#ive only been on it for like... a month? so who knows what this looks like for me long term. but at least for now
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joannerowling · 1 day ago
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that g*iman article is so vile holy shit. it makes the stink his fanbase has risen after the podcast even more rancid. at this point im confident that people who are wholeheartedly trying to please the gender movement are either spineless coward or predators who are building themselves a loyal support net. bc even now his fandom still have a problem with victims going to a "terf podcast" and treat it on the same level as actual serial sexual violence. like be fucking real for once. and it took them like a month to start actually taking about the basics instead of running a fucking conspiracy about secret trans rights sabotage.
also, ive made a personal observation. this whole incident has turned me away from good omens book and series 100% the minute I've finished listening to the podcast. I haven't gone back ever since and don't feel any significant loss about it what so ever. Analysing this made the constant moaning about ethics of consuming content from La Sorcière TERF maléfique and producing fan works about it pathetic. if they had any consistent principles, like they demand everyone else to have, it wouldn't be such a tragedy in the first place. I can, of course, recognise that HP probably has a much more significant role for these people than anything g*iman ever produced. but the question remains – if she is so harmful and evil, and she harms you personally, why are you still engaging with her universe and characters? I've read a lot of g*iman to be very confident in saying that his books and comics do contain disturbing shit that is unsettling and unpleasant, and that looks and feels like it was a choice to write it that way. i was being turn away from his works simply because the content was uncomfortable and g*iman was starting to look like a hypocrite because of what he said and wrote. good omens was sorta like the last straw, partially become it was co-written by Prattchet (his attitude towards Rowling soured my experience with his lit too, btw. thnx, Joanne, for sparing me lots of time and nerves 🩵), and it's gone now too. so like, if the hp book are crawling with bigotry that makes them feel unsafe and targeted, why even touch them still? read another book, indeed.
Reading the article convinced me to listen to the podcast (now that it's been added to Deezer i can do that in the train, yeah!), and my god, it's absolutely horrific what these women went through.
But re: your second paragraph. Here's the thing, i don't think clues about writers doing horrible shit out of the public eye are to be found in their work (as Gaiman himself apparently put it, writers can lie). It's not his fiction which should have tipped people of, it's his actions.
Middle aged married man with kids, publically hanging on tumblr, a website known for being full of insecure teenage girls and younger women who find refuge in fandom culture. Plenty of famous men would probably do the same if they didn't fear it'd look suspect, but the fact that Gaiman was bold enough to actually do it spoke of someone who had compulsions he couldn't reign in even if it would have been smarter. And those types are usually the ones who act on their impulses.
The fact that he has high charisma in general. Not just with young women but older writers as well, men and women. He's reasonably attractive for a man his age and very eloquent. Never trust a man who can make that sort of impression on people.
The way he used Pratchett's death and their friendship to prop himself up. Well, that one is touchy i guess, they were clearly friends, but i don't know, i always had a bad vibe about this. Adapting Good Omens was fine, but he pushed season 2 with this "Terry would have loved this, it's the sequel we always planned on writing" angle i knew he was a manipulator who would steep low to get what he wanted.
The fact he never directly attacked JKR, unlike other men of his ilk (like RT Davies or GRRM), only once published that ask of that anon on his tumblr who said she'd plagiarised Diana Wynne Jones (which she obviously didn't). Gaiman just answered "we should always read more of Diana Wynne Jones" or something like that. Sly fucker.
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postmoderntongues · 2 days ago
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Its hard when somebody very very close to you has done something unspeakable. There's grief. There's cherished memories and love that doesnt always just evaporate on the spot like you think it will. Even when you yourself are their victim sometimes part of you needs to keep the relationship going if only so you can segment a small fantasy world where your earth and entire sense of trust and reality wasn't shattered. I have a real good friend accused of some real heavy stuff atm and not the cool kind either the kind where if its true i hope somebody kills him and i haven't contacted him since finding out and will never look at him the same but i haven't blocked him and i wouldn't be unkind if he reached out to me because he was real with me when a lot of people weren't and showed me love and took me in and protected me in a lot of really bad situations i knew i was okay because the scariest person there loved me like only another CPTSD Cluster B can and hes done things that have completely changed HOW i saw him and there are certain boundaries ill always keep up to protect myself bc hes a bad guy but like honestly even if he does wind up getting locked up technically the Christian thing to do would be send him a letter or two a month and some good paperbacks like ive had friends and family who like got caught up in some BAD shit of all kinds my whole life I have guys whose weddings i was the flower girl in who are like i cannot stress this enough but literally what most people picture when they try to justify prison being substandard living situations and not just loss of free movement throughout the community and containment of people too dangerous to participate.
Especially when you are a trauma survivor, its tempting to process them facing justice as "their trauma" When you already know somebody had done a lot of really bad things and maybe some potentially soul-damning ones now and they've only ever been really good to you and even protected you from other people who would have committed damnable crimes of their own against you if he hadn't intervened its hard to just disown somebody no matter how bad the thing is you'd be surprised with where you think your line is compared to where it actually is if its there at all once real shit goes down with somebody you been through real shit with.
My evangelical-raised religious trauma/psychosis is telling me god is testing the strength of my belief in carrying out his commands in my personal life however i can and the strength of the capacity for love that I claim to possess. I don't think that's a feeling that secular people dont also experience in some way and just word differently as a trauma reaction to finding out somebody you loved and trusted did to somebody the worst thing that was ever done to you.
Tory deserves patience right now and space to heal and i hope she isn't bullied into making a statement before she is in a place to and has fully processed it but she deserves compassion and grace right now to cope and process this in her own time and we might not agree in political theory with every choice she makes under the intoxication of such intense grief from a political theory point of view but shes not a politician shes some lady who made really good art about her PTSD. You don't know until it is you and it feels different and the way you handle it is different every time. Sometimes psychological survival is more of a matter of coping adequately rather than responding correctly. Sometimes psychological survival looks selfish or includes a stage of denial or bargaining or misplaced anger/blame. Whatever Tory does, however she responds, give her grace. Immediate responses aren't permanent long term most of the time anyway.
Also people are already trying to bring Amanda Palmer down with him, she was a mentally ill woman in a marriage to a known abuser do you think she wasn't the one woman he didn't abuse when she was the one he had the most formal permission to? How many of even our own powerless zero-influence fathers managed that? Was she an accomplice/enabler or can we recognize that even among successful artists abused wives live in silence and terror. How many of our mothers lived like that? She wasn't Karla Homolka, she was a mentally ill woman who for all we know barely escaped without something horrible happening to her (if nothing horrible happened that we just dont know of which isnt impossible either). Fear can coerce somebody into silence about very big secrets, sometimes the worse the secret the scarier it is to think about doing anything but keeping it. Amanda Palmer is more than likely another of his victims, not some kind of art scene Myra Hindley.
god, the details in that new Nail Gaiman story are revolting. He is gross, he is a violent rapist, he is trash
trust me when I tell you that unless you have intensely morbid curiosity, you don't need to read it. It is stomach-churning in a very real way. But tbh I think he should probably drop dead.
I feel awful for his fans and the people in his life who thought he was a different kind of person. Tori Amos' recent interview on this made me so sad for her and others who felt like they knew someone only to realize they really, really didn't. I'm devastated for her who made neil her child's godparent,because no matter how close you think you are to someone and how well you think you know them and how long you've known them -- Billy Joel was spot on when he wrote "The Stranger" because EVERYONE has a Stranger that no one knows but themselves. You can never truly, truly know someone.
Amanda Palmer, though? Thoroughly unsurprised that she seemed to be at the very least complicit. She has always given off the most rancid of vibes.
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spaciebabie · 3 months ago
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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moeblob · 4 months ago
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Rey, who is in my very biased opinion, one of the funniest "girls" I have because she's just a guy, truly. Like Rey is just short for Reynold because he was recruited by a a goddess to help the hero she selected and the hero is conveniently Reynold's younger brother. So he agrees to help under the condition that the goddess gives him a female body for the other world. She's like "really odd flex but whatever" and gives him a female form and he's like "you know. I can't really blame anyone but myself for not specifying 'please don't turn me into a Lisa Frank personification'."
#my characters#ya know since i draw daily idk if ill do any challenges this month#i know theres a LOT of them out there but i might hold off and do huevember as a challenge and let this month just be chill#for what its worth he only asks for a female body because his baby brother (like 10 years younger than him)#commented ONE TIME ugh its so weird to have you dote on me like this#why couldnt you have been an older sister or look less suspicious#so when sent to help his brother hes like RIGHT GOT IT GIRL TIME LIKE THE MOST LOGIC COURSE OF ACTION#then does a really good job at helping the hero and then gets abducted by the demon army and#as rey keeps challenging the demons checking on him in the dungeon (who are all very kind?) to just interrogate him already#and they just ask why would they do that? they just wanted her outta the way for a bit#cause they dont actually want to hurt anyone and then the demon lord keeps personally visiting rey and continues#to point out how she gives him a headache and how the core is different than the shell#and so then he offers to revert rey back to his original form and reynold immediately accepts#and so now hes just a guy again surrounded by v nice demons#and hes like please just be mean ive been trained to handle violence you have to stop being nice#im not used to nice ok you have to be mean or else im going to develop stockholm syndrome#and the demons are just ?? we dont .... dont know.... what that is.......... what.....#then he gets engaged to the demon lord and all is well ! he becomes the trophy husband to the demon lord#and the world is saved (it was never at risk)#i have a lot of love for the idiots in this plot#because reynold and sascha are literal husbands thinking oh no my beloved husband is only married out of convenience to meeee#and solei is the goddess who recruited him and is so mad that reynold is more of a gremlin than sascha#like why is this mere mortal somehow worse than THE DEMON LORD how in the world#and reynold runs around just adopting all of the demon army and is like yeah#ill be the trophy husband with a hundred kids and a hot 7ft tall demon husband who can change into a huge dragon#and hes really content in this role!#but for a while he does appear as rey and hates how much of a highlighter he is
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faunandfloraas · 5 months ago
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"Seungmin would be SO hot if he got muscle like, can you imagine?" You would be hotter if you shut your mouth but we can't always get what we want so <3
#the amount of times ive seen this exact comment or sentiment over the past 6ish months in particular#truly pissing me off <3#like first things first- hes already handsome so if you dont see that... its fine. we all have different tastes but also be quiet <3#but like we know first hand from him that he isnt particularly interested in the gym and working out#hes not a changbin. its not his thing- he goes to keep up stamina for live shows#and the fact hes been very specific in saying so any time anyone mentions him working out and going to the gym is so like......#its kinda obvious that hes doing a polite 'please dont hassle me about getting bigger' so he makes sure to always go Its For Endurance#and yet i still see this and also. um theres other members who are muscley so why does seungmin also have to follow that route?#like if you want muscle theres people you can go look at... but also half these people cant even identify actual healthy muscle#vs. someone being so skinny that they have no fat on them and somehow think thats real muscle so like lol#its been so specifically the past half a year tho like whats that about why#its really one of those be quiet im so tired#well on the otherhand i was so stressed about my doctors appointment but now annoyance took the worries place so 🤷‍♀️#like its funny how X should lose weight comments are recognised for being shitty but the 'x should totally change his physique' is chill tho#like if seungmin organically of his own accord ever becomes a muscle bro bc /he/ wants that than for sure i'll be like Woo go seungmin !!#but only if he wants it. not the fans being annoying not bc of staff or beauty standards not bc of the other guys
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skunkes · 8 months ago
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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onrainynights · 3 months ago
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I'm about to be so annoying btw
#by this I mean I'm going to talk about my job until it's no longer new and exciting sorry guys#but this is literally the first good thing to happen to me in MONTHS#shit has been so bad like SO unbelievably bad for a WHILE#like. not only do I have a job (!!!!!!) but it actually seems like a really good fit for me and what I need#like. the hours aren't horrible and in fact I could stand to have more of them#the pay isn't *good* but it's not the worst I've ever made for sure#the work environment though... that's where it gets me. because I get to just be one guy in a store interacting with customers and literally#nobody else#for most of my workday#like. no small talk except for with customers. no learning about my coworker's stupid life. no trying to get along with someone for the sake#of work#like. I just get to be alone and sell shit and when it's slow I get to organize shit like. hello??? yes please#I don't have to be micromanaged because I'm literally alone. like. god I'm so excited#plus it's similar to work I've done before. so. yay#I do really like the coworker I've met before though. he's very sedate and has excellent customer service.#which I know bc every time my mom shops there and he's the one working he's very genial and nice#definitely good at his job. but I wouldn't be surprised if he was getting high in the back or something lmao#he's just so calm ive never met a dude more chill like. he seems like the exact opposite of anxious#and then my other coworker I haven't met yet but I'm sure she's fine.#I do like my boss though! and she's only my boss until they get another manager bc she's actually the manager at another location too#she's just filling in here while they look for another manager#but I like her she was extremely up-front and no-nonsense and plainly stated exactly what she needs from an employer#employee*#which is honestly such a relief like my last job I felt like I had no clue what people wanted from me and it was horrible#but this seems better so far#also I know for a fact I beat out two other people who had interviews the same day and I was so much the preferred choice#that she didn't even wait to decide or anything#she called me like a few hours after my interview ended like. that 3rd person left and she immediately hired me instead lol#which I have to admit does feel good after so long feeling inadequate and unhirable.#I am more hirable than at least two people. so THERE
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sleepless-crows · 4 months ago
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makeitlookdecent · 5 months ago
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srry homie for what im boutta do
for the au[other colors] i thought it would be cool to have klugs parents show up for a couple scenes, but for the timeline of the major events i needed them GONE and UNRESPONSIVE.
hes smart so i think, even at a young age, he gets that they're busy with work and all, and he's not alone per say- his friends and teachers and everyone in primp would definitely look out for him, but ive just been thinking. because like, i thought itd be cool if it was almost like strange also helped raise klug. as a (malicious) mentor of sorts. after they made truce (that they both keep breaking)
i imagine klugs parents are probably good people, but are horrible as parents. like they just keep doing their own thing and just let the village raise him.
but then that got me thinking, in this setting, do you think he would unknowingly (or maybe knowingly but trying not to think about it) resent them for not being there for him growing up?
#click for some deranged ramblings below with almost zero context#its other colors tadaaaa-*.#like klugs mom is awesome dark wizard but is too busy doing deep dungeon dives for months at a time to be home#shes a field scholar if you will#and klugs dad is very awesome sought out healer or whatever that also does dungeon runs. but he also does traveling healer stuff#i also thought itd be cool if they were divorced but on good terms and klug's primary guardian is supposed to be his mom#hence the looking up to her lots#oh i think#im pretty sure i got the jobs idea from someones headcanon years ago#im like 95% sure thats not a me idea#not my original idea <_<#hold#hold on now i gotta find it#edit: i found it!!!!! from minun @/marisexmas from way back when!!#anyway!! yea#ive been thinking about this because i was thinking of a scene before bed where klugs dad came back home like 6 months ***after***#klug had left the hospital. and then duh duh; plot plot#klug sees his dad packing again one night (its been a week max) to leave and he went “your leaving...?”#and the “already..?” goes unsaid but its clear from the tone and his dads like yeah they need me back at [hospital some countries away]#and he's all “okay klug remember to rest some your not looking to good still” and he just leaves#but the only reason his dad came in the first place was because his mom couldnt since she was balls deep in some dungeon#in the buttfukc of who knows where#but it#the accident was MONTHS AGO so the cruel part of klugs brain is all#damn what if i died?? would it have taken months for yall to show up#then too; if you even come????#and i woke up instantly to Write That Shit Down#((ngl mostly because the scene in my head was *chefs kiss* artstyle wise i mean. the colors were nice))#anyway this started because i wanted klug to battle strange and red ami but for serious reasons and then i backtracked just a bit#other colors
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daughterofsarenrae · 1 year ago
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Do u ever have those days where u like. Look back at ur life and ur just like. U know im really happy with my character growth arc
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orcelito · 6 months ago
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I'm tired of dreaming about my dad. I know it's part of processing, but I am just so tired.
#speculation nation#negative/#sometimes theyre nice dreams where i have him back. except i still wake up sad.#sometimes theyre dreams where im trying to prevent what i know is going to come. but without fail i wake up. and he's already dead.#and then there are dreams like the one i just woke up from. where i know he's dead and im feeling the full force of grief once again#bawling and bawling in-dream. with enough force that it wakes me up.#and of course. i wake up sad from these too.#it makes me think about that passage i wrote for ITNL. well over a year ago. before the Year Of Death even began.#where i wrote about vash dreaming of wolfwood. with a similar sort of vibe to this.#i wrote that inspired by the death of my grandma. who i was close with and greatly troubled by her death.#even that had nothing on my dad though. no loss has ever felt this severe before.#it's been 5 months and sometimes i feel okay. but then i feel the ache deep in my chest again#and i know im never going to be fully free from this pain.#i want to go back to the person i was before i lost my dad. to before i lost my uncle.#i want to go back to early may of last year. where life seemed hopeful and i was minimally touched by death.#only 2 deaths from people close to me. 3 deaths if you count my childhood cat.#now im up to 5 deaths of people who were close to me. and 7 if you count my sweet baby boys.#can you believe that? 4 deaths ive grieved in the past year (and a bit). 2 more deaths of ppl i knew but wasnt close to.#and 2 of them were so genuinely life-altering that they changed me as a person. my uncle and then my dad.#i still dont know who i am now. i feel so lost. i look out at the piles of boxes of my dad's stuff and i feel so overwhelmed.#im supposed to go through them. i havent touched them in months. i dont know how to even begin.#and so i try my best to keep up with my cleaning and my schoolwork. it's about all that i can manage
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chloelouygo · 9 months ago
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Trying hard in therapy so I can fix myself to make my therapist proud 🫡
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rox-of-iu · 2 years ago
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how is a man supposed to odmaturovat when my head is soooo empty but also soso so so full o(-(
#not art#crys#přituhuje přituhuje#anyway předmaturitní období is going completely /fine/ for anyone asking#pap has been sending me bronze age memes ive been scrolling through pictures of birds for two hours and who knows what aras be doing#cryptid at this point#dsjhc but anyway history+art 🤝bio+chem🤝math+phys - not having a single clue what we doing hsjkdhsa#solidarity#also i managed to last minute hyperfixate on a most beloved book series from my childhood hdkashdahkj#which i have been doodling amongst my equations lmao so once im done with all this ill be posting some things for that#since AF be holding my hand throughout these tough times ✊but like on one hand#emotional support beloved book...on the other hand gET OUT OF MY HEAD WHAT A BAD TIMING-#hahjahjkhs not to worry i will also come back to what i usually post once all this is done#only -checks watch- 7days UH OG HAHA ANYWAY and uhhhh then a month to speedrun studies for UNI entrance exams#but after that!!!!! ART TIMEE YIPEEE finally ill work on my liu//shen and N/HS animatic that ive been looking forward to for like a year no#lol#also speaking of liu'd shens#im that meme of squidward next to his window and spongebob and patrick is everyone talking about new cultivate chapters jhdkshdks#soon.....i will be able to catch up soon.......HAJHKS#anyway thats about it#im soooooooooooo tired my bones feel like theyll fall off and my brain is meltingg o(TヘTo)#but eh- gtg back to organic chemistry now bye byee everyone have a good day kissb xD
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jrueships · 2 years ago
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OOOuuuu!!! that new lebron movie is on my gatekeeeeeeep OUUU!! imma watch GOOD tonight!!
#having lows sucks bcs i hate feeling the unnecessary and that puts me in the unnecessary a LOT#it makes me feel unnecessary and makes other important shit feel unnecessary so that just adds to my overall feeling of unnecessary bcs i#UGH anyways WE CLIMBIN OUTTA IT!! ..for now!! then it's gonna be another dip next month probably but whateverwhatever#we refocus for the now ig#ANYWAYS WHAT I MEAN 2 SAY WITH THIS#i looove watching/indulging in things by myself as i climb outta emotional drops#and then when im feelin peppy again i get to share everything new ive been building back up with my loved ones !!!#who are always so willing n happy cus theyre jus happy to be with a happy me again#but also bcs i only share the best of the best or the best of the worst lol#i arrive from my regular volcanic eruptions with a single leaf i somehow saved beneath the rubble#but man if it aint shiny!!!!#anyways!!!#cant wait to get my watch on <33!!#NO MORE TALKIN!! MOVIE TIME!! ALONE TIME BUT YAY !!! YES! ALONE TIIIIME 🥰🥰#check back in one month or week or smthin and ill be shellshocked mouthing it quiet under my breath like a mantra#looking like a soldier in the barracks but the dirt kinda barracks where u find a rat where ur friends heart should be#ANYWAYS YALL#this time i mean yall as in ALL YALL my MOOTS my friendly southern yaaaall🥰#sorry i rlly need to start specifyin.. i just love the word yall#lets chat our onions on it afterward!!! if yall have any whose seen it!!! if not imma chat anyways yall know i looove chitchattin#OK GOOD? GOOD 🥰
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uselessdogboy · 8 months ago
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i literally just dont want to be here anymore
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microwaving-tesilid-argente · 9 months ago
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#girl i have so many teshes thoughts its INSANE#me starting with haha actually this ship has no basis i just want to Put Tesilid Through It#but over the past few months of brainrotting their dynamic is now like.#what if we were doomed from the start and there was never anything either of us could do to save the other#(not even talking about the regression but rather the stigma bearer thing and how they have no social power)#(but also the regression thing)#what if we loved each other throughout all the lifetimes but there could never be a happy ending. tragedy dogs our footsteps#what if we were 'guy who has a good head on his shoulders and recognises our low social positions and looks out for his friends in similar#predicaments' x 'guy who is way too giving and this is bad bc the world is out to get him and he loves ppl too much to care about#the danger to himself'#what if we were 'guy who is way too giving' x 'guy who wants to protect him but Cant'#doomed ships.....#swings hestio around i like you SO much. i need to put you under a microscope and in a fish tank#(statements that should not ever be viewed by people outside of tumblr)#some of my fic outlines has notes that are like 'wow if they had the transmigrators privilege this wouldnt even have been a problem'#and im suddenly very appreciative of canon#god bless canon tesilid may you be happy. not my fanfic tesilid though im making him miserable#anyway. the more i think about it the more interesting hestio's internal conflict could be#it's about being so acutely aware of how shit their lives already are that he knows having a r/s that is frowned upon would just#make things worse#also i am very much hooked by the fact that like. nowadays i keep seeing ship posts about 'killing myself in front of you to change the#trajectory of your life forever'#for teshes its the opposite. hestio is desperately trying to make sure tesilid doesnt off himself#and also its not hestio dying that changes the trajectory of tesilid's life forever it's hestio confessing#and somehow this inflicts more pain on tesilid in the long run#which is extremely funny bc for all the notes that ive written abt teshes hestio has only confessed like umm. checks notes. 3 times#1. drunk (tesilid is not in the room) 2. the world is ending#like if hestio had managed to take this to the grave like he had originally planned then this could have been avoided#but the tragedy is that tesilid lives thru this multiple times so at least ONE time hestio's going to blab and that forever changes things#crying in fic writing being stupidly hard
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