#like I said I’ve just put a lot of thought into my own perspective on it

[galahadenough]

I’ve thought about this a lot as a transmasc individual who grew up liking the idea of them being separate, and I think part of it for me might be how that plot line ended. Sheik was revealed to be Zelda, the dress is back, and is immediately captured to fulfill the “damsel in distress” role. I don’t really remember this because I have a terrible memory was a kid who wasn’t psychoanalyzing myself, but it makes sense that the idea of being forced to detransition would have been off putting.

Now I like the idea a lot more, both a ftm framework or a more fluid one. Especially the idea of her/him/them being confused about their gender (because of dressing as a different gender that long without the self-actualization of getting to choose it).

Sometimes, I think: OoT Princess Zelda is queer coded.

But then I see that the fandom likes to treat Sheik as a separate entity from Zelda and I get a little sad and think, "Am I the only one who does?" 🥲

[punksocks]

Astrology Observations No.23

*just based on my experiences only take what resonates

Quite a few people with Chiron in Gemini are singers, talented ones too

We always talk about intuition of Pisces and Scorpio but Cancer placements are also crazy intuitive. I feel like you really can’t fool someone about how you’re feeling with Cancer in the big 6.

Air moons tend to catch feelings when someone is unavailable; earth moons tend to catch feelings when someone is more stable/ambitious than them; fire moons tend to catch feelings when someone is passionate and courageous; water moons tend to catch feelings when someone has sort of dreamy/otherworldly energy to them (that unspoken spark really gets to water moons)

If you wanna seduce Venus in 9th, travel with them or teach them something new

if you want to win over someone with Venus in 2nd/Taurus you should get them gifts (can apply to earth moons too imo- as long as the gift is useful or high end for them)

Quietly I think Capricorn in the big 6 can make you just as domestic as cancer in the big 6, but a Capricorn is usually going to talk about/pay attention their public image more

Someone said the only thing they can’t deal with is someone throwing it back in your face when you try to help them/give them advice (like the other person saying you don’t care or that you’re just in it for yourself) and yeah that’s Virgo mars

Moon square/opposition to the ascendant could have people assume you’re putting on a personality/faking something

Saturn in Pisces is another placement to make sure you watch your mental health, all of Saturn’s consequences come at your subconscious

Do water risings seem to have a theme of like not trying to let their perspectives be colored by some sort of sadness ? (Cancer Asc - nostalgia /which isn’t always sad but if you hear cancer placements talk about it then they often filter their own nostalgia through a certain sadness; Scorpio Asc - traumatic experiences that shaped their perspective; Pisces Asc - a feeling of like ennui, a certain kind of listlessness)

Neptune in the houses can show frequent locations if your dreams (3rd house- school, childhood neighborhoods; 4th house- childhood home, places you’d visit a lot with your family; 6th house the workplace; 9th house places you’ve traveled to or want to go to, etc)

Something we don’t talk about with Chiron in 1st is that it’s an energy amplifier imo. So when you’re healed you give off healing energy, but when you’re unhealed or even toxic you subconsciously spread that energy around (or maybe consciously, a lot of people I’ve known that belittle and nitpick others from a place of insecurity have Chiron in 1st)

If mars aspects your 4th house you may have grown up fighting and arguing a lot, especially with your family but in your childhood environment in general

Taurus placements will have their whole day impacted by a disappointing meal (especially moons- also mars imo)

Aries placements have trouble maturing sometimes bc their sign is then youngest of the zodiac (Pisces is the old man but this can make them unclear and disconnected too)

Aquarius in the big 3 (especially Aquarius moon) tend to be really good at playing detached and calculating (in real life too lol but I’m thinking of Rosamund Pike and how well she sold her cool girl speech from gone girl - she’s a double Aquarius) (also in real life people aren’t always so predictable/controllable so this calculating behavior can go sideways sometimes)

I love how the Pluto in Scorpio generation is making all of this mainstream art about transformation and healing generational trauma (everything everywhere all at once is what I was watching when I thought of this)

Also I’m still working on how to utilize degree theory best but Daniel kwan (one of the everything everywhere all at once directors) has Scorpio moon at a cancer degree (19) and his most acclaimed movie so far is about depression, trauma, and generational curses (I love everything everywhere all at once pls watch it, I cried 3 times when I watched it and I’m a Capricorn moon so you know that means a lot lol)

[yourleftpinkytoe-blog]

Pinkytoe’s top ten Aftg hot takes

Read with caution I’m very passionate about my thoughts and did not hold back on my opinions. This is not an attack on people who think differently it is me putting my perspective out there.(with some harsh wording)

1: The rift in Andrew and Aaron’s relationship is just as much Aaron’s fault as it is Andrew’s.

A lot of the time I see people framing Aaron as Andrew’s victim which is a weird interpretation of their relationship to me. It’s not just Andrew controlling Aaron, it is also Aaron fundamentally not understanding that Andrew is a person who has thoughts and feelings. Aaron fundamentally doesn’t understand that Andrew is not doing everything in his power to hurt Aaron he’s just trying not to lose Aaron. So with that understanding Aaron goes out of his way to hurt Andrew like aaron thinks he’s doing to him. The whole dynamic is toxic but neither is exclusively the perpetrator or the victim. The deal is a double edged sword and when people pretend otherwise it feels like it’s doing a disservice to the reality of the situation.

2: Erasing Aaron’s homophobia is not the take that some people think it is.

I see a lot of people making claims that Aaron isn’t homophobic he just doesn’t like hearing about his family’s sex lives. But I feel like people are blinded by their love of his character to see that his homophobia is a character flaw of his. He was raised by Tilda. Tilda was raised with Luther. It would not surprise me if she saw extremely homophobic. Also it takes place in 2006/7 casual homophobia was so fucking rampant… obviously he’s gonna have some uncomfortable opinions on gay people. But being homophobic is not a permanent state of being he can and probably will grow from where he is in canon. Pretending his comments in canon arn’t what they are is taking a layer from his characterization.(plus a layer from the rift in Andrew and Aaron’s relationship is Aaron’s homophobia soooo)

3: Thea was not nearly as bad as some people make her out to be and the whole situation reeks of racism

Yall I said it once and I’ll say it again. THEA AND KEVIN DIDNT START DATING TILL KEVIN WAS A COLLAGE FRESHMAN AND SHE WAS A SINIOR. They were both consenting adults who were in the same shitty traumatizing situation. Stop saying she’s a pedo stop acting like her being mad that he practically cut her out of his life for a year is unjustified. there relationship doesn’t seem perfect but it is not how some people portray it. Stop ur being racist to the only canon black woman!

4: all the hate that the fandom has for Thea should be amplified and given to Roland.

Now let’s see… Roland was 23 when he and a 16 year old Andrew started hooking up. Now that’s some pedo shit. Not only that, but Roland was if fucking boss at the time. Andrew had to tie Roland down in order to make Roland not touch him. You know the teenager he’s hooking up with. I said it once and I’ll say it again, fuck that bitch he’s a shitty shitty person who deserves all the hate the fandom could give him.

5: Hating Riko and thinking he got what was coming for him in the end and understanding that he’s a victim in his own way are not mutually exclusive. I can hate that fucker and still feel bad for him.

I think I explained this in the description well enough

6: Neil’s demisexuality/demiromatisism is non-negotiable. That shit is an important part of his character and erasing it for the sake of shipping is weird as hell.

I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve seen people just take away Neil’s demi identity’s because they want to read about him fucking everyone except the one character he’s been show to have romantic/sexual feelings for. Like I’ve seen people so upset he didn’t end up with Kevin and I’m just like yeah… cause he’s not into Kevin. Makes sense to me. I see so much…

*insert quote about how Neil have and idol like admiration for Kevin and his exy skills*

“Omg Neil wants to fuck Kevin sooooo bad it’s canon*

Like honestly ship whatever but don’t try to change the canon to justify it. Have your fun stop being stupid.

7: While Nicky’s actions in the first book inexcusable, the rampant mischaracterization of him to make him worse than canon is not cool.

This isn’t as big of an issue to me but I see people portraying Nicky as like an actual sexual predator and not just a person who lacks understanding of personal boundaries. What he did to Neil is super fucked up and I’m not excusing him (or anything he did in the first book tbh) but changing him to make the situation more back and white than it is is odd to me.

8: on a similar topic you can not compare what Nicky did in Columbia to what Andrew did.

Andrew had a justified reason for what he did. He is protecting Kevin from the fucking mafia and this shady Kid shows up with a stalker binder and a shit ton of money all while looking like he came off the street. It’s suspicious as hell. Also I want to add that he is on mind and mood altering drugs. The situation is fucked and looking at it from Neil’s perspective it’s even more so cause we know he is not involved in a malicious way, but Andrew didn’t. He acted with every justification while Nicky did not, the only reason Nicky did what he did is cause he wanted to. Both are not good but you can’t compare the two.

9: While kevins alcoholism is not good, the way his fans frame it is grossly misrepresenting the situation.

In the books Kevin is not in a mental state to handle getting sober on top of everything else. His alcoholism is bad and everyone knows it but it is the only thing getting him through things without causing him to shut down. It’s not good but if it’s what he needs to get through this then that’s what he needs. When he’s not in the middle of a mob war he’ll be in a better position to handle himself without alcohol. He’s not a helpless bbg he’s a grown man just trying to get by and if it helps it helps.

10: I do not get the hype around Kevin.

This might be my most controversial take tbh…Like he’s a cool character. And I love him as much as the other foxes but I don’t understand the recent wave of him getting babygirlified. Is it the queen symbolism? Is it just cause he’s conventionally attractive? Is it cause that one scene in the kings men where he was cunty as fuck? No clue.

but yall have fun I may not get it but it is entertaining as shit

[o0o0thorn0o0o]

Late, I know, but…! Only by two days, so I’ll still label/tag it:

Ichihime Week, Day 7: Mythical Lovers / Rainbow

I was planning on adding in magpies in the background this time, but I was getting lazy, and it’s already late, so maybe next time ^^;

(Also I was thinking of making a rainbow version, but it didn't come out as I would have liked? Idk. I still think it’s cute, though, so I put it under the cut)

Alrighty, listen: I really didn’t mean to wait this long to post. But, like, very shortly after Eid, my iPad’s storage filled up, like, to the point I couldn’t even access my mail (that’s how I found out, pfft). I was wondering why I’d ever need 256 GB 4 years ago… but still, it was $100 extra bucks. Sure, it was a grad gift, but 128 GB was expensive enough—still a lot of storage, too… Not enough, clearly!

Hoarding layers (and recoloring my own art, pfft) has really caught up to me… but also, it wouldn’t help too much if I didn’t either. After deleting what I could bear to part with, that took away around 5 GB, but merging layers in other works barely made a dent.

So I’ve spent these past few weeks wondering what to do, thinking about emailing my 2019 (imported from my 5s) and 2020 works to an email I also created 4 years ago for some reason I totally forgot about and never used so that I don’t end up taking any space in my actual one and then uploading them onto two (since I really don’t want my files corrupting) USBs via my laptop, trying to get those USBs from Target (but since I was adamant this time in getting 256 GB USBs—I don’t want to have to worry about storage for a longgggg time—there were none in stock), ordering them off of eBay instead since my dad insisted on their cheapness, waiting a week for them, then transferring them to that email and uploading them onto its Google drive if the files was too big…

But that was taking much too long and still left space on my iPad while I was doing it. I managed to complete the 2019 and 2020 pieces from my iPad, but it also only ended up being around 1 GB… So, like, I need to clear more years (breaks my heart, it does ;~; Sure, I still have access to them via that email and those USBs, but it’s not convenient anymore, and there are still pieces I plan on getting back to… ackkkkk).

Contemplating it some more and discussing it with a friend, much as I abhor subscription services, I finally decided to purchase a premium membership on Ibis for that 20 GB of cloud storage. I can afford the 30 bucks a year, and I like the app anyway—serves me good—and not having to watch an ad every 18 hours to access my go-to brushes would be nice, plus having access to the other stuff, but yeah: ✋🌈✨cloud storage✨🌈 🤚

Anyway, I’m pretty sure a good chunk of what’s taking up my space is actually the cache, as I’m already more than halfway through my drawings, and I’m not sure if I’ll reach that 75 GB of storage Ibis was apparently taking up with just my drawings. So I’ll probably need to download everything, then delete the app and redownload it ‘cause stupid IOS doesn’t let you easily clear it 🫠

Anyway, I really thought I’d be done by now, but am not—that said, I managed to clear out around 10 GB off of Ibis (not my iPad; I somehow managed to gain back 5?? Somewhere?? I’ve no clue; I don’t see it), which is wayyy more than enough to get one drawing done for IH week, so I paused the whole storage thing for now. I actually tried to get day one’s drawing done on the 6th, but I’m dealing with perspective that’s hurting my brain, so I decided to get day seven’s done instead, ‘cause I thought I’d be on time…

Me? On time? Man, who knew I was so funny… 😒

But yeah, day seven is done! I’ll definitely revisit that day one drawing in the future, but not anytime soon. As if I wasn’t backed up already, this whole storage mess has backlogged even further, and there are other dates coming up 😮‍💨 And, y’know, gotta finish the storage transfer, too… Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Anyway, on a more positive note, gradient maps are actually very neat to use—had a little too much fun, eheh. I won’t confess how much time I spent testing it out on this piece, but here be my favorite:

They’re so golden <3 ☺️

[xo-hugs-n-kisses-ox]

Rumination

Ruminate

(v.) To think about something deeply

After Edward left her, Bella Swan fell apart. Desperate to try and save his eldest daughter, Charlie brings his youngest daughter to Forks to see if she can bring her sister out of her depression.

Now, y/n must try to help her sister find her way back to the light while also trying to navigate her Junior year of high school in the odd town of Forks.

---

Chapter Nine: Ultimatums

Now Playing: Twilight by bôa

Warnings: cursing, mentions of blood, spiders, mentions of fighting, reader has beef w/ Edward

Bella and I had an icy silence between the two of us. Jacob refused to talk to her after she chose Edward. I didn’t blame him. I felt betrayed, too, that my sister would choose him and his family over her own flesh and blood.

Well, she won’t be made of flesh and blood for much longer, I thought bitterly.

Charlie tried to get us to talk about it. Neither of us could without revealing the secret about vampires.

Sometimes, I think about telling Charlie about them just to spite my sister. I don’t, though. It would put him in too much danger, and that’s only if he believed me, which was doubtful.

I spent most of my time at Emily’s. The spare room was entirely mine now, and Sam had hung up decoration for me.

“This is as much your home as it is ours,” he had told me. I’m embarrassed to admit that I cried.

Jacob and I were closer than ever. Paul and I were still distant and icy. I didn’t have the energy to fight with him, and he kept his distance. I had explained as much as I could to Max about why I had been ignoring him, and we had made up about it. Sort of.

He was still sore about it, but he accepted the fact that I had things I just couldn’t tell him. He also had a lot more of an objective take on Bella and I’s situation, so he was good for perspective.

---

Emily’s house felt more like home to me than my actual house did. I could express my worries and hurt without fear of putting anyone in danger, and the house wasn’t accessible to vampires. It made me feel better.

I had just come back from a shift at Roy’s when I stumbled in, kicking off my shoes and collapsing face first into the couch to fall asleep.



---

I was avoiding going home, so we went to La Push. The boys played various games along the shore, and I was collecting shells and pretty rocks.

Leah was walking with me. She didn’t say anything, and I was grateful. After a while, Seth bounded up and held his hands out.

“Look!” He said, laughing, “Look what I’ve got!”

Curious, I peered at his cupped hands only to see a massive, hairy spider peering back at me.

I shrieked, stumbling backwards in my attempt to get away from the nasty thing. Leah stopped me from falling by grabbing me under my arms, but I continued to scramble away. Seth laughed and chased me with the damn thing, and I’ve never run faster in my life.

I sprinted back to Sam and Emily, ducking around Jacob and Paul as I made my escape through their game of football.

“Knock it off, Seth!” I demanded as I used Jared as my personal shield. Seth grinned, lunching forward. I shirked again, shooting backwards.

Paul picked Seth up around his torso, hauling him over his shoulder.

“Quit tormenting Y/n before she kicks your ass,” He warned, “She’s the one who helps make your food, and Emily’s not immune to bribes from her.”

Seth only giggled, dropping the spider down into the sand. I hastily backed up further from the scuttling creature as it hurried over to the brush.

---

Bella’s going to Florida with Edward. He got the tickets per my suggestion to try and get my sister to change her mind. If she was a vampire, she couldn’t see Renee and Phil in Florida. She couldn’t be in the sunshine. I hoped it would help.

---

Bella and Jacob were talking again. It was a relief. Maybe he could help change her mind, since going to Jacksonville didn’t.

Edward texted me the results, and I nearly threw my phone in the deep fryer. During my shift at Roy’s, my thoughts were filled with ways I could possibly get my sister to want to stay human. All of them revolved around Edward leaving again, but I knew it was too late for that to happen again.

I was walking to my truck when I saw a familiar face standing beside it.

Paul was leaning against the driver’s side door, his burly arms crossed over his chest. I tossed him the keys after unlocking the car, sliding into he passenger’s seat and waiting.

I wasn’t mad at him anymore. Not like I had been. The closest thing I was feeling was disappointment. He still didn’t apologize, not verbally, at least. It had pissed me off to no end that he refused to say the two little words that would fix everything, but Emily had made me rethink my anger.

Bella had just gotten back from Italy. All the guys were out patrolling. Seth and Leah were hanging out with us at the house.

Paul and I had gotten into another argument where both of us were being pigheaded only to annoy the other. He had stormed off in one direction, and I had gone the opposite way he did. Emily had come to find me.

“What are you so upset about?” She asked calmly, sitting behind me to braid my hair.

“He won’t acknowledge that he’s wrong!” I had said, and she had just hummed.

“You want him to say that he was wrong in his actions?” She asked, and I opened my mouth to respond. She continued before I could, “But were you not also wrong?”

I paused, thinking.

Sighing, I answered, “We’re both wrong.”

“Then what is it that you want from him?” She asked, always a voice of reason. I was quiet for a long minute as I tried to come up with an answer.

“I want him to say sorry.” I said at last, “I want him to apologize. And before you say anything, I won’t apologize first. He started this issue and he keeps starting shit. I’ll only apologize if he does first.”

She was quiet as she sectioned my hair out, running her fingers through it slowly.

“He has never been good with words,” she told me, and I laughed mirthfully, “He has always been someone who pays attention more to actions. He may never say he’s sorry, his pride might not allow for it at times, but he always shows what he feels.”

In the months following that discussion, I had payed more attention to his actions. We still argued, insults were still thrown, but my anger fizzled out quickly.

When he had made a jab about Bella that had pissed me off enough that I stormed off, he saved me dinner. The plate had the best parts of whichever foods we were eating that night, taken from his own plate and given to me.

He had made a snide comment about Max, and I had spat back about having a life outside of the pack. He had been the one to storm out, then, but I woke up to movie tickets on my bedside table. The note on them wrote, “Since you have a life, allegedly.”

He was still an ass, and he was still moody with a hair-trigger temper, but I was slowly starting to see beyond it again.

I didn’t want to apologize before he did. He was prideful, but so was I.

So I did what he did for me.

I pissed him off by making a dig about his capabilities and helpfulness a few weeks ago. As an apology, I convinced Emily to make wings for dinner since they were his favorite. He had looked at me oddly when I put the plate down in front of him, but I didn’t say anything and neither did he.

He and I argued in the car about my being a burden to him, and how he should just leave if he was so bothered. It resulted in him slamming the door and storming off into the woods. I brought an entire chocolate pie back from Roy’s for him.

I supposed that if he was an ass, I was, too.

---

I was sitting with Emily and Seth in the living room, watching old movies while the rest of the pack were out patrolling.

Seth was sitting in front of me on the floor as I put his hair into elaborate styles Renee used to put my hair into. Emily had just come back with the popcorn when Embry and Quil dragged Paul into the house. Both of them looked fine, but Paul’s face was cut open and his hands were split.

“What happened?” Emily demanded as I stood to go get the first aid kit from the kitchen.

I came back to the living room and found Paul refusing to let Emily near him, “It’s going to heal anyway, quit fussing!”

Still relatively intolerant to his bullshit, I grabbed him by his wrist and dragged him to the kitchen. He let me pull him along, snagging a chair from the dining table to sit on. I grabbed a wash cloth and wet it with warm water, carefully cleaning up his face.

“What happened?” I asked quietly, dabbing away the trickling blood from his brow.

“We were chasing the redhead, and she kept jumping between our land the Cullen’s,” he explained, “The big one followed her onto our land and I got him off. Cut my face in the process.”

I pursed my lips, but didn’t say anything.

I turned around to grab the disinfectant and dabbed a q-tip into it, tracing it along the cuts on his face. It ran from his hairline down to his brows, cutting across his nose and down across his lips. Already, the bleeding had stopped and the skin was ever so slowly closing. His hands were more or less just scraped up, already healed from his accelerated healing.

I assume the one who broke the treaty by leaping over the creek was Emmett. He was by far the largest of the Cullens, tall and wide almost like Jared was. He was nice enough any time he dropped Bella off back at the house. He almost reminded me of Embry, playful and excitable. But despite his intentions, he had broken the treaty.

“Emmett broke the treaty,” I said aloud, voicing my thoughts as my eyes focused on Paul’s, “What does this mean going forward?”

He shrugged, “It’ll have to be renegotiated, most likely. We don’t want an all out war since Victoria’s still loose and on our turf, and neither do they.”

I nodded, feeling weary.

Paul went to sleep on the couch after I cleared him. I cleaned up the cloth and tissue I had used, putting the first aid kit back where I found it. I, too, went to sit on the couch. Paul moved his legs when he saw me coming, settling them into my lap when I was comfortable.

Jacob came back after lunch. He had been talking to Bella, he said, and reported that Edward was trying to keep her in the dark about Victoria in the name of “protecting her.”

I took a deep breath, pulling out my phone. I dialed his number, waiting.

He picked up on the third ring, and I didn’t wait for him to speak.

“Either you keep my sister in the know, or I do it for you, Edward.” I told him flatly, “Which do you prefer? You can sugar coat it to hell for all I care, but we both know that I won’t.”

He was silent for a long moment.

“I see you’re still believing everything your dogs tell you,” he commented dryly, and Paul opened his eyes to glare narrowly at the phone in my hand.

“And I see that you’re still a cowardly little bitch,” I snapped back, “You have twenty four hours to explain the Victoria shit to my sister before I do it myself.”

“Last I heard, you two weren’t exactly on speaking terms,” he countered, and I felt triumphant.

“Don’t believe everything you hear, right?” I taunt, “Besides, she doesn’t have to hear it from me. There’s a good deal of people who don’t like the fact that you baby her for your own comfort.”

I was met with silence, and I smiled.

“Twenty four hours, leech,” I reminded, hanging up the phone.

---

At Roy’s the next evening, Max was sitting in a booth with papers surrounding him. He didn’t order much, more occupied with his current history assignment than eating. I didn’t blame him, the essay was brutal and the topic was plain boring. I only did it to get it over with, and it took me three of the eight days since it was assigned to get it finished.

Unfortunately, my friend wasn’t so smart and waited until the last possible moment to start and finish the essay from hell.

“Max, take a break and drink some water,” I ordered, “You look like you’re going to pass out.”

Wearily, he leaned back and rubbed his face.

“I hate this essay,” he bemoaned, “I hate school. Why can’t I just drop out?”

“Because then your mom would actually kill you,” I grinned, pushing his water towards him pointedly. He sighed dramatically, sipping the drink until it was at least half gone. Satisfied, I left him to his work once more.



 ---

(Edited 1/5/25)

***Trying to add some more of Max! Lmk if you guys want anything in particular!

That’s a wrap for this chapter!! What’d you guys think ?? Also I lied, reader will be getting to understand the Cullens most likely in the following chapters

Anyway, peace out ✌️ 💕

(ps if y’all have any requests for scenes, things you’d like to see me write, etc etc lmk!!)

(pps i didnt forget abt max i promise)

[mulansaucey]

Bat Wives Wine Night

AZRIEL X READER

This is my first thing I’ve put out to public eyes...ever. So please be nice. I had this idea for awhile and this is mostly a teaser to what I truly want to write. I want to make this a full imagine with smut. If you like this idea and want to see a spicier version to how this night ends please let me know. I’m always open to criticism and always looking for advice so as long as we are nice about it let me know what you think. Im gonna start writing more stuff and will be open to requests. Thank you and I hope you like this little teaser. 

PART 2:

WARNINGS: drugs and alch used responsibly, dirty thoughts by the bat boys

CONCEPT: The bat boys finally realize what their mates are up to on their top secret Wine Nights 

“Oh my gods…you’re right” Feyre softly said. 

     Feyre, Nesta, and I were sitting at the River House sipping on wine and enjoying what we call Bat Wives Wine Night when I had the realization that our husbands have had 500 plus years of experience and fun while us wives are in our 20’s being depressed and stressed for majority of our lives. This was unacceptable and not fair at all. We deserve to let loose and live a little. Go drink til we throw up, smoke mirthroot and tobacco as we pleased. To just be stupid, reckless teens. A night where we didn’t have to be perfect, just ourselves. We all looked at each other with understanding that our simple little wine nights just became a lot more fun. 

    “Okay ladies, once a month like we do now we keep letting our mates think we have wine, eat cheese on a platter and gossip. But let’s just go crazy, do whatever we want because we feel like it. Because we can. We’re young, hot, and rich. Let’s just be stupid, not enough to be dangerous but enough to have some memories to laugh fondly at just like our darling husbands. We are Bat Wives, I say we give them a run for their money.” I declare loudly watching my High Lady’s eyes light up with mischief (just like her mate). Nesta’s feline grin gave me the approval I needed from her. Thank the Mother our mates were not here to hear us declare our secret fun. 

    “Our mates will find out though, eventually. Cass is nosey, drills me on what happens on our Wine Nights. Such a gossip…” Nesta whispers the last part. 

    “Plus your mate is the Spymaster…” Feyre concludes by taking a sip of her wine. Yes he is, my beautiful, sweet, loving mate. Azriel. We’ve been married and mated for over a year now. I met him at a time when I swore off love at the nice age of 19 years old. But he was so kind and patient, building up our friendship first and making me feel seen as a person. He is a wonderful male and he had to fight many battles to get where he is today. But I am not Azriel, I’ve barely traveled out of my own court. Our perspectives can be quite different which I love but I want to create my own experiences as well. After the war, after almost dying I realized life can be taken from me at any moment and I want to spend those moments knowing I made good memories. That I lived. Even if it’s once a month with my sister in laws doing something as silly as smoking mirthroot. It’s something to ease the soul, bonding between just us girls. 

    “So what? Let’s see how long we can go til they figure it out. Make it a game, see how far we can go before they find out just how unhinged we are.” I giggle just a bit tipsy. The girls and I burst out laughing and start planning what we should do next month. 

*TWO YEARS LATER*

   Two years and counting. Our darling husbands STILL think we have a quiet night in with some books and snacks. It’s truly comical. It’s also nice to know something they don’t. 

“I’ll miss you.” Az murmurs in my hair, holding me til I walk into the River House front door. I tighten my arms around his waist and breathe him in. He takes a step back looking at me, love and adoration flowing through the bond between us. Az looks heart eyed, as if seeing me for the first time. I can’t tease him because I know for a fact I’m looking at him with the very same look. 

    “Can you guys just make out already so we can start drinking?” Nesta says unamused. I jumped back from Azriel, startled. When did she open the door? Nesta walks further away from us into a deeper part of the house. I turn back to find Az already looking at me. Something about Azriel is he is absolutely clingy in the best way possible. Physical touch and quality time are his love languages, any time we have to part it’s a bit dramatic because we simply hate saying goodbye. It’s the love I’ve always wanted. I love the Wine Nights as he has nights with his brothers to get away but nothings better than coming home and finding my place within his arms. 

    “If you ever wanna leave early just let me know and we can cuddle and I can go down on you.” Az’s cheeky grin showed proudly. I laugh while pushing him, he grabs my wrist playfully holding me to him. He brushes some hair from my cheek and presses his smooth lips to mine. We stand there for what feels like hours just feeling each other's breath mingle, when he glides his naughty tongue against my lips I pull away. Both us panting I say, “Go Az, before I actually ditch them for you.” I giggle. He very reluctantly peels his hands off my body and shoots up the sky with a wink, surely a promise of great fun when he picks me up tomorrow morning. 

        With the mating haze slowly leaving my brain a new found giddiness found its way in. We’ve started doing full on sleepovers instead of a few hours of mingling. That way we can return to the River House and clean up before our mates return to us. Truthfully it started after Feyre had way too many tequila shots and threw up for two hours begging us not to call for Rhys as our “cover” would be blown. I skip into the River House and take a look at my girls. 

    “Ready to fuck shit up?” I ask. “We’ve been ready, we were betting if you two would actually fuck on my front door.” Feyre says as fill her cups with wine, pregaming for later. Nesta laughs while grabbing my hand leading me into Feyre’s room. She has the biggest bathroom and closet for these occasions. We all start getting ready putting on our preferred style of makeup and clothing. Laughing loudly as we gossip about Beron’s hairline that keeps going further back as each year passes. We truly don’t know if it is but we all love roasting that horrible man. Once we are satisfied with our looks for the night we get ready to winnow to Veela, a club the IC doesn’t frequent too often. It’s newer and doesn’t have the huge crowd Rita’s does. It’s perfect, truly. We won’t run into anyone we know, not too crowded, but fun and rowdy. We pack the leftover mirthroot and tobacco from last month and winnow to the club saving us some time. We walk right in finding our usual table free in the corner. 

    “Let’s start with some shots ladies.” Nesta yells out heading to the bar, I’m a bit scared because Nesta’s choices in liquor are questionable at times. Feyre and I start people watching and laughing as we see the funny things the already drunk patrons are doing. I start rolling a blunt and a few j’s also a few cigarettes as I tend to want to smoke one after a good drink or two. Nesta comes back with the shots and our preferred mixed drinks in hand. We raise our glasses cheering for another successful Bat Wives Wine Night. 

    About an hour or so later we are tipsy, Nesta not so as she prefers to smoke mirthroot. Her struggles with drinking have lessened, she has a drink or two while she watches Feyre and I dance on tables. Nesta nursing a joint between her fingers swaying to the music she loved. Nesta says the plant helps her feel connected to it. Whatever, I don't care as long as we do what we want and feel safe doing it. I am a fan of both, I hop off the table and take the joint between my lips taking a long drag before exhaling into her mouth as we both giggle uncontrollably. Her red eyes meet mine, seeing Nesta relaxed and having fun is a privilege and I’m glad she feels safe enough to do so. We all love our mates but I think being with each other brings a new peace to our hearts. Sisters and friends, we are loved. For the first time in a long time we are loved. Her eyes widen, face slack as I laugh and turn I start coughing inhaling sharply as I see them. 

Our husbands. 

Our mates. 

Staring. 

    I gently pull Feyre off the table where she was dancing with two other fae, gently pushing her head to make her see what we see. Feyre chokes on her breath. 

“Shit…” Feyre mutters. Shit, indeed. 

*BOYS POV*

    Flying to the House of Wind, Azriel thought of his sweet mate. Years they’ve indulged their wives in their one night of secrecy. They deserved it, for being selfless and caring. Their mates have sacrificed a lot for them, for the Night Court. But they are busy bodies at heart, they can’t help but be curious. They love their wives, they just want to be included. Azriel lands on the balcony to see Cass and Rhys nursing a glass of whiskey. He walks in and pours himself a glass. 

    “Az, what do you think they do all night?” Cass says looking into his glass, pouting. Rhys looks unamused, Nesta probably told him off for being nosy. “Cass, they’re women. They drink their wine and dish about the new love interest in the books they read. Don’t think too hard you’ll hurt yourself.” Rhys chuckles as Cass throws a pillow at him. Rhys ducking slightly missing the pillow. 

    “I’m not but you know what I’m talking about. They smell like tequila and there’s traces of makeup and good perfume on them. Think about it, what do our mates truly get up to?” Cass says. Azriel sits and starts to think while Rhys and Cass get into it. Azriel the ever observant once couldn't have missed this right? He trusted his mate, knew she wouldn’t do anything stupid. Right? 

    Rhys stands after an hour or two of them not so obsessively tracking back to all the times they’ve had their Wine Nights. “Let’s go to the house now, we’ll say we forgot something. Catch them off guard.” He looks at the boys in confirmation. All their eyes light up in glee of possibly catching their mates doing something scandalous. But how they underestimate their wives is truly amusing. How they didn’t catch on after two years, even more so. 

    They set off for the River House when they landed there was silence. No giggling or tinking of wine glasses. Nothing. At first panic rushed in thinking someone hurt their mates but once they reached the master bedroom they saw clothes strung across the place, makeup and hair products messily sitting on the counter. The girls usual PJ’s on the floor. They went out.

     Cass scoffs, “I knew it! I KNEW THEY WENT OUT WITHOUT US! HA RHYS, I TOLD YOU!” he booms loudly, happy to be right and Rhys to be wrong. Azriel immediately makes a plan to find them, sending his shadows out. Once he gathered they were in the city they set their sights there. They went to Rita’s, not a trace. They searched restaurants and pleasure halls, Azriel questioning the staff there. They learned not only did they go out tonight but have frequented these places multiple times, without them. They were smart, Az gave them that. The girls used cash wherever they went instead of billing them, going as far as to use fake names and backstories when they would stop by the herb shop to purchase mirthroot and tobacco. Something they did not know their mates indulged in. For a second they questioned their mates, if they truly knew them. Now they for sure were set to find out answers. Azriel’s shadow reported to him they were across the city in a new club. 

    The music was pounding, drunk and high fae dancing or sitting and laughing. Azriel first spotted his High Lady and mate dancing on a table top, Feyre pouring tequila down his mate’s throat. Azriel couldn't lie, the sight made his pants tighten, seeing the hard liquor pouring down his wife’s very low top trickling onto her breasts. Watching her throat bob up and down, very similar sight to when she has him in her mout- “WHAT THE FUCK!” Rhys exclaims though it sounds more like a whisper compared to the very raunchy music booming in the background. Az notes that though Feyre lets loose at Rita’s and has fun, Feyre looks unhinged. As if she wasn’t the High Lady of Night but a 20 something year old who was having fun. Azriel laughed as he watched with his brothers, they stayed in the corner out of the way but still in eye sight of their girls. He watched his mate get off the table and steal the joint Nesta was nursing, blowing it in her mouth. Cass watches just as intently, in fascination and horniness. “I didn’t know they did THIS on their wine nights, I didn’t even know Nes smoked at all.” Cass says. He’s starting to wonder just how nice it would be to get Nesta this relaxed then fuck her for hours under smoke induced love making. Rhys is no better, watching Feyre swing her hips against the strangers around her. Wanting so badly to take her in the bathroom. But first it’s business. 

“Alright, brothers. They’ve had their fun now let’s crash.” Rhys said with a smirk. All together they marched towards their mates and stood waiting for them to realize. All had a mask of indifference though they really wanted to burst out laughing. One by one each girl’s head turned and paled. 

[weemietime]

Okay okay, I’d like to preface this by saying that I’m already deeply ashamed and embarrassed of myself for my behaviour and all, so if you think I don’t feel guilty and am bandwagoning, I’m not, I’m genuinely upset about what I did and there’s no one who could possibly hate myself more than me. And also, I’m not Jewish myself, but you could probably tell by what I’m about to say next.

So I was one of the many people who was a radical supporter of whatever has become of the pro Palestine movement (yes, I know, embarrassing behaviour) and I was perpetuating a lot of antisemitic things and would get super defensive about it because I truly didn’t think that what I was saying and/or doing was antisemitism and I also thought that I was genuinely helping people by being so… radical about things. A few months ago, I took a break from social media and on that break I sort of realised how much I don’t know about the harmful radical movement I was supporting and the Jewish and Israeli people that I was actually hurting by not listening to, and I truly am sorry and I do wish to become an ally, a good ally at that, but I do wonder if I’ve done too much damage already, I probably have. So yeah, I guess I was just wondering how I could possibly do better. I probably shouldn’t even be asking you this, you can totally block me if you want, I swear I’m not trolling or anything, but yeahhhh

The best thing that you can do for yourself and your community is to be honest about your perspective! How it happened, how you got radicalized, the things you said and why you said them. Some people won't be ready to forgive you and that's ultimately their prerogative. But people like you are the reason I am here, because I believe it is possible to form a bridge between our people and find a way to dialogue and call people back in from the extremism they've been indoctrinated into.

I'm fairly open about my history on here, but when I was a child I got indoctrinated into a violent gang. I adopted a lot of extreme beliefs and engaged in horrible, violent acts both under duress and of my own volition. So when I talk about indoctrination I am talking about something I have personal experience with. The people who I victimized to this day probably still have legitimate hate for me, and that's their right. I don't need to convince them I'm a good person or a changed person or whatever, you can't really undo harm or make up for harm like that, that's not how it works.

Once you put that out there, that's it. But at the same time, kind acts and good acts stand on their own, too. So I try and do outreach like this, to share my perspectives, to educate people on how extremism and radicalism and appetitive aggression work because I can't fix what I broke. All I can do is serve as a warning beacon for others going down a bad path, and I don't have any ability to know if that makes me a cosmically good or bad person.

Baruch dayen ha'emet. It's what we say when people die: G-d is the true judge. Only G-d knows those answers and I just have to have faith that G-d will judge me with compassion and understanding, and allow me to state my case. It's an ongoing conversation, you aren't ever just one thing or another thing. You grow, and learn, and that slowly changes the landscape.

I hope this helps in some manner! And I appreciate you sending this, we need to keep these avenues open, we have to build these bridges or else nothing will change. It's that simple.

[lovebvni]

EGO; a callout.

unknowingly, for years now, i’ve been struggling with my own inner ego. what was that ego doing? basically telling me to never take no for an answer.

i want to preface by saying this doesn’t have to be a sign for you, you could be following me and have seen this and i’m a relatively large account here on tumblr, somehow. this also does not apply to all things. this, for the most part, does not apply to reality shifting. when you ask “i’m i going to shift at ‘x��� time and you get a ‘no’, that doesn’t mean give up! there’s a difference between PERSISTENCE (positively defying odds) and NEGATIVE DEFIANCE. i just so happen to negatively be defying what im told.

this post is to simply inform, help people with self concept, and for me to move forward. this will be me exposing myself negatively and some humiliation so i can move forwards. this is not negative self talk, this is putting down the ego that has controlled me for so long.

let me also say ego is something all of us have. how much of it you have determines if it’s good or bad.

since i was young, i was always pushy. i would force my friends to do things i didn’t personally want to do, persuade my parents (because they are divorced) to give me special things because i was sad… and because of that i didn’t like being told no. i still don’t. whenever the word “no” or “not this time” came out of someone’s mouth, i would get angry and throw tantrums. i would take it out on THEM because THEY didn’t see my best interest in mind.

to this day, i am like that. if my mother called me and i asked her to buy me something that i could buy myself, and she said no, i would probably really pissed off at her and shut her out. she’s providing for two kids and two dogs and I have the NERVE to ask her to take money out of HER paycheck from a job SHE just got to buy me something i can ACTIVELY afford myself? no, bitch. that’s fucking ego.

just recently, i had a show, and my mom told me glue eyelashes were harmful, so she didn’t want me getting them for a church show. i didn’t like that answer so i ARGUED with her in PUBLIC about getting FAKE EYELASHES WITH HER MONEY for a SHOW. not even for personal use or to go to school, for a show. a one time thing that would not be long term.

when i finally pushed her over the edge and she caved, i bought them, tried them, used them, and didn’t like them. i went back to the store a week and a half later to return them.

i thought I KNEW what was best for me, and even if i did, i still IGNORED my mothers guidance, went against her will, and did what I WANTED TO DO.

WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ISNT ALWAYS THE RIGHT THING. YOU NEED TO HAVE DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES FOR A REASON! why do you think most shifters and manifestors only shift/manifest after being in a community and getting guidance? BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.

this has happened a lot to me, with friends, advisors, teachers, and more. yet i’m going to be a cunt and decide only I know what’s best for me. that, inherently, is not true. the voice in your head or heart is not always telling you the truth, sometimes it’s making you delusional.

this can also be flipped on its head, as you can absolutely be right but you allow yourself to be walked all over. this is a lack of ego. you let everyone else’s words guide you and never ask your intuition or inner self for help until it’s too late.

you’re neglecting yourself, and i believe it’s a form of self hatred.

you need to find a balance, and a balance for you. don’t allow yourself to be stepped on, but allow yourself to be pushed in directions you don’t like all the time.

live in your truth, but without rose-coloured glasses or a log in your eye. Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye' while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye." Matthew 7:4-5.

from a place that was hiding in my heart,

the abyss

[kismet-cat]

Something I’ve been thinking about a lot is how Jowd and Yomiel are parallel to each other. They’re both so stuck in worldviews that are blatantly wrong- Jowd thinking everything is his fault, and Yomiel thinking everything is the fault of everyone BUT him. To an outside observer, both these views are totally stupid, but the two of them feel like they HAVE to believe it or else everything they’re doing will be for nothing. If jowd is wrong, that means kamila did it, and he can’t let himself believe his kid could do that, it would destroy him. He’s so willing to take on the guilt because he feels responsible for not stopping the tragedy- even when it was literally impossible for him to foresee or stop. If Yomiel is wrong, then it means that literally everything he’s been doing since dying is useless and he’s the one responsible for the deaths of both Sissels, and he can’t believe that or he’ll sink even further down. So the two of them both push on, warping the truth until it suits their narratives, both of which are steeped in self-hatred. It’s a good thing they never met up before their respective character developments- like Yomiel said, Jowd would have loved to be executed by his own daughter. Sorry for talking so much I just think they’re fascinating!!! I love ghost trick!!!

No need to apologize, I love hearing other people's Ghost Trick takes/analysis! Especially along these lines!

This specific parallel is def one I've thought about too, and you put it very well! For me, it all comes back to the set of questions I posed in this post as being at the core of Ghost Trick's story:

1. When something terrible happens to you, what do you do with that trauma? 2. When you do something terrible, when you make a terrible mistake, what do you do with that guilt?

Like you said, Jowd is a person who, in response to both questions, internalizes all the blame; whereas Yomiel, in response to both (pre Chapter 17), externalizes all his hatred. And yes, from an outside perspective they're kind of ridiculous — just look at how many chatters in the secret sleepover society streams (and other lps I've watched) have been reacting to Jowd as a character.

But one of the things fiction arguably exists for is to present characters that take such ideas to such extremes for the sake of exploring those questions and making a greater point; it's the premise "What if there was guy who ___? Wouldn't that be fucked up or what?". And for me (and a lot of people, clearly) Ghost Trick succeeds in getting you to take those characters seriously, because they and the people around them take their own stakes seriously, while ultimately making it clear that their responses were irrational.

...And hey, while I'm here:

Cabanela's answer to the second question is to bury all evidence of it, to Not Think About It, to become (or at least project the image of) a person who would never make that kind of mistake. Meanwhile, his answer to the first question, if we say the terrible thing in question is his best friend confessing to killing his wife and asking to be executed, is to dedicate himself to trying to undo it, to set things right, everything else in his life be damned.

These answers are "better" than Jowd's and Yomiel's — they certainly cause less extreme collateral damage — but they still aren't ideal. After all, Ghost Trick is a game that highly values the forging/maintaining of bonds with others and being honest/open with them as the key to both parties' success. It's what saves the day in the end. Without Sissel, all Cabanela's efforts to save Jowd and protect Lynne would have amounted to nothing.

No, the person with the "correct" answer is Lynne. She doesn't really have to grapple with the second question (which is maybe my personal biggest disappointment with her character), but her answer to the first question is clear: Become the kind of person who prevents such things from happening to others, or who can be the one to help them when it does. Always believe in people, and in the ability of things to turn out right.

Now, it must be said: the reason she comes to this answer is not because she was born a perfect idealist. It's because, in that worst moment of her life, someone was there to save and then reassure her; to inspire her. Jowd.

It's her truth, but it's not, say, Yomiel's.

But. It's a truth that inspires the rest of the cast (Sissel and Jowd primarily). And, because of her insistence in it, they're able to go back, defy fate, and make it The Truth of the narrative.

(Sissel similarly only has to really deal with the first question because Reasons, and his answer evolves over the course of the game, from "focus on the wrong that was done to you and what you can do to make yourself feel better about it above everything and everyone else" (doesn't that sound familiar?) to be more aligned with Lynne: "use what you learned/gained from that unfortunate occurrence to help others". And Missile is basically on the "right" wavelength the whole time, which is why everyone agrees he's the Bestest Boy.)

[babyleostuff]

BOYFRIEND PHOTOS | KIM MINGYU

summary | a sunny date spend with your precious boyfriend

genre | fluff

word count | 974

pairing | mingyu x gn!reader

author’s note | purely inspired by gyu’s recent instagram posts. thank you for giving us the fluffiest boyfriend pics <3

“I’m here.”

Usually you couldn’t imagine grinning so hard over such a simple text, but coming from your precious boyfriend changed the perspective completely. Finally, after all the comeback stress and months of hard work he and his bandmates had to go through, he was allowed a day off.

You checked your outfit for the last time, feeling all giddy of the mere thought of this perfect sunny day you’d spend with Mingyu. Carefully running down the steps, you walked out to the street, almost bumping into the man before you.

“Mingyu!” you happily exclaimed, almost tackling him to the ground with a big hug.

Without saying a word, he chuckled and put his arms around you. It has been so long since you had a moment for yourselves that you’d forgotten how good it is to just simply hug him. No matter how long you’d been together nothing would top the feeling of just being in his strong arms.

“I missed you,” he said quietly, and you could bet a lot of money that he was slightly pouting too.

You pulled back to finally get a good look at his handsome face, adorned by the sunlight, making his honeyskin look even more beautiful.

“I’m so happy right now, you have now idea. I swear I don’t remember the last time I was so excited to go out. And it’s like the universe knew, I mean look at the weather, it's perfect,” he said excitedly, slurring his words which made his lisp come out a bit.

He gave you a big smile, showing his fangs that you adored so much. As you put your hands on his cheeks you asked:

“Kim Mingyu, are you going to kiss me or do I have to wait another month?” you didn’t even get to finish the question properly as he leaned down to seal your mouths in the most delicate kiss known to humankind.

His lips were soft, like pillows against your own, and oh how you’ve missed this. You could feel the tickle of his breath beneath your nose, while his fingers were carding through your hair.

You parted for a second to catch your breaths, but impatient as always Minguy went back in, this time kissing you with a little more force, as he also was dying to feel your touch again. Warmth and the smell of his cologne consumed you. With the butterflies dancing in your stomach, it was almost overwhelming how content you felt.

With a last peck he took your hand in his and pulled lightly to finally get you going, before both of you gave up on an outside date and went back to your place.

“So, where are you taking me today?”

“I found this cute cafe nearby and it looks like a good place to take some photos too.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“What?” he asked, with a slight concerne in his voice. You giggled at him and put your hand around his arm.

“I know where this is going, you’re just going to use me to take pictures for your Instagram! And what do I gain from this, hm?” you said in a jokingly offensive tone.

“Thousands of other people simping for my boyfriend, excuse me very much. I’ve had enough after scrolling through tens of tik toks saying how hot your “darumdarimda” is.” Now even he could contain his laugh.

After a couple minutes of walking and catching up on what you’ve missed, you hit your destination, and Mingyu was right - this was the cutest cafe you’ve seen in a while, situated in the best place to give you a bit of privacy.

“Here, here! Take a picture,” Mingyu suddenly said. He ran up the colorful stairs, and before you could take a single normal photo, he started doing some weird and funny poses. Not questioning your boyfriend’s antics, you took a couple of photos.

“My phone storage is crying right now. You have no idea how many of your stupid ass photos I have in my camera roll.”

“Do I get at least one day of freedom where people don’t bully me?” he whined. “Also, my own girlfriend? That really hurt,” he frowned while walking down the stairs.

“Also, why are you wearing your sunglasses like that?”

“Like what? Are you going to criticize this too?” Mingyu frowned even more. You would never fathom how this 6’2 man could act like a little child sometimes.

Before he could argue further, you snapped a quick photo, smiling to yourself.

“Cry about it big boy. At least I have stuff to blackmail you with,” you said and went to look for a free table to sit at.

“You hang out too much with the boys, I swear,” he said and pulled the chair back for you. After settling comfortably, you ordered some coffee and lunch and fell back to the conversation from before.

You could feel your heart race, because of how content, happy and loved you felt.

Looking at Mingyu, who was dramatically telling a story from one of their dance practices, where Wonwoo did a step wrong so Soonyoung threw a tantrum, you couldn’t contain your giggles, laughing at how overdramatic your boyfriend was acting.

“Why are you looking at me like that, hm? You don’t want to take photos of me? No problem, going to do it myself,” and he did as he said, starting to take some selfies from different angles.

“Oh stop it, you know I was joking. Here, let me,” you pointed your camera at Mingyu.

You both knew how much you loved taking pictures of each other, saving them as memories you’d have fun reminiscing on later in the future.

You spend the rest of the day in the same atmosphere, bickering, talking and laughing, but most importantly - being in love.

[darcytaylor]

The Importance of Staying Grounded in Speculative Conversations

It’s that time again, where I’m writing what might be a thought-provoking post? Inspirational? Overbearing? I know most of you are probably tired of these by now, but hey, maybe there’s something worth considering in what I’m about to say. Or maybe not. Who’s to say?

So why am I writing this? Is it to convince you to agree with me? No, you don’t have to. Is it to share my personal take on what's going on? Nah, honestly, I don’t think my opinion matters that much. Do I have thoughts on what’s happening? Sure, but it’s not my place to tell anyone how to think or what to believe. But maybe I can offer a perspective on speculation and how people engage with it:

I’ve been reflecting on how people engage with speculation (shocking, I know! haha), especially in fandoms and even in other public spaces. People have this undeniable passion for what they believe to be true, and while that passion can be understandable - and even admirable at times - it can go a little overboard.

When I say, “I don’t actually know what’s going on because I don’t know the people involved,” I tend to get a couple of reactions: Some people see it the same way, some people get defensive, some people try to convince me to see things their way. But here’s the truth: I don’t know the people involved - and neither do you. None of us know the full story or what’s going on behind the scenes.

A lot of people will say, “But look at the evidence! It’s so obvious!” And here’s where I disagree: Without firsthand knowledge, we’re essentially trying to put together a puzzle with most of the pieces missing. And drawing conclusions from that? It’s risky at best - and misleading at worst.

What really gets to me, though, is the need some people have to stir the pot (and I guess this is the main reason I make posts like this). It seems like some people want to rile others up, making it appear like they know more or that their perspective is the only one that matters. Maybe it’s a way to feel validated or in control, but in the end, it doesn’t help anyone. It just adds noise and fuels unnecessary drama, which - can be harmful!!

When people get defensive about their views, I think I could be because they’re seeking reassurance. They want to feel like they’ve figured it out. But the truth is: none of us have all the answers. We’re all just outsiders looking in.

For me, staying grounded means accepting that I don’t have the full picture - and that’s okay. It means being open to the possibility that there could be many explanations for a situation and choosing not to rush to conclusions. This isn’t about being overly cautious or passive - it’s about showing respect. It’s about letting people live their lives without outsiders treating their guesses like hard facts.

I think if more people took this approach, fandom spaces and public discourse would be a lot less toxic. It became so toxic for me that at one point I had to step away, because of he vile anonymous asks I was getting. It’s entirely possible to have thoughtful, respectful conversations without falling into the “I’m right, and you’re wrong” trap. A little humility, and a lot more recognition that things are often more complicated than they seem, could really make a difference.

At the end of the day, none of us have all the answers -and that’s fine. What’s not fine is turning speculation into fact or stirring up drama when it isn’t necessary. So, can we be more mindful, respectful, and take a step back from the impulse to turn every guess into something?

If you see a take that isn't damaging, you don’t need to respond just because you don’t agree with it. You can let people have their own perspectives without degrading others. That said, I have no respect for speculation when it comes to matters that are too personal or just downright mean, especially when people try to act like it isn’t. Some things shouldn't be speculated on, and treating them as public fodder isn’t just disrespectful - it’s harmful.

Life’s complicated enough without us making it harder than it already is.

[thenightshadowqueen]

What do you think are Merlin and Arthur’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic?

Also, what are your top 5 favorite moments from Merlin BBC? Sorry if you've answered this questions before....

Ooh, those are great questions! And don’t worry; I haven’t done these yet. Thank you for the ask! I am so, so sorry that it’s taken me so long to get to this; I’ve been having a time the past few weeks, and I wanted to give you a properly thought-out answer.

Okay, so: Merlin. I think the idea of strengths and weaknesses for him really comes from whose perspective you’re looking from. If we’re looking at what makes him such a compelling character, then I think his greatest strength is his complete and unconditional devotion to Arthur. That is what draws me, at least, so totally to his character—not in the sense that he isn’t a fascinating and full character separate from Arthur, but in the sense that his self, especially in the later seasons, is so fundamentally tied to Arthur that it’s impossible to have Merlin as he is without Arthur. However, if we’re looking at strengths and weaknesses from the perspective of Merlin’s own mental health, this very same trait is his greatest weakness. The same is true if you look at all of the bad things that happened due to Merlin’s decisions: his worst decisions were made with Arthur’s best interests at heart.

Arthur’s strengths and weaknesses are, I think, a little easier to determine. His greatest strength is probably his dedication to his people and his determination to do what’s best for his kingdom. On the other hand, he is a bit of a dick, especially during the earlier seasons. He can also be quite oblivious (some of which is his character and some of which is questionable writing).

As for what I love about the dynamic, I think a lot of it comes down to the fundamental imbalance of the whole thing. I’m fascinated and quite compelled by unhealthy ship dynamics (I have my theories as to why, but we don’t need to get into that here), and just the fact that Arthur doesn’t know about Merlin’s magic means that their relationship can never be equal. And then, when you think about Merlin’s self-destructive devotion, it all becomes clear. Arthur is just as dedicated to Merlin as the other way around, but because Arthur doesn’t have all the information, he is unable to put in the same amount of effort and love as Merlin. [Autocorrect tried to change ‘love’ to ‘lube’. Just thought I’d share that.] Of course, there’s also the fucking chemistry; that’s what got me into them in the first place, but the unbalance of the whole thing is why I’ve stayed so long.

Top 5 BBC Merlin Moments

5. “Where does it say my destiny includes murder?” (S1E12)

This scene has always stood out to me during rewatches, because with the context of the full show, it’s dripping in dramatic irony. Merlin kills so many people for Arthur, most necessary and some not, and at some point he stops thinking twice about it, because he’ll do anything to protect Arthur. And this scene is so fucking sad, because he’s so innocent, and you just know that that’s all going to be ripped away.

4. Merlin poisoning Morgana (S2E12)

This is such a crucial turning point. This kind of solidifies Morgana turning sides, but it’s also the first moment you get to see that ruthlessly devoted side of Merlin. I mean, he poisons one of his closest friends to save Arthur. And I feel like this is one of the first times we really get to see how far he’s willing to go. Also, shoutout to Colin and Katie, because the acting was incredible.

3. That one five-second shot of Morgana grabbing Gwaine’s jaw (S4E12)

Look, I have deep reasons for the other ones. I’m allowed to have one shallow moment as a favourite. As a treat. They’re both so fucking gorgeous, and together? In that dynamic? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: they are conspiring to cause my death.

2. Arthur and Merlin’s fight in the marketplace (S1E1)

They’re both such sassy little shits in this scene, and I love them for it. But also the pure sexual tension in that scene is unreal. Like, Arthur is so fucking delighted to find someone who treats him like a normal person, and Merlin is just pissed off. Is there a better dynamic? I don’t think so.

1. Arthur’s death (S5E13)

It’s heartbreaking. I’m not denying that. But it’s gorgeous. Colin and Bradley did such an amazing job, and there’s so much love and heartbreak packed into those few minutes, and I actually don’t know what I can say about how much I love it other than just look at it.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Go with me here - I have thoughts!

So I’ve been thinking about this since we got the stills, of both Buck and tommy at the loft, but also the divorcing couple, but then the quote from Tim got me feeling more convinced than ever!

Tim has revealed quite a lot in this quote - it confirms that whatever it is is about Tommy and about the BuckTommy relationship - its not about other outside things - there are only a couple of things that that could mean.

I don’t think it’s going to be about Abby - but I do think she is relevant! I’m very much still sticking with my theory that Tommy is an alt version of Buck and things are feeling more and more like this is in fact the case. See if Tommy is alt Buck then we have some very interesting parallels and contrasts to explore, especially around the part of my theory that BuckTommy is a reversion of the BuckAbby relationship - only this time, Buck is in the same place as Abby - so the one who wants out of the relationship whilst not knowing how to actually end said relationship.

Buck and Abbys relationship was Bucks entry level relationship into the concept of actually dating and being with someone - not just for sex - but for them as a whole person. Tommy has been described by Tim in the same way - as an entry level queer relationship for Buck. Buck is the main character here, so he needs to show growth and development - so putting him into the same place Abby was - having him figure out how to end things on his own terms - talking to his family and actually recognising what it is he wants - showing us that on screen -that would be a good thing.

Say we get a inadvertent confession from Tommy early on in the episode - where Tommy implies that he was interested in Eddie first - pursuing Eddie before he switched to Buck - just as a throw away comment that can be read in multiple ways, but is enough to send Buck spiralling and seeking the advice of Bobby and of Maddie and Josh - everything then ‘becomes clear’ later on towards the end of the episode when Tommy fully reveals and confirms that he was into Eddie not Buck. It makes complete sense to play it in parallel to Buck Abby - it’s the way it creates a spiral that allows Buck to avoid Tommy for a short period so that he doesn’t have to start thinking about his own feelings at the start of their relationship - he doesn’t have to confront the fact that he might’ve got things wrong and that it wasn’t Tommy he was feelings things for - he was threatened by Tommy - because he posed a threat to Bucks relationship with Eddie - and if that is the case then Buck has to face up to the reality of his feelings for Eddie - that they are not actually platonic.

Ultimately Buck will realise he’s got to end things with Tommy and give himself the space to work out the Eddie of it all - that it’s not fair to be in a relationship he can’t fully give himself to. It gives him the closure he never really got from Abby when she left him and gives him a large amount of growth and it also gives us pining Buck as we head into Hiatus and when we start 8b.

I’m not just pulling this out of thin air either - there are a few things that back up my theory from a costume and set perspective - and from a script and directorial perspective too.

Firstly we have divorcing couple storyline - a man quite literally spilling his guts - a man who it seems from the episode blurb, doesn’t want a divorce. He is wearing a plaid check suit jacket - which mirrors the plaid we have seen Tommy wearing so far this season - and ties into the suit jacket at the end of Episode 5. The ex wife is wearing yellow and blue - the Buck and Eddie colours (see mine or @lover-of-mine ‘s many metas on the subject of blue and yellow and Buck and Eddie!) the set of that scene is also heavily yellow blue coded - the painting on the wall especially.

Then we have the fact that Tommy has been located in the exact same place as Eddie was in the coming out scene from 705 - and wearing Black - I think its really really ket that we note this fact - mirroring that scene is a very loud directorial, set and costuming choice. Tommy is meant to mirror Eddie from that 705 scene - Eddie is making his own confessions in that scene - he is basically figuring out how to break up with Marisol because he didn’t know this big thing about her (and that big thing is hitting a bit too close to home for Eddie) and we get a whole thing about buck and tommy having the right idea - to just hang out with the boys etc. Eddie basically reverts on his plans to end things with Marisol when Buck makes his own confession.

So we have a scene about confessions in an episode called confessions paralleling a scene about confessions in an episode called you don’t know me - that is a choice - a very intentional one. Plus there is the fact that Tommy is sat in Eddie’s seat saying he thought Eddie was gay would be really great paralleling to Eddie taking Bucks coming out to mean for him to fix things with Marisol because Buck had become available and unavailable to Eddie. Eddie now has the knowledge that Buck was an option, but that he’s not available as an option. So a Tommy confession that plays into the buddie of it all both helps the queer Eddie arc along as well as driving Bucks arc forward - creating a big enough hurdle for Buck to chose to end the relationship, but also a hurdle that the relationship could successfully navigate its way over if both parties wanted to.

The thing is - Bucks costume tells us all we need to know about which direction this will ultimately go in - he is wearing Blue in the scene with Eddie - the one time he actively chooses to come out to someone (the fact its Eddie is telling all on its own) - and that specific blue is very heavily connected to Bucks journey in figuring himself out - who he is and what he wants in his life - its a colour very much tied to Eddie - he wears that shade of blue in Eddie heavy scenes - and tends to wear different shades of blue in connection with other characters (look at my s6 costume metas for more on the subject!) The fact that buck is in green for this upcoming Tommy scene is an indicator that the relationship is nearing its end - Buck wears green when relationships end - this bears out all the way back to season 1 - he is wearing a green plaid shirt at the airport when Abby leaves to go to Europe. Buck doesn’t wear green all that much and like I have said in a previous post - the darker greens are always connected to break ups. All this is showing us that Eddie is the right person and Tommy is the wrong one.

And then we have the lighting and the set. The lighting is starkly different - we. Have the warm yellows and low light levels of the Buck and Eddie scene from 705 while this Buck and tommy scene is brightly lit and the light is cool toned. This does two things - in the Buck Eddie scene it created intimacy and warmth - it allows the confessions from both of them to read as being important but ultimately changes little in their relationship - it remains intimate and warm - as the hug backs up. In contrast the Buck tommy scene illuminates everything - its not intimate - it is harsh and revealing - the lighting gives no place to hide and the cool tones play into the cooling of the relationship - it will be interesting to see if the direction of the scene also plays into this - the Buck Eddies scene we saw the distance between them narrow and end in the hug before Eddie departs. My expectation is that this Buck Tommy scene will either maintain a distance between them that doesn’t really close - or it will show the distance increasing between them as the scene progresses.

We have lots of threes in the set design for this Buck Tommy scene too - the three jars in front of Buck, there appears to be 3 baseball caps on the coat rack and we’re have the three coloured jackets on the coat rack as well.

The three jackets are basically the writing on the wall for the relationship. They are saying so much while they just hang out there behind Tommy in seemingly innocuous fashion. Their meaning becomes even louder now we know that Eddie is going to be in yellow this episode. Buck is the blue jacket and Tommy is the green one - they are together right now like those jackets are hung together, but the yellow jacket - on it s own on the other side of Tommys head is there waiting. The yellow jacket is Eddie. The green one is in between the yellow and blue - in the same way Tommy is in between Buck and Eddie .

Blue and green represent a break up in Buck terms and with the green jacket being the same colour as bucks shirt - it is saying that the break up is in Bucks hands and once it does, the yellow and blue will be there on separate pegs - but unimpeded by a relationship. The break up will move us one step closer to the yellow and blue joining together.

The bike being gone is also part of the symbolism - no more Buck without brakes - he can put a stop to things now - he has control.

One other things is that I’ve been parsing over the meaning of the plane emergency fro the opening 3 episodes - because the show always foreshadows all of the character arcs through the main opening emergency - if you look at all the opening disasters you will see that it echoes through the season for each character arc. The cruise disaster from s7 plays into each character arc perfectly - characters lives being turned upside down in some way - Eddie upending his life through his choices - the Kim of it all leading to Chris leaving. Buck’s life being turned on its head as he figures out he’s bi. Hen and Karens lives being altered through Mara coming into their family and then losing her because of Ortiz. Maddie and Chims wedding being knocked off course and turned upside down through Chim going missing because of the illness he develops. Bobby trying to retire and then the bathena house being burnt down. Athenas storyline with Harry - they are all arcs that play into the idea of being capsized.

So I’ve been contemplating how the plane emergency is relevant - and I know a lot more will become clear as the season unfolds, but right now we have some interesting things going on looking at it from the Buck and Eddie perspective. So we have the bike symbolism in connection with Buck - which plays into the loss of his bike from the wall, but there is the fact that he highjacks a bike in the opening disaster - buck is on someone else’s bike on an empty bit of road - symbolic of his relationship with tommy - he’s the only one in it but it’s not the right relationship - when he gets off that bike he can signpost Eddie in to land - the bike he gets off being a metaphor for tommy and the plane being one for Eddie.

The fact that Eddie is broken and unable to change direction at the moment - like the plane - and he’s looking for a place to try to land - him managing to land safely in the end is a bit of foreshadowing for buddie going canon - Buck will initially direct him to a landing spot but will also be there waiting for him when he does manage to land - in the place for bobby. It continues the Buddie parallels with bathena - Bobby there waiting for Athena in the same way buck will be waiting for Eddie.

Plus the Jem of it all works too - him being representative of Chris - so the idea that Chris coming back into Eddies life will help Eddie land his plane is pretty loud as well. That Chris will help lead Eddie to Buck - in some way. I keep thinking about the simulation game thing as well - something about Chris being with Helena and Ramon being like a simulation - its pretend and not the real thing - and it will cause him to crash - but he can walk away from it and when it comes down to it - to the real thing - he will step up and be successful in it. That Chris will be the one doing a bit of directing Eddie on how to heal and land the plane.

[obsolescent]

I personally see Leon having a son and a daughter. We all know he’s wrapped around his daughter’s fingers. So I won’t go into detail with her.

But I see Leon being unintentionally very hard on his son.

Leon knows how fucked the world is. He knows just how dangerous everything is, and while he wants to protect his daughter from it, he wants to prepare his son to handle it.

Leon’s a protector. A warrior. And he wants to instill that same ethic into his son.

He doesn’t do it out of misogyny. Not at all. He knows if she wanted to, his daughter could take on the world. But there’s just something different about his daughter facing such danger vs his son.

If his son is the oldest sibling, it’s even worse. Leon unintentionally goes damn near military on him. Leon sees it as making sure he’s disciplined, hardworking, and a good man. But at the cost of Leon’s son feeling like he’ll never be good enough in the eyes of his father.

Until it all explodes. Maybe it’s when his son is a teenager. His boy breaks down finally and Leon sees the worst thing he ever could. Leon sees himself in his son. The exhaustion. The depression. And Leon *hates* himself for what he did to his boy.

Even taking the steps to undo what’s been done, with therapy and time, Leon despises himself for what he did. He cries one night after his son had a full on panic attack over a C on an exam.

Yea, his son has become hardworking, driven, intelligent…but his son also became anxious, depressed and exhausted.

But Leon loves his kids. He loves his family with every fiber and cell in his body. So he puts in the work to change. He apologizes properly. Hugs his darling little boy and doesn’t let go. He changed his habits. His thought process. He does everything to help break his son out of his unintentional conditioning. It takes time, Leon isn’t perfect. But damnit, he tries his best.

It takes time, but Leon and his son repair the damage and become extremely close. Like, never could be closer type of close. when Leon’s a grandpa, his son is gonna hand him his own grandkid with the middle name ‘Leon’ type of close.

You sent this in a bit ago but I’ve been sitting with it, my apologies. I’ve been trying to see it from your perspective and I’ll have to say, this is one headcanon we don’t share.

But I did agree with the part that Leon knows the world is fucked, how dangerous it is, and with what he went through? The training he had to endure, what the government did to him. I feel like in turn, he would be soft to his children, and would do so regardless of gender.

Though, I do see this through the lenses of being trans, and I feel like if Leon did have a partner like someone like myself, he wouldn’t push those gender stereotypes onto his kids.

Leon’s been through so many things, I think he would have a lot of anxiety about how he’s treating them. Like you said, he knows he isn’t perfect, so he would wonder if he’s doing a good job, raising them well and making sure they’re protected, but can keep themselves safe, too. He would lay awake many nights picking apart his interactions with them.

He would absolutely train any of them to defend themselves, using different types of methods and weapons. He wouldn’t go into detail with them about his job for the obvious reasons, so they would probably be like ??? At his defensiveness, lol.

He would write it off as being prepared for any and all things, no matter what. He may mention some things he saw on the news for his actions, saying “Look, kids. I just want you to be ready for anything, you never know.”

He would be so close to his children. After being away on missions, he would spend every waking moment of his time with his family. Outings and vacations, doing whatever they want; as long as he gets to create memories with them, ones he wasn’t able to have with his own parents.

Though I do see his kids helping him grow regardless, making him more optimistic about the future, about life. I also agree with the part where you said Leon loves his family with every fiber of his being. You and your children would be the ones that keep him going, head held high and fighting like hell to get back to ya’ll.

I know this probably wasn’t what you were expecting from me, sorry if this is a bit disappointing, but this is my take on it! Once again, sorry about the delay in this (and the other anons, I’m still trying to get back into the swing of things).

[vaile-elenya]

I have so many thoughts on the rings situation. Also, I’m going to be honest I have no clue what those things do sometimes. We the audience know that the three rings aren’t corrupted because we have omnipresence.

In universe, Elrond just say Galadriel touched something and spat out a prophecy. In context, you watch your aunt/mom figure touch something and said some weird prophecy. It’s clear it’s because of the ring. The ring that is dangerous because it’s powerful. It is also could be UBER dangerous because Satan may have made it. The same guy that disguised himself and befriended your best friend. We the audience can see the prophecy but they can’t. If that was me, I’d think she’d be on weed

You have an amazing point about saying “I’m not corrupted by the ring” <- person who is corrupt would say that. IT’S TRUE! In universe, they don’t really have proof besides the tree being restored. Even then, thinking Sauron saved the tree because he had a plan with the elves seems logical. We know that he’s weird about Galadriel (dude she doesn’t want you, let it go. Don’t be an incel) so one could argue that he wants the elves to stay so he saved the tree. We know that isn’t true, and with the information given in universe, it almost seems logical.

This isn’t me trying to hate on Galadriel because I love her dearly and her biggest crime is not being truth and a mean. She’s everything I’ve wanted in a character because I am also a make mistakes more than I should.

With Elrond saying “she did it to protect the ring” sounds harsh and it is. However, the way Robert said that line and in context to Elrond’s history, that is someone trying to convince himself that he doesn’t need anyone. He probably feels betrayed by everyone because they didn’t tell him a lot of things, so he must feel iced out.

I know this because I did this two months ago. I thought my friend chose someone else over me and then I went on an abandonment issues spiral 💀 I thought they didn’t care about me so I went on a whole mentally rant about how I didn’t need anyone because of course people leave. I

That’s what I think Elrond is doing, the abandonment issues spiral. That’s just my two cents on everything. Feel free to disagree and we can talk about it!

No, I think you’re spot on with the abandonment issues spiral. It ties directly into what we know about Elrond from the writers—he feels like an outsider in his own kingdom.

(Long rambling ahead, so I'm putting it under the cut!)

From the audience’s perspective, it’s easy to see his actions as over-the-top or too harsh. We've spent so much time in S1 watching events unfold from various angles. We know about Galadriel’s journey with Halbrand/Sauron on the raft. We’ve seen their interactions, we know what they said, and we can quote some of their conversations by heart.

But Elrond? He doesn’t have that luxury. The only things he knows about Halbrand are what Galadriel told him—and that’s not much because, well, Galadriel has not exactly been the most open sharer.

When you put yourself in Elrond’s shoes and let go of all the things you know and he doesn’t, his choices start to make a lot more sense. Imagine this: your closest friend, who you thought had sailed off to the undying lands, suddenly reappears in Middle-earth with a mortal companion. You learn he’s the king of the Southlands, and later it’s revealed that he’s a talented smith who once worked for Aulë. He’s even got a brilliant idea that could help save the Elves. Why would you suspect anything? He looks harmless, and your friend vouches for him.

But then, as time passes, things start to unravel. The great idea to forge three rings comes to fruition, and suddenly you realize it was Sauron all along—the greatest evil force Galadriel swore to destroy. And worse, she knew, but she didn’t tell anyone. In fact, if she hadn’t abandoned that scroll at the Breakup Pond™, you’d still know nothing.

You realize the rings were forged with Sauron’s guidance. The same Sauron Galadriel spent years hunting down. And now, not only did she fail to end him, but she actively hid his identity. What happened to the relentless warrior who wouldn’t rest until Sauron was gone? Now she’s keeping his secret? It doesn’t add up.

Surely she must be under his influence. How else can you explain it?

You turn to Gil-galad and Círdan, two of the wisest Elves you know, hoping they’ll understand the gravity of the situation—but neither decides to destroy the rings. This is far from what you expected.

Meanwhile, Galadriel insists that she knows the rings are free from corruption, but honestly, it sounds like exactly the kind of thing someone under Sauron’s influence would say.

(Plus, her judgment hasn’t exactly been foolproof before. Sauron, in his pretty disguise, already tricked her once, and she even used that as an argument for her actions when Gil-galad questioned her. So how can we (Elrond, the viewers, even Galadriel herself) be totally sure that she’s not falling for it all over again?)

At this point, Elrond feels utterly betrayed. He doesn’t know if he can trust anyone, even those he considers closest to him. From his perspective, everyone he’s shown these rings to has instantly become utterly captivated by their beauty and power. Isn’t it almost like... like what Sauron would want to happen? 🤨

I think Elrond’s attitude seems to be driven by both his bitterness over feeling abandoned and the fear of what might happen next. Because sure, the rings helped with the Golden Tree. I feel like the only problem Elrond has with that is... that nothing comes free. He’s afraid of the cost they will have to pay for delaying their fading. Cheating death, in Durin’s words.

And I agree that Elrond’s treatment of Galadriel is harsh, but in a way, it feels like he’s giving her a taste of what she’s been doing all along—disregarding everyone else’s opinions except her own (he’s just doing that a little more firmly). Plus, Galadriel’s response to this whole situation doesn’t make it any easier to feel for her either. @theivorybilledwoodpecker nailed this point in this great post:

Last season, he promised to trust her. When he was reluctant to make the rings, she brought the promise up almost like she was weaponizing it against him.

When he got angry at her for her tricking him into making rings Sauron wanted made, she basically went, "Well, if you hadn't have failed with the dwarves I wouldn't have had to."

Every time she goes to apologize or set things right, it's so he can do something for her. First it's so she can get the rings back. Then so she can get him to go on the journey.

And again, she keeps bringing up the promise. She's weaponizing his trust. She seems to see the promise as "Gotcha! You didn't word it to cover every possibility, so now you need to trust me forever!"

Finally, he decides to go on the expedition to Eregion with her. To help her and not abandon her. But she stops looking so pleased at this once she finds out he's going to be the leader. Because sure she wanted his help. Under her own terms. And I get that being demoted hurts, but it's not entirely unwarranted. It's not out of line for Gil-galad and Elrond to question whether Sauron, the master deceiver who fooled her so badly that she was willing to help him get a kingdom, could still be messing with her mind.

That said, while it’s difficult and uncomfortable to watch, I think it’s crucial for Galadriel’s character development. I actually love how the writers are spinning this story—it’s the perfect way for her to learn humility and grow into the Galadriel we know from LOTR. It all connects beautifully.

The same goes for Elrond. This is a brilliant backstory that helps shape him into the Lord of Imladris we see later on, and I’m honestly in awe of how well it’s being handled. It just fits so perfectly.

And like I mentioned in my earlier post, Galadriel can’t be fully trusted until she earns that trust back. For her to do that, she has to move beyond her obsession with revenge and pride, and prove her new motivations to others. She’s trying, but it shouldn’t be easy, and it isn’t. I’m really glad this arc isn’t being wrapped up in a single episode, because it’s so important to both Elrond’s and Galadriel’s growth. Can’t wait to see how they come to an understanding.

Anyway... thank you for the ask! My ask box is open if any of you want to share your views on this or talk about anything else 🫶

[yggdraseed]

Women in Jujutsu Kaisen

Let’s get this out of the way first: if you’re reading this because you enjoy reading posts by people who hate Jujutsu Kaisen, you’re going to be disappointed. I actually like Jujutsu Kaisen a lot, I have a lot of positive things to say about it, and I’m going to be explaining my reasoning here. You should probably move on if you want trash talk. But if you have a negative view point that you’re nevertheless willing to reevaluate or recontextualize by looking at things from a new perspective, please read on.

A lot has been said about how women are written in Jujutsu Kaisen. A lot of good, and a lot of bad. I think a lot of the bad comes from how Jujutsu Kaisen was praised so early on for how it’s women were written, only for people to either not see it or have their expectations not be met due to events in Shibuya and the Culling Games. However, while I try to respect diversity of opinion, I feel like a lot of people aren’t really grasping why the way GeGe Akutami writes women was lauded. I think a people have lots of different ideas of what makes for a well-written female character, and don’t find what they’re looking for in Jujutsu Kaisen, thus they get angry and they post online about how GeGe Akutamisogyny isn’t going to beat “the allegations.”

I’ve never liked the justifications put forth for that argument. There’s a lot of subtext to how the female cast of Jujutsu Kaisen are written that can’t fit neatly into the simple world of page and panel counts or win-loss ratios. And, fortunately, there are tools for feminist literary analysis that I am going to employ in what will hopefully be a short trilogy of posts, starting here.

When I see people criticizing how women are written in Jujutsu Kaisen, I usually only see them using one point of interest: the outcome of a fight. If a female character doesn’t win a fight, then some people in the audience take that to mean that GeGe Akutami hates that character, hates women, and doesn’t want them to succeed — or some variation of that, perhaps less extreme.

This is a product of Jujutsu Kaisen being a Shonen, and thus being on the radar of Shonen fans who — let’s be honest — are not known widely for consuming anime or manga outside of the Shonen demographic. Shonen is heavily focused on conflict and competition as storytelling, it’s why the term “battle shonen” is used so prevalently. And Jujutsu Kaisen doesn’t try to deny its own Shonen heritage: it uses fights for storytelling all the time, sometimes even more than other Shonen seem to do.

I think this might also be a cultural thing. Anime and manga are written very differently from Western movies or comic books, with very different cultural background and different artistic sensibilities. However, that’s a topic that I’ll unpack another time, maybe not even in Part 2 or 3 of this post.

Point is, we need to step back and get some perspective. People who use the losses or deaths among the female cast as evidence that GeGe hates women, or sees women as inferior, or has some sort of passive, culturally-inherited sexism in their worldview are suffering from tunnel vision. You need to look at the story as a whole sometimes, not just the one subject in question.

Go back to the Goodwill Event, and the fight between Nobara and Momo. Their whole conversation is a huge part of why Jujutsu Kaisen was praised early on for how Akutami writes women, and I think the subtext of it really went over some people’s heads. It did mine, the first time around: to me, it just felt like a competent, if tired “girl power” moment for Nobara. But as I invested more time and thought into reading the series, and as I learned more since first viewing that scene, I started to realize what I wasn’t seeing in that scene.

Momo shares something in common with all of the Kyoto Students, Todo and Miwa being the exception. In addition to seemingly coming from a more-or-less established sorcerer pedigree, Momo shares the general pessimism that hangs over the Kyoto Students like a dark cloud. There’s this very morosely Japanese sense of “woe is me, but there’s nothing to be done” about Momo, Mai, Noritoshi, and Mechamaru, in one sense or another. These four are people who will complain about a problem, then just sit while it washes over them and batters them like a wave. They just accept the unfair hand they’re dealt in life, and while they don’t like it, they treat it as something no one can overcome. Furthermore, on some level, I think these four don’t necessarily want to overcome the misfortunes and injustices they face.

See, Momo pours her heart out at length about how hard it is being a woman and being a sorcerer. And the way she talks about it is a very different critique of society than you’d see in a lot of Shonen. She talks about how women are expected to be perfect: beautiful, graceful, exquisite, the model of femininity, while also keeping up with the macho “might makes right” sensibilities that dominate sorcery. In her words, “men have to be strong, women have to be perfect.”

This isn’t something that’s just being plucked out of thin air, this is a criticism of the girlboss culture that arose through the 2000s and 2010s up to now. Women are expected to battle sexism alone, in their own lives, by being exceptional: rather than reforming cultural structures that put women at a disadvantage to men, girlboss culture says women just need to always wear perfect makeup, always be fashionable, always work 2.5 times harder than men, and find time to raise children and have a side-hustle at the same time. Instead of fixing the problem, it’s telling women, “Just work harder. Just be better.” As if women haven’t been having to work harder for nothing in return for the past 50 years, holding down jobs that they have to go above and beyond to prove themselves in as compared to male coworkers for whom the job might as well be a guarantee by comparison, having a ceiling put on their promotion while men who didn’t put in as much work get to move up the company ladder, and frequently having to juggle having a child and taking care of housework in addition to the expectations of jobs that often don’t afford maternity leave. And then, on top of all of that, the expectation is then foisted on to have the time and energy to perfectly craft your hair, makeup, and outfit for the day, and if you miss a single step of the whole stupid dance, you’re seen as an underachiever. That’s girlboss culture, and that’s what Momo is indirectly criticizing when she laments the contradictory and unfair expectations women in the sorcery world have to uphold. They need to fight just as hard as the men, while wearing skirts and not getting a single scar on that pretty face.

(Just as an aside, I love the way this conversation comes about. Momo and Mai are pretty close to each other, to the point that it sometimes feels like nobody else in the Kyoto school likes or respects Mai like Momo does. And Momo targets Nobara with this whole speech because of the friction between Mai and Nobara, and because she wants to stand up for Mai. I like that element of both solidarity and conflict between women, about being a woman, and I’ve always gotten sapphic vibes from Momo and Mai, so I’m glad that she’s the one giving this whole speech and why she’s doing it. But I digress.)

And the thing is, she’s not wrong. Neither Nobara nor the story as an overall entity refutes anything she says. However, Nobara points out something else about Momo that she shares in common with the other Kyoto Students who were raised to be sorcerers: the way she treats her whole life like a job. Momo has internalized the culture she despises, and instead of trying to rebel, she just accepts all of it as “the way the world works.” She soldiers on, just as Noritoshi soldiers on with his family’s expectations, Mai soldiers on with her pain and feeling of being abanoned, and Mechamaru soldiers on with the isolation, unfairness, and general misery that comes with his Heavenly Pact. Soldiering on, as if soldiering on has inherent value when it leads nowhere and accomplishes nothing. Never addressing the problem, or trying to find a way around it; simply rolling that boulder up the hill, grumbling all the way. She and the other Kyoto Students have this sense of treating their own misfortune as a badge of honor. To them, they’re justified and validated because they have experienced more than their fair share of suffering. They’re always eager to flaunt the crosses they have to bear.

Momo treats being a woman as a curse. Funny how that ties into the rest of the narrative, huh?

For Nobara, being a woman is not some great burden she has to live with. Being a woman in general and being Nobara Kugisaki in particular is something she revels in, and it’s just the fault of everyone else if they think otherwise.

Let’s talk about Nobara, and let’s not reduce her to her death scene. When we meet Nobara, she’s immersing herself in the Tokyo way of life after moving from the countryside to the big city. She encounters a sleazy talent agency recruiter who’s pestering women on the street with his hand-rubbing, obviously nefarious ways… only for Nobara to stop him, turn him around, and say, “What about me?” He gets intimidated, tries to run, and she drags him back. From her perspective, he should be happy to have her, and the fact he isn’t means he’s ignorant of her beauty and wit and needs to be corrected. If he won’t convert to Kugisakism, then her charms are wasted on him, and he’s doomed to the dim world that is Nobaralessness. When she meets Yuji and Megumi, she introduces herself with a line that’s translated into English as, “I’m the only woman in your group.” But from what I’ve been able to gather, her line in Japanese is, “I’m the red mark.” The phrase “red mark” can mean “the one who’s different from the others” — like the one girl in a group of boys — or it can mean “the one who stands out.” So you can also read it as her saying, “I’m the stand-out of the group.” Nobara Kugisaki, everybody.

If you want to talk about how literary circles analyze how women are writing, let’s leave the topics of fight outcomes and feats to one side. One thing you immediately look for is motivation. What’s motivating a character? This is important for how female characters are written, and especially in Shonen, which revolves so much around characters with some goal or belief that the story pursues through fights and other forms of adversity.

Now poorly-written women will tend to be motivated by men. They’ll be attracted to a man, or trying to support or protect a man, or trying to find a man. This by itself isn’t a death sentence for a woman’s characterization, but it is a red flag. It’s also not as if women have to never interact with or think about men to be well-written. It’s not an on-off switch, a bad writing-good writing switch. It’s a meter, like Mahoraga steadily adapting to a technique. Just a little bit is fine, and can be even turned into good writing in capable hands. But if it becomes too prevalent and is never examined, then you get a situation where a story’s women are not permitted lives outside of being in a male character’s orbit.

How do we gauge this? Well, there are lots of ways, but one of the more well-known and simple techniques is the Bechdel test. The name is derived from Alison Bechdel, feminist author who penned such classics as Dykes to Watch Out For. Bechdel proposed a simple litmus test for how to tell an author’s seriousness about writing women, and it goes like this: 1.) Look for scenes where women talk to each other. 2.) In those scenes, check for how often they’re talking about things besides male characters.

This isn’t the only way to tell if women are written well or not, and some will say it isn’t even the best way, but it’s a good foot in the door to get us thinking about what divides well-written female characters from poorly-written female characters. I’m not going to go back and scan through the whole manga just yet, but let’s look at some examples.

— The aforementioned conversation between Nobara and Momo, where the two pit their different view of what it means to be a woman and a sorcerer against one another. — Maki and Nobara talking to each other after the encounter with Mai and Todo. Curious by meeting Maki’s sister, Nobara talks to Maki a bit about their upbringing. Having gained more insights into Maki’s past and personality, Nobara leans on her and tells her how much she respects her. — Miwa and Mai discussing the upcoming Goodwill Event in a flashback. Mai tells Miwa that Maki is weak, which leaves Miwa unprepared for their fight. — Maki and Mai arguing and coming to terms with what drove them apart. Mai just wanted a peaceful life with Maki, but Maki couldn’t be happy and authentic with herself if she just left things the way they were. She was forced to choose between herself and Mai, and Maki chose herself, knowing that Mai would suffer and that she’d shoulder some of the guilt for that.

This indicates that GeGe found it important to divorce the identities of the female characters from male characters. And this holds true in what drives and motivates the female cast.

Nobara is motivated by her own goals. She hates the countryside, and she loves the city; becoming a sorcerer is a way she can make a lot of money, live in the city, and pursue the kind of lifestyle she values. She wants to be a true blue Tokyoite, wearing trendy clothes and eating crepes and taking selfies by the statue of Hachiko outside Shibuya Station. She’s not doing this to avenge her dead brother, she’s not doing this to find her father, she’s not searching for a strong man to sire strong children — yuck. Nobara has aesthetic values and strongly held beliefs, and becoming a sorcerer lets her pursue those values and beliefs.

And if you really want to analyze the action side of Jujutsu Kaisen as an indicator for how GeGe feels about female characters, consider how Nobara takes to sorcery like a fish to water. Both Megumi and Yuji have their own internal dilemmas with being a sorcerer, but not Nobara. In a series where mindset is so important, Nobara has the mindset. Uro describes the model sorcerer as having “no concern for others and an overwhelming sense of self.” There is no one with a more overwhelming sense of self than Nobara. She’s loud, opinionated, loves to argue, flaunts herself, and demands other people give her more than what they think she’s due. She’s narcissistic, but that faith in herself makes her mentally strong.

She lacks experience, but even then, she learns and grows rapidly through the series. Due to running out of nails to fend off cursed spirits during the first stretch of Fearsome Womb chapters, she invents Hairpin as a way to reuse nails she’s already launched and embedded in a surface. She manages to land a Black Flash during the tag team fight with Yuji, and it’s her oppressive use of Resonance on Eso and Kechizu that turns the tides — a tactic which required her to hammer nails into her own arm. She takes it on the chin and gets her brain rattled around in her skull during the fight with Haruta, but even while borderline unconscious and suffering from a concussion, she forces herself to keep him talking in hopes Nitta can escape and manages to get to her feet and keep fighting despite the total disorientation and inability to summon her strength. While she didn’t win the fight, she showed more fighting spirit than half of the male cast tends to, and I find it kind of gross that people will ignore all of that and mock someone who kept fighting against the odds. That’s like laughing at Mumen Rider when he’s hopelessly trying to fight Sea King even as his body is breaking. I don’t exactly see what about either case is so funny or worthy of ridicule.

Even in the showdown with Mahito, people always fixate on how she dies, but never consider what led to it. She crosses paths with Mahito, and even knowing from Yuji what he’s capable of, she goes in — partially because he hurt Yuji, her friend, and she wants to make him suffer for it. And her technique turns out to be a worst case scenario for Mahito. She’s hammering his clone with Resonance and sending the blowback to the original while he’s fighting Yuji, dividing his attention and weakening him. Her only mistake was chasing him down, and even then, this isn’t the story punishing her. It’s the story being consistent with who Nobara is. She’s got a dangerous enemy on the ropes, her pride is bruised after the fight with Haruta, and she has a chance to get vengeance on someone who’s hurt her friend while helping said friend in the process. If she hadn’t followed Mahito into the subway, then she wouldn’t be Nobara Kugisaki.

And in her final moments, Nobara achieves something that’s considered to be out of reach of most sorcerers. She dies content, with a smile on her face. Nobara may not have realized her potential to be a great sorcerer, but she got what she, personally, wanted. Sorcery was a means to an end, and she got to live the Tokyo life and meet interesting people that she considers her friends. She got to fill out that finite number of seats in her life, and even meet a few people who pulled up a chair when she didn’t expect it. In her words, “It wasn’t so bad.” Nobody else but Toji and Gojo have gotten to die this satisfied — Toji because Megumi had grown up free of the Zen’in curse, Gojo because he was authentic to himself right to the end and left it all on the field. Nobara was authentic to herself right to the end, and that’s worthy of high praise. If she is definitely dead and not coming back, then she managed to accomplish what it was she wanted before dying. Not many get that luxury in Jujutsu Kaisen. It hurts because I liked her and admired her and appreciate the way she was written, and her dying doesn’t make the value of her character disappear from the story entirely. It’s the character’s death, it’s everything that led to that death and what that death means to them and to those who are left behind. And if it’s manga that explore death, nobody does it better than GeGe Akutami.

Lots of people will point to an interview where GeGe said that Nobara was not originally considered part of the cast, and they’ll use that as evidence that secretly, GeGe’s a big stupid misogynist who hates women and likes killing them in stories and blah blah blah blah blah. You know, first of all, I doubt that the editor held a gun to GeGe’s head and said “Put in a female main character or die.” Secondly, if GeGe really didn’t care, Nobara would just be a two-dimensional copy of Sakura who dies in the first arc or two. GeGe would not have put in the effort to set her apart from other female leads, or given her so many stand-out moments, or given her such an interesting motivation and world view. In short, if GeGe didn’t want to write a female character, they’d do what Kishimoto did: write Sakura. But that comparison is a can of worms I’ll need to pry open another time.

To sum up for the time being, no, GeGe Akutami does not hate women. Losing a fight does not make a female character worthless, and does not indicate a disdain for them on the part of the author. I don’t know about you, but I don’t read Shonen just to see who punches harder. I want to see characters be challenged, sometimes fail, learn, grow, and overcome adversity — and it wouldn’t be adversity if all the characters I like win and survive easily. I love Kashimo and will continue to love Kashimo, and Kashimo being super ultra dead doesn’t change that.

Look out for Part 2, in which I’m going to unpack some really contentious stuff when it comes to challenges and female characters in Jujutsu Kaisen. We’re gonna talk about the concept of screen time, we’re gonna talk about subtext, we’re gonna talk about great expectations and the great unexpected in Jujutsu Kaisen, and we’re gonna talk more in-depth about the narrative outside the narrative of Jujutsu Kaisen in a vacuum. If your sense for danger is giving you a bad feeling about this, then it should be: we’re talking about that. Switch on your Anti-Gravity System, it’s going to get messy.