#just needed to cry. i NEED to cry. this is a massive thing for me and i just can't forgive her for this.
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OT13 Reaction -- when you're injured
SCOUPS:
he's speeding you to the hospital no matter how small the injury is. will lowkey make a big deal out of something as tiny as a cut. scolds you for not telling him sooner and for putting yourself in harms way. coddles you once you're home, refusing to let you touch a single piece of housework. he'll mother hen over you for at least a couple days before he accepts you're ready to be independent once again.
JEONGHAN:
laughs. (im so sorry) he will 100% start cackling first before he asks if you're okay. makes fun of you as he takes care of you and reenacts the moment for your viewing pleasure. scolds you for being so clumsy and will baby you as you recover.
JOSHUA:
the type of immediately jump into action. the moment you cry out in pain or he sees you falling, he's by your side as if he's teleported. holds you as he checks your injury, fussing over it and asking if you need to go to the hospital. will take you anyways even if you say no. holds your hand the whole time. tells you to be more careful cause he doesn't like seeing you in any sort of pain.
JUN:
if it's a particularly funny way you injury yourself, he'll eat that shit up. is too busy laughing to check if you're okay until you start crying and he'll be like oh shit it's real okay let me lock in. extra attentive once he realizes its serious.
HOSHI:
the type to let out a loud scream when he sees you go down with an injury - you'd think he was the one in pain. he wants to help, he swears - but he's just as lost as you are. the only thing he knows is to take you to the hospital for professionals to help you since he can't.
WONWOO:
is immediately playing doctor with the random bits of knowledge he's gained on the medical side of tiktok (why he's on the medical side of tiktok idk). he's meticulous and precise with it, taking care of you like it's his profession. will crack a few jokes (albeit quite poor jokes) to try and cheer you up. reads to you as you try to fall asleep, his attempt at distracting you from the pain.
WOOZI:
realistically, woozi hears about your injury over the phone. he's at work in his studio cooking up another massive banger, and isn't fazed when he picks up your call. you tend to call him at least twice to make sure he's eating anyways. worried when you tell him what happened and asks if you need him there with you. either way, he's packing up to leave asap, no longer in the mindset to work knowing you're in pain.
MINGHAO:
if your injury was your own fault, he'll look at you like: (¬_��") he's sighing at your clumsiness and you can hear the disappointment as he tends to your injury, all the while nagging about how you've got to be more careful. calls his mom to ask which herbal medicine will fix you faster - jokingly comes back with ginseng tea, telling you its to fix your clumsy ass brain.
DK:
screeches when he sees you drop. gags at the sight of blood. he approaches you slowly, hands shaking to check if you're okay. he's inwardly very panicked and lowkey not hiding it well. this wasn't in the boyfriend handbook! he's ready to be there for you though, cheering you up with funny anecdotes about him and the boys, doing his best to make you laugh through the pain. he will do anything you need him to during recovery -- just far from blood and anything icky that might come with it.
MINGYU:
lowkey probably the cause of the injury (sorry gyu stans, yk i'm right tho) he apologizes profusely, stating that he is 'just a clumsy big boy' and cannot help that he just has a rougher hand with things. makes it up to you with snacks, cooking and cuddles. allows you to use this incident against him till the end of time, although he gets sulky every time you bring it up.
SEUNGKWAN:
complains that he's got to take care of you but does it lovingly anyways. "i'm doing this cause i love you. you're lucky i love you or i would've left you suffering ages ago." gives you that signature seungkwan side eye if the injury was your fault. chides you to be more careful.
VERNON:
his first instinct is to ease the pain with bad jokes. will ask you if you'd wanted it to happen 'is this the result you wanted, baby?' and will quickly stfu when you glare at him. follows your orders on how to take care of you cause he's lowkey very lost. puts on a movie once everything is done to help you relax and to take your mind off the pain.
DINO:
ya'll 100% were doing something stupid and got injured together. dino has that 'you say jump, i say how high' energy, and you're definitely both in pain because one of you was doing something for jokes and the other joined for fun. takes care of you while complaining about his own pain. is a big baby when its your turn to take care of him. tells you to never bring this up to his hyungs or else he will never hear the end of it.
#seventeen ot13#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#seventeen imagines#svt#svt imagines#svt fluff#seventeen#seventeen blurbs#scoups x reader#jeonghan x reader#joshua x reader#jun x reader#hoshi x reader#wonwoo x reader#woozi x reader#the8 x reader#dk x reader#mingyu x reader#seungkwan x reader#vernon x reader#dino x reader
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Chaos Terrans, Chaos Energy, Terratronus, Starscream
Read time: 5 minutes
TLDR: Starscream ordered the Chaos Terrans to stab each other with the Cyber Slayer to charge it; The Chaos Terrans cared about each other genuinely; I wish Starscream studied Mandroid corpse.
ID: A clip from Earthspark S2E09. After Hashtag and Mo discover the Witwicky underground tunnels form a humanoid shape, we see Aftermath and Spitfire attempting to enter the tunnels with the Cyber Slayer at the entrance where the cave water was first discovered in S1E07. Aftermath unleashes a massive chaos energy blast through the weapon, shaking the chamber the Maltos sisters are in but having no effect outside. Spitfire takes the weapon, taunting, "My turn already - and you have to it with STYLE!" She spins the weapon coolly, only to release a tiny streak of energy. Aftermath teases, "Some STYLE you got there, Spitfire… or should I call you, Nofire?" Spitfire retorts, "Ha-ha-ha, and I thought you were just funny looking." Possibly misreading her mockery as praising, Aftermath proudly declares, "Aftermath is the complete package," before launching into a random battle cry. "I don't think you -" Spitfire's confused look changes into resignation. "You know what? Never mind." She lifts up the weapon and points it at her brother, "Just hold still while I recharge this - what's it called again?" "CYBER SLAYER," Aftermath reminds her, leaning down. "Wicked cool name for a weapon if you ask - Aaargh!" His words are cut off as Spitfire taps him sharply on the head with the weapon. He stumbles back, clutching his head as his embershard dims, emitting garbled sounds. Spitfire tosses him a bottle of cave water. After a long gulp, his embershard lights up again. Wiping his mouth, he smiles, "That does NOT get any easier, but what a rush!" Seeing the weapon charged with Aftermath's own energy, Spitfire grins, "Yeh? The next time we will trade." This time, she manages to unleash a powerful blast into the cave walls, causing rocks to fall around the Malto sisters but still no external effect. Frustrated, she asks, "Any doors open up yet?" "Ha! That's what we are doing here, sister?" Aftermath shrugs. "I stopped listening after Starscream said - " Switching to a more high-pitched voice, he imitates, "Take the cyber slayer - urrhhh". "Well, apparently, this thing's supposed to get us inside the - " Spitfire says as she continues to stab the cave walls, unleashing loads of energy. "Where?" Aftermath asks. "Yeh, Starscream left that part out." Spitfires stops, contemplating. "But he did say it will help with his BIG PLAN for taking out the Maltos and the Autobots." She seems to be convinced by the reasoning, and returns to her job at hand with an even stronger blow. This time, the wall shatters and starts glowing in red - the color of the chaos energy. Cybertronian letters appears on the wall with Quintus' symbol, "IN TIMES OF NEED HELP SHALL RISE TO YOUR CALL". Marveled, both Chaos Terrans paused, though they likely can't read it, and Spitfire soon resumed her stabbing.
Thought 1: Wow this is quite messed up!
I'm probably just slow, but on first watch I assumed the Chaos Terrans were able to channel chaos energy through the Cyber Slayer naturally, and thought Spitfire hit Aftermath with the weapon as a part of their mutual bickering. I only just realized they were taking turns stabbing each other with the weapon to keep it charged, and they were ordered to do so by Starscream.
Wow this is pretty messed up! "Hey kids take this weapon and go open a door for me. If the weapon runs out of energy, just draw each other's blood to recharge it. Try not to kill each other in the process and good luck!"
This seems extremely dangerous. The Cyber Slayer is not fatal, but it is fatal if the victim doesn't have access to treatment. And we all know if one of them accidentally goes completely offline, Starscream won't bother to treat them. I wonder if this is part of his plan.
Thought 2: Awww Siblings
The interaction between Aftermath and Spitfire is suddenly more wholesome, too. Spitfire didn't stab him out of malice. She warned him about the charging, gave him a very controlled knock on the head, and immediately tossed him a bottle of cave water.
Despite the contact being short and controlled, Aftermath was immediately sent into severe energy deprivation, falling and whining in pain.
It seems like prior to this Aftermath was the only one taking the blows, as Spitfire suggested "next time we will trade." I have been wondering how much Spitfire cares about her sibling, and it turns out she cares about him enough to volunteer drawing her own blood so he doesn't have to suffer repeatedly. And he didn't even complain about it, possibly because 1) he has one braincell and didn't realize it's unfair, 2) he cares about his tiny little sister and volunteered to take up more responsibility as the large big brother.
So it's... both messed up and awwww siblings. Wish to see them more in S2C / S3B / S4 ^ ^
Theories and Implications
This also gives a clearer definition on how they broke through Terratronus's defense system. Basically they just hit her repeatedly with condensed chaos energy. This might imply that Cyber Slayer enhanced chaos energy is stronger than Quintus power.
I wonder if Starscream would have been able to get himself out of Terratronus if he had access to chaos energy. And, maybe the Decepticons could have been able to escape the Quintus-powered bubble if they had access to the Cyber Slayer.
I'm also curious how Starscream learned he could break Terratronus' defense system with chaos energy. The only other person who's aware of this seems to be Terratronus herself. Starscream also seems to know it even before getting Croft's hard-drive. And it's unlikely that he got the information during GHOST imprisonment - GHOST knew nothing about the Emberstone until Mandroid told them about it in S1E20. Starscream escaped in S1E21, likely during he power outage in S1E20. And Croft didn't retrieve the stone for Mandroid to study until S1E22.
I think the only two possibilities are:
Starscream's science degree thesis was about chaos energy and it was a such niche field that none of the other scientists know anything about it.
Starscream got the information from Mandroid. Either he unearthed some of Mandroid's top-secret research on the Emberstone while helping the Autobots clean up the mess, or he reached this conclusion by studying Mandroid's corpse.
#I like the “Starscream studied Mandroid corpse” theory more#Somebody please write a fic about it#transformers#earthspark#transformers earthspark#starscream#es starscream#es mandroid#Chaos Terrans#Earthspark discussion#chaos energy#quintus prime#titan terratronus#chaos terran spitfire#spitfire#chaos terran aftermath#aftermath
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WHOEVER THE FUCK IS RECOMMENDING MED PPL TO GO INTO RADIOLOGY JUST CUS IF THE MONEY, IM GONNA FUCKING gET YOU
#first i had ai dictacting schedules and now the radiologists just thought there was a AHHGGRHHH#YES. YES U CAN MAKE MONEY GOING INTO RADIOLOGY. BUT DO NO T. JU ST. GO INTO IT. for the MONEY#MEDICINE IS FKING PAIN BCS BUSINESS IS A PAIN & PPL ARE IN PAIN & PPL ARE A PAIN#like it is Very. ppl orientated it's FKING MEDICINE and even if ure a vet or whatever theres obvs usually humans attached fo animals#so like u might not always be dealing with the ppl but ur coworkers who are also being directly accounting#for the ppl SURE AS HELL DO#like yea ppl die all the time but ure telling me u dont gaf when u couldve done something to stop a LIFE#a HUMAN LIFE that was DEPENDING ON U just doing a like tiny action in the grand scheme of ur things#but ends up a major life changer to them even if they dont always have the knowledge to recognize it#and u let them die bcs of the money#i cant fcking STANDDDDDD IT ohmy GAWD.#also like radiology is not all that hunky dory like radiactive is part of the fking name like#UGHHHH LIKE IM SUPPOSED TO BE SCOLDING MY PTS WHY TF AM I SCOLDING MFS FOR MY PTS#anyways yea tho totally just join medicine for the money it's tofally not a massive damage to u n society#but also . fuck society for making ppl feel like they only have this choice or it's starvation bcs thats also so fking real fuc that#but bro at least try not to fuck ppl over once u gain a position just bcs u happened to be in a bad mood today like#medicine is Literally. horror. it's not that 'i watch pimple popping videos haha i can handle it' horror . it's literally.#the horror of treating humans like humans while never allowed to be one urself kind of horror#it's watching a little girl crying and a big bulky father weeping like a small child bcs his wife died#&then u step out the room and a pt throws his poop at u bcs he keeps lying to u abt not having any alcohol &wants to go home but has no ride#wants a million opiods and has been absolutely wailing at ur staff and if he leaves ama it docks u so now u gotta#peruse a bunch of legal documents to try and figure out a loophole on how to get him outta here while also dealing with 60 other pts#on the brink of death or intensely septic and the whole time ure trying to save them u got bitches screaming in ur ear abt the#north carolina fluid shortage like btch fuck that im giving this kid the shit they need to survive fuck off#especially funny bcs theres fluids available but we refuse to buy them bcs theyre for a higher price than our og supplier like ok#anyways#love my life
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I like to imagine that, after Pepito goes to sleep, Tilin's spirit visits him in his dreams. She kisses him on the forehead and tells him happy birthday and reassures him that his parents love him, and when he asks how she could know that, Tilin just says: "Because we share a dad, and I know he loves me too."
#i talk#qsmp talk#man....#I haven't been able to keep up with Pepito much since he always shows up in evening streams for my timezone#and it's hard for me to watch that#but lonely little children who just want to be loved make me cry like nothing else#I've got a massive spot for kids and lonely characters#Tilin was a very lonely kid but even SHE had Roier and Jaiden#I know Quackity didnt care as much for Tilin back then as he does retroactively now#there's a lot to say / analyze about that and love becoming a post-mortem thing#but I'm not in the mood to analyze that rn. I'm already depressed#I hope Pepito gets showered in love at every opportunity#I need to watch Fit's christmas event stream because I THINK he hung out with them? I didnt catch it
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Y'ALL WHAT THE FUCK.
MY ROOMMATE HAD SOMEONE OVER FOR THE NIGHT AND SHE LET THEM SLEEP IN MY BED WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST??? EVEN THOUGH WE EXPLICITLY AGREED THAT WE WOULD ASK EACH OTHER FIRST BEFORE EVER HAVING SOMEONE OVER??? AND IN MY BED???? HELLO?????
this is such a massive boundary for me and i'm so upset. she knew i was gone this weekend because i have to work (when i work i'm out in the city so i just stay there for the night instead of dealing with the commute to/from college) or else i can't afford to yknow exist as a human being under capitalism but like. that's so fucked. she literally knew that i wouldn't be able to do ANYTHING about it bc i'm out of town for the weekend and she took advantage of that.
and she pretended that we never discussed having someone over she tried to play the "oh i'm sorry we just never talked about it before" card and i'm like. we literally DID talk about it. it was in the roommate contract that the college MADE US FILL OUT TOGETHER and we both agreed we would have to ASK each other and COMMUNICATE before anything like that happened.
the thing is i'm just a very personal type of person and this is a massive boundary she just crossed for me. and she was already really upsetting me bc she's been belittling me all the time and she's not respectful of my work and i woke up a couple times to her watching me sleep and she's been staring at me while i change and she doesn't listen when i tell her no, ever, and i'm very, very upset about this all. this is the last straw.
#vent#i texted my RA about it because i'm so done but there's also a housing shortage on campus#and bc my roommate never fucking leaves me alone - like she literally follows me around places and tracks me down if i try to avoid her -#our friend groups are kinda overlapping now which makes things very very complicated#and i was putting up with all the other random shit but when i found out she let a stranger sleep in my bed ON MY SHEETS WITH MY PILLOWS i#just needed to cry. i NEED to cry. this is a massive thing for me and i just can't forgive her for this.
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me agreeing to go into work on my day off to assist with a spay: what a great learning experience and an opportunity to show my boss im willing to put in the extra effort because I love surgery
me right now at midnight knowing I have to get up in 6 hours on my day off: why did I sign myself up for this when I could’ve been sleeping in and enjoying my day off after an intense week so far????
#me repeating to myself: I love my job I love my job I love my job#of course I am excited to get to be in the OR tomorrow helping with the big dog spay#but oh boy have the last few days been intense#last week I was seeing like 3-5 patients a day#this week I’ve been seeing 8-9 patients per day#which has been a massive shift in workload and stress and anxiety#don’t get me wrong I’m loving every day and enjoying learning and being a doctor#and I’ve loved my patients and meeting clients and people have being saying such nice things about me#but oh boy. I need a day off to reset and relax#begging crying screaming for the weekend to just let my poor brain melt into a puddle#dr sexy’s veterinarian journey#baz’s babbling
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(advice appreciated + long ass tags)
this sucks this sucks this SUCKS FUCK. ive been hokeschooled / "unschooled" for the entirety of my 8th grade and school is starting again in 2 weeks and i really want and really need to be back in school but idk if im mentally at all ready. opening day would be best to go back obviously but i didn't spend anytime during summer preparing for the routine / fixing my damn sleep schedule but i really need this .
i also know its gonna SUCK because i have severe sensory processing issues (tldr my brain Cannot filter out uncomfortable noises / textures / etc andi go Fucking ballistic and melt/shutdown) and even at home im having multiple daily meltdowns / panic attacks from just the everyday noises / sensations so god forbid what it will be like around 300 teenagers who don't know personal space exists.. i also have a severe anxiety disorder / autism so itll be even MORE fun :-) yaAy (thats not factoring in PDA disorder which is made my dad drop me out anyways because its Fucking Hell trying to go to school with that)
but i want this. i need this . iwant to get an education. i wanr to be around kids my age instead of being forced to be inside all day. i want to have routine and make friends and feel normal. im just scared that because of circumstances out of my control ill never get that
#i already dont have the mental / emotional milestones appropriate for my age. like massively behind. bro i need this#having to factor in the school part of school ...#my brother in christ i don't even know how to multiply and divide#or more basic spelling (save me autocorrect)#how will i survive in a giant room full of kids my age or younger who are all objectively smarter than me while I'm always 3 seconds away#-from a panic attack#i never told my dad or teachers any of this because i don't want to be held back and forced to not be around kids my age and#waste my teenage years away#i don't want to be 15 entering back fucking 5th grade#even if im not held back i don't know at all how to interact with people. at all#autism + panic attack thing + i was never taught Any sort of masking or social interaction#not joking bout the masking part.#i envy the people who say they get invisible shutdowns in social situations and people believe they're neurotypical#because if i get even slighty overstimulated i start crying/screaming/running away on the spot#emotional regulation is like . an alien concept to me . my emotions are inherently explosive#and i KNOW im not like this medicated because i used to be on anxiety meds that would stop the panic attacks but-#one day my dad just??? decided??? to throw away all my meds without at all telling me or my psychiatrist ????#“i dont want you taking these anymore” ???? okay ?????#we weren't having any problems he just Decided he didnt want me happy anymore I Guess#anyways weird dad tangent aside#im stupid + dont know how interact + dont know how to be normal + schedule that doesn't fit =/= school#but i need to get an education to be normal ane get a job 😭😭#what do i do#advice needed#advice would be appreciated#school#school advice#sorry for the long post#~ . 🌾
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i have thought of 1 (one) pro to this whole housing situation and i’m clinging onto it for dear life
#that being the enhanced freedom of living alone/away from family again#just generally being able to have routines and (hopefully) have them be respected in shared living spaces#of course that depends on who i find as a roommate but i’m choosing to stay optimistic#and on the note of freedom that includes more social freedom to have people over#like games nights with friends and stuff#or like. people staying over occasionally.#which technically i could do before it’s just wildly uncomfortable so i generally don’t#it’s the fear of not having a place to fall back to if things go wrong#that’s really getting to me#because my family is so spread out that even if i was able to crash on my mom or grandma’s couches (bc they both live in small one bedrooms)#they’re both so far away (literally a several hour ferry ride in my mom’s case)#that i wouldn’t be able to continue work or school if i had to do that#my dad is looking for a place in the cities around where we are now but that’s not certain at all and again one bedroom#BUT#and this is a HUGE thing that my friend reminded me of#i have friends in my life who would also support me if it came to that (totally not crying while typing this)#he reminded me that his family has even said in the past that i always have a place to stay with them#and i even did at one point for several weeks when our house got all its wall torn out bc of massive water leaks#and i know i have at least two other friends who would do the same if i really needed it#and i’m so so so fucking lucky#i may not have a ton of people in my life but the people i do have are better people than i ever could have hoped for#i stumbled into knowing (and this is no exaggeration) i believe some of the kindest most compassionate loving people in existence#i was always such a sucker for found family stuff and it was only in the last two years or so that i realized that’s what i have#okay stress crying has turned to emotional gratefulness crying#still physically unpleasant but emotionally incomprebly better#personal
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i just finished q’s vod from yesterday and honestly? i feel vindicated in my belief that q’s attraction to wilbur is based more around his romanticisation of relationships (and his grief for tilín, silent but ever present) than love
#again don’t get me wrong i think he’s attracted to wilbur but babygirl ia not in love with him#honestly this stream more than anything is making me read him as arospec#his little speech/breakdown where he cries and asks why he doesn’t feel anything#his comment about how maybe he needs to relearn what love means like sophia#comparing himself to a character who has expressed her inability to experience human emotions in the way that humans do#but who wants to learn anyway#i think people reading it as sadness solely about wilbur not actually being there are missing how much of his sadness is due to internal#feelings#he’s upset because he feels broken. because he feels like getting married should have fixed him#because he idealised the idea of marriage as soemthing that would make things better#ans when it didn’t and he felt as numb as ever he started crying#and he went and tried to seek out someone who would be able to understand him. someone who has expressed similar experiences: sophia#idk i just dont think qwilbur as a person actually plays a massive role in q’s emotions#it’s about his projections and his idealised notions crumbling around him#and leaving him alone again#maybe i’m projecting but i also find this dynamic more interesting than just q is sad because wilbur wasn’t actually there#quackity#qsmp
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girls when they just finished watching aotv
#ok this is my review#i didnt 'just finished watching' but u get it wtv#louis tomlinson#all of those voices#ok unless u wanna b spoiled u need to get off these tags rn!#i honestly thought there'd be more of the songwriting producing planning and bts footage of him working on his music#like i thought that'd be the main focus#more..... artistry and musicianship things yk? this thought made me want a behind the album doc so bad djfjf#but i do get it bc he set touring up as his ultimate goal as a solo artist. he said early on how it's his fave part in onedee#now im not saying touring ≠ artistry bc duh going on tour is fundamental for artists and for some like louis- it's what they love most#anyw thats just me. a behind the album doc could easily fix this. kinda my fault for expecting a whole different narrative hahshdj#OKAY BUT ANYWAY the first half was jam-packed with lots of feelings. heart rending gut wenching soul crushing stuff#it was so emotional i was with my sister and i didnt wanna cry beside her but i just couldnt help it 😭#him and his family talking in depth about their loss felt gutteral. strong family... about his mom and about felicite#hm yeah </3 mmkay thats a wrap we dont need me sobbing again thinking about this family#so about the touring!! we see him struggling to find his feet to perform confidently through the years#yk... last 1d performance in xfuk. jho for xfuk. ultra fest too i think? ...ccme. telehit. scala... 2 walls tour (2020) shows in spain#aotv spoilers#its actually insane how massive his insecurities became during and post 1d 😭#bro was acting small roles as a child. was 'popular' in school. lead singer in a cover band. main lead in grease & auditioned for xfactor#and post 1d??? man didnt know what to do with himself. it's sooo!!!!!!!!#it's evil actually leave that man's poor confidence alone! 😭#the doc ended beautifully :> showing scenes of his show in milan. 30k+ people. ONLY there for louis!#by this point hes built up enough confidence to perform btm live for the first time!!!!! hard song to sing and he smashed it 🥹#the title truly encapsulates everything huh. voices in his head. voices of industry ppl whispering in his ear. voices of criticism. and#voices of fans cheering and singing his songs#cathartic ending 🫶🏼 loved aotv!!! when btm played girl you Know i was gone 😭#loved that he included the fitf uk no.1 too!!! it's a pretty little bow to this wonderful gift#i would Love to add more but i reached 30 tags LMAOOO yk what maybe i'll rb this with more tags😭💀#louis u deserve the world the moon the stars entire planets and all the galaxies 🫂 mwuah
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Just found out my two siblings are in my mom's will, but not me. Also my grandpa has told the entire family about his engagement. Except for me. Also my dad told my siblings that he and my mom bought a plot of land. Can you guess who they haven't told?
#these tags are about to be a massive trauma dump tbh so avoid if you want#when i was fifteen i came out as trans. and my mom was terrible about it. and my dad was up for a promotion so we were considering moving#and i found a list of my moms pros and cons for moving. on the pros was 'people there dont know about (deadname)'#so that was ideal for a suicidal fifteen year old to find. and tonight i just learned that im not in her will#both of my siblings are. but im not. and its just always been like this#im treated like im not part of the family anymore. and it's been that way since i was fifteen#i heard from my brother that my grandpa is engaged. and he told both my siblings about it directly. he never told me#i reach out to my parents. i never hear back. my aprents text my sibling to check on me (sib and i live together)#everything is kind of shit rn. one of my rats is dying. my family doesnt love me. im broke. my best friend and i arent really talking#because he fucked my ex gf and now things arent really the same anymore. strangely enough. he doesnt reach out anymore#so i have no one to talk to about any of this shit#last night i was crying about my rat and i guess my roommate heard it cuz this morning they said#'are you okay? if you ever need someone to talk to who will never bring it up again you can talk to me'#and thats the most loving thing ive heard from someone in months. from a woman ive known since august#im. just. at a loss. since i found out tonight. that im not in my mom's will#its not about money. or assets. its about the fact that im her fucking child and both of her other children are in it but im not#after she dies shes willing to help them out but i can get fucked ig#i wonder if im gonna be invited to my grandpas wedding. i wonder if any of them would want me at their funeral#i wonder if any of them would come to mine
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hi mutuals not to doxx myself but im in boston literally rn :D 🤯🤯🤯
#purrs#took a 2.8 mile walk around the hotel and tmrrw i have a session at 8:30 am that i have to be up at6 for so i can get ready and rehearse#bc i haven’t rehearsed at all to this point LAWLLL 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰and im goi ng to. a scary fancy dinner tmrrw night lole. but it’ll all be ok. this k#kinda feels insane and fake like all of it. and my melon carton spilled in the subway and it was so embarrassing and i was very stressed. im#nervous but excited i wish this all felt realer but it’s nice and im excited to see more of boston. kinda crazy to be in a city where ppl#are alive and there are lots of sights and smells and sounds and things and it’s just there all the time every day. also kinda crazy to be#in massachusetts as a destination when the last time i was here as a destination both my grandparents were alive and their house existed 😃✌️#but i am trying not to think about that. but if i get to visit faneuil square i might cry lol#conference tag#also i have HORRIBLE motion sickness like even lying in bed under the covers i still feel like im on the train and the ground is swaying#underneath me…. wtf 👩🏻 but it’s fine. i am a normal girl i made it to boston and i have 2.5 days left here and iam looking forward to living#them and having smth to look forward to every day 🥳I just need to not be nervous. but also we are doing orientation in the BALLROOM and it’s#fucking massive like why’d they make it so big 😭😭😭😭😭 help
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i am going to sit down and draw the gentlest scene one can possibly imagine, or the pure visual manifestation of unabashed fury. there will be no in-between (unless)
#so 4am me was right! i really had hoped for a few days that things were looking brighter but clearly optimism is foolish#and this agony is entirely beyond my control which is fantastic. absolutely great and wonderful. i have never felt more empty#i think i will simply just try not to feel anything ever again because it simply isn't worth it#if i can pour it into some art then that will be something at least. i haven't drawn for myself in a very long time#but in this moment i literally have nothing else beyond some terrible coping mechanisms which i won't divulge#i think i will draw until my head hurts and my hands hurt#art and writing are really all i have right now. i can't physically speak without crying and i need to sequester myself#i will attempt to continue to reblog things as usual because i need every shred of normality i can consume#apologies in advance if i am not massively cheery again for a while - any semblance of joy has been violently stripped away from me#i'm not keen to conceal the fact that i do not feel normal at all right now. but i hate constantly venting here whenever i make a textpost#alas i am shigeo kageyama and i am holding a bouquet of flowers. and i'm about to cross at a junction#but it keeps happening over and over and over#if i draw and it's abysmal then good. i don't care#everything just gets worse and worse and worse and worse#i am so sorry#sea rambles
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I have an interview tmr for a possible teaching assistant job. but I realllyyyy really don't want to fucking go
#the interviewer is rly nice ive spoken to him already its not like nerves or anything#I dont rly wanna go into teaching but I do have experience so I'm getting interest from recruiters.. I need a job and the pay is alright#the main thing is that background checks are so comprehensive + they want 3 references and I. dont have that many lmao#but its non negotiable cuz anything involving kids or vulnerable ppl has rly high standards. understandably ofc#so I need to email a couple ppl from my degree to ask if they would be willing to give me a ref but I REAAAALLLLY dont want tooooo#bc I fucking dropped out of my masters this year and didnt tell my tutor beforehand. so its just rly fucking awkward to ask NOW#like I feel kinda physically sick just trying to draft this email theres smth rly humiliating abt it. man im gonna cry again#but I have to do it bc this interview is tomorrow and I need to submit the form w references before then ive been putting it off#ugdhfhcbncjhfjfbfbfh. and even if my tutor is cool w it I still only have 2 refs so I need to find a third and just. mannn#i have a massive adhd block w filling out forms too fucking hate this shit what if I just cancelled the interview ahahahahahahhha#its like a physical fucking pressure preventing me doing anything abt it i hope i get hit by a bus so its not my problem anymore whatever#.vent#fucking hell. whatever im gonna go make lunch
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I saw a post the other day that kinda pushed back on the way all coming of age movies are about sexuality and all high school stories basically center around who wants to fuck who and how that's like. Not really all coming of age and high school stories should offer since you know. Youth isn't about who you have a crush on and probably coming of age stories in particular should be far more diverse in subject matter than they are.
Honestly as someone who, when I was 'coming of age' age, hated coming of age stories and still do for the exact reason listed above (see the weird scene in It where we all sexualize a 13 year old girl because boys have crushes and surely there's no other way to portray this than feeling a child up with a camera to demonstrate boys have ~feelings~ Bev gets no equivalent scene because she's the object of affection rather than the subject feeling desire) I also wish there was diversity in those stories. And coming of age stories about adults- we don't stop going through huge life moments that change everything forever, but back to kids. When I was a kid I could have desperately used a coming of age story where the character has a sick and dying parent who does die by the end of the story and what happens after that. Granted I did just fine without it, but even without being asexual it's always irked me that coming of age stories don't seem to appreciate that kids have way larger problems and way better stories to tell then first crushes and first kisses for shit sake give kids who went through what I did as a kid some kind of story about what happens when your parent gets cancer and how complicated that is and stop assuming the biggest thing that happens around puberty is discovering sexuality that, if you were queer, you probably already noticed what you felt wasn't in a coming of age story anyway.
#winters ramblings#id actually LOVE to see a coming of age story about an immigrant child moving to a new country#and have the coming of age center around THAT instead of these bizarre vaguely adult explorations of sexuality#that honestly ive never related to anyway like maybe the allos get it but even THEY deserve more diversity in stories#SURELY even your local allos have a dad dying of cancer they desperately need to know what to do with#like deadass a therapist told me at 26 i was robbed as a child because of what i went through and i STILL cry when i think of that#but no coming of age is all sex shit because children according to adults dont have real issues#which tells me adukts writing the stories are MASSIVELY privileged or stunted by execs or straight up assune kids wont watch#a REAL coming of age story. also i want a coming of age story about a 40 year old who is going through a career change#and the struggles that come with late career change. the benefits of a late career change. all the complicated family goo around all this#just give me decent stories that arent too focused on fycking RELATIONSHIPS for once. have them there sure i dont care#but for FUCK sakes can we stop pretending a 13 year olds biggest concern us who they have a crush on??#my dad was DEAD and i knew only one other person who lost her mom way younger than me at 8#we did not understand each other and how could we when our situations were so different. BOTH of us were so highly alienated#because NO ONE not even each other could relate to a lot if the people around us. the only thing we DID have in common#was the sick feeling we got when someone would bitch about their parents having fair expectations or not giving them literally everything#we both had an 'at least you HAVE parents to hokd you to reasonable standards and all you do is SQUANDER it' even if our feelings werent#faur to our peers anymore than their feelings were fair to us. wheres the coming of age story about THAT#tell me a story about a 16 year old whos mom has been dead HALF her life already like my friend. i was lucky enough not to deal with that#until i was 24. she deserved better out if high school and coming of age stories too. believe it or not kids have REAL lives and problems#and im SO tired of no one writing anything but some sad kids books about it even if the books are SOMETHING to start with#like for shit sakes must NICEthat the worst thing YOU went through was realizing you had a sexuality but my queer ass#ALWAYS knew i was different and highschool highlighted that a BUNCH so unless we're exploring aroace teens that doesnt appeal either#great yet ANOTHER story about straight teenagers because THEYRE the ones who need guidance on how to express themselves#like they dont see strsight people storoes and sexuality EVERYWHERE plus the ACTUAL opportunity to date in high school#that most queer kids dont get or dont get in the same way. why is THAT the only story being told when its the most saturated and BORING#and also ignores that kids have REAL issues and NO angency. explore THAT. do ANYTHING but yet another fucking coming of age story#about straight kids having crushes on each other and thats IT like come on SERIOUSLY
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Okay but the new gbf event, literally going to cry. I stayed up to read it last night (er this morning at 3 am), bc I was excited about it being a sequel to Together In Song. I loved Together in Song, that event fucking crushed my hear (also shipping Elta with Caro). This new event was SO GOOD. I LOVE CANTATE. WHAT THE FCUK WHAT A BABY. HER PASSION AND ANGER AND FRUSTRATION AND STRUGGLE AND LOVE. What a wonderful character. I really wanted to start crying when she was so happily and excitedly info dumping about violins and Selfira was genuinely interested and enjoying listening. I need to ship this so bad. Like, I usually don’t go to hard for ships that seem mostly wholesome, but god. You can’t tell me not to hc Cantate as autistic, like there is no way I won’t. I want Selfira to meet Cantate again and for them to make music together and fall in love and ;ojlhkgjhfdghjhjgfdsfgh
more under the cut because i take issue with some of the ending of the event and started ranting about it lol
The only issue I had with the story was the ending with the “see the price is important so your instruments will be bought by professionals who can play well and bring joy to listeners.” Like whoa, I’m sorry lol, hold the fuck up. Please tell me why conflating wealth with skill (and talent as much as I hate the word talent, bc it’s often used to overlook the hard work people have put in to honing their skill lol) is a good and accurate idea. Like people who are poorer are incapable of being extremely skilled in music, what the fck gbf? Like I get the issue of don’t price your skill so slow because you put so much work into your ability. Your skill’s have value and unfortunately in a capitalistic society money is required to survive. It is her profession. In a perfect world it could just be a hobby and I think there should be zero issue letting her give instruments away for as cheap as possible. Let her do what she wants. And it was important for her to learn that letting someone thank you with materials things is not a bad thing, and it can be insulting or hurtful to refuse their gift (and explaining that there’s a cultural barrier here too that’s causing the conflict, which was great). I feel for Caro about not being sure if pushing her in the direction to leave the island and sell her instruments will make her happy. It did selfish to think of it like but all that waisted talent. Like cool, but maybe just let her do want she wants? I guess the idea was supposed to be like, well she wants to give more people a voice and doing that and helping her reach her goal means spreading her work beyond the island. I guess there was some level of, she also really needs to price higher for the sake of not being taken advantage of??? But the story insisted she was really good judge of character??? So like I guess in the end I think the only reasonable reason that I think should of been why she should price her instruments higher is that leaving the island means leaving her apprenticeship, means needing money to support herself, and the prices she was trying to charge before did not accurately reflect the hours of labor she was putting into each instrument. Like the island mentions that price of material sometimes affects the cost but did not say anything about the time that is put into making an item. I think the first part of the argument that she should value her ability more was a better argument than, you need to make your instruments more expensive so random people who cannot play them to their full potential don’t buy them all. Because professionals only care about the monetary value of an instrument. And also only professionals should play her instruments that’s literally not what she wanted. Idk that last bit came off really elitist/classist. Like let her make beautiful instruments for anybody who wants them, like fucking boo-hoo people who aren’t professional are playing them which means its a waist of such a good quality instrument, like fuck off with that. Low supply and high demand meaning only wealthy people get nice things is fucking messed up, lets not pretend it’s a good thing. Especially when the person suppling wants to let anyone be able to play. It’s fine to put value on the experiencing of listening to music but trying to gatekeep people out of playing via price is still shitty, you know. I’d rather we didn’t frame that as a “good” thing. So yeah, I agree that she should consider pricing higher because she needs desperately needs to value her own work more (and just value a lot of herself more, sob). But I don’t agree we should just pretend it’s totally good thing that society believes that high quality = most expensive and that the people who can afford them are the people that deserve them the most. :\\\\\ It’s a complicated subject and I think gbf fumbled on the end in that respect but I give them props for the, please value your work, bc there are a lot of young artists who underprice themselves because they don’t think about the amount of time they put into a piece and the amount of time they spent honing their craft. (obv the real solution lies in paying people more, a reasonable fucking wage, so people can fucking afford shit. and not letting .01% hoard money and not put it back into the fucking economy because they underpay their workers and [froths at the mouth]. anyways... it’s more complicated then that but I’m not here to have the discussion, it’s just relevant to mention with the topic of this event.)
#sammy liveblogs about granblue#sammy be quiet#regardless i love cantate#and i very very very much enjoyed the story#like tbh i don't fully read all that many gbf events because i'm usually mostly interested in a few characters#and gbf has a massive cast#and i tell myself the event story will go in my journal and i can go back and read it later#but i loved the previous event so i went in planing to not skimming it#and was very glad i did#tbh i like selfira way more now i was super indifferent about her before bc i am 100% guilty of skimming her fates#and i completely skimmed her previous event and she didn't do a whole lot in together in song#like elta was little more focused on in that event and i already like him bc he was sweet baby and had watched his sr events#bc when i was baby player and for a while when i did run sr teams for the pendents i used both his wind sr and light sr so i cared about him#im glad selfira got to shine more in this event and i do want to go back and read her other event#bc god also when she started crying about feeling like she ruined her great grandmothers legacy uhg it hit me in the chest#im very interested in her now <333#okayyyy i need to shut up now#im done i swear#OKAY ONE LAST THING#I JUST WANT TO SAY ITS NICE TO HAVE AN EVENT I ENJOYED THE STORY FOR AFTER DESTROYING MYSELF WITH GW#i needed some of my faith for why i love playing gbf so much after farming to the point of frying my brain#bc god do i really love some of the story in gbf (and i adore so many characters)#yes i'm a hopeless farming addict but i can burn out on that#and the reason i kept playing gbf was not just the gameplay loop but the story too#lol ''gameplay loop'' you mean farming hell]
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