#I’m just a silly lil guy who can’t talk to strangers to save his life I don’t know what to tell ya 🤷🏻‍♂️

[floral-hex]

lol as soon as I match with someone on tinder, I delete the app because I’m a scaredy cat and don’t want to go through the mortifying ordeal of being known 😅

[heathendolan]

Daylight Savings [E.D]

Summary: The day you meet your soulmate is tattooed on your wrist.

Warnings: None besides swearing and a bit of hockey!ethan, brace yourself 😩

A/N: Longerish lil fic? I had so much fun writing this hahaha. Only my second piece posted on here, thank you for reading!! Enjoy :)

Word Count: 6.4K+ || masterlist

You leaned back in the booth at House of Pies with your mouth agape. "What do you mean you've never looked at the date? How do you avoid looking at the date for seventeen years?" you squawked, eyeing Ella incredulously.

She shrugged and bit into a fry. "I just have. If I look, I'm just going to obsess over it. I think I saw an '18' in there somewhere when I was in the shower once, but honestly, shouldn't I know it's the one anyway? Why do I need a date to tell me?" she argued nonchalantly. You were completely gobsmacked.

"What if you already have met them?! And you don't know that they're the one! Because you haven't checked your wrist!" you pushed, flustered.

"(Y/N), baby, you're all upset, and I'm not sure why. I think I would know if I had met them. I haven't considered taking a bullet for anyone, and isn't that what soulmates are all about or something?" Ella smirked, clearly enjoying your frustration.

You simply could not believe what you were hearing. You had obsessed over November 6th since your mother explained what the date meant, and Ella couldn't care less.

You sputtered, "I'm just saying-"

"(Y/N), it's okay. Anyway, when's yours since you're so worried about it?" she grinned softly.

You glanced at your inked wrist and frowned bitterly. "Not for another four years, so I've got time." you pouted.

"Well, then you have another four years of fun! Go kiss boys and not care, it's not like it matters anyway if you'll have a soulmate at some point," she cheered, sipping on her chocolate shake.

You shook your head and grabbed your burger. You had no interest in hookups or kissing boys that weren't the one, there was just no point; they could never make you as happy as he would. What's the rush in growing up? After November 6th, 2022, you have all the time in the world to learn about life and sex and whatever else with him. "Nah, don't want 'em. It's pointless."

Ella grumbled and checked her phone. "I think it's silly, waiting for the one. I mean, you might as well get experience to impress the kid."

"Well, I think he should be impressed with whatever I have to offer." you grinned. "Haven't you heard? I'm a catch," you drawled sarcastically.

All tension broke and the two of you giggled and began gossiping about the upcoming hockey game against your rivals.

-

"Hey, did you get chem done?" you yawned, opening your phone. It was already 1:45 in the morning, but Ella had insisted on getting a milkshake, swearing it was life or death.

Ella nodded in your periphery. "Yeah, you can copy it if you want. It's just like, electron configurations with the Ss, and the Ps, and whatever. Which reminds me, did you get Algebra done? I don't think-"

You waited a few seconds for her to continue until you realized she was completely frozen. You glanced up at her from your phone to see her slackened jaw, wide eyes, and blushing cheeks. "What's gotten into you?" you snorted, poking her arm.

"Do you see that guy?" she whispered, hardly moving her lips. She looked like a deer in the headlights.

You twisted in the booth to look at the entrance where the visiting hockey team huddled, boisterous and uncaring of who they annoyed. "Uh, which one El, there's like twenty of them," you chuckled. "Oh my god, are you talking about the one with the really nice eyebrows? Red backpack?" you squawked, your eyes bulging out of your head. Sadly, your day wasn't anytime close, so he wasn't the one, but oh how you wished he was. His hair was swept back by a beanie, a plain tee clinging to his body beneath a green flannel, and as simple as it was, it took your breath away. He tipped his head back with laughter, his jaw jutting out with definition, his throat bobbing.

"No, the one wi-with the hat on backward, in the grey sweatshirt," she muttered behind you.

"Uh," you sifted through the crowd of them. "I mean, he's alright?" you said, squinting your eyes in confusion. He was cute, but not striking and certainly not stutter-inducing or jaw-dropping. That other one though, Red Backpack, he was a whole different story.

"I think I might be in love," Ella groaned, leaning forward on her elbows and staring at him.

You rolled your eyes and said, "Go talk to him, then!"

She scoffed and sputtered out, "Are you crazy?! Talk to him?! I can't just go up and talk to him!"

You couldn't believe Ella, who had always been so confident and collected, was stumbling over some stranger. "Alright, I'll just get his attention then-"

"(Y/N), you wouldn't," she threatened, grabbed your arm with a boa-constrictor grip.

"Ow!" you hissed reflexively. You glared down at her hand when you saw the date. 06.04.18. - 1:55 A.M. Today. You felt butterflies bloom in your own belly and you looked up and gave her a soft grin. "I so would, thank me later. Hey grey sweatshirt!" you shouted, ignoring the searing pain in your arm as Ella tore on your wrist.

"(Y/N), stop," she whined.

The team's rowdy conversation died, whispers ensuing. "Derek, I think that girl wants you," Red Backpack smirked, shoving the boy forward.

"(Y/N), please," Ella begged, yanking on you.

"No, not me, my friend over here," you replied, waving over Derek. He walked with confidence, encouraged by the shoves of his friends and their whistles. You turned back to Ella and grabbed her wrist, bringing it to her face. "It's your time honey," you winked, sliding out of the booth to make room for Derek. Her face fell ghostly pale, but you just squeezed her hand and scooted away. You slipped by Derek and offered him a warm smile, who, despite his swaggering strut, was gnawing on his lip destructively. You passed Red Backpack and blushed furiously as his jaw dropped at the sight of you, your stomach bubbling with heat. Your knees wobbled as you left the diner, ignoring the urge to turn around and talk to that boy, say one word, because this wasn't your day--this was Ella's.

You drove out to your favorite lookout, deserting her with her soulmate, a warm feeling in the pit of your stomach. You had daydreamed about your own experience time and time again, and you had witnessed dozens of meetings in your seventeen years, but seeing your best friend find the one was beautiful. You had secondhand euphoria. You couldn't believe how instant that click was, how quickly she fell for him and just knew.

As you sat out on the hood of your car, you thought. You had daydreamed about what he would look like; maybe he was a surfer boy from California with shaggy blonde hair and bronzed skin, or maybe he was pale as snow and had a thing for English literature. He could be a star athlete or a natural-born mathematician or a guitar player. The possibilities were endless, but you were especially hopeful for thick brows, a sharp jawline, and a hockey fascination.

You weren't sure you could wait four more years out when there was someone out there like that for you.

-

You grew up a little in four years.

Because after seventeen years of obsessing over this potential man, you asked your mom a question that had been itching you for years. "Mom, how did you meet dad?"

She smiled softly and flushed red across her cheeks. "We were eleven, and I was nervous as ever, not sure where I should be on my day. So, I threw on my suit and hiked to the beach. As I soaked up the sun, a boy stood over me, dripping water all over my towel, and said, 'are you my soulmate?', and I panicked because this boy was so relaxed and yes, he was my soulmate! But it turns out he'd been asking every person in a mile radius that for half an hour before he asked me, and he just happened to get lucky," she laughed freely.

You giggled, content with the love that still reflected in her eyes after nearly forty years of knowing your dad. "I can't wait to find my other half," you murmured nonchalantly.

Then, your mother sat you down and twisted your body to hers, stared you straight in the eye and asked, "What do you think will happen when you meet the one, (Y/N)?"

You furrowed your brows and rolled your eyes, "Aren't you supposed to feel complete? Like-"

She ducked her head and lifted a finger to you, stopping you as if she expected you to say this. "(Y/N), ditch that idea, right now. There is no boy in this entire world--in this entire galaxy--that's meant to fix you, or solve all your problems, or make you whole. You need to make yourself whole. I would be devastated if I didn't have your father, but he will never be in charge of my own control, do you understand?"

Your throat would tighten up at her sternness. Wasn't that what soulmates were all about? Weren't they supposed to be your everything?

"I thought you would be willing to take a bullet for them or something..." you mumbled, confused as ever.

Your mother chuckled and grabbed your hand and squeezed it. "Honey, I would take a bullet for your father any day. That is because I love him with my entire heart, not because I can't imagine a life without him. It's about being selfless, not self-indulgent. I don't ever want to see a day without him by my side, but I could handle it, and so will you. You are your own everything before anyone else becomes your everything."

That conversation struck a nerve within you because you were brought up on this ideology that soulmates were a cure of some sort. That they unlocked a realm of love and magic, and maybe that was true, but you began to find happiness in yourself and the people who weren't the one. You worked hard in school and attended college and met new people and lived. You attended concerts and stayed up till dawn with your best friends and went to House of Pies far too often with Ella. And for once, it was okay that you didn't have the one yet, because he would come, and you would get to tell him all about these times.

-

You spent days, weeks, years preparing for this day. You did everything you could possibly do to look better; you had Ella come over and wing your liner, curled your hair to perfection, and found the perfect pair of skinny jeans for the occasion. This was it.

"Nervous?" Ella asked with a soft smile, grabbing your hand warmly.

You inhaled shakily and nodded, laughing, "Yeah, I've never been this nervous in my life, honestly."

She grabbed your wrist and turned it up to her. 11.06.22 - 2.04 A.M. "Only about.. six more hours till you find your dream man." she giggled. "I'm sure he's as perfect as you. Now, let's get going! You can't possibly expect to find him if you don't leave the house."

You let her usher you out of your front door and into her car, laughing all the while. Tonight was it. You had the perfect scenario to meet him too; you were at a mutual friend's party full of tons of people you didn't know. It was meant to be.

Your nerves began bubbling when you walked in, Ella dragging you through the front door and immediately handing you a cup of something. "Drink up, we don't want you uptight when you meet the one," she drawled, smirking.

You accepted it, and as soon as she turned to greet Derek, you poured it into the nearby plant. You wanted to be sober for this, you wanted to remember the feeling of just knowing the second you saw him, just like you had seen when it happened to Ella.

"(Y/N), where've you been?!" shouted Kelsey from afar, waving you over.

You grinned and sauntered over, forcing confidence into your shaky steps. "Hey you!" you cheered, wrapping your arms around her neck tightly.

Kelsey grinned and pulled your head close, practically shouting in your ear, "A little birdie told me that it's your day today!"

You pulled back with a furious blush, tucking loose strands of hair behind your ear. "Yeah, guess so," you grinned, flashing your wrist to her.

"Well fuckin' cheers to that!" she squealed, handing you an entire bottle of Ciroc. You accepted the bottle with a wide smile, reminding yourself to keep it for another day. "Who do you think it'll be? See anyone you like?" she murmured in your ear, gesturing to the packed room.

You gazed across the living room, taking note of every guy there. Not one made your stomach stir. "Um, no, not really honestly.." you trailed, biting your lip in concentration. He had to be here somewhere.

"Oh," Kelsey muttered, before grabbing your wrist. "Well, hey, you aren't even supposed to meet him for a few more hours, so of course you haven't seen him!" she encouraged, wrapping an arm around your waist. You nodded, relief flooding your body. It was meant to happen tonight, quit freaking yourself out, you scolded yourself. "Hey, you've met Kyle right?!" Kelsey asked, redirecting your attention to the group before you.

-

"Ella, I'm freaking out," you said, dragging her to a bathroom. You were hyperventilating wildly, each breath becoming more shallow.

"Whoa, what? This is why you were supposed to get drunk!" she chastised, glaring at you.

You nodded, wincing with anxiety. You paced the tile and ran your hands through your hair, tangling your hairsprayed curls, only making you more panicked. "I-I just fucked my hair up!" you cried, eyes blown wide as you stared at yourself in the mirror.

Ella rolled her eyes and grabbed your hands. "Hey, (Y/N), look at- fucking look at me!" she shouted, grabbing your face between her hands. "You are the most beautiful girl I know, inside and out. He'll fucking see that. You need to know that this is out of your hands--he is already in love with you whether he knows it or not. It was like I instantly knew when I saw Derek, you were there! It's going to be like that, just trust the universe and what it wants to do with your fate."

Your face crumpled as tears threatened the edge of your eyes, panic rising in your chest. "What if it isn't my fate? What if he's too drunk to even notice-"

"Hey!" she shrieked, slapping your cheek lightly. "It's out of your hands! Christ, do you think you're the only person in the world who won't find your soulmate? You aren't that special!"

You nodded furiously, tangling yourself in her arms with a hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you-"

"Stop thanking me, what time is it?" she asked grabbing both her phone and your wrist. "It's two! You have four minutes to find your man! You sure as hell aren't going to find him locked in a bathroom, go get out there!" she shoved you towards the door. 

You smoothed down your hair and approached the door, your hands shaking as you reached for the handle. “But what if-“

“Go!” Ella roared, shoving you out of the frame.

You glanced at your phone. 2:02. There was no time for tears, panic, or anything other than patience and excitement. You rushed into the kitchen flooded with people in hopes for some soda, anything to distract you from the inevitable. 2:03. You ran to the table and poured yourself a sprite, cursing when you distractedly overflowed the cup. Any second now...

You sipped on the drink and kept your eyes closed waiting. Any second now.

2:04. Your heart leaped in your chest and butterflies stirred chaos in your stomach. Any second now.

But as you drank and glanced around the room, no one looked back at you. There wasn't that funny feeling you were told about many times burrowing in your stomach. You felt very empty.

Any second now.

2:05. Panic rose in your chest once more—maybe these things weren’t exactly on time? Maybe it took a moment for the universe to conjure the one?

2:06. Okay, clearly your phone was just wrong.

You waited and sipped.

2:10. 2:13. 2:20.

“Where’s your man?!” Ella screeched, jumping on you excitedly.

You bit onto your wobbling lip and just shook your head sadly, pushing past her to the door.

"Wait, wait, (Y/N)! Hold on, baby," Ella cried, shoving people out of her way to get to you.

“Just.. just let me be alone, El,” you breathed, choking back emotion. 

She looked crushed at your rejection, which forced a bitter taste in your mouth--what did she know about heartbreak? You were the one who didn't get a soulmate for fuck's sake.

You slammed the front door of whoever's house and jogged to your car, grateful you avoided alcohol tonight. Only once you hopped into the front seat did you let yourself fall apart, tears smudging your perfectly winged liner. You buried your hands in your hair, tearing painful knots in your precious curls. You glanced at your clothes through watery eyes and wailed; you found the perfect skinny jeans for this?

You reached into your backseat and dug out the pair of sweatpants you had stashed there, grabbed the makeup remover from your center console, and yanked a brush through your hair, ignoring the searing pain that came with it. You slipped a sweatshirt on over your body, started your car, and made your way to the nearest 24-hour coffee shop, ordering yourself a drink with far too much caramel. 2:45. What a joke.

You sped off to that one spot that always made you feel better. The lookout your brother brought you when he first got his license, the place you came when Ella found her soulmate, the spot where you thought you'd bring your soulmate to. It was dark and secluded and beautiful, and you couldn't think of a better place to be when the universe had just broken your heart.

You parked near the edge of the cliff and jumped out, wrapping your fuzzy sleeves around yourself and hopping onto the hood of your car. The outlook over Los Angeles was amazing from this view; each car was the size of an ant, each building the size of your pinky. You squashed airplanes between your dainty fingers and fantasized about what it'd be like to be that person on that plane; the one with the soulmate.

Pointlessly, you checked the time. 2:58. Who knew numbers could hurt so bad.

They had decided your entire life—this clock was something you had obsessed over since you found out what soulmates meant. You had counted down the days until November 6th since you were five. This was supposed to be it.

You felt hot tears breach the surface of your eyes, so you bunched your hoodie sleeve and wiped them away violently. This was the worst thing that could have ever happened to you.

Snap.

Dead leaves and scattered branches crunched beneath the feet of someone and your stomach sunk, hand reaching for the pepper spray your dad had forced you to buy when you got your license.

"W-Who's there? I have mace!" You screamed, your heart beating wildly. Only you could lose your soulmate and get murdered on the same night. Thanks, universe.

“No fucking way,” a voice said from twenty feet away, his body stilling limp with shock.

“I don’t want to kill you but I will! I took self-defense in 11th grade!” you cried, your voice wavering unthreateningly. You could hardly make out his figure near the shadows of the tree line, but he looked much larger than you.

He muttered something inaudible before gazing at the sky with wonder in his eyes. "Not bad, universe!"

“Look, I don’t know what you want, but I just want to survive. I won’t tell anyone if you leave me alone. I swear!” you pleaded, hopping off the front of your car and taking a defensive stance. He just shook his head and approached you casually. Oh god, he must do this often, you thought, the grip on your pepper spray tightening tenfold.

He chuckled and said, "I'm not- I'm not a killer. I'm actually your.. soulmate." He awkwardly jutted out his hand, hoping you'd shake it.

Anger resurfaced and you felt sick to your stomach. Was this some kind of prank? "Ha ha, very funny, did Ella send you? I didn't think she'd be that cruel," you sneered, begging your tears to subside.

"Wait, what?" the boy asked, scratching the back of his neck with the hand he offered you.

You scoffed and said, "I mean really, awful enough I don't get a fucking soulmate, now you show up-"

"This is not how I imagined this going at all.." he said, running a hand down his face. He was only a few feet from you, but you could hardly make out any of his features, except for hooded eyes and floppy dark hair.

You huffed in annoyance. “Listen, my soulmate was supposed to meet me at 2:04 on November 11th, 2022, and right now it’s-“

You looked at your phone. 2:06.

“2:06, I know, I introduced myself to you a minute ago,” the boy said awkwardly.

“W-What? B-but it was 2:06 an hour ago! It’s supposed to be 3! What, am I- Oh my god, am I a time traveler?” you gawked, patting yourself down to see if it was still your body.

The boy broke into a fit of laughter, wheezes leaving his lips in the most adorable way. You stared at him through the dim light and grinned to yourself, though you weren’t sure why.

“Yeah, me, you, and the rest of the entire world are time travelers. It’s daylight savings, dumbass,” the boy snorted.

Your jaw dropped at the news. Sputtering, you threw your hands in the air. "What?!" Well played, universe. "But I-- and I was at a party, and I-- and you weren't-- oh my god!" you breathed. "So you're my soulmate? Actually?"

He grinned big, teeth shining brightly in the dark, and nodded, brushing a piece of your hair behind your ear before freezing. "Uh, sorry, I don't know why I.. Um, what's your name even?"

You laughed to yourself, giddy with happiness. You kicked at the dirt patch you two stood on. "(Y/N). It's (Y/N), and yours?"

"Ethan, uh, Ethan Dolan. I can't believe-- I didn't really think this would work," he snorted, staring up at the sky as if to acknowledge fate's determination.

You nodded slowly, glancing around at the deserted cliff with swaying trees and a beautiful outlook. This was your safe place, it only made sense that the one would show up here. "I came to a place nobody comes, so I have no idea how you-- hey, how'd you show up here?"

He laughed a bit more, “I feel like you’ll be mad,” he groaned, running a hand through his mop of hair.

“What do you mean?” you asked, scrunching up your nose.

He sighed and mumbled, “My friends wanted to know if you were, I don’t know, destined to find your soulmate no matter what,” he shrugged, mocking ‘destined’. “so, since I was the last in my group to find a soulmate, they tried to make it as difficult as possible. They dropped me off in the middle of the woods with a ton of paths and told me to just do whatever my heart desired, and my heart desired some fucking heat, so I tried to make my way out of the forest, and here I am,” he finished, shrugging his shoulders.

You stifled a laugh and then broke out into a fit of giggles, the two of you delirious. Tears of relief (and tears of happiness, and tears of laughter) nearly formed in your bloodshot eyes when you realized he was most definitely the one. This was not a prank or a sick joke, this was pure destiny as you'd imagined it.

"Hey," you said, giggles still escaping. "do you wanna get out of here? Or at least get in my car, get warm? How long have you been out here?"

"Oh god, hours it feels like. Anywhere with you is fine," he said, his voice unsteady. "That was so cheesy, I don't--"

"Anywhere with you is anywhere I wanna be right now," you grinned, easing his nerves. "I, um, don't actually know what you look like yet," you snorted. Your eyes had yet to adjust to the complete darkness the moonless night had offered you. All you could see was bright teeth and dark hair, and that was enough for you already.

He chuckled and nodded, "Me neither. Kind of like a surprise you know? But hey, I know this great diner down on Vermont avenue called House of Pies--"

"Oh my god, I love that place," you smiled, spinning to walk to the driver's side of your car. "My friend Ella and I go there all the time."

Ethan laughed loudly behind you and opened the passenger door. "It's a date."

You grinned at him, and through the light of the car, you got a good look at him for the first time. "Oh my god, you-you're him! You’re Red Backpack!" you shouted.

It was that guy, the one with the floppy hair who had shoved Derek over the night Ella found the one. The guy who stirred a frenzy in your stomach, the one that set your heart beating irregularly, the one you ignored in an effort to give Ella the spotlight.

"Holy shit, you're hot," he groaned, mouth agape, completely oblivious to your revelation.

"Do you know Derek Christman?"

He gazed at you openly, eyes scanning your body guiltlessly. His tongue jutted out to lick his bottom lip before he mumbled, "Huh?"

"Derek Christman, you know him?" you repeated, examining his features with glee.

He furrowed his perfectly-arched brows and nodded slowly, "Yeah, kid used to be on my hockey team, why?"

You buckled your seatbelt and chuckled, nodding to yourself. "You might not, but do you remember the night he found the one?"

You pulled out of the outlook happily, the heartbreaking memories of earlier long forgotten. You were grinning like a fool as Ethan tried to recall the evening over four years ago before he shouted, "You were her friend! What's her name, uh-"

"Ella."

"Yes!" he screamed, clapping his hands together excitedly. "Oh my god, I thought you were the hottest thing on earth, I tried to get Derek to introduce me to you, but he said you were like, dead-set on not dating until you found the one. And I'm the one!" he cried as if he couldn't believe his luck.

"Yeah, same!" you agreed, pulling out onto the freeway. "I had no idea how Ella fell instantly for a guy like Derek when there was this Greek God standing in front of me. I didn't want the night to be about me though, so I ignored you, and then figured it was a lost cause anyway because I didn't want to waste my time with anyone but the one. This is insane," you laughed.

"Greek God, huh?" he smirked from the passenger side. His smug grin had butterflies beating in your stomach.

"Oh, shut it," you chuckled, smacking his chest. He took the opportunity to collect your hand in his, intertwining your fingers. You blushed and bit your lip as electricity shot through you, hoping the darkness concealed your nervousness.

The drive was half an hour long but it felt like mere seconds. The two of you chatted the entire drive, sharing stories of being rival schools for years without ever knowing to what both of you had for hobbies, and so on. You chanced glances at him as he told stories about his childhood, including his twin brother Grayson, and grinned the whole while, oh-so-content with who the universe decided to grace you with. He was stunning--in your unbiased opinion, of course. Every time you caught him staring at you from your periphery, you blushed furiously and shielded your face with your hair, entirely unused to this attention.

"Take a right up here-" he said, pointing to the street with your interlocked hands.

"I know how to get there, dumbass," you laughed, slapping his chest with your shared fist. You slid into the booth opposite of him, his hand immediately finding yours, and ordered your typical strawberry shake. The waitress who had served you since you were four gave you a knowing wink and whisked away your orders, leaving you two to gawk at each other. "What are you thinking about?" you asked, propping your chin on your other hand.

A soft grin broke out on his face. "It's gonna sound cheesy, but you give me butterflies, and I.. thought that was just a cliche," he chuckled, red staining his cheeks.

You smiled wide with all teeth and blushed when you saw his breathing hitch. Who'd have thought little old you would ever have an effect on such a man. "I wanna live in this feeling forever," you mumbled, biting your lip to prevent your outrageous grin from growing even larger.

"Well, we have forever to go," he said, rubbing his thumb on the back of your hand. Every touch was exciting and nerve wrecking and adrenaline-inducing; you never wanted to leave his side if this is what love was like. The waitress returned with your shakes and pies, quickly deserting you two to yourselves once more. You sipped lazily, your mind buzzing despite your tired eyes when Ethan cleared his throat and said, "C-Can I kiss you?"

The straw fell from your lips and you bit on your lip, nodding. “Please.”

Ethan grinned and pushed off the red vinyl booth, detangling your fingers to hold your jaw. He swiped a thumb over your cheekbone and sighed nervously before dipping down to brush his lips against yours. You giggled and dug a hand in his locks, kissing him properly.

It perplexed you for a second because you’d had kisses described to you before. Your mom told you it was like fireworks; his lips would feel like shooting stars and electricity bolts and explosive volcanoes. Ella argued that kissing was numbing; kisses from Derek left her dazed and confused. But neither were applicable for you because kissing Ethan felt like home.

His lips were a security blanket on their own. His hot breath fanning over you reminded you of the warmth of safety, comfort, and control. It felt like you had all the time in the world to love him properly, do all the things right. You could trust him with your life after this kiss simply because you knew he could trust you with his.

He broke away from you at last and breathed, “You feel like home.”

-

1.095 days later you found yourself in a booth in the back of House of Pies chuckling with Ethan. He threw a fry at you in his fit of laughter and you squealed as it poked your bare collarbone. It was your anniversary, and though the two of you were decked out in fancy clothes, you spent your time in your favorite diner.

“R-remember when you thought I was a serial killer-“ he wheezed, clutching his stomach.

You nodded your head, laughing so hard no noise left your lips. “I nearly maced you!”

He slapped his hand against the table giddily, the two of you falling even further into giggles. He wiped tears that dripped from his eyes and said, “I’m so glad I’m marrying my best friend.”

And you froze.

And he froze.

“W-What did you say?” you asked, your grin never disappearing.

Ethan, on the other hand, was as pale as a ghost and his eyes bugged out. “I wasn’t- I wasn’t supposed to until later, oh my god I just ruined-“

“Are you going to ask me to marry you?” you smiled, sipping on your strawberry shake casually.

“I- Uh-“ Ethan stammered. “I was going to ask at 2:04! Make it all romantic and what not, cause it's our anniversary, and- god, I’m an idiot.”

You couldn’t contain your happiness as you reached across the booth to grab his face and kiss him softly. Butterflies were ever present but kissing him still calms you down instantly. “Then don’t ask me until then. I won’t tell (Y/N),” you said, biting into a fry with a smirk

He laughed at your sarcasm and rolled his eyes, “Okay, just as long as she doesn’t already know. Fuck, I love you so much.”

You laughed and nodded, happiness bubbling in the pit of your stomach. You would choose Ethan every day for the rest of your life. You could live without him maybe, despite what the universe says, but you never wanted to. You wanted to spend the rest of your life with him simply because he was a home to you.

Soulmates rarely got married—it seemed frivolous to buy a ring and fill a church when you were already destined to spend life together. But some did, and the fact that Ethan wanted to made it all the better, because he chose you every day as well, regardless of your fates.

"Hey, I got you a present!" you said in an attempt to change the subject and fix his embarrassment. You dug in your purse for the envelope. "Open it."

Ethan laughed, "Open an envelope? I would have never thought to do that, thanks for the suggestion-"

You giggled and swatted at him, shoving his gift into his hands. "Just open the damn gift."

He took his time unwrapping pocket, just to be the jackass you fell in love with, but as soon as he caught a glimpse of the LA Kings tickets, he tore the casing to shreds. "No way!" he screamed, the few customers that accompanied you two twisting to stare. "We're going to a hockey game?!"

You fidgeted nervously. "You like 'em? I wasn't sure, they're club-level seats, you can take Gray if you want, I know I don't know much about-"

"(Y/N)!" Ethan shrieked, several people glaring in his direction. "I love them! Oh my god, this is the best thing you could have ever given me, besides you. Well actually, your parents gave me you if we're being technical-"

"Ethan," you choked, laughing.

"But still! I fucking love them!" he yelled, tugging you across the table to kiss you quick.

You sat in the booth for hours together, reordering slices of pie and baskets of fries, reminiscing on all the memories you made and daydreaming about the life you had left.

“I think we should go on a trip, wanna go to Greece? You know, my homeland?” he smirked.

“Will you ever let that go!” you mumbled, throwing a fry at his dress shirt.

He shook his head, laughing, and began mocking you. “‘I had no idea how Ella fell for Derek when there was this Greek God standing in front of-‘“

“Shut up!” you groaned, slumping in your seat. “Your ego is big enough, I should have never even-“ His phone’s alarm rung through the air at 2:04 and cut you off, the reminder saying “propose”. You glanced at the screen and snorted, “Subtle.”

“Oh, fuck off,” he grumbled, grinning.

“I don’t think I should leave during a time like this,” you laughed. Despite your playfulness, a blush crept across the bridge of your nose and excitement dipped to the tips of your fingers and toes.

He dug out a square black box from his pocket and sighed giddily, cleared his throat. “(Y/N), I can’t tell you how much I love you; there’s just not enough words in the dictionary, and I probably can’t pronounce half of them right,” he laughed before he bit his lip, nerves creeping in. “You know me, I’m not that smart. I’m impatient and insensitive and you love me anyway, I know you do. Everyone says that they think they would have found their soulmate without the date anyway, and I think that’s bullshit because if it weren’t for daylight’s saving and your heartbreak you would have never shown up in that forest and I would have never been set loose in it. But I think that’s okay—I don’t need to think I’m escapable of fate to know that we were made for each other. The universe, or God, or whoever is running the show really did me right. I couldn’t be happier with you by my side. I will choose you through it all, forever, despite what the universe says. I will choose you despite our inked wrists and the ring I’m going to put on your finger because I love you,” he finished, his voice shaking and his eyes brimming with tears.

Your face had already flooded with tears, your heart soaring, your mind buzzing.

“So, wanna get married?” he laughed, grabbing your hand and staring at you with all the love in the world.

“Yes,” you said, your voice cracking. You both laughed as he cracked open the black box, your breath stopping.

It was simple. It was a silver band with an E in the center. “It’s not that fancy, it’s-“

“Everything I’ve ever wanted,” you interrupted.

He smiled crookedly and slipped it onto your finger. “I’m so glad I’m marrying my best friend.”

You nodded and kissed him from across the table, warmth flooding you like always. “I can't wait to spend the rest of my life laughing with you," you said. "Hey, think we can get free pie if we tell them we just got engaged?” you sniffled.

Ethan laughed deep in his chest, butterflies stirring in your stomach. “Should I do it again, all dramatic? I could get on one knee and everything...”

"Yes, I'm willing to do whatever I can to get a free piece of pie, Ethan Grant. Should I start crying again?" you asked.

He just chuckled and kissed you again.

[tippitv]

Supernatural Recap: 14:01 “Stranger in a Strange Land”

The road so far... is thirteen years long. Thirteen years. If this show were a person, they would be dealing with acne and/or getting their period. We're on the fourth American presidential term since this show started. My dog Henry looked like this

And now he looks like this:

But back to the show's rock-n-roll montage to catch us up for this season. 

There was a nephilim boy named Jack, an alternate dimension accessible by an episiotomy in spacetime where bad angels ruled and dead characters were still alive, and a weird fight between Dean Winchester (with archangel Michael stuffed up in him like a heavenly turducken) and Lucifer that ended up looking like the video for Total Eclipse of the Heart.

At the end of it, Michael absconded with Dean's hot bod and made him wear a silly cap and break the fourth wall.

As the episode starts, Sam's full beard lets us know that some time has passed since the finale. He's driving through slick streets because it's always raining in the lush coastal rain forest of Kansas. .

But then we cut to some other bearded guy, asleep in a room somewhere that looks like a room they've used on this show a lot, but this time with a weirdly loud background soundtrack of ocean waves and seagulls. The guy gets up, puts his prayer mat down on the floor, and begins praying in what the CC tells me is Arabic.

He looks up to see Michael (in Dean) sitting there in his little cap. "Hello, Jamil," Michael says. Jamil looks surprised, as one should.

Michael quotes from what Google tells me is verse 2:98 of the Holy Quran in order to introduce himself: "Whoever is an enemy to Allah and His angels and His messengers Gabriel and Michael..." He still makes Jamil go through a guessing game. God? No. Gabriel? No. One of these guys in Newsies?

Also no. He says he's there to ask Jamil the same question he's spent weeks asking people all over the world. "Do you want your newspaper on your porch or in your mailbox?"

"What do you want exactly?" Michael asks him. Jamil says he wants peace and love. Michael says "you never would have ran" from Syria if that were true. Okay first of all, that's "would have run," Mister Archangel. Second of all... wait, where did the seagulls go? It's quiet now. As if they left to bother someone else.

Michael flings him around a bit with his angel powers. Like is that even fun? Super powerful beings always act like it is but it's just a normal part of his abilities like my being able to scratch my elbow or blow my nose is normal for me. Anyway, Michael says he wants a better world. Cut to the season's new title card!

Meanwhile, the bunker has been embraced by the resistance fighters from the alternate dimension. Is anybody feeling guilty about the fight they left behind? Are they assuming the fight over there is done because Michael is here now? Mary checks the aim of a new gun by pointing it at or very near these people's danged heads.

The girl already died once so maybe she's unflappable and the guy's too busy getting a monster tooth removed from a wound to notice. He says it happened in Phoenix... which Google tells me is at least a 16-hour drive away if you have a normal car.

Sam joins the bunker, letting us know that he's been in Atlanta checking up on a possible Michael-Dean sighting that turned out to be someone's drug-induced hallucination. It's the good thing the Impala travels a thousand mph or that would've been a lot of wasted time. He and Mary exposit about how it's been three weeks since the end of last season. That's only three weeks of beard growth? Does that seem like a lot just because I don't grow beards?

Sam has just enough time to yawn and be sad before some guy who looks like if maybe Jonathan Van Ness got halfway through getting ready to go chop fire wood tells him there are some "gypsy type" vampires heading east. Boo, Fake Jonathan. Even though he's exhausted, Sam starts delegating teams to go take care of the problem and sits down to hack into a traffic cam.

Then he remembers a cliffhanger from last season. "Hey how's Jack?"

Cut to Jack getting his ass handed to him by Bobby in a fight training session. Aw look at his cute lil sweats. Wait... what are those windows in the gym? They look look like they're streaked with rain. Isn't the whole bunker underground?

Also omg someone give that boy a face guard while he's sparring! He can't heal his cute little mug anymore!

Meanwhile in Detroit, Castiel is following up a lead at a BBQ joint called Motown Meats. And like I know "Motown" is also a nickname for the city and not just the name of a record label, but the country music playing in this joint is still annoying to me. Anyway some pink-cheeked fella who thinks burgundy brown shoes go with cornflower blue suits strides into the place all, "Castiel! Darling!" 

This fella, with his imperious little strut and vaguely Southern demeanor, simply demands I refer to him as Young Lindsey Graham. He orders sausage, brisket and "pork ribs, well done." What the fuck, Linds? All pork ribs are well done! If someone gives you underdone pork anything, you get right off your ass and call the health department!

"I didn't think you consorted with my kind," Linds says, revealing himself to be a demon and also someone who doesn't know his basic show history.

Castiel is loath to admit that he needs information. "Does any demon know where Dean Winchester is?" Young Lindsey is delighted and scandalized at the thought of Cas losing any Winchester, much less Dean. "I thought you two were joined at the... everything." He gets about as close to pointing/looking at Cas's dick as Mary got to pointing that gun at those people's heads.

Yes, I'm terrible at making gifs. Anyway, Linds goes, "What's in it for moi?" And Cas tells him, "Your life." So Linds is like, "Come again?" Honey, he ain't even come the first time yet, don't get ahead of yourself.

Castiel uses his graveliest voice on Young Lindsey, but to no avail. It turns out the whole place is full of demons. Wouldn't Cas have picked up on that? Is he that powerless? They all crowd around him and knock him to the floor.

A sign outside a church in Duluth welcomes "Sister Jo" and advertises its morning prayers at 8 in the morning. Does that seem ridiculously early to me just because I'm a heathen? Also it's clearly nighttime in this scene. Some parishioners thank Jo for saving their lives. It seems like she should be trying to fly under the radar, so to speak.

Oh now she's walking through a dark alley, counting her money. I'll give her a pass because she has angel powers, but people on this show are always being unwise in alleys. Michael approaches her. "You don't recognize me with this pretty face?" he asks. It's the hat! It! Is! The! Hat! He reveals his big seagull-lookin' wings.

Jo is naturally suspicious of Michael. "Why would Dean say yes to you when he turned you down like seven seasons ago?" she asks. "We needed a cliffhanger for the finale and he'd already been a demon," he says. I mean, that's not what they say but I'm sure they were thinking it.

He asks her what she wants, and she tries to be glib about it but he's not buying it. He says she wants love and a family and barfy stuff like that. He keeps asking people what they want and then just ends up telling them.

Back at the bunker, Sam has a chat with Jack.

"I know this must be so hard," Sam says, "without your grace, without your powers...It's a lot, I'm sure." I mean, Sam wasn't a nephilim but he used to be super juiced up on demon blood with telekinetic powers. If there were ever a time for Sam to bust out with "hey I went through a sort of similar thing," it'd be now. Mary interrupts this tender moment to say someone's awake. Way to talk-block, Mary.

Sam reluctantly leaves Jack to go see whoever this other person is. He opens the door as the soundtrack builds up tension. The camera finally swoops in and reveals...

NO.

NO! I REFUSE. I!!! REFUSE!!!! THERE IS NO WAY NICK'S CARCASS SHOULD STILL BE ALIVE. NONE. BEGONE YOU FOUL THING, BEGONE!!!

You know what this means, right? Either that whiny little baby Lucifer will come back somehow and need to possess him again, or when they inevitably get Dean back, Michael will use this empty toothpaste tube of a human as his vessel. OH FUCK HE'S TAKING HIS SHIRT OFF

Okay why does Sam need to be the one to clean his mostly healed wound? It's not like Nick's hands are broken. Nick has a big dramatic reaction. Calm the hell down, it's peroxide not alcohol. Then he just puts the same dirty old bandage back on. What. The. Fuck.

Sam is being very sympathetic, if rattled because this guy's got the same face as the fucker that tortured him for a hundred years. Nick doesn't remember much about what happened, but says Michael told Lucifer "he wanted to do things right this time." Sam goes outside to collect himself when his phone buzzes.

"Oh, hey, Cas," he answers. Young Lindsey Graham corrects him: "I'm the boy who's got your angel." Okay, when I said he was young, I meant compared to current day Lindsey Graham. He's clearly not a boy. He's also clearly not a very worthy foe.

The music goes "eeeeeEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" to build up tension, but fourth-tier demons are like basically gnats compared to the other baddies the Bunker Bunch have fought. It's kinda silly that Cas even got captured by these twerps.

But everyone is taking it very seriously and packing up their weapons to head to Detroit. Maybe the Other Dimension people haven't fought demons before? I can't remember. Sam assigns teams. "Maggie, you're with Bobby. Mom, you're with me." 

Jack wants to come, too, but Bobby protests that he's not ready for a demon fight. And Maggie is? That poor child seems perpetually on the verge of jumping out of her own skin. But Sam's like, "He needs this, Bobby." 

Back in Detroit, a bloodied Cas sits magically cuffed to a chair. "You sure I can't get you anything hot... and black?" Young Lindsey asks him in a needlessly suggestive manner. I mean, he's talking about coffee, not Grindr. Wtf, my dude? Castiel's face right now is so relatable.

We launch into a good old-fashioned Sit-n-Chat! Linds blah blahs about coffee and using Cas as bait, then reveals, without naming names, that Michael recently approached him like he did the other guest characters in this episode. He was asked what he wanted. "I realized after 600 years as a demon walking the planet...I didn't know." But now he's realized he wants everything. Start with some shoes that look better with your suit.

Meanwhile, Sam and Mary are driving through the perpetual rain. Seriously, how do y'all in Kansacouver deal with this much rain?? I live in Houston and we get a lot of rain, but in like... big groupings and not just constantly. Anyway, seeing that Sam is fretting, Mary says, "It's gonna be fine." Sam isn't convinced. "You don't know that!"

Now, normally this 900-mile trip would take about an hour, but Sam and Bobby didn't carpool so the Impala had to slow way down. Lol when Sam walks through the door at the barbecue place it looks like he's wearing the doorbell as a tiny hat.

Sam gets frisked to make sure he's not packing heat, then Young Lindsey waxes impressed about his shoulders and hair. He makes a "mm MM!" sound like he's just been presented a bowl of delicious bread puddin' and hot caramel sauce.

Here we are nearly at the end of the episode and we finally find out Young Lindsey Graham's name is actually Kipling. "Kip, for short," he says, offering his hand for a shake. Sam leaves him hanging. Also: lol "Kip." Kip's goons drag Jack and Maggie inside. Sam's nostrils flare in consternation as one of the demons punches Jack.

God this guy talks a lot. To sum up: Kip wants to be king of Hell and he wants the Winchesters to treat him like they did Crowley. You know, keep him around past his expiry date and then still somehow manage to make his death too abrupt.

When Sam turns him down, Kip has a bit of a tantrum. "In life, I rode with Genghis Khan!" he rails, mispronouncing it. He pouts and stomps some more, but Sam stays chill because he knows Mary and Bobby are about to bust in with guns blazing.

Slo-mo fisticuffs ensue! Kip throws Sam across the room with his powers. He's a higher level demon who could kill every human with a swoosh of his hand, but then the show would be over. Also, didn't the Bunker Bunch all have devil's trap bullets and stuff? These demons are taking a long time to die.

Kip somehow gets hold of the demon knife during the melee and takes one second long to admire how cool it is. This gives Sam enough time to switch things around and stab him with it. Kip dies as he lived: admiring Sam's shoulders.

Sam calls an end to the fight. "There will be no new King of Hell!" All the remaining demons vacate their meat suits. Who's going to run the barbecue restaurant now? Also, Castiel has been sitting, still cuffed, to that chair this whole time.

Back at the bunker, everyone is beat to hell. Cas and Sam have a rueful talk about what they just went through. Cas is embarrassed he went to the demons, but Sam says he'd work with anyone if it meant finding Dean.

In the kitchen, Mary and Bobby do a little Chekhov's flirting.

Cas goes to find Jack and try to cheer him up. "You did well," he says. "All I did was get punched in the face," Jack says. Don't sell yourself short, kid. You also got punched in the stomach.

Jack feels frustrated and useless without his powers. Cas tells him they have each other and they're family. Aww. I feel like Cas could also say he relates here. "I used to burn the eyes out of demons and destroy buildings with my voice!"

Sam gets a call from Jo. "We have a problem," she says. Is she working for Michael? Maybe!

Cut to a grungy abandoned warehouse, where Michael is currently having a chat with a monster of some kind. Maybe it's one of the vampires mentioned earlier in the episode. "Your want is pure," Michael says. Monsters are soooo much easier to deal with than people or angels! "You just wanna eat," Michael says as the monster shows off some fangs.

Incidentally, "You just wanna eat" also describes me at a brunch buffet.

So that's the end of the season premier! The FOURTEENTH season premier. Holy hell right?

If you'd like me to recap the next episodes, let me know. Thanks for reading!

And now’s the self-promo time when I add my Ko-Fi link! (ko-fi.com/A4017DA)

These are some very desperate times for me, so if you have a few bucks to spare and you enjoyed this fic, I would very much appreciate any donation. I know it looks like I’ve received quite a few donations recently but those larger ones were me “donating” to myself with credit cards to pay bills that had to be paid from my bank.

I'm afraid of not making rent this month, thanks to several clients just refusing to pay me for my work.

Or my Paypal address is btippi@gmail.com and if you send it as a gift I think no fees are deducted from my end.

[the-main-characterr]

realised i forgot to watch tharntype,

will do rn.

kinda feel like i also grew out of that but eh we’ll see

types aggressive being still annoys me

y u always >:(

if i dated someone for 7 years and they still didn’t marry me, i’d be insecure ASF

i like 2gether more than tharntype

it’s prettier

you could’ve done ur alarm urself bitch

why are you talking so slow?

why are u judging em tho just watch the show

i think everyone that knows me a lil bit knows why i like 2gether more

7 years are actually a lot-

AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES

i kinda want one but i also don’t like what

i said it before and i’ll say it again: types aggressive behaviour annoys me

not tryna b judgemental but if u stick to type for 7 years u have all my respect

watching this hurts in my soul

that p’cir and phu r cool

love the sound effects

love the time i lived in when i watched the first season

if i’m so judgemental already, i also don’t like their kitchen

it’s so boring wth

wow- now i feel bad.

sorry.

the way tharn puts his phone in his front pocket is everything but *judgemental comment here* i can’t think of any bad things rn

i’m so scared of both of them like they’re always like >:(

you can’t just force someone into marriage-

no but like why would a stranger want to know if you have a relationship or not i mean you’re not going to random people and say hi we’re married

i mean i would do that but i’m the main character-

if someone “could stay mad at me” id be fucked-

yall are so sensitive just touch the bread

that phegun and p’cir are cute ngl

no like literally yall are so dramatic

i liked fiat but wth

doc is cute

just because you’re not married doesn’t mean you’re sharing him-

type improved tbh

awh they cute-

the music———————— jail

marriage.

POSSESSIVEEEEEEE

lucky me being zen-meryem rn

perfect representation on how personality can destroy everything

until this day, i still don’t know what a lines ID is supposed to be

this was too cute i’m ded

rip me

i love the sound effects yfrvjjvgjmkb

love their style

fiat u can’t just-

come for a taken man that’s the most disgusting thing possible

like even if he wasnt happy with tharn or in a toxic relationship it’s not ur stupid job to manipulate and steal wth

leo u have all my respect

wouldnt mind being ur bestie

stfu fiat u r a toxic attention seeking bitch that is nothing more but unethical

selfish brat

this is cute-

love

ngl the fact it’s been 7 years n they stilsbxbwjbdwbbx

cute

ok leo i understand why u took it back but i still respect u for even doing it

phugun is too possessive

of p’cir idk the names but one of them

the not cute one

idk why yall hate on no so much he funny af

oh i see

phugun is the cute one

P’CIR IS TOOO POSSESSIVE

let the man live wth

seo is literally it dnxjdbjdbsbf

what did actually happen to the guy that’s been a bitch and possessed over tharn

lol i actually feel bad for type. it’s the first time i see him EMOTIONAL and damn-

must hurt.

omg istg i also wonder why he doesn’t quit

this is too much I CANT

Imma suffocate on the cutegsbsbdbbd ah i’m dying

hmph ig im just to tough to cry😤

WOAH

heart attack-

SHXBHSBC A MAN

doc, ily

this picture-in-picture thingy is so cool

i remember a time type didn’t want to admit he missed him

the hdhxb ishdiuebchw immaculate

fiat i’m scared of u

“every time i really want someone, i never get them” FELT. FELT FELT FELT difference is that my dumbass don’t want them when they want me🥲 it’s ok. time knows what it’s doing

fiat u r heartless

imagine having a healthy relationship with ur mother in law

yall be having literal bodyguards

i could SELL MY SOUL HE DID SOMETHING IN THAT DRINK

ok i wasn’t sure about it but by the amount that guy said cheers i couldn’t be more convinced that this man is evil

the fact that he didn’t tuck his shirt is the whole evidence

DATE ALREADY I CANT HHGGYYGCCXDDXCGBB U N CHAMP FOREVER

doc-

you heard him don’t leave him

HUH WAIT I HAVE TO WAIT!?

THOUGHT I CAN

WATCH IT ALL THROUGH

if you don’t move ur ass rn i’ll come to thailand myself n kick ur ass

too invested-

JANUARY 22?/!/£:!.!3):£WHAT

i cant-

okay cool i waited a few weeks imma continue wasching now

oh i remember. i was yelling at that basketball kid

STOP ASSAULTING A DRUNK PERSON AH J CANT MY EYES

omg leo thanks u saved my life thank u ily

you don’t have to be on top of him just to question him-

be scared stupid bitch

types just simply sleeping somewhere completely left alone👁👄👁

DUDE WHY U SO AGGRESSIVE

i CaN bE yOuR hUsBaNd BITCH ION REALLY THINK SO

WOW

I FORGOT UR NAME BUT DAYUMN SHOW HIM

i wish i had someone that kept his promise under every circumstance

ppl that promise me things b like i NeVeR sAiD tHaT hUhH

yall just so addicted to each other like chill

if i’d marry someone, i’d feel so old

like hi i’m MARRIED

stop with the i miss u it’s so emotional

tharn you look so done with ur life lmfao

fiat you’re so annoying istg

cant u just ply basketball and leave these ppl alone like piss off

why yall crushing on type crush on me

fiat go study or sumn srsly

STOP

omg STAHP HE JUST SAID WATCH UR KNEE

DONT U FUGGIN KISS HIM OMFG

ah doorbell.

thanks.

phu you’re so funny

WHAT- wth fiat please stop you’re ridiculous

For seven years, i’ve never had eyes for anyone but him. damn- imagine-

my hearts b shattering ITS NOT HIS FAULT

well okay there’s a lot of evidence against

STILL

ITS NOT HIS FAULT

i mean i see tharns point but

ARGHZBSHSBXBWBXB

for personal reasons i will be passing away

the audacity of this bitch is giving me ANGER

imagine buying wedding rings just to come home n hear “we should take a break”

fuck anger i’ll cry

why even want fiat💀

AH DONT CRY J CANT HSBSHABX

phu you’re so cute like THE CHARACTER

thanya you’re such a queen i can’t explain

this scene is so funny they all b sitting there like 👀👀👀👀👀

MY SOUL

you disgust me.

ok first off phu gun your style is so cool like that white shirt- FABULOUS 10/54

n second off, my dumbass felt like WHO IS THAT MAN HITTING ON FIAT I KNOW HIM

silly me it’s cir-

handsome man ngl

WHY DROP UR SUITCASE HUH

don’t tell me he died

oh god he didn’t die-

WHATS THE MATTER THEN

you guys are so sensitive can’t get hurt at all

always going like OH SHIT I NEEDA GO TO THE HOSPITAL

“cant even make an instant noodle” that’s why we admire u lmao

ok chill u just spilled it

you look so cute when u pissed at urself shxbsbc

ah thanya u r so cool

HERE IT IS THE HEALTHY MARRIAGE I WAS SEARCHING IN THIS SERIES OMFG

“lack of communication can even break apart the most loving relationship” SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PPL IN GHE BACK

COMMUNICATION, WHAT A LOVELY WORD

this series is fulfilled now

i could listen to these two forever

i cant with leo and fiat fcstvhjfftc

don’t act like the shy bitch now u stoopid

this is hard to watch ew

khom being a philosopher of love fxtvjbj

he didn’t just leave his i miss u

yall tryna get drunk with my heart

STOP CRYINGGGGG

im gon suffocate

stop i didn’t start this show to murder myself

pls calm ur face u look so aggressive

i wonder how many times tharn talked to sleeping type in those 7 years

u r basically talking to a wall

OH

HE WROTE THAT SONG

oh just to be someone to know what ordained is

those blue thingys r so cool

thanks this is everything i needed

doc champ, how long shall i wait

he’s not bald-

did they even cut his eyebrows-

oh monk.

didn’t they shoot these scenes during rona-

those r some fire makeup skillz

HE DID NOT

YOURE SIMPLY PLAYING WITH HIS HEART

WHATDIDHESAYYYY

officially ripped my heart into pieces

that was definitely not a kiss kiss

[imurlilkitten]

“B, just fucking listen to me for once in your life!” my phone was extended my whole arm length and I could hear my best friend as clear as day. I felt myself shudder at her words, she never yells at me. We had have differences or mock fights before where both of us would scream until our voices were hoarse but she’s never had any frustration towards me before. Not like this, at least.

“Lillian, you know I can’t..” I tried to say before she was screeching back in my ear. “BROOKLYN, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD..” I winced, pulling the phone back with a sigh. Shaking my head, I brought my free hand to pinch at the bridge of my nose, I couldn’t believe what she was actually trying to make me do.

Harry and I had broken up months ago, well, more rather I had snuck off from him months ago but it was better that way for the both of us.

We had only dated eight months, but our relationship was anything but plain.

He was the only man that I truly thought I had loved and I had never fallen for someone so quickly in my life. It terrified me.

I wasn’t the one for him. He deserved so much better.

Our break-up killed me every single day, every little thing reminded me of him. There wasn’t a second that I didn’t think about him, but he needed someone who was better. Someone who wasn’t me.

I could hear her rattling off, telling me how she wouldn’t be doing this if she didn’t think it would benefit me but I just couldn’t. She wanted me to listen to his new album.

It may seem a little over dramatic considering I had been the one who left and it was just an album, but I didn’t need anything more to miss him. I already missed him with every fiber of my being, but it was better this way. It was better to ignore that he had even existed in my life.

Did I sound selfish? Yes.

Did I ignore his calls for months after I had left? Yes.

Did it hurt me to do? Yes.

But this is what needed to happen. I knew how our relationship would play out.

He kept me secret, upon my request. I didn’t need strangers hating me or him for being happy. He had tried multiple times to talk me into being in the limelight but I just couldn’t. He didn’t understand that I wasn’t like him. I’m not this perfect specimen that everyone around is attracted to.

Hell, I didn’t even know why he was attracted to me in the first place. That’s why we needed to end. He needed someone like him. Someone who was adored, who was beautiful, and funny. Someone who wasn’t me, and he’d realize that sooner than later and I wouldn’t have been able to deal with that heartbreak. It was better if it was under my control.

I wasn’t trying to seem heartless or have anyone believe that my feelings were the only ones that mattered, but I was scared. Plus, Harry was bound to find someone new. In my heart, I knew that this was all to benefit him. Even if it didn’t seem like it would now.

But it had been months, the phone calls stopped, he had unfollowed me on every bit of social media. He seemed happier. He deserved to be happier.

It hurt. It hurt like hell, but it was best. That’s what I had to keep telling myself.

This was all for the best.

“ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME? DID YOU PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN?!” Lily’s yelling snapped me back to reality. My arms fumbling to grasp my phone between my fingers from where I had rested it on the table. “No!” I fought, bringing the phone back to my ear.

Her inhale was audible and I knew she was rolling her eyes, “Just please, for me. You know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, but you need to hear this album. Start to finish. I don’t know how to explain it, but you NEED to hear it. Maybe it’ll be the closure you need.”

I knew she was right, but I was stubborn. I hadn’t planned on spending my night crying, but I knew that was going to be how my night was going to end if I listened to that album.

“Lil..” I began but she had already cut me off, “Listen to it.” she said through gritted teeth before hanging up.

“Fuck.” I moaned, knowing damn well I was going to listen to this album. Lily always tried to do what was best for me. If she thought this was what’s best, when she also knew it would hurt me, then maybe she was right. Maybe I did need this as some sort of closure. I needed anything at this point. Anything to get him off my mind.

My legs dragged my body to my room, where my laptop had been placed on top of my bed. I flopped next to it, my hands cautiously picking it up before setting it in front of me. My legs tucked into one another as I bent to click on Spotify, typing in the name that had rolled sweetly from my tongue for months with hesitant fingers.

I almost hit play, just to get it over with but I couldn’t. My fingers found their way to my skin, rubbing down the top of my face as my breathing had picked up rapidly.

Even the album artwork killed me. My favorite color was pink. It had been my favorite color for my entire life. He knew that. He would specifically pick me up little trinkets if they came in that shade, because he knew I’d automatically love them. Because they were pink.

His soft back, that the same fingers that were running down my face had ran down, teased me. I always told him that his shoulder blades were a weakness of mine and to see them bare after being deprived of them for months was torture.

“It’s for the best.” I repeated, “It’s for the best.” That’s what I had to keep reminding myself.

My hands shook as I brought the cursor to the first song before I stopped. If I was going to do this alone, I wasn’t doing it sober.

My feet hit the floor next to my bed, almost as if I hadn’t been controlling them, and they carried me to the kitchen. I didn’t have much alcohol in the house, but I knew I had stashed a wine bottle or two that had been Christmas gifts from, ironically enough, Harry’s mom.

Him and I had sworn to save them for Valentine’s Day, for us to share over a romantic dinner. Which we had then decided would have been Chinese take-out since I couldn’t cook for shit. But we didn’t make it to Valentine’s Day. So now, they were for my pity party. Which, in my head, seemed appropriate for some odd reason.

I didn’t bother grabbing a glass.

It’s one thing to drink yourself silly alone, but to drink yourself silly alone and then have a dirty dish to wash the next day to remind you of your pathetic behavior was one thing I would not be doing.

The bottle was cracked open by the time I made it back to the computer, I took a full swig of it, wiping the excess liquid from my lips before placing it beside me on the floor.

I glanced over the track list, reading each title carefully. A few titles in particular caught my eye, but I knew of one that would probably sting the most to listen to. It took all of my might not to click on it, just to get it over with, but I had to listen to it start to finish. It only seemed right.

With another gulp of wine, my brain and my heart were dueling with one another.

My brain spewing facts about how, logically, listening to this didn’t make sense. Not if I wanted to forget about him. It recited how doing this would only make me miss him more. How it would only hurt me.

But my heart battled with a vengeance, reminding me that I still loved him. That after what I had done, I at least needed to hear his emotions, even if they were going to hurt me. That I missed him and even hearing his voice could help fill the void inside of me. That I needed to do this.

They fought and spit venom at one another, trying to be the dominant one in the situation but they both silenced when the beginning chords of the first song played. My finger twitching as I brought it back from my laptop to wrap around the wine bottle that had now found a home in my lap.

I wasn’t sure what I was getting into, and at this point I wasn’t sure if I was just numb or terrified to the point of numbness but I knew I had to listen to this album.

For the next 40 minutes, I was going to be in hell but it was for the best.

HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED IT! I was gonna’ upload this last night but Tumblr keeps not posting it. I know this is slow but I have the next chapter ready if Tumblr will let me post it. Let me know if you like it!

[theworstbob]

the thing journal, 6.11.2017 - 6.17.2017

capsule reviews of the pop culture i took in last week. this week: venice, witness, 1989, gilded, punch-drunk love, sucker, bloody bloody andrew jackson, gone now, boomiverse, melodrama, before sunrise, pinata, whiplash

1) Venice, by Anderson .Paak: Paak might be really close to Greatest Living Songwriter status. Like, Malibu and Yes Lawd! are both undeniable classics, but this is ALSO so solid, solid enough that I feel like, if we get someone in the room with Paak to say, "Hey, dude, maybe don't put a bad butt pun in this one?" Paak could be running the world. Every second of this album is wonderful. Like, .Paak makes songs that make an indoor kid like me wish he was at the beach, that's like the only thing I can say about this album. .Paak' great. I don't have enough words to describe what makes him great.

2) Witness, by Benjamin Booker: ...So, this is the last thing I'm writing? And this was a nice, bluesy rock album that made a Sunday morning slightly doper. I liked it, it was nice, listen to it if you like nice rock albums.

3) 1989, by Tay Tay: I sure do have a lot to say about this album that wasn't said two and a half years ago! I liked it. The first five songs are as good as any five songs on any album that's ever been, and then the rest of this album... Exists? Like there's no way I'm going to call an album with "Shake it Off" and "Bad Blood" on it a classic, and after hearing Lana del Rey songs I can't get behind the Lana del Rey impression that is "Wildest Dreams," like it was already an enh song but knowing it was ripping off an enh thing gives it a firm "no," but any album with "Style" and "Blank Space" and "Style" deserves plaudits, and the album does pick up with the last two tracks, which are up there with the first five tracks as the best stuff Tay Tay has ever done. End of the day, though, To Pimp a Butterfly still should have won Album of the Year, and if at the end of 2014 Catch-Up 1989 is still in the top ten for 2014 (#9 as I write this), I'd be stunned.

4) Gilded, by Jade Jackson: This? was somehow recommended to me by Amazon because I enjoy the music of Paramore. I cannot claim to have heard the Paramore in this. I heard a pretty decent if slow-moving country album! That was a fun surprise! One of my favorite things about country music in 2017 is how, like, we typically associate rebellion with punk and rap, y'know? Loud music that moves fast and is always shouting. And rebellion in country is sitting with just an acoustic guitar and singing sad songs about small towns. Like, a lot of country music is about what a small town home town dirt road party it is to be in the sticks, so the outlaws have to slow it down and reflect on whether they're truly happy where they are. So like, this album has incredibly little in common with Paramore from a music standpoint, but they share an attitude which has to manifest itself differently because of their respective genres. Basically, I'm incredibly down with this album.

5) Punch-Drunk Love, dir. Paul Thomas Anderson: hey. hey guys. did you guys know about this paul thomas anderson dude. he's pretty great. like, everything about that scene where he asks the woman out, the warehouse collapsing, the calls from the phone sex scammer, his sister haranguing him, the woman not knowing how to respond to this, him clearly not knowing how to handle the situation, the pudding the so much pudding, the score building as everything falls apart, it's so fucking good. i remember, when i was 12, this movie had like two whole shelves at hollywood video, and when my dad and my family were looking at this movie, we were like "we love little nicky! but this might be more serious? and poor innocent caralin," and i just, i wonder what a younger me would have thought about this film. i wonder how i would have reacted to this, if we actually had pulled the trigger on punch-drunk love before i was anywhere near ready to handle it.

6) Sucker, by Charli XCX: hahaha i need to do theme weeks or something like i'm supposed to think about a paul thomas anderson joint and then try to come up with a decent opinion about a fine, just a tich below great pop album. i should've eased myself into this, it should've gone punch drunk love, the kimbra album i added to provide the bridge from film master class to pop, and THEN charli xcx. i mean, i enjoyed this a lot, i had a solid, solid bus ride, but like i just need to structure the sequencing of thing journal better. like, maybe don't put the slap-hitting second baseman after the cleanup hitter, but the jason kubel type in the fifth spot, the chunky dude who kinda sucks at baseball but hits dingers more often than not. gotta think about my lineup, guys!

7) Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson, wr. Michael Friedman: Well, this was good stupid fun. I think "Ten Little Indians" is a standout track, so clear a standout that it honestly belongs in a better work. It's a distillation of Native American history that doesn't seem to have any place in a musical recasting one of the shittiest presidents as a vain, morose emokid rock star, but then again, I listen to soundtracks and don't watch the shows, so fuck do I know about context. So, yeah, I dug "Ten Little Indians," and then everything else was fine and silly and took itself just unseriously that it never felt like American Psycho. Theatre in general isn't a good home for irony, but at least here, the sarcasm wasn't subtle, it was waving a giant flag the whole time saying "THIS IS DEF JOKES."

8) Gone Now, by Bleachers 9) Melodrama, by Lorde See, if I were a decent listener, I might have tried following up Gone Now with Melodrama. These reviews aren't being indexed in chronological order; I listened to Boomiverse before I gave Melodrama a spin, and looking back, I should've saved Gone Now for Friday to do a Jack Antonoff Power Block. I wonder if my opinion on these albums is colored by the interview I read where Jack Antonoff says he originally imagines all his songs for female voices, he writes his songs for women, then pitches them an octace down should they become Bleachers songs. And I found both Strange Desire and Gone Now to not really resonate with me, neither album really hitting me in the way an entity such as Bleachers should hit me. Bleachers is fun, '80s-inspired pop music -- I love that! But there's this weird disconnect I feel between the voice and the music, and I can't tell if that's a conclusion I arrived at on my own or if it was informed by that article, because while I didn't like Gone Now, I really loved Melodrama. Lorde and Antonoff work perfectly together, her voice gives life to a lot of things I heard but wasn't enthralled by on Gone Now, and they had a vision for this album -- songs have part twos! There's a reprise! ("Liability" is DOPE in the context of this album, y'all) -- which they executed sublimely. It's a complete, cohesive album that feels so much bigger than 11 songs, so full of weird ideas, and while I'm not sure how the mainstream is gonna react, I thought this was dope as hell, "dope as hell" being the highest praise my limited vocabulary has to offer.

10) Boomiverse, by Big Boi: One benefit of being just a dude on tumblr chronicling his experiences is that I didn't have to listen to and write a thinkpiece about a 70-minute Lil Yachty album. I only have to experience Lil Yachty through his features on other people's songs, do not have to contend with the totality of his vision. But, it is disappointing that professional music people DO have to write extended thinkpieces about Lil Yachty, when those words and thoughts and energies would have been far better spent on this album. This album is just good. There's no frills, minimal use of the obligatory Atlanta trap beat, clever rhymes, only occasional misogyny, and maybe the most jubilant rap track of 2017, "All Night." I honestly can't remember the last time I heard a hip-hop joint as joyous as "All Night." So much of my favorite hip-hop of the last few years hasn't been happy, and not even the justifiable "shit's fucked up" unhappy, the "sadness is the only valiid emotion" unhappy, and "All Night" is a statement that darkness is nothing without light.

11) Before Sunrise, dir. Richard Linklater: "Hey! I've been up since 1 AM, and it is presently 4:30! I'm going to put on this quet movie about a quiet night in Vienna so I can watch Before Sunrise before sunrise, LOL!" Yeah so I fell asleep during this one, team. Not long enough to feel like I missed a lot, not long enough for this film to lose its impact, but enough to feel like I failed this film. What I was able to see was great. It was like someone shot a podcast in Vienna, and that sounds like an insult, but I'm into movies that are just two people talking to each other, and I'd be into a podcast where two strangers try to fall in love in two hours, two people bullshitting about love and relationships and the future while wondering if they could be happy with the other person outside of the podcast. It didn't feel at all tempered knowing there's a sequel in the queue. Like, knowing these two people see each other again is disappointing, only in the sense that I don't get to live with the ending for 10 years before learning about the sequel, but at the same time, the characters don't know they're going to see each other again, and that last goodbye at the train is so heart-wrenching, the way she disappears behind the wall and the guy just follows her, trying to stay as close to her as possible.

12) Pinata, by Freddie Gibbs & Madlib: I will let nature review this album for me: I live in a garden level apartment, and outside my bedroom window, where I stationed my new computer, there's a bucket beneath the gutter in which water rests. Squirrels will occasionally come through, take a sip, and bounce. But as I was listening to this album, I saw that the squirrel was lingering outside my window. I assumed it was responding well to the vibrations created by Freddie Gibbs' pleasant, deep-voiced flow and the low-key production, and that it was enjoying the things it was feeling. This is music squirrels can enjoy, man, what more do you want. And then a Danny Brown feature came on, and that squirrel RAN, man. Like, I get it? I wouldn't expect a squirrel to respond well to Danny Brown, but I still feel that squirrel is missing out.

13) Whiplash, dir. Damien Chazelle: When I listen to music, I've found I connect to the drumming more than anything but the lyrics. Part of the reason I still listen to pop/punk is because literally every single pop/punk drummer is amazing, drumming so so fast every time. I also watch sports and speedrun streams, and one of the things that fascinates me is the maniacal drive to be great, this obsessive need to push yourself to some limit most would find unnecessary. So of COURSE I'm into a film which would marry the two, and which had the performance of a lifetime from JK Simmons, JK Simmons deserving all the plaudits he got for playing Malcom Tucker's long-lost American twin. I think Miles Teller was cat perfectly for the scenes where he's with JK Simmons, an arrogant nothing-boy who can convey talent and cluelessness, but Miles Teller is such a zero that the scenes with his family and girlfriend, where we're supposed to say "no nice boy don't isolate yourself from your loved ones to drum so good," just felt like "god shut the fuck up you whiny jerk." The film also didn't really address a couple of questions I thought might be relevant to the JK Simmons character. Does music still retain its meaning if you obsess over it to the extent that Fletcher does, do people still respond to his performances on an emotional level, or do they appreciate it on a purely technical level? There's that dinner scene, where someone in Miles Teller's family asks, "How can you have a music competition? Isn't it subjective?" and Miles Teller says, "No," but it never explores the idea of what chasing the parts of music which can be judged objective does to the music. The other question is, what right does Fletcher have to the next Charlie Parker? How does this white dude think he can own jazz? But I've spent more words finding what's problematic about the film than I did on what I liked, which is usually the sign of a great film, one I wanted to spend a lot of words thinking about.

[roseycutie93-blog]

dear dad.. thanks for nothing.. & i hope you die in a most painful ways.. yours truly.. your lovely daughter who dissed the shit outta you

it’s been a while since i shared my personal life on tumblr.. but i’ll tell u mine that happened 2 weeks ago..

my relationship with my dad wasn’t as good as you can guys imagine.. he WAS nice to me & all.. but to my brother.. he wasn’t THAT nice to him at all even when he was an innocent child

my parents were divorced when i was only 3 & a half.. & i lived with grandma & uncle till we settled up in a place near to them before i started college 5 years ago

my dad is the type of a mad man.. he was raised terribly by grandpa until he became a copy of his own father.. same goes to his siblings, except one, his younger brother... my uncle, who was the nicest of them all.. unfortunately he died 7 months ago & i couldn’t get the chance to see him often.. 

as soon as dad got married.. he thought.. having a son should be treated in another way.. like yelling, beating him up, blaming him for any fights he gets or even raising him by showing off in front of people & making my dad look like the victim.. & finally forcing him to study something he doesn’t like such as changing from french to deutsch (& he fucking lied that he used to take french & deutsch in his days because fuck that didn’t happen) like he yelled at his son in public for the silliest thing & made strangers confronting my brother for that.. WTF?!!

thanks to him, my brother would start get into a fight with not just me, but mum, uncle & grandma even his classmate until he became the most hated student in his school, not to mention that he would be jealous because i have friends & people to like me even my dad himself.. i got hurt by his jealousy & cursed that father for turning my brother into a person full of hate, jealousy & despise!!

years afterwards before i graduated from high school, my brother went to a therapist & he takes medicines for the rest of his life.. what could be more worse than that??!

i’ve always hated my dad’s way of raising my brother ever since i was a child because all i know is parents should be equal to their kids no matter what.. but dad was the type of also NOT CHANGING HIS FUCKING PERSONALITY & that’s what he got..

2 weeks ago, we met dad in front of grandma’s house, at the street, like we used to every week, at first he was ok & started to fix himself, but eventually he got into a fight with brother for a fucking interface... imagine that

all my brother did (& he was half awake) that we shouldn’t talk about it because what happend happened (he was trying to NOT get into a fight)

but soon he started to yell in front of the gatekeeper & his son getting insulted by our lovely dad.. i tried my best to stop the fight like i used to & become a peace pigeon but his voice started to getting raised more & more people started to get attention towards us

i told him “dad, stop it, people are looking”

“& what’s the matter with people looking at us? why do you even care? i’m raising my son over there“

even when we head to the car to get things chill he didn’t stop

i couldn’t take it anymore & i had three choices

-either i should let him yell & do whatever the shit he wants to us

-leave the place quietly

-or just burst my feelings out because fuck i’ve had enough of my 24 years of my life & my brother’s getting insulted weekly for NOTHING!!

& this is what i did... i chose the third choice without even thinking

when i tried to protest & told him that we should not get yelled at no matter what.. he didn’t respect that..

so this is what he got.. an insult from his lovely daughter that held enough of her father’s shitty attitude for looooooooooooong that you can people imagine..

“I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU & YOUR DAMN ATTITUDE FOR YEARS THAT MY BROTHER & I HAVE & I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY LONGER.. IF YOU’RE GOING TO KEEP UP WITH THAT ATTITUDE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE & TREAT US LIKE KIDS.. THEN NEVER CONSIDER YOURSELF HAVING KIDS NOR HAVING A FATHER FROM THE FIRST PLACE.. I DON’T NEED YOUR DAMN MONEY.. I’M THROUGH!!“

my dad’s face was speechless.. he never expected his cute lil princess to burst out on her father like that.. as i myself didn’t believe that i finally FINALLY did the right thing to cut ties with the most irritating & annoying thing in my life.. my father (or so called father)

i left the scene without looking back as my brother followed me (he was under the medics so he didn’t react as much as he hated father’s attitude) i regret nothing.. & still.. even tho i wished if i flipped him out before shouting to come over for the last time (call me an disrespectful, ungrateful brat.. but this is what he gets for crossing the line)

my mum was shocked & tried to comfort me, so was my uncle & grandma.. & they told me that they never thought i would say such cruel words to him.. i can’t even call him dad anymore

i was patient enough to listen to them & treat him as just a sick man who needs treatment.. or even my boss from my work

seriously.. i don’t mind handling my teachers, my professors & my boss at work as long as it’s not personal.. it’s just business nothing more

but i’m here talking about my dad.. a mere stranger with a shitty attitude.. you can’t deal with people with shitty attitude & become just like them in anything

my family’s mum, in particular, always gave me excuses that god should give chances to the likes of my father because no matter what he’s my father & that we should respect him & never EVER insult him EVEN if he did bad things (& they’re too nice to understand me & my brother’s pain)

me & my brother have had enough of the weekly dose of depression whenever wherever we see our father during weekends.. & we get upset for the rest of the week BECAUSE OF HIM!! even his lies.. he never stop lying in my face!! & worse.. he once jokingly harassed a woman when we told him he can get married.. & he never admitted his wrong for doing that.. like “so what?!”.. how low & disgusting it is!!

what father would treat his kids that kind of way?? what kind of raising is that?? it’s fucking barbaric & ignorant & it makes me sick to my stomach!!

parents should raise their kids about morality, scolding when their kids do wrong, teaching them the right & the wrong, give them the amount of happiness even if things went wrong.. THIS. IS WHAT I CALLED.. RAISING!!

i asked myself why?? why am i blessed with a fucked up father?? why can’t i have a father like my uncle who treated his late wife, kids & grand-kids kindly?? i went to a whole new level of depression because of that (even tho i had a lovely mother)

i never cared much about my parents getting divorced nor even cared that i never had the best father because i only have one mother who raised me with love & respect.. until social media & real life fucked me up in my feelings of how most of people loved their father.. i was jealous & hurt, & i cried for a week for missing that kind of feeling.. because i wanted to feel that caring father like anyone would have.. but it was destiny

i even suspected that this so called father was keeping us away from his brother because he knows we’ll love him more than our real father (there was also a situation that a mother kept her children away from seeing their grandmother “her mother in law” for years because of the same fucking reason)

but now i’m moving on.. i don’t need any sympathy or pity

for those who are facing with a situation with a parent (whether a father, mother, or both).. my advice for you.. run.. run as soon as u can & never look back.. bash this person off & tell him how u feel before things get worse.. if he kept up with that attitude over & over & cost you not just your dignity.. but your mentally as well.. run & disappear from that person.. it’s the best punishment for being a bad parent (as much as it hurts but u must be to save your mentality).. & don’t you ever listen to those so-called religious people because most of them honestly never been in YOUR shoes!!

dear newly-wedded-mother... if your dear loyal husband lay a hand on you or your children.. take them & disappear.. even if you gave him one more chance after divorce to be a parent for once of his life & suddenly started to tease you by using your kids as a pawn (even if it gets to kidnap your kids)... go away & never return.. your kids deserves much better peaceful life.. (a story i’ve heard from a friend of mine, that her friend's married & had a daughter.. the father wanted to kill the mother to keep the daughter) so better prepare yourself..

but of course most importantly & be fair for god’s sake.. IF he actually changed himself for the sake of the kids (although i’d rather for you to stay separated from your husband for necessary).. DO NOT bash on your kids of how bad their father was... your kids must know their father & they’re the one to judge.. NOT YOU!! (a guy who went to search for his father who disappeared at the age of 2, & the reason was because they got into a silly fight.. silly fight wouldn’t let a mother to keep her son/daughter away from the father which is unfair)

however.. IF your kids complained that their father/mother started to NOT be himself & begged you to let them cut ties with him/her.. DO NOT force your kids to handle their crazy mentally abuse father just because god told us to HANDLE THEM NO MATTER WHAT... god would never be fair with the likes of those so called fathers/mothers.. your kids’ mentality is much important than letting them seeing their father/mother during weekends & getting dose of depression & hatred that would change their mentality for worse for the rest of their lives

sorry for the long story but had to get it out of my chest

thank you for reading

[rctaggart-blog]

Finding Your People

Okay so this is like, a long-winded love letter to The Annoyance Theatre NY or some shit. Maybe you’ll read this and maybe you’ll be like “whoa I could love that place too” and you’ll come take classes to learn, sure, but also to meet these people and let them blow your mind with how nice and good and nuts they all are. Taking classes at The Annoyance helped me find my place and find my people. It’s the sort of place that feels like that cardboard box episode of Spongebob, and when you’re in this small little box you’re going on the craziest adventures imaginable and anyone outside just hears all the giggling and these people are the sort of people who will encourage you to do what you want as long as you do it as hard as you possibly can. If you’re looking for your place and your people, they’ve probably been waiting for you in this murder basement the whole time.  This is all relevant because as of March 31, 2017, the theatre will be taking a lil break (see also: closing until further notice) and time runs short for you to blast off into the stratosphere with these folks and boy will you look like a dumb lil fucker if all this ends and ten years down the road Marc Maron’s like “Who’re your guys?” and you say anyone but “Annie Donnely’s bare ass.” 

PART 1: New York Money About a year ago I did whole thing where you move to New York without considering the full picture of the future of your finances. I turned down a very nice offer from my good friends’ company to move to the city for comedy et al. I got a copywriting internship.

Before work even started I signed up for Annoyance classes. I had money saved. I had a paid internship. Money is easy and I am king. (Note: Since birth I’ve had the stupid luck of having an older brother who likes doing all the same things I do and is the funniest person I know and you all know this but for the people in the back I’ll just remind you he was here before me and I wouldn’t know about the Annoyance without him because he was all like ya gotta go it’s nuts so that’s how I ended up here.)

Annoyance class (AP1) was dope. Sara Burkhalter was great. I was learning basics that I had long forgotten/never actually learned. There was that one guy who always wanted to make scenes about butts and boobs and full on bit my leg once. I met these cool cats Juj, Brendan, and Lena. Juj and I did a really nice scene about laundry. Brendan and Lena became a thing and I officially had friend hot goss which is a sure sign of feeling at home. New York city is easy and I am king.

And then, at the end of January, I got my first intern paycheck. I stupidly wore a blazer to work. I don’t know why I did this. Maybe to look cool when making advertising money. But I do know I grossly underestimated New York taxes and what interns make and immediately realized that this was not nearly enough money to do much of anything. I believe that same day I also learned how much I owed in taxes. It was a lot. Maybe because my senior year of college I just forgot to pay them. 

So that Friday a sad boy got on the train home to his sublet (hardly able to focus on Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk) fully intending on watching the rest of iZombie and not talking to anyone all weekend, because that’d be too expensive. 

And you know, I was sort of letting loose this internal monologue of self loathing (why’d you move here, you’re nothing, the world can’t wait to forget you, etc. etc.) and just really beating myself up and I’m looking at the stops ticking down on the L and I’m thinking that I don’t actually want to go home because that sounds sad and tinder-y and I remembered this Friday night jam at The Annoyance I’d had on my calendar for three weeks but had little intention of ever actually going. And now I’m sweating and shoving my book back into my coat and internally trying to football-coach-at-halftime-during-the-big-game myself, you know, like mentally shouting about how if I’m not even trying to do anything outside of classes then why even move here and all that. 

So I marched my ass down Bedford to make the 7pm Dog Fight in my dumb little camel hair blazer to go pay $5 (it doesn’t cost money anymore! you gotta come!) and do whatever Dog Fight was. 

PART 2: Dog Fight

I was very awkward. Mostly silent. It was very empty (as it always is until halfway through the show). I got a beer (so you can’t do that anymore but you should still totally come) and put my name in the dog bowl and maybe floated on the edge of a conversation of strangers for a second before I took a seat and waited, trying not to think about how dumb I was starting to feel with the blazer on. The show starts – Danny Groh blasts on stage shouting and yelling, and Dara stands next to him holding Oakley The Dog and the playful scowl she always has with Danny. 

They go through the pre-show spiel: Bar in the back, bathroom to the side, stairs over there, and yo yo I’m Danny Groh(!!!!). They call the names out of the dog bowl. I might’ve been in the first group, I don’t remember. But I get called up and I’m all nervous about this dumb blazer and I consider taking it off especially when Danny is making a fuss about it, but then as the other names get called, I meet a tall fucking guy with a bowtie and a devilish so and so with a beard and a blazer. These were Clay and Sander, respectively, and now the blazers were A Thing. 

We get the suggestion, Clay and I go out for the first scene, and we’re both just leaning against opposite sides of the stage. I say, “Just a couple a guys, trying on clothes.” Bowtie matches the false bravado voice I’m using and says, “Just trying on clothes, couple a guys.” And we’re off to the races. I’m so excited, just leaning against the wall. I start thinking that this is a scene I might’ve done with Chad, Harrison, Anna, Lauren, any of those Midnight Book Club babes, like oh boy god this is fun, this dumb little scene saying “Couple a guys! Tryin’ on clothes!” weirder and weirder. And then Sander walks into the scene and asks if we need anything. Clay says, “We’re just a couple a guys and we need some clothes to try on!” and Sander hits the same silly note and says, “Just one store clerk helping a couple a guys try on some clothes!” and it’s so stupid reading on the page but I gotta tell you that this was euphoric. (Other scenes that stick out from this group of people were: Army Guys At War But Also Going Through Breakups, President Fight, and just a scene I believe was general shouting.)

Dog Fight used to have a winner that was chosen by Oakley The Dog. We’d do musical chairs to decide where to sit, we’d appeal to Oakley one last time, and Dara would let her loose. Whoever she chose would come back the next week as a group. I went up because Sander saw that I was new and is great at including people. Oakley chose me probably because I was sweaty and smelled. But I was very happy about it. And then Oakley The Dog kept choosing us. For something like six weeks. 

I feel like Willem Dafoe in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou when it comes to Dog Fight. I’ve tried to tell Danny and Dara and Oakley The Dog what it’s meant to me, but I can never get it across. I found myself just wanting to shout: “You don’t understand! I didn’t just like it!” at them. Because if I hadn’t gone to Dog Fight I would’ve never met Sander and Clay and if Oakley hadn’t kept picking us I would’ve found a reason to not go to Dog Fight but she chose us some five weeks in a row and it basically become habit at that point. Dog Fight was what I did on Friday nights, no question about it. It was church. And the rules were yell TFE really loud when someone nails a Tight Fucking Edit on a scene, yell for the doctor when you just wanted to see a doctor enter a scene, yell at Danny and Dara for talking too long at the top. And if I hand’t gone to Dog Fight steadily for something like a year I wouldn’t have met Shannon and Charlie and Dan and Jessika and Deanna and Maya and Sophia and Justin and Lizzie and Jason and Nico and Daniela and Caitlin and and all these dang people and when I met Kiran and Andrew and Adam in class I was like man you gotta come Dog Fight on Friday night is the place to be, it’s the only place you gotta be because it’s where everyone is and after we’re going to The Lucky Dog after to “get a drink” which almost always turned into “getting very drunk.” and the crowd started getting bigger and bigger, growing from just a few of us to being nothing short of an exodus down Bedford at 8pm on the dot.

PART 3: So On And So Forth

There’s more to the story, like how I basically wrote Murder in Middle America so I had a reason to hang out with my new friends more, or how we came up with the concept for The Moon Crew one night at Lucky Dog when Sander told us about his first date ice breaker of “would you rather go on a 3 month trip, all expense paid, to Europe or go to The Moon” or how Clay basically set the musical mood (and let us use some of his amazing music) for Chad and I’s movie, Something Fun or how, just this past weekend, I had the most fucking fun watching John Wick 2 with these assholes and spending the rest of the night both reliving and shitting on the movie like we were little kids who just saw an action movie for the first time. 

The point is: All of a sudden I had a home. I had friends. And it’s amazing how much nicer a place can get when you have friends.  The Annoyance Theatre NY is a place very close to my heart and in its last days I hope you come by and get weird with us. We’ll love you to the moon and back. For classes and shows: https://theannoyancenewyork.com/