#like I said so very normal about this (lie)
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Life Series College AU
Hi guys! This is my first time ever writing fanfiction! (i'm fueled by the hyperfixation) and I wanted to share the very first bit of the Life Series College AU I wrote! ---
Alright New school You’ve done this before But this is different right? I mean college, that’s a BIG deal. Will you know anyone here? Well, of course you will. Pearl’s here, and so is Mumbo. Maybe I’ll find other friends too.
I feel a fist punch my shoulder and I flinch at the impact, only to see Pearl on my right side skipping along the sidewalk. “Hey! Stop being so much in your brain, brain is bad. It’s college, you have got nothing to worry about. No one knows you here, it’s a brand new experience, with brand new people!”
“Yeah but—” I can feel the binder pressing against my chest, all the air starts to leave my lungs. “No buts!” Pearl turns in front of me and grabs my shoulders. “Just breathe. Okay? If anyone messes with you, just call me, okay? Now get in there, and make a good first impression! What’s your first class?”
“I- I think it's the history of architecture?” I say, swallowing the lump in my throat. I roll my shoulder back and stick my head up and fill myself with fake confidence. My words taste artificial, and my brain is filled with lies. Pearl and I stroll into class together, having the same class. She leaves me to sit across the room.
“This is for your own good. You need to be your own person, make your own friends.” I sit alone in an empty room, way too early for class. I fiddle with my fingers and start to pick at the dry skin around my nails. I wince at the slight pain of removing a hangnail, and see a drop of blood appear. Shit. I stick my finger in my mouth and try to remove the blood so no one notices. People begin to enter the room, sparcing themselves everywhere. I turn to stare at Pearl. From across the room she gives me a thumbs up with a warm smile. I quickly take the finger out of my mouth and give a thumbs up back, a fake smile plastered across my face.
“Why hello there!” “AAAH!” A voice startles me from behind, appearing at my left is a person propping up their cane against the chair next to them.
“Sorry, did I startle you?”
“Yes, sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing, for being scared? My name is Scar!”
“My name is- Grian” I say, the words not wanting to come out of my mouth. What do I tell people? The truth, or a lie? Is it even a lie anymore?
“Is that a question? I don’t know what your name is, sorry about that buddy.”
“NO! No. That’s- I’m sure. My name is Grian. That’s what my name is! Why would it be anything else?”
“I don’t know! I’ve never seen you in this class before. OH YOU’RE NEW! Welcome, welcome. Oh you’re going to love this class! Professor Andersson is the best!” Scar’s eyes flash to the professor standing at the front of the classroom. He’s dressed up in a blue crew neck shirt and some black pants, exactly what you would expect an engineering teacher to prepare. He adjusts his classes before introducing the class. I try to pay attention, but my mind keeps drifting to the man sitting next to me. He said he was a junior. He’s older than me, but acts so much younger. He has a goofy smile on his face always, and has such a way of speaking unlike anyone else I’ve ever heard. His hair is long and outgrown looking like a nest a bird would make, yet magnificent in a way you don’t normally see in a man. His green eyes gleamed like grass covered in mud but shone with sparkles of emeralds in the fluorescent light of the classroom. He had tan skin with a scar across his cheek— fitting with his name. When you stared at him enough, he was almost pretty. His face danced through my brain the rest of the class. If you want to hear more about what I have planned for this AU, feel free to ask me! I hope you guys like this, as I've never written fanfiction before.
#fanfiction#life series#life series smp#trafficblr#grian#goodtimeswithscar#gtws#desertduo#hermitshipping#trafficshipping#scarian
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Supermassive Black Hole
03: Once Upon A Dream
Werewolf! Yuji x Vampire F! Reader
Words: 2 k
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I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam.
You hadn't talked to Maki all week and you'd be lying if you said you weren't slowly dying (again) but your pride was too big to try to do anything.
Yuji noticed that there was something strange about you, you were too distant (again) you had already started to open up a little with him but out of nowhere it seemed that you had decided to go back as far as you had advanced.
It's not like you really had been ignoring him, you just had too many things on your mind and it was hard to focus on anything.
Although Yuji didn't know what was happening to you, he thought that maybe giving you space was the right thing to do. One day then two days and finally three days was his limit, he was going to find out what was happening and he was going to help you.
You are sitting alone and calm, you had kept your distance from the clan boys because you wanted to give Maki some space. You felt him approaching, it would be impossible not to recognize that aroma. You looked up until he was right in front of you.
"Do you need something?"
"yes, aren't you supposed to be spending the break with me?"
"And aren't you supposed to be spending the break with one of your girlfriends?" You didn't know where that had come from but you didn't think about it before you said it.
"hmmm, no?" He didn't understand what you were talking about either, although it was common to see him with some girls on break either because he was very friendly or just a natural flirt without realizing it, the reality is that none of them mattered too much to him, but in the same way he didn't question it much, there would be a long time later, now the important thing was to know what was happening to you. "Are you going to talk to me or are you going to keep hiding like the little bat you are?"
"I'm not hiding, I just want to be alone." In a way you were hiding, but weakness was a human flaw and you weren't a weak human.
"Yeah, sure." He sat in front of you, it was hard to try to lie, wolves were perceptive, much more so than vampires. "What's going on, pretty?"
You rolled your eyes, you hated that he was so insistent, what happened to you was not his problem. "Yuji, just go away."
"Don't pull out your fangs, I really want to know if there's anything I can help you with."
"Believe me that a dog would never be my first choice to ask for help, I don't need it from you or anyone else because I'm perfectly fine." You used to become abrupt and rude when someone questioned you, you couldn't help it, it was part of you and even the times you tried to change it was impossible.
"Leave that behind, maybe vampires don't care about anything more than being cold and greedy but wolves can feel the emotions, maybe I don't know what but I know something is wrong."
"emotions." You repeated scoffing bitterly. "There is nothing more simple and vain, whoever is not able to control his emotions is immediately inferior." Emotions were a human flaw and you weren't human and you didn't want to be flawed, emotions were something you could ignore.
"Emotions are important, it's what makes you feel alive."
"I'm not alive." You weren't, not for a long time. You had forgotten what it felt like to be human because even surrounding yourself with a lot of them every day, you were unable to be and feel like one.
"yeah but-"
"Let me alone Yuji. I needed to hunt, you helped me, we can pretend none of this happened."
Yuji didn't understand, it really seemed like you had enjoyed spending time with him, no, he knew you had but now you were acting surly and cold again as if you hadn't scratched his belly with a silly smile on your lips.
"No."
Your frown only got deeper, normally it was easy for you to howl at the others but now here he was insisting.
"What do you mean by “no”?"
"I mean, we're going to talk, you're going to tell me what's bothering you in that pretty little head of yours and you're going to learn how to express your feelings."
You let out a scoff with disbelief and sarcasm. "Who do you think you are to tell me what to do? Dou you know who I am?"
"yeah yeah Vampire princess, now start talking, how do you feel today?"
"Stop playing psychologist Yuji, I'm not a stupid human."
He shrugged his shoulders and with all the tranquility in the world dared to say what for you was the worst insult. "Well, you're acting like one right now."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Humans are stubborn and mulish that's how you're acting right now." You knew exactly what he was doing and you hated it so much because it was really working on you.
"Fine! we're going to talk about feelings."
A small smile appeared on Yuji's lips, even if you always act arrogant and your superiority complex was getting bigger and bigger, the reality is that you weren't much different from any other teenage girl.
"Okay, start." You were going to show him that you weren't like a stupid human scared by stupid feelings.
"I-" And your mind got blocked, what were you supposed to say? What were you supposed to feel? Your mouth was unable to say anything. "I'm just-"
Yuji came closer to you by sitting next to you and leaning against the trunk as well.
"Take your time."
"Don't tell me what to do." He chuckled gently, his hand went to your head and practically forced you to lean against his chest, You would have complained if it wasn't for how warm he was, it was nice in a annoying way.
"Just relax pretty, I'm here for listen to you."
"It's just- i... You know." It was frustrating the way you can't talk right now, you hate it so much. "Well-" You leaned more towards Yuji practically burying your face in his chest, he stroked your hair, you wanted to tell him to stop and that you were not a dog but it felt too good. "Well, you know vampires and wolves have never gotten along." He hummed softly. "Well, Maki, my sis- my clan mate, she well... It doesn't care right know but the point is she said some things that I didn't like and And I said things that I know I shouldn't have said but I was angry and she was too." You sigh with a small pause. "And we haven't talked again yet."
"So that's what's eating away at you, pretty?"
You nuzzled your face against yuji's chest, the strange smell that you never managed to identify very well but that was different from the rest of the wolves turned out to be quite pleasant. "Mmhhh, maybe." You muttered softly
"And have you thought about talking to her? Maybe you should be the one to take the first step." No, that was a resounding no, you refused to take the first step, what happens if she didn't forgive you? You weren't going to go through that.
"It's not that easy."
"Sure? How many times have you done it before?"
"Well..." 0 but who cares, whether the number is 0 or 100, was still a no for you. You pulled away from Yuji so that you could see his face again. "That's not the point."
"The point is that you miss your sister and you want to go back to what you used to but without fixing the problem." You kept quiet because that's exactly what was happening, you knew how ridiculous it could be but you didn't want anyone to tell you.
Yuji pinched your cheek. "Oh, look at you pouting."
"i'm not!" If you had any blood in your veins, your cheeks would probably have turned red with embarrassment.
"Of course you are, pretty, you're so cute." You slapped his hand off your cheek.
"Shut up." And he laughed at how grumpy you are.
You were used to being feared and respected, but Yuji treated you in a way that sometimes you felt like your dead heart might beat again.
But that doesn't mean anything, right?
He is still a flea dog and if you had been related to him it was only because of the blood, blood that you began to miss because of your small solitary episode of 4 days in which you did not go hunting.
You came home determined to take the initiative and talk to Maki but as soon as you walked into the house and saw her sitting on the large red velvet sofa, you froze.
"You're late and smelling like a dog, wonderful." Maki soon attacked you again.
"Shut up Maki." You didn't want to fight her again because you knew she would say things you didn't want to hear and that you would say things you would regret later.
"i'm just saying." She got off the couch and left you alone, well, maybe things wouldn't be fixed soon, you hated feeling that way.
"Oh, forbidden love, my favorite." you turned your head, at the top of the stairs was Satoru looking at you with a mocking smile.
"There is no forbidden love." Your romantic interest in Yuji was nonexistent, or at least that's what you repeated to yourself.
"A wolf and A Vampire sounds like an interesting story." He was the leader of the clan, he should be upset instead of joking and playing.
"An impossible story too."
"Not so impossible, I have the perfect example in front of me, I like that boy, he seems good." He came downstairs approaching you, his annoying voice only making you more and more tense. "Maybe he'll take away your bitterness, Yn." He laughed at you in your face, he wasn't being bad, he was just being Satoru.
"There's nothing going on."
"Why are you so angry? I'm not Judging you." But he was mocking you and you hate that.
"Shut up, I don't like Yuji and he don't likes me."
"Keep saying that but I know enough, You've never gotten along with wolves, I don't really think you've ever had friends outside the clan."
He was right, You had always stayed away, practically hidden, you didn't relate to anyone and you didn't get You had always stayed away, practically hidden, you didn't relate to anyone but Yuji.
"That doesn't mean anything."
"Maybe not, maybe you should stop being so stubborn." He tapped you on the forehead With his finger. "And don't listen to Maki, she's worried, but I know she'll figure things out soon."
Satoru could be an annoying and grumpy idiot most of the time but the reality is that he was a wise man, maybe it was the centuries of experience, maybe it was that there was some intelligence in that idiot but whenever he gave advice you took it.
That night you thought about many things, about your ex-life, about your reality not so new as a vampire, about Maki and Yuji, you thought a lot about Yuji. He was really nice, he was funny, warm and you missed the feel of his hands in your hair.
You didn't know it was going to happen, but you were more worried now than you had been in decades.
#jjk fanfic#jjk x reader#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#jjk fluff#yuji itadori x reader#itadori yuuji#jjk#yuji x reader#yuji fluff#itadori yuji x reader#yuji itadori#yuji itadori x y/n#yuji itadori x you#yuji itadori x oc#itadori yūji#jujutsu itadori#jjk itadori#itadori x reader#itadori yuji x you#itadori yuji#jjk fic#jjk au#jujutsu kaisen yuji#jujutsu kaisen yuuji#jujutsu kaisen itadori#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen fluff
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Promise him?
Piper wasn't ready for that. Would it be a lie if she promised?
She smiled, nodded, and sealed it with a kiss.
Close enough.
That one might get to her conscious later. Depends how deep she thinks about it. She was told Pierre is Pierre is Pierre in the grand scheme of things. Somehow they're all Pierre. So that was that and she was going to try and stick to it.
After the blaze in the forest a Fate was kind enough to wrap him in a blanket not having thought to bring him clothes. The plan was to take him back home straight away and deal with such things. His reaction however was just so... Pierre.
Zero jumped right up to volunteer. "Oh. Me! Me-me-me." He quickly grabbed up Pierre's hand like it was the most normal thing to do ready to head off anywhere.
Seven had his finger up in the air like he was raising his hand in a classroom when his mother, Lachesis stepped in between them.
"We're all very glad you're back, my dear and I'm sure you're very excited to break that body in as you say."
Clotho interrupted with a little shake of her hips.
"A little horizontal mambo never hurt anybody."
"BUT-" Lachesis glared daggers at Clotho, "-my son's been dead and a momma gets first dibs."
Seven's eyes went to Pierre with a little laugh. "I'll meet up with you a little later. Promise. Enjoy the pup. I will always be good to my momma. Allow me to break you in later."
Clotho kept shaking her hips as all three, Lachesis and Atropos started to head in formation in the same direction back home. Seven was still chuckling about breaking Pierre's body in. He wanted to break his own in too. At this point he had no idea it was a different timeline's Pierre. It looked Pierre to him. No one told him a thing. All Seven knew was he, himself felt good as new like he never died. He felt the same age as when he left. There weren't a lot of differences he could tell straight away. He felt like himself in the body he stole. He was feeling on top of the world and felt high on life, literally.
Lastly, there was Piper. She moved in towards Pierre. It was her responsibility to get Pierre stable and settled in this world, so she wasn't going to go anywhere. She understood the Fates wanting a moment with their lost son after she sprung that one on them out of the blue. It was probably extremely emotional for their family.
"Here." Piper put out her hand too. "Hotel time."
Piper was the only person with the ability to leave the fae circle. She'd pop Pierre and Zero to the inn, but that was just for a starting point. She had her special room there. Then she bounced them out. They left Feral. This Pierre was going to be given choices and freedom, a real life. Piper had it all planned. She had it all charted for him for later.
First, the room. It was already purchased and ready in hopes he said yes and she actually pulled this off.
She did.
So, as it would end up Pierre, Piper, and Zero were in the temporary room. Seven would be ported in later when he finished with his family.
This was Piper so the room was nothing short of luxury. She also stocked it with food for him.
"And there's a laptop. I already got it hooked up to the internet. I put a special charge card number in the drawer of the desk to use to start shopping. I didn't want to do it for you. I only bought a few essentials. Swim trunks in case you want to go down to the pool. Styling products, a little green, hair dryer, um, a couple shirts, pants, but I wanted to leave it to you. Most people like to dress themselves. If you really need a stylist to get started just let me know. Just whatever you need, use that card. Food. Whatever. I'll take care of it until we get you up and running in this life. I wouldn't leave you hanging like that. I'm just glad you're here."
"You get to stay here until you decide where you want to be. We can discuss all that whenever you're ready. Your choices. I figured you might just want to relax tonight."
"OH MY GOD. PIERRE! There's a whirlpool tub in this bathroom. It's as big as a swimming pool! Right here in the room!"
Zero looked between Piper and Pierre. "Sorry was I interrupting something? Seriously, you gotta see this."
This Pierre, in this alternate verse, chose Piper. It was his last night alive, he had an inkling of that, and was choosing to spend it with Piper. A sensuous, sexual, passion-charged night. He was still the Pierre that everyone knew and rolled their eyes at, no matter the universe he still had a wandering eye, but when it counted? He chose Piper.
This Pierre had gone with the Laveaus when his mother and sister had come to confront Phoebus and pick up their stuff. He hadn’t tortured Thomas with hours of trying to justify his decisions. He had still been a pest at the Laveau house, sure, but it wasn’t out of anything bad-natured. That’s just what happens sometimes. But he didn’t make an enemy of himself, the way that the Pierre standing next to Piper right now had.
So all of that could very much have factored into the decision that Piper was going to make very soon.
“I missed you too,” Pierre said, his dark eyes brightening as he looked at her in the dim lighting of the room. “You were always my number one girl, you know that, right? No matter what happened, no matter who I was with, my mind … it always went right back to you.”
Even now, he kept tearing his eyes off of the vision of himself and Piper in that bathtub, and looking back to the real one. And that was damn hard for him. He was never one to turn down free porn.
He moaned, his Adam’s apple bobbing as she was touching him in this enclosed space. It was hard to focus on the plan when she was looking at him like this. Touching him like this. His breath was coming out quicker. Real touch. Not what happened in Hell. But real. Honest. Touch. “Promise me - we’ll have lots of time for this in the future?” He whispered.
He even thought about turning back time to when they got here. Have her here in this closet. He was already hard as a damn rock, just from her touch. Just from hearing himself in that bathtub out there. And from the idea of having life once more.
He let out a small groan into the kiss, his hands on his hips, feeling the dip of her waist before it flared out into that. “You’re bringing me back, how can I say no?”
He never even questioned how this one was going to die. He just saw the lucky fucker in a bathtub. At least he was having a good last day right? And then the thump - thump - thump of heavy footsteps. It sent a shiver up his spine just hearing them coming. He was growing nervous now. He was trying to appear brave, for Piper’s sake but shit, he was still a bit squeamish. He almost wanted to stay in that closet but Piper’s pull brought him out of it and he went running. Jump and slam. Jump and slam. Easy peasy. Like - those stupid football games that Ronno’s dad loved to watch.
And he tried. But the slam was too hard. Too physical. And what he did was slam his way into Delta’s line of fire, and push the other Pierre out of the way, and Piper grabbed him and took him back to the alternate universe. The exact Pierre Renault that everyone knew and loved to hate, was gone in a vomitous, fiery spew.
And now this new Pierre Renault was in this other world, the ends of his hair still damp, naked with a towel, and trying to get his bearings. But his eyes settled mainly on Piper, someone familiar, someone who he had just been with, someone who was now somehow magically dressed. His eyesbrows were furrowed as he ran his fingers nervously through his hair, making no attempt to tighten the towel or cover himself up more. They had talked about this happening but - actually having it happen?
Much like how he had made other decisions that greatly affected his life, though they might not have seemed so monumental at the time, others had too. In this other life, New Orleans hadn’t been wiped out. There weren’t zombies walking around. Hence how the scribbles kept ending up at Delta’s door, there were still plenty of them around. These changes were going to have to be adjusted to, once his mind wrapped around everything.
But one thing that never changed across universes was these were his two dudes. A grin came across his face as he saw them. He was alive. Seven never died in his universe so he was still alive too. He still had his two best guys. “It’s - definitely me,” He said, because in a way, it was. He was him. Pierre Renault.
He looked down at himself and chuckled. “Man, I wish. That sounds so much nicer than what really happens,” He said, a shiver going down his spine as he thought about the way that he would have died if not for Piper’s interfering. It could very well have come from the cold as well. “Dragon fire.”
He took the blankets from mothers with a charming grin, cacooining himself in one. And then because some things never truly change - “Wanna get somewhere warm and give this body a spin?” Which one of them was he talking to? All, of course.
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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it's been over a week but i legit haven't stopped thinking about this
#because i think it doesn't just apply to book publishing but really any kind of writing#including fanfiction#especially in current fandom times when everything feels just so fast paced#and it's SO easy to fall into this whole mindset of believing you gotta keep up with this pace#a lot of smart people have said a lot of smart things about the current state of fandom and i won't fall into a rant here#but i too often have to remind myself that me writing is supposed to be fun and not a fucking race#that i'm not competing with anyone#that i'm not creating 'content' to be consumed like some fast food#that there's no such thing as a flop fic if it was written with love and drive behind it#and yeah the jealousy man#it's an ugly feeling no matter which end you're on#comparison is a knife which we inevitably walk into#i love my writer friends to death and i will always always always cheer for them bc no one else will get this#but we're all just humans with very real and sometimes ugly emotions and i wish we could talk about this more openly#at the end of the day we want to be seen and acknowledged and we're our very own worst critics#ugh i have too many thoughts about this all#i need to lie down and feel normal again#lale.txt
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do i even need to caption these anymore you already know the drill
#i dont even want to count the amount of times ive drawn them atp its actually concerning#im very normal about them (extremely obvious lie)#duck scribbles#doodles#midoyuzu#yuzumido#midori takamine#yuzuru fushimi#enstars#ensemble stars#was going to make a 2nd related comic but from yuzurus pov but i ran out of time :'] maybe once im home from the con tmrw#just like to think abt mido probably only approaching him for his art and starting to pay more attention to the person himself after a while#obsessed w them labeled as ''perplexed by'' and ''big fan (+master artist) on each others relationship charts skjdjkgsdhkgdsgh#but like yuzuru said in jingle bells he is a little happy to have one of his juniors that attached to him its so. augh#its nice to see him go from gently turning him down or dodging his requests to humoring him instead and enjoying himself#hell yeah!! go have fun u two#they mean the entire world to me !!!!!#minicomic tag
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3a68a94eb3dce3d81c748ba20d54e3bf/029e50ebaa08e02f-67/s540x810/4fdd770ef5267a7704dde24e8b5cac5e92c9cea2.jpg)
Things I am not good at: environments, abstract, lettering
Things this piece has: All of those.
Anw @thegrimreaperisanerd ‘s disco fic has me in a chokehold and I swear I am so so normal about it. This line from the first chapter caught me the most so I had to draw it up.
#anything from here on out is gonna be people though#god this was hell#so fun tho#i held thru on my promise to comic this bitch#dobes draws#my art#disco elysium#hdb#de#fic art#imprinting#ducklings that drown#go read Ducklings and Imprinting#do it#I didn’t put my phone down for four days straight so I could read it#gave myself a blister from how I was holding it lmao#like I said so very normal about this (lie)
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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i have so so many questions about hollow mind :OOO
wait so the original intention of the sigils was to straight up just kill them? that seems. unnecessarily elaborate considering the golden guard destroyed their city just fine ;—;
i mean. he needs the palismans right but when he broke one off its staff none of the green stuff came out?
also im guessing at least one of the old golden guards was darius considering luz made a comment about him being sad and i guess hes working with raine now?? maybe???
im guessing the evil belos is the green stuff like. corrupting him or something?? like how the curse is a separate entity in edas head??? it is like. blue tho which is interesting cus the palisman magic is green and his glyph magic is yellow and his general designs are yellow and brown
wait also also we still dont know who made the door if belos didnt like. go back through it?? idk i assume thats like actually a thing thats gonna be answered
is the collector the titan? because they seem to like the coven idea? and theyre kinda the one leading belos i think? at least in this memory
sorry i dont like. have a brain :PP
(this feels kinda hollow knight to me but idk why :P)
so there's a lot i want to say but unfortunately a lot of the answers to your questions are spoilers--- i will try to answer as much as i can though :PP
the intention of the sigils was never to kill them! it was for a different reason that probably would have ended in their death, however. but like. all of those people did die anyway. they just. froze to death. instead of being killed by the sigils.
there's no good explanation for that one unfortunately... i have no idea why the palisman soul didn't come out when he broke it off. my guess is that it's either just like an oversight or that since the soul was already manifested in the palisman soul creature in his mind, it didn't show up in his memories
darius was never a golden guard, however one of the previous golden guards was his mentor. i can talk more about the golden guards once you've finished the episode and i have a lot to say about that so if you want to hear um i guess just let me know there's a lot lot lot of secrets and little things hidden in hollow mind that are so interesting and it's so good to pick apart and all of the pictures are like foreshadowing and interesting little things and just. it's such a good episode---
so the green stuff is actually never explained, but in my mind it's palistrom wood. because he took the souls of so many palismen to keep himself alive, he is slowly being corrupted by the false magic and the inhumanity of it all, and the scar on his face looks like rotten palistrom wood. but the entity overall is made up of all the souls of the palismen he's killed to keep himself alive, cause they're like trapped inside of him since he just kinda like snorted their souls
so i actually don't remember if that's a thing that's explained that well later in the show because like the series got cut short and also i don't remember as much of the later episodes as i'd like but i can talk more about that once you finish the show i'm so sorry--- but no belos did not make the portal
the collector is not the titan! he's just such a silly little guy and i love them so so so so much and i feel bad cause i literally never draw them--- (also he canonically uses he/they pronouns!!! which is amazing i love them so much um don't look them up though because spoilers)
#sorry i said so much---#i am. very normal about hollow mind /lie#i've watched it like eight times at this point---
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i’m myself at home, me in public, & i runs it all
#stream#my psychiatrist says i may have adhd he also said ‘im not going to lie to u ur not an easy case bc there’s a lot of symptoms’#ALSKALSKLASKALSKLAKSALSLAJSLAKSLA#i was like ‘adhd ? i don’t have that’ & he asked like ‘nobody has every said that ?’ & i was like no ????? im just insane on the inside like#ALSJALSJALSJLAJSLA literally i went ‘i don’t think that ppl w ahdh online say they can’t tie their shoes & i don’t think it’s the disorder i#think they’re just refusing to tie their shoes’ then later on he asked me how do i feel about myself in one word & i went#‘like a sea urchin’ & he had no idea what that meant#like i thought it was quite obvious ????#nice to look at but u don’t want to step on 1 or that sucks also they’re sooo pretty but Need to Stay Way the Hell Over There’#he was reading the notes i sent to him bc i asked for my notes & i was like ‘ive comments’ ALSKALSKALKSALKSALSKLKSLKSLAKSL#he started laughing & it was bc of the way i phrased things & capitalized ? 😭😭😭 he told me that ALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA#it’s very fucking funny#like u just need to read it like german#he’s polish so i trust him w my life#POLES DO ANYTHING FOR YALL !!!!!!!#like even w that 1 facist 1 i still think abt him i forget his name is was smthg funny but its like yea u look it#like this psych has a normal name but he fits it#GOOD WAY#NOT A FASC#HES POLITE & FUN idk he’s soft spoken & i find that very calming#i sound like u know the sound they play when a cat fight happens in a cartoon that’s my voice#also unrelated but my accent has finally changed so much that the british assume i’ve been here since childhood …. growth like my parents#immigrated to britain …. the chameleon trait#i think it’s so funny bc like if u Are Like That then it’ll work for any language like if u speak spanish spanish & u go to mexico spanish#ur spanish accent will change to be more mexican i think language is crazy isn’t society cool#this doesn’t work for everyone like some people will retain their accents their entire lives like u know ‘bad accents’ i hate the term ‘bad#accent’ bc an accent can’t be bad it can just be strong or weak#like girl. most ppl have an accent. like some people omg if ur a professional translator u can get SOOOOO GOOD WHERE U LOSE THE ORIGINAL ITS#CRAZY#truly
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Yet again overjoyed at how normal Orion seems compared to Tristan. Like yes this is a well adjusted man who was raised in a friendly and loving home and makes rational and good decisions. Haha why do u ask. Haha. (: don't look in the closet haha. (:
#🌌oc tag: orion🌌#And the thing is ITS ALL TRUE#HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN WELL ADJUSTED AND OKAY#BUT NOOO#My boy <3#He's so extroverted and happy and sweet and friendly and normal and well adjusted and. Wait is that a knife he had WHY DOES HE HAVE A#<- plot of star#(I'm simplifying it a lot)#Tristan also has a knife tho. He's just more stabby and less existential about his#Seriously tho he's such a nice normal dude who freezes up completely the moment he sees a corpse of suicide which he should have seen#Hundreds of times before like ofc he's seen them it's the apocalypse#And he's so extroverted and friendly and if you ask him about his past or if he accidentally mentions [redacted] he skips like a broken#Record and ignores that he said anything about anything#He's so normal at the beginning and I just love making him spiral out of his mind as being with Tristan forces him to confront some shit#Like yeah Tristan is fucked up and he's been through fucked up shit and he makes thst pretty clear. No bullshit with him#And Orion is just layers and layers of this precariously balanced lie he's built himself about who he is and what he's seen and his future#So while tristan's breakdowns are predictable and painful they just feel tragic and inevitable#Orion comes crashing down like the fucking twin towers#There are signs!! But my boy goes from like. 3 to 100 VERY fast#Anyways I love him
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The psychologist who's deciding if I'm transgendered enough to be on testosterone: I can really see and appreciate how honest and open you've been with me throughout this process
Me, having not told her about my very recent breakup, maintaining the perfect and correct amount of eye contact so she doesn't think I'm autistic and thus undeserving of treatment:
#very nonspecific and relatable post for everyone#i don't know if i'm autistic i might be i don't care what matters is that irish endocronologists HATE autism#i'm doing this because my lovely incredible normal psychologist said to#her top advice: 1. lie to your parents 2. don't even think about autism until after they have prescribed you testosterone#and it's working! she was kind of like cool I have a solid picture of your life and transgenderness. what do you know about the side effect#and i fumbled the question so thoroughly. couldn't think of a single (bad) side effect. i said yeah lots of hair. but i'm into that#(she seemed fascinated by my transgender sex life)#left the appointment and almost walked back in to list of all the fucking. acne. hot flashes. mood swings. vaginal atrophy.#but she said that's all she wants to talk about next appt so i think after that.. referral time!!!#they also work directly with an endo i don't think there's a waitlist once they refer you
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just another diary entry obvs
#i still feel so sad#yk i mean i take things very deeply very personally im sure some people remember may '21 lol#but this is just very hard for me because im so confused#why would you let resentment build towards someone about something they dont even know theyre doing to bother you#to the point that youre hurting the other person and they dont even know why for the longest time#it hurts a lot it wasnt even addressed at all until i brought it up bcs i couldn't stand not knowing and yet feeling so hurt and confused#i needed to know it wasn't in my head and i was right#but now im second guessing everything they talked to me so normally said they care about me all the way up until the day before#but ive felt the distance for a while so do they love me like they said or was that not true#if they dont then im such an idiot i really care about them i really respect them and love them#idk im really hurting very badly#really stupid for a 25 yr old to feel so hurt because they annoyed someone#but i just wish it was addressed sooner and for someone who prides themselves on being open and honest and direct..#it feels like they maybe just didnt care enough to talk to me about it.#so yk maybe they dont care about me.#which also feels like an offensive conclusion to come to about them when they dont lie and value honesty and openness so much#i dont want to think they dont love me bcs i do think i know them pretty well i do think theyd never lie about that#but maybe ive only convinced myself of that because it would hurt far worse if they didnt#whatever anyways im so stupid and i know i must have fucked things up by being too much again.#ill leave them alone and the hurt will ease up eventually#their friendship has meant a lot to me theyve done a lot for me i dont want to lose it completely i really dont#i just dont regulate well how much i care for my friends and its too much sometimes its one of the worst things about me#but i genuinely want my friends to know theyre loved and thought of and cared about and i mean it#and i cant always tell when i hit overbearing so i fuck things up.#anyways i am sorry i made someone i care about feel overwhelmed and i regret that i made them uncomfortable for i dont even know how long#im hurt but thats the worst thing i couldve done#okay ill shut up now stop talking about it its just still fresh to me obviously cant talk abt it on twt and they dont follow me here#i needed to vent without my irl friends 'fuck them' attitude bcs theyre a good person and friend and it does feel like its only my fault#for the most part anyways minus yk the communication bit#but we'll circle back to the do they even count us friends doubts and we dont need that ill move on now needed to get it off my chest
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i have a headache but also i dont want to go to sleep just yet dkjnfjds i want me-time
(warning: as i was writing the tags of this post this turned into another kinda-heavy rant about the situation my group of friends and i are. so keep that in mind)
#things were weird today when She(tm) was there but when she left things were normal again#but these hours were kinda stressful rip or more like... there was an inherent discomfort and tension in the air#with some ugly commentaries and actions on her part. like its your (supposed) best friend's birthday at least try to hide your disgust 👍#birthday you ~apparently~ forgot until it the day before. also you didnt had a single penny to spend on the gift for him#but you sure as hell had it to go eat with your college friends to expensive places! girl at least dont post about it on insta#and just in case; this wasnt a '*goes to expensive places before* -oh i dont have money sowwy :(('#this was a '-oh i dont have money sowwy :(( *goes to expensive places after it*'#what we were asking for collaboration was way less than what she spent on those places. it was AT THE VERY LEAST 3000 ars per food#and you know what she wanted to give for the gift? 500 ars!!! you cant buy shit with it; let alone if we only collaborated with 500 each#like she wanted. we're 4; genuine question what kinda shit can you buy for $2000. maybe a good quality cup but we already gave him that#but even then the point is not the money; the thing is the attitude. you cant spend more than $500 on us#but you can spend at least $6000 on your other friends; given you went to eat with them two days in a row. priorities i guess?#OH! and talking about it!! can you fucking believe she INVESTIGATED the phone of our ~new~ friend (the one shes jealous of)#and DEADASS said 'oh i see. my mom has an A51'. our friend has an A20 if im not wrong; which might not be an A51 but its. still expensive??#also your mom has an A51 but you have an iPhone 5 since you were on high school. but hey; apple i am right?? inherently better than an A20#sorry i have less than that; i have an A10s (that i got on the start of 2020). can i still breathe the same air as you and your mom /s#once again the problem is not the money or the phone or WHATEVER. its the fucking attitude shes having. you want to pretend you have money#and act like youre superior to people who 'dont'; when in reality YOU ARE MIDDLE CLASS. YOU ARENT UPPER CLASS; NOT EVEN UPPER-MIDDLE CLASS#YOURE MIDDLE CLASS. MIDDLE CLASS LIKE THE REST OF US; NOT LIKE YOUR COLLEGE FRIENDS YOU LOVE SO MUCH AND WANT TO IMPRESS#YOU SPEND MONEY YOU DEFINITELY DONT HAVE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO APPEAR UPPER-MIDDLE AT THE VERY LEAST. but thats a lie#a lie that if these beloved friends bothered to ACTUALLY know even the slightest about you; like we do; would fall apart. but they wouldnt!#because they dont care about you as much as we care(d). do you think they will tolerate this fucking attitude youre having towards us?#no they wouldnt. trust me; they WOULDNT. they will tell you to fuck off and leave you completely alone. go cry a river.#god fucking dammit why are you like this. WHY you turned like this. or rather; why we were SO GODDAMN blind we didnt noticed this before#negative
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im. 💖
#having. a good night#i’m gonna. crash but. having. good converstions#feeling warm and fuzzy and comfortable#im.#i feel silly but im like. im falling in love i thinkkjjjjjjjjjj its great its wonderful#i have not felt this good and this pretty in a long time like im just. life is swell#im . tired and i know im doing the classic puppy love just. head over heels stuff thats known for in new and passionate relationships but it#feels so good and i like him so much and i just feel. real#i feel seen and understood and . loved its. huh its. yeah#but brain real fuzzy and warm. im just. i found someone so. just. so perfect for me its like. im :)#he treats me. really well and he’s so amazing and so fucking insanely talented at art and animation and im likeeee all dizzy and feeling#just . safe and comfortable like. i just feel. safe and its. not something i feel a lot#and like. its funny bc like theres a few irls who follow here who know both him and me and its like. haha you guys get the inside scoop on#just how infatuated we are with eachother like. surprise . but yknow.#its like. hhh. its just. im just. its nice#like. we all know im well aware that im pretty as it is but he just makes me feel. so pretty like just. gorgeous#and i mean he’s like . woah. like i know you guys dont know what he looks like besides my paintings but the paintings do not do him justice!#he’s got this like. great smile and he’s always laughing and giggling and this really pretty long hair i love and its like… 💖💖💖#like. he’s. very my type. i have a weakness for pretty guys and he’s just. so prettyyyyy and im :)#im sorry to my irls who see me just. gushing about him like. idk. im not sure if anyone saw it coming but i think it. makes sense. it makes#a lot of sense. and we’re. cute together. got that. opposing aesthetics stuff. but it’s. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#im just. oh i think im talking until the tags run out now i think so uh huh#yeah it’s . embarassing honestly to be. this into someone but it just. feels. good and natural and it makes sense like i said#i just. hm . im both so nervous around him and not nervous at all its. nice#and like. i just want to. be with him all of the time ever and it’s. probably whats gonna happen next semester#im just totally infatuated and he is. with me as well and it’s. really cool to be just. mutually losing it#like half of our calls involve us hiding our heads in our hands because its real nervous boy4nervous boy shit like. very much so#i often have to put my phone down and just. close my eyes and lie in the dark and go. oh my god oh my god oh my god#its just surreal to like someone so hard for so long and then a month after classes end and it’s real. its normal its happening
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I can't stop thinking about the news out of Palestine. Israel is sieging al Shifa hospital. Videos of people's limbs being severed off are haunting (graphic video tw). The hospital has ran out of fuel and 39 babies in incubators are fending for their lives by themselves, because Israel has stationed snipers around the hospital and is shooting all medical crew that walks into their sight.
First, the narrative was Israel would never bomb hospitals. Now, the hospitals are Hamas bases. Then, we respect journalists. Now, we have a fucking kill list of journalists because they are Hamas collaborators. First, we are not letting fuel in until the hostages are released. Now, we are not accepting the hostages back because that would stop our ground invasion and let Hamas win. And I could go on about every single lie they're making up. If you look up "Hamas rape" on google, the first link leads to Times of Israel saying Israel has found no forensic evidence of sexual violence, and only one eyewitness testimony out of 3.5k people attending the rave. If you Google "Hamas beheaded babies" the top links say they have no evidence for the claim besides word of mouth from extremist soldiers. Israeli extremists think about the ugliest goriest scene they can make out in their sick heads, tell that to a international journalist and they run away with it like it's gospel.
And children are being killed in the name of these lies. Thousands are being displaced in images that remind me of the pictures of Tantura 75 years ago, with their hands up so the tanks don't shoot them. Amputees are leaving the hospitals in wheelchairs hours after their surgeries because they are being shot at. Elders who survived the Nakba on 48 are having to walk towards Southern Gaza on foot (imagine walking from one end of your city to the other on foot), displaced again. People are cheering for the haunting images of white phosphorus bombs being dropped over Gaza. Gazan workers who were arrested in the West Bank are being thrust back into the bombings wearing numbered labels.
This is not normal. We are seeing the early stages of the settler colonial genocide of an indigenous population. Native leaders who have visited Gaza say its refugee camps look eerily like reservations. We can stop this. For the first time we are able to see wide scale accounts from the hands of the people suffering the genocide, and Israel is so scared of it they have cut all communications in Gaza.
This is our litmus test. I think we have never seen more clearly, with Palestine, Armenia, Congo and Sudan how colonialism has made our world a rotten place to live in.
The South African apartheid collapsed due to boycotts. We have to do everything in our power to stop Israel's hegemony. Even talking to a group of friends about Palestine changes the status quo. There's no world where we can live peacefully if Israel accomplishes their goals.
Keep yourself updated and share Palestinian voices. Muna El-Kurd said every tweet is like a treasure to them, because their voices are repressed on social media and even on this very app. Make it your action item to share something about the Palestinian plight everyday. Here are some resources:
Al Jazeera, Anadolu Agency, Mondoweiss
Boycott Divest Sanction Movement
Palestinian Youth Movement is organizing protests and direct action against weapons factories across the US
Mohammed El-Kurd (twitter / instagram)
Muhammad Shehada (twitter)
Motaz Azaiza (instagram) - reporting directly from Gaza.
Hind Khudary - reporting directly from Gaza. Her husband and daughter moved South to run from the tanks but she stayed behind to record the genocide. The least we can do is not let her calls fall on deaf ears.
You can participate in boycotts wherever you are in the world, through BDS guidelines. Don't be overwhelmed by gigantic boycott lists. BDS explicitly targets only a few brands which have bigger impact. You can stop consuming from as many brands as you want, though, and by all means feel free to give a 1 star review to McDonalds, Papa John, Pizza Hut, Burger King and Starbucks. Right now, they are focusing on boycotting the following:
Carrefour, HP, Puma, Sabra, Sodastream, Ahava cosmetics, Israeli fruits and vegetables
Push for a cultural boycott - pressure your favorite artist to speak out on Palestine and cancel any upcoming performances on occupied territory (Lorde cancelled her gig in Israel because of this. It works.)
If you can, participate in direct action or donate.
Palestine Action works to shut down Israeli weapons factories in the UK and USA, and have successfully shut down one of their firms in London.Some of the activists are going on trial and are calling for mobilizing on court.
Palestinian Youth Movement is organizing direct actions to stop the shipping of wars to Israel. Follow them.
Educate yourself. Read into Palestinian history and the occupation. You can't common sense people out of decades of propaganda. If your arguments crumble when a zionist brings up the "disengagement of Gaza", you have to learn more.
Read Decolonize Palestine. They have 15 minute reads that concisely explain the occupation (and its colonial roots) and debunk popular myths, including pinkwashing.
Read on Palestine. Here's an amazing masterpost.
Verso Book Club is giving out free books on Palestine (I personally downloaded Ten Myths about Israel by Ilan Pappe. If you still believe in the two states solution, this book by an Israeli professor debunks it).
Call your representatives. The Labour Party in the UK had an emergency meeting after several councilors threatened to resign if they didn't condemn Israeli war crimes. Calling to show your complaints works, even more if you live in a country that funds genocide.
FOR PEOPLE IN THE USA: USCPR has developed this toolkit for calls, here's a document that autosends emails to your representatives and here's a toolkit by Ceasefire in Gaza NOW!
FOR PEOPLE IN EUROPE: Here's a toolkit by Voices in Europe for Peace targeting the European Parliament and one specific for almost all countries in Europe, including Germany, Ireland, Poland, Denmark, Sweden, Netherlands, Greece, Norway, Italy, Portugal, Spain, Finland, Austria, Belgium Romania and Ukraine
FOR PEOPLE IN THE UK: Friends of Al-Aqsa UK and Palestine Solidarity UK have made toolkits for calls and emails
FOR PEOPLE IN AUSTRALIA: Here's a toolkit by Stand With Palestine
FOR PEOPLE IN CANADA: Here's a toolkit by Indepent Jewish Voices for Canada
Join a protest. Here's a constantly updating list of protests:
Global calendar
Another global calendar (go to the instragram of the organizers to confirm your protest)
USA calendar
Australia calendar
Feel free to add more.
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