#just for those few seconds of ‘love’
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Ohh my most favorite boy please wear your glasses (-> Does not wear her glasses)
Uh ignore the manifesto in tags-
#yes this is about that purple bitch#randall boggs#I am slowly losing my eyesight 👍#it’s so funny how he ditched his glasses just because Mike made a comment about how he looks more scary without them#and also sad#he just wants validation#somebody anybody to acknowledge him#doing anything just for an ounce of approval#when Johnny tells him to ‘do the thing’ and he obeys immediately like a dog#just for those few seconds of ‘love’#he was just a boy#ughhhhh#he’s me#he’s me if I didn’t learn and grow as a person#if he had a sketchpad and a DS and some lollipops and some music#maybe he’d be ok#I’m not ok#nor am I normal#monsters inc#please baby there’s still time#please baby it’s not too late#please baby give it a try
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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#dipplin#onto the DLC 'mons! i don't really like calling the hidden treasure of area zero a “dlc” just because of the negative connotation of#the word. “DLC” is always such a gross thing in modern games most of the time#whereas i'd consider sv's dlc to be more like an expansion. honestly‚ if i had to describe it‚ it's basically a fucking sequel#it's SO much content. and the story is SO damn good. way better than the base game#the characters are AMAZING kieran my belovèd. if you haven't played the sv dlc but you did play sv for some reason#and you've been avoiding it because it's a “DLC” and we don't like those#trust me. you'll love it#also‚ right after this is Not hydrapple‚ because that was added in the second half of the dlc so has a higher natdex number#actually that raises a good question for me. what the hell happens if you buy the dlc nowadays between the two halves??#like i remember there being a real life time gap in between the first half of the dlc and the second half#that was basically equivalent to the amount of time that passed in game. does it just timeskip to “a few months later”??#strange…
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Sorry chat I havent had time or motivation to draw at all💔💔💔💔💔💔 have a Tenten
#my beautiful gf I miss u Tenten#Art#Naruto#Tenten#WHY DOESNT SHE HAVE A SECOND NAME💔💔#I have a few requests in my inbox... dw guys I'll get to those in a minute I just need to get my motivation back#I love Tenten so much guys I get violent anytime she gets her 2 zeptoseconds of screentime
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Tldr; please put warnings on smut and have it below the cut and stop sexualizing minors in media. Especially if they just came out of middle school thats weird. Write what you want but tag and put warnings when needed.
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I get so pissed when im going to read something about my favorite character, and it's smut WITH ZERO WARNING.
No 18+, no NSFW, no MDNI and it isnt even in the fucking tags. I dont wanna read that shit. Put the damned warnings there for the love of all that is green on this earth it takes two seconds. maybe a bit more, but if you could pump out 3.4k words of pure porn, I think you can handle a couple of tags and warnings
I am a minor, and i use those warnings, so I dont read straight-up porn!! I also dont need to read about incest accidentally because there was NO warning, and it was NOT in the tags!!
(And for those of you who do put warnings, i thank you and wish the best in life!)
(I am also well aware that a lot of people dont listen to dnis like that, but it's helpful for the people trying to avoid reading stuff like that)
Also, while im on the subject, let's not sexualize minors in media. Yeah their hot, i can see that. But i dont want to see the start of an NSFW alphabet for a 15/16 year old. Aged up my ass. Just put the beginning below the cut?? And not after the first four letters??
I do NOT need to know a fav characters preferred body part is the tits thank you very much. I definitely do not need to accidentally read that they wanna suck on it like a damned bottle.
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'This character as your friend is soo perverted he wants to steal ur panties hehehe' NO HE DOESNT. HE'S A TEENAGER AND LIKES CATS. TF?? theres adults in the majority of the show that are reasonably attractive. Write that shit about them.
'Oh, they have this list of kinks,' and its shit only someone who has read hardcore smut would have. They are 16 and most probably haven't had sex because the creator cant give them a fucking break from trauma.
'He would be soooo toxic and blahblahblah [insert romanticised assault and abuse and trauma]' NO. that boy is my age and is a nerd. Motherfucker wants to study at princeton and has absolutely no flirting ability. You're only saying that because he's black, most of that shit reeks of racism.
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These characters are kids, CHILDREN, and you as an adult (if you are one) should not be writing smut about them, aged up or not. You should not be thirsting over a sophmore when theres PLENTY of good looking adults that you can be.
Theres a difference in growing up liking a character and having a crush on them and growing out of it when you're an adult. And being an adult thirsting over a teenage boy. It's not cute. it's not 'oh, it's fine because he/she's not real'.
Its really fucking gross actually.
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At the end of the day just tag your stuff correctly. That way its easier for everyone else to find EXACTLY what they wanna read. Because at this point im just gonna start reporting fics with no warnings at the beginning.
Someome younger than me with no parents looking through their devices could stumble on that, and not know what it means, read it, and be scarred for life.
I was reading that stuff way way way too earlier and its fucked up my mental state a bit so if we collectively start putting in the effort to help prevent this from happening to another 11 year old or younger than we should do so.
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Start gatekeeping fandoms like creepypasta from young kids, start tagging shit correctly
Another child does not need to end up somewhat hypersexul with very violent intrusive thoughts by the time they hit high school because their parents wouldn't look out for them, and the fandom did NOTHING to try to prevent it.
Its not your job to parent the kid, and to look over their should. Thats not what im saying.
It IS your job to, again, tag shit correctly, put warnings for gore, bluring violent images, saying outright that a certain game/book/story/etc your recommending is NOT for kids due to its violent nature/sexual content/etc. Reporting accounts of children under the age limit for social media (i.e., a 10 year old with discord or instagram) (it is breaking the T.O.S)
Act like that one lgbtq+ chat room website I was on for a couple weeks where all the adults kinda looked out for me a bit. And supported me figuring out who I was and collectively riped a guy to shreds after I blasted him at a failed attempt to groom me. (And told me I had done exactly the right thing in this situation. Also, hi, if you know who I am from there!!!) (Story time if ya'll want I look back and think its the funniest thing ever how I dealt with him 💀)
#mha#my hero academia#spiderman#into the spider verse#miles morales#peter parker#mha x reader#spiderman x reader#fandom#fandom rant#percy jackson#percy jackson x reader#theres rarely any in percy jackson though. its still there but not as prominent#those ya books#booktok#tag shit correctly#for the love of fuck just do it#it takes two fucking seconds#maybe a bit more but if you could pump out 3.4k words of pure smut I think you'll be fine typing in a few tags#bakugou x reader#tomura shigiraki x reader#dabi x reader#monoma x reader#shinsou x reader#spidermam x reader
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A good amount?!!!! A GOOD AMOUNT!!!!??
#bucktommy#Does this mean we're finally getting more than just a few seconds (although I've loved those seconds)#911 abc#evan buckley#tommy kinard#911 on abc#tevan#kinkley#hot pilot is coming back to us
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I started Interview with the Vampire
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#ok number ONE he should not be wearing those gloves just wash and dry your hands well and no lotion etc#SECOND if for some reason he must wear gloves like an unusual material or some danger to him#they should NOT be fabric gloves those can abrade the materials and leave behind microfibers#but ideally no gloves at all#SECOND the way he handles those books oh my god#be CAREFUL spines are fragile old paper is fragile do you even know if the covers are still properly attached???#hold them with both hands put them in a cradle or on the table as you read don’t flip through the pages like that old paper is brittle#and then he CARRIES THE DIARY INTO THE SUNLIGHT TO READ IT BETTEE#BETTER#THERES A REASON WHY WE KEEP THAT SHIT IN WINDOWLESS VAULTS#WELL A FEW REASONS BUT ONE IS THAT MUCH LIKE VAMPIRES BASICALLY ALL ARCHIVAL MATERIALS WILL BEGIN TO DETERIORATE IN SOME WAY WHEN#KEPT IN THE SUN#GET A LAMP#and LASTLY LASTLY LASTLY#the BIGGEST THING#HE’S EATING#HE’S EATING OVER THE MATERIALS HE’S GOT HIS FOOD NEXT TO THEM ON THE TABLE#WHY DON’T YOU JUST GO FETCH THE MOLD AND THE BUGS AND TJE#MICE YOURSELF DANIEL#SAVE SOME TIME JUST LET IT ALL LOOSE IN THERE#anyway I really love the rest of the show
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NEW BLORBO ALERT
Your honour I've seen two (2) episodes and im in love with him
#the librarians#foxie rambles#okay so found out that there are in fact THREE movies before the show whoopsies#i will be watching those for This Guy#but guys. Guys. they literally had a whole fcuckigjfksks father son momentjdkska IN THE SECOND EPISODE GUYSUDJDJDJDD THEY CANT DO THIS TO ME#I WAS ALREADY ATTACHED BEFORE FINDING OUT THERES A FATHER SON DUO#i mean is the dad dead#yes BUT WHO CARESJSKS#“You know I never had a father.” “I never had a son... We're both liars.”#THEYRE LIARS BC THEY ARE FATHER AND SON GUYS IM SO ILL IDC IMMMMM I NEED TO WATCH THESE MOVIES NOW WHAT THE FUCKKK#anyways besides that. I ACTUALLY REALLY LOVE ALL THE CHARCTERS OHKYGOD???#also wtf albert from 911 is in this show HELLOOO???#hes so skrunkly i love him#i gen love all of the characters sm#cowboy dude is so fucking hilarious HIS FACIAL EXPRESSIONS ARE ON POINTTTTT#love the guardian character too she is so bamf she slays so hard#and i love the other girl (i am so bad at names gimme a few more eps)... shes so :( she reminds me of reid from criminal minds#and the HUG?!??!?#HELLOOOO#istg if she and this Blorbo form a father daughter dynamic it will ruin me IT WILL BE THE END OF ME#anyways i gen just love the found family vibes going on rn#this show is SO goofy i love it#it has so much whimsy too rahhshshshs#but yeah This Blorbo is so dr who wilbur soot core#i looooveeee him#im so excited for this show omgogmgomgomg
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"I would have the biggest crush on him" i say as an aroace who never had a crush in her life
#it's just difficult sometimes to convey what i actually mean and be succint at the same time#so yeah#suspension of disbelief for those few seconds#roba mia#asexual#aromantic#aroace#asexuality#love#words#am i aromantic?#am i asexual#like
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I just want more Johnny and Robby moments 😭
#fo real.#i loved those moments where johnny and robby were bonding 😭😭😭#ROBBY'S HIS SON#johnny lawrence#cobra kai#johnny is not a good father so why there are people saying he is my God#just because he and robby laughed just for a few seconds????#robby deserves better#he's my child#even if we have same age lol#robby keene
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Coding woes (Patreon)
#Doodles#Original#Ukadevlog#Bug testing sure is something lol#These are both problems I've figured out now luckily! And I did them on my own! :D Extra pleased with myself :3#My slightly cocky attitude of ''Well that was frustrating - luckily I'll never run into another problem again'' amuses me lol#'Cause in the moment everything's flying! The code comes together lovely and it's all great! And then I come up to the next thing#Something I haven't done before - something that there's no Direct how-to of how to do a thing#Like setting player-and-character pronouns! I didn't know how to do that! But I figured it out!! :0 What a rush haha#It really did take me an evening of knocking my head against the wall in attempts - I waaaayyy overcomplicated it to start haha#I was like - trying to set up a system that would call on specific pronoun sets individually based on player input#Ridiculous - so much easier to just slap some values into an envelope and have those tied to a specific shell lol#But that took all night! I got sleepy while working on it and even my drowsy brain was like Wait...what am I supposed to check against? Haha#Such a weird experience subconsciously as well :0 'Cause I had normal dreams that night#Maybe some slight code-adjacent dreams of A Screen With Text On It but that could be anything :P#Most of it was just normal dream melodrama - but in the few times I woke up to readjust or roll over or pull my blanket#It was juuuuust enough for my ''conscious'' brain to kick in and think about what to compare against - what structure would work#And so by the time I woke up proper I had to frantically write down a bunch of code in a spare word document so I wouldn't go stir crazy lol#Breakfast must wait! Dailies must wait! I Have to write this down!!#And when I implemented it - it worked exactly as I hoped it would and is much much Muuuuuch simpler to call upon haha#Wow! That was a weird fluke that definitely won't happen again! Haha#I don't actually believe that I just have no way of guessing which aspect will trip me up - This Should Be Easy! And then it isn't lol#Definitely didn't predict the second - Especially because other than a small roadbump of not knowing how to Shell-Switch (ty again Cherry ♥)#Everything up to then was going well and everything after that was going fine! Until The One Thing happened pffbtl#I wanted to assign a value to check if a specific piece of code was being called upon - basically a fork between two outcomes#That went fine! The value Was changing! But only the first fork was being called???#No lol I just didn't put the second = ugh pft - and what's more frustrating is that I'd been using == up to that point!! I'd been warned!!!!#I - for some reason - was convinced that using && would make the value check Only need to check If x = 1... That's not how it works......#It's an If statement! If x = 1 then why do I have to check IF x == 1! Just check!!! Hwagh rules and whatnot lol#Like I said it's all fixed now but sheesh! What a silly mistake! I knew better!! And now I double know better haha
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i think if i painted my ex situationship i'd be cured it's the most shallow but intense connection i've had w anyone i think i am so obsessed w how she looks i want 2 photograph her/paint her forever rant in tags but ive talked abt it b4 so feel free to ignore
#god her personality is so . kind of repulsive its insane i think shes a good friend to her friends but#the way she just openly admitted to treating her exes like they r less than human w the most beautiful smile u have seen in ur life#shes acc tainted tottenham court for me bc i keep thinking of our second date where she wrapped her hands around me from behind waiting for#the train . also yh sorry we were one of those cringe ppl on the escalator sorry sorry never again sorry#shes shorter than me but on the escelators she was taller so she kissed the top of my head gently#w the most beautiful side profile on earth she said she didnt even lead me on. its fine it was never that serious#ill FUCKING KILL YOU#thinking abt when on a date she was like . yh my ex would look lovely pregnant 😊 like bitch. WHAT#also she has central heterochromia so like . super beautiful big green/brown eyes longest eyelashes ever + i dont want to lose you i think#im 80% sure we should just be friends ok my love#i took you to a party on a high-rise and you held my neck when u kissed me on a canary wharf rooftop and now you just told me you want to#fuck pregnant women and that you basically cheated on your ex who then cheated on you but its ok bc shes the love of ur life#????#anyway#sorry i am acc basically almost entirely over her this was triggered by her texting me to meet up a few mins ago#after ghosting me for a while . anywya w/e time to hang out w friends and study
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ignore how long she took me,
Lamore Cupia, youngest of the current Cupias, a famous potion family in the wizarding world: they historically invented the Amorentia and other love potions. And holds blood of the Cupid(s), but that’s a family secret. The mirror selfie and the profile drawings ig, it’s close to her real handwriting, cursive and hearts on her i’s. total time taken: roughly 18 hours. fun lore abt Lamore:
-She’s a Ravenclaw, despite how ‘dumb’ love can make her, she’s talented in potions by birth (which created a sort of friendly rivalry with Daniel Page)
-her family is LOADED, and pure blood. Lamby a like the sugar mommy, and least traumatized (she has no trauma, yet.)
-she just knows love about people, wether it’s their orientation, crush, status, she just knows. Hell she’d likely even know if someone like someone before they knew themselves! I imagine she gets little tingles when a ship of hers becomes a reality.
-she goes by many names: The matchmaker, Mory, Lam, Lamby, ‘that girl who knew he was gay before he even knew what gay meant’ (true story?). Either way she’s a cupid woman of many names.
#I imagine she knew of Acanthe’s sexuality before Acanthe even started denying it#At the middle of the night she wakes up saying: “gasp#X and y are together. only took them 5 years.”#Mory’s judt a silly billy#She’s like the second ‘omniscient’ of the hpma oc batch#I’m thinking for hcs for all the main kids#“Daniel became a god bc he made a potion” /j#And Lottie’s just there.#Anyway Lamore’s more of a side charatcer whos just an icon#And Lucy and Ivy always beg her for concert tickets to KATM (Ivy doesn’t know why KATM is)#ALSO#in the back is a rlly rough sketch of some of the KATM members#TGE redhead/blonde and the twink#We gotta love the butch 🫶#I’ll prob be doing these a little diff from now on bc this style takes forever to do#And I have to finish atleast one more mirror selfie by the end of the year#i dyill can’t believe it’s december#it felt like September was a few weeks ago.#this is getting long#so to those I KNOW are there#I’m watching.#hpma#hpma oc#crea’s art#hp magic awakened#oc#hpma mc#Lamore Cupia#Cupid
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"Aaron, when you almost fell on the ice with the Stanley Cup—" "Oh, Jesus..." "It's s—o stupid..." "—I mean. Yo, and it would've been okay, man! Like, you know what? You'd be like, 'Oh! He's one of us!' you know? Did you catch yourself? Did you feel yourself slipping a little bit? I think it's kind-of heavy, right?" "My theory is: that I stepped on, like—one of those confettis, maybe? That fall from the sky. That's my theory. 'Cuz it was just a little slide then I turn and I was fine. Did you see Barky almost fell on the TV camera cord as well? Did you see that?" "Oh, shit." "Yeah, there's so much stuff on the ice..." "It was right after he took it from Gary [Bettman] and he put it up and he—Well, I mean he didn't fall. He didn't come anywhere close to falling 'cuz he's Jesus on the ice... on those edges he's incredible..."
The Cam & Strick Podcast | 7.30.24 (x)
nothing delights me more than ekky getting ribbed for being clumsy and instead of just taking it he has to drag sasha down with him XD like oh? i almost fell WELL DID YOU SEE BARKY—girl PIPE DOWN THIS IS ABOUT YOU BABY. BARKY AINT GOT NOTHIN TO DO WITH THIS.
every angle (x)(x) of the almost ekky spill is so funny man and i love to embarrass this man SO FOR THE FOLKS AT HOME ROLL THE CLIP
i think its soooo funny when he says my theory is the confetti sabotaged me 🤓👌 because if you look at the footage
GIRL WHERE. just admit your ankle got weirdly bendy and screeched in after a hard game it happens to the best of us man
also him throwing sasha under the bus especially because i was like huh? sasha almost tripped over a cord? i definitely wouldve noticed that TRUST ME so i looked at the footage to see what he was talking about....
"did you see barky almost fell on the tv camera cord?" (x)
"did you see that?" yeah. did you. did you see the way he didnt not even move at all when he went past it yeah YEAH (x)
me when i lie and want an excuse to not be the only guy thrown under the bus so i bring up a completely nonconsequential annecdote so i can change the narrative of being the only clumsy guy on the ice despite the fact i very much am, and other such things
"hes jesus on the ice" and other normal things to say about your captain while you smile sweetly and reminisce upon him and his amazing skating abilities
#aaron ekblad#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#i love confronting ekky with his most embarrassing moments#and i think being one of the only guys to almost eat shit with the cup is SO EMBARRASSING#but baby couldnt handle being the only guy to get teased about it he has to involve sasha LMAOOOO#but also him quickly admitting sasha didnt fall at all too#FOLDED SO QUICK HUH#COULDNT EVEN STICK TO YOUR GUNS WHEN YOU THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR A SECOND LONGER HUH#the lady doth protests too much#its okay he redeems himself by complimenting sasha in such a fashion i just stared at my kitchen tiles for a good minute there#“he didnt come anywhere close to falling cuz hes jesus on the ice... on those edges hes incredible...” is a quote and a half for sure#hey man do you like need a few minutes alone or sumn?#bud you can go take care of that#(insert the tails get trolled meme)#everyday im subjected to the utter insanity that comes out of ekkys mouth and i have to continue living my life like nothing happened#may god help us all#feeling very normal about your captain#sasha love clubs standing chairman
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christmas eve ramble tags and some pictures of me and nice things from this year that i have randomly at 2:47am on christmas eve decided to post on tumblr. like why am I posting my face idek but I just felt reflective and i always just dump my rambles on whichever blog I'm using the most 🙈 i have not thought very hard about picking these. my motivation is that i want to force myself into acknowledging that for the majority of this year i felt good. I did good things for my health, and at work, and for my friends and family (even though I am desperate always to tell myself that i have never done anything good for anyone ever.) I found a new fun thing & lovely kind fun people to help me explore it. i got to sleep with my hand on/in Henry (cat not popstar) belly fur. yes i started having panic attacks about stuff to do w my dad, and money is tight (i mean i live in syd..) and i miss my mum and sara and i maybeee spent far too much time speaking to my ex fiance until he went on some rant about family law and I got the ick for once and for all lmao - but i was happy on many occasions.
#so we're doing Christmas tomorrow on Christmas Eve#well its 2.30am so we're doing Christmas today on Christmas Eve#ive been up late making Cypriot Grain Salad and freezing packs of scallops#no not a strange chrissie tradition just the fish place i ordered from listed them as $3.50 each so i ordered 12 just as a little two bite#mouthful each along w the oysters#and they sent 12 packs of 6#which do NOT cost 3.50 each#i actually feel a bit bad#anyway i froze most of them#we didn't do a tree this year#i think last year i did the tree and needed to needed the connection to mum#but this year when i mentioned it to Imi she sighed. and its no fun on your own#so i bought a lovely Christmas Bush and ive twisted those wire fairy lights around it and some little icicle tinsel#i need to sleep for a few hours and then get up and tidy the balcony and vacuum and clean the toilet and wrap presents#can you imagine if i had been able to have kids i am so last minute its awful#oh and a friwnd who had a horrid miscarriage#sorry they are all horrid#but shes pregnant and thats really great news#and my dad was nice to me today when we talked#also i took an extra week of leave off so now im having a month#which is so nice#im going to finish two fics#send cards and parcels to ao many people#i have replies from when my mum died ive still not done#im going to clean out the grarage#im going to swim everyday and try my harsest not to get burnt#okay maybe every second day#summer!#iveet stuff w my dad take away my happiness i had for the first half of the year - also mourning Sara#but i feel a bit more in control and im going to lean in to being proud of what i achieved this year and in finding new joy
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I don’t really talk about it much on here because I’m extremely lucky to be able to understand exactly what’s going on in my body, but it’s scary to live for years as someone who Gets Things Done in a way your peers don’t really understand, be putting effort into so many things you care about, and then suddenly lose the ability to do not only that but also basic tasks overnight after a deadline, and bit by bit after many. it’s scary getting really irritable sometimes to the point of violence, just when you were meant to be celebrating the rewards from your hard work, the only impact of the work you did that you can see is that you overdrafted your ability to do anything. including have a basic conversation without getting grumpy or crying. and your body is going to make you pay it back with interest, you already know that, but you don’t know how to start filling yourself back up. you’ve only ever enjoyed being on the grind, hard at work on exciting things.
I don’t know how many of you have been through the kind of burnout that’s years of needing 12hrs of sleep a night but with terrible insomnia, waking up to what feels like a hangover for weeks on end with little relief then rinse and repeat without having a single drink, feeling too sick to eat and needing to exercise to emotionally regulate but being unable to, anxiety that doesn’t come from worry but you’ll pick that up too at some point, dissociating every time you try to do mentally taxing tasks that you’re PAID for so it takes an hour of grounding yourself just to get five minutes worth of productive concentration, falling asleep the minute you feel a little safe by being in the presence of loved ones. but I suspect I’m not the only one.
I’ve had songs for the energetic and angsty times leading up to this. for the exasperated times and the brain fog and the times where all my limited energy is tied up in feeling things. that I need to, need to acknowledge, but it’s overwhelming and I live in a haze for weeks as a result of. songs telling of the kind of youth I wish I had, even when I was sold something else. songs for the months spent as a teenager trying to be there for my friends, worrying for them, distracting me from worrying for myself, trying to cling on to positivity and hope amongst it when I had to choose to make a discipline of always seeing that. I’ve had songs for healing and when healing is harder than expected and songs that have the right level of musical complexity to capture the layers of everything that’s happening in my head, making it sound good, telling me it’s gonna be okay.
I don’t know how I could ever say thank you for this. but I do know that I see parts of myself in the people behind these songs, of course I do, and I worry for them as a result and ache for them because it’s hard enough to feel this way when no one knows me or feels the need to control me or mould me into what they think I should be. I’d do anything to keep them all healthy and happy and all of their loved ones too and I don’t think it’s strange as a fan to take that seriously. I hope we can understand the need to treat them gently, and to while not questioning their privacy and the fact that they’re never going to tell us everything they go through, listen to our intuition when we catch something we relate to and treat what they’ve shared with us or hinted at with the dignity we would if someone we love told us something vulnerable. be kind in our expectations and be intentional in the fan culture we create because it does make its way back to them.
and the same goes with all of you. we’re bonding over the same things. I know a lot of this fandom is in the stage where interpersonal relationships are hard. we don’t mean to be grumpy of frustrated but we are. and I’m sending love to all of you. we can get through this together. it’s what they’ve always longed for isn’t it?
#thoughts after how worried I’ve been recently. since june I think#I’d love to start a conversation in this fandom about the connection im newly discovering between burnout and mental illness and fatigue#in a way we can be positive about these things and be there for each other without calling anyone to confirm if we interpret some songs#to represent experiences that may or may not be theirs because it doesn’t matter in the end. we have these songs and if you get it you get#we’ve all been clocked as ‘not feeling very well’ recently anyway so. it doesn’t need to be specific. but we do need to be kind#like hey. artist. I don’t know exactly what you’re going through to have written these songs that mean this to me. but I’m here for you#fill in the blanks. all we’ve got are our stories to share. I hope mine helps us understand and be a little kinder to those who need it#without thinking we can judge who we think needs it. but rather default to kindness and in the case of musicians etc that means patience#it means we learn together. what it means to connect and have boundaries and the boundaries they might like to have#anyway I’ve not said who these songs are by so if you reblog and wanna tag another artist that’s g I’ve got a few by several others as well#but I know this fandom. I know this band and I know exactly why I worry for each band member though I’m not gonna say here. just. take care#5 seconds of summer#5sos#luke hemmings#ashton irwin#calum hood#michael clifford#exact experience of burnout I have talked about is that of someone with adhd and a pda profile and some form of bipolar#which may be a product of pda profile things or not. these aren’t the only diagnoses I’d likely fit but they are the ones that explain the#story and have guided me to understand how to recover and I’m doing that bit by bit. and if you want me to tell you how please ask#but I’m not advertising it cause that’s weird I’d sound like a scammer if I did. even if when I’m hypomanic I think I can heal everyone
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