#it does sometimes feel like a weird place to be

[disease-danger-darkness-silence]

To grab ahead of time, or to keep your eye out for in the situation, that can make things easier:

If you bleed and can use them, consider getting silicone, reusable menstrual discs or cups. You can get them at an OK price if you shop around. Something you can wash, boil, reuse, etc. Can be invaluable.

Socks. I cannot overstress how important socks are. They prevent BO that makes you un-hireable, and they prevent you from getting super cold feet.

Pillow cases. Just empty pillowcases. Good for pushing things into to make an en-situ pillow, storing laundry, or extra luggage.

Condoms. Sounds weird but you can get them for free from most public health places, and they're great for wrapping electronics in to keep them from getting wet (wrap in a paper towel or something first).

If you have the space, a small tarp! They can be used to lay on or protect you from water. Keep an eye out at Harbor Freight and places like that, sometimes they have them for cheap or even as free gifts with purchase, and the 5x5 size is small enough to fit like a book into a bag when folded.

The bag needs to be comfy and preferably water-resistant. I personally like the ones that have variable contents storage - the top zips and rolls down. That way you can adjust your space. If you can FIND a small hiking bag with a frame for cheap, that's honestly best, because it'll give you support throughout the day. But if not, comfy straps = very important. I also like backpacks that have the luggage wheel thing going on, because you have two modes of transport there. But! A collapsible hand truck style dolly can be used to jury rig this up, with some cheap bungee cords. Those go for helllllla cheap at Harbor Freight.

Twine, yarn, paracord. Something you can bundle small and shove into any old pocket. Useful for tying shit to your bag.

A cup or bottle to fill at water fountains, if you can't bring water. Hell, even then. A bota bag can be gotten for cheap at Walmart, and lots of places give collapsible cups away as free swag. Just keep your eye out.

If you have a long medical history and complicated diagnoses, you'll want to prepare a medical binder ahead of time and keep it near the bag. Also, I keep all of my bottles of meds in a bag together and just do weekly pill containers. Do I feel old when I fill them every Sunday? Yes. Does it mean I can quickly grab all of my meds in an emergency? Also yes.

If you smoke cigarettes - look, it's a thing - I suggest trying to get some nicotine gum or losenges to keep around. Withdrawal from nicotine can be fatal if it's sudden. You wanna wean.

5-foot extension cord. Just a dinky dollar store one. Something to let you get to an outlet without leaving your phone laying around.

Extra gallon Ziplocs.

70% Isopropyl alcohol. It kills smell bacteria and can help remove stains and clean shoes. I keep a little spray bottle in my purse.

Little.

Any sentimental things you absolutely cannot replace, keep in like a plastic tote. You can bury it, store it with a friend, throw it in the car, whatever. But always try to keep it to something no bigger than a bankers box in size, preferably smaller.

If you have things you could pawn or sell if necessary but don't use them regularly, either sell them now, or keep them in another small tote.

Spare glasses. If you wear contact lenses, keep your spares with your meds so you can grab n go. Trust me, you do not want to lose or break your glasses and be without sight in a situation like this.

Hey! I thought your talk on stream about your go-bag and what's in it was interesting, but I process text better than audio, so I was wondering if you had advice on putting one together? It's fine if you'd rather not! Thanks either way!

Okay! Note that some of these things are gearing up in prep for sudden homelessness or natural disaster (tornados, personally) but some are just generally good things on hand you might need to keep. Also, some tips involve a car, skip those if they dont apply.

You're going to want a backpack or duffle bag with comfortable enough straps that are thick and sturdy enough to hold the weight of everything you are carrying while also keeping you balanced. I got my blue one at a charity give away for students in poverty, those heavy duty school bags for textbooks, but you can thrift the same bags for around $5-$10, at least in my area.

What I have in the front pockets, in smaller ziplock bags:

Ziplock bag of first aid supplies (bandaids, gauze, sterile wipes, ect)

Small hand sanitizer, bottle or wipes.

Baby wipes, water based.

Matches

Small travel deoderant, small travel shampoo, travel hairbrush, and the bare minimal needed for a 'freshed up look' of make up like concealer, mascera, and face wash. Good for spucing up for job interviews if you end up in a situation where you're living out of your car, and can't acsess a full bathroom.

Menustration products. Pack SEVERAL if you are someone who bleeds, or a few if you just want some on hand just in case for someone else you are with.

Mouthwash, toothbrush and toothpaste. If you don't have enough room, opt for mouthwash/toothpaste combo, and just rub it on your teeth.

Self-protection, dependant on what you prefer. I keep pepper spray and a tazor in the car at all times, and in the bag if not out in the console.

Pocket knife and scissors. You never know when you might need to cut something.

If you can get some and they fit in the bag: Gloves meant for gardening. Thick enough to protect you if you go dumpster diving. I have a list of tips of safe and legal dumpster diving here.

What I keep in the main pocket of the bag:

A large gallon ziplock baggy with emergency clothes in it, consisting of: Pants, short sleeve T-shirt, and 3 pairs of underwear/socks. If you can fit it, slip a long-sleeve shirt in there as well. Keep a 'nice shirt' like a button up or something 'nice casual' in there for job interviews.

You're going to want a jacket in your go-bag, but since they can be bulky, it might be best to just leave one in your car. Also good for when you're out somewhere and just get cold suddenly.

RAIN! I have a small one-person umbrella in the side pocket of my bag, and a yellow poncho from walmart in main pocket. I recommend having both, but its fine if you just can fit one.

A bag of COMFY clothes, aside from the intial emergency clothes. For me, I call it the pajamma bag, which just has a pair of sweatpants, T-shirt and fuzzy socks.

FOOD AND WATER. I keep ziplock baggies of non-perishable food in the bag like: granola bars, slim jims, fruit gummies, cans of preserved fruit, ect. You need to pack at least 2 bottles of water. I think I freaked out Twitch stream a little bit when I pulled out 6 bottles of water out of the bag, but I'm telling you: the more water you can carry, the better.

The 'entertainment satchel', which is basically anything that you can do that doesn't require electricity like your phone does that can keep you busy. For me, it's a ziplock bag of a journal/sketchbook with some colored pens. This can be a small book or something.

A sewing kit. One of those travel ones, the tiny tin ones. Comes in handy plenty of times.

A water-tight folder/baggie that will protect legal documents for you. You probably wont keep them in the car, but if you can grab them on your way out, keep them safe in something they can't get damaged in.

A portable battery, a cord for charging your phone and extra wall thingie to plug it into. You can get a decent battery for around 20 bucks on amazon, and your car and public spaces like a library can let you charge your phone.

PETS! If you have a pet with you, PLEASE pack the things needed for them ahead of time in your go-bag. Doggy bags and treats and food and the like. I'm a cat person, so I keep three ziplock baggies: one with treats, a large one with food, and one with cat litter in it. You can usually grab a cardboard box by a dumpster for a make-shift litterbox if need be.

Depending on who you talk to, money may or may not be a smart thing to keep in your bag, but I say keep at least $50 of cash in there for absolute emergencies, if you can afford to store it.

An extra pair of shoes. If they don't fit in the bag, you can store them in the car, or tie them to hang off the bag if you really need them.

Also, not really go-bag related, but I suggest keeping a blanket in your car. If you don't have a car, they make blankets with straps that you can attatch to your backpack, or you can take a long sock or piece of fabric, wrap it around a rolled up blanket, and tie it to your bag. It might not look aesthetic, but it'll be worth it to have it.

Change out the items in your bag every couple months, usually as it starts to get colder or hotter. Currently I'm changing out my stuff from summer items to winter items, like warmer clothes and what not, so I had the bag already near me to show twitch chat. Thanks for everyone that came by Twitch chat and talked by the way, it was fun!

[db0xtae]

Winning the Breakup | Chapter 1

- Minho (Xo Kitty) X Reader

ᯓ★ Summary : Y/N, a talented and athletic after an intense breakup, Y/N reluctantly agrees to fake date Minho, to make their exes jealous. What begins as a mutual arrangement soon turns complicated when their fake relationship starts to feel all too real. With humor, bickering, and tender moments, Minho and Y/N’s journey proves that sometimes the best way to heal from heartbreak is to allow yourself to fall in love.

ᯓ★ Warnings : None

ᯓ★ Word Count : 876

ᯓ★ A/N : Hi guys!!! Welcome to my first post and story written on Tumblr. It's my first time writing a story for the internet, so if there's anything I can improve on, please let me know. I hope you guys enjoy this story. I also started posting this story on ao3. Hope you enjoy!!!

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

Chapter 1: The Deal

The warm glow of fairy lights strung across the KISS courtyard illuminated the scene. Students milled about, dressed to the nines for the school’s fall social, a semi-formal gathering meant to ease the pressure of midterms. Tables were loaded with snacks, and a DJ played the latest hits while clusters of students swayed on the makeshift dance floor.

Y/N stood off to the side, leaning casually against a column, observing the crowd with her sharp, assessing eyes. A cup of punch rested loosely in her hand as she scanned the room. She wasn’t here to dance or socialize. Her goal was simple: to avoid her ex, Alex, who had been staring at her like she was a piece of art he regretted selling.

“Don’t look now, but lover boy is heading this way,” Kitty whispered, sidling up beside her.

Y/N groaned, tilting her head back dramatically. “Of course he is. Does he think lingering stares and awkward smiles will win me back? Pathetic.”

Kitty stifled a laugh, glancing at Alex, who was indeed making his way toward them with a nervous energy that bordered on embarrassing. “Maybe he’s hoping you’ll forgive him.”

“Not in this lifetime.” Y/N straightened up, smoothing the skirt of her chic black dress. Her posture screamed confidence, but inside, her annoyance was bubbling over. She wasn’t in the mood for fake apologies or shallow attempts to rekindle a relationship.

Before Alex could reach them, another voice cut through the noise.

“Y/N, you’re here. Great.”

She turned to see Minho, who was striding toward her with his signature smirk firmly in place. His tailored suit and easy confidence turned a few heads, but Y/N just rolled her eyes. Minho always knew how to make an entrance.

“Minho,” she greeted dryly. “What do you want?”

“Wow, no ‘hi,’ no compliment on how great I look tonight? I’m hurt.” He placed a hand dramatically over his chest.

Kitty snickered and quickly excused herself, whispering, “Good luck,” as she darted off.

“What do you want?” Y/N repeated, raising an eyebrow.

Minho leaned against the column next to her, his smirk softening slightly. “Let me guess—Alex is being a pain?”

Y/N glanced at Alex, who had stopped mid-step and was now awkwardly talking to someone else, clearly reconsidering his approach. “What gave it away?”

“The way you look like you’d rather be anywhere else,” Minho said with a chuckle.

Y/N shrugged. “Not wrong.”

“Here’s the thing,” Minho began, his tone dropping into something more conspiratorial. “I’ve got a similar problem.”

She crossed her arms. “Let me guess. Hyeri?”

Bingo. The mention of his ex-girlfriend made Minho’s jaw tighten ever so slightly, but he quickly masked it with a smile. “Correct. She’s been parading her new boyfriend around like he’s some kind of prize. It’s getting old.”

“Sounds like a you problem,” Y/N replied coolly.

“It could be an us problem,” Minho countered, his smirk returning.

She narrowed her eyes. “What are you getting at?”

Minho leaned in slightly, lowering his voice. “Hear me out. You want Alex to stop following you around like a lost puppy. I want Hyeri to stop acting like she’s winning whatever weird competition she thinks we’re in. Solution? We fake date.”

Y/N stared at him, blinking slowly. “Fake date?”

“Yeah. You and me, the power couple of KISS,” Minho said, gesturing dramatically. “We’ll show them both what they’re missing. It’s perfect.”

“Perfectly insane,” Y/N shot back.

“Think about it,” Minho urged. “We already look good together. People are always talking about how we’re the most attractive students at KISS—”

“Correction: you talk about that,” Y/N interrupted.

“—and it’ll be believable,” Minho continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “We hang out with the same group, so it won’t seem out of nowhere. Plus, I know how to sell a good story.”

Y/N hesitated. As ridiculous as Minho sounded, he wasn’t entirely wrong. Alex would definitely back off if he thought she’d moved on, and it would be satisfying to see his face if she and Minho started “dating.”

“And what happens when the whole thing blows up in our faces?” she asked.

“It won’t,” Minho said confidently. “We’ll set rules, keep it simple. Once they get the message, we ‘break up’ and go back to normal. No harm, no foul.”

Y/N frowned, considering the idea. She didn’t particularly like Minho—his arrogance was exhausting—but she couldn’t deny that he was persuasive.

“Fine,” she said finally. “But we do this my way. No over-the-top stunts or dramatic public displays. Keep it believable.”

Minho grinned, holding out his hand. “Deal.”

She eyed his hand warily before shaking it. “Deal.”

The whispers started almost immediately. By the time the party ended, half the school had seen Minho escorting Y/N to the dance floor for a slow song, his hand resting casually on her waist while they chatted and laughed like old friends.

“You two were…unexpected,” Yuri said the next morning as they sat in the cafeteria.

Y/N shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee. “What can I say? Minho’s not as insufferable as I thought.”

Across the table, Minho smirked, clearly enjoying the attention. “And Y/N’s not as cold as people think.”

Kitty glanced between them, her expression skeptical but amused. “This is going to be interesting.”

[everestgale]

I SLIDE U SMITTEN ACROSS THE FLOOR FOR THE CHARACTER ASK STUFF -OWL

SMITTEN OUR BELOVED...

[Send Me a Character and I'll List Ask Game]

favorite thing about them

Smitten is so full of love! And he is so open about his love! He loves the Princess no matter what she looks like, no matter what she does to you, how much hurt she inflicts on you. He will always love her! He is so passionate, so devoted to her, even to his own detriment-

Yes, my favorite thing about Smitten is how absolutely deranged and passionate he is. No, I am not sorry /lh

least favorite thing about them

This is less "least favorite thing about him" and more about disliking how some people misunderstand him as possessive and malicious in HEA. He is unhealthy and flawed, and he caused harm, absolutely, but he is not doing anything in HEA from the place of malice, and I will die on that hill <3

favorite line

"Oh, just you wait and see! My vengeance will echo the depths of my bereavement!"

brOTP

I really like the Grey Brothers (Skeptic + Smitten), I like the idea of them having a weird sibling-ish bond, but in a "distant sibling who you don't talk to much because you two are so different... but it's nice to chat and catch up sometimes, and you are still there for each other if you really need one another" kind of way.

OTP

Ironically, I don't actually ship Smitten all that much... who am I kidding, the answer is CheatedSmitten, and I really need to draw more of them when my wrist recovers, or I will EXPLODE-

(If you'd like a reason, a friend wrote a very nice description on how this ship would play out, and I've been rotating it in my head for a few weeks. Smitten, the kind of person to extend his heart wide open, but also to probably wonder if he will ever be enough after he disastrously failed with HEA... and Cheated, the guy who repeatedly failed over, and over, and over, and over, someone who would understand this feeling of not being enough- Okay, I gotta stop, otherwise it will take over this whole post)

nOTP

Definitely not a nOTP, it's just that out of popular Smitten ships, I have a very hard time imagining Smittunist (Smitten/Opportunist), and it's entirely because of how I designed and how I write both of them. In fact, I actually really like seeing how other people write and/or draw that ship!! So it's decisively a "me" and "my designs/interpretations" problem 💔

random headcanon

People-pleaser Smitten. You can see it throughout this entire post, I'm very deep in the "people-pleaser Smitten" headcanon mine, and I can't get out of it /lh

unpopular opinion

Once again, don't know how unpopular it is, but I think specifically in the Unknown Together ending, where Smitten knows that she left with the Long Quiet, while he would be sad for a while over the fact that the Princess is gone, he will eventually bounce back, accept the fact that she is happily with "the big guy" somewhere, wherever that might be, and then choose to extend his over-the-top loving self to other people (mainly, his fellow voices) <3

...this is specifically for the Unknown Together endings. If we're talking about A New and Unending Dawn... well, we get an entirely different Smitten.

song i associate with them

It's more of a mixed HEA + Smitten song, but there is no other song that I associate with Smitten more than this one, so "Predator" by The Crane Wives it is!

"What were you thinking? Shouldn't you know better? You took advantage of another anxious people pleaser"

I'm kind of obsessed with how these lines fit well as HEA singing about Smitten... but also as Smitten singing to the Long Quiet, or rather, you, the player, for choosing to stay in the cabin and create this "Happily Ever After" ending... only to be dissatisfied with it.

favorite picture of them

This is what happens when the character we're talking about is a disembodied voice who has no canon design. So! How about my favorite drawing of him, which is this illustration with the Damsel. Look at them! They are so happy :]

Ignore the fact that it's part of the illustration set and in the rest of the illustrations they are not so happy, that's not what the question was asking!

[kwamiwayzz]

Jeckole darkfic after that one ending (Flipside Nicole, not Original/Re-Up Nicole) 

After a failed OD attempt, Jecka ends up waking up in the hospital alone 

Her dad isn’t there, Nicole isn’t there, and everything from the other night hits her like a truck 

She remembers how Nicole screwed her over by shoving her feet in her dad’s mouth and she’s in-between just cutting Nicole off at that point (and her dad), and letting Nicole get away with it 

During her stay at the hospital, she’s embarrassed, betrayed, and most of all, angry. Jecka doesn’t know who to be angry at, though. Nicole? Her dad? Herself, for getting into this mess in the first place? 

The doctors tell her that she’ll be discharged soon, and while she’s about to be ready to get her stuff ready to leave, Nicole shows up. 

Jecka has no idea what to say, and neither does Nicole. She’s thinking about just straight up ignoring her, packing her things, and just walk past her. But Nicole breaks the silence and makes some joke or quip about her staying at the hospital. It’s here that Nicole’s presence actually starts to piss Jecka off.

Nicole tries to slide back into Jecka’s life despite not apologizing or expressing any form of remorse, but Jecka isn’t having it. She tries to pull the “her dad is a pedophile” card by saying that she did Jecka a favor

While Jecka agrees to an extent that her dad sucked as a person, she’s still hesitant on just letting Nicole back in without any consequences 

Jecka tells Nicole to give her space and that maybe she’ll hear from her again (even though Jecka is leaning a bit more towards preserving her mental health by distancing herself from Nicole) 

It doesn’t entirely work, as Nicole would sometimes try to slide back into Jecka’s life again (sits at her front porch, texting her random bullshit, etc.) 

It’s not until Nicole actively gets Jecka’s dad thrown in prison (and on a watch list) by 1) lying about her age so that he becomes a registered sex offender and 2) planting illegal drugs on him so that 

Jecka, still hesitant on letting Nicole back in, decides to continue being friends with her. She did do her a favor, after all. 

Things seem to work out, as if everything has turned back to normal (at least, for Nicole) 

It’s weird and complicated for Jecka. On one hand, she still likes/tolerates being around Nicole, but on the other, she’s slowly giving into her temper and anger issues (learned from by her dad’s abuse)

When she hits Nicole for pissing her off, Jecka feels bad at first, but doesn’t regret it. For once in Jecka’s crumbling life, she feels like she’s in control. And what better way to take her anger out, than to lay it all on someone who screwed her over.

Everything Nicole does just pisses Jecka off even more. She knows that continuing to be around Nicole, especially the shit with her dad, isn’t healthy for her. A normal person would just cut her off. 

Jecka doesn’t want that, though. She wants Nicole to suffer.

The way I couldn't even finish this outline because I had a hard time figuring out how Jecka would have the upper hand while also maintaining that Nicole was going to continue being around her despite the physical abuse.

[btsbs]

.

[prince-liest]

I’m a sex-repulsed ace, and reading the latest chapter of 666 (as well as your analysis here on Tumblr) made me realize that I have been subconsciously thinking about MY OWN sexuality from an allo perspective? And that it has kinda been messing me up?? Like, ever since I learned that sexual attraction was actually a Thing and that it’s Important To People, I had been carrying around a fear of being deficient in some way and not being able to love to the same extent as allos. (1)

Even though I know logically that’s complete garbage and totally untrue, I felt left out of the loop because people seemed to care strongly about this thing I couldn’t even imagine. Whenever it looked like a relationship might happen I panicked for a reason that I couldn’t understand. But now I’m starting to realize that it’s because I was subconsciously terrified of an ‘ulterior motive’ behind the other person’s reasons for wanting to be with me. (2) That part of the reason they even cared was because of something I don’t experience. So thank you, because this realization just clicked into place while reading your work. The thing is, this way of thinking was just internalized in such a way that I didn’t even realize it was there until literally this week. And I think you’re right; one of the main reasons behind that is because I’ve always consumed media written from an allo perspective. (3) If ace/aros are shown at all, they’re depicted as “lacking” and their character development usually revolves around being “fixed” by the story. When I was ~10 years old my mom sometimes let me watch the Big Bang Theory with her (looking back, maybe not the best decision). Anyways, there was one episode deep into the series where Sheldon (who for the past nineish seasons was probably the closest thing to mainstream ace rep) has sex with his girlfriend for the first time. (4) Afterwards, he says something along the lines of “that was better than I thought it would be”, and it’s presented as a Very Good Thing and a big step in their relationship. I think a lifetime of stuff like that makes it very easy to internalize aphobia and feel like the lesser part of the relationship. Or to feel like the other partner is making a huge sacrifice to be with you. That got wayy too long, sorry. All that was just a lot of words to say that I appreciate you. Take care of yourself!(5)

The portrayal of asexuality that you see in media being almost exclusively as you described is very tedious to me because it presumes that something is inherently lacking in aro/aceness rather than that feeling of "lacking" being something that is induced by societal norms. Actually, one of the things that I find additionally alienating is that fandom spaces specifically have been getting better and better about ace characters - but got damn does fandom not jive with aromanticism. Like, a character doesn't want to fuck? That's becoming a liiiittle more fine, it's 2024, we stan consent. But not shipping someone romantically?? Not so easy, now.

I'm glad that my work has been something that resonated with you in this respect! Alastor cares a lot about his reputation as a demon but is pretty blatantly a person who could not possibly give less of a shit about being "wrong" for not being experiencing romantic or sexual attraction. The explanation Viv gave at one point for his own understanding of himself (that he thinks he's just "waiting for the right woman") actually stuck out to me a lot because it's a very "well, nothing is wrong with me for not feeling anything, it's the world that's failed to produce a suitable person" perspective.

But having that kind of confident perspective of your own rightness in the world is really not often portrayed in media, or even in fandom, which even ten years ago was still in the throes of standardizing "Oh, no! Me, gay? These feelings are so wrong!" style m/m content and is honestly not that far off from essentially that for aro/ace characters.

Anyway, all of that is to say that there's not yet much out there that doesn't frame allo/amatonormative values as the default that "even aro/ace people can (and should want to) achieve," and that it's really fun to write a fic that is unequivocally from the perspective of a character who is aroace and doesn't see it as even remotely a fault in himself. Does he have moments where he's a little confused and trying to process how things fit for him? Absolutely. But he just doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who thinks he owes romance to Vox of all people, hahaha. I've written him trying to conform to allo/amatonormativity more with Mimzy, because I think the social standards of their time could push him into it, but Vox? Absolutely not, he does not respect Vox enough for it to even enter his mind.

And then, on the other hand, writing it from an aroace perspective centers the way that romantic and sexual interest can feel like a betrayal of a good thing. With a character like Alastor, it frames romantic and sexual attraction the same alien way that we usually see aromanticism and asexuality framed as.

In the end, this is just one of a plethora of different experiences that aro/ace people can have, but it's one that I really wanted to see represented more, so I'm very happy to write it. I'm glad that you're enjoying it!

[noisytenant]

always kind of strange and uncomfortable when someone admits "yeah i basically fried my attention span on Phone so i can't do anything that requires patience now". the kind of thing where i want to say a million things in response but i tend to say nothing at all

[persy-r-bozo]

[spamtoon]

i would take their poison

Sketch + Line Art for those Clicking Under the Cut(tm) (archival purposes honestly)

[sophaeros]

what if im not really masc and im just pretending because i think mascs are cool and sexy

[icewindandboringhorror]

sneepy cozy....

[oneroomjestershow]

What exactly is Eli? :o

Eli is like air… but with flesh… and the cells can change to any body cell they have registered on their code… they were born appearing human but lost their identity and sense of humanity in mind and form… 

I haven’t given a name to what exactly Eli is. Since they aren’t the only one, it could be considered a species at this point? but they can’t reproduce (sterile) so that’s a problem for using that term… they have siblings all over the world, they aren't aware of each other since they are in specific areas and far away from each other because of their father. Maybe something like a human replica inside the game universe? Outside of that I have no idea. They are just a human hybrid between their human mother and whatever species their father is.

Have a spaguetti sketch for the troubles...

[vstheworld]

so I totally get why it’s as divisive as it is, but I saw Skinamarink four days ago and I’m still thinking abt it

[gothsuguru]

getting an iced pumpkin chai in the morning and then my personal goal is to spend the whole day writing and i hope i can come back to this post tomorrow and rb w how much progress i’ve made!!!

[theood]

It might just be a lot of things. I really don't know. I don't like not having any energy after work but it staves off a lot of our thought processes but at the same time I don't love it. It's tolerable but I want to be doing something else. I wanna be in the dirt and I want to feel the earth under my feet and I want to know she's listening to me and telling me it's ok and I want to take care of her like she's taken care of me. I want to plant trees and cut back weeds and learn to identify our native plants and I just can't do any of that and make a living. It's not even a volunteer opportunity for me. I'm just some random citizen who didn't even go to school for any of it. And I'm so lonely. I'm the loneliest I've been. I love all my friends online I do. Truly and wholly but it doesn't help the fact that I have no one around me irl. And it hurts. And I'm scared. And I am so small all the time. And I just want it to change.

[vampiresuns]

having a tav that's a Lloth-sworn life domain cleric of a noble background who before getting yeeted into the nautiloid was a sacrificial priestess (gn) during one of the cycles of Drow society and had their own altar and temple under their care, means Solune would have the most insane however many minutes they spent interacting with Minthara and I am obsessed about it. As far as I'm conceptualising it, I'm thinking of Lloth as extremely Ungoliant-like. Goddess of hunger, goddess of wanting and consumption, goddess of excess and exuberance, goddess who unmasked the hypocritical gods of starvation, guilt and purity into a society that cherishes a certain kind of clarity about the double standard they impose. For Drow are evil for their wars and their wanting and their taking, but those other people with their other gods kill, warmonger and enslave with no regard and no self-awareness, calling the indignation about receiving scraps from a bunch of silent, unrepentant gods, "guilt and shame". There is violence in denial and her Children will not suffer it.

In the season of Life, they do not sacrifice the unwilling. It is taboo. The only sacrifice that matters is the desire to be devoured and destroyed by the things you love the most.

And Solune sees Minthara and is like fucking finally, someone rational enough to get what I'm going through, that they're losing their mind that their life was taken from them and if they become this other thing, if they transform, if they do not remain Luxe Solune Mizzmyrra, Life Knife of Lloth, they're never going to be able to be reintegrated into that life. They will die away from home, from their temple, from their (first) spouse, from their mother and their siblings and there won't be the day when they too succumb to the knife, when it is time, when the day they no longer feel hunger comes.

And then the parasite gives them an in into Minthara thinking she was raised from the darkness into a FALSE GOD? One thing you do not do is steal from Lady Lloth, and oh my god, there could've been a time, a chance that existed only in ignorance, of Solune lending a hand to Minthara but this to them is unforgivable because Solune is genuinely a good friend to their friends, but if you keep peeking into whatever mindset nobility and religious authority has given them it's like realising your friend is a cesspool of "what the actual and everliving fuck", and when the knife of the morningstar priestess comes down on Minthara it won't be with love but with absolute rage, grief and disgust and I will be thinking about this for evermore. Thanks, I'm not well