#yeah so ummm the thing i am astounded by the most right now is

[bbeelzemon]

just had paramedics called on me for the first time todayy

[marinettereadsfics]

Kim Seokjin

Make You Scream  Now, when I say this is a wild ride is because I truly mean it. There is nothing like this out there I assure you. Reese is a mastermind. You won’t regret reading it. [crack, smut, Monsters Inc. AU]

A Lullaby on Canvas  Pure amazing plot and writing. If smut with plot is your thing, you got urself a masterpiece right here. [smut, siren AU, neighbour AU]

Dick n’ Go  It never ceases to surprise me how well thought out their plots are + I laughed at the “five star dick” more than I should have bc I totally see Jinnie pulling that off [smut, crack]

Eight  You may be hesitant to read an octopus hybrid Jin but please, this is so well written its just *chefs kiss* [smut, Hybrid AU]

Folia  I never knew I needed an alien AU until I read this. Do yourself a favour and read it. [smut, Alien AU]

Kiss It Better  A quick but amazing read. Seokjin + crack and f2l?? SIGN ME UP [smut, crack, f2l]

Golden Boy  Love me some amazingly written smut with plot. Because what’s better than Pornstar Kim Seokjin? Neighbour pornstar Kim Seokjin.[smut, Neighbour AU, Pornstar AU]

Better With You  This three part fake dating with kinda chaebol Seokjin is juts *chefs kiss* definitely one of my faves [smut, angst, Fake Dating AU]

Min Yoongi

The Touch of Silk  You know what’s better than vampire Yoongs? Sugar Daddy Vampire Yoongs. Do you even need to know more? [smut, Sugar Daddy AU, Vampire AU]

Talk  One of the most well-written two shots out there. I simply loved it. Most probably read it when I should have been doing homework but hey, Phone Sex operator Yoongi is so worth it. [smut, Phone Sex Operator AU]

Book of The Beasts: From the Ashes  I’m a sucker for anything mythical and this is definitely no exception. It has an amazing plot and build up. 1000/10 [smut, angst, Witch AU, Mythical Shifter AU]

Owner Training  Okay hear me out, I love reading fanfics but I almost never something longer than a one shot bc otherwise I wouldn’t graduate but this. This right here ladies, gentlemen and non binary buddies, is so so worth your time. I’m a sucker for hybrid Yoongi yeah. [crack, fluff, smut, Hybrid AU]

Snake Kisses  If your thing is grumpy Yoongs, mix it a little bit with this amazingly written Hybrid fic and you’ve got: perfection! Danger noodle are my favourite words since I read this. [smut, fluff, Hybrid AU]

Glass  Pure amazing filth by this amazing author. Spare a few minutes and read this masterpiece. Thank You. [smut]

Inheritance  There are a few shots in this one and truth be told you will find yourself reading them all. This one is kinda angsty but it is so so good. Again, grumpy Yoongi hybrid is my fave. [fluff, smut, angst, Hybrid AU]

Demon! Yoongi  I distinctively remember having this one in my to-read list and saying ‘I’ll just read this one and head to bed’ on a school night bc my sleep deprived ass read “2.1 k words” but it really was “22.1k” and so… yeah. It was so amazing I ended up reading it all in one go. Education is important but this Demon Yoongi fic is more important. Don’t quote me on that. [smut, Demon AU] Catharsis  Hello my fellow kinky Yoongi enthusiasts, I bring you an amazing fic full of smut with some amazing plot behind and character development. [smut]

Android!Yoongi Excuse me while I go and weep in a corner. This is a scenario I didn’t know I needed so much. 24k yeah, but it is so so worth it. [smut, angsty, Android AU]

Mighty  I can’t recall details because I tend to read to sleep BUT GRUMPY CAT YOONGI IS A THING. [smut, fluff, Hybrid AU]

Love and Laughter  A quick read, but I’m a sucker for established relationship drabbles. [smut, fluff]

Tonight  If daechwita Yoongs did something to you, spare a few minutes to read this masterpiece. [smut, Historical AU]

Make Me  FRIENDS TO LOVERS + SLEEPOVER. THAT’S IT. [smut]

Bent Will  Heavy kinky stuff ahead. That is about enough. [smut]

Daechwita  The title is pretty self-explanatory. If you haven’t read this masterpiece, I honestly- don’t know where you’ve been. [smut, Historical AU]

Give It To Me  Hello fellow kinky Yoongi enthusiats, again. Shibari is a thing here. Enjoy. [smut]

Want a Taste? 

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it all the time, SMUT WITH PLOT. Yoongi rapper while working in a mall is something I didn’t know I needed. As always, amazing writing and plot. [smut, humour-ish, Mall Worker AU]

Mixtape 

Let me tell ya something, this fic right here has slipped from my fingers more than once, but I just loved it so so much that I’ve spent hours looking for it without remembering the title. A FAVE. Amazing writing and an even more incredible character development. A MUST READ. [smut, fluff, comedy, College AU]

Tsundere 

The pure essence of Yoongi’s life lessons mixed with a tiny bit of bad boy vibe and smut. [angst, smut, College AU]

Tricks of the Trade 

This was such a fun and sexy reading! I LOVED IT SO MUCH. Can you just imagine swapping bodies with your crush okay look no further. Here it is. [smut, humour, fluff, Soulmate AU]

The Singularity Theory 

Three parts of absolutely worthy Min Yoongi smut with plot [smut, comedy, college AU]

Nine Months From Now

SMUT. WITH. PLOT. And a hell of a plot I absolutely love CEO Yoongi [smut, fluff, CEO AU]

To Love an Empress 

Ummm hello? This piece of art is just- idk absolutely brilliant to say the least. I am in love with the writing okay and you know im a sucker for smut with plot.[smut, fluff, Historical AU]

Jung Hoseok

Airplane Pt.2  I’m not saying that I can totally picture Hobi in this scenario but maybe I am. Welcome to the mile high club, everybody. [smut, Sugar Daddy AU]

Fake Love  I’m a cliché lover okay. [smut, fluff, fake dating, enemies to lovers]

Rogue Galaxy  SMUT. WITH. PLOT. May you feel blessed with Kristi’s amazingly written masterpiece. [angst, fluff, smut, alien AU]

Kim Namjoon

Hammer it Home  I started reading this in the middle of my customs and tariffs class and somewhere along the middle I kinda forgot I started reading it BUT MY MY THIS IS *chef’s kiss* one of the most amazing smut with plot I’ve read in a while. [fluff, smut]

The Moment Pleasantly Frightful  Joonie here is a devil, you are an inexpirenced witch [smut]

What Friends are For  Joonie is kinda inexperienced but hey, making sure he gets it is what friends are for. [smut, BFF AU]

Love Bites 

YESSSS VAMPIRE JOONIE [smut, Vampire AU]

Park Jimin

Love Me, Love Me I read this in a sleepy haze for the first time but ever since, I’ve re-read it bc it is just so good! One of my hybrid faves tbh [smut, Hybrid AU]

Book of The Beasts: The Hunt I was so caught up with the story from the beginning, no words, just do yourself a favour and read it. [fluff, smut, angst, Mythical Shifter AU]

A Serpent’s Flower Part 1 and Part 2  You gotta read these if you wanna have a good laugh but still get the sexy writing in it + if you like HP AUs okay. The plot is so rich I loved it.

20 Things (and Counting) I Hades about You  Cocky Jimin makes an appearance in this one as Hades’ embodiment and lemme tell ya I’m here for it. [crack, angst, Greek Gods AU]

Beneath the Water by @jungshookz ExcuSE YOU, this is easily the best mermaid/merman AU I’ve read. It really takes you places, please read it. [fluff, crack, smut, mermaid AU]

The Airport Couple: Park Jimin’s Cock [pit] This was so so fun to read, plus, it is so well written I might cry. The plot is so original is2g. I never knew I needed Jimin as a pilot in my life, but we all do. [fluff, smut, crack, pilot!AU]

Everywhere  One of my werewolf AU faves in this site, this so smutty I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT [smut, Werewolf AU]

Sleeping on the Couch  Hello there cute smutty drabbles. It is so entertaining, just read ahead. [smut, fluff]

Shewolf by @dovechim​

You should know by now this is the author of some AMAZINGLY WRITTEN SMUT so just go ahead please [smut, werewolf AU]

Love Like This  If your thing is soft boyfriend Jiminie, look no further, this will make you feel things for sure. [smut, fluff]

User: Mochibuns95  There is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for camboy Jimin, now make it a “we kinda know each other but not really” and you got this brilliant plot! Kudos to the author, you are an absolute genius! [smut, Camboy AU]

Lovebug  Gimme some more of this angsty smutty hybrid Jimin slowly learning to love himself YESSS [angst, fluff, smut, Hybrid AU]

Dress Code  If you haven’t thought about CEO Jimin in a nsfw type of way. Stop lying to yourself. Read this. [smut, CEO AU]

So it Goes

A 3 part masterpiece. Once again I kinda cried reading it. It must have been hormonal. Or perhaps the amazing way it is written. [fluff, smut, Alien AU]

Power Play

Okay so I went on a reading spree for Addie but can you even blame me? SHE IS AN AMAZING WRITER PERIODT. FEED ME THAT FILTH WITH AMAZING PLOT. Definitely one of my faves. I can promise you your heart will skip a beat with this one.  [smut, fluff, Pornstar AU]

Watch Me, Watch You 

Listen up, I can’t be the only one that has found a TA attractive as fuck. Now bring Jimin into it? YES PLEASE [smut, college AU]

Kim Taehyung

1-800-music-street

Ahem. Excuse you. This hit hard it is amazing, astounding, I loved every word of it. I’m a sucker for smut with plot and this right here, delivered. Homeless but passionate for music Tae is here to save the day. [fluff, smut]

All That Is Gold  I’ll said it once, I’ll say it until I die, AMAZING PLOTS THAT NEVER FAIL TO DELIVER. Tae is a sugarbaby here. [smut, angst, roommate AU]

Plunge  Hybrid shy Tae is a thing here [smut, angst, Hybrid AU]

Fun & Games  Soft smutty lover Tae is a dream come true in this one [fluff, smut]

By Chance Tae saves your life and things get… heated. An amazing plot, lovely characters as always. [angst, smut, fluff, Mythical AU, Shifter AU]

By Chance Tae saves your life and things get… heated. An amazing plot, lovely characters as always. [angst, smut, fluff, Mythical AU, Shifter AU]

Sehebon Then again, a bless to read Alien AU, Tae here is just a dreamy one. So so lovely writing, smut with plot, you know it. [angst, fluff, smut, Alien AU]

The Talk  I absolutely loved this, pornstar Tae stepping out of his comfort zone is something so so needed in your life [smut, Pornstar AU]

Good Girl  Accidentally sending your coworker nudes can be something less than a nightmare. [smut, Office AU]

Planning Ahead  Sweet baby Jesus. I loved it. [smut, breeding kink]

The Morning After 

I’m sorry I love ex to lovers smut but y’all shouldn’t stay in toxic relationships okay [smut, e2l]

Jeon Jungkook

The Underwear Thief  I found this so so funny to read and I just noticed that it is 10k but it doesn’t feel like it. Plus, Kookie and a cat as a concept is so cute to me. [smut, neighbour AU]

Bandslam  I haven’t read a fic with this much well written plot ever since my 1D phase so I am forever in debt to Laura for delivering such an amazing fic. Enemies to lovers is a cliche, I know but mix it with drummer boy JK and you got this amazing piece of art. [angst, a bit of fluff in there, smut, E2L, Drummer AU]

Caught Me  I read this quite a while back but I can still recall bits and pieces of it. Seokjin is a sneaky bastard in this one + JK is that roommate that is kinda hard to live with.[smut, Roommates AU]

Crybaby  I’m just going to say: this goes hard. Do yourself a favor and read it. [smut]

Dynasty  I was on a historical streak when I read this. It is angsty but trust me, you’ll absolutely love it. [angst, smut, Historical AU]

Black Card  A wonderfully written two shot that gathers a few faves: CEO Jungkookie and a spoiling kink. Honestly, where can I get myself a man like this. [smut, CEO AU]

Periapt  A two shot (? where JK is an incubus. That should be enough of a description. Amazing writting as always by Rha.

Robot!Jungkook  Okay so one of my many not so guilty pleasures is reading android AUs and lemme tell ya, this 5 shot scenario is just *chefs kiss* [angst, fluff, smut, Android AU]

Dumbo  Wanna have a great laugh while still getting the smut content you deserve? This is your fic. Please just read it. It is amazing and will most likely make your day better. [crack, smut]

2! 3!  Fluffy vanilla smut. Sometimes we deserve it. [fluff, smut]

New Beginnings One of the sexiest Werewolf AUs I’ve read if not the sexiest. You know I love my smut with plot on the side and this fic right here: absolutely amazing. [smut, angst, Werewolf AU]

Felicity  NOW THIS FIC TOOK ME PLACES I DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED TO BE. There are amazing hybrid fics out there but this is on a whole new level. Like seriously, novel-worthy plot. Also, this is off hiatus now apparently and I will most definitely be waiting for it. [angst, smut, hybrid AU]

Out of the Blue  Four-piece that is worth every second you read it. It takes you places, trust me. Plus, you get Namjin on the side. [smut, fluff, Hybrid AU]

Anemia  Hello, a quick read but smutty and quite the ride. Just read it. [smut, True Blood AU]

Fluff and Smut 

Yesssss love me some pinning pornstar au I LIVE FOR IT [smut, Pornstar AU]

[kairi-chan]

Sweeter Than Chocolate - BoruSara, DYF AU

Genre: Romance / Fluff / Humor 

Rating: K 

Written for D3 for @borusaraweek2020: Boruto’s Birthday

… 

Her grip on the small pouch of pink tightened by the tiniest bit. Sarada bit her lower lip and took a shaky breath. 

Why am I so nervous? It’s just Boruto… 

She closed her eyes and listened. He was already at the clearing, running around a pile of gifts he had received for his birthday from the party his pack—and the entire village—threw for him. Boruto was chattering excitedly to himself, dragging out presents from the wagon he used to help them carry it all.

Tentatively, Sarada peeked from behind the tree and her eyes widened at the sheer amount. She leaned back on the tree and looked at the small pouch in her hands. She forced herself to wake up late in the afternoon to be able to have enough time to make these for him… her mother only ever made them once a year and would give it to no one else other than her father. 

Her papa hated sweets, but he always seemed so happy to eat them. Sasuke let her have a piece before when her mama wasn’t looking, and it was delicious, nothing like she had ever had before. Surely, Boruto hasn’t had these before, too. Her papa always said in all of his travels, no one ever made chocolates like her mama and they were simply the most special things in the world. 

She peeked at Boruto again and caught him opening a box of pastries. Judging by the smell of it, the baker probably gifted it to him. 

It was the baker’s profession to make sweets. And basing from the sweets that Boruto had brought her from their shop, they were all delicious. Her gaze dropped to the pouch in her hands again and she frowned. 

It took her three tries to get it right, and although her mama offered to help, Sarada was stubborn and refused. This was a gift from her for Boruto, for his birthday. One that she worked hard to make, just for him. It had to be special, and it was… wasn’t it? 

“Sarada?” Boruto called. “I can smell you, ya know?” 

She pouted and hid the pouch behind her back, under her coat. Her face stayed puckered even after she had stepped into the clearing. Now that she was closer, the mountain of gifts seemed even bigger and it made her pouch of chocolates feel even smaller and insignificant. What was she thinking, making him something when it wasn’t even a skill she had? Well, a skill that definitely wasn’t up to par with the baker’s at the very least. 

“You got cinnamon rolls from the baker?” Her eyes locked on them, wanting a bite. 

“Yeah!” Boruto grinned and picked up the box. His wolfie ears were upon his head, tail wagging. He presented the box to her expectantly. “He said I could have a box of anything I wanted in his shop and I asked him for these. They’re your favorite, right?” 

Sarada’s eyes widened. It was his birthday, he could have asked for the jelly tarts or meat pies that he liked from the baker… but he asked for cinnamon rolls for her? “Boruto…” 

His ears dropped and his tail stopped wagging abruptly upon seeing her forlorn expression. “W-what? Don’t you like cinnamon rolls?” He grimaced and whined. “I knew I should have asked for the strawberry shortcake instead!” 

Sarada brought a hand up to her mouth, an attempt to stop the fit of giggles from overtaking her. He was so silly. 

Boruto sniffed the air, ears perking up and tail slowly wagging. “What’s that smell?” He persisted on his quest to find what the new smell was, making him take tentative steps closer to Sarada. His nose poked at her hand, breath tickling her skin. “It’s coming from you.” Big blue eyes flicked to meet her dark ones. “What did you touch?” 

“N-nothing!” Her cheeks flooded with heat and she averted her gaze, hands flying to her back pocket, holding on to the pouch of sweets. The pouch suddenly felt ten times heavier. She never could hide anything from him. Darn him and his sharp werewolf senses! 

“You’re lying to me,” he deadpanned. “I can hear your heart beating faster.” 

Sarada released a short shout of frustration, face turning a deeper shade of red. “Ugh, fine!” She shoved the pouch into his hands. “H-Here! Just take it!” 

The young werewolf held on to the pouch, eyes wide and inquisitive. First, he held it up to look at it and then brought it closer to his face to smell. His tail started wagging, slowly at first, and then the speed picked up when he asked, “Did you make this for me? It smells good.” 

Her arms crossed across her chest, nose up in the air. “I did.” Although she wanted to appear proud, her heart was racing and the pink tint on her cheeks refused to leave. “Happy birthday.” 

A big, bright grin spread on Boruto’s face, whiskers curling and eyes forming half crescents. “Thank you, Sarada.” 

Although she was looking to the side, she peeked at him, watching as he unraveled the light pink ribbon and wound it around his wrist before sticking his index finger and thumb into the pouch. He pulled out a small piece and looked at it as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world. “What is it?” 

Chocolate was a rare commodity, but Sarada was also astounded he didn’t recognize the scent. Or perhaps, she didn’t cook it right and that’s why he didn’t know what it was. “It’s chocolate.” 

“Chocolate?” Boruto’s ears perked up. “I’ve seen and heard about it but I’ve never had it before.” 

“What?” Sarada blinked. “Why not?” 

“Yeah,” Boruto sat down on the grass and crossed his legs in front of him, still inspecting the little piece of chocolate and giving it a tentative lick. Instantly, his blue eyes went wide and a grin spread on his face. “It’s good!” Boruto flicked the entire piece into his mouth. And then another, and another, soon, he was emptying the pouch into his mouth, cheeks puffy and his eyes bright with delight. 

Sarada’s mouth twisted. “Y-you’re not supposed to eat it all in one go…” her father only ever had a piece every so often and would take a few days to finish it. Even if Sarada didn’t need food to survive, she liked taking little bits of sweets every now and then. 

“But it’s so good!” What he said was barely recognizable, as he was still chewing. Finally, he swallowed and his tongue licked around his lips, capturing every little bit left. “That was delicious, Sarada. Thank you!” He beamed. “I don’t understand why dad never let me have any. Or… anyone in the pack for that matter. We’re all missing out.” 

Sarada tipped her head to the side and walked over to sit on the grass next to him. “What do you mean your dad never gave you any?” That sounded awfully weird… and mean. Chocolates were good and Naruto seemed like the type of dad who wouldn’t hold back giving Boruto all the good things he could get his hands on. 

“I don’t know… he just never really did. Said something about it’s not good for me and like, he also doesn’t eat it, ya know?” Boruto shrugged. “But that was my first taste and you made it. It makes it even more special. Definitely the best gift I got, ya know?” 

Her lips parted and dark eyes went wide. “Best… gift?” 

“Yeah!” Boruto grinned brightly. “Thank you.” 

Sarada was feeling so happy that she didn’t mind when Boruto tightly wrapped his arms around her and peppered her face with kisses, and then, he was licking her. She laughed, asking him to stop but he kept on licking her face. Gradually, his small pink tongue felt rougher and a little wider. Boruto pushed her down on the ground and morphed into a wolf before her eyes. 

She giggled seeing him morph. It didn’t matter how many times she saw it, it still amazed her every single time. Sarada rested her hands on his warm muzzle, and Boruto settled for languidly licking her face and plopping down on the ground to nuzzle her. He sighed and a small content whimper escaped his throat. Sarada petted his head, and stroked down until his neck, her hand disappearing into his thick coat. 

‘Come on, Sarada!’ he gushed. ‘Come look at my other gifts, look at it!’ 

Although she heard him loud and clear in her mind, the large wolf was whining and barking in excitement, pushing his bum up in the air and wagging his tail furiously. 

“I don’t know if you want me to look at these gifts or play tag.” She laughed. 

‘Both! Yeah, both!’

“Whatever you want.” Sarada grinned and leaned her forehead on his. “It is your birthday, after all.” 

The two of them huddled over by the wagon, Sarada picking at the half-opened boxes and looking through Boruto’s presents, briefly wondering how heartwarming it would be to receive gifts from people on her birthday. She’s already had a few decades on her, and the only people who ever gave her gifts were her parents. To be fair, her family had been traveling and she barely made any friends. Unlike Boruto, who had lived in this town and grew up with people and a pack. He was always surrounded by others, unlike her. 

“Do you like them?” Boruto grinned, peeking over her shoulder. He turned back into a human, although his wolf ears remained on his head. 

“Me?” Sarada asked, looking back at him, faces mere inches apart. “W-Why me? They’re yours.” 

“They gave it to me, but I’m sharing it with you,” he shrugged. “That means they’re ours now.” 

“Why…” she gaped. “Why would you share it with me?” Boruto had never been stingy with sharing his belongings with her, but for him to tell her that they were as good as hers… it made her heart skip a beat. 

“Because what’s mine is yours,” he grinned.

Her cheeks flooded with heat. “Boruto…” 

Gruuuumble

Sarada blinked. “What was that?” 

Boruto looked down at his bare stomach with a puzzled look on his face. “Ummm….” 

Gruuuuumble

He gasped and held on to his stomach, suddenly feeling sick. “Oof. That hurts,” he winced and fell on the ground, rolling on his side, and getting into a fetal position. Boruto groaned and shuddered when a wave of pain hit him, tummy making more weird sounds, reverberating throughout his body. “I think I’m gonna be sick.” 

Sarada covered her mouth, scared and not knowing what to do. She had never seen Boruto get sick before, much less this in pain. “I-I’ll go get help!” 

.

.

.

Naruto carried Boruto to bed and chided him. “I told you to stay away from chocolates, Boruto. They’re poisonous for us, ya know?” 

Boruto groaned and held on to his tummy, face more green rather than its usual beautiful tan color. “You never told me!” 

Sakura placed a wet towel over his head and placed a concoction of herbs next to him. “And you ate the entire thing,” she giggled. “Who knew chocolates could make a werewolf fall on his knees.” 

Naruto chuckled and scratched the back of his head. “Kinda lame, I know. But it’s why the whole pack and I genuinely stay away. It won’t necessarily kill us but it does make us sick for a few days depending on how much we ate.” 

Sarada sat on the side of his bed, eyes downcast. It was her fault that Boruto got sick. It was her handmade chocolates that made him sick! 

“But it was so good,” Boruto mumbled and looked at Sarada, forcing a weak smile on his face. 

“I’m sorry…” she whispered. 

“At least now you know, darling.” Sakura stroked her hair and looked at Boruto. “I’ll come in to check on you a little later.” 

“Thanks, auntie Sakura,” Boruto muttered. 

Naruto showed her the way out, leaving the two in the room. 

“I’m sorry,” Sarada repeated again. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Boruto placed his hand on hers. “It was really good, and I loved my gift.” 

“But you’re sick!” Sarada screeched. “And on your birthday! This is all my fault.” 

“Hey,” Boruto looked at her pointedly. “I ate it all in one go, and you didn’t know. Besides, you made it for me. This is worth it.” He patted his stomach and smiled at her. “I’ll get better faster if you stay here and nurse me back to health, ya know?”

Sarada puffed her cheeks and averted her gaze. “Fine. It is your birthday after all.” 

Boruto made room for her to sit next to him in bed. “Read me something?” 

“Okay,” Sarada smiled and picked up the first book on his bedside table. She settled herself under the covers with him, immediately feeling so much warmer. She opened up the book and cleared her throat before she started reading aloud. 

Things might not have worked out exactly as she planned, but they got to spend more time together, and that’s all Boruto wanted for his birthday. 

... 

If you like my fics, please do visit my profile. I have links to my Masterpost, FFnet, Ao3, Twitter, and Ko-Fi there. :)  

[missfaber]

author interview

I was tagged by @orangeflavoryawp, thank you so much! 

I already know I’m going to enjoy this way too much, writing is such a lonely endeavor and I just love talking about it, sooo... I apologize in advance for rambling. 

name: Madeline/Maddie 

fandoms: this is complicated because there’s fandoms I very much consider myself a part of because they’re just a huge part of my life, even though I don’t contribute content to them, and then there’s fandoms I do create content for. So idk where the line is drawn! 

fandoms I contribute/ have contributed to: Avatar the Last Airbender, Game of Thrones, Merlin BBC, Once Upon a Time, Legend of Korra

fandoms I haven’t contributed to but are so dear to me: Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings (my two favorite things ironically lol), and lots more 

where you post: AO3, used to be ff.net and livejournal too

most popular one shot: by kudos, it’s as if death itself was undone (zutara, atla: katara wakes up to azula in their house and wants to find out a) why she is welcome b) why zuko is acting so weird) 

most popular multichapter: by kudos, it’s soldier, go bravely on (jonsa + gendrya, got, complete, rewrite of the last episode of got with sweetness and angst and action, and may i say some common sense?)

favorite story you wrote: fuck omg this is difficult lol! because I both criticize and love all my stories in equal measure, I honestly don’t write anything that i don’t love, that doesn’t give me butterflies / actual chest pain (from angst). I feel like I’m being asked to choose a favorite child lol. so I’ll try to justify these picks somehow... 

closest to my heart: soldier, go bravely on (also mentioned above). this is the fic that brought me back to writing fic, and to tumblr even! I was on hiatus (that I didn’t know was a hiatus because I had no intention of coming back) for six years before writing this fic. I wrote it so quickly after the got finale, it was such a passionate and fevered few days and it just sucked me back in to everything I used to love as a teenager. It was also a nice stretch out of my comfort zone, because of the dialogue (which was so tightly planned it’s ridiculous, I wrote the whole fic as a screenplay type thing first to make sure there wasn’t a single dialogue word not needed) and tv-episode style. It’s also such a wish-fulfillment fic that I can’t read certain parts without getting a bit teary. for all those reasons and more, this fic will always be so special to me. 

most proud of: wolf, circle north (jonsa, got, alternate season 7 & 8). this is the longest fic I’ve ever attempted and the number I’ve hours I’ve sunk into it is astounding and i should be ashamed.  It’s going to be obscenely long (my outline is 70+ chapters) and when I pull it off, best believe it’s going into a bound book so I can look at how thicc it is and be like, “I did that!” lol. The range of POVs is one of the most challenging but most rewarding part of this fic, and why I’m so proud of it. This is another wish-fulfillment fic for me, not just because it’s another fix-it fic but because I have been writing bits and pieces of this fic for about three years. I kept thinking of jonsa scenarios and little scenes I would have loved to see after season 6 and writing them in a little secret doc, just for me, as I never thought I’d write fic again. After writing “soldier” i had already broken my hiatus and I realized this fic was an actual possibility, so I put it out into the world. I couldn’t be more happy that I did that. Not only did it give me the chance to be in such an excellent, lovely fandom, but the feedback I get is so validating after having this be my secret little project for so long.  

most formative: Coffee & Cigarettes, (merthur, merlin bbc) I’m ashamed to list this and the merthurs reading this 100% want to kill me for having the audacity because it’s incomplete and hasn’t been updated since 2013 when there’s only one chapter left so what’s my excuse?  I call this the most formative for me because until I published this I didn’t really have a fic that people followed and liked, eagerly awaited updates for, and commented regularly on. I was writing a lot of one-shots and atla stuff on tumblr (I used to RP lmao I was like 15 ok?) This was the first time I experienced so many fic-life things, like being excited to get AO3 emails, etc. This was the first time I started to really focus on character which is so important to me now, my writing is completely character driven. Not to mention Merlin and Arthur’s dumbassery and sheer attraction and denial is just... *chef’s kiss* 

guiltiest pleasure: my recent foray into nedsei, who am I??? one more word and you won’t survive, just international hate sex

story you were most nervous to post: ummm idk I’m usually excited not nervous, since for me fic writing is just fun, I write things I’d enjoy reading and that I’m proud of. I read my own fics more than anyone else does, I guarantee it. am I a narcissist? who knows I guess I’ll say “soldier” again because I hadn’t posted fic in six years.

how you choose your titles: wow the hardest part of fic writing for me!!!!! thanks!!!!! lol. Okay so for my work titles, which are always terrible and I literally regret them immediately after posting, it’s usually just some words I play around with and string together that are somewhat thematic and related to the work... they’re always terrible lmao, I hate making titles. I mean, look at “soldier, go bravely on” and “wolf, circle north” for god’s sake, I hate them lmao. But I have to pick a title to post, so!!! For chapter titles and one-shots I’ll usually go with a song lyric, and especially for my chapter titles I spend so long seeking out the perfect one that reflects some thematic or emotional content of the chapter somehow. I’m very proud of my chapter titles for wolf, circle north. I have a doc on my scrivener just for chapter titles that I created in the very early stages of writing it, where I just dumped HUNDREDS of song lyrics that I thought I might use. Then by them I wrote some scenarios where they could work. here’s a screenshot:

It’s so helpful now. Sometimes posting an update will take an hour more than necessary because of me going through that doc, finding the perfect lyric. 

do you outline: OH, DO I OUTLINE... Hell Yeah, I outline. I couldn’t live without outlining. I love outlining. My outlines have outlines. I’m a planner centric, calendar centric, bullet-journal bitch so of course I love outlining. In all seriousness though: I write out of chronological order. I feel my writing is best when I write the scene I’m in the mood to write- unfortunately this scene could be ten chapters down the line from the chapter I’m gonna post next. This is the biggest reason outlining is necessary for me. If I didn’t have an outline, my story would be a non-post-able mess. 

I wasn’t kidding when I said my outlines have outlines. For wolf, circle north I have, um, a few. Character/location centric outlines where I bullet every scene that needs to happen for that plot to happen cohesively (these were all more or less completed before I even started writing the fic), then a “loose” outline that I copy everything from the other outlines into for some semblance of chronological order, then a Polished Final Outline that I write from. I know that sounds psychotic. It’s how my brain works. Some photo evidence/explanation:

And here’s a screengrab of my Final Outline, this is pretty much how it is all the way down- The POV character is italicized in the front, I talk to myself a lot in there, let myself get carried away, will sometimes write out whole segments of the scene if they come to me while outlining. Spoilers for chapters 1-3 of w,cn I guess!!!

Then, because scrivener is awesome, I get to see this outline in the corkboard view (I input every scene as a card) and so I get to see every part of my outline as a Synopsis on the right hand side of the doc where I’m writing the scene:

The POV and status tags (which are completely customizable) on the lower right are helpful too. This post is just a scrivener ad. 

complete: 9 works 

in progress: 4 works

coming soon / not yet started: I have so many fics in the works, I’m an indulgent person so if an idea comes to me I usually go with it for a time. I’ve had a very not-serious Jonsa PLL AU I’ve been writing on and off since summer. I have three different fairytale AUs (also jonsas) I’ve been working on and one time travel AU for @sunbeamsandmoonrays. I can’t say when or if any of these will see the light of day, because my priority is my WIPs and my original writing. But the most prevalent are my Halloween fics (one jonsa, one gendrya, one merthur) which I really want to be able to put out this month, but only if I meet some other goals. I’m trying to rein in my indulgent ass, ya’ll. 

do you accept prompts: no. sorry! but I do workshop ideas with friends, for example the nedsei fic happened that way by talking with @flibbertigiblet. But I don’t take writing prompts in my inbox. 

upcoming story you are most excited to write: my halloween merthur fic. it’s witchy, sassy, and I’m so excited to get back into the heads of these characters.

Tagging! @uchihabat @anniebibananie @noqueenbutthequeeninthenorth @sailorshadzter @vivilove-jonsa and any other lovely writer soul who wants to do this!

[vfdbaudelairefile13]

Misery Loves Company part 1

Chapter Twenty-Four [part one]:

The One Where Mr. Poe Finally Sees the Truth

 

“What is all this?” Mr. Poe asked turning his attention to Klaus who set Stephano’s suitcase on Uncle Monty’s desk. 

“Evidence, which we found in Stephano’s suitcase,” Klaus replied.

“My suitcase is private property, which you are not allowed to touch. It’s very rude of you, and besides it was locked.”

“You’re right, it was locked but Sunny picked the lock,” Klaus said as Sunny clapped her hands and stuck her tongue out at Stephano.

“Sunny, is that true?” Mr. Poe asked looking down at the infant.

“Fuck yeah!” Sunny yelled nodding.

“It was an emergency,” Klaus said.

“Nice girls shouldn’t know how to do that sort of thing,”

“That’s what I said,” Stephano muttered.

“My sister is a nice girl and she can do all sorts of things,” 

“We’ll discuss this later,” Mr. Poe said between coughs, “Please continue,”

“When Uncle Monty died, Sunny and I were very sad, but we were also very suspicious…” Klaus began as Sunny shook her head.

“Malum!” Sunny shrieked, which meant, “We weren’t suspicious! If someone is suspicious, it means they’re unsure! We were positive that Stephano killed him!”

Klaus nodded at her. “Pardon me, Sunny’s right. We weren’t suspicious because we knew for a fucking fact that Stephano killed our uncle!” 

“Nonsense!” Dr. Lucafont said, “ As I explained to all of you, Montgomery Montgomery’s death was an accident. I found venom in his veins!”

“And like we told you that you may have found venom in his veins, I’m not denying that . But what I am disproving is that the Mamba Du Mal bit him because...it didn’t.” Klaus said.

“But there were bite marks on his cheek clearly from a snake,” Dr. Lucafont replied.

“That stumped me, too. That’s why we decided to search Stephano’s suitcase. We knew he wasn’t dumb enough to leave any evidence behind. That’s when I found these.”

“But that’s nothing! It’s my random junk collection, which is private property, illegally obtained and therefore not admissible in court.” Stephano said.

“Quisquiliae!” Sunny shouted, which meant, “Well, you’re not wrong...this is mainly junk. But that’s when we noticed this !” As Klaus translated for his sister, he held up a glass vial.

“Uncle Monty told us that he keeps venom samples in his cabinet from every venomous snake known to man,” Klaus stated. 

“Femina!” Sunny added.

Klaus smiled down at Sunny, “...and woman,” 

“Mr. Poe, we believe if you open that cabinet right there, you will find a sample is missing,” Klaus said pointing to the venom vial cabinet.

“There’s an empty spot on the shelf. The label says “Mamba Du Mal”,” 

Klaus opened up the book once more and read aloud, “The Mamba Du Mal is one of the deadliest snakes in the hemisphere, known for its powerful venom…”

“Then it’s obvious, the Mamba Du Mal got out of its cage, stole a vial of its own venom, and murdered Dr. Montgomery in cold blood,” Stephano commented interrupting Klaus.

“Ah-ha! Wait, that’s ridiculous…” Mr. Poe said.

“But...but...but the bite marks…” Stephano tried.

“Mordere!” Sunny yelled, which meant, “Aren’t bite marks at all, jackass. I can show you what real bite marks look like!” Klaus translated as Sunny glared at Stephano showing off her teeth. 

“See, when we first saw these items, we weren’t sure how they fit together. But thanks to a helpful herpetologist, who concentrated on each item as if they were parts of a machine and that’s when he realized they fit together.” Klaus said as he lifted the put together object. “Lady and Gentlemen, the murder weapon!”

“Incredible! Astounding!” Dr. Lucafont commented as Stephano glared at him. 

“Now, if I’m correct, Stephano used this double-barrel syringe to inject the venom into Uncle Monty, to simulate the double puncture marks of a snake. Then he disassembled it to hide the evidence.” Klaus said placing the weapon down.

“But I loved Dr. Montgomery. What motive would I possibly have to murder him?”

“Fortunae!” Sunny chimed in, which probably meant, “You’re after the fucking Baudelaire fortune!” Klaus translated for his sister. 

“When I turn eighteen, as we all know,” Klaus continued explaining just in case Mr. Poe and Dr. Lucafont still didn’t get it. “I will inherit the Baudelaire fortune, and Stephano intended to get that fortune for himself. It would be easier to do so if we were in a location that has lax guardianship laws and where crimes are much harder to trace, such as Peru. That’s why he kept trying to get us alone with him, he planned on kidnapping Sunny and I and whisking us away to Peru to do who knows what to us!” 

“Tessera?” Sunny asked her brother, which meant, “But...Monty ripped Stephano’s ticket...we saw him…?”

Klaus frowned and sighed. “You’re right, Sunny. Monty did rip Stephano’s ticket to Peru. Which is why he had to get Uncle Monty out of the way. He killed Uncle Monty…” he shuddered but continued, “He killed Uncle Monty, and took his laminated card for the Herpetological Society. He planned to pose as Uncle Monty to get on board the Prospero, and whisk us away to Peru where he can somehow gain our money.” Sunny nodded at Klaus’ explanation to the one part of Stephano’s plan that she didn’t fully understand. 

“But I don’t understand,” Mr. Poe said.

“Mirum,” Sunny said rolling her eyes, this meant, “Shocker.”

“How would Stephano even know about the Baudelaire fortune?” Mr. Poe asked.

Before Klaus could answer his question, Stephano said, “I thought they were penniless orphans. They certainly dress like penniless orphans.”

“That’s because everything we owned burned up in a fire...but you already knew that,” Klaus said.

“How would he know that?” Mr. Poe asked like the dumbass that he is.

Klaus rolled his eyes at Mr. Poe and sighed. “Like we’ve told you... a thousand fucking times because he’s Count Olaf!” Klaus yelled angrily. “He may have shaved his head, and trimmed off his eyebrow, but the only way he could get rid of that God awful tattoo on his left ankle was with this powder puff and a hand mirror. There’s makeup all over his left ankle, to hide his tattoo! I bet if we rub it with some kind of cloth we can see his tattoo!” 

Stephano glared at Klaus with shiny, shiny eyes. “The kid detective thing is cute, but we have already dismissed that theory!”

“We’ll see about that,” Mr. Poe comments, “Now, who has a cloth?”

“Not me,” Klaus said.

“Guweel!” Sunny said.

“Well, if nobody has a cloth, we might as well forget the whole thing,” Dr. Lucafont said, but Mr. Poe held up his finger to tell him to wait. To the relief of Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire, he reached into his pocket and withdrew his handkerchief.

“Your left ankle, sir.” 

“Don’t come near me with that thing! You’ve been coughing germs into it all day!” Stephano yelled.

“Oh, if you’re really who these children say you are, then germs are the least of your problems. Your left ankle, please.”

He glanced first at Sunny and then at Klaus giving both children an evil smirk. “...if you insist,” Stephano lifted his left ankle on to Monty’s desk and Mr. Poe used the disgusting handkerchief to rub off the makeup that covered his tattoo. 

“For the first time in my life, I”m happy to see that awful tattoo,” Klaus said smiling as Sunny nodded.

“That’s the eye, all right,” Mr. Poe said and stopped rubbing Count Olaf’s ankle. “You are most definitely Count Olaf, and you are most definitely under arrest.”

“And I am most definitely shocked,” Dr. Lucafont said, clapping his oddly solid hands to his head. 

“As am I,” Mr. Poe said, “Klaus, Sunny, please forgive me for not believing you earlier. It just seemed too far-fetched that he would have searched you out, disguise  himself, and concoct an elaborate plan to steal your fortune.”

“Bravo, children.” Count Olaf said in a tone so cold and chilling that Klaus began to shake. He stepped in front of Sunny. “Yes, I admit it. I killed Monty. I also killed his assistant, Gustav. I shot him with a poison dart and watched as he drowned in the Swarthy Swamp. Then I forged a note saying he quit.” Count Olaf looked at the two children as if he were going to run over and stranger but instead he stood absolutely still, which somehow was even scarier. “But that’s nothing compared to what I will do to you , orphans. You have won this round of our little game, but…” The wicked man smiled at Mr. Poe and then at the Baudelaire orphans. “The question is...what are you going to do about it?” he asked Mr. Poe.

Mr. Poe backed up into a bookcase, “I’m going to send you to jail for a very long time,” He looked at Dr. Lucafont. “Arrest this man!”

Dr. Lucafont looked at Mr. Poe confused, “Sir, I’m a doctor, not a police officer. I don’t really have any jurisdiction.”

“Oh,” Mr. Poe said, “Oh dear.”

And instead of killing Mr. Poe like any normal person would, Olaf simply pushed him out of his way as he walked towards Klaus and Sunny. Klaus using his foot as gently as he could scooted Sunny under Dr. Montgomery’s desk and pushed the chair in as much as he could as to not hurt his sister. Sunny protested to this but Klaus kept his foot in place to keep the chair in place. 

“Now if you don’t mind,” Olaf said as he grabbed Klaus roughly by the shoulders, “I’ll be taking the boy with me.” 

Klaus struggled but Olaf’s grip on his shoulders only got tighter, eventually becoming tight enough where it was hurting Klaus’ already injured shoulder. Klaus looked to Mr. Poe and Dr. Lucafont for help but neither adult moved to help him. Klaus looked around the room desperately for Kronk but to his horror, the kind man was nowhere to be found.

“Let’s go, brat. We can still catch that boat,” Olaf said as he shoved Klaus forward. Suddenly, a loud screeching hiss could be heard behind Olaf. “That’s just the screeching iguana clock,” Olaf muttered looking at Dr. Lucafont’s terrified expression. 

“Ummm...boss,” the doctor whispered and with his odd stiff hand, he pointed behind Olaf. Olaf and Klaus slowly turned around to see that the Incredibly Deadly Viper was now in Olaf’s face glaring at him with his green, shiny eyes. Before he could even react, the snake slithered around both of Olaf’s hands effectively making him release Klaus. Klaus backed up to where his sister was to protect her as they both watched in awe as Ink continued to try and tie Olaf with its body, all the while trying to bite him for hurting his friends.

“Go Ink!” Sunny chanted. Finally, Dr. Lucafont grabbed Olaf and pinned his arms behind his back. 

“...I’ll take it from here. I can drive Stephano in my car to the police station,” Dr. Lucafont said. 

“Well, why don’t we just call the police and the children can ride with you in your car. I’d hate to disappoint the kids after they’ve had such a trying time.” Mr. Poe said.

“We couldn’t care less about the inside of doctor’s automobile,” Klaus said impatiently. “We only made that up so we wouldn’t be trapped alone with Count Olaf.”

“Now, now, you shouldn’t tell lies, orphans,” Olaf said.

“Fuck you!” Sunny yelled.

“I don’t think you are in a position to give moral lectures to anyone, Olaf.” Klaus comments.

“All right, Dr. Lucafont, take him away.” Mr. Poe said.

Dr. Lucafont released his grip on Olaf’s arms and grabbed Olaf’s shoulder with one of his oddly stiff hands, and shoved him the way that Olaf had shoved Klaus. Dr. Lucafont stopped at the door of the Reptile Room and gave the children a thin smile. “Say goodbye to the orphans, Olaf.” 

“Goodbye, orphans,” he said in a chilling tone.

“Goodbye, fucker,” Klaus replied.

Mr. Poe coughed into his handkerchief and gave a sort of disgusted half-wave at Olaf, indicating goodbye. But Sunny didn’t say anything. Klaus looked down at her surprised that she hadn’t said, “Yeet!” which was one of her ways to say goodbye. But Sunny was still staring at Dr. Lucafont with a determined look in her eye, and in a moment she had leaped into the air and bitten him on the hand. 

“Sunny!” Klaus said and was about to apologize for his sister’s behavior until he saw Dr. Lucafont’s whole hand come loose from his arm and fall to the floor. As Sunny clamped down on it with her four sharp teeth, the hand made a crackling sound, like a breaking wood or plastic rather than skin or bone. And when Klaus looked at the place where Dr. Lucafont’s hand had been, he saw no blood or indication of a wound, but a shiny, metal hook. Dr. Lucafont looked at the hook, too, and then at Klaus, and grinned horribly. Count Olaf grinned too, and in a second the two darted out the door.

“The hook-handed man!” Klaus shouted, “He’s not a doctor! He’s one of Olaf’s henchmen!” Instinctively, Klaus grabbed the air where the two men had been standing, but of course, they weren’t standing there anymore. 

“Fugent!” Sunny yelled, which meant, “Let’s chase after him!” 

Klaus quickly lifted Sunny into his arms and ran after the dangerous men. 

“Make sure they follow you,” Olaf said to his henchman. 

“Where are you going, boss?”

“...International waters,” he said turning and heading towards Monty’s maze. 

“Count Olaf is driving away!” Klaus yelled as he watched the ‘doctor’s automobile’ driving away.

“No!” Sunny yelled pointing towards the maze. “Maze!” 

Klaus sighed but ran quickly following Olaf into the maze. Both Baudelaires didn’t know what they would do if they were to catch Olaf but at this point, they didn’t give a damn. 

“Pu tilps!” Sunny suggested, which meant, “If we split up, we can cut him off!” 

Klaus just shook his head and started walking further. He refused to split up from his sister. He held her tight and finally reached the middle of the maze. 

“It’s a dead end...no...that’s impossible.” Klaus cried.

“Ecarter?” Sunny asked, which meant, “Can we retrace our steps?”

“ What’s the point!?” Klaus cried as he fell to the ground. “It’s all wrong! Count Olaf escaped! Uncle Monty is dead! We never got to go to Peru or say goodbye! Or ask him about this!”

“Huh?” Sunny asked confused as Klaus took out Monty’s expedition journal and removed the ticket stub that he used as a bookmark. 

“This is Monty’s handwriting...he must have copied it down during the movie.” Klaus said, “I’m not sure how...but he got a message. He must have some secret way to receive it.” He removed the half of the spyglass that he had been holding on to. “He used this…”

“A good labyrinth is full of secrets,” a woman’s voice said from behind them.

Klaus held his sister closer to him, “who are you? Why are you dressed as a statue?”

“Both excellent questions, Klaus Baudelaire. Although, they’re the wrong questions.”

“You’re that actress from the strange zombie movie…” Klaus said absentmindedly.

“Recep!” Sunny shouted, which meant, “You work for Mr. Poe,” Klaus translated for his sister.

“It’s more a volunteer position. I’m sorry I was unable to help your uncle, but I can still bring Olaf to justice,” Jacquelyn said as she began to show them the way out of the maze.

“Uncle Monty had a spyglass like this. What was he trying to tell us? What’s in Peru?”

“Forget Peru, Baudelaires. It’s been compromised,” she replied.

“Who sent him the message? Who was that man who helped us? Where’d he go? Do you work with him?” Klaus asked.

“I know you both have a great many questions, and I promised there are a great many answers. Find your Aunt Josephine. She’s a fierce and formidable woman. She can keep you safe and tell you everything you need to know. Let me handle Olaf.” They arrived at the beginning of the maze, she smiled at both children as she ran back into the labyrinth in hopes of catching up to Olaf. I wish I could inform you that my research indicates that Miss Jacquelyn was able to reach Olaf...but, unfortunately, she was unable to capture him. I can inform that she was left unharmed for Olaf was no match for her. 

When the Baudelaires got back to the front of Monty’s house, they were confused to find a different man, who wasn’t Kronk, taking Monty’s reptiles away. “Wait, what’s happening?” Klaus asked as Sunny looked distressed.

“Apparently, that ‘Kronk’ fellow was not a member of the Herpetological Society. This man, Bruce, is here to actually retrieve Monty’s collection and send them to other scientists, zoos, and retirement homes, where their caretakers won’t die on them.” Mr. Poe answered.

“But they’re Uncle Monty’s collection! It took him years to find all these reptiles! You can’t just scatter them to the winds!” Klaus shouted and Sunny nodded her head in agreement.

“It’s the way it has to be,” Mr. Poe said.

“Viper!” Sunny shouted and Klaus walked towards Bruce.