#ive never been super confident in my looks but ive been content for the most part

[blye-flower]

✨ Vent ✨

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

hello! im not usually active on here (i use twitter more) but i stumbled on your asks while scrolling through my feed and after reading some, i realized that we have the same stance on chapter two. when it was announced that each member would be releasing their own solo album, i was super excited. ive loved everything each member has put out before including collabs and their songs on soundcloud so, of course, i was excited to see what this chapter had to bring! looking back, i have no idea how my feelings abt this changed so much.

it was definitely after face that i started to get a bit tired with all the releases but i still streamed and kept up with all the content because i truly do love all their solo works and wanna give all seven members my full support. i was definitely a bit overstimulated with how much individual content we were getting, which could be why i started to feel these things, but ive always shown my support.

although im vmin biased and adore the layover album with my whole heart, i definitely think layover era was definitely my breaking point. twitter has become so insufferable and has just created a space so negative that its hard to even enjoy anything. i was so excited for layover but everytime i would go on twitter, solo stans would be tweeting nonsense and comparing numbers and its just all too much. this has been a problem ever since chapter two started but i never saw how bad it was until now and its honestly heartbreaking. i miss when there was no division between the members and everyone was supported equally among the fandom. ive spent a lot of time on twitter and would just block solo stans and call it a day but its come to the point where its impossible to just block and ignore bc theres way too many! chapter two has definitely fueled their narratives and given them more confidence for some reason but i truly hope theyre gone when 2025 comes around.

even some fans have started acting like solo stans but hide behind the fact that theyre heavily biased. theres clearly a difference in how armys treat the members and it definitely shows more with how they treated each solo release which is just disappointing. i understand people have different music tastes but would it hurt to act excited for a member that you supposedly love?

ive never noticed this before but this chapter definitely showed some armys true colors. this chapter also did an amazing job of fueling solo stans and their narrative that their favorite could go solo and leave bts behind, which is completely untrue and none of the members would actually want that. because of this, twitter has become such an uncomfortable space and has definitely made me less excited abt future solo works which ive never thought would happen since i love new bts music.

im definitely gonna take a break from twitter until jin comes back but for now, i really do wish i was able to enjoy chapter two without such negative feelings. i was truly very excited but looking back, i see how rushed everything was and although im glad each member was able to shine in their own way and explore with different genres, sometimes i wish this chapter took a different approach or just never happened. im hoping this feeling goes away when bts are fully seven again but i dont know. i just felt the need to let that out since ive been feeling this way for so long that i started to feel guilty bc ive never had such negative feelings towards bts before.

and of course, this is no hate to bts! i love my boys and have gone all out for all solo releases. im more just ranting abt army twitter and how they kinda ruined this experience for me which isnt the boys faults at all.

Your feelings are valid! You don't need to feel only positive things about people you love. Think about the people you love most that you know personally. Have you never been disappointed in them, with or without reason? Have you never been irritated by them, irrationally or righteously? Have you never wanted distance from them, because you wanted space or because you were upset with them? People only have these kind of unrealistic expectations about love when it comes to their favorite celebrity. Having mixed feelings about people you're close to, or even love, is just life.

Fandom is a large part of being Army - I mean, it's right there in the name -, of course bad fandom experiences can "turn you off" from the group. Before this blog actually started to resonate with some people, I wanted to delete it and hated myself every time I posted because I felt that all I did was spread hate - even when it was more political and not really about BTS themselves. I felt so alone and it was hard being a fan. Then, because of my Jikook and Jungkook posts, more people started following me and interacting with me - for example, sending me asks like this - and everything changed. Now I know that if I don't like something, I can share it, and someone will most likely feel the same way. It makes a world of difference...

I don't think I was ever that excited about chapter 2 tbh. And, unlike you, I definitely was disappointed by most releases. Most of it grew on me over time though, and I genuinely appreciate everything BTS has accomplished in chapter 2. I had so many mixed feelings about Jungkook, and still regularly get annoyed and disappointed, but when I see everything he's been able to achieve... like having the fourth most streamed song on Spotify this year??? With 3 months of tracking? Being the first Asian act ever in the top 5?? That's crazy. His music is so loved, and he's done so many cool things... I wouldn't trade solo era for anything. I really believe they needed this. There was always so much talk about BTS having no individual branding, and everyone wondered how well they would do solo - I'm sure BTS themselves had these thoughts about how they'd manage on their own - and now we/they know. They did great!

Obviously, chapter 2 made solos worse and fueled petty competition between the members, but I don't think it was that bad? These issues have always existed in the fandom and I don't believe chapter 2 made things that much worse. I still see so much support for OT7...

Honestly, I'm OT7 but I love Jungkook way more than the other members... I only streamed for Jungkook because otherwise I didn't have the motivation to stream songs I didn't want to listen to that many times. I think it's impossible to expect everyone to have the same energy towards every member. I listened to every song and album in chapter 2, and watched most of the performances, but with so much content, I couldn't be bothered to keep up with most of it. I have, like, 10 Jungkook lives as well as radio interviews and other videos of Jungkook to watch still.

Another point, I think it's easy to get caught up in fandom battles. I found myself pitting JK against Jimin, for example, because I saw so much of it and maybe I'm naturally competitive? You just get sucked into the bullshit as well. Even if you're not a crazy toxic fan, Twitter can change you.

Sadly, solos will still be around in 2025, and a lot of them will still be crying out over mistreatment and other bullshit. Now the members have "legitimate" solo stans too - ie. people who became fans during solo era and didn't bother checking out, or liked, the other members.

There was definitely so much content that it was overwhelming, but that's BTS tbh. I've just been a fan since 2019, but I was only not overwhelmed with content in, maybe, 2022?

This post kinda got away from me, but, yeah, take a break from Twitter, don't feel bad for feeling tired and overwhelmed with all the content (what Army isn't tbh), and my ask box is open anytime you want to vent!

Thanks for the ask!

[klaus-is-the-real-number-1]

The House of the Rising Sun (Number 5 x reader)

A/N: This is an unfinished fic ive had in my drafts for well over a year,, enjoy? based of s1

Crime rates had never been higher, gangs ravaging the city any opportunity they got dealing class A narcotics and carrying out random acts of violence. No one leaves their houses at night, as soon as the sun sets the streets would empty and complete anomie would take place. One ‘gang’ were set above the rest, they were practically the equivalent of the mafia, all dressed in a smartly pressed uniform and operating throughout the entire city, the Umbrella Academy. Rumour has it they all had ‘powers’ of some sort, making them the most powerful gang, even if they didn’t have their ‘powers’ they would still be in the lead having very high levels of violence between them.

The Umbrella Academy all had nicknames, a mere murmur of the said names would send people running like scared dogs, tails between their legs. The most feared of the Umbrella Academy was The Boy, just as him name suggested he was the one no one knew anything about, yes there was rumours but never any solid facts. The Boy had apparently travelled to the future, has a kill count of hundreds and can appear in a flash of blue from thin air, but these are just mad rumours that drift round town.

Dusk set upon the city but you didn’t notice, too busy finishing bouquets in your shop. You ran a small florists on the outskirts of the town, you never caused any trouble and had never stayed late until today. You glanced out the window and gasped, looking at the pitch black sky, feeling your heart rate increase at the thought of walking four blocks in the gang ridden town. As quickly as you could you close the shop, making sure the doors were locked and the solid metal shutters were firmly shut. You leave by the back door, locking it and closing the shutter yet again, not leaving your small life source of a shop to the vengeance of raging gangs who carry out pointless crimes.

Shadows hid your small frame as you quickly walked home, defenceless, hoping to miss anyone out at the late hours of the night. Unfortunately, luck was not playing on your side, from the shadows you could make out a group of lads making their way threateningly down the street. All you could do is pray that you wouldn’t get spotted in the dark shadows.

“Well what do we have here?” You quickened your pace somehow thinking that you could move away from them but you were wrong. You were surrounded like you were feeding bread to a flock of seagulls, if the seagulls were feral and had rabies it would mirror how afraid you were at that moment. 

“Sorry!” Is all you were able to squeak out as you were roughly pulled out from the safeness of the dark into the centre of the group, your bag getting ripped off your back. Your frozen, watching them go through the contents of your bad, dumping out all your papers and pens that you had in your bag until finally finding your purse. “Please don’t it’s all I have.” 

As soon as the words left your mouth you were on the ground, a numbing pain shooting through the side of your head, you could see heavy droplets of blood hit the floor as your nose bled from the impact. Another sharp impact landed against your ribs as a sob wracked through your shaking body, unable to comprehend how quickly the events had escalated, all you could do now is wait for the next impact but it never came.

“Hey, assholes!” The voice was crisp and sharp, dripping with confidence and authority. “Pick on someone your own size.”

Coins fell to the floor as the gang dropped your bag and your purse and ran, you couldn’t even look up, the thought of someone more threatening than an entire group sent shivers down your hurt body. You didn’t hear footsteps, all you saw from your peripheral vision a blue light and a dark figure. The rustling sound of papers cut through the silent street and the harsh zip of your bag startled you.

“You need to see someone about that.” You look up and were met with none other than The Boy, the most questioned of the Umbrella Academy, dressed in a smart uniform, domino mask securely covering his identity. His fingertips lightly brushed the side of your head, causing you to flinch away. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He said unconvincingly, emotions hidden by the mask.

He held your now packed bag out to you, you lifted yourself off the floor, wincing as you did so. You cautiously took your bag from The Boys hand, holding it loosely in your hand. Taking a step, you stumble, your side collapsing in on it’s self, The Boy caught you, putting his arm around your waist to steady you.

“Here, let me help you home, where do you live?” In your shattered state you told him, and in a blink of blue you were at your door. You messily fumble with your keys as your shaking hands roughly push your door open, dropping your bag into your small apartment.

“Thank you.” The mask clad boy stood before you, hands in his shorts pockets.

“It’s okay,” You couldn’t see his eyes but you knew they were scanning over your body. “Make sure to get your injuries checked over, they got you pretty hard y/n.” Then he was gone.

You lock your door and double check your windows, securing them before limping over to your bathroom, looking at your beaten form in the mirror. Red marks spread over your face and the side of your body, bruising already starting to form, blood stained your white patterned shirt with a now ruined name tag, the thought of work taking over your thoughts, well not all of your thoughts. The Boy was also on your thoughts, his cold emotionless face, half covered by a domino mask, contrasted with the softness of his words, the caring nature of his touch. He’s a crime lord, a dangerous man, yet he showed kindness to you.

Five was angry, he was angry with himself that he didn’t get there quick enough to stop them hurting y/n. She was the only pure thing left in the city and they went for her, defenceless. Five would’ve killed them on the spot if he didn’t want to hurt y/n any more than she already was. He wasn’t actively going out of his way to find y/n, she was sunshine in a grey and broken world.

“Five,” He hadn’t even finished teleporting into his room before Luther started speaking. “We’re not meant to be out on the streets. What were you doing?” Luther’s big frame towered over Five, attempting to threaten him.

“I was out doing what were meant to be doing, keeping our authority through the streets. Haven’t you heard that they’ve been saying we’re weak.” Five snarled at his brother prompting Luther to sigh then walk out. It wasn’t always like this, they could’ve been heroes but Mr Hargreeves only saw the darkness and the powers within them, he made them the best at being the worst and for some it was the end of the line.

An aching agony wracked through your fragile body as your head pounded like a thousand drummers sounding the beating retreat. You hoped a shower would ease any of the pain, warm water running over all of your bruises, the side of your body looking like a black and blue watercolour along your ribs. Your work clothes were just casual, simple, it was one of the upsides of owning your own business. However, you did have an apron, it had different flowers embroidered on it and a simple name tag. A name tag now covered in blood.

Quiet music softly played in the background of your flower shop, you swept the floor in time to the music, swaying your hips as you did so. Heading back to the storage room, you heard the bell to the shop chime, a welcoming noise. 

“Hey, how can I help?” The man seemed startled, looking up at the arrangement of bouquets and flashing a quick smile.

“I’d like some flowers for my mom,” He almost hesitated with his words, a soft peach colour present on his cheeks. “I saw your shop yesterday and couldn’t remember the last time anyone had got her any.” 

“Awe, that’s super sweet, have any of the bouquets caught your fancy or does she have a flower preference?” The boy in front of you was about the same age as you, maybe older, he had sharp features but they were even out by the softness of his eyes.

He thought for a moment, searching the deepest parts of his brain. “Lilies, she likes lilies.” You smile at his words before looking round your small, compacted shop for any pre-made bouquets. 

“We don’t have any made up right now but if you come back,” You look at the clock, thinking about a convenient time for him to come back. “In about 2 hours I’ll have one made up for you?” You give him a sweet smile as he nods. “Great! If you want you can leave your name and number so I can text you when its done.” 

You watch him messily write his details on a post it note. Peeling it off the block, you stick it to your notice board, looking at his name as you did so. Five. “I’ll send you a text once your bouquets done!”

“Ok, thank you,” He hesitated as he strained to read your name tag. “Y/n.”

“No problem, Five.” You see a small smile break out on his face as he left the shop. The rest of your day dragged as a slow drip of customers drifted in and out of the shop. You made a large bouquet of different types of lilies for Five, taking extra care to arrange them in the prettiest way you could, making it extra special for his mom. 

You admire your handy work, loving when you get special orders being able to be as creative as you want. You send a text to Five saying that he can drop in any time from now until closing to pick them up, you get an almost instant response sending his thanks. 

Shouting echoed down the street, sharp crashing of glass cutting through the air. Smoke drifted like ghosts down the street as screams echoed down the road of people coughing, spluttering grasping for breath. Peering out your shop window you saw them again, the lads from the night before, petrol bombs in hand ready to throw. You had to consider you options, quick, close the shutters quickly and run out the back or just run out and risk that they recognise you.

Quickly, you pulled the shutters down as you hear the unruly lads shouting get louder, you think your safe but then you remember the window upstairs, wide open, vulnerable. Taking two steps at a time but you were halfway to the window and heard a ‘get the flower shop’.

A flame like a rabid hare shot past you, shattering on the ground followed by another, hitting the window dead on surrounding you in flame, no escape in a smoke filling room. Smoke licked the walls as smoke danced in your lungs, making you feel lightheaded, blurring you vision. The floor burnt as you dropped to your knees, trying to take in any remaining oxygen, begging for your eyes not to close.

As Five walked back to the flower shop only to be met with shouting, screaming and sirens, noticing the smoke in the air he quickened his pace, only to break out into a sprint at the sight of the small flower shop in flames. He couldn’t see y/n out in the street in front of the shop, in a blind panic he blipped into the shop, looking round and seeing smoke pouring down the stairs, dread filling his body. In a blink of an eye he was in the burning room, finding y/n unconscious on the floor, he grabbed her body and as quickly as he could in the haze of the smoke.

He flashed to the academy, roughly shaking y/n shoulder. “Y/n,” He checked she was still breathing. “y/n please. Wake up. Mom!” Grace came round the corner, watching her son frantically shake an unconscious body.

“What’s wrong, dear?” Grace’s calming voice did nothing to sooth the panicking boy, she looked at the girls flame licked skin. “Take her to the medical room, Five.” Without another word Five had flashed upstairs, Grace beginning jogging up the stairs wrapping her medical apron around her as she did.

You gasp awake, proceeding to cough up whatever smoke settled in your lungs. You didn’t recognise the room around you, it didn’t look like any normal hospital, or even a hospital at all. Panicking at the foreign surroundings you drag yourself out of the bed, body screaming out at the heat in your arms and palms from the fire, the fire, your shop. Before even having time to comprehend the series of unfortunate events that led you up to this point, a woman walked in, sending heaving 1950/60′s vibe.

“Hello dear, I’m Grace.” Grace had a soft voice but it didn’t sound quite right, it sounded almost robotic, not human.

“I’m sorry, I’ve got to go.” You pushed past her and hope to find a way out of the large eerie house you were in. Panic mode overtook your whole body as you tried to find any way out, footsteps echoing behind you as Grace tried to catch up with you but you saw the front door and ran for it.

“My dear, you can’t go yet!” But you had already ran out the door, it being left wide open behind you, sprinting down the street probably looking like a madman but in that moment it didn’t matter to you, you had to get out.

[palmett-hoes]

hello!!!! how do u feel about the pairing of kevin day and allison reynolds, if u dont mind me asking

uuuhhhhhhhhhhh,,,

in all honesty i have very few thoughts on the matter

like i've scrolled past the handful of fics for them and seen maybe one fan art and just kinda went "okay" and moved on

it doesn't really do much for me, though i can definitely respect bi4bi relationships

so i did spend a little extra time thinking on it to answer this ask, and my conclusion is that i don't think it would really be a stable, healthy relationship, which is usually what i talk about when i talk about good ships bc i'm a romantic and a coward who tends to only like ships that i think should get married and grow old together

to comment on their dynamic though, i think they could be good bitchy, judgemental friends and i think allison would be a good person to pull kevin out of his head and force him out of his comfort zone and away from exy. as a romantic relationship though? i think she would steamroll him

look, i love allison, but she's a ball-buster tbh it's part of the reason i love her, she's totally unapologetic

we see it with seth, and later a little bit with neil, too: allison does not tip-toe around your problems, and she's not nice about confronting them either. she throws them right in your fucking face and she doesn't give a shit if you can't handle it. and then in return, she expects the same back. she likes to yell and she isn't afraid of being yelled at

in fact, the thinks that the yelling and the insults is all a part of airing out grievances. she's from a very stuffy, uptight world where no one actually says what they think, where issues never get addressed head-on and where resentment can fester underneath a smile for years or even generations

her attitude is a direct response to the superficial, two-faced world of the super-rich. it's a powerful statement of her own identity and individuality, and to her it's the most direct and most effective way to solve problems

unfortunately, this also means that her relationships with other people are going to be ROCKY

when she's upset, her focus is on feeling and expressing all of her emotions in the moment, not preserving someone else's. she doesn't care about harmony and she doesn't care about the long-term consequences of her words, but she also probably hits a lot of nerves that don't blow over in a day. just because she doesn't internalize insults doesn't mean everyone is like that

allison and seth had an explosive relationship, but they seemed to be on the same page about this, and it's probably because they were both the types of people that dealt with their emotions like this that their relationship lasted as long as it did. the other upperclassmen got used to allison over time, but it was rough, and it was clear in the summer practices in tfc that she wasn't always on their sides, and was just as open to starting fights with them as her boyfriend

and that brings us to kevin

kevin seems very tough on the outside. he's rude and condescending and judgemental and picky, just like allison. but unlike allison this attitude doesn't really go both ways. kevin is actually somewhat delicate

kevin is from an environment of open, constant criticism. of high achievers aiming for perfection. but that criticism wasn't a two-way street. he couldn't tear down riko or the master the way they tore him down, he could only transfer that censure by proxy onto the lower ranking ravens or take it to heart and internalize it

remember "As brutal as Kevin could be toward the rest of the team, he was hardest on himself"?

kevin has an inferiority complex enforced by years of abuse, and he's been taught to shut up and bend the knee to people with more power than him

i think that kevin and allison could go toe-to-toe, tit-for-tat for a while, but i think that there are lines kevin has that allison would be willing to cross that would bring him to his knees, and she wouldn't even realize. but once she did her relationship with kevin would never fully be the same

it's not the same as with riko, allison doesn't actually have power over him, but ince the association is there even subconsciously it would color the way he sees her. he would become afraid of her

she probably wouldn't even know what she'd done, let alone know how to fix it

but yea, that's my take on kevin/allison

i really think that kevin needs a partner who is supportive and kind. (in the same way, allison needs a partner who is confident and opinionated)

i think a good way to determine what someone needs out of a partner is what they look for when they're under stress.

when kevin is scared he seeks goes to abby. he seeks out comfort and compassion. he seeks out kindness.

people like allison or neil or andrew confront the issue head on. they prepare for the worst so they want the bitter, jagged truth

kevin wants to be told it's going to be okay

if there are any foxes that i think kevin would be compatible with, it's either matt or renee or maybe even nicky tbh. i also like,, just don't care for any of those options as ships so pls don't ask me for more on this i'm not about to become a mevin content machine

i'm also actually pretty shocked that kevin/jeremy isn't a bigger ship, given that it was all but stated out loud that kevin has a crush on him, and tbh it's kinda sad that kevin's crush gets written off as a joke because of the popularity of jerejean which ive spoken about my feelings on before. like,, jeremy is kind and genuine and fiercely committed to exy, and in just the one scene he appears in it's very clear that he's super familiar with kevin, knows that he's a grumpy asshole, and is extremely fond of him anyway

like,,, what's not clicking?

[ask-the-clergy-bc]

What would you think about headcanons for the papas realizing they're falling in love with someone close to them (i.e. an assistant, close friend, etc.)? Super specific, I know, but it was an idea I got super interested in on the fly lmao

I love this so much, it’s actually one of my favorite ways to look into their characters romantically!! Hope you enjoy this! 

Also, I feel like it’s a given but I always want to point out that there will be very blatant power imbalances when it comes to the Assistant Reader and the Papas- simply from their place of power and titles. I can go back and add a tag to this if anyone needs! 

Papas/Copia realizing they are falling for a reader who is close to them!

Papa Nihil:

Nihil has only experienced love like this only a handful of times (Don’t tell Sister!) Imperator was one of the strongest connections he ever felt, and the first time he was hit by true love. But over the decades their relationship was put in a strain. Especially when you came into his life. Originally you were part of a small group of Siblings who attended Nihil. But, eventually it became just you who turned to his personal assistant. Not just from his favor but you were the only one who could handle the workload and challenges of the job. Others just fell out of it and were dismissed. Plus, Sister Imperator saw great potential in you. Nihil started noticing his change in feelings toward you some time into your position as Grand Papa’s personal assistant. It was more comforting and easy going with you around. 

Nihil wasn’t sure to laugh at himself or shake his head when you took your first vacation, leaving him with a sub par substitute. You being gone made him sad, lonely, and aching for your return. That’s when he knew he had it bad for you. You always made his day and you both communicated well. Not to mention that you shared so much in common. Papa Nihil felt he bonded with you in a way he hadn’t felt in years. And, he wasn’t about to let you get away! When you came back he did usher you away to a private place and confess his feelings to you. Being blunt and straight admitting that he couldn’t picture his life without you. Nihil gives you the chance to accept or decline of course, seeing as this could turn your professional life in the clergy upside down. You have no idea how pleased he is when you accept! 

Papa I:

You had worked with Papa for years now. You wouldn’t call yourself one of his students, nor one of his personal secretaries. But you were always one of his go to Siblings of sin for rituals, under work, and various projects the Papa would assign. You had been there for everything between helping the man research, to gathering ritual supplies, and even attending his gardens. To Papa, you were a valued member of the flock and one of the hardest workers he had met in the Ministry. Honestly, it was no wonder to the man why he felt so fondly of you. Papa knew immediately he was attracted to you. At first it was a casual attraction, yes he found you attractive but he was more intrigued by your point of view and your mind. He longed to get to know you more. Papa is not one to beat around the bush, and quite bluntly asked if you wished to pursue anything more. 

You accepted, even though you wanted to take things very slow. And Papa was happy to respect you. Your relationship was very platonic for a long time, and Papa valued your company more than anything. The more time spent together the stronger your relationship. For Papa, it was a welcome change to have a more friendly and deep companion than one that served to warm his bed. It didn’t surprise him the day he watched you work with his personal garden did he realize you meant the world to him. That no other person understood and loved him the way that you did. Papa smiled to himself and continued to work. When you asked him why he looked so content Papa was quick to say, “I believe you have stolen my heart.” It nearly made your own heart stop. This fierce, all powerful Antipope before you was humbled and proclaiming his love in the sweetest way. You couldn’t help but do the same for him! 

Papa II:

Takes the longest to come to terms with his feelings and is the most stubborn about it. Namely because Papa is scared to death at the idea of truly catching feelings for someone. He’s had his days of endless lusting, infatuations- nothing more than casual flings or short term affairs. But to realize he’s falling for you? It’s not possible! You weren’t even in his inner circle… not at first. You were one of his older brother’s students. A promising user of witch craft that longed to master your dark arts with the eldest Emeritus brother. He met you when you assisted in a ritual that took place with all the Papas. At first he didn’t notice you, but seeing you talk to Papa I changed that… you were articulate, polite, thoughtful, intelligent, and best of all you were pleasing to look at. Papa thought highly of your potential, and you two slowly talked more and more. 

He made his casual interest known and you reciprocated. What started as another casual affair turned into more than just the physical. Soon you both were having more dinners, more conversations. Hell there were times he summoned you just to have company and some wine. You were a delight to talk to, so much more deeper than some of his other lovers. Actually, you weren’t just another lover. To him you were like a very close friend with benefits- something he didn’t allow often. Papa did not open up to you at first, but the longer you spent time together the more he considered it. He found himself losing his guard with you and he despised the idea of being vulnerable. Papa denied himself of WANTING you to know him so intimately… but eventually had to confess. He wanted you for himself, as a real partner. A real lover in all senses of the word. Someone he could grow to give his whole self to. It took him a while to work the nerve up to inform you this, and you were all too happy to accept! 

Papa III:

It took him a long time to realize how deep his feelings are for you- because you two have been close friends for years. Granted, you’ve rejected all of his casual advances for bedtime shenanigans, and he’s always respected that. Instead you two have gotten very close emotionally- something Papa genuinely doesn’t have with a lot of people. Besides Omega, and a few of his ghouls and brothers, Papa does not have a lot of genuine and true friends he can be himself around. His position of authority makes it hard in both rivalry and people wanting to use him. Not that he has a lack of bedmates or casual partying acquaintances. So he’s never thought to even think of you as anything more than one of his best friends and confidants…That is until he saw you flirt with someone for the first time. Now, Papa HAS been there to give you romantic advice and an ear when it comes to your personal life. 

What person in the Clergy doesn’t have their bouts in romance? But he’s never actually SEEN you with anyone… and that just doesn’t feel right to him. He finds himself, dare he think, jealous? But why would he be- you’re his friend, he should be happy for you! After all you’ve made it clear that you didn’t want any casual one nights with him… but did he ever think to commit more? Papa broods on it for a long time of why he would suddenly feel so awful about the idea of you actually BEING with someone else- like having a serious commitment with someone. Why was he so JEALOUS? Then it hits him… he actually has feelings for you. The reason he didn’t understand before is that Papa rarely has deeper, intimate feelings for someone beyond lust or infatuation. And now, he’s understanding that maybe the reason he’s so eager for your company is more than mere friendship. 

Papa IV/Cardinal Copia: 

Copia had known for a very long time that he had fallen in love with you. You were one of the few people he trusted with his life- as true loyalty beyond his ghouls was genuine and rare. The Ministry is a cut throat and very dangerous place to be in the higher ranks, especially with him trying to start the new Bloodline. But you’ve been his personal assistant for years and the two of you had bonded immensely. He loved all your mannerisms, your kindness, your loyalty and duty to the Clergy. But Copia never made a move on you. Even though there is nothing saying he CAN’T have unprofessional relations with you (who in the Clergy DIDN’T regularly bed their co workers and assistants?) Copia never felt right about it. Mainly because he was afraid you didn’t see him that way and that, if you did get physical, it might ruin the bond you two had. So he stayed quiet about it for years and just admired you from his desk. 

It’s not until he’s FINALLY Papa does he try to make a move and confess. Mainly because now he doesn’t have to worry about him being in such a precarious position. Copia can finally relax a little and enjoy his newfound position. You haven’t left this entire time, you’ve been there for him- Hell’s Gates, you’re STILL his assistant! Copia, even in his Papa paint, still seems so shy like a school boy about it. But he confesses his feelings to you without faltering. At first his heart sinks with rejection when he hears you bust out laughing. But this changes when you smile back sweetly and shake your head. “Finally- it took you long enough!” For you both, it was a new start to an already solid and unshakable relationship. You just had to be the patient one and let him come to you!

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

Oh tysm wes. I hope you don't mind me asking here, (unless you prefer like me asking on a different blog), what were the changes you saw on T? And have you ever had thoughts of doubt or whatever? I think it's more a personal thing that I need to work on confidence and stuff but my biggest worry is that I'd doubt whatever decision I make-- whether I take it or not (and whether i stay on it or not) and sorta feel.... fake ig?

ur welcome! 

I definitely have had doubts, especially before I started. I have less now that I’m on it because it really made me feel a lot happier and better about myself, which helps a lot to calm those thoughts. it is hard though when so many people on the internet like TERFs and transmeds and stuff are so concerned with Fake Trans People(TM) ruining feminism or whatever like it’s total bullshit but it is infectious. i can never engage with those types of people or look at that content for too long because it makes me feel so awful. 

but anyways. changes that I saw on T:

hairiness - so i say this as someone with dark dark brown hair and who was extremely hairy even prior to going on T, i did get even hairier pretty quickly. including facial hair. i was not someone who ever wanted facial hair but once it started happening i didn’t mind it too much. i already had a little facial hair from before. so this can definitely vary especially if you have a lighter color hair like red or blonde. 

my period stopped

my voice did get lower, like a fair amount. i don’t do any voice training stuff though personally. i feel like i have a good Lispy Gay(TM) register that i am happy with lmao. for the most part now when i get misgendered it’s like 90% over the phone/due to my voice tbh

as i’ve been saying, it made me feel better emotionally. i have multiple mental health diagnoses and am also on antidepressants for a while prior to this. but this really helped in stabilizing my mood too. i don’t feel like it made me angry or aggressive or anything like some trans guys worry about.

i gained weight, it definitely makes me hungrier/messed with my metabolism. but i feel like after a while i got into a rhythm and my weight stabilized. 

my shoulders got broader and my jaw got a little more square? i have a very round moon face and i feel like it’s not a huge change, but just a bit to make my face a little more masculine. 

my body temp raised a LOT. like i used to be always cold and now i am basically a walking heater. this was probably the most inconvenient for me because i am very heat sensitive and i sweat a lot. but now i can also withstand cold temps a lot better. 

my hairline has changed - ive been stressing recently abt the whole Am I Balding thing but i think its more that my hair is super grown out which changed my part from a side part to a middle part which i absolutely hate. and i think one of the things that trans guys worry abt the most is going on T and balding. this is one of those genetic lottery things like if you know it’s very prevalent in your family then there’s a chance but if not then....who knows? 

it does give me a bit of acne as well - kind of like the first time i went through puberty.

erm i think these are all the main things that are not genital/sex related - i will know describe those under this Read More in case people would rather not know lol 

Wes

i did get clitoral growth - i would say in an average way? nothing wild but there is much more obvious flaccid/hard stages. i never really had bottom dysphoria so i didn’t really have any expectations or cares about it. 

my libido did raise, esp at the beginning. prior to t for me it was a lot more sporadic. but more importantly my orgasms got a lot more intense which was a definite plus lmao!

i sometimes go through “dry spells” where i don’t produce as much discharge, esp after Sexual Stuff(TM). this can get really annoying bc friction so occasionally i use a “vaginal moisturizer” mainly marketed for menopausal women but going on T is literally just forcing ur body through early menopause. here’s an example of that kind of product, & there’s also an external version that helps if you do experience that friction on your outer parts too. 

this is all I can really think of! i hope you’ve found this helpful & sorry if some of this is TMI lol !

Wes (again!)

[faintwalker]

for the artist asks!! the questions i wanna ask u are 1, 2, 7, 9, 10, 12, 15, 25, and 30 👌 ive never done any of these artist ask things before so im not sure if thats way too many questions so u can skip some if u like

Even more questions!  -wWw-  

(As I’ve already answered 1, 2, 7, 15, and 25 with the previous ask, I will skip over those, but let me know if you want an answer expanded upon!)  

So, it looks like I’m starting with:  

9. How much time do you spend drawing on an average day?  

I feel like I should say that, due to the pandemic, I feel like I didn’t pick up this hobby on a time of average days, so that may skew the data a bit.  On some days I don’t draw at all, for various reasons, or I only get a small doodle done.  Some days I draw for a few hours.  And some days I spend more time, sometimes even the majority of the day, working on art, usually when I’m afflicted with hyperfocus for a project.

So, an average day is probably more than one hour but less than five.  Maybe.  I can’t say I’m sure.  

10. Are you confident about your art?  

It depends, I think.  

Perhaps I should say I’m confident with where I’m at with my art, in many ways.  I’m still learning and growing as an artist, and there are many ways in which I hope to improve my abilities.  Some of my art has many mistakes, and certain pieces are uncomfortable to look at with how glaring the mistakes feel-- even some of these pieces are on my blog.  I try to avoid showing a strong lack of confidence when I don’t feel great about something, because really: 

The art I do is a hobby.  I don’t have to be perfect at it, all I have to do is find that it brings something worthwhile to my life.  

And so for me, drawing isn’t about being perfect.  If I was trying to convey a concept, did I convey the concept?  If I was trying to capture a certain feeling, do I feel it when I look upon the piece?  If I thought of something silly, does my art of it still make me want to laugh?  Sometimes art is about emotional processing or healing or fear.  Sometimes art is wanting to share something with someone else, hoping to brighten their day.  It’s a form of expression, and it can express all kinds of things.

(If my art is a love letter to something that matters to me in life, do I feel glad of the time I spent on it?)  

When I ask questions like this, I would say that I have confidence even if I have much to learn in the way of skill.  And I do think some of my skill is pretty decent, too!  I can have a lot to learn and still feel good with what I do now.  

Even if a piece is not my “best,” I will still often put it up so as to not corner myself into raising my own bar on what’s “good enough” to an impossible high.  To live like that is miserable for me.

(I grew up in a place where my worth was dependent on my abilities.  To draw and create without my art needing to be “good enough”-- needing to try for perfection on every piece when perfection itself is an abstract concept-- is a way in which I make myself freer.  And so my philosophy on art has perhaps become a strange one, but it gives me the strength to draw as I do.)  

(Sorry if my answer is odd and overly heavy!  I was trying to answer the question honestly, and this was the best way I could think to do it.)  

12. Is it okay for people to ask you about your process?  

Super okay!  If you’re curious about something, please feel free to ask!  

-wWw-  

(I already answered 15, but on some days when I do many little drawings, the time between posting can give an idea of how long they take!  I often post things soon after I draw them.  Not always, and some time is spent with taking the picture and formatting the post, but I did realize that sometimes when I draw many smaller things, I do them in a row!)  

30. What inspires you to not just make art, but to be a better artist?  

Many things, to be honest!  There are things I would like to convey better in my art, so that’s a big one.  Seeing other people’s art can be inspiring-- I can’t word it well at present, but the world is full of all this art and I find that to be wonderful.  Sometimes that makes me want to contribute too, partially out of appreciation.  I’d like to make things that other people can see and have feelings about.  I think that’d be pretty cool.  (It’s always super cool to hear when people like my art!  Makes me really happy.)  

On the contributing-- I like to make fanart.  It’s fun to be part of an online community of people who all like a certain thing and celebrate that in various ways, and seeing all that inspires me to put in effort when I can!  Thanks to all of the kind people who have been part of my positive fandom experience!

As I said earlier, art is a form of expression, and so part of it is wanting to express myself better.  

Below the cut I get dark and heavy.  This is your warning about that.

 To be personal for a moment again: I’ve survived through some really terrible things in life.  One of the things that helped me the most to get through that and to make it to the better place I’m in now, to keep me going on alright, is seeing reflections of pain similar to what I went through in fiction.  I don’t know anyone who lived through a situation like mine, and I’m happy about that, actually, because I don’t want people to suffer, but a fictional character can’t be hurt in the same way as a person can be, as they are a concept.  And it’s not easy to find characters with hurts very similar to my hurts actually dealing with them in a psychologically realistic or relatable way, but when I do find content with that, it matters so much to me.  It makes me feel like I’m not alone. 

If I can, I want to make something of the sort that I find helpful, in the hopes that it might help someone else too.  And that is the deepest heart of it-- helping myself and others.  

---  

Thank you for sending in the questions, jellyfish!  I hope the heavy answers are okay.

[brrahbrrahcharacterimagines]

An Injured Friend (Peter Parker/Spider-Man x Reader)

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Peter Parker/Spider-Man x Reader

Word Count: 2105

Warnings: Violence, Injury, Minor Angst

A/N: I’m back guys! I hope you enjoy!

You felt like you had known Peter for forever. In reality it might have only been a little over a year, but you felt closer to him than you had ever felt to anyone else. You shared a special bond, a unique connection. Only it wasn’t the kind of connection people expected.

You were best friends. You did everything together, from shopping to homework to fighting crime. You were both members of the Avengers, and it allowed the two of you to bond. As you were both around the same age, the rest of the team assumed that you would end up together. If you were being honest, there was a small part inside of you that wanted the same thing despite how hard you tried to ignore it. But no matter how you felt about him, there were larger matters at hand.

“Y/N! Behind you!” Boomed Thor’s powerful voice. You spun, coming face to face with some sort of alien. 

Why does it always have to be aliens? You thought, ducking out of its grasp. You swung as hard as you could, hitting the monster in the face and sending it to the ground. Without missing a beat you grabbed the gun from your holster and aimed for the head, shooting and killing the alien.

“Nice work,” complimented Natasha, dealing with two aliens of her own. You rushed to help, although you knew she didn’t need it. Both foes were too busy focusing on Nat to see you run up behind them, burying your knife in one of their skulls as you shot the other. “You’re becoming quite the bad ass,” Natasha said with a grin.

“Thanks,” you chuckled, almost forgetting you were in the midst of a battle. A sharp pain in your leg brought you back quickly.

You fell to the ground, your leg no longer supporting you.

“Y/n!” You heard Natasha yell, falling to your side. You looked down, seeing blood pooling underneath you as it poured from a wound in your leg.

“Nat,” you whispered, your eyes wide.

“Shh,” she said, stroking your hair and trying to calm you. She continued glancing around, making sure the area was safe as the two of you stayed in place. “It’s going to be alright.”

“What’s going on over there?” Came Cap’s voice through your earpiece. 

“Y/n’s been shot,” replied Natasha. “They managed to get her in the leg.”

“Get her out of here,” ordered Steve. Natasha moved to pick you up, and you had to bite back a scream as the pain intensified. 

“It’s okay,” said your friend as the two of you booked it out of there. “It’s alright.”

You heard gunfire, feeling the pain pulsating through your leg. Your vision went blurry, getting foggier and foggier before everything went dark.

--

You woke up to a rhythmic beeping, looking around to find yourself in a room that seemed much too bright. You tried to get up, only to feel an IV tugging at your hand. A wave of pain coursed through your leg at the movement, causing you to let out a small yelp.

“You’re awake,” came a familiar voice. “Are you in pain? Are you okay?”

“I’m alright Peter,” you said, smiling shyly at the boy in the chair next to your bed. You felt ashamed for not having noticed him sooner. “I was just being dumb is all.”

“You aren’t dumb,” he replied immediately. “You’re hurt.”

“Thanks for letting me know, I couldn’t tell.” You replied sarcastically. “The throbbing in my leg doesn’t give it away at all.”

“It’s throbbing?” He asked worriedly. “Should I get the doctor back in here? She should know if you’re in pain-”

“Shh,” you said softly, cutting Peter off. “I was shot in the leg, I’m going to have to deal with some pain.”

Peter stood, moving closer to the hospital bed. He reached out his hand, grabbing your own in his. 

“It’s my fault. The only mission I miss is the one where you get shot.”

“Peter, it isn’t your fault. You just happened to be at a convention with Ned.”

“But I could have protected you,” he exclaimed softly. Your heart broke at the sadness in his eyes. He leaned down, eyes glistening. “I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered as he placed a kiss to your forehead. The doctor entered as Peter pulled away, making him say a rushed goodbye as he left. As the doctor examined your state your mind was elsewhere. There was something about his reaction that made your heart flutter. Your head felt like it was burning where his lips had touched you. You brushed it off, chalking it up to your injured state. After all, he was your best friend. Only your best friend.

--

The days seemed to pass slowly as your leg began to heal. Your teammates would stop by throughout the day to check on and entertain you, but you always looked forward to Peter’s visits the most. Before you knew it they allowed you to go home, but only so long as you didn’t put any pressure on your leg so that it would continue healing correctly. You knew it would be difficult, but you jumped at the opportunity to go home.

“Thank you for coming to help me Peter,” you said as your friend pushed your wheelchair to the car.

“I would never make you wheel yourself,” he teased, “plus you need somebody to drive you home and everyone else is busy.”

“Still,” you insisted as you made it to the car. “Thank you.” You looked up at Peter, ignoring the butterflies in your stomach as you met his warm eyes.

“You’re welcome,” he replied with a small smile. He loaded your few possessions from the hospital room into the back before coming back to you.

“Peter?” You asked. “How am I going to get into the car?”

It may have seemed like an obvious problem, but you had only just now realized as you looked up at the door from your chair. Peter looked at you quizzically. 

“As if I wouldn’t help out my best friend?” Before you knew it he had scooped you up, careful not to hurt your leg. You felt in ache in your heart as he called you his best friend, longing for it to be more. Your thoughts were quickly shoved away however as you rested your head on Peter’s chest as he moved you to the passenger seat. He picked you up as if you weighed nothing, likely thanks to his super strength. You felt the muscles in his arms ripple under you, and you had to admit you liked it. You fought against the blush rising to your face, mumbling a small thank you as he set you down and moved to put the wheelchair away in the trunk. He had some trouble folding it up, but was able to overcome it quickly as he joined you in the front seat.

“Are you ready to go home?” Asked Peter with a smile.

“Yes, please!” You groaned, making him laugh. His laugh was like music to your ears. You leaned against the window, watching the scenery pass by as Peter took you back to your apartment. 

--

You must have fallen asleep, as you awoke to the sight of your building in front of you.

“Wake up sleepyhead,” teased Peter. “You’re almost home.”

“Give me a break, I’m healing.” You retorted sarcastically.

After getting the wheelchair back out, Peter came to pick you up again. You couldn’t help but realize how close his face was to yours as he bent to pick you up. You let yourself get lost in his chocolate-colored eyes, relishing the feeling of his arms around you. What you somehow didn’t realize was how Peter’s heartbeat began to speed up as he held you. He looked at you so tenderly, wanting more than anything to never let go. Yet at the risk of seeming creepy, he cleared his throat, forcing himself to take his eyes off you and set you down.

Thankfully the elevator in your building worked. You’d had trouble with it before, walking up four flights of stairs for weeks until it was fixed. You had no idea what you would have done it Peter carried you up all those stairs. Not only would you have been pressed up against him for that long, but you would have felt so guilty for making him do all of that work.

You handed Peter the key to unlock your door, inhaling the scent of your apartment as he swung open the door. You were finally home.

“What can I do now, Y/N?” Asked Peter softly. You looked up at him, seeing his big puppy-dog eyes on full display. He truly was the sweetest guy you knew. You turned red as you began to speak.

“Could you help me into bed?” You could have sworn that the corners of Peter’s mouth began forming a smile, but before you could be sure he had you in his arms again and all your other thoughts went out the window. He laid you gently on the bed, making sure that you were comfortable with the amount of pillows as he pulled the covers over you.

You watched him with soft eyes as he took care of you. He was sweet and tender, always making sure that he wasn’t hurting you or making you uncomfortable. Every time he leaned in closer you got a scent of his cologne and it smelled like pure bliss. His hands would brush against you as he pulled the blankets around you, sending a fire coursing through your body. You locked eyes with him as he helped prop you up, noticing how close he was to your face. His lips were mere inches away from yours, and although he was your best friend all you wanted to do was pull him close and feel his lips move against your own. 

Peter cleared his throat, backing away as a fierce blush formed on his face. He tried to hide it, but he wasn’t very good at it.

“I guess I should get going,” he said awkwardly. Suddenly you had a burst of confidence.

“Peter?” You asked. He turned back to you quickly, meeting your eyes. “Stay,” you whispered. “Please.”

Peter knew he couldn’t deny a request from you. He climbed into bed beside you, sliding under the covers. He was mindful to sit on your good side, the side where he wouldn’t have to worry about accidentally bumping your leg. If he was close enough, anyway.

“I don’t bite,” you tease softly. Peter took the invitation, scooting closer to you. Although he seemed stiff, you felt the weight of his arm rest on your shoulders. Throwing caution and perhaps reason to the wind, you leaned into him. You could have sat there forever, content to be in his arms. He smelled amazing, and you felt safe. The longer the two of you stayed that way, the more relaxed you were. You felt Peter loosen up, his muscles becoming less tense.

“Why are you helping me so much?” You asked quietly. He paused before answering.

“I care about you.” He said. “Maybe more than I should.”

You looked up to meet his eyes. All you wanted in that moment was to feel his lips on yours. You got your wish as you both slowly leaned in, your eyes fluttering closed. As your lips pressed against his you could have sworn you felt a jolt of electricity through your body. It felt amazing, and it felt right. You moved your hand to the back of his head, running your fingers through his hair before you pulled away.

“As cliche as it sounds, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he said breathlessly.

“I care about you too, Peter.” You said. His face lit up.

“I sure would hope so, after everything I do for you.”

You playfully swatted at Peter’s chest, trying not to think about the hard muscle underneath.

“Stop teasing me and snuggle with me again.” You joked. “I want to get some sleep in my own bed.”

Peter did as you asked, holding you tight. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head and you couldn’t fight the smile that rose to your face. The conversation about what you were could wait. For now, you were satisfied to lay in his arms as his soft breaths fanned across your neck. You were in the arms of the man you loved.

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

(っ◔◡◔)っ 𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕌𝕡♡

hii,, hope you two are doing well uwu. ok so far, ive only been requesting stuff n i figured might as well just ask for a matchup too lol,,,for knb, haikyuu, free, and fire force (i know ur rules said only 3 so it can be any three from those 4 lol) 

my name’s lily and uh basic stuff..i’m a female high school student around 156cm maybe 157 on a good day;3 im bi but with more of a preference for guys (who are tall, like as long as ur a tall guy/girl whatever, i will prolly automatically start simping akdhfj) 

i have long black hair that’s usually straight but on a slightly wavy side. my skin’s like a light-ish brown and my eyes are chocolate brown,, or so i’m told. i’m on the more busty side and would say i’m fairly curvy(?) but my grandma keeps saying i’m skinny and need to eat more:))speaking of eating, its like absolutely one of my favorite things ever lolol (so yeah kinda contradictory lol)

according to a test i did i’m ESTP-A altho i don’t rlly know much about personality types so i can’t say for sure if that’s accurate. even tho i’m usually extroverted i can be pretty introverted a times to so(?) ambivert(?) i guess. pisces (but i wouldn’t say i’m a perfect example of a pisces) im somewhat emotional and yeah kinda artistic i guess, just not in drawing lol. i can do other stuff well just not drawing akjdj,,,school-wise i do pretty well despite being lazy and procrastinating a lot (i guess you could say i’m the aomine of academics🤪) oh yeah im also on the school volleyball team and a few other “academic” clubs (MUN, etc.) i can also play the piano altho i don’t rlly play classics,,mainly anime songs akjdjd. yes, i’m a major weeb. my room’s full of posters and manga and my wallet’s full of emptiness;-;

ok some more random things about me…i’m apparently rlly impulsive, i am a pretty confident person but like i still panic a lot before competitions or anything like that ajhdjd also when i panic, i ramble…a lot. actually i think i ramble a lot on a daily basis regardless of whether or not i’m panicking oop— uh back to the confidence thing, if it’s in terms of a crush or someone i like, i don’t hesitate to confess or anything like that unless the situation is kinda complicated and it’d be hard to be together or like i’m not 100% sure of my feelings stuff like that,, basically i don’t rlly have much of a fear of rejection(?) but maybe that more cuz i haven’t rlly liked liked anyone THAT much yet. oh ohh i lovee baking esp. cookies altho i get lazy a lot so i haven’t been baking as much. ah yes another thing about me my brother will never stop teasing me about…my fear of fish:) they creep me out ok. i love snakes and crocs tho so uh ?? idk i’m weird like that lolol. oh yeah i have a little brother and sister so a lot of people see me as the “responsible older sister”. is that true? i’d say yes, my bro n sis would say no🤡. one last thing, i love elephants more than anything in this world🥺🥺💗

oof ok that was pretty long— sorryyy and thank you for taking time to read through all this akhdjf 

»»————-　♡　————-««

Hello @pinkcowgirleggpanda~! Thank you for your request~! I’ll be handling the KnB portion of your match-up~! ^^

» » Admin Ko

And I’ll be doing the other two! Thank you for choosing us and I am so sorry this took so long to get out ;;!

>Admin 𝕋

𝕀 𝕊𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙…

ᴛᴇᴘᴘᴇɪ ᴋɪʏᴏꜱʜɪ

Precious iron heart~! Despite his persona on the court, he’s actually a very sweet, protective, and kind spirit~! He is definitely your stable and solid rock in any situation / scenario you might find yourself in~! In terms of being emotional, he’s rather in touch with his emotions and will definitely be able to help ground you or at least bring you back to sensible ground if your emotions get the better of you and make you more stressed out than need be.

Other then that, he’s super curious and interested about your hobbies~! He likes to support you and honestly will keep you in line if you happen to stray too far from what needs to be done. He won’t really lecture you, but he’ll remind you that to get out of the hell that’s called school you gotta at least finish with passing. He wants to see you succeed and will feel bad if you happen to fall into a slump or a mood where you end up upset at yourself. 

He will definitely be out to support you at any an all of your games~! He’ll always be in the stands with the other Seirin members to support~! (Really he drags them against their will, but they end up coming on their own to support you after seeing how cool it was)

Teppei will definitely be a big help on your impulsive moments. He loves and worries over you and will definitely evaluate a situation quick enough so he can decide whether or not what you’re doing is good or not. He thinks it’s absolutely adorable when you ramble and before games he’ll be the one to gently cup your face before pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead for luck in hopes of calming you down. He knows you’re gonna kick ass anyway. 

In terms of PDA, he’s not super handsy, but he does love to let others know that you’re definitely taken. He’ll hand you one of his shirts on a whim if you are in need of one. He let’s you borrow his jackets and hoodies. He’ll always have an arm around you too~! 

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

𝘚𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘦 𝘠𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘬𝘪

This cool and somewhat overprotective man is definitely someone who would be perfect for you! This man will be able to keep you grounded, and be able to makes sure that you get things done, and not procrastinate your work! One thing that he will really like about you is that fact that you can be super open and inviting with everyone you meet, but then be amazed at how when you are by yourself you are quiet and just overall a soft. The contrast will be intriguing to him!

You say that you are impulsive, and he can help you  with that no problem! Help you stay out of your head and keep you in a calm state of mind, so you don’t do anything impulsive and start panicking about something! He understand the feel of anxiety so he will do anything he can to make sure you don’t always feel that when you are around him!

He’ll take into account that you eat a lot, and will use it to his advantage so that whenever you guys are on a date, he will literally buy you food the whole and loves watching you eat until your heart’s content. He loves seeing your face when you enioy the food that you eat. It’s one of the reasons why he started liking you, because of how open you are with things that you like and enjoy.

He will think it is absolutely hilarious that you have a fear of fish, like I mean he won’t outright say it, but in his mind he will think it is funny, but adorable. Another thing that made him like you, only because it was so charming to him.

Physical features and PDA: He won’t necessarily care for PDA, as in if you were to want to engage in pda he will, but he won’t ever actively want to do excessive pda if that makes sense lolol. He won’t care if you are skinny, but it will be easier for when he wasn’t to pick you up and throw you in a fun way! And with your hair I feel like he will love just to put his hands through absently whenever you guys cuddle!

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

ᴛᴏʙɪᴏ ᴋᴀɢᴇʏᴀᴍᴀ

One word, chaotic. But in a good way! See you and Kageyama would like two puzzle pieces, and the reason being is because he is emotionally stupid, that you can definitely help him with that! I mean, seriously, he needs some help. Help him. Anyways, you and Kageyama will have a blast with each other; he will be the type of person where your mental battery doesn’t get drained because he is just a quiet as you can be and just as soft. The cuddles would be endless and amazing because of this.

He will like how confident you are, from confessing to someone to being confident in competitions and such. And if he were to see you that you are panicking, he will do his best to calm you down. Key phrase here is do his best. He might not be that good at it, but you love the spirit. He is more of an introvert so him trying to make you feel better is gonna take a toll on him, but he will do it to make you feel better! Because he loves you!

This boi will love that you eat so much. He will have literal eating contest with you and then pass out when you win and he ate too much food. He’ll like how you aren’t afraid to show your “boyish” for lack of a better word. He’ll also love that you play volleyball and will want to play with you all the time. I mean it. All the time. Literally will push a volleyball in your face until you say yes to him, and then he’ll stop when he is satisfied.

Kageyama, when he finds out that you bake will definitely want to eat some of your baking! You’ll mention it in a passing way, and he’ll stop you in your conversation and immediately want you to bake for him, which you obviously can’t, but you think it’s either way and tell him you will the next day! Next day comes around and he scarfs down the cookies like he depends on it, and when done will give you kiss as thanks. It’s kind of gross though because his mouth is still full lololol.

Physical features and pda; Like Sousuke, he isn’t one to actively look for pda, but if you were to hold his hand or cuddle with him in public, he will unconciously respond to you, he will really not think about and it’s the most adorable thing ever! He will just lean into and play with your curly hair and not really think anything of it. He will get laughed at by his friends, and he will be embarrassed but he won’t stop once he gets started! You are also just very huggable to him!

[eijiroukiriot]

i don’t have a fancy name for it or anything but this is my kirishima playlist

I posted about my krbk playlist a little while ago but since it’s Boy Day I wanted to finally post about my solo Kirishima playlist too!! The only other thing I have to say is that I Love The Boy and that’s what this playlist is for :) 

Spotify Link

song descriptions under the cut!

(bc of how i want to format the explanations, this list will be out of order with the actual playlist but that doesn’t actually matter that much!)

i. Teenage Icon - The Vaccines 

“Oh look at me, so ordinary

No mystery with no great capabilities”

-I guess it’s pretty fitting to start the list off with a very Middle School Kirishima kinda song! Something I really love about this one is that it’s very steeped in this idea that “oh I’m not great, I’ve been blown up my whole life but I’m really nothing special, I should just stop pretending to be” but then the choruses and the bridge are so upbeat that it feels like it’s made peace with it! Maybe even like it’s celebrating it? Like, this isn’t wallowing in self hatred, it’s an anthem and I feel like it’s the kind of thing Kirishima would listen to in middle school and think “yeah, I’m not special, so what, who cares” 

ii. Whatta Man - I.O.I 

the one w the classic “whatta man whatta man whatta man” hook but a kpop song

-as kirishima is the only boy alive, this song talking about a very good man must be dedicated to him

-put in the ioi ver instead of the classic one bc i love girls 

iii. Embers - Owl City

“And we'll watch the sky as it fills with light

And though the embers are new, whatever you do just don't let the fire die” 

-Something you are gonna learn very quickly about me is that I Love Owl City 

-A lot of Owl City songs are about overcoming hard times and facing forward and this one hits me more than a lot of other generic Encouraging Songs because “don’t let the fire die” feels like such a genuine sentiment, like more than “you’re a firework” or whatever because it encapsulates the idea of “this is your decision to make and something you’re gonna have to put in the effort but you can turn your life around, you don’t have to hate yourself, you can make the decision not to” which I feel is a very Kirishima sentiment

iv. I’m Gay - Bowling For Soup 

“It sells records when you're sad these days, it's super cool to be mad these days -

I think rock and roll is really funny when it's serious” 

-now. there is the very obvious meaning here

-But mostly this feels like a very Kirishima-ish song to me since it’s all about getting out of the “everything sucks and talking about that all the time makes you cool” mentality and not taking things so seriously, focusing on the positives and trying to make other people happy too!

v. I’ll Make a Man Out of You - Mulan

(picking a lyric to express kirishima in this one feels dumb when all you need to see this as a Him song is to imagine him belting it out) 

-the 12 year old that still lives somewhere inside of me and spent hours watching videos w titles like Total Drama Character Theme Songs on youtube is Extremely proud of herself for this one 

vi. The Squip Song - BMC 

“Freshman year, I didn't have a girlfriend or a clue

I was a loser, just like you”

-Look the fact of it is this song has extreme Kirishima Energy and to convince you of that I could write a lot of stuff or I could just link you the animatic I made please watch it I worked very hard

-Lyrical content aside I think the funky guitar and the horns and the amount of screaming in this song are Very kirishima 

vii. Fiji Water - Owl City 

“If I only knew then what I know now, I’d stand like a one man band, and I’d say

‘All this is new to me, but here’s how it’s gonna be - there is more to me than meets the eye” 

-owl city part 2! It’s about him seeing himself as a regular kid but getting called by a record label and flown out to talk about a record deal, and it’s cast in this light of “I didn’t see myself as much then and I was surprised it could all happen to me” but trying to make the most of it anyway, which reminds me a lot of Kirishima still doubting himself but getting to UA anyway

-The last line “I laughed when I got back home and I thought, ‘there’s no such thing as luck’” is my absolute favorite part of the song and when I imagine that as kirishima getting home after crushing the entrance exam and falling face-first onto his bed laughing...well! a bitch is soft!

viii. I Wanna Meet Richard Dreyfuss - Gabriel Gundacker (the guy who made the “you are my dad” vine)

“Hello, don’t mean to interrupt your flow

But I’ve got something you need to know, and it’s very specific, so here we go:

I wanna meet Richard Dreyfuss” 

-This song is from an album dedicated to a fan’s process of wanting to meet, NEEDING to meet, giving up on, trying to forget about, (brief intermission about saddles as he forgets about), apologizing to, finally meeting, and saying a satisfied goodbye to Richard Dreyfuss and it’s one of my favorite albums of all time

-At first I just thought the song sounded pretty Kirishima in terms of earnest effort and slightly-soulful high notes but then someone sent me an ask like “WHY IS THE RICHARD DREYFUSS SONG ON YOUR KIRISHIMA PLAYLIST” and I realized it would totally make sense for Kirishima to write an entire album about wanting to meet Crimson Riot, so, checkmate 

ix. Angel, Please - Ra Ra Riot 

“Long as I feel I can tell the danger did it - oh, you guard yourself, you do

I wasn't hurt but I know you're the curse, I know you were” 

-i am not gonna lie the first time i heard this song I just wanted so so badly to make it abt kirishima bc 1) album cover is red 2) band name has riot in it

-Anyway so after a month of listening to it w that mindset I can say pretty confidently that this song makes me think of Kirishima’s big fat crush on bkg so really it should be in the krbk playlist instead of this one but I do what I want 

x. Beautiful Times - Owl City

“My heart's burning bad and it's turning black but I'm learning how to be stronger” 

-Owl City part 3 :)

-This one is the most focused on the dark side of things and the “struggling through the depression” angle but I really do think the ending is a beautiful sentiment and that line up there reminds me of him

-I feel like...things never get easy right away and there’s always gonna be some doubt there no matter how good you feel, and the only thing we can do about that is to keep trying to make things better

Songs that are also in my krbk playlist which I wrote about here that I won’t describe at length again but that I mostly associate with Kirishima: 

xi. Hooked on a Feeling - Blue Swede

xii. Kimi Janakya Dame Mitai - Masayoshi Oishi

xiii. Knock Three Times - Tony Orlando & Dawn 

xiv. If You Wanna - The Vaccines 

xv. Slayers - Matt Fishel (I do want to say that this one is a big one bc it literally feels like what Kirishima would come up with if he tried to write bkg a song) 

xvi. I’m Totally Obsessed With Him - Matt Fishel 

xvii. Television/So Far So Good - Rex Orange County

xviii. Mamma Mia - ABBA

Aaaand, songs that all remind me of Kirishima just because they’re bops filled with loud, boisterous, cheerful, and at times comedic Kirishima Energy:  

xix. Young Volcanoes - Fall Out Boy

xx. Flyers - Bradio 

xxi. Don’t Stop Me Now - Queen

xxii. Mr. Brightside - The Killers

xxiii. Sincerely Me - Dear Evan Hansen

xxiv. Uptown Funk - Bruno Mars

[smolbeandrabbles]

Hail To The King -  Henry IV & Reader (The King)

There’s absolutely zero ‘X’ to be had here. & To be used for platonic relationships #AppreciateThePlatonics

Author’s Note: 🎉🎉YES. I freakin’ DID.🎉🎉 Something else will have to come along and be freakin’ SPECTACULAR to stop this from being my movie of the year. Honestly, everyone involved in this movie should be super proud of themselves. This is an absolute gem. And I’m sure I’ll be raving about it for years to come... AND. If there’s one thing I love, it’s a good song. Especially when it fits the source material! Hail To The King - Avenged Sevenfold

Disclaimer: I do not own any of this apart from the words, which I wrote with mine own hand. I will not take away from the fantastic job David and Joel did. Also, seen as Shakespeare pretty much wrote fanfiction of history... this is like... fanfiction of fanfiction (of fanfiction?) Premise: As the King’s Guard it is your duty to protect him from anything. And you’ve done that well over the number of years you have served. There’s just one problem, what happens when you come face to face with the one thing you can’t protect him from...?

Words: 5371

Warnings: swearing / If you’ve not seen the movie and know nothing of the plays then... uh... spoilers!

__________

Royal flames will carve a path in chaos Bringing daylight to the night Death is riding in to town with armor... Blood is spilled while holding keys to the throne... No mercy from the edge of the blade Dare escape and learn the price to be paid Let the water flow in shades of red now Arrows black out all the light Death is riding in to town with armor They come to grant you your rights

There's a taste of fear When the henchmen call Iron fist to tame them Iron fist to claim it all Hail to the King Hail to the one Kneel to the crown Stand in the sun Hail to the King ---

If you’d ever bothered to trace your family history back, you wouldn’t have been surprised if there was a long line of you that had ended up in the service of whatever royal family was going. You had followed your father, and his father before him, and his before him… All in an array of vastly different roles – sure – but all in direct service to the King. Only difference here was you were female – and happened to have the most physical occupation of them all. King’s Guard. It had probably made sense when he was younger and getting himself into trouble – or dragging you half way across the country onto battlefields for his father and cousin. When you were more friends than anything else… But… When he became King? Shirked was the idea that he should have a woman defend him. But, apparently his thought process was quite the opposite; what kind of woman were you if you were the one charged with defending his life at every moment? Formidable. Worthy of being at his side.  And you were glad for it. You held his confidence, his council and were damn well needed when the realm started their many rebellions – that was before you counted assassination attempts. So when distain was still noted, but had considerably died down, you though you might be owed apologies. Or at least a thank you. No such luck from most of his other advisors. But you didn’t much care for them; you were much more invested now in his children. With his daughters now married into foreign families you had little opportunity to see them. But his four sons, who still liked to practice their swordsmanship, and on occasion treat you like you were still in your twenties and they were still under ten, were fast growing into tough young men of their own. With many responsibilities. Thomas was the one who had taken to this with the most resolve, that was immediately recognisable – and now he too was council to his father. John and Humphrey were content to rest on their laurels, and that made sense – they were likely to never inherit the crown, and you knew that if ever called to such service they would jump at the chance. …Then there was Hal… “Where is that boy of mine-??!” You were snapped from your deep thought, huddled sitting on the wooden steps, by the voice of your King. “Likely in town...” you tipped your head back, eyeing him curiously, he could only be talking about his eldest with a tone like that... “Would you like me to go get him?” It was as much your duty to know the whereabouts of those boys at all times. Henry already looked weary at the notion; “Is that your job?” “Not really.” You stood, brushing yourself down; “But sometimes I do like taking a walk...” He sat back for a second to regard you; “I’ll permit it, but hurry straight back.” You gave a nod of agreement “Your Majesty.” You turned with a smile “Oh-! And Y/N?” “Yes?” You twisted once more, now backing out of the throne room; “Knock some sense into him, would you?!” You gave a laugh “Even when they were younger I always thought it was easier said than done... I’ll see what I can do!” ** You didn’t have to stroll that far and had barely made it out of the castle grounds before you ran into him, looking about as worse for wear as you expected these days. But he was in the company of a man you didn’t recognise; causing your thumb to loosen your blade from its sheath; “Eastcheap no good for tonight then?” Hal sent his eyes heavenward, usually he’d take your snark and give you attitude of his own with amusement. Now it didn’t matter what you said, or how, it would simply be taken as another bout of chiding from his father. Hal essentially saw you as an extension of him now – and he had little patience for either. “…No.” “Well then you best get back inside and cleaned up. I shouldn’t like to send you to your father straight away, but he was asking after you…” and there it was… Hal sighed as if this would be a great effort on his part; ���Fine.” You turned you attention from the prince to his companion and drew your eyes up and down him for some explanation. “And you are-!?” “Y/N…” You shot Hal a look to silence him.  “Falstaff, M’Lady…” It was a name you recognised… a seasoned warrior from a previous Kings reign. Although, he didn’t exactly look like that anymore. You wondered where Hal may have dug him up from. But could already jump to obvious conclusions. You folded your arms. “Oh, so you’re the bad influence.” His eyes flicked around the castle walls but didn’t meet your face; “I... don’t know how I feel about being called that.” You turned to Hal, still standing there awkwardly; “Don’t look at me, I’m not the one you answer to, get inside...” “But-!” “Get inside!!” You jerked your thumb over your shoulder, never one for liking repeating yourself.  He sighed, eyes downcast and trudged past you into the castle.  You shook your head and turned back to his companion, who was staring at your armour;  “And who exactly are you?” You folded your arms, eyebrow raised; “That’s a joke right? And not a very funny one...” you walked down the steps to effectively get up in his face - it worked well enough for him to take a pace back “You certainly look like a bad influence.” He smirked gently; “What, and you’re the good one?” You gave a shrug “I’m not here to be either - but seen as he appears a little wayward from time to time I do like to attempt a bit of steering... God knows what would happen if I didn’t.” He surveyed you again; “You’re King’s guard.” “Correct.” “Will you be Hal’s too?”  Part of you wanted to scoff, first it would have to happen – and tension in this family was high enough; “Unless he removes me from service...” you narrowed your eyes at the notion though, “But if I was you, I would have care how I spoke.” One too many strange men appearing on castle grounds got a girl wise to these things. He bent to examine your weaponry “Why? Would you run that through me?” You rolled your shoulders in a shrug; “I can think of worse things to do with my time...” “Surely all that is heavy? Don’t you take a break?”  You raised an eyebrow “It’s... my job.” Not as heavy as the weight of the Kingdom I should think, in its current state. “I see, is that it? Stand around like that all day.” “Occasionally I train Hal and his siblings in combat - which they will obviously need if things continue the way they are. And I advise, on occasion...” you placed your hands on your hips; what it was to him however was beyond you. Still, he nodded his head to the gate that his friend had just disappeared through. “You gonna advise the kid too?” You scoffed this time; “Ha-! Well I’d certainly give him a lot better advice than you.” He gave another smirk “we’ll see about that.”

**

As you expected the ill-feeling continued, and eventually Hal stopped coming around all together. You weren’t exactly surprised, and neither was Henry, which you were glad of. He wasn’t all as delusional as they would call him. However, your King was getting wise to his own mortality. He’d survived a few illnesses so far – but now he was getting older they were getting harder to fight. And today as you looked over the palace gardens his musings caught your attention; “I must call him back.” You were torn between his health as a priority and the knowledge that before something really awful happened, their relationship should be allowed to mend; “Will seeing him not strain you?” “Don’t you ever get tired of telling me what to do?” “I get worried.” You slid off the stone ledge you were sat on, “Now more than ever...” “Mortal life is such...” You lowered your head; “...But I did not expect it to be so sudden... this is my duty, what do I do without you...?” “Continue on.” “If your heir allows it.” “Why should he not?” “I don’t know... children have a funny way of looking at things...” You only began to walk as he did, and slow... you had never been more alert in your entire life - not even when you used to ride the battlefield together and his very life depended on yours. When enemies and weapons surrounded you.

But this was the second time in your life you had felt powerless to stop something. And the first was with his wife. You adored her too, and essentially became her Queens guard. Retaking that oath on their wedding day. It had happened similarly... how were you supposed to protect him from something like this...  And now enemies were on all sides too, what with the addition of Henry Percy to the rebellions. You should have dispatched him yourself over that dinner. You could reprimand yourself over that one later though… Still, in honesty, who would morn beside his father-!? Would you simply be fighting a losing battle? But you couldn’t give up - not on a man that meant so much to you.

*** Similar discussion rolled around again a week later, whilst you were waiting for the servants to finish dressing him one morning. You were the only one in this castle looped into everything. What Henry didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him – what the advisors weren’t telling you, you would gain from those in Henry’s inner most circle – the 4 or 5 of you that held his closest confidence. There was something in your demeanor that made you perfect to stand by his side and defend him, as well as make the right connections to have all the information at your disposal at any one time. Anyone who needed to know it would know in due time. Kindness paid you well, but being quiet and unassuming was twice as powerful. 

“I must speak to Hal, don’t you think? Before this gets worse.” This time your answer was different, if Henry were to listen to reason, he would do it now; “I do believe that wouldn’t go amiss.” He nodded, turning to let them smooth out his cloak ready for another communal day listening to very boring stories where you would try not to roll your eyes. You used to give each other similar looks of distain back in his younger days... Now Henry seemed to make snap judgments that didn’t make him very popular; and it was your duty to stand and listen and accept it. Having said that, if he turned to anyone, it was still to you. “I will summon him, then, lay down the rules. How I expect my succession to go.” “If I may, he only needs some straight and narrow. And giving it to him as laid down should help him with that…” you gave a nod of approval to his suggestion “Firm but fair.” He was giving you that look again that meant you didn’t necessarily believe in your suggestion “…Y/N… The truth from you now.” He dipped his head but kept those piercing blue eyes on you. You breathed a heavy sigh; “…Go easy on the firm…” You gave a gentle smile “…I believe the fair will be what he needs most.” ***

As the meeting was adjourned you allowed yourself to lower your head into your hands; oh, Lord above what have you done? Clearly whatever you had said days previously had gone over his head, been forgotten, or someone else in this room had put other notions in his head. You glared at his row of ‘advisors’ – you could make a fair few guesses. If only you were just allowed to go around and take them all out without some yelling treason and getting you killed. You ground your teeth and excused yourself from your King for a moment. “Tell me this wasn’t someone else’s idea?” Thomas gave a shrug “���I… Cannot say I knew it was coming. But neither can I say it’s a surprise.” “Whether that be Hal or the battle?” “Oh. The battle was set… Why?” “Would you like me to accompany you?” He politely shook his head; “Your place is at my fathers side.” “I know that, but he’s hardly about to fight a war is he…” “You may stay, if I need you I will send for you…” Thomas was always your favourite, you didn’t like the idea that he was about to walk into this on his fathers orders “…You promise?” “I promise.” “Well then you best keep it, if you are to succeed him, then I would expect you to already be utilizing me.” He gave a smile at that, and a confident nod; “Perhaps I shall see you on the battlefield?” You reflected his warm smile with your own; “Until such a time, Thomas! I wish you luck!” It wasn’t so hard to catch Henry after talking quickly to Thomas and even less hard to get him to usher all his other bickering advisors away; “When I said talk to Hal, that isn’t exactly what I had in mind!!” “...What? Do you believe me to have lapsed in judgement...?” “He is your son! I would just expect that...” You held your tongue at the look he was giving you “That boy is no son of mine, do you think he cares? He would sooner see me dead than come to my heed - and he said it himself, he does not seek the crown of England.” You tried to not look so hurt; what had caused such a rift... you had your own ideas... Hal had always been the wayward unruly one... but the eldest. You always thought he would come back, and perhaps he would have. But both he and his father shared a similar distaste for one another’s company that had never really healed. Not even now, when Henry, like it or not was a dead man walking.

 **

  Things declined, and fast. It wasn’t like you could say one day he was fine and the next he wasn’t, he’d been ailing for a while - but you expected it to draw itself out a little longer... but when hour two of you sitting in the throne room alone rolled around you knew something was wrong. And you knew he’d long since lost the strength to wander alone; so he wouldn’t be in any of the places you would have usually found him pondering life. You decided you’d rather be in trouble for not being here when he arrived than leaving anything too late.  And you were right; although when you got to his bedchamber only his doctor was still present. You stood in the doorway patiently, and he spotted you, whispering something to your King he came over; “I fear we are at the end...” It was like getting stabbed through the heart with your own sword, and as expected you couldn’t hold the dread from your voice; “...Is there nothing...” “Y/N I have done all I can... I know this is particular hard on y-” “You have NO idea how hard this is for me!” You spat back a little more venomously than you really meant. You were angry, confused, scared, upset.  Henry had always laughed and told you your face was too emotional, and you always pushed him and told him you were his emotional support. At least you could actually roll your eyes when someone came to him with something stupid. Not that you were supposed to, but sometimes needs must. The doctor looked more than a little taken aback, so your expression softened and you lowered your eyes “Forgive me this is just... after losing her I... I thought I would lose my life before he did...” “Have you not done your job amicably well if he is dying like this?” “In agony? When I cannot do anything? Should the King’s Guard really outlive their King?”  You were met with a silence, before the doctor turned to Henry again; “He will need rest... but you may stay...” “How long...?” “Little more than a week, I wouldn’t hope to expect that...” You swallowed back your tears, and he lay a hand on your arm; “...Y/N... I am sorry...” “...Are preparations made... is no one going to...” “What are preparations now? After Thomas-” You shot him another look “So we need to debate over Hal, now?” “Y/N... until he-” “For goodnessake...” You shook your head; fine. If his other advisors won’t say it, you would. Your smile was a thin line; “Thank you Doctor... I’ll take it from here...”

Those were some of the hardest steps you’d ever had to take, which you thought was pretty pathetic on your part. He’s your King dammit! It doesn’t matter for how much longer, he is NOW! It’s YOUR job to be his strength, while he still has some of his own... But he was your whole life, your whole world, your best friend. And if there was something to go through, you’d probably been through it together. And for all the talk of you supposedly saving his life, you couldn’t count the number of times he’d saved yours. Your eyes flicked to the castle grounds visible from the window, and you were glad they hadn’t left it dark in here. Though if they had you’d have done something about it. Always the rebellious one. You sat on the edge of his bed and sighed gently... if this really was it then you’d never get to walk with him anywhere again, let alone out there. You were starting to wish you’d savoured yesterday that little more. It wasn’t long before his hand took yours, and you were forced to smile. His voice was weak but held that amusement that let you know he wasn’t truly done yet. “...Never thought you’d have to see me like this...” You shook your head, eyes still on the scenery “...this is you we’re talking about... I’ve seen much worse.” He managed a chuckle; “Oh! About to get a collective embarrassing life story, am I?” “I’ll spare you that, your Grace.” “Oh. The honour is mine...”  You laughed, despite the circumstances... “But in seriousness... we do need to talk about what happens next.” “Hal?” Your nod was barely there, unless he was about to offer up a second suggestion; “Who else?” There was a grumble and Henry withdrew his hand, which made you look back to him; “...I didn’t wish to see you lose any of them before your own life... but we can’t pretend it didn’t happen... Henry if you don’t name an heir there will be chaos... even if Hal is the more obvious choice... I don’t trust-” anyone! He sighed; “You never have.” “No. With good reason! Everyone here is here for themselves...” “And you aren’t?” “Thought it might be obvious by my title...” I’m here for you. You folded your arms “And if I have to tell you some home truths, so be it. I’m not afraid to do so.” “...Do you think he’s ready?” “I think he’ll be different.” “That wasn’t an answer to my question.” “How can anyone be ready? I’m not ready, and I’ve been preparing for what happens if I don’t do my job for 20 years-!” “You cannot shield me from this one...” “And how do you think THAT makes me feel-!?” There was sudden silence at the way you’d raised your voice and you sighed again “Forgive me, I...”

His hand reached out again and this time he brushed away the single tear that had escaped; “Do not waste your tears on me... crying is all but useless.” Your voice was barely above a whisper as it graduated to despair; “What am I supposed to do without you..?” “I told you. You will do your duty. And you better damn well do it good - that boy will need it.” You blinked a few times, allowing for a pause worthy of the significance, and raised an eyebrow; “Is that you agreeing with me on this one-!?” He chuckled again, “Come now; I don’t often disagree with your judgement.” “This is a major judgement...” you took his hands back in yours “Henry, it needs to be your decision and they all need to hear you say it...” “And they will, even if it’s the last thing I say...” You sighed gently again with a nod, despite your frustration, even now he wasn’t willing to mend fences. Well. You don’t know why you expected it. “May I stay?” “You may...” he closed his eyes again “... That way you can tell everyone else to leave.” You couldn’t help but grin, even though he couldn’t see it; oh you’d only wanted to do THAT from the second you’d been appointed... You left his bed, and settled in a chair, relaxing; “With pleasure..!” You ended up reading, head propped up in your hand and sword braced against the wall. It wasn’t something you had much occasion to do these days, and you for once gained your enjoyment from being absorbed in books, and not parrying in the courtyard with adolescent males who still hadn’t figured out a way to beat you yet that didn’t involve foul play. You smiled absentmindedly at the memory as you read on; no prizes for guessing which member of the family you ought to be thanking for that. Your eyes flicked up as he murmured something, and everything stilled for a moment. He murmured it again – a little louder but barely enough for you to catch it; you placed a marker in the book and slid it from your knee – leaning forward and focusing on him. It sounded like a string of nonsense – and you realised that he must be lost in dreaming. That didn’t make your approach any less curious. You stopped just short as he mumbled again; “…Mary…" Oh… Henry…  You crouched beside him, lacing your fingers with his. He repeated her name a little louder now, and his fingers closed around yours tighter – as if desperate not to let go. His calling of her more urgent. You bit your lip gently, and attempted to calm him with gentle hushed tones of your own. And all at once you knew. He would have her back, he would get to see her again. You knitted your eyebrows together – was it fair to keep him here, to pray to God few more precious hours as much as you did, when all he’d wanted since she’d died was to see her again? It was like everything was being forced into perspective – and when he relaxed you dropped your hand from his and looked Heavenwards. He was your everything. But you should be thinking about his everything… ‘Forgive me…’ ** Every morning since then you’d been the first one to his room. For a start, there was no way you were letting anyone else beat you to the King’s side, and you wanted to pay damn close attention to the kinds of poison they might be whispering. On occasion you would simply make sure your sword hit something as you moved, to keep them in line. Your concern now was them leading him to something when he had very little effort to fight it off. He’d already made some rash decisions when he was completely lucid... some of the people that came to him had good points-! Even if they went about it the wrong way...  

But, people had been calling him delusional for a little while and you weren’t having that, or anything else, happen now. So you watched them all with a particular form of glower. You’d only left his side to rest. Not that you got much of that done either - pacing the halls outside your room instead. You would wait in his, but, you had to at least act like life may go on. It wouldn’t. You would be just as delusional for thinking so... This morning however, was worse than all the rest. You took the steps 3 at a time and walked that corridor as briskly as you had any other day. But as you turned into his room you knew something was badly wrong. And that made you sprint the rest of the way, to your knees.  His breathing was laboured, and even in taking his hand there was no strength left.  “Henry...” He barely opened his eyes to you; “Y/N...” His voice was just as weak. And for the first time since he’d been bed bound, you didn’t want to cry. Some kind of amicable strength overcame you. “Save your words, My King... I shall gather everyone...” you knew he knew too.  A shiver ran through him that you also didn’t like. Just stay alive... please until Hal is here... stay alive...  You stood, and were about to turn and run from the room once more, but something stopped you. You reached down gently, and tucked his dark hair away from his face. Then you bent - and pressed a short kiss to his forehead. It wasn’t enough, but it was what you needed to say.

** You didn’t know if you were supposed to be running quite this fast in mail; and your sword occasionally banging into you caused a dull pain, but you didn’t care. Everyone you could think that would need to be there you roused from sleep, or any other mundane task they might be doing, in order to be by his side. And by the time you got back they were ready to administer last rights.

You stood in the centre of that room and surveyed it, a slow smooth circle until you were facing him again. Everyone was solemn and quiet. And there wasn’t anyone missing to be doing the task, either. You were about to raise the noise level; “Where is Hal?” “...Why would...” “Are you serious?! Without putting too finer point on it - we will need a new King. An heir to the throne of England. We can’t exactly have the first choice can we - where is Hal!?” “The King has not named Hal as the success-” “Are you JOKING!” You took an intimidating step forward, “Who else, pray tell, will sit on the Throne of England??! Would you like to call the Scots? The Welsh? The French? Hal is the heir and Henry’s eldest son...” “This King has not-” “RETRIEVE HAL FROM TOWN. One of you! NOW!” There was another silence like they weren’t going to heed your words. But within it a second weaker voice; “Hal...” You all turned at the sound of your King “...He must... you must...” You turned to them all with a sharp look; “I believe that is deceleration enough - one of you GO-!”

To be honest if your look was going to do anything it would well have murdered them on the spot, but it didn’t - so William was the one to volunteer to go. And you at least gave him a glum smile of thanks, before taking a deep breath and nodding to the Archbishop. It was time. Like it or not. And you didn’t.

***

You couldn’t stay, you should have been in that room but you couldn’t bare it. Watching his heart break over Mary was one thing too many even now; having him watch yours do the same wasn’t something you could do to him as he died. Instead you stood outside, one foot up against the wall. Your thoughts both equally merciful and selfish. Let it be quick and have him suffer no more... let him linger a while I’m not ready yet... But you weren’t even there, would it matter now. There was sudden screaming from the entrance way that made you look up; “Where is the monster!?” You sighed, Oh...Hal... You were right, fences could never be mended... would they be even now? All you could really be glad of was that he came.

Hal paused as he wheeled around the corner and caught sight of you. And composed himself, solemnly, you wouldn’t trust to hope he would be doing it for any reason other than you. Hal and yourself had never had any reason to not get along, other than the man you served. His walk slowed a little but he understood the urgency. His nod to you meant a great deal more than he would realise. You smiled gently at his interactions. He was like you, maybe that’s what Henry saw that he didn’t like. You weren’t opposed to the shakeup. You and he were two sides of the same coin - Hal and you would become the same side - there would be a lack of balance there - but you had discipline and your nature suited you to your job. There was a point where Henry liked that. Maybe he just didn’t want to see it in his own son. Either way, he was never blaming you for it.

**

You weren’t sure you had ever felt like this. Hollow emptiness, maybe, but it hurt so bad. You’d had weeks and months of this and you all knew what was coming. And yet... When it happened it was unbearable. There was sudden shuffling... and you knew everyone was dropping to Hal’s feet. You were still stood outside. They accepted because why? Because he had said so as he died? Because it was the only way? - if Hal relieved you from duty you could stick around. If he didn’t, you had a feeling he would need you more than his father did. Discord from the outside was naught like fighting something from within. Enemies on all sides once more. In a different way... You were aware of your tears this time and decided that this once you were allowed to not keep them at bay. You were conscious of Hal’s exit from the room and pulled yourself away from the wall. He paused, and turned to you. You took a breath, knowing you were duty bound to kneel to your King. And you would - but before you could even take the step he held his hand out. “You do not need to-” “It would be improper of me to not-” Hal was incredibly soft spoken, and that tone would serve him well; “Y/N - given your standing with my father, I would not have you submit in such a way before I am truly crowned...” he paused, and tilted his head, he saw those tears. And yet you should still be getting down on your knees... “...You will stay... in office?” You opened your mouth, but what to say, of course you would accept, and Henry had asked it of you. But did you risk looking too eager, everyone else would likely be forced, and yet he was giving you the choice. You countered; “If you would wish me to... and permit me to... I will stay.” He nodded in agreement “You are my Kings Guard.” “As you are my King.” There was a clear decision in that sentence that flickered across your face and Hal’s eyes at the sentiment. “...That is agreeable. You served my father well. I am of mind enough to know you shall do the same for me.”  You gave a nod, Henry V... that’s what he would be... your second, and your second term in such an office. You could only hope not to outlive this one, and that he would reign for many a year. You bowed instead, low, so low you might as well have knelt. And when you stood again you were smiling. All hail a new era - maybe one England desperately needed.

“Hail to the King.”

---

Hope you know I wasn’t resisting at least ONE GIF.

@dennismitchell @happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad.

[xuteline-blog]

I want you to love me now

read on ao3!

Word Count: 3,489

Pairing: Seonghwa/Hongjoong

Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, Feelings Realization, Past Relationship(s), Getting Back Together, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Chatting & Messaging, seonghwa jus wants to be held..., and thats exactly what hongjoong will do!!, Kissing, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Not Beta Read

Description:

Seonghwa didn't know who he had expected to be there at Yunho's movie night marathon. All he was told by Yeosang was that he had invited a couple friends over. He had never thought he'd find himself reunited with the very person that taught him what love really was, and to have a chance at it again.

Seonghwa knew what love was. He knew about it before he was even in preschool.

His mother and father, holding hands as they stared into each other's eyes, whispering confessions before giving a peck on the lips to eachother, waving goodbye as one of them left.

His mother and fathers thumbs caressing eachothers hands, sitting on the couch as his fathers arms enveloped his mothers frame, both content, both warm.

His mother and father, in love.

He saw it every day. He knew what love was.

He was told in class once that being in love would be when hes most happiest. He was told in class once that being in love was what everyone wanted. He was told in class once that being in love felt like you were a firework, about to be ignited, and when you saw the person you loved, you would light up, and felt like as if your body was on fire.

He was told about it every day. He knew what love was.

It wasn't until Seonghwa reached his senior years in high school that he contemplated love. Looking back, he had never really felt what people told him love felt like. He had had his fair shares of relationships, and by the way he felt absolutely downtrodden after his breakup with a guy in his class two years ago, he really had thought he had been in love. But maybe... it was just infatuation? Maybe an oblivious case of puppy love.

He remembered the day clearly.

It was stormy, the rain pouring down as Seonghwa looked out the window of the library. He had came here to study, as his last exam was coming up and he couldnt afford to fail. His scholarship depended on it.

He sat alone at a table, the librarian allowing him to keep his hot chocolate as his books and papers laid in front of him, his small makeshift study desk unorganised and messy.

He watched as the rain droplets danced around each other, how they stepped close before stepping back before colliding together, catching eachother and finishing their dance at the bottom of the window pane.

What a weird metaphor, he thought. Rain droplets, two lovers dancing around each other and away, too scared to cross paths before giving their all to their other.

He had never felt such a way.

A hand slammed on his desk, tearing him away from his thoughts. He looked up at the culprit, his wide eyes furrowing as he took in who had scared him.

"Hongjoong," He stopped twirling his pen between his fingers, holding it steady as its tip nearly touched paper. "What do you need?"

"I just wanted to check on you!" Hongjoong smiled, and Seonghwa felt warmth blossom in his chest at the confession. Hongjoong grabbed a chair from the table infront of Seonghwa, turning it to sit at Seonghwas desk. "You've been hauling yourself up here a lot lately, I was worried if you were doing good," Seonghwa fought a smile as the shorter boy sat down, leaning onto Seonghwas table.

"I have been doing fine, just studying," Hongjoong furrowed his eyebrows at the statement.

"But exams have finished?"

"Not this last one, its an exam to confirm whether or not I will be going to my desired University,"

"Oh? But i thought the scholarship covered that?"

"No, it was like a golden ticket. All expenses paid and a course set for me as long as I ace this exam,"

"What happens if you dont pass?"

"They take my scholarship and give it to someone else. They also refer me to other universities and colleges that would suit me if I so ask them too," Hongjoong looked down at the desk, eyes examining the strewn papers as he pouted. Seonghwa could fight the smile that ordained his face.

"Whens the exam?" Seonghwa grabbed one of his textbooks and his writing book, copying a few things down.

"On Friday," Hongjoongs eyes widened, his mouth agape.

"Thats only two days away! You better be studying!"

"You said you came up here because of how ive been," Seonghwa put down his pen, raising his hands to make air quotes. "'Hauling myself up here'"

Hongjoong banged the table, causing a semi loud bang to exho through the library. The librarian looked aorund the corner, pinpointing Hongjoong with her glare and shushing him. Hongjoongs cherks turned red as embarrassment took over him.

"I-I know i said that! I just— didn't you just have your last school exam yesterday, then? Have you been studying for this exam while stuudying for the schools ones, or just started now?" Seonghwa wtched as Hongjoong leaned back in his chair, a pout making its way back onto his face.

"I had been studying for this since Saturday, ap you do not need to worry. In fact, i think this may be my last long study session for a while. I'm pretty confident of where i stand right now," Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, a small smile forming.

"Thats nice to hear. Does that mean you could probably hang out with us tomorrow? We all miss you..." Hongjoong trailed off, having grabbed Seonghwas pen and spinning it on the table. Seonghwa felt more warmth course through his body at the statement. He missed them too.

"I will, do not fret. I've just been—"

"—We know you've been busy! You don't need to say it, we all have been busy!," Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong, the sudden outburst unexpected. "But... That was a yes?" Hongjoong sat up straighter, his eyes wide and sparkling. How cute.

...Cute?

"Yes, I will be there Joongie, don't worry," Hongjoong jumped up, startling Seonghwa. He grabbed Seonghwas hands and held the tight, smiling brightly.

"After school, meet up at the front gates, do not be a single minute late!" And as quickly as Hongjoong had showed up, he ran off, barreling through the library doors with a bang, the librarian looking at Seonghwa with a frown while the boy stared at his hands, caught off guard by what Hongjoong had done.

He traced his left hand with his right, and his right with his left, eyes wide as he felt the tingles in his hands slowly dissipate. He felt somewhat... giddy. A rush from when Hongjoong had touched him. Seonghwa felt heat rise on his cheeks.

And while his body was still riding the high of the moment, from when Hongjoong held his hands, to his bright smiles directed at him, he couldn't help but think 'Oh no'.

***************************

It was a stormy day, and Seonghwa was stuck in his dorm. His roommate had left earlier, telling Seonghwa that he was visiting his parents for the week. So here Seonghwa was, alone in his dorm, a storm playing out right in front of him, and his hands curled around a cup full of hot chocolate as he lived carelessly for the week off. What more could he ask for?

He sipped his hot beverage, humming in content as he swirled the hot chocolate in his mouth, savouring the taste.

As he reminisced in the moment, his phone chimed. Seonghwa turned his head towards his phone, glancing at the notification on the lock screen. He leant over, grabbing the phone and unlocking it. He clicked on the notification, which was a message, and read it.

hehet

would u be free rn?

Seonghwa stared at the message eyebrows furrowed before sighing and putting his hot chocolate down.

pluto

yes I would, why?

also, why pluto

hehet

cuz u aint real 😍😍😌

pluto

what

pluto is real sangie

its just not a planet

sangie.

hehet

omfg stop bullying me

hehet changed pluto's name to bully!

bully

youre insufferable

hehet

u love it

ok anyway what i actually came here for

so ur actually free to do anythin today??

bully

yes sangie, im free today

why, did something happen? do you need me to come over and hang out?

hehet

no no, dw

just needed to make sure so everything goes according to plan

ok so anyway

come meet us at yunhos dorm, were havin a mini movie party n meeting some of his friends!!

bully

oh?

what kind of movies? and what kind of friends?

hehet

idk but not horror thats all i know!! i remember yunho sayin he wanted to watch some disney or nostalgic films so theres that

also !! do not worry abt the friends!!

they r super kind n funny, youll love em :]

bully

youve already met them? thats kind rude :/

hehet

it was by accident :[[

i went over to yunhos to give him back a hoodie he left at our last study sess @ my dorm n i met em!!

it was only for a minute, i was rushin since i was late to class

bully

hmm... ok, ill accept it

what time will it be then?

hehet

at 4 and if yunhos roomate does end up coming home early from his mini trip, itll end at 10, but if not, we can stay the night

bully

not to be rude, but i really hope his roommate does not come back to the dorms until later tomorrow

hehet

same

knowing us, we'd just pass out on the couch anywaybully

ok u guys will, im responsible

hehet

sounds pretty fake ngl :///

bully

ok then, i shall go back to what i was doing before you messaged me

hehet

wait seonghwa i wanna keep talkin im bored :[[

seonghwa??

seongie??

ddeonghwa????

: [

***************************

It was an hour before Seonghwa had to leave. He had just gotten out of the shower, mostly wiped down, but his hair was still dripping.

He shook his head, feeling his hair stick to his face and water droplets fly everywhere. He brought up the towel to his head and vigorously dried his hair.

After drying himself down, he got dressed. Nothing extravagant or formal, but something comfortabe and simple. It was practically a sleep over he was invited to, after all.

It was now 15 minutes till Seonghwa would have to be at Yunho's. He know walking to Yunho's dorm would take at least 10 minutes, since it was not on the other side of campus, but a far bit away.

Seonghwa went through his mental checklist. Phone, check. Charger, check. Earphones, check. Small over the shoulder bag full of snacks, a pair of spare clothes, and an apparent rose flavoured lip balm, check.

At the thought of the lip balm, he licked his lips. His lips had been dry during the week from the cold weather, so he took up Yeosangs advice on picking up one or two lip balms. Of course, he bought the only ones that were supposedly to be what a flower would taste like. He picked up the lip balm, applying it to his lips and smacking them together before putting it back.

He checked the time.

12 minutes left.

He grabbed all his things, his keys jingling in his hands and a dmall umbrella in his pockets. He opened his dorm door, exiting and locking the door before finally leaving the dorm building. He grabbed his umbrella, opening it up once he stepped foot outside, wlaking along the footpath, frowning when he noticed the mud making its way across the path.

He sighed as the rain started to pour harder, his grip tightening on his umbrella.

He did not want to walk back to his dorm through this weather.

***************************

He made it to Yunho's dorm a bit later than he had expected. His shoes were caked in mud, and no, he did not slip in mud, he just wanted to be like Peppa Pig for a fleeting moment.

He knocked on Yunho's door, wiping his shoes off at the mat and taking them off. He shook his umbrella, the water flying everywhere. Maybe he should ahve done that outside, but it was too late now.

The door opened, revealing Yeosang who just pouted.

"You're late," Seonghwa pushed past Yeosang, dropping his umbrella near the door and placing his shoes near the rest. There's definitely a few new pairs there, either Yunho got more shoes, or his friends are already here.

"You try walking here in this weather," A few laughs were heard in the distance. Yep, definitely here.

Yeosang shook his head, closing and locking the door. He turned to Seonghwa, grabbing his hand and dragging him towards lounge.

"So, what's happened so far?"

"Nothing much! Just been playing some switch waiting for you," Yeosang stopped as they made it to the lounge. "Look who's here!" Seonghwa looked at the three men that were on the couch, all three watching the TV as they battled in MarioKart.

"Is it Seonghwa?" Yunho asked before he crossed the finish line, jumping up and laughing.

"I win!" The man sat on the right of Yunho crossed the line next, pointing to the man that sat on the left of Yunho, laughing.

"And you're last!" The man on the left sighed, corssing the line.

"Wow, that was so fun," Yunho laughed, the man that came second now standing up and turning around. Huh, almost as tall as Yunho.

"Let me introduce them to you, Hwa?" The man on the left, stood up, but still didnt turn around. Quite short, thats cute.

"This," Yunho gestured towards the taller man out of the two newcomers. "Is Mingi," The man now identified as Mingi waved his hand, a smile plastered on his face.

"And this," Yunho reached over to the smaller man, grabbibg his shoulder and forcefully turning him around. "Is—"

For a moment, the world stopped.

For a moment, their eyes met.

For a moment, they were seeing eachother again.

"—Hongjoong?" Seonghwa blurted out, cutting off Yunho. The shorter man, now known as Hongjoong, shared a similar expression to Seonghwa, yes wide and mouth agape.

Holding hands, watching as the sun set over the horizon, the light painting his face, his eyes sparkling.

"Seonghwa?" Yunho looked between the two, confusion plastered all over his face.

Bright smiles, warm laughs. Soft lips, peppered kisses.

"You two knew eachother?" Seonghwa nodded, at a loss for words as he stared at the boy infront of him.

"Thats so cool! It's like it's fate for you two to meet again," Yunho exclaimed. "But come on, we gotta get ready for our movie marathon, its half hour past the time we were supise to start!"

***************************

It was around midnight that Seonghwa finally couldnt take the awkwardness around him and Hongjoong. He got up from his spot on the floor, making his way to the kitchen and flicked on the light, going to grab a drink and a snack from his bag.

As he trifled through his bag, finding the pack of chips he craved for, he turned around and almost felt his soul leave his body.

There was Hongjoong, standing right in front of him.

He had to hold back a scream.

"Woah! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Hongjoong threw his hands up, taking a step back.

Seonghwa gained back his thoughts, the adrenaline dissipating.

"Do you need something?" He asked. He watched as Hongjoong suddenly became nervous, looking down at his feet. He has red hair... it looks... fluffy.

"I-I just... I kinda wanted to talk to you?" Seonghwa felt heat rise to his cheeks as he ran through the possibilities of just what Hongjoong would possibly say.

"About what?"

Silence overtook the two for a moment. Then Hongjoong spoke up.

"About... why you left," Seonghwa shifted his body, suddenly feeling so small. "Why you never contacted us," He felt shame slowly seep through his body. "Why you... never contacted... me," He looked down at his feet.

No one spoke for a minute, both thinking, both waiting.

"I never did get my scholarship..." Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, eyes wide.

"Wha—"

"I passed the exam for it, but by the time the people giving out the scholarship had marked it, all the scholarships had been given away,"

Seonghwa felt tears begin to pool in his eyes.

"I was so disappointed in myself, I didnt want you all to see me," He inhaled shaky breath, emotions coming back as he relived the moment in his mind. "So I just told you all that I got in and... left,"

He felt Hongjoong take his hands, caressing them softly. Like he used too.

"Why did you never talk to me after? You didnt even tell me you wanted to break up," Hongjoongs voice broke near the end. "You just went... radio silent," Seonghwa couldn't help the tear that ran down his face.

"I never wanted to break up," Seonghwa squeezed Hongjoongs hands. "I just— I wanted time, time to fix things, so i could say I was attending college, that I wasn't a fuck up..." He felt Hongjoong squeeze his hands back, he heard how the other boy sniffled. He must be crying too.

"Seonghwa, listen to me," Suddenly, Hongjoong was cupping his face, his hands so soft, and his eyes looking straight into Seonghwas soul. "You are not a fuck up, you hear me?"

"I'm sorry," His voice broke, tears now streaming down his face, one after the other. Hongjoong had tears slipping down his face himself. He lifted his thumb, wiping some tears off Seonghwas face.

"It's okay, I forgive you, HwaHwa," Seonghwa couldn't help but let a whine escape him at the nickname.

"HwaHwa! You're so cute!"

Hongjoong laughed wetly at the reaction.

"You'd think i forget what that nickname did to you," He stroked Seonghwas cheek lovingly, smiling fondly at Seonghwa, and Seonghwa couldnt help but feel his previous worries disappear just looking at him.

Seonghwa buried his face into Hongjoongs neck and threw his arms around Hongjoongs shoulders, letting another embarrassed whine escape him.

Hongjoong laughed at the action, snaking his arms around Seonghwas waist. They both stayed in that position for a few minutes, iust enjoying the company, the warmth. Enjoying eachother.

Hongjoong threw his arms over Seonghwas neck, pulling him down to give him a strong hug.

"Your hugs are the best, Joongie,"

Seonghwa felt Hongjoong shift, his hold on Seonghwa loosening. He felt a hand coursing through his hair, the action sending shivers down his spine, and a blush on his cheeks.

"I've missed this," Hongjoong whispered. Seonghwa picked his head back up, looking at Hongjoong.

"I did too," Hongjoong smiled.

Hongjoong raised his hand, putting it under Seonghwas chin and slowly pulling him down back towards him. Soon enough, their noses were touching, and they could feel eachothers breaths fan eachothers faces.

It took just a moment for Seonghwa to understand what Hongjoong wanted to do.

He looked to Hongjoongs eyes, noticing how they flickered back up to his then fown to his lips. Seonghwa did the same, his gaze lowering down to Hongjoongs own plush lips.

Seonghwa unconsciously licked his own.

"Can I..." Hongjoong trailed off, but Seonghwa knew what he was asking. He nodded his head, feeling Hongjoong pull him closer.

Then he felt Hongjoongs lips on his.

And suddenly, he felt like he was back in high school. When Hongjoong would sneak up on him in the bathrooms to give him a few wuick pecks on the lips before running away. When Hongjoonga arms would wrap around his his waist, pulling him into his lap, and even if Seonghwa was the taller one out of them, Hongjoong would always find a way to make Seonghwa feel small and safe in his arms.

He felt light again, like all his problems had been thrown away. He felt like the weight he carried had been lifted.

Seonghwa broke the kiss first, gasping for air, breathless. His lips a shade of bright pink

Hongjoong just stared at the boy, breath taken at the sight before him.

Hongjoong pulled Seonghwa back down again, both diving in for a kiss, each one more heated than the last.

Soon enough, both broke away, catching their breathe as they were pushed against eachother.

"I've wanted to do that for so long since then. I've missed it sso much," Hongjoong panted out.

"Me too," Seonghwa took a hold of Hongjoongs hands, looping his fingers between his own.

"This means that, you know," Hongjoong was anxious again, eyes flicking from Seonghwa to the floor. "That we'll do this again... right? That—"

"That we'll be back together?" Seonghwa cut in, heart beating fast at what Hongjoong was asking.

"Yes," Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, still nervous on what the answer would be.

And Seonghwa couldn't have answered more perfectly.

"Of course," Seonghwa dived back in for another kiss, this one not heated, but filled with something more deeper. He broke the kiss, burying his face in Hongjoongs neck. "Of course,"

"I love you," Seonghwa felt his heart stutter.

"I love you too," Hongjoong smiled, pulling Seonghwa towards him.

"Forever," Hongjoong whispered.

"Always," Seonghwa whispered back.

[pink-rathian-official]

At the beginning of 2019, I mentioned I would keep track of every game I finished, and sum up my thoughts on all of them at the end of the year. And now I’m half regretting it because I’m gonna have to write out a short summary for each of these games. Oh well. You’ll be able to find all of them under the Read More, if you’re interested. Will be including an arbitrary score next to each game based on how much I enjoyed them.

Just some fun numbers before we jump in to the meat of the post- In 2019, I beat a total of 41 games. That’s an average of 3.41 games per month, which actually isn’t too bad of a rate!

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate (5/5) 100% complete! Beaten twice! Without doubt, the best Smash game yet. You didn’t need me to tell you this- if you’ve got a Switch, then you’ve probably got Smash.

Bayonetta (4/5) A classic character action game, and an immense source of nostalgia for me. Play this game or I’ll break your knees.

Bayonetta 2 (4/5) I actually went into this game with low expectations, I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as the first game. Fortunately I was stupid and wrong and ended up loving it just as much as Bayo1.

Splatoon 2 (3/5) The story wasn’t particularly the most enjoyable thing ever, although I did sink a pretty decent amount of time into the multiplayer. Still not my go-to game if I’m looking for a quick match.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (4/5) It was enjoyable, although kinda started dragging on towards the end. The side content started feeling very repetitive, especially the shrines- but it was still a genuinely great time.

DOOM (2016) (3/5) I raged a wee bit, gonna admit. Although it was fun, I had a lot of frustrations with the late game.

Cthon (3/5) Doom, but a Lovecraftian roguelike. I’d recommend picking it up on Steam, it’s only USD$4.99 regularly, and USD$1.69 during the Steam sale currently going on.

Fire Emblem: Awakening (4/5) I suck at strategy games because I’m a smoothbrain, but FE:A is totally one of the best 3DS games ever released. Lucina is my daughter and the story made me cry.

Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition (2/5) I already played the 3DS version, and went into the DE expecting it to be a bit more enjoyable- and while it was, I did find myself getting bored rather quickly.

The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind (5/5) The best TES game ever released according to many fans. While I do still prefer Skyrim more, I can see exactly why so many love it. Planning on returning to do the DLCs soon.

Night in the Woods (4/5) I hate story-centric games, but I liked NITW a lot. The exploration was nice, seeing the town change day-to-day was nice, and the ending was freaky in a good way

Warhammer: Vermintide 2 (4/5) An incredibly fun game, very similar to Left 4 Dead but fantasy themed and with rat monsters. Launched my obsession with the Skaven.

Fallout 3 (2/5) Yeah just play New Vegas instead mate.

Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag (3/5) If you separate it from the rest of the relatively mediocre AC series, Black Flag is pretty gud. I like being a pirate. I don’t like tailing missions. I really don’t like ship tailing missions.

Ib (3/5) I played this game a few times through during my obsession with RPGMaker horror games. Still holds up pretty strong, although it’s a wee bit short.

Amorous (3/5) 100% complete! Yeah it’s just a lewd furry dating sim. Does have a decent character maker that I use as a reference for my fursona now though!

Way of the Samurai 3 (4/5) I don’t know why this game slipped under everyone’s radar back on release. Just overall a very Nice samurai simulator, albeit with some combat that takes some getting used to.

Monster Hunter Generations Ultimate (5/5) The best MonHun released yet. World is great, but for some reason it just doesn’t hold me like GU does. Maybe I’m just a boomer.

Super Mario Odyssey (3/5) It’s definitely what you’d expect out of Mario. Not a bad game by any means, but I just didn’t really keep attached to it like most others seemed to.

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (4/5) I like being a lawyer, and I love the serotonin rush that I get when cornering a criminal on their logic.

Resident Evil 7 biohazard (4/5) The first RE game I’ve played to completion. I don’t regret it at all, because it was super good. Got some great DLC as well.

SoulCalibur VI (Libra of Soul + Soul Chronicle) (4/5) Loved the character creation, loved gitting gud- did not love some of the side missions in LoS because holy Hell a lot of them are bullshit.

Borderlands 2 (4/5) I hated the first Borderlands, and went into 2 expecting more of the same. Ended up leaving surprisingly satisfied. Great loot n’ shoot all around.

Deus Ex: Game of the Year Edition (4/5) It took me a few tries to really get into this one, but once I did I was totally hooked. The ending battle could’ve used a little more love, but it was still by all means a great game.

Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines (4/5) Despite being a clearly rushed game with a drop in quality towards the last few hours, VtmB is still one of the most solid action RPGs I’ve ever played. Still not exactly gonna excuse the last couple of boss battles though.

Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (5/5) This went from “tumblr meme game that I had no interest in” to “one of the best fucking games I have ever played, and it hurt me deeply.” I don’t think I’ve ever been so invested in a story before, and the trial system was very refreshing.

Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair (5/5) How did they make a story with twists even more mindblowing than the first game? While THH invested me into the series, GD solidified my newfound love for it.

Which (3/5) 100% complete! A very short experimental horror game by indie animator and developer Mike Inel. Not bad at all, and completely worth the free download.

Skullgirls: 2nd Encore (3/5) I never really got good at this game, although the story mode was still very enjoyable. Not particularly something I’m probably gonna be coming back to.

Hollow Knight (5/5) Absolutely spectacular Metroidvania that gives quite a unique challenge. Fell in love with this game so bad that I was constantly thinking about it at work. Please stop comparing it to Dark Souls, it’s such an amazing game on its own merit without needing that comparison.

Undertale (5/5) It’s Undertale, do you really need me to tell you how amazing it is?

Devil May Cry 3 (Dante story) (4/5) Extremely fun and challenging. If you haven’t played this game yet then you are wrong. Beating the first Vergil battle without being hit filled me with very unneeded confidence- the spectacular final battle against Vergil stripped that confidence away.

Ion Fury (3/5) Very challenging, but still super enjoyable. The heroine is a genuine badass, loved hearing her quips. The final boss was garbo though.

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice (5/5) Sekiro absolutely deserved the GOTY award. Loved the combat, loved the challenge, loved everything about this beautiful game.

Dragon Quest XI S: Echoes of an Elusive Age Definitive Edition (5/5) DQXI singlehandedly changed my opinion on JRPGs. A story that’s equal parts awesome and tearjerking, combat that feels truly satisfying, and a quirky world that had me hooked for all 98+ hours.

Danganronpa Another Story: Ultra Despair Girls (4/5) While it absolutely was a good game, something about it didn’t really hold the charm that the other Danganronpa games had. The story was still superb, and the twist at the end was hooh.

Spyro the Dragon (3/5) 120% complete! The nostalgia factor drew me in, the level design kept me. Except for Tree Tops, fuck you Tree Tops.

WarioWare Gold (3/5) Packed with the best microgames from WarioWare’s history, but not enough content to keep me there past the main story mode.

Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater 3D (3/5) MGS3 is one of my favorite games ever, but the 3DS port’s framerate issues really killed the fun for me.

Halo: Reach (4/5) The story mode was good, but the multiplayer was absolutely sublime. I raged, I cheered, I had the fun I missed out on growing up without an Xbox.

[supercasualtj]

                      truth or dare: totally cool and chill

from cleo raja — truth: since coming back together again, who can you not stand? or just don’t like all that much? or dare: kiss everyone here, besides me, and tell us who’s the best.

“I’ll be the first to admit, I definitely think Kai’s too hot now, so fuck that,” TJ began. She was feeling pleasantly loose, having helped herself to a shower smirnoff before the game began. “But in general, everybody’s exactly the same as they were. The only difference is that Julian and Jenny are stuck with us and can’t ditch us for all their richer, cooler friends. I’m glad to be hangin’ out with my old buddies.”

from dakota harrison — truth: what’s one time you felt like the squad let you down? or dare: eat something you don’t like, right here and now.

Eating gross things was a Powell family tradition, and TJ had always had weird taste buds anyway. She considered, peering around the hotel room. “Did anybody bring a slim jim or jerky or something?” Since they had roadtripped, the teriyaki jerky was eventually produced-- TJ opened a new drink in preparation to eat a single nugget, choking it down before downing the third wine cooler just to rinse the taste of haunted cow from her mouth. “God, that mummy heat is so gross. It makes me feel like a zombie and I don’t know how anyone can casually snack on it-- but make note my mamma ain’t raised no bitch.”

from jenny jordan — truth: have you ever had a crush on someone in the room or dare: compliment me for three minutes straight.

She could already feel her cheeks burning at the idea of confessing to a crush, even in her late twenties, amongst her friends, so instead TJ was content to bite the bullet. She leaned forward, looking deeply into Jenny’s eyes and stated: “Start the timer.” Waiting for the go ahead, she began the flow of words. She’s already drunk, so they flow quickly and with sincerity. “Jenny, you’re so hot you put us all to shame. Your skin looks, and I cannot stress this enough, amazing. You could crush my head with your thighs and I would say thank you.  Your hair smells like sunshine and your teeth are super white. You never made me feel out of place when I was an awkward androgynous teen, and I’m really grateful for that. I’ve always loved your fashion sense and it’s only gotten cooler in the last decade. Remember when you loaned me a scrunchie in the eleventh grade? I do. It was the cutest part of my whole damn outfit, all thanks to you. I always thought you were really clever, and sometimes I used to suspect you could read minds. I think your job and the connections you make there are super cool, and I really envy your jetsetting lifestyle. You should have a show about your life like Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and you are so interseting I really would watch every episode--” The timer went off and TJ drew in a deep breath, feeling a little nauseous for having gushed nonstop without coming up for air. “Don’t let any of that go to your head, now, babe.” 

from julian campbell — truth: what is the cruelest thing you have ever done to a friend? or dare: let the person on your right give you a hair cut, right now.

“Well what I’m not gonna do is give any of you drunkie-drunks a pair of scissors,” TJ asserted. She was drunk but she sure wasn’t that drunk. Besides, if it wasn’t something she could undo after her hangover wore off, she wanted absolutely no part in it. “So I guess I’ll just have to admit to trying to exclude Cleo a little when we were all in school, y’know, cus she was such a baby and it kindof made me feel bad to be willfully providing her with booze and weed and things that would rot her tiny pre-teen brain. Sorry, Cleo. I already told you you’re way cooler now, though, so now return the favor and don’t do anything to me while I sleep.”

from kai eastaughffe — truth: would you kill a spider for me? or dare: kill the spider in my room for me.

TJ let out a dramatic sigh and got to her feet. The booze hit her then, she realized as the world tilted sharply to the right and she braced one hand on the wall behind her, trying to look casual as everything slowly righted itself. “C’mon, A-Kai Berry, show me where the spider’s at. I’ll keep you safe.” She didn’t even really want to kill the thing, but a dare was a dare so she made quick work of it with Kai’s hotel room remote.

from salem st. ives — truth: do you think your family was right to warn you to stay away from the dirtbag? or dare: phone any one of your brothers and tell them kai has always had a crush on him.

TJ barked out a laugh, completely forgetting the first option as the tantalizing dare was presented. “Oh, baby, you got it,” she agreed, pulling her phone out and waiting for the Face ID to unlock it. “Siri, call Miley Cyrus.” The phone rang a few times before TJ’s youngest brother Miles picked up. “To preface this, I do need you to send me a picture of Gizmo, stat, because I miss him,” TJ started, not even waiting for Miles to ask why it was he was calling her at such a late hour, clearly intoxicated. “But I did call you to let you know that all those years ago? My friend Kai was like, totally in love with you. Used to stare at your closed bedroom door while you were being a super emo, and pine for you, waiting for you to come out.” “Well, you’re clearly drunk,” Miles responded finally. “But that’s good to know, I guess. Which one’s Kai, anyway?” “Oh, you know the one. Skinny, big hair, looks a little nervous. He’s a lawyer now, though, so you could do worse.” Miles snorted, which TJ knew was an acknowledgement-- he knew exactly who she was talking about. “Yeah, yeah. Your dog’s asleep, do you still want a picture?” “Absolutely I do. Thanks for pickin’ up, Smiley. Go to sleep soon I’ll see ya in a couple days.” “Yeah, yeah. Night, Teej.” “G’nite!” She let the call end, looking over at Kai. “Miles is just a simple woodworker, but I bet he thinks you’re cute. He could be your trophy husband.”

from samuel flores — truth: do you wish that the squad had never parted ways? or dare: let each member of the squad send one text to anyone they want in your phone..

Since TJ had already tucked her phone away, she decided to take the truth, nodding empathetically as she finished her drink. It seemed wise to steel herself before this confession. “You guys were my only friends, like ever.” She lets out a nervous half-laugh. “Seriously, when I moved here nobody thought I could talk, remember? It wasn’t until I was accepted by all of you guys that I felt like it was, y’know, even worth it. Talking. And now I’m doing too much of it, a little? It would’ve been nice to celebrate everyone’s accomplishments when they happened. Coming together again like how we did is a real bummer.”

from skylar murphy — truth: what’s your biggest worry in life? what keeps you up at night? or dare: confide in someone you normally wouldn’t confide in.

Skylar’s question is the one that gives TJ the most pause. Maybe its because her drink is gone, maybe its because her tongue feels funny, but she takes a long time, chin tucked into her knees before responding. “I think I worry that, I’m going to be alone. Not like, romantically or whatever,” TJ clarifies, waving that away in case anyone tries to remind her that she don’t need no man. “I’m not worried about that. But... I just said you guys were my only friends. I think I just loved you all so much it’s been really hard to make space in my life for new people even after all these years. I think I worry that I can’t ever get our old friendships back, so I’m going to be alone.” Since that was thoroughly depressing, she reached for a cup that wasn’t empty and tried to settle comfortably back into her spot. “Who’s next?”

[chubbyooo]

Blurred Lines Chapter 21 - Resemblances

Chapter 21 switches over to Terri as we catch up with their venture into another temple (I know there’s a lot of jumping around at the mo but due to the timeline it’s kinda needed)

Terri and Lusari investigate another temple and have a scary experience (it’s a long one boys)

A chuttering sound came from the speeder as Terri began to park it, it was slightly worrying maybe she should check it out later. Terri had some mechanical skill so maybe she could fix it. Lusari had arrived next to her and began parking, her hair was messy and full of small sticks and leaves, Terri wasn’t that surprised with the length of Lusi’s hair things were bound to get caught in it. She promptly grabbed her satchel and picked out a hair brush, Terri tried to hold in a smirk as Lusari tried her best to a least tame her hair. 

As she finished she spoke up “ok we got everything for the ritual” Terri checked her many small bags and pouches for her adventuring gear and sure enough she was kitted out and totally rad.

“cool adventuring gear check, super good flashlight check, awesome lightsaber check, you?” she did think the adventure was super cool, she had always dreamed of being like the adventurers in the archives of the sith academy, she was very pleased to be doing it in a less evil way.

Lusari began riffling through her satchel “let’s see ritual components double check, emergency defences check aaaand one very cool holocron check” Lusari displayed her holocron for a second before returning it to the bag. It was cube shaped with triangular corners, the thing was much bigger than most holocrons she had seen but glowing just as sinisterly with a red hue. Apparently it was stuck that way which made sense considering it’s content, still that’s what they were here for to right that wrong. 

Terri snapped out of her accidental daydream and responded to Lusari “alright let’s get to it then” she was trying to be more confident in herself and the mission after the talk with Lusi last night, she was hoping it helped.

Lusari nodded in agreement and they headed towards the temple. From what they knew this temple was buried in the side of a mountain but it’s entrance was still out in the open and from their scans the interior was still somewhat intact. As they made their way to the cliff edge they very quickly spotted the overgrown temple entrance sticking prominently out of the rock face it was covered in moss and vines and looked more like a cave than a temple. It looked very dark in there and as they moved closer they could hear echos resonating throughout the temple. 

“woah that’s freaky” Lusari said seeming a little uneasy

“yeah we should stick close together, stay in my light” Terri turned on her flashlight and Lusari moved in close 

“thanks Terr I’ll be right next to you the whole way” she took Terri’s hand and they began to go into the darkness. Terri was a little scared admittedly but she thought anyone would be, this place was spooky. As they moved further into the temple they could see cobwebs lined most of the walls and a huge amount of dust was caught in the ray of Terri’s flashlight, the dust levels were so high they were making the back of Terri’s mouth tickle. Every now and again they could see a little bit of rubble crumble off the side of the walls, this place would probably collapse within a few months. Terri could also hear a faint dripping sound echoing through the halls, must be water nearby.

Lusari suddenly spoke up “hey Terr do you know the way to the main chamber” Terri was confused the other one had been pretty clear

“no is it different to the last one” Lusi had looked at the maps and planned out most of this ritual, she was the smart one but Terri was defiantly the cool one after her fight with the commander.

“yeah this place is a Labyrinth but I totally solved it, it wasn’t even that well made” Lusi sounded a little mad, Terri knew that Lusi loved solving puzzles and she knew even better how she got mad when she saw a bad puzzle, this defiantly matched that tone.

“do you know the way then? are we lost?” Terri didn’t realise they could get lost in this creepy temple otherwise she would’ve been much more careful

“yeah no I’m fine just checking you knew” good thing too she would’ve just gone in a straight line forever

As Lusari began to lead they heard a creepy echoed voice chuckle. Immediately Terri’s hair all stood on end and she started to tremble, she began to turn around looking for the voice

“u-um Lu-lusi d-did y-you here that” Terri thought about igniting her lightsaber but didn’t want to draw attention to herself, it wouldn’t exactly be covert

“ye-yeah u-um what was that?” oh no Lusi didn’t know what it was that was really bad 

“I don’t know um is it the Lady?” seemed unlikely but maybe it was a test

they were both looking around anxiously in the space “n-no she ca-can’t talk while con-contained” Terri kinda already knew that but she didn’t want to believe it was something else

“let’s uh let’s walk back to back y-you know for safety” Terri would feel better if they covered all their bases

“uh huh sure” Lusari backed up to were Terri was and she passed over the flashlight. They began to walk forwards carefully looking around for the source of the noise, Terri was facing backwards and could see little of were they came from without the flashlight but she swore she could see a small glow of blue coming from the end of the corridor. They continued down a few more passageways until they reached a door, Lusari stopped and Terri accidentally bumped into her back letting out a little surprised shriek.

“sorry, there’s a door here I need to concentrate” Terri nodded awkwardly and began surveying the chamber to avoid the embarrassment. She looked around the room for a bit before she found a average size moveable piece in the wall, It seemed too simple to be rubble and it may mean there’s a mechanism behind it. She closed her eyes and used the force to move the rock but then she suddenly felt a force knock her to the ground, what was that? it felt like a bunch of pipes maybe it was a mechanism. She reopened her eyes to see a Kaleesh skull starring at her, she cried out as she quickly moved the skeleton of her.

“ah oh my god oh my god oh my goood there’s a creepy dead Kaleesh here” Terri’s heart was racing, she had never been so frightened in her life but more than that she was confused; Kaleesh weren’t exactly native to Yavin IV so this was not random. Not only that but there still looked to be meat on his bones, but this place was abandoned it didn’t add up. As she looked up though she did see a lever in the hole so at least her wimpy moment wasn’t for nothing. She pulled the lever and as she did she saw that Lusi was still deep in concentration, the door began to lift and she opened her eyes.

“see I just needed a little time” she said with a smile, whaaat this was Terri not her she better not take credit. Terri gestured intensely to the lever “oh... right well um nice job” Lusi seemed a little disappointed but Terri felt it was more important to get out of this horror movie waiting to happen. They continued through the corridors eventually reaching the main chamber where Lusi began unpacking her things on the similar tablet in the chamber.

Terri took a defensive position as Lusari set up the ritual but as they prepared they heard the same echoed voice “hmhuhuhuh two little sith flies falling riiiight into my trap” Terri looked around for the source of the voice igniting her lightsaber for extra intimidation factor. 

Lusari looked at Terri concerned but they had a job to do “Lusi get on with the ritual I can hold off whatever this is” she wasn’t really sure of that but she had to be brave and trust in their plan “show yourself” Terri shouted into the chamber as Lusari sat down to begin the ritual, she was protected like that Terri wasn’t sure how.

As her shout echoed around the chamber a blue etherial form materialised in front of her. It was a Male Togruta with a snarl covering his face, his teeth were like fangs and he was covered in some form bone armour. Terri was immediately scared of him what was this guy? an ancient warrior? a crazed zealot? whatever he was he seemed loco

“well well another fool has entered my abode ohohohohoo I’m going to enjoy skinning you” oh no no thank you no skinning, Terri began moving backwards as he talked, what was she supposed to do he was a ghost she couldn't exactly hurt him. Could he hurt her?

her hands shook as she said “stay back I-I know how to use this thing” she was actually pretty good with a lightsaber and probably could take this guy if he was a real person

But in response the ghostly figure just chuckled spitting as he did “go on then I’m dying to see this” Terri tried a proper stab but it just went straight through him, in response he began to laugh in a booming voice

Terri had to regain the upper hand Lusi was counting on her to stall “yeah but you can’t hurt me either right...you ghost” it was true right he could only use the force against her and she was good at blocking that.

“oh but my dear I won’t be doing the hurting” he began to whistle and as he did Terri could here a aggressive shuffling sound coming from the other end of the temple “you best be prepared my Varactyl haven’t eaten in weeeks” oh god oh god what did Terri do she had no idea how to stop this she was going to ruin everything. She could hear the Varactyl coming closer and closer soon they would be here then what would she do, she had no plan and they were counting on her

Suddenly then she heard a familiar echoed voice but this time in her head “Terri get the ghost close to me” close to her what does that mean? close to the holocron, best option she got right now

She quickly shuffled next to the holocron, how was she going to get him over “oh I see how it is not brave enough to fight me yourself, afraid you’ll lose” she could see a little twitch in his face, please say that worked she could hear the varactyls howls very close

he began to step forward “believe me missy nothing would make me happier than flaying the skin off of you myself but” he was getting closer, yes! thank the force, stupid monologuing sith so easy to trick “I’m afraid I’m otherwise impa-” as he was talking his words were almost drained away from him and suddenly his form was being pulled towards the holocron with a chilling energy. Oh my god the Lady is saving her she felt so honoured, she heard a snarling coming from behind her, oh no the varactyl she saw them enter the chamber ready to pounce. She was petrified she had no idea what to do she just closed her eyes and trusted the Lady had a plan. 

She could here the togruta screaming as she stood there unable to move “noooo, noooo you will never cage me I will destroy yo-” and then silence Terri could still hear the snarling though, she wasn’t brave enough she had really tried but now she had just froze. But then she heard them whimpering and as she opened her eyes they were running away.

“oh oh oh my god my Lady h-how did you do that” that was soooo coool Terri was sure she had messed it up but the Lady totally had a plan

The voice resonated inside her head once again “absorbing of a force ghost is defiantly a crude and dangerous way to achieve power but none the less effective” absorbing? so all his power now the lady’s? well at least it was with someone who would use it well

“you absorbed him? like all his power and personality wow you’re so powerful” Terri hadn’t talked to the Lady much before, that was more Lusi’s job but she was still very pleased to talk to her

“yes it’s actually not a very hard ritual but given to a naive young force user and it can lead to disastrous consequences for the individual trust me” she sounded so smart, Terri knew that the Lady was quite an old being but her understanding of the force was always so baffling 

“Thank you so much for saving me from the Varactyls I know you didn’t have to” Terri felt like she should at least thank her, she hoped it wasn’t rude

“nonsense Terri you’re important to the plan just like Lusari, you’ll realise your part eventually” whaaaat she did have a part to play? she thought she was just helping out, why hadn’t Lusi told her?

“oh um well thank you” Terri felt very giddy after all this praise

“I must return to the ritual I have been away from it too long, Lusari may be getting doubtful” Terri let her go without another word and sat on the wall  excitably replaying the events over in her mind. It was dangerous but also so cool not only fighting the commander but a force ghost, her friends would be so jealous. As she sat the room slowly began to glimmer with light, oh yeah she got to watch the ritual this time awesome. As the glimmers became clear she could see many different language symbols all lighting up with a glowing yellow light, as the ritual continued the glowing formed tendrils which branched together all leading into the holocron. The chamber then returned to the darkness it was once in and the room was silent.

Lusari stepped up and turned around “what did I miss” Terri smiled she was gonna be so jealous...

[osmw1]

Crowbar Nurse   Chapter 1 — Prologue: Travelling Between Worlds Because of my Phone is Normal, Right?

I am a nameless rookie nurse.

My hobby is clearing my mind with video games. In particular, mindless zombie shooters and dating sims that I can enjoy while yapping off with friends are my favorite genres.

… well, it’d be more accurate to say “was”. I ended up being employed by an awful hospital, even though I was super careful with my applications. But because of that, I don’t have any spare time to play my games. I was way above the legal overtime limit but yet, here I was working for free.

Let me go home already… I can’t think straight anymore…

I was tapping away at an outdated computer in the nurses’ station and doing today’s documentation.

The location is Shinjuku. The time, wee hours. A hellhole of a hospital ward with a window to the night outside. The nurses of this ward start their day way too early and end their nights dizzyingly late. Even when neglecting my hunger and hygiene, I can get only four, five hours of precious sleep a day. Such are my circumstances when working hours are this long.

I haven’t really done anything at all lately. I don’t have the time to game or hang out with my friends… the only thing I’ve done other than work is scrolling on my phone…

I silently sighed inside.

Society thinks us nurses to be huge flirts, headstrong, and highly paid. I’m sure there are some out there who are like that. … not me though. I’d say I’m the complete opposite of that.

When I was a teenager, I played games all day and cared too little about looking pretty, leading me straight down the path of being a loner. By the time I did care, I was a university student busy with studying and practicum. Outside of school, my girlfriends and I would be in stupidly high heels and partying like there was no tomorrow.

Though I like talking with people, I was always too timid for my own good. Not only did my seniors always yell at me, I also have literally zero experience in relationships. … I suppose faking it and going to clubs did get me attention from shallow guys, but the thing is that I have never been popular with the opposite sex. That’s why I can’t stand people who are blessed with confidence.

… I’m completely twisted. I know. I’ll probably end up in my thirties with everybody saying that my standards are too unrealistic and no one interested in me…

I sighed out loud this time. And as for the highly paid part? That’s probably not true for me as well. My take home pay is a little over 180,000 with more than 100 hours of unpaid overtime. Still, in this “Land of the Setting Sun”, that’s probably considered well-paid.

There are all sorts of nurses, y’know?

I’m neither well-paid nor well-versed in relationships. I’m just a sham who loves her zombies. I had once prided myself on my love for nursing, but the soul-sucking work as of late led to the flames of my passion burning out. I’m simply a lifeless drone.

Ughhh, I need to let loose and wipe out some zombies… I can’t stand working anymore…

Shoving those memories aside, I begrudgingly returned to recordkeeping. Now, let me describe what a day for a newbie nurse with no time for fun or zombies is like. After five hours of sleep, I wake up and head to my ward. I look up the details of the patients I’m in charge of on the piece of crap computer. Once that’s done, I make sure all the medicine and IV drips are good to go. After handing off things to the night shift, I begin making my rounds. There’s not even a moment spare to get water or go to the washroom. Even when working such a long shift, I say goodbye to lunch breaks if it gets busy. It doesn’t matter your level of seniority, you effectively get only five minutes. If it’s bad, it’s closer to 30 seconds… I fly into the break room, stuff my face with food, and eat it while walking back to the desk. Then, I get back to logging or preparing for the midday debriefing. I’m sure… I’m sure other places are like this too. In every hospital is a ward this depressing.

… oof. Crap. Nearly fell asleep there.

That moment of microsleep was most definitely because of sleep deprivation. The steady chime of the patient monitoring system and the clattering of keyboards from other nurses working overtime fill the room. I glanced at the watch I had stuffed in my pocket—12:30, later than usual.

It’s past midnight already, eh? Still, even when everybody lives around here, Shinjuku at night is still a little dangerous.

Even then, none of us dayshift nurses have gone home yet. That’s just how things work here. I casually looked up from my PC.

Colorful neon signs and lit offices contribute to the dazzling lights in the nightscape. It shone through the window across the hallway from the nurses’ station. Low-intensity aircraft warning lights dotted countless skyscrapers. The red lights on top of the buildings were like a constellation twinkling together. Its beauty never fails to take me out of reality.

 … though I may be sleepy, even at this hour, the streets were not. The lights revealed everybody who was still awake.

Until I started working, I never knew the nights of Shinjuku were created and supported by people like me—the slaves to society.

 People are used and discarded every day to maintain this beautiful dazzling world.

… and just as that thought floated across my mind, my view of the night sky worrisomely fluttered for a moment.

 Hmm…? That’s weird.

I couldn’t tell whether my vision was blurry or that my head wasn’t functioning properly. Though what was very clear was that I was far too tired. Then, I got lightheaded for a split second. As soon as it passed and I breathed a sigh of relief, I clutched my chest in pain.

 I’m going to die… oh yeah, I’m totally dying.

As my heart stabbed with every pulse, I took a deep breath only to find my head spinning again.

… frankly, I’m not doing so well.

This has been a frequent occurrence lately. I hold back the wave of nausea as I struggle to form sentences in my head… then suddenly, the exhausted head nurse rushed over to me in a panic.

“—the management is coming around! Hurry, hide yourself in the linen room!”

Once I realized the head nurse was shouting at me in a quiet voice, she stood me up by my shoulders. And before I knew it, she shoved me into the linen room at the far end of the nurses’ station and slammed the door shut.

… ah, not this again…

I subconsciously sighed. This happens every day in our ward. Basically, it’s to conceal the fact that us newcomers are forced to work overtime. If the head honchos of the nursing department find out, they would chew out the head nurse.

The directive of this sweatshop of a hospital is supposedly to eliminate overtime and, officially, newcomers aren’t forced to do so. That’s why when the head of the department swings by, us newcomers get spirited away.

That’s fine and all, but… damn it. The computers automatically logout after 10 minutes of inactivity, so there goes all my unsaved data…

Looks like I’ll have to redo everything, which means I’m stuck here until at least 1:00. I squatted down and subconsciously sighed again. Guess I don’t have much of a choice but to sleep until they come get me. As I shut my eyes close in exhaustion, I felt a strange vibration coming from my pocket.

 … huh? A notification? I thought I turned off my phone…

I doubted myself as I reached into my pocket. When I took a look at my phone, the screen was pitch black but oddly enough, some text was showing.

… hmm, what’s that? Is that English?

The excessive number of symbols made me question whether it was really English or not. It may have been pitch black, but it was just bright enough that I could tell the screen was on. That and the green text showing clued me in on that.

… what’s all this about? Did some super hacker breach my phone? Wait, are there people who hack smartphones in the first place?

I looked down at the screen in confusion… hmm? What? Hold on… The green text scrolled past at a blistering pace. The line practically disappears as soon I tried to read it!

 “… what?!”

I was fully awake when I reflexively cried out loud but was still too late to cover my mouth shut. The directors should have still been out there on their patrol. I hope they didn’t hear me.

Whaaaaaaat. Huh?! Augh! What’s going on?!

A scene of pure sci-fi unfolded in front of my very eyes. Talk about a complete one-eighty from my depressing daily life.

No, seriously, am I being hacked? Is this what it’s like? This looks more like magic to me though!

Unfortunately, a Neanderthal who can’t even do basic addition on Excel like me had no idea what was happening. I don’t get it… but I knew that this wasn’t supposed to happen.

sudo…? apt-get install? Hey, hey, hey, hey! Don’t go installing anything weird on my phone without my permission! It’s now asking for a password… and it’s being filled in!

My eyes went wide as ••••• popped up in the password field.

But… I didn’t even do anything…

I was speechless. Then, while my jaw was still on the floor, the door violently swung open… as someone came barelling through.

■Protagonist

The protagonist is a super overworked rookie nurse who was on the verge of dying. Once you get her on the topic of zombie games, she'll yap on for even longer than the intro to The Final Countdown—though it's not an opportune moment right now.

contents: /ch001/ /next/

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