#just a demon working on his trauma

[justtellher]

give me peace (in a lifetime of war) 5/15

Chapter 5: there's something lonesome about you (I slithered here from Eden)

“Start with one thing and go from there.” she suggests gently, hands outstretched as she comes to stand next to him. “What's one thing you want?” Want. Someone, what doesn’t he want? Sometimes at his core Crowley believes he’s nothing more than a mess of wanting, from the easy to demonically justify–fast cars, wine, a bit of mischief–to the much more nebulous and unlikely. What does he want? He wants answers to his questions. He wants Aziraphale to be safe and happy and free. He wants to wake up in the morning and feel at ease again, a feeling he hasn’t felt in so long he’s not sure he’s ever known it. It’s the type of feeling that allows you to breathe deeply, that settles in your soul and lets you know that no matter what you belong, that you have a… “A home.” The words bubble softly over from the spiral of his thoughts and slip past his lips before he can stop them.

read on ao3 | ff.net

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

[suranastair]

Kestrel "Kes" de Riva 🐦‍⬛

🟣 Age || 31 🟣 Lineage || Human 🟣 Pronouns || He/Him ~ Transgender 🟣 Identity || Gay 🟣 Class || Mage 🟣 Specialization(s) || Spellblade 🟣 Faction || The Antivan Crows 🟣 Romance || Lucanis 🟣 Besties || Neve & Emmrich 🟣 Frenemies || Davrin

[swagging-back-to]

god the amount of hoops one of my coworkers jumps through for this violent autistic male is insaneeeee

[lunarflare64]

Us being very normal about LMK: what if MK was a system? *makes a system for him comprised of canon versions of him - including factives, ships two of them for funsies, plots out the whole mental breakdown MK has from his syscovery and the additional headmate he splits because of it*

[fangdokja]

How do you escape a yandere harem? Asking for a very distressed friend (me).

♡ Book. Whispers in the Dark (WITD): Subtle Devotion, Lingering Shadows.

♡ Word Count. 958

You fucking hate romance.

Not in a casual, indifferent way. No, your hatred for romance is the kind that borders on seething disgust. The kind that makes you want to puke when two characters start making heart eyes at each other. The kind that makes you physically cringe when someone dares utter the words ‘soulmate’ or ‘true love’ in your general direction. Romance is a shit genre. A putrid, festering landfill of emotional drivel. You’d rather watch a slow-burn psychological horror where the protagonist’s sanity unravels, or a thriller where the final girl barely survives a slasher massacre, than sit through a single damn love confession.

So naturally, because fate fucking hates you, you get isekai’d into an otome game.

Not just any otome game. A reverse harem, noble court intrigue, “will you find true love?” kind of otome game. You wake up inside the body of some unfortunate, aristocratic protagonist, and your first instinct is to smash your head against the nearest marble pillar in the desperate hope that blunt force trauma will eject you from this nightmare. It doesn’t work.

Worse, you are surrounded by them.

♡ Yandere! Crown Prince who is everything you loathe—tall, broad-shouldered, charismatic. A born leader, they say. His bloodline has ruled for centuries. A tyrant in the making. His voice is deep, his smile a calculated weapon. A future emperor whose touch alone makes noblewomen swoon and fall at his feet like wilting flowers. He looks at you like you’re already his consort. You look at him like you’re about to stab him in the eye.

“Dearest,” he says, rolling the word across his tongue with insufferable arrogance, “what an honor it must be for you, to be chosen by the future ruler of this land.”

You stare at him. “I’d rather be executed for treason.”

His smile doesn’t waver. It only deepens. “How rebellious.”

You realize, with mounting horror, that he finds this amusing. Worse, attractive.

♡ Yandere! Archduke is the kind of man who has never once heard the word ‘no’ and taken it seriously. A bastard-born noble who climbed his way into power with sheer audacity and an overwhelming lack of self-preservation. The type to talk you in circles until you don’t even remember what you were arguing about in the first place. He’s always smirking, always one step ahead, and always so damn annoying.

“You wound me, darling,” he drawls, lounging against the silk cushions of your carriage like he owns it (because he does own it; he bought it specifically for your ‘dates’). “I’m a man of reason. I can be persuaded to let you go.”

You narrow your eyes. “Really?”

His smirk widens. “Of course. All you have to do is admit that you want me.”

Your expression darkens like storm clouds rolling in before a disaster. You exhale slowly. “I hope you contract the plague.”

He laughs. The bastard laughs. “Oh, sweetheart. That sharp tongue of yours only makes me want you more.”

You contemplate drowning yourself in the nearest fountain.

♡ Yandere! Supreme Mage doesn’t need to chase you. You’re already trapped. A cold-blooded intellectual, a prodigy whose intelligence surpasses entire generations of scholars. He is the advisor to the throne, the master of arcane arts, the genius whose apathy is only rivaled by his obsession. And for some unholy reason, he has chosen to dedicate that obsession to you.

“There is no logic in your resistance,” he states, his sharp calculated eyes watching your every move like a scientist dissecting a particularly fascinating specimen. “The probability of you escaping me is exactly zero.”

You glare at him from inside the magic barrier he’s sealed you in. “Fuck you.”

His lips twitch. “Inevitable.”

You scream internally.

♡ Yandere! Demon King is the worst of them all. The nightmare incarnate. The shadow that stretches across the battlefield, that turns the bravest warriors into weeping corpses. Seemingly peaceful, but whatever shred of righteousness he once had is buried beneath millennia of bloodshed. He watches you with an intensity that makes your skin crawl. You feel like prey. You are prey.

“I do not comprehend your reluctance,” he murmurs, tilting his head as though studying a curious, fragile thing. His fingers brush your cheek, and you physically recoil, like his touch might dissolve you from the inside out.

He does not retract his hand.

“You are mine,” he says simply.

“No, I am not,” you snap back, the venom in your voice laced with pure, unfiltered rage.

A pause. He exhales softly. Then he smiles.

“Ah,” he whispers. “A challenge.”

Your entire body locks up with dread. You suddenly understand, with absolute clarity, that you are fucked.

────────────

Your days are spent avoiding unwanted confessions, sidestepping ambushes disguised as ‘chance encounters,’ and resisting the overwhelming urge to commit arson. Your nights are spent planning elaborate escape routes that never come to fruition because one of the four nightmares always finds you first.

You try everything.

Poisoning the Crown Prince’s wine? He drinks it, licks his lips, and says, “Sweet. Did you make this yourself?”

Framing the Archduke for treason? He fakes his own death and then shows up in your chambers that same night, grinning like a lunatic. “Miss me?”

Teleporting away from the Supreme Mage? He rewinds time. You wake up in the same bed, with his arms around your waist.

Selling your soul to escape the Demon King? He is the one who answers.

You are doomed.

And worst of all?

It’s still a romance game.

You watch, helpless, as the ‘Affection Points’ rise every time you breathe in their general direction.

You don’t want a ‘Happy Ending.’

You want a cease and desist order.

And yet, the game continues.

Your suffering is eternal.

♡ A/N. Basically me before I got married. lol. Yes. I hated anything romance both fiction and reality. So I like this concept haha. Also, I'm seriously debating on making this an actual novella. Maybe. I still have to finish my requests, but maybe.

If you want to be added or removed from the tag list, just comment on the MASTERLIST of Whispers in the Dark (WITD): Subtle Devotion, Lingering Shadows. Thank you.

General TAG LIST of “Whispers In The Dark”: @keisocool , @elvabeth , @elloredef , @mjsjshhd , @lem-hhn , @yuki-istired

❤︎ Fang Dokja's Books.

♡ For Reader-Inserts. I only write Male Yandere x Female (Fem.) Reader (heterosexual couple). No LGBTQ+:

♡ Book 1. A Heart Devoured (AHD): A Dark Yandere Anthology

♡ Book 2. Forbidden Fruits (FF): Intimate Obsessions, Unhinged Desires.

♡ Book 3. World Ablaze (WA) : For You, I'd Burn the World.

♡ Book 4 [you are here]. Whispers in the Dark (WITD): Subtle Devotion, Lingering Shadows.

♡ Book 5. Ink & Insight (I&I): From Dead Dove to Daydreams.

♡ Library MASTERPOST 1. The Librarian’s Ledger: A Map to The Library of Forbidden Texts.

♡ Notice #1. Not all stories are included in the masterpost due to Tumblr’s link limitations. However, most long-form stories can be found here. If you're searching for a specific yandere or theme, this guide will help you navigate The Library of Forbidden Texts. Proceed with caution

♡ Book 6. The Red Ledger (TRL): Stained in Lust, Written in Blood.

♡ Notice #2. This masterlist is strictly for non-con smut and serves as an exercise in refining erotic horror writing. Comments that reduce my work to mere sexual gratification, thirst, or casual simping will not be tolerated. If your response is primarily thirst-driven, keep it to yourself—repeated violations may result in blocking. Read the RULES before engaging. The tag list is reserved for followers I trust to respect my boundaries; being included is a privilege, not a right. You may request to be added, but I will decide based on trust and adherence to my guidelines. I also reserve the right to remove anyone at any time if their engagement becomes inappropriate.

[absolutepokemontrash]

I’m just imagining MC trying to curb the brothers’ more dangerous sinful urges, both for their own good and the good of the people around them, but it doesn’t always work out, and MC needs to settle for small victories.

Mammon: Gah! Human! It’s in my DNA! I’m hardwired to want things! I’m the demon of greed dammit! I want to steal!

MC: No! No theft!

Mammon: Not even one bit of grand larceny? ONE jewellery store???

MC: NO!

Mammon: MC-

MC: OH FOR THE LOVE OF- go rob that fucking vending machine to get the urges out! Shoo! Shoo!

Mammon: *grumbles on the way to shake the shit out of a vending machine*

——————

MC: So this is called Chess Boxing, you can stimulate your brain in between giving it blunt force trauma, and inflicting it on your opponent!

Satan: I don’t know, MC… I’m not sure if I’ll like i-

*elapsed time: 3 minutes*

Satan, covered in blood, both his own, and otherwise: WOOOOO! CHECKMATE, YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER!

Random wrath demon, on the floor: *shaky thumbs up*

—————

MC: This is called competetive eating, Beel.

Beelzebub: So I need to eat all of these humans eating those tacos before the timer runs out. I don’t know, MC, that sounds easy.

MC: Beel- no- you’re eating the tacos. It’s a competition to see who can eat more food, not people.

Beelzebub: Ohhhhh, that sounds much better! :3

————

MC: So instead of being such a dick-

Lucifer: You love it.

MC: Shut up. Anyway, instead of being such a dick, you can channel your pride into other things, like putting your brothers’ report cards up on the fridge!

Lucifer: MC, I would do that if they got anything worth being proud of.

MC: Maybe you can be proud of yourself for investing in a fucking tutor then, Ms Trunchbull.

————

MC: Belphie- Belphie wake up, we need to find something more sustainable to channel your sloth into.

Belphie: *snore*

MC: …you are a drain on my mental energy.

*MC is immediately swatted by Belphie’s tail*

————

MC: Hey Asmo, you know those incredibly detailed dirty roleplay stories you text me on a regular basis?

Asmo: How could I forget~?

MC: Yeah yeah yeah, so do you want to stop traumatizing me with those and go write a dark romance novel that’ll make some booktok girlie scream over?

Asmo: Oooooo… tempting~!

————

MC: Hey Levi, why don’t we envy something attainable so you have something to work towards? Like showering more!

Leviathan: What..? What’s this all about??

MC: I’m just trying to help you grow beyond constantly feeling envy to everyone around you, because you’re pretty great, Levi!

MC: And you can start showing the world you’re great by showering more!

Leviathan: MC, I don’t know…

MC: Watch, you can envy how much I don’t stink! Levi, please, you smell like moldy Monster Energy…

[momxian]

AU where Shen Yuan gets transmigrated as an Original Character into the Demon Realm a few years before Bingge gets there. But even though he's not SQQ, he LOOKS like a near exact copy. So he figures that if he wants to survive he needs to make himself useful. First things first, he needs to know what the hell is going on, so he starts working with lower level demons setting himself up as someone necessary, and relatively important so he can figure out when in the plot they are. It's pretty easy, there's not much in the way of organization down here and despite everything he's not that bad an actor. It helps that SQJ's face is beautiful in every setting and he will quickly create a reputation of the stubborn beauty amongst the demon realm. It's around this time he starts wearing a veil to mask his resemblance to SQJ, but really it just adds to the mysterious allure aspect.

He utilizes his plot knowledge to get things ready for Binghe's arrival, tidying up the palace, setting up good staff, getting rid of some of the smaller villains that kidnap Ning Yingying and Liu Mingyan etc later. Actually a lot of smaller villains who kidnap, harass or belittle Bingge's harem. It's like every time he's running an errand he meets another piece of cannon fodder that will inevitably lead Bingge to another papapa scene. It's fine, by the time he's done with them (thank god this body doesn't have the same limitations as his old one) they follow him around with big demon puppy eyes and scramble to do chores and tasks for him.

By the time the Endless Abyss moment is set to happen, SY has thorough knowledge of the abyss and all of the special items tucked away in various locations across it. You can't be mad and murder someone who helped you through the torture torment evil maze of plot relevant trauma, right?

He finds Bingge post fall and does his best to act callous and only vaguely helpful, leading Bingge in the right direction and away from the biggest threats. His goal is to be a helpful and forgettable NPC. Someone who, if he runs into him again, Bingge will have mercy for and be left alone. Despite his resemblance to SQJ. But what he doesn't take into account is A) in no version of this story is he capable of being that hands off and B) Bingge was just shown kindness for the first time in years by a mysterious and elusive beauty with brilliant eyes and an obvious intelligence.

Since this is Bingge and not Binghe, he doesn't immediately fall for SY, and is in fact wildly paranoid, terrified and angry about things in general. But every time something seems to go wrong in the abyss, instead of taking the hits and becoming the stallion protagonist, SY shows up to give him a magic item, or rushes in to protect him from fatal blows and on two separate occasions thoughtlessly petted Bingge's hair when he was injured, which rattled Bingge so bad that he almost died again fighting the next monster.

Shen Yuan is gone often enough that he still makes his way to the Demon Palace, collects Xin Mo and builds his harem, though it's smaller than it was originally. Mostly because SY had taken out the smaller villains and then because SY had interfered with Bingge's quests so often.

Obviously Shen Yuan has a soft spot for Bingge now but doesn't admit it. But he's satisfied he can slip away now without too much consequence, except no he can't. Bingge asks for him, to collect something for him. To ask him something about another demon. To just stare at him for a half hour with a vein about to pop in his forehead as he tried to see through the veil before huffing and sending him away again.

Since Bingge is obviously not going to let him slip away, and SY isn't sure if Bingge is going to kill him or not he desperately makes himself useful again. He takes care of Bingge's harem. That's a lot of housing and food and clothes to take care of! The girls fight often! He'll just slip into the mix and keep the peace until Bingge forgets about him. And in the meantime sometimes he tends to Bingge and he and Bingge have dinner together. And isn't it so cute how the stallion protagonist can blush when he compliments the dish? And once or twice he combs out Bingge's hair. And sometimes Bingge rubs the scowl from between Shen Yuan's brows and lets his finger outline his jaw over the silk of his veil when SY is tending to tedious business.

Yeah, I'm sure one of these days Bingge will let you slip away SY.

Anyway Bingge is just relieved that Shen Yuan has accepted that he's part of the harem now.

[sharky-teeth]

anyone looking for more wincest fic recs?? nobody?? okay here you go anyway. i have a bunch of fics i couldn't fit into the other list, so i needed to make a brand new one with more variety this time around. i organized it by wordcount to make things easier, however i rarely read long fics, so these are mostly pretty short. once again this list got way out of hand...

(for mature or explicit rating, you can assume it's [sometimes implied] bottom sam, or it isn't discussed. for bottom dean or versatile samdean, i made a small separate section of my favorites.)

1k~5k

Remember the Mountain Bed by nigeltde (G, 1k): post canon. sam and dean jr. one of the only fics that have ever made me cry and with only a thousand words! this one is so very dear to my heart, heartbreaking in its details, yet warm and soothing at the same time. just gorgeous.

Are You by lovetincture (G, 1k): one of my favorite gen fics. i adore second person POV and this is a great example of how it can maximize impact.

I Was the Dirty Little Boy (E, 1k): a quick weecest sparring session turning into spanking... you know. the good stuff.

Stealth Run by LaughableLament (E, 1k): late seasons + established relationship + possessive dean + slutty sam. i love this author a lot.

State of Mind by lovetincture (M, 2k): the summary goes "It's legal in the state of Ohio." yes it is as good as suggested. the tension in this fic mwahh

The Euphoria Emporium by Laughable_Lament (E, 2k): sam and dean visit a sex shop and dean gets jealous. quick and nasty.

Be Mine by De_Nugis (T, 2k): first part of a short series. for people who love silly, goofy samdean. this is no plot, pure crack. the kind that actually makes you laugh out loud.

Dating for Dummies by sevenfists (M, 3k): there's not enough first time aftermath fics. this has ruined me because it is the exact level of lighthearted i love, where the brothers continue being brothers first and foremost, even after boning.

We Are Drinking Beer at Noon on Tuesday by whirlpoolsleep (M, 3k): neat outsider POV. always love seeing the brothers through normal people's eyes.

With Mercy for the Greedy by whiskyandoldspice (E, 3k): unmatched weecest pwp. the amount of hits/kudos doesn't always mean quality but for this one it absolutely does. this is pretty much flawless in my eyes.

August 5th, 2001 by coricomile (M, 4k): established weecest! this was cute and tender with the right amount of angst surrounding sam's imminent departure. bittersweet ending.

Run It All Over by runawaydr3amer (E, 4k): first part of a series. the classic "brotherly handjobs" scenario, but it immediately stood out to me. really on point voices and hot atmosphere.

Dean's palm would be rougher by FrancesHouseman (M, 4k): hand kink! i think we can all relate to sam here. this has a scene that's hotter than many pwps i've read lol

Know when to walk away and know when to run by deirdre_c (E, 4k): brothers playing strip poker goes too far... set in s3. great sexual tension and a super satisfying first time.

At Least It's Only One Song by ADeedWithoutaName (E, 4k): dean-gifting-sam-a-lap-dance fic. another outsider POV with an instantly likable OC. she can tell there's something off about those guys...

sticks and stones and weed and bones by aeroport_art (M, 5k): sam seeing a therapist at stanford. really great character study and winchester family dynamics. the conclusion to this story is just... crazy. so well done.

Shadows on the Sun by Linden (M, 5k): soft weecest first kiss! the thing i liked most in this story is how protective they both are. nice brotherly feelings.

wretched creation (M, 5k): one of my favorite reads of last year! criminally underrated work with less than a thousand hits. angsty feels and an unsettling atmosphere. dean facing a demon who knows more about his feelings toward his little brother than he'd like.

Forty-One by themegalosaurus (E, 5k): angsty unnegotiated kinky sex with lots of hell trauma. the kind of porn that's so nuanced and well written it doesn't get me horny (that's a compliment!)

Monumentally Stupid by strive2bhappy (5k): dean helps sam shave and it was hotter than i could ever imagine. great banter, tension, and emotional weight.

Double Solitaire by objectlesson (M, 5k): post mystery spot. amazing character study through a very creative concept. this is one of the authors who really knew how to write dysfunctional wincest.

6k~10k

this bullet inside me by missroserose (E, 6k): who's up for angsty first time in a long time? if you enjoy hathfrozen (i'm sure you do), this will definitely hit a similar spot.

Belonging by strive2bhappy (6k): wifey sam. i repeat Wifey Sam!!!

Lucky Streak by merle_p (M, 6k): thirsty pining done so right. incest that gives you butterflies in the stomach, believe it or not.

You Can't Lose What You Never Had by nigeltde (E, 6k): nigeltde is an incredible writer. from beginning to end this fic is insane. angsty, desperate, emotional, shameful, this takes you on a rollercoaster of emotions. top notch characterization.

How it Works by Dyed_Red (M, 6k): this is probably in my top ten fics of all time, peak codependent, obsessive, dysfunctional samdean. this particular fic really nails their dynamic and the most delicious, fucked up aspects of it.

Taking to Give by Dyed_Red (M, 7k): lovely character study. this one is a bit softer than most Dyed_Red works, it offers an emotional view of sam and dean growing up. heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time.

Wire Inside Me by merle_p (E, 7k): the sam-is-carrying-lucifer's-baby fic. this story is great for how it deals with the pregnancy pushing dean over the edge. the first time tension here is excellent!

Dean is badass. Sam has always known it. by FrancesHouseman (E, 7k): very interesting dynamic with sam and dean playing mind games to see who gives in first. i like this cocky sam a lot.

Hush Little Baby by hellhoundsprey (E, 7k): CNC weecest. sam and dean go to a haunted house and get up to some nasty freaky shit. it's even better than you can imagine. fyi there's dean in a clown costume.

they said it was the fall of man by jukeboxhound (M, 7k): set in s6, the aftermath of sam getting his soul back through dean's POV. pure angst and overwhelming emotions, beautifully written, it hurt so good.

Man of Steel by glovered (T, 8k): THE lighthearted incest fic for me. along the lines of paxlux's 'Artery', at least to me. this borders on crack, a hilarious, feel-good story that always makes me smile when i think about it.

Disney Princess Hair by Dyed_Red (T, 8k): gencest/weirdcest in its best shape. sam as sleeping beauty! and obviously dean being very very very weird about handling the curse. i loved how this touched on the obsessive aspects of their relationship while keeping the tone light.

Architecture of Choice by Dyed_Red (E, 9k): yes another Dyed_Red work bc they're my favorite author. this one has one of my fave tropes (fuck or die) and it deals with sam's lack of bodily autonomy in a visceral way.

Pull over by jjtaylor (E, 9k): for my piss play enjoyers! this has lots of great tension and it goes way beyond kinky sex.

This Is All Very Meta by road_rhythm (E, 10k): loss of virginity roleplay fic. except it's sooo much more than that. i thought this would be fun and lighthearted, couldn't have been more wrong. the emotional depth delivered here caught me by surprise, but it shouldn't have, given the author. flawless characterization as usual.

God will forgive me but by sammyatstanford (E, 10k): weecest with lots of pining!sam and angsty yearning. brothers who need each other in sick, twisted ways. there was also a great amount of actual brotherly feelings, which is always a plus in my book.

>10k

Acid by Goshen (E, 12k): to this day one of the most insane things ever written. this fic is a classic, it's a surreal experience, a fever dream. dissecting the brotherfuckers, no stone left unturned.

Baby Blue by Edwardina (E, 13k): sam gets hit with a curse that makes him need to suck on a pacifier 24/7. it turned out to be way less sexual than i expected, this is for caretaker!dean lovers.

Learn to say the same thing by glovered (T, 14k): great case fic. sam and dean go to a single's retreat in the mountains for a case and eventually have to confront their incestuous feelings. every glovered fic just fills me with joy.

Supersize Me, Sammy by awabubbles (E, 16k): sadly one of the only size queen sam fics ever written, but it is absolutely perfect so i made my peace with that.

Only Natural (Be My Hands) (E, 17k): sam manages to break both his wrists so dean steps up to take care of his needs. and i mean all of his needs.

Relapse by ani_coolgirl (M, 21k): lebanon AU. i adore this fic, i'm in love with it, i think about it all the time and will think about it forever probably. everything here was done incredibly well, one of those fics that feel specifically made for me lol

Edges by glovered (M, 23k): amazing banter and lots of UST. set in stanford era but it's not really angsty. the tone was just perfect for me, this fic had me GIDDY.

Driving Down the Darkness by Nutkin (M, 39k): one of my faves in terms of Brotherly Feels. extremely well written and thoughtful, super slow burn. outstanding early seasons getting together fic that everyone should read.

Like a Ghost with Two Voices by Dyed_Red (E, 46k): my favorite demon!dean fic. some of the wildest scenes i've ever read. pretty disturbing and incredibly delicious. if you're into fucked up consent stuff, this is a must read. it has a happy ending!

Burn the Witch by urchinesque (E, 80k): very solid case fic, set in s10, with sam and dean trying to work through their issues. slow sloww burn, witch!sam shenanigans, mild pining. really enjoyed their voices here.

bottom dean and versatile samdean recs:

Take Backs by saltandbyrne (E, 2k): swesson + switching. hands down one of the best PWPs i've ever read, which was to be expected from saltandbyrne. it really doesn't get filthier than this.

How to Wear Polka Dots by homo_pink (M, 6k): swesson. this one is so so weird. and so charming. interesting and refreshing writing style, i had so much fun reading this.

Here's Your Future by autoschediastic (E, 7k): weecest with teasing!dean for a change. loved the power dynamics here, and the intensity throughout the whole fic. desperate, guilty first time, badwrong at its finest.

Enduring Love by oschun (E, 7k): really enjoyed the relationship study here, insightful and well written.

there will be better days by deadlybride (E, 9k): my favorite heaven fic! so warm and peaceful and emotional, full of love and longing and happy reunited soulmates. just thinking about this story makes my heart ache in the best way. really really beautiful.

Yeah, I'm a Back Door Man (E, 22k): established relationship. dean's hell trauma. this was a rollercoaster, great character study, good mix of angst and schmoop as well. probably the best bottom dean i've read so far (along with a couple Goshen works)

Yesterday, minnesota by Goshen: (E, 29k): speaking of applecrumbledore... this fic truly rewired my brain. the queen of "fucking for years without talking about it until one of them snaps". brilliantly executed, one of my favorite deans ever.

yay it's finally over! still i wish i had more long fics to rec lmao do check tags carefully before reading! enjoy the wincest goodness!

[krys4h]

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ◞﹒୧ .

✧ ⁝  𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐞𝐥 𝐤𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐫 ◞ ྀི

— kaiser has a nightmare about his past and the urge to hurt himself, and you're here for him and help him soothe himself. slight angst, slight fluff, smut, vaginal sex, riding, tw : mutilation/cutting/self-harm, choking.

You were woken up by a punch in your back. Rubbing your eyes, getting used to the darkness of the room, you turned around to face your boyfriend Kaiser, who was all trembling and sweaty in his sleep. The poor man was shaking and mumbling incomprehensible things in his sleep as he struggled.

Another nightmare.

“Micha?” you whispered. Your voice was soft, careful, because when Kaiser had his nightmares, he always reacted violently, like the blow he had just given you. You moved closer to him and hugged him. His sweaty body pressed against you, and he struggled against you.

“It’s okay, everything is okay, love.”

Kaiser needed someone to absorb all the darkness of his mind, and you were there. The wounds of his past were still open, and they came to spoil his present with horrible nightmares of being beaten by his father. He claimed he didn't need anyone's help, but you, his girlfriend, knew better than anyone that he couldn't do it alone, and that he needed your love.

That’s why you hold him tight against you, whispering reassuring things in his ear. His struggling body quickly became calmer, your voice soothing him, and he let out a soft sigh as he let his head in the crook of your neck.

Kaiser’s eyes opened, and squinted in the darkness. He was instantly overwhelmed by your body against him, you breath in his hair. And that was what he needed to be brought back to reality and to be torn away from the monsters of his past. Panting in your neck, he inhaled deeply, reassured by your scent.

“’m sorry,” he whispered. His voice was low, vulnerable.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault.” You hold him tighter in your arms.

“What happened in your dream?” you stroked his back, his shirt wet with sweat. “Only if you want to talk about it, of course.”

He tensed in your arms, and closed his eyes.

“I just relived a scene with my father,” he began, his voice weak as he recalled the memory of the dream. “He was hitting me with his belt. You don’t wanna know more details of this.”

Your heart ached for this man who deserved only love and yet received everything but that. Your heart ached for the little boy he was, in need of love but beaten by the one who was supposed to protect him. Your heart ached for your boyfriend, a person worthy of love, who deserved all the happiness in the world but was invaded by demons at night.

You wished you could heal him from his pain. You wanted to absorb all his suffering and traumas, and finally let him live the happy life he deserved. And it pained you to know that nobody could save somebody that didn’t want to be saved. Kaiser will have to take responsibility to working on himself to free himself from his demons, and will have to learn to heal on his own. But if your love could soothe him just a little, you were willing to give him your whole heart to help him.

Just like all the other times Kaiser had his nightmares, he had the sudden urge to hurt himself. It was like an automatic reaction. His hand came to his throat and he was about to squeeze it before you shooed his hand away.

“Micha.”

“I need this,” his gruff, pained voice made you tense.

“I can’t watch you hurt yourself.”

“Don’t watch me, then.” he mumbled, his tone harsh.

He pushed you and you were hurt by his reject. He got up from the bed, and walked towards the bathroom. Your heart raced, knowing what he was going to do.

“Micha, wait…”

You followed him, but he closed the door and locked it. You knocked on the door, worried about him.

“Michael, please,” you knew he was probably mutilating himself on the other side of the door, and it pained you. Your eyes stung as you banged on the door.

You stood there banging on the wall and begging him to open the door for a good five minutes before he opened the door. He looked at you with shifty eyes as if he was ashamed of you seeing him like this. Your eyes lingered on his arms where there were deep cuts in thin lines. Your eyes watered, and an immense pain invaded your heart.

“Let me disinfect this, it's still bleeding,” you grabbed his arm and guided him into the bathroom.

You needed to be strong for him. If you were sad, nothing could compare to what he must be feeling. You disinfected his wounds, he didn't even flinch, used to you taking care of him every time he had his nightmares. His eyes lingered on your face, seeing you fighting tears.

Sometimes he wondered if he wasn't too much for you, and that you deserved someone better than him. Someone not fucked up in the head like him. Someone not broken like him. You told him every day that he wasn't a lost cause, that he wasn't broken and that he could still get through this, but Kaiser didn't see that. Kaiser had to wake up every morning and repeat affirmations to himself in order to live, if he didn't have soccer he would probably have committed suicide in prison.

He didn’t understand how someone so pure like you could still love him after seeing his dark side. He thought you would run away if he showed you the demons he had in his head. But no, you were still standing here, taking care of him. He thought he didn’t deserve that. He thought he didn’t deserve your love, your care. You were an angel in his hell, and even thought he was grateful to have met you, his heart ached every time he had to look into your teary eyes because of him.

“It’s not enough,” he whispered.

“What?”

“It’s not enough,” he looked at the ground, feeling ashamed to be so broken. “I need something more intense.”

“Micha…”

“You don’t understand,” he flinched, his head down. “I need this to keep me sane. I know it’s not healthy, but I need this.”

“How can I help you through this?” you knelt on the ground and put your head on his lap. “How can I help you stop this?”

He had an idea but he didn’t think you would love it. He raised his eyes to look at you, and his whole body relaxed when he saw the love in your eyes. You were so caring. So willing to help him.

“You promise to not cry?”

“I can’t promise you.”

────୨ৎ────

“I can’t do this,” you sobbed.

“Please, do it like you hated me. It feels so good when you press it like that.”

You were riding him, hands on his throat. His hands gripped your hips as he helped you move on top of him. His blonde hair were all over the pillows, and his eyes were feverish when he looked at you from where he was.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I thrive in pain, baby. You’re not hurting me, you’re helping me.”

He placed his hands on yours and put pressure on them, helping you choke him. You shook your head.

“Micha, it’s not healthy.”

“I’m not healthy, I’m broken. I thought you liked me for who I am?”

“Micha…”

“Let’s just say it’s my kink to be choked, okay? Forget all about my mutilation, and just help me, please.”

His tone was desperate, and he looked at you with pleading eyes. You sniffled, thinking quickly.

You didn’t want to hurt him, but you wanted to help him. And if helping him meant hurting him, you had to do it for him. It was better than mutilating himself.

“If I do this, you will feel better?”

He nodded.

“I love you,” you whispered and started to squeeze his throat with your hands. Your hands were trembling.

He closed his eyes, placed his hands on your hips. Your hips were rocking against him, and he let out a groan each time he bottomed out, his cock deep into your tight heat. Riding him, you had power over him, but your moves were slow.

“Why are you so shy?”

He made you move faster with his hands.

“Stop these lame ass moves, and ride me correctly. I asked you to fuck me like you hated me.”

He was so commanding and dominant. He slammed you down his cock with force, his hands gripping your hips.

“Squeeze harder,” he thrust into you with passion, “squeeze harder!”

You listened to him and did what he wanted even though you were anxious about hurting him. Your hands squeezed his throat and he slowly began to feel his breath catch in his chest, and it felt so fucking good. Sex and pain was his favorite combination.

Your bounced your ass up and down as you rode him with the pace he wanted you to, you were sweaty and panting. As you continued to choke him, his eyes rolled to the back of his head as if he was delighted, and you shivered at the thought.

Your man was completely crazy and you loved him for who he was. If needed this to be sane, you were willing to help him.

────୨ৎ────

His strokes were sloppy as he was lazily fucking you. On top of you, he was crashing you with his muscular body. Pressed against you, he was making love to you at a tender pace. It was so rare. Kaiser was rough and aggressive, never soft. But maybe after the intense sex you had, Kaiser needed something gentler.

“You’re so good to me,” he murmured in your ear, his voice low and soft. He buried his head in your neck, and showered your neck with kisses.

You closed your eyes, your heart racing. He wasn't used to being like this. You held him tight against you, your legs wrapped around his waist.

“You feel better?” you whispered, stroking his back.

“Yeah, thanks to you.”

He continued to trail hot, open-mouthed kisses on your neck, and you shivered.

“You know, I was thinking,” he stopped kissing you and his mouth hovered your skin, his breath brushing you. “I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re my soulmate.”

Your heart fluttered, and you smiled, holding him tighter.

“Why?”

His hips continued to move against yours, not slamming, but brushing your body in a gentle motion.

“You accept me completely for who I am without judging me. I feel like I can entrust you my soul.”

“This is really how you feel?”

“Yeah,” he raised his head and looked at you with tender eyes. “Every time I think I might be too much for you, you prove to me that you can handle all of me. You’re my match.”

“I’m happy to hear that,” your smile widened, your stomach warming up. “You’re everything to me. I want to be here for you in every steps of your healing.”

He straightened up to kneel on the bed, and continued to make love to you with slow thrusts. He pushed into you with an almost unbearable slowness, and pulled out even slower. He grabbed one of your calves around his hips to bring them to his mouth to press soft kisses on them.

“You’re my match,” he repeated as he pushed in and out of you, his eyes locked on you.

You closed your eyes, letting your lover make love you slowly. After the intense night you had, this is what you needed. This is the type of love Kaiser deserved. Slow sex in a dark room, with souls tied by feelings. Maybe love was what could heal him from his torments. You were willing to give him your heart to heal his wounds, to heal his trauma. As he said, you were his match. His partner. The one who will always be there for him even if he was feeling broken. The one who will love him unconditionally even on days when he didn't feel worthy of love.

You were his healer.

𓍯 𝐤𝐫𝐲𝐬

[hyperfixating-rn-brb]

The Good Omens Fandom has had a lot of fun recently with the knowledge of Aziraphale and Crowley holding hands on the bus at the end of season 1.

Soo here's everything that went through my head as I learned of it for the first time.

For that entire scene, Aziraphale is really far gone. He's dissociating so hard he can't even realize he's been sitting on a sword. Crowley is probably the only thing keeping him grounded.

They just narrowly stopped Armageddon after a showdown with literally Satan, and still can't let their guard down. For the first time ever, they're completely on their own side. Now they have to orchestrate a body swap to save both of them. They wouldn't just be killed, they'd be completely destroyed. Everything must go exactly according to plan, but how often does that actually happen?

And on top of that, his bookshop, his home, his safe place with the demon he has to pretend not to love is burned and gone.

Crowley is so incredibly gentle and reassuring this entire scene. He's been through so much trauma himself and has spent a lot of his existence shielding the angel from it, hoping to protect some of his innocence and naivete. Crowley is absolutely familiar with every symptom of PTSD and anxiety.

Now he has to see his sweet angel see such a small bit of the horrors of heaven and hell and start to crumble inside. He's going to do his dam best to try and help Aziraphale through it. Speaking softly, ("the bookshop burned down... remember?) slowly and carefully, gradually helping to pull the angel back to reality, reminding him that he's there and will help ground him.

They get on the bus, and sit next to each other. 11 years ago, they sat nearby but separated while Crowley begs Aziraphale to help him prevent the Apocalypse. Now they are sitting together. Both an act of reassurance and unity.

Crowley sits first, Aziraphale could so easily just sit across from him, behind or in front. But he chooses to sit right next to him. And hold his hand. Aziraphale desperately needs to be near to the *former* demon he loves, to hold him, to make sure they won't be separated.

In the book, their famous lines of "none of this would have worked out if you weren't, deep down, just a bit of a good person" and "just enough of a b*stard to be worth liking" came as Satan rose from the earth, as a goodbye in case they were destroyed.

Luckily, that didn't happen and they survived. Armaggedon was stopped. But the angel is still so anxious of losing Crowley. So he chooses to reach out, to anchor himself and reassure himself that Crowley is still there beside him and that they are okay, at least for a few minutes.

And Crowley let him. He knows how badly Aziraphale needs him, he needs the angel just as much. He knows how badly he craved an anchor and support system as he was first abused and traumatized by his Fall, then further by Hell. So he's going to continue being there for Aziraphale, doing everything he can to make his angel feel safe and comfortable.

Over the next few years, Aziraphale would become so much more comfortable reaching out and touching Crowley. Leaning into him, resting a hand on his shoulder or briefly touching his chest. Somehow both reassuring himself that the former demon was still there, and reminding Crowley that he's still there for him at the same time.

Then Crowley becomes more comfortable with the touch, leaning into the angel by himself. No longer flinching at a sudden graze of a hand or reassuring squeeze.

That one moment of the two holding hands on the bus cemented so much of their relationship. "The last few years, not really..." all started on that bus the moment Aziraphale chose to sit down next to Crowley.

edited: at first this said "new knowledge" because I just found out about this all the other day, and wrote this up at 3 AM, and didn't really fact check when this knowledge became well known. I've only really been a GO fan since maybe 2021, and only really started being active in the fandom during the last few months, so a lot of info that is fairly well known is still generally new to me. soo yeah this was edited :)

source for anyone asking for it!

[othercrossee]

So crazy to know Azazel only did what they did to appease their human and it ended with those appeasement backfiring and now they've fallen from the angel of humans grace to the demon of human sacrifices

[the-crooked-library]

Nuance, Narratives, and Nosferatu

As of today, Robert Eggers' Nosferatu (2024) has only been in theatres for 4 full days; and, coincidentally, that is about as long as I am able to let my thoughts marinate before they demand to be communicated. Before going into any further detail, let it be known that this film was made by freaks for freaks; it exists for the goths, the gays, the monsterfuckers, the historians, and for all those who delight in moral and thematic complexity.

With that being said - spoilers under the cut!

There are two principal narratives running through the flesh of Nosferatu, both of them rooted heavily in the cultural and literary origins of the story. It is a nightmare; it is also an erotic fantasy. It is horrifying, and it is also achingly romantic. From what I've seen so far, the vast majority of discourse that has already emerged around the film is caused by people misunderstanding or deliberately ignoring the relationship between these different lines of analysis; so please trust me when I say, from the bottom of my heart, that this duality is the very lifeblood of the movie.

The reason for that is, quite simply, that Nosferatu is a gothic horror film, set in 1830s German Confederation; and its plot relies on the same (sometimes contradictory) complexities often displayed in Victorian gothic fiction.

From the beginning of the movie, we are given to understand that Ellen Hutter met Count Orlok - the eponymous nosferatu - psychically, when she was very young. They spoke, she pledged herself to him, and was horrified to realize what she had done when he revealed his true visage to her in their first visual (and sexual) encounter.

Here, under the lilacs, the paths diverge.

The first reading of the film is perhaps the more straightforward. A young girl is essentially catfished and groomed by a much older, dangerous man. When they meet for the first time, she is a teenager; the lilacs that bloom where it happens become a trigger. He is the source of her madness and "melancholy" (depression), she has nightmares about him regularly enough that her husband is aware of them, and it is implied that she has been institutionalized in the past. Thomas Hutter is the physical representation of her one desperate hope for a normal life - but as the story progresses, she finds herself being denied even that. Orlok's psychic connection with her verges on demonic possession; in chilling, The Exorcist-inspired sequences, she writhes and mutters, prophesying a city-wide reign of death and terror. In pursuit of his claim on Ellen, Orlok terrorizes her husband, murders her friends - and, eventually, she gives her life to take him with her to the grave, saving the city from the plague he caused.

That is the horror element of Nosferatu; it deals with an exploration of childhood trauma, of PTSD, of difficulties maintaining a social life after the fact. It is easy to understand even from a modern viewpoint, and it pushes the film to its conclusion with a bleak, heart-wrenching punch.

The horror is not the only element of Nosferatu.

To contextualize the alternate - though just as correct - reading of the film, it is essential to understand that Ellen’s society was extremely sexually repressed, especially in regards to female and queer sexuality.

Both were severely medicalized, demonized, and restricted; and as such, when these topics do make an appearance in contemporary fiction, they are often inextricable from disgust and fear.

Dedicated as always to historical accuracy, Eggers maintains the same setting-based narrative coding.

In anticipation of morality arguments vis à vis monstrosity, depiction, and modern purity culture, let me clarify: this is something that works within his chosen genre. Horror, and especially gothic horror, invites a deeper analysis in regard to morality and motivation, and in this case, Eggers' homage to the origins of that genre grounds the narrative in its time and location, as well as fleshing it out much further than a purely modern cultural lens would permit. In this context, the details of Ellen's connection with Orlok become paramount to the understanding of the film.

As bits and pieces of their background become revealed, the audience realizes that her psychic gift did not begin with him - and neither did her melancholy, or her isolation. She was born with her abilities, and throughout her childhood, she was a bit of a tomboy by her contemporary standards, running wild in the woods near her father's property; however, once she foretold her mother's death, and once she was too old to get away with eccentricities, her father became frightened of her abnormality. She was isolated, confined indoors, and that is when her melancholy had begun. Painfully lonely and aching for some form of companionship, she called out into the ether; and Orlok responded.

Over the course of their story, he becomes the physical manifestation of everything Ellen perceives as dark and sinful about herself.

He is psychic, he is vicious, possessive, and blatantly sexual; her sensual affection with Anna parallels the evident and physical attraction he displays towards Thomas; and the social power he so easily commands is the same that she lacks, being a woman in a rigidly patriarchal society.

In the end, the severely questionable age gap, the murders, the coercion, the betrayal - all of that comes down to respect. Throughout the film, that is the one thing that Ellen is consistently denied. She is young when she meets Orlok, yes; but she is aggressively infantilized by her surrounding society even when she is a grown, adult, married woman.

It starts from the beginning of the film, when the Hutters visit the Harding family. During those scenes, the men are shown talking business - while the women play with children in the parlour; and the same social framing persists into the body of the film. When Ellen is suffering from what appears to be some form of mental illness, she is referred to as a child by multiple different characters; and when the condition progresses, she is swiftly diagnosed with hysteria and drugged - thus being forcibly removed from the discussion of her own illness. The general reactions to that illness - which is, in fact, a display of her psychic abilities - range from annoyance to fear to curiosity; it is seen either as a disability or a curse, rather than anything entirely innate to who she is. Her fears are dismissed. Harding tells her to learn some deference. Even closer to the finale, when Von Franz admits that she could have been a great priestess in another age, he does so with pity rather than anything else; in their industrial era, he cannot help but see her only as a tragic sacrifice - horrible, but necessary to save the city from a plague. Brought in to heal her, he instead guides her to her death.

All these aspects of Ellen's circumstances find a direct opposite in her relationship with Orlok. Unlike all other characters in the film, he only ever sees her as his equal, which is made even more evident when his interactions with Thomas and Herr Knock are brought into consideration. With both men, Orlok insists on being addressed by his lordly title, "as his blood demands it"; and yet, Ellen never calls him by any title at all, be it "My Lord" or even a simple "Herr." She argues with him freely, and there is a familiarity between them that he is demonstrated to never tolerate from anyone else. Similarly, while he disguises the covenant he makes with Thomas, the terms of his covenant with Ellen are laid out clearly, in full. He does not hide from her; she already knows the worst of him, the same way he knows that she is intelligent, that she is powerful, and that she is not meant to be demure and deferring. Again and again, Orlok insists that Ellen is not meant for humanity - and the true horror, the horror she cannot bring herself to face, is that he is right.

In a sense, he is a mirror held up in front of her own face. Ellen is painfully aware that she does not fit in, and that she never has. The "normal" society, epitomized by the Hardings (wealthy husband, pretty blonde wife, 2.5 kids), has no place for her - and actively dislikes her.

The film makes this ostracism impossible for the viewer to ignore. As the story progresses, it becomes evident that the other human characters - even those that do sincerely care for Ellen - never truly know her. Anna loves her, but wishes she would not talk of dreadful things - and lashes out as a result of that discomfort, scolding her. Sievers finds himself bewildered by her; Knock sees her as an object to trade; Von Franz pities her, Harding hates her, and Thomas cannot truly satisfy her, even after being touched by the supernatural himself.

Seeing a flash of a monstrous face while they are together, he flings her away. To him, his experience with Orlok is merely traumatic, and he wishes for nothing more than to leave it behind. However, to her, it is something she cannot help but crave; and she continues to wear her lilac perfume.*

All that to say - Count Orlok is, simultaneously, everything Ellen wants and everything she is terrified of being.

That specific dichotomy reaches its climax during their mutual finale. As it is to be expected from a vampire wedding night, they rejoin in a sequence of sex, blood, and renewed vows - and what is particularly notable is that (unlike Murnau) Eggers makes it clear that this Orlok never intended to kill his Ellen, despite his inability to resist her blood. Though he drinks from her through the night, he stops at cock-crow; and she guides his head back down herself, distracting him long enough for the sun to rise. It is a duet of accident and intention. He drains her; and she holds him as the sun drains him. They cling together as they end - on a bed that serves their wedding and their death.

It is romantic. it is unquestionably romantic. However, that does not mean that the horror isn't also present; Ellen's consent, under these circumstances, is highly debatable, and Orlok is cruel, amoral, and murderously possessive. At the same time, the characters are also acting out folkloric archetypes, with precious little adjustment to that framework - which further removes them from a modern understanding of morality. He is Death, a Koschei the Deathless, a monster; she is the Maiden, a Vasilisa, a damsel. I hesitate to liken them to the Beauty and the Beast, largely because in the original premise of that story, the Beauty falls in love with the kindness that the Beast consistently displays; and it is essential to stress that Orlok has none. He does care for Ellen, in his own way, but he admits to being incapable of love as she defines it in human terms;** and, curiously, that seems to be her primary concern when it comes to the idea of accepting his proposal - rather than all the blood and carnage.

What I'm trying to say, I suppose, is that there are multiple ways of following a story, and multiple different stories in a film as nuanced as Nosferatu. Yes, it is about grooming and trauma. Yes, it is about finding love outside of the cage that is "polite society." I'm sure that it is many other things besides, with as many meanings as there are people in the theatres; after all, I am only one person, and the film grossed something over $40M in its first three days. The point is, really, that this is a story in which a rotting vampire is woken from centuries of deathlike slumber by a lonely voice asking him to be her friend; and whatever these two strange and aching souls do with that can go down any myriad of paths. The film trusts the viewer to interpret the narrative they choose.

* LILAC PERFUME - in fact, it is such a consistent favourite of Ellen's that Orlok smells it on her hair in the locket she sends with Thomas to the castle. Thomas never really learns the reason she likes that scent - even though he knows that preference well enough that he gifts her lilacs in the beginning of the film.

** ORLOK'S OBSESSION - this is a side note, but: the vampire wedding sequence reminds me strongly of the third season of NBC's Hannibal. I suppose that was to be expected, considering that Hannibal is also a Dracula offshoot, much like Orlok himself. When Ellen snaps at Orlok that he cannot love, he responds that "no; but only with you, I can be truly sated." Similarly - "Is Hannibal in love with me?" asks Will; and Bedelia responds - "Could he feel a daily stab of hunger for you, and find nourishment at the very sight of you?" I'd say if you liked that series, you should try and see the film. It works with a familiar blend of aesthetic horror.

[vaguely-concerned]

the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)

after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)

the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol

lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him

[tossawary]

Cracky SVSSS Canon Divergence AU: Shang Qinghua (Airplane Bro) gets it into his head to try and "fix" Qijiu's relationship in order to 1) make his own work life easier and also 2) hopefully avert the ruthless destruction of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect by distracting Shen Qingqiu away from being a real piece of shit whenever the protagonist finally shows up. (Luo Binghe isn't here yet.)

Unfortunately, he gets this idea because he accidentally slept with Yue Qingyuan. It was during a late budgetary meeting. They'd both been slightly drunk. Yue Qingyuan had been sad and Shang Qinghua had been sad AND horny. It was a "bro helping another bro out" kind of thing! Shang Qinghua still can't really believe it happened. But it can't happen again! Bad idea!

Shang Qinghua encounters Shen Qingqiu in a brothel with half a plan on how to start unraveling that much damage, only... uh... Well, Shen Qingqiu got the wrong idea about what Shang Qinghua wanted from him, and Shang Qinghua's favorite type unfortunately happens to be "scary and mean and very pretty". Fuck! He accidentally slept with Shen Qingqiu too!

So, okay, back to Yue Qingyuan, who will definitely be the more reasonable person to talk to, because he hides all of his massive trauma like a polite person! Oh, shit, Yue Qingyuan is pretty hot, isn't he? And is coming on to Shang Qinghua again for a casual fuck... and whoops, the bad idea happened again! Fuck! When Shang Qinghua tries to have a productive conversation afterwards, Yue Qingyuan even confides in him a little. Yeah, bro, it IS super obvious that you're totally hung up on Shen Qingqiu, and oh, shit, you are NEVER going to make the first move, are you?

Okay, maybe "fixing" these guys is just not possible. Mistakes! He has made them! Shang Qinghua is just going to stay out of things moving forward. He's going to avoid them now! Oh, shit, Shen Qingqiu wants to know why Shang Qinghua was staring at him in that meeting and is slamming against a wall and- uh. Oh, wow. That's hot.

"Both of them?" Mobei-Jun says later, too bemused to be jealous. (Moshang aren't a thing yet. Maybe not ever a thing like that in this AU. Demons also have different societal conventions even so.)

"BOTH OF THEM!" Shang Qinghua wails, lying facedown on the floor of his house. He doesn't know why he's actually venting to Mobei-Jun, but he has NO ONE ELSE. He's getting SO well laid, sure, but the constant nagging feeling that he's going to get maimed this way is really putting a damper on the sex. Qijiu really, truly, honestly do NOT know that he's sleeping with both of them. "What is wrong with these people?! Why is their taste so bad? I made everything so much worse..."

"Stop fucking them then," Mobei-Jun suggests, as helpful as ever, which is not helpful at all. Mobei-Jun has never been helpful to anyone in his life. When he's not mildly annoyed by it, he thinks this shit is hysterically funny.

[fangdokja]

You see ‘yandere x reader’ and click before you even register the title.

♡ Yandere! IRL Authors x Fem. Reader. Tumblr Smut Lord, AO3 Angst Demon, Webtoon Cult Leader, Wattpad Menace

♡ Word Count. 1,595

♡ Yandere! Tumblr Smut Lord who writes the most unhinged, sinful, and depraved smut known to mankind. His works are the equivalent of opening Pandora’s Box, except instead of unleashing evil upon the world, it’s just an endless void of morally gray men ruining readers’ lives.

♡ Yandere! Tumblr Smut Lord who—ironically—types in lowercase, uses way too many ellipses, and adds “lmao” at the end of the most horrific sentences imaginable. He casually describes an extremely graphic, detailed CNC scene and then ends it with “idk if this is good lol” like he didn’t just write a psychological thriller with dick involved.

♡ Yandere! Tumblr Smut Lord who has mastered the art of ‘filthy but poetic’ prose. Every line drips with decadence, torment, and skin-to-skin tension so palpable it could be mistaken for war crimes.

♡ Yandere! Tumblr Smut Lord whose online presence is mysterious and unapproachable. A cryptid. An enigma. You assume he’s some hyper-sexualized sadist with a god complex, lurking in the shadows of the internet.

♡ Yandere! Tumblr Smut Lord in real life… is a complete, sleep-deprived disaster of a man. Looks like he hasn’t seen the sun since birth. Drinks coffee like it’s an IV drip. Wears the same hoodie five days in a row and has approximately zero experience with physical intimacy. If a woman so much as breathes in his direction, he has a minor existential crisis.

♡ Yandere! Tumblr Smut Lord who would rather die than engage in a normal human conversation. Gets flustered when the barista says ‘Enjoy your drink.’ Mutters ‘you too’ and then contemplates vanishing into the ether.

♡ Yandere! Tumblr Smut Lord who has 0.2 social skills, only capable of communicating via niche internet memes. The type of guy who would rather go mute than order food at a restaurant. Yet somehow, on his blog, he writes like he owns you, your soul, and your lineage.

♡ Yandere! Tumblr Smut Lord who reads your likes and reblogs like an ancient seer interpreting the stars. Starts recognizing your username and associates you with your favorite kinks before he even knows your name.

———

♡ Yandere! AO3 Angst Demon who writes the slowest of slow burns. His stories are an agonizing descent into despair, betrayal, and emotional devastation. If you emerge unscathed, you read it wrong.

♡ Yandere! AO3 Angst Demon who writes long, drawn-out, soul-crushing slow burns that emotionally ruin you. The type of author to have a 500k word fic where the leads don’t even hold hands until chapter 72; that by the time the characters confess, you have aged fifty years and achieved enlightenment.

♡ Yandere! AO3 Angst Demon who weaponizes pain. He thrives on suffering. He will kill off your favorite character, rewrite history, make the protagonist go through 47 tragedies, and then gaslight you in the author’s notes with: “Haha, don’t worry, it gets worse 😌.”

♡ Yandere! AO3 Angst Demon who doesn’t believe in fluff or happy endings. If a couple ends up together, it’s only because they’ve been mentally and emotionally shattered beyond repair. Love should hurt.

♡ Yandere! AO3 Angst Demon who has written a 500k-word enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies-to-trauma-to-questionable-endings fic. Updates it once every eight months with a new chapter that wrecks everyone’s souls.

♡ Yandere! AO3 Angst Demon whose comment section is filled with cries of anguish, people begging for crumbs of relief, and threats of violence if he doesn’t update. He loves it.

♡ Yandere! AO3 Angst Demon who in real life is a smug, terrifying presence. The type of person who naturally commands attention in a room, makes eye contact like a predator, and definitely thinks he’s superior to everyone. If you complain, he’ll just smirk and say, ‘good.’

♡ Yandere! AO3 Angst Demon who will write a heart-wrenching monologue about grief and loss but will deadpan ‘skill issue’ when someone tells him they cried over it.

♡ Yandere! AO3 Angst Demon who immediately notices you. AO3 shows your username under every chapter. You think you're lurking, but he sees you. You’ve read everything. He grins. "Ah, a loyal masochist.” Now he writes just to ruin your life.

He decides to write a character based on you.

And then kills them off horrifically.

Just to see if you react.

———

♡ Yandere! Webtoon Cult Leader who creates breathtakingly beautiful, emotionally fulfilling slice-of-life romances. His webtoon is an international hit, known for its whimsical storytelling, soft characters, and themes of love, redemption, and found family. So wholesome that you get secondhand diabetes.

♡ Yandere! Webtoon Cult Leader who has a cult following. His fandom is peaceful. His Discord server is full of polite theorists discussing themes of love and destiny. His fanbase cries over his updates and makes hour-long analysis videos about his symbolism.

♡ Yandere! Webtoon Cult Leader whose comment section is filled with ‘you are saving lives’ and ‘your work makes me believe in love.’ He responds with a polite thank you.

♡ Yandere! Webtoon Cult Leader whose fanbase genuinely believes he is an ethereal, kind-hearted being who cares deeply for his readers. They call him a ‘storytelling angel’ and shower him with praise.

♡ Yandere! Webtoon Cult Leader who, in reality, is a manipulative, enigmatic bastard. He smiles softly, speaks gently, but every word is calculated. He knows exactly how to make people obsessed with his work.

♡ Yandere! Webtoon Cult Leader who is extremely meticulous about his art, spending hours perfecting every single frame. If his pen pressure is even slightly off, he will start over from scratch.

♡ Yandere! Webtoon Cult Leader who writes kind, patient love interests but is personally incapable of speaking to someone without making them feel like they’re being subtly interrogated.

♡ Yandere! Webtoon Cult Leader who has a cult-like following of devoted fans who analyze his every word. He cultivates his image so perfectly that even when he does something slightly unsettling, people excuse it as part of his ‘genius eccentricity.’

♡ Yandere! Webtoon Cult Leader who you know, deep in your soul, is probably the most dangerous out of all of them. But his story structure is immaculate, so you keep reading.

♡ Yandere! Webtoon Cult Leader who notices you. You, the ghost in his analytics. You, who has read every chapter, every bonus illustration, every scrap of lore he’s ever posted. Never a comment. Never a message. Just... there. Always there.

He finds himself drawing you before he even realizes it. Unconsciously shaping the curve of your face in the margins of his sketches. He tells himself it’s nothing. Just an artist’s habit.

But then he wonders—what would your hands look like ink-stained?

———

♡ Yandere! Wattpad Menace who writes like he’s on crack. His stories make zero sense, filled with memes, typos, and sheer insanity. He updates at 3 AM with absolute nonsense and somehow gets a million reads.

♡ Yandere! Wattpad Menace who writes whatever the hell he wants, whenever he wants. Meme fics, unhinged crack, psychological horror, 200-word smut snippets, an entire 300k-word novel he abandoned halfway through—pure chaos.

♡ Yandere! Wattpad Menace who writes the most batshit insane content known to mankind. His most famous work is titled something like "I Fell in Love With My Mafia Stepbrother Who is Also a Vampire and the Heir to a Billion Dollar Fortune."

♡ Yandere! Wattpad Menace who has no filter. One chapter is an emotionally devastating death scene, and the next is the protagonist twerking on a corpse. He will write anything. No trope is too cursed, no ship too questionable. He operates on pure, unfiltered instinct and vibes.

♡ Yandere! Wattpad Menace whose writing is an enigma—one moment, it’s a masterpiece of tension and poetic brilliance. The next, it’s an unhinged shitpost where the love interest is a literal baguette. There is no in-between.

♡ Yandere! Wattpad Menace who doesn’t follow writing rules. Grammar? Who cares. Plot? Maybe. Tags? Only the unhinged ones.

♡ Yandere! Wattpad Menace who has too much power. He makes polls for plot decisions, and his readers choose violence every time. Someone jokingly suggests "make the love interest a sentient toaster" and he does it.

♡ Yandere! Wattpad Menace who engages with readers in the most unhinged ways. Someone comments ‘I love this story!’ and he replies ‘Bet you won’t survive the next chapter.’

♡ Yandere! Wattpad Menace who has no writing schedule. Updates randomly at 4 AM after disappearing for months. Comes back and drops 100k words like he never left.

♡ Yandere! Wattpad Menace who, in real life, is insufferably charismatic. Talks like a Twitch streamer, always slightly unhinged, and has an energy that makes people both love and fear him.

♡ Yandere! Wattpad Menace who absolutely knows his writing is a mess but thrives in the chaos. If you complain about an unfinished story, he will write a completely different, unrelated fic out of spite.

♡ Yandere! Wattpad Menace who probably has a folder of fics titled ‘cursed drafts’ and actively enjoys emotionally tormenting his readers.

♡ Yandere! Wattpad Menace who sees you’ve read everything. His analytics tell him you finished 120 oneshots in one night. He drops a new fic the next day, titled, "To The Lurker Who Reads Everything: Bet You Won’t Comment, Coward."

———

You, the dead-inside lurker, consuming all their works in silence, fascinated by their writing but never engaging. You have seen the depths of their minds. You understand the intricacies of their plots. You have read every word, every story, every update.

And yet, you will never, ever comment.

They will never know you exist.

(Or so you think.)

♡ A/N #1. Genuinely funny and I hope you all enjoy this, especially since majority of my Readers are lurkers. Yes, I see you. wahahaha. I'm one as well, so I get it. Hope this is relatable to both writers and readers.

♡ A/N #2. One of my Readers made me snicker out loud with this ASK. And, honestly? I think they're onto something here...

If you want to be added or removed from the tag list, just comment on the MASTERLIST of Whispers in the Dark (WITD): Subtle Devotion, Lingering Shadows. Thank you.

General TAG LIST of “Whispers In The Dark”: @keisocool , @elvabeth , @elloredef , @mjsjshhd , @lem-hhn , @yuki-istired , @lilyalone , @starryperson , @yandreams-storageblog , @tiffyisme3760 , @songbirdgardensworld , @yune1337 , @mocalocha , @astreaaaaaa6 , @poopooindamouf , @yandereaficionado

❤︎ Fang Dokja's Books.

♡ For Reader-Inserts. I only write Male Yandere x Female (Fem.) Reader (heterosexual couple). No LGBTQ+:

♡ Book 1. A Heart Devoured (AHD): A Dark Yandere Anthology

♡ Book 2. Forbidden Fruits (FF): Intimate Obsessions, Unhinged Desires.

♡ Book 3. World Ablaze (WA) : For You, I'd Burn the World.

♡ Book 4 [you are here]. Whispers in the Dark (WITD): Subtle Devotion, Lingering Shadows.

♡ Book 5. Ink & Insight (I&I): From Dead Dove to Daydreams.

♡ Library MASTERPOST 1. The Librarian’s Ledger: A Map to The Library of Forbidden Texts.

♡ Notice #1. Not all stories are included in the masterpost due to Tumblr’s link limitations. However, most long-form stories can be found here. If you're searching for a specific yandere or theme, this guide will help you navigate The Library of Forbidden Texts. Proceed with caution

♡ Book 6. The Red Ledger (TRL): Stained in Lust, Written in Blood.

♡ Notice #2. This masterlist is strictly for non-con smut and serves as an exercise in refining erotic horror writing. Comments that reduce my work to mere sexual gratification, thirst, or casual simping will not be tolerated. If your response is primarily thirst-driven, keep it to yourself—repeated violations may result in blocking. Read the RULES before engaging. The tag list is reserved for followers I trust to respect my boundaries; being included is a privilege, not a right. You may request to be added, but I will decide based on trust and adherence to my guidelines. I also reserve the right to remove anyone at any time if their engagement becomes inappropriate.

[feralforbeanix]

Manfred Von Karma did not burn Phoenix's letters to Miles.

Like, I'm not even saying this to defend Manfred's character (though the fanbase does get a little crazy with what he actually did and didn't do) I'm saying this because that's not canon. I'm not sure it was even possible in canon.

Phoenix didn't write letters to Germany. He didn't know Miles was in Germany, let alone Von Karma's address. He didn't even know who Von Karma was until Edgeworth told him about Manfred in Turnabout Goodbyes.

In the game canon, Miles just stopped showing up to school one day. All Phoenix seemed to know was that he transferred schools suddenly. He didn't know why or where to. Remember, Phoenix didn't even hear about DL-6 until Turnabout Sisters when Maya mentioned her family's involvement.

Even in the anime canon (I haven't watched the anime in a while so I might be off about this) where Phoenix and Miles get a chance to properly say goodbye, Phoenix still doesn't have a direct means of contacting him. His best way of doing so was dedicating a song through the radio using Signal Samurai codenames and hoping Miles would hear it.

Phoenix mentions trying to contact him several times when explaining their relationship to Maya, but this was after finding out Miles was this "Demon Attorney". Miles would have to be at least 20 at this point in time, living back in California with at least a few trials under his belt. With how young he reached success, it's not impossible Miles was living on his own at the time. Even if he wasn't, I doubt Manfred was going through this grown adult's mail.

No, what the game seems to be implying is that Miles ignored Phoenix. (Maya even says, "I guess he didn't want to hear from his old friends.") And I don't think this was out of hatred or anything, I think Miles just wanted to forget his past entirely because even the good memories of his childhood would be bittersweet at best.

And to be honest that makes it even more tragic to me. Why do we need Manfred to intercept their connection when Miles' trauma and guilt complex is already doing that?

I like to think Miles knew Phoenix would be asking questions if he ever responded to those initial attempts at contact. Questions he of course doesn't want to answer because they'd at best open old wounds or at worst risk his childhood friend finding out he might have committed patricide.

I also like to think he knew Phoenix of all people would stubbornly try to find the answers Miles wouldn't willingly give because he literally mentions Phoenix always being "single minded in his work" and "always seeing things through to the end". If anyone was going to press and bring those uncomfortable and painful memories out in the open for the sake of "helping him", it would be Phoenix Wright.

Why do we need Manfred to take away all that complexity and tragedy? That is such a waste!