#jess rants about life

[anxiouspotatorants]

Actually you know what I need to rant about this: while literati is technically a good girl x bad boy dynamic it is written so incredibly well and avoids so many pitfalls and stereotypes that it makes a good girl x bad boy hater like myself (I’m only half joking — I don’t think any trope is inherently good or bad but I tend to dislike most pairings with this dynamic) fall head over heels for their story and relationship.

So much of what makes the two of them work is the contrast between how others perceive them and how they truly are. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who understand who Rory is as a person (Lorelai, Lane, Paris, Richard and Emily to a certain degree for starters), but she's constantly met with the expectation that she just does good and is supposed to make everyone proud 24/7. Stars Hollow as a group especially are big on this, as seen f. ex. through how Taylor takes Rory's one comment about an inappropriate DVD and twists the whole thing into a censorship crusade and makes Rory its poster-child even though she wants nothing to do with it and tells him so repeatedly. But instead of hearing Rory disagree with him (like he would Lorelai and Luke) he assumes that she actually agrees with him - and why shouldn't she when she's the perfect sunshine paragon of good who would never disagree with her elders? Also her grandparents treat her as incredibly fragile and childlike, like she must be too innocent to ever do anything wrong and so whenever she does something it has to be somebody else's fault (usually Lorelai, but occasionally Jess or whoever else was present). Time and time again Rory is treated like something innocent and naive and weak — but not by Jess. He sees her as a person.

And it obviously goes the other way too. Jess is treated like shit by pretty much everyone else. Either people hate him unprovoked or very much provoked (he did do a lot of pranks in his first few weeks and while I'm a Dean-hater I'm not blind to how much Jess picked fights with him), or they’ve simply given up on him. He tells Rory himself that every authority figure he had back in New York gave up on him too, from teachers to principals to his very own mother. But Rory doesn’t treat him like a lost cause, she treats him like the smart, brilliant and asshole-ish teen that he is. By having faith in him she also often holds him more accountable than others. Where f. ex. Lorelai or the other adults just roll their eyes, Rory physically drags Jess into doing his shifts at the diner. While others write him off, Rory chews Jess’ ear out for not helping Luke more and for willfully making enemies out of the Stars Hollow adults.

They don't put each other on pedestals or below each other. Jess doesn’t try to make a sinner out of Rory and she doesn’t try to make a saint out of him. There’s genuine respect between them. They expect each other to have integrity and treat others with kindness and honesty, and the rest is good old chemistry and common interests.

I particularly love how in so many of their scenes (especially pre-relationship) when they spend time alone they just get to be these goofy nerdy kids. They argue about controversial authors and dig through records shops and eat hot dogs and make fun of each other and try to make each other laugh. It’s not just sexual chemistry as it too often is in a dynamic like this (and often uncomfortably sexual when writing teenagers - looking at you Gossip Girl), and not just well written intellectual chemistry — they have platonic chemistry too. A hell of a lot of it actually.

While I don’t think ASP wrote them through a purely deconstructionist lens on the good girl x bad boy dynamic (if she did plan on writing the dynamic at all), there is something to be said about how where many around them treat them like stereotypes they treat each other like people. To so many people, Rory is a perfect small town princess, a little miss sunshine with booksmarts for days but too delicate and sweet for anything with grit and weight. To a lot of the same people and many more Jess is a pathetic brutish and maniacal lost cause, hell personified in a chainsmoking leather-wearing teenager. But to each other they are actual human beings. Kind and mean and flirtatious and scared and reckless and smart. Rory really thinks that with the right motivation and mindset Jess can be the kind who does (and at the end wrote) incredible things. Jess really believes that with a little more practice and support to step out of her comfort zone she can be the amazing journalist she wishes to be.

They don’t have this stupid «we’re so bad for each other but we can’t stay away» thing that too many trope users rely on and don’t even justify in the plot. Everyone else might think they’re not fit for each other, but they knew they were each other’s person from the very first day.

[gaffney]

your portrayal of adam banks is my favorite portrayal of him i think ever… what are your other thoughts about him?

OH MAN. thank you so much 😭 i sort of talked about him here kinda recentish! as for other stuff… i will say that i feel like i’ve seen a lot of takes recently about adam’s relationship with his dad that i don’t really vibe with. 🤔 implying that he doesn’t care about adam’s wants/needs, or that adam’s scared of his dad, which i don’t think is the case at all…

like, if you think about it. to adam and his dad, bombay is the villain of d1. the movie framed adam’s switch to the ducks as something positive for bombay, the ducks, and, eventually, adam. and–while this may be true–reverse the situation and you end up with a father who is told that his kid can no longer play on the team that he wants to play on. the team where he has his friends, the team his big brother (who adam most likely admires) used to play for. like!!! IMAGINE. some jackass coach from the worst team in the league coming up to gleefully tell you that your son–who is not only incredibly talented but loves the game–can’t play for the rest of the season or his team will have to forfeit. i would’ve socked bombay right there in the face lmao. THE AUDACITY!!! 

so, phillip banks tries to do what any involved father would do: find a way around it. possibily throw a bunch of money at it, because he’s in a position that he can. again, bombay refuses. not because he wants to give adam a place where he’d be treated better. no. he doesn’t know that kid. bombay says no because he’s a petty bitch, knows that adam is a great player, and does not want to give reilly the advantage. then he leaves the office quacking like an asshole. if i had been phillip banks, i would’ve been questioning that man’s sanity.

ANYWAY. we know phillip’s opinion: according to him, adam would rather not play than play for the ducks. except! adam shows up in the locker room anyway, which means that his choice was different: he just wants to play hockey, no matter where it is. and, rather than telling him no (especially after witnessing how much of a quack his new coach is), phillip agreed. 

this shows us two things: 1) phillip cares enough about adam that he’s willing to let him go to a team that he (phillip) may not like, as long as it means his son gets what he wants (aka to play hockey). and 2) adam does not cower around phillip. he was able to tell him that he wanted to play and “win” whatever argument there might’ve been. it was adam’s choice. i think this is a very important distinction to make.

“but tumblr user gaffney,” i hear someone cry in the distance, “what about that time adam’s dad wore a hawks jacket to the finals?” WELL, random shout in the void, it’s like i said: to adam and his dad, bombay’s the villain. we don’t see phillip ever interact with bombay again prior to adam’s injury. now add the fact that adam wasn’t exactly welcomed to the team and most likely returned home from practice every week with another story of how jesse hall glared at him from across the rink (with good reason but that’s another story). it’s very likely that adam himself thought he’d be going back to the hawks after this season. he was still embarrassed/uncomfortable/trying to hide his face when he saw mcgill & larson, and this was after they’d made the playoffs. basically, phillip had no damn reason to support the ducks, even if his son was on the team. and even despite that, he cheered adam on. he left his seat immediately once adam was injured. they held hands when adam was rolled off the ice. 

then there’s d2. in flashbacks, we see bombay’s dad, who appeared to be a really good guy before his death. bombay then draws parallels between his dad and adam’s dad, which is something he probably would not do if he (still) hated adam’s dad or (still) thought he was an awful human being. to quote bombay, “(bombay’s dad) didn’t need me to score a hundred goals for him. he was proud of me because i was his son, and i did my best. i’m sure that’s how your dad feels. i know it is.” 

tldr; #letphillipbankslive2k23. there’s no need to woobify adam into a poor abused little rich boy tbh, but that’s just my Hot Take.

[cheyisagirlkisser]

Ellie Williams HCS💫

Wholesome/Fluffy Ellie x Fem! reader headcannons bc I’m burnt out on writing smut

Gorgeous pics taken by ellsgirll on pinterest click here to see more!

•Ellie loves to write about you in her journal. She’ll pretend to be all “whatever” irl but if you saw her in that garage, laying on her tummy kicking her feet, her pen effortlessly writing your name over and over again..

•Ellie doesn’t talk about you to Joel, and if he asks about her crush on you she will grumble and look all embarrassed, but she does mention you a ton to Jesse. Jesse may give her a hard time but he thinks you would be the perfect girlfriend for her. She needed someone to listen to her stupid space rants, afterall.

•When you first found out Ellie plays guitar, you BEGGED her to play a song for you. She laughed it off as if it weren’t a big deal but was secretly excited she found a chance to impress you. She’d play an old song Joel taught her and it was the sweetest thing. If Ellie weren’t so oblivious, she’d realize that you melted like a puddle right there.

•Ellie was nervous about inviting you to go with her to the winter dance. Jackson’s versions of events were actually pretty fun. People made the best of what they had, and she always looked forward to going and sometimes having a beer or two. However, she was only anxious about it all this time around. When she finally built up the courage to ask you to go with her, you looked genuinely excited. It made her heart flutter and her palms sweaty.

•That dance was a bit awkward but probably the best night of her life. You actually danced with her and she loved the feeling of being close to you, of almost holding you how she wanted to for months now. And the next morning, she’d be ranting to Jesse about how you gave her a kiss on the cheek after she walked you home.

•Ellie would find ways to become paired up with you for patrols or lookouts.

“Hey, Maria. Jesse and Dina want to take the creek trails together. I guess I’ll take Jesse’s place or whatever..”

•Patrols with Ellie were always fun. You’d goof off while she made fun of you. Things felt so right with you, and sometimes when it was summer and the two of you were on foot, you’d hold her hand. You didn’t even mind that it was sweaty.

•Ellie who FINALLY asked you to be her girlfriend when she realized how badly she wanted to kiss you and be yours. When you immediately said yes and planted another kiss on her cheek, she laughed but pulled you in for a real kiss. A real kiss with her soft lips, a grasp onto your waist, and the brush of your noses.

•Things were easy with Ellie, love was easy. She was a little shy, but you were patient with her. She fell in love with you like it was drinking water, always in need of you but feeling like you were the healthiest thing to depend on. She’d call you petnames like “Babe” and always opened her door to you when you missed her. Her bed was cozy, and she was a safety that was so easily there. If only time could freeze her there in Jackson.

Seattle HCS with angst next if this doesn’t flop🙏

[makiquas]

Its Butchtober. Bear with me for a second as I rant about children's cartoon ships, butchphobia, the conditional acceptance of butches in sapphic spaces on the basis of desirability, and feeling erased as a butch kid.

It's so funny that I realised early on as a 2000-2010s teen/kid how a lot of so called "sapphics" of social media are really, really anti butch4butch, only by interacting with certain subsets of Catradora and Appledash haters. It may be flippant to connect butchphobia with children's cartoons, but you cannot deny it is there. We finally had two canon butch4butch and masc4masc lesbian animated ships. And the fandoms decided that the best possible reaction to this is to violently hate on the ships for bullshit reasons and write up masterdocs about how the butch character actually looks better with a femme character instead (in both cases–Rarity and Glimmer, who is arguably feminine but not femme, but that's a conversation for another day, how the SPOP fandom waters down gender identities for aesthetics).

This is not just about two cartoon ships; this mindset of seeing two masc lesbians and immediately going "actually they act like bros; but this BUTCHFEMME couple has real chemistry" comes off sounding really, really bad in 2024 when you have no idea how butch identity operates, outside of depicting us as pants-wearing sexually aggressive muscular women. Butches ARE bros, even the ones who kiss each other. Camaraderie and tomboyish swagger *is* a part of their life. It's not our fault you are too fanfic trope-pilled to read these interactions are sexless friendship bantering.

It's also quite concerning, given how there are only a handful of butch4butch books in the market, and almost all of them talk about the stigmatizing of relationships between two butches/studs/masc lesbians. There are many butch lesbians who themselves face internalized butchphobia because of societal standards and expectations of being turned into the "gallant" provider of femmes. Butch and femme are not always inherently complementary, butches can be attracted to other butches, there is no "natural order" model of lesbian/sapphic attraction and your thinly veiled butchphobia is really off-putting, given you guys don't seem to extend that same rhetoric to mascfemme ships like Korrasami or Caitvi, or femme-femme ships like Harlivy.

Here, I must mention relationships like Rei and Kaoru from Oniisama E, or Jess and Lupe from A League of Their Own, who have bucket loads of chemistry but still have some vehement antis only because both the lesbians are masculine. (What's funny is the new wave of lesbian Oniisama E fans are almost all Rei/Kaoru shippers despite the show putting them into two butchfemme pairings.) Something something to be butch4butch is to be failing the tests of palatability and desirability according to conventional models of societal norms. Forever.

Again, one may have valid reasons for disliking these fictional ships (what, I genuinely don't know). But it *is* weird that you guys can watch fifty white fem4fem sapphic shows in a year and read 100+ GL with the same feminine girlish blonde and brunette/pink haired archetype and not bat an eyelid, but conjure a world of made-up "platonic" dynamics just because you read every butch4butch interaction as fundamentally platonic.

A lot of you love to throw around Stone Butch Blues as a catchphrase to educate strangers on the internet about 1950s-70s blue-collar bar culture and USA butch femme history, but how many of you actually know that within the book itself, the lead character acts prejudiced and hates on another butch for being butch4butch? How many of you know that she apologizes to her friend at the end for her hateful remarks? Fun fact: when you ostracize a butch for not fitting into your butch-femme subculture aesthetic, you're no better than lesbiphobic bigots actually.

Anyway, here are some butch4butch resources if you are a baby butch4butch and feel alienated by these kinds of weird rhetoric in online and fandom queer spaces too:

Butch4Butch romance books

My Butch4Butch books masterdoc (**being updated regularly**)

Leo Wilder's Butch4Butch writing (18+)

Butch4Butch photography archive (insta)

Boyish² Butch4Butch yuri anthology (insta)

@milsae Butch4Butch artist (tumblr/insta)

This post is made by a trans masc butch of color. Terfs, racists, biphobes and radfems kindly do not derail or interact.

[shelbgrey]

✨Pookie😏✨Mother Pinecone🥳✨Fellow Simp🤩✨ can I request some lovely shrexy headcanons for the one and only Sammy Winchester😳 I just need some fluff and steamy steamy spicy headcanons please🥹 I’ll pay😉🫴💰💳💵

Dating Sam Winchester Headcanons:

Paring: Sam Winchester X Singer!Reader

Summary: headcanons about Sam dating Bobby Singer's kid. -SMUT warning!

💚MasterList ML2 💚MoodBoard

Between Sam being John's kid and you being Bobby's, you spent a lot of time together as kids.

You were always closer to Sam, you and him bonded over books and you were both the quiet ones.

It was obvious there was something between you two even when you were kids, but you were both completely clueless.

“the only two people who don't know Sam and y/n like each other are Sam and y/n” - Dean

But then he went off to college, you guys talked through letters and Emails for the first few months. Then he met Jes and you guys talked less and less.

Deep down Sam knew he dated Jess just to get over you, but then he felt awful to think that way after she died.

He never would have expected that you'd show up with Dean, telling him John was missing. Sam honestly hated to see the skilled hunter you have become, he always thought you deserved better.

Deep down he knew he stayed for you. College didn't matter much to him anymore and neither did finding his dad. He rekindled his friendship with you and wanted to protect you.

Hell, he would take you away from the hunting life if he could.

Before you knew it the three of you were a trio again. Saving people and hunting things together.

Then before you knew it you and Sam both fell back in to your original, clueless act you had with each other. It pissed Dean off, because he knew you guys liked each other.

Dean also knew neither one of you had the balls to admit your feelings. So he took matters into his own hands.

“Hey, y/n, you busy Saturday night?” Dean asked one night. “no?”

“Sammy, you sure as hell ain't busy” Dean joked, Sam rolled his eyes and sighed. “yeah... I'm not”

“good, because I am... You two go out and have a good time” Dean told you both.

Yeah Dean asked you out on a date for Sam. Both of you had mixed reactions, you didn't know how to proses what what just happened and Sam was just annoyed Dean was getting up in his business. Dean didn't stop you guys from going out.

he is sweet and gentle when he kisses you. The kisses you and him share are always sweet and full of passion. He pours everything into his kisses when his lips are on yours.

He definitely said 'I love you.' he said it after he had to save you from a vampires nest he told you he couldn't lose you and he loves you.

Sam would be the one to encourage you to go on rants or nerd out about things your passionate about. He'll listen beginning to end. If your like: “sorry if I'm talking too much” Sam will say: “no, no, keep going. I'm listening”

Not being stuck in his Tuesday time loop, but helping the best you can.

Sam's Hugs are warm and tight. Since he's so much taller than you he usually picks you up and holds you to his chest as your legs are wrapped around his waist and your arms around his neck holding him tight.

he promised to himself and you that if you were to get hurt by anything and he did mean anything at all, he would kill it. Even the smallest cut or bruse on you, he would freak out and with a gun in his hand, he would go after the very thing that dared to put a wound on you.

Sex with him has always been on the Adventurous side, but he learns your limits quickly and wouldn't do anything to hurt you. But when soulless Sam shows up there's no slowing down.

Even though Soulless Sam is hot one of the things he cares about most is sex and it might seem that's all he wants at the time, but the moment you get hurt the person or thing that hurt you is in a heaping pile of blood and broken bones.

Research dates all the time, you think it's boring as hell but your happy just to he able to spend time with him.

He's a health nut so he's always getting on to you and dean about your eating habits. “you know those things could kill you, right?” Sam asks as he watches you drink a monster energy drink, you'll just shrug him off.

You appreciate his concerns and you do back off on some stuff and let him cook you a healthy meal.

“what is that?” you asked staring at the blender in Discussed. “it's a smoothy, its good for you” he said pouring you a cup. “it's green goop”

✨Forehead kisses✨ he's a giant after all, so it's easier and convenient to just give you a little kiss on the forehead. He also loves it when your setting in his lap and giving him the same treatment.

Matching bracelets. Jack went through a friendship bracelet making phase and you made a couple with him. You and Sam both have one, he refuses to take it off. “you don't have to wear it”

“no, I'm gonna wear it forever. Back off”

You and Sam are literally Jack's parents, you probably end up adopting him at some point.

Never giving up on getting him out of hell, you hated the fact Dean when to live with Lisa. So while he got a girlfriend you were threatening crossroad demons for awnsers.

Making dirty jokes with Dean all the time to annoy Sam.

If Dean pranks Sam, you'll help get back at Dean. One time you convinced Sam to have sex in the impala just to piss Dean off.

Lucifer has the undying love for you and hits on you all the time, it pisses Sam off to no end.

Getting to see Sully first hand because he knew how much Sam ment to you and Sully just really wanted to meet the person that made Sam so happy.

Jody being a mother to you.

He absolutely loves feeling your fingers run through his hair. He'll kill to have his head on your cheat while you play with his hair after a rough hunt.

If your a smut book you get really secretive about and he'll notice quickly. “What you reading?” you blush and hold the book away from him. “nothing”

If he gets a hold of the book and reads a steamy part if the book, he'll probably want to try what he read too.

This man need physical contact a lot. He's a big cuddler and just needs you in his arms, it's a comfort and a protection thing.

He wants to hold your hand all the time too, if your walking around the bunker or a town your hands will be locked together, or sometimes hell just hold your had while doing research.

Communication won't be a problem in your relationship. You both just find it so easy to talk to each other.

But if you get into a fight, your fight loud and mean. There will be the silent treatment.

He's a bed hog so get used to sleeping right on top of him or right up against him because there's no room for personal space when you share a bed, especially if it's a motel bed.

He also hogs blankets.

You have bad sex in the bunker library, do with that information as you will.

You steal his flannels all the time, they're just so big and comfy.

He's good at turning you on😏

NSFW headcanons:

Sammy has a size kink, he loves the fact you are shorter than him. It makes it easier for him to manhandle you and throw you around without even trying.

likes to pretty much fuck you stupid. like to the point your shaking, you only can think of his dick and babbling his name. you probably won't be walking the next morning.

he's ✨skilled✨ with his hands, those big massive hands. it doesn't matter what he's doing with them, in between your legs, your face, around your neck, in your hair, I don't matter he knows what he's doing.

Hair pulling, he loves feeling your fingers in his hair or he'll tangel his fingers in yours and tug on it when he's getting head or about ready to cum.

He didn't realize how much he actually liked it untill you started pulling on his hair while he was eating you out. “Damn... Do that again... Please”

Biting, he's loves marking you up. There has been many times you had to cover your neck with makeup, but most of the bite marks are on your thighs.

But he also lives for the moments where it's just sensual and gentle. He secretly loves just holding you and kissing you slowly.

He wants to see if he can he make you scream louder than he did the last time. He loves the noises you make.

He well bend you over the table in the bunker library and take you from behind.

The desk will creak from the force he uses and his large body will presse you hard against the desk.

He loves hearing the moans and gasps coming out of your mouth.

Part of him will want you to be louder, even though he knew you aren't supposed to be sometimes.

He'll mark your thighs with his teeth and biting hard enough to leave a light bruise.

Sam loves being dominate towards you. Choking you and edging you. “come on, Baby. Cum for me again”

He has big chocking kink, he won't be too rough about but he loves wrapping his fingers around your neck and feeling your pulse when he's ramming into you.

He has a tendency to grip the headboard when he's close to cumming.

“that’s it baby, there you go. takining me so well, honey.”

Sam loves the way his hands look on your body. Even better if you’re smaller than him, he just wants to be touching you all the fucking time.

He love getting head. I feel like he’d like having you on your knees. Plus, feeling your lips around him pushes him closer to cumming in your mouth.

If you’re struggling to take him in or taking long to adjust, he’ll whisper reassurances that you’re doing a good job while rubbing his hands on your back and thighs.

Sam first thought after sex he's always checking on you, making sure it felt good and your not sore. He is very gentle, cleaning you up and giving you anything you need before even thinking of himself.

[xervn]

like a french girl 🎨

part 1 - paint me | part 2 | art major ellie x dance major reader | ellie photo

ao3 link

summary: ellie had been struggling with finding the perfect model for her art final. that was until she saw you.

18+ MDNI | 2.2k words | tags; college au, pining, only a little explicit, no use of y/n, not proofread

disclaimer: not an art or dance major, don't shoot!

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Scribble, scratch, throw. This has been Ellie’s routine since she moved onto campus.

Why? Her professor told her that she draws the human body like it’s lifeless. Ranting about how they’re too one-dimensional and have no depth, her lines are too sharp or not sharp enough; flat and boring in looks and in feeling. 

Now listen, Ellie has nothing against criticism. She respects her professor and she’s aware that her drawings lack “vitality”. It’s been something she’s struggled with for a while now, an effect of some recent events and overall adjusting to college life. 

Ellie isn’t unable to grasp the anatomy of the body, in fact it’s the opposite. She knows the human body is complex and needs thorough observation. The way the sun hits the skin, the hairs on a knuckle, the creases of a smile. Wide, small, big, tall; no two bodies are exactly the same. 

Really, the imagery is so clear to her, but she finds it impossible to transfer the life and motion of the body onto a piece of paper without truly understanding the person. The way she sees it, every body has a story, and in order to make a good piece she needs to know that story.

Since art school is filled to the brim with inspiring, exciting, and vibrant people, she has, of course, tried to talk with them. She attempted to get to know the models, ask them general questions and hope something clicks. Unfortunately, that has yet to happen. She can’t really ask her friends either without it getting awkward. Imagine, “ Oh, hey guys! Can you guys get naked and pose in one spot for my homework?”   Hear how weird that sounds? Even though she’s sure Jesse would definitely be down, she values her eyes.

 Any “muse” she could possibly ever want was right in front of her, so why was it really impossible for her to find one?

 Well, because Ellie didn’t find anyone interesting enough. She’s not shallow or anything, it has nothing to do with how the model looked, Ellie has had several good-looking models. It was more about how she perceived them. It’s just that she hasn’t seen a model that made her ask questions like: “ How’d they get that scar?”  “ What does that tattoo mean?” Stuff like that.

The last interesting model she had was probably a fucking homeless guy she shared a blunt with outside a gas station many moons ago. Till this day, he might be one of her best pieces. There’s not a lot of moments like that here.

Nonetheless, Ellie saw this developing– extremely lame— personal requirement of hers annoying as shit. It’s holding her back big time, but she couldn’t help it even if she really wanted to.

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It’s practically useless to keep trying. The tiny voice in Ellie's head presses her to keep going, keep failing, but enough is enough. She is seriously burnt out and any more of this might kill her. The only thing that could help right now is a meaty slice of pizza and a blunt as soon as she thought of it.

Ellie clears out her desk, knocking the stack of crumpled paper into a conveniently placed trash can; a placement made from her constant trials and errors. She pushes up, and stretches widely, obnoxiously groaning like an old man by the end of it. She quickly tidied herself up, tying up half of her hair into a ponytail and throwing on a dark-green flannel shirt she had to sniff before wearing over her plain white tee. She takes a quick look into her floor-length mirror, making sure she looks presentable before grabbing what she needs to head out.

Just as her hand reached for the silver knob, Ellie felt this overwhelming urge to look back. God, she knows what she is going to look back at, but she really hopes she doesn’t. Unfortunately, her eyes land on her sketchbook, laid flat on the desk underneath a lamp’s warm light. She shouldn’t.

She needs a break. She knows she needs a break, but there is a twinge of hope, faith, lodged somewhere inside her. The same faith that’s kept her from dropping out every day for the past four months. Ellie groans as she drags her feet to her desk where she whisks up the brown book and shoves it in her tote bag with an accompanying pencil. She swivels back to the door and strolls out, silently praying her mood improves in the next hour.

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The cafeteria was surprisingly crowded, but Ellie managed to get her pizza without saying ‘fuck it’ to the line. Still, the thought of eating between this buzzing mess when she was in such a shitty mood turned her off. Thankfully, she knew that everyone would be everywhere but the upstairs balcony, especially during this chilly time of year. No sane person would eat out there, and she’s not particularly sane. Ellie saunters off to the balcony and sits herself at a small table facing the view.

It only took a glance around before she came to the realization that the view is not really a view. There’s only a dorm a few feet away, directly across. It’s a large brick-laid, generic building with wide windows. If it weren’t for the blinds, the view into a room would probably be good enough to read a label on something. Ellie’s freckled face grimaces at the thought, imagining what it’d be like if someone watched her rage as she messed up her homework over and over from this distance. Despite that, she thought it’d probably be a pretty good spot to live in. It’s close to the cafeteria and probably a lot bigger than her 1x1 dorm.

With a twinge of curiosity piquing her mind, Ellie glimpses over the windows, and for the most part, they are all closed.

All closed, but yours.

Yours doesn’t even have blinds. You’re on the 3rd floor and almost completely unobscured in a black camisole, sitting on your questionably roomy windowsill with a leg perched up. Ellie can see the fairy lights strung up in your bedroom, and a line of succulents closer to the window; ordered by size, which she briefly thought was cute. 

You aren’t facing the window, so she can only see your back. What she could see, though, is you doing your hair, occasionally swaying to what she can only imagine is music. Your room is high, but low enough for her to identify you if she had the pleasure of knowing you. Knowing you, reverberates in her head. Does she know you? Has she met you before? Amongst that babble, there is one more question she is slowly trying to gather an answer to. 

Time passes, most definitely shorter than Ellie would have thought passed. Her eyes have been glued on you the whole time, she even forgot about her, now freezing cold, pizza just so she could gawk at you. She still hasn’t seen your face yet, barely even a glimpse, but she already thinks you are stupidly beautiful just by the way you move.

From the graciousness of your movements alone, she thought there was no way in hell you didn’t know she was watching. At some point, your arms got tired, so you smoothly rolled your aching shoulders back; stretching into an arched, effortlessly perfect posture. Ellie’s eyes traced that slight curve of your back as if you’d disappear if she broke off from you.

There is no way it gets better from that, is what she thinks to herself, only to be shut up immediately after when she sees that perfectness of your back stay as you bend over and shift onto both knees to grab something far away, bringing your shorts in view. So short— so tight , they could easily be mistaken for panties. 

It was unexpected to say the least, Ellie could feel her face heating up and had to look around her to see if anyone else could see what she was seeing right now. Ellie wondered about the practicality of those shorts, wondered what exactly they were supposed to cover, leering at the plush of your ass peeking out. She thoughtlessly lets her jaw drop before muttering out a low, impressed, and barely over a whisper, “Well, fuck.”

You must’ve noticed your shorts riding up, since you quickly pulled them down after you grabbed what you wanted. Ellie clears her throat, internally scolding herself for being so gross— so perverted. Her brows furrow in embarrassment from all the dirty thoughts she brewed up in that moment. But for some reason, she still doesn’t look away. Well, there’s a list of reasons for her to look away, but she feels like ignoring it. 

Then a cold gust of wind bites past her face, clearly a sign from the universe that she should snap out of it, and snap out of it she does. 

What the hell happened to her? What is it about you that she keeps leaning into? Suddenly something clicks in her brain. After months of creative agony, something finally clicked. She has sat here completely fascinated by you and she couldn’t tell sooner?

In all honesty, to say she is just “interested” in you would be an understatement. Yeah, now she thinks you’re the perfect model for her final, but she wants to know you beyond just the drawing. A plus is that you just happened to be hot, and Ellie has never been attracted to a subject before, so the whole thing was new and exciting to her. Just the thought of drawing you made her remember why she loved art so much.  Ellie reaches for her tote bag sitting in an empty seat beside her, pulling out her sketchbook with more enthusiasm than she probably ever has. She sets the book down, opening up a blank page with one hand and tightening her grip on her pencil in the other.

She looks back up at your window, ready to sketch your life onto paper and..  Shit. You’re looking back.

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Today has been a good day for you, your teacher chose  you to teach the choreo you’ve been working on for weeks to your classmates. It was an obvious ego booster for you. You felt good and you wanted to look good too, even if you weren’t going out anywhere. It was just one of those nights. You wanted to experiment with your hair, thinking maybe you’ll do something new before your next practice. Dye it, cut it.. something.

It’s been a while since you started, and after several wrist and shoulder cramps, you were finally finished. You take a look into your hand mirror, peering at your reflection. You’re satisfied now, looking exactly how you’re feeling if you minus the dingy sleep clothes you’re in. 

♫ My heart, I never be, I never see, I never know. ♫

Grimes? Really? You pout, upset that your playlist didn’t magically read your mood. What you need is real 2000’s hot girl music. Britney Spears, Nelly Furtado, or Beyoncé for crying out loud.

“Alexa, skip!” You shout across the room, just loud enough for the device to hear. 

The stupid thing doesn’t even light up, so you call out a few more times but to no avail. Isn’t the whole point of that thing to be voice automated? You sigh and look around for your phone, and seeing it’s nowhere in front of you, you figure it’s behind. You twist your torso to find your phone behind you and luckily you do. As you pick it up, you casually glance out the window without any expectations. 

Did you see a figure in the blur as you looked away? You question your eyes, but you decide to take another look and just find out for yourself.

You peer back down and your eyes meet with someone else’s. The sudden eye contact between you and this woman instantly mortified you. Your heart sunk, and all you could do was raise your brows stupidly. She was surprised too, even in the dim light you could see her shocked expression boring back at you. Not only that, it went on for way longer than it should have. Any normal person would’ve looked away, but her eyes lingered on you before she hastily turned away. 

You’ve been sitting here, dressing up your hair, listening to your music without a care in the world. Far too absorbed in yourself to realize there’s someone outside your window. You slide off your windowsill and out of sight. Just as your bottom finally hits the wood floor, you feel the coldness of it against your skin and you’re immediately conscious of the fact that your ass was literally out at some point. 

The poor girl was trying to eat her food and you were bending over in front of your window like a harlot. It certainly didn’t help that she looked kinda hot. Did she? You peeked over your windowsill, hoping to get another look to really assess her hotness, but she was already gone. Whatever, maybe she didn’t see? But she looked embarrassed… embarrassed for you probably!

You hide your face in your hands and topple to the side, letting out a fake sob. Oh, god. You can already imagine Dina’s face when you tell her. You couldn’t help but burst out laughing at that thought. That was humiliating as shit, but it’s whatever. It’s not like you’ll see her again. 

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side note: if you have any tropes you'd like to see w/ this universe pls do drop an ask 🤭

click 4 more!

[ebonyslasher]

Them Thangs Thanging, Unfortunately

Basically, reader is a woman who has extremely large breast. Aka ME, this shit isn't for the weak. Just wanted to write about a few struggles we have. This doesn't even cover half of it.

Big Breast!Reader x Michael Myers, Daniel Lamb, Chromeskull, and Ghostface (Danny Johnson)

-----

Growing up was a struggle. 

That statement is true for many, especially during early teenhood. Middle schoolers were the most ruthless and awkward looking individuals to exist. However, there was an extra layer of struggle for the girls who had very progressive physical development(s). Specifically, those who developed their breasts early.

That was you. And unfortunately, your breast kept growing and growing. Even through early adulthood, with your weight fluctuating, your breast kept growing. They were always big, mind you. But now, as an adult, they were humongous. And what other people called a blessing, you just called a problem. Many problems at that included: 

Price

Bra’s, already, were expensive. For one piece of specialized cloth was $30 to $40. Add onto the fact that you had big breast? Oh, now the price wanted to double. Good luck if you were so big that you had to order custom. Prepare for your soul and wallet to be hurt. Custom bras can set someone back at least $100 easy!

With Michael, it was an odd situation. He would hear you complain about the price, but never understood why. He could just steal them for you, either from the store or from a victim. You, of course, didn’t want a bra from some random, especially with blood on it. EW. His plan could work if he would remembered your size...and if they even had it in store. 

Well, price wasn’t an issue with Chromeskull! He already treated you like a queen. If you wanted, he would have someone find bras for you. That way, you don’t even need the stress of looking. You find the bras lined up on a table every few months for you to pick from. What a life!

Daniel listened to your problems and saw firsthand how much they could get up to. Eyebrows shot up at the $79 bra that sat on your screen. After his missions, he would steal money or cards off corpses to give to you. You’d find a pile laying on your desk when he couldn’t stay, with a note saying ‘For your bra troubles!’ He was so sweet.

Ghostface didn’t care. He didn’t have to pay for the bras, so not his problem! He barely listens, pretending to only see any bras you might get next. Pervert. He wouldn't mind you getting a smaller bra, trying to imagine you as those anime girls wearing the smallest bikinis. 

“So you want me to look like I'm from One Piece??! Natural breasts in real life don’t work like that dummy!”

Size availability

Speaking of One Piece, it felt like you had to travel through the seven seas just to find bras in your size. Trying to find cute ones? You’re asking for the impossible. Most stores didn’t have your size. Forget about places like Victoria's Secret and especially Aerie. Lane Bryant may have your size, unless your band size is small. So, that means you have to order your bras online. Sucks, since you couldn’t try them on before buying. 

Michael stood in the store, comically looming behind you, surrounded by multicolored bras. He noticed that your posture fell as you spoke with a store worker. “Unfortunately, we don’t carry those sizes in store. We have them online and you could get it shipped here.” No thanks. It’d just be better to get something shipped to your house. You sighed in disappointment. Michael squints his eyes at the worker. Maybe he could come back and look to see what they really have in the back…

Availability was no longer a problem thanks to Jesse. Your masked sweetheart hired a personal designer that would make bras tailored to you. And you can tell them just how cute you’d like the bra to be.

A comforting hand lands on your shoulder as you relay the issue of finding your cup and band size in store. Daniel listens on as you rant, throwing your hands up in frustration. “Of course, I’d be the one with a small band size and huge ass breast!”  While you talk, he peruses the internet for different online stores that may have your size. You two curate a list of some, avidly reading any reviews that pop up.

“Oh well, hey, maybe this gives you the excuse to not wear bras anymore. Heh, I definitely won’t mind the view,” Danny joked after you told him the news. You roll your eyes and tell him to shut up. He really doesn’t care about your dilemma, pushing you to go braless, so he could see those juicy tatas bouncing. Although, if you get on him enough and promise him something nice, maybe he could magically get you some bras.

Clothing restrictions

There were certain articles of clothing that you couldn’t wear. Sad, since there were some cute looks that you just couldn’t do logistically. Bralettes and button down shirts were the devil. You saw the bralettes trending and said, “Nope. No way I could do that”. Button down shirts were deceptive. It would work up until the point the button around your breast would pop open. Understandable, since the small button couldn’t handle the pressure of holding back such big bouncing melons. You tried again one day, hoping that the designs became better throughout the years. As you walked around, the buttons popped open. The image of soft brown breast were revealed to the world in…

Michael’s steel blues, which immediately pinpoint the wardrobe malfunction. His head slowly tilts. Michael stoically ogles, secretly licking his lips as he enjoys the view. He notices your embarrassment and frustration. He feels a little bad, but that was overshadowed by the deliciousness of your reaction. He loves seeing you get worked up. He wouldn’t mind watching you bouncing around to throw a tantrum.

Jesse’s eyeless mask gleams. He raises his eyebrows at the incident. You try to button your shirt back up. The button only stays a moment before it gives up, bouncing off the shirt for the sweet release of death. The button clinks against the marble floor. You look down in disbelief as Jesse’s shoulders shake in glee. This was the funniest thing he’s seen all week!

Daniel’s zenith blue eyes pop wide open, mimicking the poor button that flew off. His face was a light shade of pink as he observed the scene. “Oh Shit…,” he whispers. Trying not to stare at your obvious malfunction, he peers up at your face that looks beautifully frustrated at the button on the ground. His eyes were full of empathy as walks over. “How about we try another shirt, huh?,” Daniel asks as he chuckles lightly.

“Hallelujah!” Ghostface shouts as he zeros in on this fantastic view. His perverted chocolate eyes were glued to your happy accident. You scoff and cover the malfunction with your hands. The view of that amazing bosom was now obscured, which angered Ghostface. He marches over right as he says, “Hey! Don’t cover those. Ghosty wants to see!”

Back pain

These breasts weighed heavy as gravity worked against your favor. Lugging around these gigantic bust meant the pull and strain against your back muscles. Those back muscles were only so strong, which would get weaker as you got older. The random aches in the upper, middle, and lower part of your back plagued your existence. You tried your best to keep good posture, but it was tiring.

Michael will rub your back if you ask. Well, only if he gets something in exchange. Dessert, you bent over, a good meal, or a new knife. You choose and it better be the right choice depending on his mood. Be warned that Michael is heavy handed as hell. His digs feel like he’s punching through your body. It might be a while before his massages become beneficial.

Jesse will hire a professional masseuse when he's on a spree. However, he would never turn down the opportunity to knead your supple muscles. You don’t mind if he goes a little lower, right Princess? He’ll also treat you with a doctor to get some treatment options going. 

Skilled and dangerous hands rub your back, the heavenly sensation of warm oil glides with every movement. Daniel, the sweet man that he is, gladly volunteers to bring you temporary relief. If he’s unable to caress your lovely form, he leaves you some pain medicine and healing meds that he comes across. The healing meds were heavenly. He, later, suggests having a reduction so you won’t have to suffer anymore.

Danny will massage you only because he wants his hands on that perfect body. And lowkey wants you to stop complaining all the time. God, it was annoying. He frequently offers to hold your breast up as you walk around. “I’ll even hold them up out in public. Just think, you’ll have your own boobie holder everywhere you go.” That shit eating grin on his handsome face didn’t faze you. Your face scrunches at his perverted comment. You take him up on the offer…only at home. You wouldn’t admit that it was a big help for your posture. You didn’t need to, Danny could tell how much it was helping by your relieved expression.

[lcriedlastnight]

lost the breakup | charles leclerc

○tw: alcohol, swears, charles is a proper dick, silly reader, this is the most angsty thing over ever wrote. to celebrate charles win today!○

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ : w/c: 4.3k of pure hell.

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"this would be so much easier without you!" it felt like those words flitted around your brain in a loop ever since that night in charles' flat. you hadn't intended it to turn into a massive fight, all you said was you couldn't wait for summer break to finally spend some time with your boyfriend. but seemingly that was all it took for charles to go off on one, roaring at you as if you had actually done something wrong.

you had stood, staring at the man after he had stopped ranting about how being with you only brought him down and how life before you was much easier on him. you couldn't believe that was actually what he thought of your relationship. i mean it wasn't perfect, but who's was? all that you thought mattered was that you tried to make each other happy, and up until today you had thought that you were succeeding in that, clearly not.

"do you mean that?" there was an obvious wobble in your voice that you had tried to disguise but it didn't matter, charles didn't care anyways. you knew that now.

all it took for you to scramble to find somewhere new was that singular nod of his head. you knew he wasn't sure if he meant it but he nodded. he fucking nodded. you could've forgiven him if he took it all back then and there, he didn't even have to beg for your forgiveness you would've just given him it. but he didn't. you didn't mean as much to him as he did to you and he had made that oh so clear tonight. so you did what any sane person would do, you grabbed a pair of shoes and a jacket and left. a part of you thought that maybe he had said all that just to get a rise out of you and to create a fight between the two of you, for whatever reason? you didn't know but you had a nagging feeling that was why he did it. or maybe your brain was just trying to soften the blow of your boyfriend secretly despising you for god knows how long.

so yeah, that was how you ended up rotting in your bed. at this point you really shouldn't still care about him anymore but your heart refused to let him go. and it annoyed you so much. how was it fair that you sat here mourning your relationship and what it could've been while he was out there winning grand prix's and clubbing every other night, seen with a different girl every single time. while he was out picking up girls you were picking up your heart, that had gone straight in the journal as soon as you had thought it.

the fans had realised something was up by the second day of your breakup. you hadn't even collected all of your things from his yet and they were already trending you both on twitter. it honestly felt like the last thing you needed right now but you smiled through the pain and tried to make your instagram feel as normal as possible until charles put up a statement about it, so that you could too. then you could finally put this relationship to rest.

being with charles had given you a following of sorts of your own and you felt like you owed them something, seeing as they only liked you because you were dating- used to date charles. your best friend and current roommate (for the time being, seeing as you were living with charles full time before the breakup) jess had told you millions of times that they were just random strangers and you didn't owe them anything. it never eased the weight you felt though.

one night after the third night in a row of summer break (that very same summer break that you were longing to spend with charles) that charles was out and had been pictured taking some random girl home was the night where jess had tried to snap you out of it.

"i think it hurts more that literally none of them look like me? like if any of them resembled me at least i would know that he missed me, even a little bit. even if it was subconscious, you know?" you had ranted, staring holes into your phone that had showed you the dreaded pictures of the three girls who all looked alike in regards to each other but nothing like you. in fact they were the complete opposite of you in every single way.

jess had swiped your phone off of you and slid it into the back pocket of her jeans.

"look, you technically broke up with him but it doesn't matter. he clearly doesn't care so why the fuck should you?" ever so blunt, jess was.

"i don't mean to be mean, you know that. i mean this in the nicest way possible but you have to get over yourself. this isn't the end of the world as much as it feels like it. the world has continued to spin this past week and it will continue to do so no matter what so you need to get up and live your life. you're wasting your emotions on a man who literally doesn't care whether you live or die at this point."

although it was filled to the brim with all the shit you didn't want to hear, jess knew exactly what you needed and she gave you the wake up call you had been needing since that night. that night she helped you wash your bed sheets and tidy your room up, moving the furniture while blasting taylor swift's breakup songs. jess was still letting you grieve the relationship because she knew better than anyone, that you can't just hear one inspiring speech and finally stop caring about him. even though she knew that you would stop caring sooner rather than later with the way he was acting.

★・・・・・・★

"you better not wear that skirt with those heels!" jess' girlfriend, hailey had shouted over the thrumming bass of someone's getting ready playlist. you weren't too sure who's it was but you knew for certain it was not the usual music that was played in the flat.

'the inchident' (which you thought was a particularly cruel play on words) had happened almost a month ago and jess had invited your closest friends for a night out in monaco. as well as her girlfriend, she had also invited sophie, probably your second best friend.

"why?" sophie asked back, brows down as she moves the skirt in her hands, looking for an issue with it. "it looks good, no?". three shakes of heads are her answers.

"soph it looks so fugly." jess said, trying to pull on a pair of doc martens. you had burst out laughing at that and it had set everyone else off too. you knew pre-drinks were a great idea. the group had already taken three shots already and for a lightweight like you, this was the perfect state to go to the club like. drunk enough that the night seemed endless, plus you would save a fortune on drinks while you were there too, seeing as you were almost on your way to being absolutely smashed. exactly what you needed after this past month.

as you all clamber into the taxi to take you to the club, the group chatters with each other while jess is chatting away to the driver. she got so talkative when she had alcohol in her system. the ride to the club wasn't long so when you all arrive and after you had all given about a million thank you's to the driver you head into the club.

you and sophie find a table to sit at while jess and hailey head in the direction of the bar, hailey offering to buy the first round in celebration of you finally going out with them for the first time in months.

in the taxi ride over, sophie was telling you all about the boy she was speaking to and how he may or may not be a famous athlete. after a joke or two from you about watching what she's getting into she tells you that she had been on a few dates with him and they were days away, as she put it, from becoming official. with all of this in mind you still had no idea why, when you were both on the hunt for a free table, scouring around the very back of the club, she suddenly stops in her tracks, grabs your arm and turns to face you. the poor girl looked like she was about to pass out. surely she hadn't had that much to drink already, you had just gotten here, you had thought to yourself before she spoke up.

"that's him! he's here?!" sophie whisper shouts as she kind of just stands there, almost like shes lagging. you look at her, confusion plastered all over your face.

"who? who's here?" you ask her. it's easy to tell she is annoyed at your question but she's much too preoccupied to tell you off for it in her usual sophie manner. like her fight or flight kicks in at that very moment she suddenly pulls you towards the large booth filled with people, seemingly all men but maybe a few girls from what you could make out. it was actually really dark in this part of the club.

"my man." the blonde girl whispers to you like it was obvious, nothing was obvious to you when you were sober never mind this tipsy. you recognise a man at the end of the row but it doesn't sink in your muddled brain until you are standing directly in front of near enough half of the grid.

you stand like a deer in headlights as it clicks in your brain. the weight of a thousand busses suddenly weighing down on your chest. oh this was so not good. you hadn't looked to see if he was here but did you really need to? it seemed like he was going out at any chance he could find since the two of you last spoke. you avert your attention to sophie who was standing very closely to the man at the edge, who you now could see what carlos. you had no idea that was who she was talking about.

you hear someone in front of you call your name, one of the drivers, maybe lando? he had always been nice to you any time you and charles went out together and ran into him. you don't reply, not that you get the chance to because an arm is gripping yours from behind and at first you swear your heart falls right to the ground and is so very close to taking you with it but you look over and see it was only jess and hailey with your drinks. this was not how tonight was supposed to go.

jess says something you can't hear to sophie and the blonde nods back before you feel your best friend pulling you away from the table. you still feel frozen as she drags you to a free table you and sophie must have missed on your own hunt. you felt like you were having an out of body experience. there was no fucking way in hell that just happened. no way he was here. why couldn't he just let you have this one night to yourself without ruining it? he had already ruined your life, what else does he want?

hailey slides you your drink of choice and heads back up to the bar to order another, knowing you'll need it. jess could see the look in your eyes even if you couldn't feel it yet. what stage of grief was this you were in now? because all you wanted to do was to get the ground to swallow you whole. maybe depression. jess' soft voice pulls you out of your daze.

"hey, drink it. i'm not encouraging drinking to numb your feelings but tonight is not the night to deal with whatever the fuck that was." jess says, her voice as comforting as she could make it. you really appreciated it so you downed your drink and waited for hailey to come with your next.

"we'll process this tomorrow but tonight, we drink." hailey says as she returns. you swear you hear her curse sophie under her breath as you drink. you didn't blame sophie though, she didn't know he would be there and clearly didn't think before she acted. you think that maybe hailey and jess are mad at her now. great, another thing in your life falling apart. you were so getting shitfaced tonight.

the drinks blended into one another as you danced with your friends after sophie had joined you, after promising to carlos she would leave with him.

you were swaying to one of your favourite songs when carlos come over to distract sophie, you just smiled at the two 'couples' that surrounded you. even if there was a clear favourite, nothing against carlos but c'mon. it was jess and hailey. speaking of they had signalled to tell you they were off to join the long line for the toilets. they had asked of you wanted to come but you didn't need to pee so you said no. you should've went though, you probably would need to pee by the time you got to the front of the line but your drunk brain was not in the mood for rational thinking.

that's why when a man slides his arms around you don't protest it and instead lean into him. it had nothing to do with the familiar scent flooding your nose or the hums you heard every single night in your sleep, nope. nothing to do with that twat.

"This one is your favourite, no?" his accent fills your ears and you can literally feel the tension from the past month ease out of you. you lean further into charles as you sway a little to the beat. you were far too drunk to dance properly, the way you were when you first stepped foot onto the dance floor.

"mhm." you nod as your hands slide down to rest on his clasped ones, which were holding your stomach to keep you close, you hoped. charles moves his head to right behind your ear, just so you can hear him better. there was no way he didn't hear or even feel your breath hitch at the feeling of his breath on your ear. if you weren't this plastered then you would be so embarrassed at how easily you let charles do this again. you could even hear the rational part of your brain screaming at you, asking you what you were doing but you could barely even see at this point so of course you ignored it in favour of being the girl in his arms again.

"then why'd all your friends leave you, sweetheart?" charles asks, it feels teasing and maybe even a little mocking but there is no way you would be able to tell the difference in this state, so you just respond, dumbly. "they went to pee."

charles laughs in your ear and it sends goosebumps throughout your body and puts a sappy grin on your face. you hadn't heard his laugh in a while and it felt so good to hear it again. it felt like home to you and god had you been homesick.

you would've done anything the man asked you to when you were like this, well maybe sober too but when you were sober you would've definitely put up more of a fight about doing it. maybe charles was taking advantage of this as he practically moves you both to the next song that plays. it's a good job that jess and hailey come back when they do because you would've done anything for him. it felt like he actually wanted you again. you had missed him like this and here he was acting like he couldn't get enough of you. every part of you hoped to remember this in the morning as both girls pulled you away from his grasp (without any fight from charles, which told the girls everything they needed to know) and took you home, without as much as a goodbye to sophie. safe to say she was not going to be invited round again after tonight.

the next morning consisted of waking up at three pm with the sorest headache you think you've ever experienced and a blurry memory. turns out your hoping and praying last night had worked because the only thing you can remember is the way charles held you. the words he said weren't one hundred percent clear but god if this didn't set you back three weeks. jess was furious with sophie and hailey had literally cut her off in every single way possible. jess tells you over dinner that night that hailey had blocked sophie last night when you had gotten home and it did make you laugh but now you had to mourn the end of two relationships. you knew it was for the better but it still killed you, ripped you apart from the inside.

the thing that hurt you most was charles. you reflect on it in the shower after dinner. he knew how drunk you were and he still came over, clearly because he knew it was the only time you would let him back in without any fight. did that mean he missed you like you missed him? or was he just doing it because he could, showing you (a drunk you, mind you but still you nonetheless) that no matter what he still had his claws in you? your questions were answered as you scrolled through a gossip page and seen that charles left with another girl who looked nothing like you last night. you really had to stop looking through those pages, it did nothing but bring you down.

★・・・・・・★

nothing prepared you from the instagram dm from the quiet australian mclaren driver about another month after the club incident. he had never really spoken to oscar a lot before back when you were a regular in the paddock but it was still super nice to hear from him. it didn't mean you were prepared for him to ask you if you wanted paddock passes to be guests of mclaren at the next race. when you had asked what you had done exactly to deserve this gift, oscar had responded with 'i know your birthday is coming up and i also know how much you love f1'. you cried to jess before texting him back that you would take them. he was such a lovely boy.

you knew how bad ferrari were doing because you were an f1 fan way before you had even met charles so you of course kept up with the sport even after the breakup. even though it killed you to see his face on the screen. and you would never admit this to anyone, not even jess but seeing ferrari do so badly did make your heart ache for charles.

a few days before the race jess takes you shopping to find the outfit that makes charles beg for you back just so you can let him down harshly. her words of course, you would never even think that. as much as he's hurt you there wasn't a bone in your body that wanted to hurt him in return.

"i'm not drinking today, or tonight." you inform jess as you enter the paddock, the cameras immediately snapping in your face. you had not been in the eyes of the media for a good few months and now coming back to this made you feel dizzy but you powered through it because you had missed attending races so much. you found yourself beating up past you for not appreciating the privilege you had, getting to attend all those races.

"mhm, sure you aren't." jess doesn't even try and entertain you. you roll your eyes at her words.

"we both know what happened the last time alcohol and a certain ferrari driver mixed and i, for one, don't feel like going back down that road again." you try to make a joke out of it you're sure it would've worked if it was anyone but jess, she knows you far too well.

oscar greets you not long after and has the audacity to thank you for accepting his invite, he was literally the sweetest boy who's ever walked the earth and jess was sure to let him know of that fact. it left him with a big grin and rosy cheeks.

you and jess both cheer on the mclaren cars, which you have to admit, was one of the weirdest things about the full experience. you couldn't help but let your eyes wander to the red of the ferrari cars every now and then. you will your eyes to shift in the opposite direction every time. no way was anyone catching you lacking today, not on jess' watch that was for sure.

lando and oscar end up both on the podium so it was a great finish for the papaya team. oscar comes over with lando this time, after the podium and they both thank you and jess for coming again and this time you give them both swety, champagne covered hugs, unaware of the eyes peering into your soul.

said boy catches you on your way out, again when you're alone while jess makes a quick pitstop at the bathroom. you were hanging around across the hall, waiting for her to come out.

"hey, didn't know you still came to races." charles tries to make casual conversation with you. like the months you two were together didn't mean anything and like he hadn't just used you as a player in his game when you were hammered last month. this man has no dignity you swear. you had thought a few nights after the night out at the club that night.

"oscar asked me." you take a page out if jess' book and stick to the blunt responses. you knew you had moved on from the boy in front of you because as soon as he made his way over you weren't nervous or excited, you were annoyed. it made you feel happy and a little healed. charles seems surprised at your bluntness so he cuts to the chase.

"i miss you." he utters your name. "i miss you so much. i keep dreaming about us, and every morning, it feels like I've lost you all over again." you don't even look in his eyes to see if he's telling the truth. you used to be able to read him for filth, like he was your favourite book that you had read and re-read a million times, a book you had scribbled all your thoughts onto. now he just feels like a book you used to love when you were a child and as much as it helped shape you into the person you are now, you have new favourites now, that you read over and over and write inside, for someone else to read your thoughts and feelings.

you do though, see it hitting charles that you won't let him walk all over the top of you anymore. you see it register on his face and he makes a move to leave you be. maybe the you from a few weeks ago would've cried at the thought of this happening but whatever has happened to you in the past couple week has helped you grow mentally and helped you know your worth. charles walks away without so much as a goodbye, and you hope it kills him.

[a2l1y1]

Can you keep a secret?

ft. Bsf Ellie Williams.

Summary ➜ You’ve always had a crush on your best friend, but you never got the chance to tell her. Both of you have horrible love love relationships status, you knew this wouldn’t work.

Warnings ➜ a LOT of smut. Praising, degrading, use of strap, receiving, teasing, use of alchocol, drugs, cigarettes, making out etc. Idk, lesbian things🤗 .And obviously Ellie being a total loser.

disclaimer : I have a little bad grammar when it comes to explicit/smut writing, and generally my English sucks.

PS: A LOT OF WRITING HERE 😫!!!!

(And basically too much writing so I don’t wanna use my time into checking for any bad spelling or mistakes here, if you can’t understand then uh, try to? Anyways.)

You always had a crush on Ellie. Whether it was seeing and listening to her talk about dinosaurs or yapping about the galaxy, the stars, the planets, just Ellie being Ellie herself, you loved and admired her. You always visited her and stayed over at her apartment, which was calmly quiet except for the times that you would bring a karaoke and blasted off some music until three in the morning singing and yelling with Ellie.

Ellie loved ranting to you about her romantic love life. Which, obviously as a best friend you’d be glad and excited that she has enough trust in you to talk into extreme details about her horrible relationship status. But, as a Ellie being your forever and obsessive crush whom you’d literally drop in your knees if she asked, even as a joke? You felt like complete shit. Having to suck up your excessive amount of jealousy you would’ve gotten over every single girl who was lucky enough to kiss Ellie was insane. So right when you would’ve gotten the chance to be alone away from Ellie or finally at your apartment, your room or your car, you’d just start sobbing over the thoughts of Ellie touching, kissing and loving other girls. You hated the fact of Ellie being so clueless she couldn’t see how bad you were for her, that’s why out of pure jealousy you’d scare away her dates every single time you could.

Like for example Cat; Ellie and Cat met around December? You and Ellie were at Jesse’s random party which he threw as a celebration for Dina’s score of something, nobody cared about the context. Which, honest speaking, everyone just went there and had a blast for the alcohol and the beer. Long story short you purposely dropped some wine on her white crop top and pastel blue jeans. You told her Ellie was taken so she could at least get an idea to go away.

But hey, sometimes you let Ellie have some dates to just cover yourself up so it’s not so suspicious that nobody in town wants to go with Ellie Williams, even if it hated your guts.

“Well, uh how did it go with that brunette girl, Katy was it?” You asked Ellie as you sat on her bed, legs crossed as you brushed your wet and messy hair, looking for a conversation while Ellie read a book beside you. “Hmm, I guess it was okay but I don’t think she’s into me, definitely straight.” Ellie answered as she turned her page over, marking her page up as she looked over to you and gave a soft shrug. You couldn’t help but to give an awkward smile back, having to play it ‘cool’ with Ellie was not your thing, but since you’ve been crushing over her for a while you tried to get the hang of it. “Well uh hey there’s plenty of other girls for you, maybe just not her” you sighed sarcastically, knowing you were excited and surprised that this girl failed just like the rest.

“Man I just think these girls are playing, I want a relationship like I dunno… maybe something that lasts more than just a conversation?” Ellie groaned as she closed her book playfully aggressive, turning to look at you while you finished brushing your hair and doing a little and simple ponytail. You laughed, Ellie just arguing about her hopeless relationships was cute, avoiding the fact you were the main reason why they didn’t worked but let’s skip that.

“Okay well y’know what? Let’s avoid that question then.” You answered as you dropped your head over Ellie’s shoulder, fidgeting and playing with her hand, admiring her tattoo. “Well, what about you? You barely talk about your boyfriends?” questioned Ellie as she gently moved your head, trying to make a firm and excited eye contact, waiting for your love drama. You haven’t told Ellie that you weren’t exactly ‘straight’ since obviously the only girl you were desperate to date was her, you just tried to find dates to fill the void with stupid and clueless guys who didn’t wanted anything but sex.

“Well uhm.. I don’t think I’m seeing Troy anymore, he asked me for nudes the third week of going out, and I don’t know feels weird.” You shrugged as you took your glasses off and began to clean them. “Oh shit uh damn… guys suck” Ellie answered as she tried to find a proper answer, she was horrible at comforting you but always tried to give her best effort at it.

“Well hey, you deserve so much better than that. I bet a lot of guys would want to treat you good and buy you flowers.” Ellie tried to comfort you as she placed her hand on your knee, softly rubbing it with her thumb as an act of love and comfort. You quickly felt embarrassed, needing to stay firm and regain control of yourself. “Y-yeah thanks els.” You relied as you checked your phone, it was two in the morning.

“Hey els, I think I should just go home” you pointed out as you softly put your things on your bag, it was too late and you weren’t having it. “Wait but it’s too late, why can’t you stay over?” Ellie suggested as she rapidly stood up and took her crocs off, turning some blue led lights on and turning the main lights off, throwing you some pillows and getting on her bed again. This was Ellie’s way of begging you to stay over, which cmon, it was Ellie. How could you decline her requests? You sighed, knowing it would be worse for you to stay calm but it was too late, Ellie was right. “Okay fine, only because it’s just too late and I don’t feel like driving” you groaned playfully as you got under Ellie’s dinosaur fluffy blanket.

- -

it was approximately four in the morning. That’s what you can at least remember, you couldn’t sleep, not at all. Ellie was knocked out, sleeping on your neck as if she hasn’t slept for decades. Her body wrapped around yours, she loved cuddling you at night. You were flushed and sweaty, couldn’t keep your eyes off Ellie at all. Her heavy breathing close to your neck, her body around yours, her arms on your waist, this was making you an absolute mess. You couldn’t breathe properly, your rhythm was not synced right, you could swear everyone on the apartment floor could hear your heartbeats of how loud and fast you felt them. On a good hand, this was good, but knowing how bad you are over Ellie? This wasn’t so enjoyable. Worse thing about sleeping with Ellie was that she is a horrible sleeper, she moves and constantly. her hands felt as if she was wandering around your body, this made you feel as guilty as possible. Before both of you said your good nights, you took off your shirt since you assumed this would happen, and you hated being sweaty. But now? You were regretting it, feeling every inch of Ellie’s hands around you felt as if every gasp of air you took was thicker.

“Fuck, els… move the fuck away from me.” You whispered as you tried to take her hands away from your waist, but every time you moved her away, she would just grab you again and tighter. You could’ve just sworn this was just some silly prank and she was wide awake of how strong her grip was on your body. The guilty feeling of being so needy over this but knowing it was wrong repeated over your head. After minutes of silence and stress you decided to shift sides to the complete opposite direction of Ellie’s face, it was tough to move but you successfully did it. Regardless of your hard effort of trying to get Ellie away from you, Ellie’s cold hands gripped on your waist tighter, pulling you closer to her. You tried your best to bite your lower lip as hard as possible, needing to hold onto a whimper that was so close to escaping your lips. Ellie was basically spooning you now, and you felt as bad as before. Just imagining of the possible scenarios, but quickly coming into realization of how wrong you were for every thing of this. Ellie’s hands roaming around your waist as if you were some body pillow had you sweating like you ran a marathon and did 60 miles in less than an hour. Guilty of this thoughts and emotions, you forcefully pushed away Ellie’s hands away, needing to get a little air on your body and controlling your breaths. You knew this was wrong, but fuck it, you weren’t doing anything but Ellie being a horrible and heavy sleeper. You stood up from her bed, and slipped down your pants. You were just on some sports bra and boxers you stole from Ellie earlier. Sighing at the exhaustion and stress, you assumed it’ll be better to sleep on Ellie’s couch. So you did, you walked over to the living room, gently opening the door with a pillow and a blanket and you threw yourself on the couch.

“Wake up what the fuck are you doing on my couch???” Ellie yelled as she threw some pillows on your face, it was 8 am already. You felt as if it was seconds ago you tried sleeping and failed.

“Shit it’s your fault for being a bad sleeper I had to leave your room” you groaned as you hid your face under her dinosaur blanket, which didn’t help so much since Ellie quickly grabbed the blanket aggressively and tried to throw you off on her floor. “Listen, I know I’m a bad sleeper but don’t steal my dinosaur blanket.”

After a long session of playful arguments with Ellie you left her apartment. Still having the crazy flashbacks of last night that didn’t let you sleep at all. You decided to drive over to Dina’s place because aside Ellie being your best friend, she was your crush. And who could you talk about your crushes if your best friend IS the crush? Dina.

“Girl are you fucking with me right now? You didn’t woke her up and let her make you a mess.. you’re….full of stuff yeah” Dina chuckled as she took a sip of her wine, looking at you concerned knowing how many years you’ve been trying to avoid talking to Ellie about your feelings or anything, actually. “Dina, I swear I couldn’t talk she had her hands all over me how was I supposed to remain caaaalmmmm” you sighed as you scratched your cheeks stressfully. Dina shook her head, she hated seeing you like this. “Have you fucked someone before? Like actually, I think you might need some sex in your life. You definitely need a break from Ellie.” she suggested as she handed over a party flyer.

“Jesse is throwing another party tonight, you should come well dressed and hook up with someone, I doubt Ellie is coming today since cat might be there but it’s a great opportunity for you.” Dina added as she stood up and walked to the kitchen to wash her cup. “Are you sure? I feel guilty, I haven’t been able to go on dates knowing Ellie is the only one on my mind.” You confessed as you stood up and followed the girl, feeling like you’d go crazy. “Well, that’s a you problem girl, you need to find someone else to fill the void or else you’ll go crazy, go for Abby, I heard she likes you.” Dina responded as she opened her door and walked away with you to her balcony.

“Abby likes me? As in the actual Abby?” You widened your eyes in shock, how could Abby be into you knowing there’s tons of hotter girls who tried hitting her. “I guess I could I dunno.. try” you added as you kept thinking. “That’s the spirit! I’ll see you at Jesse’s house tonight then.” Dina smiled as she playfully punched your shoulder, she needed to find a way to cheer you up and remove Ellie from your head.

- -

Pink or pastel blue? You couldn’t decide. What am I even supposed to wear for this party if I wasn’t gonna impress Ellie Williams, but instead Abby, what is Abby even into? You felt weird, but maybe if you dressed as yourself you’d get something. You had your head fuzzed off by the guilt of knowing you’d finally do your shot with someone else after a while. That’s when your phone vibrated and you heard a notification; it was Ellie.

“Hey, r u up? What r u doing.” 11:08 pm.

You didn’t know what to tell her, going on a party without actually telling her or inviting her felt horrible. What if she caught you and Abby talking? What if she thinks you’re dating Abby and she liked you? What if Dina already invited her and she appears out of nowhere? No, you were overthinking. But lying felt horrible.

“I’m just trying on some clothes.” - 11:15 pm

“Ooo can I see? If not it’s ok loll” - 11:16 pm

Your face flushed, but you felt shitty. Showing your outfit to Ellie knowing it’s meant for Abby destroyed your thoughts completely. You didn’t wanted to hurt Ellie, but fuck this honestly, you knew Ellie wouldn’t just like you back, right? You’re her best friend but it still hurt.

“Nty, I don’t look so good anyways I don’t wanna show you my ugly side.” - 11:20 pm

“Lmao you’re never ugly but ok :))” - 11:22 pm

You wanted to scream. Little messages like this would’ve just made you go crazy over Ellie fucking Williams. But you couldn’t show her you were desperate on texting her either, so leaving her on read was more acceptable for you.

After minutes of deciding your last choice was a pastel pink crop top with some light jeans and some Adidas. You heard Abby wasn’t a Nike fan so maybe Adidas would do the trick, avoiding the fact your Nikes were all creasy and some of them weren’t so clean. You meet up with Dina and Jesse at the party and they greeted you as you walked in.

“Finally you’re here, I assumed you didn’t felt like coming.” Dina chuckled as she hugged you and offered a drink. “I just didn’t know what to wear, am I too overdressed?” You asked as you accepted Dina’s drink, walking over to the kitchen with her. “No you’re just perfect, make sure to have fun today and don’t think about you know who.” Dina added as she smiled and winked, she pointed out that Abby usually likes to smoke on the balcony or talk with people on the second floor rooms. But you had other plans, you’d just let things flow and you decided to walk away and explore your way out of things.

Maybe a little initiative won’t hurt, right? You decided to look for Abby on some rooms, accidentally opening ‘occupied’ rooms but needing to find her and distract your head. That’s until you opened a room and all the stored smoke left to your face as you slowly walked in and saw Abby sitting on a bed.

“Hi.” You awkward said as you closed the door and walked infront of Abby. “Uh hey, what’s up?” She asked in concern, you didn’t know what to talk about.

“I… uh can I stay here with you? If you don’t mind of course.” You awkwardly said as you sat on the bed beside Abby, giving her a soft smile. “Oh of course go ahead” Abby replied as she returned a smile and offered you her joint. “No thanks I don’t smoke” you chuckled as she widened her eyes in confusion.

“But aren’t you Ellie’s friend? I thought you smoked with her” Abby questioned as she looked at you with concern, and a little bit of something else. “No.. no, I mean yes Ellie smokes but I’m not really into it, I prefer drinking even tho she loves to offer me.” You chuckled awkwardly. Your whole point of being with Abby was to avoid thinking and talking about Ellie, which it made you feel uncomfortable. “Oh I see, well how have you been? Why did you wanted to see me?” Abby asked with a soft smile on her face while she studies your expressions and the way you talk.

“I just wanted to talk to you that’s all.” You replied in a soft tone as you trying to avoid eye contact. “Listen, if it’s about what people have said, it’s true. I do like you and I know we haven’t actually had any proper conversations like this but don’t feel pressured into talking to me.” Abby quickly confessed as she looked over to you and grabbed your face softly, forcing eye contact. “I… I don’t know, I just thought we could talk and.. well—” You were starting to stutter and overstimulate. You never liked Abby and you couldn’t find anything to respond or comfort her, the guilt was starting to reach your core and it wasn’t good.

“Hey hey that’s okay calm down oka..—” Abby tried to talk to you as she softly placed a hand on your knee, which disclaimer, Ellie loved doing that to show you comfort. You couldn’t take it any longer. You stood up and left the room, tears forming on your eyes as you left with no response. You gently rubbed your watery eyes, not fully paying attention to where you were walking as you went downstairs to get a drink. How the fuck could you be so normal talking to Ellie knowing you loved her? You hated pretending you were just fine. Maybe it was the drink Dina offered you making you this sensitive, or maybe the night was not yours. Too many thoughts forming on your head you didn’t noticed you bumped over someone.

“Hey, you okay? What’s wrong?” That voice, those words just felt recognizable. It was Ellie. “Wait..— are you crying?” She added as she tried to take your hands away from your face gently to look at you more clearly. You couldn’t help it but to tear up and hug her. “Love, did someone made you cry?” Her words were so reassuring but how could you tell her she was the reason you were crying? When you got a glimpse of the place and your eyes weren’t that watery as Ellie rubbed your back and hugged you, you noticed Dina looking at you with concern, and a little disappointed. She only wanted you to focus on you, but there you were; all over Ellie Williams once again.

Ellie didn’t enjoy seeing you cry, instead she took both of you out of that party and drove you to her apartment. Once she got to her apartment she walked you to her room and made you completely comfortable. She threw her dinosaur blanket ontop of you, kissed your forehead and brought you some ice cream she had on her fridge and sat down beside you. Honestly, you loved Ellie even if sometimes she was a little loser, but you couldn’t deny she treated you amazing just for being her best friend.

“Why were you talking with Abby.” You heard Ellie asking you in soft murmurs as she crossed her arms and looked over you from her side of the bed, a little bit more serious now than some seconds ago. “What… what do you mean?” You asked confused, just how did she found out?

“Abby texted me some minutes ago you left a room crying after you guys talked ” the word ‘talked’ was mocked into sarcastic air quotes as Ellie turned her phone off to directly look at you. “Just what were you talking with the famous Abby Anderson” She raised an eyebrow as she watched you with a firm tone. “If I’m being honest, I don’t know, Dina told me to go to that party and I had no one to talk to so maybe talking to her was the trick.” You halfway lied, it was true in a point but the other was just to distract your mind from Ellie.

“And you thought talking to Abby, which almost the entire town knows she has a crush on you, was the best way out. Right?” She groaned as she stood up and did her ponytail while rolling her eyes. You were confused, why was she making a big deal out of you only talking with Abby Anderson? Yeah she was popular but it wasn’t a big deal, not for you at least. “Wait are you fighting me for talking with her?” You asked, deeply concerned about the vibe Ellie was having.

“I’m not fighting you, I just I don’t like the way she randomly fucking texts me at one in the morning to mention me both of you talked on a room knowing I hate her.” She confessed, she looked so disgusted by the thought of you and Abby speaking, aside the fact she assumed it was something else you just didn’t understand.

“Wait. You’re assuming I fucked Abby and left crying?” You quickly understood, Ellie was jealous.

“You’re jealous” you confronted, as you widened your eyes on concern. “What? No im not, im not jealous of anything.” Ellie murmured as she dropped her hands and looked down at you with an annoyed expression. “You are jealous, why would you be so angry about me talking with Abby Anderson, yes I know you hate her, but I was just talking to her like any other human being just like you do too?” You mentioned, both of you knew that you hated people too, yet Ellie continues to speak with them normally, so what was the difference here?

“You’re just jealous.” You added as you looked at Ellie, trying to hold your laugh back.

“Okay so? What if I am? What now?” Ellie confessed as she rolled her eyes, annoyed at your lack of curiosity. “well… maaaaaybe THIS—” you yelled as you pushed her on the side of the bed, as you quickly got ontop of her and straddled her from above.

Ellie, fully off guard now tried to get off before reaching out and using her fingers to tickle you. She forcefully pushed you beside her as she rapidly climbed on top of you, now both of you start tickling and tugging each others arms and legs. Though, Ellie’s leg found a way between yours and every time you moved, your cunt brushed with the roughness of her jeans and the thinness of the shorts you were currently on.

Every time her leg brushes against your clit you whimper but try your best to cover it up with a giggle or poking her extra hard, but there was this one time that her leg brushed your now soaked cunt and you moaned her name uncontrollably loud.

“E-els.. fuuuck..—!” You moaned out. Ellie immediately stopped in her tracks. She looked at you with wide eyes.

"w-what did you say?" Ellie questions, fully confused and shocked by the sudden noise which came out of your mouth.

“Fuck.. your leg your- please take it off” You shut your eyes completely off as you tried to push her leg away softly, as she quickly noticed. “Oh shit- I’m so sorry fuck” Her face immediately flushed, embarrassed by not noticing this earlier. She got off of you and decided to go right to her closet and chance. And probably avoid you for some minutes.

You felt like your soul would rip out of you right there. You were so embarrassed and so soaked by her touch it was unbelievable. But before you know it, Ellie came back into some short basketball pants and a large T-shirt, with her face extremely flushed, standing over your side of the bed;

“I’m sorry about uh that, but if you feel uncomfortable I can sleep on the couch tonight-” she quickly spoke, trying to break the awkward silence between you too. You knew staying was gonna make you horribly guilty, maybe leaving was the best option.

“Nono it’s fine, I think I’ll go home. Talk to you some other time, els?” You responded, softly standing up and getting your things, you could notice her face looked like if she felt the same way too. God why was it so embarrasing? Was it your dramatic and loud moaning or the fact you liked her that had you this way, and even worse what was Ellie thinking? Your head felt dizzy of how much you kept overthinking. Years of hiding your feelings towards Ellie felt like they were thrown and drained by this simple mistake.

- -

You were at your apartment. Overthinking the situation over and over, your mind was all fuzzy and you felt so bad about yourself. Was your friendship with Ellie gone now? Would she see you differently? God would she tell anyone about that? So many thoughts and questions running through every inch of your body you didn’t know what to do. No notifications from her, no calls, nothing. It was 2 in the morning and you couldn’t sleep at all. Maybe if you got Ellie a present or some chocolates and apologize it’ll all work out?

So that’s what you did. You drove over to an open 24 hour gas station, and look over something that might cheer Ellie up. That’s when you found a CD on the movie section. It was Game of Thrones. You’ve never seen the film but you do remember Ellie yapping about wanting to see it but not being able to afford HBO Max. This and some chocolates will do.

You were at Ellie’s apartment door. Afraid of entering, knocking or even the thought of opening it. You took a big breath and let it out as a huge sigh, grabbing the doorknob to gently open it. You and Ellie had the trust of just opening your doors without hesitation so, you did.

“Els, I got you a present, and I miss you so uh yea..” you spoke as you tried searching for Ellie everywhere. No response from her though, she wasn’t on her usual spot on the living room, neither on the couch or bathroom. That’s when you walked softly through the hallway and heard rough grunting and moaning coming from Ellie’s room. You quickly stopped. Was she with someone this quickly? Who was she fucking? Just the thought of Ellie’s hands roaming around someone’s body made your heart ache. Being jealous wasn’t the right thing now, but leaving didn’t felt either.

Her door wasn’t even fully closed, was it a sign to come in? The curiosity killed you inside. you’ll get so killed for this, but you need to know. And so, you slowly walked to her door, just a peek of the girls she’s fucking will do. Shit. You couldn’t see a thing, if you opened her door hard enough they’ll notice. So you tried to gently and softly move the door a little, just to take a quick peek at Ellie and whoever was at her room. That’s when you heard Ellie grunt your name and your eyes widened.

“Fuck.. jus’ like that.” Ellie grunted as you noticed she wasn’t fucking anyone but herself. Her hands tightly wrapped around a sex toy as she used her strap to fuck it aggressively. Your face immediately became red. You’ve never heard Ellie nor seen her act like this. You couldn’t move, neither did you felt like leaving, why was watching her fuck herself felt so good? you’ve always thought of Ellie as caring, a loser girlfriend who’d take you to Walmart since she has no idea what your favorite mall is or sing you a lullaby before you’d sleep.

Ellie kept grinding on, moaning and breathing heavily as she kept groaning at the toy, repeatedly saying your name; she was fucking herself to the thought of you. You felt so needy, you could swear you could feel your urging cunt’s pulse. Soaked by the view, needing to be the one below Ellie right now, not that toy. Without taking your eyes off Ellie, you lowered your free hand, teasing your cunt though your pants. Staring firmly at Ellie, resisting to blink and miss any detail. You pressed your clit harshly, biting your lip to avoid moaning or leaving any noises to expose you.

Desperately, you unbuttoned your jeans, slipping your hand below your panties as you felt just how fucking soaked you were by staring at Ellie fuck herself. You sighed at the feeling, softly rubbing and playing with your clit, trying your best to follow Ellie’s movements. Feeling the need for more, you slipped two fingers inside of you, uncontrollably moaning at the feeling of your walls tightening, immediately shutting your eyes.

Ellie quickly stopped, she could’ve sworn she heard a moan. She looked over at the half opened door, noticing how you touched yourself just by looking at her, she parted her lips, staying agape at the view of you. She covered her toy and rapidly unbuckling her strap, throwing it on the other side of the bed as she came over to you. Shocked by it, you took your hand off of your pants and walked in with the CD.

“I… I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come over, but I uh got you this.” You handed her the cd as you couldn’t help but to share at her soaked boxers.

“How long have you…. Um y’know been staring there?” Ellie asked as she looked at you, speaking with a lower tone than the usual. You were too horny for this, you quickly pushed Ellie to her bed, getting on top of her. “S-shit hey what are you—” Ellie groaned as you interrupted her with a kiss. You knew this friendship was gonna lead to something or nothing, might as well risk it now, right? The kiss was very deepened by now, your lips felt numb to the point you didn’t even know how to think clearly. Your body was on fire and Ellie’s hands were exploring every inch of you. You couldn’t control yourself, just not anymore. Loudly moaning and whimpering was all you could do.

“F-fuck please lower your voice joel is gonna kill me for this.” Ellie groaned as she shut your mouth with her free hand, the other exploring through your pants as she pressed her thumb on your clit.

You groaned, your clit was so sensitive and so puffy by nothing, you needed her inside of you as quick as possible. Gently, you took Ellie’s hand out of your mouth as you lowered it to your breasts. “Els.. please I need you to fuck me s’bad..” you moaned as you looked at her hand on your pants, teasing you with a smirk on her face.

“Yeah baby, need me to fuck your little hole so bad?” Ellie mocked as she chuckled at how vulnerable you were; she loved this view. “Take this off.” She groaned, as she kissed you, unable to let you do any noise nor speak, needing you to obey. And so you did, you were now half naked with only your underwear and bra on. Ellie bit her lip as she stared at every inch of your body.

“Fuck… you look so gorgeous baby.” Ellie groaned lowly, not taking her eyes off of you. She quickly grabbed her strap that was beside her from earlier, buckling it under her boxers as she grabbed your thighs and separated them and got in between both to arrange herself right into your needy cunt. “You don’t know how much I’ve been wanting this.” She sighed as she gently caressed your soaked cunt through your panties, rubbing softly your clit as she then grabbed your panties and slid them to the side, wanting to have a better view of you before fucking you. “So wet for me baby, already?” She smirked, licking her fingers as she rubbed your clit in gentle circles, looking how you took her so good, whimpering and jolting at the bare minimum. You couldn’t bare this feeling, you shut your eyes fast, needing to savor this moment you’ve been waiting for. That’s when you felt Ellie’s strap slowly getting inside of your tight walls, so long and thick, making your cunt feel so full of her. “F-fuuuuuckkk….!” You moaned as your eyes widened in shock, just looking how good your pussy was with her fucking you slowly, getting you to enjoy every little movement she’d do to you before going rough.

And Ellie enjoyed this, the need to tease you before dumb fucking you, seeing you so weak and needy for her strap it was incredible. “Wait wait please els go faster s’good…” you whimpered, these slow motion was making feel your cunt’s pulse, a strange feeling but felt so good. And before you knew it, Ellie pushed her strap more inside of you, now doing faster and rougher movements to hurry your ecstasy. “Fuck fuck fuck els els—” you immediately rolled your eyes back, grabbing the bed sheets as hard as you could. You could feel your walls tightening around Ellie’s strap, close to coming down from your high. The strap kept jumping on and twitching on Ellie’s clit, enjoying the view and the feeling, you could listen to her huffs and groaning, just felt so right. “You’re close aren’t you my love?” Ellie smiled, adoring the way you looked on her strap, how close you were into relieving the stress and desperation of being actually noticed by Ellie. Not as your best friend, but as something else. And you could’ve sworn, that even if Ellie didn’t liked you back, you would prefer of being her fuck doll than just keeping your feelings hidden for much longer. “Fuck fuck fuck…..—!!” You moaned loudly, releasing your ecstasy and coming from your fuzzy high, cumming into Ellie’s strap as she pushed deeper, making sure her entire cunt felt your wet slick. “Yessss fuuuuck, jus’ like that, good girl.” She sighed as she softly rubbed your puffy clit. Softly pulling her strap away, you couldn’t help but to move your hips involuntarily to follow her strap. Feeling so empty and so needier.

“Els..” you couldn’t help but to sob. “What is it baby?” Ellie asked as she wiped your tears off, laying beside you as she gently grabbed your waist to pull you on her chest, cuddling you up to make you feel better. “Did you not like it?” She added as she kissed your cheek.

“I like you, I’ve liked you for so long els I… I wanna be with you, I want you to love me.” You whispered on her ear, too weak to yell, cry or to even do the minimum effort into confessing when you felt your heart beating so hard you felt you’d die right there.

“It’s okay, I like you too. But let’s talk about this later, you need to rest. WE need to rest.” She assured you, as she caressed your cheeks, placing your head on her chest as she gently rubbed your back, using her free hand to get her dinosaur blanket and cover both of you up.

[stranger-awakening]

since it's back: obligatory post to encourage each and every one of you to boop me with reckless abandon

[sl-ut]

even more streamer!ellie hcs

part one | part two

ellie is not at all embarrassed to admit that a large portion of her own fame was largely due to her connection to y/n

like ofc she was already fairly popular on twitch but its not like the average person who didn't watch streams would recognize her

she ends up making a new priv instagram bc she gains like 50k new followers in a month

she only has like maybe 100 followers on the new one and basically just posts random photo dumps, family photos, and especially the literal cutest and/or horrendous photos of her gf

posts a LOT on her ig stories on both accounts

her main pfp is deffffff some screenshot that she took of their happy little sim family or like their little minecraft guys standing side by side lol

ik i said before that she loves playing like the sims w her gf on stream, but she also LOVES playing roblox together

starting drama in dress to impress, causing havoc in bloxburg, making friends and enemies galore in tdi

her avatar is definitely so dumb like its probably the hamster or squirrel or like the most basic ass starter avatar with a shirt that has her gfs face on it

and her username is def like "y/nstan420" or something

when she's streaming alone she's more focused and serious (but still her silly little self) but when she's with others, esppppp if her gf is on with her, she defffff gives weston koury vibes like im actually giggling at this so hard

they both make tiktoks of each other

y/n once did the "watch my gf for me" trend and she came back to find ellie holding the phone and ranting about something so random like she was probably explaining her favourite theory about how the dinosaurs went extinct or something about planets and space idek

ellie doesn't really follow trends as often, instead just posting videos of her scaring her gf or pranking her or maybe even like mukbangs or something

loves to post fit checks before they go out to do literally anything

also likes to lipsync to dirty audios

the video always ends as she's about to get smacked upside the head

idk if i ever actually gave much backstory???? but here we go anyways lol

i think we've established that y/n is an up-and-coming actress

they met through a friend of dina's, who was a costume designer on the set of y/n's first big film

dina visited her friend on set on the last day of filming and she ended up getting an invite to the cast/crew party that night

jesse was tooooo busy to hang out with his bombshell gf ig???? so ellie got to go with her

she already knew who y/n was since she was starting to gain popularity and was immediately adopted by lesbian twitter

she was so nervous when she clocked her on the other side of the room

spent the whole night shuffling around the room to gain the courage to go talk to her

also spent all of that time trying to come off like the coolest chillest most confident masc ever like she wasn't constantly wiping the sweat from her palms lmaoooo

she finally was forced to lay on the moves when y/n came over to join in on the convo with her castmates

ellie made her laugh and vice versa

she shocked herself when she offered to grab another drink from the kitchen "for the pretty lady"

she immediately considered throwing herself off of the impossibly high deck

was even more shocked when the girl only laughed and hopped up to join her, fingers curling into her bicep

she totally wasn't flexing the whole time

dina was wandering around looking for her, way too drunk to be there much later considering that it was almost 2 am and had to work a ten hour shift tmr :(((

she didn't have much luck bc she never thought to check the upstairs guest bathroom

ellie constantly be fighting them uhaul lesbian rumours

but she actually was ready to upheave her entire life to follow y/n around the world

reposts any and all posts of her gf on her story

adds little hearts and stars and little taglines that earn her a scolding

like that one time she wore a tight-fitting corset on the red carpet that had the girls lifted to the heavens

she captioned it "i <3 my gf('s boobs)"

fights with haters in her gf's comment section

wears her gf's merch

omg the way she SCRUMPT when she saw the paparazzi pic of her girl wearing ellie's merch out on a random thursday

they hadn't even made it official yet

flirts with her gf in random comment sections lol

like y/n comments on dina's selfie and ellie is instantly replying to her

"u come here often?"

they have def been caught in compromising positions soooo many times

like by their friends, cast and crew members on set, y/n's manager, even the paps

ellie felt so boss when tmz posted a pic of her pressing her gf against the wall outside of the club they'd gone to on ellie's bday

els had her tongue down her gfs throat and both of her hands jammed up the front of her top, very clearly grasping and squeezing her breasts

they got a stern talking to from y/n's pr team but ellie actually didn't care

she def has phantom dick disorder in literally all aspects of her life

lets not forget that this version of ellie does not have experience in fighting and has not lived through an apocalypse so she's contextually less tough than normal ellie

but that doesn't stop her from mouthing off to assholes three times her size

don't get me wrong, she can hold her own and still works out on occasion, but she fr looks like a chihuahua barking at pitbulls when she gets yapping

speaking of, stoned!ellie absolutely loves when her gf be yapping

i love the dynamic of ellie doing a chat stream w her gf where ellie's got her in her lap, leaning back with droopy eyes and a dopey smile, still giving her gf all of her attention while her gf ends up being more of a "alert and yappy" stoned and is rambling about strangely philosophical topics and answering questions in chat

ellie is just sitting there just giggling and when her gf turns to her she just goes "ur so smart baby" and "u look so pretty rn"

omg omg omg i luv this pairing im never gonna stop writing them like

bonus: this is the vibe of the ck campaign i mentioned in the last part

[ynscrazylife]

Hi Jess! I have a request similar to the paternal BAU fics you’ve done about if they were your parents, but can I please request a ‘Spencer as your big brother’ type list - idk what the sitch would be that he would end up being your guardian for but it probably made him extra protective and brotherly and yeah I would love that a lot thanks Jess!!!

spencer being your big brother (spencer reid x little sibling!reader)

i couldn’t really think of how to fit in spencer being your guardian so i’m sorry it’s not in here!

In the BAU’s eyes, Spencer is a total nerd. He’s a kid. The youngest of the group. To you, however, he’s your hero. You adore him and you look up to him for guidance on just about everything. Yes, sometimes his never-ending spewing of facts can be a bit annoying, but mostly you appreciate his wisdom and how much he seems to know about everything. It’s useful whenever you have a problem or some issue and you don’t know what to do.

The team is still shocked when one day, you waltz right into their headquarters and go right up to your big brother. Usually the most attentive one, Spencer drops everything in the moment to make sure you’re alright.

“Who is this kid??” — Derek, probably.

Spencer proudly introduces you as his little sibling, the light of his life, as well as the most important person in his life.

JJ and Garcia absolutely adore you. The rest are soon to follow, with Hotch and Derek in particular also taking a liking to you (especially Derek since Spencer’s already like his younger brother).

Even though he enjoys having you hang out with the team, Spencer otherwise prefers to keep you away from his work. He doesn’t often divulge the details of anything really that he does.

Of course, the BAU gets you to tell them stories about Spencer and show you old photos, which you’re more than happy to do.

Spencer is not happy when he finds out and that’s when the BAU sees his stern side. He very much adopts a stern parent persona, his hands on his hips, a disappointing frown, the whole thing. He has an authoritative voice that the BAU’s never heard before that immediately gets you into line.

“Why have you never talked like that on missions?” — Hotch

Even when he does have to get firm, he never stays angry with you. It’s impossible for him. He never wants to upset you, either.

If you ever have an issue, Spencer’s the one to go to. He’s a great listener and he will ask if you’re looking to rant or if you’re looking for advice/a solution.

He will protect you from anything and everything. When it comes to you, he forgets all about his fears.

Even if he is away for work, he makes sure you know that you can always call him. He will always pick up your phone call, no matter the time or day. He hates when he’s stuck in meetings or is away from his phone, because he always wants to be around in case you need him.

If you ever decide to be in a relationship with someone, Spencer’s your number #1 supporter. He will, however, go to Derek to ask for advice on how to be intimidating. He will scare your partner and make sure that they know you’re not to be messed with or left heartbroken.

And if you end up heartbroken, Spencer’s there with boxes of chocolate and his shoulder to cry on (if you don’t stop crying, he’ll call Garcia or Penelope in a panic).

Spencer’s a great tutor!! If you ever need any help in that area, he is patient and thorough. It’s very important to him that you understand the process and he is very in tune to however you learn best. There are no dumb questions.

You’ll often receive random texts from Spencer if he ever needs to rant about something that he’s interested in.

You are the first person he goes to whenever he wants to announce something! He wants you to hear any good news he has first.

Spencer may be your big brother, but he’s also your best friend. He’ll listen to any gossip you wanna share, he’ll go on Target runs with you, he’s up for pretty much anything.

But that means that you also have to be willing to go to the bookstore with him. That man can spend hours going through the shelves.

He’s a very fun and kind brother. He takes his role very seriously.

[moonastroellie]

i looovvee the song daddy issues by the neighborhood (definitely does not say anything abt me) do you think you could make headcannons inspired by the song?

where reader has never been taken care of but ellie come along and like heals her ig? 😏

Hell yeah

warnings: 18+, these are going to get dark, mentions of childhood trauma, abusive parents, panic attacks, mentions of murder, trans! Ellie.

- Ellie met you in her shared dorm with you and Dina, after you had a panic attack crying on the ground after you accidentally broke Dina's favourite cup.

"hey, hey, are you okay?" Ellie kneels down next to you, and caresses your hair gently as you sob and rant on about how you broke Dina's favourite cup, "it's okay- I promise, she doesn't care"

"are you sure?" sobs continue to leave your mouth as Ellie sits next to you leaning against the wall "I promise"

- Ellie who asked you about what you were thinking about, while you were both studying together.

"what are you thinking about, hon?" she questions, you shrug, trying to brush it off, "if I told you what I was thinking about you'd think I was insane" Ellie laughs "you couldn't say a single thing to me that would make me think you're insane"

"I killed someone" you joke and a choked out "what" leaves Ellie's lips "I'm fucking joking!" you say as soon as you realise she didn't think you were joking.

"I think I like you" and just like that, you and Ellie began dating—not only this, but this is when all your past trauma started taking effect on your relationship.

- Ellie who comforted you whenever you thought you did something wrong. she knew there was something deeper that you weren't telling her but never pushed you to say anything if you weren't ready-

- Ellie who sat and listened to you whenever you needed to rant, and in fact. it was the first time you ever opened up to Ellie.

"this is how my story begins and I don't ever wanna tell the story again" you cry as tears drip down your face "it's okay, you can cry- I'm here for you" you immediately find comfort in Ellie's lap.

"and my dad? fuck he was crazy, he was never present- he cheated on mom so many fucking times and i- he used to yell at me for leaving a light on, that's fucking insane am I right?" ranting on and on, Ellie didn't once turn her attention to something else. it was on you and only you.

- Ellie who pushed you out of your comfort zone to make more friends and learn that not all people are bad, she knew you had social anxiety due to growing up with your parents who never taught you how to communicate properly.

"I'd do whatever I can do to protect you, you know that right?" Ellie says as she places her hand on your thigh, as she drives to Jesse's place. you smile and nod, leaning on her shoulder as she drives.

- Ellie who watched you have a panic attack over eating the last brownie, that was in fact her brownie. "I don't care, it's not the end of the world babe, it's just a brownie" she chuckles, this doesn't calm you down once—ellie realises this and hugs you tight "it's okay"

"my dad left money in mom's hands but I always felt bad for eating the last food because maybe Mom doesn't have enough money and i-" Ellie pats your head in a comforting way, suddenly you realise there wasn't any reason to react to that.

- Ellie who was so happy to see you finally come out of your shell and actually enjoy life the way people should—she pushed you to finally get therapy, which helped a lot. she noticed you going out a lot more, not crying over every small inconvenience.

- Ellie who cuddled you so much that you actually wanted to push her off you sometimes "Ellie, I'm boiling" she grumbles, and you chuckle at her half asleep body, pulling a hair strain behind her ear as she snuggles into you more.

- Ellie who teared up when you told her that she saved your life, "are you crying?"

"what? me, ew get away!" she sniffles and hugs you, telling you how much she loves you.

[dilucsfavorite]

I know this is such a regurgitated take, but MCD had so much wasted potential.

The idea that one group of friends will die, meet each other in a different life time, die again, and they cycle repeats is such a beautiful trope.

I love reincarnation tropes, I think they can be beautiful and a can symbolize loyalty and closeness to one another, while also simultaneously having angst and one sided love tropes.

I believe Jess and others could have made it a beautiful piece of media, but they squandered it because of poor writing. The amount of plot holes, storylines, and characters arcs she was trying to write, that a lot of it just fell flat.

They did try fixing it with my street and whatnot, but without MCD being complete, it feels like something is lacking within the characters. The fact that MCD never finished means we didn’t get to see the full storyline and how these characters developed around each other that could have possibly shown itself into the future.

Though, tbf she also messed up the future by making them so wildly out of character. I understand you have to update their way of speaking because they are in modern times and not medieval, but some of them were completely changed.

Anyways rant over IG. I was just thinking about what MCD and future could have been if it had been properly planned and written out and actually finished. Toodles

[cottoncandytomu]

Y’all can fight me on this but Modern!Ellie isn’t a player, she’s the gamer nerd who plays D&D, trolls online and is definitely a perv. 

18+ Content Below! MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT!! (Age in bio or pinned pls!!)

Tomu Notes~

NEW NERDY! PERVY! ELLIE X F!READER!!

Thought I'd do a little gremlin perv Ellie headcannon. !!Definitely some perv themes (ofc) mentions of sex and masturbation. Slight cursing, very minor references to depression/sadness!!

I'm close to (just about hehe) 50 followers y'all so THANK YOU OMFKDKJ. I've been enjoying writing for these two divine women and I'm thankful that you beauties are taking the time to read what I write. It means a lot hehe~ okay I'm done with the sappy shit, enjoy~

She absolutely has zero play when it comes to you. Always turning into a stuttering mess, then goes on to rant about her mistakes in her journal she keeps. Which is ALL about you, of course. 

You got yourself a fan, Ellie gives faaaaan behavior~ she stalks your socials and even follows you to class or around town. 

She grew up being your neighbor so she had unlimited access to seeing into your room across from hers, which is one of her favorite past times. Her hands would maybe kind of most certainly slip past her shorts while she watched you get undressed. Could you blame her though? You’re so irresistible. 

She basically creamed herself when you gave her a kiss on the cheek, as a thank you for helping you out on one of your assignments. 

Dina and Jesse made fun of her for weeks for it. 

She couldn’t help it, she’s had a crush on you ever since you were both little. The two of you were best playmates until you grew up and drifted apart. Belonging to very different social circles. You being the pretty popular socialite and her being the nerdy unseen introvert. 

You both grew apart, but you never treated her differently. Something Ellie was extremely grateful for, your friends would make fun of you for it. You didn’t care though, you two grew up together and you weren’t gonna let something as silly as a social status ruin that. 

It’s just unfortunate that when college rolled around you had to get with the most arrogant son of a bitch to ever walk the face of the earth (As Ellie tells her friends). 

Abby Anderson 

Ellie never liked Abby, never thought she was good enough for you. Yeah she may be captain of the hockey team, insanely attractive with a beautifully sculpted body and is extremely talented at just about anything she did but she was a piece of shit. 

Ellie had to endure the torture of Abby for years now. Abby knew how Ellie felt about you, Ellie thought she was good at hiding it, apparently not. 

Abby took a wicked enjoyment in making sure to shove your relationship down Ellie’s throat. Upping the PDA when she was around or showing up to your house where she’d make sure you’re obnoxiously loud in your bedroom, the window being wide open of course. Ellie never liked Abby and Abby never liked Ellie, finding her to be weird and gross. It definitely had nothing to do with their fathers being rivals.

But as much as Abby tortured Ellie it didn’t stop her from finding any means to be around you, watch you or think about you late at night. 

You never knew Ellie’s true feelings for you, seeing her as your childhood best friend was the farthest your relationship would ever come to be. 

It pained Ellie that that was all she was destined to be. 

She would be forever obsessed with the thought of you, dangling on a string and you’d be living your best life. Completely oblivious of what’s going on behind the scenes. 

So Ellie will just continue to click through your socials, saving each photo to her computer. Journal and draw you in her private time, keep an eye on you from afar. Watch as you enjoyed your life while she was stuck in her sorrow and daydreams of you. Stuffing her hand down her pants at the thought of you, alone and frustrated that you’re not there with her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hope you enjoyed it!! Don't think I'm gonna write any fics based off of this,, unless y'all want more!

Thank you for reading and as always I welcome any feedback!! Have a beautiful day/night loves!!

=^.^=~