#i already dont have the mental / emotional milestones appropriate for my age. like massively behind. bro i need this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bokuwadekinaiko · 2 months

Text

(advice appreciated + long ass tags)

this sucks this sucks this SUCKS FUCK. ive been hokeschooled / "unschooled" for the entirety of my 8th grade and school is starting again in 2 weeks and i really want and really need to be back in school but idk if im mentally at all ready. opening day would be best to go back obviously but i didn't spend anytime during summer preparing for the routine / fixing my damn sleep schedule but i really need this .

i also know its gonna SUCK because i have severe sensory processing issues (tldr my brain Cannot filter out uncomfortable noises / textures / etc andi go Fucking ballistic and melt/shutdown) and even at home im having multiple daily meltdowns / panic attacks from just the everyday noises / sensations so god forbid what it will be like around 300 teenagers who don't know personal space exists.. i also have a severe anxiety disorder / autism so itll be even MORE fun :-) yaAy (thats not factoring in PDA disorder which is made my dad drop me out anyways because its Fucking Hell trying to go to school with that)

but i want this. i need this . iwant to get an education. i wanr to be around kids my age instead of being forced to be inside all day. i want to have routine and make friends and feel normal. im just scared that because of circumstances out of my control ill never get that

#i already dont have the mental / emotional milestones appropriate for my age. like massively behind. bro i need this #having to factor in the school part of school ...#my brother in christ i don't even know how to multiply and divide #or more basic spelling (save me autocorrect)#how will i survive in a giant room full of kids my age or younger who are all objectively smarter than me while I'm always 3 seconds away #-from a panic attack #i never told my dad or teachers any of this because i don't want to be held back and forced to not be around kids my age and #waste my teenage years away #i don't want to be 15 entering back fucking 5th grade #even if im not held back i don't know at all how to interact with people. at all #autism + panic attack thing + i was never taught Any sort of masking or social interaction #not joking bout the masking part.#i envy the people who say they get invisible shutdowns in social situations and people believe they're neurotypical #because if i get even slighty overstimulated i start crying/screaming/running away on the spot #emotional regulation is like . an alien concept to me . my emotions are inherently explosive #and i KNOW im not like this medicated because i used to be on anxiety meds that would stop the panic attacks but-#one day my dad just??? decided??? to throw away all my meds without at all telling me or my psychiatrist ????#“i dont want you taking these anymore” ???? okay ?????#we weren't having any problems he just Decided he didnt want me happy anymore I Guess #anyways weird dad tangent aside #im stupid + dont know how interact + dont know how to be normal + schedule that doesn't fit =/= school #but i need to get an education to be normal ane get a job 😭😭#what do i do #advice needed #advice would be appreciated #school #school advice #sorry for the long post #~ . 🌾

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