#kind of upset by this actually

[eats-the-stars]

kind of a weird moment lately, where SSI, which I applied for like, at the beginning of the pandemic, just recently got back to me with a “you qualify” after years of jumping through hoops and paperwork while also juggling just...so much at once. but the thing is that we kind of gave up on me getting SSI because it was taking, you know, literal years, and the paperwork was confusing and we were like “so did I just get disqualified? what does this mean?” and now...I literally have two jobs. I’m making decent money. I’m actually going to possibly lose my state health insurance because I make more income now, so I need to find a private health/dental plan that won’t bleed me dry because neither of my jobs offer any benefits. but still, I make too much for SSI, which restricts your assets to $2,000. Like, I am not breaking into the upper or even middle crust. I’m basically doing factory and caregiver work. I also only have these jobs due to A) our local “help disabled people get jobs” program. and B) my nephew getting into a support program we applied for 2 years ago and the program giving us the option to find (we would need to find them ourselves) and hire a nurse to do all of the medical/supervision stuff I was already doing for free, or pay me to keep doing it. Plus, we found out that my nephew has, like, a number of medical issues that most nurses are not trained to handle for some reason. and i got trained by his medical team because they are about 2 hours away and that won’t cut it in an emergency. like, I’m talking “how to intubate an infant/toddler” and how to program and manage his feeding machine and sanitize the equipment and prep his blended meals and how to replace a g-tube and I kind of forget how much I do because I do it all the time, but yeah, now I’m getting paid to do it. Plus my machine management job. So...I qualify for SSI in terms of being so disabled that i cannot live on my own, or care for myself independently, or hold a job without quite a bit of support from my family. but...SSI took so long to fucking approve my application that I just got two jobs to pay my part of the rent and help out with household repairs and childcare costs and vet bills, and I just felt like I was just a burden on my family. so I got two jobs. and I’m making it work, even though it’s hard and I am honestly just super super lucky that the jobs i got fit my specific issues so well. my major issues to staying employed revolve largely around being bad with customer-facing positions, since I am autistic and not good at hiding it, which pisses people off. I miss social cues and I fuck up eye contact no matter how I do it and I dress weird and I struggle to shower regularly. plus i have a different condition that uh...makes my face look different. most people think i have some kind of transmissible sickness, but i don’t. so...machines don’t care about any of that. my family doesn’t care about any of that. and, the second biggest impediment i have is my fairly severe memory issues, and very tentative grasp of time. my inability to navigate is not an issue due to GPS and my dad/sister just driving me to work. and the “unable to work with a schedule that changes week to week” is mitigated by the fact that my new job has a very simple, set schedule. plus my dad/sister are responsible for driving me, so if i forget that i work, they will remember for me. so...I got lucky...but I can’t help but wonder where i would be if I did not have my family support, and I did not get so much help to get these jobs, and it still took SSI...I am bad with time, but I think it’s been 1-4 years. since i applied. so...where would i be with no support, struggling to live on my own, unable to hold any of the jobs i was applied for without program assistance....eventually unable to pay rent or bills or groceries...would i have simply died? if i didn’t have family to support me...i think i might have. so...mixed feelings on getting this “you qualify, take these final steps to get your SSI benefits” paperwork from SSI....

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lap Pillow

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[szaryherbatnik]

KREMY NATION WAKE UP I DREW THE MAN THE LEGEND HIMSELF!

[hguhie]

i’m sorry but there is just something SO endearing about jack quaid’s boimler drawing. like i’ve genuinely been thinking about it all day

the scratchy lines at the top of the circle, the “raisin fields” label, boimler’s dead expression, the obvious garfield inspiration, his stupid hat, the wheat in his mouth…… like i have spent all day picking this drawing apart and it just never gets old for me. it’s so endearing.

even the description is endearing!

“Star Trek Lower Decks has gone where no Star Trek has gone before — Modesto, California. The home of Brad Boimler’s family vineyard, where the grapes are so dry that the ladies are thiiirsty for some farm boy. But nothing can bring Boimler back to his vineyard roots, not even a sexy jaunt to the pickery shed. Voice actor Jack Quaid has expertly depicted Boimler’s traumatic grape years with the Boimler Grape Escape Tee, now ripe for the pickin.”

it’s so obvious so much love has gone into this show from not just him, but the rest of the cast & people behind it

EDIT: made this post when i was on the brink of falling asleep and didn’t even think about linking the shirt for some reason. but here it is if you want :^)

[msburgundy]

if you claim to be Christian and trigger tag things about God and religion, i am blocking. your identity is not in Christ if you think your faith is something that you can separate out to make yourself more palatable to the world. i pray you do not hear those words, "depart from me, i never knew you"

[eddiediazenjoyer]

everything else ASIDE it is truly so so . strange. that the way that an arc about buck being so jealous and fast to get upset at the notion of being left behind that he reacts with violence against somebody that he loves . is wrapped up by. him getting a boyfriend. like it’s wrapped up by him getting a boyfriend who was the third person in that situation that served only as a catalyst for bucks jealousy. and the conclusion to this arc is him dating this person. instead of meaningfully addressing his issues with rejection and the danger of them to those around him. instead of apologizing to the person he hurt. it’s resolved by. he had a crush the whole time. STRANGEEEEEEE

[sanguinewolves]

ppl will say “i hate being seen with you in public because you stand funny and wear your headphones all the time and talk too loud” and then get all defensive when you say thats ableist

[rinksrats]

someone put more eyeliner on flower, stat

punk au I guess

[melaugo]

Offers you inuyasha fanart

[algrenion]

the fact Chappell Roan even needs to defend her statements on weird fan behaviour is extremely unsettling

you are not entitled to anyone's time, information, autograph, selfie, or body (yes, i say body - you are not entitled to a hug from your favourite artist, or any other contact, and claiming otherwise shows a clear lack of respect for their autonomy and personal space in that regard - it is creepy)

it doesn't matter if you've bought their music - you got the music, they got your support

the transaction ends there. you are entitled to absolutely nothing more.

i straight up don't trust any of these people saying "boo hoo womp womp" or that she's snobby or "looking down on us peasants" (that's a real comment i saw) for not dishing herself out to every fan she crosses by on the street. i wouldn't trust you to respect your own friends' boundaries.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i’ve talked about this before but a bpd symptom i absolutely HATE is the lack of emotional permanence.

no matter how many loving people i have in my life, the second they are gone it's like i was never loved and that it's all in my imagination but as soon as they come back, it's like i've never been sad

[stardustdiiving]

Me explaining in terms of strictly how I read canon I think Nahida not severely punishing the Sages is just meant to convey that Nahida, even when wronged, is not a very vengeful or harsh person and makes the choice to be kind instead, but in my mind I have this idea of a Nahida interpretation which elaborates on that where her self punishing tendencies extend to her being someone who internally downplays her own experiences constantly, and as a result has a hard time feeling she’s allowed or justified in placing a lot of blame on the Sages for what they did to her So while she is following her own philosophies regarding teaching lessons/wisdom/etc in how to handle the Sages and genuinely doesn’t want to be really angry or punishing because of who she is as a person, her decision is also influenced by the fact she’s basically blocked herself out of grappling with how to handle people who hurt her by blaming herself for said hurt instead as a coping mechanism. And like this is all just me being insane about Nahida Trauma and not something explicitly implied in canon but also I really do think this isn’t a far stretch from her canon characterization especially when my vision isn’t to conclude that Nahida needs to be angry and vengeful but she should extend the kindness she shows others to herself and also every day I get tormented thinking about she was the mental equivalent of an average human child when the Sages found her and how they basically specifically discarded her for being a child and the idea of how Nahida would pick up on + internalize that and eventually need time to unlearn it

[wiggly-round-worm]

I’ll be honest i HATE the way the QSMP fanbase is treating Gegg and Tallulah. Like Gegg literally just appears, bro hasn’t done a single thing and people start talking about how they want him to die 😭 ?? And Tallulah starts feeling insecure trough no fault of Gegg and the Gegg tag just EXPLODES with hate. I’m a big petty baby and i don’t like seeing /neg in the tags bro. It just kinda feels like tallulahs the golden child who can do no wrong and Geggs the scapegoat who’s blamed for everything, and i feel like people are already taking it too far

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I’ve been doing some stream of consciousness thoughts re: Akechi and I think my final opinion on that whole situation is just… it sucks.

Like I’m not going to say “woe is he” or anything because boy, what are you doing. What the hell are you doing. You doomed yourself!!! Because of your own stupid pride!!! Akechi.

But I’m not going to say “cool motive still murder” either because. Can you imagine. Being that lonely and that hungry for anything resembling affection and pride in your person that you’d shatter yourself into pieces just to find a shard that they like best because you’ve grown up being told again and again that you are unwanted and unloveable as you are. Fundamentally. And all you have is this singular drive that makes you feel worse and worse about who you actually are inside so you double down on your fake image because at least fickle fame is better than nothing and it’s all you’re going to get at this point, but at the same time this drive is also the one thing you feel you’ve had any power to determine or enact, and you did it all yourself when the world expected nothing of value from you, so yeah, of course you’d pursue it harder to the point of violently self-destructing - only for that all to get wrenched away with “you never fooled me and I was just puppeteering you all along and I never needed you”, pulling the rug out from under your vengeful purpose, your autonomous image, and your starved core desire, all at once. And then your asshole dad’s twisted headspace image of you shoots you point blank.

He dooms himself because he thought he was already doomed. Caught up in a cycle of cruelty to both himself and others, that he saw no point in trying to escape from, and didn’t want to, because it would mean relinquishing the (it turns out) quite fragile image he’d painstakingly built up. He’s a product of his environment, which led to him making god-awful choices, which in turn trapped him in a worse environment. How many people have died here or become grievously injured as a result of it all.

What do I even do with this. It just all around sucks.

[just-a-little-anxious]

remember when Vivziepop was talking about mammon before his design was fully out and she was like "he's not gonna be like the other characters. He's gonna be ugly. he's gonna look different."

and then mammon looked like every other helluva boss character with the only difference being that he was fat, except he didn't even look fat. He just looked like an inflated balloon.

[titfairy]