#the way she just openly admitted to treating her exes like they r less than human w the most beautiful smile u have seen in ur life

[faaun]

i think if i painted my ex situationship i'd be cured it's the most shallow but intense connection i've had w anyone i think i am so obsessed w how she looks i want 2 photograph her/paint her forever rant in tags but ive talked abt it b4 so feel free to ignore

[retrorealeyes]

Here’s why I want my parents dead /hj

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE like I know hating your parents if they aren’t overtly abusive (and even if they are it’s only mildly) like bruh, tempted to list out my parents “abuse” here. also like bruh, i’m fine rn, i’ve just been hating them for a while

This isn’t fully everything ever, it’s just an overview and I don’t think it touches the main problems enough (also I don’t give a lot of examples because there’s too many and I don’t have the will to write em all,and i’ve still overviewing everything)

-never respect my wishes if it goes against theirs (e.x. please leave me alone, can i go outside?, can I leave and go upstairs?)

             this is a big one

-don’t respect my privacy (in weird ways too, like my dad opening the door to scare me when i’m changing) and making fun of it too

          plus in normal ways like reading my journals or never knocking no matter how many times i tell them to

-making fun of me on purpose to get me upset, even when i ask them to stop

-getting suddenly and violently angry (dad):

           often unreasonably and quickly

          my dad curses people out under his breath, as a sign he’s going to get violent

          has broken things, SUCH AS MY WHOLE ASS PHONE by throwing it on the ground does punch things, generally not people, e.x. walls, but not that hard. he has punched me

          DOES to people- slap, push (this one especially, just last week he did), throw, scratch

          is destructive to other’s property (e.x. ripping up THEIR papers)

          refuses to listen to suggestions like, in the future, trying to calm down, or writing out his anger instead or seeking therapy

          been like this towards me since i was 6-7 years old

          it can escalate from anything

          will degrade you and insult you, if you ever say anything back (even in a non-angry situation, will grow even angrier/get very angry)

          makes you feel awful

          can last for hours and never accomplishes anything apart from further degrading yourself

          if you don’t give the exact answer he wants, will get even angrier

             I’m obviously terrified of him

               Swears at me, except they censor me so much they could probably kill me if I ever swore so that exacerbates the fear of it

          after the fact continuosly denies it

-my dad also:

           always demands respect

          always plays the victim and complains about how we dislike him

          never admits his mistakes

          is awful to my little sister, randomly, even when she’s being perfectly fine

-my mother and father’s relationship

             they openly and mean to each other. they never display affection and joke about divorcing

             sometimes dad yells at mom for a while, it’s obvious he thinks he’s superior to her and belittles her intelligence

             they are sometimes violent, but not often, and not overtly, more violent towards objects than each other when fighting with each other

             they do get in fights often (see: my dad’s belief in his superiority)

-openess with them

             there is none. they constantly criticize any self expression, make all subjects taboo, get angry over nothing and overall make me terrified of talking to them, then get all sad about “why don’t you tell us“ but if I try to express anything, even if they don’t get angry, they’ll store it in their heads and then later keep using it against me. “You said we were bad parents, do you not want to eat our food?“ “You said you were unmotivated, you don’t even have a reason to be sad.“ (said in an challenging, mean way)

-my self esteem

-my dad, physically (TO BE CLEAR I don’t think my dad in any way in trying to do anything sexual, i’m just saying he never respects my boundaries and here are some things he thinks are “perfectly fine” that he does, also this might be a bit disconnected sounding, i’m just so tired

          commenting on my weight/appearance (mom too)

             commenting on what i’m wearing, especially teasing me if it’s something out of the usual, as if i’m not insecure enough already

             dictating what i wear if they don’t like what i’m wearing

             commenting (negatively) on my mom’s weight a lot (to be fair, they both joke about being old and him balding and a little about him being fat so this one isn’t as bad apart form the fact that i’m skinnier so he “jokes” a lot about how i’m like a skinnier version of her)

                fatso called the girl in the video

             forces me to hug and kiss him, often only giving my phone back or treats luke donuts if I kiss him, even if I’ve expressed i’m uncomfortable (just does this a lot and i hate it)

-the past

             have yelled for me for no reason since i was young

             i don’t remember ever liking my dad (wait, before 6 years of age i remember liking him and before I was 9 i remember not hating him at all times)

             i continously try to trust them again, then they break me

               they were never open with me and taught me to be ashamed of myself which led to bad social relations later, which i’m only now breaking out of

-confiscation and lack of trust

               always taking my stuff so i can’t rely on what they’ll black mail me with, no “excuse” is valid to keep it (ex. I want to communicate w/friends or I LITERALLY HAVE INSOMNIA AND CAN’T SLEEP WITHOUT LISTENING TO MUSIC); during my worst days, when I was really suicidal i remember not having my phone for a long time which led to me being left behind and further isolating myself which, y’know spiralled

               I can go on and on about how they never value my voice but i’m sort of running out of steam

               they also never trust my statements, always cast me as the cause-r of something (luckily they’re fair and don’t punish me for it if I insist I didn’t do it, but the fact i have to really advocate for my innocence and am constantly suspected just is not great, and even jokingly, i hate attention, their attention)

                 There’s more but i think i’m done for now

-constantly bother me (i know this is nitpicking, i’m just trying to get everything out, and some of these have more layers than i’m willing to express)

               intentionally sabotaging

               even if i ask them to go away

               try to annoy me when ever i see them, even if i’ve asked them not too, and really make me avoid everything even more (you have to go through where they usually are to get out and that means y’know what)

               singing

               yelling and stepping loudly (which makes me scared my dad is mad all the time)

               always teasing and judging

-mother dearest

               very aggressive

               VERY controlling

               generally boring

               always invades privacy, more of a nosy person, but, in a way, better than dad

               she can get violent too and screams but it’s less often but can get very intense sometimes, generally it’s more of taking away my stuff and telling me to give up (which, the telling me to give up, my dad does too)

-lack of independence

                THIS ONE IS HUGE. my parents are very controlling and so even a little freedom excites me and they use my lack of experience as a sword against me, and that makes it eve harder for me to do anything when I’m constantly fighting restrictions and my brains can’t distinguish bad restrictions from schoolwork restrictions

-shitty world view

               just a bad biased view of the world, i really don’t want to elaborate, beyond the general sense they deserve to be respected for being parents a conservative-type view, also don’t have basic sense of morality, as in sympathy, for everyone, and instead do the whole us|them thing with their politics, the only problem is that we’re immigrants which is why they vote democrat

-grandparents

                 are visiting, they are also unhygienic, to always be obeyed, generally judgemental, and intentionally old, and taking up both of my rooms, overall i don’t like any of them, my father’s mom is alright though

-generally shaming me

And otherwise everything is generally going to shit, my social life (though I saved it somewhat for ONE person), my mental/emotional health, my exercise, motivation for anything, just the way the house is set up, my grandparents are here, how i’m doing in school.

I should write the thesis and really flesh this out well but I’ll tell you what: ultimately my parents are selfish people who don’t consider me my own entity but more as themselves and my achievements combined. ANd even if you love me, which I don’t doubt, I don’t have to love you back, and that doesn’t excuse your shittiness, dad. I fucking hate you. (yes. i’m grateful for the money, house, generally not obviously abusive childhood, food, stuff, bed, phone, etc. you have provided, but that doesn’t cancel out your misdeeds, it just coexists next to it)

Like is it SO bad for me to blame SOME of my issues with them? BUT NO if I ever bring up how they did x so i did y. I did y ON PURPOSE to UPSET THEM and i can’t hold them accountable, i’m just blaming them, even if I’m genuinely trying to explain my issues the way I understand them.

idr if you can edit tumblr documents, and even if you can, i’m not going to, i’ll just add to this with comments, to preserve the integrity, not that anyone will or should read this, but i’ll probably come back to it

[deniscollins]

How Bloomberg Buys the Silence of Unhappy Employees

Every year, hundreds of departing employees at Bloomberg L.P., and many other companies as well, are presented with a choice: Either leave the company empty-handed or accept a generous financial severance package and agree to never speak ill of the company. Many take the money. Should severance payments be made conditional on departing employees also signing nondisparagement agreement that bar them from publicly describing misconduct at work: (1) Yes, (2) No? Why? What are the ethics underlying your decision?

Every year, hundreds of departing employees at Bloomberg L.P. are presented with a choice: Either leave the company empty-handed or accept a generous financial package and agree to never speak ill of the company. Many take the money.

The result is that some employees at Michael R. Bloomberg’s company are barred from publicly describing misconduct and what they perceived as an entrenched culture of bullying, where women are often objectified and sometimes face discrimination, according to interviews with more than a dozen former employees, as well as lawsuits and internal corporate documents reviewed by The New York Times.

Bloomberg is not unique. In corporate America, in order to receive severance payments, fired or laid-off employees generally must sign agreements that require them to keep quiet about their experiences. Such agreements are deployed for a range of reasons, including to protect intellectual property, to prevent departing employees from publicly vilifying the company and to confidentially settle claims of discrimination or harassment.

But unlike just about every other company in America, Bloomberg’s owner and founder is running for president.

The heavy use of so-called nondisclosure and nondisparagement agreements at Mr. Bloomberg’s company has gone from being a standard business practice to being a political vulnerability on the presidential campaign trail.

Mr. Bloomberg’s Democratic rivals have accused him of using his multibillion-dollar fortune to silence victims of abuse and discrimination. In response to the criticism, Mr. Bloomberg recently released three women from nondisclosure agreements who he said had complained about comments he made. And he said that as long as he was running the company, it would stop using nondisclosure agreements with employees who have sexual harassment or misconduct claims.

“I recognize that NDAs, particularly when they are used in the context of sexual harassment and sexual assault, promote a culture of silence in the workplace and contribute to a culture of women not feeling safe or supported,” Mr. Bloomberg said in a statement.

But that change only affects a small fraction of the nondisclosure agreements that are put in place on a regular basis at Bloomberg. Most people who sign do not have specific claims of mistreatment; instead, the contracts are designed to prevent disgruntled ex-employees from bad-mouthing their former employer.

Natalie Harland, a Bloomberg spokeswoman, defended the company’s culture and practices.

“Bullying and discrimination are not tolerated,” she said, noting that Bloomberg consistently ranks at the top of employee satisfaction surveys and provides six months of paid parental leave.

“Mike has worked to create an environment where women can — and do — succeed,” Ms. Harland added. “The company provides competitive pay, good benefits and opportunities for advancement.”

Mr. Bloomberg’s company makes the bulk of its money selling a proprietary financial data system to Wall Street firms and other major companies. Every new hire has to sign a confidentiality agreement, which requires that they not share trade secrets and refrain from poaching anyone from the company after they leave, usually for a period of three years.

Employees who are fired or resign in frustration are often pushed to sign contracts that prohibit them from in any way disparaging the company, several of the former employees said in interviews. Those pacts bar the employees from even acknowledging the existence of the agreements, according to contracts reviewed by The Times.

Bloomberg’s contracts are in line with those used by other major companies, independent employment lawyers say. In some circumstances, The Times also requires employees to sign nondisclosure agreements in order to receive severance packages.

“I don’t know of a company that provides severance that doesn’t ask for those people who are subject to that severance to sign a nondisclosure agreement,” said Melinda Wolfe, who was the head of human resources for Bloomberg from 2008 to 2013.

The Times spoke to 13 former Bloomberg employees — including some who now work for The Times — who said they wanted to be released from their exit agreements so that they could speak openly about the culture at the company now that its founder and owner was running for president. If they were free to talk, some of the former employees said, they would describe a company that, while it provides generous pay and benefits, can be an uncomfortable place to work, especially for women.

Some Bloomberg managers perceived the use of medical or maternity leave as stealing from the company, several of the former employees said. One, Andreea Orent, said she was chastised for being a few minutes late to work and had been called out in a performance review for once clocking in 20 minutes late. Ms. Orent is suing the company for discrimination.

Ms. Harland, the Bloomberg spokeswoman, said the company didn’t fire Ms. Orent, even though she “was frequently late for — or would miss altogether — important meetings.”

Men at the company rated the “hotness” of their female colleagues, according to an interview with a former employee and lawsuits against the company in 2016 and 2018. Employees said in lawsuits that women were encouraged to wear short skirts and high heels.

Ms. Harland said the company had not found evidence of men rating women based on attractiveness and that there is no dress code at Bloomberg. She said that when the company discovered one instance in which men at the company “started a chat that included inappropriate comments” about women, Bloomberg fired the employees involved.

Mr. Bloomberg has a history of making derogatory comments toward women, including at his company. At a business meeting in 1999, he said that if he let women who had children have flexible work arrangements, he would have to give men time off to work on their golf games, according to an employee who heard the remark and is now bound by a confidentiality agreement.

“If women wanted to be appreciated for their brains, they’d go to the library instead of to Bloomingdale’s,” Mr. Bloomberg was quoted as saying in a booklet compiled by his former chief marketing officer.

Ms. Harland said Mr. Bloomberg “openly admits that his words have not always aligned with his values and the way he has led his life, and some of what he has said is disrespectful and wrong.”

Some employees, who believed that they had legal claims against the company, said their lawyers or colleagues advised them to accept financial settlements rather than mount a yearslong battle against a company with virtually unlimited resources.

One woman said she had signed a nondisclosure agreement after accusing Bloomberg of firing her after she complained that she was passed over for promotions when she returned from maternity leave. The Bloomberg spokeswoman said the woman lost her job as part of a restructuring. A black sales manager said in a confidential complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, which the Times reviewed, that she had been paid less than her white colleagues and had been fired for complaining to human resources. She later signed a nondisclosure agreement as part of a settlement with Bloomberg, according to a person familiar with the matter.

Others had more run-of-the-mill grievances about the company’s culture and how they were treated — the type of issues that they were willing to swallow in exchange for money.

Laurie Hays, a former top Bloomberg News editor, was personally fired by Mr. Bloomberg five years ago in a glass-walled room in a bustling newsroom, in what many employees viewed as a deliberate act of public humiliation. She signed a nondisclosure and nondisparagement agreement.

Ms. Hays, who now works in public relations, said she “loved every minute” of her time working with journalists at Bloomberg. Ms. Harland said Mr. Bloomberg had not intended to humiliate Ms. Hays.

Two of the company’s other top female editors, Ellen Pollock and Megan Murphy, also were pushed out after Mr. Bloomberg returned from his time as New York City mayor to run the company. Like Ms. Hays, Ms. Murphy signed an agreement to keep quiet.

It is not clear whether Ms. Pollock, who is now The Times’s business editor, signed one. She said she had not discussed the details of her departure with anyone other than her family and lawyers.

Several former employees said in interviews and court filings that they felt pressured to forfeit the right to speak out.

A marketing employee said human resources had told her that if she didn’t sign a nondisclosure pact, Bloomberg would charge her for the thousands of dollars it had spent sponsoring her green card. She signed.

In another case, Bloomberg demanded that a person who didn’t even work for the company — Leta Hong Fincher, the wife of a departing Bloomberg reporter — sign a nondisclosure agreement. The company threatened to sue her and force her to repay the tens of thousands of dollars it had spent to move the couple from Beijing to Hong Kong. Ms. Fincher never signed the agreement; Bloomberg didn’t sue. Her husband, Michael Forsythe, is now a reporter at The Times.

Ms. Harland said that Mr. Forsythe “stole Bloomberg L.P. intellectual property and gave it to his wife” and the company was seeking to protect the information. She added that Bloomberg did not pressure anyone to sign nondisclosure agreements.

Laurie Evans worked in sales for Bloomberg’s Businessweek magazine. In 2016, she was hospitalized after suffering a severe panic attack at work. While she was medicated, a Bloomberg human resources employee called her to say she had been fired and needed to sign a nondisclosure agreement if she wanted to receive severance, according to a legal complaint.

Ms. Evans signed. She received part of her salary plus about $70,000 in other cash payments. In exchange, she agreed to “not, in any way, disparage” the company or say anything to anyone “that may be considered to be derogatory or detrimental to the good name or business reputation” of Bloomberg, according to a copy of her agreement.

Ms. Evans later filed a lawsuit in which she claimed that she had been coerced into signing the agreement at a time when she was in intense psychological distress. Bloomberg has argued in court that Ms. Evans’s claims have no merit and she was mentally competent at the time. The suit, in a New York court, is pending.