#ive complained about this many a time i know
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queer signalling: louis and harry living their beautiful queer lives, collected by me
since we must take note of our fellow queers when they signal that they are very much one of us, despite being closeted. since i've had a very very queer few years thanks to them, thanks to their signalling, thanks to them being brave.
(!! this list isn't exhaustive, and if i've forgotten your favorite, by all means let me know. there's always room for another edition. it's been a while since i made a compilation and felt there was a need of a new one on my blog. this one goes a few years back, since my last one dates from 2021 :'o. so yeah. here we go.)
harry in my policeman, playing a closeted queer man, based on the book that's long been one of his favorites. lauded by the director and co-stars for how well he portrayed this character, how well he understood.
harry wearing a green flower on his chest for the mp premiere, placing himself (once again) in the same line of history as oscar wilde.
louis's green flowers on his initial 28clothing jersey at the first afhf, which includes bonus roses and 28s all around
the entire late night talking mv bc!!!!!
louis's rainbow stage lights during sibwawc. he really did that. every single night.
the entire dazed magazine happening. âIâve always tried to compartmentalise my personal life and my working life,â he explains. / âI have unlocked an ability to be myself completely, unapologetically,â he says with conviction." / âI think through my own sense of self and personal journey, I am realising that happiness isnât this kind of end state.â
louis's gay exit songs: most notably 'ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've)'
harry flirting with stanley tucci
louis and his gay ass tank tops !!! we must point it out !!!!!!
all along
harry kissing a pride flag during harry's house ono in nyc
rainbow flare during the btm mv
harry being gifted a mask of his own face at munich n2, which prompted him to say that he feels like he's wearing a mask sometimes
28 in a triangle for 28clothing!!!!!!!!
kit connor soft launching 28 clothing. a young actor starring in a queer coming-of-age series, who was forced to come out after being accused of queerbaiting. he was the first one, besides louis, to wear 28clothing
harry's grammy's speech "people like me" (which ppl sadly misunderstood), echoing what he's been saying on tour for years. this doesn't happen to people like him. if they only knew, right?
harry's freddie-inspired outfit for the grammy carpet (which also brought back his theme for clown/jester fits, like harryween 2021 n2. wonder why)
louis's merch graphic where a boy is trying to smash a glass ceiling
harry posing for david hockney, actual living legend, gay artist of the ages. "Styles seems to know how lucky he is, adding, with a tinge of disbelief: âIâm in awe of the man with enough one-liners for a lifetime.â As to what those one-liners might be? Styles and Hockneyâs mutual silence on that question suggests that what happens in the studio, stays in the studio."
louis having suspicious visuals during back to you, the only visuals of that type on tour
harry's 2022 harryween outfit: dressed as danny (literally. he did that. he went grease on us.) but wearing sandy's jacket
louis at barricade aka held safely in the arms of strong security personnel
harry singing man, i feel like a woman and still the one with shania twain. while wearing a rainbow discoball jumpsuit (parallel with kacey musgraves wearing a rainbow dress to sing it with him years ago.)
louis's gay ass merch for the away from home festival
harry dressed in nina ricci by harris reed, an explicitly gender-fluid line. "At 18 I found myself living in london creating ruffle blouses, corsets, fabric flowers and flares from my kitchen floor (...). My creations at the time were met with nothing but criticism for being âtoo feminineâ or âcostumeâ, teachers said I should focus on âmenswearâ or âwomenswearâ. l remember it really wasnât until I started dressing for myself and who I was that it all clicked. @harrystyles was my first ever client who embraced the fun, fluid and expressive clothing I was creating."
continuous bluegreening. to name a few: harry's werchter fit, all this time lights, satellite caps in two colors only, louis's smiley flickering bluegreen on tour in 2022, the james cordon shit, louis in uncasville. enjoy this post here
harry's snl shoot unseens: him as ariel
louis out in amsterdam at a gay bar
harry going to the women's only swimming pond (on a day it was open for men, but this is important to me okay)
harry's use of orchids in his visuals during 'she' during love on tour '23
the 'hairy mermaid' tour visuals
harry as a mermaid during the mfasr mv. as a supreme physical manifestation of harry as the mermaid he truly is inside. but in his true form he gets chopped up and consumed. literally
as it was mv and its parallels with the matrix, hints to harry as the woman with the red dress.
louis jumping up on barricade against the one spot where a pride flag was draped over it
oh yeah that exact same thing happened in 2022 too
harry forming a skirt with a pride flag in brasil after his pants ripped
that gay ass denim getup with the fur collar?? while wearing the fucking peace ring????
harry and phoebe breaking gender norms in the tpwk mv dance. no i'm not over it yet shut up
louis wearing a basquiat t-shirt, another famously queer artist joining the ranks
harry bought an actual genuine basquiat. flex
harry dressed in skirts for gucci
"happy pride! happy pride! 'tis the season! can you tell i'm relaxed?"
"isn't all of this sparkly bi music?"
satellite mv rainbow planet tshirt
louis's bigger than me promo where he's literally george michael like??? IM SORRY???????
harry kissing lewis capaldi at the brits
harry kissing nick kroll at the dwd premiere. lol
and... harry as friend of D O R O T H Y. sang over the rainbow. we all cried. especially me at this clip of harry glancing in relief at his band after over the rainbow.
#queer signalling#my posts#long post#anyways............. hmu if you have more bc i know there's more that i've forgotten but i didn't want to wait#but these were my personal highlights#this is for me more than anyone i know. i don't really know if anyone's really waiting on this#but i personally have been feeling like i gloss over a lot#and forget a lot#and minimise a lot for fear of making a big thing out of something small#but... then i make big things into something small.#which i hate#going through my archive just shows how fast an event passes by and i just stopped talking about it#ive complained about this many a time i know#anygays#for whoever wants to come scream with me <3#also i have left out some events that were too easily deniable and i didn't want to clutter the post#since what's actual tangibly real and straight from them is so insane already#also that gif is how i feel rn.#how i often feel tbh#i want to be braver again
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Nolanverse Jonathan Crane please?
ask and you shall receive, kind anon! i've never drawn cillian murphy before and i dont feel like i did him justice but here you are regardless <3 thank you for the request!

DC character requests are still open for any and all interested! :D
#cillian murphy has SUCH a unique and gorgeous face i loved getting to look at pictures of him as reference for this#i struggled a little bit but it looks?? enough like him i think??#i could do better but I'll do that on my own time#hmmm i wonder who the fan favorite of my audience is....#stares at the 3 jonathan cranes that have been requested thus far#/j on that by the way i love drawing jonathan and would never complain about it i just think it's funny#i laid out all of the notecards that these are drawn on last night and there are. so many already#and there will be more! ive still got three more requests to get through before my inbox is empty again#i wonder who could be next ;3#i'm going in the order i receive the requests in case anybody was curious :) so if I haven't gotten to you yet just know IT IS INEVITABLE#anyways time for the real tags#dc comics#hee ho ha ho im a funny lil art man#nix's notecard drawings#fanart#my art#batman#traditional art#the scarecrow#jonathan crane#nolanverse#christopher nolan#cillian murphy#art requests#requests open
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redrawing my favorite gba chain of memories scenes with my own interpretations part 1(?):
âYouâre thinking about me⊠Youâre afraid of the darkness I command.â (NOT SHIP)
#beep boop you want fries with that#kingdom hearts#riku#ansem#GBA CHAIN OF MEMORIES IS SO GOOD. please play it over the remake im begging. it also plays a lot better too.#every ansem scene is better in gba com because i dont have to listen to richard epcar attempt to be intimidating#they altered so many scenes in the remake and a lot of the changes suck !! just straight up !! i will never forgive them for changing#this scene and the previous lexaeus scenes. like why did they have riku get possessed for a second only for the next cutscene to#literally be about riku trying not to get possessed. like that makes no sense. its just cheap shock value and just treating lexaeus#like shit. at least he mentioned zexion. ok if i knew how to do rom hacks i could literally change the dialogue myself to mention zexion.#ok sorry for complaining. uhhh#the composition is clearly ripped off from the owl house. sorry. season 1 belos scene.#and the background is just the original gba bg of the scene but blurred to look less pixelated#sorry the anatomy sucks. i know rikus arms shouldnt be that long but too late. kms.#this scene is so good because augh. this is the first time in this game we come face to face with the real ansem. not just diz pretending#to be him to just shove down âdarkness badâ down his throat. this is why mickey comes to save him in this scene. because riku is in#real danger here. thats also the reason why mickey sends his power again when riku is being dangled like a puppet BECAUSE ANSEM WAS THERE#FOR REAL THIS TIME. anyway yeah i know ansemâs sprite doesnât appear when he says that but the portrait is a silhouette so i went#weh. why not !!#anyway im obsessed w/ cryptid ansem. ghost inhabitanting a fallen kingdom. continuing the fucked up experiments like if they never stopped#OK IVE ALREADY RAMBLED ENOUGH AND THIS SHIT IS GOING INTO RE:KH TERRITORY. (hunter voice) BYEEEEEEE
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"Sleep soundly my prince" - Me to my upstairs neighbour that I can hear snoring away so I know I'm not bothering him by make tiny noises existing
#i dont even know how its okay to be in a rental that this amount of sound travels#like hes never once complained (angle of a man) but i always worry so much about how we sound down here to him#like i can here him turn on light switches its that bad#im honestly surprised he hasnt come through the ceiling with how paper thin it sounds like it is#ive also never complained at him even that one time it sounded like he knocked over a piece of furniture at like 4am and i about shat myself#was waiting for the ceiling to come crashing down that time đŠ#hes hardly ever home so that works out really well but still surely our landlords should talk about it and fix it at least a bit?#i know my landlord is at least aware of it#when i lived at home in a two story house is was quieter#ive talked about this so many times on here lol
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Cuz why tf do i have to do literally everything on my own without an ounce of any freaking help
#being independent is all fun n games#until you realize how freaking exhausting it is#explain to me how i as a college student#am supposed to come up with money#for a new car#& to move out#while also paying for my bills#putting gas in my death trap of a vehicle#as well as other things#WITH NO HELP#like fucc dude can i get a break#or like idk 2% of help#like what am i supposed to do here#i ask for help & nobody seems to freaking care#& i know the worlds not gonna stop spinning jus bc i want it to#but i rly dont think im asking for a lot here#like do i have to get into a rly bad accident#for anyone to take my car shit seriously?#i wanna ask for help but why ask when ive asked#a million other times#and it feels like ive received nothing#i know my feelings are not always the true reality#& i know people care#but fucc dude.#how many times do i have to complain about the same fucking thing before anything changes#why must i do EVERYTHING on my freaking own#& everyone else has parents or some form of fucking help.
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i wish it was socially acceptable to complain about a friend to our other friends and not have those other friends think i hate the friend im complaining about. so now i need a secret friend who knows none of my friends that i can complain to
#if ur name is neru or eden#i have complained about you exactly zero times#only good things in my head about you two#and if ur one of my new friends i havent complained about you yet either but thats because theres nothing to complain about#if ive known you for more than like 5 months#and your name isnt neru or eden#i have probably complained#but fear not for i have probably said twice as many good things abt you#you just wont know cuz im too embarrassed to say it to ur face#unless ur name is eden or neru#habit post
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just saw the opening animation for sonic dream team .... why are they wasting all these fun concepts and gorgeous animations and new characters and characters that havent been playable in forever on an apple arcade exclusive game that almost nobodys going to play
#i know that apple likely funded the game and thats why its apple exclusive but still#its still such a weird choice to make such a good looking game for something like this#like they could have just done another simple running game . or mobile version of an existing game. why this#why go this all out when nobodys gonna play it#and i do think that barely anyone is going to play it because ive seen so many people complaining that they wont get to play it#and very few people saying that they actually Are going to play it#every time the sonic account posts about it most of the notes are just people begging for them to port it to something else#or saying they hate apple or saying they wish they could play it but they cant#like. come on man
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genuine question but is there any fandom where a character is well written by the majority. im thinking about fandom culture and the spread of frustration when people dont write characters well but. honestly in all the fandoms ive been in there's only like, a Select number of authors who i trust to write Well, let alone write Well AND In Character. character analysis and writing and getting inside characters' heads are all separate skills (all of which are trained by roleplaying fyi can CONFIRM playing pretend with your friends is good for you). there's been more than once where I've disagreed with an interpretation that others agreed with, and then I turned out wrong. or i turned out right. like it doesnt matter WHO is right it just matters that differences in character analysis exist, so even if you DO write well AND write in character, your in character is still going to be someone else's out of character
there's this sort of. vibe. that to play in the sandbox you Need to be able to make a castle, and if you can't make a castle then you shouldn't bother, and it completely dismisses the idea that youre in that sandbox to PLAY in the first place. there's this Weight of disappointing someone if you can't build something that they like, but that forgets that you aren't there to build them a castle. like, be KIND. if you disagree with someone then please make an effort to do so kindly. i dont give a shit about fandom discourse but there is a reason kids get removed from sandboxes if they keep throwing sand in people's eyes. but if they don't like your misshapen sand pile, then youre not obligated to change it. even if you yourself end up hating that same sand pile later- youre not building a legacy. youre playing. and sometimes the result of that play is out of character drivel. theres a reason there are so many authors and so few who i like to consistently read and thats because everyone is Fucking Around in their hobby space. hash tag brag or whatever but i can build castles. ive built several that im v proud of. ive also dug holes in the sand for fun and then tripped on them when trying to get up. I often dug a hole and then got up and fucking- whoops, its a castle now, and i didn't realize i'd made something to be proud of until after the fact. the whole time while creating shit i was Convinced it was bullshit that didn't make sense. and then other times i was Convinced it was bullshit and then i was Right and i can look back and go. huh. ew. but it doesn't matter what the end result was, because i had fun playing in the sandbox
this wasn't meant to turn into a ramble but i have Feelings about bad art and art that's badly perceived and how public perception can screw with your head and how making art youre proud of is fucking. it's so difficult!!! it's hard!! it's really fun, which is why i try to make it, but i promise you it is Okay to not tryhard creativity. even if you CAN, it's okay not to do it all the time. or ever, even. fuck around find out have fun etc
#NOT a discourse post i am musing out loud#there's discourse goign around the dash rn or i wouldnt mention it#but the past few weeks ive seen a lot of âDONT fucking mischaracterize my guy my fuckign godâ#which is one of the most frustrating pet peeve there is#but i think a lot too about little baby me#fresh on her writing journey#and how discouraged i would be if someone pointed out the mistakes id made#i made a Lot of fuckups#and i also think about this one fic where one of the characters was INCREDIBLY out of character#me today would not be able to stomach reading it#but baby me was so ENCHANTED#and it introduced to me the concept that you dont always know the reason someone does something#and it made me read even more#and because of that i eventually found Expert Skill level fics#which introduced me to MANY little tricks and fidgets ive tried to implement#there were so so many reviews on that fic that called it shit or complained about the bad characterization#but a decade later i still think about it#there were several very corny mine/craft horror fics i read#which back in the day would be called cringe#and those were what inspired me to write my first horror fic and now im Enchanted by the whole genre#theres a lot of stuff i dont like to read but i like that other people are enjoying themselves#i dont know how to be succinct i hope my point is coming across well#this ties into my thing where fiction is for you first others later#here are my credentials: bb/h fan since before the elections (hi i was the guy who noticed his lack of armour post elections)#and a cross-fandom comment trend of people going 'woa i can see this happening in canon'#im not talking out my ass i genuinely think its more important to have fun than to write accurate characterization#which. is a more 'duh' and clarifying thing than everything else ive written#but ah well c'est la vie#also also just realized this could be interpreted like that- NOT an attack on people who complain about mischaracterization either lmao#i do that too w friends. this is to reassure people who put pressure on themselves to create things Well all the time
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Not excited to go back home and give up the rest of my money in the hopes that someone who took 5k from me will still let me live in the house I pay bills in
#it's not even guaranteed. she's unpredictable#sorry about complaining about this so much but i have this thing where i feel like i have to be#completely transparent with every one of my actions in case someone doesnt believe me & accuses me of lying#i bet you can't tell that I've been stalked several timesđ I've had my every move monitored & ive been accused of shit i didnt do#so many times that i will literally lay out every piece of information about me immediately so no one can ever misunderstand me#and since ive been asking for money i feel like people need to know that im not making the situation up#.bdo
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sorry my posts suck today i have a headache and im stressed about my doctors appiintment tomorrow and its making me stupid. in my brain
#.pdf#rd#worried about not being taken seriously when i say ive had these issues for like a year. cos ive never brought it up before because they-#-were so comparatively mild that i thought it was just chronic work stress manifesting as brief illness episodes. and i was embarrassed-#-about being so stressed out by my simple part-time flexible-schedule job. i thought it would be stupid to complain about something tjat-#-âhappens to everyoneâ and that i had âno reason to be this stressedâ#so now i have to go and be like ummmm. hi dr. im stupid and ummm đ„ș i know i said i was doing fine but i think i was wrong i sick now#which makes me feel like im making it the fuck up. like im a âhealthyâ 22 year old with normal bloodwork im scared shes gonna dismiss me-#-when i say that ive picked up on a symptom pattern characteristic of me/cfs and over the past 3 months its gotten so bad i can barely work#my mother also wants me to ask for a referral to a place that does POTS testing bcos i have some of those symptoms as well#and im concerned about going âheyy i know i was like fine last year but do you think i might have TWO entire chronic illnesses perhapsâ#cos ive seen. so many stupid comments from doctors and nurses on reddit tiktok etc saying patients âlike meâ are faking/attention seeking#scary..#grrrrrrrr. what ever. idk just wish me luck i guess
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iâm not exactly the person to complain about this but man it would be nice if accessibility standards were totally normalized. like yeah i can see and hear just fine but what if i prefer to read a video transcript because of adhd or not wanting to turn up the volume on my phone for whatever reason. i scroll past videos i wouldâve liked to watch sooooo often cause thereâs no transcript.
also IDs r so nice when u have low signal and the images wonât load
obviously itâs more important to normalize accessibility standards because theyâre absolutely necessary for making things accessible to the people theyâre designed for. theyâre just also rad as hell & i wish everyone appreciated them as much as I do cause maybe then people would start noticing how inaccessible a lot of stuff currently is
#talking times with milo#also when i say im not the person to complain about this i mean im not directly affected because of visual impairment or being deaf/HoH#i know adhd and autism also count as disabilities and they do impact this whole thing. they just dont (in my case) completely exclude#me from accessing content thatâs not accessible#same concept applies to physical accessibility stuff too im just thinking about how many videos ive scrolled past without watching recently#also i appreciate that one guy in my notes (hi there) who adds descriptions to things a lot#i often dont have the energy so itâs nice to know that it might still get written
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With no hate to that previous post I just reblogged bc its valid in and of itself:
I get what they're saying, but it's actually *not* like Rick Riordan broke into your house and moved all of your furniture.
It's more like you *bought* furniture and installment services from Uncle Rick's Home Goods in 2008, a lovely niche shop focused on serving our underserved community of neurodivergents. And then, despite your furniture from that time still being exactly as it was when you bought it and billions of exact copies being for sale, when Uncle Rick said, "Hey guys, I'm going to make this same line of furniture out of completely different material, and Im adopting a new installation tactic, but it's going to stick to its general function and purpose," you giddily clapped your hands and said, "I can't wait to see the exact same thing made out of entirely different materials!" Forgetting, of course, that that is literally impossible.
And **then** you came home and found that Rick (whom you left the door open for!) moved all of your furniture slightly to the left. Also he replaced every item with near-identical copies.
"I liked it the way it was very much, thank you!" Then don't get the update, idiot. It is so optional to watch this show. You had to wait a week between every episode. You had to torrent every 40 minute video on a weekly basis, or drive to visit your one family member who won't give up Disney+ anyway. And when things started proving to be different, *you* made the conscious choice to see where things were going. Now you're mad and miffed that it wasn't as faithful an adaptation as The Lion King 2019 was to the original đ. Coming from an AuDHDer, please understand that your neurodivergent rigidity can only be accommodated so much, my friend. Real people worked hard to make this. Different people from the book's production. *More* people than the book's production. And you know what's crazy is that, despite all of this, some of the tone of minor scenes may have changed, but nothing major truly did. We did it-- we got a faithful adaptation!! If it's not your cup of tea, if your mind's eye just cannot be topped, it's all good. Just say, "this seemed cooler in my head." But oh my god, I'm tired of the Rick slander. The overall crew slander. As if people didn't work their asses off to make this show happen at all. "Rick Riordan broke into my home--" you let him in. *You* watched the show; you let him in and consented to whatever the fuck he was going to do (which...wasn't even much).
If you are scared of coming home and finding your special interest moved slightly to the left, stop letting the author back in through your front door.
#pjo tv show#vent#i didnt want to reply to OP bc i dont know them and their post just seemed like a vent too.#this is in response to many many others ive seen blaming rick for their viewing experience#i dont know rick either. but tbh his work speaks for itself.#and if we want more of it we need to not do The Twitter Thing of smashing and trashing anything remotely made for us#just bc its not perfect. or in this case because its slightly to the left of the original source đ#its in response to the people who are like....being hostile about it.#im really fucking disappointed in this fanbase. i used to think we were a far more positive place.#but genuinely trying to be on here and look at fun posts about pjo between eps has lead to much of the fun being squashed#because ***everyone is complaining****.#yall are insufferable. go join the illiteracy club on tiktok and watch the latest marvel movie or something.#the positive posts are becoming so few that Tumblr has shown me the same posts over 5 times each.#You Are A Tar Pit â€ïž#not op of the last post btw. again they seemed nice. their analogy was just....it accidentally summed up the problem perfectly.
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Being involved in anything V2 related makes the "hey girl i mean they" meme hover behind me like a malevolent spirit.
#hi i love complaining all im doing under this tag is complaining if you dont want to read me whine about something dumb stop reading#she/her v2 genuinely drives me up the fucking wall and ive considered leaving fandom spaces because of it many a time#ive also considered wiping women from existence (using one of the trans add ons that replaces pronouns) over it#ârobot yuri/yaoiâ is also really irritating#not everything has to be yuri/yaoi. i know its supposed to be a silly haha joke but the markets oversaturated and it lost its funny months#ago.#anyway shrimps 5 alotted tags of meanie time are up#i think im gonna refill shit v2 daily's queue and disappear for another week to see if i can chill out (i will not and i know i will not)
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i feel like atsv was pandering to the marvel fans a little. itsv remains superior.
#like what was the reason for so many live action references#also in the beginning when gwen was having her Action Movie Opening Chase Scene the one liners were so... marvel core?#like hes behind me isnt he core. which was annoying for me lmfao and i dont remember itsv being like that#also i signed up for a miles film not a gwen film. not that im complaining but when SPOILERS uncle aaron appears and we meet prowler miles#i was like OMFG yes finally. and then. to be continued??#that was the biggest plot twist in the movie tbh. i didnt expect it at all tho i was like ive already been in this theatre for who knows how#long where are they gonna find the time to wrap it all up#and the time is another 2hr movie???#idk i think movies should be self contained#i think they did a bit too much#maybe they should have made a second miles film ABOUT MILES that was complete both in plot and themes closing out a great duology#and this could have been the third film??#like kathyrn han doc ock is still running around ny right.#idk i feel like this movie was very far from the spiderman core values abt saving the little guy#and you could argue that that was the point w miguel trying to stop miles from saving his dad and everything to do with the spider... team#or whatever theyre called idk#but it never really get back to that#bc its not its own movie lmao#in this movie things happened so they can be wrapped up in the third movie#it suffered massively from second in a trilogy syndrome#all that to say i think story wise i was a little disappointed#for a movie i waited 4 years to see#and after itsv i mean i obviously knew they wouldnt really be able to repeat what made it unique but still...#the animation was excellent though#the soundtrack was immaculate#and i think they did a rly good job making all the spiderppl unique and their worlds having different styles#but yeah#itsv
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Still constantly overwhelmed, but I'm getting professional help, which is nice and leaves me hopeful. Maybe it'll give me the energy to maintain my friendships again because I have been self-isolating more and more frequently.
I still miss seeing her sometimes, but it's more the concept of her I think. And the concept of someone who understands me deeply. Someone who feels the same emotional turbulence. She's hurt me though by (I feel) distancing herself, cancelling activities last minute, making me feel like I'm not important (which was even more present when we were dating and everything went south). I still like her as a person, but because she struggles w the same exact issues it is hard to get a sense of security and safety in our relationship...it's also hard to maintain boundaries when we were once closer than just friends.... It's not a very healthy dynamic, although I don't want to admit it and I especially don't want to lose her....
#it's attachament and recognition of myself etc.#maybe I have to start focusing on my own life instead of wanting to fix hers or give her a sense of belonging and care for her#I should probably do that for myself#anyway...not officially diagnosed but Im somewhere on the bpd spectrum.#therapist thinks so too#and Ive been through soooo much with my depression getting slightly better#which meant I became more impulsive so.#the situationships and drama and self-inflicted pain were a little too much this year#ended up in the ER for the second time in two months last week#which of course makes me feel like a burden or an attention seeker#I'm old enough to know my limits and not drink myself into a coma...maybe somewhere deep down it was to feel like a person#and I also made out with this American girl who was really kind sweet and beautiful#but I ruined that by becoming inconscious and being sick lmao#she wasnt doing that well either#anyway. I have to tell myself never again. But it's such an easy way out of my head and ok I don't feel better in the long run#but it numbs my depressive and anxious feelings for a little while#I need better coping#Put that on the list I have to talk to the crisis team about#and my internships are killing me#my perfectionism + fear of failure + extreme procrastination is just unpleasant for everyone involved and makes me feel like shit about mys#why can't i just be normallllll#sorry for the rant it needed to go somewhere#let's be real being a lesbian and usually getting crushes on bi girls with mental health issues is not for the weak lmaoooo#cz i can feel sooo inferior to the men they've dated or are attracted to#They just have so many options and I think there's a sense of truth to the idea that men are easy.#I mean go out and you'll find a man willing to go home with you literally everywhere. women have standards haha#maybe Im just insecure#I love bi girls though. All queens#it's definetely a me issue. I'm aware!#+ I literally can't complain I'm emotionally unavailable af
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