#ive had a rough few days | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

functionalechoes · 2 years ago

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you ever

find out what you thought was a friendship 20 years strong

was not reciprocated?

#ive had a rough few days

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ghost-bard · 3 months ago

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something has possessed me i think bc why am i in the year 2024 thinking about merlin/gwaine but also merlin/lancelot but also gwaine/merlin/lancelot. what have i done to deserve this

#merlin #bbc merlin #bbc gwaine #bbc lancelot #in truth this is not surprising at all #gwaine is my favorite character #and there is no world in which gwaine didnt know about merlins magic #i love the merlin tv show so much #it couldve been so much better. IT COULDVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTERRRR #and no one knows just how much this show means to me #like in terms of comfort shows this is the number one #even though i dont rewatch it all that often #i think about it so much #chat do i rewatch merlin in its entirety for the first time in years #i usually just rewatch my favorite eps #the ones with gwaine as a main character #and the ones that make me sad #i also love lancelot so much and i do kind of hate how the show did him SORRY #when morgana brings him back. love my toxic queen but i cant watch it #to me gwen was always in love with arthur and morgana #idc about actual legends i care about the tv show #one day ill read some retelling of the whatever and WHATEVER #but. i can feel how i want #the way i view the various different ships... its wild #like i can go into depth one day... but not today IM TIREDDD #sorry im rambling its 3am and ive had a rough few days rip #im gonna take some melatonin and go sleep good lord #why does my pc think melatonin isnt a word its literally a drug???? whatever #anyway. ramble OVER i need SLEEP

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arsenicflame · 3 months ago

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hi so, checking in (sorry, its personal bullshit again, ill get back to the fandom stuff you actually wanted,,,, eventually)

things. are going bad. like, really bad, like last january bad. like im about to lose all my personhood again bad. im hoping its still just going to be a small blip and things will start upticking soon, but. im bracing for that not to be the case. it feels different to me

i vaguely mentioned earlier in the week taking a bit of a step back, and ive decided to extend that into a full break. my queues probably going to run out before im back, though i have slowed it down some. thatll be the only noticable difference for 99% of people. i wont guarantee any dm responses on here, but ill do my best for the couple of people who have me on discord

i didnt really want to do this again but it gets messy in my head, and ive found the best way to control the clawing beast of attention and need and the things that make me want to be a person i dont want to be is to cut it off at the source. its not nice, and it hurts, and it definitely kills the chances of making friends but. i promise you its better than the alternative.

ill see you when i see you, i guess. i hope its soon. i hope this isnt how it feels to be. i hope the feelings that have existed this week go dormant again. but itll be what itll be. i can't change that

#i know these things do not matter in the long run but it feels important to me to say #easier to concentrate on public presence than the emotions of it i guess #nyxtalks #vent #not going to lie to you my friends. im scared #the problem is ultimately. it all feels rational in the end. it feels weighted and worthy and not just a product of mental illness #so i can sit here and feel as in control of my headspace as i want. its just i agree with my darkest thoughts #am i even a person worth the effort? all evidence points to one very clear answer #anyway #it scares me. ive felt more at home in my skin these past few months. had some rough spots for sure but. i hoped this would go away for muc #longer. i hoped i could at least get a couple of years #i dont know. i live in hopes of an impossible future where the dark doesnt get so dark you know? i think thatd be nice #i still can't function in any of the ways a person should. but at least i wouldnt be such a burden then #itd be easier to carry. if it was lighter #i dont really know what im saying im just. scared & sad & spending my entire day at work catastophising (and sm stuff there is NOT helping)#and all i really want is to lie curled up with my friends and not move for days and be held and comforted and feel a love that is true #and i dont even think thatd change things. i dont think anything can help me #even in my most fantastical scenarios i dont change. im just easier to love that way #ok im going to shut up now i dont think any of that had a point. its just rambles for me and me alone #ill see you when i see you. dont know when but i will be back. i can promise you that much #i have plans to keep for now at least

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chiimeramanticore · 1 year ago

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dude ok new new year's resolution. i gotta buy myself one of those edgy wolf shirts you know the ones. i also gotta finally buy tripp pants

#ive had my eye on a pair for a few months #but theyre expensive so ive been putting it off despite being able to afford it #but ive basically just been wearing the same pair of jeans every day since it got cold enough to wear jeans #and ive put so many chains and trinkets on it i might as well get smth that already has chains #and . i think im wearing thru the jeans now cuz the seams are looking rough #the wolf shirt i just want cuz itll be funny. the pants i think i kinda need atp lmao #juno.txt

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httpiastri · 1 year ago

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:(

#he’s so pretty it hurts #gah #i hate it here #i promise to answer asks tonight I’m sorry but ive just had a really rough last few days #f1 #f2 #f3 #paul aron #prema

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tibbycaps · 11 months ago

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saw your recent post, just wanted to send my best wishes

your srtimator videos have really cheered me up recently, hope you can find something to do the same for you

:)

thank you very much ;-; currently watching scar stream lol. im really glad you like the videos so far 👍

#next video will go up next week probably #asks #but i really appreciate it a lot ive had a rough few days

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evilponds · 1 year ago

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new insurance covers my meds. for $250 :) does it cover the generic form? nooo why would they do that

#personal #sorry for bitching so much ive had a rough few days :)

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arvoze · 1 year ago

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the power i will receive in a matter of days will be astounding. watch out

#i am making this post to ramble. idk if it will actually change anything but i am trying 2 be hopeful .#ive been very. Rough all month thus far both physically and mentally and occasionally both at the same time #i am just hoping tht wat i am getting soon will help me do things bc ive rly had no energy to do anything at alllllll #and i rly dont want to like. Explode i would like to get things done #i have things i owe to people!!! i just dont have the spoons to do it Ever and it piles iup and up in my head #it fucking blows dude i have been stuck in a horrendous loop for like almost 6 months #i just want 2 be normal u know . i am hoping something will change soon #if it does not change in the nesxt few days when my shit arrives i think im like. Done For in general #like if im unable to get anything done in the next few days then i am going to very seriously have to reconsider #literally everything i do online i think. its a bit fucked up #ik it sounds like an exaggeration bu there is noooo way in hell i am Surviving like tihs !!!!!!! slash srs #i wish twitter circles did not die so i cold blow up in there bu back to ye olde norm of tumblr tags will have to do #also it feels less invasive so like. win for me ig. i do miss rambling nonstop in tags #i miss tumblr!! i miss a lot of old stuff. reminiscing for reasons both good and bad. the tumblr stuff is the good side tho #anyways i have been slowly chipping away at writing thigns this month and ik its like. not a lot at all.#but its a lot to *me* and when youre someone whos only capable of doing so mch its like. a big deal #(im writing pmdnd stuff finally getting back into gear nd stuff i have been trying to slowly draw the npcs #that ive made whilst trying to recover in other areas bu rghghrghgrgr i dont ewant to draw #i havent wanted to draw in a long long time blows up)#i shuld. stop typing actually i am rambling too much i jsujt have nowhere to mindlessly ramble anymore technicaly #i dont want to bug my friends w me being unwell all the time DFJKGHDFKGFG #mayne i will try to ccontinue with the npcs. we will see based on if i post again in the next 30 minutes

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gibbearish · 9 months ago

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am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes

#that being said. pressurized cabins drive me insane a little bit #and also it gives you pretty intense sea legs for a While #like. the ones from the first trip hadnt gone away by the return one. so. might be stuck with that for a few days #we shall see #also ajr live fucks severely #the albums were already incredible but that was a goddamn religious experience #like. idk the way i think abt it is theyre more djs than a regular band esp w their performance showing the making of way less sad #like their music is very electronic‚ theyre making mixes of their own sound effects more than singing in one go #so like. the vocals were a teeensy bit rough at times #notably times it has taken me Literally Hundreds Of Hours Practice to be able to consistently sing along with #and times ive found its literally physically impossible to like. no matter what #idc how big your lungs are‚ there is no human on earth who can do that final run of karma in one breath #much less to An Entire Stadium After An Hour Of Jumping And Dancing And Singing Loud As Fuck #so like i dont blame them for that‚ you dont go to live shows expecting it to be 100% perfect anyways jwbdjsbfksb #the trumpet however. well she was certainly playing sometimes. and was very enthusiastic about her flares.#however. in most of their songs they use midi trumpets to my ear at least #meaning she was likely an addition specifically for live performances and in my personal band kid opinion #prooobably was not in any of the like. higher tier bands? idk just. a lot of the mistakes she was making were hitting as stuff that got #taught out of us the instant we joined any band beyond regular concert #so i would guess she was probably just like. a friend who happened to play trumpet in high school or maybe even just middle school #and they knew that the trumpet parts in their pieces were big and distinct enough that like they /had/ to get a live player #and just kinda. didnt anticipate the audition -> performance gap #like. her tone was really fried the whole time like she was playing as hard as possible #which. she was mic'd. have the sound guy turn her up.#the way they did it made it sound like she was using a mute but not. like she only got the bad parts of a mute from it yknow #her tempo and timing were. bad. theres no nice way to put that one it just Was Bad‚ like the trumpet runs in ajr songs arent. complicated #like. quite literally if you handed me the sheet music right now i would have it down perfect in a week at absolute most #and better than that player on sightread. like. we did so many sightreading drills.#like ill share my band kid creds if anyone cares but i need to emphasize this isnt me being braggy like. they genuinely just arent hard #fuck im out of tags. w/e i think only like one of yall also listens to them anyways so i can leave it there

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syncrovoid-presents · 1 year ago

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I will continue being gone for a few days, sadly my original al plan of releasing the newest chapter of The Consequence Of Imagination's Fear has also been delayed. My apologies

Can't go into detail because its hush hush not-legally-mentionable stuff but today is my fifth 12 hour no-break work day. I'm also packing to move too in a fortnight (which is a Big Yahoo!! Yippee!! I'll finally have access to a kitchen!! And no more mold others keep growing!!! So exciting!!!)

#syncrovoid.txt #delete later #OKAY SO! this makes it sound like i have a super important job but really we are understaffed and ive barely worked there a year now #graduated college a few years early 'cause i finished high school early (kinda? it's complicated)#now i am in a position where i am in the role of a whole Quality Assurance team (testing and write ups)#a Task Manager/Planner #Software Developer and maybe engineer? not sure the differences. lots of planning and programming and debugging ect ect #plus managing the coworker that messed up and doing his stuff because it just isnt good enough. which i WILL put in my end day notes #our team is like 4 people lol. we severely need more because rhe art department has like 10 people??#crunch time is.. so rough..#its weirdddddd thinking about this job since its like i did a speedrun into a high expectations job BUT in my defense i was hired before #i graduated. and like SURE my graduating class had literally 3 people so like there was a 86%-ish drop out rate??#did a four year course in 2 BY ACCIDENT!! i picked it on a whim. but haha i was picked to give advice and a breakdown on the course so it #could be reworked into a 3 year course (with teachers that dont tell you to learn everything yourself) so that was neat #im rambling again but i have silly little guy privileges and a whole lot of thoughts haha #anywho i am SO hyped to move!! I'll finally get away from the creepy guy upstairs (i could rant for days about him but he is 0/10 the worst)#it will be so cool having access to a kitchen!! and literally anything more than 1 singular room #(it isnt as bad as it sounds i just have a weird life. many strange happenings and phenomenons)#<- fun fact about me! because why not? no one knows where i came from and i dont 100% know if my birthday is my birthday #i just kinda. exist. @:P #i mean technically i was found somewhere and donated to some folks (they called some different people and whoever got there first got me)#but still i think it is very silly! i have no ties to a past not my lived one! i exist as a singularity!#anywho dont think about it too hard like i guess technically ive been orphaned like twice but shhhhhhhh #wow. i am so sleep deprived. i am so so sorry to anyone who may read this #i promise im normal #@:|

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kj-munch · 1 year ago

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new pfp new mee babyyy trying to remind myself that this is MY account i can do what i want with it . disconnecting myself from the madcom theme, ill still be drawing it ofc but like i mentioned on another post a weekish back i want to allow myself to post non madcom art too. hoping to start drawing more frequently again soon

#scraps #this sona doodle is teeny but cute #also ive had this signature design in mind for a while now just never a real excuse to use it #but here we go now YIPPEE #also unpinned my intro post bc i genuinely dont feel like the person who wrote that anymore #these last couple years have changed me and im still in a pretty rough patch rn but as of writing this rn i at least feel more like a real #person again hence why im trying to take the reins on this acc back after just kind of decaying for a while #no new pinned yet just because im not really sure what to put in it?#besides like. name age pronouns. which ill just put in my bio at that point #while im already rambling ill mention i still have those reqs i asked for a few days ago in mind im just slow getting to them #umm what else. fun fact for anyone still reading its 4:30 am here rn as im writing #gonna queue thissssss now

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evilcatgirlwizard · 2 years ago

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