#ive experienced so many emotions

[lonlonranching]

yeah iwtv rocks if youre wondering

[radioroxx]

hey guys 🤲 spare nille thoughts? s’il vous plaît???

[kithj]

played mouthwashing... good game

[stardust-moth]

looking at some takes on characters or relationships or scenes in which things happen between them and just thinking,

How in the hell are people interpreting it this way??? But then i step back and realize that the story or character in question is fundamentally and extraordinarily different from the average person's life experience and I go,

ah,

you guys just... don't have a deep enough understanding of trauma responses...

[orcelito]

Wild that anytime I post an update a lot of people read it and are even excited about it and have their own thoughts and reactions to it that I'll never know.

Comments are only the very tip of the iceberg with it. And I am Very grateful to commenters for letting me in on it. But in the same way that I'll be excited with my friends when a fic we love updates, it's likely that Other people enthuse with Their friends when my fic updates. And it's just so strange. An experience I'll never have access to.

Everyone's relationship with my fic is unique. So many different people with so many different circumstances and preferences... and the number of people that have told me that my fic is one of their favorites, some even saying it's their Favorite favorite... every single one of them have their own relationship with my writing.

It's just interesting to me. I think and think and think on my writing. I have my plans for basically the entire fic, the way I want it to end already thought out, all the major plot beats and the relationship progressions, All of that thought out. I love my writing so very much, but I'm on the inside looking out. This is my mechanical horse, and I'm in here laying out the groundwork and pulling levers and constructing limbs, puttering away making the horse move. Forever and always, my relationship with it will be more intimate than anyone's, and yet more clinical. Because I know it better than the back of my own hand, but I'll never have the experience of reading it fresh. Of reading it without knowing everything that's going to happen from now to the end and beyond. I won't have the thrill of the plot twists I have planned, the delight at seeing things progress, the horror at seeing things go wrong...

This is my mechanical horse, and I'm making it move.

I just always wonder what it must be like to see it from the outside. I hope to others that it's a pretty horse.

[peapod20001]

I’m the type that can and will cry if think too hard <3

[e1dritchqueer]

I kinda hate how I have to choose between numbing my desire to be vulnerable and honest vs letting that desire and vulnerability bloom

[loutrem]

.

[eosofspades]

i know i literally just made that post but MAN the mental illness has got me tonight

[comradecowplant]

If I had shapeshifting powers like Odo I'd turn into an orangutan and teach other great apes sign language (but for real) and ignite Intelligent Super Ape Socialism

[anxious-ghxst]

.

[conceptofjoy]

honestly i came across this by chance trying to make the suckers part into a gif. of fucking course he wanted terezi to kill vriska.

[anidiotonloose]

You can NOT convince me that the only thing in Till’s mind during R6 was Mizi and her missing status

Ive seen so many posts and reels saying how he was “so depressed during the 6th round because of Mizi and was ready to die without her in his life”.

WRONG

You’re telling me he’s ready to give up his life solely for the reason that his idol and his friend is most probably dead while the closest person in his life is put in a death game against himself in which only one can live?

Till was concerned about Mizi, very much too if I say so myself, but Ivan was also one of those concerns.

When Mizi lost the round against Luka, you could see the way Till looks at her - he was heartbroken. And then she went missing and who knows what happened to her. He was horrified, of course he was, she was his light, his sun, his idol, his hope, his everything. That doesn’t mean she was his only source of misery.

At the end of the all-in animation, we see Till punching the screen where his image is shown to compete against Ivan. He hated the fact that he would have to compete against Ivan, his best friend, the closest person to him in all of Anakt garden. Even though their relationship has been tumultuous, Ivan was still his closest link. Heck, when they were not fighting or bickering Till genuinely seemed to enjoy Ivan’s presence.

At the end of round 3 as Ivan is close to finishing his singing (and i must confess i saw this in a reel on instagram) we can see Till is conscious - with a serene expression too - and his collar has a very clear green light - indicating his mood is, well, good.

That light had NO reason to glow green considering Till was bleeding a lot.

But it was.

The only reason i can come up with is that Till was comforted by/liked Ivan’s voice, so much so that the pain of the wounds on his head was overshadowed by Ivan. Till did care.

and then he finds out he’s supposed to go against Ivan in round 6. What a joke. His idol was gone and they wanted to take away his (his what? Friend? Best friend? Enemy? Universe? Wait what-) too?

He weighed his options and decided his life was just not worth it without Mizi and Ivan in them. Both Mizi. And. Ivan. If Mizi was his sun then Ivan was his moon.

that was the plan anyway before Ivan said nope and sacrificed himself. Now that rekindled a fire in Till, a fire that had gone missing with Mizi and was supposed to die with him before Ivan thwarted his plans, a fire to give his best and to live, for Ivan. Not Mizi, Ivan, because Ivan gave his life for Till and oh Till could now see everything Ivan was in his life (his god, his universe—), Ivan who could have won against Luka at any given time, Ivan who showed him freedom and at last, Ivan who was his everything.

ahem. Point is y’all stop saying Till never cared about Ivan he loved him just as dearly as Mizi its just neither of them knew how to express their emotions in a healthy way and didn’t realise their true feelings since they never experienced normal and healthy human interaction

[k6tzie]

oh my goodness ive had so many ideas running around my head about sub! & virgin! ghost and im so in love with your depictions of sub him.. just imagine he being so confused on why hes so painfully hard and he doesnt know what to do, he just wants his mommy help him out so desperately, and hes so confused why it feels so good when she wraps her hand around his length.. 🤭

ive never actually been an anon on your page before so hii

hii my lovely anon thank u for this request, read this and started gnawing on the bars of my enclosure this is so good YES! 💯 sub!virgin!ghost who never had or has time to rub one out, he doesn't know how to 'do it', per se, and he doubts it feels that good anyway - always cynical. he's far too busy to even think of anything like that and he doesn't wanna sit there and just rub it like he's stroking a dog or something. what if it doesn't feel good? what if his hands are dirty and he contracts some illness? he's always overthinking whilst he suffers another night of his painfully hard, fat cock straining his pants as he scrolls through your social media, seeing your pretty little smile and the clothes he's convinced you put on for him to see like minx. and here he is again, back at square one as he thrusts his hips around in his sheets, not daring to touch himself. and next thing he knows, you found out about all this and wanted to take care of your sweet boy. you are the only female figure in his life after all, why not help him? by this point, he's begging you to sit on his face, dominate him, ride him until he is an overstimulated, stupid mess. he's babbling how good your hand feels rubbing his lengthy cock whilst his eyes twitch in pleasure and his pretty brown eyes cross.

you don't let him cum, no not yet. you don't just wanna feel his warm cum drip down your fingers, what a waste. you wanna feel it drip down your belly, or the crease between your boobs - not just on your fingers. instead you climb atop his red leaky cock and sink down right onto it whilst your gummy walls stretch to accompany his girth. his eyes lock onto yours in pure adoration whilst his cock twitches and stretches inside your gummy walls. he loves being fucked by his mommy, a smart one you are. so experienced huh?

and each jagged, awkward thrust he pounds into you is followed by a weak; "am i being good for you? is this good love?" in need of reassurance. so when you cup his face, pouting and reassuring him, "yeah baby," his cum shoots right inside you :(, feels good having his mommy take care of him. but he feels so bad about coming without telling you yet, he was just so overstimulated with emotions he didn't know what to do or say, so he apologizes profusely and offers to get you off with his mouth until you're trembling against his tongue with your juices spread on his mouth, cheek and chin as he holds your waist longingly in hopes you'll say yes. (inspired by this video<3)

[orcelito]

Ok, I'm apparently in such a state that Iroh's story from the Tales of Ba Sing Se episode. Made me cry.

Watched this episode who knows how many times. I know exactly what would happen. But it sure is the first time I've watched this episode since several major deaths in my life.

God. I'm not used to being this emotionally affected by things.

[drchucktingle]

Good day Dr. Tingle. I haven't read your stories, but I've known about you from afar in this website for a while. Your recent post about separating Ideas and Message is very similar to how I teach a class. I wanted to ask you, if you could share some of your Messages, in whichever structure/length/complexity you think about them before writing, to have some real world examples to show in class.

Personally I tend to simplify and shorten my messages as much as possible, like "everyone deserves forgiveness" for example, so that I can permeate it throughout the story, and so that anyone experiencing the story can come to a similarish conclusion.

I'm curious as to how your Messages look like inside your head, during the creative process. Not the refined versions used for marketing and sales and stuff.

Thank you!

sure buckaroo.

high concept idea of the book STRAIGHT was this: zombie apocalypse story but the rage only effects straight cis people (there is also a second high concept idea in there which is: what if zombie plague only happened one day a year? how would culture handle this politically and otherwise?)

so i had this idea that i thought was good, but before i can write it i think 'well what do i want to SAY about this? what am i FEELING?'

and i realized that i was a little torn about how to write this story because of the one day a year thing. when is it okay to fight back? can you hurt a zombie if it turns back into a person the next day? is that right or wrong? and WHEN is it right or wrong? what situations?

then i realized that with the metaphor of this story what i was really asking was something bigger: why is it up to the victims (in this case queer buckaroos) to be forced to make these decisions? marginalized groups have TWO kinds of violations done to them, the first is the obvious act of violation, but the second is that they are forced to use their time and mental space and emotional tolerance to learn how to HANDLE the first violation in an 'acceptable way'

so THAT became my message. if you want to know how i feel about these questions you can read STRAIGHT and find out.

CAMP DAMASCUS high concept idea was (SPOILERS IF YOU HAVE NOT READ CAMP DAMASCUS STOP READING HERE) what if the church really DID decide the ends justify the means and instead of stopping demonic possession they were inflicting demonic possession to counter sinful acts.

but that is not the message of the book. that is just the idea. if i just had that idea i would not write it, but as things evolved i realized WHAT i wanted to say with this story

in this situation WHO is the force of 'evil'? would it be the demons? would it be the possessed? or would it be the SYSTEM AND MENTALITY that was creating this situation in the first place? so the book sets out the answer this question and express the conclusion that ive made for myself

i also noticed that many churches who are anti gay have a sort of infantilizing trot with how they handle their young buckaroos. this idea that gay feelings will just go away if they are ignored and that they can almost keep young queer buckaroos from ever aging into fully realized adults. obviously i think this is WRONG and so fighting back against this mentality became part of the message as well, and that informed most of the metaphor and symbolism in the book.

it is important to keep in mind that sometimes the message can change. as the book trots along i am LEARNING myself, working out these thoughts on the page and coming to a conclusion of my own. this is actually VERY true of BURY YOUR GAYS, which is probably most autobiographical thing i have written. i will save talking about that MESSAGE and HIGH CONCEPT for after book is out though

EDIT FOR CLARITY OF MY WAY:

when i say i write MESSAGE FIRST that does not mean i think of the message first in TIME (although that does happen sometimes) it means the message is the most important thing over plot or characters or anything like that (although those are important too). it means that i write with message as my north star, which is rare, but it is how i make art