thinking about dick grayson and tim drake. dick was SO good to tim when he was robin. and i think there might’ve been a reason for that.
he wasn’t great to jason. he wasn’t terrible, of course. but he didn’t make near as much of an effort. and then jason died.
we know it wasnt intentional, dick not putting in effort. we know he cared about jason, but he was hurt and he was an adult and adults get so lost in their own lives that they can forget to make an effort. we know he did nothing wrong, but dick probably didn’t know that. dick grayson, the man who shoulders so much responsibility that his hands are always shaking, probably was thinking if i was there, if i would’ve done more.
the guilt probably ate him up, and then when bruce got tim, dick didn’t want to make the same mistake. so he went out of his way to be there for tim, to be the best big brother he possibly could. because he had to atone. because of guilt.
because at his core, dick grayson is nothing if not wracked with guilt to his very soul.
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tw; panic attacks, bad self image, implied father/parental issues, bad mental health, self-deprecating thoughts. (reader is implied to be aizawa’s student/hes implied to be a sort of father to them. platonic vibes, but big on physical touch cause it’s my love language)
“my head hurts.”
“take some aspirins then, hon,”
“m’kay,”
aizawa was still nose deep in paperwork, one hand scribbling away on his… less than… academically inclined students, the other softly rubbing your legs spread across his lap. the calluses on his hands felt like sandpaper, but in a nice way, “…your hand feels like a cat tongue.”
“…” he laughs a bit, “…thanks, your legs feel furry,” you scoff and lightly kick him in the gut, causing aizawa to laugh louder, “kidding, kidding,” you lean back down, staring up at the popcorn ceiling above you.
your head feels funny, your nose stopped up, cheeks buzzing and tight. your eyes burned, rubbed raw from crying for the better part of two hours. a heavy sigh was forced upon you, heaving your chest harshly before your breath staccatos out of your lungs rather roughly.
aizawa pats your thigh, tired eyes swiping over to look at you for a moment. you were in the ‘aftershock’ phase of a panic attack, face puffy and flushed, your skin was still stick with tears you didn’t even register falling. he sighed, taking off his glasses and heaving you closer with a grand show of struggle as he groaned and huffed your hips up onto his lap.
you sighed, face numb as he forced you to sit up, your head swimming in the heavy mix of tears and aizawa’s cologne while he wiped at your face. he rubbed away your shiny tears and snot with a soft tissue, patting your back to the rhythm of your heartbeat, “you still feeling it?”
you nod.
“wanna eat something?”
you shake your head ‘no’.
“wanna put something on to watch?” he bends down, grabbing a water and opening it, holding it to your mouth as you take a big gulp. the cold water shocks you, it feels nice.
you shake your head ‘no’, again.
he takes your hands into one of his larger ones, the other still patting your back softly. he starts to rock you two back and forth.
“you’ll be okay,”
you nod, his soft tone makes your nose itch, your throat closes up and your eyes well back up.
“and i’ll be here,”
tears fall slowly, fat and slow as they trail new tracts down your hot skin, burning from the pressure pushed against it.
“every time.” he kisses your forehead, “i’ll always be here for you.”
you start to pant and huff again, chest tight as the tears turn fast and hot. his hand just squeezes yours, still rocking softly, still patting your back in that same rhythm.
“i love you.”
a shrill gasp escapes you, throat burning as air claws down the raw tunnel. you feel loved and it feels awfully warm. sickeningly comforting. it’s terrifying, how softly he handles you, it’s horrifying, how slow he is. you’ve begged for love like this all your life, and now that you have it, you’re petrified he’ll leave, clawing at his sweater, desperate for his warmth, craving his love like the air forcing itself into your deprived body.
but he stays.
he stays, rocking you both, patting your back, aspirin bottle open and knocked to the ground, water spilt all over his younger student’s exams, his ‘old man’ glasses thrown to the floor with your flailing. you’re so ugly, so broken, so jumbled and mixed up and upset and ruined and worthless and sensitive and hungry—
but he stays. he’s there, holding you, breathing for you, feeding you his love, teaspoon at a time, one ‘i love you’ at a time, one aspirin at a time.
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hey there, I just finished Vanitas and I wanted to tell you that I loved it! You have a really detailed writing style, and I’m excited to read your other works, especially in your Elden Ring trilogy!
thank you! enjoy the others! i'm not averse to being drawn back into writing for ER with the upcoming DLC, eventually.
a little Fortissax/Godwyn as thanks (◕▿◕)
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I really hate that whenever the HP fandom discusses Snape as Neville's boggart, they just rehash the same debate of "Is Snape being Neville's Boggart fucked up or not?" instead of (with everything we now know about JKR) discussing: "What are the implications of Lupin being framed as a good guy by having everyone laugh at a man in a dress because haha men don't wear dresses and especially not THIS man how silly to help a student get over his fear when they all wear robes anyway?"
Because THAT has taken over my brain and despite all the takes that make Harry Potter sound like a hate manifesto and some theories about what MIGHT be transphobia in those books, I'm not seeing ANYONE talk about this (probably because it has to do with Snape).
Genuinely, I think this is the discussion about that scene we as a fandom should be having and we're not.
And this is not meant to be like a "defense of Snape". I'm thinking in the narrative and in real-life: Lupin decided to help Neville get over a reasonable fear by making that fear- a man who bullies him- funny and to make that fear funny, he instructs Neville to crossdress it which is framed as funny by the narrative because "men don't wear dresses" when what Neville's grandmother wears is already very similar to what MOST wizards are shown wearing- the only difference being that she is a woman.
Like, is this not weird to anyone else- especially with what JKR's been spewing. I really find this interesting and I barely see ANYONE talking about it. What are the implications?
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