#just felt Creative I guess
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*lovingly tackles Aine*
Read my Yandere! Pierro longfics first ♪( ´▽`)
Last week, my beloved mutual @ainescribe surprised me with Savior! Darling fan art and AHAI9232@2-!/! CRYING SCREAMING I WANT TO LOOK AT THIS ART AND WORSHIP YOUR VERSION OF SAVIOR THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BLESSING ME WITH YOUR ART—
*clears throat* Anyway, now that I finally have the time to properly sit down and comment on the fan art, I’ll do just that. Feedback will be in the tags and it will be unhinged. Once again, thank you so much to Aine for drawing this <3
#feedback#fan art#ainescribe#AIIINE ;-; once again. thank you so much!! it rlly means a lot to me that you enjoyed my writing and felt inspired to draw this :'>#and as someone who loves fashion and character design. it's so so interesting to analyze your version of savior#there's so much symbolism and visual storytelling in each sketch/ outfit and i shall now proceed to pick apart each detail as best as i can#her snezhnayan fit.....god i love it. it's regal. distinctively snezhnayan. and draws attention to her--and you just know that was pierro's#intention when he dressed her in those garments. IT'S JUST SO...!! savior's wardrobe scrubbed clean of her original culture and preferences#replaced with the foreign garments of her captor's nations.....in line with this. i love how her kokoshnik and khaenri'ahn earrings are big#and attention-grabbing. you can't look at her without taking note of those accessories. it begs the question:: how many times has savior#looked at the mirror after being dressed up in snezhnaya and was unable to recognize her own reflection?? :'>#also shoutout to some details aine shared with me: 1) the face marks are inspired by weeping angels 2) the kokoshnik was traditionally worn#by married noblewomen BUT the veil was normally for unmarried women so savior's outfit can be seen as a form of compliance + rebellion#(though later on in history it became accepted for married women to also wear that veil. also my apologies if what i said is inaccurate)#lastly shoutout to savior's expression!! very poised and mysterious....due to her emotional state or pierro's rules on how to act as his#spouse in public?? we'll never know~ the first drawing hits even harder when you compare it to the next one!! such an interesting contrast~#savior in her plain attire. casual and domestic with a smile on her face....i'm guessing this is her pre-fatui version?? she looks so warm#and friendly. and i can definitely understand why pierro fell for her smile <3#also i fucking love the caption. sorry pierro but you are cursed to be a loser/ simp/ pathetic man in all of my fics and AUs xD#NOW ONTO GODDESS! SAVIOR AAAHHHH!! i love the greek goddess motifs. she looks so regal and awe-inspiring but in a different way from her#snezhnayan attire--archaic. divine. and more suited to her personal style.....yet both versions of her look so painfully isolated :'>#her blank eyes. emotionless face. and veil give me the vibes of a spooky victorian ghost...or would a statue/ portrait be more fitting??#the lack of a necklace is also an interesting design choice given what happens in the fic. and now i realized i forgot to comment on your#version of her snezhnayan necklace oops. similar to the kokoshnik and earrings. the size + grandeur makes it impossible to ignore#that and big jewels = expensive af. ohhh and i love the sparkles on her veil!! pierro rlly spared no expense in dressing up his wifey <3#it's also funny how all of these outfits are similar to my own version in terms of 'savior wore grand clothing during her glory days as a#goddess -> wore simple attire after her decline for practicality and to blend in with humans/ disassociate from her old identity -> is now#dressed in even grander clothing as the harbinger's spouse. but it's used to reinforce her new identity and pierro's control over her'#tldr:: your design is so creative and i can see the effort you put in analyzing her character and depicting her based on your interpretatio#thank you for being my mutual + reader and i hope we can share even more harbinger/darling brainrot in the future :>
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Whitty And Bf Personality Swap? Lovely Art By The Way, Truly Inspiring. ( ´ ∀ `)ノ~ ♡
hm I guess k, not feeling the most creative but here lol
idk lol
mostly based on this bc idk thought the vibes looked fitting in theory lmao:
#bombeep#whittyxbf#not the shippiest but eh still endgame so still tagging lol#personality swap sort of#couldn't think of much so just general silly vibes I guess ha#based on a very early point in time relationship-wise pre-friendship and all#like right after whitty'd reluctantly accepted bf's offer to stay at his place off the street at least for a lil bit#but still wanting nothing to do with him in general#while bf'd just try his best to make him chill out and relax with his charm and positive vibes but not succeeding very well just yet lol#so ye just imagining that scenario but swapping their places more or less vibe wise while they still look the same as usual counts right?#am not very creative sorry hope it's still passable lmao#bg kinda dumb but felt empty without any I guess so general vague shapes it is#yes I know bf looks too small scale-wise for it and whitty's probably way off too but at this point it's too much work to go back sorry ha#so yea sorry for general wonkyness lol#take it or leave it#enjoy or don't#whatever floats your boat#fnf au#fnf shipping#boyfriend#whitty#bf#I draw what I want#thanks for the suggestion#sorry that it's like 4+ months late ah well here it is anyways lol#stay groovy friendo
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so i went to grad yesterday
rambling in the tags
#dani says stuff#i have... a lot of thoughts#im still thinking a lot of thoughts#i guess this counts as vent art/???? fdjkkjds#im just idk man the industry is rough rn#and i understand that it goes through its ups and downs i knew that when i jumped into the deep end#but this was the cherry on top of a cake#i truly felt like i was in a sitcom and they were gonna roll credits any moment#its just... such a choice of topic to say to the graduating batch from the school of creative media arts#in the age where meta wont let you opt out of their ai scraping tech#and adobe is claiming rights to artists work to train their own ai#its hard not to feel disheartened a lil tbh#three years of working myself to the bone only to get that at the end of it all#i laugh about it because if i dont i just get more upset#and honestly something about the sheer absurdity of it all does make it funny in a weird way#oh well back to drawing my silly little ocs it is <3#vent art
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gay pirates season is upon us! i haven’t changed my url in literal years, so tagging some mutuals under the cut 💜 still tracking #useravia
@yenvengerberg @anya-chalotra @ughmerlin @valdomarx @sebastians-stan @crowley-anthony @seance @walker-scobell @alinaastarkov @mcbride @stars-bean @machine-slays-dragons @edwards-teach @zombiesteve @withered-rose-with-thorns @dapandapod @a-kind-of-merry-war @justtheghostofnothing @samstree
#it's me! avia!#sorry for changing both the url and my icon at the same time#felt appropriate#i'm trying to force myself back into tumblr proper in order to distract myself from the absolute fucking horrorshow that is rl right now#being creative right now is hard as shit#but just making this little banner gave me a bit of a good feeling#so that's something i guess#gonna try getting back to giffing some pirates#avia rambles#love you all <3
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#fanfic#curious because though i do love reading fics normally#i remember that whenever i was trying to write them i kinda couldnt also read them from the same fandom at the same time#i'm keeping the options simple here but for me it was kinda like 'ok maybe i could read a BIT of death note fic while writing it#but not for the same ship or for a similar premise as the one i'm writing' - i just felt like it distracted me#or got me second-guessing my own takes on the characters too much when i did. so i would probably vote 'none'#but maybe 'less' if it was like a fic about totally different characters or wtv that didnt overlap with my own story too much#my pattern creatively was kinda binge-reading fics for a bit and then writing my own fics while not reading any at all#if anybody has a different answer/nuance to add to their answers in the tags please do as well#p
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i've slept for 30 out of the past 36 hours due to an apparent migraine. i have STUFF TO DO....
#been waking up exclusively to eat food and then go back to sleep#have been having constant dreams about dying in a variety of fun creative ways#for the past 36 hours i havent felt the migraine but now theres a knife in my right eye#so i guess i'll just go.... fuck myself......#autoimmune tag
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I was so fucking worried. That my art would have no further depth to explore, that I'd be a laughingstock, that I'd be wasting money. That I wasn't actually meant for this. And now, after lying to myself for years, I realize that that's just how it feels to be a developing artist. And I wanted to make art the whole time. That's what I wanted. That's what I want.
#if making art is like breathing I've been slowly suffocating. hands around my own throat. and for what?#my fucking anxiety? ego?#this is the wall I've been running into the whole time. Every time I stop myself from making an original piece every time I focus on#repeated technical practice just to hold off the dread every time I feel an invisible wall of creativity doing character design#it doesn't matter. my life sucks shit now#I have nothing to lose#now all I can do is learn to exist as a creative again#like you all have no idea it literally felt like I wasn't allowed to do anything other than fucking fandom shit and comic stuff#and guess what?? when you live like that the fandom art sucks too!!!#and I was an asshole too. I projected that shit. I was soo proud of the fact that I made art my silly little hobby when everyone else wanted#to make it their life#fucking christ#txt
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she hated coconut scented shampoo and veiny hands, the cold and brown rice
my skin is laced with the stench of the sweet white flesh, arms ripple with the oaths of flowing blood. my heart yearns for the snow, year after year
the smell of summer faded from my skin as she took over, sucking the blood from where it pooled, she was saving me from the cruel path of fate i had stumbled upon
showing me how beautiful life could be when you didn’t smell like coconut in the snow
my mouth could barely remember the feel of nutty husks, starchy and heavy against my teeth, it only knew her now liquid smooth and sweet as mango in the summertime
sea salt hardened in my hair, tanned limbs locking onto paler, slimmer, fragile. like porcelain and oh so soft
she was a quiet constant but oh how sweet it should have been when she was loud
you wanted this.
when she was loud she could not be silenced, wanting more and more
always wanting.
there could not be enough.
coconut and blood and humanity, steam and cold wind against warm cheeks, nipping at noses hiding behind scratchy scarves
never enough.
she wanted and i couldn’t give, i didn’t have
the smell of coconut washes over me once more, i no longer look at my hands in disgust, willing my body to shape and bend for her to love it, and the cold has made its home in my heart once more
i stare into a bowl of stunt brown grain, hot moisture soaking up into my skin, my breath evens as i watch it escape into the frigid air
maybe i am enough
#ant’s emo writing time#writing tag#sorry guys. i hope someone understands this but i miss her#although i don’t!!#but it would have been one year today#so i’m in the FEEELS okay#you can ignore this#i just felt like i wanted to post it#writing#oc writing#poetry#i guess kind of poetry#drabble#writer#sad writing#creative writing#ramble#mywriting#personal
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Also I got my essay exam back today. Full points!!! Which was a surprise bc my 4th essay was definitely lower quality than the other three (bc I rushed it), but still good enough to get full points!!!!
Makes me wonder what that other one I spied being a 1 was like 🤔🤔🤔 bro was NOT good at writing I guess.
#speculation nation#weird grading scale. each essay was rated 0 thru 3. 0 being Real Bad or just plain wrong.#1 being Okay. 2 being Good. and 3 being Excellent. according to what my professor explained.#and all the points for all 4 essays were totaled. so since i got 3s on all 4 i got 12/12 points.#but he also said it's not like percentage based for the grades. 3s earn As 2s earn Bs and 1s earn Cs. presumably.#so even if u got a 4/12 thats not failing. still not very good tho.#i realized when i was writing that it really has been a while since ive done a proper essay. im a techie not a literature student.#i do scientific reports so much more than fucking Essays.#i tried to dust off the old skills tho and i guess i did pretty good overall. tho i wonder. it feels like he was pretty lax in grading.#bc im being honest my last essay was Not Good in structure. i was rushing bigtime. i just wanted it done.#but i guess bc i answered all the questions and was generally good at diction (creative writing Does help with this)#it was still good enough to be a 3. which makes me So Curious how bad that person did to get a 1......#i only caught a peek when i was grabbing mine. couldnt look too in depth.#ALSO THO tuesday's presenter got a 7.6 As Opposed To my 8.6!!! professor gave them a 7 (as opposed to my 8)#which makes me feel a little better about how i did. (this scale out of 9 lol). bc like. i did better than them at least!!#felt a lil bad for today's presenter. she was clearly getting kind of frazzled. it rly is hard to present for an hour.#we write out critiques for every presentation. stuff we liked and stuff we didnt. unfortunately i had criticisms to give 😔#but i try to sandwich it with good things too. so it's not All bad things. i still feel bad critiquing them#but such is the review expectations. i try to at least be fair about it.#(to clarify. grades arent announced to the class. i just sit right up front near where he puts the papers and im Nosy lol)
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you don't hear from me, anymore.
you can look behind the bushes, you can read between the lines you seek signs from the sea sirens, you can visit the archiac shrines. but you won't hear my voice, the chords dissipited i'll claw behind your ears, footsteps inhibited. you will dream of my screams, and feel the ashes in your clasped hands walk alone in the woods, my silence will take you to the strident lands.
#i just felt like taking up writing again#it feels nice i guess#poetry#poem#original poem#writers and poets#writeblr#writing#creative writing#words words words#spilled ink#poems#poetic#idkkkk#ahahahaha#desiblr#desi thoughts#desi tag
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#hello umm#short vent but#guess who cry again at dinner today#gosh#i hate this rotting family#espesially my father#i wouldn't say i hate him but whatever hes doing to me rn just make me want to get away from him#as far as possible#anyways#i was able to draw and be creative though i felt super devastated for the whole evening#but i felt better after drawing now#which is great#:)#but still#i just hope one day i wont have to eat dinner with an uncomfortable and annoyed mood#rant#im posting this vid as an excuse to vent w/o making it so serious#since ion wanna make a big deal of of it#ritchie is me i am ritchie (but surely i hope i wont become him)#ritchie blackmore#deep purple#my post#my memes/edit
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#so that dotd rewrite is out and i have some thoughts on it but i wouldn't know where to put them.. maybe in here bc i don't actually feel -#- like making a whole ass text post. this is coming from me as criticism and not hate.. just some crit from one fan to another if you get m#SPOILERS AHEAD >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#first off props to the team because this was obv a labor of love - 4 and a half years to make a feature long fan movie is hard work#and the animated stuff was a really nice touch and very commendable - you don't see them too often in big fanworks#in terms of the story well.. there are some things i like and some things that i don't (personally) again no hate#i'm aware this is a rewrite and boy howdy it IS a rewrite - though i am a bit sad that percy doesn't end up being the protagonist and it's#- thomas that has to play hero again.. like i kinda get it but what made the original dotd stand out was that percy was given the spotlight#so i spent an ungodly amount of time wondering when percy was gonna take charge or step into the main story to resolve the problem.. sigh#i liked that they tried to give norman more of a character bc a lot of characters do often get neglected in the series but it was kind of -#- hard to sell that for me? the twist in this rewrite was very creative and i do appreciate it but i guess it just ain't for me#“different” is ok and this is just one of many fan rewrites for this particular story#if there was something i enjoyed.. i guess the beginning was still kind of exciting because the set up was honestly like hype a bit#i liked that diesel and d10 actually got to interact face to face and there are clearer dynamics established for the diesels#and also. silverband's performances as d10 will always be fun he does a fantastic job voicing him (how d10 stole xmas will still be my fav)#my criticisms for this movie also derive from the pacing and the voice acting - i found it hard to try and understand tones sometimes -#- because the delivery felt so off.. like don't get me wrong not everyone in the fandom is a voice actor but if we're using static faces -#- for these fan works the delivery has to be a little more clear or else it'll sound like you're reading from a script.. sorry yall :"|#for the pacing i found it a bit hard to parse when some things were going on and how fast things were progressing#as well as the crashes.. that's also another thing bc i couldn't tell bc of the sfx and audio balancing - it could be better..#i wanna say. muffled voices do not substitute for a “far away”/off-screen voice bc i still can't hear it :“|#there were a lot of throwbacks and references to older thomas media/movies but some of them felt a little.. much?#if this is a dotd rewrite why are we getting some parallels with tatmr.. but i digress. at least they made diesel beef with duck a bit#there's a lot more i could say but i'm keeping those to myself. at the end of the day this fan movie was hard work for everyone involved#and you can tell some of the folks were having fun in there - props to them! i'm always glad to see more fan works in the community#we've come so far we're making feature length fan stories and rewrites that's crazy! i hope to see more in the future#fauxtrainpost.txt
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beyond frustrated that i can’t edit any pictures right now
#i need a new computer desperately; they’re just so expensive#(especially if you want them to run editing software)#i don’t feel comfy spending so much money when we have this new pet and an upcoming move. plus i don’t have a job lined up yet#but i can hardly get lightroom to function#i took so many pics when i was in the mountains and they’re just rotting away in my camera; i hadn’t felt so creative/inspired in so long#i took some incredible pics and i need them on my website especially!!!! since i’m on the job hunt#why am i spiraling over this jesus fucking christ#i guess i’m just feeling useless and out of control in my life atm#too much change and i feel like i’m drowning
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Astarion contains multitudes. I love him.
#these were within ten minutes of each other#officer hes perfect#and by perfect i do mean an asshole bastard who flips between endearing and frustrating like a metronome at 200 bpm#hes currently trying to sell nieve on ascending#absolutely not#if durge isnt allowed to be murder evil man#you dont get to be dearest cazzy 2.0#sorry astarion. youre stuck as a spawn again. womp womp.#guess youll just have to come to terms with your reality and grow organically as a persob#instead of turning into the very monster that owned you for 200 years#dang. that sure sucks. nieve will be with you 100% along the way as he also becomes A Better Healthier Person#bg3#also all week most of my creative power went into crafting a no absolute au#where astarion got made into a full vampire through trickery and through more shenanigans#ended up stuck as a bat in cleric Ronan's care#its a whole thing. just felt like id mention it for posterity
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WHAT'S THE POINT
#!!! if bad books (according to me) are as popular as good ones if not more. what's the point!!!!!!!#this extends to fic too. some of my worst tropey fics that i churned out in 2 minutes became really popular while stuff i felt passionate#about went ignored kdkfld (this is largely abt old fic btw not elisabeth stuff. i know you guys like your [redacted])#whats the point of working hard to make something good if people are just as happy and fulfilled with bad stuff as long as it exists#🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲#there is no point haha i mean personal fulfillment? i guess but its not that fulfilling to not have the chance to show ppl your work#sorry i promise i dont have a martyr complex 💀 and in the grand scheme of things its not like im some creative genius#the thing is. i work hard on stuff because i think not giving my best for personal projects done for personal fulfillment is wasting time#but then the disproportionate amount of effort vs online attention really stings. they dont often correlate#there is no point haha. i'm not good at being happy or content and i'm neurotic about the things that make me happier to do#rant#'have you considered taking antidepr*ssants' yes but my other mental illness says no to them. their tongues are battling for dominance
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So I saw a video about the epic of Gilgamesh, saying that it contains the phrase in those distant days. Well, I thought that could be a good theme for a poem so I decided to write one. I turned on some Minecraft music (not sure why but it ended up working out) and got writing. It ended up being about missing the past. I kind of wanted to share it so here it is
In those days, those distant days
I would sit there for hours, placing things in new ways
Stuck in a creative haze, in those distant days
In those distant days, I would be with friends
People I loved, people I no longer know
Sitting in the basement, by a warm fire glow
In those distant days, I would find a new thing
Something that was little, but also somehow big
A planet of sorts, where it seemed like I had wings
Flying through the memories of those distant days
In those distant days, I had childlike wonder
Before all I knew was torn asunder
Little me, scared of thunder, was comforted in the moments of those distant days
How I miss those distant days, where there was joy and whimsy
A time where memories made were of good quality
But I cant go back to those distant days
I must relive them in different ways
Find whimsy with new people, in new places
Find joy in new games, with new faces
But I will enjoy this days now
The present can be pleasant anyhow
But even when it's not, I keep going somehow
Those distant days are far away
But I carry on, I find a way
Because I might be looking towards them, those distant days
#art#poetry#lonesome music#< tagging that incase i turn this into a song#anyway tag rant time because i have Thoughts(tm)#there are so many references to specific moments in my life#The stuck in a creative haze refers to that time i spent like 13 hours on one specific build in mineecraft#unfortunately i deleted that world so i dont remember what it was#the people i no longer know is a friend who moved away#and one guy who i used to be friends with but turned out to be really queerphobic#the basement with the warm fire glow was that guys basement#they have a really nice fireplace down there and most of these memories im referring to happened during the winter#which is when they actually have a fire going in the fire place#the little thing that was also somehow big and a planet is the game little big planet#but specifically the second one#and the reason i felt like i had wings there is because there was one specific minigame that kind of felt like flying#everything i knew that was torn asunder was just. pretty much all of my world views. holy shit a lot has changed since then#and i was terrified of thunder storms#but one time i was playing minecraft with friends and there was a storm in game and irl#so i pretended the storms were only in game and then i was fine#theres no more references to the past after that#anyway rant over#i hope if you saw the poem you enjoyed it#and if you read all these tags. i dont know. good job i guess. thanks for reading all that :)
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