#leave the fish out of social discourse

[petits-pois-carcinogenic]

While the transphobes making this a fight are a special breed of dumbass, it's kind of a weird thing of British library to share about hermaphroditism in the animal kingdom in the "honour of pride month"?

[quicksilverserpent]

I dont think civilian is a coherent category. Nor a very useful one either. Not unless all youre trying to do is manipulate useful idiots in a low effort way.

If youre a settler and the foundation for your whole lifestyle and prosperity is the violent dispossession of an indigenous people you cant truly claim to be an innocent bystander to that conflict.

If youre a member of the bourgeoisie and all the various arms of the state repressive forces committing all the violence in society from the exceptionally high pitched to the everyday cruelties are doing so on your behalf to enforce the social arrangements beneficial to you then you cant actually claim youre not a participant in that war. If youre a member of the ruling class its really even more important to winning any war effort to kill you and thereby end your will your desires and critically your ability to use your many resources to make those manifest than it is to kill whatever poor gullible sap youve hired to do your bidding. And so to go say "no you cant kill me ive got immunity youve got to restrict yourself to dealing with my replaceable underlings or else youre not respectable" its just so transparently bullshit.

Insurgents really are just ordinary people like anyone wlse whove been forced by their desperate wretched circumstances to take up arms by the crushing weight of the violence of imperialism and it is wrong to single them out from the rest of population as acceptable targets for the occupation just because theyve chosen to defend themselves and their communities from it. If someone punches you and you hit back your self defense doesnt vindicate or pardon their assult it doesnt give them a permission slip to beat the shit out of you only one of you has any "right" to be violent here.

Theres no equality in a war theres always an asymmetry yes everyone has their own narratives about who is right and who is wrong but thats the thing is some narratives are just bullshit theres no need to consider them or humor that shit whats important is seeking the actual truth.

All military occupations recognize who theyre fighting thats why draining the sea to leave the fish high and dry to suffocate is so frequently used to crush insurgencies which can move with ease among the population exactly because theyre a deeply enmeshed part of it that grew grassroots from it no matter how much the oppressors deny it for propaganda purposes.

Incumbent national regimes dont make these principled distinctions between these categories when its not convenient they go and slaughter whoever they feel they need to in order to accomplish their objectives civilian is just another rhetorical weapon to be applied to everyone else's conduct not their own a do as I say not as I do type thing.

When its wrong to kill someone its never about whether or not theyre a civilian thats really just a poor articulation of what the issue actually is its lazy and its just taking advantage of a prebuilt discourse which was built largely by and for war criminals ironically.

[garoujo]

MY FINAL MESSAGE TO MY TUMBLR HARASSER :

hi ! as you guys have probably seen on dash, in tags, in your inbox there is an anon + a blog @/ffflowers going out of their way to not only spread lies but also to completely try everything in their power to harass and ‘expose’ me.

if you’ve had them in your asks or seen their posts you would’ve seen a link to a callout post from 2021 regarding a conversation that took place on an old blog of mine. their agenda with this callout post is to ‘prove’ that i apparently ignored this completely and got ‘run off’ tumblr without taking any sort of accountability for what was said or making any sort of apology.

this is not true, back in 2021 i took and still take full accountability for what i said and have never denied it, i made 3/4 separate apologies at that time, one of which was my pinned post for around a week and have continued to grow and do better as a writer and as a person since.

this particular discourse was resolved at that time, i never avoided confrontation and admitted i was in the wrong because i was, i was caught off guard and panicked with a topic that i felt intimidated by — i apologise and take accountability for my own ignorance.

while on the subject of this discourse post, i’d just like to prove my statement in this post where i said this particular situation was not what drove me to leave tumblr temporarily— this can be proven by these screenshots. as you can see, the callout post was dated on the 8th of June 2021.

like i said again in my previous post about this, this did not drive me off of tumblr — i owned up to everything i said, even went back to tag every post regarding the discourse so people could read through and make their own opinion — i did not run from this. i continued to write on this blog for months after this discourse which can be proven by the literal date in which it says my blog deactivated at the top — 20th of October 2021. almost 5 months after the callout post. either i’m a slow runner or my statement is correct. again, this was 2 years ago and this person has harassed me ever since.

but while i’m on the topic, the reason i actually left that blog was due to the anon who is continuing to harass me now. i received consistent and constant death threats by the same anon for months, following the same pattern — when i stopped posting their asks, they then decided to try a different approach. they began to force themselves into other peoples safe spaces to tell them they “couldn’t write certain characters because i selfshipped with them and they belonged to me” before going on to send those creators hate and death threats under the guise that i sent them — also not true.

i left tumblr for my own safety, this anon has my private and personal details, my social media and my face reveals but i refuse to let them ruin my safe space for me again. they’ve began to add more to their stories with sudden plagiarism and ‘black fishing’ being suddenly mentioned into their posts which is again absolutely not true, my guess is their current posts weren’t getting as much attention as they expected and they had to make it a little more eye catching.

they’ve also been consistently sending me anon asks hoping to bring relevance to the situation by urging me to post about it, they will send me hate before deciding to try and pretend to be another, nicer anon urging me to ‘hear my side of the story’ or showering me in compliments about how they ‘need an explanation because they know i’m too nice for that’ again, it’s obvious it’s them since they go back to being horrible when they’re ignored, and quite frankly it’s terrifying the lengths they’ll go to harass and manipulate me.

this morning while i was at work i had received an anon urging me to do that exact thing, to talk about the discourse, they sent me consistent asks until i made my post talking about how i will no longer be mentioning it on dash, they then sent me another nastier ask immediately after before then going to post on their blog @/ffflowers almost immediately after that.

also this is part two of them harassing me here and the reason i left my last nsfw blog + them doing the exact same thing they’re doing now, they have a pattern — they will wait a few months before bringing themselves back into my inbox, when their hate asks to me are left unanswered then they play their way into other peoples inboxes hoping they will post + bring attention to the ‘discourse’ they are trying to spread. also another post i’ve made about this situation lastnight here.

they’ve become increasingly more angry and violent the longer they’ve been with me, i’ve been doxxed, threatened, consistently told to die and kms + had my character ripped to shreds on a site where i simply post writing for fun. i apologise to anyone who’s been dragged into this or harassed by this person, they are nasty and this probably won’t be the end of them either — but i refuse to let them drive me off of this app again.

i’ll be taking a small break for a few days to calm down, anon will remain off so they can’t contact me because at this moment i don’t feel safe and will be laying low on my personal acc for a while until i feel better. i apologise again for everything, the posts and my actions included, but i have no secrets.

emmie <3

RETURN TO NAVIGATION

[ecoevoexo]

@miss--celestine

you're right that i'm overreacting to the level of evidence provided and being irresponsible. i don't go on mastodon, and haven't seen it first hand, and the currently circulating evidence is based on multiple accounts that someone revealed LB's identity, and that solid proof is forthcoming. if it turns out to be wrong, i will make an apology and a retraction.

some context: im currently in the early recovery process of being manipulated, abused, and raped by someone, so i'm very triggered around this entire subject. i know people can be falsely accused of things and cancelmobbed; ive experienced that myself multiple times in the past. in fact, LB participated in doing so, back when she didn't have to keep her identity hidden. when i say i'm willing to change my tune with further evidence i mean it. i also am not currently a big fish. only a few people ever interact with my posts, frequently no one. you are the first and so far sole person to interact with the post where im venting about LB, which i made a do-not-reblog so it wouldn't be potentially spread around.

that said, there's a few things i did personally experience around this. firstly, i was mutuals with Slaanesh during the KYLR discourse a couple months ago on twitter. i was arguing that nuance is needed because trans women are so frequently falsely accused, and its therefore important not to jump to conclusions with how response to sexual assault is carried out. on every occasion that she interacted with the discussion, Slaanesh derailed the conversation into vitriol, arguing that anyone pro-KYLR was actually transmisogynist, and generally making it impossible to have a nuanced debate. she was not the only one; there were also people doing the same thing on the other side of the argument. but it raised a yellow flag for me.

then, when people began to leave twitter, a number of posts were made to the effect that eightpoint was the only space for trans women to go to (its not), that it was the only safe space, that no one should stay on twitter, they should instead go to eightpoint. again, i have never been on mastodon, but it raised a lot more yellow flags for me seeing how people were talking about it, and trying to spread around the message that it was the one place people should go. this i witnessed personally, and Slaanesh was only one of the people making these posts.

then, again on twitter, i saw people talking about negative experiences with eightpoint's rules causing them to be isolated, and people defending what looked to me as basically a policy of 'you can never talk about problems you've had with people'. around this time i became aware of certain associations between people involved with eightpoint and the r/antiwork events, which i have not fully investigated yet.

now a claim is circulating without substantiating evidence, and while triggered last night i made this post. again, you are the only person to interact with it, my posts on twitter got a little more interaction but are still a small part of the overall reaction. i do not currently have a big audience, and did not write this post thinking i would have a big social effect. mostly i was in a state of triggered panic (again, im just starting recovery from an abuser whose abuse patterns have some overlap with LB's) and wanted to create personal distance from anyone involved while venting about my frustration with the broader pattern of repeat serial abusers in the trans community.

i'm gonna make the post private unless more evidence comes forward. i'm sure my reasoning is not satisfactory to you, but i'm doing my best and am not used to being in this state of being triggered. i should not really be posting about community issues in this state of mind, and if i have misidentified this person i'm sorry. i've also been told there is a pattern of people being falsely accused of being LB, which i am not familiar with--during my interactions with her years ago she did not hide her identity. i do genuinely feel very uncomfortable with what has gone down and even if LB turns out to be in now way involved i think there's some solid questions to be asked about how eightpoint was advertised to people; these were concerns i had well before LB's name was mentioned.

i remain surprised this post got noticed at all, given that other posts where i'm venting more about personal problems i'm experiencing rarely do.

[cactisonicboxes]

Reframing Public Space: Dalieh’s Transformation from Collective Memory to Commodified Exclusivity Field Research/Mixed Media

Archive picture from 80s of grandfather behind Dalieh

Accropodes of Dalieh, 2023, Mixed Media,

Fishing Designation, 2023, Mixed Media,

Embedded Crooked Rods, 2023, Mixed Media,

Structural Association to Wavy Terrains, 2023, Mixed Media,

Fleeting Coral Reefs, 2023, Mixed Media,

I remember my grandfather, who used to frequent Dalieh almost daily, building fishing rods out of broomsticks. For him, and for many others, Dalieh was not just a place to fish, but a refuge from a busy city life. It was a place where one could escape the constant exposure of commercialization, security apparatus and political propaganda. It was a place where marginalized communities in Lebanon could find solace without having to spend money or adhere to strict rules.

As a space of refuge for marginalized communities, Dalieh represents more than just a physical location. It is a microcosm of the complex interplay between urbanization, socio-economic dynamics, and public policy.

Dalieh stands as a compelling example of the challenges facing public spaces in Lebanon and beyond. Its fading fragments of memories, fading amidst the waves of change, beckon us to critically reflect on the fundamental value of public spaces as sites of collective memory, inclusivity, and cultural continuity.

لسماءا نعد نرى ملبحر، لا رؤية نيريدو ملأنه *Because they want to see the sea, we can’t see the sky anymore.

In 2014, civil society organizations, through a powerful slogan, pointed to the culprits behind this blight on Beirut’s landscape. ‘They’, a reference to the privileged upper class who reside in towering structures that mar the city’s skyline, and the corrupt political class who barter the city to the highest bidder. The sky, once a symbol of freedom and openness, has now been overshadowed by the greed and exclusivity that pervades the privatization of public spaces, leaving us to ponder the loss of shared heritage.

As we delve into the discourse surrounding Dalieh, a once cherished public space now marred by the scars of privatization and the changing dynamics of the fishing industry, we are compelled to ask ourselves: Who has the right to lay claim to the sea? Who benefits from the commodification of public spaces? Who suffers the consequences of engineered interventions that alter the natural landscape? These questions urge us to critically examine the intricate web of power relations, political interests, and social dynamics that shape the fate of public spaces like Dalieh.

[shoujoseiclub]

The New Rose of Versailles Anime: At What Cost?

Clips of the new Rose of Versailles anime made by MAPPA are beautiful, but it leaves a rancid taste when the very same company is known for working their staff like machines (read: AOT staff) and destroying the livelihood of women in the industry.

Yes, I refer to their prime example of fumbling Yuri on Ice until it may never see the light of day again. Their first ‘big’ production headed by Yamamoto Sayo which put them on the map for further opportunities.

After that, we see some more queer anime from MAPPA after their great success: Banana Fish and Zombieland Saga.

They even go one step further to make a sub studio Grizzly, which released Yarichin Bitch Club. It was headed under the Yuri on Ice producer, Fuko Noda, who eventually left (probably due to how awful the YOI situation was).

Wait, why am I mentioning this?

It’s important to note that in Japan, BL is considered under the female demographic. This is because BL breaks the social norms and explores topics less discussed.

https://savvytokyo.com/boys-love-the-genre-that-liberates-japanese-women-to-create-a-world-of-their-own/

This is also how the modern shoujo works became what it was today. In the 1950s, shoujo was a genre created mostly by men. Most stories were of tragic and passive heroines who bravely endured hardships.

Mangaka would publish shoujo in training for shounen manga. The genre was rarely mentioned in articles and considered sub-par to shounen.

Gradually, this began to change in the 60s but shoujo really ushered in a golden age in the 70s, spearheaded by the Magnificent 49ers group. (Showa 24)

Magnificent 49ers or refers to a group of female mangaka born around 1949, in the 24th year of Showa. They wrested control away from men through popular and appealing works that define shoujo today.

Amongst them are Hagio Moto, considered the founding mother of shoujo, Oshima Yumiko, Takemiya Keiko and Ikeda Riyoko, the mangaka of Rose of Versailles.

Now we’ve reached the meat of the plot, with such a history it does a great disservice to have an inhumane company like MAPPA which disregards women and the demographic to represent Rose of Versailles.

The manga itself is about characters which defy social norms and questions their expected identities. How can a studio, which axed all its queer shows and silenced their staff with NDAs be a good fit for a story which contradicts MAPPA?

After disappointing and clowning their female fan base since 2016, MAPPA is now trying to pander to the shoujo fandom again.

They see us as disposable commodities, cash cows to throw away when it gets hard. Please don’t let them, don’t support MAPPA in any way and pirate if you really want to watch it.

[requiesticat]

Life update: drama, job, new pets

Back from hiatus

I took a break from social media for awhile. This was due to mental health, as well as other reasons

Drama/unemployment

A few months ago, I made a character analysis to support a user who was getting harassed for making one. This lead to me getting targeted instead. OP didn't respond to my post, or address that targeting, so I decided to private it.

This isn't the first time I've experienced harassment. Different instances have occurred over the years, with the most prominent one happening on Furvilla. Updated my about page to address it in general:

In March, a few weeks before publishing the post, I quit my job. The position was retail, but it proved to be too demanding. Now I'm unemployed, and unsure if I'll be able to find fulltime work. May start taking commissions.

Things sort of went downhill from there. The aa drama happened. A falling out with a friend lead to our relationship deteriorating. For awhile, it was like I had the worst luck imaginable, and I've been spending more time alone, isolating myself as a result.

So I might leave twitter. The only reasons I've stayed is because all my mutuals use it. Elon Musk's ownership as well as anti/proship discourse has put me off the site entirely; honestly feel more comfortable using mastodon. I'll probably be more active on tumblr as well.

Pets

Some good news: my cats are doing fine. I haven't posted about them much, but their names are Sophie and Milo. They're siblings that come from the same litter

Since 2019 I started taking care of fish, mainly bettas. Right now I own a female koi betta (Pippa), a male platy (Nougat), and an ivory mystery snail (Perry).

Last week, I adopted a jumping spider who kept showing up on my back porch. Not sure about the gender yet, but it's a bold jumper/phidippus audax. I got them a terrarium as well as some crickets for live food.

Its name is Juniper. Jumpy for short, after the protagonist of 999. They're wary of me, but curious and spend a lot of time making webs at the top of the terrarium. I've always wanted a tarantula, so this is sort of the next best thing.

(Sorry for blurry photo)

[mccarthymolly]

intensity,ok,ww,eh,no, hk uh,ww,gone,wt, jloj uj,ww,h k k, yh, ho I k,ww, uh kj, hkj jk jij

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Woody allen isnt lifeMovies | Watch Black Swan (2010) Online Free on fmovies.to

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Vein

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Netflix then references they make in talk, then lists to leave those circles ig

Keys v birds,jm,k,u,j,ok,

Sry to pit burden on u b i hv no ideas n am not doing dumb stuff to distract me

[pagingcs]

Lydia wanted me to make sure our little escapade would hit the news, so I sat down and sent out the bots right around eight. They’re set up to go out in waves, small first, then bigger-bigger-smaller, then bigger again, and so on until the first wave completes and the virtual server downcycles. The trick, as it turned out, was to not be too random. Machines have a way of leaving their fingerprints, and my little network relied on me making the final keystroke. Like a pulse, or maybe a friendly ghost, my console started lighting up as the bots started sending back their little reports. As soon as the console was printing faster than I could keep up, I opened the little window that collated results as a trend line, and watched it as you would watch a fish pond, or a rolling spring cloud. It was working.

Three hours later, the bots had done their work, and I closed the window. My feed was full of news about a new and suspicious hacking ring, and the discourse was just what you’d expect. Charlatans first, then luddites, then anti-luddites, then clout-chasers. The specialty outlets would probably run something tomorrow, and with any luck, at least one of the big guys would publish something by the weekend. I added a reminder to do a second push on Friday afternoon, and closed the console.

This little adventure in social engineering was just a warmup, of course. The trick to good marketing is to make your name knowable but not known, not until right when you need it to be. When we finally get the go ahead to pull the real trigger, our little collective will already be under suspicion. Since we were already jangling around in people’s heads, it will be easy to claim the credit.

I can’t tell you the full nature of the job itself, and that’s because I mostly don’t know it. Lydia has some strange idea about distributed hacking, each cell on a virtual connection and never interacting except where necessary. Sure, we all know where we’re going, more or less, but no one’s got a clue as to what car we’re taking, if you catch me.

Of course you don’t catch me. Of course we all looked for each other as soon as we pulled the first job. That was a trick, were you paying attention?

On a separate machine, the whirr and buzz of a cobbled-together intranet kept the burner machine I used at a near constant whine, and an occasional bump as the decrepit internal fan warped under the strain. Already there was come chatter about the public push for name recognition, and I dutifully (and gleefully) presented my role. Several of the members congratulated me on how natural it all looked, and just as many derided me for how generated it felt. That’s life in the underground for you. If someone’s talent isn’t being used for mischief, they’ll use it for wearing down the competition. I was proud of my little botnet, and there was nothing the faceless wonders could say today to dent my pride in a job well done.

I was getting updates from the feeds now, the luddites had taken the bait. I could feel their little paws hammering out their indignation. Every key tap was an indictment of their hypocrisy, of course, but if they could use their own anger to stoke their psyche, I didn’t see why I couldn’t.

You might think I would have a pang of conscience about manipulating people, but I don’t. Any fool that spends that much time on their feeds gets what they pay for, and gets to become what their generous benefactors pay for; a pair of eyeballs, blinking away.

I leave the intranet machine running, and shut down my media ops rig. I get a message from Lydia saying she liked my work, but she’ll need to talk to me first thing tomorrow about the next phase. She phrases it like she wants me to ask more about it, but I don’t take the bait. I’m tonight’s winner, and I plan to celebrate.

The fog is out when I leave the apartment. It’s cool and fresh on my face, and it hides the stink of the streets as well as anything. I walk the four blocks to Dragon 88, the kind of oddball family-run place that serves pretty decent Chinese food and for some reason, steaks. The dining room is small, but clean and spacious enough. The walls are done up in red wallpaper and the chairs are cheap, but sturdy. There’s only one other couple in here, but then again, it’s almost midnight. In the far corner the dining room opens to the kitchen, separated by a chest-height bar covered in bric-a-brac. Jerry Liu, the guy that’s been standing at that counter for as long as I can remember, waves me in. I take a seat at a table close to the window, but not directly in front of it. I don’t bother with the menu.

After a while, Mrs. Liu makes her way out from the back and walks over to the table. She doesn’t like me, but I don’t blame her.

“Usual?” she asks.

“Not tonight,” I say, “Special occasion. Bring me rice, garlic greens, and a filet.”

“Better with broccoli, you want that too?”

“Sure.”

“Ok, a few minutes.”

She walks over to the counter separating the kitchen from the dining room and relays my order in rapid-fire Cantonese. Jerry nods, looks up, and smiles. He says something quickly to his wife and gets back to work.

Mrs Liu makes her way back to the table.

“You want a drink? Wine for the steak?”

“Beer please. Tsingtao if you have it.”

She nods and gives a weak smile, the growing size of my check easing her distaste, and goes back to get the beer.

The front door opens, and a woman walks in.

[lashton-is-my-drug]

Luke and Ash living together at Ash’s house during quarantine lockdown and got more serious than ever before.

Amazon Music and Spilling The Quarrantea livestreams, plus other things.

1. The food situation. Discourse back and forth between Luke and Ash of being out of food, during both livestreams.

Both talking about being out of groceries and kept bringing up fish fingers and chicken fingers/nuggets. Pretended to both go get groceries when Michael said the grocery store (Ralph's) just restocked. Ash is the first to get up and leave, fast. Luke only starts to get up to leave.

It seems like perhaps Ash is the one that does the grocery shopping. Ash is the one who says he's going to the store when he can. Luke doesn't offer that idea up. Luke seems like he was sulking because he didn't have the foods he likes. Notice how his demeanor is when they're talking about not having food, in the Quarrantea livestream. Luke even tries to make a point by asking everyone what they're having for dinner, Ash reiterates his fish fingers situation, Michael gives an answer that he hasn't even given it a thought.

2. Amazon Music livestream, Pink Floyd, Lashton listening to Pink Floyd together. Public mentions by both.

a. August 13, 2021 Pink Floyd was one of the influences for Luke’s solo album. Luke brings them up when talking about his song ‘Beautiful Dream’ (Nylon mag interview ) 

b. Ash worn lots of PF band tees throughout the years (incl. recent pap pics of him walking with Cal via his own twitter May 1, 2019).

c. Ash tweet using “Welcome to the Machine” businessman on fire artwork March 20, 2020.

d. During Luke’s August 2021 interview with Billboard for WFTTWTAF, “I listened to so much Pink Floyd in the past couple of years, especially [during lockdown], and was very influenced by them, particularly Dark Side of the Moon." Billboard 20 Questions interview.

e. ”Welcome to the Machine” from the “Wish You Were Here” EP to Ash’s ig story on Dec 16, 2021.

f. Ash posted a video to his ig story of Pink Floyd “Echoes” in Pompeii performance on July 20, 2022.

3. Spilling the Quarrantea - Luke saying Ash only started growing his own vegetables “10 minutes ago” (He’s clued into this small detail, Ash doesn’t argue it)

4. The only thing Luke had to say about Sierra during lockdown was that she had been making bread (so was many of the population) - not from livestreams but interesting enough to include.

5. Spilling the Quarrantea - The room Luke is in has very similar style to the room Ash is in (possibly in the same house, noteworthy)

6. Ash promo pic of Superbloom includes similar wallpaper than the wallpaper in Luke’s studio room. (same house? wallpaper shopping together?)

7. I’m suspicious that Luke’s WFTTWTAF ig live was at Ash’s house

8. Luke gets the rose tattoo (Ash has one on his arm). Fans notice in picture August 6. 2021.

9. Luke and Ash each wear the black onyx rings for Twitch stream ranking 5SOS songs (Aug 19, 2021), (Lierra engagement announced June 8, 2021 via People), so he’s engaged yet wearing a matching ring with someone else…. Ok

10. Muke isn’t real, Michael reads wattpad fanfic in front of a huge livestream of fans. A partner wouldn’t do that. Ash swooped in to save the situation by making up his own funny one about Cal.

11. Ash took the trip to the desert to go create his solo album, meanwhile Luke creates his own album back in LA. They gave each other a bit of space in their creative processes to write. Pick someone supportive.

12. Ash writes songs about lies, pain, and he’s so tortured, yet publicly he is supposedly in a happy relationship (which is whats being pushed on social media). Ash’s relationship ends lowkey sometime before his birthday but after release of album. Releases his album independently. Then, right before Luke’s album is released on a record label under Sony, there’s an engagement with the gf who is also a songwriter on his album which is being promoted in his album interviews.

13. Luke writing songs about Camellia Street and a change of heart. The narrative is it's where Sierra’s apartment was when they met, but what’s not being said is there’s actually a Camellia Street in Western Sydney where the guys are from. If he were to say that and Sierra hasn’t lived in Aus, then it leaves it open for question (who is Luke having ‘a change of heart’ with?).

14. Luke writing lyrics “Now with my eyes wide open, I’m nothing but a fake”, “I’m on my way to Wonderland, take off my suit  and wander in for a moment Or hide for a lifetime”

15. Ash writes songs about lying and living in a cage (“Perfect Lie”) and lyrics such as, “I’ve been living my life but it’s not how it looks” and “Playin’ but not on the team” (“Sunshine”).

Amazon Music Livestream March 27, 2020

Link to Amazon Music livestream

The moment Ash leaves to go pee, Luke looks away from screen..

Cal remarks about Luke’s background, Ash makes a joke “that's not blurred that the clouds bro, Luke lives up in the hills.” Cal: “He doesn’t like those jokes.” Ash: “I love it! He hates them!” *continues laughing* (this reminds me of when Ash brought up the nickname “breadstick”/a>)

Ash helps Luke with figuring out how to get the chat. “You need to get it fullscreen Luke.” (Helping one another)

Luke “Ashton, where do you buy your glasses? The toilet store” Ash “No no no, Don’t encourage him! 2002 Simpsons humor!” Luke laughing (Luke dishing it back at Ash)

Ash “Luke, here’s one, you bogus!”

Ash “Heartbreak Grill” Luke “Heartbake girl” Burgers versus cookies. Ash starts to fight him on it but then lets it go.

Luke is stone faced and quiet when Ash starts talking about his ‘long lost love bodybuilder gf in high school’.

Ash’s dinner last night was 8 chicken nugs and a bag of popcorn. (In an interview, Ash said of the whole band, he’s the best cook and Luke is the worst, Ash poked fun at Luke microwaves eggs, perhaps Luke doesn’t cook much at all at home so Ash fends for himself often. Also, if Ash supposedly has a gf why didn’t she help figure out food?)

Ash: “Here's a good comment. Luke speak, I want to hear your voice” (Very smooth Ash. Ash has spoken a lot in interviews about how much he loves Luke’s voice. A couple of examples: backstage 2018 ARIAS Seconds of Summer: Backstage at ARIAs 2018 (5SOS Uncut), promo interview for Superbloom )

Ash: “Do you mind if I go upstairs and make a sandwich and be back in 20 mins?” Luke: “a chicken nuggets sandwich?” (the ongoing references to chicken nuggets/fish fingers, they are sharing a freezer/fridge)

Ash chooses a comment asking to sing Pink Floyd, Ash impromptu singing “Wish You Were Here”. “Uh! I’ve got that one!” * Luke immediately picks the guitar back up and starts playing a couple chords with a grin on his face* 

(44:00) Luke has heart eyes and touches his eye with his hand, when Ash ends the story he wrote to redirect attention of livestream from the super uncomfortable wattpad Luke romance fanfic that Michael reads.

(48:50) Ash reads a “worst” comment to sing Lady Gaga but yet starts singing “Perfect Illusion”.

(about 50:00) Randomly Ash says “You’re telling me, you’ve seen a million faces and you’ve rocked them all?” *Luke laughs* A lyric of one of Luke’s longtime favorite bands Bon Jovi. Again, Luke picks up guitar then plays a few notes of “Dead or Alive”.

(about 52:00) Ash reads a comment to listen to “Toxic” by Britney Spears. Ash then dances to it. Luke with huge grin on his face, bopping his head.

(about 57:30) Ash reads a comment for Luke to sing SLSP. Luke picks up guitar and starts playing. Ash “that rocked, that rocked my world”

(about 1:00:00) Fun fact: Empty Wallets was the first single they wanted to release off of Youngblood. (Lashton song, but that’s for a different day.)

(about 1:00:00) Ash “Here’s one. ‘Luke sing “Single Ladies” by Beyonce.’ I want to see that.” starts singing “put your hands up”

(about 1:02:00) Luke compliments Ash doing low screams, then says he can do the low screams and Luke can do the high screams.

 (about 1:04:00) Ash “I like this comment. ‘This is what real men vibe to.’ Damn right. That’s… thats true” *smiles* Luke: “Damn straight”

Over the course of the livestream, Ash reads out comments to read Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Beyonce.

Spilling the Quarrantea April 20, 2020

Link to Spilling the Quarrantea livestream

Luke and Ash both say that they are low on food, then when Michael says Ralph’s just restocked they both pretend to go together. Ash keeps repeating he only had fish fingers to eat, and Luke saying deflatedly that he has nothing left. When they get back into frame, Luke picks a quarrel by saying he bought all of the fish fingers so he can’t have any. Ash “I’m already down to my last groceries” Luke “Yeah I’ve got nothing left.” It’s brought up again later on. Ash “I just ate my last bag of fish fingers” Luke “yeah I’ve got no, I’ve got no food. I just ate my last chicken fingers.”” Luke brings up “what are you guys having for dinner?” Ash “I ate my fish fingers until I brave the outside world.” *Luke’s small awkward laugh*

Ash: “How was Ralph’s?” Luke: “Ralph’s was good. I bought all the fish fingers and there’s none left for you”

Luke and Ash being in sync so much they both turn to the side and lean down at the same time, at the end.

Ash makes a joke about Petunia being Luke’s roommate. Notice how much Luke and Ash are making jokes and ganging up on Cal and/or Michael.

Right at the beginning, Ash starts pretty much serenading Luke by playing the guitar and singing “Hey Carissa” to him.

Luke starts singing “Come come with a kick drum and a gary” and Ash is the only one that immediately starts clapping along.

Cal asks what they’ve been up to, that he hasn't seen them for two weeks, and Luke jokes about finishing the 5th album. Luke and Ash: “Gotta hit’em with a two hit wonder”, they both start shadowboxing.

Luke and Ash gang up on Cal about his outfit being a surf culture company. (Mind you, they themselves have been spotted before wearing the same company). Luke and Ash are losing their shit laughing.

Ash says “this is gotta be x rated, x rated, parental guidance rating for that fringe” when Luke’s bangs are in front of his headphones. Luke and Ash smirk and laugh.

Luke: I was trying to get the lighting right, does it look better or worse?” Ash “guess so, guess so” Luke: “It's hard to get lighting right” *Ash laughing* Ash “So hard” more laughing while Luke then pouts. (Luke has a pattern, since they’ve known each other, of pouting and fake crying to Ash, if he wants to get his way or feels like he’s let him down.)

Luke is asked “What have you been up to?” Luke: “I’ve been growing this beard, dyed my hair for a music video that didn’t happen” Ash flamboyantly says “you look amaaaaazing”. 

Luke does a move with his hands thinking it was a move for the music video for “Lost Boy”. Luke: “That's that video we did this thing.” Ash: *agrees softly to him* (a music video doesn’t exist for “Lost Boy”.)

Ash remembers Luke’s mom's tuna bake “that shit was good”. Luke jokes: “sounds like you're gonna make a your momma joke” Ash: “it was good” (a memory involving Luke’s mom is something that Ash recalls from their time in London, of which all the guys were just saying they don’t remember anything from then.)

Luke and Ash having their own conversation about Ash shaving his head for the album promo. Which then leads to joking about host mode. Luke bullies Ash about asking Michael about his least favorite song on the first album, Ash fondly laughs.

Ash tries again to get Luke to go into host mode, but then Luke tries to put it onto Michael to host.

At about the 26:00 mark, Luke and Ash are mirroring each other's head tilts.

“The Girl Who Cried Wolf” Luke and Ash copy each other’s “it's just lies!”

Ash “When do you think we’ll be able to see each other again.” Luke gets quiet with a serious look on his face and puts hand in front of his mouth.

(35:00) Ash and Luke mirroring touching the forehead.

Luke bursts out laughing when Ash puts the Ikea site on screen. (Luke finds Ash hilarious for everything istg, it's adorable don't get me wrong)

After the Ikea site, the first google search Ash does is “luke hemmings worst moments” then “luke hemmings net worth”. (Luke is first in Ash’s mind)

Ash mimicking Petunia’s zoned out face.

Ash “wow your roommate’s so hot, whats her name? Patrice?”, when Luke turns around to see Petunia, Ash does the same exact maneuver. Mirroring.

Luke does the “I love you” hand sign, and Ash says “I love you man”.

[potteresque-ire]

Can you talk more about the usage of the word "wife" to talk about men in the BL context? I've noticed it in BJYX (particularly with GG), in the (English translations) of MDZS, and then it came up in your recent posts about Danmei-101 (which were super helpful btw) with articles connecting the "little fresh meat" type to fans calling an actor "wife." My initial reaction as a westerner is like "this is very problematic," but I think I'm missing a lot of language/cultural context. Any thoughts?

Hello! First of all, for those who’re interested, here’s a link to the referred posts. Under the cut is arguably the 4th post of the series. As usual, I apologise for the length!

(Topics: seme and uke; more about “leftover women”; roster of feminisation terms; Daji, Bao Si & the origin of BJYX; roster of beautiful, ancient Chinese men; Chairman Mao (not part of the roster) ...)

[TW: feminisation of men]

In the traditional BL characterisation, the M/M (double male) lead pairing is essentially a cis-het relationship in disguise, in which one of the M leads is viewed as the “wife” by the creator and audience. This lead often possesses some of the features of the traditional, stereotypical female, but retaining his male appearance. 

In BL terms, the “wife” is the “uke”. “Seme” and “uke” are the respective roles taken by the two male leads, and designated by the creator of the material. Literally, “seme” (攻め) means the dominant, the attacking / aggressive partner in the relationship and “uke” (受け), the passive / recipient (of actions) partner who tends to follow the seme’s lead. The terms themselves do not have any sexual / gender context.  However, as male and female are viewed as aggressive and passive by their traditional social roles, and the attacker and recipient by their traditional sexual roles respectively, BL fandoms have long assigned uke, the passive, sexual “bottom”, as the “woman”, the “wife”. 

Danmei has kept this “semi” and uke” tradition from BL, taking the kanji of the Japanese terms for designation ~ 攻 (”attack” is therefore the “husband”, and 受 (”receive”), the “wife”. The designations are often specified in the introduction / summary of Danmei works as warning / enticement. For MDZS, for example, MXTX wrote:

高貴冷豔悶騷 攻 × 邪魅狂狷風騷 受

高貴冷豔悶騷 攻 = noble, coolly beautiful and boring seme (referring to LWJ)  邪魅狂狷風騷 受 = devilishly charming, wild, and flirty uke (referring to WWX) 

The traditional, stereotypical female traits given to the “uke”, the “wife” in Danmei and their associated fanworks range from their personality to behaviour to even biological functions. Those who have read the sex scenes in MDZS may be aware of their lack of mention of lube, while WWX was written as getting (very) wet from fluids from his colon (腸道) ~ implying that his colon, much like a vagina, was supplying the necessarily lubrication for sex. This is obviously biologically inaccurate; however, Danmei is exempt from having to be realistic by its original Tanbi definition. The genre’s primary audience is cishet females, and sex scenes such as this one aren’t aiming for realism. Rather, the primary goal of these sex scenes is to generate fantasy, and the purpose of the biologically female functions in one of the leads (WWX) is to ease the readers into imagining themselves as the one engaging in the sex.

Indeed, these practices of assigning as males and female the M/M sexual top and bottom, of emphasising of who is the top and who is the bottom, have been falling out of favour in Western slash fandoms ~ I joined fandom about 15 years ago, and top and bottom designations in slash pairings (and fights about them) were much more common than it is now.  The generally more open, more progressive environments in which Western fandomers are immersed in probably have something to do with it: they transfer their RL knowledge, their views on biology, on different social into their fandom works and discourses. 

I’d venture to say this: in the English-speaking fandoms, fandom values and mainstream values are converging. “Cancel culture” reflects an attempt to enforce RL values in the fictional worlds in fandom. Fandom culture is slowly, but surely, leaving its subculture status and becoming part of mainstream culture. 

I’d hesitate to call c-Danmei fandoms backward compared to Western slash for this reason. There’s little hope for Danmei to converge with China’s mainstream culture in the short term ~ the necessity of replacing Danmei with Dangai in visual media already reflects that. Danmei is and will likely remain subculture in the foreseeable future, and subcultures, at heart, are protests against the mainstream. Unless China and the West define “mainstream” very similarly (and they don’t), it is difficult to compare the “progressiveness”—and its dark side, the “problematic-ness”—of the protests, which are shaped by what they’re protesting against. The “shaper” in this scenario, the mainstream values and culture, are also far more forceful under China’s authoritarian government than they are in the free(-er) world. 

Danmei, therefore, necessarily takes on a different form in China than BL or slash outside China. As a creative pursuit, it serves to fulfil psychological needs that are reflective of its surrounding culture and sociopolitical environment. The genre’s “problematic” / out of place aspects in the eyes of Western fandoms are therefore, like all other aspects of the genre, tailor-made by its millions of fans to be comforting / cathartic for the unique culture and sociopolitical background it and they find themselves in. 

I briefly detoured to talk about the Chinese government’s campaign to pressure young, educated Chinese women into matrimony and motherhood in the post for this reason, as it is an example of how, despite Western fandoms’ progressiveness, they may be inadequate, distant for c-Danmei fans. Again, this article is a short and a ... morbidly-entertaining read on what has been said about China’s “leftover women” (剩女) — women who are unmarried and over 27-years-old). I talked about it, because “Women should enter marriage and parenthood in their late 20s” may no longer a mainstream value in many Western societies, but where it still is, it exerts a strong influence on how women view romance, and by extension, how they interact with romantic fiction, including Danmei.

In China, this influence is made even stronger by the fact that Chinese tradition  places a strong emphasis on education and holds a conservative attitude towards romance and sex. Dating while studying therefore remains discouraged in many Chinese families. University-educated Chinese women therefore have an extremely short time frame — between graduation (~23 years old) and their 27th birthday — to find “the right one” and get married, before they are labelled as “leftovers” and deemed undesirable. (Saving) face being an important aspect in Chinese culture introduces yet another layer of pressure: traditionally, women who don’t get married by the age agreed by social norms have been viewed as failures of upbringing, in that the unmarried women’s parents not having taught/trained their daughters well. Filial, unmarried women therefore try to get married “on time” just to avoid bringing shame to their family.

The outcome is this: despite the strong women characters we may see in Chinese visual media, many young Chinese women nowadays do not expect themselves to be able to marry for love. Below, I offer a “book jacket summary” of a popular internet novel in China, which shows how the associated despair also affects cis-het fictional romance. Book reviews praise this novel for being “boring”: the man and woman leads are both common working class people, the “you-and-I”’s; the mundaneness of them trying build their careers and their love life is lit by one shining light: he loves her and she loves him. 

Written in her POV, this summary reflects, perhaps, the disquiet felt by many contemporary Chinese women university graduates:

曾經以為，自己這輩子都等不到了—— 世界這麼大，我又走得這麼慢，要是遇不到良人要怎麼辦？早過了「全球三十幾億男人，中國七億男人，天涯何處無芳草」的猖狂歲月，越來越清楚，循規蹈矩的生活中，我們能熟悉進而深交的異性實在太有限了，有限到我都做好了「接受他人的牽線，找個適合的男人慢慢煨熟，再平淡無奇地進入婚姻」的準備，卻在生命意外的拐彎處迎來自己的另一半。

I once thought, my wait will never come to fruition for the rest of my life — the world is so big, I’m so slow in treading it, what if I’ll never meet the one? I’ve long passed the wild days of thinking “3 billion men exist on Earth, 0.7 of which are Chinese. There is plenty more fish in the sea.” I’m seeing, with increasing clarity, that in our disciplined lives, the number of opposite-sex we can get to know, and get to know well, is so limited. It’s so limited that I’m prepared to accept someone’s matchmaking, find a suitable man and slowly, slowly, warm up to him, and then, to enter marriage with without excitement, without wonder. But then, an accidental turn in my life welcomes in my other half.

— Oath of Love (餘生，請多指教) (Yes, this is the novel Gg’d upcoming drama is based on.) 

Heteronormativity is, of course, very real in China. However, that hasn’t exempted Chinese women, even its large cis-het population, from having their freedom to pursue their true love taken away from them. Even for cis-het relationships, being able to marry for love has become a fantasy —a fantasy scorned by the state. Remember this quote from Article O3 in the original post? 

耽改故事大多远离现实，有些年轻受众却将其与生活混为一谈，产生不以结婚和繁衍为目的才是真爱之类的偏颇认知。

Most Dangai stories are far removed from reality; some young audience nonetheless mix them up with real life, develop biased understanding such as “only love that doesn’t treat matrimony and reproduction as destinations is true love”. 

I didn’t focus on it in the previous posts, in an effort to keep the discussion on topic. But why did the op-ed piece pick this as an example of fantasy-that-shouldn’t-be-mixed-up-with-real-life, in the middle of a discussion about perceived femininity of men that actually has little to do with matrimony and reproduction? 

Because the whole point behind the state’s “leftover women” campaign is precisely to get women to treat matrimony and reproduction as destinations, not beautiful sceneries that happen along the way. And they’re the state’s destination as more children = higher birth rate that leads to higher future productivity. The article is therefore calling out Danmei for challenging this “mainstream value”.

Therefore, while the statement True love doesn’t treat matrimony and reproduction as destinations may be trite for many of us while it may be a point few, if any, English-speaking fandoms may pay attention to, to the mainstream culture Danmei lives in, to the mainstream values dictated by the state, it is borderline subversive.

As much as Danmei may appear “tame” for its emphasis on beauty and romance, for it to have stood for so long, so firmly against China’s (very) forceful mainstream culture, the genre is also fundamentally rebellious.  Remember: Danmei has little hope of converging with China’s mainstream unless it “sells its soul” and removes its homoerotic elements. 

With rebelliousness, too, comes a bit of tongue-in-cheek.

And so, when c-Danmei fans, most of whom being cishet women who interact with the genre by its traditional BL definition, call one of the leads 老婆 (wife), it can and often take on a different flavour. As said before, it can be less about feminizing the lead than about identifying with the lead. The nickname 老婆 (wife) can be less about being disrespectful and more about humorously expressing an aspiration—the aspiration to have a husband who truly loves them, who they do want to get married and have babies with but out of freedom and not obligation.

Admittedly, I had been confused, and bothered by these “can-be”s myself. Just because there are alternate reasons for the feminisation to happen doesn’t mean the feminisation itself is excusable. But why the feminisation of M/M leads doesn’t sound as awful to me in Chinese as in English? How can calling a self-identified man 老婆 (wife) get away with not sounding being predominantly disrespectful to my ears, when I would’ve frowned at the same thing said in my vicinity in English?

I had an old hypothesis: when I was little, it was common to hear people calling acquaintances in Chinese by their unflattering traits:  “Deaf-Eared Chan” (Mr Chan, who’s deaf), “Fat Old Woman Lan” (Ah-Lan, who’s an overweight woman) etc—and the acquaintances were perfectly at ease with such identifications, even introducing themselves to strangers that way. Comparatively speaking then, 老婆 (wife) is harmless, even endearing. 

老婆, which literally means “old old-lady” (implying wife = the woman one gets old with), first became popularised as a colloquial, casual way of calling “wife” in Hong Kong and its Cantonese dialect, despite the term itself being about 1,500 years old. As older generations of Chinese were usually very shy about talking about their love lives, those who couldn’t help themselves and regularly spoke of their 老婆 tended to be those who loved their wives in my memory. 老婆, as a term, probably became endearing to me that way. 

Maybe this is why the feminisation of M/M leads didn’t sound so bad to me?

This hypothesis was inadequate, however. This custom of identifying people by their (unflattering) traits has been diminishing in Hong Kong and China, for similar reasons it has been considered inappropriate in the West.

Also, 老婆 (wife) is not the only term used for / associated with feminisation. I’ve tried to limit the discussion to Danmei, the fictional genre; now, I’ll jump to its associated RPS genre, and specifically, the YiZhan fandoms. The purpose of this jump: with real people involved, feminisation’s effect is potentially more harmful, more acute. Easier to feel. 

YiZhan fans predominantly entered the fandoms through The Untamed, and they’ve also transferred Danmei’s  “seme”/“uke” customs into YiZhan. There are, therefore, three c-YiZhan fandoms:

博君一肖 (BJYX): seme Dd, uke Gg 戰山為王 (ZSWW): seme Gg, uke Dd 連瑣反應 (LSFY): riba Gg and Dd. Riba = “reversible”, and unlike “seme” and “uke”, is a frequently-used term in the Japanese gay community. 

BJYX is by far the largest of the three, likely due to Gg having played WWX, the “uke” in MDZS / TU. I’ll therefore focus on this fandom, ie. Gg is the “uke”, the “wife”.

For Gg alone, I’ve seen him being also referred to by YiZhan fans as (and this is far from a complete list):

* 姐姐 (sister) * 嫂子 (wife of elder brother; Dd being the elder brother implied) * 妃妃 (based on the very first YiZhan CP name, 太妃糖 Toffee Candy, a portmanteau of sorts from Dd being the 太子 “prince” of his management company and Gg being the prince’s wife, 太子妃. 糖 = “candy”. 太妃 sounds like toffee in English and has been used as the latter’s Chinese translation.) * 美人 (beauty, as in 肖美人 “Beauty Xiao”) * Daji 妲己 (as in 肖妲己, “Daji Xiao”). 

The last one needs historical context, which will also become important for explaining the new hypothesis I have.

Daji was a consort who lived three thousand years ago, whose beauty was blamed for the fall of the Shang dynasty. Gg (and men sharing similar traits, who are exceptionally rare) has been compared to Daji 妲己 for his alternatively innocent, alternatively seductive beauty ~ the kind of beauty that, in Chinese historical texts and folk lores, lead to the fall of kingdoms when possessed by the king’s beloved woman. This kind of “I-get-to-ruin-her-virginity”, “she’s a slut in MY bedroom” beauty is, of course, a stereotypical fantasy for many (cis-het) men, which included the authors of these historical texts and folklores. However, it also contained some truth: the purity / innocence, the image of a virgin, was required for an ancient woman to be chosen as a consort; the seduction, meanwhile, helped her to become the top consort, and monopolise the attention of kings and emperors who often had hundreds of wives ~ wives who often put each other in danger to eliminate competition. 

Nowadays, women of tremendous beauty are still referred to by the Chinese idiom 傾國傾城, literally, ”falling countries, falling cities”. The beauty is also implied to be natural, expressed in a can’t-help-itself way, perhaps reflecting the fact that the ancient beauties on which this idiom has been used couldn’t possibly have plastic surgeries, and most of them didn’t meet a good end ~ that they had to pay a price for their beauty, and often, with their lowly status as women, as consorts, they didn’t get to choose whether they wanted to pay this price or not. This adjective is considered to be very flattering. Gg’s famous smile from the Thailand Fanmeet has been described, praised as 傾城一笑: “a smile that topples a city”.

I’m explaining Daji and 傾國傾城 because the Chinese idiom 博君一笑 “doing anything to get a smile from you”, from which the ship’s name BJYX 博君一肖  was derived (笑 and 肖 are both pronounced “xiao”), is connected to yet another of such dynasty-falling beauty, Bao Si 褒姒. Like Daji before her, Bao Si was blamed for the end of the Zhou Dynasty in 771 BC. 

The legend went like this: Bao Si was melancholic, and to get her to smile, her king lit warning beacons and got his nobles to rush in from the nearby vassal states with their armies to come and rescue him, despite not being in actual danger. The nobles, in their haste, looked so frantic and dishevelled that Bao Si found it funny and smiled. Longing to see more of the smile of his favourite woman, the king would fool his nobles again and again, until his nobles no longer heeded the warning beacons when an actual rebellion came. 

What the king did has been described as 博紅顏一笑, with 紅顏 (”red/flushed face”) meaning a beautiful woman, referring to Bao Si. Replace 紅顏 with the respectful “you”, 君, we get 博君一笑. If one searches the origin of the phrase 博 [fill_in_the_blank]一笑 online, Bao Si’s story shows up.

The “anything” in ”doing anything to get a smile from you” in 博君一笑, therefore, is not any favour, but something as momentous as giving away one’s own kingdom. c-turtles have remarked, to their amusement and admittedly mine, that “king”, in Chinese, is written as 王, which is Dd’s surname, and very occasionally, they jokingly compare him to the hopeless kings who’d give away everything for their love. Much like 傾國傾城 has become a flattering idiom despite the negative reputations of Daji and Bao Si for their “men-ruining ways”, 博君一笑 has become a flattering phrase, emphasising on the devotion and love rather than the ... stupidity behind the smile-inducing acts. 

(Bao Si’s story, BTW, was a lie made up by historians who also lived later but also thousands of years ago, to absolve the uselessness of the king. Warning beacons didn’t exist at her time.)  

Gg is arguably feminized even in his CP’s name. Gg’s feminisation is everywhere. 

And here comes my confession time ~ I’ve been amused by most of the feminisation terms above. 肖妲己 (”Daji Xiao”) captures my imagination, and I remain quite partial to the CP name BJYX. Somehow, there’s something ... somewhat forgivable when the feminisation is based on Gg’s beauty, especially in the context of the historical Danmei / Dangai setting of MDZS/TU ~ something that, while doesn’t cancel, dampens the “problematic-ness” of the gender mis-identification.

What, exactly, is this something?

Here’s my new hypothesis, and hopefully I’ll manage to explain it well ~

The hypothesis is this: the unisex beauty standard for historical Chinese men and women, which is also breathtakingly similar to the modern beauty standard for Chinese women, makes feminisation in the context of Danmei (especially historical Danmei) flattering, and easier to accept.

What defined beauty in historical Chinese men? If I am to create a classically beautiful Chinese man for my new historical Danmei, how would I describe him based on what I’ve read, my cultural knowledge?

Here’s a list:

* Skin fair and smooth as white jade * Thin, even frail; narrow/slanted shoulders; tall * Dark irises and bright, starry eyes * Not too dense, neat eyebrows that are shaped like swords ~ pointed slightly upwards from the center towards the sides of the face * Depending on the dynasty, nice makeup.

Imagine these traits. How “macho” are they? How much do they fit the ideal Chinese masculine beauty advertised by Chinese government, which looks like below?

Propaganda poster, 1969. The caption says “Defeat Imperialist US! Defeat Social Imperialism!” The book’s name is “Quotations from Mao Zedong”. (Source)

Where did that list of traits I’ve written com from? Fair like jade, frail ... why are they so far from the ... “macho”ness of the men in the poster? 

What has Chinese history said about its beautiful men? 

Wei Jie (衛玠 286-312 BCE), one of the four most beautiful ancient Chinese men (古代四大美男) recorded in Chinese history famously passed away when fans of his beauty gathered and formed a wall around him, blocking his way. History recorded Wei as being frail with chronic illness, and was only 27 years old when he died. Arguably the first historical account of “crazy fans killing their idol”, this incident left the idiom 看殺衛玠 ~ “Wei Jie being watched to death.” ~ a not very “macho” way to die at all.

潘安 (Pan An; 247-300 BCE), another one of the four most beautiful ancient Chinese men, also had hoards of fangirls, who threw fruits and flowers at him whenever he ventured outside. The Chinese idiom 擲果盈車 “thrown fruit filling a cart” was based on Pan and ... his fandom, and denotes such scenarios of men being so beautiful that women openly displayed their affections for them. 

Meanwhile, when Pan went out with his equally beautiful male friend, 夏侯湛 Xiahou Zhan, folks around them called them 連璧 ~ two connected pieces of perfect jade. Chinese Jade is white, smooth, faintly glowing in light, so delicate that it gives the impression of being somewhat transparent.

Aren’t Wei Jie and Pan An reminiscent of modern day Chinese idols, the “effeminate” “Little Fresh Meat”s (小鲜肉) so panned by Article O3? Their stories, BTW, also elucidated the historical reference in LWJ’s description of being jade-like in MDZS, and in WWX and LWJ being thrown pippas along the Gusu river bank. 

Danmei, therefore, didn’t create a trend of androgynous beauty in men as much as it has borrowed the ancient, traditional definition of masculine Chinese beauty ~ the beauty that was more feminine than masculine by modern standards.  

[Perhaps, CPs should be renamed 連璧 (”two connected pieces of perfect jade”) as a reminder of the aesthetics’ historical roots.]

Someone may exclaim now: But. But!! Yet another one of the four most beautiful ancient Chinese men, 高長恭 (Gao Changgong, 541-573 BCE), far better known by his title, 蘭陵王 (”the Prince of Lanling”), was a famous general. He had to be “macho”, right?

... As it turns out, not at all. Historical texts have described Gao as “貌柔心壮，音容兼美” (”soft in looks and strong at heart, beautiful face and voice”), “白美類婦人” (”fair and beautiful as a woman”), “貌若婦人” (”face like a woman”). Legends have it that The Prince of Lanling’s beauty was so soft, so lacking in authority that he had to wear a savage mask to get his soldiers to listen to his command (and win) on the battlefield (《樂府雜錄》: 以其顏貌無威，每入陣即著面具，後乃百戰百勝).

This should be emphasised: Gao’s explicitly feminine descriptions were recorded in historical texts as arguments *for* his beauty. Authors of these texts, therefore, didn’t view the feminisation as insult. In fact, they used the feminisation to drive the point home, to convince their readers that men like the Prince of Lanling were truly, absolutely good looking.

Being beautiful like a women was therefore high praise for men in, at least, significant periods in Chinese history ~ periods long and important enough for these records to survive until today. Beauty, and so it goes, had once been largely free of distinctions between the masculine and feminine.

One more example of an image of an ancient Chinese male beauty being similar to its female counterpart, because the history nerd in me finds this fun. 

何晏 (He Yan, ?-249 BCE) lived in the Wei Jin era (between 2nd to 4th century), during which makeup was really en vogue. Known for his beauty, he was also famous for his love of grooming himself. The emperor, convinced that He Yan’s very fair skin was from the powder he was wearing, gave He Yan some very hot foods to eat in the middle of the summer. He Yan began to sweat, had to wipe himself with his sleeves and in the process, revealed to the emperor that his fair beauty was 100% natural ~ his skin glowed even more with the cosmetics removed (《世說新語·容止第十四》: 何平叔美姿儀，面至白。魏明帝疑其傅粉，正夏月，與熱湯餅。既啖，大汗出，以朱衣自拭，色轉皎然). His kick-cosmetics’-ass fairness won him the nickname 傅粉何郎 (”powder-wearing Mr He”).

Not only would He Yan very likely be mistaken as a woman if this scene is transferred to a modern setting, but this scene can very well fit inside a Danmei story of the 21st century and is very, very likely to get axed by the Chinese censorship board for its visualisation. 

[Important observation from this anecdote: the emperor was totally into this trend too.]

The adjectives and phrases used above to describe these beautiful ancient Chinese men ~ 貌柔, 音容兼美, 白美, 美姿儀, 皎然 ~ have all become pretty much reserved for describing beauty in women nowadays. Beauty standards in ancient China were, as mentioned before, had gone through significantly long periods in which they were largely genderless. The character for beauty 美 (also in Danmei, 耽美) used to have little to no gender association. Free of gender associations as well were the names of many flowers. The characters for orchid (蘭) and lotus (蓮), for example, were commonly found in men’s names as late as the Republican era (early 20th century), but are now almost exclusively found in women’s names. Both orchid and lotus have historically been used to indicate 君子 (junzi, roughly, “gentlemen”), which have always been men. MDZS also has an example of a man named after a flower: Jin Ling’s courtesy name, given to him by WWX,  was 如蘭 (”like an orchid”). 

A related question may be this: why does ancient China associate beauty with fairness, with softness, with frailty? Likely, because Confucianist philosophy and customs put a heavy emphasis on scholarship ~ and scholars have mostly consisted of soft-spoken, not muscular, not working-under-the-sun type of men. More importantly, Confucianist scholars also occupied powerful government positions. Being, and looking like a Confucianist scholar was therefore associated with status. Indeed, it’s very difficult to look like jade when one was a farmer or a soldier, for example, who constantly had to toil under the sun, whose skin was constantly being dried and roughened by the elements. Having what are viewed as “macho” beauty traits as in the poster above ~ tanned skin, bulging muscles, bony structures (which also take away the jade’s smoothness) ~ were associated with hard labour, poverty and famine.

Along that line, 手無縛雞之力 (“hands without the strength to restrain a chicken”) has long been a phrase used to describe ancient scholars and students, and without scorn or derision. Love stories of old, which often centred around scholars were, accordingly, largely devoid of the plot lines of husbands physically protecting the wives, performing the equivalent of climbing up castle walls and fighting dragons etc. Instead, the faithful husbands wrote poems, combed their wife’s hair, traced their wife’s eyebrows with cosmetics (畫眉)...all activities that didn’t require much physical strength, and many of which are considered “feminine” nowadays.

Were there periods in Chinese history in which more ... sporty men and women were appreciated? Yes. the Tang dynasty, for example, and the Yuan and Qing dynasties. The Tang dynasty, as a very powerful, very open era in Chinese history, was known for its relations to the West (via the Silk Road). The Yuan and Qing dynasties, meanwhile, were established by Mongolians and Manchus respectively, who, as non-Han people, had not been under the influence of Confucian culture and grew up on horsebacks, rather than in schools.

The idea that beautiful Chinese men should have “macho” attributes was, therefore, largely a consequence of non-Han-Chinese influence, especially after early 20th century. That was when the characters for beauty (美), orchid (蘭), lotus (蓮) etc began their ... feminisation. The Chinese Communist Party (CCP), which started its reign of the country starting 1949, also has foreign roots, being a derivative of the Soviets, and its portrayal of ideal men has been based on the party’s ideology, painting them as members of the People’s Liberation Army (Chinese army) and its two major proletariat classes, farmers and industrial workers ~ all occupations that are “macho” in their aesthetics, but held at very poor esteem in ancient Chinese societies. All occupations that, to this day, may be hailed as noble by Chinese women, but not really deemed attractive by them.

Beauty, being an instinct, is perhaps much more resistant to propaganda.

If anything, the three terms Article O3 used to describe “effeminate” men ~ 奶油小生 “cream young men” (popularised in 1980s) , 花美男 “flowery beautiful men” (early 2000s), 小鲜肉 “little fresh meat” (coined in 2014 and still popular now) ~ only informs me how incredibly consistent the modern Chinese women’s view of ideal male beauty has been. It’s the same beauty the Chinese Communist Party has called feminine. It’s the same beauty found in Danmei. It’s the same beauty that, when witnessed in men in ancient China, was so revered that historians recorded it for their descendants to remember. It doesn’t mean there aren’t any women who appreciate the "macho” type ~ it’s just that, the appreciation for the non-macho type has never really gone out of fashion, never really changed. The only thing that is really changing is the name of the type, the name’s positive or negative connotations.

(Personally, I’m far more uncomfortable with the name “Little fresh meat” (小鲜肉) than 老婆 (wife). I find it much more insulting.)

Anyway, what I’d like to say is this: feminisation in Danmei ~ a genre that, by definition, is hyper-focused on aesthetics ~ may not be as "problematic” in Chinese as it is in English, because the Chinese tradition didn’t make that much of a differentiation between masculine and feminine beauty. Once again, this isn’t to say such mis-gendering isn’t disrespectful; it’s just that, perhaps, it is less disrespectful because Chinese still retains a cultural memory in which equating a beautiful man to a beautiful woman was the utmost flattery. 

I must put a disclaimer here: I cannot vouch for this being true for the general Chinese population. This is something that is buried deep enough inside me that it took a lot of thought for me to tease out, to articulate. More importantly, while I grow up in a Chinese-speaking environment, I’ve never lived inside China. My history knowledge, while isn’t shabby, hasn’t been filtered through the state education system.

I’d also like to point out as well, along this line of thought, that in *certain* (definitely not all) aspects, Chinese society isn’t as sexist as the West. While historically, China has periods of extreme sexism against women, with the final dynasties of Ming and Qing being examples, I must (reluctantly) acknowledge Chairman Mao for significantly lifting the status of women during his rule. Here’s a famous quote of his from 1955:

婦女能頂半邊天 Women can lift half the skies

The first marriage code, passed in 1950, outlawed forced marriages, polygamy, and ensured equal rights between husband and wife.  For the first time in centuries, women were encouraged to go outside of their homes and work. Men resisted at first, wanting to keep their wives at home; women who did work were judged poorly for their performance and given less than 50% of men’s wage, which further fuelled the men’s resistance. Mao said the above quote after a commune in Guizhou introduced the “same-work-same-wage” system to increase its productivity, and he asked for the same system to to be replicated across the country. (Source)

When Chairman Mao wanted something, it happened. Today, Chinese women’s contribution to the country’s GDP remains among the highest in the world.  They make up more than half of the country’s top-scoring students. They’re the dominant gender in universities, in the ranks of local employees of international corporations in the Shanghai and Beijing central business districts—among the most sought after jobs in the country. While the inequality between men and women in the workplace is no where near wiped out — stories about women having to sleep with higher-ups to climb the career ladder, or even get their PhDs are not unheard of, and the central rulership of the Chinese Communist Party has been famously short of women — the leap in women’s rights has been significant over the past century, perhaps because of how little rights there had been before ~ at the start of the 20th century, most Chinese women from relatively well-to-do families still practised foot-binding, in which their feet were literally crushed during childhood in the name of beauty, of status symbol. They couldn’t even walk properly.

Perhaps, the contemporary Chinese women’s economic contribution makes the sexism they encounter in their lives, from the lack of reproductive rights to the “leftover women” label, even harder to swallow. It makes their fantasies fly to even higher, more defiant heights. The popularity of Dangai right now is pretty much driven by women, as acknowledged by Article O3. Young women, especially, female fans who people have dismissed as “immature”, “crazy”, are responsible for the threat the Chinese government is feeling now by the genre.

This is no small feat. While the Chinese government complains about the “effeminate” men from Danmei / Dangai, its propaganda has been heavily reliant on stars who have risen to popularity to these genres. The film Dd is currently shooting, Chinese Peacekeeping Force (維和部隊), also stars Huang Jingyu (黄景瑜), and Zhang Zhehan (張哲瀚) ~ the three actors having shot to fame from The Untamed (Dangai), Addicted (Danmei), and Word of Honour (Dangai) respectively.  Zhang, in particular, played the “uke” role in Word of Honour and has also been called 老婆 (wife) by his fans. The quote in Article O3, “Ten years as a tough man known by none; one day as a beauty known by all” was also implicitly referring to him.

Perhaps, the government will eventually realise that millennia-old standards of beauty are difficult to bend, and by extension, what is considered appropriate gender expression of Chinese men and women. 

In the metas I’ve posted, therefore, I’ve hesitated in using terms such as homophobia, sexism, and ageism etc, opting instead to make long-winded explanations that essentially amount to these terms (thank you everyone who’s reading for your patience!). Because while the consequence is similar—certain fraction of the populations are subjected to systemic discrimination, abuse, given less rights, treated as inferior etc—these words, in English, also come with their own context, their own assumptions that may not apply to the situation. It reminds me of what Leo Tolstoy wrote in Anna Karenina,

“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

Discrimination in each country, each culture is humiliating, unhappy in its own way. Both sexism and homophobia are rampant in China, but as their roots are different from those of the West, the ways they manifest are different, and so must the paths to their dissolution. I’ve also hesitated on calling out individual behaviours or confronting individuals for this reason. i-Danmei fandoms are where i-fans and c-fans meet, where English-speaking doesn’t guarantee a non-Chinese sociopolitical background (there may be students from China, for example; I’m also ... not entirely Western), and I find it difficult to articulate appropriate, convincing arguments without knowing individual backgrounds.

Frankly, I’m not sure if I’ve done the right thing. Because I do hope feminisation will soon fade into extinction, especially in i-Danmei fandoms that, if they continue to prosper on international platforms, may eventually split from c-Danmei fandoms along the cultural (not language) line due to the vast differences in environmental constraints. My hope is especially true when real people are involved, and c-fandoms, I’d like to note, are not unaware of the issues surrounding feminisation ~ it has already been explicitly forbidden in BJYX’s supertopic on Weibo. 

At the same time, I’ve spent so many words above to try to explain why beauty can *sometimes* lurk behind such feminisations. Please allow me to end this post with one example of feminisation that I deeply dislike—and I’ve seen it used by fans on Gg as well—is 綠茶 (”green tea”), from 綠茶婊 (”green tea whore”) that means women who look pure / innocent but are, deep down, promiscuous / lustful. In some ways, its meaning isn’t so different from Daji 妲己, the consort blamed for the fall of the Shang dynasty. However, to me at least, the flattery in the feminisation is gone, perhaps because of the character “whore” (婊), because the term originated in 2013 from a notorious sex party rather than from a legendary beauty so maligned that The Investiture of the Gods (封神演義), the seminal Chinese fiction written ~2,600 years after Daji’s death, re-imagined her as a malevolent fox spirit (狐狸精) that many still remembers her as today.

Ah, to be caught between two cultures. :)

[vixensheart]

This is a free coupon/excuse for you to infodump on the current topic you’re obsessed with. Take some time away from internet discourse and share with us something you find interesting.

Ohohohohohohoho, anon, mistakes have been made. X,D

I would like to introduce you to these idiots that I love more than anything:

Say hi to Randi and Green Bean! These guys are African Blackfoot Penguins (Spheniscus demersus) and are the only penguin species found on the continent of Africa!

The orange that you see is their natural range. These penguins live in large colonies along the rocky coastlines, where they sleep at night. During the day, they spend most of their time out at sea looking for food. Penguins in general eat a shittonne of fish-- they can eat up to fourteen percent of their entire bodyweight! Depending on the time of year, of course. Food demands will rise and fall depending on things like breeding season and whether or not it's time for them to molt. What do they eat? Fish! Anchovies are a favorite, as are round herring, and they even can eat crustaceans like krill or squid.

These penguins are considered medium sized, falling around 1.5 feet tall and nearly seven pounds on average. They're also within a group of penguins affectionately referred to as "banded" penguins, do to the thick black band that runs along their sides and chest. Their "tuxedo" pattern that all penguins are famous for actually serves a purpose-- it's a type of camouflage called countershading. Basically, the pale belly helps these birds blend in with the light shining into the water from above and helps shield them from any predators lurking down below, and the dark back helps them blend into the darker depths down below, protecting them from any possible predators lurking from above.

What preys on penguins, you ask? Quite a few things! General predators for various species can include sharks, seals, or killer whales, but the Blackfoots can also fall prey to large birds of prey and land predators, such as dogs and cats.

African Blackfoot Penguins are also a highly social species-- as I mentioned above, they live in large colonies along the beaches, and in those colonies, they pick mates and establish a social hierarchy, communicating through a variety of calls. These birds display three types of calls; the bray, the yell, and the haw. Their most famous call, the bray, is used to attract a mate or between partners displaying to each other in a colony, and sounds shockingly similar to a donkey's bray, which is where they earn their other common name: The Jackass Penguin. The yell is a call they use when warding off or "yelling" at a rival colony member, most likely from encroaching on their nesting site or favorite corner. The last call, the haw, is used between partners, usually when one is out in the water and the other is on land.

These birds are considered monogamous, which means they will return to the same partner for multiple breeding seasons, sometimes even staying with the same partner their entire lives. (This isn't always the case, however. Penguins absolutely do cheat or "divorce", though how common that is varies from species to species and individual to individual). Each colony will return to the same breeding and nesting sites year after year, and while breeding can occur year-round, it reaches a peak in South Africa in March-May. African penguins are "burrowers", and will dig a shallow burrow in the earth, often under rocks or vegetation in an effort to escape the heat.

Females lay two eggs, which usually take around 40 days to hatch. Both partners will take turns incubating the eggs and protecting the nest from predators and colony members alike-- as kidnappings and nest raids are a common occurrence among penguins. The parents feed their young by regurgitating food into their mouth, and after about a month, they begin to leave their young with the other colony kids in large groups while they forage during the day. Baby Blackfoots ditch their down between 2-4 months, which they trade for their "juvenile" plumage, which looks very different than a mature Blackfoot's plumage.

They keep this look for their first year, usually swapping to their adult plumage after their second year molt.

These penguins are also endangered! According to the Red List, there is currently 41,700 mature individuals left in the wild and their numbers are declining. There's a myriad of reasons for that and most of them point to human interaction; feral cats and dogs, human encroachment, pollution (especially oil spills), and one of the worst offenders, competition with commercial fishing over their food. Fisheries in the seas near their home are in major decline and that's forcing penguins to have to swim farther and longer to find enough food for themselves and their offspring.

Ironically, what ripped the carpet from under these guys, so to speak, is their shit. See, once upon a time, many of the islands that made up the breeding grounds for the Blackfoots were piled high with something called guano, also known as penguin shit. Years and years of breeding there had made this shit accumulate, and this guano made up a perfect substrate for the Blackfoots to burrow into to build their nests and escape the brutal African summer heat and sun. The problem, is when humans showed up. See, guano, like lots of other animal shit, makes a fantastic fertilizer. And as global trade was increasing and people from Europe were travelling and exploring, these islands of guano got discovered. And raided. Humans came in and quite literally dug up all the penguin shit they could, leaving hardly anything behind for these birds to burrow in, and as a direct result, their population plummeted.

Nowadays, we've been helping these guys out by making artificial nests to help keep them cool and protected, and it's been working! But the population overall is still in a massive decline.

Now, if you want to help there's many organizations out there helping the birds. Like SANCCOB , SAFE , etc. Also supporting sustainability, cleaner energy, and wild-life friendly policies are great ways to help penguins and other animals.

Now. There you have it. My ridiculous infodump on African Penguins. You're welcome, nonnie 🤣 Say hi to Blueberry, and have a lovely evening, lmaoo

[anarcho-skeletonism]

Heya everyone,

I’m gonna be leaving tumblr. Not just for a while but hopefully for good. I got onto tumblr in the first place because I knew it was a website with a fairly left-wing and overtly queer user base and I figured I would fit in pretty well. This blog was initially supposed to just be a place to post some thoughts I’d been having about politics, philosophy, being queer etc. but as with a looooot of people I got sucked into “The Discourse" and recently I’ve started to see that mentality seep into my IRL interactions. This site taught me to get overly mad at people who misrepresented their political opponents, or deliberately misinterpreted good-faith posts, or exclusionists, or liberals, or whatever, the list goes on and on and on. I did the thing social media is structurally designed to get us to do which is get stuck into all sorts of arguments and discussions on menial bullshit, not actually doing anything except endlessly engaging. Well, I’m done. Goodbye to the only @staff worse than TF2’s developers, goodbye to the communalists and bookchinites pretending to be anarchists, goodbye to the liberals LARPing as ancoms, goodbye to the aro/ace exclusionists, the pan exclusionists, the truscum, the transmeds, the TERFS, goodbye to the pros, the antis, the anti-antis, goodbye to the people who’ve never read theory, telling other people that reading theory is actively harmful as they slowly turn into TERFs, goodbye to all the weird boomers who thought tumblr of all places was where they were going to be racist, goodbye to the people who don’t think queer history is important, and all the people who’ll get mad I called it “queer” history, goodbye to the three remaining libertarians stalking the notes of every goddamn post, goodbye to the american MLs buying Chinese stocks, goodbye to the Stalinists and the Maoists who’ve never encountered an anarchist outside of twitter, and goodbye to that one covid denying boogaloo blog posting pictures of IRA members completely unironically (fave blog honestly). I’ve spent too long looking at walls of text on subjects I don’t care for, so I shall be logging off and touching some grass, as I hope literally every single person on this website and every other does too. I think I’ll leave this blog active for a little while but hopefully after that I’ll be gone for good.

Goodbye and thank you to everyone who followed me, I am deeply grateful for all the serotonin I got from quite so many people pushing The Buttons.

I do wanna say goodbye to a couple of mutuals who I really should have got to know better: @anarcho-gamerist who liked a CS:GO post I made one time and is therefore my favourite mutual, @catgirlforeskin who’s discord server, despite everything, continues to scare me, @floatingstirnerhead who is the only person on this website with a better url than me, @ratatatat who has made me learn more about the supernatural fandom than I ever deserved to know, @anarchamints who is very cute, @pogasm who I should not be mutuals with but still am, and @civilisationkills who I really hope one day takes me fishing (they promised).

Whilst I’m here shout out to @guerrillatech, they’ve got a very cool lefty project about communication and organising going on, so do dm them if that sounds like your cup of tea.

I think that’s all, so I guess I’ll see ya nerds

[garoujo]

MY FINAL RESPONSE:

okay this is gen the last post i’m going to make on this topic but i felt the reblog i’ve screenshotted above had nothing but true facts to speak. i’ve been sent the post that was made as a response to my own and would like to touch on a few things that were brought up that i feel had no place to be.

i wasn’t surprised when my previous discourse was brought up from 2020/2021 of me using fake tan which is something that i’ve spoken about on this blog also since ffflowers brought it up. this is something tee had previously defended me against but obviously now that we’re no longer mutuals her tone has changed and it just comes across as a petty, last ditch attempt to bring up past discourse that is resolved & i have apologised for that also has no place in the conversation.

to brand me as a ‘white girl who black fishes’ which is again untrue (given i’ve posted multiple face reveals & photos of my nails that show my skin tone that prove that) just comes across like you’re trying to make it seem like my experience / opinion shouldn’t be taken seriously. it’s uncalled for in this conversation but you’ve continued to drag it up in every single post you’ve made.

also the fact that in every post that tee has made in response to my post she has made sure to publicly expose my (was) new blog url just proves that she is simply mean. i had made the decision with this post that i wouldn’t be posting on that blog regardless, but the fact that i made it clear i was leaving garoujo due to mental health reasons & wanted a clean start for my own well-being, only for her to then publicly post about it knowing the response it will bring to someone already struggling really only proves my own points & the other people in the reblogs.

again i cannot speak on people’s experiences with me that i don’t know about, but if it’s come across to any creator that i’ve taken inspiration from your work i genuinely apologise. despite what tee seems to believe i do not go through tags looking for what’s popular to post, i like to think it’s fairly obvious that i only post for my favourite characters— gojo, nagi, hanma etc. and you can see in my masterlist that i play clear favourites because i write for myself.

please read the previous post above regarding palestine as again i agree that genocide in palestine being brought up just seemed very misplaced considering how absolutely horrifying it actually is. she’s had no problem posting about other creators during it all, so why is she only focusing on it now. i admit i’ve not posted much about it myself considering i’ve been on hiatus on & off and on vacation which i truly apologise for, but that does not mean i haven’t posted as much as i can on other socials.

now this is really my last post. thank you so much everyone for all of the kind words & my heart truly goes out to Palestine.

- emmie

saetoru is talking abt you on her private blog (@/clorindes) yuckkkkk

CW BULLYING, LITERALLY IMMATURE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA, SUB POSTING.

hi nonnie, thank you for letting me know! since i’m leaving this blog & this platform for the foreseeable future i figured i might aswell get a few things off of my chest before i go. i apologise in advance for the vibes this post will probably bring, the discourse & the posts that will ofcourse follow, but i honestly i am not the first person to be targeted by this creator and i’m sure i won’t be the last considering the amount of creators that have been bullied off of this app by them.

first off i’ve had multiple blogs that would be considered bigger blogs such as @/hvnlydmn, @/atsymu + now this blog which is the biggest of all 3. i think there’s a sort of unspoken responsibility that comes with being a bigger blog which i know is no fun but it’s also because it can be super harmful on a site like this, when people weaponise their following.

on that note i’ll start this post by saying that i’ve known tee for probably around 3/4 years, maybe? we were mutuals on hvnlydmn & atsymu and we continued to talk on discord even when i was off of tumblr. i will honestly admit to this day i have never had a negative interaction with tee to my face and she was genuinely supportive of me during any discourse i was involved in. i am not some angel, i’ve had my fair share of crap on this app (of my own doing) but this post is not meant to come across like “oh she doesn’t like me so i’m calling her out” no. im sorry if this doesn’t line up with my brand and my ‘victim complex’ but i’m not gonna lie down and let someone on a power trip on a hobby app drag me through the mud.

first off i had began to get some off vibes from tee when i had started writing on garoujo, notably when i’d just hit my first milestone which was probably around 1k. during this i had decided to move my instagram theme from my main blog to my writing blog.

i’d noticed tee subposting (on main and on her personal blog which i followed at the time) about someone basically using the same theme as her, which after then clicking onto her blog i realised was an instagram theme. i didn’t think much of it, again me & tee were friends and she hadn’t came to me directly so ignored it. i was still a new blog and trying to solidly an aesthetic (before the beige lol) so i changed my theme / masterlists / layouts a lot.

a few more sub posts later i decided to message tee about it because with every thing i’d change / post on my blog, there always seemed to be another post. so i messaged her and got this response in: (i’ve blurred out my irl name btw) open up pics for convo!

so i let it slide, kept posting & that was that. probably a few days / a week later, tee had soft blocked me which then eventually led to me being hard blocked. i was upset ofcourse because i genuinely considered tee a good friend but i’ve always been a big advocate in controlling your space.

this was when, one of our mutuals in common (the first of many may i add) approached me on discord to say that just like now, i was being ripped to shreds on tee’s personal blog:

again i was notably upset about this because i was being accused of not only copying her theme but also her writing & masterlists, we did have a lot of mutuals in common so it was also upsetting knowing they would all be seeing these posts aswell. i allowed myself one sub post about “creating a narrative” because i was particularly frustrated but tee then also subposted about this, even though she had me blocked?

i would also like to say regarding our mutuals in common that this was not the first or last mutual to approach me regarding tee. i’ve had multiple people tell me that “they’re only mutuals with her because it would be more damaging not to be” “it’s easier to be on her side”. also i am not saying this is okay but i’ve had multiple of her current mutuals send me not only her posts, but screenshots of her private, personal instagram & also tell me about how all of them and their friends had a running joke / theory that tee made up her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) for attention.

regarding the accusations from tee i’d like to first comment on the instagram themes, again i had done an instagram theme on my main blog but it seemed to only be an issue when it was on my writing blog that was gaining traction. if the timing was off and it seemed like i copied her, i genuinely have nothing to say except it’s not the case— it’s instagram (which tee already admits she doesn’t own above) also the hanma writing? i’m still not 100% sure which drabbles she was referring to but i can only assume that 1. is when i posted a drabble about hanma fucking you outside of his subordinates house — this was a almost completely word by word rewrite of a suna drabble i done on my old blog @/atsymu i literally just changed the concept to fit tokyo revengers themes. i can post screenshots of this suna drabble also from my google docs dated February when i deactivated. the other one may have been some basic concept about him fucking you against the window.

she also mentions in the very first recent screenshot at the beginning of this post that i have apparently stolen concepts of fics / posts from her mutuals. what i want to say regarding this is, do you believe that i would have made it this far on stolen work? i don’t know any of the mutuals she’s referring to apart from 1 which i’ll get into. but every single accusation i’ve ever received has always come from someone associated or in contact with tee, she has always been at the root of it all but i have yet to receive a single anon or ask about me copying or taking inspiration from anyone’s work.

i know there was apparently a blog and an ex mutual of mine, who i had a lot of respect & time for who was under the impression i’d stolen their concept for this gojo fic. the whole premise of this fic is honestly not uncommon considering how many times people losing control of their techniques / powers / quirks during orgasm has been done in fanfiction. this concept was completely my own, i had originally posted shitposts about him losing control of his technique & also him putting you into a mating press / breeding before i’d decided to smoosh them together into a fic. we all read from the same workbook, we all have the same material to work off of — two people in a fanbase of THOUSANDS having a similar idea is not unheard of.

now onto the masterlist banners. the screenshot on the far left are the comparison photos that tee made herself— i’m sure you’ll be able to see them in better quality when she makes her own post about it; because obviously that’s going to come. first off i will say, i will admit i took inspiration from her official art masterlist banners — i thought hers looked good and i needed a masterlist so i used official art. fair game there although i only kept them for a few days before i changed again.

but onto the grey masterlist banners, i can honestly say i did not even know tee had this masterlist, also the only comparison i myself see is the colour. the only reason i chose grey was because i had started to use a grey / white overlay on my manga panels for my layout (as you can see far right), and as you know— i’ve always kept my colour scheme pretty consistent. on that note, regarding the actual layout of the masterlists— i’ve added screenshots from atsymu (that i could find due to it being deactivated) that shows the layout of my old masterlists, which was what i took inspiration from for my current. although the title font for each heading like headcanons is different, i had used the sort of old style, basic font that everyone uses before i had deactivated so it would match my fic headers i just don’t have photos obviously.

anyway on the back of this there was then discourse over me apparently copying tee’s kinktober masterlist, which again was not the case. but again due to tee’s following i had received multiple death threats into my asks the morning after i posted mine. as far as i was aware, the only similarities were the fact we both used gifs in our headers & the layout listing thirsts, hcs & fics (which is very common during kinktober but i admitted below i could see that similarity). unfortunately during all of this discourse was when ffflowers, my hate blog also came into the mix which then lead to tee reaching out to me in dm’s from her old blog.

the interaction between me & tee was pretty good, again she was nothing but nice to me directly despite the way she obviously spoke about me in private above. but as you can see below, tee herself told me that basically most of the similarities all made above were brushed off as basic. we spoke about the ig themes & i apologised, saying i could understand where she was coming from and that was that. i unblocked her & she unblocked me so i could reblog her post, it’s been that way since.

it is not my place to comment on other people’s experiences on this app but i would need more than 2 hands to list the amount of people that i’m sure have had similar if not worse experiences with tee. i know i have had multiple mutuals who have been bullied off of this platform & had their safe space ripped from them for little things such as: liking a character that this group selfship with, tee and her friends not liking their characterisation. they’ve even went as far as to go through other larger creators notes to check for minors so they can make excuses as to why they’re thriving.

i also know of a blog who was ‘blacklisted’ from tee & her mutuals as they self shipped with arataki itto at the time, one of tee’s friends also did, so they blacklisted this creator and had all of their mutuals block them for this which then in turn drove this creator off the app. there has been other notably bitchy things that i’ve heard but i have no receipts for therefore i don’t see any relevance in starting rumours.

i would also like to say i know plagiarism is a horrible thing, we have all been through it— myself included but it’s got to the point where being accused of copying tee has become a canon event. notably, bigger platforms have been ruined and driven off of this app for little things such as mdni dividers, similar colours schemes etc. and it’s the reason i’m also leaving.

i will say i have met some amazing people through my discourse with tee, notably people who have been in similar situations and i also apologise to any mutuals who we still have in common who are now sort of stuck inbetween. no hard feelings. although to tee: id be careful of the people you trust because it seems the loyalties they have to you are not as sincere as you may believe. you can also go to her personal & read the other things she was saying about me like how she was always so ? at how many people seemed to like me.

so that’s all i have to say, i’m sure dash will get a few responses from this but i’ll be logging out & turning off asks because honestly? couldnt care less. the only thing i’d change about my experience on this app would be i wish i’d blocked tee sooner.

i’d say have a nice day, but instead, have the day you deserve.

— emmie :)

[giantpredatorymollusk]

i'm still thinking about john green being harassed until he left tumblr, not because i see it as my life's mission to defend john green but because i think it marked a crucial turning point in how online social spaces work, or at least the ones i know about: i think it marked the point at which social media spaces became too large to have a harmonious userbase. my recollection is that john green was harassed until he left tumblr because people whose social lives were on tumblr were surprised and alarmed to discover that those social lives now included john green. i think that this reaction would have happened no matter what he did; it was a function of who he was (a very popular large adult man author and youtuber) and where he was (on tumblr, making posts that a lot of people paid attention to.) the entity known as tumblr had started to cast a wide enough net that some of the fishes caught in it didn't want to wriggle next to some of the other ones. i think that this is important because a huge amount of the energy that gets poured into social media every day consists of people trying to enforce boundaries within the social space they share with people to try to make it no longer include some of those people.

a long time ago, i wrote a post arguing that the memes that are spread on twitter apparently to discredit and disparage elon musk don't work; they don't actually counter the things that the people who like him think. i still think that's true and important to consider when trying to have useful conversations about facts, but it has since occurred to me that maybe this discourse serves another purpose: it might be a way for people to signal that despite being active on a website that has elon musk as one of its most popular users, has founders that view elon musk favorably, and may soon be owned by elon musk personally, they do not like elon musk. i guess this is valid, but it would probably be a lot easier just to not be on a website that has all these ties to elon musk, huh.

it seems that social media networks cast wide nets to the point where a) you can't really escape them anymore and b) neither can the people you hate; and angry posts thus emerge from being confronted with such people trending constantly and from the need to clarify exactly how much you hate them. i think it's a bit of a waste of energy and potential inner peace. probably everyone should just leave twitter and separate out into discord servers or congregate around blogs again. i think that the desire to send strong social signals leads people to make and believe worse arguments and have politics that make less sense. i also think it leads them to believe that the people they dislike are even worse and stupider than they actually are, which i don't think is a pleasant feeling. also, this:

and the kicker is, all of us social media addicts, including elon musk, we probably do have a lot of aspects of our brain in common, don't we? don't we have some shared cultural background with a lot of the extremely online people we hate that we don't have with some random person off the street who doesn't know about dril? in a lot of ways that we don't think about, from an outside perspective, we're all caught in the net. abandon all hope, ye who wriggle here.

[clearsky]

My Top Comfort Characters/Kins and My Main HCs For Them

(Note, not all my kins/comfort characters are on here, just the ones I have more than 5 hcs for)

CW: Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3), Himiko Yumeno (DRV3), Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA), Kyoko Kirigiri (THH), Tsuyu Asui (BNHA), Entrapta (Spop), Ibuki Mioda (SDR2), Celestia Ludenberg (THH), Funtime Foxy (FNAF), Peril (WOF)

Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3)

Nonbinary

He/They pronouns

Autistic

Chains and loose accessories are for stimming

Likes the feeling of silk and cotton

Can't stand the feeling of anything rough or bumpy

He likes collecting small trinkets and the bones of small mammals

Can't stand anything salty. He'll eat it but he certainly won't enjoy it

Dating Rantaro

Can flirt, but only if he doesn't try

Petnames are a hell yea

Gets sunburnt really easily

Group dates with Celesnaegiri and Ikuzono

Can't cook for s h i t

Had a scene kid phase in middle school

Went to the same middle school as Celeste and Maki

Knew them when Celeste went through her "I'm not like other girls" phase and Maki was a Band Kid™

Himiko Yumeno (DRV3)

Female

She/Her pronouns

Lesbian

Can force herself to fall asleep within seconds regardless of where she is

100% forces herself to fall asleep when she doesn't wanna listen/talk to someone

Himiko/Angie/Tenko relationship. I'm calling them the Traffic Light Trio

She likes taking naps in the forest

She prefers enclosed/tight spaces more than open ones

Has several hundred stress balls and squishies laying around

She overheats easy

Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA)

Questioning his gender, but goes by any pronouns

Knows he's Asexual, at least

Has no clue what his romantic orientation is though

The kind of person to carry treats in his pocket just in case he runs into a cat

Will stop to pet literally every cat he comes across

Great at reading people

Doesn't talk unless it's 100% needed

Hangs with Tokoyami, Jirou, and Denki most often

Aizawa has 100% unofficially adopted him

Fosters kittens

Not a big fan of physical touch

He is 100% in the bakusquad. Anyone who says he's in the Dekusquad is a c o w a r d

He and Tsuyu vibe

Knows a bunch of random facts

Dark humour? Dark humour

*skates backwards into his therapist's room slowly sipping from an absurdly huge cup of coffee* Candice you're not gonna BELIEVE the shit I just went through

In case I forgot to mention it, he skates

Kyoko Kirigiri (THH)

Mtf

She/Her

Bi with female preference

Burns go up to her shoulders/collarbone/chest

Prefers to just listen as opposed to saying anything

Knows a ton of random trivia about everyone else in her class

She keeps a notebook she fills with all the trivia

Doesn't celebrate her birthday. She just doesn't see the point of it

Doesn't hate sugar/sweets, but if given the choice she would choose literally everything else

Cuts her own hair

A cat person

Permanent dark circles

T-Tall 😳

Like,,, 6'1 at LEAST

Only person taller than her is Yasuhiro (6'3)

Canon no longer exist

Ahahaha healthy life habits? What are those?

Can't handle horror games

She's the kind of person you'd go to if you needed to rant but didn't want any advice

Polyamourous yo

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

She's a dom yall are just scared to admit it

Tsuyu Asui (BNHA)

They go by They/Them

Lesbian

They and Ochaco are dating

They like to hang with Shinsou

Which mainly just means the two sitting in one of their dorms in near total silence doing whatever

Can speak English and French as well as Japanese

Learned English from cartoons

Picked up French bc they thought it'd be fun

Prefers to stay neutral in the whole Bakusquad / Dekusquad thing

They're invited to all outings/events by/for both squads

They like puns

They're a dumbass but willingly, and for fun

Like "someone says they like dark humour and they'll turn off the lights before telling a joke" kind dumbass for fun

Great at poker

Likes Disney Movies

Very touchy once you get close enough

Not in a sexual way, just likes physical contact

Especially fond of piggyback rides and cuddles

Extreme fear of needles

Entrapta (She-Ra)

She/Her or It/Its

Doesn't bother trying to figure out whether she's cis, trans, nonbinary, or what

Was AMAB though

Short as fuck (4'7)

Strong as fuck though

Cuddle game strong

Physical touch is a fuck yes

Cuddles

Piggyback rides

Hugs

Anything where she's touching someone is wonderful in her book

As long as she's the one that initiates it

Anyone else touching her without her permission makes her freak

Prefers being high up

Makes it harder for anyone to sneak up on her

An ace at video games

When it comes to sexuality she just says she's Questioning

Ibuki Mioda (SDR2)

Any pronouns + Pup/Pupself + It/Its

No idea what their gender is otherwise

Biromantic Asexual

Just likes sexual jokes

Gets distracted easily

Has severe hearing problems

She's plays her instruments as loud as possible, with the amp right next to her, without ANY ear protection

It's caused some damage

She talks so loud bc she has no idea how loud is considered acceptable

Wears hearings aids most of the time

Several piercings and tattoos

Likes hearing things jingle

She has a bracelet with a few bells hanging from it

She'll shake it whenever she's bored

LOVES hair accessories

Ribbons are a particular favourite

Occasionally she'll hang little charms from her hair "horns"

The kind of person who never takes any pills/medicine bc she keeps forgetting she has to

Frequently uses emojis

Skates everywhere but she isn't very good at it

She keeps crashing into everything

Has broken every bone in her body at least 3 times

Most of which was bc she keeps trying to kick in doors and skating down the stairs

Celestia Ludenberg (THH)

Nonbinary

Any pronouns, mainly goes by She/They

Bi, 70:30

Collects mini hand sanitizers and can tabs

Has single handedly gotten Mario Kart, Mario Party, Monopoly, Uno, and Clue banned a grand total of 17 times (and counting)

The kind of person to purposefully target someone regardless of what game was being played

Favourite victim is Byakuya (bc he gets so upset about it and she finds that hilarious)

Mains Waluigi

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

Has several banned Twitter accounts bc whenever she's bored she'll start discourse on purpose

Hangs with Korekiyo, Ibuki, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, and Leon most often

It's a weird friend group but everyone's sorta gotten used to it

She and Byakuya gamble together occasionally

She tries to avoid it bc he'll willingly blow his entire fortune in an attempt to beat her

Autustic

Can't stand the feeling of water

Mainly bc she can't swim for shit

Horror movies? Hates them

Gets flustered super easily

Taka is her twin brother

Kotoko, Kokichi, and Gundham are their half siblings (Same father)

Peko and Toko are their cousins

She sucks ass at go fish

Fuck canon she's 4'11 now

C h u b b y

Freckles

Once she gets comfortable enough with herself she dyes her hair in the peekaboo style

Either black and red or black and blonde

Haven't decided yet

I'll be doing Celesnaegiri hcs as a seperate post but I just feel it's important for you to know that she expresses her affection verbally and is a very touchy person

Went to middle school with Maki and Korekiyo

Has horrible eyesight

She wears contacts most of the time but she always puts off buying more

After the 5th or so time she ended up blindly stumbling around a week after her contacts ran out Kyoko convinced her to buy glasses as well

Religious accessories yo

Like chokers and dangly earrings with crosses and pentagrams and shit

Likes wearing wacky earrings

Can run and do all sorts of tricks in heels

She and Mukuro are exes yo

Keeps her hair short so it's easier to manage

Hair never gets longer than her shoulders if she can help it

She seems like the kind of person who'd keep her bangs grown past her eyes regardless of how frustrating or inconvenient it is

She's a sub yall just don't wanna admit it

Funtime Foxy (FNAF)

I'm going on the record to say this

Funtime Foxy is genderfluid and that is that

Goes by Funtime

Any pronouns, They/Them most commonly

Plays music (keyboard and guitar mainly)

They and Funtime Freddy (Freds) mainly play with the kids

Freds mainly tells stories with Bonbon while Funtime more so plays one-on-one

Has nicknames for everyone

Circus Baby - Ringleader

Ballora - Bells

Funtime Freddy - Partner

Bon Bon - Bun

Peril (WOF)

I like both Nonbinary She/They Peril and Mtf She/Her Peril

They're both such good concepts

She's a lesbian, Harold

She only had a crush on Clay bc he was pretty much everything she was supposed to like in a guy

Gimme a moment while I force all my mental disorders onto this poor child

Autistic, Anxiety (Social anxiety, mainly, but she has most types), Adhd, PTSD

I'd like to reiterate yet again that She's a lesbian

Sunny and Glory were her gay awakening

Peril in Book 1: Damn, Sunny and Glory sure are pretty. Anyone would be lucky to date them. Clay would probably go for them over me. He would be stupid if he didn't. I myself would willingly date them over someone like me. They're just so pretty :(

Peril waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of arc 2: WAIT-

Rarepair alert but Peril/Sora

Peril meeting Sora: "Hmmm She's attractive. I would love to date her. Too bad I'm straight and in love with her brother lmao :P"

Peril, a mere month later, waiting for Ruby to leave Jade Mountain, pacing in her cave, running face first into a wall: WAIT-

I remember reading this one amazing story where Sora taught Peril to read/write and Peril found out she set off the bomb and comforted her/convinced her her run so that's canon now

Btw if anyone can remember what that story was called/what platform it was on and could tell me I'd appreciate it very much

I'd even be willing to draw a character of your's or make you an icon or something

I usually don't accept requests bc I get burnt out easy but this is a special case

She runs into Sora again sometime between the beginning of TOP and the end

I like to imagine she just goes wandering around

Anyway she confesses like a mere few minutes after running into her again bc Peril is just subtle like that

The actual confession takes 15 minutes and the entire time Sora is just sitting here like "👁👄👁 sure"

Bam Peril/Sora

Peril plans to keep it a secret for a little while longer but she spends 3 seconds around Clay and pretty much blurts it out

Clay, who wasn't even aware that Peril was a lesbian, is just "👁👄👁"

I wanna say Clay doesn't know what a lesbian is but in my canon Sunny is a lesbian so Starflight has already told him

Anyway he's super supportive

From that point Peril is sorta open about her sexuality?

Like, she gives Clay permission to tell the rest of the D.O.D bc she isn't about to risk being in front of them when they hear the news

(When Sunny starts actively seeking her out as a hang out buddy and Tsunami, Glory, and Starflight appear to tolerate her presence just a bit more afterwards she pretends she isn't confused by the change)

She's pink, white, and blue bc I said so

If you look at a certain angle in the right lighting her eyes, mouth, fire, and under her scales all look purple

But her fire is normally white and blue bc I said so

Also she pale as fuck bc in my canon their fire just sorta burns their colour away

You know how you leave something outside for too long and it gets sunbleached? Where it gets all washed out?

Like that but more extreme

By the age of 10-12 firescale dragons are just white with pale eyes

That's right not even the eyes are safe

Ram horns :P

I'm also fond of Peril/Sunny

Or maybe Peril/Sora/Sunny

But Peril/Sora is the main thing

On the topic of that bringing in my hc that if one sib in a sib group is fire resistant all of them are

She,,, She can change her scale colour

But only slightly and only if her emotions are strong enough

Bc I don't give a fuck about Darkstalker's scroll we were robbed of hybrid Peril

Unfortunately all of Peril's emotions are strong

Rainwing ruff along her head and neck

It's like a hood

It's mainly smoothed to her sides but when she's startled it flares out

RAINWING PUPILS

Y'all will know what those look like as soon as I get off my ass :P

She,,, She can mimic bird cries

Hates the summer

She has more than enough body heat already and the outside is just hot enough to add on and make her feel sick

She can somewhat control her heat but most of the time it's based on her emotions

It can go from standing-in-the-middle-of-a-burning-building-cant-see-your-nose-smoke-is-so-thick heat (Strong emotion) to Hey-thats-a-nice-cozy-campfire heat (Calm/"weak" emotion/Sleeping)

I'm just gonna make a different post with all my Peril hcs cuz there isnt enough room for all of them here