#just had to let it out
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How Our Flag Means Death impacted my life
It’s been said so many times but the impact this to show has had on me is beyond comprehension. I am still living in the aftermath. Every day, I cannot grasp my luck of finding it and loving it. Hyperfixation or not, it’s been a while so I conclude it is safe to be put as a special interest by now; to care so much about something that makes you feel good and understood, is utterly important to have, I have realised.
My experiences in other, different, fandoms on Twitter as a teenager, have been very different and I guess it has something to do with growing up and learning more about yourself as much as it has to do without approach and handling of it all – we are all here for this show and we are damn grateful for its existence. We do not take it for granted and so we lovingly create more art and thereby put more love into the world. Isn’t this what life is all about? Adding care and love.
Coming back to my point, ever since starting to watch Our Flag Means Death, I have had this inner sense of calm inside of me, which I never had before.
It is hard to explain but I did notice that my sensory issues, especially misophonia, have been less of a problem. And that is huge. There is one noise source in particular, which is the fridge, if you want to know, but it can be triggered by anything, and I have been struggling with this for many years… There only has to be some trigger, such as the wind howling too strongly or any other sound, really, and I feel like the world is going to collapse because every thing gets too loud and too much.
Now, for a few months, it hasn’t been like that. It was almost scary at first due to the unfamiliarity of the absence of, well, mental pain…
Regarding the show’s successful portrayal of queerness – yes, that has been life–changing for me as well.
I have identified as nonbinary as long as I can think. I vividly remember this specific moment from my childhood when I was sitting there, on my own, thinking, I do not feel like a girl, I do not feel like any gender, I just feel like myself. It’s a strange memory to have but it was so vivid that I treasure how it stuck with me.
When I was a teenager, I never had any romantic, God forbid sexual, interest, except for the occasional crush on a boy or girl, which naturally made me conclude that I was bi or pan. As of today, I am still not feeling any of these attractions. However, as I explain in this post, some kind of attractions have been felt. One thing is clear, if I do feel anything beyond, it would be for any gender.
The show basically says, whatever, we’re all queer, and that is so beautiful and validating to me because my family and other surroundings are so heteronormative that I often question my validity and worth.
There have barely ever been other queer people in my immediate surroundings, which means that acceptance or even understanding is not something that I would expect.
In hindsight, this is a big part of why I always struggled with confidence and self-love.
There is a lot I could write about my family history but I will just shorten it to, I did grow up without a father from the age of 7 and my relationship with him is rather torn.
I am so moved by how they decided to give Ed and Stede these backstories regarding their relationship with their fathers and families and portray these issues in such a delicate and serious manner and how they can impact your whole life.
I am thankful for how serious they have taken all of these things.
These are characters that have experienced similar difficult upbringings and are struggling with the consequences into their adulthood.
I have never gotten an official diagnosis but from my childhood experiences and later struggles in life it is safe to say that I am neurodivergent. The relationship with my mother is very difficult as well, which definitely played a part in how I never understood that some of my behaviour and so on was a result of being different in that way instead of deliberate. During my childhood and teenage years, there have been instances of different kinds of abuse, however I will not elaborate further.
These struggles are always individual and personal but I will just say that I do suffer from the fear of being abandoned and yes, it makes maintaining relationships, such as friendships, challenging.
Because you constantly feel like you do not deserve anyone caring about you or enjoying your company. Genuinely, I have never believed this.
Even if I have learned to like myself more and be confident in my abilities. I still feel like a burden whenever I am with someone else. It doesn’t go away. Part of it is due to struggling with social cues as well as the general preference of being alone.
And I do enjoy my own company. But it would be nice to one day find someone I can fully trust and freely share my thoughts with.
Basically, what Ed and Stede have found in each other… and I guess what makes them so different to other ships is not only that they are actually a canon couple but the way they are so natural and gentle with each other?!
They accept each other wholeheartedly.
They see each other in such a genuine way… unconditionally. Not without hardships but always with such a willingness to make it better, to keep fighting, continue to live for the sake of love and love only.
Another serious struggle has been my eating disorder (anorexia) which (along with overexercising) lead me to have secondary amenorrhea for many years, which in turn, was a very blissful thing for me due to gender reasons. A big thing that has happened shortly after discovering the show has been my period coming back. My reaction was denial, then anger, then determination that I would not let this bring me down…
The show did ground me in that emotionally, I have handled it, somehow, and carried on.
I am so thankful for it all and much, much more.
There is so much to say and never enough words to express my gratitude. This show means something different to everyone. Everyone finds bits and pieces in it which make them feel the same kind of appreciation and love and this is just my share.
If you’ve made it to the end, thank you, dear reader. Sending you a warm hug, if that’s alright with you.
#our flag means death#ofmd#gentlebeard#blackbonnet#edward teach#stede bonnet#ofmd s3#ofmd season 3#ofmd cancellation#wrote this in january and felt like hitting the post button#this is very personal and i am overthinking how to put the emotions#sorry for sharing so much about my daddy issues#just had to let it out#mental health#personal#aroace#asexual#aromantic#ace#aro#nonbinary#recovery#tw ed#tw abuse#tw mental illness#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbtqia+
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What were they doing for eight years? This situation goes beyond just a lack of communication, putting Hyun-oh circumstances with the old ladies aside. Eun-ho and Hyun-oh were dating for about two years when her sister disappeared. Her disappearance was widely reported in the news, with search teams and a significant police presence. I understand that Korean laws prioritize privacy, but a young woman was missing, and her face must have been plastered everywhere.
The fact that she never confides in him, attempt to seek comfort or assistance (and telling him while he was drunk has no effect - except that nosy reporter being all up in her business) or that he didn’t notice any changes in her is baffling. Her grandmother also passed away some time after that, yet still, nothing. If the scene in episode 5, where he abruptly dropped her without any explanation, is indicative of their dynamic, it raises even more questions. Did he do this without reason constantly throughout their relationship , and why did she never question it? Why did he never elaborate? Or hell, if he or she did.. can this show please show us this.
Were they merely maintaining a facade of normalcy? Playing at the happy couple? The show has yet to demonstrate any reason for these characters, even after therapy, to be together. Or why they were even together in the first place. Yes, I know they "loved each other" but a relationship is more than just attraction. They never discuss their families or past experiences at all during those eight years? Their relationship feels very superficial. Very neither here nor there.
This isn’t some post to show how she would be better with Joo-yeon or anything like that since he has a connection with Hyeri, not Eun-ho, and the show has yet to establish anything between them as of yet. They have issues to be resolved individually as well. I just need some clarification - I need more than cutesy moments between them - I just want to understand someone please explain. We are all just as confused, right!? RIGHT!?
#dear hyeri#joo eun ho#kang joo yeon#jung hyun oh#kdrama#kdrama fans#how do i even tags this#just had to let it out#kdramadaily#lets discuss#kdrama thoughts#terrible posting time but ohh well..
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also i know nobody asked for my opinion but i shall give it anyways.
I have only been in the Cevans fandom since early this year, but I’ve been on tumblr and consuming fanfiction since like… a very, very long time. And I think the quality of fanfiction has absolutely gotten so much better! Like, it was already amazing but the sheer effort people put into their fics? The aesthetically pleasing master-lists that you know they’ve spent ages on? The gorgeous layouts? The literal most creative AU’s that I never would’ve even thought of but now that I’ve read it I’m so totally into it? The detailed smut? It’s crazy to me how I’m reading this stuff for free!
And I’m not putting down anyone who doesn’t do any of the above things I mentioned. I just think fanfiction is such a beautiful and inspiring thing—no matter how it is presented. Sometimes I’ll read something that’s one paragraph long and it’ll inspire me and excite me and I think that’s amazing. Of course, there are somethings I don’t like but I just scroll past! I guess what I’m trying to say is that I really love this fandom and it’s endless creativity and variation when it comes to fics. I’ve been in so many fandoms and consumed so many fics but this is by far my favourite.
#lmao why did this turn so mushy#just had to let it out#ANYWAYS#chris evans#like I’ve always marvelled how so many writers in this fandom introduce so many au’s#which are so cool and creative and fun and well written#like….. FOR FREE#it’s made me become a better writer too I think#like it makes me wanna do better and so I try harder#my thoughts 💭
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I always found it funny that when people discuss what characters would look at Sean and Daniel negatively for their actions at the border in Blood Brothers (a fruitless conversation to begin with tbh), they always list Chris as one of the main ones. Chris, the kid who jumped in the middle of the street to throw a police car off the road, most likely hurting/killing the officer. That boy would not care.
All this to really say, either Captain Spirit is also evil (according to many people’s classification of Sean and Daniel in Blood Brother + Low Morality), or none of them are evil and we can view LM/BB with more nuance and understanding of the importance of the brothers’ fight at the border.
#been thinking about this for a while#just had to let it out#the good/evil bs has to stop#because its interesting howsome of you talk about the Low Morality routes#making every bad headcanon about them#pushing all the negative aspects towards them#life is strange 2#lis2#sean diaz#daniel diaz#wolf brothers#chris eriksen
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Let the poor man rest.
#also no he doesn't want to experience life as a normal person. no he wouldn't sacrifice his powers to live again.#he LOVED being powerful. he was very proud of his powers. he was at the top of the world. what he disliked was being so lonely at the top.#which having reunited with Geto now he is not.#and he wanted to keep the next generation safe due to his past regrets and teach a generation of kids to be at the top together.#and he wanted to get rid of the corrupt higher-ups and reform the Jujutsu society.#and he did all of that. Yuta and Yuuji are both alive and safe and the kids are all reunited with each other stronger than ever#and the higher-ups are d**d.#Gojo obviously wouldn't hate to keep living. he clearly didn't expect to lose and die. but as he himself confirmed#he died doing what he loved. he went out the way he wanted. he went out with a bang. he had the best fight of his life and gave it his all.#as he said 'he had fun'. he said it would have been embarrassing if he died of old age or sickness.#and now that he's gone he's happy with his friends and especially Geto. he found peace.#He said it himself 'Now i'm wishing that it's not just a dream'.#also for those of you who say that Geto & Gojo wouldn't be together because one would go to hell and one to heaven... no. just no.#first of all. Gojo did a mass m*r*** before his death#second of all. they're Buddhists. they don't have heaven and hell. don't bring Abrahamic religions into everything.#and you'd be surprised by the excuses the Abrahamic religions find to not let people in heaven.#probably Gojo wouldn't go to heaven even if he didn't kill the higher-ups due to...idk... occasionaly doing pranks or sth.#but Gege apparently created a whole other afterlife of his own. and Toji Geto Gojo Nanami and everyone were all gathered there together.#you SAW that. so stop.#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#jjk gojo#gege akutami#my two cents#satosugu
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Someone said that season 4 soap it’s actually his twin brother, shampoo mactavish 😂
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you know what seems so familiar to me? the way the zionists defend the rafah massacre. "there were terrorists not civilians". each time russia strikes a civilian building they say the same shit, "there were weapons", "this was not a school, actually the soldiers were training there". it's all the same. and each time i think, who believes this bullshit. why the hell would our soldiers be training in a fucking school. but no. the people still believe it.
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I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them
People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human
“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”
“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”
“Yeah!!”
“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”
“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“
“How illogical”
“That’s what I’m saying!!!”
#star trek#Vulcans#Humans#not based on a specific thing#but I used to know this annoying couple that were ‘family friends’#who would show up to potluck dinners and the like and would either bring nothing or bring something really just. out of left field?#like a bag of frozen chicken to a bbq#and then proceed to make sure they are first even if it was stated to let kids go first#would take HUGE amounts before anyone else got a chance to get a plate#and then make off with the leftovers again even if they were already claimed for#and it wasn’t a food insecurity thing trust me I would never speak bad about a person getting food if that was even a remote chance#the adults who raised us knew them really well and we’d been to their house a ton of times#they were just dicks#and yeah. they’d occasionally insult the food. while eating the MAJORITY of it.#it was so weird at their home they would go out of their way to get the healthiest options possible#you know the really bland tasteless expensive stuff that apparently was healthier#but then if they were visiting our house they would. eat all our unhealthy snacks.#that always pissed me off so much as a kid because we actually had a food insecurity thing going on#and also a variety of other reasons that are a bit too depressing to bring up on this post#but anyways we’d hardly ever get to have nice snacks#and this couple would just take them all??? even after we’d tell them repeatedly that it was ours and those snacks weren’t gonna be#replaced#hated that couple#if you’re wondering why they were ‘family friends’ it’s because the couple who raised us#(it feels weird to type it out like that but apparently legal guardians doesn’t fit since they never finished petitioning 💀)#liked having them around because it made them look like ‘such great Christian’s’ being nice to the people#that no one else wanted to be friends with#I always thought that was a really weird and fucked up reason to be friends with someone#this got long sorry 😭
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I'm always pushing you away from me / but you come back with gravity / and when I call, you come home
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#yuuji#megumi#deleted scene gege told me#god im not over 266 i will never ever ever be over 266#im so incredibly unwell abt them i cant believe this is the timeline we live in#itafushi friday....itafushi everyday.....#decided 2 forgo my usual miku and broke out the emo playlist fr this one . breaking my own heart :3#how many itfs embraces do i need to draw until i successfully manifest it in canon#gege i beg i plead pls let them H U G#they r so traumatized they r so touch starved pls hug pls contact pls Holds/Is Hold#anyway if megumi's height is inconsistent no it isn't <3 if he looks like 2 completely different ages no he doesnt <33#......kids r Hard guys gomen i tried my best#honestly it's probably not even that bad i think its the arm angle in the first one thts throwing me#i had to play around w it so much that i think im just tired of looking at it#megumi voice whatever !!!!!#thats not important the important thing is Itafushi Hug#and i do believe i met my quota in that regard#also yes my pen pressure Is still dying thank u fr asking but i did this fr them Anyway pls clap
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Diary entry time …. I feel like ever since my dog died I’ve shut off a lot of love in my life it used to be enough for me in life to try to learn the best ways to love the people in my life and romanticize my daily routine and now I feel like a cold aimless mess who only chases sexual and chemical pleasure. So much of my energy used to go to kindness and care and offering up the energy to make the people in my life feel as special as they make me and now I snap at them and tell them I don’t want to see them and am scared to love so strongly again just to lose it. Idk how to keep up with the mistakes that come with just living this long idk how to be ok with the fact that I will hurt others and they will hurt me.
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Jumpscare Balloon boy returns in FNAF 2 movie..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#balloon boy#mike schmidt#fnaf vanessa#vanessa shelly#vanessa afton#fnaf 2#fnaf movie#fnaf 2 movie#fnaf fanart#five nights at freddy's#I’ve had this thought for awhile just finally drew it out but#MIKE IS GONNA lose it seeing BIG balloon boy#like actual animatronic balloon boy#THATS gonna be the worst jumpscare of his life#I really hope bb is an animatronic with the other toys#don’t keep him tiny make him big and a menace#I WONDER if balloon boy will actually steal batteries in the movie#that’ll be so funny please please let bb be real#BALLOON BOY MENTIONED 🔥
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...it is quite funny, actually.
But eventually, I think I will learn to ignore that no breakthrough is expected because I'm not some lucky exception. Once, just once, I'd like to feel, though, that I created something worthy that can get out of the limited number of people. (I love that limited number of people, though, whole-heartedly, don't mistake me wrong. But more and more I feel like for them there is an invisible pressure to read everything I share, to not let me back and feel bad, like a pat on the back, but in truth, it is rather a sort of obligation for them than actual honest interest.)
I can complain about my sorry mood, to what t general advices would come, 'think positive' vibes would come, 'if you love what you do people will love it, too'-bullshits... but there are some days when I seriously think I should quit writing. Because it doesn't worth it. Never does.
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was it casual when i sat in your lap in public? was it casual when i said "recently my heart is crying because you're leaving"? was it casual when we decided how your last name would fit with mine? ("yuki tsunoda-gasly" / "no tsunoda, only gasly" / "yuki gasly?") was it casual when we sang adele's "someone like you" together at your going away party? was it casual when i knew it was you just by touching your ass? was it casual when i knew it was you by smell alone? was it casual when "will you miss me?" / "for 2-3 minutes maybe" / "i'll take that. even if it's just 2-3 minutes, i'll take that"? was it casual when that bus was completely empty and we still sat right next to each other, all the way in the back? was it casual when i picked you up multiple times so you could dunk a basketball? was it casual when i begged to come over to your house multiple time and then you finally let me and we cooked fried rice together? was it casual when we played christmas twister together and i said "your big eggplant is touching my ass"? was it casual when we were pressed up against each other on a scooter going two miles per hour? was it casual when-
#edit: tinytauris fact checked my post and they sang 'hello' not someone like you & it was 'your big monster' not eggplant#everyday i think about the fact that yukierre should've been what lestappen is now#i should be able to go on the yukierre tag on ao3 and it should say 'showing 1-20 of 6745'#they were genuinely so fuckingg weird about each otherrrrrr#im being so serious when i say that if they ever came out as gay/bi/whatever i really wouldnt be surprised#literally just 'okay?? fork spotted in kitchen cmon now' moment#anyway i think about that moment on the bus soooo often#will you miss me? / maybe for 2-3 minutes / ill take that then. even if it's just for 2-3 minutes ill take that#hwat the FUCK#i was going 'gay gay homosexual' everytime i saw them together#yukierre#yuki tsunoda#pierre gasly#also im like 90% sure that everyting i worte down actually happened but if i wrote smth down that didnt happen#and my yukierre infested brain just conjured up please let me know#also ive had this is in my drafts foreverrrr (re: since july) so if this has already been done im so sorry#i always feel like such a loser making posts about driver relationships lol#like 'oh look at that weirdo that got too invested in people she doesn't even know'#whatever im getting to introspective now#1k
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You know what I realize that people underestimate with Pride & Prejudice is the strategic importance of Jane.
Because like, I recently saw Charlotte and Elizabeth contrasted as the former being pragmatic and the latter holding out for a love match, because she's younger and prettier and thinks she can afford it, and that is very much not what's happening.
The Charlotte take is correct, but the Elizabeth is all wrong. Lizzie doesn't insist on a love match. That's serendipitous and rather unexpected. She wants, exactly as Mr. Bennet says, someone she can respect. Contempt won't do. Mr. Bennet puts it in weirdly sexist terms like he's trying to avoid acknowledging what he did to himself by marrying a self-absorbed idiot, but it's still true. That's what Elizabeth is shooting for: a marriage that won't make her unhappy.
She's grown up watching how miserable her parents make one another; she's not willing to sign up for a lifetime of being bitter and lonely in her own home.
I think she is very aware, in refusing Mr. Collins, that it's reasonably unlikely that anyone she actually respects is going to want her, with her few accomplishments and her lack of property. That she is turning down security and the chance keep the house she grew up in, and all she gets in return may be spinsterhood.
But, crucially, she has absolute faith in Jane.
The bit about teaching Jane's daughters to embroider badly? That's a joke, but it's also a serious potential life plan. Jane is the best creature in the world, and a beauty; there's no chance at all she won't get married to someone worthwhile.
(Bingley mucks this up by breaking Jane's heart, but her prospects remain reasonable if their mother would lay off!)
And if Elizabeth can't replicate that feat, then there's also no doubt in her mind that Jane will let her live in her house as a dependent as long as she likes, and never let it be made shameful or awful to be that impoverished spinster aunt. It will be okay never to be married at all, because she has her sister, whom she trusts absolutely to succeed and to protect her.
And if something eventually happens to Jane's family and they can't keep her anymore, she can throw herself upon the mercy of the Gardeners, who have money and like her very much, and are likewise good people. She has a support network--not a perfect or impregnable one, but it exists. It gives her realistic options.
Spinsterhood was a very dangerous choice; there are reasons you would go to considerable lengths not to risk it.
But Elizabeth has Jane, and her pride, and an understanding of what marrying someone who will make you miserable costs.
That's part of the thesis of the book, I would say! Recurring Austen thought. How important it is not to marry someone who will make you, specifically, unhappy.
She would rather be a dependent of people she likes and trusts than of someone she doesn't, even if the latter is formally considered more secure; she would rather live in a happy, reasonable household as an extra than be the mistress of her own home, but that home is full of Mr. Collins and her mother.
This is a calculation she's making consciously! She's not counting on a better marriage coming along. She just feels the most likely bad outcome from refusing Mr. Collins is still much better than the certain outcome of accepting him. Which is being stuck with Mr. Collins forever.
Elizabeth is also being pragmatic. Austen also endorses her choice, for the person she is and the concerns she has. She's just picking different trade-offs than Charlotte.
Elizabeth's flaw is not in her own priorities; she doesn't make a reckless choice and get lucky. But in being unable to accept that Charlotte's are different, and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with Charlotte.
Because realistically, when your marriage is your whole family and career forever, and you only get to pick the ones that offer themselves to you, when you are legally bound to the status of dependent, you're always going to be making some trade-offs.
😂 Even the unrealistically ideal dream scenario of wealthy handsome clever ethical Mr. Darcy still asks you to undergo personal growth, accommodate someone else's communication style, and eat a little crow.
#hoc est meum#pride and prejudice#elizabeth bennet#charlotte lucas#meta#charlotte is a much less sociable person than lizzie#so avoiding her husband most of the time and not seeking out his company is more viable for her!#she also has more patience for people being wrong#partly i think because she kinds checks out and lets them get on with it which lizzie isn't too great at even with her mother#people have different needs like that's a thing okay#marriage#spinsterhood#pragmatism#like if elizabeth had to listen to collins talk for a few months straight she would be nearly insane with rage#he's not just a low-quality man he's a man designed to be the worst for her specifically#also note that because jane's marriage is elizabeth's fallback plan#darcy screwed her over personally by interfering between her and bingley#she ofc does not bring this up how could she#but it's intensifying the anger during the hunsford rejection i think
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None of our hands are clean
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangshan#mianmian#The secret meaning behind one of the jin members scuttling off is:#I couldn't make three people work out in the remaining panels and per my rule of '3 attempts and take a different approach' he had to go.#Sometimes there are meaningful reasons why something happens in the background. And sometimes it is like this.#Let's just say he saw what was about to happen and got out of there before mianmian started throwing hands.#Okay no more delay. The sheer boldness to call WWX a killer in a room full of people who wear their war body count as a badge...#It's about hypocrisy yes - but it is also about how the narrative shifts on the same action depending on the frame.#Because at the end of the day...the blood on our hands is still blood on our hands.#Both the deaths on the battlefield and the deaths of the Jin's abusing the Wen remnants are still deaths caused by another.#They are also deaths that - depending who holds the frame - are noble acts to protect others.#But it isn't supposed to be about who was right and who was wrong.#It is about the need to be seen as the victim to avoid culpability.#Because if you aren't responsible you don't have to be held accountable. You don't have to grow or change.#If someone takes all the blame then there is no need to reflect on your own faults.#We have to protect our fragile ego from the mirror lest it shatter and we have to remake it anew.#Horrifically enough...even if WWX spared the Jin guards or even never ran into Wen Qing#He wouldn't have been able to escape being the scapegoat. He downfall was set into motion a long time ago.#My goodness...What a deliciously tragic story Wei Wuxian's first life was.
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thoughts on being engaged to duke!sunday, the head of the oak family, an incredibly influential figurehead within society, the close subordinate of emperor gopher wood who brought him and his sister in and raised him like his own, and the villain who faces a tragic ending in a novel you recently finished — the very same one you just so happen to find yourself transmigrated into. he is as cunning as he is blinded, a trait which brought ruin to many in the empire, and one which ultimately brought ruin to himself at the hands of the protagonists.
as luck would have it, you became a barely mentioned side character from a marquis family, whose role was to be the villain's wife stuck in a one-sided love who, too, would get caught up in the tragedy alongside him. however, now that it's you who is stuck in this position, you're determined to try any means necessary to deter him from going down that path, all in an effort to escape your predestined doomed fate!
of course, you didn't expect it to be easy. the day of your arrival in this world was already the night before your wedding, so you had little time to prepare yourself for the nonchalance of your supposed family, how they viewed you as but a means — a tool — to boost their influence and prosperity, the dismissive mannerisms of the household servants, and the absolute beauty of a man you will be married to.
(seriously. the novel descriptions did not do him justice. he was like... like... like he was handcrafted by god himself! and not to mention his sister, robin, was the very epitome of an angel! perhaps you're destined to perish by the god-tier visuals instead...)
to say the least, the wedding ceremony went by quickly. safe to say you didn't spend the night; he was cordial and gentlemanly upon letting you know that he won't do anything until you're ready, that you can take this relationship slow, but somehow you ended up feeling a tad insulted. like, who leaves their newly wedded alone in a big cold bed as they walk out on their own? a sick bastard that's who!
well, whatever. it's not like you need nor want to consummate with him! besides, you have bigger things to worry about — things such as your impending death. and, of course, the only way to stop sunday that you can imagine working is by chipping away at his resolve bit by bit, and opening his eyes to reality.
he is a tragic character, one who cares more about the well-being of penacony and its people than anyone else, but was manipulated into getting his hands dirty in the emperor's stead. you knew this. you sobbed over his story, cursed out the protagonists, and even fought internet randos on novel forums about sunday's motivation and how,
no, he is not just a stupid villain. he is a complex character with flaws and humanity and was cruelly taken advantage of by someone he considered family. he was deceived through the suffering the emperor wanted him to see to make him easily manipulated, creating a rift between him and robin to have that prominent separation. you know what? maybe you're just a !%#@ who can't even #@?"% read properly!
and yet you still find yourself at a loss when faced with the walls he has in place. your initial efforts went as well as it possibly could have; you trying to earnestly help him, while he "kindly" dismisses your offers! well, "kindly" being more condescending since you could read between the lines of his mannerisms and amiable demeanour, but that's fine! you expected this! that just means you have to double down on your sincerity, get through to his heart (somehow), and help him realise humanity isn't as weak as he's led to believe!
you have three years until the novel's plot officially starts, and another year after that until your demise. that's plenty of time to get him to warm up to you!
it was easier said than done, but after your valiant effort and abundance of time put into this relationship, which admittedly you could do with some of that lost time back, you could give yourself a pat on the back with the progress you made! while you definitely could have done without a lot of the headaches, it's safe to say sunday has significantly warmed up to you in comparison to your wedding day. he now willingly eats all his meals with you with some real conversation, takes garden strolls with you in the early evenings, invites you out for dinner at a restaurant at least four times a week, hell he's even joked and laughed with you more frequently! but most importantly, he has begun asking for your opinion before finalising any decisions he is required to make. and he actually listens and considers your side! now, that certainly is the best outcome you could hope for after all this time, and it most definitely will help in your endeavour to save you both from the protagonists!
however, you've noticed he's been more... affectionate? well, at the very least he now willingly holds your hand when in private (not just in moments when you're in the public eye and he has to make sure the family's reputation is spotless), sometimes he will hug you out of the blue ("i just need to... recharge. you have a way of calming me down. i hope you don't mind." ...how could you say no to his supreme god-tier face card? that's just a losing battle you won't even bother fighting against.), oftentimes he opts to just gaze wordlessly at you (robin had mentioned over one of your tea times how it almost appears as though there is no one but you in the world when sunday gazes at you with, in her words, "the eyes of a man so deeply in love!" ...whatever that's supposed to mean...), but a more recent development has been his sudden interest in kissing you; well, more specifically giving you a kiss to the back of your hand or on your forehead — certainly not anywhere near the lips! (besides, he's probably just gotten comfortable with you, enough where he can freely act without judgement. nothing more, nothing less.)
well, either way, development is development! soon enough, the time for the main plot to start has arrived. it of course follows what you remember, from the organised balls to the protagonists meeting to the political aspects of it all. the only difference is sunday's less active involvement in all the schemes and the emperor's ploy. rather, he seems more focused on you and the future of your marriage and even displayed a sudden interest in your practically non-existent relationship with one of the foreign diplomats, aventurine— wait...
"[name]," he calls your name out so sweetly you nearly disregarded it as someone else he was talking to. well, perhaps you would have done had he not suddenly appeared before you, a tight-lipped smile tugging the corners of his lips as he steadily approaches you.
oh. he doesn't seem very happy, if his tense figure is anything to go by. you wonder if one of the nobles grated his nerves a little too much this time?
sunday comes to a halt a step away from you. "i don't like that... gambler being so close to you. it... it brings me a rather unpleasant feeling." there's a slight, trembling pause. not a moment later does he close the gap between you, one knee on the ground as he matches your seated height on the fountain rim, your hands gently enclosed in both of his.
you idly wonder if this is what robin meant by the so-called "eyes of a man so deeply in love" she constantly gushed about, for the way in which he gazes up at you is enough to render you breathless.
"tell me, [name]," he begins once more. there is an underlying desperation woven within his tone, one which has your head spinning and heart thumping wildly as his trembling gaze holds you in place. "tell me, what am i to do with this fervent love and overwhelming adoration i hold for you?"
oh.
...oh.
perhaps your impending doom should be the least of your concerns when you now find yourself in the arms of a clingy husband...
(though, it's safe to say you did, in fact, manage to prevent him from succumbing to his tragic fate! you just gained a loving, yet slight slightly emotionally challenged husband along the way.
well, you can help him work through it; you have the rest of your lives now to figure it out, after all.)
#sophie talks : concepts <3#sunday x reader#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#guys i put too much work and brainpower into this just to be kept on the blog i needed to let it outhl#sighs i need to write a proper long one shot of this or like a (mini) series bc the brainworms.... are brainworming#mainly bc there are sooo many plot points i could incorporate#like… gopher uses u as a bargaining chip bc he notices sunday not being as active as well as his growing feelings for u and wants to#manipulate the beginnings of his development before it gets too far#cue u snapping him out of it or opening his eyes to humanity by fighting back or smth#anyway barks at manhwa tragic duke villain manipulated sunday x transmigrated a lil dense saviour complex reader + arranged marriage#also this turned out way longer than the 2 paragraphs i had in mind what the fuck#hes a tad unhinged but tbh why wouldnt he be 🧍♀️#also i spent like 2 hours on this and its nearly 4 am so... eepy time.... dreaming of this sunday.... honk shoo honk shoo...
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