#like ‘okay this time it’ll be worth it’
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itsrocketsurgery · 3 months ago
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was reminded of something i did as a kid, i think somewhere between 6-10
when i’d argue with my mom i’d sulk in my room and be like “i’m never talking to her again” like kids do, but i never followed through and here’s why:
in my brain i’d be sitting there all mad like: okay what would that look like would i just stop talking fully or only talk to certain people etc, and eventually i’d hit the end point of the thought experiment: well at some point this has to end because i can’t actually do it forever so when am i gonna speak to her again, and i’d never seen a lifetime movie i was like 10 at most but i knew pixar and dcoms and general narrative framing from all the books i’d read so i’d picture it in my mind as like a Climactic moment where the music swells and the sun is shining and it becomes this sappy moment of understanding… and then irl i’d be like “that’s stupid and gross no” so i would end up not even giving her the silent treatment because the thought of having a sappy lifetime moment with my mom annoyed me more than i figured me not talking would annoy her
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napping-sapphic · 3 months ago
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idk if i’m just THAT tired of feeling awful and dealing with so much life stuff lately but i’ve decided that actually i’m going to like myself and allow myself to have a nice day this time thanks
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werewolfdog · 18 days ago
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I love being gay and trans
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thereareeyesinsidethetrees · 2 months ago
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alternate ford: why are you even trying?! there’s nothing for you to gain! you’ll be in agony for the rest of your life! you will NEVER be rid of the stain he left in your psyche!
canon ford, already pulling up his sleeves: holy moses that’s not the point now get over here so i can kick your ass you’re scaring my niblings
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floral-hex · 3 months ago
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BABY WATCH 2024!
First 24 hours with the new kitten. Thought it was a she, but did a closer inspection earlier and I’m leaning towards a he.
Anyway, the good stuff: he is the sweetest, most well behaved kitten I have ever seen. He’s an angel. He spent most of last night sleeping on my chest. I haven’t had such an actively affectionate cat in ages. The two I have now are sweet, but they don’t really cuddle. This little dude does. This little dude is awesome. He follows me around, doesn’t get into things he’s not supposed to, and instantly knew how to use a litter box. If he wasn’t so young, I’d think he was an abandoned indoor cat. But he’s baby. My baby. Still needs a name, though.
The not so good stuff: I DO NOT need another cat! I live in a small apartment with two other adult cats and a small dog. New cats are also expensive! He’s gonna need shots and to get fixed and, to be painfully honest, I really don’t know if I can afford that now. Shit, I’m basically out of (human) food until I can get some cash on friday. It’s rough. I’m really anxious. I love this little guy. I didn’t just pick a random kitten. I’d seen him outside a couple of times and I just��� I hated the idea of this way too trusting little guy trying to survive out in the world. He just kept crying out at me and following me. There are other stray cats around, but this one is so small and so sweet and he followed me home and he loves me so much I literally started crying while holding him bc I didn’t want him to ever have to fight just to survive out there. I hate it. I mean, I love him, but it does make me feel kind of sick inside bc I know it’s not exactly a smart decision to take in a stray right now. Life sucks. He’s curled up next to me in bed now and if he wasn’t so tiny and sweet and wonderful, I might be okay not keeping him & letting him stay outside with his friends. I’m glad he’s not a human baby or I’d really be freaking out right now.
Anyway, I’d die for him now so it’s a done deal. My baby now.
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letstrywritingmaybe · 5 months ago
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Ao3 being down is always so tragic for me, I literally bounce back between two sites, and one is taken from me. Which means I have to work on my WIPs or read my library books (I finished reading the joy luck club today). I really should be trying to figure out something for duncney week but my muse is just not biting. Instead I’m about 3k into an extra chapter for something I wanted to remain a one shot (granted I set it up for more… I just have a hard time keeping fics to a one and done deal I guess)
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lightblueminecraftorchid · 1 year ago
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being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.
#this is a silly haha humor post but in all seriousness.#COVID rly is just making me stare all the internalized ableism in the eye#yes worth isnt defined by productivity and disability and the idea of being a burden is part of being human and isn’t shameful at all#until I have to minorly inconvenience people to meet my basic needs#I really want to eat dinner but that would require asking my roommates to make me dinner which is just. 5 kinda of mortifying.#even though if someone I knew was sick I would not be upset about making them food! sick people need to eat!#my parents ordered me chipotle yesterday bc they were so concerned bc of how I sounded over the phone#and my friend went out and bought me juice and Gatorade and popsicles and took me to the doctor#the support system Exists I just feel bad about having to use it T-T#I just want to be hugged and read to and reminded to eat food but I am an adult now and not at home#lonely TT-TT#it’ll be okay I’m probably just emotional bc I’m sick and hungry#I also just am struggling so hard because I want to catch up on my classwork Right Now#but I can get through maybe one assignment before I’m too exhausted to keep sitting up#and I have to lay down and close my eyes and sleep or do a light activity like playing candy crush for the fifty bazillionth time#I’ve gotten through like. 100 levels this week.#I’m losing my dang marbles. I am gonna be so behind in ASL Susan is gonna be so disappointed in me#I feel like I have all this energy when I’m laying down bored but as soon as I sit up I feel like I’m floating and about to fall over#so. so tired. why can’t I be healthy already and do homework T-T.#I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind.#<- is trying and failing not to be mad at herself for getting behind
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moreaujeans · 11 months ago
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ourgejjg
#i am feeling so ill rn for no reason and i need to shower and wash my hair so bad but i can tell if i do it rn it’ll make the#lightheadedness ten times worse and there is a nonzero chance i will just pass out in there 😭#best guess is bc my period started today and yeah the first two days suck but they’re not usually This bad#personal#also this is the last thing i need rn it’s tech week and all rehearsals lately have been going/are going to go till 10 pm and i have no tim#to do all my assignments and my probability prof assigned a lab today that’s due TMRW AT MIDNIGHT? <- we usually get a class period btwn#it being assigned and the deadline and he’s not even giving us until the next class period to do it now like why is it due at midnight#instead of noon the next day… also i have not one but two exams immediately following this weekend and i really want to see my family for#easter but that sounds like such a bad idea im so unproductive at home and i’ll be busier than usual when i go home on top of that bc easte#and one of the exams is circuits for which exams are worth 90% of our grade and im averaging a 74% at the moment which is NOT#promising and. AAAAA#also have an exam this thursday which imnot nearly as worried abt but still. and i have to meet w someone abt a scholarship tmrw during my#free period so i Still can’t work on that stupid lab due tmrw night like. this sucks okay ‼️#the engineering chronicles#the music chronicles#i know it was only a matter of time before musical started stressing me out but 😭 please give me back the joys of saturday’s rehearsal…#oh also there’s ANOTHER probability lab due day after easter and same day as circuits exam and the prof is the same so he knows full well#what he’s doing like. why are you not giving us the usual period in btwn for these anymore fuck you <3#OH ALSO soldering qualification i need to do for like 3 hours wednesday the night before my thursday exam. nearly forgot abt that one i hat#it hereeee#soldering i could reschedule tho which i might do. but ive already pushed it back once so im like :/ do i really wanna do that#idk. still feel sick as fuck and still need to do physics prelab tonight 😭 it shouldn’t take long but i really don’t want to get up and#stare at my computer even more ifeel so awful rn#ANYWAY. sorry that was oversharing even for me i am just 😐 you know.
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sexynetra · 2 years ago
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Less than a week until my Neech tattoo and I only have editing left to do for the next chapter of my fic, looking forward to this upcoming week 😍
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engagemythrusters · 1 year ago
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re: wanting to go back to grad school. It will be hard but that doesn't make it impossible. You may also be surprised how many of your cohort and even professors may have similar struggles. I'm also in humanities and looking to go back to grad school and I'm actually in a group chat with some other neurodivergent professionals in my field where we swap tips, memes, and venting support! Fight against the self-doubt in your brain and take advantage of the resources available to you through your university. Be honest with your professors about your needs! A lot of them will be incredibly understanding--especially at that level in that field I've found. Also be sure to look into programs and schools that work for you and have the environment you need to succeed. And if the course load does end up being too much or the degree part of the deal isn't worth the costs, you could also look into auditing options with the university. Follow your passions! You can do this!
Thank you sm <3 that was really helpful
Okay. Deep breath. Worse case scenario I leave with only my masters right? And that’s not an “only” situatuon! That’s a good job done! So. Yeah.
Thank you <3
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seventh-district · 1 year ago
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oh my god i can’t decide what to do with my time today
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#video stuff#it’s Sunday so i need to log into Genshin and do my weeklies and i also need to grind for primos to yoink Yelan’s C1 before Tuesday#but i also need to record that so it’ll have to be done later once the house is quiet but i also need to record Lyney’s story quest but#then ​i also want to record Kaeya’s hangout but i also need to see what events are ending soon but i also need to do other non game stuff#like i need to finish going thru my backlog of likes on here and i need to answer asks and i need to work on drafted posts#and i have GOT to start working on ES Ch.4 to get that up by my self-imposed deadline soon but i’m recording that so i can only work on it#early in the mornings or late in the evenings but i also wanna finish this one-shot i’m working on for Dew and get it up on here soon#and that’s easier cause i’m not recording it but if i work on it today that’s not the best use of my time when it’s SUNDAY so it’s GENSHIN#DAY but i don’t FEEL like playing genshin rn i wanna WRITE ugh#but i’ve also got Ao3 comments awaiting a reply and i need to get a few things updated over there and i wanna work on This Is Unconditional#but i don’t have the TIME for that right now and i’ve got a bunch of messages that need replying to and a many hours of videos to edit#and i slept bad bc Nightmares so i just wanna eat and take a nap but that’s such a waste of time and uuuuugh idk man#So Many Creative Endeavors So Little Time#*collapses onto the floor in a frustrated heap*#okay. deep breath. i think. i’m gonna go work on banging out the rest of Hold On to Something bc that’s nearly fully written anyways#and i am Dying to get it out of my system bc Ghost Band fixation u know#i at least wanna get the draft done. i’ll edit/post it another day#then i’ll probably hop on genshin for a bit and do the bare minimum (i only need like 15 more pulls worth so even if i don’t grind and have#to swipe its nbd) and then i’ll hopefully be able to record the first writing session for ES ch.4 later this evening!!!#‘cause good god i wanna get that fic back into production. i miss working on it it’s just so hard to get started again#okay enough rambling. gonna go make Bullet’s lunch and get myself some lemonade. then i shall work
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paradisaeidaes · 13 days ago
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drawing something for a mutual and she will never see it bc I’m scared to show it to her but now I just feel like crying bcos I know she doesn’t mean to forget but at the end of the day people just forget me much easier than they do others and I tried pushing that feeling down for as long as I can remember but now it’s like I’m crumbling down under the imminent weight of that idea.
#she doesn’t mean it and she’s quite busy but#it’s easy for her to remember others#or like#reach out to them first#I grew up and continue to grow up denying everyone’s attention and insisting I loathe attention and stuff#and even denying any attention and getting uncomfortable when people give it to me#but I just want *her* attention#just one person#I’m so confused . .#𓏲​ 𝐍 ܀ᬊ#let’s distract myself by continuing to draw it for her#even tho I’m gonna delete my blog soon so now we would have zero contact#I don’t ask for socials first bcos it feels like I’m begging them for it and then we won’t even talk#I don’t know why ppl ask for others’ socials if they don’t end up interacting anyways#but I don’t want to ask her bc I don’t want her to think I’m annoying#in truth I don’t think she likes me much#but that is okay I suppose#it’s no one’s fault but mine because all I do on there is stupidly be sad how can anyone even find anything worth liking if all I am is just#sad all the time on there#what is worth missing of a miserable person#honestly this is for the best for everyone#even tho the reason I was sad is bc I felt left out and other life problems . .#@bunveh was the cutest ever blog name but I ruined it bc of my stupid mental illnesses and my foolish brain and this stupid anxiety that#leaves me paralysed#I’m so tired bro I just wanted her to like me#and maybe be closer friends or something I don’t know . .#I just thought maybe it’ll be kinda cool to have an online presence where people could talk and maybe someone could like me or smth and then#we can be friends or wtv and be like besties idk but I was a fool that will never be my reality my mum was right who could ever want to be m#my friend . . how could one willingly want to be my friend out of their own free will this is stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
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raeathnos · 7 months ago
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#the heat index is 101F and our ac has been broken for the past three weeks at work#I worked an 8 hour shift I’m exhuasted + I’m sure I have heat exhaustion (again 🙃)#and like my cheap asshole father comes to pick me up with no ac on in the car 🫠#he argues all the goddamn time that the ac uses up so much gas and that wastes money and okay whatever that’s stupid#like do you want me to just fucking pass out in the passenger seat?#and he’s mad at me cause I may have snapped#but like again 101F outside no ac at work and I’ve had heat exhaustion every day for the past three fucking weeks#it’s literally a two minute drive home#but yeah I’m not worth two mins of ac#he has been extra nasty and having extra attitude and I’m fucking done#when I’m home I literally don’t leave my room anymore#dad’s also treating mom like shit which is like#I have issues with her too but idk what his fucking problem is anymore#and then she makes her problems everyone’s problems#so they’re acting like I need to fix how they treat each other#they should’ve got fucking divorced years ago#I keep telling them to go to fucking marriage counseling or something but nope#the thing is despite being shitty they are both still my parents and it is hard to hear them talk about each other that way#hence why I’m like begging them to either divorce or get counseling#but nah then they just turn it back on me and I’m terrible cause I don’t want to help them work through their problems 🫠#sometimes I think they literally had a kid so they could just blame everything wrong with them/their lives on me#I leave for vacation in like a week-ish and oh boy I cannot tell you how relieved I am to be getting away from them for a bit#I’m sure it’ll be a shit show when I get back but that’s a problem for later me#I just need a fucking break from the shit I put up with at work and the shit I put up with at home
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cashmoneyyysstuff · 4 months ago
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katsuki who breaks his sleep schedule ONLY on your birthday because he wants to be sure he’s the first one to text you.
at exactly midnight .on.the.dot. you get a string of messages from your boyfriend saying :
“happy birthday, moron.”
“i love you and all that stupid mushy shit”
“you better say it back. fucked up my sleep for you.”
“❤️”
he doesn’t even care if you’re already asleep, he’s already sure he was the very first one to text you but if you are still awake he’s even more proud cause you saw it happen. him who you (and his friends) tease all the time for going to sleep at like 8:30 sharp stayed up doing fuck all just to be the first to wish you a happy fucking birthday.
so yeah, you bet your ass he’s proud. and he’ll go to sleep and knock out immediately with a smirk on his face when you text him a “thank you sm, katsuki !!! i love you sosooososos much💕💕”
“yeah you better. go to bed, g’night <3”
n’ yeah okay, maybe he’ll be a bit crankier than usual, but it’ll be worth it seeing how bright you smile and jump to hug him, kissing all over his cheek with thank you’s and love you’s.
he’ll just take it out on kaminari.
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machveil · 4 months ago
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okay wait, because I was immediately struck with more Boyfriend!König after posting this
Boyfriend!König who comes home from a deployment - he reeks, he’s sore, everything aches and he feels like death. but, as soon as the door clicks shut behind him his eyebrows furrow. somethings cooking and it smells familiar. he’s kicking his boots off at the door and shrugging his coat off as he walks towards the kitchen. and there you are, standing next to the stove with a spoon held up to your lips, listening to music and unaware of his presence
Boyfriend!König who coughs, not wanting to startle you with his sudden presence. it’s worth it though, seeing you look over at him, eyes lighting up as you practically tackle him for a hug. it’s a sweet, short moment, but König’s eyeing the stovetop. when you let go you excitedly tell him you’re making dinner, something special since he’s been gone for a couple weeks. “You can’t look! It’ll ruin the surprise— uh, actually, maybe take a shower. I’ll call you when it’s done, okay?”, he chuckled at your rushed words, moved towards your bathroom when you gave him a gentle shove
hair wet and dressed in some ratty sweatpants, Boyfriend!König comes back to the kitchen while toweling off his hair. the scent from the kitchen is stronger than when he came in, but it’s nothing compared to what’s on the counter. he freezes, a little wobbly when he puts his foot down and looks at the food. tafelspitz. and suddenly that familiar smell registers in his head, his mama’s cooking. you had called her regularly while he was deployed, spent every other day learning how to cook some of König’s childhood favorites
Boyfriend!König whose eyes get watery when he starts eating because, oh, it tastes exactly how his mama makes it. he hasn’t been back home in a year and a half - purely from bad timing and deployments - and he’s missed his mama’s food so much. König who gets up from the table, walks over to you while chewing and hugs you, not giving you the chance to stand up or properly hug him back. as soon as he swallows he’s babbling ‘thanks you’s and kissing the crown of your head, murmuring how ‘you didn’t have to’. he’s got you in a death squeeze, eyes closed as he presses his nose to your hair, “Ich liebe dich— you’re too good to me, Liebling.”
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floral-hex · 2 years ago
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lol as soon as I match with someone on tinder, I delete the app because I’m a scaredy cat and don’t want to go through the mortifying ordeal of being known 😅
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