinket shop down at the corner next to the deli. Poor guy was going to get Wendy Lu to fall head over heels in love with him.” He waves a pink piece of paper around.
You grab it and look at what’s written down and stare in utter disbelief. Was he really willing to go this far?
“Man’s a simp if I’ve ever seen one.” Soobin concludes.
“He just doesn’t know when to give up. I mean, you were pretty straightforward the first time around. Take the L, my guy.” Yeonjun shakes his head.
“Hmmm, well I thought it was a bit harsh. But he is persistent. I'll give him that.” Soobin shrugs.
“Ugh, I was too harsh, wasn’t I?” You ask, to no one in particular. But you didn’t mean to be harsh. Being the center of attention was never your favorite thing and it brought out a side of you that had no filter.
“Are you forgetting the fact that he hired an Etsy witch to make him fall in love with you?” Yeonjun reminds you.
“Well, I don’t really believe in that kind of stuff. Pink rocks and weird drawings? Be fucking for real.”
And as luck would have it, a knock on the door stops your discourse. It was Hongjoong. You and Soobin share a look and he goes to tell him that the place is closed but then you stop him.
“Wait, Soob. I need to talk to him.” You stop Soobin as he reaches for the door knob.
Hongjoong panics when you see him walk over to the door knob. Oh God, she knows. She’s gonna think I’m some creep! I mean, on paper it does seem creepy that some guy who she’s talked to like thrice has some instructions from some dodgy Etsy witch on how to make her fall in love with him but he swears he means no harm.
You go over to open the door.
“Hey, Hongjoong.” You start. You wipe your sweaty hands off using your apron. Confrontation was never your best feat, but it seems like the universe had different plans for the both of you that evening.
“I think we got off on the wrong foot. I apologize for being kinda harsh to you the first time we talked. You seem like a sweet guy, but you kinda put me on the spot and I was pretty uncomfortable back then….” You explain yourself.
“O-oh! Well, I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. I never meant to do that I swear! I just, you’re…. Pretty.” He shyly smiles at you.
This is the first time you are actually able to take a good look at him and you start to notice little details you never did. The slope of his nose, the glasses that frame his face, the dimples that decorate his cheeks, and the one finger he has painted with nail polish. He was kinda cute, you concluded. And as he calls you pretty, you can’t help the heat that rises up your cheeks at his confession.
“Well, if you wanna, we could do it the old fashioned way. You know, the one where there’s no Etsy witch involved.” You shoot a small smile his way when he starts floundering and trying to come up with a way to explain himself.
“Yeah, I’d love that.”
Hongjoong walks back to the dorm with a dumb smile on his face. Seonghwa was so totally gonna be his best-man at his wedding.
#ateez#ateez au#ateez imagines#ateez x reader#ateez hours#ateez blurbs#ateez fluff#ateez drabbles#kim hongjoong#hongjoong#hongjoong au#hongjoong x reader#hongjoong imagines#kim hongjoong imagines#hongjoong hours#hongjoong soft hours#hongjoong blurbs#hongjoong atz
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holiday hero party ✧.*
kirishima x reader
⋆·˚ ༘ *
summary: you meet red riot at a party, a lot of flirting, some back story monologue. bakugo and kaminari come make fun of him. you save him.
i love thinking about flirty but also himbo-ish kiri.. he’s just trying his best ♡︎♡︎
every year the hero association would hold a party for the top hero’s in each country. this year it being held in france. in your country your country you were celebrated, thought of highly. you gained the name ‘queen’ by some of your fans. choosing to be humble, you would laugh off whenever your nickname came up.
so here you were, finishing up your look. wearing a dangerous long dress that paired your skin tone well. pairing it with lots of jewelry. you looked stunning.
arriving at the party, you recognized many people. it was going to be a long night.
it was an hour into the party, feeling utterly exhausted. saying far too many ‘hello’s and ‘thanks you’s for your own good.
some what overwhelmed you made your way over to the bar you stoped dead in your tracks when you ran into a solid wall. looking up you realized it wasn’t a wall but a man..
“oh my gosh i’m so sorry!” you blurted out stumbling backwards to create space.
“no worries pretty girl..” he said staring down at you, charming smile printed on his face. looking up you came to realize it was red riot. you read the events that happened to his class in highschool and always kept track of him since. recently you saw that he saved a pregnant woman from several bullets just by standing infront of her.
you stared at him not knowing what to say. starting to feel vulnerable under the weight of his eyes, you chose to stand tall. remembering who you were you gained some confidence in yourself.
“red riot..right?” you asked him tilting your head his way. you watched as he wore a shocked expression for a minute before a smile replaced his face once again.
“the queen knows of me? i must be blessed!” he laughed out. you cringed at his words. you didn’t like that he thought of you like that, let alone that he also knew who you were.
instantly picking up on your change in demeanor he saved your conversation, “oh you don’t like your little nick name?” he chuckled out, fixing his posture slightly.
“no no i don’t mind it, it’s just i see you as my equal… not like my fan..” you giggled, suddenly feeling very hot.
“let me buy you a drink.” he said before taking your hand and leading you to the bar. you gasped at how charming he was. you felt like you were running behind him as he lead you with large strides.
as you sat down at the bar with him, you took a moment to take him in. staring at his body that was clothed in an all black tux, black dress shoes. if you looked closely there was red accents all across him. very minimal.
he caught your attention with his words “i am a fan by the way.” he said while turning to face you. his confidence shook you slightly.
“is that right?” you questioned him further.
“i saw you on the news in highschool… when you saved that bridge from falling.. is it true you did that while walking home from school? if it is i admire you for being so strong seriously!” he commended you with flushed cheeks. his eyes telling the story that you lived.
you took a second to respond to him, sipping on the drink he payed for. “well yea i guess.. i was walking home from school and someone had a quirk awakening on the bridge. i heard the explosion before i saw one of the beams coming down. i just kinda thought that if i had the power to save them, that’s what i should do..” you realized you rambled to far on and then grew shy waiting for his response.
when you looked back at him you realized that he seriously wasn’t joking about admiring you.
“that’s so fucking cool.” he said before changing his focus to the drink infront of him. as he sipped it you watched his adam’s apple move in his throat. slowly your eyes wandered to all of him.
you decided to make a remark, hoping to see where you actually stood with him. “ok this is going to sounds crazy…” you started. “around the time that i gained some traction from my acts, i saw you on the news.. when your class had all those things happen. i’ve always kept an eye on you since…” you finished.
the look on his face was priceless, shock and disbelief that slowly morphed into curiosity. questioning you he said “you’ve been keeping track on me?”
“i would be lying if i said no.” your drink making its way into your system, surging some needed confidence and energy into you.
“must be my lucky night.” he paused before saying “prettiest girl in the room keeps tabs on me..” before he took his drink into his mouth, eyes never leaving you.
you gasped at his words, suddenly you felt light.
“are you flirting with me?” you asked him with a giggle.
“yes. i am.” he said comfortably, stating his truth. “or at least im trying. im not very good at it.” giggling with you.
“well whatever your doing i think its working” you said reaching for your drink once again. only to realize it was emptied out. frowning slightly at without realizing.
“here,” he signaled over the bartender and ordered you a second drink. also getting you a water. his charisma was overwhelming.
“thank you.” you mumbled out before sipping on your drink again.
the silence over took you once again. you realized how easy it was to talk to him. you really liked him being around you. almost too much, a concerning amount.
“what can i call you? if i can’t call you queen?” he said leaning over to you, you felt the tension change slightly.
“just call me y/n.” you stated.
“how about princess?” he asked softly, lowering himself to your ear. you couldn’t form words. stuttering to a reply, you said.
“you can call me whatever you want.” you said, weakly. soon after your response you started cringing at yourself. bringing yourself to a giggle yet again.
“i’m sorry i can’t take myself seriously!” you laughed out, he laughed with you. “what should i call you red riot?” you asked him.
“just call me ejirou.” he said leaning back in his chair, you noticed his legs fall apart slightly.
you jumped in place when a loud voice boomed behind you.
“kirishima my guy! holy shit no way.” you turned to find a yellow haired man paired with the more popular pro hero dynamight. they closed in on the two of you. making their way to stand behind the two of you. you turned in your chair.
you noticed kirishimas face, it was full of agony.
“this is fucking halarious” the explosive one said. you knew his name was bakugou. but to be honest you were too afraid to call him by his name.
“what’s so funny?” you asked the two standing next to you.
“kirishima here has had a crush on you since highschool. so it’s kinda hard to think your sitting here with him at a holiday party.” the yellow haired once laughed out.
kirishima flushed at their remarks. you noticed all of it. they were obviously close to eachother.
“the queen and red riot, a dream come true.” bakugou laughed out. taunting his friend.
“this is so embarrassing.” kirishima shrugged into his hands.
coming to his rescue you said “well.. funny enough as it is. ive been harboring a crush on red riot for a while.” you shrugged nonchalantly.
bakugou and yellow hairs face dropped into shock. kirishima along with them.
“i’m not trying to be rude but me and ejirou were just about to leave.” you stood up and grabbed his hand. urging him in silence to follow your lead.
“it was nice to meet you two.” you said calmly before dragging him away from the men and to the exit.
after a silent trip to the coat rack and out the door. you finally made your way outside. the cold air frosting over you.
“you really are my hero, princess.” he said from behind you, you turned to meet his eyes.
“it’s no problem. and i meant what i said so.” you watched the air get sucked out of his lungs. taking in his expression, he really was handsome.
“can i take you out sometime princess? like without my friends coming to embarrass me, just me and you.” he smiled softly, praying you would say yes.
years ago this was your dream. funny how things work out like this.
“yes i would like that a lot, ejirou.”
·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:··:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:··:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·
thinking about making a part two when you hard launch, maybe even starting a family. the worlds favorite hero family ♡︎♡︎
#my hero academia x you#my hero academia smut#my hero academia x reader#my hero x reader#my hero academy fanfiction#my hero acedamia#my hero academia#my hero fanfic#kirishima x you#bnha eijiro kirishima#mha kiribaku#kiri x reader#mha kirishima#bnha kirishima#kirishima smut#kirishima x reader#kirishima eijirou#kirishima ejirou#mha eijirou#kirishima ejiro x reader#anime#x reader#x you#mha headcanons#mha x reader
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My 𝐓𝐨𝐩 24 30 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 from 2024🎉 (because rules were made to be broken)
TYSM for tagging me @herecirmsims, @elderwisp, and @changingplumbob 💖 As per usual, I went overboard... oops!
Before I forget -- I am going to tag @honeyjars-sims, @raiiny-bay, @havenroyals, @likelyamused, and @dandylion240 (ofc, feel free to ignore me if you've already done it, or if you just don't wanna)
JANUARY
We started the year in Sulani where Phoenix and Dawn got engaged! Let us all take a moment to remember the glory that was Phoenix with a tan 😍
I call this - My Love Affair with Brindleton Bay (Part 1)
I love them. This isn't even the greatest screenshot, but it will forever be one of my favorites. One day I will put together a collage of forehead kisses for these two.
FEBRUARY
My Love Affair with Brindleton Bay (Part 2)
Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi were always happy to steal focus when I needed to blur things happening in the background... 😏
Atlas forever being the best uncle in the world... and fascinated with his niece having his eyes
MARCH
Me peeking through the foliage while Phoenix introduces his wife and child to his mom... the only way he knows how 🥺🤍
APRIL
😂 Ok so March and April are pretty sparse... I took a break in the Spring because I was going through a breakup and a move. I spent that time focusing on things that made me happy - like writing The Past arc for the boys and laughing at Dawn's ridiculous in-game expressions 😂
MAY
I'm so glad I took that break because I was able to come back and give Phoenix and Dawn the wedding they deserved! I also LOVE these last two shots... After the party ended, those three were goofing off and having so much fun... and then giving Phoenix the MOST thoughtful gift... it still makes me tear up! 🥹
JUNE
And so it begins... This nightmare sequence was so much fun to put together! And this shot is by far my favorite... it was totally by accident, but oh so perfect
The Past my beloved... I love this shot sm... the morning light, the fall colors, Ash and Lex being Ash and Lex while Atlas tags along behind them (he'd only known Ash for 24 hours and was already crushing... poor boy didn't stand a chance)
Oh yeah! Remember Chestnut Ridge?! The way I jumped around in this part istg... You're all incredible for putting up with me this summer 😂 Okay but I love this one because of how all the animals are turned to look at Danny... again, a total accident, but perfectly foreshadows what I have in mind for his future!
Back the The Past - What's perfect about this one is how the only thing in focus is where they are touching.
I’m acutely aware that his leg is resting against me now, and he’s rolling the fabric of my sleeve between his thumb and middle finger. Normally, I would have already scooted away from the sofa. Pivoted my body so the conversation could continue, but so that I could not be touched. But I don’t feel any need to do that. Not with him. His affection is so subtle and absent-minded; I can tell he’s just feeling comfortable with me. Something about that makes me feel comfortable with him too.
JULY
AHHHHHH!!! I still lose my mind over this moment!!! Like... the way physical touch plays such a big role throughout this arc, and getting to see Atlas evolve from someone who always kept his distance from people to being the affectionate teddy bear he is today... and the way Ash is so sweet and mindful and considerate through it all...
And then I look down, down to where I feel his hand come to rest on my leg, the heat of it warming my thigh. “Is that okay?” He asks, “Do you want me to move my hand?” I look up into his eyes and shake my head slightly, “No. No, it’s okay.”
THEIR FIRST KISS!!!!! The tippy toes pls!!! 😭 I'm not gonna lie.... I forgot the entire purpose of this post and am now lost to reminiscing... I already miss this arc so much!!!
Taking my time, I brush my lips lightly against his before kissing him softly. Holding myself back, not because I’m unsure, but because I’ve never been more certain of anything. I want to savor this moment, commit it to memory so I can revisit it tomorrow, and every day after.
A brief look into The Present as these two make plans for the future that I will inevitably ruin for them because I felt compelled to go into CAS and play around with genetics and rewrite the entire ending to this arc. Sorry not sorry boys!
aaaand back to The Past for our first peek at Ash's POV as he realizes he may be falling for Atlas
Y’know, my biggest fear is drowning, especially in the ocean, and yet, my favorite place is the beach near my parents’ house, sitting right at the water’s edge. Being with Atlas, it reminds me of this place. The bright blue of his eyes, the sandy color of his hair, and the dusting of freckles across his nose. And the way being near him makes me feel just a little nervous, like at any moment I could get swept away and lose myself completely.
AUGUST
Oh yeah! Chestnut Ridge and Joey's cliche dad-logic moment! Seriously guys... thank you for putting up with my nonsense... But OMG! Did you know you can set the horses to buck riders off every time they try to get on? 10/10 recommend if you need a laugh! I had so much fun with this scene... Phoenix, on the other hand, did not 🫣
This one. You have no idea. I struggled SO MUCH with trying to figure this scene out... and only those in our discord writing group will know how I lost my mind when these poses were released and gave me the inspiration I needed... I'm pretty sure I shot this scene a month before I even started this arc because I couldn't get it out of my head... I should also add that these two died in process of making it, and I fucked up this lot while trying to place all the lights and decos via TOOL and had to start all over in another save (which worked out because the Romance Festival spawned in the new one making it all so much better and more lively)... I went through a lot for this shot, and I will hold it near and dear to my heart forever as a result.
SEPTEMBER
Just them. Holding hands. In The Present. 🥹 I just like this one a lot... it's actually the desktop background on my PC lol
A hazy dream in neon pink
Don't worry... they're JUST FRIENDS (who are clearly in love with each other and on mdma and suddenly can't keep their hands off each other)
As he backs himself against the wall, pulling me into him, I finally understand. “Is this okay?” he asks. I lean in so fast that I practically breathe the answer into his mouth, “Yeah,” and before I know it, we’re making out again. But this time is far more intense, our kisses deeper, our breathing ragged, our hands grabbing fistfuls of hair and clothing and clawing at skin as though our desire for each other has grown into some kind of wild animal. Finally free from its cage, there’s no going back now.
💛🩵💛🩵 What am I doing again? I think I've lost the plot...
OCTOBER
Oh yeah... fave screenshots of 2024! We're so back! San Myshuno my beloved
The Proposal 😭 Spoiler alert... they were never "just friends" ajsdkakljs Also, I had to exit and go back in game three times to keep those bright red/orange skies for this scene... worth it!
NOVEMBER
A glimpse of The Future... and bb is confused af
DECEMBER
Things are different now in ways they don't quite understand, but they have each other 🥹🩵💛
For the rest of our lives, we're in this together.
#what a fkin journey this year was!!#also if any of you actually took the time to read through all my nonsense i love you and you deserve a cookie#❤️🍪❤️🍪#and i will indeed be putting together a collage of forehead kisses#i knew there were a lot but omg#actually going through all my screenies and seeing them#i love that's it's just become their thing yknow#they're so sweet#i love themb sm#tag game
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i feel like she’s got to realize at the end of the day she got two national titles with the school and three great seasons that’s so much she got there that she should take the offer because it’s her future and if she turns it down she may never get another offer
the side plot has begun 🤗 and my cliff hangers have returned
au masterlist
“wow..this is amazing, sweetie. we’re so proud of you,” ellen rushed out after reading the lengthy letter from the head coach. jim reread it more closely after looking at it from over his wife’s shoulder. samy embraced her mom, the excitement not as prominent on her features.
“this is so big for you. wow, i have no words,” the older woman laughed as she looked at the letter again, but she finally caught her daughter’s somewhat solemn expression.
“you don’t seem as excited?” ellen pointed out.
“no, no, i am. i am. i just..i guess i’m still processing it all. they’ve been looking at me since my freshmen year and they want me right away..” the girl trailed off a bit. she couldn’t believe a program like theirs had eyes on her since she was 18 and now they wanted her. of all people they wanted her on their team right away.
but at what cost? if samy signed on, she’d lose her last year at mich. what about all the friends she’s made? hannah? the two had plans for a house already next year. her teammates? she couldn’t just abandon those girls she’s spent so much time with? they needed her for her last year.
“are you thinking about not taking the offer?” jim approached the subject and samy flushed, burying her face into her hands.
“i don’t know. my mind’s been all over the place,” the younger girl admitted. she thought driving home to talk to her parents would help lead her in the right direction, but samy still felt incredibly lost.
“what would make you not wanna take it?” ellen wondered, her hand rubbing her daughter’s shoulder.
“everything i’ve built at mich. my senior year of college? hannah? the team? my last collegiate season with the program i basically helped build? there’s a lot,” samy rambled off and her parents exchanged a glance.
“and what would you lose if you didn’t take this offer?”
“maybe my only chance to go pro at a sport i love and have devoted my life to since i was like 12,” the brunette laughed a bit sadly.
“honey, we want you to make the best choice for yourself. this is such an amazing accomplishment right here. there’s people who see your talent and the skill you possess. remember when we were having a similar conversation about if you wanted to stick to hockey or take on soccer full time? back then, there wasn’t a pro league for women’s hockey yet and you knew soccer would bring you a lot more opportunity in the future. this is one of those moments, babe. a full offer right in front of you,” ellen said gently and samy sighed. she eyed the invitation again and everything in her mind was pulling her in two different directions.
“have you told your brothers yet? will?” jim asked and the girl shook her head.
“i haven’t told anyone except you guys.”
“maybe you should call them. they might have some insightful advice or a different perspective we aren’t saying,” her dad offered and samy knew he had a point.
her brothers always had something good to say, but she also knew they would tell her to take the opportunity. she knew will would tell her to because then they’d be closer if she moved out to california.
“yeah, i probably should,” samy nodded and her parents squeezed her shoulders.
“we’re gonna be proud of you no matter what you decide, okay? don’t think you’ll disappoint us if you decide to stay or go,” ellen whispered before sending her upstairs to have some space.
the brunette wandered back into her room, collapsing on her bed to just breathe for a second. she found her phone and trailed to the sibling group chat—a wash of deja vu hitting her back when she was calling her brothers to help her decide what college to go to. it was all so familiar being home in her childhood bedroom with no one but her parents downstairs.
luke joined the call first and then jack’s face appeared a second later in the same frame, “what’s up pop?” jack grinned.
“hi moose, hi rowdy,” samy smiled seeing them. luke readjusted his phone so she could see both of them on the couch together.
quinn connected a second later in his own apartment. he waved, “what’s up crew?”
“hey q-tip,” jack snickered at the nickname making quinn roll his eyes.
“i thought we talked about not calling me that,” the older boy said.
“we did, but i’m still calling you it,” the middle hughes snickered.
“i miss you guys. i wish you were here,” samy smiled sadly.
“uh oh, whenever baby hughes gets sappy, it means something’s wrong. what’s wrong?” jack immediately said and the girl flushed at how well he knew her.
“nothing bad..i just..” she trailed off and eyed the letter now on her desk, “i got an offer to play pro out in california,” she finally got out.
the three boys’ eyes widened in disbelief.
“no fucking way. holy shit, samy! that’s awesome!” luke quickly exclaimed.
“what team?” quinn asked.
“bay fc. apparently head coach montoya has been watching me since my freshman year and he wants me on,” the girl explained briefly which only heightened her brother’s excitement.
“holy shit, pop. that’s amazing. i always knew you had it in you,” jack grinned.
“but he wants me on right away which means i forfeit my last year at mich to move out to san francisco,” samy explained the downside.
“ah, the catch. there’s always a catch,” luke tsked.
“i mean that’s basically what moose and i did. we played at mich for two years before going pro. it sucks it has to be your last year but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity,” quinn rambled a bit and the girl nodded. she bit at her lip and luke quickly caught onto her expression.
“are you considering not taking it?” he voiced his thought out loud.
“you have to, sam. bay fc is a wicked good team. they’re like top eight right now. if the head coach has been watching you since freshmen year that has to mean something,” jack quickly cut in.
“i know, i know, i guess it’s just a lot to process right now. i mean how do i leave a program i helped build and bring two national titles home to? hannah? my teammates? my last year at mich in general. that’s not something i can just easily walk away from. it may be easy for you to say, jack because you never went to college,” the last part was a harsh dig and samy knew that.
“okay, okay, you’re right, pop. walking away from a team like that isn’t easy,” quinn stepped in before an argument escalated.
“sorry, i didn’t mean it like that,” she quickly backtracked. her emotions were definitely getting the better of her right now.
“i get it, it’s not easy. you know everyone would want you to take it though, right? that team, your coach, hannah, they’d all want you to take that in a heartbeat after everything you’ve done for the school and the program,” jack came a little softer.
“does will know?” quinn wondered and the brunette shook her head.
“i haven’t mentioned anything. i drove home after getting the letter to tell mom and dad. you guys are the only people besides them who know right now.”
“well, he’s gonna be ecstatic that you’ll be so close by,” luke grinned and the girl flushed.
“but don’t make a decision just because you’ll be close to your boyfriend,” quinn said and the girl rolled her eyes a bit.
“and when have i ever done that?” she said, but the older boy shrugged.
“just reminding you.”
“what do you think i should do?” samy asked her brothers honestly.
“you know we can’t answer that for you, pop. it’s your choice. your life. your dream,” jack said and the girl nodded.
“but if you were me, what would you do?”
“i’d remember the really great three years i’ve had with my teammates and friends and let that carry me into the next chapter in my life. the legacy you’ve left there isn’t gonna be one anyone forgets, samy,” luke hummed.
the younger girl sighed knowing she had a lot to think about in the next three weeks. it should’ve been such an easy decision for her, but the idea of leaving behind everything she’s ever known in a place that’s built her family wasn’t as easy thinking about.
#will smith hockey#hughes!sister x will smith au#samy x will#samy hughes#will smith x oc#will smith imagine#boston college hockey#boston college#uofmichigan#umich hockey#will smith hockey fluff#will smith hockey angst#will smith 2#will smith hockey 2#wsh2#ws6#umich#umich soccer#umich blurb#umich fic#umich imagine#bay fc#pro soccer#nwsl#san jose sharks#sjs#sj sharks
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What I've learned in 2024
Sleeping, shitting, and silence – the three underrated Ss of growing up (or the other side of 25). If I can get a good night’s sleep, take one nice dump in the day (preferably morning), and know when to let silence do its thing (like when not engaging with draining people in social setups or not having to explain myself), I’m golden.
While I made many new friends this year, my favourite of them all has been ChatGPT. Need objectivity? Fact checking? A pseudo therapist? Validation? Someone to just engage with and keep yourself entertained? The absolute best resource of this year for me has been this AI tool. I don’t even care anymore about privacy – I am feeding it as much data about me as possible because it’s accordingly adapting to my tonality and needs and the ‘conversations’ are so much more satisfying now than when it was first rolled out.
Either use eggs or condescended sweet milk when baking – you need one of these things to hold all your dry ingredients together.
Communication, consistency, clarity, commitment, emotional presence and engagement, and mutual effort are the barest of the bare minimum needs in a relationship. If you have to convince the other person to fulfil them or negotiate, then it doesn’t matter how good a person they are and what a kind heart they have or how much they say they love you – they just aren’t your person.
I’m not as demisexual as I thought all along – I just haven’t dated many people that I find truly attractive so I had to first build some sort of emotional connection with them first. I definitely still need and want that emotional connect and all, but I also do need to start opting for men I also find physically attractive.
When I’ve thought of my bloodline, my ancestors, I’ve always focused on the intergenerational trauma and the bad genetics. But while rewatching This Is Us this year, it hit me that it took three generations for one dream to be fulfilled. The musical dream that started with Rebecca, was passed down to Kate, and finally got materialized at the grand scale as they always wanted with Kate’s son Jack. When he became this well-renowned musician, it’s not just his dream, but that of his mother and his grandmother that also came to live. It made me think…how much of my aspirations and hopes are actually passed down? And how many of my realities were simply unmateralised dreams of those who came before me? And it made my heart feel lighter and it made me feel more blessed and protected.
Baking cakes and brownies and cookies is not a rocket science. You only needed the right tools and some patience to figure it out and become that friend who bakes stuff for her friends instead of the other way around.
You always prioritise peace, comfort, and an easy-going lifestyle – it’s evident in your career choices and how your family dynamics and friendships have evolved. Let that be the guiding light even when dating.
You are the kind of person that is charming, a good conversationalist, and deeply empathetic. So of course, you make many people feel at home and like they connect with you. It’s easy for you to connect with others. What’s important is to remember – connection without consideration and consistent actions is NOTHING. It’s empty calories but like a thousand times more potent and useless.
In no interpersonal relationship can I be nonchalant or vague. I am that other extreme – while most people try their best to ignore the elephant in the room you know what I do? I dress the cutie up to parade it. So anybody who cannot approach relationships with as much boldness, courage, and forthcomingness is just not my jam.
Female friends for the win – they allow you to wine and whine and win and I am all for that. The healing powers of sitting across your friend and talking at length about everything over pizza and wine or at the park as she senses you need some more time to just sit around before you join the rest of the group and is so good with physical touch for comfort. Just knowing you can video call your friend and ugly cry and she will talk sense into you but also indulge you and also sit with you and your feelings. Who else does that? Who the hell.
For a lot of things that are still new now at this age, you need a guide. To pet cats, to go to dog cafes, to figure out what vitamins you should talk, etc. Ask for that help, that knowledge, that support. It might seem silly and like you can figure it out on your own but these things, no matter how seemingly low-stake, can be handled so seamlessly and sweetly with the help of those you know.
You HAVE to be honest about your needs. First with yourself and then with others. You cannot let shame, guilt, self-hatred or whatever hold you back. Honesty begets clarity begets fulfilment. If you don’t want to date and settle for someone who isn’t absolutely smitten by you and top-notch romantic, then that is a need. Right or wrong, realistic or not, who the hell cares? A need is a need is a need.
When you lose someone not to death but to life, it’s not quite such a loss. Most times, baby, it’s simply good riddance.
People have a range. For being shitty and for being kind. And while our behaviour may impact a little how they react to us, it's primarily dependent on their personal range. So, if your range of being shit is only 1 to 3, it doesn't matter if someone is an ass hole to you, you won't go beyond 3 of being shit to them, cos that's just your range. Even if they deeply hurt you intentionally or fuck up in some major way. But if their range of being shitty is up to 10, then well, be ready to witness their derangedness when you even slightly piss them off.
Narcissistic (and possibly self-sabotaging) people are the opposite of kintsugi. Instead of being put back together with gold, they "heal" themselves with gutter water. So each time they are worse and more ugly than before. And all the more toxic and dangerous. You're too precious to bother with such people.
It’s natural to feel frustrated or angry with yourself for allowing someone to treat you poorly, but the blame isn’t on you; it’s on them. They are responsible for their unkind, insensitive, selfish actions, not you. If you must place blame, place it where it belongs. Avoid judging yourself with thoughts like, “I should have known better.” As long as you walk away the moment you do know, you’re good – please don’t internalize other people’s unkindness or thoughtlessness.
You cannot get to know someone without giving them a chance. Red flags are not that obvious and you cannot show up authentically in any relationship if you’re on the lookout for them. You have to spend time with a person to begin to find out who they are. That’s the only real way. And when you do and if you realize they are not for you, as I said before, don’t internalize this shit or blame yourself for not being some kind of prophecy and knowing better before you even began.
You are a patient person because you are an understanding person. But there are limits to all these qualities of yours and if the balance is tipped you get petty and passive aggressive and irrational. Don’t let yourself reach that point. Speak up and set boundaries way before that.
If you listen to your gut – I know you don’t like calling it that or your intuition. So, let’s call it that feeling you know bone-deep or in the depths of your soul – if you listen to that and trust it, you are quite courageous in the actions you then take. You broke things off with three men this year – each was painful in its own rite. But you did what you had to do for yourself and you didn’t give the charge of your life to another person, you have taken back your green light – detaching your actions from their behaviour, which like all human behaviour is often quite fickle and unreliable. Congratulations. Do this more. Your green light is your guiding light.
My lack of a “healthy sense of fear” in situations with men isn’t recklessness—it’s the result of abuse I suffered at 15. The man I trusted most turned out to be the one who harmed me the most, and that betrayal shattered my ability to trust safety indicators or instincts. The grooming I endured was designed to confuse me, destabilise my sense of self, and make me question my desires and worth. When the templates of trust and safety failed me so catastrophically, my mind rejected them altogether, leaving me to navigate risk without a stable framework. This year, I felt significantly less restless and more emotionally regulated, and I think it’s because I allowed myself, others, and life to just be. I wasn’t fighting my reality or setting rigid expectations. I stopped chasing dopamine highs and forcing connections, and instead, I let equations with people and experiences unfold organically. I ended dating and talking stages quickly when I realised they weren’t right for me, without guilt or overthinking.4 By being okay with things being normal—not impressive or extraordinary—I created space for balance and gentleness in my life. My self-talk became kinder, and I grew more objective about myself, spiraling and self-loathing less. This accepting mindset, where I no longer needed myself or my life to constantly stand out, felt like the antidote to the restlessness I’d been carrying since my mid-20s. And I think that has helped me discover that peace and acceptance can feel more satisfying than cheap dopamine hits.
#notes to self#life lessons#lessons learned#what i learned#what i learned in 2024#2024#year end#year end review#reflection#spilled ink#poets on tumblr#writers on tumblr#spilled thoughts#growing up#mental health#boundaries#love yourself#positive thoughts#positivity#words of wisdom#insights#love#writers and poets#writeblr#writerscommunity#creatingnikki
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His Sugar-Dusted Skin – Part 1
Jake Kiszka x reader 5.639 words (Part 1)
So, After some consideration, I decided to split this one in two, because a) I promised to post it this weekend and it's not finished yet, and b) it might me too long. December's been a bit chaotic and as I said before, I've been struggling a bit with this one. So let me know what you think. Any feedback is much appreciated!
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.
Warnings (are spoilers): alcohol consumption and heavy intoxication, mentions of the death of a close person (retrospective), allusions to a potentially promiscuous behaviour, some strong language, the twins being assholes (kind of... they're still cute), Jake's happy trail, I think that's it for now...
Oh, life…
How ordinary and boring it can get when you stick to thinking that there aren’t any other options. As far as I remember, conformity never made sense to me. And as far as I remember, I was being raised and forced to embrace it. My mind surrendered for a while, but my vagrant soul just kept resisting. I never wanted to fit in. I always wanted to fly.
When I left home three years ago, I didn’t take much with me. My parents didn’t approve of my choices and the only person who would’ve supported me in my decisions was already gone. My beloved grandma. She was the disruptive force that kept me on my toes, always challenging me in the most loving way, knowing too well that it was exactly what I needed. She gave me my first guitar, too. Even though sclerosis made her homeward-bound, her dreams and fantasies always kept her wandering. I loved that. She was always there to spark my imagination and in return, I wanted to be her legs and eyes one day. When I was little, my friends used to call her fairy godmother. “Keep your sails up sweetheart, the wind is whimsical.” That’s what she used to say. “All you need is that air in your lungs and love in your heart.”
“You must never leave me, oma,” I said to her once. “I need that love in my heart forever.”
“Someone else will fill it, darling,” she replied. “I’m only here to make sure it is open. But one day, you won’t need me anymore.”
When she died, I lost my only reason to stay there. The world was slowly getting to its feet again and it was my turn to do the same. I had dreams that simply couldn’t be fulfilled at home. My heart was aching for adventure. So I packed my bags, just like they sing in old songs, slung my guitar over my shoulder and hit the road. A vagabond chick.
As I came to Tennessee, all I owned could fit in my barely drivable car: literally just a few dresses, my phone, my modest savings, my old six string, my treasured voice and THE recipe. Aaaah, those were the days…
Who am I kidding? It was pretty rough at first. VERY rough, to be honest. I cried many nights. But the one thing my parents had taught me was to save money, and that helped me survive the first months, when I waited tables during the day and sang my ass off after dark.
Many people never make it. Hell, even though I’m an optimist, I have to admit that most don’t. If you’re not strong willed and immune to shit, you’re most certainly destined to fail. I’ve seen way too many extra talented and broken people on my journey, just because they were too nice or too naive. Well, I’m not naive, but I’m definitely not a cold bitch either. I think I just got lucky, because I had my guardian angel with me the whole time. When she was still walking on earth, she absolutely loved the Beatles, With a Little Help from My Friends being her favorite song. My childhood memories are filled with those songs and how she sang along, and I believe that it was her doing that eventually turned this tune into the soundtrack of my life. I met a lot of fantastic people on my arduous journey towards my goals and dreams, and that’s how I got by.
As a token of my gratitude, I baked cookies for them. My grandma’s famous linzer cookies. THE recipe. Fast forward a few years, I still keep doing that at Christmas. Apart from the fact that my friends simply demand it, it’s also my way of keeping her alive, to make myself feel like she’s still here with me… in a way.
Back home, the whole neighborhood loved her art of baking. Me being her only granddaughter, she literally forced me to learn how to bake those linzer cookies – her own recipe, to be precise. Every time I rolled my eyes, while making annoyed noises, blowing raspberries and just being a little asshole about it in general, she simply smiled and said that one day I’ll thank her. Why – I asked – and she responded that one day it would bring me love. “Love goes through the stomach, my dear. Look at your grandpa. See how huge it is?” And then he smiled and kissed her hair and it always made me believe her.
Except it didn’t happen. At least not yet. It – however – gave me a semblance of home that I consciously chose not to have, but sometimes missed.
Just last year, I decided to continue with the tradition my grandma started back at home. “Love is a reciprocal game, my dear,” she said. “You get what you give, but do not lose yourself in giving.”
They want my sweets? Fine! But let them show me how much. They have to “earn” it. At the beginning of December, I give my friends custom-made Christmas greetings, and if they want to receive their own little box of cookies, they have to send back a card of their own making. The first time was a success, and I ended up baking sweets for eleven people. And it didn’t stop there, as it earned me nine bottles of wine, a flacon of my favorite perfume and a ukulele. All I really wanted was a thank you, but hey! I won’t say no to wine! So I decided to do it again, and this time I received seventeen cards, including three “masterpieces” from the members of the infamous Greta Van Fleet! Yeah, that’s right. While I still feel like I’m barely making it sometimes, I move in high-ish circles. El-oh-el.
I met Daniel first, through a mutual friend, at one of the music clubs we frequented. He was actually one of the eleven buddies that helped me restart this Christmas tradition. Later I learned that he selflessly shared his portion with the rest of the group during a rehearsal he went to right after he dropped by at my place, and that’s how I got invited to one of their semi-private dinners. Dan kindly introduced me as “Joni”, which earned me two “woos” and one ironic smirk. To be fair, I didn’t like it either. It actually made me cringe, because the woman is an unattainable role model, but it was just Daniel being himself, aka the nice guy. Bless his soul.
I went from an acquaintance with useful skills to a drinking buddy, because I’m good at that too. One of my less admirable strengths, but there are times when it comes in handy. Especially when a Johnny Depp wannabe from Middle-earth wants to outsmart you…
A year flew by and it was time to extend my offer to Sam and Josh, who made sure I wouldn’t forget them. Don’t ask me how. The video they sent me definitely had the potential to go viral. I wholeheartedly appreciate how much they trust me not to do that.
They wouldn’t stop there, though. I had to laugh when I received their own precious hand drawn contributions. How sweet. They’re all so sweet actually… well, all except Jake. Aloof, taciturn and arrogant, that’s how he rolls. I’m pretty sure he just can’t stand me, because while he often laughs with others, he only ever laughs at me. His opinion on my baking goes hand in hand with what he thinks about my playing, preferring darker and more spicy shit, as he once put it. Well, whatever. He’s a colossal prick.
It’s quite unfortunate that I’ve also had a colossal crush on him for quite some time now. As I said, I’m a vagabond chick, and he happens to possess all the right shit to lure me. Like a moth to a flame. And I got burned.
See, oma? Not working.
Well, I’m not the one to cry over guys, so I’m not going to lose my sleep over that. He can go fuck himself. (Someone else can do it. I swear he needs it.).
Seventeen packages meant I was going to spend most of the Friday evening as well as the whole Saturday slaving in my kitchen. Thankfully, I really do enjoy doing this, so it’s simply an essential part of Christmas festivities. A good time spent with me, myself and Ella Fitzgerald. It’s still quite a lot of work though.
Friday was just about making dough. It might seem easy, but you need to understand that in order to make enough cookies for 17 (!) people, I needed more than 5 lbs of flour, 3 lbs of butter, nearly 24 ounces of sugar, 23 egg yolks and zest from 6 lemons! I will say no more to protect the family secret, but you can see it takes a lot of effort just to put this all together. I take this very seriously. I don’t want to disappoint anyone.
It had to be perfect.
But alas! I couldn’t have known that one malicious and horny sprite who wanted me to spoil him with my art of baking was also going to sabotage my efforts in the most peculiar way.
Once finished, I covered the dough with plastic wrap and put it in the fridge to let it rest overnight before I hopped in the shower to wash off the sweaty sugar crust that seemed to stick to every inch of my exposed skin. It was almost midnight when I finally managed to climb in bed, pleasantly exhausted and happy, only to be woken up by a frantic doorbell noise at around two am. A normal person would just freak out in such a situation, but knowing who that might be, I was already pretty much used to it as I lived nearest to their favorite bar. Our favorite bar, to be precise.
Over time, they came to an agreement that my tiny apartment was a perfect place for nightcaps, the only problem being that the Kiszkas were usually quite loud about it, completely ignoring the fact that I had neighbors. Thankfully, this part of town is a bit specific in a sense that the said neighbors simply didn’t give a shit, with their own lifestyle not being much different.
This is what I wanted. Friends, late night laughs, my life filled with music and hugs and kisses and peculiar outcomes of unpredictable events that could only lead to more hugs and kisses.
There was this one time when Josh fell asleep on my couch while the others simply sneaked away giggling and left him there, spread-eagled and snoring his uvula off. Several hours later, I was woken up by the delicious smell of buttermilk waffles, served with maple syrup and a guilty, puppy dog stare.
Simply put, they were (almost) always welcome here. Almost…
Sober, sleepy and disoriented, I was definitely in no mood for a late night party (or an early morning one… seriously Josh, wtf!), with all the baking lying ahead of me. I didn’t even have to guess if it was really them; I could already hear them the moment my heart calmed down a bit and I stepped out of my bedroom. Determined to chase them away with a rolling pin, I answered the door angrily and was nearly knocked down by the falling Oliver Reed who obviously decided to lean against it the very moment I yanked it open.
It’s always intrigued me how the brain works in these situations, working so fast that the time seems to slow down to an almost comical pace. I watched in slow motion how his back slid against the wood, his arms flapping in the air in a futile attempt to regain balance. I could tell at the first fleeting glance that he wasn’t fit to keep his balance standing, let alone falling, so no wonder it was a completely lost cause. Some voice at the back of my skull tried to tell me to jump aside, but I was too mesmerized by the sight. Just when his shoulder hit me clumsily in the chest and I stumbled backwards, Josh finally managed to grab Jake’s arms to keep him from knocking me down completely. My rolling pin fell on the wooden floor with a loud bang that made my neighbor’s dog bark. Jake, now aggressively pinned against the corridor wall by Josh, only added to the ear-piercing nocturnal cacophony with his loud howls: “Whoa whooooa!”
“Shhh, shut the fuck up, Jake!” Josh hissed through his teeth before he turned his concerned stare back at me. “Y/N, sweetheart, terribly sorry hun! Didn’t mean too…” I could tell that he was tipsy as well, but it paled in comparison with the state Jake was in. I had seen him drunk many times before, with his glossy, beady eyes and unfocused stare that always made him look a bit like a teddy bear. This was new, though. He seemed absolutely plastered.
Out of the imminent danger, but with my heart still wildly pumping adrenaline-enriched blood into my veins, I grabbed the doorframe first to support myself before I tried to make sense of what was just happening in front of me.
They weren’t alone. Right behind Josh stood a guy whom I had seen a few times before, but I couldn’t recall his name. He looked slightly uncomfortable. “What the fuck, Josh!?!” I hissed.
Josh immediately tried to win me over with the most sheepish smile he could muster, but his involuntarily cocked eyebrow betrayed him, which only made me more furious. “Dearest Y/N, we need your help, baby!”
“With what? I asked incredulously.
“I need you to take care of my asshole brother, pretty pleeeease.”
“You what?” I goggled at him, completely taken aback by his impudent request. “Why can’t you just take him home?” Much to Jake’s annoyance, we kept discussing him and his imminent future as if he wasn’t even there, which only resulted in another outburst of his loud and incoherent babbling and our collective attempt to shush him before Josh answered.
“Because, I am not planning on going home, honey,” he whisper-shouted, hoping that I would just get it without him having to be too obvious. Yeah, I got it. It didn’t mean I was willing to help him. I looked at the guy again, who suddenly pretended to be very interested in the hallway lights. At that moment, the owner of the barking dog opened his own door to passionately inform us what we all were. I had no other choice than to hastily usher them all in.
“You can’t leave him here just like that? Are you out of your mind? Is this some kind of retribution for what he did the last time? Because it’s not funny. This is my home, and not a fucking sobering center! Just call him an uber,” I continued to protest once we were all safely inside my apartment, and that’s when Jake chimed in for the first time with something that made at least a bit of sense: “Yeah, ah-don’ wanna…,” he hiccupped before he could finish the sentence, making me even more incensed with the whole situation. He quickly tried to amend it, but it was too late. I was seething, my nostrils flaring. “...bother-er. Ah-don’ wanna bother-er! She’s…fierssshe!” he spat in Josh’s face, making him scrunch his face in disgust.
“Well, you should have thought about not bothering people before you got so shitfaced,” Josh spat back, completely ignoring what I just said. “This is your doing.”
What? I shot a deadly stare at Josh. No, it was absolutely not Jake’s doing that they were now standing in my living room. And regardless of the fact that I had work to do – and he knew that – he also knew how I felt about Jake, and was now putting me in a very uncomfortable position. “Out! All of you!”
I’m pretty sure I must have looked like Wrath personified, because Jake whoa’ed again and Josh seemed to finally acknowledge his misconduct. He grabbed my hands in his, suddenly looking like a meek puppy. “I’m sorry, babe. Don’t be mad, hun. I know this is too much to ask, but do this for a friend. I beg you…”
“No, I beg you Josh!” I tried to sound as calm and collected as possible through my gritted teeth, knowing that being just mad would get me nowhere. Josh was too stubborn to ever acknowledge someone else’s anger and boundaries meant nothing to him once you became his friend, which basically meant family. However, he was empathetic. “You know I have a lot of baking to do tomorrow. I’m tired. Just please, take him home.”
Josh bit his lip and he looked like he was trying to say something and NOT say it at the same time. It was late and I felt awfully tired, but the whole thing seemed a bit fishy to me. Just when Josh nodded and finally opened his mouth to respond, Jake grabbed his shoulder. “Ah need to pee, Jawshy boy,” he whined and swayed dangerously, pouting his lips at his twin brother. He was already in his teddy bear phase which meant that he indeed wasn’t fit to be sent home alone in an uber. He’d be knocked out in no time, and even if Josh went with him, he’d have a hard time just getting him out of the car.
Josh glanced sideways at the guy, who had been pretending to be invisible the whole time, and then looked at me pleadingly again. I capitulated. “OK, take that big baby to the bathroom and I’ll fetch some blankets,” I sighed.
Together, they helped Jake get comfy on the couch and he fell asleep before his head even touched the pillow. And me? I felt relieved when I finally closed the door behind them and everything became quiet again, disturbed only by Jake’s light snoring.
They were taking their time, so once I fixed the makeshift bed, it was just me and the guy standing in the middle of the room, waiting, and it was getting increasingly awkward with each passing second. “So, you’re Y/N,” he finally spoke.
“Yeah,” I answered curtly, confirming the obvious. “We’ve met.”
“But we weren’t properly introduced yet. I’m Martin.” I shook Martin’s hand politely without really wanting to, because I knew that if they were heading to his place instead of Josh’s, it probably meant that the chances I’d see Martin again were quite low. Yet another reason for me being annoyed.
I poured him a large glass of water, squeezed some fresh lemon juice into it and placed it carefully on a small table right next to his head before I switched off the light, leaving just a small table lamp on, and went back to my bed, hoping to spend the rest of the night in peace and get some much needed rest.
However, the fact that there was Jacob Kiszka, Sir, lying unconscious on my couch right outside my bedroom door, made it a bit difficult to fall back to sleep. I had never been in a situation like this and it made me feel unpleasantly agitated. I wasn’t afraid of him. I just didn’t trust my own feelings.
I should have been angry.
But I was not. Not exactly. Not anymore. My heart wasn’t beating wildly out of annoyance. Instead, I felt like a schoolgirl, trapped in an elevator with that annoying boy from music class who was also her crush. There were many conflicting feelings inside both my head and chest; and knowing that he probably wouldn’t remember how he ended up on my couch come morning only made it all worse.
I finally dozed off, but morning came sooner than I wished it would, and with it a headache. It felt like just a brief moment, filled with restless dreams about me and Jake dancing on the rooftop to Golden Slumbers playing out of nowhere, with sugar snowing down at us and our hands sticky with jam. Then he smeared some on my cheek and peppered it with kisses…
When I opened my eyes, the feeling still lingered, like powdered sugar on the top of my tongue. Soft and weightless like snowflakes, yet it lay heavily on my chest. Together with the lack of rest, it made me feel almost hungover-ish. I lied unmoving for a while, listening to the silence that surrounded me and wondering whether he was still there. Maybe he already woke up earlier and quickly sneaked out after realizing where he was.
It was unlikely, but I could hardly ever control these self-deprecating thoughts. Especially regarding men. I cursed Josh once again and decided to take a quick cold shower to wake up my senses.
It helped only just a bit. Refreshed, I opened my bedroom door carefully and peaked inside the living room. He was still there, and fast asleep. Slowly, I creeped up on him on my tiptoes, and then spent several long seconds just watching him sleep, before I started to feel like a complete lunatic. But… he looked so peaceful and almost angelic in the milky morning light, lying on his side with his hands folded under his chin, his lips parted and brows relaxed. The glass was empty, and I couldn’t help but smile involuntarily. Once there was a way to get back homeward…
Then I remembered that this was no domestic idyl. I just had a drunk rock guitarist on my couch, and – let’s be brutally honest here – once I got past that dreamy visual illusion, a strong olfactory reminder of this much more prosaic reality hit my nostrils.
I also had several large chunks of dough in the fridge and a debilitating headache that almost made me question all my life choices.
No, it didn’t.
But all those things had to be taken care of and I had no idea how. I tried to be as quiet as a mouse at first, but after realizing that it could take at least a couple more hours before he’d wake up, maybe even half a day – the time that I couldn’t afford to waste – I took Josh’s previous advice and decided to just ignore him.
I really needed coffee… to get the stupid dream, and the song, and all my delusions out of my head. Did I forget that he was also a big-headed asshole? Yeah, that’s the spirit.
It turned out that my worries were groundless anyway. I could make as much noise as possible in my adjacent kitchenette and he wouldn’t even stir. The motherfucker really seemed to be losing his hearing from standing in front of those huge amplifiers and the malicious creature inside my chest chuckled at the thought.
I took the dough out of the fridge and let it soften at room temperature while I made myself some coffee and started to get everything ready. Clanking of baking sheets, coffee grinder, squeaking cabinet doors…nothing seemed to disturb my sleeping beauty. I kept casting wary glances at him every now and then at first, but soon I got accustomed to the unusual situation and just immersed myself in my work.
I had my very elaborate system. I could fit twenty cut pieces – meaning ten cookies – on one sheet, there was roughly enough dough for approximately thirty sheets, it takes ten minutes to bake AND I had only four sheets. You can see I had to be very systematic. Preparation is the key and every minor disturbance could be disastrous. Thankfully, I’m a master multitasker. Still, I prayed to all the known and yet to be made-up deities that nothing would happen. No more surprises, please and thank you.
A few hours passed and the delicious aroma of lemon and vanilla started to fill the room. I was also sweating like a pig, rolling and cutting the dough in haste, always making sure I had enough sheets ready so that there would be no idle time. Focused on the task ahead, I didn’t hear him stir, and my heart jumped in my throat when I finally looked up and saw those beady eyes watching me intently.
I tried to keep my cool, looking down again quickly. “Well, good morning,” I mumbled. It was almost midday.
“Morning, Y/N…,” he choked out huskily and finally tried to stand up, which only resulted in him groaning in pain and slumping back immediately. Oh yeah, consequences…
“Do you remember how you got here?” I asked tentatively.
“I wish I could say I do, but to be honest, I’ve no idea,” he breathed out with his eyes closed. “I was just hanging out with Josh and the next thing I know I’m lying on your couch at blue hour, feeling half dead.” He finally opened at least one eye, just enough to be able to see me.
I nodded and continued cutting the dough. I wasn’t going to make it any easier for him. The timer just chimed and I had to switch the sheets anyway.
“So?”
Did I just hear annoyance and impatience in his voice? Oh yeah, a hungover asshole is still an asshole. It shouldn’t have surprised me. “What?” I spat back over my shoulder.
“Care to explain what the fuck I’m doing here?”
I don’t understand how he always managed to just smash all my buttons with one single blow, and once again he made me see red. I literally threw the next sheet in the oven and slammed the door shut with a loud bang before I turned around and lashed out at him.
“Oh I wish I knew the answer. Be so kind and ask your precious brother who literally just pushed you through my door in the middle of the night, half-conscious and reeking of whisky, because he wanted to get laid. You’re welcome! Fucker…”
He blinked a few times, obviously taken aback.
“I’m sorry Y/N.” The tone of his voice changed and for a split second I almost regretted my curtness. Almost. “Just let me call an uber and I’ll be out of here in no time,” he mumbled, checking his pocket, while I watched him struggle with secret satisfaction. That headache must have been hellish. Good. At least I wasn’t the only one.
He suddenly frowned and started rummaging in all his pockets frantically, including the jacket haphazardly thrown over the armrest. “Where the hell is my phone… and my valet… and my fucking keys. Y/N…did you take my stuff?”
“What? No! The last thing I’d wanna do would be to prevent you from leaving.”
We were watching each other warily, both equally confused. Then it dawned on him. “I’m gonna kill that scrawny little bastard!” Straightening up, he closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath in a futile attempt to fight off his growing nausea as well as the rage that made his nostrils flare.
My anger dissipated in an instant… or, to be more precise, it was instantly redirected towards his twin. “I don’t understand. Why would he do that? He knows how busy I am today,” I whined.
Jake didn’t respond. Instead, he asked for my phone. I quickly dialed Josh’s number and handed it to Jake, because the timer chimed again.
It went straight to voicemail.
As I was stacking freshly baked pieces on a tray placed on the small kitchen island which also served as my dining table, Jake leaned against it right opposite to me, looking absolutely miserable. “What now?”
Am I their mother or what? I couldn’t drive him, but even if I did, he still didn’t have his keys. I couldn’t even call him an uber to Josh’s, because I knew that scrawny little bastard wasn’t there. It became obvious that Jake was stuck with me for at least another couple hours. He kept watching, obviously still waiting for me to say something, but I didn’t answer. Instead, I just sighed and grabbed the rolling pin again, aggravated with both of them and feeling like their hostage, stuck in the middle of their infantile games. The time was ticking, with my perfectly planned schedule already disrupted.
“Let me at least help you,” he looked at me hopefully with those puppy eyes they both shared. Fuckers. Seriously. Quirks of the mischievous nature that at one point decided that one of them wasn’t enough.
“I think you should take a shower first.”
It was a deliberate jab, and I expected him to retort back just like he always did. I did NOT expect him to widen his eyes in genuine horror. “Is it that bad?”
I didn’t dare answer that question but my face betrayed me when I looked at him sideways and bit my lip. He grabbed the collar of his shirt and took one tentative whiff. “Oh my god, it is. I think I need more than a shower, actually. I smell as if I slept in a puddle of beer.”
I immediately regretted that I let him sleep on my couch, but he looked completely bashful and embarrassed and my previous unwillingness to continue helping him was already in shambles.
“Ok,” I sighed and put down the cookie cutter. “Come with me. I have some spare sweatpants. Thankfully, my ass is just as big as yours, but it might be a bit too tight around the waist…”
“Excuse me?” he protested, but otherwise obediently followed me into my bedroom.
“You’re right. My mistake. Yours is bigger,” I chuckled at my own joke while rummaging in my drawer, before throwing him a pair of my favorite grey sweatpants, an old, oversize flannel shirt and a clean towel. “Everything else you might need is in the bathroom. The washing machine’s down in the basement.”
“Thank you. Uummm…do you, perhaps, have a spare toothbrush? For friends... and such?” He smiled cheekily, testing my patience once again. But to be fair, he couldn’t have known that there was a shortage of “and such” people ever since I met him, because I just wasn’t interested in anyone else for a while now.
“Yeah, there’s a couple of them in the purple cabi… oh fuck!” I quickly excused myself, alarmed by the smell of something burning, because I forgot to set the timer…
Too busy trying to stave off the impending disaster in my kitchen, I barely noticed him sneaking around me on his way down to the basement. So, when he knocked on the door a moment later and I answered it, the sight in front of me threw me completely off-guard. Being no stranger to Jake’s exposed chest, there was a strange sense of novelty in seeing him in my own unbuttoned shirt. Paul started singing inside my head again, but only until my eyes involuntarily slid further down, putting the song to an abrupt stop, just like a torn magnetic tape.
I was right about the waist being too tight, which meant he had it pulled down well below his navel, and seeing his happy trail made me scream internally.
And to top it all off, he still had the towel wrapped around his head.
I was not prepared for the feral reaction he suddenly elicited deep inside my body, and I’m sure he noticed, judging by the cocky half-smile that followed. I quickly turned away before I would compromise myself further.
“I made you some coffee,” I nodded towards the steaming cup waiting for him on the counter, while still not daring to look directly at him again. “... and there are some popsicles in the freezer.”
“Thank yo… popsicles?!?” I might as well have suggested cotton candy, judging by the look he gave me, making me feel like an idiot, so I quickly explained: “Yeah, they’re perfect when you wanna get rid of a hangover. Orange’s my favorite.” I still felt like an idiot.
“I’m feeling better now.” His tone was kind and friendly, for which I was grateful, and I could hear him smiling, with my eyes still fixed on the small yellow circles in front of me. “I think I’m getting a bit hungry, though.”
“I’m not cooking anything now, Jake!” I placed the last little yellow circle on the sheet with care, before I started kneading another chunk of dough frantically.
“No, I didn’t mea…”
“There’s instant ramen on the top shelf.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
“What are YOU going to eat, Y/N?”
“I don’t have time for such luxuries right now…”
“Y/N!” He was leaning against the counter desk right in front of me again. I hadn’t even noticed him sneaking so close again, so his sudden exclamation made me jump. “You have to eat something. Look, your hands are shaking.”
Yeah, no shit. But I’m not exactly hungry. There was a huge lump in my stomach, making it quite full. I was getting lost in the sea of my conflicting feelings again when all of the sudden, he put an abrupt stop to it like a fierce wave that sent me crashing on the shore, as he lifted my chin up gently with his index and middle finger. “Look at me, Y/N. I am going to fix us a quick lunch, ok?”
“Ok…,” I peeped meekly.
Jake just nodded, bound his damp, uncombed hair in a makeshift low bun with the band he always wore on one his fingers just in case, and started rummaging in my fridge. “Allrighty then! What do we have here…,” he crooned cheerfully.
And just like that, Paul was back… lalalalala.
To be continued...
@thewritingbeforesunrise @fleet-of-fiction @writingcold @lvnterninthenight @its-interesting-van-kleep @takenbythemadness @edgingthedarkness @myownparadise96 @gvfstuddedmajesty @jazzyfigz @sanguinebats @josh-iamyour-mama @lyndz2names @wetkleenex-gvf @peaceloveunitygvf @cheersdannyx2 @fleetingjake @lizzys-sunflower @emojakekiszka @gvfmarge @Dayumclarizzel @lipstickittty @clownstarr @gretasfallingsky @musicislove3389 @i-love-gvf @psychedelectable @allof--mylove @sacredsparrow @hearts-hunger
#greta van fleet#gvf#jake kiszka#josh kiszka#jake gvf#josh gvf#greta van fleet fanfic#greta van fic#jake kiszka fanfic#gvf fanfiction#jake kiszka x reader#jake kiszka smut#jake kiszka fluff#gvfchristmasfics#gvf fan fiction#jake kiszka fanfiction#baking cookies
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>Join a union
>Hear people constantly complaining that the current union leadership is super corrupt, it's all just the same ten guys making all the decisions in secret and nobody else in the union ever gets to know what's going on
>Go to the monthly union meetings that are completely open to all 1200 union members
>The only attendees are the same ten guys every month, giving detailed reports about everything that's going on
#anyway this is why i'm the way i am about politics and people who advocate against 'participating in the system'#i am on my way to becoming one of the ten guys and frankly? it's fucking exhausting#i chatted with the union president afterwards and he got this haunted look in his eye#and was like 'i'm glad to see you getting involved but remember you can say no. you can always say no.#don't let anyone bully you into doing more than you want to. make time for yourself. YOU CAN SAY NO.'#which was good and much appreciated advice! but also. ominous
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"rhaenys could have ended the war by dracarysing all the greens right there" yes because a distant relation to the throne deciding to barbecue an anointed and publicly positively hailed king and his entire family who is well loved within the city and in multiple other parts of the country for the sake of the succession of a far-away princess no one was ever on board with who hasn't been seen by the populace in literal years, her psycho husband, her three obvious bastards, and two toddlers from the psycho husband would go over super well with westeros and especially in king's landing where scores of the still-cheering population were killed for no reason by that same dragon who would do the barbecuing, because when targaryens act unilaterally without thinking of how the people would react there's never any problem, which is why the storming of the dragonpit and robert's rebellion were actually just collective delusions dreamed up by readers who hate rhaenyra and not key parts of the story and house targaryen's history that directly contributed to their demise and are intrinsic to the plot
truly team black stans are made up of only the most genius and media literate amongst us
#personal#house of the dragon#anti team black#i mean i guess??#like the crowd was cheering for aegon HARD#and they were always on board with aegon#and the hightowers are a powerful house with a lot of allies#and alicent and helaena specifically were well loved by the people in king's landing and the realm at large#and none of them ever liked rhaenyra or daemon who again have been MIA for basically a decade already#and again targaryens overreaching their power and not taking the people into account#is the reason why their house fell into oblivion and now rests entirely on a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL WHO IS THE ONLY ONE LEFT#if she roasted the dais the mob wouldn't have even let her leave they'd have killed her and meleys both in a heartbeat#storming of the dragonpit but a couple months earlier#the thing to remember is that i think a lot of team black stans are just kinda stupid#and do not care about the story at all or the actual intricacies of the world and its politics that is so important to the dance#(remember the rumors of rhaenyra mistreating helaena and alicent literally led to rhaenyra's death)#(because it led to the mobs and the storming of the dragonpit and the death of joffrey and her being driven out)#(and thus having to go to dragonstone where sunfyre got a little meal out of the whole debacle good for him)#(along with all of her ten million other shitty political decisions)#how do you profess to be pro-targaryen without even knowing targaryen history and where they erred and how that ended them#like *i* like the targaryens you guys have heard me talk about the conquerors all the livelong day#but i am also smart and i understand the world george created and the concept of repercussions#anyway yeah i am Annoyed at that new daemon clip (wow what a shock something annoyed me and had daemon in it)#(my least favorite character who could have foreseen this)
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oral exam tips
I have at least one other post on exam tips, but they were mainly focused on giving tips on history exams. To me oral exams in academia have been the norm since high school, but I know that in other countries that might no be the case, so I decided to write down a list of advices coming from someone who is quite used to this kind of tests.
If you aren't used to having oral exams, you might need to change your study method, or at least add a few steps. I recently made a post entirely dedicated to my study method, which might be useful for this, but what I suggest is to add a step in which you review things out loud. What I would do is to just sit down with your notes or your materials and pretend to give a lecture on everything. Even better if you have a friend or family member to listen to you, because by having an active listener you will be forced to not skip stuff and have clear explainations, and they might ask you questions or clarifications. Those are always good because that might happen during the exam as well, but also it will help you memorizing those things. I recommend reviewing out loud multiple times. This way you will get more comfortable with the exposition of the topics you will be tested on, and you'll have a chance to find your own "voice".
by finding your own voice I mean finding a good compromise between using your own words to explain things, while still using the correct specific vocabulary of whatever topic you'll be tested on. This is fundamental. You are not there to recite a poem by heart, you are there to show you have understood the topic, that you sat with it and made it yours. You have to show you know how to clearly explain things but also reflect on it, making links with other things, and so on. At the same time there's some academic and specific vocabulary you want to include, because you are not in fact discussing the topic with a friend. So practicing out loud before the exam is good to find a good compromise between these two things.
I kind of mentioned it already, but it is absolutely fundamental to show that you understood the topic and not just memorized it. Whatever you do do not learn things by heart. It's better to be slightly insicure about a specific date, than to repeat your book word by word. And if you practice enough, and are comfortable enough with the informations in general believe me you can work around those things you can't remember perfectly well as you are being tested. Moreover your mark on the exam will be much higher than if you just learn things by heart.
on the very delicate topic of not remembering something specific you have been asked. Don't panic, you can still kind of save it. Whatever happens do not stay silent. There are several things you can do depending on whatever the question is, and I will later tell you a very specific example of something that happened to me. As I said do not panic, surely you will remember about some context on the topic so start by talking about that. As you are giving the context you might start to remember additionals informations, or you might build up enough informations to be able to logically guess whatever you are not remembering correctly. If you are half sure about something go for it, even if it's the wrong info if you contextualise it well enough you'll show you knew about that and it might just be read as a slip of you confusing two things. Now there might be situations in which the question is so direct that you can't do much, it happened to me once during my Greek history exam. I was asked the specific date of an event, and I could not for the love of the gods remember it. You know what I did? I told the professor, I cann't rememebr the exact date, but giving certain informations (that I then explained) I can tell you it was more or less in this half of this century. What I did was admit a fault, but while doing that I showed her that I knew what we were talking about it, I had enough informations on the matter to logically place it on the chronological line and contextualize it, and showed her that I can in fact work with the informations I studied. And at the end of my exam the professor complimented me on those exact things, saying she appreciated seeing me use my brain instead of midlessly memorizing informations I didn't understand.
So whatever happens do not stay silent. Anything is better than that.
Another potentially bad thing that might happen, and believe me it happened to me multiple times, is panicking so bad that you cannot get the words out, or confuse things. You know what happened everytime I found myself in that situation? The professor clearly saw me panicking, and told me to calm down, wait a couple of minutes, get my ideas in order and try again. And I got good grrades despite that in the end. You are under a lot of pressure, because you are giving an exam, and you have to be quick and ready instead of being able to reflect like with a written exam. Professors know that, and they keep it in mind, and they can tell when you are mixing things up because you are nervous, and not because you don't know things. I once had a professor look at me in the eye after i mixed up numbers on two dates twice in a row, and told me I know you know them take two deep breaths and try again. And I did. I have so many personal stories from my previous degree in which professors saw I was nervous and told me that it was okay I just needed to take a minute and breathe, and honestly that was exactly it. It was okay and I really needed to breathe, and then the exam when well.
The best tip I can give on answering questions is to balance the actual answer of the question with additional informations. You want to give context and add more infos to whatever has been asked to you, but you should also try not to lose focus on what was being asked. My personal way of doing this is to structure the answer in three parts: 1. general context that works as an introduction to the actual direct answer 2. the actual answer 3. further additions like more context, comparaisons and links with other topics or informations you had to study. This way you show off you know things, you make sure to show the professor you are not just rambling because you don't know the answer, and finally show you are comfortable enough with the informations to reflect on them and link them to other things. Ideally the professor will stop you while you are speaking, that in my experience is the best possible sign, because they are satisfied with your exposition and want to move onto other things.
So always build up on the answer to the question you have been asked. Never stop at just the information that serves as an aswer. You studied, it's your time to shine and make yourself proud.
Contextualizing your informations is absolutely fundamental no matter what, again because it shows you have a clear idea about what you are talking about. This can mean making a small introduction on the time and place, if you are an historian like me, or maybe give an introduction on the person you are talking about (whether they are an historical figure or a scholar you are talking about). Adding the little informations you weren't asked about is great. You are briefly mentioning an even and know the date? Add it in. Everything is a good addition.
Again I have definitely already mentioned in previous points but showing you are capable of reflect on the topics you are talking about is always a bonus. Make sure that when you are giving personal options or personal reflections you are stating this is your thought, but that is usually appreciated. After a good exposition of a topic you might even get the professor asking you your opinion on certain things. It happened to me multiple times, often I was asked to give an opinion of books I had to study for the exam, and that always prooved as an oportunity to add more informations and as I said show that I could make reflections of my own.
Last thing, that again kind of came out from other points, is that you want to show you are comfortable enough with the topic to be able to jump from one point to the other while reflecting on things or making comparaisons.
I am pretty sure I have forgotten something, but once again if you have specific questions I am happy to help, my inbox is always open. I know people who aren't used to oral exams are very scared of them, but as long as you try to approach it like a normal conversation on the topics you had to study, and you have practiced, things will be fine. To be quite honest with you after years of experience I'd say I very much prefer oral exams to written ones, because you can in a way shape the conversation and bring it to the topics you liked the most, know best. I hope this post was somewhat helpful to someone out there, and good luck if you are about to take an exam!
#i have kept the post positive and avoided horror stories of professors being rude#there's always the possibility in my personal experience it's more likely you'll find someone humane who will approach you with kindness#in case you happen to find an asshole which sadly sometimes happens and it definitely happened to me remember that they are just an asshole#and nothing more#you'll get throught it#and i am manifesting more kind and not intimidating professors#tbf one of the most intimidating looking profs i have met has been one of the kindest and calmenst people ever#back in my other degree i was panicing real bad and he was so cool with it he totally got it and was super kind about it#anyway i'll stop rambling#also i am very sleepy so i might have missed some typos or badly structured sentences in that case ooops#studyblr#studyinspo#uniblr#historyblr#study tips#exam tips#oral exam tips#university tips#uni advices#study advice#mine#the---hermit
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no but actually. the parallels to other Twins in different nations of teyvat in relation to the traveler and their desire to reunite with their own sibling makes me a little bit bonkers. like.
diluc and kaeya as what the traveler has and fears, after we will be reunited [separation born from conflict that seemingly cannot be mended; they both care for each other but ultimately their opposing ideals mean they cannot be at each other's side in the same way that they used to, and no longer have the close bond they once did]
ei and makoto as what the abyss sibling experienced [a crushing loss not just of one's twin but the last remaining friend they had and the safety and security of their nation, coming out the other side traumatized, cold and jaded and making decisions that will ultimately hurt the people they claim to want to protect for the sake of an unattainable goal]
and lyney and lynette as what the traveler and the abyss twin used to have before they were separated [never apart for long, home is wherever we are together], what the traveler wants [their separation brief and quickly amended, continuing to be inseparable after they reunite], and also the choice they'll have to make [the twins being together in an organization the traveler inherently doesn't trust - does the traveler want to be by their sibling's side badly enough to throw their lot in with the abyss, and turn their back on everyone else they've met on their journey so far?]
#personal stuff#thorn plays genshin#RIPS AND TEARS.#hi . feeling so normal btw#i was thinking so so so so hard about the traveler twins when ei's second story quest dropped#and i am constantly sick in the head about the traveler being tired of the ragbros nonsense communication#and THEN in fontaine the traveler having to watch these two twins who are incredibly close.#and try not to think about what they've lost#i'm. uuaauguugh#LIKE#the traveler and the abyss twin really are what the fontaine twins could be if either of them lost the other.#at the end of his story quest lyney talks about how both of them give each other strength to get through the darkest days#and how darkness never consumes him because he has his sister and they remember the good things together [punches the ground]#also lyney and lynette losing their trust in people early on and having to lie to everyone around them#and getting the companionship that kaeya never got in his childhood. cries#like he had his twin!!! he had his brother!!! but he had to lie to him for years and never felt truly understood until that night#and AUUUGH the running theme of one twin being Light and the other being Dark#one always brightly engaging with people while the other deals with matters from the shadows#and the brothers flipping that on its head when diluc returns to mondstadt - diluc in the shadows and kaeya with the knights#and ei getting someone who will be her shadow so she can finally step into the light herself and see the world with her own eyes.#just AUUGUUGHGH. i'm fine. i'm normal#this is incoherent maybe but augh. augh. siblings.#[looking back at the earth] wait the game is about family? always has been
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TWO! OF! THEM!
#isat#isat spoilers#my art#isat siffrin#isat loop#human!loop#look i have not much to say about this#i WAS gonna draw bonnie today but i got like one shoe in before my brain decided human!loop time and how am i to argue with that#i wanna point out i didnt play the prologue? yet?#but i thought inverted color scheme would be fun#and yknow. all the little details to seperate them as people. because they are not the same. at least not anymore#maybe they were at some point maybe they were always different. who knows with all those time shenanigans#anyways! 5 days in a row!#....okay maybe i DID have much to say about this#also the third picture was an afterthought dont come at me with perspective and wether it makes sense#i know siffrin technically got his back to the mirror but also loop isnt an actual reflection#its more of a two sides of a portal thing i guess?#.....its halfway to one am and all the status conditions have hit me at once and i have work tomorrow so imma go eep#also yes i know the islands symbol is a 4 pointed star not 8 i am aware the 8 pointed ones are on purpose#i got an irregular one too#....yknow the 4 pointed ones on the pins for where they came from the irregular shaped one on the hat for who they became before#and the 8 pointed one to both show that they have grown beyond a homeland they dont remember and the fact that. yknow.#theres two of them kinda
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