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spirit-shroud · 4 years ago

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i replayed kz again tonight and managed to beat it in 4 hrs instead of 11 !!! which is rly cool imo, i think i got a max of like 50 deaths or less for the full run ??? i was just playing regularly but usin the prism blade for the cool blood effects, not in speedrun mode for the counter, and i managed 2 drag my friend into hyperfixation hell with me :} but also i have some thoughts and opinions im not rly sure how to compile in a meaningful way, so here’s the like. pure brain-down-on-blog post version under the cut. if this gets auto-tagged into the real actual tag for this game im very sorry for my hubris im just. thinking emoji

so id like to start this with the final boss makes me SO sad :( like yeah she doesnt have much dialogue but idk she just makes me so sad. she’s so desperate and she Knows shes going to lose and im just like. no!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you’re so cool!!!!!!! Please Be My Friend We Can Work Together. I Know A Guy :c like usually final bosses are like weirdly emotional for me but she was just SO COOL and realizing like WAIT THIS BOSS OPERATES UNDER THE SAME RULES I DO was just like WOW even if as i kept dying (and i think i spent like... 3 hrs on the final boss alone lmao the first time, i killed her on my third attempt this run which was very cool of me) i finally realized that she IS pretty repetitive and got all her patterns n variables down super easy, but like, fighting another null who Should for all intents and purposes be just as absurd and powerful as i am, and eventually being able to down her effortlessly, and then the withdrawal affects of the chronos kicking in as well, and its just like. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

dont even get me STARTED on that ‘to be continued’ like yeah there’s a dlc comin but the game mentions repeatedly that its just the first act which has me like OKAY. SPECULATION TIME (what am i speculating on? literally no idea im not even rly at the speculation phase im still in the WOW COOL VIDEO GAME phase)

and i rly like the dragon/fifteen but the first time i saw him i was just like. who’s this f*llmetal alchemist looking bitch ??? what’s he doin here?? go HOME and controlling him is AWFUL i hate the dragon tape so MUCH >:C but also he’s like. cool. i want to know more about him n his plot 2 take down Juncture n the government n whatever.

but also i was listen 2 Full Confession bc it’s just. what the heart wants rn. i need to be sad and caffeinated in order to get into the Writing Zone rn and then i was THINKIN like my friend mentioned while we were playing the dragon tape that the song that plays is very similar to Full Confession (which i had sent him earlier while i was losing my mind over the final boss) and then i was like. Hm. these are very similar but have such wildly different moods -- Breath of the Serpent is much more like. ‘you’re going to be afraid of me’ while Full Confession is like ‘i’m afraid of you’ and i think that the different Vibes from these two soundtrack bits about important Null characters is just like. WOW and i wonder how a version of it that was purely Zero’s might be. would it be more triumphant? more flat? what desperation or emptiness is in there that could be drawn out by this melody??? i dont KNOW and i can’t write music unfortunately but im just like AAAAAAAAAA

i also rly wanna know what snow has going on ??? like. shes clearly important. she is a vital npc. but Why. she didnt even rly do anything except Show Up???

fuck V. all my homies hate V. the motorcycle fight was a lot of fun tho i rly liked that section even if my therapist was mad at me afterwards

also i think elizabeth/the little girl is rly cute and the fact zero was just like. ‘hm. well guess i have a daughter now’ so fast w/ her (at least, with the dialogue trees me n my pal kept going down) and im just. So Hoping we can rescue her in the dlc :( i miss her so much and im so like. worried abt that like pls give me back my daughter you dumbasses i cant even read ur dialogue without my brain being like ‘yeah these r just squiggly lines, boss. gl’

i also want to believe that the masked men arent real (bc idk, it’s just easier for me to process that they’re the result of chronos withdrawal) but the problem w/ that is like. they definitely kidnapped elizabeth, and i want so desperately to believe that elizabeth IS real n that zero genuinely wants to protect her (and by extension, the part of himself that is still human)

ALSO THE PSYCHIATRIST i was just like. Okay. I Must Get A Good Grade In Therapy. n kept being nice n cooperative and helpful to this clown ass and then THAT ENDING ??? like i didnt even get the Bad Therapist Ending i was just like. fucka you! attacka you with a rock! (i do however want to try the therapist boss it sounds like a lot of fun) but i just. i hate him! he sucks! find a better therapist zero u rly need one im sorry for ur problems disorder :( like hes clearly a guy who just works for the government n wants 2 keep a leash on our man

n the contradictions, hes like. yeah ur killing everyone related to chronos so it can no longer be produced ♥ but dw ur special we totally wont just withhold chronos from you as soon as u finish ur tasks dw about it ♥ and its like. Hm. I Dont Think Thats Right !!!!

also i wanna learn more about what Juncture has going on??? what are they like. Doing besides poisoning water n making lighters ?????? it’s clearly a lot

also the art for this game is just so GOOD,,, like. i didnt rly notice a lot of the backgrounds my first playthrough bc i was just losing my mind the whole time trying to solve each puzzle but the second playthrough im just like. AAAAA. and the soundtrack? effervescent. groundbreaking. perfect. So Good

and the GAMEPLAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my GOD i was SO vibing with it, the difficulty curve was kinda extreme imo but as soon as i started like. Getting It? and started looking at each room less like combat/fighting and more like a puzzle that needed to be solved it made it so much easier 2 get into the headphase of ‘okay how do i clear this’ and it was just like. YOOOOOOOO

and zero is just a lot of fun 2 play as. legitimately everything about him is just so ridiculous. his dialogue options? ridiculous. his design? absurd. the implications that hes like. 22 and just having the worst 10 days of his life? mood, buddy. this guy likes samurai movies and card games and mushroom pizza and has worn the same outfit every single day for who knows how long and hes also a war veteran, an emotionless serial killer and a drug addict. and hes 22 and 5′10. literally NOTHING about those traits make sense together but here he is, just Vibing.

i love him so much. im going to make a self insert oc that’s just giving him a friend who knows how to cook n is just like ‘oh wow, that’s rough buddy’ when hes like ‘i only feel alive when i kill people’ and conveniently knows how 2 get bloodstains out of things bc i think he needs that kind of person in his life since his like. therapist is conspiring against him n he keeps having 2 kill his friends

also, unfortunately, i want to get every achievement, which i feel like is going to become hld....2!! where i get all but 1 of them and am stuck at 96% for 2+ years >:T

#kc chirps #hello gamers i am vibrating! very vibrating. losing my marbles at this 420am on a thursday

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jooheongif · 7 years ago

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it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

#how did i..even end up writing so much im so sorry :-(#and sorry that this is all over the place !!#i hope i didn't go on too much of a tangent :(#ask #theory anon #Anonymous

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brosura · 7 years ago

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Ok tho important question time: if there was to be an ffxv cartoon, what would you like the main content to focus on? What would be the ideal art style? Which characters do you think should be brought back and given more focus on? Should there be a chronological nareative or just every episode be a kooky adventure between the bros on the road?

THIS IS A RLY GOOD SERIES OF QUESTIONS THAT I HAVE OPINIONS ABT

i think in terms of main content i’m split between two things:

a fun slice of life series that opens with a camping scene at sunset w the first spoken words being “so what do you want to do tomorrow?” and in terms of episodes, follows that “a series of only filler episodes” text post and is just fun outlandish shit that the boys get up to in the year before altissia with a bittersweet/melancholic ending where u find out that the series is just future! gladio/prompto/ignis reminiscing at the same camping location w an empty chair and the last shot is them sitting around a dwindling campfire at dawn in silence and the last spoken words are “so, what do you want to do today?”

ideally every character would make a cameo INCLUDING luna in one of those stressful but humorous episodes where they unwittingly JUST keep missing her as she just goes about her life in between waking up the angry Fantasy Gods

a more serious series that is chronological but formatted in a day in the limelight way where you see the major plot points but from other character’s points of view bc ffxv the canon is The Noctis Story

some examples for maximum tragedy:

an episode focusing on iris starting with that scene in parting ways where she calls noctis and following her through the fall of insomnia and ending w her calling noctis from lestallum (u can tell i fuckin love the book ends trope can’t u)

an episode w/ luna enjoying herself around altissia and it’s bittersweet because you know she’s preparing herself for leviathan and by extension just like… death. it can be peppered of flashbacks and u can have a moment where she’s like FUk I WANnA LIVE for maximum tears

the train scene entirely from prompto’s point of view from start to finish like… a true angst train. him trying to mediate between his friends. him feeling the pressure to stay positive even though he’s having a shitty time. the Betray a Friend portion. everything.

idk about style! but i think the brotherhood anime had limitations bc it tried to be realistic and lost some of the expressiveness. i think a good balance of “muted enough to be able to be taken seriously” but with the opportunity for exaggerated expressiveness that i like is just a lot of the stuff studio m*r produces (ko//rra, vol///tron)

but i’m not picky abt that! i’m more like!!! give everyone attention fam!!!

thanks for the ask!!!

#ask #ffxv #warmblackrooster #long post #text heavy

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t--o--f--u-blog · 6 years ago

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☼☼☼☼☼ also think tank a white lecturer using the n-word when quoting literature in a lecture? I think she used it once outside of quotation as well certainly not meant in a disrespectful way, just seems unnecessary

☐☐☐☐☐ better have a justification at least but if you just use it out of the blue it always seems like some attempt at provocation 'i can say this because my interests are purely academic'

☼☼☼☼☼ mmmmm we're reading uncle tom's cabin, so it's hard to avoid

☐☐☐☐☐ should only be quoted verbatim if absolutely necessary, if there's no alternative I think

☼☼☼☼☼ yeah seems like she could have avoided it pretty easily

☐☐☐☐☐ if she's making no acknowledgement of the word's relationship to her privilege, that's rly not good

☼☼☼☼☼ yeah she's older so there might just be an outdated perspective there 'I'm just quoting the text, it was anti-slavery so I'm fine' sort of mentality maybe?

☐☐☐☐☐ still she would know about the contemporary attitude to the word and she should at least mention that! ugh like it doesn't sound malicious or super super racist, but eh

☼☼☼☼☼ Yeah I feel iffffy about it

☐☐☐☐☐ should mention it!

☼☼☼☼☼ Trying to work out if I should send email and if so how to word it

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ be interesting to actually properly discuss it

☐☐☐☐☐ yep

☍☍☍☍☍ heck I’d be interested to know more of a history of the word basically teach properly why its offensive

☼☼☼☼☼ Yeah, I might bring it up in the tutorial different teacher, but maybe good discussion

☐☐☐☐☐ mm that seems appropriate i'd love to hear how that goes

☍☍☍☍☍ uhhh there was someone who used it at Bar Oussou the host reallllly should’ve said something and I normally would but just too tired for confrontation

☼☼☼☼☼ Yeah ☐☐☐☐☐ was telling me Sounded very cringe

☐☐☐☐☐ v unfortunate most disappointed in yhe host tbh

☐☐☐☐☐ he maybe had a old-worldy attitude to it and didn't mind or was too cowardly lol which do u think?

☍☍☍☍☍ I think he thought it was in the context of the poem she didn’t use it to degrade someone directly, but the word itself is degrading

☐☐☐☐☐ ugh but the poem is in the context of fuckin oussou yep ppl need to have a think before using words

☍☍☍☍☍ I just think its great to have a stage to do emotional work, but it can cross a line into normalising shitty white behaviour

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ I went to a coloured school so I can’t b racist wah wah wah

☐☐☐☐☐ and you have to consider your audience if your rant is dehumanising or brushes aside/causes suffering u gotta reconsider felt pretty ashamed on behalf of bartender/various black audience members not saying that dumb white shit would be acceptable with a different audience, but her obliviousness was kinda astounding

☼☼☼☼☼ wow yeah cringefest

☍☍☍☍☍ lol spoken word scene as a whole can b so lame haha rings true to why I/we left

☐☐☐☐☐ mm so macho! that's what I liked about talkbox some sensitivity there, gentleness

☍☍☍☍☍ still, I just wish people read more lok *lol

☐☐☐☐☐ yep I wish I read more

☍☍☍☍☍ like the stylistic range is generally pretty lame

☐☐☐☐☐ I guess that's why anyone reads mmm

☍☍☍☍☍ I wish I read more too

☐☐☐☐☐ hahahaha

☼☼☼☼☼ :')

☍☍☍☍☍ don’t mean to shit on everyon, I just think the scene as a whole and the conception of poetry is lacklustre - it doesn’t seem like the time for poetry, sometimes

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ ppl too distracted by netflix uwu sounds like phones but too much

☐☐☐☐☐ doesn't seem like the time for art, sometimes! hahhh

☍☍☍☍☍ its definitely a time for music

☼☼☼☼☼ I think there's a place for poetry It's just raps and memes

☍☍☍☍☍ yeh but I play dat long game there might not b a place now but I’mma fkn make one whether you like it or not lol

☼☼☼☼☼ Oh yeah fair go 4 it

☐☐☐☐☐ loll

☍☍☍☍☍ I just mean that I think 'poetry' has evolved into other forms, and now the traditional form is struggling to find a place I mean does anyone pay attention to Victorian satirical cartoons? I don’t I think it’s also tho that the low brow is more apparent in the moment, the high brow more apparent from a distance the shit sinks, basically

☼☼☼☼☼ elaborate?

☍☍☍☍☍ time brings forward higher brow material while a lot of lower brow stuff falls back or like there’s an art for getting through your days, and there’s an art for elaborate long form spiritual liberation

☼☼☼☼☼ so u don't mind about a lack of audience now if your work has staying power?

☍☍☍☍☍ different works have different digestion time and yes that is what I’m saying

☼☼☼☼☼ hmmmmmmm

☍☍☍☍☍ hmmmmmmmm?

☐☐☐☐☐ personally I don't know whether I'm prioritising the reception of my work or its value to me right now i feel poetry/art in general are useful tools for thinking about the world useful philosophical tools i guess and idk whether i'm learning for the sake of my own knowledge/making 'better' art or learning so what I put out into the world is better received I suppose the two aren't mutually exclusive but yeah - feeling fairly indifferent to the idea of creating work that will persist right now part of me feels more comfortable with being lost forever lol or at least that I should become comfortable with that, bc that is what will happen inevitably

☍☍☍☍☍ I just think in this atmosphere of complete denial of the arts as an important component of society, as well as the stigmatisation of ritual and other mystical practices that used to house what we now might describe as an artist, its important that we follow our intuition rather than give in to a system that routinely prevents us having access to basic resources like I want to be there for whoever is there when this period comes to end and those peoples are looking for anything to rudder them, whether or not I’m alive

☐☐☐☐☐ you want to add to the cultural record?

☍☍☍☍☍ I want provide a map for future generations is how I would put it

☐☐☐☐☐ mm how do you feel one can ensure the persistence of their own work? or are you just hoping it'll be around for others I suppose whether or not anything lasts is out of ur control past a certain point

☍☍☍☍☍ for one I make an effort to give away a lot of work

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ I also store it all and make sure that that stockpile is kept w care but I also think there’s something to be said that I try and operate within many pre-existing canons I also it’s important to use the more meme-y, short stay work to bring attention to the slower works yeah, re: canons, like tanka and before that wakka as poetic forms stem back as far as a thousand years - perhaps more by putting myself in conversation with the ancients... idk it feels a bit like entering a cultural refrigerator haha

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ sometimes I find it better to see my individual works as modules that make up a whole more prescient than its parts (Morton lolz) soo... maybe my work won’t carry the same weight until I finish, so to speak who knowsss but this how I think about it lol

☐☐☐☐☐ best to try and contribute something I spose rather than do nothing w ur resources

☍☍☍☍☍ I’m weird with this shit u don’t have to be

☐☐☐☐☐ mm it seems fairly simple to me and not that weird

☍☍☍☍☍ not everyone should spend their life tending their gravestone it’s a job for a particular type of person, and I am it

☐☐☐☐☐ but in a sense everyone does anyway everyone does things with the future in mind or without it in mind I suppose

☐☐☐☐☐ and i guess that influences what you leave when you die eheh, whether you do it consciously or unconsciously

☍☍☍☍☍ I just am particularly stubborn that I have something to offer - I think its partially a result of being denied that a lot in school, I found other ways to have social bonds that were more... non linear bonds with past peoples, and inadvertently bonds with future people

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ I find it frustrating that its seen as arrogant to suggest your work should be read after you die - if anything its remarkably humble as I'm acknowledging that I will never properly see the fruits of my labour it's a ridiculously isolating position to find oneself in, where your best friends - books, music, content - have no form of human intimacy with you and completely defy all survivalistic, lizard-brain humanity plus you're just on a total different dimension from most people you meet

☐☐☐☐☐ mm you're in a very specific position here

☍☍☍☍☍ lol goodluck catching up ☼☼☼☼☼

☼☼☼☼☼ unrelated btw

(☼☼☼☼☼ posts a meme in chat)

☍☍☍☍☍ see y'all @ da rally (in reference to the meme)

☐☐☐☐☐ where and when is this? oh oops thought you meant a real one

☼☼☼☼☼ hahaha

☍☍☍☍☍ xD

☼☼☼☼☼ structurally is the meme ok ? took the photo the other day, and just added the text.

☍☍☍☍☍ yes are u going to weigh in on the conversation tho lol

☼☼☼☼☼ nah not really

☍☍☍☍☍ meme fine

☼☼☼☼☼ I have so little to add

☍☍☍☍☍ well hm why make memes? why not write novel? do memes have staying power?

☐☐☐☐☐ it's a question of what timescale is important to you at any given time maybe

☍☍☍☍☍ oh absolutely - not trying to infer a hierarchy here, I just think there are different approaches for different problems

☐☐☐☐☐ sometimes I'll say something to someone so they'll remember it for tomorrow, sometimes I'll say something to someone and hope they'll remember forever lol mm I don't think I care about staying power that much

☐☐☐☐☐ memes have such a short lifetime, they're like cultural mayflies haha

☼☼☼☼☼ Yeah defs

☍☍☍☍☍ why tho lol

☼☼☼☼☼ Because the art itself can date while still inspiring change

��☍☍☍☍ yeah so using it pragmatically like a single use tissue

☼☼☼☼☼ If you create something short lived, it (with the help of other artists producing similar work) is able to push art and society in a specific direction The butterfly effect I guess

☍☍☍☍☍ it's true that you have more effect in the current conversation

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ but that conversation draws intensively on a language formed by the ancients so the two are dependent on each other, a back and forth

☐☐☐☐☐ and that's dependent on their work's longevity?

☍☍☍☍☍ not following ur question

☐☐☐☐☐ not following your point haha hmm

☼☼☼☼☼ so you're suggesting a works longevity is crucial in that it helps reinforce and update the ancient language in which short term work of the future will be influenced by?

☐☐☐☐☐ mm also - what if of all the work you make, it's only a meme that survives the passage of time?

☍☍☍☍☍ basically... like you're just reiterating points that have been made more in depth in 'higher' brow culture - that's definitely how I feel when writing raps

☐☐☐☐☐ like Roman graffiti surviving on the walls or whatever

☍☍☍☍☍ did you a hear copy of the I Ching, the Chinese numerology classic more than a thousand years old, was found in the 70s and had a heap more sections and a different order? effectively completely changing the understanding of the I Ching gotta get those nice lead storage chambers ayyyyy ahahaha it was found buried in a coffin, obvs haha

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ a lot of Chinese philosophers only exist in so much as someone else described them

☼☼☼☼☼ But what does that changing of contexts of that piece actually mean for us? Is updated Ching from the coffin helping us in any way?

☍☍☍☍☍ I think for me finding the I Ching and looking over it is like a person in a thousand years finding a functional iPhone it gives great insight into human impulses regardless of time and offers a way of writing the past a new, which in turn presents a new future (thinking of the cowboy article you sent me) reconceptualizing the past IS the future look at 'Make America Great Again' or calls to restore the caliphate both are founded on histories that have more to do with our current state than the actual happenings of the past

☼☼☼☼☼ I do see where you're coming from I like the idea that it's important to preserve our work for understand the past better And I hope that someone in the future will have a clearer understanding of our time through your well preserved works But what fucking future is it

☍☍☍☍☍ haha but like looking back we see people been asking that for a veeery long time I get it seems on a new scale but we're on a new scale too

☼☼☼☼☼ It does seem that yes Also if we do survive and keep on teching on

☍☍☍☍☍ I'm for an integration of the human/natural binary where we properly acknowledge our mutual codependency, the earth and humanity that is

☼☼☼☼☼ Are we even going to be translatable? Is the functioning iPhone found by the future person going to even be able to be translated? Or will it be meaningless because everyone is already part of the grid

☍☍☍☍☍ where artificially effecting the climate for the benefit of 'nature' isn't seen as strange but completely akin to Aboriginal burn back practices

☐☐☐☐☐ i guess it's productive to hope that it will be translatable

☍☍☍☍☍ we've always interfered in the running of nature

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ ehhh idk we translated fucking hieroglyphics

☼☼☼☼☼ Or future tech can look into the past and someone is watching our lives as we type this now, constantly being understood through our context in a way we can't comprehend through our recording processes shrugs

☍☍☍☍☍ I mean yeah, imagine if the internet was even vaguely archived

☼☼☼☼☼ You probably have a better understanding of how the future will pan out than I do tho

☍☍☍☍☍ even if 0.1 % was kept, it would be a massive resource

☼☼☼☼☼ No sass intended there, I'm sincere

☍☍☍☍☍ lol idk I just try to see a bigger picture and it keeps me calm remember me old saying? we survived the plague and nukes lol

☼☼☼☼☼ I just don't see the issue with creating short term work, especially if it is preserved

☍☍☍☍☍ oh neither do I

☼☼☼☼☼ Like a meme may have more impact than a novel rn

☐☐☐☐☐ well it could be argued that we're yet to survive nukes but I see your point impact on various timescales

☼☼☼☼☼ I've heard the plague make be thinking of making a comeback too haha

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☍☍☍☍☍ oh duh peasantry is fully hip rn

☐☐☐☐☐ but like

☍☍☍☍☍ bring back the boils, they look great with my Balenciaga sneakers

☐☐☐☐☐ lol bubonic chic

☼☼☼☼☼ Pretty close to heroin chic tbh haha

☍☍☍☍☍ not jking that was tb

☐☐☐☐☐ but like, I don't find a huge amount of solace in the fact that we survived the plague

☍☍☍☍☍ "The Victorians romanticized the disease and the effects it caused in the gradual build to death. For decades, many beauty standards emulated or highlighted these effects. And as scientists gained greater understanding of the disease and how it was spread, the disease continued to keep its hold on fashion. and the severity of the corsets was known to harm the lungs in such a way that would increase the likelihood of transmission LOOOL

☐☐☐☐☐ mm Balenciaga look out idk it's a question of what capacity we survive in

☼☼☼☼☼ lollllll

☐☐☐☐☐ quite depressing to think about

☍☍☍☍☍ eating disorders have a pretense

☐☐☐☐☐ what if ecocide leaves a few insular eco fascist regimes who gradually diminish over centuries always engaged in pointless wars of attrition with one another lol

☍☍☍☍☍ I mean you could probably say the same thing of colonial regimes now

☐☐☐☐☐ just because we can survive, doesn't mean my outlook should b at all rosy :((

☍☍☍☍☍ point is its a big ol' world that has plenty of room for pain AND love any future pain you think is imminent probably already is happening, and nonetheless breakfast tasted good this morning

☼☼☼☼☼ 'The hipster middle class would dress with raggedy beards and large jackets and refuse to use deodorant, perhaps to reflect the look of people suffering from homelessness at the time. It is suspected that this made them less likely to be hired, and therefore more likely to become homeless themselves.' ☍☍☍☍☍ ahahaha

☐☐☐☐☐ mm that's true hahhh

☼☼☼☼☼ Planning on making this into a full essay. Might not be popular now, but I think it has staying power? Soz for shitposting haha

☍☍☍☍☍ I was talking with ☲☲☲☲☲ a while back, and something struck me - she said, "I never thought this age would have its own fleet of particular medical conditions." (or something like that lol, translated via my nerd brain)

☼☼☼☼☼ Yeah that didn't quite sound like her But that sentiment is great

☍☍☍☍☍ 'fleet'

☼☼☼☼☼ In that ofc there is, but also wow yeah ofc!

☐☐☐☐☐ mmm hahh these conversations should be recorded so we can all think about em without scrolling up endlessly

☼☼☼☼☼ I do like the idea of people reading these works in the future tho

☐☐☐☐☐ and also so that they can be preserved for 10,000+ years of course

☼☼☼☼☼ In the same way we read the letters sent between dead artists now

☐☐☐☐☐ mm very true

☍☍☍☍☍ mmm

☐☐☐☐☐ messenger is not a particularly stable storage medium and also is more vulnerable to third party scrutiny although the fact we're reading artists letters now means that medium is also pretty fucking vulnerable to scrutiny lol

☍☍☍☍☍ I fucking found the word! (sorry was searching for it so hard) Neurasthenia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurasthenia

☼☼☼☼☼ Americanitis lol

☍☍☍☍☍ uhh the page doesn't rly talk about this, but its like a condition of over-working effectively, and people would try and get prescribed the pills to treat it as a way of signalling they were a dedicated worker its total hokey

☐☐☐☐☐ wow yeah you mentioned this a while back

☼☼☼☼☼ oh I've heard a similar thing in Japan were workers will pretend to fall asleep at their desks to show how hard they're working No idea the trust behind it tho

☍☍☍☍☍ to this day, "In Japan, shinkei-suijaku is treated with Morita therapy involving mandatory rest and isolation, followed by progressively more difficult work, and a resumption of a previous social role. The diagnosis is sometimes used as a disguise for serious mental illnesses such as schizophrenia and mood disorders." a dignified mental illness uwu none of that lower class shit I'm a classy fuck with money, I don't get the same mental conditions as the poor lolol reminds me of now: I don't have shitty parents, I just have adhd (not to deligitimise all uses of adhd, just over diagnosed)

☼☼☼☼☼ mmmmm i feel u yes this has been a wild ride

☍☍☍☍☍ yes I’m leaving to get late lunch uwu have a good day in this cosmic spider web lololol

☼☼☼☼☼ :')

☍☍☍☍☍ Like the burning of this charcoal fire, our years too will soon expire Kobayashi Issa listening to Krista Tippet talk with Maria Popova, this particular phrase resonated with our conversation: we live in a world where disruption over-fetishised; we need cultural stewardship to help along new waves of disruption

☼☼☼☼☼ How would u define cultural stewardship in a practical sense?

☍☍☍☍☍ caring for the legacy of those past as a means of refreshing their insight for a new age a very straightforward example would b the importance of new translations, in this regard - as our understanding and depth of connection to Japanese society has deepened, so too have our translations dusting off the books so to speak in some sense I see that in our music too or reappropriating to a new context

☼☼☼☼☼ Well remasters are a time terry literal example Fuck

☍☍☍☍☍ time terry

☼☼☼☼☼ Pretty* not time terry lol

☼☼☼☼☼ lime berry yeah exactly

☼☼☼☼☼ Slime Jerry

☍☍☍☍☍ I mean rereleasing is an obvs example mhm but more abstract examples are how I’ve exported into both your brains Bridle/Steyerl/Haraway via conversation and art lolol I’m helping it move from one place to another same w Zappa lol

☐☐☐☐☐ also - looking after artist friends being generous I feel these are acts of pre-emptive cultural stewardship

☍☍☍☍☍ haha yeah definitely different time scales it could function on

☐☐☐☐☐ looking after and maintain communities

☍☍☍☍☍ hosting open mics lol helping teach ppl poetry lollll

☐☐☐☐☐ not allowing hate speech to creep into open mics lol

☼☼☼☼☼ Truuuuu Or anywhere for that matter

☐☐☐☐☐ not becoming so dusty that you actually have a detrimental impact on cultural progression

☍☍☍☍☍ I think religions only exist in so far as they have active practitioners

☐☐☐☐☐ mm

☼☼☼☼☼ Tru

☍☍☍☍☍ I think my sense is, in religion, this same argument plays out with orthodoxy versus mysticism Maintenance of buildings is in there too for religion People being assigned paid positions as the keepers and givers of religious knowledge oh yeah thinking a lot here of Shanzai, ☐☐☐☐☐, and the idea of an object as a lived practice

☐☐☐☐☐ when home I'm gonna do my best to archive this conversation mmm

☍☍☍☍☍ you’re going to steward our conversation bout stewardship ...

☐☐☐☐☐ this is all going in

☍☍☍☍☍ ...the tv where I am says “The comedian getting behind ‘Know Thy Nuts’” and there are big walnuts on the screen

☐☐☐☐☐ ???????

☍☍☍☍☍ “I didn’t realise chemotherapy would be such great comedic material!”

☐☐☐☐☐ ¿¿¿¿¿¿

☼☼☼☼☼ Huhhhh

☍☍☍☍☍ lol highly recommend https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/on-being-with-krista-tippett/id150892556?mt=2&i=1000429408054https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/on-being-with-krista-tippett/id150892556?mt=2&i=1000429408054

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paul-patts-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Lauryl’s Wishlist and Resolutions

Berlioz

More Music Stuff: I’ve gotten to do stuff with Ber/music in the past but a lot of it has been me rping with me and sending him to festivals and concerts. I’d like to see him interact with some of the musically-inclined people in town-- maybe even collaborate? I have some subgoals for this:

Go to concert/festivals with another character: I think rping an arc would be so fun and I personally love concerts/festivals so.

Produce someone else’s music: Ber will be starting uni and having school projects...he will need guinea pigs.

Write more music blog stuff: I’ve done very few, rather casual posts in the past about artists Ber likes-- reviews etc. I would love to post more of this (maybe even through BDRP radio? /looks at radio)

Anxiety Arc: I really want Ber to start learning about his anxiety and working through it. Specifically, he needs to go to a therapist, haha.

Sexuality: Ber’s come a long way since I got him, but he still feels majorly ‘out of place’ in the LGBTQIA community. I’d like to explore more of those feelings somehow. I got a few ideas.

Kiara

Discover her passions!! Kiara doesn’t really know what she wants to do with her life and I want her to try a bunch of stuff as she figures it out. So does your character have a cool hobby? Let Kiara do that cool hobby with ur character!

Race and Identity: one important thing for me when I got Kiara and picked Halsey was dealing with her struggle with her appearance and how she felt ‘out of place’ with the Lyons and as a POC in general. I’d like to explore this conflict more.

Continue to deal with her issues: Kiara needs to keep going to therapy and she needs to admit to herself she has problems that she is denying please my daughter.

Best Friend to lovers: I think this trope would be rly good for Kiara because too often she sees people as “romantic options’ first and not as the people they really are. I would love a slow burn romance for Kiara that surprises both her and me, really.

Hades (oh boy)

Re-learn how to use his powers-- and maybe the way to do this is to like.. do something heroic tbh? instead of always burning people up and fuckin’ everyone UP. Yeah, I want Hades to do something heroic.

Leave Swynlake: I want Hades story to take him away from Swynlake and back again

Chester

Pending tbh you will all see

Milla

Board stuff: specifically, I’d like to see Milla start enacting new strictures for magicks. I’d love for her to try to manipulate this type of stuff through the other board members

Get a magical object or something magical: Whether through the Merlin’s objects or otherwise, I would love Milla to actually seek magic herself.

MILF Reigns Supreme: I love exploring Milla’s sexuality-- it’s one of my fave things that i’ve done with her. I’d love her to get more boy toys (maybe even girl toys) and tbh, I would be open, if it’s right, to have that relationship get more complicated than just sex.

Miscarriage: That being said, this is a rather dark storyline but Milla is obsessed with control and to miscarry would be-- the opposite of having control. Anyone up for it?

Nala

RP her more in general lmao

Get her more female friends!! She really doesn’t have a lot of good female relationships (part of that is because many of her relationships have ended up dropping). But Nala deserves more friendships

Take Nala on dates! I also want Nala to try to date a little. She’s so work-focused, like lots of my characters, so this would be a new side to her that I haven’t gotten to explore

Have Nala literally kick ass/para with some sort of physical/action element to it: Okay so we say it jokingly, but after Nala’s surgery and recovery I’d love for her to actually whoop somebody’s ass even if it’s just while going back to kickboxing. Nala’s identity as an athlete is super important to her-- whenever I write about Nala’s relationship to her body, I get chills, because she loves her body so much and is so centered in it. So it would be fun to do a physical-heavy para.

Smut tbh for the same reasons as i just said.

Milo

Also rp him more in general lmao

Finish merlin’s objects/write more essays

Finish Cave Excavation-- find a Merlin’s object

Desk sex

Wow these are all so specific unlike my others

Explore his sexuality: Milo is definitely somewhere on the ace spectrum (gray, demi what have u) and so exploring that with his girlfriend Jane (maybe she’s into it one night, he’s not, she wants to try stuff that he doesnt’... u know, just those kinds of conversations) would be really complicated and fun. As someone who is on the ace spectrum myself, It’s also kind of important to me to try to honor that side of him and acknowledge it in play-- along WITH the smut.

Slay a demon/be a hero: ok bc just think about nerdy milo thatch with his glasses all askew having accidentally saved the day. I love it.

Kiki

Get kidnapped: Kiki has powerful magic blood come get her

Break her broom

Best Friends to lovers/ slow burn romance: mentioning this for kiki too, since Kiki hasn’t been kissed ever and is very romantic, I’d love to play out a good ol’ teen romance with someone. But consideirng Kiki’s crazy hectic life, yeah, it’s gonna have to really evolve.

Rajah

TIGER OUT IN FRONT OF SOMEONE: For whatever reason-- to save them or because he’s scared or stressed or loses control.

Get injured: That being said, I’d love to have Raj get shot or get hurt while trying to do his job, mostly because Raj is a charge first, ask questions later type of guy but also because-- since he heals faster-- if he’s in the hospital, it could give him away. (Can anyone say hospital bREAK)

More friends! Raj has a few, but he needs 2 get out more smh

Introduce Jyoti to people: I want his little sister to come see him and I want Raj to have people to introduce her to! Jyoti will bring a lot of the past back to Raj’s life which he currently keeps super hidden.

Anita:

Biwakening. Make it happen.

Night on the town

One night stand tbh

Dating around-- specifically, blind date/double date with someone this would be hiLARIOUS for me

Stand up to someone (tbh Cruella)

Anita Explores Her Painting: Anita doesnt’ take her talent seriously and I want that to change. I’d love to do some more stuff with her art including--

Nude portraits anyone?

Anita teaches fingerpainting!! Anita gets her very own income and is thus empowered thru painting !!! ah!

Paint fight :D

More Volunteering: what i like about anita is that though she is an introvert, she loves to be involved in her community. If you have any town projects or somethin’ you need volunteers for, ask Anita!!

The Great Prince

Also get into a physical fight of some kind; i’d love for him to defend the forest or Bambi or somethin’ as the deer. I think RPing that would be really fun for me

Explore more areas of the forest: I’ve already started to invent some parts of the forest as I go, but I’d like to try to see if I can’t put Prince in some of these deeper parts. If your character wants to get lost in the woods-- hit me up.

Make more human connections/get in touch with his human side: Hopefully, Prince will be in town more and can make friends with people who are not animals haha.

Explore comic timing/situations with the Prince! The Prince doesnt’ know a lot about the human world-- like how to work technology-- so i want to put him in more situations where he is totally out of his element. The best way to do this will probably be with “The Great Prince Vs. Human-thing-here” starters. Be on the look out. (Or if u really want to have ur character help my poor deer son, message me).

Paul Pongo Patts

Okay he’s my newest babe so these r kinda repetitive from his app--

Start studying to maybe get into uni maybe ahhh my babe

Let himself go on dates: Paul kind of thinks that part of his life is over now that he has kids and he feels kind of guilty about that kind of stuff and so I want him to go easy on himself. He deserves a night out and to feel like he is handsome, young and romantic bc darling u ARE handsome young and romantic.

That being said-- get wooed. Paul is a woo-er. Someone woo my woo-er.

Also mend things with Perdita/ rp them growing back together as friends and as two people who respect and care for each other and maybe-- just maybe-- lovers again.

DAD THINGS-- shopping for his kids, dealing with baby spit-up, babyproofing his apartment wow im like turned on by this lauryl calm ur eggs

Interact with Magicks: All KINDS of magicks please throw them at Paul

Consider illegal means of getting money… Paul has grown up around shady ppl and has since stayed clean of shady business himself. But that doesnt’ mean he doesn’t feel temptations. I’d like to exploooore those temptations.

My Character’s Personal Resolutions:

Ber: “Don’t fuck up...anything.”

Kiara: “lol” (tbh kiara is so lowkey depressed she liek?? has no resolutions help her)

Hades: “Fix my mistakes.”

Chester: pending

Milla: “Make Swynlake Great Again”

Milo: “Spend as much time as I can with Jane.”

Nala: “Get the Lyons Foundation off the ground / kick my physical therapy in the ass / be running by spring”

Rajah: “Repair things with my family. Live honestly-- be proud of who I am.” (ow raJJJ)

Kiki: “Make my family proud. Make Howl proud.” (ughh)

Anita: “Cause no more harm.”

The Great Prince: “Be there for my son if he will have me.”

Paul: “Be the greatest dad / provide for my kids.”

#bdrptask #bdrptasks #i always forget which one tbh

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