#like I've actually got nothing to live for
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andrewminyardslawyer · 2 days ago
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The Golden Raven predictions/theories/a few wishful thinking
Last time I got all of them correct so we'll see how this goes! Sorry for the length, there was a lot more detail and explanations this time around lmao I've posted some of these separately and will probably add more after my reread 🤷‍♂️
- Andrew and Neil go with Kevin to Cali. To keep up the childhood friend pretence, and Kevin can't go alone. Andrew talks to Jean about Bee, that she is trustworthy. Nothing extreme but like "talk to Bee" and nothing else but Jean understands (I actually doubt this is going to happen but I think if anyone's going to convince Jean it's okay to talk to her it would be Andrew based off of Jean's thoughts from TSC). I want Wymack there but I don't think he will be with practice already started for the year and the new foxes there. A potential Kevin and Renee combo because Jean needs support and Kevin can't go alone but Andrew and Neil need to stay with the team. Either way Kevin will have someone with him, he won't be able to travel alone
- Kevin and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Talks to Jeremy more about the nest and we get more information on what Riko did to Kevin
- I hope the interview is not live or recorded, it needs to be an article and I want it to be done by Renee's mom even though I have no idea what kind of reporter she is. She would be the kindest option but I don't think we're in for a kind interview. I don't think it'll be completely disastrous though. Kevin knows what he's doing, he's going all the way to Cali specifically to support Jean, the interview is to control the rumors, I don't think it will crash and burn. The Kevin Jean conversation before/after however...
- We know Jeremy's dad is (most likely) military and military often become cops when they come back. Jeremy hides from the cops (valid. ACAB)...
- someone on the team tries joking around with Jean and does something to trigger a panic attack, like splashing him with water or something
- Jean and the Coaches post
- Jean and Shane become friends. Shane is a little chaotic (he's a goalie, comes with the territory) and gets Jean to start changing how he thinks about things, he can relax a little and have fun
- Jean baby please seriously talk to Bee
- Jean crying. Please I need him to let it out!!!
- interesting to me that Jeremy's parents make him stay at the house during the week but he's free on the weekends and during the summer. Wondering if he was missing classes and he has to stay there so they make sure he goes
- mysterious potentially dead sibling is his stepfather's biologically?
- Thanksgiving break. Cat and Laila go to one of their families, leaving Jean and Jeremy alone at the house. Jeremy is required to attend Thanksgiving dinner and Jean is invited so he's not alone and Jeremy's step dad/grandfather wants to "get to know the new teammate"
- Annalise using the term investment for Jean seems like....a Choice. Pair that with Jeremy's meticulous tracking of money and his family restricting how much he gets, it seems like Jeremy has been irresponsible with money in the past
- Jeremy family event obligation. It was mentioned that if "If the Con-gressman needed a picture-perfect family for photo ops, the Knox family was duty-bound to dress up and smile bright for an exhausting number of cameras" (congressman is his step grandfather)
- "but there's bound to be a jerk or two once you pass four kids." Once you PASS for kids. Jeremy has more than Bryson, Annalise, and one mysterious probably dead other sibling. Potentially none dead and just cut contact? Maybe took sides with Jeremy's bio dad
- Jean's parents contact him some how but honestly I think if that's going to happen it will be in the third book. I feel like that part of the story won't really start rolling until then, like publicly.
- a scene with Jeremy talking to his therapist
- I feel like Jeremy's mom didn't marry his stepfather until recentlyish. Like the thing that "tore their family apart" was their parents divorcing after whatever went down Jeremy's freshman year. Or maybe they were divorced before that but still on speaking terms and the Event changed that.
- we find out what Jeremy's stepdad actually does. We know his step grandfather is a congressman but no information about his stepdad
- more of a personal wish but I don't want Jean to drink alcohol, like ever. I want him to learn how to work through things without it, I want him to avoid it because he doesn't want to become dependent on it, doesn't want to risk it
- Jean is average at pottery at first and that frustrates him that he isn't perfect at it immediately but it helps him learn that it's ok to not be good at everything or that slow progress is more sustainable
- depending on the timeline, Jean birthday. One of the team asks him when it is and they make a thing out of it on the day. Or no one knows but the coaches have it marked and one wishes him happy birthday during practice and the team, mainly the main trio/floozies, are like why didn't you tell us ☹️ and get him a few small things
- more Elodie conversations. The trio finds out
- find out what happen with Zane and Grayson but it's because Zane gets in touch with Jean after Grayson dies and they have some sort of discussion about it
- i've seen a million theories about Jeremy's backstory but none really bring his father into it and I think we need to focus on that a little bit more. Jeremy says he doesn't like people calling him by his last name, Knox, which must be his biological fathers last name because his stepdad's name is Wilshire. And he says ' "I've never been to Europe. Dad's been stationed there a couple times, but.." He shrugged and didn't bother to elaborate.' My immediate thought was military but with his mom remarrying a man whose father is a congressman makes me think Jeremy's dad might be more in that type of work than military because how else would she be in the same sphere as a congressman's son. Maybe high level military. Anyway! Jeremy doesn't want to use his father's last name either so something definitely happened with him as well. Whether it's two different things or all the same as the "scandal" Jeremy's first year. I don't really have a set theory about it but I do think he is involved in some way
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thatguyjam · 7 hours ago
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Highschool Sweethearts - Max Verstappen
Valentines event Masterlist <3
Max Verstappen x Male!ChildhoodFriend!Reader
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You and Max Verstappen grew up in the same town, and went to school together, and quickly grew close. Although you didn't cart, you would always play with max's toy cars, leading to you being his best friend pretty quickly. His dad didn't like you very much, only ever seeing you as a distraction from Max's racing, but his mom always welcomed you with open arms, just happy that you could make her son happy.
As both of you got older, Max was away for racing more and more often, and the two of you couldn't help but separate a touch. Quite a bit actually, to the point where the once inseparable friends hadn't talked in years. That was, at least just until one day when you where towards the end of high school, he showed up at your door.
"Hoi- Max???"
"Y/N!!! Y/N guess what!!!"
Max came into the house like he lived there despite not having been there for years, buzzing with energy, only stopping to politely take off his shoes and look as you expectantly
"Huh?"
"Guess what"
"What?"
"Well, guess"
"Max, I haven't seen you in ages, how would I know? You've just randomly shown up at my house in the middle of the day."
"Oh yeah, it- I'm sorry it's just with carting and single seaters getting to a high level I'm hardly even in town, and whenever I am, dad is working me to the bone, I just- I'm sorry I haven't come by as much. I've missed you a lot. If it's any consolation you're the first person I've told? Even before my dad."
"Told what exactly? We didn't really get there"
"Oh! I'm gonna be a f1 driver next year!" Jaw dropping, your eyes widen as you stare at your childhood friend. Max takes your hand and pulls you to the couch as he rambles on, "Yeah, youngest ever, even younger than Vettel was. I'll be driving with Alpha Tauri, which isn't the best of course, but it is still very good, and they said if I perform well I'll definitely have a seat at Redbull."
Your brain finally catches up with the situation as Max continues on about things you never really understood, you think you hear the name Damiel a lot and mentions of F2, but your thoughts are going too fast to be sure. Looking up, you're finally able to really look at the blue eyes that have been absent from your life for too long. A feeling in your chest that you remember from when you where a kid bubbles up again, and there is nothing you can do as you surge forward and plant a kiss on Max's rapidly moving lips. His eyes go wide, and lips silent as he processes the situation, before he clumsily kisses back.
When you pull away, those big blue bambi eyes look up at you, cheeks tinted pink as he struggles to catch his breath
"That was- That was incredible. I've never kissed anyone before"
"Never? Awww, I was future formula one driver Max Verstappen's first kiss? Cute"
An even darker red forms over his cheeks as he buries his face into your chest.
"I'm glad you're the first person I told" he mumbles into your chest, pushing you further down onto the couch so that he can properly lie atop of you.
"Me too pretty boy, me too."
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banner credit to @enchanthings-a
Taglist: (comment or dm to be added)
@koalapastries @justaf1girl
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blade-liger-4ever · 1 day ago
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Relationship Analysis: Moonwatcher Should Have Gotten Winter Instead of Qibli
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Boy, been a while since I did one of these posts, huh?
I know, I'm late to the party. The books have long since ended, and in such a way that I (regrettably) got rid of my favorite one in the franchise, Winter Turning. However, I've had many thoughts about Moon's endgame relationship which, while handled poorly, was not ideal from the beginning at all.
Sit down and prepare yourselves readers, for I have bottled this up for far too long.
The unhealthy relationship with Qibli
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This will get many a fan irate, for Qibli was outwardly nothing but kind, loyal, and supportive of Moonwatcher during the second arc. However, despite this disposition, inside, Qibli was an emotionally destroyed dragon - to the point that even in Moon Rising, he literally thought in ways to make people like him.
Now I feel for Qibli. His mother beat him like a drum for the smallest of mistakes, his siblings tried to kill him repeatedly, and for reasons beyond my total understanding of how this fit into the plot because of how poorly executed it was, his grandfather was hoping to groom him as his criminal successor. None of this is good treatment for anyone, fictional or real. However, because this effectively broke Qibli, he was left desperately craving love and validation for his worth as an individual.
I kid you not, it's confirmed in-universe that Thorn unwittingly earned his entire devotion by simply complementing him. One sentence, said in earnest but without much thought to his background - and Qibli would have done anything to keep gaining such affirmations, which he did.
Furthermore, it's not just Thorn's love he wants.
It's that of the world.
Qibli spends the entire books doing everything in his power to do whatever it takes to get love, or even platonic affection, from the dragons around him. If it means being silly or serious, he'll transform into that type of dragon to get it. Even going to Jade Mountain Academy was done because disobeying Thorn would run the risk of losing her affection, which Qibli is desperate to maintain. And when he meets the pretty, naïve to the world Moonwatcher, who has no life experience and wants to see the good in everyone, he falls for her because of a few reasons: one is that he recognizes she won't hurt him, and another is her natural sweetness is something new to him.
So he observes and trails after her like a lost puppy looking for scraps of love to eat.
This is where it gets unhealthy because Qibli, though well-meaning, begins to see her less as an individual dragon with individual worth, and more like a goddess of perfection that he can't live without. No joke, every two chapters of Darkness of Dragons (and not to mention the snippets of his mind we see in Book 6), Qibli does nothing but pine after Moon while bemoaning how he's practically worthless unless she sees value in him, thereby encouraging him to do anything to earn her love. This makes him put Moon on a pedestal of perfection that is above all worldly things and will make him do anything to keep her in the box he's ascribed to her lest she prove she's not all he believes her to be and thus necessitating his reason for living. And because Moon, due to wanting to believe her father figure Darkstalker is actually good and trying to make the world better, basically asks both her admirers to reject reality as she has in order to not grow up and face the truth: that Darkstalker is evil and must be stopped, no matter how personally painful it is.
And as expected, Qibli chooses pleasing her over doing the right thing in this matter because if he denies Moon this, she will not chose him. And he will lose the perfect goddess he envisions and crawl up and die in the desert because, without her validation, he has no reason to do anything but cease living.
This is unhealthy because it traps Moon in a relationship that keeps her from maturing and learning that evil does exist alongside the good in the world. Couples can be silly at times and have fun, but not to the point of regressing into childishness. This is what happens to Moon, and Qibli will never tell her no for fear of losing his perfect deity.
The healthy relationship with Winter.
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Yes, Winter was far from kind to Moon in their first few interactions. He threatened her, yes. He yelled at her, yes. He didn't trust her, yes.
But name a time he raised a talon against her. A time where he viewed himself as nothing without her approval.
Additionally, Winter had good reasons for withholding his trust from her. The amount of times Moon hid things from him, unintentionally blindsiding him with this knowledge when he'd thought she'd just proved to be different from other NightWings - how would you react? Be honest, because if a man hid that he was a mind reader and seer from me throughout our friendship, hid that he was on friendly terms with an ancient bane of my people (and who posed a threat to the whole world), I'd have serious issues with him, too.
Now, Winter was abused similarly to Qibli - however, it was mental and emotional abuse, which forced him to grow up and see how their treatment of him, while "normal" among IceWing extremists, was still wrong. He knew this because his friend Lynx was treated well by her lesser noble house, and he recognized quite quickly that even the "evil NightWings" took as much care with their dragonets as any other mother IceWing would. This made him think, and after seeing how genuinely nice and steadfast in her beliefs Moon was, it allowed Winter to become openminded and grow out of his abuse and the views he'd been forced to swallow.
This is made better by the fact that, while his thoughts often drifted toward Moon, he didn't make her the center of his world, or consider breaking his moral principles just to earn her affection. Because at the penultimate moment of dealing with Darkstalker, yes, Winter is rightly traumatized from having his whole personality rewritten (and likely hurt that Moon is uncharacteristically unbothered by this), but he won't please her with rejecting reality. Doing so would mean making a relationship easier, but Winter isn't thinking just about what they could have.
He's thinking about how many lives would be lost if he did so, and how much danger she will put herself in if he agrees.
And despite having that opportunity - that opportunity to have a relationship with Moon, to finally get his heart's desire to be with her - Winter says, "No. It's wrong, and I can't do that, even if it's what you really want."
Winter will not compromise himself and do the wrong thing for her, nor will he allow her to live with the dangerous misconception that the world is full of rainbows and unicorns, that nothing is ever wrong.
This is why Winter is the genuinely healthy choice for Moonwatcher. He seeks not to please the world, to bend to evil, and he does not manipulate in order to gain love. Because while he does have his own craving for love, Winter recognizes that very few people will actually gift him with it. He makes his peace with that, and chooses good over evil because he'd rather lose the world than lose love that he can - and has - lived without.
He won't trap Moon in a fantasy, but help her grow into adulthood and recognition of the beauty and ugliness of the world around them.
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(Not my art.)
These are my thoughts on which dragon is worthier of Moon. I hoped you liked it, and that it got some of you thinking.
Take care, and see you in the skies!
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maxdibert · 2 days ago
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Hi Max (is that your name? Idk what to call you 😅), did you ever think about Severus’s daily routine—being a miserable, depressing teacher, surrounded by loud kids every day? How did he cope? Did he have any hobbies to pass the time? What did he even do all day when he wasn’t grading essays, teaching, or brewing potions? Or was that all he did? Probably read books… or perhaps he socialized with the portraits and ghosts.. I always imagined the idea of him doing nothing but the same routine every day to be really sad and depressing. But I suppose he was so numb to that lifestyle that he just got used to it.
But like.. what made him happy? I can’t imagine living a life doing a job I hate, with no friends to share my small joys with. Was he just a shell of a man? Maybe he really was depressed. How did he not kill himself? Did he only keep going out of sheer spite and his promise to protect Harry and fight against Voldemort?
Or maybe he did have some kind of social life..in pubs, in the Muggle world… idk, I have a hard time understanding how he stayed alive for so many years. I would’ve ended it, tbh. My life is my family and my hobbies, but mostly my family. I can’t imagine what life does to a person who doesn’t even have one person they can laugh with. How did that affect him?
Maybe he was at least friendly with Minerva and Poppy? And Dumbledore, sometimes and perhaps he corresponded with Lucius. But who else? 😅 He didn’t seem super close with any of them in the books, so I guess we can only argue they were on friendly terms at best. I'd love to know your thoughts. 😊
Heyyy! Actually, my name isn't Max, but you can call me that since it's the nickname I have here, so it's all good hahaha.
Well, let's see, this is something I've thought a lot about lately in terms of character development, and I think I would divide it into two parts: Severus before Harry entered Hogwarts, before Voldemort returned, and everything that followed, and Severus after he’s already caught up in a spiral of anxiety and work overload, plus being a double agent.
I think during his first years at Hogwarts, he was probably in a crazy depression, and not only because of feeling guilty for Lily’s death, but also because he was just a 21-year-old kid when he started teaching, because he was teaching at the same place where he’d been bullied, because half the people he usually interacted with were dead and the other half were in Azkaban, and because I think it must’ve been pretty hard for him to adapt to a life he really didn’t want and one he had to get used to. So, in his early twenties, I picture him as kind of a zombie, after that terrible shock, the end of the war, all the emotional damage, just a few years where he was simply going through the motions, getting used to teaching, everything was new, so that’s what his daily life was based on. I've always imagined him having a pretty good relationship with the Malfoys, I think especially when he was younger, he’d visit them now and then, maybe on weekends... But he’d spend the holidays at Spinner’s End, and in the summer, he’d lock himself in his childhood home and not leave, because being stuck there was always a kind of self-imposed punishment: Hogwarts was a prison, his childhood home another, and if he hadn’t earned his way out of one, he didn’t deserve to leave the other.
I think his reputation as a nasty teacher was forged over the years, as he gained more confidence in front of the classes, he became stricter, more demanding, and didn’t tolerate nonsense. This was probably around 25 or so. I see that phase as one of accepting grief and loss, gaining more self-assurance at work, also starting to gain more trust from Dumbledore, and beginning a rivalry with Minerva, whom I always see him resenting a bit for letting certain things happen, but at the same time, respecting her as a colleague. I picture him very focused on his work, even obsessively so, to avoid thinking about other things. He would assign as much homework as possible so he could keep his mind busy correcting it, or simply practicing potions when his sessions were over. I imagine him sleeping terribly, deciding to do extra rounds at night not because he was interested in catching students in the act, but because he couldn’t sleep well, also because it gave him an excuse to leave the castle and smoke a cigarette since everything was just so damn anxiety-inducing. I never saw him as someone extremely sociable with other teachers because most of them were already teaching when he was a student at Hogwarts and didn’t lift a finger to make his life any less miserable, but I do see him being quite polite with most of them, though never opening up personally or anything like that, always with a shield up. I think he preferred staying reading, working, or studying potions rather than going to social gatherings with them or anything like that. I don’t see him being comfortable hanging out with them or having a drink. But I do picture him being comfortable going to Muggle pubs when he spent his summers at Spinner’s End. Shitty pubs with shitty people who were already drunk from early morning, where no one knew him, and he didn’t have to explain anything to anyone, in a world where there hadn’t been a war, no one had died, and he hadn’t been part of any shady organization. I imagine him going to those kinds of grim places when he wasn’t at Hogwarts and his house felt too suffocating, having a couple of beers. I picture him having occasional, short-lived encounters with Muggles, nothing serious, just a one-night thing to let off steam because he was in his twenties and felt alone, surrounded only by kids and old people, and that was just a damn depression. I imagine him visiting the Malfoys from time to time, as Draco was getting older, and I imagine Narcissa insisting that he needed to find a good pureblood girl, as she had always done since he was barely a teenager. I picture Lucius telling him that he didn’t understand what the hell he was doing under Dumbledore’s leadership in the first years, but seeing it as a good opportunity as Draco was approaching 11. I don’t imagine him having much of a social life. I think he talked a lot with Dumbledore, had many conversations with him, and saw him as the father figure he never had. I also think he had a genuine friendship with the Malfoys, and that created a very strong conflict and cognitive dissonance for him, but he couldn’t avoid it because they had always treated him well. But I think, within what was possible, he had free time, could do his own things, have his moments, his casual encounters, read his books, peaceful stuff.
And then came Harry.
Honestly, I think life after Harry at Hogwarts became pure anxiety for Severus. Because it wasn’t just managing Potions classes for seven damn years, being Head of House, doing night patrols, but also having to follow the kid around every corner to make sure he didn’t end up headless. Because Harry wasn’t just a responsibility, and he wasn’t an easy kid, but a kid who loved getting into trouble, so Severus had to babysit him both inside and outside of his work hours. And the fact that Harry came to Hogwarts only indicated that Voldemort’s return was getting closer, and when he returned, Severus completely lost his life. I mean, once he became a double agent, his life revolved around pretending on both sides, having cover stories on both sides, risking his neck, being constantly between Voldemort and Dumbledore, having to follow the plan, protect Harry, teach, work for the Order, put up with the Death Eaters, Lucius in Azkaban, Draco being doomed to kill Dumbledore, and a lot of other things. So, I basically picture him abandoning any hobbies he had, losing around 15 kilos, and just going on because, in the end, he was a kid from the streets who’d been raised to survive, and he had survival mode on 24/7, with anxiety through the roof, and that was basically it.
And then, after Dumbledore’s death, I picture him super depressed, super alone, with everything collapsing around him because the people he fought for hated him, and the people who didn’t hate him were the ones he had to betray, and I can’t imagine what that must have been like emotionally, but it probably involved a lot of wine and going back to smoking after having quit for years, because who the hell doesn’t start smoking again in a situation like that? And more anxiety, more depression, and the desire to do absolutely nothing but having to keep going, no matter what.
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lady-snow-flower · 17 hours ago
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Oh, Snow loved hearing a vampire's story.
No two were alike. Gabby's was certainly nothing like Snow's closest vampiric friend, Ottilie, who had turned long, long ago, in an era where bloodletting and necromancy were common medical and magical practices. They had chosen to turn so they could transition away from their assigned gender at the time. Leave their class, their expected role, and their prescribed life all behind. Ottilie's coven had thus been quite small and transient. They explored the world, never staying in any country too long (though in vampire terms, 'too long' could still be fifty years or so), and had a flexible idea of what 'family' looked like.
That was something Snow liked about most vampires. Over time, their definitions of family became more and more expansive. It had to be. Just look at Gabby, really, who had reinvented family for herself and invited two sickly boys into her long afterlife.
"Oh, I love hearing about that kind of thing, you could never bore me!" Snow reassured. "And actually, we'll definitely need to go antiquing soon. It's one of my favorite pastimes, especially being here in the Hauntley. I'm sure you've noticed that it's filled with beautiful antiques."
Though that wasn't Gabby's question.
"As for me-- well, no, I don't have any family here. My family is all back in Seattle, where I was born," said Snow with a polite smile. "For a while, I didn't live much of a magical life. I studied wood witchery but I got a mundus degree and worked in the hospitality industry here and there. It was after I got sick that I decided to explore my magic a little more and it's landed me here!"
Snow lifted a hand to gesture to the beautiful dining room at the Hauntley.
"I couldn't be happier, really. Especially this past year--" which was a story in two parts. The first part, a story of heartbreak; the second, a story about love and taking chances. "I started dating someone I really, really love, and the inn's doing so well, and one of my friends in town even had a baby girl! I've started feeling really at home here."
@gabrobichaux
Tea Time at The Hauntley || Snowy
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eggmeralda · 1 year ago
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I may have lost all hope
#it's a weird feeling?#like since late 2022 it's been kind of like. bad vibes consistently#and i tried to stay somewhat positive throughout it#but idk there's this very distinct feeling now of like. i can't describe it but it's completely gone#like I've actually got nothing to live for#nothing I've done or wanted to do since i was 14 has ever really like amounted to anything#all the friends i made i never feel like i can talk to#once again in that state of 'only alive so my family don't get sad'#like even when i wanted to just stop existing when i was 21 there was this tiny bit of hope still there a little bit#like i remember for that whole summer i kept getting quick thoughts about suicide but I'd always push them out of my mind instantly#but there was one day where i let the thought stay in my mind for a little bit and like properly considered how i would do it#and then after a bit i was like FUCK and then went and walked like an hour away from my house to try and forget it#and then after that day i slowly got better. and it was annoying bc it meant now i had to walk a whole hour back to my house#but even if those 2 months there was still this feeling of this isn't gonna last#bc i knew i was back at uni in a few months and at least i had music to listen to#and all the other times I've been in that state there was still this sort of feeling that it'll get better bc I've got things to get me#through it#but it doesn't feel like that now. like no job no friends no hyperfixation and now i can't even enjoy any music#anything i create is pointless bc only i care about it#all my friends are busy doing other stuff I'm like not even second best I'm the most forgettable person anyone might know#the only thing that would fix me is getting a random train to like some place I've never been#just to see a new thing i guess#but anyway#ramble#suicide mention
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paperbackfable · 7 months ago
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Erend: they don't Id me at the liquor store anymore because they see the light has left my eyes
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Erend: We're playing Scrabble. It's a nightmare.
Alva: Scrabble? Scrabble's great.
Erend: Not when you're playing with Zo, it's not. They put words like "ephemeral" and I put "dog".
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Varl: You're ignoring all your problems.
Aloy: I know.
Varl: You also know it's an unhealthy coping mechanism?
Aloy: I'm ignoring that fact as well.
Varl:
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Zo: In your opinion, what's the height of stupidity?
Aloy: turning to Sylens How tall are you?
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Aloy: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!
Sylens: Oh yeah? You're the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD.
Aloy: I'm leaving you, and I'm TAKING BETA WITH ME!
Varl, picking up the strike board: I think we're gonna stop playing now.
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Aloy: Want do you want to be for "Halloween"?
Beta: Loved.
Aloy: Don't do this.
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Sylens: I will not stand to be disrespected like this!
Aloy: Then sit.
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Alva: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life...
Zo: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back.
Aloy: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.
Beta: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.
Erend: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.
Varl: Mental stability, my old friend!
Alva: Ancestors, could you guys lighten up a little?
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Varl: What do you think Kotallo will do for a distraction?
Aloy: Probably, like, whistle or throw a rock. That's what I would do.
Building explodes and several car alarms go off
Aloy: ...or they could do that.
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OK THAT'S ENOUGH I SHOULD PROABLY STOP NOW BYE
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skeletalheartattack · 7 months ago
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...am I just losing my mind or did yer icon become evil? I don't remember that BeAst behind Boe
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yuuuump always been behind me
#ask#anon#pazuzu's just been there since the beginning#mainly because my avatar use to be of 2D in front of the d-sides album cover. or atleast one of the covers#and i had a lot of transparent edits of 2D over that cover#but when i had Boe made. i put him over it instead and i just kinda kept it like that cause i thought the colours together were really nice#as for the blurry swirls. i just like doing simple effects in paintdotnet#i don't really imagine them as much besides the blurriness of the minds eye. like this is how you'd see the inside of my brain maybe.#or not really my brain. boes minds eye maybe.#i don't know if i have a ''lore explanation'' for pazuzu in Boe's life in limbo/hell#or specifically in relation to Boe i mean#i'd still like to actually visualize what limbo looks like. or specifically the area in limbo in which Boe lives#which is just an old manor in the middle of nowhere. with old computer crts and keyboards in the mud of his back yard#dark purplish skies with maybe blueish roaming fields with no horizon#i do have a map file of me trying to create what i imagine to be Boes house but i've only blocked out his porch#i've got a loose idea of what the layout of his house's interior is like but nothing solid honestly#the reason he lives in an old manor is due to mystery case files: ravenhearst. inspiration-wise#use to play that growing up from bigfishgames. fucking love the look of that manor and the intense mess that resides within#i think i also think about the Gorillaz' o green world phase where they had kong studio's absolutely trashed with junk and shit#did actually buy MCF Ravenhearst the other day actually. specifically for higher res ref images of rooms#played a little of it the other day but i was so tired for most of that day so i didnt play for long#anyway. thank you for the ask anon :) yeah he's always been there. pazuzu kinda just blends into the background i think
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btsbs · 4 months ago
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tittyinfinity · 3 months ago
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It's really nice having a free housekeeping service thru my Medicaid but ever since my regular housekeeper that I had for a year (now friend) got promoted in March it's like every other person I've had fuckin hates disabled people
#there was one perso who would drive by my house to clock in (your location has to show that you're at the client's house) and leave#found out when i called and was like hey why has no one been showing up and the office was like it shows shes been clocking in there what??#apparently i wasn't the only one and she got fired#and then we had a woman who treated my shift like it was her break time#i mean she would sit at our table and eat a full meal and talk on the phone as loud as possible instead of cleaning#she'd clean for 20 minutes usually just dishes then spend the rest of the time eating or playing on her phone or on a phone call#she would put away WET TOWELS i mean they were more than just 'damp'#and once left a full unflushed shit in our toilet with shit stains on the toilet seat#i remember once she sat outside in our front yard on a phone call and when i went out there to ask what was going on#she was just like ''im on the phone'' and ignored me#i asked for her not to come back several times and they sent her 2 or 3 more times#and then i got a new lady who just straight up lies to my face#i give her a list of what i need done for the day and she will only do the dishes#then sit at our table and be like ''oh i got everything else done I'm just waiting on laundry''#and then I'd look to see that actually nothing else was done at all counters dirty floors dirty LAUNDRY NOT DONE#i confronted her last time#i was like ''hey I've asked for the bathroom to get done the past few times now and it hasn't been''#and she was like ''yes I did clean it'' so i wiped my hand across the sink and showed her the dust and grime stuck to my fingers#and then didn't clean it again that day. and said sat at the table saying she was waiting on laundry. and no laundry was done#and said she swept the living room which absolutely was not swept#bc I'd get out the vacuum and she'd be like ''oh i can just use the broom'' (on the carpet??)#I'd get the bathroom cleaning supplies out and she'd just put them away#and i dont mean that im being super picky about wanting things cleaned prefectly#or thaf she's ''not doing it right''#she's literally not doing it at all#i told my friend/ex housekeeper about this and she told me that every other person who's had her also asked for her not to come back#oop she's here. it's gonna be her last time i called the office and set it in stone this morning that she wont be coming back#.bdo
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howlsmovinglibrary · 10 months ago
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It is truly so funny to work myself out of depression in a 2.5 year upwards crawl, reach a point where I actually like and value myself and think I may, in fact, be a treasure-
only for the academic job market to turn to me, lovingly take my face in its hands, and say "...then perish."
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quaranmine · 9 months ago
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i hate being an adult i hate money i hate bills i hate healthcare and health insurance
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varjopeura · 4 months ago
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#oh hey i just caught myself harboring Unnecessary Nightmare Scenarios#that last post made me think about how the only thing stopping me from getting another dog is money#like i could afford having a friend for savu. it would be no problem#BUT in a situation where i lost my partner and had to provide for the dogs by myself and they'd both get sick i'd be in deep trouble#which has sounded like a completely rational thing to be aware of. a completely valid reason for not getting another dog#except that is quite a few things that need to go wrong before the deep trouble would actually hit#and is that really the way i want to live my life? waiting for this relationship to end? accepting that eventually i will be left alone?#that my current life is nothing but a brief respite from a continuous struggle with both finances and illness? a glitch that will soon pass#it actually doesn't sound valid at all when i write it out like this#i have a partner who brings another stable paycheck into this household. i have no reason to believe this would change anytime soon#i have a wonderful dog that would probably benefit from having a friend#shelties are not super prone to any major lifelong diseases or such so it's unlikely the new dog would need constant expensive treatments#i think this thought pattern got a hold of me when savu got sick last spring#it was scary and unpleasant and i still feel raw around the edges after experiencing all of it#(the dog is fine by the way! definitely better these days and i'm super happy we got the surgery. we have many good years ahead of us still#but like. i'd like if my brain accepted 'this summer was scary and i'm not sure if i'm ready to possibly experience it with another dog'#instead of feeding me lies about a future where i'm all alone and desperately poor#but hey i've never caught this one before! now i know this thought pattern exists and can do something about it#sussitalk
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seaofreverie · 4 months ago
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Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow 😑 and the day after that 😑 and the day after that 😑#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
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medicinemane · 10 months ago
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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nexus-nebulae · 4 months ago
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got myself a little pocket radio bc you never know when severe weather might knock out the power or cell towers but apparently there aren't any weather radio stations i can pick up :/
#there just aren't any in my area#and im right in between the two closest stations so they interfere since they're on. the same frequency#there ARE other radio stations in my city im listening to one right now that plays alt rock#like From This City not even a neighbour city#but there's none that report weather#i wanna have a weather radio bc i have a deep fear of tornadoes#ive been doing tornado drills since i was a small small child they're a pretty common thing here#and i have had. so so many nightmares where i got stuck somewhere during a tornado#stuck in a car as it gets picked up or stuck at school watching the building just disintegrate in front of me#one time we did actually get stuck at the school during a tornado warning they couldn't let us go home bc we had to shelter#so we were kept at the school for maybe an hour until the warning lifted just curled up with our heads down for so long#i still instinctively know the tornado sheltering position- legs folded under you; head down as far as possible; hands covering your neck#even though i haven't done a drill since i moved nearer to the lake#tornadoes get less common closer to the lake but living in the middle of nowhere they just Spawn Everywhere#another time we got word of one touching down while i was on the school bus going home#i was literally the last student on the bus and we were like at the corner about to turn to my street#and the bus driver decided to just stop there and let me sprint home bc it was faster cutting through the woods than going up the driveway#she just opened the door and said 'just go straight to your basement don't stop don't wait for anything'#she waited to make sure i could find the key bc i was home alone and then just drove the school bus to her own house so she could shelter#I've never seen any tornado damage firsthand but like. you never know when one could just wipe out a town#especially small towns like my old hometown if that place ever got hit by a tornado nothing would be left#it's literally one street that's the town center and most of the residences it's TINY and getting smaller every year#i think it'll be a ghost town soon most of the businesses have shuttered and a lot of houses are condemned
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