#kaz x trace

[labrats-and-clonetroopers]

Rafa: You better keep your friend Kaz away from Trace, because if he keeps flirting with my sister, I swear I'm gonna kill him!

Chase: ...

Ahsoka: ...

Chase: Well, there are pros and cons to either outcome...

Ahsoka: If you do decide to kill him, let us know. Skylar will want a picture for her Elite Force scrapbook.

[Lab Rats x Star Wars Crossover AU]

[aerequets]

trying to erase the trace of...

[maidenofcrows]

Yk what? Clingy kanej rights. Doesn’t have to be a physical contact kind of clinginess— Inej comes back to Ketterdam and they just want to be near each other. All the time

And when they’ve reached a point in their healing journey where they can stand to touch? Hand holding. Standing shoulder to shoulder. He drapes one arm across her shoulders and her arm comes around his waist. At the Slat, at the Van Eck mansion, even sometimes on the street if they’re sure they’re not being watched. They’re just comfortable knowing the other is right there

[bonkwrites]

Civilian Life

READ PART TWO: SIMON’S FANTASY 

READ PART THREE: GIRL’S NIGHT

Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Smut, NSFW, Minors DNI, dirty talk, domestic!Simon, PIV sex, riding, fluff and smut, hair pulling, doggy, missionary, riding, fingering, cunnilingus

* - * - * - * - * - * 

Simon wonders, when he's too exhausted to breathe and drifting off to sleep, what you're doing at home. In his flat. In his bed. He doesn't get a phone, not on missions, because of the risk. His phone can be traced back to him, to his face, to you. He'll never take the risk of putting you in danger. 

Never. 

But he's a fucking softie for you, and so he wonders. Are you sleeping? Are you up watching telly? Are you laying in bed, minutes before you'll fall asleep, thinking the same thing he's thinking? 

And God, he'll come home and sleep for three days straight, tired and worn down, and you sleep right there with him. You take the week off work every single time he comes home just to spend time with him. You rub that bruise-balm on the bruises he has from fighting and then you press up on your fucking tip-toes to kiss him. 

"God, you are perfect," he purrs, hands on your back, holding you against him. You'll giggle, try to escape his arms, and it'll end with you pressed up against the wall, losing your 'fight' and kissing him. 

You put your hands on his cheeks, you let him lift you to hold you against the wall, and you whimper when his hands squeeze your waist. Perfect. Woman.

You go out with him, you drag him around to little markets and cafes. You hold his hand, overjoyed he's home alive, and London seems to decide the rain is over when you're out. The tiny spots of sun light up your face and if Simon could bribe the sun to stay out and the clouds to fuck off he would. 

"Simon," there's a hand on his shoulder as he zones out into a market table of jewelry while you look at them, "didn't know you were in London." 

It's John at his side, the captain, and you light up when you see him. 

"John!" You haven't seen him since the wedding and so you jump at the chance to pull him into a hug. John gives you a friendly post on the back, chuckling. 

"Nice to see you, love." John says as you pull away. 

"You too! Oh, I haven't seen you since the wedding!" You can't keep the smile off your face. The last time you were all together was Johnny's wedding and god was that a night… 

He remembers the drunk sex you had in the back of his car, the way you babbled about needing to be the next girl to get married, that you wanted to be his wife… 

"How've you been?" John's voice pulls him back from his memory. 

"Great! Happy to be out." You reply. "The weather's finally nice."

"It is." John looks across the street, "couple of the boys and me are getting lunch across the street, wanna stop in?" 

You look up at Simon, asking him if it's okay with your eyes. 

"Sure." Simon replies. You smile up at him and reach over to take his hand. 

Gaz, Johnny, Johnny's girl, and Konig are across at the restaurant. They pull in chairs for you and Simon and you sit. 

"Konig," you smile at him, sitting next to him with Simon on the other side, "surprised to see you! Why're you in London?" 

"Uhm," he's unsure of himself unless he's got a gun in his hand, has been since Simon met him, "just visiting, I haven't been to London since I was little." 

"How do you like it?" Then begins the small talk. You tell everyone about your new job, about the puppy you want, and you laugh as they all gang up on him for not getting it for you. 

"She's gotta be lonely while you're off on missions," John jokes. 

"Bad boyfriend behavior Simon," Kaz says. 

You bite your lips to keep yourself from laughing too hard and Simon jokes that they're all his squad mates and that they'll be watching their own backs next time. 

You don't get home until nearly half-past seven, you eat pizza on the couch and watch telly until you're going off to be with him behind you. 

It's supposed to be a goodnight kiss. You're in your little satin tank top and shorts set, hands on his chest, pressing against him. Simon can't help himself. He can't help the way his lips trail to your neck, the way his teeth tease at your skin, and he definitely loses all control when he hears you gasp his name. 

Fuck it all to hell. 

He leaves your neck blooming with black and blue, he squeezes your hips and dips his finger into your shorts to grope your ass. You whimper for him, you thread your fingers in his short hair and you tug it, and when your knees go weak you just get on them. 

Simon groans when you look up at him, your hands on his pajama bottoms, lips already slightly parted. Can I? Simon wonders why you ask. He nods, his fingers in your hair. His pajamas hit the floor and you take him in your hand, eyes drifting closed when you wrap your mouth around him. 

"Fuck, love, the shit you do to me…" He groans. This is what he tries to imagine when he takes himself into his hand in the rare alone moments on missions. He tries to imagine the way your mouth feels around him. 

It never compares. 

You've got a horrible gag reflex when you're tense, and you're always tense. Simon hears you gag and a shiver runs up his spine. He knows it’s painful, and that you hate it, but it’s all in your head that you’re going to gag. He’s gotta get you out of your head. 

"Take it slow," he grumbles, "not going anywhere." 

You pull your mouth off of him and lick your lips as you stare up at him. 

"Will you fuck my throat?" You ask it like he'll say no, like 'no' is an option. Simon wouldn't be a man if he said no to that. 

He imagines the headspace it put you in too and god he's fucked. 

"'Course I will, sweetheart," he replies and you smile up at him before your mouth is hanging open again. Devastating. 

Simon eases himself in, he reminds you to breathe through your nose, then he takes your hair in his hand… makes a ponytail in his fucking fist… and starts to fuck your throat. He sees your eyes roll back at one point and he wonders if you're enjoying this more than he is. He hears you whimper, feels your fingertips and your nails dig into his thighs and god he just wants to make you take it because he knows how much you love it when does. 

You go fucking crazy for him to take your control out of your hands, for him to make you his. He has to pull your mouth off of him so that he doesn't cum down your throat. He has to fuck you, he hasn't fucked you in so long. 

"S-Simon-" your voice is almost a whine, almost asking him why he stopped. He chuckles. 

"Gotta fuck you," Simon replies, just as breathless as you are, "Gotta fuck you, okay?" 

“P-” you stutter, let him pull you to your feet, “-Please.” 

Your legs shake as he pulls your tank top over your head. You never wear a bra to bed, an added bonus to every night he gets to sleep next to you, and Simon wants to fall to his knees and mark your chest up like it’s his only job. Your knees have to be killing you though, and so he gets you out of your shorts and onto the bed on your back. 

“Simon…” his hands trail down your thighs, they knead your skin. Your soft, soft fucking skin. He’s gotta get his mouth between your thighs. He takes a deep breath to calm himself down. He’d fuck you in a second but he’s gotta draw it out. 

He wants to give you a night you brag about to your girlfriends tomorrow. He loves hearing the way you brag about his skills. 

Simon sinks to his knees at the edge of the bed and he takes your thighs in each hand to pull you closer. Your legs dangle over his shoulders, you’re watching him without breathing. His hands press your hips to the bed when they wiggle, he tries to give you his most dangerous eyes. 

“Stay still,” he says, “or else.” 

“Or else?” you tease, not too far gone to give him shit and Simon commits himself to remedying it. “What would you do to me? Oh, please don’t punish me Ghost, I promise I’ll be a good girl.” 

You’re giggling, you have the audacity to giggle while he’s between your legs but what has Simon freezing isn’t your giggles, it’s the way you called him Ghost. You know his code name, of course you do, but you’ve never used it. Never. Simon get’s impossibly harder at the fantasy that pops into his head. 

Bending you over a table, handcuffing you, pushing you close to the edge again and again with all of his gear on, pressing you for information you won’t give… promising to make you cum if you just give me the intel, sweetheart. He’s gotta tell you about it later. You’d be down for it, his little freak. 

Simon rolls his eyes at your giggling and presses your thighs open to get his fucking mouth on you. You gasp, one of your hands is in your hair, the other one is thrown over your face, hiding behind it. Simon presses his arm over your lower belly to pin you down and presses two fingertips to your hole. You spread your legs wider, you cry out his name, and Simon sinks two of his fingers into you. God, the way you clench around them makes his head spin. 

“I-I’m-” it’s so early, so fast, that it throws you off guard. You try to close your legs around his head, stop him from going further, but he elbows them open and keeps his fingers moving. 

“My poor girl,” Simon whispers against the skin of your thighs, “always so neglected when I’m off on a mission, aren’t you?” 

“A-Am. I am.” your hips twitch, you squirm on his fingers, and Simon groans at the way your back arches. 

“Let me make it up to you, love.” he replies, voice low and dark. Simon is intent on getting you to cum atleast once more before he turning you over and fucking you just the way you like. 

“Simon!” you squeal, legs twitching to close. You work hard to keep them open, just the way you know he likes, shaking like a damn leaf. 

“One more, sweetheart, gimme one fucking more.” Simon growls before he’s putting his mouth back on you and sucking your clit into his mouth. 

You sob, your legs close around his head and he thinks try to push me away, try it love because he knows you like it when he pushes you, he knows how you like it when he takes control of your body. You can’t stop the incoherent rambles of his name and please and stop that tumble from your lips. You try to lift your hips off the bed but he shoves them down. You try to back yourself up to get away from him but he keeps you pinned with an arm across your stomach. You slap your hands over your mouth to keep yourself from screaming and Simon reacts, lifting his arm off your stomach to pin them down with your hips by the wrists. 

You cum screaming his name, trying to break his neck with your fucking thighs and spasming around his fingers. He’s never seen you cum that hard and now he’s hooked. 

“Why did you-” you pant, struggling with your words, “the-the neighbors Simon…” 

“Don’t fucking care,” he grumbles, he kisses your quaking thighs, “pieces of shite anyways.” 

“Simon…” you’re trying to sound scold-y, like you’re angry with him, but when he crawls up your body and kisses you, you stop complaining. He’s gotta give you time to recover after something like that, and so he just holds you for a little while, kissing you and running his hands calmly over your back. 

You start kissing him again after a while, tongue tangled with his, breath heavy, eyes lidded. He can feel your skin grow hotter, clammier, and you throw your leg over his hip to get him on his back. 

“Goddamnit…” he groans when you sit up, hands splayed across his chest, back arched to grind against him. He puts a hand under his head, the other reaching down to grab your hip and guide you. 

You lift your hips, reach down beneath you and line him up. God, you sink yourself down on him and you just can’t keep yourself from grinding on him. Simon watches you lift your hips, hears the way you moan and watches you throw your head back with it. He fills you up nicely, has had you crying your compliments more than once, and you like to savor it when you’re on top. You grind your hips, you drag them up and down his cock slowly, and within ten minutes Simon’s a goddamn mess for you. He thrusts his hips upwards, he uses his hands on your hips to control the drag of your hips, and you fall apart on top of him. 

“Ch-Change me,” you whimper, losing speed and stamina, “O-On my- want you from behind-” 

You don’t need to tell him twice. 

Simon gets you to your chest, knees spread, back arched, hands gripping the sheets above your head. Simon is a gentleman, or at least he can be, and so he moves your hair out of your face and gathers it into a ponytail in his fist to pull it. You gasp, hips squirming to grind against him. Simon holds your hips still with one hand. 

“You’re gonna take it like my good little slut, aren’t you?” you nod, whimpering, clenching down around nothing. 

“I’m yours- your good little slut,” you whisper against the sheets, eyes shut and rolled back. Simon sinks in, so fucking slow, and sob with it. You’ve told him before this angle is different, deeper, more sensitive. You can’t stop the way your hips twitch and grind against, it’s impossible with how desperate you’ve become. 

Simon’s hips snap forward and you cry out his name as he starts to fuck you. You’re both so sensitive, so desperate from him being away, that it's not gonna be long before he’s pulling out to cum on your thighs. He groans at the image his memory brings up for him of your thighs all covered with him. He releases your hair to sit up, hands on your ass and hips, groping a cheek before he pulls his hand back to spank you. You sob, hand reaching back to push at his naval. 

“Don’t fucking think so,” he growls, pinning your wrists in one of his hands and fucking you harder for it, “fucking take it,” 

Your hips still, back arched as far down as it’ll go, legs spread wider as you pulse around him through your third orgasm of the night. You moan, the bed bumps against the wall, and Simon’s grip on your wrists and hip tightens. 

“Where, love?” he grits out. 

“Inside,” you cry, “please, inside,” 

Who the fuck is he to argue? He goes still, buried inside of you, and has the best orgasm of his fucking life. You take it like the perfect girl you are, whimpering when he pulls out. He grabs a towel, puts it under your hips but he’s depraved, a sick fucking man, because he kneels behind you and watches it drip out of you for a second before he wipes you down with a towel and turns you over. 

Fucked out, googly eyed, you pull him down for Simon’s guiltest of guilty pleasures: naked, after-sex cuddles. 

[kingtomura]

Alley Cat

TW: dark content!!, shigaraki tomura x female reader, noncon, non penetrative smut, humiliation, cum in panties, misogyny, masturbation, snarky tomura, dead dove: do not eat, mdni. wc: 1.8k | cross posted to ao3 Synopsis: You should have known better than to take your usual shortcut home in the dead of night. a/n: To my beloved kaz o'lee :) now get on minecraft w me

You really should have gone home in time. 

You could have, you should have but you didn’t. And now you’re stuck in some dirty back alley at the mercy of some sick psychopath.

“C’mon, don’t look so scared.” His raspy voice cooed, drawing you from your stupor and making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. “‘S your fault for coming back here.”

His red eyes almost glow in the midnight moonlight as his body cages yours against the brick wall of the building behind you. 

It’s cold, but his fingers are colder as they trail along your sides, moving beneath the warmth of your shirt and chilling you to the bone. 

“What did you expect?” He continues, frost from the air making his breath visible, “dressed like that in the dead of night. You must want some attention.” 

You’ve fought the tears for as long as you could, but they win the battle, cascading down your face, the trail they leave instantly cooling in the cold night air. 

“P-please,” you try, lip wobbling pathetically as you try to plead, “just let me go..”

The man chuckles, his smile as wide as it is cruel. “And why would I do that?”

You have a million reasons why he should let you go, but the only words that leave your lips are whispered and small, “I don’t want this.”

“Dressed like this?” He pulls away, taking the unwanted warmth with him. “Could’ve fooled me.”

His fingers dance to the hem of your skirt, moving to lift it and you’re quick to counter, pushing the fabric back down as you shake your head.

“No!” You try to be loud, shout and maybe someone would hear you, but this only seemed to piss him off. 

His form towers over yours as he crowds your space even more, large hand covering your mouth before you could be any louder. 

“Hey, shut the fuck up” he hisses, scarred lips curled in a scowl. You’re shaking like a leaf and it’s not due to the windchill. 

This man… you know him. 

This is Tomura Shigaraki. An infamous man who could kill you and no one would find him. He wouldn’t even leave a trace. 

So, you close your eyes as the warm tears continue to fall and you sob into his hand, any ounce of humiliation gone to the wind. 

“Aww, c’mon..” he coos and you think he actually believes this is soothing, “it won’t be so bad, promise.”

But you can’t hear him, can’t hear the faux sweet talk as his cold fingers move under your skirt, ghosting against your sheer tights and up to the hem, just near the edge of them. 

You gasp as he releases your mouth. Too terrified to make another noise, you remain frozen, like a deer in headlights as he rips the fabric down, exposing your thighs to the cool chill of the air. 

His gaze raises from your thighs to your frightened eyes as he lifts your skirt once more, this time directing you to hold the thin cotton fabric. 

“And don’t fucking drop it.” He spits as he moves to unzip his pants. 

The sound rings in your ears as you will yourself to stay quiet.

You try to calm your breathing and fail when you feel those same cold fingers pull at the sides of your panties, only pulling them down to your mid thigh but taking the remainder of your dignity down with them. 

“Heh.. why’re you wet?” He muses, noting the way your panties clung to your core like the last threads of your composure. Shigaraki leans forward even more, lips ghosting your ear as he pulls his cock from the confines of his pants. “Knew you wanted it.”

He kicks your legs further apart, making you open them further for better access and getting a tiny whine from your lips.

You can’t bring yourself to look down. You don’t want to see what’s going to violate you, so you close your eyes again, wishing this would all be over before it even began. 

But Shigaraki surprises you. 

Two fingers ghost between your folds, the cold chill of them making you jolt in surprise and let out a small yelp. They were big and thick as they glided back and forth, stroking your cunt as he absently searched for your clit. 

You let out a tiny moan against your will at the way he finds what hes looking for, the bundle of nerves pressed with a touch so soft it surprises you. 

Shigaraki gives a low chuckle, pulling his fingers back and holding them in front of you to show off the way your body betrays your mind. “What a little liar you are.”

“‘M not a liar..” you whisper through budding tears and pray this man finds you pathetic enough to leave alone. 

You are not so lucky and your mind races as he brings those same fingers to his lips to lick away your slick. 

“Whatever you say.” he murmurs, trailing his digits back down and continuing his actions, this time knowing exactly where to press. The feeling makes your knees wobble as the smooth glide of them sends pleasure racing up your spine.

You don't want to like it.

You don’t want him to make you cum.

But, god, he’s going to get you close if he keeps going that way. 

The moans you try so foolishly to hide have an easier time escaping your lips. You fight to keep your eyes closed and avoid facing the object of your humiliation. 

“There we go,” he mumbles as he pulls his fingers away again, unintentionally denying your orgasm that you were growing alarmingly desperate for. 

Shigaraki moves to stroke his nearly forgotten cock, the juices from your arousal helping coat him and he adjusts himself against you. Pin needle pricks of panic race up your spine as you feel the warm thickness of its head between your folds. 

“N-no!” your voice startles yourself as well as the villain against you, making him pause to glare at you, those red eyes shimmering in annoyance, “don’t! I-I don’t want—”

And you’re unable to finish your plea, voice caught as he sticks two of those dangerous fingers into your mouth, the taste of your own arousal on your tongue making you dizzy. 

“What happened to shutting the fuck up, hm?” he hissed, patience wearing thin as you tried not to choke on his thick fingers. “don’t be so dramatic, you’ll feel good, too..”

You can’t stop to decipher his words, the way the warmth of his cock presses presses between your folds silences your mind and you no longer bother hiding your pathetic whimpers, muffled by his fingers. 

It’s slick — slick enough for Shigaraki to glide between your folds and brush past your sensitive clit in the process. 

A low groan leaves his lips as he begins to rock his hips back and forth, enjoying the warmth of your smooth [area], his cockhead teasing but never going further than rutting against you.  

The tears staining your cheeks are endless as his actions begin to warm you from within. 

Shigaraki rocks his hand in tandem with his strokes, getting himself off as he deliberately brushes the head of his cock against your clit. 

You feel empty as he leans forward, forehead against yours and panting as he rolls his hips. It makes you feel as though you’re a mannequin — destined to stand there as this man gets off on your body. 

The unwanted pleasure that sparks up your spine makes you feel sicker than the fingers invading your mouth, your drool dripping down your chin in an indecent manner. 

You’re so close. 

You didn’t think you would be this close by the repetitive motion of his actions alone. 

It’s disgusting how much you like the feeling. 

Even more so by how you’ve shallowly begun to rock your own hips forward, body craving release more than your mind can allow you to believe. 

“Fuck…” you hear Shigaraki’s raspy murmur, it brings you back to the present. It brings you back to your current situation. 

And you finally realize as his hand moves faster and his hips press harder—

He’s about to cum. 

Tomura Shigaraki is about to cum and you pray this will all be over soon. 

Your eyes finally crack open, willing enough to take a peek at your daunting captor. 

He’s watching you. 

He’s watching your every move as he pushes himself closer and closer to the edge. 

It’s too intense, you force yourself to look away, but Shigaraki grabs your chin and meets your eyes again. 

“Look at me,” he breathes, “look at me when I make you cum.” 

This breaks you. Your face contorts in anguish as your body shakes from the pleasure. You can’t deny it now. 

No, you have to face the truth as the blissful euphoria of an orgasm rips through you, tears spilling harder as your cries rise higher than you’d ever want them to.

And this cruel man only smiles. His scarred lips spread wide as he takes in your pain and misery as you gasp for air and clarity. 

Everything feels overwhelming as he sweeps you into a kiss, his rough lips pressed hard against yours as he finally meets his own end. Your heart sinks as you feel the warm spurts of his release against your cunt. 

You groan into his avid kiss, the head of his cock is just shy of your cunt, spilling his cum against you and you jolt in surprise as a rope brushes your clit. He’s ruined your panties, soaked in your own essence and now his. 

Shigaraki pulls back from you enough to sigh against your lips. Watching him come down from his own high leaves you feeling a bitterness as cold as the winter weather. 

The serene expression on his face only brings about more tears from your eyes. Hopelessness evident in each drop as they slowly cascade down your warm cheeks.

Shigaraki observes your distressed form, please smile on his face as he leans forward again, and this time you don't try to pull away as he kisses you — too defeated by him to even fight. 

It’s a distraction, you’ll come to realize as he pulls your ruined panties back up to cover your stained cunt. 

The discomfort is immediate, his cooling seed against your warm folds give a contrast you’ve never wanted to feel and you finally find your strength to push at his shoulders. 

You wanted as much space from him as you could get.

Shigaraki merely laughs, knowing he’s gotten everything he wanted and knowing you would be dumb to strip yourself of your tights and underwear in this dingy alleyway. 

He goes to turn, to leave you alone and let you marinate in the events that just transpired, but not before offering you curt words — words that echo against the walls and ring in your ears. 

“You should be careful getting home, you know. I heard there are villains lurking around here.”

[marsplastic13]

'Complicated' (part 16) - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Idea - Kaz Brekker hires a prostitute to overcome his touch aversion, and be a better man for Inej, but things take an unxepected turn. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Prostitute!Reader, (had to use y/n because I'm bad at names) Genre: modern AU, slow burn word count: 6k notes: enjoy :)

@millercontracting @coldmermaidhologram @syd649

@luffysprincess @cryptidghostgirl @beekeepingageissome

@hufflepuff-16 @lukepattersin @jay-is-a-pinguin

“So,” she continued, her words more deliberate now, “I’m in love with you. You’re in love with me. What now, Brekker?”

The admission hit Kaz like a tsunami, the raw honesty of her words crashing over him. The fight and the confusion seemed to dissolve in the face of her drunken declaration. His mind raced as he tried to process what she had just said. How had they arrived at this point, and what did it mean for them now?

Kaz leaned in closer, his gaze locked onto hers, searching for the truth behind her words. Despite her inebriation, he could see the sincerity in her eyes, the vulnerability that she often kept hidden. It was clear that she had come to him not just out of the need for refuge but to confront the feelings she had been grappling with.

Kaz studied Y/n with a mix of relief and anxiety as her confession sank in. The words she had just said, in her drunken but brutally honest state, were the ones he had both longed for and dreaded. They were finally out in the open, but the emotional messiness of the moment made it hard to process what came next. He had been waiting for clarity, and here it was wrapped in a veil of alcohol and vulnerability.

As he tried to gather his thoughts, Y/n filled the silence with a half-joking question, her tone light but her eyes earnest. “Are we going to hold hands and spend our Sundays at Ikea?”

Kaz’s lips curved into a soft smile. He reached out and took her hand in his, feeling the warmth of her skin against his. “Sure, love.”

Y/n’s smile widened, her eyes sparkling with humor and affection. “Fight over who has to do the laundry or the dishes?”

“Absolutely,” Kaz replied, his grip tightening slightly, savoring the closeness.

Leaning in closer, Y/n continued, her voice dropping to a more conspiratorial whisper. “Burn all the steps and hate each other by the time we reach 40?”

Their noses almost touched, and Kaz could smell the faint, intoxicating trace of tequila on her breath. It was a heady mix of sweetness and sharpness that only added to the surreal quality of the moment.

Kaz cupped her face gently, his thumbs brushing against her cheeks as he looked deeply into her eyes. “Get a messy divorce?” he suggested, playing along.

“Fight for the custody of our children?” Y/n responded, her voice trembling with laughter and something deeper.

Kaz raised an eyebrow, trying to keep the mood light despite the intensity of their conversation. “Are we having children now?” he asked with a laugh.

Y/n nodded seriously, her expression softening as she gazed up at him. “Of course, I want them.”

“Then yes,” Kaz whispered, his voice low and filled with emotion, “all of that.” He closed the remaining distance between them, gently pressing his lips to hers.

The kiss was slow and tender, a stark contrast to the mess of their earlier confrontation. It was filled with unspoken promises and the depth of their mutual feelings, conveyed through the softness of their touch and the warmth of their embrace. In that moment, amidst the mess of their lives and the chaos of their emotions, they found a brief moment of clarity and connection. The world outside seemed to fall away as they shared this intimate, honest moment together.

Y/n lay back, dragging him down on top of her. Their kisses grew more urgent, more desperate, a mingling of relief and passion that neither had anticipated. Between their heated exchanges, she managed to murmur against his lips, “Am I your girlfriend now?”

“Yes,” Kaz replied without hesitation, the word sounding like a promise.

Y/n let out a small laugh, breathless and teasing. “At least ask me properly.”

Kaz paused, his lips hovering over hers, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Marry me,” he whispered, his voice low and rough, “Marry me, Y/n.”

She arched an eyebrow, a smirk playing on her lips. “Get me a ring and I’ll consider it.”

Kaz smiled against her neck, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin right under her jaw, making her shiver. “Consider it done,” he murmured, his hands tracing a path down her sides, memorizing every curve and dip.

Y/n’s laughter turned into a soft moan as his lips found her pulse point. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” she whispered, her voice filled with disbelief and longing.

Kaz pulled back slightly, looking into her eyes, his gaze intense and unwavering. “I’ve never been more serious,” he said, his thumb brushing against her cheek. “I want everything with you, Y/n. The arguments, the messy mornings, the kids, the forever.”

She looked up at him, her own eyes reflecting the depth of her feelings. “I’m scared of forever,” she admitted, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Kaz’s expression softened. He took a deep breath, his fingers lightly tracing her jawline. “Then give me tomorrow,” he said, his voice gentle but resolute.

Y/n reached up, cupping his face with both hands, pulling him closer. “Tomorrow I can do,” she said, her lips brushing his in a tender, reassuring kiss.

Kaz’s heart swelled with emotion as he kissed her back, his hands sliding down to her waist, pulling her even closer. “I’ll ask you every day,” he murmured against her lips. 

Y/n nodded, her eyes closing as she savored the warmth of his embrace. “I’ve never had anyone want me like this,” she confessed. “It’s... terrifying.”

Kaz smiled, pressing his forehead against hers. “You’re worth the fear,” he whispered. “Every bit of it.”

They kept kissing, their movements becoming more urgent and filled with desire. As they shifted to stay more comfortable on the couch, Y/n wrapped her legs around Kaz's waist, pulling him closer. “I want you, Kaz, now,” she breathed against his lips.

Kaz grinned, his eyes darkening with need. “Do you want to get started on the kids part?” he teased, his voice low and husky.

Y/n snorted, her laughter blending with her growing arousal. “Before the wedding? No way,” she replied, her hands deftly working to unbutton his pants. Kaz's hands moved up her thighs, lifting her already short dress, exposing more of her to his touch.

Kaz's lips trailed down her neck, planting hot, open-mouthed kisses that made Y/n shiver in anticipation. “Are you sure?” he whispered against her skin, his fingers teasing the edge of her underwear.

“Yes, Kaz,” she moaned softly, her body arching into his touch. “I need you.”

His hands became more insistent, tugging at the fabric of her underwear and pulling it down. Y/n's breath hitched as she felt the cool air against her skin, followed by the warmth of Kaz's hands as he touched her.

Their movements became a blur of passion and urgency. Kaz's pants were discarded, and Y/n's dress was pushed up further, allowing them to press even closer together. Kaz’s hand cupped her face, their eyes locking as he entered her in a single, smooth thrust.

Y/n gasped, her nails digging into his shoulders as she adjusted to the feel of him. Kaz groaned, his forehead resting against hers as they found a slow rhythm, their bodies moving in sync. Every kiss, every touch, was an affirmation of their feelings, a promise of the tomorrows they would share.

“Y/n,” Kaz murmured against her ear, his voice strained with desire. “I love you.” He kept repeating it, over and over, each time underlined with a slow thrust inside of her.

He felt her growing restless under him, her breaths coming faster and her body arching into his. “More, baby, please, faster,” she begged, her voice almost a whimper.

“No,” he said, kissing her forehead gently.

Y/n opened her eyes, frowning slightly. “What do you mean no?”

“No,” he repeated, looking deeply into her eyes. “You deserve so much more, love. All the time in the world. I want to take my time with you, to show you just how much you mean to me.” He brushed a strand of hair away from her face, his touch tender. “I want to kiss every inch of your skin, to make you feel good as you deserve.”

He saw the blush deepen on her cheeks, her usual confident demeanor replaced by a shy vulnerability that made his heart swell. “Are you blushing?” he teased, his voice soft and warm.

“No,” she protested weakly, her lips curving into a shy smile, unable to hide her blush.

Kaz chuckled, leaning in to kiss her softly. “You are, and it’s adorable,” he whispered against her lips. “I love seeing you like this, vulnerable and beautiful.”

He shifted his weight slightly, adjusting their position to make her more comfortable. “I want to hear every sound you make, every gasp and moan. I want to feel you trembling beneath me, knowing that I’m the one making you feel this way.”

Kaz’s hands moved slowly over her body, his touch gentle yet possessive. “I want to memorize the way you look right now, flushed and needy. I want to remember how your eyes light up when you look at me, how your lips part in pleasure.”

He kissed her neck, trailing soft kisses down to her collarbone. “You deserve to be worshiped, Y/n. And that’s what I’m going to do, every single day.”

Y/n’s breath hitched, her hands clutching at his shoulders. “Kaz,” she whispered, her voice filled with emotion.

“Yes, love?” he murmured, his lips brushing against her ear.

“Don’t stop,” she pleaded, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

Kaz smiled, his heart aching with love for her. He could see how she was so used to having sex but not accustomed to being cared for, to being loved. The realization killed him a bit—Y/n, so strong and independent, coming undone because he was showing her tenderness, kindness. He wanted to give her the love and security she had missed out on, to be the person who made her feel safe.

As he held her, Kaz felt a fierce determination to change her perception of intimacy. He wanted her to associate it not just with physical pleasure but with emotional connection, trust, and genuine affection. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Y/n. I’m right here, and I’m never letting you go.”

As their bodies moved together, Kaz continued to whisper sweet words into her ear. “You’re everything to me, Y/n. I want to spend my life making you happy, making you feel loved.”

Y/n’s breath came in short gasps, her body arching into his touch. “Kaz, please,” she moaned, her voice a desperate plea.

Kaz hummed in satisfaction, relishing the control he had. He kept his slow, measured rhythm, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. “Please, love, give me more,” she pleaded between broken breaths.

Kaz increased his pace just enough to keep her on edge, watching how she arched and moved beneath him. “You're a show, love.”

“Just for you,” she replied, her voice trembling with need.

“Come for me, darling. I want to hear you,” he urged, his words guiding her closer to the edge.

Y/n’s breaths grew ragged, her nails digging deeper into his shoulders as the tension built inside her. “Kaz,” she moaned, her body tightening around him.

“That’s it, love,” Kaz whispered, his voice husky. “Let go for me.”

Her release hit her hard, her body trembling and her cries filling the room. Kaz watched her with a mix of awe and adoration, feeling her pleasure echo through him. But he was far from done.

As she came down from her high, he continued to move, his thrusts steady and insistent. “I’m not done with you,” he teased, his lips brushing against her ear.

Y/n shook her head, her breath still coming in gasps. “No, please don’t stop,” she whispered, her hands roaming over his back, pulling him closer.

Kaz kissed her deeply, his tongue exploring her mouth as he increased his pace again. His hands roamed over her body, savoring every inch of her. “I’m going to make you come again,” he promised against her lips.

Y/n’s body responded eagerly, her hips meeting his thrusts with renewed urgency. Each movement was a symphony of passion, their bodies perfectly attuned to one another. As the intensity grew, she gripped his chin, forcing him to look into her eyes, the connection between them deepening.

“Do you like it, Kaz? Being the one in control?” she asked, her voice a sultry whisper, tightening her walls around him. The sensation made him hiss in pleasure, a raw sound escaping his lips.

“Fuck,” he breathed, his control slipping under her influence.

“Answer me,” she demanded, her eyes blazing with desire and challenge.

“Yes, yes I like it,” he admitted, his voice husky with need.

Y/n’s lips curved into a satisfied smile. “How do you want me, love? Tell me,” she coaxed, her hands tracing over his chest, her touch both soothing and electrifying.

Kaz’s breath hitched, his mind racing with the possibilities. “From behind,” he said, his voice firm with decision. “Lean against the cushions of the couch.”

Y/n hummed in approval, a glint of amusement in her eyes. “Someone has been studying,” she commented, her tone teasing but approving. She shifted positions, moving gracefully to comply with his request, her body arching enticingly as she leaned against the cushions.

Kaz watched her, his desire mounting as he took in the sight of her. The way her body curved, the soft light casting shadows that only highlighted her beauty. He moved behind her, his hands sliding over her hips, savoring the warmth of her skin.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her shoulder before positioning himself.

Y/n looked over her shoulder at him, her eyes dark with anticipation. “Then show me, Kaz. Show me how much you want me.”

With a low growl, he entered her again, his movements less deliberate and controlled. He set a rhythm that was both slow and intense, while Y/n’s moans filled the room, a symphony that spurred him on.

His hands roamed over her back, caressing and exploring, each touch a testament to his desire. He leaned forward, his chest pressing against her back, his lips finding the sensitive spot just below her ear.

“I love you,” he whispered, his breath hot against her skin.

“I love you,” she replied, her voice breathless and sincere.

They moved together, the world outside fading away. Their breaths mingled, creating a rhythm that was both frantic and harmonious, the intensity between them growing with each passing second. Kaz’s pace quickened, their bodies moving in perfect synchrony, each thrust a testament to the passion that had built between them.

“More,” Y/n pleaded, her voice a breathless whisper, her body trembling with need.

Kaz responded immediately, increasing his pace, his movements becoming more urgent. His hands gripped her hips with a possessive intensity, each thrust deeper and more demanding. 

In a moment of raw, unrestrained desire, Kaz sank his teeth into her shoulder, the sharp sensation making Y/n scream, a mix of pain and pleasure that sent shivers down her spine. 

“Y/n,” Kaz murmured against her skin, his voice rough with emotion. “You’re everything.”

Her only response was a series of moans and gasps, her body arching to meet his every movement. The room seemed to pulsate with their shared energy, each sound, each breath a testament to their connection.

As their passion increased, Kaz felt himself losing control, his thrusts becoming erratic. He reached down, his fingers finding the sensitive spot that drove Y/n wild, applying just the right amount of pressure to send her over the edge.

“Kaz!” she cried out, her body convulsing around him as she reached her climax, the sensation was intoxicating, but he wanted more. "Another time, love? For me," Kaz whispered in her ear, his voice a mixture of desperation and longing.

Y/n turned to look at him, her eyes glazed and lost in the intensity of their connection. "Really?" she whispered, her voice almost incredulous, as if she couldn’t believe he was asking for more.

"Please," he said against her lips, his breath warm and his tone a desperate plea. His eyes bore into hers, filled with raw emotion and need.

A spark of determination flickered in Y/n's gaze as she took in Kaz's earnest expression. She knew he wasn’t just asking for physical gratification—he was seeking affirmation and reassurance of their connection. "Okay," she whispered back, her voice filled with resolve and deep affection. “Sit down.”

Kaz moved quickly, and Y/n positioned herself on top of him with swift, fluid movements, not giving him time to process what was happening. Her hands gripped his hair harshly, pulling him closer. “Look at me, Kaz,” she ordered, her voice firm but loving.

He opened his eyes, and the sight of her took his breath away. Her makeup was running down her cheeks, black-stained tears tracing paths on her face, and her neck was marked with his bites. She looked raw and beautiful, a vision of passion and intensity.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he said in awe, his voice filled with genuine admiration and wonder.

She grinned, maintaining her fast pace, her movements rhythmic and precise, making him struggle to keep up. As she rhythmically squeezed her walls around him, Kaz felt all control slipping away. The sensation was overwhelming, and he found himself talking without fully comprehending his words. “What are you doing to me?” he murmured between moans, his voice a mixture of awe and desperation.

Y/n responded by sucking on his bottom lip, sending him back into a state of pleasurable confusion. Her lips moved from his mouth to his jaw, trailing kisses and harsh bites down his neck, each touch sending shivers through his body. Kaz's hands roamed over her back, gripping her hips tightly as he tried to ground himself in the overwhelming sensations.

“You drive me crazy,” he whispered, his voice strained with desire. “I can’t think straight when I’m with you.”

“Good,” she replied, her voice breathy and filled with satisfaction. “I want you to lose every bit of that control you really like to have.”

Their pace quickened, the intensity of their movements increasing with each passing moment. Y/n’s body moved with a grace and confidence that left Kaz breathless. He watched her, mesmerized by the way she moved, the way she took control, and the way she made him feel.

Kaz felt the pressure building, his climax approaching rapidly. He gripped her hips harder, his fingers digging into her flesh as he tried to hold on a little longer, to savor the moment. “Y/n, I’m so close,” he warned, his voice trembling with anticipation.

She smiled, satisfied, leaning in to speak into his ear, her breath hot against his skin, hell, she probably whispered directly inside his brain. “Fill me up,” she said, her voice a soothing balm to his frayed nerves, but also an irresistible command.

His eyes shot open, the words sending a jolt of electricity through his body. “Fuck,” he muttered, his control slipping away completely as he was overtaken by a series of incoherent rambles and moans.

Her words and the intensity of the moment pushed him over the edge. He held her tightly, his body shaking with the force of his release, each pulse a testament to the raw and unfiltered passion between them.

As the tremors subsided, Kaz’s grip on her softened, his hands sliding up to cradle her back gently. He pressed his forehead against hers, their breaths mingling as they both came down from the high. 

“What was that?” he whispered, his voice hoarse but filled with awe and love.

y/n shrugged, with a proud smile, “You needed to be put back in your place. Too much confidence.”

Kaz chuckled and gently kissed the spot where he had bitten her, his touch tender now, a stark contrast to the ferocity of moments before. 

He insisted on carrying her to bed, despite the protest of his injured leg. Every step was a reminder of his physical limitations, but he couldn’t care less. They made a brief stop in the bathroom, where they cleaned up her smudged make up and their disheveled bodies as much as they could. The intimacy of the moment, the simple act of caring for each other, was grounding after their intense encounter.

Once they reached the bed, Kaz settled her down, and then slid in beside her. Y/n pressed herself against his side, her head resting on his chest, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat a comforting sound. Kaz wrapped his arms around her, holding her close, his fingers tracing soothing patterns on her back.

The first light of dawn was already creeping through the curtains, casting a soft glow over the room. Kaz kissed her forehead, his lips lingering there as if to imprint the moment into his memory.

“Can I say it now?” he asked, his voice a gentle murmur in the quiet room.

Y/n shifted slightly, looking up at him with tired but content eyes. “Yes.”

“I love you,” he said, his voice filled with all the emotion he had been holding back. It was a confession, a promise, and a plea all wrapped into three simple words.

Y/n’s eyes softened, a small smile curving her lips. She reached up, cupping his cheek in her hand. “I love you,” she replied, her voice hoarse but sincere.

Kaz woke up to the soft glow of morning light filtering through the curtains, casting a warm, golden hue across the room. His eyes slowly adjusted to the sight before him—Y/N lying peacefully beside him, her back exposed as she slept soundly. The sheets were a tangled mess around her legs, barely covering her as she breathed in a slow, steady rhythm. His gaze drifted to the vivid mark on her shoulder, the bite he had left in the heat of the moment. It was a bright red against her skin, a stark reminder of the intensity they had shared. A flicker of guilt passed through him, but it was quickly overshadowed by a sense of possessive pride.

Her hair was a wild messy cloud on the pillow, and Kaz couldn’t resist the urge to reach out and touch it. He twirled a few strands between his fingers, feeling their softness, and thought about how far he had come. There was a time when even this simple act would have sent him into a spiral of panic. But now, here he was, not just touching her but waking up beside her, her presence bringing him a rare sense of peace.

As if sensing his gaze, Y/N stirred in her sleep, shifting slightly to roll onto her back. The movement caused the sheets to slip further, revealing more of her body. His eyes traced the pattern of love marks scattered across her skin—faint bruises where his lips had pressed too hard, red trails from his nails when he lost control, and the deep crimson of that bite. Each mark made him smile with a quiet satisfaction.

He admired her, soaking in every detail. The way her chest rose and fell with each breath, the curve of her waist, the way the early morning light kissed her skin. 

He still couldn’t believe what had happened a few hours earlier, and a small voice in his head told him that maybe for her it was just a drunken mistake. Kaz shook his head, dismissing the thought. He wanted to spend all day in bed, wrapped in the warmth of their newfound connection, but he hadto meet some people for work, and the boss was already mad at him.

Kaz sighed as he forced himself out of bed, feeling the lingering warmth of Y/N’s body fade away as he moved. His muscles protested with every step, especially his leg, which throbbed with a dull ache from the previous activities. The limp was more pronounced than usual, a reminder of the rough passion they had spent together on the couch.

He shuffled into the living room, eyes narrowing as he assessed the state of the couch. The cushions were askew, one of them clearly worse for wear. He tilted his head, studying the ruined cushion. After a moment's consideration, he decided to flip it over and deal with the damage later. There were more pressing matters to attend to, like finding the scattered clothes that lay around the room.

As he bent down to pick up Y/N’s dress, a sharp pain shot through his leg, causing him to groan. What happened between them had been worth every ache and pain he was feeling now, but that didn’t make the discomfort any easier to bear.

Clothes in hand, Kaz made his way to the bathroom, each step reminding him of the price he paid for their rough intimacy. He dropped the clothes on the counter, eyeing himself in the mirror as he reached for the painkillers in the cabinet. He popped two into his mouth, washing them down with water from the shower, the cool liquid a stark contrast to the lingering heat in his body. 

After finishing his shower, Kaz dressed quickly, the painkillers were starting to kick in, easing the worst of the discomfort.

Turning his attention to the mirror, he studied his reflection. The love bites on the side of his neck reclaimed his attention, two vivid marks that stood out against his pale skin. They were evidence of Y/N’s possessiveness, and the sight of them brought a smirk to his lips.

For a brief moment, he considered covering them up, knowing his boss would notice and undoubtedly have something to say. But then he shook his head, dismissing the thought. 

“Screw him,” Kaz muttered under his breath, he was getting tired of working for that idiot anyway, the Dregs wouldn’t survive an afternoon without him and it was time that everybody became well aware of it. He ran a hand over the love bites, feeling a surge of possessive pride. His girlfriend left them. 

His girlfriend. 

The thought made him shake his head with a smile. 

Kaz made his way to the kitchen, his steps still slightly uneven from the lingering ache in his leg. The scent of freshly made coffee began to fill the air.

As he reached into the cabinet, his fingers brushed against the small blister pack of birth control pills she had left there, grateful for the justifiable lack of trust she had in the two of them. 

With two steaming mugs in hand, Kaz returned to the bedroom, finding Y/N already stirring, her hand lazily rubbing at her eyes as she tried to shake off the remnants of sleep and hangover. Her hair was a wild mess as she tried to comb them with her fingers.

“Morning,” he greeted her, his voice low and steady as he sat on her side of the bed. He placed his coffee on the nightstand, offering her the mug with a small smile.

She looked up at him, her eyes still heavy with sleep but brightening at the sight of him. A slow smile spread across her face, and she reached out to take the mug from his hand. “Breakfast in bed? You’re taking this girlfriend thing seriously,” she teased, her voice playful but tinged with genuine affection.

Kaz let out a breath. Her lighthearted tone was a relief, reassuring him that she wasn’t rethinking everything that had happened between them. He had half-expected her to wake up with second thoughts, to retreat behind walls of her own. But instead, she was here, teasing him, her words hinting at a shared understanding that made his chest tighten in a way he wasn’t entirely used to.

“Can’t risk you changing your mind after just six-ish hours,” Kaz quipped, his voice carrying a teasing edge as a smirk played at the corners of his lips. He handed her the blister pack with a casualness that belied the nervous energy still thrumming under his skin.

Y/N took the pack from him, her fingers brushing his for a moment. She studied it, then looked up at him, her expression suddenly serious, a frown tugging at her brow. “I thought we were having kids.”

Kaz, who had just taken a sip of his coffee, nearly choked at her words. He froze, the mug suspended in mid-air as her statement sunk in, his mind spinning. He had imagined a future with her, sure, but kids? Now? His thoughts raced, trying to reconcile the casual morning banter with the gravity of what she’d just said. It felt like his heart had skipped a beat, then another, as panic set in.

“To quote you,” Y/N continued, her tone perfectly even, “‘I want everything with you, Y/N. The arguments, the messy mornings, the kids, the forever.’ Did you forget already?”

Kaz blinked, his mouth opening and closing as he searched for words, any words, to respond. He remembered saying that, what kind of memory did she have? 

“I... I didn’t—” he stammered, his voice uncharacteristically unsteady.

Y/N’s serious facade cracked, and she burst into laughter, the sound light and teasing as she took the pill with a sip of coffee. “Saints, I’m kidding,” she grinned, watching the tension drain from his face. “Relax, love, you’re sweating more than the guy who does my taxes.”

Kaz let out a breath, his shoulders sagging with relief as he set the coffee mug down on the nightstand. The panic subsided, replaced by embarrassment and the undeniable warmth of being completely disarmed by her. “Not funny,” he muttered, though there was a trace of a smile on his lips.

“Oh, it was a little funny,” Y/N teased, leaning in to nudge him playfully with her shoulder. Her eyes sparkled with mischief as she watched his reaction. “You should’ve seen your face. I didn’t think Kaz Brekker could look that terrified.”

Kaz couldn’t help but chuckle, shaking his head in amusement and lingering disbelief. “You’re going to be the death of me,” he muttered, still trying to shake off the lingering adrenaline from her joke.

She set the cup on the nightstand and moved closer to him, her expression suddenly more serious, though he could see the playful glint still dancing in her eyes. “You know,” she began, her tone shifting to something more thoughtful, “I would have to leave my job if we have a baby.”

That left Kaz completely speechless. He stared at her, his mind racing but unable to form a coherent reply. He’d thought she was done joking, but the way she said it made him question everything. Was she serious? Was this something she’d thought about?

Y/N’s laughter broke the silence again, and she leaned back, shaking her head in disbelief. “Unbelievable,” she said, her laughter infectious. “You’re really considering it. I think we should go back to condoms; I don’t like that look on your face.”

Kaz sighed, rubbing his temples as if trying to ward off the headache he felt coming. “I can’t stand you already,” he groaned, though his voice carried no real irritation—just exasperated affection.

“You’re the one who wanted this,” she shot back with a grin, her voice light and teasing. “I told you to stay away from me.”

Kaz smirked, shaking his head as he pulled her closer, his arm wrapping around her waist. “And yet, here we are,” he murmured, his voice softer now, more sincere. 

“You’re already all dressed up,” she commented. “Plans?”

“I have a work thing I can’t skip, but you can stay here and sleep more if you want. I left you the spare keys on the table.”

“You know I’ll have to go back home sooner or later?” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, to pack your things,” Kaz shrugged, trying to sound casual.

Y/n raised a brow, a mix of surprise and amusement in her eyes. “Are we really doing this? Moving in together?”

“Yes,” he replied with a crooked smile.

Y/n tilted her head, studying him. “I don’t want to live in a place where half of the furniture was chosen by your ex.”

“Then find another house,” Kaz said, raising his shoulders, meeting her intense gaze. “I’m not kidding, Y/n. I want this.”

She stared at him for a moment, searching his face for any sign of hesitation. Finding none, she nodded slowly. “I’ll start looking then.”

Kaz leaned in, kissing her softly on the lips. “Good.”

“Do we have time for something quick?” she murmured, her voice laced with playful intent as she grabbed his loose tie, gently tugging him closer. The smirk on her lips was almost irresistible, a clear invitation in her eyes as she pulled him over her.

Kaz’s breath caught in his throat as he hovered above her, his resolve wavering as he looked down at her. “No,” he replied, though his voice lacked its usual conviction, his eyes betraying the internal struggle as they flickered between her lips and his watch.

“Super quick?” she coaxed, her fingers toying with the fabric of his tie, her tone teasing yet full of promise. She arched up slightly, closing the gap between them, making it even harder for him to say no. 

Kaz let out a low groan, his forehead pressing against hers as he fought the pull of her body against the ticking clock in his mind. “You’re making this difficult,” he murmured, his hand sliding down to rest on her hip, feeling the warmth of her skin through the thin fabric of the sheets.

“Good,” she whispered back, her lips brushing against his, her breath warm against his mouth. “I wouldn’t want it to be easy.”

Kaz’s grip on her hip tightened as he tried to keep control of the situation—or at least of himself—but the way she looked up at him, her eyes full of desire, made it nearly impossible. He felt his resolve slipping with every passing second, his mind battling between duty and the undeniable pull of her. “You’re going to get me fired,” he warned, though the words were more of a formality at this point, his body already betraying his intentions as he leaned closer.

Y/N’s lips curled into a wicked smile, her fingers playing with the collar of his shirt. “Oh, tell your boss to shut up and suck it,” she shot back, her tone dripping with playful defiance, “or I’m telling everyone that he cries after he comes.”

Kaz blinked, momentarily thrown off by the unexpected remark. His brain scrambled to process what she’d just said, the absurdity of it clashing with the intense desire he was feeling. “Why?” he groaned, half-exasperated, half-amused. “Why did you have to put that image in my head right now?”

Y/N chuckled, a light, melodic sound that only added to his frustration. “I thought you liked a challenge,” she teased, her hands sliding up to tangle in his hair, pulling him even closer. “Consider it motivation to stay focused. Come on, we don’t have time.”

Kaz shook his head, unable to suppress a smirk despite the ridiculous mental picture she’d just painted. “I don’t know what to do with you,” he muttered, his voice low and rough as he finally gave in, their lips meeting in a heated kiss.

Y/N’s laughter faded into a satisfied hum as she kissed him back, her body arching into his as if to claim victory. “Love me,” she murmured against his lips, her words a sultry whisper that sent a shiver down his spine.

[kasagia]

I'll be back for you

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/General Kirigan/The Darkling x reader, Kaz Brekker x reader Summary: The Moon Summoner ran away with Alina from the Little Palace with the help of Kaz Brekker's crows. The group successfully escaped from Darkling's hands, but that doesn't mean he will forget about his Y/N. He's going to chase her until she is in his arms again. However, Mr. Brekker did not let his childhood friend disappear without a trace from his life again. He will protect her. For all costs. After all, she was his newest investment. Warning(s): Darkling, Kaz fights haphephobia (but not as severe for him ), reader argues with Baghra, reader has internal moral conflict, curses, fights, and their red aftermath, I used a quote from TVD and The Invisible Life of Addie Laurie because… they fit and I love them veeery much It's my first one-shot for both Darkling and Kaz, so please be gentle (I'm very nervous and excited at the same time to publish it) <3 Word count: 14k (too long, someone should take me away from the keyboard in the middle of this)

~•♤♤♤•~ Part 2 (end) ~•♤♤♤•~

Every night since you escaped with Alina and Genya with the help of your childhood friend Kaz and his crows from Ravka, you've been haunted by nightmares. No. Not the usual horrible flashbacks of your past in Ketterdam or the Little Palace.

HE visited you.

The Darkling. The Black Heretic. The man who promised to keep your heart safe and broke it in two along with your trust.

Genya has a right to warn you about powerful men. But you, the lost girl kidnapped by slave hunters from Ketterdam, the girl who has nothing to lose and was happy enough to somehow end up in the general's tent and find out about being one of the most powerful Grisha, didn't want to listen to her.

You foolishly believed that you, of all people, were able to charm the most dangerous man in all Ravka with your beauty, character and mind.

You believed that sweet words, longing glances and tender moments between you were real, that they meant something.

But it was all just a game. A game that brought him your affection and blind trust. And Kirigan, Darkling, or Alexander played in it like mastermind.

You should have listened to Genya. At least those damn dark eyes wouldn't haunt you every time you closed yours.

With the taste in men you have, you should have predicted that the first guy you hooked up with would be a psychopath. Fate could only be a little bit more favorable to you and not connect you to the hundreds-year-old black heretic who created the fold.

You've always had a weakness for villains and gray characters.

Your first teenage crush only proved it.

Because who else but you would fall in love with a bastard boy from the barrel who started his criminal career with the Dregs, who couldn't stand the touch of other people, and who wanted nothing more in his life than revenge on Pekka Rollins?

If I survive this shit, I really should find someone normal to be with.

You thought before you somehow managed to fall asleep for the first time in a month, hoping that your bond with the Darkling would weaken for those few hours when you tried to find peace.

~•♤♤♤•~

It was pure darkness around you. Not that one when all the lights went out and it's only you and your bed. No. They felt too familiar for you to confuse them with anything else. Those were his shadows.

He must have been near, playing with you as he always had.

You carefully took one step forward. The shadows parted in front of you, so you could see the ground. You bent down to your boot and pulled out a dagger, hiding it behind the sleeve of your blouse. You had to be ready for anything. Even if it meant fighting the shadow lord himself in your own subconscious. You sighed, stepping uncertainly into the darkness.

Your eyes quickly adjusted to the place around you, allowing you to move faster along the path. You recognized this bloody spot. The path in the woods you raced down when he took you for your first ride. Then he dragged you to HIS fountain, telling you nonsense about how it's only here among other Grishas that you discover your true self. He was already weaving his manipulative web around you, and you fell into it like an oblivious fly.

The snap of a twig stopped you. You looked around, not seeing anything at all except for the fountain in the distance. You flinched as his shadows gently pushed you forward.

"I'm not going to play another of your games, General!" you screamed as you spun around, walking forward. If he was already disturbing you, at least he might have had the honor to step out of the shadows.

"Call me Aleksander…"

You shivered as you felt his soft whisper against your neck. You spun, summoning your light and shooting into the space behind you. Unfortunately, it didn't encounter any Black Heretics on its way.

You huffed angrily, continuing your walk until you reached the fountain.

It was different than when he brought you here last time. The engravings have changed. They no longer told the story of the Black Heretic who created the fold. They were of you and Aleksander. Slowly falling in love.

"The union of darkness and his light." you felt your body tremble as the fabric of his kefta brushed your hand.

"I would never have taken you for such a sentimental fool." you turned to face him, taking a step back to increase the distance between you. With a very smug smirk, you noticed that he had dark circles under his eyes. Good. At least the son of a bitch suffers as much as you do. "Especially not after what Baghra had told me."

"My mother has the amazingly irritating gift of ruining my plans. She also doesn't like the people I care about much."

"Hmm… what a pity. Maybe if you weren't planning to use us as weapons in your plans, I'd care more. Also, don't try to tell me that there are people in this world who are more important to you than yourself. We both know I'm not going to fall for it again."

"I understand your resentment." you laughed, shaking your head in disbelief as you turned your gaze back to the fountain. "What's so funny?" you relished every irritated word directed at you. Maybe you couldn't seriously hurt him physically, but at least you could be a pain in his ass.

"I just forgot how easy it is for you to choose words that both tell the truth and work in your favor. Please, continue. I didn't truly laugh for a very long time."

"You're making a mistake." he stood next to you, grabbing your arm to turn you toward him.

You yanked your arm out of his grip as soon as your powers met in that familiar dance of dark and light. You both sighed, stunned by the sudden combination of your powers coursing through your veins. You opened your eyes, which you closed in the flow of the moment, meeting his tender, longing gaze. The man reached out to cup your cheek, but you pulled away from him before your skin had a chance to touch again.

"Funny. That's what I heard from your mother before she made me realize what shit I got into."

"One conversation with my mother, and you're ready to give it all up? Just because she was faster than me? Because she revealed a truth about me that she had no right to? What if I wanted to tell you right after I dealt with the group that wanted to attack you and Miss Starkov?" the grudge in his eyes only fueled your anger. He had no right to resent you for running away from him at the earliest opportunity when he had been hiding this important piece of his past for so long.

"What does it matter, general? None of it was real anyway." you growled, turning your back on him again so as not to reveal your hidden emotions to him. You didn't want him to know that you still cared. Indifference was a worse punishment for him than your wrath.

"So c'mon. Prove your point. Turn around, look me in the eyes, and tell me that you didn't feel anything towards me for even the slightest moment."

You wanted. You really did. To look directly into his soul-black eyes and say that he meant as much to you as the dust under your shoes. However, you both knew very well that it would be just a poor lie. And you both knew each other well enough to know when the other was lying.

"Just because my foolish heart longs for something, it doesn't mean I'll give in to its stupid desires. Wasn't you the one who told me that wanting makes us weak?"

"You should know I've changed my mind by now." the sound of leaves crunching under his boots was the only warning you got before you felt his presence behind you. "You. You are changing my mind."

"Don't tell me I have any influence over you. It's a poor play. You can do better, Kirigan."

"You and I may change the world, Y/N…" you flinched as you heard the exact same words he said here so many months ago. You turned to face him when you felt the coldness of one of his shadows wrapping around your leg. You pointed your dagger at the man standing only one, little step away from you. He didn't seem affected at all as you pointed the dagger at him. He didn't even look at it. His eyes were only on yours. "You may not see it now, too blinded by your righteous, but not entirely fair, anger at me, but deep down, you know that we are destined for greater things than others. You, me, and Alina together can be the strongest creatures in the world." 

"You know very well that we never wanted to live like this. Neither of us."

"Do you? Alina maybe doesn't want to be the Saint, but you, Y/N?" you took a step back and another as the black heretic approached you with his every word. He stood in front of you, letting the dagger you were holding in your trembling hands touch his chest. He smiled almost mockingly, seeing that your weapon against him was exactly the same one he gave you on your birthday, provoking your anger again. To spite him, you summoned wispy beams of white light that began to radiate from your hand to chase away his shadows.

"You don't know what I want." you growled, pressing the dagger harder against his heart to remind him that you were in control here. He could sneak into your dreams, but at night you were the most powerful Grisha in this bloody world. And even he had to reckon with your power.

"Yet I still see a desire in your eyes." you shifted your gaze to him, watching him silently and with hostility as his face was illuminated only by your powers. You were disgusted to find that, despite his betrayal, he was still equally handsome to you. "Not only for me but also for my power. You, my little moonlight, you want to be just like me. Strong, powerful, and ageless." he raised his hand deftly, dodging your dagger, and, under your watchful gaze, brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, stroking your cheek as he did so. He took a step towards you, causing you to press the blade against his neck as he got close enough to whisper in your ear. "You can run as far as you want, but you don't run from the truth that's inside you. And when you finally understand what you really want, I'll be there for you, waiting with open arms for my saint moon."

"Have fun waiting for this day, Morozova." you whispered, not giving in to his piercing gaze.

"I am a very patient man, after a thousand years on this earth, you will be too, Y/L/N."

"I'm not you, Aleksander. I don't wanna live forever, and I'm not gonna. I won't see the only people I truly love and care about die before me. Even eternity and unimaginable power are not worth it."

"They're still people you love and who can share this fate with you. Who will live long enough to be with you forever." one of his shadows began to wrap around your hand, forcing you to remove the dagger from his neck.

He leaned closer to you and rested his forehead against yours. You sighed, shivering as the scent of his familiar perfume enveloped you after so many weeks apart. You were tempted to give in to him again. And that dark desire in your heart terrified you more than the capabilities of the Black Heretic caressing your cheek.

"This isn't love. It was just a game. We were just playing a game. The same one you created a long time ago to earn my trust. But I'm no longer that naive girl who is desperate for somebody's attention and love. You made me stronger, crueler, ruthless. And believe me, general, I'll repay you for all you have done."

"You don't believe that. You can't have believed my mother that I am your villain so easily." in other circumstances, where your heart wasn't beating for his, you'd probably laugh at the desperation in his voice. But now that every fiber of you longed for the man before you, there was only one thing you could do.

"Then tell me, Aleksander..." you leaned in to him, rubbing his nose with yours as he closed his eyes and waited for your lips to finally touch after weeks of craving your slightest touch. "Why was I so tempted to do this?" you dug into his tempting mouth, giving you both what you needed.

In your head, you explained this crime against your friends as wanting to do what was originally intended to be your primary goal. The gentle prolongation of your longing, amazing, desperate kiss before you plunged the dagger into his side without the slightest hesitation wasn't your fault at all. Aleksander moaned into your lips, pulling away from you as he felt blood trickle down his side.

"Leave me alone, or I will make myself your villain." you whispered into his mouth before you somehow managed to get yourself out of your "dream".

~•♤♤♤•~

"Y/N?" Alina's soft whisper wakes you up. You opened your eyes, feeling how your chest was burning for fresh air and your heart beating faster than it should. The woman was sitting next to you, holding your hand.

In the corner of your eye, you can see Nina standing in the doorway of the room Kaz graciously assigned to you after you arrived in Ketterdam. You can swear on saints that Inej was looking through your window before she went - probably going to tell Kaz about your fourth nightmare this week.

And it was only Tuesday.

You felt attacked from all sides. If not Inej through the window, then the madmen through the door or in your dreams.

"What are you doing here? It's well after midnight." you asked her, gratefully accepting a towel from Nina to wipe the sweat from your face. Alina and Genya lived far from the club, in motels on opposite sides of the city.

"Just in case someone betrays us. At least one of you will save yourself if the Darkling comes to these parts."

Brekker's brilliant and preventive mind had already terrified you before you stepped off the boat onto the familiar land of Ketterdam. The fact that he thought through and arranged your accommodation before anyone could ask him was either another display of his otherworldly mind or a blatant act of arrogance and overconfidence in his strength against the Darkling. But you knew Kaz too well to assume that he underestimated the power of the Black Heretic even for a moment.

"Nice to see you too. Kaz sent for me."

"Since when does the sun summoner do all the Dreg king's orders?" you asked, making Nina laugh.

"Since the moon summoner is constantly skipping her bedtime. You have to sleep. You can't always be on Jesper's special energetic drinks." she scolded you like a little child, to which you snorted indignantly.

"I will take a gorgeous, lovely, very long nap right after we kill Kirigan. Before then, nobody can make me do that. And tell Kaz I remembered him as braver the last time we saw each other on your way back to the motel."

"We are just worried about you, Y/N. You slept the whole night only once since we left."

"Don't tell me you're surprised. If you were me, you would do the same."

"Maybe. But we both know you're stronger than me. I know you can beat him, and even if you can't do this alone, which I doubt…" she wrapped her hand around yours, making you look into her eyes again. "You must know I will always be by your side, like you by mine. It's you and me against the darkness, Y/N."

"You know, you've spent way too much time on that boat with your toughts. You sound like an old uncle giving good advice or something."

"Speaking of advice, if I were you, I wouldn't insult the only person who can wake you up from… this." Nina waved her hand in a circle, pointing to the miserable state you were in.

"You should see Kirigan. I stabbed him." you replied with a self-satisfied smirk, watching the heartrender gasp in shock and Alina shake her head in disapproval.

"What have I told you about starting unnecessary arguments with him and maiming him?"

"That this is a good way to vent my anger and frustration?" you asked innocently with a huge smile.

Alina drew breath to argue with you, but a knock on the door distracted her. You glanced at Jesper, peering into your room, and wrinkled your nose at the light-burnt sheets you and Alina had left.

"The boss wants you, moon girl."

"Not only him." you murmured, pulling the remnants of the quilt from yourself. You took your clothes out of the closet and turned to the people in the room with your hands on your hips. "Are you leaving or staying for the show?" Alina mumbled a silent apology, blushing in embarrassment as she left, along with a laughing Jesper and an amused Nina.

You sighed as you stood in front of the mirror and brushed away the sweaty hair that was stuck to your face. Thanks to Inej and Kirigan, it looks like you'll have a long conversation with Kaz about your safety again. Your friend was sometimes a bigger pain in the ass than you—an achievement that wasn't granted by you to just anyone.

"I just fucking hope you're writhing in pain right now." you muttered to yourself, not believing for a moment in the sincerity of what you just said.

~•♤♤♤•~

"You wanted me." you entered the Dirtyhands' office without knocking, taking a place of honor on one of the two comfortable armchairs in the room. Kaz didn't look up from his papers, but the slight crease of irritation on his forehead told you he had noticed your presence. You were surprised that, after years of separation, you could still read him easily. "It's rude to ignore your guest."

"It's rude to come in without knocking." he replied to your provocation, tracing something he had just written. You snorted in amusement, seeing that you managed to distract him.

"Well, I didn't come here for no reason. You sent Jes for me."

"Jes?" a diminutive you used for his sharpshooter, has earned the man's attention. He gave you a questioning look, throwing the papers on his desk.

"What? Can't I make a friend other than you?"

"I'm your boss." he hummed, getting his cane up from his desk and walking to his dresser. You rolled your eyes as you watched the man's back. The son of a bitch knew perfectly well that you hated it when he didn't look at you during a conversation.

"Sure, if it helps you sleep, tell yourself what you want, Brekker."

"You live at my club, sleep here, eat with my crows, and waste my time taking some useless gossip from downstairs." he enumerated, turning over his things and searching persistently for something.

"And I'd been doing this for four years before you became Mr. Scary Dirtyhands from the Barrel. You just proved my point, Kazzle. We are friends."

You got up from your chair and stood next to him. You glanced at the contents of his drawer and frowned, noticing something familiar. You reached for a small silver box with his REAL initials on it, but the man slammed the drawer shut before you could get your hands on the find. You snorted indignantly as you noticed the smug smirk on his face as he nearly clipped your fingers for your meddling.

Kaz Brekker was sentimental enough to keep the ashtray you gave him.

You involuntarily remembered what you told him when you handed it to him.

"I know you don't smoke and don't celebrate your birthday, but I think that's a pretty nice metaphor and the closure you need."

"What? An old ashtray from the market? Which you probably swept from under the noses of some heavy smokers."

"No, genius, in case you haven't noticed, it has a special engraving. Read it."

"For K.R., let him rest in peace. What's that supposed to mean?"

"You can consider it what you want. A keepsake of your former self, a lost life you might have had, an urn for the ashes of your former self... we both know you're not the same man you used to be. And you have every right to be, Kaz. It's just... I think you deserve something commemorating your old self. The boy who stole half-rotten apples with me to survive. Now you are someone else—someone stronger, wiser, cunninger... but know that I will never forget Kaz, who was my only light when I was at my worst."

"That's pretty sentimental for you. Also, calling me light is not quite an appropriate metaphor." he replied coolly, returning to his book.

You nodded to him, saying goodbye. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him stroke a silver object for a moment and put it in his pants pocket. You smiled. Apparently, you weren't the only sentimental fool in Ketterdam.

"Then, as my friend, you won't mind telling me about that strange connection between you and the Darkling that keeps you from sleeping without threatening to set my club on fire with your dazzling moonlight?" he asked, snapping you out of your flashback.

"No, because, as my friend, you won't be nosy, and out of politeness, you won't ask."

"I anticipated this reaction. That's why I got this." a velvet ring box magically appeared in his hands.

"Are you going to propose to me? Oh, Kazzie, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for this! You don't have to kneel, sweetheart. We can call Jes, and he'll do it for you. It's a perfect opportunity for him to practice before asking Wylan."

"Can you be serious for just one moment, please?" he asked, blushing slightly and trying to give you one of his famous menacing looks.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist. Besides, you could have foreseen in that plan of yours that I would never waste such an opportunity."

"Just open it." he sighed, tossing you the box. Too curious to find out what was inside, you decided to leave the poor boy alone and refrained from commenting further. You widened your eyes as you saw the real ring. "What? No enthusiastic and loud: "Yes, Kazzie, I'll marry you!", so my crows can tease me about it too? To be honest, I'm disappointed, Y/N."

"Well, I could have been joking about it when I didn't have a ridiculously beautiful ring in front of me. Sorry that I'm a little confused, Kaz."

"It's good you like it, but I'd rather know if it works as it should. Put it on your finger."

"As romantic as always." you murmured, trying on a silver ring with an opal and small diamonds around the stone. You raised your hand and, by using your power, increased the light reflected by the moon that was still in the sky so it could illuminate your new jewelry. "It's beautiful, but I have absolutely no idea what it is supposed to do."

"Protect you." you glanced back at Kaz, only to discover that he had been staring at you the entire time. The white sparkles in his eyes caused by your light captivated you more than the shining diamonds. You shook your head, remembering what happened the last time you gave in to your stupid crush.

"Protect me?"

"I've been doing some research with Alina and Nina about the bond between you and him, the amplifiers… we believe this will weaken the bond between you enough for you to sleep peacefully. He will not enter your mind uninvited." he said, spitting out the words about the Darkling like he was a plague. But you were more interested in something quite different from his open dislike of the Black Heretic.

"Why? Why are you getting through all of it for me? It's not your war to fight. You have no interest in it."

"I have. Since I got you out of the Little Palace, you've been my investment. And I protect everything I invest in and what's worth my time. No matter what."

"You do realize I won't bring you any profit? Alina would be a better choice than me." you questioned his choice. Kaz turned to the window, as if looking for Inej, whose arrival would interrupt this uncomfortable conversation.

Unfortunately for him, the saints had no watch over him. And one of them was waiting for him to gather his thoughts and answer her question. He had to do this without betraying the emotions that had been bubbling up inside him since he had first seen her at one of the Dreg's raids. He was lost the second he saw her and completely fated to love her after their first conversation.

But she couldn't know it.

She couldn't know that his heart was gone with her and that it took him ages to find himself after she disappeared. He promised himself to keep her away from him. To make sure he wouldn't fall for her beauty, mind, eyes, smile, and laugh like he had done as a child. But the second he saw her again, he knew that his heart was hers. Hers to keep, hold, break, play.

But she couldn't know it.... At least not now. Not when he had just snatched her from the Darkling's grasp.

Not when he wasn't ready to love her the way she should be loved.

"That's for me to evaluate and for you to make sure I won't regret this. Besides, I only invest in one-of-a-kind. I don't need more narcissistic saints to go into my office like it was their own." he said after a long silence, without taking his eyes off the window.

He was afraid that his eyes would betray the truth hidden in his stupid heart. He was grateful to all above that she wasn't a heartrender and couldn't feel his treacherous heart beating madly every time he looked at her. He just had to make sure Nina didn't reveal his little secret. He didn't know that the woman had been blackmailed into a similar case by the moon summoner.

"So I'm pretty lucky. I would die if I had to sleep on those inconvenient motel beds."

"Considering how much sleep you actually get, you're unlikely to notice a difference." you gasped, feigning indignation at the mischievous, amused tone of his voice.

"You're a cruel bastard, Kaz Brekker." he finally turned to you with a small smirk on his face. You giggled, only widening his smile.

"Go and check your ring. I hope you won't be threatened by any ugly faces."

"Yes, boss." you saluted, walking towards the door. You opened it and were about to leave when an idea popped into your head. You leaned against the door frame, looking at the man taking his place at the desk. "Kazzie?" you asked sweetly, biting your lip to keep from laughing too soon. The Bastard of the Barrel gave you a questioning look, fearing the familiar tone of your voice and the question coming. "As your fiancée, am I going to get half of your club?"

"Over my dead, cold body." he replied without a second of hesitation, perfectly prepared for such a provocation from your side.

"You know, you need to work on sharing if you plan to be husband material in the future. I feel sorry for your future spouse, unless it'll be your job."

"Go to sleep before I put you in bed myself."

"You should know better than to scare me with a good time, sweetheart!" you shouted back, leaving and pushing your way through the crowd of a few shocked Dregs who had probably heard the part about the fiancée and whom Kaz called to his office as soon as he saw them.

And as soon as he is done with them, Kaz will rip your legs out of your pretty ass. Even Alina and Nina will not be able to help you.

~•♤♤♤•~

The ring worked great. From that night on, you slept like a baby every day. The Darkling's face appeared only occasionally in your nightmares (both bloody ones and… more pleasant ones). But it wasn't REALLY him. Just a messed-up version of your sick imagination.

In the meantime, you trained with Alina and Nina (the woman needed the presence of other Grishas in Brekker's gang; besides, she was an amazing friend, and she also made wonderful waffles); you developed your powers; and you two gossiped with Genya, as she changed your looks every week so that no one would accidentally recognize you (by the way, you learned that David was heading this way to reunite with the love of his life).

You became close to Jes (you had the honor of being trained with HIS PISTOLS) and Inej, whose comforting company was invaluable (as well as the rooftop stealth lessons. Kaz cursed her after the first time you scared him by climbing through his office window and giving you a barrier. Of course you had your mind, and you didn't listen to him. Your unexpected visits to his office only became more frequent.)

So you could say that everything was on its way back to normality.

But it wasn't. Because one fine day, when the crows, Kaz, you, Alina, and Genya were eating breakfast at his club, someone showed up at your door.

Someone you didn't want to see more than the Darkling himself.

"What the fuck is she doing here, if I may culturally ask?" Alina gave you an apologetic look as Baghra walked casually into the crows' kitchen like she belonged here. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Kaz taking any sharp metal objects from the table that you might have used to attack the woman.

You and Baghra had a rough relationship. Due to the fact that you and Aleksander were something, the woman did not look at you very favorably. You had no intention of fawning over a woman who wanted to kill her own son, either. Maybe your feelings for the Darkling were... unclear, but you wouldn't wish anyone, not even your worst enemy, a mother who was willing to stand against her own child, to spurn him instead of doing... anything to help him out of his darkness. It was not in line with your moral views. But no one here seemed to care since they invited the mother of Satan to your table.

"It's nice to see you too, Y/N."

"I don't even have enough respect for you to lie to you and admit that seeing you didn't ruin my day. I will ask one last time..." you got up from the table, shielding Kaz and the crows as you summoned your power. "What are you doing here?"

"My son is looking for you all over the world, do you think I won't try to get to you first before he does?"

"Oh, you've already shown how much you care about outdoing Kirigan in reaching us. I'm asking you, what do you want from us?"

"I came here for you. Because of you, child." you stiffened slightly, wondering what else the old woman had to say. But you would die before admitting that Baghra's help would be invaluable to your little band of rebels. Your pride was both your greatest strength and weakness.

"Well, excuse me, but I have more important things to do than listen to some old lady's ravings. I haven't finished my breakfast yet, and I'm far too sober for another conversation about how everyone wants to use me as a weapon."

"Every day I'm less surprised by how you ended up with my son. You two are a perfect match for each other." she snapped, annoyed at your indifferent attitude.

"I'd suggest you get to the point. You were the one who wanted to meet with us. As our moon summoner mentioned, we don't have to listen to you. And trust me, I have absolutely no intention of stopping her when she wants to kick you out of my club." Kaz stood next to you, measuring the woman with a watchful gaze.

You were proud that he believed in your and Alina's powers and wasn't afraid to provoke the shadow summoner in your presence. You cast a fleeting glance at him, watching as Baghra gave him an appraising look.

"Mr. Breaker. It would be better for you and your club if work with the summoners of the sun and moon ended in Ravka. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

"I never make ill-considered decisions, and certainly not out of fear." he replied with his poker, business face.

"This is only a trait of the greatest winners or greatest losers."

"You don't have to worry about him. Mr. Brekker is always on the winning team." you answered for him, having had enough of this woman. Unfortunately, it looked like she wouldn't be leaving you so soon.

"Turn that light out, girl, before the Grishas swarm here. I won't hurt your boyfriend and his friends." you frowned as you heard Jes coughing in the background, trying not to laugh. With a wave of your hand, the white light around you vanished. You watched in displeasure as a smirk began to form on Baghra's lips.

"He is/I am not my/her boyfriend." together with Kaz, you both uttered these words as Baghra pushed past you. This caused you to turn to one another and exchange equally awkward, perplexed looks.

"Whatever, just get your lovebird butts over here." she murmured as she unfolded the map on the table and took a few items out of her bag. You snorted at seeing a small wooden statue of Aleksander.

It was going to be a long and tiring morning.

~•♤♤♤•~

"We have to hurry before your boy gets here. Good thing he is walking with the cane, at least it keeps him from sneaking up on us." Baghra growled at you. She'd only been here a week, and she'd already ruled everyone. You were no longer surprised at where Aleksander inherited his incredible self-confidence and arrogance.

"For the love of God, I'm telling you for the last time, KAZ IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. Besides, if I were you, I wouldn't underestimate him. You could actually learn from him. You'll need a cane soon, too."

"Can you two just stop arguing for once and focus on the task at hand?" the sun summoner lingered, following you to the basement of the Crow Club.

"I'm sorry, Alina, that I'd rather banter with that witch than figure out how to seduce her son, lull his guard down, pluck the antlers of a wonderful steg out of his hand, and break the link between us once and for all."

"Start by undoing a few buttons on your blouse and letting your hair down; that should be enough for him to lose his mind." she advised you, making you and Alina shudder, both equally abashed.

"Seriously?" you asked mockingly, giving her a disgusted look. Nevertheless, you followed the woman's suggestion. "What is the next step? Shall I wear some nice underwear?"

"Not necessarily, but it would be nice to take off that ring. I doubt Aleksander would appreciate that someone other than himself gave you such gaudy jewelry." you snorted, taking off the only thing keeping the Darkling from crossing the walls of your mind.

You bypassed Baghra's outstretched hand and handed the ring to Alina. The older woman snorted indignantly at what you stuck your tongue out at. She didn't expect you to trust her with anything, even something as small as Kaz's ring, right?

"Done. What's next?"

"You need to make a connection. Every time he thinks of you or you think of him, you seek each other out and make a link. Imagine his face, voice, and silhouette; recall some memory associated with him; do anything to have him in front of your eyes. It should work and take you to where he is now. Just like when you two were getting into each other's dreams before Mr. Brekker gave you this ring."

"I did not seek him of my own free will. It just happened." you defended yourself, not wanting anyone to think you were looking for the Darkling like a lost puppy.

"You know him. He will continue to invade your thoughts and your life to convince you of the error of your ways and choices. This ring can work now, but what happens when you two get stronger in the future? It will stop working. You will be condemned to endure his pervasive presence. In the morning, afternoon, nights, and midnights. He won't let you go. Never. You cannot extract the stag from your own body. So you must find a way to block him permanently. Not by some magic ring."

You sighed, realizing she was right. You will be free of him only when any bond between you is gone. The only thing you were afraid of was that it existed between you and the Darkling long before you killed the stag...

Darkness and its light. Moon and shadow. Destined to be together. United at the end of the day.

"And what if I fail and he chokes me, stabs me, or just uses the cut on me?"

"We will observe the energy around you. If we see too many shadows or your light, we'll pull you out."

"All right. Let's get this over with." you sat down, leaning against the wall of the Crow Club basement, praying to all of Inej's mighty saints that your plan would work.

You closed your eyes, remembering the moment before your big performance at the winter fete.

You had to pretend that you didn't know Kaz, and then you had no idea what he was doing here wearing one of the soldiers uniforms. He promised to explain everything to you, but then Aleksander came.

"I'll take her from here." he said to Kaz, letting him know that he was no longer needed.

But he has not left you. Aleksander ignored him, examining your kefta carefully. It was beautiful. Genya decorated it with silver threads and embroidered stars and moons in different phases. However, the fact that probably delighted him the most was its black (but actually dark navy blue) color. But he didn't care about the true color of your kefta as long as it looked black to any other observer.

A clear signal that you were his moon.

"I have something for you." he whispered as he leaned closer to you so that your noses were practically touching. He pulled something shiny out of his sleeve. He held the silver chain up to your eye level so you could see the pendant. Moon with a star. You shifted your gaze from the shiny object to those mesmerizing black eyes staring at you in pure adoration. "I know you're practically festooned with these symbols, but I wanted you to know..." he interrupted, brushing your hair over one shoulder so he could place the necklace over your neck. He planted a quick, tender kiss on your nape as he clicked the silver jewelry. "That you're not just a Saint Y/N, summoner of the moon. You're mine moonlight in the worst darkness of mine. My hope and peace. The only light I let through my shadows."

You grabbed the pendant, noticing your initials carved into the back of the moon.

"It's beautiful." you turned in his arms to whisper in his ear, making him shiver as you kissed his earlobe. "Aleksander..."

~•♤♤♤•~

You opened your eyes.

A dim light illuminated Kirigan's war room.

You did it. Now all you had to do was seduce him. Piece of cake.

You let yourself watch him flick through some papers, wrinkling his nose and occasionally running a hand through his hair. The exact same one with the stag antler still stuck in it. You shook your head, remembering your task. You had to outsmart him. And in such a wise way that it didn't cross his mind that you might have bad intentions towards him.

"Aleksander." you whispered as you stepped out of the shadows. The man either really didn't notice you or he was a brilliant actor, judging by the pure shock that painted his face the moment he turned to meet your gaze. "You seem surprised to see me."

"I am." his mask of indifference and self-confidence quickly fell back into place. "But perhaps I shouldn't be. I should have known you'd prove to be an apt pupil. Not many can learn that trick." he placed the papers on the desk and leaned against it. "But after our last meeting, I had the impression that you didn't want to see me again. What changed your mind to seek me out?"

"I hate to say this, but I realized you were right."

"How so?" he began to watch you with interest, too curious to know what you were going to say to repay you for stabbing him last time. The fact that he didn't pounce on you with his shadows the moment he saw you gave you an odd sense of confidence. Maybe you could have made it.

"I was meant for more. And you were the first person to see me as I truly am. First to help me realize what I'm meant for. First to tech me how to use my power and how to see it as something more incredible than terrifying. First to see, I was more than a scared little girl. That I was powerful Grisha and I can do anything I want." with every word you said and every step you took towards him, you could see his mask crack open, revealing his true emotions. However, there was still a shadow of uncertainty and suspicion in his eyes. You had to remove it if you wanted to win this battle.

"Was I? And what about Alina? Or your helpful friends that take you away from Little Palace?" you hoped you didn't show that his words affected you. You were afraid that somehow he might have discovered a little help from Kaz and his crows.

"They… they don't understand the power growing within me. I thought that Alina might share my feelings, but … it seems to me that we understand our possibilities completely differently when it comes to our powers. And my friends… I think they're more afraid of what I can do than admire it as… as you did."

"That's not their fault. I did try to warn you. Tried to explain that with so much power that flows in our veins, usually comes fear from the side of our loved ones."

"I know. I think I'm starting to finally understand that now." you took one slow step towards him, feeling his watchful gaze on you. "There are no others like us, and they never will be. We are connected by our powers. Alina can live without us, but you and me… you and me are destined to work together and to stand by our sides. There is no darkness without light, but it's the moon that brings it into the night and that lives among the shadows, working with them… Like calls to like, right, Aleksander?"

In his eyes, you could see how much he wanted to believe you, how much he wanted the words you said to be true... but you knew that Aleksander lived too long to believe only empty words. He needed conclusive proof that you were on his side and that you were only his moon. And you had to convince him somehow.

"As I delighted as I am that you found your way to me, what do you want?"

"That thing that binds us. I think you fear it more than you actually care to admit."

"I fear everything there is to fear; it makes me strong. I understand things about power that you've had years yet to learn, moonlight."

"Well, as you said, with a good teacher, I'm a very apt pupil. But I think we both know… that it's not all about power, though, is it?" you walked the distance between you two and stood chest-to-chest with him. "What about the other bond we share? That one I was avoiding for too long." you slowly cup his cheek, making him close his eyes at the touch of your soft skin. You tenderly stroked one of his black scars on his cheek, which made the Black Heretic sighe in relief. "I want you, Aleksander." he opened his eyes, looking at you in disbelief when he tried to seek any sight of lies on your face. "And being in your presence terrifies me as much as making me feel… like I finally belonged somewhere. Like I was made by saints to be next to you. It felt... right in some crazy way."

"Love is for madmen, Y/N. And I've already told you…" you shivered as his cold fingertips touched the hot skin of your neck. His fingers went to the silver necklace—your only sin against your friends. He took the pendant in his hands and kissed it, not taking his eyes off yours. "You're my moonlight. Nothing has changed, and I doubt it ever will... for both of us."

You pulled him by the hair to connect your lips in a long-awaited kiss, too annoyed with how long you had to work him out. (Or too scared that his words are true.) You moaned as he bit your lips, and in one sweeping motion, he scooped you up off the floor and sat you on his desk.

He pulled away from you, dropping his kefta on the floor, and went back to kissing you as if you were the only one that mattered in this world. But the next amplifier's whereabouts map you laid on as he kissed your soul out of you was a glaring reminder that you could never have truly had him.

You would never be his first choice.

"Forgive me for stabbing you, then." you whispered into his mouth as you broke apart for a moment to catch your breath. He pressed into you more fervently than before, caressing your waist tenderly.

"I will have kissed these tempting, sweet lips, even if it means I'll get stabbed by you, every time I do it."

That was good to know, you thought, throwing your arms around his shoulders and slowly pulling out the dagger from your sleeve as he continued to kiss you greedily, like he wanted to sate himself with you while he still had you in his arms.

"Your words, not mine." you murmured, catching his mouth with yours while driving the dagger into his hand. He snarled, breaking away from you and trying in vain to yank the metal out of your hand. You tried to pry the last stag's bone out of him.

But suddenly, just as you were about to do it, you find yourself back in the basement of the Crows Club.

You were breathing fast, frantically looking around the room. Kaz was kneeling a step away from you and watching you worriedly as you tried to calm down.

From the cane that was on your leg and his firm grip on your arm, you figured out pretty quickly why you suddenly came back. You yanked your arm from his hand in your anger, forgetting his phobia of touch and how much of an achievement it was for him to hold your arm.

"What the hell, Brekker?! I had him! I could end this right there! UGH! Why did you let him break our connection?!" you screamed in frustration, looking resentfully at Alina and Baghra.

"You nearly blew yourself out with your power, and they couldn't bring you back."

"I had it under control, Kaz!"

"Oh, really?" he asked mockingly, struggling to his feet with the help of his cane and walking over to you with equal anger painted in his eyes. "Because it didn't look good from my point of view. You could have blown up the whole club..."

"Of course you would only care about your stupid, fucking club! Forgive me, Dirtyhands. Next time I'm going to save the damn world from the Darkling, I'll pick up a place other than one of your fucking bases!" you yelled at him, pushing past a shocked Alina and Baghra.

"Y/N, come back here!" he shouted after you. The distinctive sound of his cane told you he was following you.

"I'm not your fucking property, Brekker! I can go anywhere I want!" you screamed, running as fast and far for him as you could, thanking everyone above that Brekker wasn't able to catch up with you. You needed a moment to yourself. And you only knew one place in all of Ketterdam where you could be truly alone.

~•♤♤♤•~

For a long time, you hated harbour. It was a reminder of your weakness—a reminder of a girl who got kidnapped by slave hunters. Then you met Aleksander and became one of the strongest Grisha. From then harbour was for you to remind you of the birth of Saint Y/N. Moon summoner. It was funny for you to see how easy it is to get on the ship and go anywhere you want. Be anyone you want. But you don't have this choice anymore. Not until your past stops chasing you whenever you close your eyes.

"I knew you'd be here." Kaz's voice below you made you shiver, but you didn't grace him with your gaze. "You'd be too merciful to me by choosing an easily accessible spot, wouldn't you?" he grumbled as he clambered next to you on the crates of goods. He sighed as he managed to climb up. He tossed his cane, catching it spectacularly and resting it against the crate beneath you. He leaned forward, staring out at the harbour with you, when the wind blew his hair, messing up his always perfectly styled hairdo.

"Nobody made you follow me around, Kazzle." you murmured, casting a fleeting glance at him, grinning mischievously at how tired he was of climbing crates. Someone here was in bad shape. Brekker must sit with these plans and papers for too long.

"I did." you turned your head to meet his piercing gaze. "I already told you. I take care of my investments."

"Maybe you're making a mistake."

"I'm never mistaken. I know when and how much to invest in something valuable."

"But what if I'm a lost cause? What if you're wrong this time? Why do you think I'm done with the Darkling? Me and him have so much in common... what if I become like him? Are you not afraid? That one day, in my naiveté, I'd decide Kirigan was worth a second chance and betray you? That one day I'll stop controlling my power and that I'll hurt you? How can you sit here so calmly and..."

"Because I know you better than myself. I may not believe in saints, but I believe in you, Y/N. I will always believe in you."

You swallowed, looking down in embarrassment. You didn't deserve this.

"I get caught up in it sometimes. That I return with memories to the Little Palace. I wonder what I could have done differently to prevent all this. How could I reason with him, what could I do to dissuade him from his plans. How to behave, what to say out loud, and what to keep to yourself. And I'm furious with Baghra that, being his mother, she didn't fight for him to the end; she gave up before we could do ANYTHING for him together. And I curse myself every time I feel guilty, knowing that I left him utterly alone. So tell me, Kaz, knowing now all these doubts growing within me, do you still believe in me?"

The killing silence told you everything you wanted to know.

"Come on. Go right ahead, Kazzie. Call me a fool, an idiot who wants to believe that everyone deserves someone close, someone they can trust. Who stupidly believes in giving people a second chance." you said, afraid to look up to see the revulsion in the eyes of the only person you could always count on.

Kaz said your name, but you ignored him completely, feeling tears slowly welling up in your eyes. Suddenly you felt the cold steel crow's head of his cane under your chin. Brekker forced you to look into his eyes. And you thanked all the saints for the tenderness that was still present in them.

"You know, I don't think that about you. You are a Grisha. The moon summoner. The only beacon of hope in the darkness. I think that in your job description lies faith even in the most deprived, lost, and broken souls."

"I didn't know that poetic side of you, Brekker."

"I've changed since the last time you saw me."

"Really?" you asked, nodding at his gloves and cane. He caught your eye, gripping the crow's head tighter. "Hey. You have every right to do that, Kaz, okay? I was kidding, and I didn't know it was still a sensitive subject. I'm sorry. Apart from that, I can name more. For example, you still have a stick in your ass when it comes to pranks. It was too easy to get on your nerves with Jes." you said, trying to make a joke to lighten the atmosphere.

"Looking now at you, it's better for humanity that you haven't become a saint. Saints, protect some wretch who would have asked you for help." you smiled at him, glad he understood your intentions.

"Now, I feel hurt, Kazzie. Wouldn't you pray to me if they hung my holy image up here somewhere?" you asked, offended, putting your hand over your heart.

He knew he would spend hours, days, and weeks praying to her, only to see her face again and hear the voice of the Saint of his heart...

"No. No saint has ever watched over me. It wouldn't make sense to pray to you either. Especially since I knew you personally before you became a mighty Grisha."

"Well, I'm no saint yet, but since I'm your newest investment, I guess that means I'm supposed to serve you in some way. And since I'm not going to be your errand dog or spy crow, I guess a good compromise would be if I became your bodyguard. Then you can't say that there's no saint watching over you."

"I don't need a guardian angel."

"It's good then that I'm far from being an angel." you stared at each other, the wind blowing your hair, as you enjoyed the understanding between you and the unspoken acknowledgment of your closeness.

Kaz Brekker could not have a weakness. This city would use it against him very quickly. But he felt that perhaps his weakness could be powerful enough to be his greatest asset instead of his darkest burden. Maybe he didn't have to worry about her that much.

"Ketterdam was boring without you. It was also harder to work without your… skills." he said uncertainly, averting his gaze from your piercing, mesmerizing eyes.

"Is that your way to tell me you missed me?" you were teasing him and pushing his cane. He almost fell over when you broke his only support. You almost couldn't prevent yourself from laughing.

"We could have gained much more kruge if you had been here."

"I didn't want to leave." you whispered, involuntarily remembering the day they kidnapped you.

"I know." he leaned towards you, forcing you to look into his eyes. "You don't have to worry about them. I made sure they were six feet deep underground before you even set foot in Ketterdam." your heart warmed at the thought that he was chasing them for you.

He made sure you were 100% safe and comfortable before he brought you back home. Home. You didn't think you'd find him among the crows, thieves, and the Dreg Club. You didn't think you'd feel this way about him—one of the men whose lifestyle was far from normal and safe.

"You're getting soft in your old age, Brekker." you replied with a half smile, holding back unwanted tears. You weren't that weak girl anymore. You were Grisha. And thanks to the man sitting next to you, you were (almost) free. You grabbed his cane, right next to the crow's head, where Kaz's hands were. His gaze flicked to where your hands were so close together. He turned his head to meet your watery eyes. "Thank you, Kaz. For everything. It means a lot to me. Even if it was foolish to break into the Darkling's palace and kidnap us like sacks of potatoes."

"It was the perfect plan! Nobody noticed us." he was indignant, immediately defending his action.

"Yeah, but what I and Alina get hit with every time Jesper and you steer that wooden cart over rocks is ours. You could really choose a path that wasn't made of stones."

"Next time, it's up to you to make a plan to escape the 500-year-old shadow summoner. We'll see how you do." he snorted, offended, but didn't move an inch. Contrary. His hand moved closer to yours, wrapping precariously around yours on his cane.

"Less than a week back in Ketterdam, and you're already letting me into your plans? Aww, I love you too, Kazzie."

He would give all the kruge of this world to hear those words from you for the rest of his life... and it surprised him that he wasn't afraid to admit it to himself at all.

"And I almost forgot how annoying you can be."

"Don't worry. I have all the time in the world to shrink your inflated ego and remind you of that, boss." Kaz held his breath. He stared at you searchingly, trying to find in your face the answer to whatever question he was asking in his head. You unknowingly scooted closer to each other so that your shoulders rested against each other.

You were much closer to each other before. Kaz (on his good days) even felt comfortable hugging you for a while. After years apart, you thought it would take ages for him to get used to your presence again and the brief touch without going underwater with Jordi.

But you were here. Holding hands, leaning against each other, and staring into each other's eyes.

You shivered as you felt his breath against your cheek when he leaned a little closer to you, testing his border.

"You're shining." he whispered softly, hypnotized, afraid to break the silence between you.

"What?"

"Your eyes are shining." his trembling hand took your cheek as you were watching him speechless. Even in your wildest dreams, you wouldn't suppose he would hold you like that. He truly changed. He beat Pekka, and now the King of Ketterdam was fighting with his demons. You were so proud of him and also sad that you weren't with him at the beginning of his road to healing. "And the light is coming out of your skin. You're shining like a star for lost souls."

"You're not lost... not anymore." you whispered, your voice trembling, fully understanding what he had left unsaid.

"I was. But now the moonlight is lighting up Ketterdam's darkness again."

"Kaz... I..." you held your breath, staring at him in anticipation. You didn't know what for. All you knew was that taking your eyes off him for even a second was an unforgivable crime.

Your noses were almost touching, your lips were the closest you've known each other. And Kaz was as calm as if he'd never had a haphephobia. As if the situation with Jordi never happened. You were afraid his waters would finally rise, interrupting your moment, but as soon as your foreheads touched, all the logical thoughts in your head went to hell. It was just you and him.

And you would still enjoy that closeness if the sound of breaking glass and Jesper's curses hadn't driven you apart.

"Here you are! How the hell did you get in there?! Get down! We're leaving in half an hour!" Jesper shouted to you from below and disappeared as quickly as he appeared. You cleared your throat, realized what Jes said after a long moment.

"We are leaving?" you asked, surprised. Bastard didn't say a word about going anywhere.

"Yes. I'll explain everything to you on the ship." he gave you a brush-off as he began his downward journey.

"On the ship? Kaz, what have you planned?!" you shouted angry as you followed him.

~•♤♤♤•~

"This is the dumbest plan ever made, and believe me, I've been to more than one of his idiotic ideas." you said, pointing at the offended Kaz.

Your great friends (and Baghra) have decided to sneak into the Darkling's palace, steal his maps and war plans, and set the Little Palace on fire.

You started to doubt their good sanity... or sobriety.

"Sooner or later, we have to sneak in there. Aleksander has stolen from me all the books and records of our ancestors; he is in possession of immense power, and we can not allow him to make use of it." you clenched your fists, almost ready to pounce on the woman for revealing the Darkling's true name.

"Who is Aleksander?" you ignored Kaz's question, nervously twirling the ring he gave you on your finger.

"Was he able to steal something from YOU? And you let him do it? How surprised I am."

"What are you implying?"

"I implying that we are in some huge coach driven by your men, leaving Ketterdam on your initiative and entering the lion's mouth because you said so. In my place, you'd be suspicious too."

"The odds of me betraying you are as high as the odds that you will."

"And why is that?" you hissed, furious at how easily she got on your nerves.

"Aleksander has a knack for manipulating people. A few sweet words, and even your boyfriend won't be able to count on your devotion anymore."

"Watch your mouth. I'm not her boyfriend." Kaz growled, tensing up next to you, thereby stopping your quarrel. Baghra shrugged, continuing her quiet conversation with Alina. In your mind, you were planning the old lady's slow death until someone's hand grabbed yours in a strong grip.

You turned your head towards Kaz. He stared blankly out the window, completely ignoring your gaze. Instead, he started drawing circles on your palm, trying to calm you down somehow. You turned your head in the opposite direction, smiling to yourself at the tender gesture. Unbeknownst to you, Kaz had the same smirk as yours on his face.

The rest of the trip to the city was uneventful. As planned, Alina and you stayed in Baghra's secret stash while the rest went off to play heroes. Your job was to distract the Darkling, and Alina was supposed to watch over you.

You'd agree to their plan if your role wasn't just to stand by while others risked their lives trying to get the information you all needed.

But you decided not to argue with the others about it this time. After all, they couldn't control you once you got into the palace. You might as well have snooped around, looked for what you needed, and done most of the work for them. Closing your eyes and getting ready to connect with the Darkling, you only hoped that your little disobedience would go unnoticed.

~•♤♤♤•~

You just finished searching Kirigan's study, war room, and bedroom. You were on your way to the last room - the library, when you bumped into the one person you wanted to avoid.

You were paralysed as soon as you saw him walking down the hall. You hoped he wouldn't look in your direction, but the general (alert as always) glanced at you briefly before disappearing from your view. You had the faintest hope that he would think you were a vision, but all of it vanished when you felt a hand gently wrap around your neck and pin you against the wall.

"You either have too much free time or you enjoy haunting me at random times, little moon." you didn't answer, too scared that the moment he touched you, all your power took on a life of its own, merging with his shadows, as it usually does when your skins meet for the first time after a long separation. You were defenceless. Kirigan frowned, watching you with growing interest. "Speechless? Not any irritating responses? Do you fear me, Y/N?" his taunts brought you to your senses, forcing you to calm down immediately. You couldn't wait for Alina to be rescued. You had to fight him yourself.

"That's what you want, isn't it? To have everyone and everything under control, too scared to say or do anything against you."

"Fear is a powerful ally and also loyal."

"Not as loyal and lasting as love, trust, respect." you tried to break free from his grip, but all attempts to remove his hand from your neck proved futile. You were lucky that instead of tightening the grip and cutting off your air, he just wrapped his other arm around your waist, pulling you closer so that your faces were mere millimetres apart. "We could have had it, Aleksander. All of it. All you had to do was set me free and make me your equal."

"You'll come to feel it towards me someday. For now… even though I truly want to, I have no time for you, moonlight. Your friends are waiting for me. But don't get the wrong impression…" he leaned towards you, stroking your cheek tenderly as he whispered in your ear. "I will be back for you, my Y/N. Wherever you are hiding from me."

You shivered as he kissed your temple, making this terrifying promise to you. At some point, his shadows enveloped you completely and sent you back to the room where you and Alina were hiding.

And after one look at the sun summoner, you both knew what you had to do.

~•♤♤♤•~

You couldn't remember the last time you ran so fast in your entire life. It must have been back in your Ketterdam days, doing some little errands for the Dregs.

But this time, you weren't running to save your life. You ran to save Kaz Brekker's ass, who was the only one (not counting Inej, who was already hidden somewhere with Alina, waiting for you in harbour) who didn't return from his mission. As you expected, everything went to hell without you, and if you and Alina hadn't arrived, half of the crows (including Baghra) would have been captured by Aleksander's grishas. You wouldn't feel sorry for the old woman, but Alina insisted on saving her.

Jes, Wylan, Nina and Baghra searched other parts of the Little Palace, trying to burn everything in their path. You could still make it. If only Brekker hadn't gotten lost in the meantime. You knew you should go with him. You've always been a team player, and pairing you with Alina for this mission and leaving you behind was their worst idea.

You promised yourself that the next time you'd strap that risky idiot to your hip.

That's why you breathed a sigh of relief when you saw him at the end of the corridor. But instead of running up to him and yelling at him for his thoughtlessness, you hid in the shadows as he backed away slowly. Someone had to catch him. You caught his eye for a moment, glad he noticed you and started to head your way. Thanks to this, you could assassinate his attacker and try to escape from the palace.

Piece of cake. If he wasn't talking to a fucking Darkling.

"I know you kidnapped my moon summoner. Now you're going to tell me where you stashed her." you cursed internally, feeling yourself start to panic. You guys were officially screwed.

"We didn't take her. She fled on her own." you marvelled at how Kaz could still keep his composure with an angry Darkling a few feet in front of him. Sometimes you forget how mentally strong he was.

"I don't doubt in it… where is she? I won't ask you again."

"I don't know. I don't own her… but it's pretty clear she wasn't interested in being a captive anymore."

Aleksander got even angrier at the little insinuation that Kaz took better care of you, that he didn't treat you like an asset, unlike the general. You cursed Dirtyhands for wanting to mock and taunt the Darkling, even though you could see that he wasn't so confident around him.

"I heard about you. And your crows. It would be a shame if something happened to such a talented group." the Darkling summoned some of his shadows, causing Kaz to back away and reach for the light grenade that you and Wylan had prepared. "It's good for you that you have the decency to show signs of fear."

"I'm afraid of what I must."

"And yet you are not so defenceless." Kaz raised an inquiring eyebrow. "Don't make a fool of yourself, Mr. Brekker. I can feel my moon's power everywhere. Especially when it's imbedded so much into one small object."

You tensed, remembering that you had given Kaz the necklace before he left for the Little Palace. A necklace whose pendant you poured so much moonlight into that no shadows could surround him while wearing it or only holding it.

Defence against the Darkling. Specially prepared for situations like this. However, handing it to him, you hoped the two would never meet, growling at each other like two rabid dogs.

"Y/N must have strong feelings for you to give you some of her power. And you for her. Putting your people and yourself at risk, your profit, your club. In the name of what, Mr. Brekker?"

"If you did thorough research on me, you'd know that all of Ketterdam knows I don't need a reason to do things."

"You'll never fully appreciate what she really is. But that's alright. Because I do." Aleksander let Dirtyhands' insult pass over his ears, trying to annoy him that much, so he let his guard down. You knew very well that method, just like you knew that Kaz wasn't foolish to fall for it.

"You've right. I'll never use her as a weapon or treat her like a saint. That's not what she wants. You may understand her powers, but you have no idea who she really is. What's in her mind. What are her dreams and desires. All you care about is her power, which I don't give a damn if she has or not. You see her only as a moon summoner. Not Y/N. You don't know the woman she was before Grisha's thing. You will never know how amazing and indescribable she was before Ravka. This is part of her that only I was allowed to see. You can't change the fact that I know her better than you."

"You're forgetting one important fact. You are a child, and she is Grisha. Y/N may take years to forgive me… but I can wait. Take away my shadows, and I still have something you don't. Time. Meanwhile, you will grow old. Your hair will grey, but she will remain ageless. Like me. Not mention your little inconvenience. Do you think you'll be able to touch her for more than a few minutes before your body grows old? That you'll be able to give her the life she deserves? We both know that one day, maybe a year from now, maybe fifty, she will realise that she has only one equal. There are no others like us, and there never will be. Even you can't change that, Mr. Brekker." he gave him a hostile look, laughing mockingly as he noticed that Kaz continued to back up with each step the Darkling took towards him until he did not stand in front of your hiding place. "Don't worry. I'm not going to kill you. Time will do it for me." he summoned more of his shadows, wanting to scare him with his power. You three knew very well that with your necklace around his neck, no cut would kill him."You should have stayed in Ketterdam, Mr. Brekker."

At this point, you both decided to step in. Kaz threw his grenade, and you summoned your power, blinding the two of them. You grabbed Kaz's arm, and you both ran (as fast as his leg would allow). You stopped only a few corridors and stairs further, at the crossroads where you were all supposed to meet. Along the way, you avoided several fires that the tidemakers were busy with.

"What are you doing here?!" he growled furiously at you as you finally stopped, only making you more angry at his recklessness and attitude. He attacked and insulted the most powerful grisha. An 18-year-old with a cane and no powers.

"What am I doing here?! You tell me, what are you doing! You made him mad for no reason! You think now that he knows your identities, he'll let you go so easily? He will hunt you as long as he lives, just like me and Alina! Congratulations, Brekker!"

"I knew the risk." he replied angrily, looking around all four corridors.

"No, you didn't. You'd know a flimsy toy like that one, fucking grenade wouldn't be enough for him with all the amplifiers he's got."

"Well, I guess your little gift was strong enough to protect me. Which brings me to the question… why am I the only one blessed with this power from you?" he asked as he walked over to you, standing a few inches in front of you. You were both panting with quick anger, rage, and adrenaline, which was slowly draining from your systems.

"It's not your business, Brekker." you growled into his face and took a step, trying to avoid him, but his firm grip on your elbow stopped you.

You turned to face him, ready to yank your arm out of his grip and scream at him to fuck off, but all thoughts flew out of your head as soon as you looked into his mesmerising eyes, which were looking at you with concern and… love.

"It is my business." he leaned closer to you, just enough for you to feel his warmth and his scent, and far enough away not to touch you any more than he already did. "You... you're my most important business. And if something happens to you, if he catches you again..." he sighed, shaking his head, trying to find the right words as he licked his annoyed lips, unconsciously drawing your gaze to them and making you hold your breath for a moment, wanting something as forbidden and holy as kissing them. "I don't know how to... express my feelings. I don't know if I even understand them well enough. All I know is that I would rather die than see you enslaved and sorrowful... and it pains me to know that I'm too weak to protect you. That I'll always be too weak FOR YOU."

"You are literally everything but weak. In my eyes, you're the strongest person I know, Kaz. One of the very few to whom I would entrust my life in the blink of an eye."

"And yet I'm not enough for Grisha's love."

"How could you not be enough for something you already have?" Kaz's head snapped up as he watched you, befuddled in complete silence. You hesitantly reached for his hand, giving him enough time to pull away. He did not do. "And because I love you, I cannot be selfish with you. I cannot risk your life just because I have loved you since we were stupid teenagers." he squeezed your hand, too overwhelmed by his emotions to say anything. Fortunately, you understood him without any words.

Slowly, as if time had slowed down just for you two, he leaned towards you, resting his forehead against yours. You stood like that for a moment, enjoying the other's presence, forgetting that the palace was burning around you and probably 100 Grishas were chasing you.

"I will have you, Kaz Brekker. But only when it's safe for both of us." you promised him, whispering with your eyes still closed. "And for that to happen, I have to stay here. I have to make sure he doesn't go after you, that he will be distracted by me instead of planning your death.." you were about to extricate yourself from his grip, but the man only pulled you closer to him, not wanting to let you go.

"Please, don't. Stay with me. You're not a saint or a hero. You said it yourself. More than I could count."

"Kaz…" you took the ring off and put it on his little finger. "Keep it for me until I'm back. As a promise that whatever is going to happen next… I will be back for you." testing your luck, you placed a quick, tender kiss on his finger, feeling him tremble under your lips.

Before you got a chance to change your mind, you ran in the opposite direction, following the voice of the fighting Grishas.

You didn't turn around. You didn't steal a second glance at him, even though you knew he was watching you until you were out of sight. You knew the moment you looked into his eyes again, you'd change your mind.

You had to be strong.

For both of you. For your common future.

~•♤♤♤•~

When you regained consciousness, you weren't surprised that your hands had been handcuffed, so you couldn't use your powers. You were surprised to be greeted by the familiar sheets of Aleksander's comfortable bed.

And the Darkling himself was lying right next to you with his face towards you.

His eyes were closed, giving you a good look at the darker shadows under his eyes than before. Without knowing why, they disturbed you more than those lazily hovering around the bed. For a moment, you listened to his measured, calm breathing, which would probably confuse anyone else and give the illusory belief that the man next to you is sleeping. But you knew him much better than to fall for such a simple trick.

"I know how you breathe when you're sleeping, Aleksander."

"Maybe I was trying to fall asleep."

"Wearing a kefta? Doubtful." he opened one eye, staring at you silently. You felt your heart start beating faster from the nerves. You had no idea why you were here. Or at least you didn't want to admit it to yourself, so you decided to play the fool. "Are the dungeons undergoing some kind of refurbishment, or are they so full that you haven't found another place for me?"

He stared at you silently, deep in thought. He took his time to answer, playing with the strands of your hair that had escaped your bun from an earlier fight.

"It didn't seem like the right place for you" he finally whispered, making you even more suspicious.

"And where is my right place? After I stabbed you in the back so many times? In your bed? In your arms? As a weapon for your use? Where do you see me, Aleksander?"

"By my side. I've always seen you by my side." he answered at once, without a trace of hesitation in his voice. His shadow circled the room, caressing you from time to time. You didn't know if he was planning to let your guard down or if he had completely lost his mind.

"I don't understand. You should be mad at me. Why don't you hate me? Why are you still looking at me like... like you really have feelings for me? This is another one of your games, right? You want me to go completely crazy this time, don't you?"

"No, my little saint moon." he whispered, undaunted by your anger, gently cupping your chin so you had to look him in the eye. "All I ever wanted was someone equal to me. Why should I get mad at you when all you're doing is trying to find your way to me?"

"I don't…"

"Then why did you let them catch you? Don't try to lie to me, Y/N. I was there. I saw with my own eyes how you backed away from running away at the last moment. Why?"

"You know why." you whispered in a shaky voice. You closed your eyes, trying to protect yourself from the Black Heretic's penetrating gaze and show him the tears beginning to form in your eyes. "I have a million reasons why I should give you up, why I should hate you more than anyone else, but the truth is… my heart wants what it wants. And I don't think I can resist this anymore." you couldn't control your tears, but from the tender touch of his hand as he wiped them from your cheek and the clank of the handcuffs opening, you figured they were necessary for him to believe you.

"You have no idea how long…"

"No." you cut him off before he could say anything more." I have one question for you. Answer it right, and I'll forget about the last few months. Answer it right, and I promise you that you will never have to be alone again, that I'll always be by your side, along with your shadows and everything else that you truly are. That I will accept my destiny as being your moon. I won't let anyone scare me away from you ever again. I just… I need you to be completely honest with me. This one time." you cursed yourself at how weak your voice sounded when he grabbed your hand, kissing tenderly the places where the handcuffs were marked. "You don't have to tell me your whole plan; I just want to know… are all of these lies, battles, wars, deaths… just to keep the Grishas safe? You have no other intention behind this than to give our people home, where they don't have to be afraid of people who hate us and our powers?"

"I swear to you, my little moonstone, there is no other reason. I'm not a maniac drunk on power, as everybody tells you. I just want our people to be safe; I want to give them a world where we can explore the abilities of our power without fear of getting killed for being extraordinary. I can only do this with you by my side. As my equal. As a person who thinks like me and can keep up with my plans. As my partner. As the only one I can trust."

"Good." you nodded, cupping his cheek as you pulled him closer to you, so your lips caught each other again.

And maybe it was naive to think he bought your story about being completely devoted to him; maybe it was just another one of his games; maybe this time he really believed your words. Or maybe he was tired of pretending you didn't feel that strange attraction every time you were together.

You did not know. And you didn't want to know.

You gave into that burning desire every time you were near him, explaining to yourself that you had to earn his trust.

But there was much more to this one kiss than just lust.

It was a promise to you.

You will break his heart and make him hate you. You will drive him mad, drive him away, and then he will cast you out. Aleksander will come to think of you not as his lover but as his greatest enemy. Alina, Baghra and you gonna end the circle of unnecessary deaths.

And then you will finally be free...

Or at least... you will kill you both while trying to hate him as you should from the beginning.

[ashessonfire]

listen here, you DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO RIP MY HEART OUT OF MY CHEST AND THROW IT IN THE MUD AND STAMP ON IT WITH THAT LATEST KAZ FIC OF YOURS, GET IT? I'm completely… devastated. I never asked you for anything, please do a part two, I BEG YOU!

ps: darling, you write very well ♡

'Forgotten' Part two - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Prompt: Kaz slowly begins to remember your relationship, but what good is that if he has already tossed you aside? Can the Bastard of the Barrel save the one thing he truly loves?

You can find the first part of 'Forgotten' here!

- Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Reader (established relationship) - Warnings: A lot of angst, nothing too graphic, lots of emotion coming from Kaz + his crows, so much sadness, dont worry too much though ... :)

A/N: The amount of requests for this have been insane, once again i truly love each one of you, my heart is so full. I hope this is a good ending for the first part, im very happy with how it turned out!! P.S I am so sorry for the pain i seemed to have caused with the first post T-T ════ ∘◦ᵒ 𓅓 ᵒ◦∘ ════

Glimpses of you tormented Kaz, plaguing his every thought. His mind seemingly fixated on the one person he had deserted out of pure spite.

It had been two weeks since you were outcast, and Kaz had prayed to the Saints that it would relieve him of the weight gripping his heart, ever since his memory was ripped away from him. Yet they seemed to laugh in his face, spitting back a far more excruciating punishment for his actions.

Returning his memories.

The second you had left his office, tears spilling as they swirled in your shining eyes, Kaz had felt something deep stirring within him, something resembling dread. Since then, he had begged any higher being for relief as realisation began to flood his senses, engulfing his every thought and action.

Wounds scattered his already battered heart, with the rest of the crows seeming to crush it further each day. Ever since you had slipped carefully crafted letters under each of your friend’s doors, you had melted into the shadows of Ketterdam, not a single trace of your presence left behind.

You knew Kaz ultimately wasn’t to blame, yet the scars he had painted onto your soul were excruciating, physically pushing you away from him to escape further agony. You too, prayed to the Saints that your boyfriend, or perhaps ex-boyfriend, would regain what he had lost, and remember you as his lover.

Wind swept through your hair, salt spraying your glowing features as you sailed towards Ravka, choosing to allow the breeze to blow your pain along the wind, and back to Ketterdam. Pushing Kaz to the furthest corner of your mind, you stepped off the ladder onto Ravkan soil, determined to reap the benefits of your misfortune rather than wallow in them.

Taking the outstretched hand of a grinning sailor, you allowed the warmth of his smile and the welcoming of the group around you to bathe you in some sort of content.

════ ∘◦ᵒ 𓅓 ᵒ◦∘ ════

It seemed as if your prayers had worked, as each day wracked Kaz with a new memory or emotion, each one undeniably interlinked with you. His feelings overtook him, spewing out in rageful fits or harsh punishments for anyone daring to cross him, deepening the rift forming between the boss and his crows.

The moment each crow had read your letter, it instantly clicked into place what had happened, despite your deliberate attempts to remain vague about the exchange which had stolen you from them.

Sitting in Jesper’s room, the crew remained sullen, intense emotions clouding the air, becoming unbearable. The suffocating atmosphere was fractured when Nina suddenly burst out, “I am going to kill him. I warned him to be gentle, yet he pushed my attempts aside, and now...this. The hit could have been hard enough to at least remove some of his stubbornness.”

Nina huffed, rage coursing through her blood at Kaz’s actions, had she not been clear enough? “He can’t just send her away, can he? I mean, I didn’t think he would have it in him to do that, even before those two got together,” Jesper seethed, confusion lacing his voice but an unmistakable anger matching Nina’s.

Wylan remained silent, picking at the rotting wood of the floorboards, too overwhelmed at the loss of you to comprehend his emotions. Inej similarly remained quiet, eyes fluttering shut as she soundlessly prayed to each Saint that you would return, and Kaz would finally see sense.

Despite the varied reactions to their boss’s stupidity, a common thread held them closely together, pain. To each one of them you meant the world, a prevailing light penetrating through the dreary Barrel life which often consumed its inhabitants.

You lit up the darkness of the ruthless city, aiding Jesper in amusing pranks often against Kaz, in which you would take the blame for, knowing deep down Kaz could never hold it against you.

You consoled Wylan when whisps of his past would haunt him, taking him on walks along the canal or making his favourite tea and taking in the views of Ketterdam from the rooftop. The warmth of the suns beams and your words washing away his nerves.

For the usually reserved wraith, you encouraged her confidence, easing her fear of touch in a similar way in which you helped Kaz. Around very few other people Inej could say she felt the same comfort and unconditional love that radiated from your mere presence. Nina could positively agree with how Inej felt, intensely missing her gossip companion and partner in crime. You knew every detail about her, and the rest of the crows, in a way nobody else could ever counter.

On the third week of your absence, the crows had seen very little of their leader, the few signs of his presence being the scraping of a chair in his office, or the beat of a cane on the panels of the Slat, indicating he was finally eating before walling himself up in his desolate isolation again.

Paperwork scattered Kaz’s desk, yet it remained as untouched as it was when he had exiled you. His days were spent calculating finances, unable to bring himself to plan a heist without you, with a distinct and vital element of his crew missing.

A sudden echo of weighted footsteps sounded outside of his door, their ascent bringing a chorus of hushed voices as the crows burst into his office. It had been days since they had last encountered their boss, his previous sighting confining him almost indefinitely to his room. It was in the early hours of the morning a few nights ago that he had finally emerged to gather some papers from the common room, when his attention snapped up to a sight that he was utterly unprepared to face.

Before him, by a fireplace laden with dim embers, sat Inej, Wylan, and Jesper, all three bearing cascading silver lines down their faces. Wylan’s breathing was ragged as he sobbed into Jespers chest, the sight of which triggering the other two. Realisation slammed into Kaz, knocking the breath out of his lungs, startling him with the intensity of emotion that welled up within him.

Not only had he destroyed the one true tenderness in his life, but he had also destroyed his closest friends too.

By this point, he had figured that he had long been captivated with you, and the most recent flashes of memory brought his relationship barreling down on him. Although patches were hazy, he had decoded exactly what he felt.

He was in love with you.

════ ∘◦ᵒ 𓅓 ᵒ◦∘ ════

Before any of the group that had stumbled in could voice their opinions, the sight of their boss stunned them into silence.

Kaz remained hunched over his desk as always, but the ghostly paleness to his skin, the hollowed cheeks that protruded at sharp angles, and the grave circles etched underneath his reddened eyes deeply unsettled his crows. Nothing, not even Pekka Rollin’s greatest attempts to wound him, had ever resulted in Kaz Brekker’s complete and utter destruction.

Until now.

Inej quietly cleared her throat before courageously stating, “Kaz, we are going to find her. Not only are the Dregs seriously disadvantaged, but we also need her. Not just for jobs, even though you may not remember…” until she was cut of by a sharp voice.

Kaz’s head whipped up, glaring with a deathly warning at the people who stood before him. “I do remember,” he lashed out, voice deep and gravelly at the lack of use, “I remember everything now. You think I would have done that if I had known?”

His words echoed around the dim room, but it was something about Kaz’s face which caused the crows to collectively draw in their breath. A tear had freed itself from the confinement of his heart, snaking it was way down his ashen cheek, revealing to the group the torment he was being subject to by his own actions.

With a shaky hand, he procured a crumpled piece of paper from his waistcoat, holding it out to the group in a similar way in which he had done to you, the emotion in his chest pressing tightly against his lungs.

Jesper stepped forward cautiously, snatching it from his hands and unfolding the corners. The group peered over his shoulder to discover a meticulously thought-out plan to retrieve you from Ravka. Kaz glanced at the group, for the first time allowing them a glimpse of his true feelings, begging them silently to aid in his mission.

With a swift look to the others, they wordlessly agreed to Kaz’s plan, Jesper handing back the paper to his boss and giving a tight nod to Kaz, “Lets go then,” he declared.

════ ∘◦ᵒ 𓅓 ᵒ◦∘ ════

Through a thorough process of force, Nina had coaxed the reality of your conversation out of Kaz, pulling up rage from the group. However, they excellently withheld it, knowing you would never blame Kaz for his actions whilst his memories fogged over, despite the pain they had caused.

The air around them cleared as the ship sailed away from the port in Ketterdam, the grey of the ocean blending into cerulean as the voyage to Ravka proceeded. If Kaz’s calculations remained accurate, you would be collecting information within the small harbor you had first landed in, leaving little ground for the group to cover in search of you.

Once they reached land, they split off into six desperate individuals, Jesper searching the market, Inej scouring the rooftops, Wylan inquiring with locals, and Nina investigating the shops that littered the town square. Kaz stationed himself inside a cramped booth at the busiest of the sparse bars that lined the town, his informants assuring him it was the most popular with Ketterdam’s visitors.

For the first time in years, Kaz felt sick with nerves. He remembered how anxious he had felt when he summoned the courage to admit his feelings, but the sheer force of his panic now tied him down and drowned him.

Tears poured frequently from his eyes during the weeks of your absence, the dread of not knowing how you were constantly squeezing at his heart. The knowledge that if something happened to you it would be his fault ate at him until he was a mere shell of the man you had loved.

A voice pulled him out of his daze, like a siren inviting a sailor to dance in the depths of the ocean, Kaz was defenseless against you. As he turned his head towards the sound, you also glanced over at the dark figure in the corner, heart ceasing its movements in your chest the second your gazes locked.

It truly was him.

Frozen by the sight of you, Kaz couldn’t comprehend his own actions, remaining frigid in his seat as he stared at you, eyes once again being subject to the sting of tears.

‘Pathetic’ he thought to himself.

You gave a kind smile to the men you were conversing with previously, quietly slipping into the opposite seat from Kaz. You parted your lips to begin small conversation, not wanting the tension to grow too intense, but your words crumbled as he shot out, “I need you.”

Confusion flooded you, yet the desperation flooding his eyes signaled that he wasn’t done, the words were just slowly configuring inside. You knew him well enough to give an encouraging nod, letting him calculate his next words.

“I need you to come back. I remember it all, and” he stopped himself, breathing shallowly as his lungs refused to intake enough air, “I’m sorry,” he whispered. Tears leaked from his sunken eyes, his fragile appearance wracking you with emotion, the temptation to reach out to him becoming unbearable. Nobody but you had ever seen the Bastard of the Barrel break, yet he sat before you now, heart on full display for only you to see.

Yet you remained strong, answering his pleads by stating, “And how will that go? I know you lost your memory, but will you just push me away again if your feelings overwhelm you?” Before he could respond, you breathed out, “Kindness often isn’t free in this world Kaz, but when it comes to you, I would never expect anything in return. However, if you truly want me back, I need you to prove to me that it's really,” you paused,

“You.”

Instantaneously, Kaz reached for your hand, gloved fingers grasping desperately at your own, interweaving and caressing them in an iron grip. “I swear,” he started, “I will never let anyone harm you again in the way I have, my love,” a flood of emotion seeping into his words and gaze. “Including myself. I’m sorry,” he said, guiding your interweaved hands to his lips, the trembling a mere afterthought as he kissed your knuckles.

Smiling sadly at him, you tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear, hearing a shaky sigh leave his lips at your touch, mere weeks leaving him in desperation for you.

“The others are here I suppose?” you questioned, earning a short nod from Kaz and a diversion of his gaze. Unwinding your hand from his, you stood up, glancing down at the sorrowful man, and offering a soft smile, “Lets go find them then,” heart fluttering as Kaz’s hand gripped your wrist, unable to go without your touch a moment longer.

Weaving your hand through his once more, your gaze softened as the tension carved into your boyfriends sullen face released, as the pair of you made your way out of the establishment, connected by the hands that gripped the other and the love that radiated between the pair. Once you had received at least a hundred embraces and kisses from the other crows, you embarked on the journey back to dreary city of Ketterdam.

Not once on the voyage did Kaz leave your side, exchanging soft touches in each moment, and gently whispering against your temple a breathy, “I love you,” as the sublime colours of the sunset bled into the ocean, coating the two in a golden haze.

Relief settled between you, having the other fully within their reach again.

As Kaz’s attention diverted back to the wide expanse of water before him, you pour all of your emotions into your next words.

“I love you too, Kaz Brekker.”

════ ∘◦ᵒ 𓅓 ᵒ◦∘ ════

tag list: @cinnamon-bun47 @outlawqueen17 @s-corpionem @minstens @myheartfollower @cleverzonkwombatsludge @hopefulpeachnight @aesthetic0cherryblossom @thetargaryenbride @maisieisbae @natalia42069 @words-are-cheap @blancaster @caspianobsessed @lvmos-maximus @peotego  @rhyanna6012 

[auroravictorium]

labyrinth (k.b.)

Oh, I'm falling in love.

Summary: kaz and reader spend a peaceful evening in his room, enjoying each other's company.

Pairing(s): kaz x fem!reader (established relationship)

Word Count: ~2.2k

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, kaz working through his touch aversion, brief allusion to near-death

Genre: fluff!

Author's Note: i promised fluff, and i am here to deliver <3 ENJOY! btw six of crows requests are OPEN! feel free to drop any angst, fluff, or headcanon requests in my asks :))

The sensation of his fingers on the sensitive skin of your inner arm nearly made you shiver, but you forced yourself to remain still as he started to trace your tattoo next. He ran his fingertips over the feathers of the crow, its legs as it perched on the rim of the cup, the vines crawling around the stem and up the side. Your eyes remained trained on his face, though he refused to look at you as he fought against the tide threatening to pull him under.

"Breathe," you gently reminded Kaz as he traced his bare fingertips along the veins in your arm. You watched as he forced himself to take a deep breath in, hold it, and breathe out. 

You sat together on his tiny bed, shoved in the corner of the Slat's attic almost as an afterthought. Letting your mind wander as Kaz let his fingers do the same along your arm and hand, you wondered if Kaz realized he needed to sleep; either he was meticulous about making the bed every morning, or he hadn't spent a minute of his time as leader of the Dregs with his eyes shut.

"What are you thinking about?" Kaz asked softly. He only ever used that voice around you, and it appeared more and more often as he fought to become more vulnerable around you. He figured you deserved it; he didn't want you to spend a day of your relationship regretting choosing him, especially if it could end with a Dime Lion finally getting their hands on you. Two months had passed after your name was handed straight to Pekka Rollins and a bounty for your capture and destruction was placed on your head with the intent of intimidating Kaz into bowing to the supposed might of the Dime Lions. He thought about his rage that morning nearly every day. Nothing motivated his urge to fight his demons and grow closer to you more than his fear of losing you.

"About how you make your bed like a member of the Kerch navy," you answered, leading him off the violent path his thoughts started to head down. He was grateful for that, and he forced another breath of air into his lungs to calm himself down.

"Is that so?" Kaz traced his fingers over the lines on your palm, and a shiver ran down your spine. His lips twitched upward at the reaction.

"Very much so." You scanned his face, from the creases in his forehead as he explored your skin to the focus in his blue eyes, down to the purse of his lips. "Perhaps you'll consider adding Sealegs to your long list of aliases."

Kaz broke into a small smile and finally met your gaze. "I prefer land, but I'll let you know if I develop an inclination otherwise." He dropped your right hand and went for the left, pushing up your sleeve and starting his investigation again. The terror that usually consumed him was bearable as he felt your pulse thrum against his fingertips.

You smiled as he turned your hand this way and that, leaving no mark, vein, or scar untraced. Kaz was nothing if not meticulous as he pushed himself toward being able to bear your touch. "How are you feeling?" you asked, daring to turn your hand in his grasp and loosely curling your fingers around his index finger. You brushed your thumb over a thin, silvery scar he had there, and you wondered how he'd gotten it.

He looked down at your hands, appreciating the subtle test. Instead of pulling his hand away, he laced your fingers together. He held your twined hands in his free one. "It's not bad," he told you quietly. "Not easy, but not difficult." Not as hard as kissing you for the first time had been, though he wanted to try again now and see if the feeling had changed. 

"That's good." You squeezed his hand, hoping it told him how proud you were of him. He'd been somewhat open with you about wanting to push himself and push back against the trauma of what he'd been through. He hadn't told you what that was exactly, but you didn't press. It wasn't your place, and he hadn't pushed you to share what drove you to Ketterdam either. There was a silent agreement that your pasts would remain undiscussed, and it was something you were all too happy to agree to.

Kaz pulled his hand away from yours, and you figured he was done for the day until he started to remove his coat. Your brows furrowed as he neatly folded it up and set it at the foot of his bed with military precision, then rolled up his sleeves and held his arms out to you. "It's not the same," he said, seeing the confusion in your gaze. His voice was uneven from nerves, and he pushed away the urge to pull his gloves and coat back on. He could do this. He was determined to. "Being touched and touching someone else."

You nodded slowly and hesitantly reached out. "One at a time," you told him. He lowered his left arm but kept his right arm stiffly extended. "Breathe," you reminded him. He nodded curtly and watched as you held his hand and slowly started tracing his tattoo with your fingertips.

The ink of the crow and cup stood out starkly against his pale skin, and you noted that his tattoo was more detailed than yours. He'd added more thorns to the vines circling the cup, partly filled with what was supposed to be wine. As you reached the crow's beak and the skin of his inner elbow, Kaz exhaled slowly. He flexed his fingers but allowed you to continue. You reached the crook of his arm and spotted another patch of ink peeking out beneath where he'd rolled his shirt up.

You brushed your thumb over the fragment of the mystery tattoo then ran your fingertips back down his arm, making sure to trace every scar like he had with you. Once his right arm was finished, you switched to his left and repeated the process. To your delight, he had a freckle on the inside of his wrist that you probably spent too long admiring. There was something about Kaz having a freckle that made you smile.

Kaz didn't realize he was smiling with you until you pulled your hands away and looked up at him. As the two of you looked at each other, really looked, heat rushed to your face as you realized that in the past eight months, you had fallen for the Bastard of the Barrel. With every smile he shared with you, you fell all over again. Every flutter of your stomach and pound of your heart in your ears since you'd told him that you'd chosen him, danger and all, confirmed it. A sudden fear that he didn't feel the same struck you, and the fluttering in your stomach slowed with anxiety.

"What is it?" Kaz asked quietly, noticing your smile fade. You didn't seem unhappy, but something had clearly shifted on your face. Did you realize that this was the reality of being with him? Celebrating touches that should be easy?

You considered not telling him. Maybe this wasn't the time, or it was too soon or sudden. But Kaz had fought so hard to be open with you that you owed him the same. The vulnerability should go both ways.

"I told you after Pekka got my name that I chose you," you whispered. Kaz stiffened, his mind getting ahead of him, and you gently squeezed his wrist. You weren't going anywhere, not like he was probably thinking. Shit, that was a terrible way to start this. "You told me I chose to stop running, not the danger of being associated with you."

Kaz nodded slowly, unsure where you were going with this. For once, he couldn't puzzle something together, especially when you were consciously or subconsciously being hard to read. Why were you telling him this?

"I don't regret choosing you for a second," you told him, meeting his gaze. You tried to muster your confidence, though you struggled to keep your breathing steady and your eyes on his. "I've never been able to say that about anyone before. It's never been right." Right time, right place, right person. But you're right. You always have been. "But this is right. You feel right. And I love every piece of you, whole, bruised, and scarred."

The silence that followed your confession was scarier than saying you loved him, and you had to remind yourself to breathe this time. Kaz was so still and quiet that you could have mistaken him for a statue, and you were terrified as you waited for him to say something. Anything. 

You slowly withdrew your hands from his arm, giving him space, and your heart sank to your stomach as Kaz didn't respond to the loss of your touch. "Kaz?" you whispered. "Can you say something? Please?" Your voice cracked on the last word, and you didn't realize that your eyes had started burning until you had to blink to keep your emotions at bay. I shouldn't have said anything. It was too soon.

Kaz finally thawed and met your gaze, and you let out a slow breath in relief. He was silent for a moment, tracing a finger along the inside of his wrist where he would usually pull on his glove. "I thought you were leaving," Kaz admitted, and his voice was rougher than you expected. He caught your hand and laced your fingers together. He took a few deep breaths; suddenly, even the slightest touch seemed like too much. He didn't have long before he'd need to put his gloves back on. "I will say it," he said quietly. "I swear it. I need time. I know that's-"

Your shoulders relaxed at his words, and you offered him a small smile as relief flooded your chest. "It's enough," you said, cutting him off before he could concern himself with whether that was alright with you. Of course it was. You brushed your thumb over his knuckles before pulling your hand away and offering his gloves to him. "It's more than enough. Your pace, Kaz."

He nodded. Before he put his gloves on, he lifted your hand to his mouth and brushed a soft kiss along your knuckles. "Thank you," he whispered, his lips ghosting against your skin. He pulled his gloves back on but did leave his coat off, letting you admire how his forearms tensed and relaxed as he flexed his fingers. Kaz raised his brow at your not-so-subtle look. "What?"

"Are you sure you're not considering a career in the navy? I think you'd make a fine sailor."

Kaz scowled, but his eyes sparkled with amusement as he leaned back and grabbed a book from his nightstand. He passed it to you, though you saw him briefly consider tossing it at you and letting you try to catch it. "You're a bigger flirt than Jesper."

"Nobody is a bigger flirt than Jesper," you answered as you made yourself comfortable at the foot of his bed while he leaned against the headboard. 

Kaz smirked and opened his own book. "Except for you."

"Read your book, Sealegs."

A stiff pillow hit you in the back of the head, and you dropped your book. It thudded to the ground, and you turned around, raising a brow at Kaz innocently reading his book on the True Sea. Your hand twitched toward the pillow. His face was in its usual frown, but his eyes glimmered with a challenge that you were all too happy to accept.

You grabbed the pillow and smacked him with it once, knocking his own book away, then hit him again in the face for good measure. The book lodged somewhere between the mattress and the wall, and satisfaction burned through you as Kaz spluttered and grabbed at the pillow. You slipped off the bed, giggling, and danced out of reach as he wrenched the pillow from your hands and tried to strike you with it. You grinned, content with how the tension in the air had loosened, leaving you both feeling much more carefree.

Failing to reach you while sitting on the bed, Kaz launched the pillow at you. He felt content with his aim until you darted across the room toward the door.

You narrowly made it through before the pillow hit the doorframe, and your laughter echoed down the hall as you went toward your own bedroom to get ready for bed. There was a smug skip in your step as you moved down the stairs and rounded the corner to make it to your room. You'd return to tell Kaz goodnight, but until then, you'd let him stew in his loss of the pillow fight he'd started.

TAGLIST: @tonberry-yoda, @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r, @futurecorps3 (welcome to the taglist!)

[petertingle-yipyip]

STRANGER (vii) - KAZ BREKKER

tags: @beekeepingageissome @shadowzena43 @nikfigueiredo @mp-littlebit @starmansirius @hadesnumber1daughter @directioner5life @strvngestark @hostilityghost @ofmenanduhhhwellmen // previously // next

Pairing: Kaz x Davina Rollins (enemies to lovers)

Word Count: 6,331

Summary: Davina and her Snakes take a chance on a job that seems simple enough. But being the Princess of the Barrel is never simple. At least there’s an ally of sorts.

You didn’t know how long you avoided the Dregs after those few days. You didn’t step foot in the Crow Club. You didn’t even look at the building. You took to entering the Poisoned Rook from a side door just so you didn’t have to see it.

You ignored the feeling of being watched from the shadows, didn’t look up to check rooftops. There was no mistaking the feeling of the Wraith watching, but you wouldn’t give in and acknowledge it. Instead, you kept your hood up and your head down.

You didn’t even reach out to the Dregs when you found the envelope on your desk at the Rook. Melli said someone brought it to the doorman and asked that it got to you, but she didn’t see who it was and they didn’t give a name.

You recognized the handwriting easily enough, so when you opened it and counted 800 kruge, you felt a new twist in your stomach. Kaz took care of Jesper’s debt. You didn’t know if it was for your benefit or Jesper’s, the former was more likely, but you didn’t care to ask. A debt paid was a debt paid, no matter where the kruge came from.

So you found Jesper’s debt form, signed it as paid, and filed it away. The deal was the deal, and you didn’t need to revisit it.

You were cleaning up some things in your office before you intended on leaving. Kol was on the door - there seemed to be less ruckus when he was - and you were waiting for Melli to arrive to switch charge. When she finally entered, her cheeks were flush as if she’d been running and her eyes were alight with excitement.

“You look like you enjoyed a good tumble.” You laughed as you pulled your cloak off the back of your chair.

“No, no.” She waved you off, though her smile stayed. “I got a tip on a job.”

Your brows raised. “Tell me.”

“It’s some sculpture, fits on a desk or an end table.” She nodded, creating a vague sized box with her hands. “He said it was taken and sold to a Merchant.”

“What kind of statue? Valuable?” Maybe you’d lift it and sell it on your own.

“Seems more sentimental than anything. He said it was from some Grisha tale. Some legendary Bonesmith?” She shrugged. “But it’s a three piece figure. A stag, some sea whip and a bird.”

“Go get Kol. Have Nik take over the door.”

She was gone in a flash so you sat back in your chair while you waited. You blew out a sigh as you dropped down. So much for leaving early. Melli returns quickly with Kol in tow and shuts the door.

“Kol, what do you know of the Bonesmith?” You asked. If there was no truth to the alleged Grisha tale, then there was no point pursuing the job at all.

“The Bonesmith?” He repeated. “He’s an old legend, a Saint. Sankta Ilya in Chains. He was Materialki but his story says he put a child back together that was cut in half.”

“What connection does he have to a stag, a sea whip, and a bird?”

“It’s said that he created three amplifiers in those forms. Why?”

You nodded to Melli.

Eagerly, she began to explain. “A man, said he’s Ravkan and was in some sort of robes, said that Karl Dryden has taken possession of a statue that belongs in one of the Churches. It’s of a stag, sea whip, and bird.”

“Dryden cares for Grisha legend?” Your brows raised.

“I doubt it.” She shook her head. “Dryden’s new to the Council so he may just have been looking for something old and pretty.”

She patted her pockets to search and pulled a paper out of her coat. She unfolded it and handed it to you.

You motioned Kol closer.

“That’s Morozova’s Stag.” He pointed to the dear in the center, sporting massive and intricate antlers. “The sea whip, Rusalye.” He traced the length of the snakelike creature around the stag’s feet. “And the firebird.” He tapped the large bird above the others.

“So we’re being asked to nab a potentially very old and potentially very delicate depiction of Grisha legend.” You put the paper down. “How much?”

“Ten thousand kruge.” Melli answered, and the excitement she’s been jittering with now made sense.

“A Ravkan monk has ten thousand sitting around?”

“I saw it myself.” She nodded enthusiastically.

“And it’s all real?”

“Sankta Ilya’s power is the greatest ever known to Grisha, and some churches receive more tithe than others.” Kol added. “And the currency conversion may have helped. But for all we know, that church drained its coffers to get that statue back.”

“Isn’t Ravka broke?” You turned to him. “I’ve heard rumors of defaulting on the loans from Kerch.”

Kol wrinkled his nose and waved a hand. You almost laughed.

“We’d need intel on where Dryden keeps it.” You said pointedly to Melli. “And we’ll need the layout of his house, security measures, occupants.”

“I can scout tonight.”

“It needs to be a small crew. Who would you take?”

“Us.” Melli gestured to the three people in the room. “Would you want anyone else?”

“No…” You looked between your friends. “No, this is fine. I’ll look into floor plans of the Dryden estate. We move on this tomorrow night. The sooner we do this, the less likely someone else can take it out from under us.”

“Someone has to send word to the Ravkan that we’ll do it.” Melli added.

“I’ll go.” Kol offered.

“Melli, bring paper. I want you to note what you can and we’ll compare it to what I can gather.”

“Who are you going to?”

“Do you really need to ask that? There’s one man in the Barrel that knows everything.”

“Be careful going back there.” Kol said earnestly and you nodded. He returned the gesture before turning to Melli. “Tell me what he looked like.” 

You shooed the two away while they discussed the man’s appearance. You waited a moment, looking down at the drawing, and sighed. There was only one person that could get you the plans of the Dryden estate that night, otherwise you’d have to wait till the morning. You cursed quietly and reached for the envelope of 800 kruge that you had shoved to the back of a drawer.

You hid it in the main pocket of your cloak and you fit it in place around your shoulders. You pulled your hood up and headed to the one place you dreaded, that you hated arguably more than the Emerald Palace.

The Crow Club.

Luckily for you, Jesper was manning the door. He beamed at your approach and nodded, tipping his hat in the process.

“Welcome back.” He said kindly as you shifted your hood back enough to show your face.

“I need to speak with him.” You said plainly.

“With the boss? Yeah, I’ll take you.” He offered you his arm and you frowned slightly. He shook his head with a small chuckle and gestured for you to follow. He mumbled something about you being as proud and stubborn as ever, though it was intended as a friendly jab.

You resisted the urge to hide in your hood as you went through the Club. Your eyes started forward, trained on a spot between Jesper’s shoulder, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t feel the other eyes turning on you. Partons and Dregs alike seemed to stop what they were doing to watch you pass.

Jesper took you to a small staircase in the back corner. You hadn’t even noticed it your first time in. He tapped on the door quickly before poking his head in. You could just faintly hear the conversation.

“Hey, Boss. You’ve got a visitor.” Jesper said quickly. “Hi, Inej.”

“Hello, Jesper.”’ The Suli girl answered.

“Tell them to come back later.” Kaz said quickly.

“I think you’re gonna wanna take this.” Jesper tried.

“I’m busy.”

“Are you though?”

“Who is it?” Inej chimed in.

Jesper leaned back to look at you, but you noticed the positioning of his body kept you out of sight from those in the other room. Your fingers drummed along the metal railing as you glanced around the Club.

Jesper smiled at you when you finally looked back and you just shrugged. “A friend.” He popped his head back in. “Your friend.” He emphasized, likely towards Kaz.

You returned your eyes to the Club floor and your gaze met an unwelcome set of eyes already on you.

Per Haskell.

Your stomach pitched and you rubbed a hand against your chest, feeling the hard material of the blade under your cloak. If Haskell took even a step towards you, you’d slice off the pound of flesh you were owed, despite the riot it would cause. Before anything could get to that point, you put a hand on Jesper’s shoulder.

“Forget it.” You said quickly. He turned to face you and his expression shifted to confusion, either to your sudden decision change or your own expression. “Thank you for trying. I’ll figure it out some other way.”

“Davina?” Kaz asked. Your eyes darted to the doorway, something in you reacting to your name coming from his voice, but you looked back to Jesper with a pointed expression. You were quietly begging any Saint listening that he understood you wanted out.

“Hang on. What…” Jesper grabbed your arm before he looked over your shoulder. You gently tried to pull your arm away but you saw him understand. “I’ll walk you out then.”

He made a point to come around you and stand between you and the rest of the Club floor.

“Thank you.” You sighed. You wouldn’t say you needed the escort, but when Jesper offered you his hand, you accepted it. Admittedly, it was a comfort to know you’d have one.

You were halfway down the short steps when Kaz called you back.

“Wait.” He said and Jesper immediately stopped. “Bring her in.”

You cursed quietly as Jesper turned you back to Kaz’s office. Inej was still inside and she offered you a quick nod. You returned the gesture, even intended to smile at the girl, but the fight to keep the memory of the hallucinations away was at the forefront of your mind.

Jesper gave your hand a slight squeeze before he left. You only knew he was gone when the door closed behind him. You were staring blankly at the floor while your mind tried to find some sense of reality.

“Davina?” Inej asked carefully. You couldn’t figure out if it was concern or distrust in her voice. “Are you alright?”

You said nothing. You couldn’t say anything. No matter what words you tried to summon, nothing came out of your mouth. Your voice had left you.

She came closer and her hand landed lightly on your arm. The new touch seemed to snap you back to focus and your eyes met hers. One look and you understood it had been concern in her words a moment ago. You smiled sadly and nodded in thanks. You cleared your throat and pulled your shoulders back, finding your control again as Inej’s hand fell away.

“Right, well.” You said and drew your hood back. You found Kaz already looking at you, that cursed unreadable expression on his features as he leaned on the desk’s surface. “What do you know about the Dryden estate?”

“The newest Merchant?” Kaz answered with a noncommittal shrug. “Not much worth knowing.”

“But do you know the layout of the house? I need the floor plans.”

“Do you?” He stood tall, eyeing you carefully. “What for?”

“Can you only ask questions or do you answer them?” You shot back.

Inej chuckled quietly and Kaz glared at her for a moment, though the look lacked any real heat.

“How much?” You sighed.

He looked back at you and raised his brows in quiet question.

“You either have the plans or you know who does. I don’t have time to run around to offices and wait for requests to process. You also refuse to say anything remotely helpful without incentive. So I ask again, how much?”

“What do you need them for?” He asked instead and you had to refrain from rolling your eyes.

“A job, clearly.”

“On Dryden?”

“No, on his neighbor.” That time you did roll your eyes. “Yes, Dryden, you insufferable man.”

He smirked slightly and sat back in his chair. He lifted his cane and spun it, thoughtfully examining the crow’s head. “Insufferable.” He repeated to himself.

“I have other, less kind words if you don’t like that one.” You muttered.

“Dryden doesn’t have much.” He said instead. “Do you have someone that can pick locks?”

“Well enough.” You nodded. You were no expert, but you could handle most basic locks.

Kaz muttered to himself, some sort of mockery of your answer, as he rummaged through a drawer. You glanced and saw Inej had disappeared. You had to applaud her light footedness. When you looked back at Kaz, he handed you something. You accepted the small case and flipped the top, exposing a set of lock picks.

“Well enough doesn’t mean I need these.” You slammed it shut and handed it back to him.

He leaned back in his chair, clearly expressing he had no intent of taking them back.

“The locks on the windows are simple enough, but if you don’t have picks, you won’t get anywhere.”

“I don’t want your charity.” You snapped.

“Don’t call it charity then.” He shrugged. “Call it a gift.”

You groaned and pulled your arm back to throw the case at the wall near him. He didn’t flinch but before you could let the case go, you were tapped with a rolled up paper. You flinched and gripped the case tighter, planning to use it as a weapon, but you relaxed when you saw it was just Inej. You hadn’t even seen the woman come back.

“The Dryden Estate.” She said simply, shaking the paper at you. Hesitantly, you dropped the pick case down your sleeve and took it.

“Thank you…” You said carefully. “Why are you helping me?”

“What Haskell did to you last time you were here was beyond wrong. I wouldn’t wish that type of treatment on anyone. I hope this can make up for it.”

“You’re helping me to try and make amends?”

“I’m helping you to keep us on fair terms.” She corrected. 

“You don’t like me all that much, do you?” You teased. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Kaz frown more noticeable than he usually did. Or maybe his usual expression was closer to a scowl.

“No.” She said flatly and with finality.

“Why is that?”

“Davina.” Kaz warned. You waved him off but conceded to his underlying request.

“You’re right, Wraith.” You nodded to her. “I am my father’s daughter, and I’ve come to terms with that. I know that makes me horrid. Wretched. Unbearable. All these horrible things, and all his fault. Despite that, I think you and I will come out of all of this as good friends.” You wagged a finger at her.

“We have a common enemy.” She said instead and you pouted slightly, just to be a pain. “We should focus on that.”

“Do we?” You nodded and looked back to Kaz. Your head tilted, falling slightly against your shoulder, and you raised your brows slightly. “She knows, then?”

“No.” He answered tightly. He was scanning your expression, piecing together what you were planning as you straightened with a small, mischievous smirk. While it was clear he wanted to know what you were lifting from Dryden, he was also working to figure out if you’d tell Inej his secret.

You considered it, just to push your limit with him and see how far he’d really let you go. But at that moment, you liked having your limbs attached and your blood in your veins. Some other time, you decided. 

“I thought if you’d tell any of them, you’d tell her.” You shook your head. “But I suppose it’s fair. I haven’t told Melli yet, either.”

“Enough.” Kaz said firmly and stood. You sighed inwardly but kept his gaze, standing a little taller and giving a small shrug, as if to say it was his move. “I’ll walk you out.”

You made a noise of satisfaction to yourself and gestured for him to walk ahead of you. With the plans tucked under your arm and hidden by your cloak, you nodded in thanks to Inej and followed Kaz out.

“You know…” You began as you fell into stride with him. “You shouldn’t pay off his debts.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said plainly.

You pulled the envelope from your cloak’s pocket and handed it to him. You didn’t look over as he took it. “What makes you think this was me?”

“I know your handwriting.” You rolled your eyes to yourself. “I hope you don’t think this makes us equal in any way.”

“Why would I care about that?” He sounded bored but there was an honest inquiry there. It almost seemed as if he wasn’t sure why you two would need to be equal.

“The night at the Exchange.” You said tightly. “You may have helped last time I was here and your may have paid off your friend’s debt, but that doesn’t mean I won’t hold a grudge for a while longer.”

“And if I have a grudge of my own?”

“I know you do. Like I said, I know who you see in my place… How did you know about the credit? As far as I knew, only Nina knew.”

“He confessed while you were unconscious, said it was his fault you were there.”

He said it so simply, as if it was just something that happened sometimes. The sun rose, the tides came and went, you fell unconscious due to poisoning. You shivered slightly and while you didn’t return the gesture, Kaz peeked over at you.

“Humor me and take it.” You said carefully, accidentally having locked eyes with Haskell again. “Consider it payment for the plans and the picks.”

Haskell stood and you saw two glasses in his hands. Instantly, and regrettably, you put yourself a step behind Kaz. He stood a bit straighter but said nothing. Your eyes remained forward, hands folded behind you, and your hood down. As much as you wanted to hide in it, you wouldn’t appear a coward with Haskell coming towards you and Kaz. Once he was close enough, Kaz put his cane to the side to stop you, coincidentally keeping you behind him.

He looked past Haskell, who he was looking at you couldn’t tell among the crowd, and did a quick series of hand gestures. Satisfied with the response, he faced down his boss.

“Well, well, isn’t this a sight?” Haskell announced, though only a few heads turned. For that, you were grateful.

“Sir.” You nodded politely and Kaz made a small noise of amusement.

“What are you doing with this one, Boy?” He asked Kaz.

“Exchange of services, Sir.” Kaz answered with the same manners you used and you said nothing. “Just showing our friend good manners on her way out.”

“Services, eh? Yes, you needed a good tumble.” Haskell said thoughtfully, scratching his graying beard with a nod. “Bit upright lately, but I’m sure she fixed you right up.”

You had a million protests ready but Kaz reached for Haskell’s shoulder and turned him away. You opened your mouth to say something but another hand was on your back to guide you away. You reached for your hidden blade but saw it was only Jesper. You followed without question, relaxing only slightly, but you still looked back over your shoulder.

Kaz met your eyes and offered a sharp nod. You knew what he had done, he did on purpose. He took Haskell away and had Jesper ensure you left the Crow Club safely. He didn’t have to. You knew as well as he had to, yet he did it anyway. You couldn’t understand why.

Early the next morning, you and your friends planned the job. Melli’s notes aligned with what you had gotten from Kaz, moreso from Inej if you thought about it. Your trio spent most of the morning bouncing ideas off each other until the plan was set. You’d get the windows open and slip inside with Melli. Kol would keep lookout and knock out the footmen. Melli would be responsible for carrying the statue out and Kol would go with her to deliver it to the Ravkan. It seemed simple enough, until it all went to hell.

You weren’t naive enough to think Melli was the only one that had access to the job. Someone else very well could’ve heard or was even offered the job while you were all discussing. You were, however, foolish enough to believe that once you confirmed with the Ravkan, it would’ve been yours and yours alone. But it seemed the Dime Lions had a different idea.

You and Melli carefully put the figure in her shoulder bag, padded with a few extra shirts, and were heading back out the window. It was a second story window but a garden lattice was climbing up the wall beside it. You had scaled it like a ladder and were allowing Melli down first. Kol was waiting at the bottom and you saw the slight flex of his fingers to keep Melli calm.

You were seated halfway out the window, watching your lieutenant make her way down. The picks fell out your sleeve and into your hand as if automatic and you were readying to climb out and relock the window. Once her feet hit the ground, you were shifting to swing your leg out when you felt the impact of a bullet against your side. You opted to leave your hood, wearing the Grisha made vest instead with a scarf wrapped across the lower half of your face. 

The bullet threw your balance sideways and you gripped the window frame to keep from falling. You turned your eyes towards the room and saw no one, but the faint light from the hall allowed you to see the smoke from the fired gun that was retreating. Quickly, you turned over your shoulder and saw Kol and Melli gesturing for you to hurry. You waved them off, hoping they’d stick to their jobs instead of waiting around for you, and let the picks slide back into your sleeve, pulled a blade from your boot, and dropped back into the house.

You landed in a crouch near the window and felt the precursor of a bruise forming on your ribs. Quiet curses fell from your lips as you moved along the wall, staying in a low crouch and keeping contact with the wall. Your plan now was to get that door shut and barricaded then hurry out the window. You were only a few feet away when the door swung open, nearly knocking you off your feet. You swallowed your yelp of surprise and pushed yourself further against the wall.

“I saw her at the window, Boss.” One of the men said.

Three men crossed the room and went straight for the window. You didn’t need them to turn to recognize your father among them. You tried to make yourself a bit flatter as you crept around the open door. You were nearly out when a fourth man appeared and yanked you to your feet.

You kept a firm grip on your knife as he shoved you back into the room.

“Ah.” Your father smiled at you. “There she is.”

“Why are you here?” You asked. A simple enough question that you didn’t necessarily care to hear an answer to, but it would buy time. All you could think was whether or not Kol and Melli were able to get away.

He shrugged and stepped closer, yanking the scarf off your face. You had half a mind to bite him.

“I heard whispers of someone coming for Dryden tonight so I offered my help.” He explained and the arrogance in his voice made you sick. You wrinkled your nose in disgust but he didn’t seem to notice. “Didn’t think you were up for it thought, little one.”

“Have your guy let me go and we’ll see what I’m really up for, Papa.” You instigated but the man behind you kicked out your knee, forcing you to the ground and keeping you there with a hand pushing down on your shoulder.

“You see, Davi?” Your father knelt in front of you. You kept eye contact but you had yo force yourself not to spit in his face. “You’re not meant for all of this.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” You shook your head, feeling the handle of the blade in your hand. “I’ve stood against you twice already. I’ve gotten away from Dirtyhands and the Dregs. This isn’t your kingdom anymore.”

“Even if you could take it, you wouldn’t know what to do with it.” He almost sounded apologetic, like when he would explain why you couldn’t have another dessert. It made your blood boil.

“Why do you think I’ve been making friends in the Barrel?” You mocked. “My Snakes, Heartrenders, even a few Dregs.”

“Davi, Davi, Davi.” He said in disappointment. “You always were a stubborn one.”

“I believe they say I’m pigheaded, just like you.”

He waved you off.

“What’d you come here for, little one?” He asked, surveying the room for what he would perceive as valuable. His eyes came back to you when he saw nothing.

That, of course, was because the statue was already gone. The rest of the commodities in the room were of basica, Merchant luxury. Nothing worth enough to take.

When you said nothing, you saw your father’s hand tighten into a fist. If you could get him to hit you, you could start an entire brawl with all four of them. The chaos would be enough for you to bolt.

“Don’t you see?” You instigated. “If you can’t see what’s worth it in this room, then your reign really is over.” You laughed. “You’re from an older regime, Papa. Dirtyhands and I, we’re the ones who are going to hold the power in the Barrel soon enough. Once we do, you best believe we are burning the Emerald Palace to the ground first. And I am asking every single Saint that you and your heir are inside.”

“You’d wish death on your brother?” His eyebrows raised.

“He’s no brother of mine. You made sure of that.” You spat at his feet. “I share my mother’s face and I share your last name, but know that we are not the same. Everything that has happened has been and forever will be your fault.”

That did it.

He swung his fist against your jaw and the Lion behind you let you fall to the ground. You thought it was ironic that he dared to talk down on you for forgoing your relation to his son but could so easily strike his daughter. You felt a hand on your arm to sit you back up and so you swung the blade. You didn’t stop to see who or where you connected before you hurried to your feet.

The three Dime Lions stood across from you, which meant you had cut your father, and that made you smile. With the blade firmly gripped in your hand, you threw yourself into a fight. You kept close the to men, ducking and dodging more than attacking on your own. Your nimble mvoements made them hit each other more than you, which seemed to piss them off more, especially when your blade came through with knicks and small jabs. Your father was barking orders, making his way to his feet, which served as a perfect distraction.

You kicked out at one of Lions’ backs and he fell onto your father. You ducked a swing and slashed a long line down the arm of a second. The last Lion leaned down to tackle you, his shoulder slamming into your stomach. You fumbled the blade, knicking the edge of your own plam before getting it back under control.

You were slammed hard against the wall behind you and it knocked the air out of your lungs. He had a few inches off the ground so you drove your knee up hard, hitting his stomach several times. When he finally let you fall, you drove your knife up into his stomach.

“I’d make sure there’s a Healer close when you take that out.” You warned, taking deep breaths to refill your lungs. Silence fell over the room and you wondered what your father was seeing now.

“You’re dead.” The Lion hissed. Your head cocked and you drew a second knife from your boot. You flipped his arm, swatting away the other hand he tried to grab you with, and found his tattoo. You dragged your blade across it, decapitating the lion. “I’m gonna kill you myself, you little bitch.”

“No.” You looked him in the eyes, gripping your embedded knife. When it shifted, blood leaked out and over your hands. “I don’t think you will.”

You yanked it out and he fell to his knees. You forced away the thought that you had just killed a man and faced your father, a bloodied knife in either hand while the blood of his Lion dripped off your fingers. You kept your chin high and he seemed horrified by the sight.

Good.

“His death is on you.” You pointed the blade towards him. “As is the death of any Lion that comes after me or my Snakes. As is the death of my friends.”

You crossed the room and stood toe to toe. The other Lions took a step back but your father stared you down.

“Do you even remember their names?” You asked quietly. “The two boys that were my only friends.”

He said nothing. He took a step back and raised a pistol to your forehead. Your eyes went wide with shock for a second before you regained your composure.

“You judge that I wouldn’t care if your son died, but you raise a gun to your daughter. Again.” You laughed in disbelief.

“You’re no child of mine.” He said and despite the venom in the words, there was the gloss of unshed tears in his eyes. 

“I haven’t been your child in years, Pekka.” You spat and the gun cocked.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You thought immediately of Melli and Kol, how they’d fare in the wake of your death. Kol would take over as lieutenant when Melli took your place, you were sure of it. He’d be able to keep good relations with Nina, who could convince Inej and Jesper to convince Kaz to not demolish the Snakes. It may even be enough to be true allies. The irony of the one thing you’d been hoping for being more likely after your death was not lost on you, even in your potential last moments.

And then, your thoughts drifted to Kaz. The strange relationship you two held. He hated you, that much was as certain as the sun rising in the morning, but he also (maybe) still saw you as a friend. Small moments had you convinced that there was some semblance of the boy you knew was still there, kicking and screaming and fighting to be recognized. He kept you safe at your most vulnerable. He gave you the picks, the plans, and paid off his friend’s debt to you. You thought of some of the things he said to you, brief sentences that had made a little home in the deepest corner of your mind.

She isn’t like you.

Not all memories are bad.

I never blamed you.

Was that what they meant when they said your life flashed before your eyes when you were going to die? Memories and thoughts of those you were leaving behind. You thought in passing of your mother, if she’d

mourn you, but you understood she lost you a long time ago.

A sudden clatter made your eyes shoot open. Your father was clutching a now bleeding hand and his pistol was a few feet away, laying next to a small blade. You were quick to tuck yours away and pick up the fallen, familiar blade. You examined it for a second and realized it was Inej’s.

You looked up and saw a small figure creeping through the shadows while the two remaining Lions ran to the window. You slid the blade across the floor and took up your father’s gun. You stood and pointed it at him.

When he faced you, you fired and the bullet hit his leg.

The sound made the pair of Dime Lions turn and face you. You motioned them closer and waited. You held your position as they charged until you felt the quiet presence beside you. Their steps didn’t falter. You didn’t say anything or even look towards Inej, but once she moved, so did you.

You spun to avoid an oncoming punch and shot at the man’s foot. He cried out and fell to the floor, making the other one stumble over his fallen body. You glanced at your father and saw him hauling himself to his feet so you threw the gun and it hit him in the head.

Your distraction allowed for the fallen Lion to yank your foot from under you. You yelped before you hit the ground and he was quickly moving to pin you down. You kicked a blade free from your boot and went to use it, but he caught your wrist and turned the blade away. He pushed your hand down and your blade skirted down the outside of your arm. You cried out and threw your forehead forward, hearing a satisfying crack as it connected with his nose.

Inej made quick work of the Dime Lion, leaving him groaning and holding a hand to the deepest of several knife slashes. She helped you to your feet and you gestured for her to go first as you put your blade away, following her back to the window. She lept out first with that natural grace you envied and you came out next. You were reaching for the wooden lattice when the gunshot sounded and the bullet tore through your arm.

You almost fell from the impact but you just managed to get your feet in the flimsy structure. Your other arm faltered, stinging from the long knife wound, but you refused to let go. You clumsily got to the bottom and she grabbed your hand to pull you with her.

When you two finally got back to the Barrel, you got her to take a pause in an alley. You practically collapsed against the wall and slid to the floor with a thud. You reached for your torn sleeve and noticed how much blood was still on your hands.

Not all of it was yours and it was almost enough to make you sick. You knew you’d end up killing someone sooner or later, but that didn’t seem to make the first time any easier.

You forced yourself to focus and pulled your torn sleeve until it came off. You awkwardly wrapped it around the long slash until Inej came over quietly and took over.

“Why were you there?” You asked quietly. Truthfully, you didn’t quite care but you were grateful. You did need a distraction for thinking of the man you just killed.

“I knew you were going to be there, and I saw when your Heartrender and lieutenant made it back. They were talking about you and how they had to leave you.” She explained.

“Oh..”

“I thought of going back to Kaz but I wasn’t sure there was time.” She tied a tight knot and winced.

“And here I was thinking you didn’t like me.” You joked, letting your head fall back against the wall behind you.

“I don’t, not really, but I do respect you.” She explained and you raised a brow. “And Kaz seems to have taken a liking to you.”

You scoffed slightly. “If you knew the whole story, you’d know that’s not true.”

“I don’t need to.”

“You trust Kaz that much?”

“I owe Kaz that much. We all have a past, Davina, but that’s not all we have.”

“Is that some Suli wisdom?”

“No.” She smiled slightly. “Just the truth.”

“Thank you.” You nodded. “For showing up. You saved my life.”

“I’d like to think you’d do the same for us.” She said, though the tilt to her voice let you know it was more of a question.

“A select few Dregs.” You confirmed. “I could count them on one hand.”

She glanced behind her to see the foot traffic in the street before looking at your wounds, then she met your eyes.

“The Slat may be closer.” She said hesitantly.

“Maybe.” You agreed. “But it’d be better if I made it to the Rook at least. Kol can help me from there... I truly appreciate what you did for me tonight.”

She nodded. “Was that the first time you took a life?”

“That obvious?”

“Your hands are still trembling.”

“That may be due to blood loss.” You defended.

“And I saw the look in your eyes.”

“Does it get easier?”

She stood and offered you a hand. You accepted it, allowing her to help you to your feet. She walked with you for a few feet before she disappeared into the street, effortlessly blending into the crowd. But her last sentence seemed to echo in her absence. 

“No, it doesn’t.”

[happynowyo]

Stubbornness, part 2

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of touch aversion, some smut

Summary: The early morning comes and you face some new opportunities along with the pleasure as Kaz's trying new things.

Word count: 3,1k

Part 1

After dawn you woke up with this weird feeling that you already had enough sleep. During the evening Kaz had been quite generous with lots of kisses and had distracted you with his caress, so it was entirely his fault that you'd just dreamt about someone caressing you. These intriguing images were still fresh in your mind. You blushed involuntarily and squinted sleepily as you looked around the small bedroom, lit by the soft dawn light.

Suddenly you froze and your eyes widened with surprise. You were definitely awake, but for some reason you could still feel someone else's touches. You realized what was happening so slowly, almost reluctantly, rejecting the frightening reality to the last. It was Kaz. It was sleeping Kaz who was really fucking touching you.

You tensed, and panic quickly filled your body. The incomprehension of what was happening overtook you as swiftly as the telltale heat, that made your cheeks visibly blush. Kaz's thin, strikingly hot fingers, meanwhile, continued their slow march under your T-shirt along your stomach and reached your ribs before they went up to your chest.

Your first thought was to bounce back and wake him up, to remember boundaries and decency and to ask, "What the fuck are you doing?". But the same question you could have asked yourself. An inner voice insisted on getting out of that bed, sprinkling everything with a massive amount of exquisite curses.

Because you didn't do anything. Curiosity became almost morbid, so you continued to lie quietly on your back with your right leg bent at the knee, holding your breath, just stiffened by every new touch. You knew that Kaz's feelings for you were real, and you were well aware of his ambivalent attitude when he was desperate to touch you and scared of doing so at the same time. But you couldn't imagine how much he was drawn to you, since his mind was able to break through the barriers created by time and make him forget about this eternal self-control at least in his sleep.

Was he dreaming something similar to what was happening in reality? Had it happened before? How did Kaz react to it? All of these questions seriously bothered you, but more important was how your body reacted to this unhurried caress. Kaz's fingers gently moved to your breast and squeezed lightly, making you swallow convulsively and tense up. Your stomach cramped with sweet anticipation, though your mind was still trying to find a decent way out.

Meanwhile, Kaz had his hands around your already hard nipple, playing with it unobtrusively. "God, make him stop", you couldn't take it. "No, don't stop".

Kaz's palm slid gently back onto your belly. His naughty fingers began to trace indistinct patterns, and your breathing quickened. The tips of his fingers literally danced on your bare skin and got closer and closer to the edge of your pajama pants, and that made the obvious desire grow stronger. You could literally feel how your underwear was getting wet, but Kaz's sharp sigh instantly caught your attention.

He was awake now, but his mind obviously needed some time to go into what was going on around him. You'd noticed this in the previous nights you'd spent together. The worst part now wasn't even that you'd have to throw an accusing and astonished question like "Why the hell did you touch me?" at him. It was that you wouldn't have found right words to respond to his fair one, "Why the hell didn't you stop me?".

His loud sigh repeated, and without even looking at him, you could imagine the shock that instantly overtook him at the realization that his fingers were freely touching your belly without the barrier of his usual gloves or an extra layer of clothing. Kaz tensed, but you managed to catch his hand, gently holding his wrist in its former position, before you turned your head smoothly to meet his worried and agitated gaze.

— It's all right. You didn't do anything wrong.

You needed to calm him down before panic took over his mind, so you tried to use the softest and most affectionate tone possible. Kaz's gaze slid tensely across your face, searching for a catch, and you were curious as to what exactly he had seen in his dream before. The question was already on the tip of your tongue, but you didn't want to add any more reason for Kaz to worry.

— But I did do something, didn't I?

His thoughts were like a disturbed beehive of bees, Kaz tried to catch at least one of them, but he was never successful. It was as if his whole being was divided in two. There was a part drowning in fear and growing panic at how close you were, and there was the other part screaming in a desire to go on and explore your body further, to find each of your sensitive spots and make you feel good. Kaz wanted to be able to overcome his past and his traumas, to learn how to give you the pleasure you deserved.

He didn't know much about sex, despite literally growing up on the streets of the Barrel, where carnal pleasure was a cheap currency. On any given night it was easy to spot couples in love lurking in dark corners and empty alleys. There was a brothel on every street that employed girls and guys of all tastes. Kaz used to think he was above it all and, therefore, better than everyone else. He didn't care about physical pleasure, he was so badly traumatized that the thought of even his own hands touching his body was frightening.

But meeting you changed his ideas and expectations about many things in a big way. Your careful healing touches became something almost sacred to Kaz, they were a real miracle that he was ready to worship, and that is why he always delayed to the last before accepting your help. Your presence was a gift at its best, and any physical contact between you was a real reward. At least for his patience and his efforts in how he tried to deal with his own demons.

If Nina found out that he still carried the title of virgin, she would never, ever let anyone forget it, but around you Kaz felt no embarrassment. You gave him valuable support and made him believe that he was needed and wanted for nothing. Kaz was used to everything in the Barrel being obtained through pain and blood, through money and power, and necessarily accompanied by the sale of his conscience, but you showed him another way.

You accepted him for who he was, and Kaz did his best not to disappoint you. And that's why, taking a deep breath, Kaz Brekker confirmed his longtime nickname, DirtyHands, and shifted his fingers unabashedly higher. He needed to see your reaction as much as he needed to see his own. The water remained somewhere outside his bedroom, and all he could feel with his fingertips was the warmth and softness of your skin.

You were alive, you stayed alive, and that gave him a little reassurance. He lifted his palm some more and gently cupped your breast, and his eyes were filled with such a mix of delight and apprehension and wonder that you were enveloped in a new wave of love for him. His concern for you was winning you over, and you knew that once you said a word, Kaz would instantly move away and never touch you again unless you wanted him to.

— You didn't do anything I didn't enjoy, sweetheart.

Your answer seemed vague, but the bunched sigh and hard nipples were a far better indication that you approved of what was happening. You still had trouble understanding the boundaries that existed in Kaz's mind. The relationship with him was like walking on a tightrope. Each step had to be thought through twice, and each one could be your last. Yesterday you could kiss his neck and he would be relaxed in your arms, but today you could meet him and he wouldn't even let you touch his palm briefly. Every day you had to start this journey all over again, not knowing if you would reach your intended destination.

But being on the sidelines was no longer possible. You wanted to be close and feel him with your skin. The glint of excitement in your eyes was becoming more and more obvious, so you took a risk and cautiously raised yourself up, leaning on your elbow to change your angle and look down at Kaz. Your gaze slid further along his body, and your eyebrows raised in interest for a moment when you noticed the familiar bump on Kaz's pants.

— Can I… ? — you asked cautiously, paying full attention to correctly recognizing Kaz's reaction. There was such a void in his head at the moment, he was focused solely on the feeling of your closeness, so he nodded mechanically, not even knowing what you meant.

But even that simple permission was enough for you. You moved swiftly closer and pressed your lips to his, squeezing his shoulder with your free hand. The kiss made Kaz shudder, but he quickly managed his anxiety, reassuring himself that it was you, and that he really trusted you. His body relaxed again, and then Kaz was able to seize the initiative, turning the soft kiss into a demanding and deep one, almost licking your mouth from the inside out.

He was constantly afraid that each time might be his last, that he would no longer be able to distract himself from the feel of water raising and the cold dead skin nest to his own, so Kaz showed all his fervor now, while he had the chance, while Jordy was pliantly hiding in the back of his mind and giving him valuable time with you in that dawn hour.

You didn't know which one of you made the leap, too engrossed in how well Kaz's lips touched yours, but the next moment you were already pressed against the bed. Your fingers followed the familiar path and found themselves in Kaz's hair, pulling the dark strands back. Even if his bad leg was making him uncomfortable now, he didn't show it. Such little things didn't mean anything to Kaz when he got to your neck, sinking his teeth into the soft skin with pleasure.

If someone had warned you that bloody Kaz Brekker would turn out to be so possessive, it would hardly have made any difference. You arched toward him and moaned briefly, knowing already that you'd spend a few minutes later staring at the fresh crimson marks on your neck in the mirror. Your hips clenched tighter around Kaz's legs and you thrust them toward him with obvious purpose. You needed to create a nice friction along his groin, though you still left it to him to pull away and not cross that line.

— I want more. I think.. Y/n, I think I can do this now. I can't bear the thought that I won't have a chance to be with you for real, and that you'll end up meeting someone else. I want to see you, — Kaz's trembling voice was so excited, so begging, that it shrunk something in your chest. It was incredible how hard he was trying for you.

— Just to see, hmm? We're not in a museum, Brekker, nobody's going to punish you for touching. More like the opposite. I could praise you, would you want that? I could tell that you're the best, the most diligent boy in the world? — you provoked him with a wide grin, pulling his hair back harder so that you could tilt his head back and let your tongue run wide along his neck. Exactly where his pulse was beating so often.

You didn't need to hear the answer. It was enough to see the dark flame of excitement in Kaz's eyes and his brief nod. You nudged him gently on the shoulder, and Kaz pulled back on the bed, giving you more space. He was barely breathing while he was greedily watching you take off your clothes. Healers were taught to get rid of embarrassment around their patients in the first months of training. You had seen exposed parts of other people's bodies many times, but no one had taught you how to hold yourself when you let someone see your own body.

— If I could paint, I would make your portraits every day. If I could play, I'd compose the best songs praising you, — Kaz said slowly, forcing himself to remember how to form words into sentences, completely stunned. — But I only know how to steal and cheat, so I'd steal you from everyone else. From Anderson, from Jesper and Nina, who you spend all weekend with. I'd like to be the only one who can see you like this. Being absolutely gorgeous.

Kaz Brekker wasn't a romantic poet, but he certainly knew how to approach a girl. A blush flashed on your cheeks at such frank words, but you managed it and pulled Kaz back closer to you. He was still wearing his clothes, and it created just the right contrast. It gave the illusion that Brekker was still in charge, but you both knew that it was really up to you.

— You can stop everything anytime, do you remember? I trust you and your ability to listen to yourself, you don't have to do something just because you think you have to, — you pressed your palm lightly to his cheek to make Kaz meet your inquisitive gaze.

— If I really knew how to listen to myself, I would have fucked you right on the table in my office three months ago right after that first kiss. But now I'm sure about everything, really.

Kaz didn't give you a chance to add anything else when he pertly shut you up with a kiss. You learned to work as a team a long time ago, so you joined in and guided his palm to your thigh, giving him a chance to run his fingers over the hot skin to begin with. You stopped straining to think about every detail, and the anticipation took over you entirely. You knew when the moment was right, and with a hidden smile you continued your lingering kiss as his fingers sank into the slick wetness between your thighs.

He didn't have the needed experience, but he had a great curiosity and a desire to please you. This made up for everything, and you gently pulled away from his lips, knowing that he would want to see exactly how his fingers touched you in your most intimate place. The tip of his index finger circled near your clit, pressing lightly, and you leaned against his shoulder for a moment, biting your lips to stifle the moan that was bursting out. Kaz was quick to learn and was now acting without your help, so you lay back, studying his too vivid emotions through your half-closed eyes.

— Have you imagined this before? That one day the trust between us would be so great that I could do something like this?

— I wanted that before there was any trust between us, — you admitted frankly, and a teasing smile touched your lips before Kaz caressed your clit a little faster, making you moan. — You were too handsome at the club. You walked into the room like you owned the whole building. And I also fell for your cheekbones and awesome sense of humor, I admit. But yes, hell, of course I wanted you and imagined stuff.

Kaz nodded, struggling to grasp the true meaning of your words. Passion filled his entire mind and made him even more greedy. He carefully memorized every loud sigh you let out, every moan. He enjoyed watching the way you crumpled the sheet in your fingers and the beautiful mess of your hair on the pillow. But he was more interested in seeing how eagerly you moved your hips against his fingers. Kaz knew what else you could have gone on. He was ready to die to know what it would be like to push inside your hot body and plunge his hard shaft all the way in, to drown in your sticky wetness. But tonight his stamina wouldn't be strong enough for that.

— I was dreaming about it. Before I woke up here, I had a dream about you. We were in an old house, similar to where I'd lived with my parents as a child, and we were fooling around in the bedroom. I could touch you there just like that, without feeling dead hands pulling me into the cold water, — any regret quickly disappeared from Kaz as he smoothly dipped two fingers inside your body.

Your loud moan merged with his surprised sigh. Kaz didn't expect his fingers to pass so freely, but the internal sensation of incredible narrowness struck him even more. Never in his life had he experienced such rapture, and his love for you strengthened in his heart. He moved his fingers with confidence, getting you faster and faster to a vivid orgasm with each thrust. You grasped his hand with such force that you must have left marks, but your pleasure was so huge and overwhelming that it made you forget everything around you. You whimpered Kaz's name again and again until he leaned down to kiss you, and you guessed from the tart taste on his tongue that he had already had time to lick his fingers, tasting you that way.

— Maybe one day we'll have a house like your old one and you'll be free of your fears, but until then, I'll be there to support you every step of the way, Kaz, — you whispered gently with a slight blush on your cheeks, before you pulled him closer and hugged him tightly, hiding the tip of your nose in his hair.

[deadlynavigation]

A Night At The Inn

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Light stalking, mention of gangs, only one bed

Author's Note: what even is season 2

Do not copy, plagiarize, or translate any of my works or their assets.

It’s a quiet night in Ketterdam.

Well- as quiet as it can be.

The occasional gunshot goes off, shocking the night air with the sharp noise. Drunk exclamations bounce off the cobblestones. And on the edge of it all, waves lap at their shores, washing away any trace of the day with murky saltwater.

This air, this atmosphere, is unbroken. It’s free to control the Barrel, free to control all of Ketterdam.

But like most things, its control is corrupted.

A pair of criminals stroll through the city, inviting an aura of tension that smothers the calm. The man seems anxious, his face set in a deep grimace. His steps seem uneven; perhaps a worry-induced tilt. The woman follows him closely behind, blending into the night as she drifts down the streets. However, she too is weighed down by an anxious air, her steps losing some of their stealth as she slowly gets swallowed by panic.

Meanwhile, a group of burly men take up the street behind the two. They’re dangerous-looking, the type to go after anyone who does them wrong. Gang members, too, if the matching tattoos on their necks say anything.

As they stalk closer to the pair, the woman turns to the limping man. He says nothing, only glancing swiftly back at her and picking up the pace. This does little to soothe her nerves. She glares at him, murmuring a worried statement while trying to gauge just how long they have before the gang reaches them.

He glares back, and after a minute of this staring contest, he nods sharply at an inn just down the street.

“Thank you,” she whispers. The man doesn’t say anything, opting to simply duck into the inn. She sighs, following him in.

They walk quickly towards the clerk situated in front of a cluttered desk. “One room.” Kaz Brekker stands in front of the desk, demanding and intimidating. His voice, though soft, instantly sends the clerk into a fearful state.

“O-of course, sir,” He responds, shuffling through the mess of documents for an available room number. After a moment of awkward sorting, he looks back up at the pair, holding a semi-rusted key out to them with shaky hands.

“Room 107 for the night. U-um, and the walls are thin, a-and you have neighbors-”

Kaz cuts the clerk off before he can finish insinuating anything that may make the woman next to him uncomfortable.

“Keep quiet about this, or next week you’ll wake to your family’s corpses surrounding you, their blood coating your bed. And your daughter- Anya, was it? Will be the first to go.”

The clerk’s face pales significantly. Kaz snatches the key from him, walking towards the stairs. The woman, Y/n L/n, once again follows Kaz, ascending the stairs with a deadly grace.

“They’ll still be after us in the morning, Kaz. This doesn’t change that.” She whispers.

“But it keeps them away from the Slat.” Kaz says, focusing on getting up the stairs without putting his leg in too much pain. Finally, he reaches the last step, turning onto the floor with a slight wince. She, of course, picks up on this.

“Your leg.” Y/n points out.

“It’s fine.” He asserts, effectively ending the conversation. She narrows her eyes before letting it go, stopping once she reaches Room 107.

Kaz fits the key into the door, unlocking it before entering the room. Y/n strides in as well, closing and locking the door behind her. The room is silent after that, the only sounds made by Kaz getting ready for bed. He removes his gloves, then strips out of his coat and shirt, stepping up to the large bowl of water to wash off what his cruelty can’t.

Y/n steals a glance at Kaz’s bare torso, watching his every move for a minute before shaking off her light blush and moving to the empty dresser. She drops her extra layers on it before moving to where Kaz still stands, unbuttoning her shirt as she walks.

It doesn’t escape her notice that Kaz’s eyes dart to her exposed skin before he remembers himself.

She washes Ketterdam’s filth off of her quickly, staying a comfortable distance away from Kaz. Once they’re both finished, they retreat back to the bed, ready to collapse after the long day. Before that can happen, though, Y/n places a small knife on the chipped bedside table. Kaz follows suit, laying his cane against the bed frame.

“Pick your side.” Kaz states. Y/n looks over at him, confusion knitting her brows. She would have never thought Kaz Brekker, the Bastard of the Barrel, would care for her bedroom preferences.

“I don’t have a preferred side of the bed.” She lies.

Kaz pins her with a disbelieving glance, then moves his dark eyes back towards the bed expectantly. He wants an answer - that much is clear.

“...I’ll take the left.”

Minutes later, the two are in bed, shuffling around until each finds a comfortable position. The lights are out now, the streets outside the inn are quiet, and the blankets are at just the right angle where it isn’t too cold or too hot or too bunched to be of any use. It’s not long before Y/n and Kaz are facing each other, both half-asleep.

“Y/n,” Kaz whispers into the night. He squeezes his eyes shut right after, bracing himself for what he’s about to do.

It takes a minute for her to respond, breaking out of the sleepy haze. “Yeah, Kaz?”

“...” Kaz stops, breathing in deeply. He decides against words, opting instead to reach his hand out to her side of the bed.

Y/n watches his every movement. “Kaz, it’s been a long day. Are you sur-”

“I know.” He breathes in once more. “I want this.”

“Ok,” And all sounds fade away, leaving only the silence of the night to reign.

Slowly, slowly, Kaz’s hand extends to hers. She leaves her own open and still, waiting to greet him.

He slides his hand into her palm, and the world stops. Then he wraps his fingers around her hand, squeezing ever so slightly before relaxing into a loose grip.

“Good night, Kaz.” Y/n murmurs.

“Night,” Kaz breathes.

Their hands stay in each other’s hold until morning.

(Navigation)

[lady-ashfade]

Can you do a kazzle dazzle were kaz is like in love with reader while reader doesn't think so and all the crows tease him and stuff because its somewhat obvious to everyone but reader. And kaz like leaves her anonymous gifts. And then maybe a love confection at the end?

Sorry if your not taking requests

What gave me away?

Kaz brekker x Fem!Reader

I’ve seen so much like this and I just love it! I want kaz to gift me things.

Notes: Longest kaz fic of mine, like I haven’t wrote this much for one character in a while. You can be a crow in this, or just work at the club.

Warnings: Fluffy, cursing I think, teasing from the group, kaz being a little soft. Maybe some angst. Spelling mistakes.

His hooded eyes stared at her fingers as she washed to counter, moving them up he looks at her face. The face that he admired and couldn’t help but feel warm when he looked at her. She wear a dress, not too fancy or too boring. She worked the bar or help the kitchen at times, so she always got stains on her dress. She looked beautiful to him even now, messy dress and a little dirt on her cheek.

She had her lips pouted a bit and at whatever she was thinking about, he found it cute. He couldn’t help but do this often, he just feel in a trace. Kaz let his mind run to far that everyone there notice his absence mind. Smirking, Nina was the first to speak. “You got a bit of drool there, boss.” She leaned close and pointed to the corner of his lips but never touched him.

Kaz broke his trance and turned to her with a glare, “Excuse me?” She laughed and sat back into her boyfriend arms. “You’re partially ripping her clothes off in your mind. And not to mention your heart is acting weird, you wanna go talk to her?” She asked with a teasing small voice as if she was talking to a child.

He took a deep breath of annoyance and rolled his eyes. “She’s using the wrong rag, she should have switched it out a hour ago.” He stated to throw their thoughts off. Nina nodded but she didn’t believe it, no one at the table did. “I don’t know boss” Jesper tapped in, “You were giving her the eyes.” He moved his eyebrows.

“What eyes?” Kit had no clue what he was talking about. Jesper laughed and turned to wylan who already knew what to do. They stare at each other with big eyes and admiring their features, like a puppy. Nina giggled and hit the table, “He looks exactly like that!” Kaz groaned at their teasing, “Stop taking or you’re all out a job.” He grabbed his cane and stood up with it.

“No, boss don’t leave.” Jesper called out as they watch him leave, “Kazzel, we’re sorry.” Nina watched him leave. Once he disappeared they all looked at each other with big smirks. “He was totally drooling.” Jesper laughed. “Totally, now” she pulled out her coin purse. “Who wants to bet on them?” The table pitched in and were planning to get Inej in on it later.

//~//

His office was quiet and he could hear the sounds dying down as the club closed and the workers left, the only person left was you and the other crows. A knock at the door made his ears perk up, he knew who it was. “Come on.” His voice sounded light and low. You step through the door with a tray in your hand and carefully walked. “What have you brought this time?” He continued to write on the paper.

You smiled and walked over to him and set the tray on the table in the corner. “Well, get ready to eat a feast.” You giggle and picked up a big plate. He pushed his paper away, he learned that even if he wasn’t hungry you wouldn’t care. You placed the plate down in front of him and set down the  utensils he needed. “Cabbage rolls, with a small side of eggs. And my favorite, seasoned potatoes.”

He looked up at you, his eyes questioning you. “We didn’t serve these tonight.” You smiled and shrugged, “They just appeared out of no where.” You walked back over to the table to get the other things you brought him. “And you’d feed this to me not knowing if it was poison?” He grabbed the fork and poked the food, but he knew you had made it. “Maybe I want whatever you have stashed around here.”

He hummed and you came back over and set down a glass of water and a smaller plate, a sweet roll on top of it. He remembered when you found out he had a sweet tooth you always got him one, he hated someone knowing that. But if it was going to be anyone he was fine with it being you.

“You better drink the whole glass of water, and eat at least half of everything.” You dropped your eyelids and leaned on his decks. “If that’s all, leave me to it.” He looked back down. Your eyes glanced over a bit and your breath hitched. Nodding you picked up the tray and walked out of the room like he told you.

“You should stay, be with me for a while.” The words you always wished to hear spoke through your head in his voice. You knew kaz was closed off, he didn’t like to show anyone anything he didn’t have to. It was known that he cared about you and the crows…But you hoped he cared more, like you did him. Each night you glanced at him, when he would walk around the bar with a glare and looked like a angry dog. You hated yourself for falling for a man that couldn’t love you back.

The next day you walked through the alleyways as the fog still covered the streets, the sun coming up and the soft light shined. You did like the morning because the way you took, there was never many people. You got to hear the birds that nest around and you could hear yourself think. Entering the club you worked and smiled at the men that work the table set up, you went to the bar. As you got closer you noticed something on the table, a box wrapped in a ribbon that wasn’t there when you closed.

Curiosity got the better of you and you looked at the note attached to it and your eyes widen as you saw your name written. There was no other name or any hint as to who it could be. It could be some sort of bomb or a poisons animal, but sometimes you couldn’t let the wonders stay. So you took of the top of the box and saw a few cookie cutters and your heart stop as you pick one of them up. You remember them from the store you went by, you stayed about a hour just convincing yourself not to waste money.

You looked up to see if anyone was looking at you, if you could spot the person who gifted it but you saw no one. Smiling big you took the box and put it under the corner. Everyone noticed the whole day you were more happy and hopping around the place. Everyone was more alive to see you like that, and it made them feel happier. When Nina asked what you were so happy about, you told her about the gift. “Who got it for you.” She raised a cup to her mouth and then took a bite of her waffle. “No clue, it wasn’t signed.” She was stunned for a moment as you walked off. Then she remembered that your boss was aways interested in your smile, so she put the pieces together.

That was just the start of the weekly gifts that were on the counter when you entered the club. Sometimes it was a flower vase with your favorite flowers. Sometimes it was new baking equipment, others it was just small things you would look at in the market. Once your shoes broke at work and you had to finish the shift with no shoes. Then, a man came in with a new pair as the club closed and that was your final straw.

You needed to find the person. They always knew what you wanted or needed. At first you thought it would be Inej because she couldn’t be seen, but you asked her and she said no. You could tell when she was lying. You asked everyone and they all said no, but you never asked kaz. It wasn’t even on your mind but it you needed to cross every box off. So when you brought him his nightly meal you had the perfect opportunity to ask.

This time his sweet was a cookie in the shape of one of the cutters he had got you. He lightly smiled with his eyes because you had used it. “Kaz.” You set down the glass on his desk. He glanced at you and then back down for you to get the words out. You tried to control the sweat coming off your body and your heart from beating fast.

“I’ve been getting these gifts, and I have no idea who they are from.” He nodded his head and picked up some food with his fork. “And are they threatening?” You shook your head and bit your lips. “No, they are sweet actually. Who ever is sending them is actually paying attention to me.” You fumbled your hands.

“Is that all you wanted to say? Why tell me this?” He sound annoyed. “Because I wanted to know if..” you stoped and looked at him. He let a few seconds pass by and looked up at you as you went silent and frozen. “If?” He asked to get you to keep going.

You needed to just bite the bullet and ask him. Part of you wanted it to be him- No. All of you wanted it to be him. To know that he pays attention to you, noticing everything like you do him. “Are you sending them?” You let out a breath. He stopped for a minute and looked into your eyes, you noticed his lips slowly curl up into a smirk.

“What gave me away?”

That wasn’t what you thought you would hear. And you actually thought you imagined it for a minute. It made your mind fly with thoughts and it took you so much by surprise, you stop working for a moment. “So, it was you?” Your brows raised themselves but crunched, he loved that look. “Hmm, but I should have guessed you would have figured me out.”

It clinked into your brain, it made your stomach fill with butterflies and heart flatter. “So, why did you do it?” You smiled at him. “I like to see you smile. I needed to show you thatI think about you non stop but, i couldn’t say it to your face.” He was truthful. “I-” he took a deep breath and raised his hand slowly and put it above yours. You he had a problem with touch, and that he was working on it.

Before you could voice your opinion he place his hand on top of your softly, it fit over yours perfectly. It was warm and the leather felt nice. “I have these feelings for you, that I don’t know what to do with. But, I’d like to have you as mine.” You smiled wide and tried not to cry, so you giggled at the overwhelming feeling.

“I will be yours, Kaz Brekker.” He actually smiled for the first time, not a small one but a bigger one. You could tell he was trying for you and you couldn’t help but find it adorable, but you couldn’t voice it. “Now, eat up and I’ll be back in a few. I want you to tell me that again.” You pranced out his office like you owned the place and acted high and mighty.

He sighed and chuckled, shaking his head at how much you affected him. The only warmth he felt inside was thinking of you, or seeing you.

“I’ll be yours kaz brekker.” He would replay those words in his head until his last breath.

[cyberstrm]

kaz brekker affection hcs

show!kaz brekker x gn!reader

cws: none

a/n: hi! i'm alive! exam szn is finally over and its time for some soft kaz hcs

kaz is definitely an acts of service/gift giving kinda guy. you discover your favourite food? it'll be ready and in your hands every evening without fail. you need something fixed? he's on it. see something nice in a shop window? it's yours now.

loves to send you stuff with lil notes attached. usually flowers, he always seems to know when the ones he got you previously are about to wilt

"y/n. enjoy the flowers. k.b

words of affirmation are not really his forte. he doesn't like to reveal how he feels, so his kinder words are reserved for special moments or when you two are completely alone

"you know i care about you, love. i'd never let anything happen to you."

only when he really trusts you does he allow for physical touch. you have to take it super slow, and he has a few actions that feels safe for him, like holding your face, kissing you, and tracing your collarbones.

he also shows his affections in his protectiveness of you. like. if anyone tries ro hurt you or get to you, they're in for a painful surprise

he's not a quality time person. of course he loves to spend time with you, but the nature of his profession sometimes makes that difficult

in terms of what he likes, he's super hypocritical and adores words of affirmation. he loves when you tell him how you feel about it, it just warms him

"tell me how you feel, doll."

"you know how i feel about you, kaz."

"i want to hear you say it."

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Trust [K. B]

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

wc: 7.8k

summary: something goes wrong with a heist and Kaz's anger lashes out at you, only later realizing it's not for the reasons you thought.

A/N: I feel like it took me literally YEARS to write this. Someone requested the central idea but I decided to expand a bit and since in anon he mentioned that they like hurt/comfort I hope I have achieved it. I hope you like it, thanks for reading!

warnings: trauma (again)

taglist: @be-lla-vie @milkshake0 @ladespedidas

As soon as you stepped foot inside The Slat, you felt enormous relief to think that you could finally get some rest. The day before, the boss had told you that it was necessary to recover something and had drawn up a general outline of how things would be carried out, so to avoid mistakes, instead of sending just one group, the whole team would go. But at a certain point things had gone wrong and then the whole mission had gone awry. You were scared and everyone else was scared, but you knew that Kaz was probably the most upset about it. He hadn't spoken to anyone since you had to flee the mansion.

“Well, I declare that a resounding failure. Good night, my friends,” Jesper said, holding his side with a wince. Wylan was at his side to catch him in case the pain buckled his knees.

You sighed, defeated, and started walking towards the stairs to take a shower to remove all traces of dust, blood, and shame that you had impregnated on your skin, however, Kaz's cane stopped hitting you in the stomach, blocking your way and suffocating you at the same time.

"Are you crazy?" he asked, his voice raspier than usual. You asked yourself if he was referring to your plans, which he obviously couldn't know about, and why he was upset, but it didn't take anything more to get an answer, "What the fuck was that in the mansion?"

Oh, that is what he meant. 

To recap a bit, your goal that night was to recover a few bags of cash that a new gang at The Barrel had stolen but originally belonged to the Crow Club, i. e you guys. It was a payment for an exchange that Kaz had made days ago with art supplies or something, it was a business that none of you were very involved in.

The black-haired man knew the place where it was kept (he always seemed to know the whole city like the back of his hand) and so he had drawn up a pretty solid plan with which you could get away with it. Regularly his plans contemplated in the most opportune way each of your abilities: guns, stealth, the Grisha qualities, strength, chemicals, and the skills with your hands in which you surpassed the man. It was almost like something in you and your friends used to joke that your hands were a kind of magnet for everything shiny, although those same hands also worked perfectly to use a pick and give access to many places.

Things were going well that night, until you had to make a last-minute decision when you found out that an unknown person was in the place and you wanted to get them out of there so they wouldn't be in the crossfire. That was the 'certain point' I had mentioned before, where everything got screwed up. It was about a poor and defenseless servant girl who started screaming like crazy when she saw you and although you tried to calm her down that was enough to draw the attention of the guards, who came towards you to capture you. And since you were very busy struggling with two armed goons, you couldn't fulfill your part of the plan, which was to open the vault where the money that you were going to steal was. It had been a rather unfortunate chain of events.

"Kaz, you know I didn't mean to…"

"Are you deaf, then?" he interrupted you, ignoring your attempt at justification. He took a step towards you, limping a bit due to the lack of a cane, and then you could see the expression on his face.

You'd only seen Kaz this angry once and the poor man who caused it was already resting in peace, so you cringed in on yourself like a scared little bird.

"Or why didn't you do what we agreed?" you didn't know if he wanted a verbal answer, but even if he had, what could you say to that? It was more than obvious why you had done it "If there is a plan, it is because that plan must be executed as I have said, if not, then what would it be?"

"I shouldn’t…"

"No, you shouldn't," he interrupted again, speaking louder than usual to look imposing. And boy he was doing it. “That was the stupidest thing you've ever done, and all for a damn maid? What were you thinking?

"I wanted to help her"

"Oh really? And how did she thank you? Yelling at the guards to come to get you! Did you think about that before acting? Do you ever consider the consequences?” his voice didn't drop in volume, but rather rose gradually with each word that came out of his mouth.

You were in a panic, somehow strangely having the strength to meet his angry eyes, for you didn't think he would start saying such things to you in front of everyone else, who had been silent since the exchange had begun. You tried to think of anything to defend yourself, but even if you found the right argument you knew you couldn't outsource it due to nerves.

Even with your devoted silence, Kaz did not seem satisfied and he continued speaking.

“You had to follow simple orders: wait for the signal and open the vault. Everyone stayed in their positions. Was it very difficult for you to do that?”

"Kaz, I don't think…" Jesper started to say, trying to help him out of the situation, but he fell silent as he watched the black-haired boy turn his head to look at him. It was true, you guys hadn't seen Kaz in that state more than a few times and even the gunslinger, who loved you immensely, thought it wiser to keep silent if he didn't want the opponent's anger to lash out at him.

"Look at Jesper," he said close to your face. If he hadn't been so averse to touching you, you were sure he would have held your face to keep your gaze on him, because by this point your eyes were cloudy and you were trying to focus on anything other than the conversation “He's hurt. You are hurt. Imagine what would have happened if we hadn't been able to get out in time or if Inej hadn't come to your rescue, do you think those men would have tempted their hearts before killing all of us? Of course not! There's no room for charity here because until that servant was in real danger, she wasn't your problem. You behaved stupidly and those actions affected all of us” Kaz fell silent and you thought that was it. You were with your arms crossed, perhaps as an unconscious act of seeking protection, not daring to look at him.

But he took a few seconds to examine you and then said something else:

It is your fault that we are now in this state; without a single penny in our pockets.

The words your fault, and without a penny were the cause of a tug across your chest. It was useless to hold back the tears that had already treacherously begun to slide down your cheeks and that you wished you had the strength to wipe off with the sleeve of the jacket you were wearing.

In all the time you had belonged to the crows he had never spoken to you like that. There had been disagreements, of course, and he'd even called you out for neglecting some tasks he'd given you, but those kinds of hurtful words were reserved for criminals from whom he extracted information or threatened. That's why you were so upset, because Kaz was terrifying when he put his mind to it and you'd just had the misfortune to experience it firsthand.

The rest of your friends were also perplexed by what had just happened, since most of them had found your outburst in the mansion quite justifiable, since it was an innocent life that you had tried to protect, a very present code always.

The other part that had managed to break you was knowing that the man's annoyance was actually due to the money you had caused him to lose rather than the fact that you or someone else had been in danger. Or at least that was what you had understood by the final sentence.

The silence was sepulchral, no one even dared to breathe harder than usual for fear that he would take them as the next victim, and only a small sob that escaped you broke the silence. You hoped that would soften Kaz’s expression a bit, but he didn't flinch.

A part of you thought, due to shock, to apologize to him, but you weren't even able to. You just stood in the middle of that room under his questioning gaze.

When your body finally wanted to react, you walked directly to the stairs to go up to your room, without even looking back, collapsing on the floor and crying as soon as you closed the door behind you. You didn't even think about taking a shower anymore and the burning pain in your ribs, which you hadn't mentioned to anyone about, intensified. You had to cover your mouth with your hand so that the crying wouldn’t reach the floor below and you felt that everything around you was spinning.

You stayed in that position for a few minutes, which felt like hours, until someone opened the door and stuck their head inside. It was Nina, who had surely gone of her own free will but also partly at the request of others. She could hear your erratic heartbeat and your lungs struggling to hold some air, so it didn't take her more than a second to kneel next to you to wrap her arms around you and start running her hand up and down trying to comfort you. She offered to heal you and you agreed, but through it all you thought that even though the blows on your body burned like hell, what was definitely causing you the most pain was the wounds you just received to your heart.

After that night you could say that the tension in The Slat could be cut with a knife. You thought that the others were also going to blame you for the failure of the heist, with justifiable reasons, but you were pleasantly surprised to find out that this wasn’t the case, since they all told you so explicitly as soon as they had a chance. Matthias, who was most of the time the most mature among you, told you that sometimes things went wrong and that at least he was glad that you were okay; with Nina there, the physical problems could be solved and the money would be recovered somehow. But, to your surprise, it was Kaz they weren't very happy with.

You never meant to start a mutiny against the boss, God knows you didn't, but as much as you tried to change their minds, they were distant and reluctant to talk to Brekker. And Kaz, in turn, didn't exchange a single word with you.

Jesper and Nina were the ones who showed it the most, the first one kept looking down at your friend as if he could make him combust spontaneously with his eyes while the woman simply didn't say anything, as if he were invisible. The rest of the group hadn't cut off the communication suddenly, but it was evident that they weren't entirely happy with the black-haired man's behavior.

Although there were few occasions when the seven of you, or the majority, coincided in the same space, since you were always doing other things around The Barrel or the club.

You weren't the proud type, yet you refused to offer an apology for something that wasn't wrongdoing and finally stopped feeling guilty for applying this silent treatment to thinking that Kaz deserved it. Just a little. Also, if he didn't bother to talk to you, everything would be easier for you, because, although you still did some general tasks, most of the time you spent locked in your room, doing anything to entertain yourself.

If you looked at it from the outside, unaware that you guys were a bunch of criminals living in the same horrible building, that looked like a real teenage fight. But you couldn't blame yourself too much, because you were teenagers.

Sometimes, when he didn't notice, you watched him from afar. You analyzed his expression, his posture, his eyes, anything that would help you figure out if he really cared about your absence or the silence of others. You tried to believe that he was in a bad mood (more than usual) because he wanted you to not be angry anymore, but after a long time you always came to the same conclusion; he was inscrutable, shielded in that armor that you highly doubted could shatter, much less by you. Sometimes you wished you could know what Kaz was thinking so you could figure out if he had noble motives for acting the way he did or if he was just a heartless jerk. And, although your desire to read minds wasn’t fulfilled, you began to bet more on the latter the day a new job was presented. It was, now, a kind of revenge against the men of the opposing gang (who had stolen your business payment in the first place), however, when the meeting took place you noticed that he was skipping a detail. 

"And what will Y/N do?" Jesper had asked, going ahead of you, after listening carefully to the plan and realizing that you weren't contemplated anywhere. You expected Kaz to say you were going to stick with him, even if it was so he could keep an eye on you and avoid another outburst, but when he shook his head you were completely offended.

"She's not coming"

It was one thing to have received a scolding for the mistake made and quite another to be removed from the team just like that. And that Kaz had responded as if you weren't there made you feel completely humiliated and, consequently, angry.

"Great, so now it turns out that I'm grounded," you said sarcastically. It was the first time in weeks that you had spoken directly to Kaz and he just looked at you sideways for a few seconds, as if examining you, which made your blood boil even more "Are you really going to leave me out?" you continued, now with more seriousness than before. You wished he dared to face you with an answer, and you were surprised at how quickly this happened.

"It’s not personal. This time it’s better that you stay” was all the explanation he offered you. The way he said it made it clear to you that it wasn't up for discussion and you felt powerless, but before any of your friends could say anything in your defense, you decided to take it the best way.

If Kaz didn't want you around, you weren't going to make him. If you didn't receive even a measly part of the money from now on, you didn't care. If it was true that you had screwed up, you weren't sorry for anything and you weren't going to give in so easily, despite the love and respect you felt for him.

“Good luck then,” was all you said, offering the best fake smile you could have and purposely patting Kaz on the shoulder. He watched you walk away with eyes wide open in surprise, even though you didn't even notice it when you got lost in the hallway, and it was hard for him to keep his composure as he turned around again to clear up any doubts regarding how the crime would be carried out; although he tried to hide it, almost most of the group could tell.

What the hell did Kaz have against you lately? The others had made mistakes countless times and never suffered consequences as harsh as yours, because probably the hardest part had been dealing with the boss's anger and being forced to find a solution for what they had screwed up. You probably would have offered to get the money back yourself if he had let you end the problem, but you couldn't even do that because you knew it would only fan the fires of anger.

So when you left there everyone thought that things had already gone on too long and someone had to point it out to Kaz.

"Is everything clear?" he asked, looking at the crows and receiving a general nod.

We would have to wait until night to work, so once there was nothing more to say, each one dispersed in opposite directions.

“Inej,” Kaz said, not even looking back. He knew she was there, he always knew, as if there was a connection between the two of them "Everything okay?"

“Everyone is where they should be. The carriage is on its way and the streets are free”

"Good"

“But there is something else we need to talk about”

Kaz was afraid it was something to do with you, and he closed his eyes for a moment at the possibility. They were on a roof, he too close to the shore to be able to supervise that the robbery was carried out effectively, and she took a few steps until she reached his side. The two kept looking down for a few seconds, preparing internally for what was coming; talking about feelings was never one of their strengths.

"What would that be about?”

"About who" she corrected him "This discussion with Y/N has already escalated to exacerbated levels, you didn't have to forbid her to come"

"And what did you want me to do?" he muttered, more upset than he would have liked, and he had to take a deep breath before speaking again, “She's… was impulsive and… she doesn't measure the danger she's putting herself in. She is like a child, without conscience or limits”

“We all know that, but you called her stupid. That's very different."

“I don't want her to end up killing herself,” he said, and Inej caught a hint of sincere concern tinging her friend's voice. Kaz hated seeing himself like this, but there was something about her that made him trust her with that part of him. “Y/N acts with her heart, that's the problem. And I worry that she doesn't know how to control it. I don't want anyone to hurt her and she just doesn't cooperate” he sounded desperate, helpless, and then Inej realized how many things were being ignored by the team about the boss's decisions, apparently cruel, but quite considered in the background. It was like… acting badly for the right reasons. Or something like that.

“Well, if you really do this to safeguard her welfare, you should tell her. Because I don't think you're giving him the right message with your actions” Inej told him. Then she decided that she wasn't going to pry into the matter anymore from that point on, wishing that the conversation had been enough to make the black-haired man see reason.

He thought about it for a second and wished he could ask her more, but then he noticed that, as always, she had already vanished into the night.

Kaz tried very hard to focus on the robbery and stop thinking about you or what it would be wise to say to you, but he was having some trouble. In the next hour, to everyone's surprise in general, things went perfectly; there was no guard, just a driver who didn't resist, and they were coming back with some juicy loot. Almost too easy to be true.

Kaz didn't give much thought to the nature of the success they'd just had and they all just set off, their group spirits much better now that things were looking up.

It would be foolish to deny that Kaz had been thinking about how quickly you would have managed to carry out the robbery and also had missed the joking duo that you formed with Jesper, who now had barely looked at the blue-eyed man.

On the way he got a bit withdrawn and was mentally torturing himself about what was the right thing to do when he got home. After thinking it through, he concluded that he should take Inej’s advice and talk to you to fix things. Brekker wasn't used to apologizing, but at least he could explain things to you the way he had with the girl, so that you would understand better and hopefully forgive him for the idiotic behavior he had been displaying for the past few weeks. Although he was still upset, it was worth putting that aside to try.

After going to the club to save the cash they went back to The Slat and when he stood in front of your door he never thought to feel more nervous in life, while he started to ask himself if that was a good idea. Maybe he should just let time wash away your bad face and carry on as before... but he was also aware that that wouldn't happen.

He hesitated for a long time about whether to knock on your door or not, but after a few minutes he finally did and was frustrated when no one answered, despite a strip of light coming through the door grate.

"Y/N, I know you’re there" he tried, but there was no response. Kaz ran a gloved hand through his hair and exhaled in frustration. "Fine, don't talk to me if you want, but that's not going to stop me from coming to tell you what I came to say," he muttered determinedly. Even trying to communicate assertively, he couldn't help but sound rude. “I didn't mean to yell at you like that when we got back from the heist, I just didn't know what else to do. And today I asked you to stay here because it could be dangerous and I'm trying to take care of you because apparently you don't give a damn about your own life, not because I hate you or because I'm upset with you. It's just that…” he was having a hard time talking, so he had to take a deep breath to collect himself a little “I worry about you. And I want you to be okay. Safe"

Kaz was silent, waiting for you to say something, but again there was nothing. He felt so foolish and embarrassed that he even thought his eyes were going to glaze over with helplessness. He was trying his best to go there, but you didn't seem to care, and honestly, he didn't blame you.

His gaze lowered to the floor, the pressing sensation of rejection flooding his chest, and only then did he notice the glow emanating from a section of the floor. With difficulty he knelt to take the substance with his fingers and his glove was stained with a fine powder that gave off an iridescent glow, which until that moment he had not realized he was scattered over various sections of the corridor. And next to that dust, there was a bloodstain.

Kaz didn't even wait for a second to lunge at your bedroom door and yank it open, which he hadn't done before out of respect for your privacy, only to realize that everything in there was turned upside down. There were remains of a smashed nightstand, books scattered on the floor, the bed in disarray, and sporadic stains of blood that he prayed weren't yours. The window was wide open and the white curtain billowed violently in the night air.

Someone had broken into your room and it wasn't hard to put the pieces together to find out what they had broken into. Someone had kidnapped you.

His eyes traveled all over the place looking for something that would give him clues and he decided to start rummaging through the books hoping to find a note, the amount for your ransom, whatever. When he read ‘We're even, Brekker’ written on yellowed paper and signed with the seal of a snake, he felt that his balance was missing.

That's why the robbery of the carriage had been so easy, because they had wanted it that way. Their plan was always to enter The Slat. You were there, alone, and they kidnapped you because Kaz had allowed it. Because in his eagerness to protect you, he had delivered you directly to the enemy.

It was all his fault.

"Jesper!" he screamed, on first impulse. He didn't know if it was difficult for him to get up from the floor due to dizziness or because of the limp “Inej! Wylan! Whoever!" he continued, wanting to get the attention of anyone who could help him. He was in a panic and he was also furious. He would be capable of torturing the men who had kidnapped you in the most horrible ways ever seen, as soon as he found out who they were.

All the people present in the building followed the sound of the boss's wailing and when they observed the state of your room a collective sigh of surprise filled the silence.

"Where is Y/N?"

“I don't know,” Kaz hissed, sounding desperate. That didn't even matter to him anymore "They took her, they set us up"

“We have to find her,” Matthias muttered, and he wanted to hit him for saying something so obvious. But he had to calm down, for everyone's sake.

"There's blood and this in the hallway," said the black-haired man, showing everyone the dust that still glittered on his glove.

"It's a trail," Wylan exclaimed, his features lighting up like when he had an idea. He stepped forward to analyze the sample and then nodded. “I gave this to her, it's a bioluminescent powder we were experimenting with. In theory, when…" he walked around the room as if looking for something until he found a box of matches that you had lying around "it comes into contact with the fire, it emits a blue flame" he explained, going into the corridor and demonstrating the information practically.

There was hope, if they hadn't taken you too far your friends might track you down and rescue you. You had been scared enough to leave a clue because you knew they would look for you.

In that moment Kaz felt so guilty that he had ever even suggested that he doubted your abilities.

“You have to follow it. We have to find where they took her right now” he ordered and, of course, no one argued. Everyone went ahead to get the necessary things to look for you and Kaz leaned against the wall for a moment, breathing slowly in an attempt to contain one of those panic attacks he sometimes felt, not imagining that this would only be the beginning of an awful night. 

And the worst wasn’t over yet.

The crows moved faster and more efficiently than ever before, and within minutes Wylan had figured out how to follow the trail. Sometimes there were long lines through the streets that were lit with a single match, but other times they had to look for them more carefully and that consumed time that Kaz considered vital. Although he wasn't saying anything the others could tell that he was quite upset by the situation, so they did their best. Also, you were part of the group, so they too were extremely worried.

By the time they reached Fifth Harbor, Kaz was already burning all the way down his leg, but that didn't matter to him. They were all out of breath, but that didn't matter. And the trail ended right at the pier, but that didn't matter because they saw in the distance a boat with two robust men, one of them holding a lamp and the other struggling with a girl tied by her hands and legs who was screaming in despair.

It was you and you were yelling Kaz's name.

They rushed to find a boat tied to the dock big enough for the six of them and when, luckily, they found it they jumped on it. Matthias and Jesper were in charge of rowing and the movement did not go unnoticed by the men who had you captured, nor by you.

A feeling of relief swept through you as you realized that the silhouettes approaching you were your friends and you felt that all was not lost. Kaz thought that they had arrived just in time and that calmed him down for a second, but he didn't count on the fact that the man would lift you off the ground and, with a sharp gesture that surprised everyone, he would throw you straight into the sea.

Your cry was drowned out by the roar of the water and the black-haired man's breath caught, while everything around him was spinning again. Until then he realized the position he was in: in the middle of the immensity of the sea, in danger of drowning. It was then that the memories of his brother's body came back to him like needles sticking in and he felt like he might vomit.

Kaz didn't know how to swim and even if he had known how to at some point in his life it was now impossible due to his limping leg. But he wasn't going to let you die. He can’t.

In the midst of the attack, he was dimly aware of what was happening. You were now within safe distance of the other boat which allowed Inej to throw a knife at one of the men and Jesper took it upon himself to put a bullet into the other. In hindsight, Kaz would have wished they had stayed alive so he could take it upon himself to give them a slow and painful death. There was no point in letting the men who had kidnapped you die so mercifully.

The water was dark and they couldn't see anything, but still Matthias was the one who ventured below the surface to find your body, hoping that when he did it wouldn't be too late.

Nina kept her hands up to monitor the beating of both your hearts and the rest stood without saying anything, looking expectantly out at the water that rolled in small waves. Only Kaz's erratic breathing broke the silence of the environment.

A few seconds passed, and when there was no sign of him or you, concern gripped the group. Now there wasn’t only the fear that you wouldn't get out of the water, but also that Matthias wouldn't and thus lose two members of the group. Nina winced when she heard one of the heartbeats slowed down considerably, though she didn't comment on it to the others.

When he finally surfaced everyone was relieved to see that he wasn't alone, even if your body was just an unconscious bundle that he was pulling with difficulty.

They still put you in the canoe and you had your limbs tied with rope, so Inej was in charge of cutting them with a knife, while the others crowded around you to try to see how you were.

“She's not breathing,” Matthias gasped. Nina knelt to try to expel the water from your lungs, but for some reason your body was resisting. If she didn't get the water out of your lungs, the lack of oxygen would permanently affect your brain.

"This isn't working," she snorted after several hand movements.

It was only then that Kaz dared to look at you. You were pale, wet, and a trickle of blood was coming from your forehead and you had some bruises. He never thought that he would feel the same pain that he seized when he traveled to the coast with the lifeless body of his brother.

Wake up, he wanted to tell you, but his voice wouldn't come out. You have to wake up.

Nina kept trying and until he finally saw you jump up to vomit up the salt water, he too felt like he could breathe again.

When you finally finished inhaling the air around you everyone bombarded you with questions to check your well-being and you just nodded to them all, a little dazed and scared. Nina took it upon herself to help with the cut and bruises, while the men took up the oars again to reach the dock.

Kaz was the last to get off the boat and he was also the last to enter The Slat, as if he needed to check that the rest of you had done it, since he didn't want to leave anyone behind again. Never.

“Let me accompany you,” he said. It was the first thing he had said to you after the incident and you were so exhausted that you didn't offer any resistance. When you walked up the stairs and into your room, you thought Kaz would leave without another word, but instead he stood in front of the door.

You looked at him with a neutral expression, trying to understand what he was trying to do.

"You were very intelligent" he began to say "When you left the trail"

"Thank you," you said quietly. Your throat was a bit sore from the water you had swallowed.

"How it happened?" he asked. The trip had made you recover a bit and you were calmer than before, so you didn't mind telling him things.

“They were supposed to be looking for your office, but they saw my light on and thought it would be a better idea to go after the helpless damsel. They got in through the window and… voila,” you said bitterly, gesturing with one hand at the mess around you. “They held me here and tied me to a chair, but the knots were so painful I got free in a few minutes. They interrogated me to ask about things of value or obtain some information, but I didn't say anything. My fighting could irritate them, but I think I really pissed them off when I smashed a vase over the head of one and plunged a knife into the other's leg. Maybe that's why they decided to throw me into the sea”

Kaz was a bit dismayed at how calmly you said things and he wondered if you really didn't care or were just pretending. Although he wanted to say the same things to you that he had said to your empty room a few hours ago, the truth was that remembering it made him feel ashamed. It had been a sincere apology, but he didn't think he could say it twice.

"I'm sorry I put you in danger," he said, stepping forward for more privacy. He watched your reaction to what he said and what he did, hoping that if you were still upset you would show it. But the near-death experience seemed to soften both of you.

"Why apologize? you didn't send those guys. It was just some… being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It could have happened to anyone."

“I know, but maybe if I hadn't asked you to stay here, they wouldn't have hurt you” he admitted and although you wanted to recriminate him for that, you decided to remain silent, feeling curious as to how far he could go with that talk "And if you don't… if you hadn't been smart right now you wouldn't be here”

"But I am" you answered with determination "And that's what hurts me, Kaz, that you doubt me" you expressed. You weren't going to forget so easily what had made you walk away in the first place and you thought it was the right time for him to know what you thought about it “I made a mistake, it's true and I take responsibility for that. But you didn't have to treat me like this."

"I know that too," he hastened to say, "I don't doubt you, I never have."

“It is not noticeable. Today you pushed me aside and you told us that trust is always the most important thing. And although I was stupid, I consider that this behavior is not worthy of making you stop trusting me just like that. You know I didn't do it to screw you over, I just wanted to save her."

“It's not about that woman, I don't care about her. You know that I too would have prevented her from getting hurt if the situation arose."

“Then what is it about? Is it only the mistake of the century if I make it?”

“This is about you, Y/N” Kaz said, pointing at you with his open palm and starting to sound desperate “I got so mad because you were the one who ended up in the hands of the enemy. I hate that you act like that because I care about you too much to allow myself to lose you”

You didn't expect that and he didn't expect to say it either. It was even more embarrassing than what he had refused to tell you in the first place.

He said that he didn't want to lose you and you thought about the meaning of that expression: did he not want to lose what you brought to the team or did he not want to lose your person?

"These weeks I thought you only hated me because I made you lose money"

"Oh, I do hate you a little for that," he said, taking a surprise "Not for the money itself, but for what that money implied" there was no point in keeping secrets, if Kaz had already started to sink then he preferred to do it completely and with dignity “The club is going through some difficulties, Y/N. I sold those things so I could keep it going. Because while our criminal jobs give us some kruge, you know that the main source of income for that group is the Crow Club. Also…” he felt his breath shake and had to take a moment to calm down “I've been thinking about something these past few months. A long time ago you said that you had always wanted to go to university, do you remember?” he asked you and you nodded your head “Jesper had the opportunity, but he is a lost cause, because he prefers this kind of life to having an office job or a quiet home and I respect that. But not you, you ended up here because you had no other options” Kaz was silent, hoping that if you had something to say you would say it now, but then he continued, “And I thought if I gave you some money you would have that opportunity. That way I could get you away from all these Dregs and you'd live the way you wanted. That's why that robbery was important”

You were totally stunned.

You never expected Kaz to have that opinion of you or even care about you to the degree that he had just confessed to you. He had listened to you, had seen beyond the apparent happiness of living in The Barrel to find your true dreams, so forgotten within yourself that you no longer thought you could reveal them to anyone else.

You mistakenly believed that the only thing that mattered to Kaz Brekker was dying suffocated by piles of money, but you had just realized that the true engine of life of the black-haired man was the love he had for that peculiar family that you made up.

“You… you know that's not necessary, right? You don’t have to do it"

"But I wanted"

The gap was less since Kaz had walked towards you and you decided, venturing a bit, to take another step towards him.

"Why didn't you tell us that the club has financial problems?" you asked softly, because you thought there could be no other way to talk to him in a situation like this.

"Because it wasn't important"

"Yes, it is, Kaz" you walked in his direction again. At that distance, if you raised your hand a little, he could reach to take hers "That's the point, you decide to swallow all the problems without talking to anyone and then we have no idea what ails you or why this or that is so important. Jesus, if you had told me that money was so vital, I would have put my life into opening that vault as quickly as possible” it was at that moment that you really regretted what you had done and thought that, if possible, you would have returned in time to listen to him and not just your instincts.

"It does not matter anymore. I can't spend my life telling you all the bad things that happen around here."

“You should do it, Kaz. We are a group and we can't just enjoy the rewards without knowing the sacrifice, stop burdening yourself with that alone” he warned seriously “You take care of all of us, but then who takes care of you?”

His reaction was the same as you had a moment ago: stupefaction. Kaz didn't know at what point in his life he had to become that, but he thought that perhaps Jordie's death was decisive for him to have to fulfill the role of the person he had just lost. To be for others what no one had been for him, so they would not suffer what he had suffered. It was quite an altruistic act if he thought better of it.

But after so many years it was exhausting and he wished he could just fall into someone else's arms to rest, figuratively speaking. And there you were right in front of him, probably the person he loved the most, with an expression that reflected a willingness to listen to what he had to say.

So Kaz thought that, maybe for once, it was okay for him to be vulnerable.

“I had an older brother” he murmured, after a long while and you were a bit confused by the sudden change of subject, but you nodded your head so he knew you were listening “He died during the plague epidemic. And miss him so much"

You knew little, if anything, of the personal life of the man in front of you, so you didn't know how to react to the disclosure of that fact. You imagined a little Kaz, scared and sad because his brother was gone. You didn't think for a second about the horrible things he had to go through and that he, with some luck, would dare to tell you later.

But even with this paltry piece of information you couldn't help but feel enormous compassion. He was human, like everyone else, and he was afraid that death would come to take another person important to him. Now you understood better.

"What was his name?" you asked in a whisper, as gently as possible. Kaz was silent for a moment, reflecting no sentiment, then swallowed.

"Jordie"

You weren't going to ask him any more questions after that, you just looked into his eyes and you knew that this was his way of telling you that he trusted you to keep that shred of his past.

"Well, I think Jordie would be happy to know that now there are six of us who love you as he did" was what you replied. You didn't know if it was the answer he expected, but at least it was the one that had come from your heart. When he looked at you, you swore that his eyes were teary, although later you convinced yourself that it had only been an effect of the light.

"I hope we're fine now" he murmured, regaining his composure, referring to the problems that had existed between you after that discussion.

"Calm down, everything is fine. I know you can't live without me."

"Actually, I've had enough of Jesper seeing me with those murder-eyes."

"Then you noticed," you joked. You were completely exhausted and at that moment you were even more conscious, as if you were going to pass out the next second “Everything is fine” you repeated “I just hope this doesn't happen again. I… will try to be less impulsive. And you have to tell me if something's wrong and we'll figure it out, okay?"

Kaz hummed back and you put on a tight-lipped smile. Then you looked around you to analyze the chaos that had been left by the fight with those men, feeling exhausted just thinking that you would have to pick up the pieces of wood, the books, or clean the stains, and he realized what you were thinking by the look on your face.

“I'll send someone to clean all this up tomorrow, I promise. For now, you just… lie down”

"For the first time, I'm not going to argue with you," you laughed bitterly. Then a yawn invaded you and you felt your eyelids tremendously heavy, which he perceived. Kaz didn't want to leave there, even if you were on the verge of exhaustion, however, he didn't know what excuse to use to stay “Good night, Kaz. You should rest too"

"Yeah, um... I'll do it"

“Good”

There was silence for a few seconds. 

"Have you really forgiven me?" he asked, looking to make sure you weren't upset anymore. You smiled and, amid your delirium from exhaustion, you stood on your toes to kiss him on the cheek. He paled and held his breath, but you didn't notice.

“As much as you have forgiven me for screwing up the mission. Now go and sleep"

Perhaps it was the shock of receiving something like this from you that caused Kaz to practically run out of your room, without even saying goodbye, staying in the hallway for a moment to process things. The speed of the contact hadn't given him time to panic, but that didn't stop him from feeling the pumping of his heart hammering like crazy under his chest and hot cheeks under the memory of your lips on them.

When he locked himself in his room he tried to calm down, when he was taking off his clothes to put on his pajamas he tried again, washing his hands and face, going through paperwork before going to sleep, lying down on the bed, closing the eyes... but nothing worked.

And eventually he fell asleep with the ghost of your kiss haunting him through dreams.

[futurecorps3]

𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐬

Masterlist<3

Summary: YEARNING WITH A READER HES ABLE TO TOUCH. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader Warnings: Mentions of Kaz's touch aversion, death, slight OOC Kaz but I think only if you squint like he's a softie with Y/N and Y/N only. Let me know if I missed any!!! Word Count: 2.3K Requested: I guess? @kaldurahms-lover

A/N: The user tagged posted a general request to us Kaz fic writers. The concept follows the line of how our boy would need TOUCH from an s/o who he has known from before JorDIE died. Bestie I hope you like it and you don't mind I used fem!reader (I can change it if it IS an issue). I haven't started and I'm already excited about this piece being posted!!! Mwah hope I did justice to the concept.

˚ · • . ° .

Kaz didn't really know what it was. Maybe it was the weather, too warm for Ketterdam, or the way he was sweating under his gloves. Maybe it was how loud Nina and Jesper were being, too tipsy to care for the volume of their laughs, or how the last job had gone well even when they didn't follow the plan he traced. Maybe he just missed her.

Who was he kidding? Of course he missed her. Y/N had been gone two weeks on a little trip to Novyi Zem to pick up a shipment and get information from financial records kept in one of the properties belonging to their next target. He really tried getting his seller to deliver directly to Ketterdam, but they said it would be too much trouble. Y/N, kind as always, convinced Kaz offered to do both tasks.

And he missed her. The others could tell. The grumpy mood the bastard carried himself with had been even grumpier in the last couple of days and they all knew well what was going on, but decided against prying because he'd never admit it. They couldn't really blame him. After all, his girl was the only one who seemed to melt that inaccessible boy.

They found each other in akin situations; lost kids in a new city, all on their own and with the foolish dream of making a life with nothing but honest intentions and a kind heart. The boy could still remember those pretty watery eyes looking up at his brother with fear, fear of him being another person ready to hurt her. Instead, he made a silent promise to himself to always protect her, to never let anyone hurt her again.

Little did that boy knew he could not keep that promise, not for her, not for himself. He thought fondly at that memory, though. An image close to his heart that made him wonder that maybe he wasn't such a horrible person. Blame it on the innate capacity of kids to feel empathy towards virtually any living thing.

When Jordie died, Kaz was ruined. He felt like he had lost a part of himself, and he didn't know how to go on without his brother. He was consumed by grief and anger, early in age, and pushed Y/N far away from him. But Y/N didn't give up on him.

She knew how much he was hurting, and she refused to let him suffer alone. She was patient with him, giving him the space he needed to grieve, but also letting him know that she was there for him whenever he was ready to talk.

One day, as they were walking through the streets of Ketterdam, Kaz finally opened up to Y/N. He told her everything he had been feeling since Jordie died, the anger, the guilt, and most importantly, the emptiness. And as he spoke, Y/N listened, never judging him, but always offering a kind word or a gentle touch. A touch that did not bother him in the slightest.

Her hands didn't make him feel sick like the ones from officers in the Stadwatch. He realized that he could bear it, and even better, savor it. As they sat in that alley all those years ago, sharing a piece of bread and a dream of a better life, Kaz knew that he had found something special in Y/N. He had found someone who understood him, who accepted him for who he was, and who believed in him even when he didn't believe in himself.

And he knew that he would never let her go. No matter what challenges they faced in the future, no matter how dark the world around them became, Kaz would always have Y/N by his side, just as she had always had his. Together, they would face anything that came their way, because that was what they had always done. They were lost kids in a new city, but they had found each other, and that was all that mattered.

With time, he saw Y/N under a new light. Kaz admired the girl for her capacity to take the best out of situations while remaining conscious of how awful things could get. Her tenderness and bliss seemed to come from a bottomless pit, while his had run dry a long time ago.

It's okay, she had enough to spare for the both of them. Feelings developed, conflict ensued, and after three years of the perilous path of love, they became official. Kaz wouldn't have it any other way and Saint's know Y/N wouldn't either. They loved each other like only two young kids in love could; raw, endlessly.

And that's why Y/N's letter saying she needed more time to collect information had the barrel's bastard all sulky. He needed her embrace, and he needed it now. The more he thought about it, the less probable it seemed for him to be able to hold on a few more days.

"You okay, boss?"

Now, Jesper knew the answer to his question, and he knew why Brekker wasn't doing okay, but he was no expert on how to handle these types of situations, and it seemed like the right thing to ask. As far as Kaz goes, well, he had no idea when the zemeni boy had left his place next to Nina to walk all the way to him. He was too busy thinking about her, as he had been for the past two weeks.

No response came from him. Then a sigh from Jesper. "She'll be back soon, she's okay, Kaz. Turn that terrifying frown into the normal one, you're scaring the piggeons more than we want to". The frustration he felt seemed almost unreasonable; he gave her the job knowing exactly the implications it entailed, so why was he so needy? There was patience in any action of his, but he couldn't control how much he wanted a kiss from his lover at the moment.

To some, it might be cute. To him, it was thoroughly infuriating. "Get a hold of yourself. She'll be back soon, no need to get all mad about something that only time will fix", he thought to himself over and over again in that hot afternoon as he laid on a white blowy blouse in his room trying to go to sleep so time would somehow be faster since burying himself in paperwork and plotting hadn't worked.

With a deep sigh, Kaz closed his eyes and let out a slow breath. He knew that he had to get a grip on himself and not let his emotions get the best of him. Y/N would be back soon enough, and until then, he would have to be patient and wait for her return. And so, he lay there, trying to calm his racing thoughts and steady his beating heart, until finally, he drifted off to sleep.

˚ · • . ° .

First thing he heard was a soft hum. A too familiar song coming from a sweet voice in the bathroom. Was he so out of control he was now dreaming of Y/N returning? What love does to a man... The sun prickling his skin felt too real, the sweat on his bare hands ran freshly, tickling him ever so slightly.

He sat up quickly, his heart pounding with excitement. Had she returned early from her trip? He got out of bed and walked towards the door carefully, his bare footsteps echoing delicately on the wooden floor. As he opened the door a bit wider, he saw her standing in front of the mirror. Y/N's eyes met his, hers sparkling with a well-known happiness.

"Hi" she dared to say. Saints! She had no idea what an agony it had been without her, right? Kaz felt his heart skip a beat at the sight of her. She looked radiant, with her hair tousled and her cheeks flushed from the heat outside. A long walk from the docks, surely. Had he been awake and aware of her early return, he would've walked her back to the Slat with an umbrella to shield both of them from the suffocating light.

"Hello" he mumbled, still a little dazed from sleep. Y/N smiled and stepped closer to him. "I missed you," she said simply, reaching out to take his hand. Kaz felt a surge of emotion wash over him, and he knew in that moment that she had missed him just as much. He pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against him as he breathed in the scent of her hair. It was the same from before she left, just a little saltier.

For a moment, they just stood there, wrapped up in each other, savoring the feeling of being together once more.

Finally, Y/N pulled back and looked up at him, a soft smile on her lips. "I brought you something," she said, pulling away and shuffling through her bag before humming contently, pulling and holding out a small box.

Kaz took the package and opened it to reveal a delicate silver necklace, with a tiny crow charm dangling from it. He looked up at her, surprised and touched by the gesture. "Y-you don't have to wear it-" "It's beautiful," he said softly, handing it over to her as she carefully placed it around his neck with a content smile.

They both knew it would remain hidden under the various layers of clothing he wore on cooler days (or even the hotter ones such as this), but knowing it was there was enough.

"Looks pretty" Y/N beamed, tracing her fingers down his half-exposed chest and pulling him in for a hug from the waist. "I missed you so much," he confessed, feeling the commotion inside of him finally subside under her touch. "I missed you too much, never let me go away for that long again... no matter how stubborn I get".

Kaz felt his mouth turn up in a grin, almost letting out a giggle. "Never," He looked down at her briefly and found her looking at him already, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "don't think I could bear it".

As the heat of the afternoon persisted, Kaz and Y/N found themselves seeking refuge in the relative coolness of Kaz's bedroom. They lay on the bed together, cuddled up over the white sheets, with Kaz's arm wrapped tightly around Y/N's waist. Despite the warmth of the day, Kaz felt a chill run through him at the touch of Y/N's skin against his.

As they lay there, Kaz felt a sense of peace wash over him. He had spent so much of his life chasing after money and power, but now, in this moment, he realized that his number one priority was something much simpler: the warmth and love of the person he cared about most in the world.

Y/N shifted slightly in his arms, and Kaz tightened his grip on her. He could feel her breathing softly against his chest, and he knew that he would never tire of this feeling.

"I've been more... difficult than usual. Even Matthias got alarmed," he murmured, his voice low and husky laced with amusement. Y/N looked up at him, giggling, her eyes filled with love. "It's okay," she said softly. "I missed you too."

Kaz smiled, feeling a sense of contentment that he had never experienced before. He knew that his life would always be filled with danger and uncertainty, but as long as he had Y/N by his side, he knew that he would be able to face anything. Just like when they were kids.

They lay there for a long time, just holding each other, lost in their own thoughts. And as the afternoon turned to evening, they drifted off to sleep, safe and content in each other's arms.

˚ · • . ° .

Hi! Thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoyed:)

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Thanks again, stranger. Hope you have a nice day<3

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