#like I can’t take that away from him
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Just some more thoughts on that jayvik dbh au
#I got a lot of people saying that Viktor should be the Android#which I did mention in the tags last time#but after thinking about it I just think that the human experience is such an integral part of viktor as a character#(aside from the fact that it makes every character ever)#his pain and suffering due to his illness and disability and class#like I can’t take that away from him#not that Jayce doesn’t go through his own things too#but I think Jayce’s naïveté from season one lends itself well to an Android in awe of human life#and a jaded but wise Viktor who still has a good heart and sense of humour#I mean this is just my version of the au and like I think I said in my tags last time im pretty sure I’ve seen a few around with android V#definitely got recommended some fics that I’m excited to check out!#sorry for rambling - this isn’t to discredit any other interpretations!! just kind of exploring my thought process behind it :)#oh also sorry that this is angsty lol#it’s fine#my art#arcane#jayvik#Jayce talis#jayce arcane#Viktor arcane#dbh#detroit become human#arcane au#noodles talks#(in the tags)
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I know I just got done with ranting about tfp/rid2015 starscream’s character but, if you couldn’t tell by my other rid2015 posts, I’m obsessed with rid2015 bumblebee and when I tell you I love this scene of bumblebee making fun of starscream I’m not exaggerating it’s so cathartic to me
“But bumblebee is a good/hero character, why is he being so mean—” did you forget how much starscream hurt bumblebee in tfp?
He killed cliffjumper who, while probably not as close to bee as he was to arcee, was still close friends with bee
He stole the omega keys from the autobots’ base and handed them over to megatron, practically dooming Cybertron at the time to be remade in megatron’s image — of course the autobots get them back last minute, but that doesn’t change how much that loss effected all of them (evidence: optimus shouting in anger for the first and to my memory only time in the series) — including bumblebee
And his greatest offense towards bumblebee in my opinion—
DESTROYING BUMBLEBEE’S T-COG
“But it was silas and M.E.C.H. that took it in the first place—” HE DIDN’T NEED TO HELP SILAS USE IT AFTERWARDS “but Ratchet was able to fix it—” THAT DOESN’T GET RID OF THE TRAUMA THAT WHOLE EXPERIENCE CAUSED HIM
It’s also incredibly fucked once you think about it more because the t-cog is literally a cybertronian organ — while silas is at least mostly detached from how screwed this is since it’s more like taking parts from a robot than surgery to humans, starscream shouldn’t be since he’s also a cybertronian
Instead of being freaked out and recognizing how messed up silas’ actions are like any rational bot would, he helps silas make his fake-bot-that’s-using-another-bot’s-stolen-organ work by providing him with energon (the [at the time] incredibly scarce resource that helps all bots survive) and — after that plan falls through because of bumblebee finding them — he destroys the bot’s organ for no reason other than he wanted to escape and thought that was a good way to distract him
I just—I’m sorry?? I feel like bumblebee is incredibly justified for clowning on this cringefailure of a bot for what he’s done to him
And this isn’t even mentioning what he’s done against the autobots as a whole (both on and off screen) that has probably hurt bumblebee by proxy
I feel like it’d be justified if bee also killed starscream — he already got to kill the bot that destroyed his voice box, I think bee deserves another murder as a treat <3
/joking but also what if—*gets shot by tfp/rid2015 starscream fans*
#I saw one of the posts that made me make the starscream-essay again and it annoyed me enough to make this#spite is one of the strongest motivators when paired with annoyance <3333#I don’t even hate starscream I like watching him I just find some of his fans annoying as hell I’m sorry lol#the only people who annoy me more than those kinda fans are people who ship bumblebee and starscream like—#*THROWS UP* GET THAT SHIT AWAY FROM ME NOW#even if you disregard the age difference it’s just so rancid as a pairing#WHO CAME UP WITH THAT SHIP I JUST WANT TO TALK *pulls out a shotgun* I JUST WANT TO TALK FOR A SEC#anyways bee should be allowed to tell megatron and starscream to kys <3#tfp#transformers prime#rid 15#rid 2015#rid15#rid2015#tf rid 2015#tf rid15#transformers rid2015#transformers robots in disguise#robots in disguise 2015#transformers robots in disguise 2015#tfp bumblebee#rid bumblebee#tfp starscream#rid starscream#I’m sorry yet again good starscream fans for taking up your tag but this post is literally about him so I can’t not tag him
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Things baby Bakugou did as a child (source: I was there)
— proposed to Izuku with dandelion roots, and always let him make the first wishes. Proceeded to introduce himself as his husband for the next two years.
— Hid all of Maseru’s socks and mixed them, forcing his dad to walk around with mismatched pairs.
— wrote all his little recipes by hand, in red crayola, in a little organizer like a grandma. The ones for Izuku, he keeps in a special notebook.
—‘Meals when Deku’s sad’ ‘Meals when he makes me happy’ ‘meals when he makes me FUKIN MAD—‘
— the last one is just rocks.
— learned how to tie his shoe when he was 3 but pretends he doesn’t know so Izuku would tie it for him. It has to be a bunny knot, or else it’ll feel wrong.
— Built a treehouse all by himself (read: asked his mom for one) That way he and Izuku could play all day everyday. The fun part was climbing. The hard part was getting themdown.
— Bakugou, that is; Izuku’s the one who has to convince him he’ll be back.
—Yes, he loved playing today. He loves playing everyday. No, he hasn’t made a new best friend. No, Kacchan, you don’t have to pay me to be your friend. Yes, I would love you if you were quirkless.
— clingy baby bakugou oh how i love you
— He can do everything except climb trees. He can’t fucking climb and there’s CATS in TREES and he can’t SAVE them by HIMSELF.
—So he’d always call Izuku to do it because the little bastard can climb like it’s no one’s business.
— SUUUCH an overprotective little fucker, oh my god. Baby Izuku was a god damn menace and he’s get himself stuck in the most absurd scenarios ever just to play hero.
— Gave baby Bakugou gray hairs, do NOT run into traffic just to walk some stray puppies on the other side. Don’t play with the older kids either! Do you even have a bandaid kit on you?! He’s calling Inko!
— When he and Izuku stop being friends, he secretly fills Izuku’s cubby with all kinds of sweet sour treats. He likes lime and sour cherry and all bitter things. Bakugou hates them. He spends his allowence on them for years.
— Same goes for All Might merch. He thinks Jeanist is cooler, but Izuku never had refined tastes.
#I LOVE HIMMMM I can’t wait to write a fic#watch little Bakugou be like ‘well you like all might more than me so the only solution left is to surpass him.#that way only I can be your favorite’#not to take away from his individual motivations ofc. but. if someone’s gonna be Izuku’s number one. it’s him.#(he already was)#bakugou katsuki#izuku midoriya#bkdk#bakudeku#I wish there was a tag for baby bakudeku#bnha#my hero academia
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Finished the wips from yesterday
#my art#ace attorney#barok van zieks#albert harebrayne#Benbaro#the great ace attorney#tgaa#tgaa2#dgs#dgs2#dai gyakuten saiban#comic#if you remember a 3rd sketch then no you don’t#I need them to make out passionately#but not in a sexy desire way#but in a#the burden I’ve been shouldering is destroying me and your presence comforts me way#just…a whole bunch of comfort kisses…please….crying rn…#cause If you don’t remember#Barok did have to step away from prosecution bc holding up the image of the reaper was getting too much for him#and it’s thought that once he published the professor/reaper cases#his image is only gonna get worse!!!#so as a Benbaro shipper#I like the idea of Barok giving in and letting himself get comforted#to let someone else take the reins#also the first one is referenced from a movie called Maurice#no idea what it’s about but I saw pics from Pinterest and I was like hell yeah#so idk if I accidentally did a funny by drawing them as the certain characters#wanna make more serious Benbaro but also can’t really take Albert seriously fjskkssja#he’s so goofy I can’t
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piper and colin greenmantle are so fucking funny because what do you mean the death of niall lynch, a living god, and the subsequent torment of his son, was orchestrated by a fucking soccer mom and her harangued husband posing as said son’s latin teacher?
#i just can’t with them#june’s trc reread#ronan lynch#adam parrish#i’m assuming the greenmantles are meant to be a commentary on rich snobby people moving into rural areas#and disturbing the ways of life there for the locals#because they’re greedy and want everything for themselves#and think they’re better than said locals#i’m being 100% serious when i say people like the greenmantles are ruining rural america#and maggie was completely correct to cast them as villains in this story#the way piper talks to jesse dittley and then sh00ts him when he won’t let her in the cave confirms this for me#as does greenmantle taunting adam with the trailer park’s address#like. go back to boston.#and they’re from boston! wealthy new englanders.#who come to rural areas like appalachia and muck everything up for the locals for shits and giggles#and by doing that they take away what was beautiful about the place to begin with.#i hate them so much. so much.#trc
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One of the absolute best things about the bros is that they just. Play. They play around like the teens they are, playing ball, or video games, or anything else. They just play and have fun together, genuinely enjoying each other’s company. I dunno, I just appreciate how easy it is for them to mess around and be kids.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#it’s what makes Raph’s mindset at the beginning of the movie so tragic to me tbh#bc like on one hand he’s absolutely not WRONG that Leo (and Donnie and Mikey) need to take being heroes and a team more seriously#but on the other he shouldn’t have to sacrifice his own childhood for it y’know?#raph IS the one who has most consistently pushes them being heroes and#I can’t help but think the shredder incident only pushed him harder in that direction#but to a bit of a detriment#it’s honorable but self destructive in a way#the thing that gets me too is that contrary to popular belief raph DID have fun and a childhood pre shredder#sure sometimes he had to be the responsible one but pretty much all of them got stuck in that position now and again#raph still got to be a kid and then#idk it’s what makes the ending of the movie so poignant to me#bc it’s RAPH who suggests the game it’s RAPH who takes them away from a moment of responsibly and pushes them to do something FUN#and I adore this I really do#so much
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AU where Loki doesn’t interfere with Thor’s banishment at all and it takes Thor years to prove himself worthy and when he returns to Asgard everything is just. The same. Nothing seems to have changed at all and everyone greets him like his absence was a minor obstacle that didn’t fundamentally change Thor and the worst part is Loki stepped down from the place as regent without any delay and Thor can’t help but feel there’s something underlaying the way his brother looks at him now and won’t let him touch him and Thor doesn’t know what he could have missed because he doesn’t think he would have found anything wrong with the things around him and how everyone behaves if he hadn’t spent time on Earth reflecting.
#the warriors 4 not being interested in anything Thor ‘learnt’ at all#and making it clear that Thor was punished unfairly and the AllFather’s decision had been harsh#Loki saying he’s happy for Thor and Thor sees the way the smiles are forced and he sees the way Loki avoids any touch#Thor hating the way Frigga talks about Loki’s short regency and Thor’s absence like it wasn’t two whole decades or something#like she’s so grateful to have her other son back without ever addressing why he was gone#Thor just. growing during his time on earth and being much more aware of the behaviour around him#he learns to be critical and assess why people around him may act a certain way#once he realises that it’s possible for him or anyone else to be fallible and make mistakes it’s over for Asgard for him I think#Thor returns and Loki gives him the throne and everyone expects him to obviously have the throne#and Odin is sleeping and Thor isn’t comfortable with the way everyone accepts him as king regent after the banishment#Loki who either never lashed out against Jotunheim or did and it was brushed away and no one thinks about it as anything#but Loki is still deeply affected and acts the way he always would have but Thor can feel it’s not the same#he knows something is wrong and Loki won’t say anything about it and Thor doesn’t know how to bring it up#Thor sees Loki metaphorically receding into the shadows to become a nonpresence so loud Thor hears it even after returning from decades away#Thor goes to Earth and gets his priorities in order gets a new worldview learns not to take what he has for granted#and finds out he actually despised Asgard#he’s been back a week and he can’t stand it
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it was in fact a Pomefiore licensed apple
#i always thought that genderbent Ashi wasn’t a good idea cuz i would feel like i’m just. copping kazunari a3!’s everything 😭😭😭#*directly genderbent btw. previous ashis weren’t like DIRECT gender bends of twstshi#LIKE ITS NOT MY FAULT THAT IF YOU CUT ASHI’S HAIR SHORT ITD LOOK LIKE HIS#the mullet is mandatory tho. like legally you can’t take mullets away from me#but like i do think atsu’s uniform is really cute#better than normal ashi’s……..#the only reason why I’m considering doing full art for him#but i wanna see what you guys think…….#twstshi#ashi tamadai#epel felmier#epel twst#twst#twst wonderland#twst yuu#disney twst#twst oc#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland OC
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what I don’t really like about people calling hozier a bog man or a mythical spirit or anything ethereal and inhuman is that it’s exactly the opposite of what his music conveys. Hozier’s songs embody the rawest human experiences, from love to lust to religion to loss. and to say that a man who experiences these things isn’t a man simply because his lyrics are ’too beautiful’ or anything along those lines takes away a lot of what humanity is
Hozier is incredibly talented and he makes absolutely enchanting music. but he’s still just a human, singing about the beauty and the pain of being just a human.
also I’m pretty sure he’s bothered by it too because it has something to do with disrespecting Irish culture? can’t totally remember
#Adam rambles#hozier#andrew hozier byrne#hozier music#hozier lyrics#he’s legit just a guy#writing about being just a guy!#and to take the humanity away from that is defeating the whole purpose#like yall can call him whatever you want#I’m not saying you can’t#I just feel like there’s something deeper#wasteland baby#unreal unearth
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Something something Agent Haldwell being from Jennifer’s movie something something probably her love interest something something they probably had weird “you’re coming with me little missy” kind of banter written by weird male writers something something Jennifer changing the misogynistic script something something drowning him in his own piss
#the thing is#if her movie were real#I’d probably love them#like from how it seemed in episode 1#the vibes I got#they definitely had history#whatever it was (probably an on and off cat and mouse romance that ends up together at the end)#that’d probably be really uncomfortable to be in someone else’s body and that person’s partner literally can’t know or they’ll die#anyway this is literally all speculation#I love you Master Theif X Fbi agent always on the case#I love you ��’I push him down oscar the grouch style and drown him in his own piss��’#nsbu spoilers#nsbu#d20#dimension 20#jennifer drips#russell feeld#Carter haldwell#something something demasculating??#I’ve never used that word before#I mean it in like#a good way??#like taking power away from the writer
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Muggle college AU where Harry sneaks into tom’s dorm room (after making sure to drug tom’s water earlier ofc) and takes pictures of him while he sleeps and posts them online. because god fucking dammit, Tom riddle is the most annoying RA that could possibly exist, and he wants a little bit of light revenge.
Harry realizes that “light revenge” may have gotten out of hand around the same time he started stripping Tom, and suddenly he was balls deep in both Tom riddle and a felony. The gravity of the situation did nothing to prevent Harry from taking a video, even though it was just more evidence that could be used against Harry.
#i don’t wanna over-work it so have a barely thought out idea!#tomarry#tom riddle#bottom tom riddle#harry potter#non con#somnophilia#I heart somno if you couldn’t tell#cuz like Tom Riddle is such a brat but he can’t be when he’s unconscious !#I also really like the idea that Harry was convinced Tom was stalking him so of course to confirm this he had to stalk Tom back!#(tom was not stalking him)#(he was too busy figuring out how to get away with another murder)#and so harry decides to finally get revenge on Tom for being an asshole (doing his job and confiscating materials not allowed on campus)#by taking embarrassing pictures of him when he’s at his most vulnerable#the idea was that Harry’d post em online somewhere or use it as blackmail#(harry just wanted to jerk off to em)#but all of a sudden harry is having the best sex of his life (it doesn’t matter that tom’s asleep it’s fine) and he doesn’t want this to be#his only night with Tom#so he leaves Tom all messy and used on his dorm bed with a note telling him to check his phone#which has texts from Harry with the video and pics of their night together <3#he used his burner phone tho ofc ;-3#anyways#Tom thinks Harry knows about The Murders (Harry has no clue about The Murders) and freaks out#and eventually offers to let harry fuck him as much as he wants as long as he ‘keeps it secret’#and so starts a horridly fucked up situationship that Tom can’t leave for fear of his murders being exposed#but also he comes to crave these meetings with Harry#meanwhile harry is like the closest thing to a himbo that a stalker can be#he’s just happy to be here (sexually coercing Tom Motherfucking Riddle)#I have many thoughts
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i don’t think people give ciel nearly enough credit when it comes to his emotional intelligence/how self-aware he is.
like, yeah— ciel is a brat, he’s a stuck up little privileged rich kid, he’s pampered and spoiled and struggles massively when he’s forced to live without the luxuries he’s always grown up with. but he also recognizes that, in a way that is actually quite mature for someone of his age and class. he’s cynical, he’s pessimistic, he has incredible little (if any) respect or hope for humanity left— but this is something he applies to himself and the others at his same social standing just as much as anyone else, if not more. he clearly connects and empathizes with finny (and honestly all of his servants) because he sees himself within him, trusting him like a (his) brother during the emerald witch arc. he understands where joker is coming from with regards to his desperation to take care of his family and doesn’t pass judgement on him, to the point of even planning to take care of the very family he thought he’d left behind after joker dies. he even seems to have some degree of genuine respect for lizzie, assuaging her insecurities by trying to see her for who she is and not who she wants to be or feels like she must be.
honestly, i think that in most of the cases where ciel is being a full on Brat™ it all goes back to one thing— ciel trying to asset his Power, and take back control over the situation.
ciel is a character who is very very very easily underestimated at first glance by most people who have just met him, and even a few people who know him longer than that. he’s literally a sickly victorian child with asthma and CPTSD-motivated panic attacks, the kid is frail as fuck, not to mention— a kid. the fact that ciel might have something of an inferiority complex is obvious enough even if you don’t bring the whole lesser-twin thing into it, his minute stature is something literally every fucking character brings up upon first meeting him.
sometimes, ciel can use this to his advantage, so he does. he puts on the cute little boy face and flutters his eyelashes and uses other peoples’ empathy against them to achieve his own goals (see: arthur, and also like the entire public school arc, etc.).
most of the time though, ciel doesn’t really want to do this, not only because it’s somewhat demeaning but also because he Does have a reputation to uphold. ciel needs to constantly be both on guard and on the attack for his job as the queen’s watchdog, he is basically obligated to constantly stand as the biggest threat in the underworld. much of ciel’s Brat behavior to other people comes down to this— him asserting his status, not really out of any pride for the title, but because he is a Threat and other people need to fucking know it. sometimes, this means shoving his (and sebastian’s) power in their face until they get the fucking picture and/or die trying to understand it, particularly in the case of more asshole-ish characters like all the random evil businessmen with criminal agendas that ciel puts through the evil haunted demon house schtick. other times, this manifests more in the form of a kind of genuine empathy— you Should get the fuck away if you actually care about the things you claim to care about cuz i will not hold back, etc.
speaking of— in the case of sebastian specifically, the fact that this is ciel’s desire to take back agency becomes even more clear.
sebastian and ciel’s dynamic is one of, if not the most compelling aspects of this series to me, in large part because of how goddamn codependent they are while simultaneously being inherently at odds with one another. this series Will end with sebastian eating ciel’s goddamned soul— i honestly think that even if the rest of the cast eventually becomes more aware of the specifics of sebastian’s demonic nature or their contract, ciel himself will stop them from trying to save him or break the deal somehow, and sebastian himself certainly doesn’t have nearly enough of an attachment to humanity as a whole to bother actually stopping himself from chowing down, even if he may regret it somewhat more than he expected afterwards. yet at the same time, right up until we reach that exact point, they have every reason to need and want to collaborate with each other— something that they do, even if it is with full knowledge of the exact sword hanging over their heads the entire time that they’re playing nice.
i really love the analysis from this post, which points out the fact that all of the three core rules ciel establishes for their contract are perfectly designed to turn sebastian into someone that ciel can trust. highly recommend reading that essay, but to elaborate a bit more in my own words— ciel knows that sebastian is going to eat him one day. he is incredibly physically fragile and aware of this, perhaps even aware of the ways in which he has been made mentally weak due to his traumas, and especially of the fact that he is vulnerable specifically in comparison to sebastian. every single time that sebastian saves ciel, it is another reminder that This is who ciel is going to die to. he is chained to this starving, rabid monster just as much as the monster is chained to him, and one day, those roles are going to flip. he’s not going to be in power forever, and he knows it.
therefore: when ciel is a Brat™ at sebastian specifically, i read this less as ciel actually being unaware/childish/stupid/etc., and more as ciel tugging on the proverbial chain to make sure he is still the one pulling the strings. ciel has a habit of emphasizing the fact that he is Ordering sebastian when he is in a stressful situation or panicking for any given reason, focusing on the language that he Knows sebastian will respond to. and it’s a trauma response. IT’S A TRAUMA RESPONSE!!
what i think ciel Hates, above all else, maybe even more than he cares to consciously admit, is not having power. he can’t stand to not be the one in full control of a situation. he can’t stand having his agency taken from him, not after Everything that he’s been through.
if there’s one thing that watching his entire family be killed while also being viciously abused by a cult taught (not) ciel, it is the feeling of having No power. he was helpless to stop his parents’ murders, he was helpless to stop the cult from violating and abusing him, he was helpless to stop his own brother’s death. ciel connects more easily and often more deeply on an emotional level with the lower class characters in the story because he knows what it feels like to be completely powerless in the face of the absolute worst of humanity. thus, when ciel acts like a Brat, when he asserts his title as an Earl, someone Respectable, or as The Queen’s Watchdog, someone Threatening, when he demands that everyone bend over backwards to serve his will— it is ciel taking back all the power that he can and gripping it as tightly as he possibly fucking can, because he knows what can and will happen if/when he lets it all go.
and there is no character for which this is more true than sebastian. one of the most powerful entities in the series, easily the one closest to ciel, who he depends on so incredibly— but who is also Destined and Required to bring his end once all this is over. ciel kicks sebastian around, treats him like shit and shows him rare moments of kindness and care, all for the affirmation that He is still in control. absolutely nobody can ever meaningfully hurt ciel again, so long as sebastian is there— and sebastian won’t hurt him either. not yet. but, instinctively, he needs to keep testing that bond. just in case. just to be sure.
honestly, i think that’s where the real tragedy of the series comes from— ciel never really grows, never really changes, because he Can’t. he guaranteed that for himself. at his absolute lowest point, ciel lost all faith in humanity and god and Himself. he lost his childhood naïveté, and the ability to believe in goodness in any form. ciel knows that one day, he’s going to be hurt again, that someone is going to snatch him up and chew him alive— all he wants now is the control to dictate for himself when that inevitable end will happen.
#astronaut rambles#kuroshits#ciel phantomhive#black butler#kuroshitsuji#HE GAVE UP FROM THE BEGINNING!!! 🎉🎉#honestly. the fact that so many of the recent arcs have revolved around#1. two of ciel’s biggest most vocal and richest Supporters turning their backs on him and/or actively hating him (lizzie + soma)#and 2. ciel’s acceptance of the finality of death being so Brutally tested#really makes all of this interesting too#i think ciel tries to shy away from human connection cuz he knows that he can’t ever truly control people#(and also cuz they’re the biggest source of potential pain maybe? humans are cruel etc. etc.)#but. i mean it’s funny ofc he ends up having incredibly deep personal connections regardless of that#sigh. oh my dear hateful son#even gave up your own name for all of this shit. you never really respected yourself huh 😔#anyways. wrote all this at 2-3am#the yapplestorms ‘writing more the more tired i am’ habit strikes again#long post#also: nobody asked. but#this is why i don’t think sebastian pressuring ciel into sex is all that realistic to canon#if anything it’d be like. ciel pressuring himself into it even when it makes him incredibly uncomfortable lmfao#sebastian might tease but as time goes on the limits of how far he’s willing to go become more clear#at the very least he still wants ciel to be entertaining and breaking him mentally kinda goes against that#note that sebastian does the same kind of testing when it comes to making sure ciel is keeping up his end of the contract#he pokes at ciel’s motivations when he’s at one of his most vulnerable points to make sure the dedication to revenge is still Pure n Steady#fuck. they really do match each other’s freak to an insane degree huh LOL#could also write more about the parallels between how current ciel is codependent w/ his brother vs. sebastian but eh. another time#tl;dr there's a reason why he takes the name Ciel and always asserts Ciel's power (hint: he doesnt respect himself!! screaming at the choir#sebaciel#eh yeah might as well tag that too
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crying at how one of aglaea’s and phainon’s canon interactions is her taking one look at his clothes and going ‘your fit is NOT hard TAKE THAT SHIT OFF’
#do you think part of aglaea’s entry exam for the chrysos heirs is if their clothes look good#that would explain why all of them are dressed to the nines#she went easier on tribios don’t worry#in that case i know a few that would make it in and a few who wouldn’t#dan heng il? APPROVED#fugue? APPROVED#hanya? APPROVED#jade? DENIED#sampo? DENIED#pretty much anybody from wildfire? DENIED#i’m sorry to the belobog peeps but the wildfire fits were a lil uglee#aglaea would find seele’s long ass ribbon repulsive methinks#*points* this is why you haven’t had a rerun in 10 months#also because you’re the furthest thing away from meta but who cares about that#i main ildh it really isn’t that deep#pulling for characters bc of self enrichment reasons>>>>#is blade meta? absolutely not. would i still get him if he had a rerun right now? absolutely yes#i don’t care meta is beneath me#so long as the enemy dies i am content#hsr#hsr amphoreus#hsr aglaea#hsr phainon#oh boy i can’t WAIT until that boy comes back entirely fucked up from nikador’s trial#i read no spoilers btw it just seems likely to happen#this perfect goody two shoes hero archetype chrysos heir is taking the war god’s trial? he’s getting FUCKED (metaphorically)#lots of fun ahead because i already wanted to kms at nikador himself but eh#WE SHALL PREVAIL (in relax mode)
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Dean is such a paradox for me because on the one hand, I have been actively triggered by him in the show, there are moments where, intentionally or not, the writers managed to create a portrayal of manipulation and abuse and control issues that it sets off actual alarms for me. And on the other hand, I would not have him any other way. There is something — not comforting, that’s too soft a word — about knowing where Dean’s actions stem from, having seen and learned all that we do about his childhood neglect and parentification and the trauma he goes through repeatedly in the show, and that he doesn’t come out clean. He comes out a goddamn mess who ends up hurting the people around him in reaction to his own pain!
There’s a reality there that’s. Almost nice, actually. Distressing to watch, but it is a fucking mess, it’s a good mess! He’s got zero healthy coping skills and a healthy relationship with say, his brother, is terrifying because it leaves him open to abandonment!
I’m not sure I’m wording this correctly. There is a way to be a good abuse victim. Take the pain, martyr yourself on it, and then, even if you have no support or idea how to, then you have to become a Good Person who never hurts anyone the way you have been learning to your entire life. Simply toss everything that shaped you out the door and emerge a saint with a tragic backstory. And Dean is not that. And that’s so fucking good. Everything that he has gone through continues to effect the way he treats the people around him, and he can’t fight the behaviors he might recognize as harmful because he also sees them as protecting him (or protecting Sam by keeping Sam with him.)
And sometimes, idk. It feels good to see a guy who didn’t heal the “right way.” Who mostly didn’t heal at all, just keeps the wound open because it’s easier that way.
#there’s a whole other bit to this about how like. it’s hard for fandom to hold the idea that someone can be both a victim and abusive#at the same time. that the ways someone has been hurt don’t always shape them into kindness and wide-eyed sympathy. occasionally it just#makes them hard to live with. and I think most obviously is the thing that a lot of what Dean does is an expression of love. of protection.#he’s very much his father’s son in that way. that’s why Sam. the guy he’s been Told to protect his whole life. is also the person he ends up#hurting the most. it’s tragedy. it’s realistic. it’s a good fucking mess.#and that’s why I don’t get interpretations of dean that are determined to shave off the ugly parts of his character. to me those are the#parts that make him a character worth revisiting. he’s so full of love. and he uses it to hurt people. he means to sometimes. a lot of the#time he doesn’t but hurts them anyway. he has been shaped by violence his whole life. and it’s just. I get why someone might take this#part of him away. to make him easier to love. because I get that he’s stressful to watch also like I get that. but he is.#he is compelling. in his anger and his controlling behavior and his strangling love. he is compelling in all the ways he has become this.#Dean’s degradation into these behaviors can be both a failure of a show that ran to long but also the believable trajectory of a man who#can’t heal. and I love him for that. I love him for emerging from pain as a angry sharp thing. I love that it brings the glimpses of him#being gentler and recognizing his actions as bad into stark relief. I love that this recognition often only lasts until he is hurt again and#then he backpedals into the safety of behaviors he knows will allow him to control a situation through force or manipulation.#it’s good fucking mess. you know? dean winchester everybody.#maybe I should have put all that in the main post. oh well. too late now.#spn#dean winchester#tw abuse
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big believer in rocky being an extremely angry person actually! so much of it is internalized and he very much channels it into specific things ( like wick, or more recently, marigold ) but this doesn’t negate the fact that he is angry and resentful. sometimes being mad is more than just punching people and threats of violence! sometimes it’s quiet seething and forced joy. sometimes awful things happen to you and you letting them happen doesn’t mean you won’t become angry about it. sometimes your anger is fear, and sometimes it’s another thing, and actually maybe it’s always coming from some other emotion but it feels like anger and that’s what sticks. and i’ll also just say that his head trauma won’t be helping him with any of these problems in the future either <3
#my posts.#lackadaisy#i’m exhausted from being out all day but had to lackadaisy post. whoops.#definitely might delete this later to word this better in the future!! though it’ll do for now#personally i can see rocky’s anger just fine in the comics and even in the pilot ngl#like. it is not a conventional kind of anger. but that doesn’t mean it’s not a very real thing rocky is feeling a lot of the time#idk!!! thinking and mulling#i just think at this point in rocky’s life he is so perpetually scared of losing what matters to him ( his place within the lackadaisy )#that he can very easily turn it into a sort of wrathful fire at anything he perceives as a threat#like. what will take my home ( which is mine and the people there tolerate me ) away from me?#it’s an obsessive sort of ‘i can’t let this happen again.’#and i think anger and fear are more tied together than most would think!!!#it’s just. rocky’s anger and freckle’s ‘anger’ is interesting to me. it really is.#as i said : thinking and mulling!!!
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Mytho fans id like to issue a formal apology. I realized I, too, know how it feels to have your special little guy mischaracterized and trampled over by his own damn media and now everyone hates him but YOU understand you understand him and they’re wrong they’re all wrong and also there’s this other guy everyone insists is better like it’s a competition and it’s really annoying and you just want everyone to see your pookie bear the way you see him. I understand. I’ve always understood. I am a better man now.
#this is abt me being insane about lotr again#frodo baby get behind me Elijah wood Peter Jackson DNI#insane 2 me when the writers are like this is the special boy he’s the most important guy in this piece of media#and then everything they write shows how much they vehemently hate him#I’m sorry mythoheads im sorry they ravened him in season 2 and then married him off to rue#my boy had every redeeming and charming quality taken away#AND they made him break up with his boyfriend because they knew the rotk scenes were too gay for cinema#and now everyone is like lol frodo sucks so bad he didn’t even DO anything#and I have to sit there like do you guys remember how his defining trait is his kindness and love of peace#and he is the only hobbit who refuses to take part in the battle to take back the shire because he won’t spill blood on the shores soil#DO YOU GUYS REMEMBER#you don’t because fuck the scouring of the shire that can’t go in the movies#and fuck the scenes where he takes no shit from Gollum#my guy just wanted to eat mushrooms and flirt with his poolboy and now look where we are#lea talks
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