#notably times it has taken me Literally Hundreds Of Hours Practice to be able to consistently sing along with

[gibbearish]

am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes

[lefthandactivist]

The Beginner’s Guide

If you haven’t been able to tell, I play quite a few video games. My steam library has too many to properly pay attention to, and I have to be careful of how much time I spend gaming instead of other practical hobbies.

So when I say that I return to the same games over and over, there can be different reasons for this. Some (like skyrim and minecraft) offer a world where I know pretty much all the rules. I can do quite a bit just within those spaces, and it’s often how I cool down after a stressful day. Others, (darksouls and metroidvania titles) offer bite-size challenges that I can hit head on in my own time. 

But there are a couple of games that left me with something else, something that makes me return to them in the same way I return to certain books. One of these is “The Beginners Guide”.

Now, there are definately spoilers ahead, so if you have any interest in playing this game yourself, do so before reading please (knowing anything going in will probably color your experience, I’m not joking). Furthermore, if hundreds of words on a linear, minimal gameplay indie game doesn’t interest you, feel free to skip over this one. As always, this is mainly to get my own thoughts down (you’ll see why). 

Wow are all of my posts going to start with me telling my readers to not read from now on? Well now that I’m alone with my thoughts, lets discuss.

The Beginners Guide comes from the “same developer” as The Stanley Parable. A game that I enjoyed so much for what it does that when this new title was dropped on steam I bought it pretty much immediately, making it I believe my 300th title owned from the marketplace. I played through it not long after and then proceeded to listen to some sappy music to get myself back in order. If you let it, this game can hit you hard. But once again, I’m probably biased.

The game comes in chapters, each one a different game developed by the narrator’s friend, “Coda”. Nothing is left out of experience to suggest whether this is a true story so we’ll approach it as any other experience.

Chapter 1: Whisper. More establishing dialogue about how these games are incomplete or abandoned in most cases. The interesting points here for me are the labyrinth in the space station (reminds me of the quote “how will I ever get out of this labyrinth? Read Looking For Alaska read John Green!), and what happens when you step into the beam. floating up and seeing the whole level, I remember how these games are made, room brushes and objects, physics code and player camera. this game takes every chance it can to remind you that games have an author. 

Chapter 2: Backwards. I love the ideas in this level. the first time there was a definite “ohhh” moment when I realized what was going on. If I were to play a single level multiple times, this would be one for that, just so I can read the story written on these walls.

Entering, stairs, walls, exiting: I’m going to ignore what the narrator says about these levels. I do think they serve some connected purpose, but I like it more as an act of spite. These ideas are mine, better make the hard (or impossible) to access. as somebody who’s had story ideas floating around with them for a while, I’m always weary to share them, in case someone grabs it and runs away with it before I can do anything with it. Which probably means I should just write the stories instead of all of this..

Chapter 7: Down. The narrator finishes telling us that the engine is best at blocky empty corridors just as we enter an expansive cavern full of slanted geometry. This was the first hint to me that the narrator may not be reliable in all respects - he’s right about the engine, but that’s not what Coda decides to do with it. At the bottom we stay in a cell, which the narrator lets us out of before the allotted hour intended by Coda, which marks the fifth time he openly edits the levels to suit his need. Then we get to the puzzle.

I’m going to talk a little about this puzzle later, but when we get through it, in game dialogue keeps asking us about the puzzle, how we got through it, telling us it’s impossible. We can’t tell them how easy it is to pass through, and in some cases we have to lie to them. then the level ends with the first light post.

Chapter 8: Notes. It was replaying this level that made me want to talk about this game. Here we see a world Coda says is full of other player’s notes. The narrator reveals that they were all written by Coda. It’s convincing, they all sound like they came right from a youtube comment string or reddit thread. I immediately heard this as Coda saying. “your messages into the void are messages into the void.” In a way, he’s criticizing what I’m trying to do here, talking about the game, analyzing it. But the narrator reads this as some troubled artist who needs someone to connect to. The thoughts don’t seem to be written in Coda’s voice, but the narrator sees them that way. 

The level ends with the puzzle again. The narrator sees it as a cut off point, a end of a thought so Coda can move on. I get where he’s coming from, that’s what a lot of these posts do for me, but I think there’s something else going on. this puzzle is easy to the player, but the notes in this level and the talking characters in the last have no idea how you do it. It’s like a ski’ll that other people value and desire, that just comes naturally. I think Coda, if he’s saying anything here, is saying that. He’s able to make these games and say things with them, but he can’t explain how to do it, so the attention he gets about the process itself feels a bit misplaced.

Chapter 9: Escape. Coda makes a series of “prison” levels. each one is different, but they all hold the same idea, there will be some way to escape, but then the escape fails. The narrator hates these, he thinks coda is spending too much time on these prisons, and worries that it isn’t healthy. I think it’s natural, though. Someone described writing as choosing book after book from an infinite library, picking one that added the right next word or changing a previous one, until you land on the perfect book, one that’s always been there but nobody’s looked at before, and you leave with that one. Imagine seeing the room of previous books, would you think the author was obsessed? editing and refining is a natural part of the process.

Chapter 10: House. “You can’t stay in the dark space for too long, you just can’t. You have to keep moving, it’s how you survive”. 

I really like this level. I like how the chores loop but we get new dialogue with our cleaning partner. I like the calm music and how peaceful it is. I feel Coda would’ve had a similar reaction, which is why he made it and was so happy about it. And I hate how the narrator ends it. Describing this life as stagnation, as not living. This level is a lot like the nothing I wrote about last year, or how I feel when I’m doing work with someone and just being in that moment. The narrator takes that away.

Chapter 11: the narrator hits this one pretty much on the head, and I don’t have much to add.

Chapter 12: Theater. This level got to me. The pressure to say the right thing, the yelling at your own self to do better, the solution being to withdraw and hide away. 

This is a performance. Put on your mask and play the part assigned to you.

Chapter 13: Mobius. You can’t play this with your eyes closed, as instructed. you have to see to find out what’s going on, and you have to move. and then someone tells you to tell the truth. these games are draining you, you can’t make new ideas, you don’t know where else to go. and so the level stops.

Yeah, I’ve felt that before.

Chapter 14: Island. 

There’s a lie we tell that the work you do and claim t’o love has to be easy and worthwhile and enjoyable 100% of the time. we say that relationships are only true if they are effortless, that passion is only true if it is effortless, that stumbling blocks mean you were never going to succeed because it should be effortless.

So we lie. We all lie. Because there’s no truth to that. But it’s what we say to keep others from worrying.

Chapter 15: Machine.

But sometimes that isn’t enough, you have to stop. And when an audience demands you to keep going, but you can’t, they can turn on you. Feeling responsible for your audience, needing to meet their expectations because you know they demand it. It’s notable, that whether you destroy the machine or all the things it’s created, the result is the same.

The narrator doesn’t see this. He needs that social encouragement. Coda wants nothing to do with it.

Chapter 16: The tower.

. This level doesn’t want to be played, the narrator makes it playable.

. The narrator reveals that he had to add an end to the house level. it used to loop the chores forever.

. “I feel like a failure, I guess. When I can’t fix the problem”.

. an author isn’t his works. the works are not the author.

a hallway ends with a message on a wall. “Dear Davey, thank you for your interest in my games. I need to ask you to not speak to me anymore”.

And here’s where I stopped. There are other messages, about how the light posts were added by the narrator, how Coda didn’t want him showing his work to others. Messages talking about how the narrator had taken advantage of Coda’s work. And those messages are important, at least to the narrative. But those aren’t the messages that hit me.

These are:

“When I’m around you I feel physically ill”.

“You desperately need something and I cannot give it to you. I literally do not have it”.

“The fact that you think I am frustrated or broken says more about you than about me”.

Because I’ve been there. I’ve done exactly that. And that person pushed me away in much the same way.

And I had to let them. Because what I was taking was never mine to take. And I sure as hell wasn’t giving in return.

The end of this game, what comes after the tower, is important; you should hear it. but, maybe not here? This game is about authorship, and I find it important for that reason as well, but when I reach the end, all thoughts of that are replaced with thoughts on people. I had to write this one chapter at a time as I replayed it, because here I forget ever trying to see meaning in it other than this: “What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person”.

I cite Paper Towns and Ender’s Game and Catcher in the Rye, but this game was important for that, too. It put that thought into motion, let me control the tempo. playing through it again, I remember why I closed out of it the last time.

It serves well to remember, but “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

[israelkvnb533]

10 Undeniable Reasons People Hate right at home home care agency palm beach gardens

Senior Citizen Healthcare Insurance

Medical Insurance For Senior Citizens On The Web

When a good friend of mine asked where he could acquire information about medical insurance for his out-of-state, elderly mother, I told him to attempt the Web.

He reported back to me about a week later, in desperation: "I am giving up, I am too puzzled." He had actually taken on an frustrating job with his widowed mom, living in another state. As the only kid, and following the unexpected death of his dad, it was his obligation to take care of his mom.

In this world of innovation, the family unit is typically residing in various geographical locations and the family members are generally rather included with their own lives, careers, and families. In addition, when both moms and dads are alive, frequently one or both moms and dads are quite independent and do not require a great deal of assistance. As time goes on things, obviously, change, and sometimes alter really unexpectedly. There can be a crisis, with regard to the https://right-at-home-senior-care.blogspot.com health care needs of one or both aging parents.

With our child boomers facing this problem in ever increasing numbers, and with the info highway in full flower, there is a definite need for planning.

Safeguarding your parent's properties and health is a huge and daunting undertaking, which needs a incredible quantity of education and practical application. Our seniors deal with many diverse responsibilities upon reaching age 65. To call just a few: Estate preparation, taxation, Medicare, social security, wills, insurance, and numerous other legal and financial matters. All of these various locations need competence from accounting professionals, legal representatives, estate organizers, insurance coverage agents, home brokers, financial consultants, and others.

The Internet is a good starting point for most people to find resources for questions and solutions for your problems. There is, however, no replacement for excellent strong intelligent suggestions from an specialist.

Twenty years earlier, insurance for elders was offered by "senior insurance coverage professionals", with just a handful of business in each state. The programs were frequently Medi-gap or Medicare additional policies, which covered the costs not covered by Medicare, including hospital and medical professional deductibles, durable medical gadgets, and non-approved Medicare costs. Ironically these professionals did not sell a lot of nursing care policies, although Medicare paid a nationwide average of less than 2% of these expenses. With the development of " monetary and estate planning" and more insurer entering this market, a more broad and varied line of product became available to agents, brokers, organizers, and elders.

Part of this brand-new diversification was the " house health care plan", sold by itself, and in conjunction with senior medical insurance products. The appeal of the "home healthcare policy" was that a senior might remain at home and still receive medical and custodial benefits, enabling a individual to recuperate in the comfort of their own house.

This was the answer to a substantial problem. The last place an older individual wanted to go was a "retirement home", or "rest home", or, God forbid, the " assisted living home." It appeared that senior citizens could now count on this new innovation without worry of having to vacate their house environment in the event of a illness.

As with a lot of things," if it is too great to be real"... The home health care policy is no exception. The problem is, there is inadequate protection for a lengthy disease or recuperation time. The fact is, the new pattern is toward an "all in one" type facility, enabling a variety of levels of care all in one area. In other words a senior could begin with little or no healthcare concerns in an independent, cheaper area, and after that go to an assisted living, or nursing care facility, all within the very same compound.

A " assisted living home" requires a nurse on the properties 24 hr daily, assisted living is simply 8 hours. The benefits to this are financial. The patient or senior is only charged according to the care level needed during the time she or he is confessed to that facility. Another benefit is it alleviates a lot of planning since the care is delivered, as it is required. The medical attention is offered to all homeowners regardless of their existing health.

Some individuals are used a lifetime plan, which covers their take care of the rest of their life, regardless of their existing age. It also enables social outlets to an otherwise somewhat isolated group. On-line shopping services have become a big company. It is certainly here to stay and many insurance policies are bought from Web quotes and online applications.

There are literally hundreds of thousands of insurance coverage agents and brokers advertising on the Internet. Most of them will provide instant online quotes and even applications for the prospective insured. I highly prevent a layperson to acquire insurance in this fashion. A little understanding can be dangerous.

The federal government has actually mandated to all states through legislation, the standardized senior medical insurance policy guidelines, which are governed and regulated by each state insurance coverage department.

There are plans for almost every level of health. Some are designed and priced for a less than healthy person. Others are for a person with minimal health concerns. The entire concept of insurance coverage is to provide defense for " unexpected" sickness or injury, particularly devastating costs, which would devastate a individual's net worth. The more small expenditures a person wants or able to pay (self-insure), the lower the rate. I advise this technique when assessing your insurance coverage choices.

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The most crucial consideration needs to be a review of the profit/loss ratio for that product. This will develop stability, and longevity in the market. An insurance provider with a moderate earnings in a particular industry will stay because market. On the other hand, a business with losses will make changes and possibly even withdraw. This is info not generally available to Internet users.

Before entering into an insurance coverage agreement, the senior person, the family, and other advisors need to be practical, and a mindful examination of the whole photo need to be examined. The age, the health of the senior, the financial resources, the character and mindset of the senior, and most notably the desires of the senior, need to all be considered.

Early preparation is very important, as credentials becomes progressively more difficult as the applicant's health decreases. The senior healthcare market is complex. I will offer some words of advice to try to reduce potential mistakes. * C hoose a well-informed, skilled, and service oriented representative or broker to assist your choice making process. The expert can provide vital information, but do not hesitate to ask a lot of concerns and even get a second opinion. * Do not wait till your moms and dad or loved one is sick, or hurt. Plan ahead and put in the time required to cover all the options. * C hoose an knowledgeable insurer. A Company that has remained in the market for a substantial time and has maintained a balance of rates and advantages and sound threat choice with moderate rate increases with time is your best choice. * T he prepare ought to be flexible, with a broad range of alternatives and benefit selections to the guaranteed. There must be no techniques, or complex language for the coverage. An incredibly low rate is a red flag for difficulty in the future. * Do not hurry or be hurried by an over aggressive sales person.

This policy will not be low-cost and will require to be read and examined for a clear understanding of the contents. This is one benefit to the Web. You are permitted to read indefinitely prior to you act.

A long-lasting care program, with or without insurance protection, will just work if the senior has input into the care selection procedure. If there are any questions about the accreditation of a facility please call the "Continuing Care Accreditation Commission at 202-783-7286.

[ssississpssk]

Sissy Spacek Rip Helicopter, H 58 4xCS + 7-inch Release Date: July 25, 2017

Helicopter is very relieved to announce this box set, which has taken about nine years and many anxiety attacks to come together.

In April 2008, Sissy Spacek embarked on a west coast tour. We didn’t really have much material at that time, so we played mostly a weird collage of electronics and tape. At some of the shows we played songs intermingled, but mostly it was exploratory and experimental.

When the tour was finished the recordings were meant to become this box set: 4 cassettes and a 7-inch with inserts. This endeavor was faced with many obstacles, and after only a couple of years, I was so frustrated that I decided to just edit the material into a simpler album, Rip, which came out on Gilgongo in December 2011. I never quite gave up on the box set version, but the universe, through endless blunders, just kept telling me it wasn’t the time for it.

Some of the catastrophes along the way:

I bought 400 tapes and had them sent to my friend’s house in Los Angeles, only to realize that I would then have to re-send them to Greh, who was dubbing them in Detroit.

I pressed 100 copies of the 7-inch at Bill Smith, along with a few other records. Putting out records when you’re on the road/couch surfing is pretty much impossible. You don’t have any space to deal with anything and the anxiety of trying to assemble and ship and organize hundreds of copies of multiple records is enough to drive anyone insane.

I ordered 100 reel boxes and had them sent to Los Angeles. On another tour I drove them up to Portland to have my friend Cody Brant hand-draw each cover.

The tapes were then shipped to me in New York, where I was staying at the time. This was around 2009 or 2010. I thought for some reason I could get the release going from there, despite having basically no resources at my disposal.

I asked Cody to ship the boxes to me in New York, which he did. I think I had suggested sending them media mail, which he confirmed with the post office was ok. They arrived with $100 postage due, so after conferring with the NY post office, I had them returned to sender thinking they would be sent back to the Portland post office that OK’d it and they would be understanding. No such luck.

When leaving NY, I had to then ship the tapes back to Los Angeles again, 400 tapes’ fourth trip through the mail.

A couple years later I was in Los Angeles, looking through my storage space, tearing the entire thing apart, looking for the 7-inches, thinking maybe I’d try to get this project going again. No luck. I asked everyone I could think of if I had anything stashed or left at their house, specifically a box of 100 unpackaged 7-inches. No. Somehow I managed to lose the entire pressing. (To this day never found.)

The boxes stayed in Cody’s basement for many years, developing a bit of mold, cobwebs, and age by the time I picked them up. Later most fell into even worse condition while in storage (again) and most ended up unsuitable to be used at all and I had to buy more.

A bit of luck later, I was on the phone with Bill Smith looking for some pressing plates, and they told me they had H 58 on the shelf. I immediately knew that these were the plates for the Rip 7-inch and after a moment of astonishment, asked them to press another hundred.

After driving all the pieces across country yet again, they finally were all in one accessible place. I looked for the files of the originals, but it they seem to be completely lost. I asked Greh if he still had them. No luck. I listened to the tapes and figured out what was what and then labeled them all. I got the rest of the material printed and assembled the boxes and finally got everything finished.

The recordings in this set differ greatly from the Rip CD. These recordings were essentially the source for that album, but here the material is presented more as concrète events with less intervention. Since the original files are lost, it’s doubtful there will be any digital or second edition of this version, aside from the Rip album.

Here’s the story of the Vancouver BC show that was the description for the Rip CD when it came out:

We played this show in Vancouver BC that was definitely in my top three. Sissy Spacek caravanned up there with Yellow Swans and arrived late afternoon right between the venue and Gabe’s girlfriend’s house. It was probably about two blocks in between. We hung out there for a little while and I had needed to pee for a really long time, so I took a few steps over to this alley and took a piss and then reconvened with everybody hanging out and waiting for the promoter and Gabe’s girlfriend to arrive. After a couple minutes we noticed these two women in the alley checking us out. After a skeptical, then dismissive look, they squatted directly in my piss and started smoking crack.

Previous to this, we thought everything in Canada had been hilarious. The accents at the border, the 70′s strut of the “walk” light, road signs … pretty much everything. This was something different. I’ve lived in Los Angeles for a long time, and I’m not used to seeing stuff like this in broad daylight off what seemed to be a main drag.

Eventually we hung out a bit at the house and then headed over to the venue once the promoter showed up. I parked and he warned we should take everything out of the car. “Everything.” Don’t leave a single insignificant thing in view or it will definitely get broken into. We unloaded into a white room, kind of cold and dank. The walls and ceiling were literally dripping. It reeked of beer. “Oh, we had a party here last night, we just hosed it down.” “With beer?” I asked as a joke, but not really. He explained it used to be a fish factory and that they had shows there and bands practiced there. They never had any problems with cops because of the neighborhood.

“How many bands are playing?” “Six, I think.” “What time does the show start?” ���Probably around midnight.”

We left back for the house to check out their half pipe and hear stories about the view from their second story window. Just walking back and forth a few times between the house and the venue, we saw a lot of stuff — weird stuff. Zombies milling about, prostitutes hanging around, people with bad things or no thing to do. I can’t say how we looked, but I can say that I did not see anyone that looked like they had a normal agenda.

Around 11pm we headed back over. I set up the record table and checked to make sure everything was ok. In the back storage room there was a tower of around 50 cases of beer. Jesse and I were baffled by everything at this point. We decided we should just take a walk up and down the street and see what was about. Just crossing the road had shown us quite a bit. Corydon refused our invitation to join us in no uncertain terms.

We head out to the street. I had noticed this big rig parked on the corner all day. It was just the front cab of a big semi truck. It was the kind that was elongated and probably had a small apartment behind the seats. As we passed it, being night time now, I looked back over my shoulder through the windshield as we walked by and saw a white, doughy, mid-50′s man, standing completely naked, staring back at me from behind/between the seats. We made solid eye contact. I turned immediately and told Jesse, “Don’t look back” as I slowly turned my head around to look again, only this time the light was now off and I could only imagine he was now standing there still looking at me, completely naked, now in darkness. We passed two more crumbling prostitutes who were barely able to stand before we managed to get to the corner. We took a right and noted the street name, Hastings, and walked about six blocks up the street.

Passed 11 pm, things looked much uglier than during the day. Everyone was some kind of walking dead, zombie, prostitute, unconscious and sprawled out, people literally in the gutter, everything looked like absolute bad news. There were many notable sights. We saw a convenience store whose neon sign read, “Open 23 Hours”. We saw drug addicts freaking out, prostitutes getting into cars, people shaking, yelling, etc. Jesse looks fucked up, so I think that’s why, between the two of us, a guy chose his spit for me (but missed). Suddenly we realized we were now far from the venue. Pretty far. We should turn around. We crossed at the intersection at Gore Street and came back on the other side. Unscathed except for an empty box of Goobers thrown at me (again the victim!)

As we stroll up to the venue, probably around 11:30 or so at this point, we have to wade through people to get to the door. Miraculously it is completely packed. $5 to get in, $5 per beer. The promoter explains that underage kids know this is a place they can drink no problem, so they always do well. We play a set alternating between grindcore and full-on noise. People were rowdy during both. Six bands is never something you want to hear, but somehow it went fine, crowded until it ended around 6 am and turned into a sloppy sock hop. All the beer was gone.

The next day Jesse was sick enough to go to the hospital and bow out of the rest of the tour.

***

Recorded up and down the West Coast by Jesse Jackson, Corydon Ronnau, and John Wiese and featuring appearances by Yellow Swans, Peter Kolovos (Open City), and Paul Costuros (Death Sentence: Panda!).

Numbered edition of 100.

http://helicopter-la.com http://helicopter-la.com http://helicopter-la.com

[runwiththieves-blog]

“OMG PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WRITE ABOUT THEM MEETING I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY OBSESSED WITH YOUR STORIES”

It was requested, so here is a lil’ prequel to this oneshot I posted a few days back showing how Harry and Y/N met! It’s pure fluff and drunk Y/N laying on Nick Grimshaw’s kitchen floor with a few mentions of The Notebook because I love DEATH AND DYING. 

SIDENOTE: THERE ARE MENTIONS OF V*MITING, BUT THEY ARE NOT DETAILED AND IT’S LIKE ONE SENTENCE JUST BC THAT’S HOW THEY MET, BUT SKIP THE FIRST LINE OF THE 9TH PARAGRAPH IF THAT DOESN’T SIT WELL WITH YOU. 💖

Harry must notice your presence and you realize your balance must be as off as you feel like it is, because the first thing Harry ever says to you is: “y’good there, love?” And you do your best to nod, giving him a dopey smile as you find your grip on the counter, steadying yourself in your drunken state as you look at him. 

The next thing you’re doing is practically diving for the sink.

You don’t even realize that there’s been someone taking care of you the entire time until you’ve finished and you feel a hand holding your hair back like it’s in a ponytail and another rubbing your back in slow circles. After a minute, you turn to see Harry standing right behind you, and you shouldn’t be surprised that he did it, considering he’s left the party to clean, but it doesn’t change the fact that you are. “Guess y’not so good, after all,” he says, finally, and you’d slap him for teasing you if you weren’t appreciative of the fact that he’s taking a glass from a cabinet and filling it with ice water for you.

or

Nick Grimshaw is Y/N’s bestie and she finally talks to Harry at one of his parties when she least expects it

2k+, fluff

Nick Grimshaw is the devil. That’s something you’re certain of. There’s no other explanation as to how he had finally managed to get you to come to one of his “small” dinner parties. He had practically begged you a million times to ‘just come, it’ll be fun,’ and you’ve always found a way to turn him down without hurting his feelings. Really, you think you deserve an award for how quickly you’re able to come up with excuses (only if the fact that most of them were weak is ignored, though).

See, you love Nick to death; so much, in fact, that you’ve never even attempted or thought about using him for his celebrity to get closer to the likes of the people he surrounds himself with like a lot of his friends do. You’ve expressed how much this annoys you each and every time it has dawned on you that one of his friends are using him, and he’s always dropped them from his circle not long after. You’re a good fucking friend is conclusion you finally come to, except for the fact that you’ve skipped or dipped out of every single party he’s ever invited you to before it really even got started. It’s the one thing about you that bugs him. You’ve been around for years now -- he knows you’re not using him.

So after a twenty minute guilt trip that ended with him pulling a puppy-dog face on you, you had finally just agreed to come tonight. It’s intimidating, sitting at a dining table surrounded by people who are as notable as they are. You wonder if you know their names just because of your association with Nick, or because you’ve always known because there are some real ass celebrities here. It makes you feel small, despite the fact that you’re sat beside Nick and this is his house and his party.

It’s when Harry Styles sits down in the chair opposite you, on Nick’s other side (he’s got the head of the table because of course he does), that you shift around and sit up a bit straighter. You wonder for a moment why you’re acting as if a fucking king walked into the room and sat down in front of you, because it’s just Harry. You know more about him and his misadventures from Nick than you do anyone else here. You know about Harry nearly burning his kitchen to the ground when he tried to be sexy and make breakfast for a girl, in nothing but his underwear, after a night together, for Christ’s sake. What you don’t know is how you’ve never actually met him, considering he’s on the same level of friendship with Nick as you are. That, combined with the thought before that, makes you wonder what all he knows about you. If Nick so openly shares Harry’s secrets and embarrassing moments with you, you know he must do the same to you with Harry. Then again, he’s Harry Styles, and you’re just a friend of Nick’s, no one special -- you work as a receptionist at a fashion PR firm, nothing extraordinary and no reason for you to ever be on his radar, so he may not even know who you are in the slightest.

Those suspicions are proven to be false when Nick says your name and Harry looks right at you. It almost makes you jump, but you’re also sitting next to Kelly Osbourne, so you avoid doing that. “This is Y/N, everyone. ‘M sure you’ve heard lots about her, mostly good,” Nick starts, and his tone is teasing so you know he’s going to give you shit about something. “We’ve been friends for --what, three or four years? Something like that. Never has she been to a Grimshaw DInner Party, though, so please make sure she has a good time tonight. She’s very uptight.” 

You imagine that statement is how you’ve wound up downing drink after drink, and you think you’ve taken a picture with nearly every person in Nick’s house. You vaguely remember kissing one of the girls -- you’re not sure which one -- in a game of ‘adult truth or dare,’ you can’t be one hundred percent sure, though. Not that kissing anyone in this house would be something you’d refuse -- they’re all sort of beautiful, you’ve noticed. Particularly Harry, you decide. It’s really not fair that he’s as attractive as he is, and it only gets more unfair when he tips his head back and laughs. You guess you still haven’t formally met him, so that makes thinking about how pretty he is a little bit easier. Talking to him means you’re either going to love him or hate him, and you don’t want it be the latter and have to pretend for Nick, so unless he approaches you, you think you’ll keep to yourself. 

It’s a few drinks later, you stopped counting them after the third, and while the group is slowly lessening one by one (but usually two by two), there are still a few of Nick’s friends left. Which, of course, includes Harry, but he’s got a trash bag in his hand instead of a drink when you walk into the kitchen to have another (despite what your stomach and your head are telling you). You’ve always heard that he’s the kindest person to ever live, probably, but you’re thinking that it may actually be true. He’s an international popstar and he’s cleaning up Nick Grimshaw’s kitchen while the rest of you are still steadily drinking in the living area? It probably wouldn’t be so cute if you weren’t so miserably drunk. 

Harry must notice your presence and you realize your balance must be as off as you feel like it is, because the first thing Harry ever says to you is: “y’good there, love?” And you do your best to nod, giving him a dopey smile as you find your grip on the counter, steadying yourself in your drunken state as you look at him. 

The next thing you’re doing is practically diving for the sink to empty the contents of your stomach into it. It’s disgusting and Nick can curse you for it later, but it’s his fault. He’s the one who insisted you get absolutely smashed and ‘have a good fucking time for once in your life.’ You really can’t be held accountable. Being hunched over the counter with your face in Nick’s sink isn’t exactly your idea of a good time. 

You don’t even realize that there’s been someone taking care of you the entire time until you’ve finished and you feel a hand holding your hair back like it’s in a ponytail and another rubbing your back in slow circles. After a minute, you turn to see Harry standing right behind you, and you shouldn’t be surprised that he did it, considering he’s left the party to clean, but it doesn’t change the fact that you are. “Guess y’not so good, after all,” he says, finally, and you’d slap him for teasing you if you weren’t appreciative of the fact that he’s taking a glass from a cabinet and filling it with ice water for you. “Here, get the taste out ‘f ya’ mouth,” he says, passing you the glass and you do as he says, taking a few small, slow sips before looking back up at him. “Thank you,” you say quietly, because you’re a bit embarrassed now. You’ve never spoken to Harry in your life, but he’s taking care of you after you’ve literally gotten sick from how drunk you are. “‘S not a problem. ‘M sure you’d do the same f’me ‘f we were ever in the situation,” he tells you, and you wrinkle your nose. “Don’t have much for me to hold back for you, but I guess I probably would,” you say, and now you’re the one teasing him, and you’re laughing together. You think you might like Harry Styles very much, indeed. 

The two of you end up sitting on the floor in Nick’s kitchen, and your head is still pounding despite the fact that Harry had insisted you lay in his lap somewhere around an hour ago. He thought that maybe it’d help, but it doesn’t, but it’s still such a lovely place to be so you don’t share that with him. You just let him play with your hair like he’s been doing since you first settled yourself there. You don’t really know how long you’ve been sitting and talking to each other, but you can see out the window where the sun is beginning to peek through the clouds. The music and laughter coming from the other parts of Nick’s house had died off ages ago, and you had both assumed everyone had either found somewhere to crash or gone home. Harry had offered to take you home, but you were quick to let him know that you were perfectly content right here with him. So, you talk about everything -- your childhoods, your exes, your families, your favorite songs (you both have Can’t Help Falling In Love in your top five), and everything inbetween. You find out that his favorite movie is The Notebook, and you laugh like it’s the funniest thing in the world, because it’s so undeniably Harry. 

Then you wonder how you got to know him so well over the last few hours that you’d be able to make that judgement. “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird,” you tell him, and he just grins down at you, laughing so quiet the sound is hardly even there. “Say you’re a bird,” you urge, quoting the movie word for word, and both of your smiles only grow. “Say it,” and he’s beaming at you, his fingers twisted in the ends of your hair. “’M a bird,” he finally says, and you applaud him. “I’m gonna’ start calling you Noah,” you say decisively, and you can see the faint blush on his cheeks, but you don’t mention it. “’S fine -- didn’t think you wanted t’call me anything f’awhile. Thought ya’ must’ve hated me. Nick swears he’s asked you a million times t’have lunch w’us, and you always say no if ‘m involved,” he murmurs, pushing a bit of your hair out of your face as he smirks down at you. “I’m just weird about my friendship with Nick, s’all. I never hangout with any of his friends, because I’ve seen people use him to network and stuff, and I never want him to think that’s what I’m doing,” you explain, and Harry nods like he understands. “Y’are weird,” is what he agrees with, though, and this time you do swat at his arm, but it isn’t effective at all because of your bad angle. “Think I’d like f’you t’keep me around, though. Y’never even have t’know I have any friends ‘f it means you’ll hangout w’me. And Nick. Or just Nick, or just me. Whatever,” he adds, and it makes you smile once again. 

“Think I’d like that very much, Noah Calhoun.”

“Know I’d like it very much, Allie Hamilton.”

--

You end up spending more time with Harry than you do Nick, and it’s not on purpose, it’s just what happens. You both get shit from Nick all the time about how you can’t live without each other, that Harry acts like he’s properly in mourning if you’re out of town without him, that you should just fuck already and save yourselves all the bad dates you’re going to go through before you realize you’re going to end up together. It’s annoying, really. You and Harry have both said so, but there are times when you think about how you told him every detail about yourself while laying in his lap in the middle of Nick’s kitchen and it makes you wonder if he’s right. You can’t see yourself ever being as comfortable or as happy as you are when you’re with Harry, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

He’s your best friend. He’s going to stay your best friend.