#although i don’t!!
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she hated coconut scented shampoo and veiny hands, the cold and brown rice
my skin is laced with the stench of the sweet white flesh, arms ripple with the oaths of flowing blood. my heart yearns for the snow, year after year
the smell of summer faded from my skin as she took over, sucking the blood from where it pooled, she was saving me from the cruel path of fate i had stumbled upon
showing me how beautiful life could be when you didn’t smell like coconut in the snow
my mouth could barely remember the feel of nutty husks, starchy and heavy against my teeth, it only knew her now liquid smooth and sweet as mango in the summertime
sea salt hardened in my hair, tanned limbs locking onto paler, slimmer, fragile. like porcelain and oh so soft
she was a quiet constant but oh how sweet it should have been when she was loud
you wanted this.
when she was loud she could not be silenced, wanting more and more
always wanting.
there could not be enough.
coconut and blood and humanity, steam and cold wind against warm cheeks, nipping at noses hiding behind scratchy scarves
never enough.
she wanted and i couldn’t give, i didn’t have
the smell of coconut washes over me once more, i no longer look at my hands in disgust, willing my body to shape and bend for her to love it, and the cold has made its home in my heart once more
i stare into a bowl of stunt brown grain, hot moisture soaking up into my skin, my breath evens as i watch it escape into the frigid air
maybe i am enough
#ant’s emo writing time#writing tag#sorry guys. i hope someone understands this but i miss her#although i don’t!!#but it would have been one year today#so i’m in the FEEELS okay#you can ignore this#i just felt like i wanted to post it#writing#oc writing#poetry#i guess kind of poetry#drabble#writer#sad writing#creative writing#ramble#mywriting#personal
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Vi paint study
#Arcane#arcane season 2#Vi#arcane vi#pit fighter vi#my art#my artwork#digital art#fanart#artist#yes it’s painted#no I am not mentally okay#no I don’t know how I did#although I did give the Great British government 60k to teach me how to do art like this so that probably explains it tbh#I’m 60k in debt but hey at least I can render lesbians now
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more humanstuck, as promised. :D
i’m trying to practice dialogue a little bit, sorry if it’s not too good. i’m new to writing these guys. although, i guess they are supposed to be a LITTLE different from their troll counterparts. it is an au after all.
#homestuck#humanstuck#vriska serket#eridan ampora#man i don’t draw these two very often#since they’re humans i’m opting into dropping most of their typing quirk stuff although some will remain as will become more apparent later
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#a quote from Joan of arc#apparently#although I read that it’s not true#but I don’t know who else to credit for it#my art
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Excerpt from The Song of Roland, translated by Norma Lorre Goodrich (Medieval Myths)
#THIS HAS BEEN A PET PROJECT. I FUCKING LOVE THE SONG OF ROLLAND#song of roland#clay does art#so. okay bear with me#the song of Roland / chanson de rollanz was an epic poem written in the 11th century about the real battle of Roncevaux Pass in#the 8th century.#so 11th c ? we are smack in those middle ages#and its old copies were recorded as illuminated manuscripts#yet! it is technically an epic!! its an epic poem!!!! I don’t believe there were many written between Roland and the Aeneid (19 BCE)#in the west?#so like . WILD COMEBACK!!#this comic (?) is me playing with this idea of both muddling and clarifying the reality (8th c. real battle. he died.)#with the context of the poem (11th c. chivalric code. this was the hamilton of the time I must assume)#the translation from old french (flows better in modern English than it does in modern french apparently?)#and me. making it a scrolling comic. inspiration from real armor of the 8th century#although 11th c manuscripts armor them like they’re contemporary#I did hand lettering! as a manuscript would be!!#but my composition is wildly different than theirs#I could go on ! but I shant. ty for reading#no id#< I do not. know how . I would do this one#long post#kinda
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I just saw a someone say they like characters who’s philosophy is “If I cannot be wanted, I will be needed, and if I cannot be needed, let me be used until there's nothing left of me." and you guys I think we just found Spike’s entire understanding of (unrequited) love in a nutshell.
#me posting about spike???#love this guy gotta do it more#he’s my little gremlin who just sits in my brain#but also let it be known I dont necessarily mean this in a light way I mean this in a he is insane about love kinda way#like he lets it consume him in ways that are not always good#spike btvs#buffy summers#drusilla#spuffy#sprusilla#…dare I add Angel to this?? although I don’t think it was really like this for spike I find it funny so Y’know what#angel btvs#angel ats#spangel#buffy the vampire slayer#btvs#buffyverse
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So Flareon is the only fully evolved fire-type pokémon that cannot learn solar beam. Or at least it was, until the Alola region introduced Incineroar and Salazzle, becoming the first to break a 6-generations-long streak of this pattern.
#scott pilgrim#scott pilgrim takes off#pokemon#demily’s right this should be a meme#although this is incredibly low-hanging fruit#im sure it’s been done but I haven’t seen it yet so I don’t want to spoil
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Serena and Kordell matching day one and on finale is actually something SO personal
#the couple they are yall#oh okay so Soulmatism I guess woah I wish they were real guys#oh if they don’t win this shit I will be SICK#Although all the couples are a slay (except Kendall) so I wouldn’t even be too mad but thEM!!!!!!#love island usa#love island#kordell#Serena
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you know the excellent quadruple life fan comic has me thinking about double life again. and MAN. thinking about the soul bonds mechanically. like, before I get into my meta-analysis it’s worth noting that non-diagetically the soulbond mechanic being based on how many hearts someone has is basically the only way I can think to do it in minecraft that’s sensible, but diagetically…
so do you ever think about how the marker of what made people soulmates in double life was pain?
like, soulmates share injuries/pain! that’s the whole premise! like, to the point that day one people were making up elaborate ways to hurt themselves so they could test for their soulmates! you met your (very romantic-coded) partner and confirmed they were the person you were looking for by hitting each other, generally!
being a soulmate in the double life universe isn’t about being compatible, it’s about literally sharing pain, and it’s just… I think about how for some pairs, they share the burden between each other, and it brings them closer. for some pairs, though, the only way they know how to communicate is by hurting one another. and the thing is, this isn’t just a literal thing. like, mechanically, the thing soulmates do is share pain and communicate with pain, but metaphorically, can you say desert duo doesn’t have trouble communicating because half of how they know how to exist is either sharing in pain or causing it for each other? can you say that ranchers’ strength wasn’t a pair of people who understood each other’s pain and desperation to be better than they’ve been before? can you say that divorce quartet isn’t, well—
so pearl wins after scott hurts them one last time don’t you ever think about that,
#trafficblr#double life smp#abuse tw#SO. NOT… REALLY.#although a solid argument can be made about this so I’m including the tag since this is a post all about physically hurting your partner#it’s just that in-universe this isn’t normally framed as abuse.#(which I think counts for a lot here because it is in fact In A Video Game punching is normal mc body language)#but. so I KNOW shared injuries is already a stock soulmate trope and normally a whump one#but the thing is that none of those fics are normally as weird about it as whatever divorce quartet was doing#or impulse and Bdubs for that matter I didn’t put them in this post as to keep it short but#something something. Don’t you think THEIR problem was IGNORING pain until the very end#I am NOT ENOUGH OF A BOAT BOYS PERSON TO ECTEND IT TO THAT#anyway and bigb and ren were willing to surface-level share pain but weren’t either really willing to do it on a deeper level#anyway. it is nearly midnight idk if I am making sense but#sometimes I Think about things
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y’all do get that if dan and phil hard launch it will break the internet right? like people who haven’t thought about dnp since 2016 and literally everyone else with an online presence will know. suddenly there will be so many new eyes on our cute little community that we’ve managed to build from the ashes of the early phandom. it’ll be worldwide news that those guys from youtube who “weird girls” always shipped were actually together the whole time. it’ll be absolute chaos. it’s not that i don’t want them to hard launch if that’s genuinely what they want to do, i’m just afraid that it’ll send shockwaves through the entire internet that’ll shatter the nice little thing we’ve got going on here. i for one don’t want to be talking to an acquaintance in class next semester and hear them say “did you hear that dan and phil from youtube are together? that’s crazy! i never watched them ‘cause their fans were always so weird. i didn’t even know they were gay. i guess their fans bullied them out of the closet.” and then have to pretend to be normal.
#idk i feel like we’ve all gotten lost in the sauce of a hard launch and forgotten just how big of a deal it would be#it’ll be like the stir their coming outs made but even bigger#like most people still know them as the cat whisker guys from youtube and don’t even know they still post#maybe i’m totally overestimating the extent to which the rest of the internet would care but i don’t think i am#once again it’s not that i’m against a hard launch i just think that everyone who still cares about them and their content already knows#although if they wanted to generate buzz for a big project it would be a great move tbh#dan and phil#dnp#dan and phil games#dnpg#dan howell#daniel howell#danisnotonfire#amazing phil#amazingphil#phandom#phan#phil lester#dip and pip#phannie#that being said i do think i still want them to hard launch cuz the chaos would be funny#lee says things
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and if I said that dennis’ insistence on being the breadwinner/provider despite literally being a pampered princess who dgaf about traditional roles of masculinity in every other regard (aside from ego) is because his mom only stayed with/chose frank for his wealth and dennis is highly aware that he’s difficult to love and unable to show his emotions openly so he has to be contributing something to the relationship materially in order to feel like he’s worth staying for… and mac grew up with parents who were extremely ambivalent to him and eachother so he has to overcompensate by proving his worth at every given moment and seeking praise/validation from people (and religious icons) who will never demonstrate the same amount of dedication to him but he has no idea how else to desperately keep himself close to those he loves other than by eroding himself into something they’ll approve of… dear god they’re both exactly what the other needs — someone who can’t and won’t leave them even if they try — and they don’t even see it…
#dennis thinks he’s losing his edge and mac thinks he’s perfect anyway#mac feels like no one in his life has ever needed him enough to stay but dennis can’t stay away#IM ILLLLLL about these men from the world’s stupidest sitcom#sorry if this got a little freudian I don’t LITERALLY mean it in the sense that mac/dennis are seeking something that reminds them of their#parents (gross) (although pretty character accurate to the SINNED system)#but rather that our childhoods teach us what we should expect and look out for in life#and it never really leaves us#this all stemmed from me contemplating MADMTTS and how it would’ve made way more sense for mac (high energy adhd) to be out in the world#and dennis (bpd anger issues) to be indoors free from the triggers of the world#but they INSISTED on mac being housewife dennis being breadwinner#same as their little battle over supposed roles/dynamics as hugh honey/vic vinegar/brian lefevre etc#you are two queer men why on earth do you care about sticking to heterosexual gender roles#but it was never about the gender roles it was about what they self-assign their value to…#mac and dennis#mac mcdonald#dennis reynolds#iasip#it’s always sunny in philadelphia#its always sunny#macdennis#macden
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naruto’s thoughts on dress up, and how he’d like to dress sasuke:
his own clothes and some miscellaneous “cool” outfit seemed obvious, but i also thought he’d like the look of sasuke in something more feminine, based on how enamored naruto was with haku and sakura’s looks
#naruto#naruto uzumaki#sasuke uchiha#sns#it’s not that sasuke dislikes any of the outfits but he is embarrassed to wear naruto’s clothes. the pink and the pink are also a little#bit much but he’s unphased by those. although i think he’d find naruto’s idea of punk a little goofy or tryhard he’s still comfortable#i don’t think he’d wear that much bright pink but i think he’d definitely prefer it to orange
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saw someone on here describe reading as a passive activity. and like no judgement on this person but I think we have fundamentally different relationships to reading
#like I would disagree that reading is passive on a baseline level for a lot of people too#although I have hobbies I would qualify as fairly passive in the sense that I’m not expending deep attention to doing them#like my joy of those hobbies is derived primarily through the fact that I don’t have to think hard about them and just go with the flow#and so like if that is your relationship to reading that makes sense to me#BUT. I would strongly disagree with universalising the idea that reading is passive
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Thinking about Cuddy.
House is a genius. I’ve written about how Wilson is equally talented.
But Cuddy is, too.
One of three(?) female deans of medicine in the country. One of the youngest. And every time the spotlight turns onto her, she does things no one else can do.
She has a kid by herself. Wilson points out that a man in her position would have a wife, two nannies AND two assistants. (She tries to hire an assistant and the job is so demanding they quit regularly.)
She consistently gets things for the hospital no one else can get and is the trump card only she can play. In 5 to 9, she gets (I think) 7%, which is far and away better than her opponent, her board, or anyone else but her thought she could get.
In season 1, iirc it’s implied SHE brings in Vogler, and she’s the only person who can stop him when he starts tearing the entire hospital apart to get at House.
In season 3, she ends the nonsense with Tritter.
She’s also the only person who can and will keep House on her team (no one will hire House or Foreman, other than her). And she’s the only person who can wrangle him, canonically (I disagree with canon, but Cameron does hand the reigns back to Cuddy with this exact statement). Moreover, she makes House an ASSET. In 5 to 9, she explains that PPTH is on the cutting edge, which includes their world famous ddx department.
And! Despite the fact that House routinely accuses her of being an administrator and not a doctor anymore, she still successfully treats patients from time to time. She helps ddx the babies in Maternity. She saves her patient’s baby in Fetal Position. In s5 Joy, she clocks that something is wrong with the mom when no one else does, and pushes until the diagnosis is made and saves both their lives. She figures out the diagnosis in Joy to the World at the same time as House, and is so kind and respectful to the folks caring for the baby, yet still makes sure she gives the baby what she needs.
I have to admit that I don’t remember s7-8 well enough to go through those, but it’s clear to everyone that Cuddy is a great doctor. Much like Wilson, she gets dismissed in part bc she gets too emotionally involved. And it’s also clear that no one really understands her work or how good she is at it. Everyone only sees their part, and she has to see all of it and make it all fit together, making sure everyone gets what they need. Her ability to flip between caring and hardass undermines her ability to seem tough, but it’s also necessary. If she couldn’t care, she wouldn’t take such good care of her people or patients. If she couldn’t toughen up, she’d let people walk all over her. It’s a unique style, and not without its pitfalls, but it’s all hers.
And like Wilson, she doesn’t get seen as a genius. In fact, she barely gets acknowledged as smart at all. A lot of her successes come from charisma and social intelligence. And those things often get dismissed in women, especially women who care as deeply and obviously as Cuddy does. The ability to juggle so many things gets dismissed as “basically being well-organized,” and also, no one really SEES what she does. It sometimes takes her a minute, but she reads people like THAT. She figures out and outwits that sociopathic drug dealer. She sees through most of House’s lies. She often settles with plaintiffs because of guilt, but she also often talks them out of suing the hospital in the first place.
Cuddy is just as good, and just as brilliant, at her job as House and Wilson. But she doesn’t get seen as a genius anymore than Wilson does.
#this isn’t quite as good as the Wilson one#but I got really tired of Cuddy not being included in thinkpieces#I too love hearing about how awesome she is#but I think we can go further with this one guys#the narrative doesn’t center on her#and often her story centers on House instead of her#but Cuddy is brilliant and richly developed too#and although I admit I don’t understand her quite as well#I’m gonna do my darndest to center things more on cuddy#lisa cuddy#house md#meta#bees meta#bee writes meta#my meta
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the reason why sam and dean’s unhealthy dynamic doesn’t need to be fixed is because they both (unconsciously) crave power imbalance but for completely different reasons
dean didn’t have much power when he was younger since john took his control away from him. which is why he seeks power/control via hunting, violence and his relationship with sam. dean’s repressed sadistic tendencies, his love for hunting, his enjoyment of torturing & killing souls in hell come from his repressed need to be in control
and sam, as jared said, wants to restrain his physical power. not only because he doesn’t feel comfortable in his body, being too big and intimidating on the outside but feeling smaller and craving safety on the inside. but also because of his guilt and wanting to prove to himself, and to dean, that he’s good. that dean can trust him. it makes him seek comfort in being punished, in being restrained and feeling smaller than he is, but dean is the only person who can give him what he needs because dean is also the only person sam trusts and submits to. as twisted as it may be, but dean’s control over him is the only thing that gives him a feeling of safety he’s always craved
they complement each other in this fucked up way, that’s why their dynamic cannot exist without a certain amount of power imbalance
#like i don’t think power imbalance exists purely bc dean is some awful guy and sam has been his victim since childhood yknow?#there’s so many nuances. so many reasons why they both PREFER it that way#although dean does take it to the extreme sometimes bc he’s too obsessed with the perfect version of sam aka innocent little brother#dean is also the more possessive one between the two of them but sam willingly lets him own him#bc of unconditional devotion he has towards dean but also there’s comfort in knowing he belongs to dean. not to john. not to lucifer#sam winchester#dean winchester#samdean#wincest#spn
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I’m dying at Bruce giving Robin Dick good grades in his head
Dick, on the other hand, gives his feedback out loud 👍
Batman and Robin: Year One #1
#batman and robin: year one#wednesday spoilers#dick grayson#bruce wayne#bonds: proud no matter what#batfam#heroesriseandfall#I wonder if Bruce will actually praise him out loud since that’s one of his classic problems that he mostly does it when Dick can’t hear#although i don’t think it would actually be a good idea to give him robin grades. recipe for disaster
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