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nicknames that bruce + the batboys would call you
warnings: sexual themes in jason’s part, fem!reader a/n: just sumn slight. enjoy😁
⁎⁺˳ 𝒷𝓇𝓊𝒸𝑒 ミ
❀ bruce grew up wealthy so he would definitely call you something more on the classy side
❀ things like darling, angel, dear, my love, etc.
❀ he also has a habit of referring to you as “my wife” (because he’s possessive asf)
❀ “sorry guys, i really can’t stay for another drink. i’ve got to get back to my wife.”
❀ “you said these shoes were dior? oh, im sure my wife would love these.”
❀ on the flip side, he also really likes referring to himself as your husband (one might say he does it for the ego boost)
❀ like whenever you too are meeting someone for the first time, he'll introduce you first and then only introduce himself as "your husband"
❀ because why should someone care about him, a mega rich billionaire, when his lovely and radiant wife is standing right next to him?
⁎⁺˳ 𝒹𝒾𝒸𝓀 ミ
❀ dick would definitely be the type to call you something super lovey-dovey and over the top
❀ sugarplum, honey bunches, buttercup, (and if he really wants to get on your nerves,) shnookums
❀ he knows it’s lame, but he genuinely doesn’t care
❀ since his love language is acts of service, you tend to hear a lot of "let me get that for ya, honeybun"
❀ or something like “hey sugarplum! im on my way home from work, you want me to pick up anything?”
❀ or even "don't worry about dinner honeylove, lemme take care of things tonight."
❀ regardless of how annoying it is, you can't help but love his teasing nicknames for you
❀ like you two are that annoying couple that everyone loves can't stand seeing at the function (i know valentine's day hatesss to see yall coming)
❀ off topic but if the two of you had a kid together, i imagine him nicknaming your daughter ‘love bug’ (AWWW)
⁎⁺˳ 𝒿𝒶𝓈𝑜𝓃 ミ
❀ despite his thick exterior, jason’s a lover boy at heart
❀ he’d call you stuff like babe, doll, sweetheart, hon, y’know all that cheesy stuff
❀ most importantly though, this boy lovesss to call you mama
❀ like for example, he usually likes to greet you with a casual "hey mama, you doin okay?" followed by a quick peck on the check
❀ or if you're being goofy trying to get him to feel better, he'll probably say something like "c'mon mama, cut it out" as a smile inevitably blossoms on his face
❀ alongside this, he also has a weird kink thing for calling himself papa
❀ either “thatsss it sweetheart, come to papa” or “let papa bear handle it, ‘kay? you just sit down there and look pretty f’me.”
❀ you have absolutely no idea where he got it from because jason swears up and down that he's never done it until he got in a relationship with you
⁎⁺˳ 𝓉𝒾𝓂 ミ
❀ while tim is such a sweetheart, so his pet names for you would most definitely reflect that
❀ sweets, pretty, baby love, cutie; simple stuff like that
❀ also, let’s not forget that this boy is a certified LEWSER, so that also shows within you guys’ relationship
❀ he sometimes calls you pookie (he’s chronically online…)
❀ he'd probably be up texting you at 2am (because why wouldn’t be be up at that time) and is like “hey pooks u wanna check out this new italian place i found? i saw that they serve a few of ur faves”
❀ he also has a nasty habit of referring to you as dude or bro
❀ you'll often get random tiktoks from him throughout the day like "bro look this is totally us" or "me & u fr🥹"
❀ sure it's corny but the sentiment is sweet so you don't really mind
❀ a lot of people think the relationship you both have may be a bit odd, but neither of you care (and that's all that matters <3)
#*nicki voice* NOBODY DISRESPECTS PAPPA BEAR!!#<- that’s me talking about jason btw#dc x reader#dc fanfiction#dc headcanon#bruce wayne headcanon#bruce wayne x reader#bruce wayne fanfiction#bruce wayne fanfic#bruce wayne fluff#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson headcanon#dick grayson fanfiction#dick grayson fanfic#dick grayson fluff#jason todd x reader#jason todd headcanon#jason todd fanfiction#jason todd fanfic#jason todd fluff#jason todd smut#tim drake x reader#tim drake headcanon#tim drake fanfiction#tim drake fanfic#tim drake fluff#batboys#batman x reader#red hood x reader#bruce wayne x you
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Can you please do Stray kids Lee know cute things he does as a boyfriend and him as a boyfriend headcons please 🥺
Cute things Lee Know does as your bf
Pairing: Leeknow x reader
Also requested by: @phumzo5
Warnings: none, just fluff basically
Tags: are you actually supposed to put tags for headcannons? I have no clue, Lee (the butthunter) Minho, protective bf Leeknow, fluff, more fluff, oh did I mention the fluff?
A/n: So um I know I said I had all these stories ideas and was gonna start back posting more *awkard laughter* funny how life can derail plans huh?😅 But um I brought you Leeknow as an apology gift??🥹🤲 (to anybody that saw the post about my Chan story idea I swear I am still going to write it I’m just very slow so pls be patient😖)
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
He is literally constantly flirting with you
Doesn’t matter if you’ve been dating 10 days or ten years, he will always flirt with you like you are in a new relationship.
The “honey moon faze” never ends with him
Literally makes it his life goal to get you as flustered as possible. He finds you blushing to be extremely adorable.
Always tries to catch your eyes across a room to give you a teasing wink and smirk. Mostly done in very serious situations where you getting so red and flustered is definitely not appropriate. The little shit
Face squishies constantly, especially when you blush and he thinks you’re cute. (If you don’t know what I mean just look at what he’s doing to the cat in the above picture and just imagine it’s your face instead of the cats lol)
Slaps the booty anytime it’s in range
Even in very publicly inappropriate places. He has no shame
I mean we are talking about the “butt hunter” here. What did you expect?
Takes a ton of pictures of you sleeping
I swear it’s not as weird as it sounds. He just thinks you are so adorable all curled up and innocent like that.
Bonus points if you fell asleep curled up with one of his cats
Loves when you sit on his lap. Sometimes he’ll just pull you down to sit with him when you walk by, insisting whatever you were walking around doing could wait till later. He’s actually secretly just craving your attention and closeness but won’t admit it.
Buys two of the same hoodie when he’s shopping cause he knows you love wearing his but he also doesn’t want to give up his fav hoodies lol
You would totally just steal his anyways because the other one doesn’t smell like him
Secretly loves to do the typical cheesy “coupley” things with you but would never admit it lol. “Omg we have got to do this couples costume it’s so cute!�� *pulls face of disgust* “I’d rather die”
he’s literally buying it online as he speaks
Will sometimes buy you random gifts when he’s feeling sentimental
But he’ll just come home,drop it in front of you, and leave without acknowledging that he did something sweet lol
Gets very protective
Not in like a overly possessive way but he definitely does not have a tolerance for people messing with you
He senses you are even a little bit uncomfortable?? Yeah he’s not having it.
Same for just walking in public anywhere with him. If there’s any paparazzi or fan getting a little too close and pushy with you? He will dish out the most intimidating drop dead glare you’ve ever seen while pulling you in closer to him. All while wishing he wasn’t an idol so he could properly put them in their place
To an outsider he may come off as very straightforward and emotionless, but he can turn into the softest boi in an instant. Especially with you
I mean have you seen that scary skz code episode where he’s comforting Felix because he’s scared??🥺
If he senses something the least bit off with you?? Caring soft boyfriend mode activated!
Absolutely hates seeing you upset or crying
“Honey what’s wrong?” “What’s bothering you?” “Are you okay babe?” “What can I do?“ “Who do I have to murder?”
#lee know x reader#lee know#lee know x you#lee know x y/n#lee minho#lee minho x reader#lee minho x you#lee minho x y/n#skz minho#stray kids x reader#stray kids#skz x reader#skz#headcanon#fluffy#fluff#reader insert#fanfic#kpop
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BestFriendSimon Riley x Femreader
< Distance >
Chapter 3
Time for some MORE LORE BITCHES. Jk y'all are beautiful, don't be mean to yourself.
In the midst of night, you laid awake, scrolling through social media. Thoughts overflowed, scrolling mindlessly, helplessly even. Why was this app always giving you the most depressing videos in the middle of the night?? "If he does these things, he doesn't like you." "Accepting he'll never be yours." "The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?" Good, GOD, the algorithm is RELENTLESS. Fueling the fire, with every, single, damn, scroll. It drove you to tears, yet, you didn't stop. Perhaps, these videos and posts were true. Perhaps you felt comfort within this pain, these diminishing thoughts. Maybe it was better to be sad, than hopeful about something you weren't even too sure about. Even if..that happened last night.
"Simon..this guy that I like.."
He knew it was about him, undoubtedly. He knew speaking of him as "the guy you like" was the ONLY way for you to confess anything, so he didn't think of it as being weird in any way. "Go on."
"Sometimes I wonder, what if he doesn't like me back? He does things that seems like he likes me, at the same time, he isn't doing things that make it obvious he likes me. Maybe he does? But I don't know."
"Things take..time. Maybe he's unsure, still afraid. You don't always know what things people went through that cause them to..retract sometimes. You mentioned at some point you were scared too."
"Perhaps so..I just feel like he doesn't see me the way I see him."
"Believe me, I know that guy really well. He definitely likes you."
You covered your face halfway, not even facing into his direction. Simon chuckled, facing into the screen.
"Look at me, luv."
"I, I can't."
"Why? Just look at me."
"I really can't, Simon!" You hid your face even more. Your heart was practically beating out of your chest. He looked down, chuckling as he rubbed something off his thigh, facing into the screen again. You kept your eyes off him, too embarrassed to even look at him.
...
Even after knowing he definitely likes you, you still found ways to fill your head with doubt. What if it's only for the moment? What if it's only because I'm the only one available at the time? What if he justs ghosts me, the hookup culture is insane nowadays!
Placing in your earbuds, and cranking up the volume on your phone, you listened to music. You'd curl into a ball, hands on your temples. The thoughts hurted you so much. But better safe than sorry, right? Rather experience the pain now, then later. Let it hurt now, and let it hurt less when the eventual truth came out.
Little did you know, how Simon would dream of you. He'd think so much of you, that if he didn't, he'd immediately notice and think of you again. He would wait, in anticipation, for every text. Simon was also scared. His bad past, the military, he wanted to look tough in front of you, yet sometimes he'd wish he could just crumble, bit by bit into your arms. He didn't want to come off too strong, in fears of scaring you. You were the one thing that helped him get up in the morning, to face his missions. Shooting his targets from behind a wall, you in the back of his mind. He was keeping you safe from these bad people. Every silent stab to the neck, it was you he was thinking of. He needed to keep you safe.
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#curious observation time#not trying to point fingers or invoke any level of drama#and please someone point out if i've missed something#but i do think it is a tad odd#or at least very telling#that....zero (0) people in kpop have#commented at all on liam from 1D dying#when people are crawling out of the woodwork left and right#to give tributes and condolences#i'm sure there is a lot less overlap there#with people who ever actually interacted with him#but the silence feels extra loud when every global non-korean boy group#from the last....3-4 decades at this point#has said SOMETHING#again i know it's not really how kpop operates#to comment on current events or really....anything outside of loving their fans#and maybe it's the drug connection#or all the commentary about consequences of making kids into celebrities#that makes them not want to touch it with a ten foot pole but#it's really kind of driving home what a bubble kpop lives in for me#like this alternate universe where nothing else happens in the world except kpop#which i think is why i got sucked in during the pandemic#but now that the world has gone back to normal#it does sometimes feel like a weird place to be#but also#if dating and smoking and a tipsy scooter ride is the epitome of scandal#where do you even put larger world problems#sorry this has taken a turn#the escapism of kpop is one if it's draws#but sometimes it feels bizarre to be in here and realize how much you're ignoring
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I’m a sex-repulsed ace, and reading the latest chapter of 666 (as well as your analysis here on Tumblr) made me realize that I have been subconsciously thinking about MY OWN sexuality from an allo perspective? And that it has kinda been messing me up?? Like, ever since I learned that sexual attraction was actually a Thing and that it’s Important To People, I had been carrying around a fear of being deficient in some way and not being able to love to the same extent as allos. (1)
Even though I know logically that’s complete garbage and totally untrue, I felt left out of the loop because people seemed to care strongly about this thing I couldn’t even imagine. Whenever it looked like a relationship might happen I panicked for a reason that I couldn’t understand. But now I’m starting to realize that it’s because I was subconsciously terrified of an ‘ulterior motive’ behind the other person’s reasons for wanting to be with me. (2) That part of the reason they even cared was because of something I don’t experience. So thank you, because this realization just clicked into place while reading your work. The thing is, this way of thinking was just internalized in such a way that I didn’t even realize it was there until literally this week. And I think you’re right; one of the main reasons behind that is because I’ve always consumed media written from an allo perspective. (3) If ace/aros are shown at all, they’re depicted as “lacking” and their character development usually revolves around being “fixed” by the story. When I was ~10 years old my mom sometimes let me watch the Big Bang Theory with her (looking back, maybe not the best decision). Anyways, there was one episode deep into the series where Sheldon (who for the past nineish seasons was probably the closest thing to mainstream ace rep) has sex with his girlfriend for the first time. (4) Afterwards, he says something along the lines of “that was better than I thought it would be”, and it’s presented as a Very Good Thing and a big step in their relationship. I think a lifetime of stuff like that makes it very easy to internalize aphobia and feel like the lesser part of the relationship. Or to feel like the other partner is making a huge sacrifice to be with you. That got wayy too long, sorry. All that was just a lot of words to say that I appreciate you. Take care of yourself!(5)
The portrayal of asexuality that you see in media being almost exclusively as you described is very tedious to me because it presumes that something is inherently lacking in aro/aceness rather than that feeling of "lacking" being something that is induced by societal norms. Actually, one of the things that I find additionally alienating is that fandom spaces specifically have been getting better and better about ace characters - but got damn does fandom not jive with aromanticism. Like, a character doesn't want to fuck? That's becoming a liiiittle more fine, it's 2024, we stan consent. But not shipping someone romantically?? Not so easy, now.
I'm glad that my work has been something that resonated with you in this respect! Alastor cares a lot about his reputation as a demon but is pretty blatantly a person who could not possibly give less of a shit about being "wrong" for not being experiencing romantic or sexual attraction. The explanation Viv gave at one point for his own understanding of himself (that he thinks he's just "waiting for the right woman") actually stuck out to me a lot because it's a very "well, nothing is wrong with me for not feeling anything, it's the world that's failed to produce a suitable person" perspective.
But having that kind of confident perspective of your own rightness in the world is really not often portrayed in media, or even in fandom, which even ten years ago was still in the throes of standardizing "Oh, no! Me, gay? These feelings are so wrong!" style m/m content and is honestly not that far off from essentially that for aro/ace characters.
Anyway, all of that is to say that there's not yet much out there that doesn't frame allo/amatonormative values as the default that "even aro/ace people can (and should want to) achieve," and that it's really fun to write a fic that is unequivocally from the perspective of a character who is aroace and doesn't see it as even remotely a fault in himself. Does he have moments where he's a little confused and trying to process how things fit for him? Absolutely. But he just doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who thinks he owes romance to Vox of all people, hahaha. I've written him trying to conform to allo/amatonormativity more with Mimzy, because I think the social standards of their time could push him into it, but Vox? Absolutely not, he does not respect Vox enough for it to even enter his mind.
And then, on the other hand, writing it from an aroace perspective centers the way that romantic and sexual interest can feel like a betrayal of a good thing. With a character like Alastor, it frames romantic and sexual attraction the same alien way that we usually see aromanticism and asexuality framed as.
In the end, this is just one of a plethora of different experiences that aro/ace people can have, but it's one that I really wanted to see represented more, so I'm very happy to write it. I'm glad that you're enjoying it!
#ask#personal#Anonymous#long post#t#aroace#ace#he cares about Vox at this point!#but that's. not really the same as respecting him.#anyway this next chapter is important to me because it's very#how do I put this#“this was okay at the moment but that doesn't mean he's okay with it overall and forever”#“and it does not mean that they've 'progressed' their relationship to the point where Alastor being aroace is a 'nonissue'”#“(feat. ofc the heavy implication that it was an issue in the first place)”#ANYWAY. SOMETIMES I HAVE A HARD TIME EXPRESSING THIS IN NON-FIC WORDS#SO HOPEFULLY THE FIC AS IT CONTINUES SPEAKS FOR ME. I AM GLAD THAT IT HAS SPOKEN TO YOU SO FAR <3 THANK YOU!!#sexuality#my writing#hazbin hotel#this is a hot button topic atm and it took me a minute to write a reply#that didn't seem like it invited discourse lmfao#actually I still feel weird posting my opinion this strongly oops OH WELL
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always kind of strange and uncomfortable when someone admits "yeah i basically fried my attention span on Phone so i can't do anything that requires patience now". the kind of thing where i want to say a million things in response but i tend to say nothing at all
#indexed post#The main threads are like#I think attention and patience are more complicated than people expect and it kind of needs to be seen systemically#But also it's something you just have to exercise#And also patience-requiring things can be fun sometimes. And you can mix patience things with quick reward if you want.#And I dont like to be judgmental or like 'YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING RIGHT NOW' i think shame keeps ppl in this position#but its like If U think its a problem There Is Help#I guess i'd say something like 'does this bother you?' bc people seem bothered but resigned#i think i also feel like im in a weird place with it because my attention capacities are all over the place#On account of being split into like 15 pieces#But I sure can do boring tasks sometimes.
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#Reds such a unique and sad character to me#No matter what he does he is in a loop somehow. both actually and mentally.#He wants change - but he's afraid of it - But he NEEDS it - but its too scary.#He wants to be normal - But normal is boring - But its safe.#Too weird for people - too normal for freaks.#He Likes those two - But getting attached hurts. - But he truly does love them - But what if hes the issue? what is HE hurts them.#and thats why i think transport was such a big turning point. because he does hurt them#He tries his best and does what he thinks will be best.#him being alone so he issnt an “Issue”#And them being happy and healthy in a place where thier needs are met. and they dont have to be scared anymore.#but he fails and he hurts them.#His torture here is feeling helpless and whenever he tries it fails to the point he feels awful.#He has such complex and battling emotions they loop in his head over and over. too the point he cant do anything#thus making him a neutral character.#But neutral issnt a Good thing#Yes he doesnt hurt anything. But he doesnt help or comfort either#He is in a loop inside and out.#Hes drowning.#SIIIGHH sometimes it hurts understanding him /hj. (i know theres like a gigillion ways to interpret him lmao.}#im actuly kinda sad i havent seen anyone else have the idea of him being torn apart inside and anxious tho.#or that he sees himself as a big monster. maybe even due to him leaveing before (trying to help but failing again)#or that hes easy to manipulate. thus creating danger for the other two.#But im just yapping and making a comic based on my thoughts :]#(as ive been a lil mentally ill about string man lately.#dhmis#dhmis red guy#dhmis fanart#dhmis comic#dont hug me im scared
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i would take their poison
Sketch + Line Art for those Clicking Under the Cut(tm) (archival purposes honestly)
#moshi monsters#sweet tooth moshi monsters#experimentation i am COG AWFUL at digital dear goodness i was playing with coloring and transparency and all those fun digital doodads.#next time i probably wont have black outline or i'll do it differently. or i'll try well. not doing this. it sure was a process im#i'm an amateur everyone who masically only doodles. does the sketch look better than the final. kinda! but thats okay because im learning#and y'know what. sometimes in life you just need to draw faves no consequences#for how saturated a character they are i kinda feel like i pastelled things too muc and trapped myself with my convoluted layer setup but m#it was looking WEIRD with everything at full force#maybe the sparkles look dumb maybe the hair looks dumb and out of place and why i kinda made the lollipop a little funky too#uhh. first digital piece posted... ever?#the arm is SO fucky i am not that was. thats not what perspective is spam#yes this is what i spent a good chunk of today doing after i started working on coloring it and then. decided to go for it.#cooolrs a little inaccurate on the horns and such but man one of the biggest art things was like#i dont have to have everything at their perfect hex codes all the time. this would look way worse if i just. used their standard colors#yeah this is. instead of looking like its forward and to the right it kinda just looks like they have a Bigger hypno-lolly#especialy becase. i did not bother on the gloves and platforms i the sparkles work with 2 kinda sorta but you know#im practicing! i'm learning! i'll get better and learn how to do things more effectively!#anyway. sweet toof#though hey their arm looks even more fucked in the line art and sketch SO#note to future self have a Consistent Line Art Size so that if you feel like the line art looks like shit during coloring you dont have to#gamble on what size it was while changing it#sketch lollipop looks better i should have kept it small. but its fine. we'll get em next time boys (tm)#yes i know my gif post was so fancy and then the drawing is just THIS
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sneepy cozy....
#cats#(medical stuff mention for tags)#poasting confortable image of boye for peace and serenity and such forthe#I have little weird episodes sometimes where I get shaky (but like violently like 'would spill a drink if you were holding it beacuse#your hands are moving so much' type shaky) and weird and sick feeling but usually it passes in an hour or less. but last night I just#literally couldnt sleep I was shaking so much and my heartrate was up a ton and wouldn't go down even after like 6 hours plus super nausea#so I went to the hospital and now shall wear a heart monitor for a week. which hopefully it's just some weird drastic low blood sugar#event or something and there's nothing actually going on. ekg + ct scan for blod clots + virus panel + almost all of the blood work seems#normal so... aa.......#Though me being so privacy focused hrggh... I basically have a constantly bluetooth connected device around me#since the monitor comes with a cell phone that is constantly transmitting data to the place. which they said they'll call you#if they see anything weird which is also scary. random phone calls... but definitely better than letting an issue go unadressed lol#the phone is also not meant to be more than 10 feet away from the monitor at any time so I put on this old tactical fishing#vest thing thats like navy green with 100 pockets and im just using one of the giant pocketson the side as a phone holder#my enormous silly vest just to keep one little phone#ANYWAY... because I got up early the morning before and didn't sleep at all and spent nearly all day in waiting rooms and such#I have been awake for like 32 hours striaght. which I'm sure also does not help with an elevated heartrate lol#feeling shrimp emotions or whatever people talk about unlocking at a certain level of stress and sleep deprivation#and also no food or water. after a while they brought me like 3 saltines and some ice water but I basically also haven't eaten since 3am#last night and it's 2pm now..#thus............ bapy............. baby boye....... he will help ease all ailments with his baby powers...#And no I dont drink energy drinks or anything with caffiene really I'm afraid of all substances on the planet essentially#My body just likes to become shaky and weird randomly even when I'm not conciously anxious about anything/have had no caffiene/etc#and I guess I'm always more nervous about getting anything heart related checked out because of my arm/shoulder/chest area injury stuff#... i literally have constant chest pain all the time. it moves around but i nearly always have some sort of pain or pressure in my chest#so when people are like 'oh well a little weird heartrate is fine but watch out if you have pain!' it's like... i always do lol.. how am I#supposed to tell the Bad Pain apart from the Always Pain when the descriptions of Bad Pain are very very similar#AAAANYway.... hrghh... i wanted to be very productive and finally post drafts and wrok on things today. but alas..#I can at least post small image of soft boye.. though he recently got into stuff in the bathroom whilst left#alone and knocked things into the toilet.. So perhaps not an innocent and NICE boy.. but still.. a soft one .. beautfile....
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so I totally get why it’s as divisive as it is, but I saw Skinamarink four days ago and I’m still thinking abt it
#I adored it#it’s one of the most interesting experimental films I’ve ever seen#it very viscerally made me re-experience the feeling of being a child in an abusive household#where the Safe Place is sometimes also the scariest#and no one is going to help you#fair warning: it does not have traditional pacing or plot#it’s weird as shit#but it got under my skin like nothing has in years#gave the same feeling that playing kittyhorrorshow’s Anatomy game did#skinamarink 2023#skinamarink#cash watches stuff#text post#experimental horror
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It might just be a lot of things. I really don't know. I don't like not having any energy after work but it staves off a lot of our thought processes but at the same time I don't love it. It's tolerable but I want to be doing something else. I wanna be in the dirt and I want to feel the earth under my feet and I want to know she's listening to me and telling me it's ok and I want to take care of her like she's taken care of me. I want to plant trees and cut back weeds and learn to identify our native plants and I just can't do any of that and make a living. It's not even a volunteer opportunity for me. I'm just some random citizen who didn't even go to school for any of it. And I'm so lonely. I'm the loneliest I've been. I love all my friends online I do. Truly and wholly but it doesn't help the fact that I have no one around me irl. And it hurts. And I'm scared. And I am so small all the time. And I just want it to change.
#elias.zip#i think. that dreamis affecting me a little more than I thought it did. it really exemplified that I feel like everyone sees me as not tryin#g to make connections in my adult life but im in a dead town with an aging population i didnt grow up in or around. i can't find public even#ts that would get me around people my age. I can't drive still to go places anyways and I struggle so fucking with the entire process anyway#s that even with the stars aligned I fuck myself over anyways. I'm too weird. too quiet. too loud. not assertive. weird. weird. weird. werid#. just some fucking crybaby.#everyone's moved on from being anxious but not me. I can't do it. i try and try and try and try and push myself out of my comfort zone but n#obody wants new friends. and my interests are too niche. and i dont fit in and nobody wants to be friends with the baby because all he does#is cry and god I've felt worse moving here than i ever did back at the old house and it feels like I'm never going to get to see what cou#ldve been I'm stuck like this!!#sometimes i really wish i could just leave. leave it all. vanlife or backpack or something and learn why i was made to live as a human. i ju#st want to go back home. I wanna see my packmates again. I'll do better this time. Please. I'm sorry
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having a tav that's a Lloth-sworn life domain cleric of a noble background who before getting yeeted into the nautiloid was a sacrificial priestess (gn) during one of the cycles of Drow society and had their own altar and temple under their care, means Solune would have the most insane however many minutes they spent interacting with Minthara and I am obsessed about it. As far as I'm conceptualising it, I'm thinking of Lloth as extremely Ungoliant-like. Goddess of hunger, goddess of wanting and consumption, goddess of excess and exuberance, goddess who unmasked the hypocritical gods of starvation, guilt and purity into a society that cherishes a certain kind of clarity about the double standard they impose. For Drow are evil for their wars and their wanting and their taking, but those other people with their other gods kill, warmonger and enslave with no regard and no self-awareness, calling the indignation about receiving scraps from a bunch of silent, unrepentant gods, "guilt and shame". There is violence in denial and her Children will not suffer it.
In the season of Life, they do not sacrifice the unwilling. It is taboo. The only sacrifice that matters is the desire to be devoured and destroyed by the things you love the most.
And Solune sees Minthara and is like fucking finally, someone rational enough to get what I'm going through, that they're losing their mind that their life was taken from them and if they become this other thing, if they transform, if they do not remain Luxe Solune Mizzmyrra, Life Knife of Lloth, they're never going to be able to be reintegrated into that life. They will die away from home, from their temple, from their (first) spouse, from their mother and their siblings and there won't be the day when they too succumb to the knife, when it is time, when the day they no longer feel hunger comes.
And then the parasite gives them an in into Minthara thinking she was raised from the darkness into a FALSE GOD? One thing you do not do is steal from Lady Lloth, and oh my god, there could've been a time, a chance that existed only in ignorance, of Solune lending a hand to Minthara but this to them is unforgivable because Solune is genuinely a good friend to their friends, but if you keep peeking into whatever mindset nobility and religious authority has given them it's like realising your friend is a cesspool of "what the actual and everliving fuck", and when the knife of the morningstar priestess comes down on Minthara it won't be with love but with absolute rage, grief and disgust and I will be thinking about this for evermore. Thanks, I'm not well
#bg3#bg: solune#minthara#i love Solune they're so fun to build with because it's like sometimes organically they will reach the same conclusion as Wyll about sth#(I did NOT expect them to get along but he is their highest approval followed by Lae'zel)#but it's someone who has such an Alien concept of society to literally everyone else in the party. Solune is (fundamentally!!!) land owning#power concentrating nobility and no matter what they do not matter what conclusion their reach this specific brand of social conservativism#and verticality informs them to their very core. however also and cannot be dismissed that bc of how I'm conceptualising Lloth#(sorry but to write a vertical society that just brutalises itself what is this? western europe? fuck off)#Solune is by some contradiction one of the most You Do You people possible. but like. to a weird extreme and a wouldn't thou like to live#deliciously manner. oh you want to be FREE from your past then BE IT. oh you want to find your place in the world? then let that place#consume you and change you forever until the day there is no more than hungers in you and you can truly say you have lived#terrible enabling force but also extreme nurturing capacity#and above all they want that life back and sympathise with those feelings so well#but if there is one thing they cannot stand and that they will maim you on the spot about is heresy against lloth because you were not give#the gift of unmasking the hypocrisy of the gods of the above to waste yourself turning your back against the underdark jewels of Drow citie#there where the darkness does not mean shadows but the glimmering light of jewels. what do you mean some people live unfair lives?#well have they thought living better???#i'm obsessed with Solune and whatever the fuck is wrong with them (it's money. it's having money)
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Navigating a slightly awkward fandom etiquette situation that I'd be interested in other folks' input on
I was a part of a really neat little gift exchange where my own prompt ended up having to be filled by a pinch-hitter, which may be one reason for the mismatch. The TL;DR is I had requested a genfic (unsurprisingly to you all, I am sure) and the gift I ended up getting was... not, and felt a bit like it veered from the prompt to additionally focus on a character I don't care as much for.
(Ultimately I am not horribly put-out because this was for a small fandom and there were a number of other works people did for the exchange that I got excited about, and also the vibes of the whole event have been lovely and kind which is why I don't want to kill that!)
My dilemma is I feel like I still ought to leave a comment on the fic -- it doesn't seem right not to on an exchange gift, especially when someone stepped up to write something last minute and I think just genuinely didn't understand my preferences. However I am still feeling a tiny bit of aromantic weariness about the situation, and feel a bit uncomfortable with that. My usual "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" fic policy is failing me here, and there are at least a few bits of it I still liked and could bring up in a comment. But it all feels a little disingenuous.
Just contemplating the best sort of comment to leave that won't hurt the writer's feelings and even expresses some gratitude for stepping up at the last minute (since I'm sure there are other folks getting excited about the story, and I like that thought) but also doesn't totally misrepresent what I am About in fandom, you know?
#i'm truly not too bothered since this event about doubled the amount of fic/art in the Ao3 tag which is lovely#and there were several other people's gifts i love#also being honest i enter events largely as motivation for myself to create & love the gift-giving part even more#but like i do feel a tiny bit weird about people seeing the gift/a comment by me and misunderstanding what i actually prefer!#i suppose that's the only thing i'm really having an issue with#especially since i'd love to do another exchange like this in the future and couls see someone looking at it for inspiration#which would very much give them the wrong idea#sighs. i like putting in the work to make fandom a warm and welcoming place but it does get a bit awkward sometimes
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This is very random but. I think a lot about the name of my oc Rüß. It was originally just a stand-in name and was spelled "Russ." But I didn't want people to pronounce it "Ruh-ss" so I changed it to "Ruß" and then to "Rüß" bcs that's the way to pronounce it but it was also fun to use special characters. But then ended up at the same place I started: some people still won't know how to pronounce her name bcs the ü and ß 😭 I think my one friend called her "Rub" in her head for a while. But it is now eternally her name and I don't call her by her full name :)
#ugh and this german guy i knew#was all like ummmm ruß means soot in german so why is that her name 🤨#BCS I WANTED TO USE THE ESZETT OKAY I THOUGHT ITD BE FUN#little does everyone know she was named russ bcs i wanted a russian oc and couldnt think of a name instantly LOL#its so boring when you make ocs when you're older and you start becoming logical abt it#i used to look at lists of 'weird/unique kids name' when i would make ocs#<- and honestly its left me in such a difficult place 😭#bcs some of the names are cringe to me but theyre too stuck in my head to change ever#so sometimes they have full names but i just never call them thay#also last names. bane of my existence#but lmao rüß prob has the most well formed name bcs i made her when i was older#also i feel like ive changed the cyrillic spelling like 5 times at least#she is a woman of mystery!!!!#also that soot thing forced me to come up w a whole plot contrivance#but its fine bcs she's like the only oc where different names do have different connotations to her#so its a fun little lore bit#OKAY YEAH ANYWAYS take this random ramble#i miss my children#catie.rambling.txt
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being arab is just so.. weird. i dont feel represented by or at home w white ppl but also im not the kind of person ppl are usually thinking to include when they say poc...?
im arab but im not brown. im not asian, im african, but ppl always assume african = black and im not that either. my skin is on the paler end of the spectrum but ppl clock me as "other" anyway. arabs are barely represented as is and even when they are its never anyone like me, never anyone thats even from my damn region.
#i try to find community or even just carve out a place for myself that is uniquely mine. but its hard.#sometimes i hate that i go by amber. i didnt know how much of a 'white girl' name it was when i settled on it. it didnt really matter then#but it does now. and noone can pronounce or even Spell 3anbar in this accursed language#and im too afraid to tell my friends to call me ilyas as well (instead ?)#im close w only one other poc person. shes chinese. shes kinda half the reason i realized i 'count' as poc lmao. not that she knows#and whenever she jokes around w me abt race i feel weird. not bc shes doing it in a bad way ! its thrilling almost to feel included. but.#i almost feel like im not allowed to be.#i wish i understood what people saw when they looked at me. how they perceived me. i tried to ask my bf once. didnt help much#noone knows how to classify me. not me. not censuses. not my friends. not strangers. noone.#amber actually saying stuff#vent#i guess
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It’s kinda hard to love my body when stubbing my toe makes me feel like I’m going to throw up like I’m fairly happy with my body’s shape and size there just appears to be a lot of ailments without me actually being at all seriously ill
It’s like a load of little things
#i have nothing major wrong with me#i just have a bad back and get nauseous really often and im on the pill but still bleeding for some reason#i have a lump that went down but still itches and i get infections in my mouth and on my skin#i get discharge from weird places and heart palpitations and my ankle still isnt properly healed after over two years#its just#annoying#i dont wanna whine because its not like im chronically ill#but it does make me feel hopeless sometimes#and it can get really overwhelming#cw vent#louie says shit
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