#journal blogging

[hungerpunch]

reflecting on past experiences where i mistook gleeful consumption as intimacy

i think the first time i felt the lens of her cells slide out from underneath my idolizing of her was.

i was 21. "i gotta go to bed," i told her, a sleepy blur. her eyes were the dark color of a perfectly packed puck of coffee for espresso.

"but whyyyy," she pouted. time zones away. skin overexposed on the screen. mauve lips full, mouth the beguiling pit of her plum-shaped face.

collapsed on my bed. i rubbed my eyes. "have to be up for class in two hours," i said, "and then after class i'm on dinner at the italian restaurant, and then closing the bar up north and..." i blinked at her, beseeching. i was so exhausted from a midnight shift at the ice cream shop after a full day of class. "i just don't know when i will get the chance to sleep again."

it was this moment. i could feel myself understanding what i would say, if i were her. what i wished she would say. something like, oh my gosh, go to bed sweetheart.

she kicked her feet, ankle to butt, ankle to butt, swishing the fabric of her nightie. "just a liiiittle longer?" she said. "if you go to sleep i'll be so lonely."

so i stayed awake. i just wanted to prove to her i was good. that i deserved her time. that maybe she would once more watch me among a group of 20 and slide up to whisper in my ear, just for me, how handsome she thought i looked that night.

when i think of this now, it blows me. because i realize i have never done what she always did to me. i never expect, much less ask, my loved ones to prioritize me over their wellness. especially something as basic as sleep. when she knew how hard i was working. i genuinely don't want that. ever. in my relationships. how could i want that? when i love you? real love is care. and i care that you are okay before i care that we talk.

the first seed of doubt was sowed. she didn't love me. she did not think i was interesting. but she liked the attention i paid her. the open adoration i beheld her with. my heart on my sleeve for her. my ears my mouth my heart my hands open to receive her in whatever way would appease her ego.

i wish i could say that was the last time i put myself in that position. but from here, looking back, i see that i was drawn many more times to people who would not bother to look at me before eating me and then expelling me from their interior once they harvested every nutrient from me. people who would crawl into my bed and undo my covers and press themselves against my sternum and force my heart to reckon with them. while i was just low hanging fruit to them.

bide the red flags. when someone earnestly asks or demands to be put above your health and getting your bills paid or your studies done, turn on your heel and go the other fucking way, my friends.

it never feels less jarring. to her i want to say, how could you do that me i was just a kid. to another i say, how could you lay in my bed, curled up in my arms, trading secrets. then one day gone. as surgical as that. as sudden as an on/off switch. and i have to see you everywhere.

to others, more troublesome things. some hateful.

[foxingpeculiar]

The thing is, I can’t think of an experience that would not be improved by sharing it with her, nor a person I would rather share them with. That’s been true for a very long time (like longer than some people on this site have been alive), and I just can’t quite get around it.

I commissioned a painting from her. I don’t know what it will be, but I’m very curious to find out.

It’s a long, slow dance. But she’s dancing it with me, so okay. Let’s see.

[malusokay]

how to brain dump like a pro

what you need

a messy notebook (I like the Leuchturm bullet ones)

a pen

a beverage for emotional support (or several <3)

how to get started

grab your notebook, and sit down in a quiet moment with enough time so you won't stress even more. The point of a brain dump is to unload all your thoughts, everything that is stressing you is put to paper. not aesthetically, no cutesy Pinterest vibes; we need it plain, unromanticised, and personal.

some prompts to get you going

do I have any deadlines coming up?

have I been making time for myself and my hobbies?

what projects, tasks, appointments, and/ or plans are currently stressing me out?

am I procrastinating anything?

am I properly looking after myself? (mental/physical health, skincare, hobbies, school/work, etc etc)

am I currently working through any challenges, and if yes how is that going so far?

how are my friends/relationships doing?

is there an area in my life that I should prioritise right now?

do I feel confident and comfortable at the moment?

Review and reflect

take some time and go over your writing; you can underline or highlight the points that you find most important. make this whole "brain dump" thing a routine; sometimes it takes a bit of writing until you actually get comfortable with putting your emotions onto paper (it sounds easier than it is..), but the more often you do this, the more comfortable you will get!! <3

As always, please feel free to share your own suggestions and tips in the comments! <3

love ya ･:*₊‧✩

[biscuitdolly]

channels for mental , physical , and spiritual improvement ♡

히니HEENY - makeup tuts , clothing hauls , vlogs

짜잔씨 misstada - vlogs , makeup tuts

A Coreana Beauty 소연뷰티 - glow up tips , skincare , routines

Alex Bondoc - productive vlogs , self care

bossgirlified - skincare , self improvment , glow up tips

electrasoul - spirituality , self love

Free Tea - law of assumption , manifesting , self concept

Garima Verma - productive vlogs , self care

Hinafit - workouts , pilates , dieting tips

Hitomi Mochizuki - self worth , spirituality , life tips

hyler - manifestation , self concept

Iyzah♡ - self love , self care

jaila abriana - vlogs , self improvment

Janika Bates - hygeine help , routines , vlogs

justina mendez - sexual help

lay luv  - makeup , vlogs

mei monte - wonyoungism , glow up tips

mira daisy - pink pilates princess , vlogs

Olivia Yang - pink pilates princess , self care

Persephonesmind - self love , confidence , life tips

SHOW NEMOTO - self concept , self improvment

Teaira Walker - vlogs , beauty , skincare

Thewizardliz (obv) - self improvment , self love , confidence

Vickita Trivedi - life tips , feminity

WokeupCupid - spirituallity , self concept

[somerabbitholes]

i sold my couch and replaced it with a mattress. it feels like i just moved in, but also i love sitting on the floor and spreading out my stuff around me

[pinkgirlgems]

cute coquette like journals ♡

[kitti-luvs]

[nyancrimew]

new article by me!

a cultural journalism deep dive into an increasingly weird internet community rabbit hole, created with some research help by @cryptotheism and their editor!

content warnings: slurs, xenophobia, suicide/self harm, grooming, eating disorders, cults, femcel culture, edgelord shit, NFTs

[lottiestudying]

12.11.2023—had a few slow study days to deal with my mental health. had some time to think through my analysis, so have some more clarity there. hopefully this week i can finish a second full first draft

[laesposarica]

[audrinawf]

do not underestimate the power of cleaning your space, meditating and journaling your thoughts. especially journaling cause once you start brain dumping your thoughts you actually release them and once you do your higher self starts to show up in your writing. whenever I need ideas I start brain dumping all of my thoughts, tasks and things I have to do and it’s like I empty my mind and my concious mind and my subconscious mind takes over and I get these amazing downloads come through.

[hungerpunch]

scraping brain out

sometimes i get frustrated or genuinely confused about why i still struggle with my relationship to my body so much when i'm like.. mostly fine with it these days. why do i still pick my face until it's bloody everywhere when i'm stressed. why do i pull the skin off my lips until they're bleeding and swollen. why am i so, so afraid of being looked at, why does attention make my skin crawl, why do i cringe when people talk about me even if it's positive?

it's like my brain routinely suppresses the reasons and then i remember. oh yeah. i was violently bullied from the ages of 8-18. i was physically attacked by kids of all genders. i was stalked. i was hurt. i was humiliated at every opportunity. verbally degraded at every opportunity. oh yeah, in seventh grade i came to school and someone had tacked up a list of ugliest kids in the grade and i was number three. oh yeah, a girl stole my journal out of my backpack and read pages aloud in the cafeteria to a rapt and mocking audience. everything about me was an easy target. i was super short. i had a flat chest. then i got glasses. then i got acne. then i got braces. my hair was always frizzy and could not be tamed. i was queer and they knew it before i did. they smelled my fear. they were amused by my anger when i tried to fight back. it wasn't even just in school. they appeared at my softball games. they followed me home. i was dragged through a creek, crying and full of thorns from bushes. i was pushed down into a ravine and when i climbed back up they pushed me back down, again and again until it got dark and they had to go home. i was chased and pinned and pinched and spat on and sat on and laughed at and laughed at and laughed at. i had my phone number printed on hundreds of pieces of paper and scattered all over the high school, all over the parking lot, with salacious rumors attached. i had to change my number. people asked me on dates as a joke. people asked me to dances then stood me up, collecting bets from their friends. they drove their cars along the sidewalk and screamed slurs at me. during class they blew spitballs into my hair and my face. they called me dirty because of my acne even though i was sitting in monthly dermatologist appointments, trying new things, obsessively cleaning myself.

adults saw and did nothing. in fact when my attempts to defend myself occasionally drew blood from my abusers, i was the one reprimanded. i couldn't bring myself to tell my parents the extent of it because they thought i was tough and i wanted to be tough. i didn't want to be soft. i didn't want to need help. i didn't want to change schools and leave my handful of friends.

and this is just school kids. i can't even get into family.

i have had profound healing via therapy, about reuniting with my younger self and loving them unconditionally. i know i protected me because nobody else did. i get confused about the way my adult self moves and reacts because my brain keeps this all under a lid, so i can function. then i remember. i get frustrated because i think, shouldn't i be healed by now. shouldn't i be past this. shouldn't i be better adjusted. but the truth is, no. i still haven't let this poison from my blood enough. i think it's important to understanding me as a person. i think it's important to understanding my perspective. i think it's important to understanding i didn't have anything remotely close to a normal childhood. i think it's okay that it still plagues me. i think it's okay.

[fluffy-bluffy]

Feels after the first kiss...

Hello everybody 💐 How are you guys? So, this is a short PAC of how you and your person will feel after your first kiss. It can be your future spouse,next partner, crush absolutely anyone

Just a warning that this is a general reading and it is only for entertainment purposes. So take what resonates and leave the rest for others.

Let's get started 💪🏻

Pile 1 ---- Pile 2 ---- Pile 3

Pile 4 ---- Pile 5 ---- Pile 6

Pile 1

🪻 Their Feelings :

I can see that your person is extremely attracted to you. But they are someone who will not act impulsively and even after the kiss they will think about it not that they won't like it . they would love it . they are attracted to you and they want to do a lot more things with you but again they want to take it slow and be more cautious about where this relationship is going. It is possible from their side that after this kiss the physical intimacy might be a little slow because they do not want to regret it later not to say they are not attracted to you I am getting this message again and again attracted to you but again they just want the best for both of you.  They might as well feel uncertain as to how to proceed further,  this is not shyness it's the fear of interpreting it wrong.

🪻Your Feelings :

Just like your person you will also pause for a moment after the kiss and try to weigh  everything like all the outcomes which are possible or consequences you might have to face if you came in a relationship with this person or if this continues further.

You might feel a bit distant from them not in a negative way but like you would not know how to process this. Also there was a huge gap in between your card falling out whereas for your partner all the cards fell almost together.

You might be worried about the future and want things to happen at a faster pace as your person wants to go slow. I don't see any arguments or anything it is just both of you are attracted to each other but maybe current circumstances or the situation which you are in are not very supporting or it is just that you both lack communication and you both should just talk.

So it is possible that in the starting will just feel numb and then slowly you will realise what has happened.

Pile 2

🪻Their Feelings :

Alright pile 2  this person will immediately think of building a family with you . they will be like wanting something permanent with you immediately after the kiss. They would want to take care of you and look after you. They would even say that  " I want kids with you" that is what I am getting. They might have a cheeky smile and they would flash it to you a lot after the kiss like it won't be awkward at all. This is someone who will be in a long term commitment with you. They just adore you pile 2. 

🪻Your Feelings :

Pile 2 you will feel like you have transcended to another world where there it is just you and your person you won't be able to express this feeling logically or why are you feeling this way logically as even after days and weeks and months you would just think of it as a very very magical experience. Something you will never forget. You would admire your person very much and although it feels very dreamy and whimsical to you I am also seeing that you will be very practical about this relationship. I mean I don't know if I can explain it properly or not but yes there is a dreamy and magical Vibe but also a very practical and logical and sensible approach.

You will literally be on the 9th cloud and it will make you feel very tender and in tune with your feminine energy.

Pile 3

🪻Their Feelings :

Pile 3 your person will think that their search is over and you are the person for them you are the magician of their life and you are someone who would provide them with every happiness that the world has in store for them. Right after the kiss your person might be confused as to how they shall show their emotions to you they could be someone who is not very emotionally connected to other people be it you or anyone else they like to keep to themselves but they want to tell you what a magical experience they have had with you and to express it in words might become difficult for them. They will feel very enthusiastic after the kiss and I'm also getting they might want to go on a dinner date with you like if not a date you guys might eat out after this.

Guys I was literally forgetting words while I am doing there energy so this person might not be very upfront about their emotional well being and what they feel.

🪻Your Feelings :

You will feel like you guys will make a power couple and there is a lot of potential in this relationship. You will straight up go into your delusional world you know that the other person doesn't share their feelings easily but you will understand through their actions  and the way they  treat you afterwards that what they are trying to say I am seeing that you would be really good at knowing and understanding their actions.

you will feel like this is the person you have been waiting for your entire life.

Pile 4

🪻Their Feelings :

They will feel like they have been reborn after the kiss. they feel like the most dramatic person you will ever meet also when I was shuffling the cards for your person I thought about one of my colleagues like randomly and that guy he is like the sweetest creature I have ever met on this planet he is very sweet and very comforting to be around. Someone very soft spoken not introvert but like selectively extrovert. These could be some of the traits your person has also he is very supportive and he is always rooting for me we do not talk too much but whenever we do he is always like trying to motivate me to do different stuff another thing I am remembering about him is football he loves to play football.

They are very dramatic. Like they will think " I have a crush on pile 4 "  after the kiss but it is quite possible that you guys are already in a relationship. that's the energy Pile 4 they might as well blush ALOT.

🪻Your Feelings :

From your side I am seeing pile 4 that there is a possibility that this kiss happens when you both for some reason are going to be on a distance for sometime it could be like them leaving for some business work or you going on a vacation with your family or friends where they cannot be a part of it or vice versa whatever it is it is a short period of time anyway you think this is your the person.  the way they are reacting you never thought about it that someone could even give such a reaction you could be an over thinker and it is like your part time job to overthink  really everything but after the kiss and the reaction they are giving. you haven't tbh you would be waiting for the next time when you have an intimate moment together.

Pile 5

🪻Their Feelings :

Pile 5 your person will feel emotionally connected to you after this kiss. like they will feel such a bond with you they have never felt before. I am pretty sure they will start thinking about having kids with you and a beautiful family while they are kissing you not even after.  while they are and this is a very happy chirpy energy. Is there anybody here in this pile whose vocabulary in English is really top notch because I am getting that for some reason and you guys might have an inside joke relating to this topic. I am also getting that they are  kind of funny and a very jolly person in general so they might as well start smiling while you guys are you know maybe right after the kiss and you would be like " WhaT aRe YoU dOiNG it's A MoMeNt leT's eNJoy IT ?!?!!" okay I am getting a very best friend kind of energy from their side it's like you guys are best friends and lovers as well.

🪻Your Feelings :

Okay so you are the overthinkers my pile 5 you guys would be very unsettled after the kiss. Not because you did not like it but you would feel like "oh did he like it" "what is he thinking about me" "have I done it correctly" "what if he expected more" "shall we do something else as well"  and for some of you this might trigger something from the past resulting in sleepless night again this person is going to be your biggest support system they are not irritated at all and will reassure you thousand times a day if they have to. I do get a best friend energy here as well so this person is not just your partner, lover,crush they are also your best friend and as a best friend they would make sure you are always comfortable around them.

They are literally thinking of getting married to you whereas you are overthinking it. not your fault but try to not do it ; it is bad for you.

Pile 6

🪻Their Feelings :

Pile 6 you guys might kiss in the early stages of your relationship or even when you are not in relationship I am not really focusing on the situations and circumstances in this pac but as you guys do they might start having feelings feel like they had them before but now it is mostly what is in their mind 24X7. 

you make them nostalgic you feel like home to them. They feel like they have hit home after the kiss this is a very calm and peaceful energy it is something they might have not felt in a long time I am also getting that this person is a very jolly and someone who carries their heart on their sleeves. You will make them feel at peace and with this their feelings might start accelerating for you. Not because they want to be with you physically but because you make their heart at peace you do things to them they didn't know anybody could do. Also why am I getting this person could have an mexican - american accent.

🪻Your Feelings :

For you my pile 6 you guys might feel stable after this kiss it is like you both have finally taken a step forward. it is quite possible that you both were feeling stuck in this relationship before the kiss happened but as soon as this happened you guys might feel that finally the things are moving forward and in a positive way.

During the course of the kiss you will be very comforted to be in their arms and I am getting a scenario for you guys I will try to explain it as accurately as I can.

You both are standing in the kitchen and that is where the initial tension builds up.  I am seeing no arguments no fights prior to the kiss but maybe just a little playful Banter which might have caused some sexual tension and hence the result.

Either way you both would feel like this is the stepping stone for your relationship and from this point onwards there is only gonna be positive  developments in the relationship.

Thank you so very much for reading this PAC. Will be bringing more soon. Byeee

[malusokay]

end of summer journaling prompts 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Which month of summer was most memorable to you and why?

At what point do you feel like summer is over?

Top 3 summer memories?

How do you plan to spend the last summer days?

Have you made vacation friends, and if so, have you stayed in touch with them?

Top 3 summer fruits?

What is your favourite summer beauty ritual?

Does time feel like it's moving faster or slower in summer?

What is something that you wanted to do all summer but haven't done yet?

Top 3 summer songs this year? make a playlist!!

How did your routine change over the summer?

What habits did you pick up this summer, and what do you want to continue in the upcoming school year?

Summarise the entire summer in just 1 word!!

3 unpopular summer opinions?

How would you rank all four seasons now that summer is coming to an end?

Do you feel the "summertime sadness"?

hey dolls I hope August is treating you all with plenty of kindness!! for me, this has probably been the busiest month so far, trying to manage moving, work, school, and relationships while also enjoying summer to the fullest!!

As always, please feel free to share your own prompts or even your summer highlights in the comments! <3

✩‧₊*:・love ya ･:*₊‧✩

[biscuitdolly]

hobbies to try out ♡

hobbies are such a great way to spend your time rather than being on technology all the time. It's great to have a skill, as skills can help you make friends, and can also open up new job opportunities!! here are some ideas, some are easy and simple and others are a little more advanced, there's (hopefully) something for everyone !!

O1 , painting / sketching

O2 , ballet (or dance in general)

O3 , sewing

O4 , reading

O5 , journalling

O6 , gardening

O7 , baking

O8 , photography

O9 , creative writing / songwriting / poem writing

1O , yoga

11 , learning an instrument (electric/acoustic guitar, drums, piano, violin etc)

12 , bracelet/jewellery making

13 , thrifting

14 , skateboarding

15 , hiking / exploring

16 , calligraphy

17 , pottery

18 , knitting / crochet

19 , pilates

2O , learning a language

21 , origami

22 , archery

23 , bird watching , herping , and animal/bug study in general

24 , mycology , plant observation/documentation

25 , start a podcast or amateur radio

26 , roller skating

27 , gymnastics / acrobatics

28 , cardistry

29 , terrarium making

30 , calisthenics

hope this helps!!!

[somerabbitholes]

iced coffee and journaling afternoons