#I’ll go more into debt but it’ll be worth it

[engagemythrusters]

re: wanting to go back to grad school. It will be hard but that doesn't make it impossible. You may also be surprised how many of your cohort and even professors may have similar struggles. I'm also in humanities and looking to go back to grad school and I'm actually in a group chat with some other neurodivergent professionals in my field where we swap tips, memes, and venting support! Fight against the self-doubt in your brain and take advantage of the resources available to you through your university. Be honest with your professors about your needs! A lot of them will be incredibly understanding--especially at that level in that field I've found. Also be sure to look into programs and schools that work for you and have the environment you need to succeed. And if the course load does end up being too much or the degree part of the deal isn't worth the costs, you could also look into auditing options with the university. Follow your passions! You can do this!

Thank you sm <3 that was really helpful

Okay. Deep breath. Worse case scenario I leave with only my masters right? And that’s not an “only” situatuon! That’s a good job done! So. Yeah.

Thank you <3

[estcaligo]

SSR Sebek's Nightmare Before Christmas Vignette (English)

“I shall share a tale of worth”

*I use Japanese honorifics such as kun, san and sama *Please do not use/repost my translation without credits/link

Centre of Halloween Town Sebek: “Hey, Bones! I’ve brought the things you asked for! Where should I put them?”

Jack: “Thanks, Sebek! Could you put them next to the well?”

Sebek: “Next to the well…? There are things scattered all over the place! Come on, move that basket out of the way now!”

Jack: “Ah, my bad! Let me just…”

???“Oh, it’s better to remove that basket from there indeed. Consider it done!”

Sebek: “Ah! Bones! Quickly, don’t just stand there! Move that basket!”

Azul: “No need to rush! The task is already completed. Now, please put your things where you wanted.”

Sebek: “Gr… unbelievable…”

Jack: “Hm? Is there a problem with Azul-kun helping out?”

Sebek: “A HUGE PROBLEM! Owning this man a favor is the biggest mistake of your life!”

Azul: “No need to think of it as a favor. I’ll be happy with simply an appropriate compensation.”

Sebek: “It was your initiative; I didn’t ask you to help! Who put that basket there in the first place? Hm? Jack, isn’t it Sally’s basket?”

Jack: “Ah, that’s right! It was a treat from her. Sally is smart, thoughtful… and extremely kind. I sometimes skip meals when I’m absorbed in something. The treat this time was especially delicious.”

Sebek: “It sounds like you get treats like this from her quite often. Without the basket, it’ll be hard for her to bring the next treat, so you should go and return it to Sally. And while you’re there, why not tell her what you think about her meals?”

Jack: “Yeah, you might be right…”

??? “Hey Jack! We’ve made some adjustments to the decorations according to your instructions yesterday. Can you come and check?”

Jack: “Yup, sure! Yeah, looks great! Keep it up, guys, and finish the rest of the decorations!”

??? “Oi Jack, come taste this sweet, would ya? We think they turned out pretty neat!”

Jack: “Let me see… Ooh, very tasty! But I’d add more spices!”

??? “Jack, there you are! I need your advice on something…”

Jack: “Okay, coming! Just a moment, alright?”

Jack: “I’d love to return the basket and express my gratitude, but, as you can see, I’m a bit tied up here… So, Sebek, could you please return the basket and leave a message from me to her?”

Sebek: “I REFUSE!!! She always treats you so kindly. Wouldn’t it be only fair if you personally go and express your feelings of gratitude?”

Jack: “Well, I guess you’re right...”

Azul: “Well then! Please, if you need your basket delivered to Sally, I’m the person you can rely on!”

Jack: “Azul-kun, will you really do it?”

Azul: “Of course! I can’t just leave you in trouble, Jack-san. Let’s handle this matter with a spirit of true compassion, shall we?”

Sebek: “Hold on! Jack asked ME for help. Why are you suddenly jumping into our conversation? What are you up to?”

Azul: “My, my… why would you say such things? I simply want to help a person in need. Especially a lady with love life issues… So, here’s a suggestion: I’d like to take over this basket delivery task as compensation for helping you clear up earlier.”

Sebek: “.........Very well. I do not wish to owe you a debt. However! I will accompany you to Sally’s place to make sure you’re not plotting anything underhanded.”

Azul: “Fine. I don’t mind. Because even if I say no, you’re still coming, aren’t you?”

Jack: “Hmm, is it really okay if you two go together…?”

Azul/Sebek: “Of course! / SURE!”

Jack: “Thanks a lot! Please tell Sally I’m grateful!”

Dr. Finkelstein's Lab

Azul: “We’re here. I wonder if Sally-san is at home?”

Sebek: “Since Sally is in charge of cooking, I think she might be in the kitchen. HEY! SALLY! ARE YOU HERE??”

Azul: “Don’t shout all of a sudden!”

Dr. Finkelstein: “Seriously now! Don’t shout like that; I can hear you.”

Sebek: “Finkelstein, I don’t remember calling you. So, is Sally not at home?”

Dr. Finkelstein: “Got business with Sally? Well, I won’t let you see her anyway.”

Sebek: “Not letting us… what do you mean by that?”

Dr. Finkelstein: “She keeps disobeying me, so I had to lock her in her room to reflect on her behavior.”

Sebek: “Locked up… so that’s why she… HEY SALLY! WE WILL LEAVE THE BASKET IN THE KITCHEN! Apparently, that was loud enough for her to hear me too. Let’s go back, Azul-senpai.”

Azul: “This wasn’t only about the basket—we still have a message to deliver from Jack-san, remember?”

Sebek: “That’s a matter he should have conveyed himself!”

Azul: “Abandoning entrusted jobs will tarnish your reputation and shake people’s trust in you. But I suppose we can’t just break in… Very well. Let’s try again later.”

Sebek: “......”

Town Hall

Sally: “Good evening, everyone!”

Sebek: “Sally, is that you? If you’re looking for Jack, he’s not here.”

Sally: “I see… Ah! N-no, that’s not why I came to see him… Um… Right, I just came to express my gratitude. Thanks for delivering the basket earlier, Sebek-kun.”

Sebek: “Hmph, what nonsense. You came here not because of me, did you? Speaking of which, Jack wouldn’t resort to such indirect tactics…”

Sally: “Oh dear… what are you talking about?”

Sebek: “Let’s have this conversation somewhere else. Come with me, Sally.”

Alleyway

Sebek: “This should be a sufficient distance…”

Sally: “What is it, Sebek-kun? Is this some kind of private conversation? Some sort of discussion not meant for other ears?”

Sebek: “Yes, and that’s for your sake. I’ll be direct with you.

 With such a roundabout approach as you’re using now, your feelings will never reach Jack.”

Sally: “Huh?! N-no, that’s not it… I don’t have any special feelings toward Jack…”

Sebek: “ENOUGH OF THIS! HOW STUBBORN YOU ARE! Have you forgotten that Trey-senpai and I were helping you with cooking? You jumped out of the window and said it was easier than using the stairs… So you were really locked up in that room. I heard it from Finkelstein himself.”

Sally: “……”

Sebek: “Trapped and unable to move around freely, yet you still managed to think and act in your own way. Hitting the ground and getting your body torn apart again and again, just to deliver your treats to Jack… Not long after coming to Halloween Town, it was clear to me how you feel about Jack.

But that man… of all things, he called you a ‘kind person’? I’m not saying you aren’t, but really, do you believe you treat everyone without bias?

Jack Skellington is far too thick-headed! You have to make it clear to him at least once; otherwise, he won’t get it.”

Sally: “...Thank you, Sebek-kun, for saying such things for my sake.”

Sebek: “It’s simply infuriating to observe! The timid attitude, the dense man, and how devotion is just being wasted!”

Sally: “Yes… it’s great when your efforts are acknowledged. But I can’t bring myself to share my feelings. Jack is admired by all. He’s the Pumpkin King who makes anyone tremble in fear. I could never stand next to him as his partner… It’s utterly unrealistic. We’re not compatible at all.”

Sebek: “Ugh, just watching you now makes me angry…..I shall share a tale of worth then. In my world, there’s a classical novel called ‘Omiro and Riettojyu’. A couple of lovers, whose families disapprove of their marriage plans to elope, but after going through many obstacles, the plan ultimately fails. After being brought back to their families, the lovers live their lives in tears thinking of each other, whom they can no longer meet…that’s the gist of it.”

Sally: “That’s a very sad story…”

Sebek: “Indeed so. But it’s not just a sad story; it teaches the reader an important lesson.”

Sally: “What kind of… important lesson?”

Sebek: “The lovers in the story abandoned the hope of earning their families' acceptance. They opted to forsake everything and elope. I’ll omit the circumstances surrounding the failure of the elopement, but the cause of this story's tragic ending is that the protagonists failed to articulate their feelings and thoughts clearly.

 Had they made sure to share the details of their plot and verify the truth of the rumors they heard with those involved, I can picture them having a happy future. I think that the author perhaps aimed to convey to readers both the despair of surrendering and the necessity of communicating through words.

Naturally, interpretations may vary from read to read, but that’s how I personally interpret it! 

A story cannot be born without thoughts and feelings that one wishes to share with others. Could it be that the author of this story also experienced regret after giving up on something and neglecting to express it in words? I’ve read plenty of other books too. Numerous tales illustrate how the lack of verbal expression leads to misunderstandings and conflicts.”

Sally: “Hehe, Sebek-kun, I see you’re an avid reader. So if I don’t give up… and express my feelings properly… will I eventually be rewarded?”

Sebek: “No idea! But you must believe and take action.”

Sally: “Oh... such powerful words. You must have a reason to hold that belief, Sebek-kun.”

Sebek: “My parents faced opposition to their marriage from my maternal grandfather. However, my mother went against his wishes and married my father. 

Since then, my mother has been making every effort to get my grandfather to acknowledge their relationship. From time to time, she sends letters enclosed with photos of them as a couple or with the whole family. 

On days off, she takes us, her grandchildren, to visit our grandfather and invites him to family celebration dinners. And I am sure there are many other efforts she makes that I don’t see or don’t know about. 

Even though my grandfather still disapproves of my parents’ marriage, my mother continues to believe that if she keeps expressing with her words that she married the man she loves, built a family, and is living very happily… one day, my grandfather will understand. And he will genuinely bless her marriage to the man she truly loves.

In fact, there seems to be some progress. At the beginning of their marriage, my grandfather would turn my dad away at the door when he visited... There's been a slight increase in the times my grandfather and father meet lately, though it amounts to maybe once a year... and my grandfather never makes eye contact with my father and is constantly frowning. 

But I think this progress is the result of my mother having been telling my grandfather for so long how happy she is.”

Sally: “I see… You and your mother are both able to express your feelings through words properly, Sebek-kun. But I’m not like yo—”

Sebek: “Do you intend to dwell on it still?! However, I suppose… I can empathize with the worries and frustrations you’re experiencing.”

Sally: “Really?”

Sebek: “The esteemed Malleus-sama, whom I deeply admire, is the future king of my home country. He is not just of noble birth but also a powerful magician renowned across the world. He is truly a wonderful person whom I respect deeply from the bottom of my heart!

As I continue to understand the greatness of Malleus-sama, I am reminded of my own inexperience. Regardless of how much I study or how hard I train, I can't reach the level of even my older fellow disciple*, let alone come close to Malleus-sama’s level. There have even been times when I’ve worried that I’m unworthy to serve such an incredible person.”

Sally: “Yes, I know this feeling… and it makes my heart ache.”

Sebek: “However, even if I am inexperienced or not skilled enough, it’s not a valid reason to distance myself from the one I admire.”

Sally: “ ! ”

Sebek: “I made it clear that I wanted to serve the distinguished Malleus-sama. And he granted me the privilege of being by his side as his guard.

 Naturally, I hold the status of a trainee. I still need more knowledge, strength, and experience to become a formal guard. However, if I keep holding back and feeling hesitant, I will only be stuck! As I work diligently alongside the person I hold dear, I will eventually become suitable to serve them.

 Above all, I despise cowardliness and a lack of effort! Therefore, Sally, you must strive harder! If you wish to stand beside the Pumpkin King, you must give it your all, both in action and in speech!”

Sally: “If you never give up and continue to put in the effort, and express your feelings clearly, those feelings may be rewarded… Alright, it might be difficult to express everything right away, but I will try to tell Jack how I feel!”

???: “Oho, if it isn’t Sally and Sebek-kun over here?”

Sally: “Jack!”

Jack: “What were you talking about, just the two of you in a place like this?”

Sebek: “Humph, nothing that concerns you!”

Jack: “What was that?!”

Sally: “Jack, calm down. I was just thanking him for delivering the basket, that is all.”

Jack: “Ah, so that’s what it was about. Well, I also wanted to thank you once again for the treat.”

Sebek: “Humph, it seems like the moment when Sally’s devotion will be recognized is approaching.”

Centre of Halloween Town

Epel: “There goes Sebek, shouting again… He just can’t shut up, as usual!”

Sally: “He just wants to express everything he feels and thinks clearly, making sure the other person gets the message. Isn’t that why he’s using such a loud voice?”

Epel: “Sally-san, aren’t you being too kind?! Don’t you think he lacks some sensitivity or something?” Sally: “Not at all. His words gave me the courage to take a step forward. I’m truly happy that Sebek came to Halloween Town and crossed paths with me and Jack.”

*It was unclear whether Sebek referred to Silver or all his older peers in general, so I decided to leave it as if he's mentioning Silver.

[tf2heritageposts]

i have tried everything in my power to avoid this butttt we’re gonna have to do donation posts again just for december

we’re not gonna have enough for our utilities bill or phone bill this month, plus the debt from the apartment we never lived in finally hit our credit score and it’s way more trouble than it’s worth to get a lawyer on that soooo

we’re also not gonna bave enough for december’s rent or any of those bills due to the way gi bills work, but it’ll literally all be okay again once january rolls around because our pell grant will come in and our gi bill will be at our normal rate

we’re extremely disabled and also in college so we can’t get a proper job to pay for this shit and we rely on our gi bill to pay for all of our shit, but due to how gi bills work (based on number of days we come into school, and we are only gonna be in school for three days due to winter break, meaning we only get 200 dollars), we won’t be able to pay for anything that month

so in order of mosr urgent to least urgent

phone bill: $140 due the 15th

utilities bill: $64 due the 7th

groceries: $100ish

december’s rent: $1700 due december 31st

debt from the apartment we never lived in thag finally hit our credit score: $229

hospital bill: $50

all together: 2,283

0/2283

this should hopefully be the only post we have to make about this unlike previous times. i’m gonna also be donating plasma so we can get some more money ourself towards all of this, which i’ll also keep updated

keep in mind we also have commissions, which can be accessed here: https://ko-fi.com/tf2heritageposts/commissions

kushapp: $theteufortdozen

veemo: @theteufortdozen2

pooppal: https://www.paypal.me/blucheavy3

kaffee: https://ko-fi.com/tf2heritageposts

go frog me:

also for my followers, i’m gonna be using a dedicated tag for you to filter this which will be

#gray mann stole my gi bill

[vodika-vibes]

What I Know Now

Summary: When Gregor gets a call informing him that his cyare’s family decided to take a three-month long vacation, rather than spend the summer with her, he decides it’s up to him to make things right.

Pairing: Captain Gregor x F!Reader

Word Count: 575

Warnings: None

A/N: Guess who's fever finally broke, but still isn't at 100%? If you guessed me, you'd be right. Anyway here's a short little Gregor fic, I hope you all like it~

Click HERE to be added to my taglist

Cody is going to kill him.

Full-on murder him.

No one will ever find his body.

But, Gregor can’t help but think as he knocks on the dark wooden door of the beach house his cyare rented, it’ll be worth it.

Sure, he had to call in some favors from a few vod’e to get here, but there are worse things than owing a few debts to his brothers. Especially if it means he can be here for his cyare while her family continues to be terrible people.

The door creaks open, and there she is. Hair messy, red-rimmed eyes, and dressed in one of his shirts…she looks miserable, but even so. She’s still the most stunning woman he’s ever met.

And he’d know. He’s met several other women since being decanted.

Confusion morphs into surprise as she tilts her head to the side, “Gregor?”

“In the flesh! Gonna let me in, cyare?”

“Uh…right. Sorry.” She moves to the side, and he cheerfully steps into the beach house. The whole building smells like coconut and flowers, and he can’t help but wonder if that’s just what resort rentals smell like.

“You don’t have to apologize, lovey.” Gregor says as he tosses a grin over his shoulder, “Where’s your room, I want to toss my stuff in there.”

She’s still staring at him, as if she can’t believe her eyes, “Gregor? What are you doing here?”

“Your friend, Momo, called me. Said that your shitty family is living up to their reputation. So, I came to help salvage the vacation. Momo and her boyfriend will be here in a couple of days.” Gregor sets his duffle bag on the couch, “You know Gree is a Commander, he can’t just up and leave like I can.”

“You’re a Captain. You can’t just up and leave either, Gregor.”

His grin widens, “Eh, I’ll be fine.”

“Cody is going to kill you.”

“I can take him.”

“...he’s going to kill you twice, Gregor!”

Gregor laughs and opens his arm. And, immediately, she slides into them, her arms wrapping around his neck while his close around her waist. “I’m not worried. You’re more important to me than anything else.”

He shivers when he feels one of her soft fingers tracing random shapes against the back of his neck, “Stubborn man. I’d have been fine.”

“Oh, I know.” Gregor lightly bumps his nose against hers, “But now you’ll be even better.”

“I don’t want you to get in trouble on my behalf.”

“You’re worth it.”

She sighs and then, finally, a smile lifts her lips. “I’m glad you’re here, Gregor.”

“Course! Not even an act of god could keep me away!” He tightens his grip on her hips and then lifts her to spin her around, pulling a startled squeal from her lips.

And then she dissolves into giggles and slides her hands to cup his face before she leans in and presses her lips against his.

Gregor doesn’t bother to set her back on her feet, preferring to encourage her to wrap her legs around his waist while he supports her weight. She breaks the kiss, though keeps her lips hovering just over his.

“I’m glad you came.” She whispers.

“How could I stay away? You needed me.” Gregor catches her lips again in a much more heated kiss.

She hums into the kiss, and then mumbles, “Always. I’ll always need you.”

And Gregor laughs, “Then I’m a lucky man.”

@imabeautifulbutterfly

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@kiss-anon

[autumnwhistles]

Finally finished another track! There is a vocal part, which I'll record tomorrow – but, since this song has various references to a previous (nearly finished but incomplete) one, I'll wait until then to post it on YT.

This leads on straight from Debts, and features Martyn reflecting on 3rd Life – which has been mentioned in passing, but not deeply yet – and how that influences how he treats alliances going forward. There's a conflict between self-protection instincts and wanting to see more than "walls, corners and edges" (something I wrote extensively about here, prompted by this song). Meanwhile, the Watchers try to push him closer to Ren and thus away from the Southlands, as they do in canon – the clapping part takes place during an a capella verse they sing in harmony!

Lyrics (though you can't hear the vocal line) under the cut:

MARTYN (to the tune of 'Corners of the World') Walls, corners, edges, I’ve been this way before You’re just cornered in the corners, just on edge in many more Those walls you build, those walls you raise, those walls will fall in war And in the end… and in the end, it’s just a void you’re fighting for.

[SHORT INSTRUMENTAL]

MARTYN (Original tune)

In spring, we met — it seems so long ago We tried to bring the winter, we’d give them such a show. They’d fall like the leaves, and we would bring the snow But it’s autumn now, and change must blow

[INSTRUMENTAL]

When I left that world behind, I thought that now I’d know There’s no use in holding on so tight – hands fall limp and let go And yet mine still clutch onto this: a useless, broken tie Relics from a dead man’s bygone try

I remember, In our first lives, There’d be pledge and pact and promise, and a hope that still survived But then the walls fell And the throne came down And I’m caught between the present and a life sworn to the crown

[INSTRUMENTAL]

I ran to you in smoke just as i ran to you in flame Without a king, without a cause, my actions stay the same Those raiders haunt those battlements That arrow’s in your chest You drift, then disappear, and nothing’s left

It only takes a moment, then it’s through, my fate defined Devotion turns to downfall as I follow close behind No life is worth that coda – but, just to live and die? To wander past, and wander on, and let it all go by…?

I remember, Etched in my mind, A hand, a head, an altar, and a home we left behind Yet then I remember Those times before When we were just… Renchanting, before Dogwarts went to war.

WATCHERS What happened to his charity, the Ren you knew before? It’ll all be stripped away with no-one there to fight his war A war, which, in your last life, was very nearly won You wish to lead, and not to bleed, then heed, our will be done

MARTYN A world, in spring – it seems so long ago A world filled with a kindness that now I’ll never know A world where walls and edges aren’t the only things I see Where bucketfulls of life still wait, though shallow they may be One chopped down by an axe swing, one shattered with a bow One I’m never going back to, one that brings me down too low, But if only for a moment- if I settle, if I stay, And then when the tides are turning, then I’ll wander, I’ll betray…

I remember It’s a high price, Risk bonds, belief, belonging, and it’s them you’ll sacrifice But if in this new world I learn how to play There’ll be more than walls and edges, and I’ll live another day.

Because surely, passing company won’t leave a price to pay..?

[mxtxfanatic]

Xue Yang and Jiang Cheng are Parallels

I wanted to make sure I covered this in my Yi City arc reread since it became such a hot topic on my blog for a minute. Wei Wuxian and Xue Yang are not parallels; Xue Yang and Jiang Cheng are. Here are two quotes from each individual about their never-ending hatred and perpetual thirst for vengeance paid over and over in blood:

Wei Wuxian retorted, “He’s already a dead man. I’ve also died once. What else do you want?”

Jiang Cheng pointed at him with his whip. “So what? He can die a thousand times, or even ten thousand times, but it’ll never appease the fury in my heart! Since he wasn’t destroyed then, then fine! I’ll personally destroy him today. I’ll go and torch him now, then scatter his ashes in front of you!!”

–Chapter 23: Malevolent Part 1: Running into Gunpoint, taming wangxian

“If you wanted to avenge yourself on Chang Ci’an for breaking your finger, you could have just cut off one of his and been done with it,” Xiao Xingchen said in disbelief. “If you absolutely cannot get over your grudge, then break two, or ten! Or you could have even cut off his arm—even that would have been better! Why did you have to kill his entire family? Don’t tell me you think a single one of your fingers is worth more than fifty lives?”

Surprisingly, Xue Yang pondered this carefully for a while. As though he found Xiao Xingchen’s question very strange, he replied, “Of course. The finger was mine, while those lives were other people’s. No matter how many I killed, it wouldn’t have repaid the debt. It was only fifty or so people—how could it make up for my single finger?”

–Chapt. 41: Flora IX, fanyiyi

Both of them use their trauma to lash out at innocent people who have done nothing wrong to them: Jiang Cheng chasing after Wen Ning (who, in fact, aided the Jiang heir at risk to his own life) despite having already successfully murdered his entire family for the crimes of the long-dead Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao; Xue Yang chasing after the Chang Clan despite Chang Ping being the clan leader and not his father who hurt him.

At the same time, Xue Yang’s response provides a deeper look into why they have this mentality. “The finger was mine, while those lives were other people’s...” he says, “It was only fifty or so people—how could it make up for my single finger?” At the end of the day, Xue Yang and Jiang Cheng consider themselves above everyone and everything else, including laws and morality. In fact, this is their morality. In their world, they are justified in kidnapping and torturing people to death for reminding them of someone they do not like and are validated in annihilating whole clans because they consider an individual to have committed an offense against them. The lives of others mean nothing in their worldview; it is only their lives that hold any and all intrinsic value that must be protected at all costs.

[hazbinextgeneration]

Demon Bride Ch8 All In A Name

(WARNINGS AND DISCLAIMERS!!! EVERYONE in this story is in their early 20s-30s! This story will contain mentions of past abuse and death! I'll be keeping it as SFW. Some backstories have been slightly altered for this particular story, and some characters cannonically dead or harmed is alive and well. I own nothing.

Credit to @flanelltees​ for the designs I based the demons off to look more demon-like with tails and pointed ears.

This story will be sfw, but there will be some blood, implied death, fighting, some gore mentioned, and a few other things that will be made aware by warnings. Pay attention to warnings at the top of any chapters just under the summery please.)

Once in the mountain villages it was a custom that once a year on the night of the new year's first moon, an unlucky young lady would be selected and left for the demons to become one of the unlucky few who married such a husband. In exchange for this offering the demons would protect the villages and leave the humans in peace. Until one day a powerful warrior drove the demons away freeing the humans of them. Now 2,000 years later, it's become a tradition that once a year, a new young lady would be picked and wait for her future husband to retrieve her from a shrine in the mountains. And now the lucky tradition would fall upon Y/n L/n. It would be her own turn to take on the tradition and not have to worry about demons. After all that part of the old tradition was just fake, made up by paranoid ancestors. Everyone knew demons didn't exist.

...Right?

(WARNINGS!!!:  Light cussing, Implied death, wounds, some blood, and other injuries mentioned.  )  

First Part Here:

https://at.tumblr.com/hazbinextgeneration/demon-bride-ch-1-thus-it-begins/dibtpmvn5d42

Last Part Here:

https://www.tumblr.com/hazbinextgeneration/712274616463343617/demon-bride-ch7-tsuzumi-mansion?source=share

Next Part Here:

https://www.tumblr.com/hazbinextgeneration/713597692878766080/demon-bride-ch9-all-in-a-name-p2?source=share

The earth was a beautiful thing if you needed it to be, or if you wanted to make it become that way. And in a way, it was both to you in the end. The sweet smells of flowers and grass filling your lungs. Combined with the warmth of the sunlight warming your smaller body as you walked along the pathway back towards your small home. Today was a perfect day to go fishing within the woods as it was warm, full of food, and a wide variety of other items that you could harvest. Wild berries to be picked. Old fruit trees long forgotten. A small pond with plenty of fish that only you knew. It was perfect for someone like you who was low on money, needed to repay a debt, and couldn't afford food all the time. You could just harvest and hunt whatever you needed even if you lost track of time and it was fairly dark now. It shouldn't take you too long to get back to your village, but even then it'll be dark before you got back anyways. Not that you were too worried about still being in the woods when night fell, after all there wasn't really anything dangerous like bears or tigers where you lived. They usually didn't go near human settlements. The most dangerous predator in these woods was the hawks and owls with the occasional fox here and there. You doubt a bird or tiny fox would even want to bother you, you were much bigger compared to them and it wouldn't be worth the fight for the food you carried when they could easily hunt their own. So no. You weren't worried at all. And it was beautiful outside tonight, a warm breeze in summer and the moonlight being your companions for the long trip back home.

But a campfire being lit up was new. And something that caught your attention, and you couldn't help but wonder over and accidentally startling the man who was using the fire as his companion for the night, and it took you getting closer to figure out one thing. He had been staring in your direction this entire time. It took you off guard once the realization hit you, and it caused you to pause staring back at the face.

"Uh...Oops. Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

You couldn't make out his face entirely, the fire was too small to produce enough light and he sat cross legged mostly in darkness so you couldn't make out exactly what color the eyes that looked back at you were. But you could tell he was young, maybe late twenties or early thirties with some strange markings on his face, especially just over and under his eyes. They looked like straight lines. Maybe scars? Strange.

"No. You did...not scare me. Who...are you?"

"I'm from the village. I wasn't expecting anyone else to be out here hunting."

"I am...not hunting. Is that...what you were doing?"

"Well no. I was fishing. It's easier than setting traps and trying to chase down prey. But if you're not hunting, what are you doing all alone out here?"

"I am...traveling home...from meeting distant family."

He spoke strangely. Very slow and with pauses between his words. Strange. Maybe he was tired from traveling. It was turning night after all.

"Oh. Well I won't disturb you then....Have you eaten anything?"

"No."

"Then here." The man seemed surprised when you reached out to the line you were holding, snapping off one of the fish, and holding it out to the darkened figure. "It's not much, but traveling on an empty stomach isn't good for your strength. Take this and make some food out of it...Wait. You do know how to cook fish, right?"

The stranger remained silent for a long moment just looking at the fish dangling from your hand. "...Don't...need to." A hand reached out and grabbed it from the darkness. You noted how much larger they were compared to yours and the strange pointed nails but didn't comment as the hand pulled it back into the darkness and away from your sight. The man's head turning away downwards to you assume look at the food you had offered him. "...This...will suffice...for now." He then turned back to you. "What...will ...you do now?"

"Go home of course." Your head nodded down the pathway back towards your village and his head turned following your direction. "Wait. Did you just say you couldn't cook fish?"

"It is...unnecessary-"

"No it's not!" Your rise in volume made him turn back to you, not surprised or anything but his brow rose at your frown. "Don't you know eating raw meat isn't good for your body? Or are you trying to save it for later?"

"I...will reserve my hunger...for later travel-"

"By then the meat will be bad and unsuitable for consumption. That'll just make you even more sick regardless if it's cooked or not!" You wanted to facepalm this stranger. You didn't know him at all, but he wasn't the brightest it seemed, or being tired and hungry is clouding his judgement. You extended your hand. "Here. Give it to me. I'll cook it for you then."

"You will...cook for me?"

"Yes. Because I gave you the fish, if you refuse to eat it properly then it'll be on me if you get sick. There's a fire here and plenty of sticks from the trees, so I'll be able to cook it for you the same way I cook it for myself."

He didn't say anything, but after a couple seconds, a hand slowly held out the fish back out to you and you took it back, only to drop your small bag and other fish to the ground and wonder off towards the woods still carrying the fish in one hand. All the while his two eyes followed your every movement from your form walking into the darkness, to your hand picking up a stick and jabbing it into the fish, to you walking back and just placing the entire thing into the fire with a part of the long stick safely out of the way of flames. And then the silence resumed for what seemed like hours as he just watched your actions which included using the stick to flip the fish over onto the other side after a long while. After a long while more, you completely pulled the now fully brown fish from the fire and held it out to him with a smile.

"Here. It should be good to eat now, and don't try to save it for too long or else it'll go bad." There was another pause from the man who just stared at the food you offered before the same hand reached over and took it from you once again. Seeing it as your job being done here, you stood back up and turned away from him. "Where are you heading anyways?"

"I live...beyond the mountain."

Ah. So another traveler heading up there. There was a few in your limited years of living here and they all traveled past your village on their way over the mountains ...Although it was a bit strange this stranger was returning there after already coming through here to visit family. He must've taken a different route you supposed. Either way it was none of your business. Your business was to pay off what your parents dumbly left behind.

"Is your destination far? You might need some more food."

"I will...be fine."

That was a no then. You sighed and picked up your remaining fish and bag only to toss it at his feet with a thud. He looked at it, then up at your still smiling face. "It's full of wild fruits and vegetables. They might taste a little bitter, but they'll last you a couple days. I can just come back and get more for myself." He didn't say anything, not that you were expecting him to, but you too that as your cue to leave, so your body bowed at the waist. "May you have a safe journey home."

With that you turned and began walking back off towards the direction of your village, with less food for your hungry self, but you could always come back and get more. The strange man watched your form until it disappeared from his sight and slowly turning back to the fish in his hand....And taking a rather large bite with his inhuman fangs.

***************************************************************************************

It was still dark when you came to. And the first thing you felt was-

"Dam them! Dam them! That door will be hell to fix!"

You felt..Oddly warm. Warm but numb. As if you were weightless inside a warm ocean. Like when you were just waking up from a dream on a beautiful summer morning.

"Not to mention everything will stain and it'll take forever to fully clean it all!"

"Lord Kyogai. Has she awakened yet?"

"...No. But I suspect she will soon. Are you certain she's not dead?"

"Dead people do not breath, My Lord. But my knowledge on human anatomy is extremely limited, I won't be able to give you any answers to her condition other than 'she isn't dead.'"

An annoyed growl escaped somewhere in the darkness of the numb warm ocean of thoughts.

"Shall I tend to your wounds now?"

"No. I'll regenerate within a day or two anyways. Rejoin the others and clean all the mess thoroughly," a voice commanded, "Burn the remains to nothing but ashes. Fix what needs to be repaired. No one is go outside until this season passes over. Do I make myself clear on that!?"

"Of course, Sir."

"GOOD!! And make sure you tell everyone else to follow those orders! The last thing I need is more insects thinking they can trespass in here!"

"May I ask what you will be doing, My Lord?"

A tired sigh came from somewhere. "What else would I be doing this time of year? Writing down all the death and marriage certificates that comes with this blasted month! Tell Mayla to bring me anymore reports left unfinished immediately. I will not have this incident push back my deadlines!"

"Yes, Sir. Of course, Sir."

"Good. Now leave me be for now. I have much to get done."

"And the human, Lord Kyogai?"

"...Leave her here. I'll decide what's to be done when she wakes."

There was quick, light footsteps that stepped away from you and then a drag and thud sound quite similar to the sounds a sliding door would make. Leaving you alone with nothing but the male voice and yourself slowly regaining feeling and memories. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. Footsteps made their way also from where the door was until with a heavy thud they sat down just a foot or two away from your body.

And silence resumed.

And then you slowly started to regain feeling. The warmth became obvious when you hand gave the tiniest bit of movement and you felt cloth against your skin, and your entire body. Something was over you keeping you warm, except for your forehead. Something cool and soft was placed against your forehead creating a clash against warmth the rest of your body felt. And then it came. A deep. Terrible. Awful. Terrible throb of pain from your leg making you snap your eyes open immediately only to blink them into the harsh light and become blurry the longer you stared without blinking, until you did and slowly your vision refocused and saw a...lantern?? A bright light from a lantern calmly shined above you in the middle of a ceiling. It's warm glow was a contrast to the absolute throbbing pain that came from your right leg making you internally wince at the bigger painful throb that came from it when you moved it. Wha- Where were you!? Were you finally dead this time?...Couldn't be. You still felt pain, and a dead person wouldn't be able to feel pain surely.  And then...it all came back to you in a bright white flash.

Last night.

The monsters.

The one with insect eyes who fell from the tree. The one with the sword who ate your remaining food. The one that was fat and sounded like a pig. The one who crawled on all fours and used it's tongue as a whip. The one who had grabbed you by the chin and demanded your name. They-..They weren't real right!? Surely now that you had woken up, it had all been a bad fever dream fueled by your paranoia and the scary night! After all you had woken up and there wasn't anymore monsters around here anymore. It was daytime.  Your eyes lightly turned. So there's no way y-

You froze. Your eyes widened. Your jaw dropped open.

Sitting there, just a yard away from you, was a monster. And one you saw before. He had his back to you, sitting on a giant pillow in front of a table. One of his arms was moving slightly, as if he was doing something on the table you couldn't see, and the faint scratching sounds of writing was able to reach your ears from where you laid, although in the moment your shocked brain couldn't register it as writing. Now close to him, you could make out long black hair that reached just above his shoulder blades, and right under that was-...

Oh...

Oh you were gonna be sick-

Right in the center of his back was four deep wounds in a downards-right slash motion, the skin broken and the pink flesh underneath revealed. They weren't that deep, but it was still a horrid sight to be hold anyways. Oddly enough however, they weren't bleeding out despite being open wounds, however there was still splatters of dried blood all over his back and where it dripped down across the skin before it stopped. You stared at the sight wide eyed as an instant wave of sickness hit you, your breath quickened silently and your heart beats spiked for a moment at the horrid sight.

Scribble. Scribble. Scrib-

The sounds of feint writing stopped. And once again there was silence as you continued to lay there silently.

"Hey. You." You flinched at the sudden raspy voice that calmly spoke out. "So you're finally awake."

In an instant, you reacted. Snapping your jaw shut and closing your eyes shut as the thing's head turned to look over his shoulder at you. Resisting the urge to panic and look asleep still-

"I can tell you're awake. Your breathing and heart beats are irregular. I can hear them as plain as day." He could hear that!? "Are you going to continue to keep this annoying charade up or are you going to act like an adult?" You were still frozen even when a hand reached over and you felt a finger poke your arm. Your body couldn't help but flinch making the voice sigh. "There's no need to fear me. If I had wanted you harmed, I would have done so the moment we met last night. I have no intentions of spilling anymore blood and making another mess. Now open your eyes and allow me to speak with you dammit!"

The finger prodded you again and startled you into opening your eyes, having them widen in fear at the face that was -....was...looking bored out of his mind??? The monster just sat there cross legged, with his head in one hand, and rose a brow at your reaction like he was tired of this already. The face he made you...confused. Still worried and afraid but now confused as you blinked.

''That's better," he huffed, "Are you able to speak?" You remained silent staring. "Hey! Are you able to speak or do I need a human translator?!"

"I-I can talk!!," you squeaked out in a panic and he nodded satisfied.

"Good. Now then listen very carefully because I will only ask this once, he spoke with authority but at the same time he still sounded tired. "Who are you? Why are you here?"

Your mouth opened and closed a few times as you tried to pull yourself together before you sputtered out an answer. "I-...I-I was chased in here!"

"By another demon?"

"Y-Yes! B-By lots of demons!"

"I see...Well you shouldn't worry about them from here. They've already been 'dealt with'."

"A-Are you going to eat me?"

That caught the monster off guard because his tired expression went to one of surprise, but then it went back to a frown. "What? Eat you?" You flinched at the new annoyed tone. "Do I look like a cannibal to you? Why would I-" His free hand came to his temples. "Eat you. Is this what Akaza meant by 'classic human paranoia'? NO! I'm not going to eat you. I don't have the least bit interest in doing so."

You were still tense, but let yourself relax a bit at that. "W-Where am I?"

"My home," he clarified with a raised brow, "You and two other uninvited guests barged into my home last night and left a giant mess!"

You winced. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! It was just I was being chased by that giant hell spawn and I saw your house and-...and..." You again winced when the pain from your leg throbbed hard. "Ah!"

The sudden yell seemed to have startled him a little bit because he jumped and blinked when you made yourself sit up slowly the blanket you were covered in falling off. "What is wrong?"

"My ankle! It hurts!" Another dull throb erupted from just above your ankle where that gross tongue squeezed down hard on it. "That stupid monster must've done something to my leg- WHOA! HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

You resisted the urge to just outright smack his hand away when he reached over to push the blanket from your legs. "Be calm, Y/n." You froze. "I'm just inspecting where the damage may lie." You didn't move after that, not that he cared as he just calmly looked at your bare legs. The many small cuts and bruises were still present but the healer had said they should heal no problem. It was easy to tell which leg must've been hurting her because the right one had a bruising pattern similar looking to a rope wrapped around your leg tight enough to leave bruising, and it was lightly more swollen than the left ankle. Lightly, he hovered a hand over the area. "Is this where the pain is coming from?"

"OW!" You jolted when he lightly touched it and immediately stopped at your reaction, hissing through your teeth, you nodded. "Y-Yeah. That's it...But how do you know my name? A-And where's my boots!?"

"You told me last night when we first met, and I had my healer remove them." he gestured at your body. "She was the one who looked you over and treated your minor injuries. You should be rid of most of them within a few days time." Last night-....Oh yes. Last night. Just before you passed out. "Although I do have further questions. What are you doing within this part of the forest? You are far from any human settlements."

"Huh?" You blinked. "O-Oh. I was actually heading for the other side o-of the mountain." You gestured with a hand. "But I got lost last night and ended up being chased by quite a few monsters. I thought maybe I'd be able to shelter here until the sun came up, but it seems I was wrong."

Well that certainly explains most of what entailed. So she had gotten lost and ended up being chased by others until she came across his home by chance and was followed in by desperate insects. But he still rose a confused brow. "So you are...not an offered bride?"

You just stared at him for a moment longer, before frowning confused. "Bride? Excuse me, Sir! But I was running away from a marriage, not going into one. I'm nobody's wife. What gave you the idea I was?"

"You are wearing white," he bluntly said as if it was obvious.

You blinked raising a brow at the now slightly torn up and dirty white kimono that you had fled from your village in. "Ok. And?" You gave him a look. "Lots of people wear white, that doesn't mean I'm getting married, and this dress isn't even close to something as elegant as a wedding dress." Now he looked even more confused. Those blue and red eyes looked you up and down looking for an answer for a specific question he held. "What's your name?"

"Huh?..." He looked back at you, slowly blinked, and looked away again. "It's Kyogai."

"Kyogai," you tried out the name on your tongue..before offering a smile. "Thank you for rescuing me last night. If it wasn't for you, I might've been eaten by one of those monsters."

"Yes. Well I-..." he paused mouth open before looking at you again. "Wait. Pardon but did you imply you thought those insects were after you because they wanted to eat you?"

"Yes. That's why I was running from them." You tilted your head. "That's what they were trying to do...Weren't they?"

He groaned. "You really don't know anything do you?" A hand reached back up to rub his head. "No." His hair moved as he shook his head. "No they weren't after you for food, they were seeking a mate."

You stared at him. He stared back at you. He only patiently watched as the gears whirled in your mind, your face a blank slate of emotion until only one word escaped you-

"WHAT?!"

"It is my kind's mating season," he bluntly said, "It lasts this entire month. You wondering into the woods is the equivalent of a rabbit willingly throwing themselves into the jaws of a wolf." He only watched, seeing your expression go from blank to horrified to disgusted. "Wearing the color you have on your person wasn't doing anyone any favors."

"Are you telling me-," you started slowly feeling a disgusted feeling bubbling in your stomach, "-that I was being chased around for the sole purpose of-...O-Of...Because these things wanted me as a wife!?"

"To put it simply, yes. But they weren't supposed to. According to laws they're supposed to at least court you or see if you express interest in offering your dowry." he grunted annoyedly. "Unfortunately there's disgusting insects who don't like to follow the lays. That's why my Master appoints Akaza and other of my ranks to make sure the laws are obeyed." Oh yeah. That reminds him-

"You mean I could've been-..*GAG*" Your hands clasped over your mouth as a disgusted feeling speared through you. "Oh, gods above. I think I'm going to be sick!"

"You do not have to worry. Your problems have been dealt with, and as annoying as it may be, I don't feel like throwing you to the wolves."

Well...thank gods for that at least, you were still having trouble processing this. "I-...I don't even know what to say! What to think! H-How could anyone mistake me f-for a-...THAT!!"

"You're wearing white like the others." Your head snapped to him so fast he was surprised it didn't go flying. "*sigh* It's not often that it happens...But sometimes if the humans are desperate they think sending a forced offering would bring what luck they seek."

"And does that work?"

"More often than not a poor human is just forced into an unwilling union for the rest of their lives. Many years ago it was a sigh of peace to send a bride every year, but now it's more of a taboo practice if it even still happens...Are you alright? You look pale."

You just stared. "....I think I'm going to be sick." You slowly looked back to him. "Well, what's going to happen to me n-now?"

He might've commented on your 'sickness' but the second question seemed to throw the demon through a loop as he opened his mouth ...and slowly closed it looking you over again. "I-....am unsure. I have never encountered a situation like this before."

"So...Does this mean I can just leave?"

He slowly nodded. "I have no reason to keep you here. We are not enemies, and you have not done any of the damages to my home, but I do not believe it is a good idea to do so now."

"My leg?"

"That and I believe you would still be in danger. With yourself being injured, there would be no escape from whoever hunts you."

The thought of potentially some other monster hunting you was bad enough, and all for what? Just because they were that desperate for marriage!? And not escaping...that was NOT an option! An even worse option than Sanemi ever was! That was THE last thing you wanted!

"Then..what do I do?"

"It is..hard to say. I do not know human medicine, so I will not be able to tell what is wrong with you."

This was a big problem. He wasn't expecting an bad turn of events such as this. In reality he was hoping he could just ask her a few questions and send her on her way, then get back to his work for his Master hated delays. But now this complicated things. The idea of throwing an injured human woman to the ravenous wolves wasn't one he liked too much but he hated having a stranger in his home at the same time. Although he guessed he could just have one of the servants take care of her until she healed, but no one here was able to know what injuries she sustained. Could they be permanent? He didn't know. But maybe he knew someone would know! Who did he know that knew humans really well?

The first one who came to mind instantly was Douma. But as soon as he thought that, he disregarded that instantly. No. Douma would not do. He's not one that screams 'I know medical practice' and he'd spend the majority of his time advertising that perverted cult of his. Maybe Akaza? He seemed to like humans the most out of all the upper moons (genuinely not like Douma's creeping 'liking' to them), but again he had nothing that had medical practice etched into it. Kyogai was hesitant to ask his Master himself. The Master would most likely see that as an insult, to disrupt him and his affairs to attend to a stranger, a human with no real significance to him. He'd be punished. Only one person came to mind he knew for certain, but he pushed that idea back. Then thought about him again and then pushed it away again, then it happened again and he frowned, growling at the thought and making you jump at the sudden growl.

There was no wanting to call upon...HIM of all people! He was just as bad as Douma! But-...

"Are..you alright?"

He closed his eyes and nodded. A huge inhale being slowly taken in before being released back out even more slowly. "...Yes." He lied. "I am fine. I believe I know who may be able to help our unfortunate situation."

You perked up. "Really? Who?"

"It would be best if I send a message to see what can be done about him coming here first of all. Our Master prefers us to be busy and dislikes us interrupting others."

He ignored your stare as he turned back around until he was back to facing away from you and down at the table. His documents and quill and ink pot forgotten for the moment but longing to be done. Sigh. He'll have to work hard and fast to make up for the time wasted.

"What are you doing?"

He blocked out her voice. A deeper and slower inhale. Closing his eyes in concentration. Allowing his mind to go into that meditative state. It was like his conscious became thinned, light as air, and as nimble as a snake slithering through the lines of connection between himself and the bonds the Master's blood allowed them all to have. If he had one way of describing it, he would say it felt and looked like a tree rooted into their minds, different branches that were never the same but still connected to the same trunk in the end sharing the same deepened roots. The mind thread slithered ever closer to the door which would lead to the connection he wanted. The one responsible for all transportation within this hivemind of threads, he reached out to that small thread sending a questioning thought for entrance from it. In return a thrum of an instrument vibrated within the wave lengths in return, a questioning tone back at him to what he wanted. A beat of a drum returned in stride.

"Nakime. Lower Moon Six requests the presences of Lower Moon One and the Master if granted."

Nothing was said back but there was a gateway opened and a message sent within the wave lengths. Questioning to a much more powerful force above them both with a second split off towards another branch. He hoped the Master would not be angry at his request. It did not take long for there to be a reply back. In return of his questioning, with the heavy feeling of smog and fire of an engine with a hint of amused-questioning. One he despised but one he wanted anyways. And then something much more darker. Much more wicked. Much more heavy overshadowed the both of them.

The Master.

The twisted, rotting, suffocating presence enveloped the wavelengths and twisted around them like gnarled roots taking in them both completely. He mentally winced and would have gladly avoid this if he could. He was thankfully not angry much to his relief. It was more of a curious hum if anything. But it didn't take away the unease of it at all.

"Master."

"What does Lower Moon Six desire with me?"

Blunt, dark, and straight to the point as usual. The other smaller presence remained silent but he felt a curious tone under the amusement.

"Forgive me. I ask permission for Lower Moon Six to assist myself with an endeavor I am unable to complete-"

PAIN. A claw of talons stabbing into his mind and gripping and entrance way into his thoughts and there was the dark presence finding the answers to why he dared to contact.

"You think it wise to ask of something so trivial of me? For something of unimportance compared to what others and yourself are already tasked with? Is my generosity not enough, Kyogai that you can not fix this yourself?"

"FORGIVE ME MASTER!! Your mercy is not taken lightly or without great thanks! I am forever grateful! But I can not kill without cause as you have commanded! I am following your every word!"

The stabbing pain receded. Pleased with his explanation and permitting him to continue on.

"This human has done nothing to warrant the punishment of death, and I would go against your order of killing without cause if I allow her to leave and die to the elements. Unfortunately I am unequipped for the solution to this problem. I request your permission for Lower Moon One to come and give assistance where he excels at."

The second presence turned to smug mockery at the confession and he couldn't help but feel annoyed at that. However he knew better than to cause trouble and potentially anger their master especially after he was granted the mercy of getting heard out by him. There was silence, calculating thought from the darker, heavier presence which made him nervous, but the voice spoke up again after his heavy consideration.

"I will grant Lower Moon One's aid to you one week from today."

A whole week of waiting!? That'll take forever. Clearly he was annoyed, but quickly squashed those feelings in an instant. It was better to not anger his Master lest he change his mind, he was lucky he was able to be granted his request at all.

"I understand. Thank you, Master. I am grateful. But before we sever ties, I wish to ask something of Upper Moon One before our meeting within a week."

There wasn't any response from his Master except silence, which meant he was allowing Kyogai to ask the second smaller presence what he wanted. His Master must be in a good mood today if he was allowing this second request mercifully. The second smaller presence reached out to touch his own in question, but he was mostly amused and smug about this entire thing. Speaking for the first time since this meeting started.

"Mmmm. Kyogai.~"

He although wanted to gag in displeasure. "Greetings, Enmu."

"I must say, I am quite surprised you would even call my presence here.~ You usually do not speak to me at all beyond meetings." And he wondered why? "But now I know it's because of a pitiful human woman.~ Mmmmm! Tell me is she suffering?~ Did her life flash before her eyes knowing he couldn't escape her perils?~"

"Enough of your mockery! Have respect for the Master is still within our presences!"

"Yes. Forgive me, Master. What is it that Lower Moon Six wishes to ask me?~"

Gods he hated that slimy tone! "The human woman, she is experiencing pain within her body under her ankle. How do I treat it until you can arrive?"

And there was a silence (mercifully) from the annoying tone. A sign that this 'Enmu' was thinking to himself. Kyogai was still suprised he was knowledgeable at all in these topics.

"....Hm. A pain you say? Is there perhaps any bones sticking out? Or deep wounds?"

He hated out both happy and genuinely questioning Enmu's voice was. "No. No visible damage, although the skin is bruised and swollen. She seems in deep pain whenever her leg is touched or moved."

"Can you tell what's wrong?"

"NO! That's why I requested you be sent to me!"

Again another hum. "Then it might be possible her leg is either broken or fractured, but I won't be able to tell until I'm able to look at her. But of course Master's assignments tasked to me comes first.~"

"Then what do I do UNTIL you arrive!?"

"All human bones work in a similar fashion. Like a delicate glasswork, they're so pitifully fragile and weak.~ So you must be careful remembering that.~ You say she experiences pain when she moves her leg? Keep her off it as much as possible. Try to make sure her leg is kept straight and stiff as a board, maybe strap it down if you must. The more she moves it, the more damage to her weakened form she might cause herself.~ Treating the swelling is a different task however...Does your mansion still have that underground well?"

"Of course it does!"

"Hmhmhm.~ Then I suggest submerging her leg within the cold water to help, or perhaps wrapping a cold wet towel gently around the swollen areas.~ I'll send a messenger raven with a recipe for herbal tea that helps numb the pain in human bodies. That should be sufficient enough help until Master allows me to spare a visit.~"

"It does. I thank you for your words." He hated thanking this perverted insect for anything! "Master, I am grateful for your time spent on me. I have no need of anything else at this time."

As instantly as he said that, the dark presence loomed over and overtook the three-way connection between all of them, severing the ties abruptly painfully causing white hot flashes to throb in his mind, and throwing them both tumbling back from one another until both presences were gone and he was left alone amongst the threads of thought. Kyogai took this time to relax and let his own mind rest from the two overwhelming people he had to speak with. Speaking with his Master was always a nerve wracking experience no matter what it was, and Enmu was.....Enmu. He hated the perverted insect to the bone! But..that was one problem off his plate, he was still curious about someone else's involvment within all of this mess. His mind thread reached out once again.

"Upper Moon Five. Are you still present?" A strum of Nakime's bawa answered him in question to what he wanted from her this second time. "Lower Moon Six requests the presence of Lower Moon Two. Please grant me it."

Nothing was said back but there was a gateway opened and a message sent within the wave lengths. Questioning to another branch of this wavelength tree. In return of his request, came a different presence back. This one younger, annoyed, and not too happy to be disturbed at this moment. Brash and no brains. Yep. Just what he was expecting.

"Kaigaku. I'm glad you answered my calling."

"What do you want!? I'm busy!"

Brash and annoying as always. Sigh. "I have something to ask you concerning some events which occurred last night."

"WHAT!?"

He had the urge to slap this ungrateful brat already. "Last night two intruders broke into my home."

"And? It's not my fault most of your staff are girls! You deal with your own territory and don't cry to me about not being able to do your job! If you want me to scare some dam idiots into submission, you can wait until I'm done!"

"You not doing your job is precisely my point! One of the dam insects claimed they were chasing a human bride through the woods!" The anger in the other presence fell silent and he took very close notice of it, but he wouldn't reveal anything to him yet. "It's YOUR job to patrol the east side of the mountain and make sure no strangers enter or any demons leave the forest to that side of the mountain! Clearly you aren't doing your job good enough!"

There was silence for a few seconds as the younger presence thought on what he said. "You have the human?"

So he did know of her huh? "I have no human!" He lied. He had a bad feeling already about having Enmu coming to see this human girl, he won't add a walking headache maker to it too. "DO. YOUR. DAM. JOB!! NEXT TIME SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS I'M REPORTING YOUR MESS UP TO KOKUSHIBO AND THE MASTER!! DO NOT LET SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN AGAIN! CONSIDER THIS YOUR ONLY WARNING!! Nakime, I am done with this message."

"NO! WAI-"

The connection of the two wavelengths were cut off with a harsh strum of a bawa string, like a knife through hot butter, and there was a slight pain from the severed connection. But he confirmed what he needed to confirm and got what he wanted to request. With that he sent one last message. A small reach out to Nakime in thanks to her services, to which he got a single neutral strum back in response before she left him. And he was left alone. And Kyogai took that as his time to leave the wave lengths. Down, down, down he tumbled until he felt his mind reconnect with his body and feeling returned with the sigh of his lips. The feeling of sitting on the comfy pillow.

And the feeling of water against his back???

He yelped when something pressed firmly against his back that was cold, wet...yet oddly soft. A small pain throbbed from his back as something delicately wiped at his back between the slashes still present and his neck twisted all the way around like an owl's startling a tiny human into dropping the red stained towel in her hands and leaning away from his back.

"What are you doing!?", he demanded with a scowl.

You stared at him, and the weird position of having his head turned all the way around to stare at you like an owl while his back was still facing you....but then you rose a brow. "I'm washing the dried blood off your back, and cleaning your wounds. They're exposed and that's not good! They could get infected!" You tilted your head at him. "I did ask if it was alright if I did it."

"What? No you didn't!"

"Yes, I did. I asked you if you were hurt but you didn't answer. Then I asked if It was okay if I helped you. You still didn't answer me but you didn't move when I started, so I took it as you were alright with it."

He didn't say anything at first, just staring at you blankly before looking down near your legs. You were sitting on your knees, with a bason of water and water pitcher next to you the water was already a tinted red from where you must've dunked the towel (That used to be on your forehead-) to use it to clean up his back. The towel itself was stained a light red. His eyes then turned downwards to his back and was surprised to find all the previously dried blood cleaned off and the wounds still present looking cleaner having the filth removed. He just...stared back at you.

"....Why were you doing that?"

"Because you saved my life, and because it was my fault in the first place for running in here and bringing those monsters to follow me. If I hadn't, this wouldn't have happened to you." You gestured to his back. "And...I'm sorry for that."

He just remained silent but his head snapped back around with a crackle of bones that made you wince at the noise and looked away from you again. "You don't need to apologize, and I don't want your apologies. I will heal within two days time anyways."

"It doesn't matter! I don't want you to be hurt whether it's my fault or not!" He paused again...before looking over his shoulder at you and your frown. "So either you take care of it or I'll tend to you myself."

He just stared at you silently for a long moment, before he sighed again. "Fine. I tire of fighting, and if you're insisting on this matter-" A hand reached up to one of the strange lumps sticking from his body and tapped the one on his left leg twice.

You were left to wonder what he was doi- The sound of the sliding door opening startled you into falling off your knees, a hiss threw your teeth at the throb of pain from your ankle.

"You called me, Lord Kyogai?", a woman's voice asked and you nearly gasped when you looked over. A woman was standing in the doorway, except she didn't look human. She was dark purple from head to toe except for her hair which was pure cinnamon brown and she had no eyes. Just a nose and mouth which was smiling. Her plain orange kimono was the only normal thing about her.

"Yes," Kyogai answered without looking from the table, "Send for Eri to come tend to my wounds after all." A clawed hand pointed to the dirtied water and towel. "Take these away to be disposed of, and bring us the coldest water from the well. It will be needed for the human."

She bowed. "At once, Lord Kyogai."

She didn't waist any time in rushing in to collect the objects he had pointed out to her before quickly exiting the room, leaving you both alone again. Then you turned back to the largest demon.

"Who was that?"

"Nagi. She is one of my servants appointed to me by our Master. She is quite competent, which I find best in any servant I have here."

"Your Master gives you servants?"

"Not all of them were appointed by him. Some of them are those I chose to take in to shield from the dangers of my kind. Others were brought here by their families as offered servants."

"Some of your servants were gifted to you by their own families!? That's cruel!"

"No.... It would be crueler if I turned them away." His tone took a slightly softer edge. "If I hadn't, they would've been offered to someone else who could've been much crueler than I. They are beneath me in terms of ranks, but I do not treat them unfairly. They are paid, and I make sure they are sheltered and not overworked with plenty of food."

"....You sound like a good man to work for."

He made a noise and you jumped at the new noise before realizing the sound he was making from him chuckling. "Or so I've been told, but you are the first human to say that to be, so I will take that as a compliment. ...I have asked my Master to send a college of mine." He frowned again. "He is....very unlikable." Which was putting it lightly. Very lightly. "But he is knowledgeable in human medicine. He will be here within a week to tend to you."

"A week!?"

"Yes. Unfortunately it will take him a while to get here which is why he has said to stay off your leg and keep it still." His head turned back to you. "So please do not sit on your knees again or attempt to walk by yourself. I'll have Eri tend to you until he arrives. Until then, you shall remain here where safety can be provided. My kinds' mating season lasts until this month is over, and I'm afraid your condition will leave you open to attacks."

You had to stay here for an entire week!? And you had to wait another two weeks until this month was over to escape safely!? UGH!! Great! This was turning out to be a great turn of events.

"But what if more of them come in here looking for me?"

"I highly doubt any will. It's forbidden to go against a Twelve Kizuki. If anymore insects should find their way in here....Then I'll eliminate them."

[lg244]

First Journal Blog

you’ll probably never find this. But if you do, I hope you listen to every word. Words that I couldn’t tell you. Words I couldn’t tell you because I can’t seem to express my deepest emotions.

I met you at one of the hardest parts of my life. I wasn’t looking. I tried to turn you away. But just like the ocean with the tide, every time I tried to push you away, you came back. I told myself I couldn’t love another human. I told myself the risk wasn’t worth the damage in the end. The damage that always comes. I told myself so many times to not allow myself within the distance of another human. To save them. To spare them.

I knew from the first day the I wouldn’t be able to stay away. You made my heart flutter in ways I hadn’t felt since I was a child playing in the dandelions. You made me feel safe when all I had known was to stay guarded. You heard me after I spent years screaming at the top of my lungs and nobody came to my side.

I told myself from the first day that I wanted to do things different. I wanted to lead with love. That I wanted to break the cycle that had been instilled in me through abusive souls before yours. I wanted to trust until I had a reason not to instead of starting with zero trust and making it to have to be earned. I wanted to use my words careful not to make your wounds that were already open bleed even more. I promised myself that with the chance that was given to me I would cherish the opportunity to invite love into the darkest parts of me for the first time in a long time.

I found a bestfriend in you. We stayed up for hours on facetime because the world gave us 2,600 miles apart. Something we never understood but tried to make the most of. We laughed until we cried. We cried until we made each other laugh. I’ll never forget when you broke down one night and said “you don’t say mean things to me. You aren’t mean to me. You don’t hurt me.” It’ll stay with me forever. You became my morning and my night. You became every moment in between. Every second of my day was thinking of you and what life was like where you were at. I thought about whether you thought of me. If you craved me the way I craved you. If you needed me how I came to need you. If your heart felt empty at the thought of my existence being expired. If missing me tore holes in your protective barrier that hid your emotions. If you lay awake at night looking at the ceiling and wondering why we met and where the journey would take us. What would we experience. What would we accomplish. What would our story be.

The weirdest feeling of my being was the first time touching you in the flesh. Touching you. Not touching a screen. Hugging you. Feeling your heart beating in your chest. Feeling your breath around me. Holding your hand. Hearing your voice in my ears in its actuality instead of a device. It was surreal. It was a strike of lightening through my body. I felt on fire but for once not burning fire, passionate fire.

the time you spent in my presence was something I will never be able to let go of. After so long of searching, my soul felt at ease. I could rest. I was safe. I was happy. My smile was genuine. My heart didn’t ache. It was beating. I felt alive again after I spent years feeling internally deceased. My only sadness in the moments with you was knowing it had to end. And it did. We had to say our goodbyes. “Until next time” that sounded better. To go back to our separate lives that we tried so hard to intertwine. I dropped you off at the airport and you thought I was crying because you were leaving. I was crying because I knew you wouldn’t come back.

you see, I was a bad person for a long time. I hurt a lot of people along the way. I knew I had a debt with karma to pay. So I knew you wouldn’t be back. I knew that my karma in this universe was finding the love of my life and knowing she would be taken from me against my will, against my fight. And having to continue to live with the feeling of being a cold corpse; empty and pointless. And I got my karma.

we tried so hard to get it right. I tried to change my communication, my approach. I tried to be softer. I tried to be understanding. I tried to make a way for you to be here with me. I tried. I tried so hard. Life kept getting in the way. Somewhere along the way through all the trenches, we lost sight of our love. We knew we loved each other. But we kept hurting each other. You left me multiple times. I begged you to stay. You’d come back and we said we’d get it right. But we never did. The time you were suppose to move here kept getting rescheduled. Somewhere in my brain I knew you wouldn’t make it here. To not fault of either of us. The world just wouldn’t let it be. I spent so many nights praying for you to be here with me so we could have our life. I hadn’t prayed in years. My prayers seemed to be repeatedly answered with a “no” and it was defeating.

I had made you a promise in the beginning that you would always feel heard and seen because I knew what it was like to feel small. To not have a voice. To feel like a speck. I told you I would always make you feel like you were valued and cherished.

I turned out to be everything you explained you never wanted. And for that, I owe you an apology. You told me I was cold, mean, harsh, selfish. You told me it was always about me. That our whole relationship you had to put your feelings and issues on the back burner. You told me that giving you “the silent treatment” was a form of abuse. You told me I was selfish. You told me I didn’t love you. You told me I didn’t care about you. You told me all these things that arent me. You cried to me so many times asking me to just care for a second. To just hear you. To just try to understand where you’re coming from. You told me that you changed all these things about yourself but I never did that for myself. You told me you were never good enough. You told me you weren’t the person for me.

but I remember before all those things were said. I hold onto the good things. They keep me going. Seeing your smile and hearing your laugh. Feeling your fingertips graze through my hair. Feeling your kisses on my skin. Feeling your embrace like the security I never before had. I remember you telling me how you never wanted to get married and along the way I became the only person you ever wanted to marry. You wanted to spend forever with me. I remembered the conversations we had about all the terrible things we ever did and we loved each other after just the same if not more.

I thought I finally had it right. We were 3 weeks away. 3 weeks away from you being here forever. In my arms. In my bed. Sharing my space. Merging our hearts. Finally having the life we talked about all year. We were 3 weeks away. But I didn’t ask if you were okay. When you said you wanted to talk about it later I thought you were uncomfortable and when you asked for space the next day I gave it to you. Then I woke up the next day and called you and my life changed forever. You had made up your mind. You were leaving me. You were leaving us. Everything was going to be like a black and white movie that someone would see as a memory and go “what’s the story here?”

I didn’t want you to go. I am still confused. But the last things you said to me will haunt me forever. That i showed you nothing but breaking you down as a person.

I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t matter now. But I am sorry. I never meant to damage your already damaged heart. I broke my promises to you. I wasn’t there when you needed me. All the times you cried and I never heard it. I didn’t see it. I couldn’t see it. Because I was cold. I was empty. I am sorry. I am sorry that all I did was break you down as a person. You always thought you were the terrible person. But you weren’t. It was me. It was always me. I’m sorry you conformed yourself to my pleasure. I’m sorry you never felt good enough. I’m sorry my love left you feeling all the terrible ways about yourself. I’m sorry I caused a multitude of tears but only dried a few. I’m sorry I wasn’t the rock you needed. I’m sorry I had moments of selfishness. I’m sorry I had moments I couldn’t be soft. I’m sorry I made you feel small.

you spent your whole life feeling like a burden. Instead of loving you and ensuring you that wasn’t true, I added to it. I knew I didn’t deserve you. But selfishly; as the person I am, I wanted you. I fell in love with you so entirely that I couldn’t help myself. I am not sorry for loving you. But I am sorry that my love broke you. You didn’t deserve more damage. You deserved a happy ending. The one you felt you would never have.

my karma is knowing that that Forrest wedding…it won’t be with me. My karma is having to live every day knowing I took someone who loved me so completely despite all my flaws and destroying her. My karma is replacing every memory with every bad thing about myself. My karma is laying awake at night thinking of who will heal your heart. My karma is becoming part of the villains in your story. My karma is having to live my life without the one person that made life worth living.

I don’t regret meeting you. Meeting you saved me. I don’t regret the memories. I don’t regret the love. I am just sorry you had to experience me. I never deserved you. I should have stayed away. I should have known as the person I am that my love hurts instead of heals. I should have saved you from myself.

I will always love you with my entire being. The blood rushing through my veins has slowed with your absence. My heart is barely beating. I remember this feeling all too well, empty corpse. Pointless. Purposeless.

When you asked me what my biggest fear was it was that I’d never see you again. And it happened right before my eyes. I don’t know how to unlove you. I don’t know how to carry on. I don’t know how to not feel as though my heart was put in a jar and sent out to sea like a letter to never be seen again.

It’s dark here. It’s scary.

Wherever you end up, I hope you know I always only wanted for you to be happy.

I love you more than I will ever love myself. I love you more than life itself.

I hope you find someone who will be the person you originally saw me as and not the person I became.

You told me once before that “I’m sorry” doesn’t make the feeling go away. You’re right. It doesn’t.

you won’t ever see this, but I am sorry. Eternally sorry.

I loved you then, I love you now, I will love you forever KBF.

〰️Lauren 〰️

[duckapus]

Magolor heads into his office after a few minutes of talking shop with Bob, “What a nice bunch of folks. Though I swear that Lily girl looked familiar…” he shrugs, “Eh, I’m sure it’ll come to me.”

With that, he starts looking through some paperwork. It’s mainly confirmations on the permits for his carnival (and on the bribe payments for the health inspector, of course), and a few supply delivery orders he needs to finalize, but one item stands out; an envelope with no return address and a picture of a rose with a thorny stem printed on it, no doubt containing a threatening note. He glares at it.

“I swear, those religious types have no patience. It’s nowhere near the deadline Anton gave me last time he showed up!” he sighs roughly and tosses it to the side before massaging his temples, “I have got to get out from under these guys…”

As he wallows in his frustration, he catches a glimpse of something in the far corner of the office, under a box. He floats over and pulls it out, revealing it to be a document of some kind.

“Huh, forgot I had this. Let’s see… ‘Bounty for Liliana Estrella, deliver to Rosen Stinger, mission details’…yada yada…’don’t damage vocal cords’…hm-hmmm…’Reward’-” he whistles, “man that’s a lot of zeroes.”

He’s started pacing without quite realizing it, “So that’s where I remembered her from. Well, if she’s worth that much to them, I’ll be able to clear my debt and make a profit in the meantime!” He starts rummaging through the room, running his hands along the walls, “Okay, where’d I hide that control panel…”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oblivious to Magolor’s machinations, the kids are having a blast. Those of them with powers were using them to out-cheat some rigged games, Franky had proven to be king of the claw machine, BJ seems bound and determined to clean out every concession stand in the area, Sage had decided to test out her new more life-like hologram by seeing if she could get as sick as everyone else on the rollercoaster, and Jubjub had somehow managed to break a test-your-strength machine and is now lugging around a wiggler plush toy(thankfully waterproof, Bob had checked) three times his size. Now the group is taking a break for lunch.

Bob’s sitting off to the side, for once content to keep his big mouth shut and just enjoy listening to the kids chatter excitedly with each other. Contrary to what Lily had thought before, he’d actually done the responsible thing and let their parents know what was going on before they came. To his surprise (and theirs, if his people reading skills were still good, which they’d have to be in his business) they’d all been perfectly fine with him looking after the kids. Karen had even said outright and with no hesitation that she trusted him with Cody, which had come as a shock to both parties.

A few years ago, heck, even a few months ago he wouldn’t have been anyone’s choice to look after a kid, probably wouldn’t have even agreed to unless he could profit from it somehow. He’d gone soft, he’d admit. Even go as far as to say he was proud of it. Not that he’d stop scamming people and living a degenerate’s life anytime soon, he was still himself after all, but he’d be perfectly fine keeping his act as clean as it currently was if it meant more moments like this.

Almost as if to spite that thought, Sage suddenly goes rigid and stares in shock into the distance, “Oh dear.”

This puts everyone on alert, and BJ puts his claw on his best friend’s shoulder, “What’s wrong?”

“Something is blocking my connection to the EggNet. And if I am interpreting this correctly, the jamming signal also seems to be outputting a copy of my “all is well” state, so Father will not be alerted of my absence.”

Cody growls nervously, “My phone doesn’t have a signal either.”

Bob’s eyes narrow and he stands up, blades not yet raised but still at the ready, “Alright kids, whatever’s about to happen, we stick together. Cody, Franky, Lily, that goes double for you since you don’t have an easy way to defend yourselves.”

The group all nods, some nervous and some determined, and then the intercom turns on.

“Hey everybody, this is your host Magolor! Due to circumstances well within my control, this carnival is being temporarily repurposed as a musician capturing labyrinth.”

Lily moves behind Lil Coding, “Oh, not again…”

“See, normally I wouldn’t get into the whole bounty hunting business. Bit too messy for my tastes. But, I’ve accumulated a rather sizable debt to some particularly nasty characters. Perhaps some of you have heard of the Rosen Stinger? Now, I was going to use the profits from this carnival to pay it off originally, but they’re…a little testy after the last time I saw them, and I’d rather get this done sooner rather than later. And as if in answer to my prayers, who should fall in my lap but the little songbird their boss has been obsessed with for the past year or so?

“It’s really nothing personal kiddo, but it’s you or me, and frankly I’d rather it not be me. See ya real soon!”

“YOU SON OF A-” Bob snarls and smacks a nearby garbage can so hard it wipes out a pretzel cart, then calms himself down, “Okay, same plan as before, but now staying with the group goes triple for Lily and we’re also gonna run like hell for the nearest exit.”

“Jub jub if no exit?”

“Then we’ll make one.”

[pseudinymous]

This is a little late, but I decided that this year I will take my life back, violently if necessary. I’m going to:

- Get my endometriosis (ALL of it) removed in March, using the best gynocological surgeon in the state. He basically just specialises in removing endo by excision all day long. I might finally be free of this highly particular multiple-times-per-month hell that has blighted my life since I was 13.

- Sell the house, or if the price drops too much by March, try to rent it out, since I geographically cannot live there (and no, I don’t give a shit what you think of landlords). There is no other option. I won’t sit here and take a $50,000 loss just to get rid of the damn thing. This will mean paying off a lot of debt associated with the house that was supposed to be paid when it was sold; I am working this down as fast as I can now and will work something out with my creditors with what’s left over in March if I can’t sell at a reasonable price. - Go back to therapy. I use tumblr, of course I’m mentally ill lmao. This is a priority. I’m going back to see my first psychologist who was historically the best one I had. Awesome dude. Also now specialises in people with chronic health conditions. Feeling very relieved I can go back to him.

- Get a different psychiatrist. Current one is only good for prescribing ADHD meds and not much else; difficult to talk to, difficult to explain situations to, straightforward but a bit of a cunt. Going to go find someone who’s less of a cunt about the fact that I need to function properly and not be a risk to myself across more than just office hours, and will actually help me to find a medication arrangement that will safely allow for this.

- Take a trimester off university to recover from doing anatomy over summer (freaking hell it’s a lot of work) and also recover from surgery. Can hopefully use some of the extra time to help work off my debts, too.

- Optimise my heart treatment plan so that I can get more benefit and less fainting and exhaustion spells. I’ll probably have to work pretty closely with my cardiologist for this, but I think it’ll be worth it.

- Stop caring about mental health. No, this sounds stupid, but it’s a thing. I over-think about my mental state and it causes me to get worse when I realise how bad it is (and subsequently obsess on fixing something that is, by all means, presently unfixable hormone problems). An experiment has led to me realising that refusing to acknowledge and ignoring the state of it actually leads to me having WAY better days. So basically, am I capitulating? If the answer is yes, fuck everything and play Pokemon.

- Keep getting kickass grades. Stick my tongue out at everyone who said I couldn’t. Fuck ‘em.

- Prove myself. To myself. Somehow. Prove myself to everyone. Figure out how to present myself as me again, and not some sick frail little waif of a human being. Not oversharing all my illnesses would be a damn good start (of course, this is tumblr, so lol).

It’s a lot, but it’s a plan, and every part of it that I can manage to execute will help.

Then in 2024, I might even dare to learn how to hope.

[keefwho]

May 27 - 2023

9:37 AM

Currently finding it difficult to focus on something. There are so many options and other things to think about. I feel upset that I don’t have more friends to turn to. I’m sad that Daisy is upset about her rats and debt. I wish I could do more for myself and others. I don’t even know what to say half the time. I’m still thinking about all the lost friendships I have and how I should be moving on. Also how I don’t want to keep adding to that pile. I don’t want to be alone, all because of how I am. 

10:39 AM

I hate having to take care of myself before I can take care of others. 

11:22 AM

I feel like the TOTK meme I’m making is stupid and a waste of time. I don’t even know if it makes much sense because I don’t have the full context of the story yet. Also the frame I used for ganon doesn’t make sense since it’s from the opening cutscene and I have Link responding to him with all the sage abilities already. Maybe I thinking too much into it but it’ll be stupid if it doesn’t add up. Also don’t know what to do for the background since inside the cave would definitely not make sense but that’s where I took ganon from. SO WHAT DO I DO

Maybe no background.

1:28 PM

Currently trying to distract myself from how much of a loser I feel like. I feel bitter at myself and everyone else. I wanted to socialize today but I am in no shape to do so properly. All else I know to do is to isolate. 

I keep remembering that something is very wrong with me. I keep getting comfortable thinking I’m happy but I am horribly fucked up. I don’t even feel like I deserve friends. Like it’s irresponsible for me to near anyone lest I bring them down with me. 

3:58 PM

It’s clear I’m not wanted but I don’t blame anyone. 

I let everyone down

5:22 PM

All I’m looking forward to tonight is giga drinking. Either alone or with people that don’t want me there. WOooo 

6:56 PM

lol im so fucking lonely

11:07 PM

FUCK the friendships of the past, if they let go then I will let go. At least with a couple of them I’ve tried to reach back out but they won’t reciprocate. Ultimately I don’t know who they are anymore, I am fond of who I knew them as, who they once were. They are all strangers now not worth my time. If hating them is what it takes then so be it. I want to move on from all the friendships that didn’t work out. If they were good things then they would still exist. There are good reasons each of them ended. 

No matter what, no matter how bad I feel, tomorrow I have to keep myself occupied. I know the consequences if I don’t. I know how bad it is when I am allowed to fester in my thoughts. I have to keep myself present in whatever I am doing at all costs. I’m tired of continuing this stupid cycle of mine. I just want to be happy. 

11:57 PM

Today was horrible, and still is. I basically didn’t do anything aside from play TOTK and finish a sketch. I hung out in VR for a little bit but I couldn’t get out of my own damn head. I’ve felt so excruciatingly alone because I fucking hate myself. I feel horrible that I feel this way, because it means I can’t have friends or be there for other people. I have to be selfish just to barely keep myself alive. 

I know it was sort of a joke but on Henry’s stream he said how important it is to be able to recognize yourself in a mirror and honestly tonight, I did not recognize who I saw. It was alarming. It’s like I was looking at someone else. Someone without a purpose or identity. I’m so afraid I’ll be alone forever because I can’t come to terms with accepting who I am. Who could ever be expected to put up with me like this. 

On top of that I’ve never felt like I’m someone’s priority. As much energy as I’ve put into others in my life, I don’t feel like it’s every been returned properly. I can’t tell if it actually hasn’t or if I have the inability to see it. 

I don’t know what to do. I feel like it is inevitable that I will lose the few friends I have and will never be able to make new ones. I feel like I will always be alone. And it’s all my fault. No matter how much I try to be a good person or cry about it, no one is there for me. I wish I could end it all. I don’t feel like I deserve to be on this earth. No one fucking wants me. I know it. 

12:33 AM

I’ve been frantically sobbing for about half an hour. I can’t stop. Please let me die, it would be so easy. I don’t think I’d be missed 

[mithrilhearts]

PLOT BUNNY #7 ↳ A LITTLE PLACE CALLED HOME

Summary: On a night when The Green Dragon Inn is out of vacancy, Bilbo Baggins opens up his home to a trio of displaced and rain-soaked dwarves. The two children of the bunch are happy to have a temporary home away from the rain, but their uncle, Thorin, sees it only as a debt to be repaid.

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The rainy season within the Shire was typically ruthless, albeit great for the gardens and plants outside. Bilbo had never minded being stuck indoors and just watching the rain tap against the glass of his windows, but when it came time to travel even the smallest of distances, his views on the cloudy skies overhead changed. Idle complaints left his mouth as he trotted along the path towards the Green Dragon. If it had been anyone other than Drogo and Primula, Bilbo would have simply canceled his plans to meet, but it had been months since he had last seen the pair since their wedding.

Living all the way out in Buckland made it dreadfully inconvenient for frequent get-togethers, so this was one that Bilbo couldn’t skip out on. After all, Drogo was probably his favorite relative in what remained of his family since his parents had passed away.

Shaking his cloak around upon entry to the pub, the sounds of jubilation filled Bilbo’s ears, instantly putting him in a better mood despite his soaked cloak and feet. There sat Drogo and Primula, cheerily chattering away with mugs on their table and spotting Bilbo quickly after his entry. The eager waves were enough to warm the hobbit’s heart. He missed these feelings, it was something that had diminished significantly after Belladonna’s passing, and never could quite replicate with the other hobbits of Hobbiton, but this was a close second.

“Good evening,” Bilbo greeted as he trotted over, hanging up his cloak on the back of an unoccupied seat and sitting down, a mug sliding his way in the process. “Sorry I’m late, the storm out there is…something else. It’ll be good for the gardens though, so I can’t really complain.”

“You do have quite a green thumb with those vegetables of yours!” Prim chimed. “I’ll be eager to see what you bring to the autumn festival this year.”

“He’ll bring the tomatoes, of course, Prim! Though it will be interesting to hear how the Gamgees do with their pumpkins this year as well. Poor Lobelia is in for it this year after last year’s close race between her and Hamfast,” Drogo was eagerly chattering away, his mug in his hand and the brew inside sloshing around with his expressive movements, not that anyone seemed to mind.

Bilbo couldn’t help but sit and chuckle his way through the majority of the opening conversation, finding himself more engaging in talking about the ongoings of Hobbiton and what to expect later on this year and he was about himself. It was a quiet life for Bilbo Baggins. A bachelor with no family of his own, nor any real desire to uproot his calm lifestyle for something like that. He was content if a little bored, but honestly, boredom was safe. That’s what Bungo had always said, whereas Belladonna had always said that boredom was a sign that adventure was coming.

Bilbo believed in none of that unless you counted the occasional caravan coming and going through Hobbiton as being an adventure. Purchasing wares from the dwarves that lived up north could be an adventure, though Bilbo had no experience of that on his own, but he would at some point, he imagined. Their spoons looked rather sturdy, yet intricate…and to add those to Belladonna’s collection? It might just be worth the effort.

“What’s the fantasy today, Bilbo?” Drogo nudged his elbow into Bilbo’s, which spurred the bachelor to quickly sip at his mug for a few moments to collect his thoughts.

“Nothing, I just…get lost in conversation sometimes. Don’t mind me.”

“More like lost in a daydream,” Prim snickered, but never maliciously.

Bilbo’s oddities were often a small topic of conversation among the hobbit community, but to most, that was just Bilbo being the product of a respectable Baggins and an adventurous Took. Odd, but in some of the most charming of ways, and of course, he was the Master of Bag End and head of the most prestigious families in Hobbiton. That being said, it didn’t keep him from being scrutinized either. In fact, it likely helped place him under the watchful magnifying glass of the gossiping creatures more than others. 

He still couldn’t quite figure out why he was a more interesting topic of conversation than say, the Thornburrow couple and their highly active ways as a couple among the other married couples of Hobbiton–but that was none of his business, was it?

A small smirk crossed Bilbo’s lips as he sipped away at his drink, at least until the door to the pub swung open from the force of the wind, and one dwarf soaked to the bone with a small package hanging around his front, and a young dwarfling practically clinging to his leg. Upon further examination, that package at the dwarf’s front was…another young dwarfling. It made Bilbo’s heart ache.

Bilbo had never wanted kids of his own, not really, but he didn’t mind the fauntlings running around the Shire and made sure to tell only the most amazing of stories whenever they came to his fence. To see this though? It was enough to make him visibly wilt.

“Is something the matter, Bilbo?” Drogo asked, barely grabbing Bilbo’s attention as all three of them were now staring at the doorway towards the small cluster of dwarves wandering in.  “Oh…look at them.”

“They’re so small,” Primula tacked on, her fingertips brushing her lips in thought as they continued to watch as the adult dwarf was speaking with the innkeeper.

It was the distraught look that crossed the oldest dwarf’s face that told the three hobbits that something was amiss, but like good hobbits, it was best to leave the outsiders to themselves–and gossip at the table. 

Bilbo remained silent as he continued to stare, watching the dwarf and his…dwarflings move towards the doorway. “I’m going to get a new drink.”

“But your mug is half full already!” Drogo protested, but far be it from him to try and deter a Baggins or a Took from something their mind was set on. And Bilbo was both of those combined! “Well, bring back one for Prim and me while you’re at it if you don’t mind!”

With his attention on the bar, Bilbo waved his hand in dismissal, acting as if he were listening as he trotted up and vaguely focused on the innkeeper, mumbling something about drinks as his ears were listening to the small whisperings of the dwarf and the little ones with him. 

“We can warm up here for a moment, alright?” The guardian dwarf had spoken, causing Bilbo’s ears to twitch at the words. “Shelter is in short supply, so we’ll have to make do with what we can.”

“I miss mama…” The young blond dwarfling whined, his eyes full of tears and his lip quivering something fierce.

“I know, and we’ll return to her in due time. Once the storm has settled, we can make for home, okay?” The oldest dwarf was crouching, still cradling the youngest in his arms who was a tad squirmy, but ultimately enjoyed being held close for the sake of warmth. “You just need to be strong for me and your brother, madtithbirzul(tiny golden heart), can you do that?”

“Y-yes…” The tiny blond sniffled, which was the icing on top for Bilbo’s poor heart.

“Bag End has a few rooms that are unused!” Bilbo practically shouted, earning an uncomfortable bout of silence within the entire main room of the pub, and three sets of dwarven eyes staring at him in both shock and confusion. “That is to say…since the Green Dragon seems to be out of vacancy…if you’re looking for a place to stay, I’d happily give you the rooms–”

“I’m not looking for a handout.” The dwarf practically growled before a tiny tug came to the bottom of his tunic. Those big blue eyes of Fili’s staring back at him. “...But under these particular circumstances, my hands are a bit tied. How much?” 

“If you’re unwilling to take my handout as you call it, how about you just pay me what you think is fair?” Bilbo offered with a small shrug, offering a small smile to try and soothe the frayed nerves of the little ones that kept flickering their eyes between the adults. “There’s plenty of food, warm blankets, and a bathtub you can use.”

“That won’t be necessary–”

“The little ones look chilled to the bone. Think of their cold little toes in those boots! Some hot water and bubbles will do them some good and ensure their feet remain intact.”

“Bubbles?! For my toes?!” Fili cried out in excitement as he bounced from latching to his guardian’s leg towards the stranger.

“Mhm, lots of bubbles, and they’re lavender scented. You’ll smell just like a field of flowers,” Bilbo teased, his heart warming at the idea of his good deed, but the look he was fixed with by the rather exhausted-looking dwarf before him was telling. He didn’t like this, but as terrible as it was to admit, Bilbo knew he had no other choice, and was glad for that. “I’m…terribly sorry, I forgot to introduce myself first before throwing my home open up to you. Rather strange, isn’t it? Bilbo Baggins, of Bag End.” Jutting his hand out for a proper shake, it took the dwarf a few moments to so much as move.

“Thorin.” 

Short, sweet, and to the point, who was Bilbo to judge? At least Thorin had the decency to shake his hand, even if there was an abundance of skepticism behind that stare.

“And these two?”

“I’m Fili, and that’s Kili.” The small blond puffed up proudly. “We’re brothers.”

Bilbo couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. “I gathered that, thank you. It’s nice to meet you all.” Locking eyes with Thorin and shifting uncomfortably beneath that scrutiny, Bilbo let out a puff of air and gestured towards the doorway. “Bag End is not far from here, judging by the windows, the rain has let up some and it would be best to not waste the moment. Just let me grab my cloak and we can head off.”

After an apology to Drogo and Primula for cutting the evening off in the name of kind and generous behavior. Bilbo had always been something of an impulsive creature when it counted, and this was one thing he didn’t want to turn his back on. Something about that distraught look in those tired blue eyes held him captive, and he absolutely had to help, and now Bag End was the temporary home for a few wayward dwarves and one mad Baggins.

[creativepawsworld]

Chances - Part 2

Pairing = Cillian Murphy x Original Character

Summary = Part Two of Chances

Warnings = Fluff, language maybe?

Word Count = 4577

Eight Weeks Later, I had a bump. It was small and I could just about get my jeans on. To anyone I didn’t really know it simply looked as though I had gained a little weight before the holidays instead of after. Telling my parents was the hardest thing I ever had to do because it was a one night stand, my dad was not impressed. His little girl despite having two other children was out whoring herself around and got knocked up. My mum was just thrilled she was getting another grandchild. As for my boys, well they were the ones to tell me that ‘Mummy had a baby in her belly, a baby sister’ they believe. Thankfully they were excited at least for now.

The pregnancy itself wasn’t bad so far, I had no morning sickness only heartburn which could be solved by taking some medication. Working with dogs was an absolute blessing throughout the last few weeks. Every time I felt anxious or worried about having the baby, I had a pooch in front of me kissing my face and my worries away.

Clara had agreed not to contact Dermott until I was ready. She informed me that he told her he worked on the radio station Today FM in Dublin that night we were at the bar. I guess they needed something to talk about with Cillian and I preoccupied. Honestly though I don’t think I will ever be ready especially now, I couldn’t contact him after 2 months. He would never believe me, I missed my opportunity. I spent the last two months listening to his radio show though ‘Dermott and Dave’ hearing his voice had the memories of that night running through my mind. Especially the ones with Cillian, I felt so free dancing with him that night. I was more like myself then I ever had been with my ex.

“Hey, how’s the mama doing today?” Clara asked opening the door to my dog grooming parlour, located in a cabin in my back garden. I was still paying off the debt I accumulated getting the whole thing put together but it was so worth it. I got to work from home, doing exactly what I loved.

“I’m fine, jeans just about fit so can’t complain too much yet” I laughed trimming around a cockapoo’s face. The dog was sitting so perfectly still which made my job 100 times easier.

“I don’t know how you do this without wanting to steal all the dogs” Clara cooed scratching behind the dog’s ears once I stopped trimming around his mouth. “They are just so cute….yes you are….yes you are”

“Pablo is more than enough with two kids and one on the way thank you very much” I tell him with a smile as I inspected the dogs face. “Isn’t that right Charlie Boy?” I smile in the dogs face as he left a long wet lick on from my chin to my forehead.

“What you doing tonight? Does he have the kids tonight?” Clara asked taking a seat at a desk I had set up to work on the books that came with the business, finance, inventory etc and my calendar to book dogs in for their trims.

“He does yes, so my plans are a bath and an early night.”

“Change them, I want to take you out tonight for dinner. Just you and me to celebrate that little bun in the oven.”

“Clara I’m really not in the mood tonight.” I tell her honestly sighing as I stood up straight, placing both my hands on my lower back and leaning back, stretching my spine as best I could. I was tired, sore and just wanted some me time for once. Since finding out I was pregnant the kids have been full on, so had work with Christmas around the corner, everyone wanted their dogs cut for the big day.

“Too bad, I’ve made the reservation. I’ll meet you there at 7pm?” She asked but clearly it wasn’t a question I could answer how I wanted.

“Wait we aren’t going together? We always go together? Save on the petrol?”

“Well I can’t tonight, I have to visit my mum in the home and I think it’ll just be easier to meet there instead of me driving all the way back over the bridge to collect you to drive all the way back to get to Link”

“I guess. Are you sure it has to be tonight. Adam has the boys for two nights can’t we go tomorrow?”

“No” Clara replied bluntly shaking her head furiously as she swung from side to side in the soft cushioned chair I had chosen for the parlour.

“Fine, see you at 7” I replied admitting defeat as I lifted the scissors next to Charlie once more, determined to finish him within the next ten minutes.

“Cheer up you're getting a free dinner and dress pretty. It’s a celebration” Clara spoke standing to her feet before walking over to me, pecking my cheek and leaving me alone with Charlie once again.

“It’s not like I had a choice huh?” I ask the dog before burying my face in his tight curls on his head for a hug.

******

Tonight, I decided to wear a flowy skirt which hid the swelling in my stomach well and paired it was a large woollen jumper, tucked into the top of the skirt giving a causal but also a dressed-up vibe to the outfit. Pulling out my black boots, the same pair I wore Dublin I grabbed my jacket. I was already running late. My last client didn’t collect their dog until after 6pm leaving me little to no time to shower and dress. I didn’t have time to wash my hair, but it wasn’t too dirty, so I simply threw it into a messy bun as I walked out the door.

Arriving at the restaurant, the number of cars in the car park told me it was busy tonight, something I really wasn’t in the mood for but Clara had been my rock the last few weeks so I couldn’t really tell her no. Sighing to myself, I glanced around not seeing her car anywhere which was strange as she had messaged asking where I was. Ignoring that thought I walked in telling the guy at the bar I was meeting someone, and he had informed me the other person had arrived. I was expecting him to take me into the main area of the restaurant which seemed to be absolute crazy with some kind of party but instead he took me off to the other side restaurant which had only a few couples having a meal.

Looking at the floor as I walked, carefully watching his feet until he stopped as I looked up, the young waiter left as I stood in complete shock. For the first time in a long time, I felt sick, physically sick.

“Hey Paige, hope you don’t mind Clara helped set this up” Cillian smiled awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck as he stood up. Nodding my head, I didn’t know what to say or do, automatically my body moved forward wrapping my arms around his neck for a hug he awkwardly accepted. As I inhaled deeply through my nose, the smell of his aftershave was making my mouth water and causing a dull ache between my legs.

“Nice to see you again Cillian” I managed to squeak out as we pulled away. Trying not to be awkward I moved around to take my seat by the window, Cillian had his back to the entire restaurant next to him was a pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses which I thought was odd, it was November and there wasn’t a lot of sun. Just rain, lots of rain.  

“How are ya?” He asked once we were both settled. Since the last time I saw him, his hair had grown out a little, especially on the sides but he still really looked good. Those blue eyes were just as alluring as the first time I saw them.

“I’m good, how are you?” I respond grabbing the glass of water in front of me and taking a sip as he responded with a simple good. Nodding my head, I placed the glass back on the table looking around the restaurant before resting my eyes on his which just so happened to be staring back at me. Almost like he was trying to work out what was different. “So why are we here? I thought it was a one-time thing considering the distance between us”

“Yeah, I thought so to, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you, even tried to find you. When I got home… after we, you know, you weren’t there. You had disappeared”

“I didn’t want to overstay my welcome”

“Well Scout enjoyed your breakfast” He laughed, his right hand reaching up and scratching the side of his head, his eyes dropping to the linen tablecloth.

“You got me breakfast?” I asked completely taken back by his words. I felt so many emotions bubbly in my stomach as he looked up to meet my eyes once more.

“Yeah, I had nothing at home as I was away for the last 8 weeks for work so didn’t have any food in. I went to the local bakery got a few things but well…”

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I thought you left to give me time to get out so you could go about your business.” I tell him honestly, feeling like a complete idiot. Placing my hand on my head, tears filling my eyes as I avoided eye contact. This was nothing worth crying about but my hormones had other ideas.

“God no, I’m not that kind of man Paige. I like to spend the morning after you know talking, having breakfast, not like I do that often. In fact, I haven’t done that in years, not sex. One night stands I mean” He rambled over his words as he tried to find the right words to say without making himself look bad.

“I’m really sorry I had no idea. Honestly” I breathe out using my free hand to fan my face. “God, I feel terrible now”

“Don’t, please” Cillian smiled reaching forward to take my hand that was fanning my face into his own, his thumb rubbing small circles across my knuckles. “But I did go to the hotel you were staying to return your key card you left it at mine, and I was hoping you might still be about, but you had checked out”

“That’s really unfortunate. It sounds like a bad version of Cinderella” I laughed thinking about the classic Disney fairy-tale I read to my children before bed last night.

“Yeah, the hotel were no help wouldn’t even give me your last name, so I thought that was it. You were to live on in my memories that was it but when Clara got in touch with Dermott…”

“Wait, Clara contacted Dermott?” I interrupted him mid-sentence. Of course she contacted him, how else would Cillian be sitting opposite me now if she hadn’t. Staring at the man in front of me, I smiled I thought I would have been annoyed at her for contacting him when I didn’t ask her to but seeing him here, in front of me. I was happy.

“Yeah a few weeks ago, it was actually rather funny” Cillian chuckled to himself, a chuckle that made my heart skip, it was a sound I’d happily listen to on repeat. “She called the radio show Dermott does and instead of telling him about her thoughts on whether meditation or DIY was more relaxing which was what they were discussing at the time she immediately jumped down his throat asking for me.”

“Live on the radio?”

“Live on the radio” Cillian repeated with a laugh. “Of course, most people who follow me know Dermott and I are close so that just started a whole headache for him on the show with people texting in and stuff but yeah. He got her number when they went off live and well here, we are”

“She has no shame I’m so sorry about that” I sighed rubbing my head with my hand. “Are you on radio as well? Is that why people were interested in finding you?” I asked still not sure what he did for a living but like he did whenever I asked the other night at the bar he laughed.

“Not exactly no.” He shakes his head inhaling deeply as if this was the hardest thing, he had to admit to someone. “I’m an actor, I wouldn’t say a huge actor but big enough.”

“Can’t be that big if I don’t know who you are” I challenged with a smirk on my face. It could have gone either way, he could have been offended with what I said or not. Thankfully it was the latter, in fact he just laughed, a sound that was quickly becoming my favourite thing in the world tonight.

“I guess not no.” He smiled taking my other hand in his, now holding both my hands as he inhaled deeply.  “Have you heard of the Tv show Peaky Blinders?”

“I have but I haven’t watched it, just never really got around to it but it is on my watch list” I tell him with smile. I was behind on so much television, had been since having kids and starting my own business.

“Right, well you know it has a huge following right?” He questioned, his eyes never leaving mine. I could feel the nerves radiating off him as he spoke, almost as if he was afraid that the next words out of his mouth would scare me away.

“Of course, my brother and his girlfriend are obsessive with the show. They loved it, it was them who told me to watch it actually.”

“Well, Paige. I am the lead actor in that show. I play Thomas Shelby”

“You…you what?”

“Please don’t freak out on me” He sighed, his face creasing into a grimace as he watched the words float around my mind. I wasn’t stupid I knew the following Peaky Blinders had; it was almost like a cult. The fans were fiercely dedicated to the show.

“Are you playing with me? You’re joking with me, right?” I ask unsure how to handle the information he just gave me. There was no way, no chance that the man in front of me was a TV star I mean he was definitely handsome enough to be on TV or maybe even a model but no, he couldn’t be. I couldn’t be pregnant with a TV stars baby.  This wasn’t some rom-com film made in Hollywood this was my life.

“No, I’m not, the reason Dermott had a headache during the show was because fans were calling in asking if I was in the building or around for the day to be interviewed by him. Maybe they were hoping I’d take a few phone calls I don’t know …”

“You're really a celebrity?”

“It's not a word I liked to use but yes” He admitted warily. Nodding my head a little, my stomach slowly turning at the news, pulling my left hand from his I held it over my mouth as I tried to control my breathing. I was not about to be sick; it was a comfort thing. “Are you alright? You’ve gone incredibly pale?”

“I’m fine, it's just not what I was expecting you to say” I tell him removing my hand from my mouth and waving his words off.

“Do you want a drink? It might help with the shock?” He spoke, his head looking around for a waiter in case he needed to order some alcohol.

“Oh no I can’t drink with the baby” I replied without thinking, realising what I had said I looked at Cillian who had suddenly paled himself. This was not how I wanted to tell him I was pregnant; it’s not how anyone should find out they were going to be a parent.

“The what?”

“The uh…the”

“Are you pregnant?” He asked his eyes wide, never leaving mine as the one hand holding my own squeezed prompting an answer from me but instead of words I could only nod. The tears welling in my eyes as I bit my lip.

“Are you ready to order?” A young girl came over with a bright smile. Turning my head so I was looking away from her, feeling embarrassed by the tears in my eyes.

“Um give us a few more minutes please. Thank you” I heard Cillian tell the girl who quickly left the table. “Hey, hey look at me” Cillian spoke once again to get my attention, his hand pulling on my own slightly until I turned back towards him, my eyes still not meeting his own.

“I’m so sorry this wasn’t supposed to happen. You're not even supposed to be here. I didn’t want you to know in case it ruined your life. It’s my mistake I can deal with it myself.” I ramble on and on at first Cillian doesn’t stop me as I continue to dig my own hole. “I didn’t know you were an actor, it's not for money, or blackmail, I swear…”

“The baby is mine?” He asked breaking my train of thought but the question itself had the tears falling freely from my eyes. I must have looked a right state, no doubt my makeup was ruined and my face was probably red and blotchy thanks to the tears.

“I’m sorry”

“Why are you sorry? This is just as much my fault as it is yours?” He replied softly. I’m not going to lie I was taken back by his calm approach; in fact, it confused me why was he taking this so well. Was this his acting skills kicking in? Was he really panicking on the inside? “You weren’t going to tell me?”

“I didn’t think you’d want to know”

“That I’m having another kid? Of course I want to know, I want to be a part of their life.” He chuckled breathily. “You are planning on keeping it right?”

“Yeah” I nodded biting my lip, glancing up to make eye contact for a brief second. It was possible he was just saying all this to keep me happy tonight then go back to Dublin and live out the rest of his days as the guy from Peaky Blinders, forgetting all about me and this baby.

“So, you’re what 8 weeks?” He asked, looking down at the linen clothed table as I nodded my head. “So, you must have a scan soon what is that like 10-week scan or something?”

“12-week scan”

“12 week right. Not to overstep or anything but can I, you know… Can I come with you?” The question itself caught my attention and suddenly I was staring at him, trying to figure out what his game was. However, the look in his eyes were nothing but sincerity and to be honest what looked like happiness.

“Why?” I questioned breathily. The whole situation I was in has completely confused me, this wasn’t right. He should be more shocked, looking for a way out not wanting to know about appointments.

“Why?” He laughed at the question, finding it rather amusing as I tried to find any form of malice in his face  “Um to see the baby? If that is okay?”

“Why do you want to be involved? Surely you could have any woman you desire hanging off your arm why settled with me?”

“Because…” He started to speak, only I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, instantly interrupting him.

“Because you made a mistake and got me knocked up. Don’t make a martyr out of yourself Cillian. You’re off the hook, the baby and I don’t need you.” I spoke with a slight malice in my voice. I wasn’t sure why I was so anger towards him, maybe it was my lack of trust in men thanks to my ex but tonight, it was Cillian getting the brunt of my pent up frustration and anger.  “I’m no longer hungry” I tell him pulling my hand from his and standing to my feet grabbing my bag.

“Paige wait…” He called after me as I walked out of the restaurant ,ignoring all the eyes that were watching the scene in front of them. Once I was free of the prying eyes and outside, I ran to my car quickly unlocking it but before I could get in I had to rush towards the grass verge to be sick.

“Great” I groaned holding my belly as the bitter taste of bile settled in my mouth, my chest feeling as though it was on fire as I stood up straight inhaling the fresh air around me in hopes of settling myself.

“Paige, wait…” I had Cillian’s voice once more, looking over my shoulder I noticed he was fast approaching me. In a panic, I dropped my bag the contents spilling over the ground. “Can you stop? What just happened back there?”

“Why are you bothering with me Cillian? Go be free. Live your fancy actors life without any responsibilities.”

“I am hardly without responsibilities Paige, I have two sons of my own to my ex wife.” He sighs bending down to help pick up the contents of my purse, pausing at the small packet of ginger biscuits, a small laugh escaping his mouth.

“In case I get hungry when I’m out and about” I tell him taking the packet of biscuits from his hand and placing them in my bag. Standing up straight albeit to fast I stumbled over nothing as Cillian’s hands steadying me until the dizziness subsided. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome” He replied hands still firmly placed on my arms. “Look can we at least talk about this, I assume your opinion on men are we are complete bastards but come on, you owe me a chat at least yeah?”

“One chat” I tell him with a nod of my head. “We can talk at my house though. I’m not going back in there I made a right arse of myself.”

“Makes a change from me doing it” He smiled, bringing up the last time we were together in the bar. Smiling myself at the memory, I felt the sudden anger I had towards him fade as we stood opposite each other next to my car.

“Do you need a ride?”

“Yeah, Clara just kind of left me here. I haven’t a clue where I am”

“Come on then” I smile brightly nodding my head towards the passenger side of the car. Inhaling deeply, I entered my small blue car, it was a simple 3 door Ford Fiesta, but it was honestly the best car I have ever owned. Sadly, though I feared it was no longer practically, it was hard enough with my two boys getting them in and out of the car, having to climb myself to get in and out of the back to buckle them up now I had a third child on the way. There was no way this would be practical.

“Do you live far?” Cillian asked as I drove from the restaurant out to the main road towards the other side of the bridge where I lived.

“No not really, only about five minutes, ten depending on the traffic” I shrug off checking both ways for traffic before making my exit onto the bridge.

“Seems like a nice neighbourhood.” Cillian commented as I reversed the car into my driveway. Exiting the car I noticed he looked around the quiet street I lived, everyone either still out or tucked up for the evening in their homes.

“Nothing compared to yours” I tell him shyly looking down at my keys in my hands as I tried to find my front door key. I had been meaning to take my work keys off them, keep them separate from months but just kept forgetting.

“I think it’s perfect” He spoke, his breathe hitting the back of my neck as we entered the small hallway. I was beyond grateful I had cleaned the house this morning before my first client. Opening the wooden door to the living room. My little chihuahua Pablo was over immediately smelling at Cillian’s shoes.

“Careful, he will cover you in hair, he is casting something awful at the moment.”

“Never worry, Scout is the same. Just something they go through isn’t it pup” He spoke, his voice trailing off into a baby voice as he took a seat, Pablo was straight up sniffing everywhere he could before Cillian gently cupped his tiny head pressing a small kiss on the crown of it. In response Pablo had thrown himself into Cillian, soaking his face in small licks before rolling over on his back looking for a tummy scratch.

“Oh course, I forgot you had a dog” I mused walking past the pair and into the kitchen. “Would you like anything to eat or drink?”

“Yeah sure, whatever you are having” Cillian responded. Rather than give him a Pepsi Max I grabbed a bottle of Corona beer from the fridge I had left over from Clara’s birthday a few months back and opening it. Walking back into the living room I offered it to Cillian who thanked me, taking a small sip before he started laughing to himself. “I was going to ask if you were gonna join me but…ya know” He continued after I gave him a strange look to explain his sudden laughter.

“Yeah, we got ourselves a little problem” I nodded with a sigh, sitting next to him on the two seater sofa.

“You mean blessing” Cillian corrected leaning back on the sofa, his arm resting on the back as his body turned slightly towards me. “Would you have ever told me?” He asked jumping straight into the hard conversation he clearly wanting to have.

“I didn’t know how to reach you”

“You know where I live” He commented with a small smile. Tilting my head to the side, I couldn’t stop the smile working its way on face as I rolled my eyes.

“Yes but I wasn’t going to your house in Dublin to tell you the random woman you slept with 8 weeks ago is pregnant with your child. You would think me insane” I chuckle looking down at the open can of Pepsi Max in my lap, using my index finger I traced the silver rim.

“I won’t lie to you, I definitely would” He laughed, a deep hearty laughed that had me laughing along with him. “I guess I will be forever grateful for Clara for reaching out. I would have hated to miss out on this little ones life” He spoke softly, reaching a hand over and placing it on my knee.

“Do you really mean that?” I asked, suddenly feeling incredibly fragile, incredibly exposed to Cillian as we sat opposite each other on my sofa.

“I really mean it Paige” He spoke, barely above a whisper. Slowly he started leaning closer to me, I felt myself lean closer to him until we were mere inches apart. “I’m gonna be here for you Paige.”

[edenmemes]

resident evil village starters

❝ oh, keep growing! one day your head might actually fit your ego. ❞   ❝ running will get you nowhere. ❞     ❝ you don’t have to trust my words, but do you have any better options? ❞   ❝ you shouldn’t be out here. it’s not safe. ❞   ❝ i know you don’t like to talk about it, but can we really just forget everything and pretend it didn’t happen? ❞   ❝ well, what do you think? it’s hopeless, right? ❞ ❝ i wish it could stay like this forever. ❞   ❝ oh, such a disappointment. i thought we could join forces.  ❞ ❝ i don’t have time for this bullshit. out of my way. ❞   ❝ i don’t give a damn about your personal issues. ❞   ❝ it’s a pleasure to see you safe. ❞   ❝ just give up. flesh and blood will never win against me. ❞ ❝ quit acting so full of yourself. ❞ ❝ the clock is ticking. playtime’s over! ❞ ❝ ohhh, don’t give up! ❞ ❝ you think you can take me on? ❞ ❝ you should have never refused me.  ❞ ❝ these are the fruits of my power.  ❞ ❝ leave it alone. you are out of your depth. ❞   ❝ i’ve learned all i can from you. your worth as a lab rat has run out. ❞   ❝ no, no, this can’t be the end for me! ❞   ❝ i can’t escape from here... i can’t do anything! ❞ ❝ what are you talking about? you think this is a game? ❞   ❝ don’t get cocky. i’d kill you if you weren’t the trouble. ❞   ❝ hey, do you know anything about what’s going on around here? ❞   ❝ i’m not used to relying on other people. ❞   ❝ you’re the real deal. well done.  ❞ ❝ i gotta...keep going. ❞   ❝ i think it’s time you left things in my hands. ❞   ❝ my power is leaving me! ❞   ❝ do me a favor... try to stay under the radar. ❞ ❝ you don’t get it. you don’t stand a chance by yourself. ❞ ❝ alright, alright. i guess i owe you an explanation. ❞ ❝ you must be pretty tough, huh? ❞   ❝ all your power’s done is drive you nuts. ❞   ❝ i gotta say, i’m surprised you made it this far. it’d be a shame if something happened to you now. ❞   ❝ so you finally came to see me! everyone falls for me in time. ❞   ❝ it’s all i can spare. take it, take it! ❞   ❝ you’ve got fight, i’ll give you that. ❞   ❝ i didn’t want to keep it from you. i didn’t want to lose you again. ❞   ❝ i’d kill you if you weren’t worth the trouble. ❞   ❝ is there something you’re not telling me? come on, talk to me. ❞   ❝ you can hear it, can’t you? someone’s waiting for you. ❞   ❝ oh, careful what you wish for. ❞   ❝ i don’t want to die. oh, it hurts so much. ❞   ❝ don’t look at me that way. ❞   ❝ i told you to sit down. ❞   ❝ you’re the reason ___ doesn’t love me. ❞   ❝ hey, kiss me? ❞   ❝ if it’s for you, i would do anything. ❞   ❝ come on, it’s not that much further! ❞   ❝ you’re the only one to see me in this form. ❞   ❝ ugh, my temper got away from me. ❞   ❝ play with me some more. ❞   ❝ trying to get on my good side? ❞   ❝ i don’t know if it’s the scent of the flowers, but i feel light headed. ❞   ❝ in all my years, i’ve never been this overjoyed. ❞   ❝ look forward to what i have in store for you. ❞   ❝ mmm, that smells good. what’s that? ❞   ❝ you really should have taken my deal. ❞ ❝ truth hurts, don’t it?  ❞ ❝ i’ve waited so long. but dreams really can come true. ❞   ❝ you coward! come out and face me. ❞   ❝ quit hiding, asshole. i’m not letting you get out of this.  ❞ ❝ i won’t let you have it. even if you beg. ❞   ❝ this is my territory, and i won’t let you leave. ❞   ❝ damn, i’m so cold. my legs won’t work. ❞   ❝ local wine, too. but if you’re going to keep sulking all evening, maybe you shouldn’t have any. ❞ ❝ it’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you. ❞   ❝ you’re the last asshole in my way, aren’t you? ❞   ❝ well, at least we’re together. ❞   ❝ hey, now. think positively, all right? we talked about this. ❞   ❝ come now, don’t be shy. show me your terror. ❞   ❝ i would’ve sliced you to ribbons if they hadn’t stopped me. ❞   ❝ it’s only a riddle if you don’t know the answer. ❞   ❝ shouldn’t we face what happened there so we can live our lives without it hanging over our heads? ❞   ❝ rest while you can, because i will hunt you, and i will break you. ❞   ❝ this village is full of monsters. we can’t fight them! there’s too many. ❞   ❝ a dead body? wait...there’s more... ❞   ❝ you’re a lot like your father, you know. ❞   ❝ it barely flinched when i shot it. i feel like it’s toying with me. ❞   ❝ it’ll be fine. it’ll be fine. it’ll be fine. ❞   ❝ listen. you’re being played.  ❞ ❝ too bad you’ll pay for it...with your life. ❞   ❝ please won’t you stay with me? forever? ❞   ❝ you are lucky to die before your child. ❞   ❝ quiet now, child! adults are talking. ❞   ❝ there’s nothing wrong with my memory. you’re just being paranoid. ❞   ❝ this is...this is just too much. ❞   ❝ awww, you’re blushing. ❞   ❝ how can a man be ‘almost’ dead? that’s a question for the wise. ❞   ❝ what kind of sick medieval shit is this? ❞   ❝ i’ve spent a lifetime creating this moment...and you try to take it away from me? ❞   ❝ i’m sick of fighting you! ❞   ❝ why didn’t you fucking tell me right away? ❞ ❝ shut your damn hole and don’t be a sore loser! ❞   ❝ but i’m not paranoid, i’m just cautious. ❞   ❝ don’t get close to me when i’m cooking, babe. ❞   ❝ anyone who is anyone has heard of the likes of you. ❞   ❝ i haven’t cut open a man in a while. ❞   ❝ we moved here so that you wouldn’t have to deal with any of that, remember? ❞   ❝ why? why would you do this? ❞   ❝ i knew you would want to be involved. and this job is hard enough without civilians getting in the way. ❞ ❝ oh? you have something to say? ❞   ❝ tell me what’s out there! ❞   ❝ you’re still alive...? impressive. ❞   ❝ hey, are you listening? hey! ❞   ❝ exactly how much do you plan on annoying me? ❞   ❝ oh, no. they’re coming! ❞   ❝ do you have a gun? please tell me you have a gun. ❞   ❝ it’s not---nevermind. i’m sorry. ❞   ❝ drunk or not, you are welcome---and safe---in here. ❞   ❝ you know how to push my buttons. ❞   ❝ hey, don’t i get a say in this? ❞   ❝ you wouldn’t know proper manners if it slapped you in the face. ❞   ❝ i won’t forgive you, you bastard! ❞   ❝ why...why do you treat me the same as them? am i not your favourite? am i not special? ❞   ❝ at night, i hear wailing, as if ghosts roam the halls. ❞   ❝ quit your whining; we’re almost there! ❞   ❝ i’m afraid you can’t return to your old world any longer. ❞   ❝ how dare you bare your teeth at me. ❞   ❝ you couldn’t save them. they were already gone. ❞   ❝ in life and death, we give glory. ❞   ❝ can you even understand that humiliation?  ❞ ❝ even i can get angry. ❞   ❝ what the hell is that thing? ❞ ❝ we will meet again soon. ❞ ❝ let’s just say parts of the human imagination are better left alone. ❞ ❝ some treasures still lurk in this village. ❞ ❝ my decision is final. there will be no argument. ❞   ❝ everyone leaves me. even you. ❞   ❝ there is no safe! every sorry bastard out there has been ripped in half! ❞   ❝ come inside. the others are waiting. ❞   ❝ come with me. there’s something i have to tell you. ❞   ❝ what the hell is wrong with this place? ❞   ❝ the strong will destroy the weak. that’s the way of the world. ❞   ❝ no, we’re getting out of here --- together. ❞   ❝ but what i saw was...frightful. ❞ ❝ i suppose it’s what they call ‘the beauty of the grotesque’. ❞   ❝ you taught me so much and for that i will be forever in your debt. ❞   ❝ it is my curiosity that ties me to this place. ❞   ❝ please let me know if you’d like to strengthen your weapons. ❞ ❝ you’ll pay if i find out this is a lie. ❞ ❝ speaking of foolish questions, who --- what are you? ❞   ❝ if i don’t kill them then my life will never be my own. ❞   ❝ you are abominable. your deceit knows no bound. ❞   ❝ quit holding out, and get to the damn point! ❞ ❝ you’re the one who’s cursed. ❞ ❝ i hope you will be able to achieve your goal someday, too. ❞   ❝ that is why i had to leave you. i will regret never telling you goodbye. ❞   ❝ if i had but a little more time, i know i might be able to turn the tides of this battle. ❞   ❝ i can hear it shuffling about outside. ❞   ❝ and now you even try to steal my property? how dare you? ❞   ❝ ugh, just another simple little manthing. ❞   ❝ oh, good. i was just thinking of ways to pass the time. ❞ ❝ nowhere to go but up. ❞   ❝ where are you? show yourself! ❞ ❝ not without me, it’s too dangerous. ❞ ❝ shit, that was close. ❞   ❝ i heard explosions. what happened? ❞ ❝ you’ve dirtied my dress! ❞   ❝ you’re my daughter...now act like it! ❞   ❝ i don’t think we will make it through winter at this rate. ❞   ❝ the wounds are severe. i won’t last much longer. ❞   ❝ will you please stop talking in riddles? ❞   ❝ goddamn. it really is you. ❞ ❝ you sure of this? your body is, well, falling apart. ❞       ❝ how long have i been out? ❞   ❝ keep your distance. do not move until i give the order. ❞   ❝ i’ve got a tough guy here, i need some back-up! ❞   ❝ if my mom saw this shit, she’d think she’d died and gone to hell. ❞   ❝ shut your fucking hole! ...sorry about that. ❞   ❝ who are you? who sent you? ❞   ❝ please, be well. ❞   ❝ there’s more than we thought. watch out. ❞ ❝ to hunger...is to be alive. ❞   ❝ goddammit! why is everyone dying on me? ❞   ❝ hey! hey. don’t talk like that. ❞   ❝ my word, you truly are as strong as they say! ❞   ❝ don’t you love me? ❞   ❝ oh, you didn’t think i’d let you get away, did you? ❞   ❝ taken alive? dead? which would you prefer? ❞  

[buckyismybicycle]

[PART 15] TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE (DAD!BUCKY X TEACHER!READER)

Title: teach me how to love - AO3 Rating: Explicit (for Chapter 9 & 12) Tags/Warnings: godfather!Bucky, canon-typical violence/death of character, fluff, angst, learning disability, almost a spy AU, PTSD, nightmares, mentions of anxiety, oral/penetrative sex, body modification, pain, hurt/comfort, the power of friendship

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | [series masterlist] | [overall masterlist]

Author’s Note: So, I will basically be busy this whole weekend (which includes going to a FanExpo this Sunday for all the Marvel things!)💖 So to make up for not posting until sometime later next week, I am gifting an extra-long chapter for y'all. Please do not sue me for emotional damages.

When Bucky wakes, his head feels like it’d been smashed in by a sledgehammer. The beeps of the monitors sound like bombs at this point, each noise worming into his head and burrowing deep in his brain.

He has no idea what time it is or where he is for that matter, and his nose itches. It’s already hell and he’s been awake for all of six seconds.

He tries to clear his throat, but the dryness makes him cough, which makes him hurt, what the hell is -

“You’re awake!” Bucky startles at the sudden voice, tinny through a speaker somewhere, and then flinches, because that hurts too.

“Stark?” His voice sounds awful and he has a terrible case of cotton-mouth.

“Yeah, hang on, hang on. I’ll be right there, don’t move.” Bucky couldn’t, even if he wanted to, his muscles felt like lead. He can now take in the room, more than just the emptiness of it - the sterile smell that cling to the air, the yellow tinge of the lights as though it could possibly make anything softer.

“Still with me?” This time, the voice comes from the man himself, and he’s looking Bucky up and down. “Honestly I expected you to be out for at least two more hours.”

“High tolerance,” he mumbles, lips chapped. “Where am I? How long’s it been? I need to get home to Yelena.” He watches as Tony’s face does something complicated.

“I need you to hear me out first, or else I’m not telling you anything. Deal?” There’s a feeling of uneasiness already, but he’s too far along the process now to do anything about it.

“Deal.”

“First thing’s first, you need to keep still. We’re back at Stark Industries, since I’ve got a makeshift medical bay. Nasty accidents when you work with weaponry, can you imagine? Anyway, there was some hidden damage to your muscle and to your ribs, so it’ll hurt to breathe for a while. It is imperative that you don’t strain yourself.”

Bucky grunted at that, because he’d already figured that part out.

“Secondly, everything seems fine because I’ve had your phone the whole time in case someone was trying to reach you. Lots of texts you should get to, by the way.” He puts the phone on Bucky’s bed, close enough to his right hand that he doesn’t need to move.

“Alright, last thing - and I again, stress that you cannot move or you’ll undo all our work. Got it?”

“Yeah, I got it.” Bucky’s pretty sure that if he had more energy, he’d sound more exasperated.

“I didn’t put the arm back on. It was causing you too much damage and you wouldn’t have been able to heal if I put it back on. I’m sorry, Buckaroo, I know it’s not entirely what you signed up for.”

Bucky’s heart drops - he doesn’t want to look, doesn’t want to confirm what Tony is telling him because it would make it real. That he wouldn’t be whole.

“But I’ve been... Looking into some designs. I have a pretty good feeling that we can do something better, if you’re finally willing to take me up on my offer.”

It’s true, he hadn’t wanted this, the hassle of a new arm, the debt he now owes Tony, extra burden created by him creating a whole new limb for him. At least with the KGB, they owed him something but this charity was… new.

“Tony, I can’t ask that of you,” he settles on. Tony Stark runs a multi-million, or hell, multi-billion, corporation. Bucky’s one man, he can’t be worth the trouble.

“Consider it a favour to me, then,” he says. “Remember how I was saying I wanted to do more than weapons? That my friend Bruce and I were working together? This falls right under that category, Buckaroo. I want this company to mean something more, I want to be responsible for life instead of death. So really, you’d be helping me out here.”

Bucky appreciates that Tony’s trying to spin it around, but he doesn’t feel the same way that Tony does; he can’t get past the feeling of being unfit to take someone’s time like that.

“Let me think about it?” He asks instead. He would think about it, when his head didn’t hurt so much.

“Take all the time you need. Here’s Dr. Reyes’ card, she said to call her if any complications came up. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need. Need a boost of morphine?”

Bucky accepts it, wants that floating feeling of nirvana instead of this bullshit migraine, pins and needles all over his body and the general feeling of just breathing. In the few minutes that it takes Tony to get it ready, he texts Clint to update him and reads his friend’s account of Yelena since he left. In his heart, he knows it was probably much worse than how mild Clint had made it seem.

Then he sees your name and he gulps in feared anticipation - on one hand, he wants you, more than anything, to be that calm, warm presence, but he knows he can’t let you see him like this. A mess. A piece missing. He opts to do the cowardly thing and turns off the option to show you he’s read the messages.

He feels despair when he reads your words - of course you were concerned for him and Yelena, that’s what you do. You care. But as the messages go on, it shifts more into pleading, and then he feels guilty for how it must have made you feel. He knows that you deserve better than him, especially now, where he’s even more broken, somehow.

How hard is life with one arm going to be? He runs through his entire daily routine - sure, he could brush his teeth and wash his face but how will he braid Yelena’s hair and make her breakfast? Is it safe for him to drive? He’d never be able to get back to his construction/maintenance work or landscaping, he definitely needs two hands for that. Could he still transcribe? How long would it take to type with only one hand? Could you ever be happy with someone like him?

The questions weigh on him like a ton of bricks, and he feels tears prick the back of his eyes. Just as he starts to think he might really have a mental breakdown, the soothing wave of morphine takes him and he closes his eyes.

---

Tuesday arrives, and it’s pretty obvious that you will not, in fact, be seeing Bucky. He hasn’t responded or even read the messages you sent last night. Yelena, again, is missing from class.

It weighs heavy on your mind, and the tightness in your tummy makes you almost nauseous. You just wish you had an answer - even if it was devastating, even if Bucky could just message back and say I’m sorry, I can’t do this at least then you’d know.

Not knowing is so much worse. If your kids notice that there’s a lot more individual project time then activities led by you, they don’t give you any indication. It felt like you were a zombie, forcing yourself to smile at the children and answering their questions, but not really taking in anything else.

Every so often, Peter looks back over his shoulder to Yelena’s empty chair. It’s like he expects her to suddenly turn up, because each time he doesn’t see her, his face falls a bit.

Yeah, I feel you, Petey.

The day passed by slowly yet in a flash, like all the hours had melted together and now it was the end of the day, except you felt drained even though you hadn’t done anything. You knew he wasn’t going to be there, but it didn’t stop your eyes from lingering on your door as the kids left. You could almost picture him leaning against the doorframe with his beautiful smile, waiting for you.

But it wasn’t real, and he wasn’t there. You’d never thought that Bucky would ghost on you. He didn’t ghost you. Yes, he did.

Your brain wasn’t helping, at all. Since today had unexpectedly become free and you really didn’t trust yourself to not spiral out of control, you asked Riley to meet you at your place, and sighed in relief when he didn’t ask any questions.

“I’ll bring wine.”

Thank heavens for Riley.

---

Clint was very, very far out of his element. He chose to live on a farm, away from people, for a reason. The sounds and smells, mixed with the sheer amount of people, was just so overwhelming. It’s enough to make him want to ditch his hearing aids and be blissfully ignorant to the chaos around him. Stark Tower looks like a giant, phallic centrepiece smack dab in the middle of the city. Dodging city-goers with their unnaturally fast pace and too-expensive coffee, he leads Yelena up to the building and inside, marvelling at the modern look of the place. The lobby was bustling and he walked up to the front desk.

“Um, hi, I’m here to see Tony Stark?” The receptionist, honest to god, laughed in his face.

“Yeah, isn’t everyone?” She snarks.

“I don’t know, are they? Look, I have a friend here with him. I don’t even need Tony if you can just point me in the direction of the medical wing.”

“Look, I don’t know who you are, or what you’re talking about, but I’ll have to call security if you keep rambling like this.” She’s unrelenting, with a hard look. Clint sighs, but tries to understand that the press probably try to sneak in all the time and he’s dressed more for a jog than a business meeting. So he grabs his phone, and hopes that it’ll be enough.

“Here, this is what I was told. I’m happy to wait if you can, I don’t know, call someone and verify.”

“Tony Stark doesn’t take calls for random people like this,” she rolls her eyes, but Clint doesn’t back down. He’s gone toe-to-toe with the mafia, for fuck’s sake. “Just, have a seat,” she relents. Yelena is still clutching his hand, looking around worriedly when he doesn’t immediately go inside.

“Why won’t they let us see papa?” She asks him.

“Well, it’s because they don’t know who I am. But that’s a good thing, because it means they’re being very careful and keeping papa safe. They just have to made sure I’m really his friend first.”

“That’s silly, of course you know papa. And I know Mr. Tony and Peter, and last time we parked under the ground and took that all the way upstairs,” she points at the elevator.

Clint assesses the situation - the receptionist, pointedly not calling anyone at all, and the layout of the lobby. It was pretty busy… kind of open.

“Alright, kiddo. I have a plan but you gotta listen very carefully…”

Did he feel bad for using an innocent 6-year-old as a diversion? A little bit. But did it work? Absolutely. The moment he’d slipped in, he’d shrugged off his coat to try and blend in a bit better, took cover behind the pillar, in the shadow. He’d told Yelena to double back and duck under the turnstiles so he watches, eyes always on her. He hates to say it, but she’d make a good spy. She follows instructions perfectly and within five minutes, they’re headed for the elevator.

“Okay, do you remember which button?” He asks her, lifting her up to the panel. She presses the top one labelled “PH”.

Of course.

There’s only two doors in the hall, one significantly bigger, which he assumes is the way to Tony. He lifts a hand to knock, but eyes the retina scanner wearily.

Think, Barton, think.

“Um, are you lost?”

Clint nearly jumps out of his skin and turns around to find a slender woman in heels and a white pantsuit.

“Yes, I am very, very lost,” he says truthfully. “I’m here for a friend that was, uh, injured? But I didn’t know where to go and this little lady here said she remembers taking this elevator up to this floor.”

“Happy brought me and papa here when papa drove Peter after school,” she says to the woman.

“What’s your name, pretty girl?” The woman directs to Yelena.

“Yelena!”

“Yelena? Oh, I’ve heard so much about you from Peter. I know exactly who you’re looking for. Here, follow me,” she gestures to them back into the elevator. Clint is ecstatic that they somehow bumped into the right person on this mission.

“I’m Pepper,” she finally introduces herself. “You must be…”

“Clint.” He goes to shake the slender hand offered. “So you know about, uh…”

“Buckaroo?” She questions with a grimace on her face. “Sorry, Tony never gave me his real name. I realized I also only knew you as... “

“Clinto Bean?” He offers, not at all fazed. She does make another face at it.

“It’s awful, isn’t it?” She laughs.

“Well, so long as everyone else has got a silly name, I suppose those are just the rules.” She’s a kind woman, and the medical bay is apparently in the pits of Hell because the elevator takes them down, down, down, past the garages.

It’s like a whole different facility when they step out, and Pepper leads them down the corridor.

“PAPA!” Yelena’s scream bounces off the walls as she rips her hand out of Clint’s grip and runs to push at the door. It doesn’t open immediately and she bangs her tiny balled up fists before she bursts into tears.

“Oh honey, here, I just have to unlock it,” Pepper says, quickly going to scan her key card. On the other side of the glass, Bucky stirs and Clint notes the heavy bandaging.

“Yelena!” He calls out, scooping her up before she can do any damage. “Papa is hurt right now, okay? The doctors fixed him up but we have to be very careful with touching him, or else we could hurt him by accident okay?” She nods frantically, wiping her tears as they make their way to Bucky, who’s blinking sluggishly. Either sleepy, or hopped on drugs, he gives them a confused look.

“Cupcake? What’re you doin’ here?” Bucky asks before registering Clint’s presence.

“Sorry, but she couldn’t wait any longer and I did my best to fend her off.” Bucky snorts and then flinches. Yelena leans down, wriggling in Clint’s grip and he reminds her again to be careful. Her arms wrap around Bucky’s neck as Clint gently lowers her down on his right side, where he envelopes her in a hug.

“Sorry I scared you, pumpkin.” She doesn’t reply, but sobs quietly into his shoulder there as he rubs her back. Clint takes the opportunity to sign to Bucky.

How bad is it?

Bucky immediately gives him a thumbs down.

Are you getting a new arm?

He sticks his hand out and wobbles it back and forth to signify ‘maybe’.

Do you get to leave soon?

Again, maybe.

“Any idea?” He asks out loud.

“Tony says I can stay as long as I need, but I’m itching to get out of here. I guess as long as I can walk, door’s open.”

And? Can you? He doesn’t want to scare Yelena with some of these questions.

“I think so.”

“Then you just let me know what you need.”

---

Riley is silent by the time you finish your story, starting from Saturday, and is staring at your phone that you’ve handed over. Truth be told, you were scared you would just keep texting if you had it. You were each a few glasses of wine in at this point, but even that’s not enough to slow you down.

“And I just keep thinking, what if I scared him off? And he’s just such a good actor that he convinced me it was all good but the moment he left he ran for the hills, and that’s why Yelena’s not in school, because they’ve transferred to some faraway town where he’s like, off the grid or whatever it is spies call it?”

“Okay, slow your roll, Jesus,” Riley says after your hundredth ramble. “I know that you always do this, you know, the overthinking and the panicking but just breathe for a second. Look, Bucky doesn’t seem like the type of guy to do that. You know that, you’ve told me that. So unless he’s really changed in the past couple of days or weeks, I don’t see him doing this to you for no reason. Now on Saturday, you said you loved each other. Even if he was going to run from you, it would’ve been easy for him to just say sorry, I don’t feel that way. Right?”

“What if this was easier though, to just go with it, the lie, and then he knows he’ll never have to see me again.”

“Sweetcheeks, you are spiralling,” he points out, for the umpteenth time. “You feel like this because your brain is playing tricks on you, trying to make you think the worst. So, come on, hit me with a positive.”

“Uggggh, Riley,” you whine, tired of the therapy talk.

“Positive, go,” he says back just as forcefully.

“Fine. I have the best best friend in the world.”

“Hm, I like that. Alright, one more.”

“The kids are very excited for the holiday show play.”

“Good!”

“Except Yelena was going to be one of the pirates and she was so excited and now she won’t be there!”

“Oh my god,” Riley mutters, shaking his head. “Alright, how about we think about why else Bucky would do this. I mean, what if it’s not Yelena that’s sick, but him?”

And yes, that’d crossed your mind already, but even if he had the flu or the stomach bug, surely, he’d still pick up his phone from time to time?

“Okay, well, do you know anyone else that could get in touch with him?”

“Riley, I have thought of everything. I was even tempted to go to the principal’s office and ask for Yelena’s file to find the address but that’d just be weird.”

“It’s a little overboard -”

“And I couldn’t find Clint in the phone book or Laura! And apparently neither of them have any form of social media, and I can’t even remember how to get to their house because I was too distracted by Bucky while we were driving!” There are tears in your eyes now because it feels like it’s your fault somehow for being stuck like this. Why couldn’t you have just remembered the address, or something?

“Okay, that is enough, get - come here,” he tugs you over with difficulty, the blanket wrapped around your limbs on the couch and wine glasses still in your hands.

“One step at a time. Okay, who’s he friends with other than Clint?”

“I… I don’t know?” You realize. He’d let you in on so much and so little.

“Okay - and his business? Does he have an accountant or something?” You shook your head.

“It’s self-owned, he does everything himself - the booking, the finances, taxes.”

“What about his doctor, jesus.”

“I - I have no idea?”

“Well, he must have one, if not he’d have one for Yelena, does the school keep that kind of information?”

“I don’t think so, we send them to the nurse and they write up the report to take home with them.”

“Jeez, sweetcheeks. Alright, let’s think for a second and - hey, god, please don’t cry.”

“It’s - not -”

“Yeah, I know, I know, c’mere.” You let him sooth your hair, like he did when you were younger. “It’s not you, it’s not your fault. You couldn’t have done anything different, I promise you. This’ll get sorted out. He can’t just fall off the face of the planet, right?”

“Yeah, I know - I… know,” you sigh. You take deep breaths with him.

“Oh! Maybe we’re going about this wrong! We’ve been trying to track Bucky, but what about Yelena? Who are her friends in class, would their families maybe know? Don’t kids have playdates or something?”

“God that’s a long shot, I mean I know she’s really good friends with Peter but his parents don't come to get him usually, they have a chauffeur for him - “

“Wish I had a chauffeur,” Riley grumbles, topping off your wine.

“And I guess she’s good friends with AJ and Cass, but I talk to Sarah from time to time and I don’t recall her ever mentioning play dates, I mean the boys have each other at home, and now they’ve got their uncle staying with them for a bit -”

Wait. Sam! Bucky talked about Sam on the ride to Clint’s house!

“Hey, you remember Sam Wilson? Cass and AJ’s uncle? He uh, well he works with a lot of people who’ve experienced trauma.”

“Yeah, I think I remember Sarah telling me he works with veterans?”

“He does, mostly, but he has other support groups. He’s… really good. At listening. Saying the right thing. If anyone could help, it’d be him.”

“Maybe we could connect them one day,” you say hopefully.

“Hellllllo? Sweetcheeks?” You finally register Riley shaking you.

“You’re a genius!” You exclaim happily, diving for your phone and spilling some of your wine in the process.

“Thank you? But what exactly just happened?”

You press the dial sign on Sarah’s number while Riley looks on in confusion.

“Hello?”

“Sarah!”

“Oh, hey! How are ya?”

“I’m sorry to bug you on a weekday night, I was really hoping you could help me with something.”

“Yeah, of course, what do you need, hun?”

“Long story short, I really need to check up with, uh, Bucky and I think Sam might be able to help?”

“Well, you sure ain’t the first one to use me to get to my brother.”

“Sarah! It’s not -” You’re cut off by the sound of her cackling on the other end.

“Oh, don’t worry, I know. You’ve got eyes only for Bucky, I saw you at the show and tell. Looked at him like he hung the damn moon.”

“Sarah,” you try to hush her, horrified that Riley was already starting to smirk at the new revelation.

“Hang on a sec, hun. SAM!”

“Like he hung the moon, huh?” Riley whispers and you flip him your middle finger.

“Hello? This is Sam.”

“Hi, Sam, sorry to barge in on your evening like this.”

“It’s all good, I hear you can’t get in touch with Bucky?”

“Yes! And, I remembered he mentioned that you had hung out so, I - I don’t know, I just had to try.”

“Is everything okay?” Sam sounds genuinely worried now.

“Well, I don’t know, but he hasn’t answered his phone and… I haven’t seen Yelena either. They could be sick or something, but I just would really like to make sure.

“Yeah, I get that, for sure. Shit, I’ve only got his number too which isn’t any help. Have you tried Clint?”

“I don’t know how to get a hold of him, actually. I was hoping you might have his number?”

“Yeah, I do, one sec.”

You made a fistbump motion and waved for Riley to pass you a pen so you could scribble on the back of an old newspaper.

“Thank you, Sam, I really appreciate it!”

“No problem, I hope he’s alright.”

You stared at Clint’s phone number like it was a winning lottery ticket.

---

Clint closes the door behind him, leaving Bucky on the bed in his makeshift guest room in the basement, Yelena attached to his side. It’s almost 10:30pm and it's been an exhausting few days.

“All set up?” She asked, coming to wrap her arms around his waist.

“Think so. Thank you,” he kisses her.

“Oh come on, like we would ever let Bucky go through this alone, especially after all he’s done for us.”

“No, not for that, for being… you. For being my rock.”

“You were always mine,” she gives him a peck.

It’s not long after that he gets a call from an unknown number.

“Who’s that?”

“Iunno,” he shrugs before picking it up. “Clint speaking.”

“Clint! Oh my god. It’s me, I’m so, so sorry to be bothering you this late, it’s just - I haven’t heard from Bucky or Yelena and I’ve been worried sick about him.”

Laura catches the conversation in the quiet of their living room and watches as Clint’s eyes go wide.

“Bucky’s fine. Well, not fine, but he’s safe. Sorry, I didn’t think about letting you know, I thought the school would’ve passed along a message when I called in for Yelena.”

“Oh! Yes, well, they said she would be absent, due to a personal matter and I - I guess I didn’t want to pry but I haven’t spoken to Bucky since Saturday and we were supposed to see each other today, so…”

“Christ, sorry darlin’, I’ll make sure to have him get back to you. Just know that he didn’t blow you off on purpose, he, uh, had to see the doctor and they kept him overnight and he was only released today.”

“What?! He - are you sure he’s okay?”

“He will be,” Clint says. “I should really let him tell you, when he can. Just take my word for it that I wouldn’t let anything happen to him.”

“Yeah - of course, yes. Okay, thank you, Clint.”

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll have him call you.”

“Thanks, goodnight Clint.”

“You too.”

After an eventful day, he was still keyed up, and told Laura he’d be in bed soon. First, he had to sort Bucky out. Judging from the light peeking out of the door downstairs, Bucky was still awake.

“Buck, why haven’t you called her?”

“Who,” he says dumbly as he adamantly tries not to think about you.

“Cut the crap, and move over.”

Bucky shuffles to the left so Clint can climb into the sofa bed.

“She called me.”

“She what -”

“Because you didn’t call her,” he jabs Bucky’s shoulder. “Why?”

“I don’t want her to know,” Bucky says pitifully.

“Don’t give me that,” Clint admonishes. “She really cares about you, man.”

“I know. I know, I just - need time.”

“Don’t wait too long. I told her you’d call her, so don’t fuck around.”

“Yeah, yeah, now are we watching this or what?” He desperately wants to change the topic.

“Only an old man like you spends his time watching Jeopardy.” But he sits, and watches, because he’s a good friend like that.

---

You hadn’t really rested easy, but easier, you suppose. Bucky was okay. That’s great, you were relieved! But now that you know that… Why hadn’t he called you? Or just let you know he was okay? He must’ve seen your messages if he had somehow contacted Clint.

It was late, but you were wired and you couldn’t sleep no matter how hard you tried. Yes, Clint had said Bucky was fine, but it didn’t sound like it. And it ate away at you to not know what happened.

When your alarm went off, your body didn't want to cooperate, and when you checked your phone, still no message. Your stomach dropped, but you forced yourself to try and look at least somewhat put together,

Honestly, you’re not sure you had it in you today. Even as you combed your hair you nearly cried and your hands shook. It was bad, the nerves, and you’re sure the wine didn’t help either.

So you did what you hated doing: you called in sick. And worried even more about your class on top of everything else.

You’d cried, slept, watched TV and stared endlessly at your phone. It was hard to concentrate on anything else. And then finally your phone lit up.

Bucky Barnes

You picked up so quickly, you’re not even sure it made it through the first ring.

“Bucky?” The silence that followed allowed you to hear the sound of your own heart beating in your ears.

“Hey.”

“Oh my god,” you let out in relief. “How are you feeling?”

“I’ve, uh, been better. But it’s alright. I’ll just need a few weeks.”

“Weeks? Bucky, what happened?”

“It’s… It’s nothing, don’t worry.”

“Don’t be silly, of course I’m going to worry! It sounds bad, Buck.” You heard him inhale sharply on the other end.

“Look, angel, I - I’m sorry. I know I made you worry, and I shouldn’t have. And I took too long to call you, and I’m shit at talking about these things. I - I think that maybe I’m just not ready. For a relationship.”

The words hit you so hard that you physically fell back on your couch.

“What?” You prayed that you heard that wrong.

“I’m really sorry, please, please just know that you were everything I could’ve ever dreamed of and I - I care about you, a lot, so much - I just don’t think I can do this.”

“Bucky, please, I - please don’t do this on the phone. Can I come see you?” Please, you said you wanted it all, please, please!

“I… can’t, baby. I’m sorry, I just can’t. I can’t see you. I know I’m being a complete and utter asshole, I didn’t want to hurt you, I don’t. I - just trust me on this, please. Please.”

“So, this is it?” Your voice sounded frail, just like how you felt as the first of many tears escaped.

“I -” Bucky stopped and you waited with bated breath, but there didn’t seem to be anything else left for him to say.

“Right,” you clear your throat with a sniffle. “I’ll, um, see you around, I guess. Take care of yourself, Buck.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. You deserve better than this, you know that, right?” You weren’t sure if it was better or worse that you could hear the sound of desperation in his voice, how devastated he seemed. In that moment, you knew you would break if you didn’t end the call right then and there.

“Goodnight, Buck. I love you,” you barely manage in a strangled sob. The last part slipped by accident, but what did it matter now anyhow? You hung up the call before he could say anything back. Ultimately, it wouldn’t change the fact that he gave up on you when you felt like things had only just started. Your heart felt like it shattered into a thousand tiny pieces that you weren’t sure you even wanted to pick up.

It didn’t feel real - just a few weeks ago, you’d both said you wanted to try, that you wanted it all. A few days ago, you’d said you loved each other. And even though you knew something was going on with Bucky, that devil on your shoulder whispered in your ear, he didn’t want you.

---

Bucky’s dinner threatened to come back up after the line went dead. Goodnight, Buck. I love you.

He can’t believe you’d still say those words to him after the bullshit he’d just spewed. It was the right thing to do - he was sure of it. He couldn’t be with you, not like this. It took everything in him to force the words out of his mouth.

But he keeps replaying your last words to him, the way your voice had cracked when you asked, practically begged him to talk about it in person. And even that, he couldn’t give you. He had nothing to give, he couldn’t even give you a decent break up and he hates himself for it.

Goodnight, Buck. I love you.

He wants so badly to hold you, to say I love you, too. Instead, he flops back on his pillow and screws his eyes shut, letting the tears slip down his temples.

He tries his best to stop thinking of you, but it’s impossible - he misses your smile and the kindness of your eyes, the floral scent on your skin when you held him close. It’s burned so deep in his memory that if he focused on all these things, he could almost feel you there.

But you’re not, and you never would be again. Because he just broke your damn heart and you deserved so much better than him. So he vowed that, even if it killed him, he had to stay away, to let you move onto bigger and better things. After this school year, there’d be no reason for you to ever see him again. That would be for the best. Right?

He promised to give you everything, and instead he gave you nothing - maybe even less than nothing.

She’ll never want to see you again.

He clamps a hand over his mouth to smother the sob that comes out. The pain he’d experienced that night his arm malfunctioned was nothing compared to this.

NEXT CHAPTER | Series Masterpost by Chapter | [overall masterlist]

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[kim-monsterlings]

Kaan - M Naga x F Human (Reader) // NSFW

The pictures do not belong to me. I only created the mood board. Do not repost my work anywhere.

Content: NSFW/Lemon; back again with mentions of fae deals, fluff, intimacy (nuzzling for warmth, cuddling), brief kissing, receiving oral (+ forked tongue), orgasm denial, ingested venom/aphrodisiac (consensual), penetrative sex + handjob (he’s a naga... so, double)

Wordcount: 3408

“Tropemas” Summary: while caring for the naga in hibernation, snowfall worsens overnight, leaving you stranded in his cave

Notes: TROPEMAS!! #1, the beautiful cliché of being trapped in together during a snowstorm!

Masterlist // “Tropemas” Masterlist

Snowfall came too early this year; weeks too early, before the scarves and blankets were finished and berries picked. No honey was ready yet to trade with the fae for their blessed fruits so on a foolish promise - really, you ought to have known better than to trust fae, no matter how long you'd traded with them - you swore to return with a trade worthy of their trust as you rushed into the already snow-laden woods.

The two hours wasted trekking up steep slopes and struggling against growing branches snagging on your thinning, woollen layers wasn't a favourable way to spend your time, definitely not in wintertime. Though the journey was horrendous, weighed down by a heavy bag of half-finished gifts and a hamper of logs and food, the cave peeking out of the cliffs warmed you against imminent frostbite.

Hibernation hadn't come yet, if the large boulder propped against the cave entrance was any indication. Dim flames warmed the inner cave as you struggled to roll the rock back, where it would be sealed once his season of hibernation really began.

It was so dark the sprawled coils nearly tripped you. Whiter than the dirtied snow falling slowly beyond the cliff, the white naga laid well outside of his nest of old furs and blankets; most gifted from you. His scales reflected the odd amber of fire, tinting long, wispy hair against his pillow.

Only one thing would wake him. Kaan had learned to ignore your voice - with practice, he liked to tease - and the debt to the fae and their blessed garden was worth it when you held out the plump berry in your fingertips. Already the juices dribbled, so sweet in the middle of winter, and the temptation to eat it yourself itched at the back of your mind.

The naga's dusk nose twitched before a forked tongue flicked out to scent the air. His warm lips kissed the juices away, the berry savoured. Kaan groaned, both thick from sleep and delight. “I love fae food," he whispered, and at your laugh, peeked his eyes open. "Only one?"

"More when you say hi."

"Hi," he yawned. Long arms stretched overhead and the naga curled nearer, his head almost on your lap. "Feed me, morsel."

"Morsel," you scoffed. Kaan whined when you stood and ate a fae-blessed berry, the sugars and juices tingling through you. "How are you doing?"

"Apart from missing you?" The glare you gave earned a bright laugh. His teasing never ceased and it did nothing to help the flutter in your chest. He only missed your gifts. "I'm cold. Will you light the fire again? What did you bring me?"

Though you grumbled, his keen eyes already found the logs piled in wait of being lit. Kaan moved out from the bundled nest to the hamper. His arm reached, and a sharp hiss made you both freeze when you smacked him back.

The plea and apology jumbled together as you choked on a laugh. Crouched before the dim fire pit, sparks caught light as a heavy head nestled against your thighs. Kaan groaned and wound his arms to your hips, nuzzling against you.

"Sssso warm," he whispered, and scrunched his face when the lisp elongated. "I missed you."

Soft cracks of the fire warmed the cave. His hair felt silken when you ran your fingers back through it. "I missed you, too."

He hummed, "good. Tell me what you brought me."

The gradual slowing of his breathing came when you spoke. You used to take offence to it, when Kaan began to hug you close and his heart slowed, but now as he draped his heavy tail closer around your bodies, you understood it to be a sign of his trust.

Nobody else would be here- could be here while he neared hibernation. Kaan reluctantly stirred when you pressed a berry to his lips with a whispered groan of your name when you teased and ate one instead. His lips pressed to your fingertips before your cheek, and he fell into the furs you threw back over him.

Beneath the cave, down a tricky slope in near darkness, you washed grime off your body in a freezing, rushing stream. So narrow and fast that you never dared inch too close, only retrieving fresh water and helping stock it for Kaan when he woke.

It was your practice for too long now. Always helping, always returning to his side to wake him, to welcome the lips on your temple as he relied on your body heat in colder nights. You wouldn't change a thing... not many things. The worst part of coming was knowing the same evening you would leave for the season, and return in no time passed for Kaan, but days of a life passed, wasted, pining for the naga asleep in a cave.

He woke with a small yawn and a nudge of his tail to your hip. Without looking up from the fire you stoked, you ran your fingertips to the white and silver scales. "You know, I think you take me for granted."

Kaan frowned. The anticipated retort hadn't come, and the naga instead slid closer. His cool arms curled back to your waist like he’d never parted and settled you on his wide lap. "Would you want me to visit your village as often as you visit me? I could. I would, to see you," he hummed, and his smile grew against your shoulder when you scowled. "I may even end up on a spike. Or be made an accessory… I am pretty enough. You could always keep me close-"

"At least you'd be quiet."

"How rude," he muttered. His chin rested heavy on your shoulder. In the passing seconds, his cheek nuzzled closer, lips soft brushing the shell of your ear. If he scented the air, you dreaded what would be found. "Nearly done with the fire?" He - from practice, knew to dodge your elbow, grinning and squeezing you close. "I need to rest. Will you be gone?"

"I'll be back in a month," you said, but his arms tightened at your words. It hurt. To come all this way only to leave again, empty handed and heavy-hearted. "It'll pass quickly for you. Go, rest."

His tongue flicked at your cheek before he wriggled and curled in his nest. Neither of you mentioned the tip of his tail gently curled to your ankle. "Don't eat all my berries."

Left huddling before the growing flames, it was only the ache weighing on your shoulders keeping you from leaving. That, and the softening of scales as reluctant as you to part. Perhaps a little that beyond the cave, the wind lashed and even standing - gently stepped from the coils slowly winding to your knees - and pausing at the entrance, the harsh chill struck you.

It was dark. The only light came from the fire grown at your back illuminating the cave, bathing Kaan is a soft glow.

One peek from the boulder at the entrance and your stomach fell. Too dark for you, too dangerous with ice coating the path and frost in the air, and any torch carried would extinguish on first step outside.

He woke from a light sleep with a groan like he had before, but once he'd stolen the fae fruit, his eyes fluttered shut again. Only after snatching a blanket - one you had spent hours on, were his eyes lifting to yours.

"Kaan, I'm staying the night."

With a soft stare, fatigued and barely resisting the tug of hibernation, the bundled naga crooked a smile. "Missed me that much already?"

"It's too dark for me to get home." The soft glow of his eyes and his frown reminded you that unlike humans, the naga was adapted to dim caves and night-darkened forests. Unable to look him in the eye, you pretended to search for somewhere to lay. "Not all nagas are as soft-hearted towards humans."

"Not humans." His arms reached out to you from the nest. "Just you. The cost of your stay is to cuddle me. Keep me warm."

The thick boots laced at your ankles landed with a thud even as you frowned. "But you're cold."

"So warm me up."

The chill of his arms made you gasp, but Kaan chuckled and tucked you even tighter. His nest was set in a dip of stone, cushioned by furs and blankets and old clothes, some yours that had somehow been “lost,” and laying on something warmed by the time Kaan had been curled here settled the nerves in your stomach.

The race of your heart lurched as the naga dragged his jaw against your crown, embracing you to his warming body. Bare chested as he was, your fingertips curled above his calming heartbeat and already, he was breathing slower.

Sleep evaded you with the steady tucking of cool scales against your legs. Kaan gripped you to him tighter, coming to clutch you to his chest, and sometime sleep came, when your ear was to his heart and his fingers tangled in your hair, pressing you there.

Without any light to wake you, it was the chill of a fire dying rousing you, and you woke much as you had fallen asleep; warmed in the softest hug, lips hovering to your forehead. There wasn't anywhere you would rather be; it would've been perfect, if the fire hadn't died.

Kaan's soft breaths nuzzled against your crown. He had woken only moments ago with you, but he was quick to draw you back when you readied to move, burying you beneath furs and his coils. He seemed as reluctant as you to leave, so you tucked into his chest, content to listen to the slow beat of his heart. It nearly soothed you back to sleep; the soft pace of like a lullaby.

Words thickened by lethargy, Kaan mumbled against your temple, "why is it only you come in winter?"

"Don't you want me to?"

"That wasn't the question."

Palm flat on his taut stomach, you watched the muscle tense beneath your touch, reluctant to even whisper, "I care about you."

"That would be why you spent the night wriggling closer then," Kaan teased, pressing his nose into your hair with a chuckle, even as you gasped and strained against him.

"I was wriggling because your coils tighten in your sleep! Don't blame me, you heat-hog! That tail-"

"Oh, this one?"

Scales rubbing together rasped like the soft burn of a fire now lost. Kaan weaved them against you until you were pressed flush, able to watch him bite back a grin when you grumbled, "you just want me close for heat."

"Mm. Speaking of heat," he breathed, and if he heard your heart spasm, he didn't show it. Kaan's palm stroked against the curve of your throat, thumb stroking where your collarbones dipped. "You ought to be careful about caring for me. It almost feels like courtship, and we wouldn't want me to fall into a mating rut, would we?"

The gentleness brushed where your neckline fell loose on your chest. His eyelids fell to where he traced the heat rushing to his touch, and the silence only dragged on. His chest rose on a deep breath, one caught in his throat as he whispered, "right?"

"Kaan…"

Hand framing your jaw, the naga swallowed hard, voice rasping. "Would we?"

"I," you shuddered at his forehead coming to yours, his lips only a mere breath away. "I wouldn't mind if you wanted to… to-"

"To mate you."

"To mate me," you echoed. "I wouldn't mind being your mate."

For a fleeting breath, Kaan laid against you, into you. Thick tail nudged to your hips and his lips were so warm where he was elsewhere cold. The affection you ached for flooded you down to your curling toes, but it was fleeting. Kaan unwound himself. He recoiled to the deepest corner of his nest, head tucked low, away from you.

"Go," he croaked. Kaan's claws bit into the cave beneath him; he had never been so small in your presence. "Go, please."

There was no arguing with the tremor in his plea, nor with the agony creeping into his face, the same you fought to hide deep in your chest. Only the words whispered in the back of your mind forced you from his nest, cold now without him beside you. He didn't want you, the voice hissed. He doesn't want you. The promise of a mate tempted him.

He wouldn't be fighting it so hard if that were true. Fighting for you.

Boots heavy on your dragging feet brought you to the mouth of the cave, but no further. The forests beyond remained hidden. Even the grip on the snow boots didn’t ground you when the unyielding stone forced you back from the force of your struggle.

"Kaan…"

"I can't," he mumbled. "If you stay, if-if-"

"The cave entrance is snowed over. The stones are frozen together and we're," you winced. "We're snowed in together, Kaan."

Hardly audible above the storm binding you to the cave, Kaan whispered, "no. No, you're just-you must be weak."

"I'm not weak, Kaan." Weaker than him, yes, but not weak. "If I was weak, I wouldn't make it to you through those woods."

"No… No, I didn't-" his gulp was audible. "May I try?"

Nothing stopped him from trying, but you. Kaan tucked himself round the cave wall and only met your eyes when you stepped back. Sharp guilt rose to tighten and bind your throat.

The rock didn't budge. Not with his body coiling tight and shoving harder, succeeding only to bruise himself.

You were locked together. Trapped.

Kaan's soft voice carried like the wind. Curled into the coldest crack of the entrance, it brushed so gently, quietly, you almost missed it. "Tell me you meant it." Though turned away still, the tip of his tail didn't miss when he reached, winding against your leg. "Tell me again."

"Kaan-"

"Don't come closssser if you didn't," he whispered.

The single step broke him. His tail swept you back but he caught you, the furs your cushions when he laid you down. Kaan framed your cheeks and nudged his nose to yours.

"Tell me before this goes any further," he said, his long eyelashes fluttering by yours. Even as he spoke, the claws of his fingertips traced beneath your thick layers, creeping up your stomach to brush your chest. "Tell me."

"Kaan, I want you to be my mate. I want to be yours."

The gentlest kisses faltered where your chest rose with shallow breaths. Together, the layers fell away, goosebumps and shivers blossoming beneath the cold air, beneath the softening, heated stare running low, lower to your hips struggling to lift beneath the weight of his.

On a warm laugh, Kaan rose up and helped you kick the rest free. Both laying bare, warm and close, your hands travelled the muscle of his chest - only for you to gasp.

The naga grinned, cheeks nestled to your thighs. One hiss made you whimper, forked tongue flicking up, a mere brush. "Kaan-"

"Yes?"

"Don't tease," you whispered, but the warming of his eyes promised nothing less than torture. His tongue slid from his lips reminiscent of how he tasted the fae food, and he tasted you with the same reverence, the same guttural groan as the tip flicked up your folds to brush your flushing bud. "Kaan," you gasped, and the naga only laughed deeper.

"Did you think I wouldn't savour you?"

"Savour-“ you choked. Morsel. “Kaan, I am not a meal-"

"You are," he murmured, and with his hands gripping your thighs, he dragged you from the nest and against his lips.

The cave rang with your hoarse cries and hollow breaths. So sensitive already, the tips of his tongue falling low sent a wave of fire through you. Kaan groaned with your heels digging hard into his back to beckon him close, but he never wasted a second, never wasted a breath that could be better spent pleasuring you.

He pleasured you too well. With a soft whisper unheard over the blood rushing in your ears, Kaan pressed a warm hand to your navel and held you down, the thick muscle slipping into your hips and- oh, you cried, the tip dragging slowly to the nerves tender and tightening.

The cave was dark enough, but only blurred spots danced in your vision. Your legs trembled. Kaan curled his tongue and dragged up, and you arched, bucked, overcome with a rush of-

Nothing.

"That… that was cruel," you struggled to say, shaking still as the crescendo began to ebb away and the offender grinned. His open mouthed kisses rose from your navel and up, pausing to press sharp teeth to your nipple until you sunk heavy again. "I won't... I won't beg."

"I think not. It will be me begging for you," he said to your lips. Thick on his tongue, Kaan kissed you deeper, cradling your crown as a weight nestled between your hips. His lips rose when you whined and spread your thighs wider, welcoming the thick, twin lengths heavy on your stomach. "And beg I will," he breathed, and two crooked fingers inched into you. "I want to make love to you, now. Please. Please," he whispered, fingertips where his tongue had been and teasing whines freely from you.

"I need you. I-"

Kaan's lips parted on bringing his slick fingers to his lips, and in parting them, you saw the swollen fangs, slick like his fingers as he sucked you from them. The gentlest warmth of his head running from your clit down stole your focus with ease, your eyes rolling and hips following, leaning up to align with his cock pressing down.

"Ready?" Kaan pressed his thumb to your lower lip, flushed and swollen, parted as you struggled for breath. Your muscles tightened at the steady rub of him to your centre, and you nodded. "Lips open, my mate."

"For… for the venom?"

"If you'd rather not," he rushed, and though you loved his need to reassure you, the pull of his body away twisted your stomach so you dug your heels into him and tensed. His cock entered you so slowly you nearly came, and when he stroked down your cheek to bring your eyes to his, the warmth there coaxed you back to that precipice. "Do you want it?"

The answer was yes to all he had, and you begged as much. Kaan chuckled and the rumbling met your lips. With the first tang of venom on your tongue, the naga rocked himself forward and his cock filled you, thick and curved and hot like his tongue meeting yours, blackened by the aphrodisiac tightening your chest.

It eased the slight burn in a breath and you nodded once, dragging your mate closer and reaching low to stroke the cock heavy on your stomach. Kaan shuddered and his body stiffened, a whimper passing you both.

Then he moved.

He moved and your body was aflame. The pleasure endless in your nerves arched your chest, Kaan nuzzling down to take your flushed nipples into his lips in turn and nip, suck, kiss, thrusting in time with your stuttered gasps.

Beyond the cave, wind howled; nothing like Kaan's deepened groans, his claws dipping into your thighs where he pushed you back and sunk deeper at this angle. Venom coated his lips. It coated yours, tingling in your throat, thoughts and stomach, until your breath caught.

He felt it, too. Kaan's forehead rested to yours as he rocked slower, deeper, and into your fist. With a bitten back smile, you squeezed your fingers and ran low to tease the slick dip in his scales, the slit, and the naga bellowed a harsh cry. He came deep, hot and strong and along your stomach, Kaan stealing your matching pleasure with a fevered kiss.

Neither of you felt sated. The venom still pulsed strong and hibernation was long forgotten, a mating rut stirred and his cocks stiff against you. Kaan cradled you on his lap as you sought to be closer, aching to take him again until you couldn't any longer.

Until the snow melted, you would wait in your naga's arms, feasting on sweet fae berries and his kisses.