#life away any easier for them.
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You cannot resist the whole of the military industrial complex, especially the US American sector, without holding compassion and sympathy for veterans.
#sentences that would explode too many young left leaning but deeply conservative pilled people on the spot#ignoring and silencing the 'undesirable leftovers' of war is 100% in alignment with the military's recruitment goals#the majority of vets are anti war and are the ones who warn us of the dangers and militant tactics best#and those who are pro war still deserve to be heard and kept safe for themselves and others JUST AS MUCH as the anti war vets#bc honestly there's pieces of how military propaganda works that you will not learn from those who it didn't work on (drafted or family#pressures made them enlist moreso than the actual messaging) and those who broke free of it#why does it take hold of folks? how does it keep them entrenched and loyal to the military cause? you can only really#learn those intricacies by respectfully observing and listening. not silencing.#it's hard to help people you disagree with on such a serious issue live safely and in peace but you have to. and you have to understand#that they were made to suffer by someone given inordinate amounts of authority and the goal to train to kill. the training alone has been#enough to send more recruits home with PTSD than you think. they're all sick and have been taken advantage of. yes even the assholes.#it does not require forgiveness nor agreement to learn from and to respect veterans#they've gone through something horrific and that's just what the complex wants. to throw them away. do Not help make throwing human#life away any easier for them.#my text posts
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my romantic self-esteem is just absolutely rock-solid. for whatever reason!
#I’m a catch!#and I’m so not interested in anybody who wouldn’t demonstrably make my life better in every way#and that involves not being afraid of me or the idea of romance/marriage in general#and if you are afraid it just isn’t interesting or attractive enough for me#there was a boy a few years ago and tbh I think he liked me#and I liked him! he was cute he was intense in an endearing way#and he was smart#we argued about Taylor and then the next time I saw him he was like Christmas tree farm is a good song#(it had just come out)#and he never did anything about it and then he moved away and that is totally fine#and I wish him well.#but the crush was killed by the simple fact that he never liked me enough to say it#like truly and with all (non-romantic) love; go with God#at that point lol#that said I have never wanted marriage or children as an abstract concept#so it makes it much easier to think along these lines#it would be so devastating to want it so badly and not get it!#but I can’t even imagine summoning the desire for it in an abstract sense#I’ll meet someone and love them and then that will lead to marriage and possibly children#or I won’t#but both roads look about the same to me in terms of desire#or any desire big enough worth mentioning#not talking about the whispers or the daydreams that do sometimes intrude#but yeah I don’t think full desire would come until there was a person#and there might not be! I cannot conjure them from the deeps lol#anyway I’ll stop talking about it because I know it can be sensitive/delicate to talk about#in a public setting
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#idk i just. it would be so much easier to do Anything if i had any idea what amount of love is acceptable to show to other people#hanging out with people! talking to them! doing activities together! i like all of these things and i like the people i do them with#but it's always so hard to figure out where The Limits are#i know other people often aren't nearly as open to affection and closeness as i am#and i Very Much Do Not Want to make anyone uncomfortable with unwanted advances#i'm not sure how to communicate 'i will not get any closer than you wish me to' without the message coming across as 'i wish you didn't#come any closer to me'#because i feel like that's what i'm doing most of the time! pushing people away so they know i'm not trying to offend their personal space#and then i end up feeling miserable and left out and abandoned because no one gets as near me as i wish them to#idk idk just feels bad man#and like as much as i crave physical intimacy with people this also applies very much on emotional distance#generally i'd like to be a lot closer to the people in my life in every sense of those words#and i don't know how???#giving a compliment or offering a hug or inviting someone to a thing always makes me feel like some sort of monster#clumsy and unwanted and clueless about their horrid existence that is barely tolerated#why aren't there any clear rules to these things i could learn! so i could Fucking Communicate with people!!!#euuogggggh i'm just tired and frustrated and sad and haven't slept properly and it's been a long week at work#i think i'm doing better than what it sounds like here#maybe#sussitalk
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just thinking thoughts
#hmm… sappy moment rn but#y'all have given me so much over the past few years and it helped me get through so much shit#like i never would've posted or continued writing if it wasn't for all the love i got on my stuff (or maybe i would yk but i wouldn't post#any of it)#and i've had so much fun creating all these stories and characters – ruin you cmi atrw c&f etc etc#like 3 years ago i never would've thought anyone would love these silly ideas my brain comes up with so much#support them and be kind about them and also give ME as a person so much love?? ykwim? like im not used to this much affection#but i'm so thankful :') i do feel valued here… and i hope life stays gentle enough for me to be able to finish all this#like to finish cmi and all the other stuff i want to share before i leave this place… i hope the passion never fades#and that y'all stick around too <3 that whenever i do leave some day i don't regret not finishing something#but go with a content heart and with the hope that my stuff will be loved even when im away and the blog's archived#y'all are amazing :') it was easier to hold on over the years truly#sigh yeah that's it.. this got very long i know but if you read it all – ily :') <3#maybe dl?? maybe not let's see
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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Can’t be paranoid if you’re too sleep deprived to even hold one coherent thought 🤷♀️
#a car rolled by at midnight#slowed right down in front of the house#still moving but hyper slow#then drove on#second night this week that’s happened#nothing sketchy on the walk today though#oh and guess who is still messaging Jack#who refuses to delete and block his number#asking to just know when his mail gets here so he can grab it#she just ignored it#what part of stay 100 miles away from my house don’t you understand#you know what the easier solution to harassing us would have been?#calling the company and asking them to resend to a new address#he’s apparently living in his car now his dad booted him out#trying to get more sympathy and shit#sir my life it at risk right now you think I have any sympathy for you?#hilarious.#how could someone be SO ignorant
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It's 100% true that the Roy siblings did not choose to be Logan's children and Tom and Greg and the old guard did choose to work for him so their relationships to Logan are fundamentally different, and the degree of culpability they bear for their own moral degradation is also wildly different. But workplace emotional abuse is also very real and omnipresent in the way Logan treats the people who work for him. And one of the impacts of workplace emotional abuse is creating an extreme attachment to the abuser and becoming less cognizant and even defensive of their abuse towards yourself and others, and in cases where the emotional abuse is institutionalized and systemic it can also create a strong aversion to leaving because your whole sense of personal identity becomes wrapped up in the organization and so being forced to leave can cause an intense psychological crisis. I don't think the situation of working for Logan is at all equivalent to being his child but I also think that it's a bit misguided to imply that Tom and Gerri and Frank and Karl are operating from a place of pure rationality without any undue psychological influences when they make the choice to stay with and support Logan
#used to work at a place that had an extremely emotionally abusive president for years and years and the people who worked there long term#were FUCKED UP. it was wild#i think it's easy to overlook that on succ bc it's very secondary to whats going on with the roy family proper. as it should be#but I also think one of the questions succ explores in tom as a character (and others) is how difficult it can be to leave these situations#even if you did choose to get into them#I don't think 'tom can leave at any time' is really a fair assessment bc technically yes. but practically? psychologically?#like yes he bears responsibility for getting himself into this situation due to his own greed and selfishness in a way the roy kids do not#but that doesn't mean it's easy or straightforward to walk away#also. tom is married to shiv which places him in the unique position where the only way to walk away is to cut off both his wife#and the company he's spent his whole life at#he could have NOT married shiv this is very true. and I think the choice to marry her even after she lied to him about sleeping with nate#means that he did have some idea of what he was getting into. he knew this was not going to be the fairytale marriage he wanted#he already knew about cruises too. he knew waystar was corrupt#that moment was the opportunity to walk away and he did NOT take it#and that is on him#but that does not making walking away now any easier
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"I don't like sad things" hello ??? you who has come up with some of the angstiest things before ? delightfully hurt/comfort ? /t
Listen Blaines my dear friend
I never said I wasn't a hypocrite, like I was in tears about your lie in april + I want to eat your pancreas and I'm always in tears about Kojika and Ronin's Right person, not enough time dynamic- I think that's just a trope that's always gonna make me cry ngl-
I genuinely don't like sad things most of the time but angst I can handle when I know there's comfort at the end. When I know the characters are gonna get a happy ending or I know where the story is gonna go or if I'm forewarned ahead of time.
And the Angst thing is because I have Ru as my role model in the angst department so Gotta keep up with their silly antics /j
#that being said uhhhhhh Yes I have angst things but listen LISTEN#if you think i'm bad you should see Danganronpa's backstories for their characters good lord#My motto is please get characters therapy amen#bUT NO NO STORIES ABOUT GRIED FUCK ME UP IN A VERY PARTICULAR A WAY#i think it's why I'm latching onto batman so hard because His story is rooted so heavily in grief#it is an intricate part of who he is! it was a life altering event the death of his parents! you can't take it away from the person he is!!#and Grief is that thing you can never really escape because death comes for everyone in the end. you're either going to be the grieved or#the griever#the saddest thing that can be is someone who has no one to grieve for them tbh#sorry I quite literallt just finished your lie in april an hour ago so it is fresh on the brain#BLAINES :D!!#but yeah no if anyone asks about Any angst thoughts I have uhhhhhh it depends because I usually sell myself as someone that's very fluff#focused and that's true and is the main kind of stuff I enjoy reading/watching but sometimes Angst is good#Especially as Hurt/Comfort JUST MWAH the good stuff in getting comfort#madi answers#also if anyone asks who kojika and ronin are... they are some of my ocs#i don't usually talk about my OCs on tumblr because it's tumblr but I have so much lore on them it's insane#wHICH KOJIKA'S STORY IS ALSO SO INTRICATELY TIED TO GRIEF AND HOW IT'S EVER CONSUMING IF YOU LET IT BE AND GNAWS#if any of you ask about my OCs I apologize for the infodump that will be thrown upon my page#it's honestly easier to get their info from my art fight please
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday 😌#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose 😔✋️#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy 😭#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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it is unfortunate when i go to prayer and cry my eyes out and the only response i really hear is that i simply have to bear it. like usually i can get my emotions out and once they’re settled i hear a rational solution but it sucks when i don’t get the answer i want. i just have to keep waiting. like normally i hear something that gives me strength but wow apparently i’ve hit a new low
#literally all my problems would be so much easier to deal with if i had friends#and normally i’d be told ‘do this and you’ll probably find friends’#my plan has always been just to wait for someone to find me bc i’m horribly shy and antisocial#even though logically i know that’s a bad way of going about it#my logical rational analytical brain has always been obsessed with finding concrete answers. it’s always been ‘what can *I* do’#so even when i suffer there’s a part of me that says ‘it’s ok once i’m done crying i can work this out and go right back to trying’#i’ve been emotionally dead for years but i’ve always held onto faith like that#tonight i feel like i’ve been brought low. i feel like i’ve finally been told that i might just have to wait after all#which i might think would be comforting bc it absolves me of responsibility#but it’s actually crushing bc it absolves me of power#i feel like i’m finally facing the realization that i’m powerless and pathetic and i’m never going to be able to fix myself#that i can try as hard as i want but i can’t shake off this cross#but i don’t know how long i have to wait for someone to find me#and even if they find me how do i not fumble it#my first instinct is to push people away bc i assume they’re not really interested they’re just trying to be nice#which is usually true#i don’t even know how to sustain casual friendships and im so desperately in need of deep ones#i can’t open up to someone without just breaking apart and making it clear how pathetic i am#one would think i ought to find someone better than myself who can fix me#but on the other hand i think the only time that the good parts of me come out is when im facing someone even worse than me#like i have a tendency to morph into the opposite of the other person in any given situation to maintain healthy balance#so like when surrounded by extroverts which is almost always i become an introvert#it’s rare to meet an introvert but then i become stronger and more extroverted around them. like something in me just loves helping others#even though i can’t help myself#what do i pray for? a fellow pathetic person? or someone with the patience and kindness and life knowledge of a saint?#will either of them really be found just by chance in my life?#and even if i do meet someone. truly i wish they’d also be lonely. i want them to need me#i don’t want to be a pity charity case. like a side project for someone with real friends already
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destined for isolation - side a
#ukureticence#ichor's blessing#archangel dyrkethiel#dyrkethiel side a#man space seems so cool until you realize you're literally dozens of lightyears away from your loved ones#can't have someone so important have mental breakdowns over that stuff tho so there goes those memories lol#like side a moves INCREDIBLY FAST in space and above light speed levels but thats only because of how massive space is#they do get faster sometimes but only for emergencies. they still incredibly slow in pressurized environments tho#still takes a couple of years to and from to heaven depending on how far they are out#goes from literally faster than the speed of light several times over to barely able to fly at all pff.#they're made only for space and being outside of it doesnt do well for them really. much weaker. sensory overload. other stuff.#one accidental parallel i found between side a and side b#both kinda “rule” over their own “domains/realms/sections” outside of heaven hell or earth but#like they're consequently REALLY lonely lol#side a has space and side b has the void#side a literally is not allowed to form any planets capable of withstanding more than plant life and even then has to like#precisely put it in position so its on a cycle and not overgrown but even then mostly just dont because its easier#not allowed to house anything more than microbacterias and anything capable of doing civilizations and stuff#since thats way too much work on the other angels#like theres so many angels just for earth alone there aint gonna be more for other alien civilizations yknow? too much work
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ATLAS
Hand over your best job interview advice right now
(Please)
Don’t be fucking honest
#Literally lie & twist whatever u can get away w#Don’t say u take meds don’t say u have mental health issues don’t say anything abt ur medical life unless directly asked#There’s a dress code so fit that obvi#batter them up talk abt how u always wanted to do smth related to the job or how their company is ur fav#or shit like that#Eye contact. be assertive & approachable especially if ur job is related to human interaction in any way#also RUN the moment u hear “we’re like a family here” that sentence itself is literally manipulation#for u to feel some form of connection & loyalty to the job so they can make u so things easier it’s literally the biggest red flag ever
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Due to a combination of supply chain issues, health insurance bullshit, and pharmacies not liking to keep around too many controlled substances, I can’t get my adhd meds at any of the pharmacies near me. They’re usually out of stock for my dose in the generic version of the med, and my insurance doesn’t cover the brand name version so that would’ve been $400 that I don’t have for a month’s supply (assuming the brand name one’s in stock, which it often also isn’t).
Instead I get to spend an hour on the bus heading out to the pharmacy at the big medical center, wait in line for maybe 20 minutes, and then take an hour back home. Usually the ride home is longer because of the way my bus transfers line up. Mind you, this is while also being chronically ill, immune compromised due to the meds I take for my chronic illness, and as of last week I’m starting college again. Two hours on the bus is a lot even without all that stuff! That’s time and energy I could spend on laundry or cooking or homework or spending time with friends or just fucking resting!
Every other medication I’m on has the option to get it mailed to my front door. Every other medication I’m on is at the pharmacy 10 minutes away if I go pick it up in person instead. It’s easy for pharmacies to have enough of my other meds in stock to fill my (and anyone else’s) prescription. But because my adhd meds are a controlled substance, pharmacies don’t like to keep much on site and they Really don’t want to send it by mail. Because it’s a controlled substance, it’s harder for manufacturing facilities to get the legal stuff done so they can make more of it and ship it out. Because I’m near a college campus a lot of people are getting their prescriptions filled there, including other people who also have adhd, which means that the small amount the pharmacy likes to keep on hand/is able to keep on hand doesn’t last long.
And you might go “oh well you’re a college student in an area with a bunch of other college students, obviously people are taking those meds off label to party or something”. The solution right now is to just make disabled people suffer and go without, to make people with the “it’s hard to jump through bureaucratic hoops” disorder do an entire fucking circus routine worth of steps to be able to function for a month. Which is bullshit! The solution should be to make it easier for us to get our damn meds, and also to provide counseling and help for those who are taking it off label, since self medication is often due to lack of access to medical/psychological/material support. Instead we’ve got a system where everyone suffers and the pharmaceutical companies win
wild how we have a medication that is super effective at treating a debilitating disability but its controlled to hell and back because What If Someone Takes It For Fun like i have an idea who gives a shit
#this is kinda rambly and ranty but oh well#idk I just hate the idea of treating people who take things off label as evil#cuz if they’re feeling the need to do a drug about it then there might be something else going on that they need help with#like if they’re going out partying and getting high to forget how shitty it is to be abused at home#what we need to do is help them get away from the shitty abusive home. not treat them like garbage#same for homeless people who self medicate. get them a house! and healthcare!#same for college students taking it to get their unreasonable workloads done#get them better tools to manage their homework. get the professors to calm the fuck down with their deadlines#and honestly get the student some mental health assessments cuz most of the people I know who self medicated turned out to actually…#have either adhd or some other mental health thing going on that wasn’t getting adequate treatment (or any treatment!)#instead all we do is make life miserable for everyone#treating my fellow miserable people as the enemy certainly doesn’t make it easier for me to get my meds. it just makes us all more miserable
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spent hours looking for local groups/clubs/classes and there's nothing that fits all my needed criteria. not a single one. don't have energy or executive functioning or social skills to make my own group. only choice is to give up.
need to accept its impossible to make friends irl as am autistic adult. hasn't been possible in the last 12+ years since I dropped out of school. wasn't even possible while IN school despite how hard I tried!!! won't magically become possible because I sit here alone in my tiny dark room for years hoping that will change.
#trying everything people suggest to me. nothing works. google and even facebook give me no results. cant move to big city. stuck forever#forever alone with no companions to share life with. no way to get any. want them NOW not “one day”#TIRED OF WAITING FOR THIS FICTIONAL “”“ONE DAY”“” BEEN WAITING FOR THE “RIGHT PEOPLE” FOR 30 YEARS FOR FUCK SAKE#wasting my life away. need to give up. give up life plans and goals. everything requires other people. all my ideas need people#like cosplay photoshoots. was way too hard and not fun alone. jist give up thar idea and stop trying.#give up short film/music video ideas i need actors for. give up photoshoot ideas i need models for. give up everything#only do things can do alone. which isnt much because being disabled requires too much help. so rot alone in my dark room and give up on life#thats the only choice. cant find another.#need to accept it and move on to living alone until i waste my whole life away. accepting might make it easier to deal with.#lee rants#sometimes i really hate everything. especially people. people really suck.
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#maisie and conan r both so funny silly goofy i love them sm😭#me trying not to be parasocial but literally their little speeches and stuff in btwn songs were so funny lol#conan said a little thank you after every song it was so sweet i love him ;-; and maisie was honestly just so funny i love herrr#goddamn they both went so hard 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 already post concert depresso fr#it was so so fun 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i got a bourgeoisieses shirt and it was way too expensive but i dont give a fuck i'm so excited to wear it#sang my little fucking heart out to both of their sets along w everyone else what a fucking vibe#especially everyone screaming along w conan#i want to do it again ;-; immediately ;-;;;;#god these two have th best bangers holy shit#lost the breakup was SO FUCKING FUN#top of my fucking lungs *OH SHIT!!!!!!!! YOU LOST THE BREAKUP!!!!!!!!!*#MANIAC WAS SOOOOO FUCKING FUNNNNNNNNN#god fucking dammit#i have to be productive and stuff tmrw and whatever but i don't want to do anything#rip i dont even have like concert vids to look at tho bc my stupid camera only works in .5 lens so i didn't bother LOL#we were already kinda far away / not super close so .5 made it tiny#but it was fun anyway <3333 i'm literally not gonna be listening to any other music for the next idk like next month#i need to go get ready for bed but i rly don't want to lol 😭#i just want to live in today bc it's concert day 🥹 even tho concert is over but if i go to sleep#i'll wake up and be even more removed fromconcert than right now not going to sleep 🥹 LOL#wonder if my roommate can hear me typing on my laptop rn for this and is like wtf she doing#guys i fucking love music so much.#🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#jeanne talks#i'm surprised by how much energy i had i was jumping up and down sm lol#the songs were too fun to jump to i couldn't help it 🥹🥹#A;JSHGAIFGALJGJLRJNGAKLJFDBJDJLKDNFREGLRGJAF;#conan and maisie i miss u already ;-;#ALSO SINGING ALONG SO LOUD IN THE CAR BEFORE AND AFTER W MY FRIEND WAS SO SO FUN 🥹🥹🥹#y can’t that just be my entire life . why can’t concerts be a thousand million times easier to go to
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