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daenqyu · 4 years ago

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promise me | bakugou katsuki

( gif isn’t mine !! credits go to @birds-have-teeth )

pairing: bakugou x fem!reader

genre: angsty fluff

summary: you’re used to dealing with your problems all on your own, but sometimes the weight becomes too heavy. and just when you feel like you’re about to fall, bakugou is always there to steady you back on your feet.

warnings: suicidal thoughts, descriptions of a panic attack, dark thoughts in general

word count: 3.2k

a/n: at first i wasn’t gonna post this because it was more of a comfort fic for me since i’ve been struggling a lot recently and bakugou is my comfort character, but i thought this could make other people feel better too so yeah :)

small disclaimer: this is completely based on my OWN, PERSONAL experience !!!!! if you ever experience suicidal thoughts, please seek help; you’re not alone. and you’re loved. you’re worth it.

IT was too much. you couldn’t handle it. you thought you could and that’s why you decided to not tell anyone, especially not bakugou. he knew about your struggles and burdens; at some point in your relationship you decided you felt comfortable enough to share that part of yourself with him and even tho he couldn’t really understand all of your emotions, he was still very supportive. but of course that didn’t mean you told him everything. sure, you trusted him with your life and you knew he would never judge you, but that wasn’t enough to make the voices in your head go away.

for a while everything seemed to be fine, you had managed to keep yourself distracted enough to not have to be alone with your thoughts. whether it was hanging out with friends, going on dates with bakugou, or watching tv shows, you were always busy with something. but there’s only so much one can do to stop themselves from thinking, or in your case, overthinking.

the nights were the worst. normally you’d watch random videos until your eyes started hurting from the brightness of you phone and then go to bed, but there were times when even that wasn’t enough. when not even heavy metal songs could be as loud as your dark thoughts, and they only seemed to intensify the more you tried to push them away. you tossed and turned on bed in hopes of eventually tiring yourself out, yet you ended up sitting on the mattress with hot tears streaming down your cheeks as you tried your best to catch your breathing.

all the emotions you suppressed for months now suddenly came crashing down on you, forcing you to face your inner demons and making you realize just how not okay you were. you couldn’t quite pinpoint what was bothering you so much; it was everything, yet nothing at the same time. it was about you, but also everyone else in your life. it was about not knowing who you were, about losing yourself and not really knowing what you were doing with your life. it was about thinking you were a failure, yet better than most people. it was confusing. and it was eating you alive.

your hands tugged at your hair so tight a part of you was afraid you were gonna rip it off and your chin rested on your knees as you brought them up to your chest in a feeble attempt to hug yourself.

this always happens. stop making such a big deal about it. why are you even crying? you’re so ungrateful. such an attention seeker. completely pathetic. why is bakugou even dating you? he might as well leave you for someone better. prettier. smarter.

loud sobs left your mouth as your thoughts mentally destroyed you, your insecurities getting the best of you. but it was more than that. this wasn’t just about not feeling good enough or thinking you didn’t deserve your boyfriend. it was about thinking you would be better off. after all you were just a bother, right? you would be doing everyone a favor if you just fucking did it, but you couldn’t. you wouldn’t. because you were scared. because you were a coward.

at some point it became too much, you could barely even breathe and your chest was hurting, or maybe it was your heart, along with your head, which’s pounding had become almost unbearable. your eyes burned from all the crying and you could feel the puffiness beginning to form around them. with trembling hands and blurry vision, you took your phone in your hands and dialed the only person you knew was capable of helping you in a situation like this.

the blonde haired boy groaned when he heard his phone ringing from the nightstand next to his bed. he rubbed his eyes before mentally insulting whoever was calling him so fucking late at night, but just as he was about to start screaming onto the phone’s speaker, he saw your name flash across the screen and his whole expression changed in less that a second. because you were his exception to everything.

“y/n? do you know what fucking time it is? this better be-” he didn’t get to finish his sentence when a sob coming from your end interrupted him. suddenly he was up and about, his eyes widening as he sat on his bed, all the sleepiness he felt moments ago disappearing at the heartbreaking sound. “are you- are you crying?”

“k-katsuki,” he cringed, hating the way your voice sounded so broken and not like your usual self. and while he didn’t know what was going on exactly, he had a pretty good idea.

“i’m here,” he tried to assure you, but he hated how your sobs only got louder after that. “what happened? are you okay?”

“no. it’s bad,” you couldn’t bring yourself to lie to him, not when you needed him the most. “i’m s-sorry for calling you so late, i-”

“you don’t have to apologize. i wasn’t that tired anyways,” he bit his lower lip, debating on what he should do next. “do you want me to come over?”

“yes,” you didn’t even hesitate; it almost sounded like you were begging and bakugou could feel his breath hitching in his throat for a moment. “please, i need you.” that was all he needed to hear before he hung up, throwing the phone on his desk as he hurriedly put on whatever shirt he had laying around, not bothering to put shoes on. he didn’t have time to think about some stupid footwear. he stumbled while running towards your dorm room, not giving a fuck about how loud his steps were or if he could wake up his classmates.

much to his luck, your room wasn’t that far away from his so he got there in less than two minutes. he could feel his heart hammering against his chest as his hand gripped the door’s knob, but he didn’t waste any time before turning it around and letting himself inside. the sight before his eyes made something inside bakugou break. you were sitting down on the floor with your knees up to your chest, hands clutching your head tightly as choked sobs kept leaving your mouth. and he hated it. he hated it because he knew exactly how you felt; the same way he felt every night when he was alone in the confines of his room and his thoughts were the only thing keeping him company.

you hadn’t noticed him, too focused on trying not to pass out, so he made his way over to you slowly in order to not startle you. he kneeled down in front of you, quickly recalling the website he had read a few days ago that talked about what to do when a person was having a panic attack. his hand gently touched your shoulder, careful not to scare you, and while you still flinched at the sudden touch, your expression somewhat softened after seeing it was none other than your boyfriend.

“hey beautiful,” he smiled softly at you, or at least tried his best since all he wanted to do was scream and fight someone. because you didn’t deserve this. someone as kind as you didn’t deserve to go through all this shit. “can you hear me?” you nodded, tears still running down your cheeks and your whole body trembling. “good, now let’s take a few deep breaths,” he inhaled deeply before exhaling, wanting you to repeat his actions and you tried. your hands stopped gripping your scalp, instead opting for bakugou’s arms, which were at each side of you as they held onto your shoulders. “you’re doing great, just focus on me okay? only me.” you nodded once again, still trying to ease your breathing pattern as you stared into his beautiful vermilion eyes, the ones that always managed to intimidate you (in a good way of course).

after a few more minutes of breathing exercises, you managed to stop the pants that came out of your mouth, but tears still ran down your cheeks as the thoughts never ceased, perhaps getting louder and louder with every passing second. you wanted nothing more than to close your eyes and curl yourself into a ball, but you knew that wasn’t gonna solve anything. so you kept holding on to your boyfriend’s arms, as if he was the only thing holding you down to earth.

this better fucking work, bakugou thought to himself before he spoke up again, “y/n, can you tell me five things you can see?”

“you,” talking was still hard, yet you forced yourself to look around the room and answer his question correctly. “my p-phone, the desk, d-dirty laundry, and,” all this thinking made the pounding in your head worse, but at least you weren’t focusing on the voices. “my stuffed t-teddy bear.”

“hm, four things you can touch?” one of his hands tenderly gripped your shoulder, his eyes never leaving yours.

“y-you, your shirt, the c-carpet, and m-my pj’s.” the dizziness in your head started to come to a halt and you sniffled, thankful that bakugou was able to make things better. like always.

“that’s it, you’re doing so well. now three things you can hear?” his head turned around to leave an innocent kiss on the skin of your forearm, his gaze still focused on your face.

“your voice, t-the rain, and the air conditioner.” the feeling of bakugou’s lips made you come back to your senses slowly but surely. now your hands were the only thing trembling, not your whole body.

“you’re almost there baby, two things you can smell?”

“my diffuser and your perfume,” a small smile made its way to your lips as you breathed in his scent, letting out a pleasant sigh as the smell filled your nostrils. “caramel.”

bakugou scoffed, a soft blush splashed across his cheeks as he looked away from you for a moment.

“one thing you can taste?”

you took in a deep breath, not really knowing what to answer until you licked your lips and tasted the familiar sweetness of your chapstick, “cherry.” your grip on bakugou’s arm loosened, but still lingered there. he let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in, feeling a big weight off his shoulders knowing you could breathe properly again, but he was still bothered by the situation.

“dumbass, don’t ever scare me like that again.” his words were rather rough yet you knew he meant no harm, you knew he was genuinely scared for your well being and that was just his way of voicing out his concern.

“i’m sorry.”

“what did i tell you about apologizing all the damn time?” he groaned, letting his arms fall to his sides as your hands came up to wipe your remaining tears away. you sent him an apologetic smile before sighing, squeezing your eyes shut as you tried to wrap your head around everything that happened.

meanwhile, bakugou stared intently at you, wondering whether or nor he should ask what caused the sudden outburst. he didn’t want to make you feel worse, but if he knew you like he thought he did (which he does), you’d probably end up bottling everything inside until you had another breakdown. and he’ll be damned if he ever let’s that happen again.

silently, he crawled towards you. and once he was close enough, he positioned himself behind you so you could sit on his lap and you happily complied. you cuddled your face against his warm chest, enjoying the comfort it provided, and bakugou placed his chin on top of your head, keeping you close to him. you stayed like that for a few minutes, just basking in each other’s presence, but in reality bakugou was just giving you some more time to calm down before pestering you with questions that could possibly overwhelm you.

“you want to talk about it?” he was still keeping his tone low and gentle; anyone who heard him would’ve been extremely confused by his sudden change in demeanor. because he could be a lot of things, but gentle was not one of them. then again, you were his exception. you were different.

“i...don’t know,” your hands played with the hem of his black tank top, eyebrows furrowed together as you tried to find the right words to describe your internal turmoil. “it’s just...everything piling up and never knowing what to do,” bakugou leaned down to place a kiss on your temple, quietly letting you know that he wasn’t going anywhere, and somehow, that made you want to cry all over again. “you know when you get really tired of yourself and your life?” he hesitantly nodded, not knowing where you were going with this. “well i feel like that everyday. a-and sometimes i think it would all be better if i disappeared.”

it took him approximately 5 seconds to get what you exactly meant by disappearing, but when he did boy was he mad. his eyebrows furrowed and his grip on you tightened, an annoyed, yet concerned expression evident on his face. how could you say that? you were his everything, the only one who could calm him down, the one who made him smile by just breathing; his light. he wouldn’t know what to do without you, hell he didn’t even want to imagine it.

“you’re such an idiot,” a smile tugged your lips at his harsh choice of words, the complete opposite of the hold he had on you. “you listen to me because you know how much i hate repeating myself,” one of his hands grabbed your chin softly, yet firmly as he tilted your head to make you look at him directly. “feeling like this is not your fault. i know that it’s easier to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in your life, trust me, i know. but there are things in life that we just can’t control and most definitely aren’t responsible for.”

you scoffed, “well you’re one to talk.”

“tch, such a smartass, aren’t you?” bakugou rolled his eyes at your remark. “that’s exactly why i’m telling you all this, dumbass. because i don’t want you to go through what i did, especially when you have me by your side to help you.” your eyes widened at his sweet confession, gaze softening at the boy in front of you. he avoided it, looking to the side with rosy cheeks.

“katsuki…” you lowered your voice, lifting your hand to place it on bakugou’s cheek and your heart jumped when he looked at you. his eyes reflected nothing but pure love and adoration, and you were sure yours were the exact same. without saying another word, you kissed him softly, fingers caressing his soft skin. the kiss was short and innocent, but it made bakugou smile ever so slightly.

“let me finish,” he said once you pulled away and the determination in his voice made you nod, knowing he needed to say whatever was on his mind. “i know there’s nothing i can do to make your pain disappear or for you to change your mindset because that’s not how it works. but i am and will always be here for you. i don’t give a shit if you think you’re gonna bother me or if it’s late or if you think it’s something stupid, you just tell me. and if the thoughts continue then maybe we can even get a professional to help you, but please don’t give up on me.” the crack in his voice at the end of his sentence made your heart stutter.

both of your hands cradled bakugou’s face, your eyes desperately looking for his once again. when he finally looked at you, you saw the tears threatening to fall from his eyes and how hard he was trying to hold himself back from breaking down. he needed to be strong. he couldn’t be weak in front of you. you were the one who needed to be comforted, not him. so with those thoughts in mind, bakugou sniffled and roughly wiped the unshed tears away. but you didn’t move from your place.

“so promise me,” he pulled you impossibly close, your faces barely inches apart. “promise me you won’t give up, that you’ll fight and be stronger than your demons because you fucking are. you’re so much stronger than you think, shit you’re probably stronger than me!” your eyes widened, surprised he even said something like that, but knowing he 100% meant it. because bakugou didn’t lie. “promise me.”

you nodded multiple times, taking out your pinky to show him you were serious about this. and while bakugou thought you couldn’t be any more childish, he still grinned and interlaced his own pinky with yours, “i promise.”

“good, now let’s sleep because i’m tired as fuck.” you rolled your eyes at the sudden change in attitude.

“knew it was too good to be true.” he raised an eyebrow at your comment, standing up to lay down on your bed, the soft sheets welcoming him with your scent.

“the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“nothing, let’s just sleep.” you sent him a smile before laying down next to him, his arms quickly wrapping themselves around your waist to pull you even closer.

you turned around in his hold to properly look at him. his head rested comfortably against the pillow, his hair messy and sticking up in all different directions, while his eyes lazily looked over at you. he looked angelic, ethereal even. without thinking it twice, you ran one of your hands through his hair, giggling when he let out a happy hum and gripped your hips, as if telling you to keep going. he looked so pretty, lips slightly pouty as he forced himself to stay awake for a little longer. at least until you fell asleep.

“wanna know something really cheesy?” he sounded tired and you felt bad for keeping him awake so late when he probably had a long day. nevertheless, you hummed and continued to comb your fingers through his hair. “you’re fucking amazing. absolutely mesmerizing,” bakugou opened his eyes to look at you better, a small smile tugging his lips upwards as he saw your flushed expression, trying to look away from him, but he didn’t let you. “i love you, y/n.”

he’s said it before, and you should be used to it by now, but it never fails to make you heat up and feel all fuzzy inside. bakugou looks so serious, because he wants you to know he truly means it, yet so soft at the same time and you know this isn’t easy for him. he doesn’t like showing his vulnerable side to people, thinking it makes him weak, so to have him open up to you and declare his love for you so openly makes you feel special. because you’re the only one who knows this side of him.

“i love you more, katsuki.” another genuine smile grazes bakugou’s lips after hearing you call him by his first name, your voice sweet like honey.

he presses a kiss on your forehead as he lets you snuggle up against him, “go to sleep, i’ll be here when you wake up.”

that night, you slept peacefully, knowing you’re safe in bakugou’s arms. you don’t know what tomorrow or any other day holds for you, but if you have him by your side, you know you can overcome anything.

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celticcrossanon · 4 years ago

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BRF Reading - 26th of September 2021

This is speculation only

Cards drawn 26th of September 2021

Question: What will be the consequences of this pseudo-royal NYC 'Tour' (to the Harkles)?

Interpretation: It will be a burden to them and link them to Prince Andrew in some way.

Card One: The Ten of Wands. This is a card of feeling burdened, of losing creative energy, of having your dreams turn to dust around you. The card shows Jason sitting in a burning shelter made out of planks from his ship, the Argo. The results of his adventures, the golden fleece, lies discarded on the ground.

Here Jason stands for the Harkles. They have built a pseudo-royal tour based on what they have used for attention since they left the BRF - PR contacts and money (shelter from the beams from the Argo). This tour is burning down around them. It is not going the way they expected and it will become a burden to them in the future. The prize they have gained since leaving the BRF, their narrative of having to leave the toxic BRF/being victims of the BRF, has been undermined and discarded by this royal cos-play (the golden fleece).

You can not say you were forced to leave a toxic BRF for your mental health, do everything you can to build a new life separate from the BRF where you are 'thriving', and then do a pseudo-royal tour that screams "Look at us! We are royals!". The hypocrisy is obvious to everyone except the Harkles. They have destroyed their narrative for a pseudo-royal tour that is turning out the opposite of what they expected. As the card shows, their dream of being celebrity royals is burning to the ground around them right now, leaving them with nothing but ashes.

Card Two: The Page of Wands. In this reading, the Page of Wands is coming across as a PR message. I drew two clarifiers and they were the Six of Cups, the card of childhood, and the Knight of Wands, my card for Harry when he is being an idiot - that is, when he is indulging in hasty actions without thinking them through. So the PR message indicated by the Page of Wands involves Harry, a child of the BRF, sending a message to the BRF.

What the message is can be seen through the figure on the card - a boy riding the golden sheep who will later become the golden fleece, waving a torch. The boy is Harry, the golden sheep is what Harry sees as the success of this 'tour', and the torch is the PR he is using to send his message to the BRF, saying "Look at me on the way to success without you! I don't need you! I can royal all by myself!". So even thought the tour is turning into a disaster for them and will become a burden for them, Harry is flaunting it to the BRF as a huge success - he can royal better than them (and without obeying their stuffy rules). The BRF, of course, is quite capable of sending a message back via PR, but I don't think Harry has thought of that.

Card Three: The World. The World is a card about the end of a cycle, of looking back at what you have done to get where you are, tying up any lose ends, and then celebrating your achievement before moving on. This pseudo-royal 'tour' can certainly be seen as a celebration of the Harkles' delusions, vut that is not the main energy I am getting from this card.

The energy of this card is of ending. It is over. Something has finished and can not be resurrected. I think that this end of a cycle refers to the Harkles's victim narrative, with the toxic BRF, as their 'tour' has seriously damaged the credibility of that narrative and exposed them as attention seekers. The ending could also be of the pseudo-royal tour itself - that they got this one and no more, as it would not surprise me if the word came down through diplomatic channels that these events with the Harkles are not to be allowed in the future.

The World is the major arcana card for Saturn, and Saturn is the planet that shows Karma, your past actions coming back to you. It is the planet of hard work - if you work hard and follow the rules, Saturn will reward you at some point in the future. It is the planet of time, as Saturn is all about the future consequences of present actions, and it is the planet of authority and authority figures, like the parent who makes you do your homework instead of playing. The Harkles have not worked hard, they have disobeyed the rules set down for Megxit and the rules of common decency, and they have flouted the authority of their parents/grandparents, disowning Thomas Markle and publicly mocking the BRF and hence HMTQ. Having the planet Saturn, the planet of consequences for your actions, appear in a spread about consequences under those circumstances - well, it is not the best card to have, to say the least.

As a consequence of this 'tour', I expect at lot of things to end for the Harkles, both expected and unexpected.

Card Four: The Knight of Cups. This is a water sign card, particularly a Pisces, and in this reading it is coming across as Prince Andrew, a sun-sign Pisces. Coming after The World card, this tells me that the ending of a cycle and Saturn consequences shown by that card will involve Prince Andrew in some way. The Harkles may be exposed as being linked to him and his activities as a consequence of this pseudo-royal 'tour'.

I drew a clarifier for this card, and it was the Nine of Pentacles. Pentacles is the money suit, so that indicates a link to Prince Andrew and his activities involving money, i.e. his shady business deals (this came up in my spread yesterday as well).

The Nine of Pentacles is also the card of being happy, rich and Single, the Knight of Cups can be a very romantic attitude to things or about romance in general, Prince Andrew is divorced, and taking all these things together this could be hinting at Harry being single as a consequence of this tour (again, this came up in my reading yesterday - divorce energy).

Card Five: The Five of Swords. This is a card of not being able to win for losing. It can be a card of conflict and disagreements. Whatever you do, you will not be happy with the result. In my deck, it carries a message of having to do your duty, however distasteful. The card shows the god Apollo appearing to Orestes, who is in exile, and telling him that his duty is to kill his mother, an act that will damn him in the eyes of the gods, but not doing it will damn him as well.

The Five of Swords can mean legal troubles, as an extension of its meaning of conflicts and disagreements. Coming after the Knight of Cups representing Prince Andrew, it could indicate that the Harkles will be involved in Prince Andrews legal troubles in some way (how, I don't know).

In its meaning as doing your duty, however distasteful, this card is a general message both to the Harkles (which they have ignored up until now, so I don't think they will listen to it) and to the next card, with which it is strongly linked.

I drew a clarifier for this card and it was the Seven of Pentacles. This is usually my card of dodgy sex acts, and as such reaffirms the link between the Harkles and Prince Andrew's legal matters. The Seven of pentacles can also show a case of divided allegiance, not knowing where to invest your time and talents. The divided allegiance energy is coming through strongly with respect to the Harkles. I don't know if one of them is going to decide to turn back to HMTQ, thus splitting the pair, especially after the divorce hints in the proceeding card (don't trust them Your Majesty!), or if the divided allegiance refers to their involvement in Prince Andrew's court case and they will work for their own interests in this matter, or if it is something else. I only know that that is the meaning that is coming through this card with respect to the consequences of this tour - a divided allegiance, and that ties in with the 'doing your duty' and 'not winning for losing' aspects of the Five of Swords card.

Card Six: The King of Cups. This is a water sign person, particularly a Scorpio, and it is coming across as Prince Charles. It is also coming across as strongly linked to the Five of Swords card in the sense of doing your duty, however unpleasant. Something about this pseudo-royal 'tour' is going to result in Prince Charles being forced to do his duty, a duty that he regards as unpleasant and that will not benefit him personally. The energy is very much that Prince Charles is forced into this and does not do t willingly, but rather because he has no other choice.

Underlying Energy One: The Chariot. The Chariot is the card of cancer, and this card is coming across as Prince William, who is a sun sign Cancer. Whatever the consequences of this tour are for the Harkles, Prince William will be behind them and pushing to make sure they are enacted. He will be like the Chariot card - going around or overcoming all obstacles and driving straight ahead until he achieves this.

Underlying Energy Two: The Hierophant. This is the card for institutions, and here it comes across as the BRF. The card is linked to the one before it, the Chariot. Consequences will come either from the BRF or from how the Harkles have mocked the BRF by this tour, or both areas. With the consequences from the BRF, they will be pushed through by Prince William, with the support of the BRF.

Underlying Energy Three: The King of Wands. This is a fire sign person, particularly a Leo. This is usually my card for Meghan, and her energy is here, but there is also the energy of a member of the BRF - Princess Beatrice, also a sun sign Leo. Princess Beatrice will be involved with whatever the BRF is doing, and she will support it.

Meghan's energy is a surprise, but it is definitely here. The 'tour' is going to have consequences for her and Harry, and she will be the one behind some of the consequences that fall on Prince Harry. I just drew two clarifiers for this card - The Two of Cups, the card of relationships, especially romantic ones, and deciding whether to pursue the relationship or not, and the Hermit, which is the card for Virgo, the sun sign of Prince harry, and is also the card for being alone/single. The Hermit card shows Kronus, the god also known as Saturn, who is our modern figure of Father Tim,e carrying the scythe associated with death/the grim reaper. The consequences from Meghan will affect the relationship between her and Prince Harry and may , in time, lead to Harry becoming single, i.e. lead to divorce/the death of their relationship.

Conclusion: This pseudo-royal tour will become a burden to the Harkles and expose the hypocrisy of their 'toxic BRF' victim narrative. It is being used by Harry to send a message to the BRF, and that message as well as the tour itself will lead to the ending of things for the Harkles, both expected and unexpected, as part of the consequences of their actions coming home to them. Prince Andrew will be involved in some way; they may be linked to him via shady money matters, or via his legal troubles, or both. Prince Charles will be forced to perform an unpleasant duty that is related to this 'tour' by the Harkles. Prince William will push through whatever actions come from the BRF, and these actions will be involve the support of Princess Beatrice. There will also be consequences for the Harkle relationship, with Meghan taking action against Harry, and there are indications of a divorce in the future.

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salty-fang · 5 years ago

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Twisted fate: Sugar edition

Chapter 2-

Marinette thought she was getting better. She really did. After all, she had adjusted to Gotham’s dark atmosphere and had only cried about losing Adrien twice. Per day. For a month. She was puzzled as to how she had ended up snarfing down Rocky road ice cream whilst bookmarking photos of Adrien. Upon noticing his toothy grin, captivating eyes and playful demeanour, a wan smile fixed itself on her face.

“No. Bad Marinette!” She remembered how quick he dropped her for Gabriel’s wishes and felt the cold, clammy hands of betrayal lace themselves around her throat.

‘Tight. Too. Tight.’ Her chest constricted as she let out a choked gasp. Her hands reached to shut her desktop down. Memories, terrible memories, flashed in her eyes. She had recognised those olive-green eyes. Those eyes clouded by greed, thirst and hunger. Hunger to trample the hopes of any opposition. Hunger to humiliate her. Hunger to seize every last important thing from her.

In a flurry, photos of her and Adrien came raining down. The mirth and adoration in her eyes evaporated, replaced by pain and bloodlust. Her bluebell eyes radiated a frigid coolness as her eyes fell upon the picture of Adrien and her third anniversary. Traitor. Her doe eyes narrowed and her mouth set in a thin line. Anger rolled off of her with each picture she ripped. She had read the attacks, the taunts and jabs at her for being a ‘whore, gold-digger’ and ‘attention seeker’. She had seen Adrien’s unresponsiveness to the situation, leaving her for the hounds to devour. Coward. She’d seen pictures of Adrien and that witch frolicking as she was left to pick up the broken pieces of her heart.

An unquenchable flame raged in her heart. With every memory, the flame burned brighter until the ache for love became unbearable. She hadn’t asked to be broken. She hadn’t asked to not be good enough. She hadn’t asked to lose control of her heart like she did but it still happened.

‘We could never be satisfied,’ she thought. The dull thrum of her heart rang in her ears as silence hung in the air. She knew she was anything special but, damn it, she thought she could be enough.

“Why wasn’t I enough?” Her shoulders shook with the effort of holding onto her sanity. A war waged in her mind as she searched blindly for anything, anything to ground her. She shouldn’t cry. He wasn’t worth it. She couldn’t cry. She wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of breaking her. She wouldn’t -. A sound that could only be described as pure grief ripped through her throat, slashing the air. She rocked herself hoping, wishing and praying for his return to her.

She fondly whispered “He’ll come back. He always has, the idiot.” A glint of resignation shone in her eyes before she slept, her back against the wall by the door.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Damian loved Gina. He really did. He loved her composure in the face of danger and her frankly reckless attitude. But if one more person breathed her name, he would throttle them. So, when Todd teased Alfred for his fresh attire for Gina, he silently thanked the heavens for the opportunity to release some energy. He pounced, lunging for Todd’s throat wrapping his hands loosely. Nah, who was he kidding, his hands coiled tightly around his neck.

“Demon spawn, the hell?” Jason managed to choke out. Damian relished the pink hue that had crept up Jason’s face.

“Tim-no. Richard- ack, not you either,” Bruce started, voice hesitant. “Uh Duke?” he tried fumbling about for glasses and his coffee. “Ja-"

“Don’t even think about it old man, it’s Damian, you dolt,” Jason winced as he felt the nails dig into his neck.

"Ah yes, Damian, let go of him this instant. It is Damian, right? Right?" He heard the thud of someone's body hitting the floor.

Damian knew he hadn’t lost his touch. Assassin’s blood would forever run in his blood. His family were moronic buffoons, that he knew. But, if they thought he was turning ‘soft’ then they weren’t doing much to challenge the status quo and prove him wrong. They were simpletons through and through. And though he would never admit it, he loved them for it. As Jason warned him to watch his back, he couldn’t deny the thrill, the rush of adrenaline that ran through his body. Man, he loved this family.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Marinette felt weird. She knew something was wrong. The lingering feeling had teased her subconscious for a while, now. And if the urge to constantly pee, excessive vomiting and constant fatigue was anything to go on... she was pretty certain she had an inkling as to what was happening.

All it took was that test and she had her suspicions confirmed. The two lines that appeared filled her with dread and excitement. Choosing to focus on the latter for now, she squealed, shaking and shimmying the best that she could with her heavy feet. She was PREGNANT.

Crap, she was pregnant. They hadn’t talked about children. They hadn’t talked about raising a child. Their apartment wouldn’t have enough space for all of them. They didn’t have a name. They knew nothing about childbirth. They simply weren’t ready. Worst case scenarios ran through her head. What if she wasn’t a good mom? What if Adrien left her? What if he hated their baby? Or worse, what if she hated her baby?

'Wait... they used p-p-protection. So how?’ The notion cut off her train of thoughts, turning her into a blushing mess. She could feel the heat sear through her cheeks and she could see the contrast of her freckles against her flushed face.

‘Oh no. She couldn’t tell Adrien; she couldn’t burden him like that. Not when he already had so much on his plate. She wouldn’t tell him but maybe she could hint at it. Yes, that would be the ideal course of action.’

Adrien really was the most oblivious human alive. Marinette had forgotten about that factor. Two months later and Adrien still hadn’t gotten a clue. She refused to believe he was that blissfully ignorant. She stroked her developing stomach, contemplating whether she would just tell him or surprise him with a kid. She was opting for the second option as Adrien had looked more stressed than ever, running errands for Gabriel more frequently. God, she hated that man. He constantly critiqued her for ‘not being good enough for his son. After all, she was a Baker’s daughter.’

Marinette could still remember the times when Gabriel had tried to persuade her to leave Adrien without an explanation. He’d threaten her, try to win her over with money; anything to let his son be rid of her. Marinette knew the pain of being left in the lurch. She knew the pain of wondering if it was her fault. She knew the pain of wondering where it went wrong. She wouldn’t do it to him. Not like that.

And then, he’d broken up with her. She had regretted nothing. She’d left him whole. Maybe a little damaged but not scarred. And that was most important to her. She’d regret nothing. It was the least she could do to salvage what was left of her chipped heart.

Marinette had awoken to tender kisses placed on her forehead. Her Nonna looked like a mess. She looked frazzled yet she focused her energy into calming a frantic Marinette.

“Netta, my fairy, I’m,” Marinette whimpered. She could hear the shakiness in her Gigi’s voice. She was a bad luck charm. She always caused pain for everyone. Slowly, she peered up at Gina expecting disappointment to be etched on her face. Yet her face shone with love and her eyes were filled with pity, no, guilt. “I’m so sorry. I broke our pact. I’m no better than them.”

She curled in on herself, head bowed, breaths shallow.

“I’ve hurt you Marinette, I’m a failure.” A short sharp ‘enough’ cut her off. Leaving no room for deliberation, Marinette said

“Nonna, please, if anyone’s a failure, it’s me. I mean who would want a single, unemployed pregnant woman?” Gina sat with wild eyes, jaw slack as she processed what Marinette had just said.

“Hold up, you’re PREGNANT?”

“Have been for the last three months but you know.” She shrugged. She’d processed this already but Gina hadn’t. Gina had switched from pained to bubbly in the span of a few seconds. She screamed before peppering Marinette with questions. Marinette had answered most of her questions and told her killing Agreste- which one she had been referring to was a mystery- was off the table. She’d crush him and make him beg for mercy in her own time. She told her how ‘Adrien hadn’t known’ and by the time they’d finished, it was past midnight. Gina pulled her into a bone-crushing hug before tucking her into bed.

Marinette woke up with a sore back, throbbing headache and bloodshot eyes. She noticed Gina had crashed on the floor beside her sofa. The events of what had occurred last night replayed in her mind. She really fell asleep with his picture beside her for comfort. She’d called his girlfriend a witch. How was she supposed to look him in the eyes after that? She couldn’t even look herself in the eyes. She really wasn’t looking forward to their ‘date’ today. She rose, albeit reluctantly, and stretched. With a steady hand, she applied her mascara onto her lashes. Clad in a baby blue sundress and floppy hat, she set out in a bid to meet Adrien.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Marinette had arrived late but she had not expected this. Adrien and her had been enjoying their date and she had loved her triangle sandwiches. So, when Lila sashayed over, hips swinging , her mood soured and she groaned. Loudly. Apparently, that fuelled Lila's desire as she launched into an awkward kiss, teeth clashing against Adrien’s. Adrien remained motionless as she kissed him once. Twice. He felt her bite down hard on his bottom lip. He felt tears gather in the corner of his eyes. He tasted the metallic tang of blood in his mouth. He felt her tongue slip into his mouth, demanding satisfaction.

‘What’s wrong with me?’ he wondered. ‘I should be enjoying this. So, why does it feel so wrong?’

He responded on instinct, battling her tongue with his own, with an intensity he had saved for Marinette. When they pulled apart, saliva intertwined and breaths heavy, he noticed the hungry look in Lila's eyes. She seemed to forget Marinette’s presence as she moved to straddle his hips. An over exaggerated cough had Lila leaping from his lap, yelping before her eyes settled on the culprit. Marinette. Lila chose to sit beside Adrien, wrapping an arm around his tense shoulders.

“Still disgustingly fake as ever Lie-la,” she drawled. “No personality but I see you have paid for implants.”

“I’d say it’s a pleasure to see you again but I’d be lying. And I don’t lie,” she blinked innocently. “Now scram before things get a little steamy for your virgin eyes.” Her obnoxious voice grated on her nerves. She bit back a comeback as the urge to puke bubbled in her throat. She couldn’t stop herself as she vomited. Heavily. On Lila. At least Adrien had the sense to bound away before he got hit.

Lila was pissed. Marinette had wrecked her outfit with her sick. She couldn’t twist the situation maliciously as anyone with eyes could see Marinette was pregnant. So, in blind rage, she punched Marinette in the face.

“You deserve more, bitch.” Lila spat at Marinette. Lila had intended to punch her in the stomach when she felt a hand wrap around her fist. Marinette had growled at her and she actually felt scared. For the first time in her life, she backed down. She stalked away towards ‘her Adriboo’, who was having a hard time stifling his laughter. She pouted as she realised that her pride bruised.

“That will teach you to mess with me Lila.” Marinette levelled a glare at her before she bolted.

'Run.

Run! Don’t look back!

Just run!'

She didn’t stop until she was safely on her balcony and so, she missed Adrien intervening, Lila screaming and the stranger slinking in the shadows. She just felt so dizzy. Her insides swirled and she slumped against the balcony ledge. The hand she clamped over her mouth made the sensation worse. She threw up and from the sounds of it, she had hit someone.

‘I have to stop puking on people,’ she thought as she heard the cry of indignation from below. ‘Poor sap.’ Slowly, she retreated back into the hotel room to get some rest before she met the people who made her grandma so happy.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Damian was having a horrible day. First, Grayson had chosen him as the latest victim of his matchmaking attempts. Sitting in a cat themed coffee shop, he had listened to an attention seeking gold digger ramble on about herself for an hour and a half. Did she not get tired of her own voice? He knew he had, for certain. He was ready to curse Grayson’s awful choice in people again when something piqued his interest. A harlot was engaged in battle with an angel. And from the look of discomfort on the harpy’s face, the blue-eyed beauty was winning.

He knew he shouldn’t have followed her when she left but he felt a strong pull towards her. He knew she felt sick but he hadn’t expected her to puke on him. Granted, he was hiding and the balcony was pretty low... but still. He screeched in disgust as his suit and hair were covered in what looked like bird shit. It smelt like it too. So yeah, pretty horrible day. At the very least, he could look forward to Gina coming to the mansion later today. She’d cheer him up. He just knew it.

Damian was annoyed. Gina was late. Very late. And he’d been waiting for hours for her to arrive. When was she going to get here? A soft rap on the door sent him flying out of his seat as he scrambled to unlock the door. He’d expected Gina but on their doorstep was that angel from earlier.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Go check out the salt version @loveswifi

Taglist: @lunathealphafemale @sassakitty @krispydefendorpolice @blackmagicforever @nach0ava @wannajointhecrabcult @thornalchemist23 @moonlightstar64 @iloveitwhen @little-angel1031 @screwthisshit111 @rebecarojas07 @animegirlweeb @mystery-5-5 @moonystars14 @gingerdaile @spyofthenightcourt

#marinette dupain cheng #damian x marinette #daminette #damienette #lila rossi #adrien sugar #adrien agreste #lila salt #gina dupain

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lifeofkaze · 4 years ago

Text

An Art of Balance #29

Orion Amari x MC

A/N: Julian Bennett belongs to the wonderful @slytherindisaster

Word Count: ~ 3.300

___________________________________________

Chapter 29: Unbalanced

With the school year drawing to an end, the amount of attention spent in Professor Binns’s classes had dwindled even further. Half of the students enduring the dull droning of the ghost alongside Orion were asleep, the other was using the time to catch up on neglected assignments, so they could spend their afternoon outside. For all that Binns cared, they could have chucked their inkwells through the classroom.

Like the rest of the students, Orion’s mind was anywhere but on the Witch Trials of 1692. He was bent over a piece of parchment, drawing and crossing out lines and circles as he tried to come up with a decent match plan. The last game of the season was only a few days away and he still didn’t have the slightest idea how to let his team play against Gryffindor. He had been trying to think of something for the last two weeks, but nothing good would come to him.

The Gryffindor team was known for their speed and dexterity, both qualities combined in their seeker and captain, Charlie Weasley. Orion had either watched or participated in every game Charlie had played since he had joined his House team and he knew raw talent when he saw it. When Charlie set eyes on the Snitch, he was always the one to catch it, no exceptions so far. They would have to make sure to keep him out of the game as well as possible.

Having an idea about what strategy Charlie was going for would have helped Orion design an appropriate counterpart, but the Gryffindors had taken care. As of late, they had started training at odd hours, often at the break of dawn or just before sunset, so no one would watch their manoeuvres.

Being friends not only with their captain but some other players as well, Lizzie usually could provide at least some insight into the Gryffindor team’s plans; but since she and Charlie had stopped speaking to each other, she was as clueless as the rest of them.

Maybe Orion’s own strategy would have come easier to him had he known how to incorporate the newly changed dynamic in their own team into his thoughts. But the way Lizzie, Skye and himself were working together these days still felt foreign to him.

He knew Skye and Lizzie were practising on their own a lot; as a result, their playstyle had become attuned to each other and they had developed some new moves that only worked between the two of them. They did include Orion in their manoeuvres of course, but the perfect balance between them had shifted.

Tearing his eyes away from the playbook he was writing in, Murphy looked over at Orion's notes sceptically. “I hate to break this to you, but with that strategy your chances of winning against Gryffindor sink to a discouraging 22.4 % at best.” He tilted his head and squeezed his eyes as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing. “If I interpret it correctly, that is… is that even a strategy chart?”

“Our thoughts need room to unfold before they can evolve into ideas,” Orion explained airily, although he knew full well his work certainly wasn’t what he would call productive. “It is no good judging a diamond before it is cut and polished. However, true wisdom only comes to those who know how to listen, so if you have any idea how to improve our odds, I’m all ears.“

Murphy chuckled at Orion’s long-winded admittance of being stuck. “Let me finish the design of my new move and I’ll think of something.” He snorted as he glanced at the confusing array of lines and arrows once again. “Anything’s better than that.”

With a sigh of relief Orion dropped his quill and let his gaze wander out of the window towards the Quidditch pitch. It was good to know Murphy was too involved with their team’s success to let them down; not that he would have anyway. Even though their philosophies couldn’t have been more different, both of them knew the other would always have their backs, no matter if it was about Quidditch or anything else.

But even with Murphy’s brilliant mind on the matter, he knew the best strategy was no use without a well-balanced team to carry it out. And balance was something not only his team, but he himself was seriously lacking these days.

Orion was still pondering on this when the class was dismissed what felt like hours later. When they emerged from the dingy classroom, he was surprised to find Skye waiting for them in the corridor. When she spotted Orion and Murphy, she pushed herself off the wall she had been leaning against and made her way over to them.

“According to my notes, you are supposed to have Divination right now,” Murphy greeted her with a surprised voice. “Was class cancelled? I did see Professor Trewlaney at breakfast and lunch though, if she didn’t fall ill in between lunch and now - which, by the way, only is 12.5 % likely - I’d say you’re skipping class. Which is not good, Skye,” he added reproachfully. “You might get removed from the team if you’re caught.”

Skye didn’t seem fazed by his concerns and merely shrugged them off. “Don’t worry, I told Trelawney I feel burdened by the stars and some other nonsense I came up with. She felt very sorry for me and let me go to ‘find respite from the grim fate that’s awaiting me’,” she snorted and rolled her eyes. “Getting out of this class is way too easy if you ask me.”

Orion wasn’t happy with her heedless attitude either. Skye being careless about attending her classes was the last thing he needed right now. “You shouldn’t risk the privileges we hold so readily,” he scolded her mildly. “Unfortunately, our team is not prepared to meet Gryffindor eye to eye on the pitch as of yet. You getting banned from Quidditch for unnecessarily missing classes would be a harsh blow to our team.”

Skye’s expression had turned serious. “I wouldn’t call it unnecessary; the team is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.” She fell in step beside them as they made their way to the dungeons; they had Potions scheduled next. “We have to do something to get everyone back on track, and fast; the match’s almost here and we’re in a damn sorry state right now.”

Orion sighed. “I understand and appreciate your concerns about the balance of our team; I share them as well. But the fragile unison between all of us is a delicate matter; one wrong step could make everything worse and easily lead us from the way to our goal onto the one headed for failure.”

Skye huffed incredulously. “Worse? Wake up, Orion; it’s never been worse since the early days before Lizzie joined the team.”

“I actually have to agree with Skye here,” Murphy chimed in. “Looking at the numbers alone, the Hufflepuff team is stronger than ever.

As always when he was delving into his statistics, his grey eyes lit up with excitement. “The precision of your Seeker improved by 44.2 % compared to when she started out on the team six years ago. Everett and Judith only miss 5.6 % of their shots and our Keeper deflects 68.9 % of all attempts on his goalposts, 72.6 % on a good day. But you Chasers… ,” he trailed off for a moment and then shrugged. “Well, I hate to say it, but it’s only you guys that are lacking in performance at the moment.”

“Cheers for stating the obvious, McNully,” Skye muttered glumly.

“My pleasure; the physical abilities to win the match are there, but the sideshows going on are distracting the whole team. Like this, the chances of a Cup dressed in yellow and gold diminish to 23.6 %; and as impartial as I am, I really don’t like that,” he couldn’t help but add.

“You’re right,” Orion conceded. “The Chasers are the weak link in the chain holding us together. You and Lizzie balance each other well, but between the three of us, we lack the harmony we used to share before… well, you know,” he trailed off; he generally tried to avoid speaking openly about what had happened between him and Lizzie a few weeks ago. He could push the thought into the back of his mind when he focused on something else, but it would resurface every now and again. Orion had tried to let it go many times, but so far his attempts had been unsuccessful; thinking about it still hurt.

“Agreed, it’s because of you and Lizzie,” Skye mercilessly brought the subject up again. “Stop talking around it. She always knew best how to showcase our playstyles at the same time.”

“She has a point,” Murphy surprisingly agreed. “Lizzie’s style of playing Chaser is the most balanced out of the three of you, for lack of a better word.” He laughed lightly at the thought of anyone being more balanced than the Hufflepuff captain. “She is a perfect mixture of Skye’s overly rash and aggressive offensive and your more cautious, tactical approach.”

Skye looked at Murphy for a moment, trying to decide whether he had insulted her or not. She let it pass, however. “Whatever McNully said, this is exactly why I’m here. We have to do something about this whole situation with you guys or we might as well hand the lions the cup without much bother.”

Orion didn’t answer her; the prospect of Skye meddling in his business was not a thought he found reassuring. He brushed his hair out of his face before fiddling with the tie of his uniform; it suddenly felt even more suffocating than usual.

“Sometimes the ventures that are seemingly the easiest to undertake turn out to be the most complicated ones,” Orion conceded; he knew Skye easily lost her patience and let a topic drop if he wasn’t getting straight to the point, but not this time.

“That’s nonsense,” she snorted. “The way I see it, you need to man up and Jameson needs a kick in her pretty behind to get her to stop moping.”

Both Murphy and Orion were silent; even for Skye, her words were unusually straightforward.

She waved her hand impatiently. “Don’t look at me like that, you know I’m right.”

Lowering her voice a bit, she looked down at her feet. “Seriously, I can’t stand her being so sad all the time; none of you deserves this. And besides,” she quickly added in an attempt to play over her genuine concern for her friends, “if we don’t get that bloody trophy this year I’m going to lose it, let me tell you!”

They had reached Snape’s classroom where most of the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins were already waiting for the class to begin. Skye turned to leave for their Common Room until her next class would start, but not without looking back over her shoulder one last time.

“I’m serious, captain. Fix things with her or I will do it for you, one way or another.”

Skye’s words never really left Orion for the next couple of days. They would pop up in his mind in regular intervals, making it almost impossible for him to focus on one thing for a longer period of time.

For one, he really didn’t want Skye to interfere and he knew she absolutely would; although she would never admit it, it was clear to see that he wasn’t the only one concerned about Lizzie. And while he knew Skye was invested, her approach was seldomly a gentle one. He shuddered at the thought of what she might come up with.

But what was even more than that, he knew that she was right.

He and Lizzie hadn’t spoken alone since their meeting on the stands, when she had told him about her decision. As much as it had pained him and still did, he had respected her choice, and left her alone; there was no need to hurt both of them any more than necessary.

Orion was reluctant to break the fragile peace between them but Skye had a point; if they didn’t manage to find some form of common ground, their prospects of winning against Gryffindor were anything but promising. He knew confronting her would reopen both their wounds they had worked so hard to patch up these last few weeks, but what he felt personally didn’t matter in that instance. He was the captain of his team and had to put their shared goals first.

Just as he had feared, fixing things with Lizzie was a thing easier said than done. She was hard to catch these days, especially for him. Ever since the Slytherin match Lizzie had made sure to keep a low profile. Always being involved with some friend group or another, more often than not right in the middle of the action, she kept to herself and spent most of her time somewhere on the Grounds, her dorm or the library; neither place was particularly suited to have a serious conversation.

It wasn’t until their last official practise before the final game of the season that Orion finally managed to get hold of her. Everyone but Lizzie, Skye, Murphy and himself had already left the changing room as they packed their things to return to the castle.

Skye gave Orion a pointed glance and nodded in Lizzie’s direction; she had her back to them as she was stowing away her Comet for the evening. Murphy was still pondering the final details of their strategy he had just presented to them; he looked up in surprise as Skye grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of the tent.

Lizzie raised her head at the commotion to find herself alone with Orion. She immediately tensed and quickly secured the holdings of her broom before starting off towards the exit herself.

Orion reached to stop her instinctively. “Wait up, I need to talk to you for a moment.”

When he touched her arm, however, she flinched from his touch and he immediately pulled back; that certainly hadn’t been the best start.

Lizzie took a step back from him so she was out of his reach. He noticed how her shoulders tensed further as she looked at him, meeting his eyes only briefly.

“What can I help you with?”

Her tone was very formal; Orion knew it was her way of keeping more than just physical distance from him. He hated having to make her talk to him this way when she clearly didn’t want to; but the wellbeing of their team was his responsibility, so he ignored the sting he felt at her reaction and gave her a small smile.

“Our final match is nearly here and it is my duty as captain to make sure every member of our team is feeling balanced,” he explained. He knew she didn’t buy it by the way she was raising her eyebrows doubtfully. Even now, she could read him like a book.

“We haven’t talked for weeks now,” he admitted softly, “I wanted to know if you’re alright.”

For a short moment, he saw a trace of uncertainty flicker across her face before she regained control over her expression again. Her eyes dropped and she shuffled her feet uncomfortably.

“Is this about my performance today?” she asked contritely. “I know I’m not in the best state right now, I’ll do my best and be ready in time for the match, don’t worry.”

Orion shook his head. “No, you were doing a good job. While your way of playing seems to have changed, I welcome the newfound harmony between you and Skye. It is plain to see that your hearts are beating to the same rhythm when you are flying next to each other.” He tilted his head sideways, trying to catch her eyes that were still fixed on the ground. “But no chord is complete without all of its notes; if one is missing, the sound rings hollow. Like in a musical chord, there are three of us Chasers; and where you are one with Skye, the bond we shared is all but gone.”

Lizzie’s shoulders slumped and she sighed deeply. “I know,” she muttered and bit her lip. “I’m working on it, okay?”

They both knew that finding a common place, where they weren’t fazed by neither what was in their past nor what might have been in their future was an almost impossible feat. But for the sake of their team, they had to try.

“If I may offer my advice, I’d tell you to focus on what’s imminent instead of tearing yourself apart over something you cannot change anymore. Concentrate on the match; when we’re on the pitch, nothing else counts.” He smiled softly and a little bit sadder than he had meant to. “Leave what’s past in the past.”

She chuckled wryly. “You make that sound a lot easier than it actually is, Captain.”

Orion’s smile widened the slightest bit upon hearing her using her nickname for him. “I know that, Chaser,” he couldn’t help but play along, ”just remember, I told you time and time again, that whatever happens, I’m still your friend and I always will be. If it helps you overcome your difficulties, forget everything that happened this year; push it to the back of your mind where it won’t dampen your spirit anymore. Imagine we are the same we were when the year began.”

“Are we though?” she asked silently. “But what if I don’t want that?”

Raising her eyes, Lizzie finally met his gaze without shying away. She searched his face for any sign, any giveaway whether pretending like nothing had changed was what he himself wanted or not. She hadn’t looked at him that intensely since they had parted on the stands back in March; he felt the butterflies dancing in his stomach as his heart rate was speeding up.

Orion hesitated for a second when he raised his hand to touch her. This time, she didn’t flinch when he put his hand on her shoulder. He tried to not let the contact between them exceed the encouraging gesture of a team captain to another player, but he couldn’t ignore the tingles spreading from his palm into the rest of his body.

He tried to shake the feeling off by concentrating on what he had to say. “Listen up, Chaser; my advice as your captain is, take your struggle with you into the air. Use it, let it fuel your fire, because no one I know burns as brightly as you do. Ignite your fire again, so everyone else can see that it is unmatched.”

The corners of Lizzie’s mouth quirked up as her smile, that had been sad before, widened. Her eyes were sparkling again as her fighting spirit was returning to her. “Thank you, Captain, I’ll do everything I can not to let you down. There’s still a lot on my mind, but you’re right; on the pitch, nothing matters but the game and we’ll show Gryffindor how it's played.”

Orion was glad to see a bit of the Lizzie he knew shining through again. “Exactly,” he grinned as his lips curved into a lopsided smile. “Go now, find your focus and clean your slate; because it is only with an unburdened mind that we can win.”

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #quidditch #orion amari #skye parkin #murphy mcnully #lizzie jameson #aob #art of balance #the quidditch squad

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multifansky · 5 years ago

Text

Scenario - Knowing Bros Episode 100

originaltreebanditfish - Hello! I love your work and it's really hard to find good fanfiction about Super Junior and I'm glad I found someone that writes about them and actually knows the group on a deep level. I have a request for SuJu 16th menmer AU. An episode of Ask us anything in which sky roast Heechul. If you want, you can include other members too, I won't mind ;). i understand if you won't do it. Keep up the good work !

I know the roasts are pretty lowkey, but I thought this episode was perfect to slip some stuff in there because the members were doing it. Enjoy! :)

(The credit belongs to the show, with my little twist here and there!)

Sky’s P.O.V

Today is another filming for knowing bros and today I’m even more excited than usual. Why? Because my family gets to be on altogether. By family, I mean Super Junior. Although I see Heechul every filming day and sometimes Leeteuk & Shindong, I finally get to be with the others. Besides, we’re a crazy bunch once we are all on variety shows. Today we are celebrating not only our comeback with Black Suit but also the 100th episode of Knowing Bros. Today is going to be a great day.

In the beginning of filming the knowing bro’s cast were all talking. After what felt like forever, finally, Heechul and I walked out together in obviously different outfits compared to the knowing bros cast.

We walked to the front with Heechul saying, “Wow, we were waiting in the back and you guys talk so freaking much!” The whole cast confused and asked us what we were doing and about how late we are. “It’s really awkward up here,” Heechul said and I nodded in agreement.

“I feel like I have power up here, though,” I said and looked at the cast.

“Why are you both wearing different clothes today?” Seo Jang Hoon asked us. “We brought some friends here today,” Heechul said.

“But, some of them are afraid of Ho Dong and are hesitating to walk in. So, the rest is comforting him before they come in.” I explained, playfully glaring at Ho Dong. Heechul clapped as a signal for them to come in and they did. It took them a few seconds, forcing Yesung to actually come in, me giggling to the side. Of course, they are all being loud and clapped, I walked over to Yesung and pulled him next to me. Ho Dong tries to comfort Yesung as if they knew each other and Yesung not going for it. Even though it was all jokes, it’s still funny and really believable. I held Yesung closer to me and glared at Ho Dong.

“Why are you holding onto Yesung so tight, Sky?” Kim Young Chul asked me.

“I’m his bodyguard today. I’m here to protect him from Ho Dong.” I explained, still glaring at Ho Dong. Yesung nodded and held onto me too, while Ho Dong just looked at everyone, saying “Wow~” repeatedly.

“Where are you from? Introduce yourselves.” Ho Dong said.

“Were Transfers from ‘The Original Variety Show Idols, who came back to their original job in 2 years’ High School. We are Super Juni” Leeteuk said. “Or!” we all said at the end, is our signature hand posing. After, Lee Soo Geun made fun of Heechul and I because we were being awkward since this is the first time we’ve been up in the front and not in our seats. Of course, we felt weird!

After we warmed up a bit, we introduced ourselves. Leeteuk as the leader of SuJu and a self-proclaimed Attention Seeker, Eunhyuk first being a jewel-cut, handsome dancing machine, but then we made him change it to SuJu’s anchovy. The Knowing Bros cast even made Eunhyuk dance a little since he called himself a dancing machine. Donghae then being in charge of the East Sea in Super Junior which made Young Chul do the worst pun he’s ever made on this show so far. Then Donghae clapped back that Young Chul’s dermatologist told Donghae that Young Chul needs to pay him back, which got the whole classroom roaring. Heechul also mentioned that Ho Dong also killed Donghae’s dream of being on verity show’s just like Yesung.

It was my turn now. “Hello, I’m in charge of boosting all the member’s moods, Sky!” I smiled at everyone.

“You really do that?” Kyung Hoon asked me. “She does. Really. Since debut, she made sure that all of us were okay before herself. When we’re down she’ll come to us and cheer us up, no matter what it is. She’s an energy booster,” Leeteuk told them all and everyone awed.

“Yeah, the only person I couldn't get through for a while was Heechul,” I said which made the cast ask why.

“He was a different person back when we debuted. It didn’t take until he came back after the military that we got extremely close.” I explained tot hem.

“What happened when he came back?” Soo Geun asked.

“Just stupid things,” Heechul said and I looked at him. “The only stupid thing about it is that I let you” I rolled my eyes and everyone but SuJu we’re confused. “Hey!” Heechul laughed, which his face began to turn red, making everyone notice. “I’ll expose everything right here, right now,” I said making Heechul just stare at me. “Will you be okay?” I tilted my head in a way of making it into a challenge. Everyone “Oh’s” and Heechul laughed and hugged me.

After my little self roasting session with Heechul, the rest of the members introduced themselves. Shindong at first joking that he is from North Korea, but really he is in charge of being Ho Dong, Yesung then introduced himself as the main vocalist and in charge of being the visual. Ho Dong tried to show his knowledge about Yesung but then got it wrong once it came to his Coffee Shop location, making everyone bash at him for looking it up on the internet. Me again, holding onto Yesung and being his personal bodyguard.

We eventually got to ask us anything portion of the show. After Shindong prediction of Young Chul going to Germany was correct, Donghae saying Young Chul has to pay his dermatologist first, Leeteuk not getting enough attention, Ho Dong goes after Yesung a little after Yesung wanted to go to the bathroom from being so scared, and how we chose our partners.

Donghae getting his partner Jang Hoon, in result because he’s the trendiest one there.

Heechul getting his partner Soo Geun because he wanted the other members to take the shine and not him.

Shindong got Young Chul after successfully winning with an artistic poem with Young Chul’s name.

Leeteuk getting Sang Min because he’s quiet and Leeteuk can possibly get more screen time.

Eunhyuk Picked Kyung Hoon. Of course, get the two perves together.

Lastly, they put Yesung with Ho Dong after he said anyone but him, but we got to be a three-way. Ho Dong, Yesung, and me, as I am his bodyguard for a reason. I shall protect him.

Eunhyuk was first in asking his question and honestly, I didn’t have the energy to roast him. I’m saving it for Heechul today. He first did agyeo before starting his question which made me make throw up faces to the camera. Yesung the only one noticing laughed at me, and Hyuk started his question. His question was, One day Eunhyuk went to his apartment to hang out, Hyuk had to go to the bathroom but Donghae asked him something weird that shocked him. The guesses were pretty funny from the members, such as; a girl was in his house that was also hyuk’s girlfriend and Shindong’s as well, instead of a girl it was a guy, Donghae sleeping naked and shocked at how ‘healthy he was’, Donghae sleeping next to Shindong, Young Chul making a stupid joke again and saying his apartment was at the West Sea instead if the East Sea, Hyuk’s feet smell bad so Donghae made him whip his feet off before entering, and Hyuk had to strip naked before going to the bathroom. The real answer was that Hyuk had to pee and Donghae said he had to pee sitting down. Yesung guessed it correctly and I cheered for him and our team as well. They all started to talk about sitting on the toilet and peeing vs. Standing up and peeing. I just sat there at my desk and looked at the camera awkwardly.

Hyuk has a second question which was what did he hear the most after he debuted. Heechul then proceeded to say, “I really have to go home today, Oppa. I can’t stay. I have a curfew!” making everyone laugh and especially me. It was wrong though. Other answers that were wrong such as; “Why are you so skinny”, “Can you smell the anchovies?”, “Why are you so ugly?” and much more about his appearance. The real answer, which Sang Min got correct is people mistaken Eunhyuk for Leeteuk. It makes Eunhyuk feel like he needs to work harder. Although Him and I don’t always agree, I think he works hard all the time, but I would never tell him unless he absolutely needs the reassurance.

Heechul was then up next and I rubbed my hands together, finally getting prepared for anything. I’m not backing down. Heechul’s question was even though he is very fearless, on this show sometimes he feels helpless and a burden. We have to guess what it is. I sat there thinking and yelled, “I got it! When other male artists come on the show you realize how much more attractive they are compared to you.” I smirked at him knowing it would get him slightly annoyed. He rolled his eyes at me and said I was wrong, hitting me lightly with the toy hammer. Hyuk guesses that it was a girl group who came on the show with two members in it that he has dated. We all laughed, but it was wrong. Making Leeteuk say instead of a girl group it was a boy group, making the classroom laugh harder. “Was it Shinee?” I asked, referring to the boy group. “Aish, stop that!” Heechul hit me again with the toy hammer after he hit Leeteuk and Eunhyuk. He then gave a hint that it’s not during a shoot but it’s before or after a shoot. “I got it! You’re in the waiting room, making out with someone and another cast member walks in!” I said and that’s when I finally got Heechul. “You want me to reveal things?” Heechul said coming over to me and I laughed and shook my head. He hit me with the toy hammer and went back. After a few more guesses Shindong got it right. The answer was that before the shooting, the staff makes Heechul go wake Ho Dong up before we have to start filming. He then started to explain and I kept on saying lame answer to Yesung and crossed my arms.

Heechul’s next question was, How does he confess to a girl that he likes with guaranteed no rejection. “I got it! You tell her that you’ll spread rumors about her if she doesn’t agree” I said making everyone shocked. “Hey! Never!” Heechul came over and hit me with the hammer and I smirked at him, shrugging. Other guesses were like him not completely telling them their dating, he shows his full stamina and so on. “I got it! You tell her you’re into guys and that this is just a cover-up.” I say and Heechul just glares at me, “Sit down.” I laughed and sat down, staying quiet. “Why is she like this today?” Shindong laughed and I smiled evilly. I’ll definitely get scolded after the shoot today. After a few really ridiculous answers Jang Hoon got it right with, “I’m going to kiss you now, if you don’t like me, move.” I rolled my eyes and talked with Yesung and Ho Dong about how much of a player he is. Heechul was done and walked past me and pushed me slightly and I overreacted. “That hurts!” I pouted and made a crying face. “I hope reports are made after this episode comes out!” Everyone laughed.

Next was Leeteuk which he explained that he really is getting old because he talks to himself now, specifically singing to himself or MCing his actions. Times like this I wish Kangin was here so we can make fun of him together on how old he is. Today I kept my mouth shut though, as Ho Dong is already going after him.

Next was Yesung which he explained to us what Ho Dong did to him on variety shows which all of us, especially me the bodyguard, almost ganged up on Ho Dong. Yesung can be very sensitive, even more, when he’s with the members so this definitely made him feel insecure on his verity kills. Eunhyuk was being Eunhyuk and instead of wanting to get the answer right, he just wanted to annoy Yesung, which he successfully did. Heechul then going off on Ho Dong of possibilities of what old Ho Dong would have said about SuJu. Like how we are feeling, and why are we even on star kind and so on. In the end, Leeteuk told Yesung that he should speak more freely on variety shows, so on star king, Yesung did exactly that and Ho Dong told him to be quiet. Now Yesung feels insecure when it comes to variety shows.

Then, it was Donghae. His question and answer to it were the purest. If someone gave him a sincere look, he would give them everything. He then talked about how his friend asks him for money. Heechul and I both agreed that we’ve only lent money to those who are in SuJu, especially if their big amounts.

Lastly, it was Shindong. We had to guess the time where he really disliked the members at one point. We all had to go back and remember what it was because it was during debut years when we all lived together. Instead of me trying to guess, I just kept reminiscing. Eventually, Eunhyuk got the answer correct. It was when we stole all his clothes and wore them as pajamas because his clothes were bigger on us. It was a shirt he bought on his own that was expensive and we wore it all the time. The worst though was Donghae surprisingly. I honestly thought it would be me because I take the member’s clothes all the time. We then talked about how we are a family and that we love each other a lot. So it hurts a lot when we get into arguments or fights. We then explained that Donghae gets emotionally attached and cries when he gets angry with any of the members. Shindong also explained that he really hates when he does karaoke with Eunhyuk because he doesn’t let shin sing the songs that he picked.

The last segment of the day is to test out who is truly the best at variety shows. Us SuJu or the Knowing Bros cast. We did it by playing games that we’re all generally good at. It’s all about teamwork in 99 seconds. We all had to choose the game that we are best at. And let the games begin. We let the Knowing Bros cast go first. The first round they couldn’t even get past Ho Dong who was second. It was our turn now and we all lined up in our spots, Donghae and I at the jump rope. We did our, “Kill them all” chant and begun. It took Eunhyuk half the time to complete the first freaking game which I kept yelling to hurry up and he kept laughing. “Aish, stupid” I would mutter. Which then went to Yesung who was equally as bad as Ho Dong, which lead to Eunhyuk having to go again. Eunhyuk did better this time around and again Yesung was bad. In the end, Knowing Bros and SuJu are the same when it comes to variety.

So, we have to go for another round. Knowing Bros cast then starts again. Ho Dong and Young Chul switching places. Hyung Hoon was good, then got to Young Chul, who failed and they had to go back yo Kyung Hoon. Finally, they passed the second game and went to the next, charades. Then by the fourth game, they failed because Sang Min used his head instead of his butt. Now it’s time for our turn again, Yesung and Donghae switching. Eunhyuk first going slow but faster than the first round, Donghae then failing at his spot. I yelled at him calling him stupid and groaned, laying on the floor and just watching. I’m very competitive if you couldn’t tell. Eunhyuk then has to go again, while Donghae and Leeteuk change spots. Eunhyuk is successfully fast, Leeteuk was able to pass his game, Heechul and Shindong amazingly fast at charades, Then Donghae Semi slow when it came to popping balloons with his ass, then when it came to jumping rope Yesung and I were fast and good with it but just before the ball made it into the basket, the rope got stuck between Donghae’s feet. In which we failed. I let out a loud groan and shuffled back into the seats on the side.

Knowing bros cast going again and I sat there worried they were going to be better than us. At the end of that round, they failed because Young Chul’s hair was getting in the way and his legs got caught in the rope before he was able to make a basket. I cheered and switched spots with the cast. Donghae and Yesung switching and then we started. At first, we were good with Eunhyuk and then it got to Leeteuk and we failed, going back to Eunhyuk. We then successfully made it to the jump rope and then it was ruined when Yesung first went it and then stepped on the rope. “You idiot!” I yelled in frustration and went over to Leeteuk, resting my head on his chest, while he patted my back.

Hoping this would be the last round we watched the knowing bro’s cast go. Us SuJu stood up and watched closely for any mistakes. At the end of the round with the cast, they failed because they couldn’t get the ball in the bucket. It was back to us again. We did our, “Kill them all” chant again and got to our spots. Yesung and Donghae switched spots again. And then we started. When we got to the jump rope, Heechul and Shindong were spinning it too fast which means we had to concentrate harder on not getting caught with the rope and also make the ball into the basket. And once we were all in, Donghae passed the ball to Eunhyuk, and then, of course, he dropped it. I pushed Eunhyuk a bit and fell to the ground. “I give up!”

And again another round of the game. We watched the Knowing Bros cast go. Jang Hoon and Ho Dong switching places. At the end of that round Knowing Bros cast finally made it with 24.39 seconds. It was then our last chance to finally do this. We did our chant again and begun. We all switched places besides, Eunhyuk, Heechul, Donghae, and me. In the begging, everything is going and then we got to the Jump Rope part. This is our struggle. Leeteuk went first, then me, then Eunhyuk, then Donghae and lately Yesung. And at the end, we failed because Leeteuk got caught in the rope before he let go of the ball. I stood there, energy gone, no facial expression. Just lost.

At the end of today, the Knowing Bros cast proved they are better at variety shows. As for them winning we had to do whatever they wanted as their wish. Ho Dong was nice enough to let us perform our new song “Black Suit.” Kyung Hoon wished for Buzz to go on tour. Soo Geun wanted us to also promote our song, but not black suit, he wanted “Sorry, Sorry.” We all opposed it, especially me. The rest of the cast wanted us to promote “Black Suit” and of course we did.

At the end of today’s shoot, I was very happy to have both of my closest friends and family together. Although I may have gone a little bit too far with Heechul and got a little over-competitive, It was still a lot of fun. A fantastic day full of laughs and fun.

Masterlist

#super junior #suju #sj #super junior au #fem!idol au #fem!idol #knowing bros #ask us anything #knowing brothers #men on a mission #heechul #leeteuk #yesung #shindong #donghae #eunhyuk #16th member #au #super junior scenarios

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ala-mhinyan · 5 years ago

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VII :: Nonagenarian

The Coeurl aren’t a people meant to last.

It’s clear to any that run into them; any that truly take a keen eye to their lifestyle. Their rituals seat them as sacrifices to the very eikons they worship; beholden with power not their own and sent glistening with a ferocity most men wouldn’t dare temper with. For a people richly cultivated with history and culture, they seem more beast than man at times--a people to fear more than to know. To those who see through city eyes, for men who cannot see beneath the surface; they are nothing more than savagery with a penchant to hunt the impossibly dangerous.

Nothing more than solar flares. Burn bright, burn fast, burn hot. Then fizzle out.

Those who see their daily lives and their struggles know that the Coeurl are a people borne of hardship and prayer; an intricately immaculate culture as deep as the core of this star, this hundreds upon thousands of different facets in something as easy as everyday life. So much that goes unseen for those that choose not to see, so many gestures and unspoken phrases that would mean scriptures in an encyclopedia of knowledge if only one paid attention. Their pride is their fuel, their devotion their blood. A people of immense sacrifice; a people who would martyr themselves to give the generations past and future an unquenchable flame that burned hotter than any other to preside on this star.

A people of blood, mystery and impeccable beauty--both surface and soul-deep.

This inalienable oath is the reason they are not meant to last--for good things can never last forever and despite how the world may perceive them, they stand at a balance between life and death that only they can shoulder.

The price for the drip feed of godhood.

.::.

There is but one among them that has transcended the rote of time; one who has witnessed what many would only cite to be calamities--one who has been through Jauhar--one who witnessed the Garlean empire in its prime and the revolution of their country. One who Sees, Hears and Feels with all of their being.

Her name whispered among their people, too soft to catch the wind and carry but felt in the tremor of the sand beneath their feet. Too many who would forgo her in fear of what her presence and words mean, who make up stories of what did and would happen to her if one would find themselves in her presence.

C’arha was one among the fearless, sure steps carrying her along a well-worn path through the caves toward an isolated cavern busting at the seams with plant life that surely could not grow with no sunlight. The tickle of leaf and petal was familiar as she journeyed along the path that steadily grew tighter and smaller until one would have to crouch to make their way through the overabundant foliage. She did so without terror, without hesitation; into the very heart of the curse her tribe swore her to stay away from.

And when she emerged from the smallest opening, her bright green eyes settled on an elderly woman sitting in a comfortable rocking chair; basking in sunlight from the cracked portion of the cave that hung overhead. A smile pulled on the young woman’s lips and she approached easily, slinging the stuffed bag from over her shoulders onto the ground near the older woman.

<“C’aarya.”>

The elderly woman turned slowly, round ears tweaking just a moment too slow--though the smile on her drooping features brought sunlight to the Seeker’s soul. She was in a good mood today. <“Arha…”> A whisper-soft voice of age, wonder and magic. C’arha bobbed her head in a nod and knelt in front of the woman, gently touching the top of her foot and running that hand over her hair in a sweeping arch. Only then did she look up into familiar green eyes, a warmth settling into her bones to know another that was the same as her.

<“I brought you fresh fruit and stew. I have a bunch of salted meats and grains that will be good for you to make your porridges with, as well as a couple of pre-made meals.”> C’arha pulled the bag over, untying the lead and widening the opening so she could show the older woman the bounty she’d brought with her. C’aarya smiled fiercely, her long tail giving a distinct flick at the very tip only.

<”You are kind to me, young one. I’m grateful.”>

C’arha nodded, gathering the bag and pulling it off to the side where a kitchen had been crafted for the elderly woman; her own stove, cupboards and an ice box that C’arha had fashioned together out of hard clay, brick, palm fronds and ice clusters. It did well to keep C’aarya well taken care of, so the runt didn’t seem to mind. Once the food was put away, she made her way back to the elderly woman’s side--settling down on a seat cushion she’d pulled from the pile of cushions nearby.

<”You are well today.”> C’arha made a gesture toward her head, index finger curling and then moving outward. <”Coherent. How do you feel?”>

The elderly woman let her head tip back, her smile never leaving those lips. <”Well, better than I have in a long, long while. It’s even better to be seeing your face.”>

<”I do not fear you, C’aarya. I have no reason to push you away back into this corridor and never visit you, it is cruel.”> Her lips turned up in a brief snarl, one that faded when the older woman waved her hand dismissively.

<”They fear the unknown. You cannot fear what you are, Arha. That is why you come here.”>

C’arha felt her ears press down, letting out a quiet sigh--leaning forward to rest her face against the older woman’s thigh. It was warm and homey--something she only felt when she laid against C’ohna. This woman was not family to her, none that she knew, but her imprisonment had burned a special place in C’arha and their visits had grown more frequent after C’sah’s betrayal.

As far as she was aware, no one else visited the woman but C’tolemy.

<”I don’t understand, elder. I still cannot understand. I don’t know if I’m blinded by emotions too deep to crawl out of or if I’m just too lost--but I still cannot seem to understand. Misery haunts my every shadow and my personal life is unraveling in ways I can do nothing about. How did you stay at peace--through all of this? You carry the same curse in your blood that I do and yet you’ve outlived so many… So much so that even your own blood cower at the possibilities. How did you not succumb to the pain of it all…?”>

The elderly woman listened carefully, long tail picking up a stuttering sway while she hummed a bit to herself. <”Let me ask you something Arha… Do you hate what you’ve been given? This affliction?”>

C’arha cocked her head, little ears wriggling just a little. <”I… Do you not hate it? It is a curse…”>

C’aarya shook her head, smiling to herself. <”By its definition, yes it's a curse. But does it feel like a curse to you?”>

The younger woman frowned sharply, <”I am punished with pain and suffered to silence for holding back the emotions that hurt me in favor of keeping another’s joy. How is that not a curse?”>

Wise, vibrant green eyes shift aside and peer at C’arha as though she were looking through a mirror to her younger self--bemused at the similarities. Of course she would feel this way. <”Are your emotions a curse, Arha? Is feeling and being felt--seeing and being seen--wanting and being wanted--a curse?”>

C’arha recoiled at those words, her face screwing up in frustration and part-way fear. No… The answer to all of this couldn’t be that misguidedly simple, not for such a complex disease that had robbed her of years of her life already… Surely, to reverse this, it was not just as simple to…

<”That cannot possibly be true.”>

<”Believe in that which cannot be disproven. If you doubt me then attempt it yourself--I have not lived this long just because I’ve had an easier life than you, Arha. I was also far less stubborn about the truths of my life.”>

<”It is not being stubborn about my life! It is knowing--”>

<”That at the crux of your being you are hurting, confused and lost. Why, I will never understand, you feel that is wrong of you? I cannot say. Why you are ashamed to be this--to be you? That is what is killing you, not this curse.”>

That froze C’arha in place, stunned to silence--very quickly veering from frustrated so depressed and right back to anger. No--it couldn’t be… But… could it? The younger woman sighed in defeat and slumped against C’aarya’s robbed thighs once more, hooking an arm loosely about the woman’s ankle as if that would get her closer to the truth.

<”...How did you get to that point? Of acceptance?”>

<”Mm…”> A moment of pause, the sing-song of her hum wafting about the space. <”It took time, that it did. Time and understanding of myself, my person-hood and my feelings. You must allow yourself the will, the right, the ability to feel and not to be ashamed of those feelings. The more you suppress it, the deeper you hurt. You wouldn’t believe how lighter you are when you welcome yourself home instead of running from yourself all the time.”>

C’arha sighed aloud once more, turning her head to bury her face into soft--warm fabric. All she could think of were what felt like the hundreds of times her Xaelic brother had sat her down and about begged her to trust him and be open with him about her feelings. Had told her that a burden shared was a burden lighter--had promised that all would be well if she just trusted.

How foolish she was to believe that trusting hadn’t meant trusting herself as well.

<”I’m an idiot,”> Came the despondent mutter.

C’aarya’s sweet laughter filled the space, the wisdom and warmth in the moment doing much to soothe C’arha’s frazzled nature to tears--swept up in herself with the old woman present to watch over her.

<”We are all foolish at least once in our lives. It is wisdom to learn from that foolishness.”>

<”And if I never learn?”>

<”You will, we all learn someday.”>

#my writing #ffxiv #ffxiv writing #ffxivwrite2020 #c'arha #c'aarya #weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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reveriesramblings-blog · 5 years ago

Text

Path Of The Arrow

A Lavellan And Harding Love Story

A fanfiction depicting a personal headcanon of my Lavellan playthrough in the Dragon Age:Inqusition franchise. The Inquisitor struggles to integrate into a new life, but finds a familiar comfort in new friends and a possible new love. As he becomes the new shining face of Thedas, he learns that there is more to life than running away...

This will be a series I’ll be updating every Saturday or so. Of course, I do not own the rights to the Dragon Age or the characters! This is purely for entertainment purposes. Some quotes/ dialogue were taken from the game.

Credits

A quick thanks to Dragon Age Wiki for a guide on elven cipher! FenxShiral for reference. WARNINGS Please note that this series is 18+ for adult language and themes! Further warnings include PTSD, depression, violence, blood, possible gore, some sexual content, death, etc. Please message me privately if you have any other concerns.

Just a final note: I’m new to tumblr, so please have mercy while I learn the proper tag/edit system! I edit to the best of my ability and I’m here to share my imagination as well as improve my creative writing abilities.

Enjoy!

Elven translations:

Lethallen (pl) - one who is familiar; usually a friendly title given from one elf to another. Similar to kin.

Shemlen/shems - quicklings; unfavorable name for humans

Mala suledin nadas - You shall endure

Falon'Din enasal enaste - An elven prayer for the dead

Vhenan -Heart; term of endearment

Ma vhenan - my heart; my love

Ir abelas - I'm sorry

Ma melava halani - you helped me

Ir tel'him - I'm me again

Ma serannas - thank you

Chapter 1: Severed Roots

A herd of Halla; pounding hooves against the lush earth of the Planasene Forest floor, in which he was never allowed to be in. The echo of these sacred beasts swirled around Larkin’s head as a memory, tucking the past back into a far corner in his mind. Once he was a respected hunter among his clan, providing food to ensure the survival of his Lethallen; his kin. Now, he was about to embark on a new path with a new name: The Herald of Andraste, they called him. The one who fell out of The Fade and was sent by Andraste herself to close The Breach that wounded the sky.

“What a large burden to carry, and it’s only gonna get heavier.” Varric pitied him in private when they had a moment to breathe. Privacy was a luxury now that everyone and everything demanded his attention: “Your Worship, please look over these marching orders?” this, “Herald, I need your response to the Chantry by the end of the daylight,” that. He knew nothing of politics and pleasantries and suddenly he was the face of a controversial organization as well as an entire religion that he did not want. Few perks there were so far, but one of them included the few moments he could spend in playful banter with the Dwarf gave him some sense of relief. A new world and a new life among the shemlens -- not one he would have chosen for himself. The elf was perfectly content running from them in The Free Marches as it were; nothing could have prepared him for so many concentrated in one area. They smelled weird, the food was strange, but there was no denying the honest hospitality. Larkin couldn’t help but wonder though: would it be different if he weren’t their so - called martyr? Would he be exploited and shunned as all other Dalish were in human company?

“Mala suledin nadas…” he uttered under his breath as his eyes searched the aching mark on his hand, possibly for more answers. He lifted the glowing scar to the sky, replicating the moment he first closed a rift as if it would give him some profound knowledge on how to close The Breach; but alas, there were no voices in his mind.

Another chimed into his ears instead, “Master Lavellan” a familiar voice requested his attention. What else was new? The Herald had half a mind to turn toward the speaker in annoyance, but took a moment to collect himself. Of course it was Cassandra who came and interrupted his much needed quiet time. “Ahem,” she cleared her throat but made no hesitation in addressing the task at hand; he hadn’t known her for long but he could tell that this was going to become a regular occurrence -- he should’ve just accepted it then and there. “My apologies on the sudden...intrusion…” She wasn’t really sorry, “Your presence is needed in the council, my Lord. Leliana and Cullen have a few suggestions on how to get things moving. We need to head into the Hinterlands as soon as possible to seek out Mother Giselle and ask for her aid. I have come to escort you.”

With a deep sigh, the Herald stood up from the stone fencing and turned to her with a reluctant nod “I suppose I can’t just sit this one out?”

Cassandra gave him a judgmental squint but held her tongue from expressing her true thoughts on his sarcasm. “Need I remind you of what’s at stake here?” She paused and her mood seemed to shift, "I understand that you didn’t ask for any of this, but now that you’re here...you’re our only option for the time being. I can’t promise that it will be easy, but I can promise that you won’t be alone in this…” her voice trailed at the end into a softer note as if she was trying her best to express compassion or something of the sort. “I understand, Cassandra, and I appreciate your willingness to uphold your duty.” Silence fell between them. It wasn’t meant to sound curt, nevertheless, the words cut and he could see that it slightly bothered her. He pursed his lips together in regret “I didn’t mean for that to--” “Let’s just...get this over with.” The Seeker turned to leave and head toward the Chantry but stopped for a moment to turn and look at him with a small smirk, waiting for him to follow. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The briefing appeared to be simple enough: ask for The Revered Mother’s assistance and look for opportunities to establish the Inquisition’s presence. Unbeknownst to any of them, the Hinterlands was ass-deep in chaos and it would be far from easy. The mages and templars were practically at war, putting all the refugees nearby in danger. People were starving, cold, dying and nature was being destroyed by seemingly random fires. Lowly bandits took advantage of the conditions and began to claim passages, making it harder for Inquisition soldiers to do their job. To top it all off, demons were crawling about from opened rifts; just more reasons to need a savior. Larkin surveyed the crossroads from the hilltop with dread in the pit of his stomach. The air carried a slight chill through his chestnut hair and smelled of pine, which reminded him of home. Bittersweet memories cut short by the sight of humans cutting each other down...like always. How the fuck was all of this happening so fast? He gripped his stomach and swallowed hard, stepping down from a tall rock that overlooked the plains. Varric caught a glimpse of the elf’s anxiety, offering an awkward grimace; he knew he and the Inquisitor were feeling the same sense of fuck this. If it were that easy to walk away, Varric wouldn’t be far behind him. The Herald stepped into camp among all the hustle and bustle of recruits trying to multitask between gathering supplies and an array of other important things. All he could hear was the babbling of side conversations and metal clanking from swords and arms being forged and repaired. Larkin’s attention was pulled left and right again the minute he arrived, until Cassandra rescued him by taking his arm and pulling him aside. Varric and Solas accompanied them as well to take a breather. “There’s something that needs your attention --” she began and was readily cut off by Varric.

“Give him a minute, Seeker...He just got here.” He threw his hands up in frustration with her too urgent attitude. “Wouldn’t it be wise to let the one person that can actually fix all this shit take a small break? You know -- Just so we don’t break him before it starts getting tough?” Solas butted in with his two cents. “Ideal, not wise, Varric.”

“Thanks, Chuckles.” The dwarf shook his head “The Herald of Andraste succumbing to a nap every once in a while? Perish the thought…” Larkin attempted to joke. At least Varric was amused. "What? Just trying to ease the tension a little. I’ll be fine…we’ll be fine.”

“Your Worship?” a soft feminine voice called to the group, singling them out from the rest of the camp. A Dwarven female approached them with a friendly and professional air about her. Her soft-looking red hair was tied up and out of her face; pale skin, but her cheeks were no stranger to the sun. Freckles decorated her face, giving her a rather youthful appearance despite the scar running down the left side of her cheek.

“Scout Harding, at your service.” She paused for a moment to give Larkin a good look-over. He was tall, but that was mostly because she was a dwarf of course. Here he was: Andraste’s chosen in the flesh; he looked even more noble than the stories portrayed him to be. The view wasn’t so bad either. If her eyes could’ve opened any wider they would.

“Pleased to meet you” he simply said, unsure of how he should address her just yet.

“Wow” she awed, he breath taken from her, “I can’t believe it’s really you. I’ve heard the stories; you should know how grateful everyone is for what you’re doing.” A small, toothy smirk appeared on Larkin’s face “I’m starting to worry about all these stories everyone’s been hearing.” This comment brought a chime of laughter from the scout, causing her to clear her throat once she realized that it might come across as inappropriate. “ Well, they only say you’re the last great hope of Thedas.” She grimaced. Maybe she shouldn’t have said that… “Oh, great.” he pursed his lips.

“Aaaanyway, you already have your briefing, I should let you get to work.” She handed Larkin a scroll tied with twine “A map.” she smiled softly but with an awkward note. “Maker guide you.”

Harding wandered off to attend to other matters; a recruit already scrambling after her with questions. She left a small smile on Larkin’s face, his eyes refused to separate from her as he held the map limply in his hand. It wasn't until he felt eyes on him that he looked to his companions and then turned to make his way out of the camp. "Right," he cleared his throat "to work then." All four of them marched away from the camp, following the sounds of distant fighting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Falon’Din enasal enaste…” Larkin whispered slightly out of breath over the corpse of an elven mage. He was careful to keep his first language out of earshot as a subconscious reflex. However it didn’t escape Solas’s impeccable hearing; the elven prayer for the dead caused him to eye the Herald curiously and smirk snarkily. Larkin tried to ignore the eyes on him and examined the blood on his gloves and felt slightly dizzy. He must’ve lost his footing at some point because the next thing he knew, he was on the ground, facing the sky above him. He felt hands gripping him tightly; everything was spinning and then what was a clear day turned into inky darkness. A gentle hand pressed against Larkin’s cheek and his eyes slowly opened to see a blurry but familiar figure above him. The sound of trees swaying in the breeze; birds chirping in the early morning sun. “Vhenan...” the words were clear, but the voice was obscured and almost unrecognizable, but he didn’t need to know. He could feel who the voice belonged to by the nature of his touch. Larkin’s eyes squinted as the sun’s light bore into the spectre and he placed his own hand on top of the one cupping his cheek. “Ma Vhenan” Larkin repeated, his voice barely audible. “Ir abelas..” “Ma melava halani...Ir tel’him...ma serannas…” The voice began to fade.

Larkin began to squirm in his fur lined bedroll, feverishly chanting elven over and over until his eyes shot open and he woke in a cold sweat. The hand he gripped in his dream was not a past lover, but belonged to a healer instead. She stared down at him, frozen in place as she did not dare to try and pry her hand free, afraid he might lose it even more. Within just a moment more she caught a grip and placed her free hand on his other cheek, smiling gently. “Your Worship, please, rest easy. Everything’s going to be alright. You’re safe in your tent.” her Orlesian accent was thick. The Chantry sister placed a cold rag on the elf’s forehead, hushing him gently. “Sleep. I will inform your companions that you have the day off.” He didn’t pay much attention to when the sister left his tent, he was more focused in undressing as soon as possible --his clothes were drenched in sweat. As promised, no one entered his tent for the remainder of the day, but rest would not come easily to him. He gently rolled over to his side and out of bed, standing on his bare feet in one motion. Larkin opened the flap of the tent door, letting the cool air of the night hit his face as he paused to take a deep breath. Nice and cool. He kept his pants on and wore a loose tunic to spare the camp of an accidental nude elf sighting; they weren’t that friendly yet. The corner of his eye caught the toe of one of his boots, choosing to leave those behind. His feet deserved to be free again, and it was so worth it. The moment the pads of his toes felt the grass, he let out a relieved groan, closing his eyes as he flexed his feet to caress the ground. Before anyone could see him, he took off into the nearby trees, running as fast as he could to pick up the wind and feel it against his lithe frame, only stopping when he was finally out of breath. His short frolicking led him back to the overlook where he first stopped when they arrived in the Hinterlands. Just slightly tired, he sat down and let his feet dangle over the edge of the cliff and looked up at the face of the full moon that lit up the night.

“Lovely, isn’t it?” Larkin practically whipped his head around feeling slightly defensive, his shoulders tensed, but dropped again when she stepped more into the light.

“Scout Harding?” Larkin confirmed softly and released a small amount of breath.

“You sound surprised.” She smirked but then looked a little concerned as her voice wavered slightly. “What are you doing out here anyway, aren’t you supposed to be resting? Healer’s orders you know…” Harding took a seat beside him with respectable space in between them. Her concern brought a soft grin to his face “Aren’t you supposed to be resting yourself? Thanks for the concern but I feel fine.” He noticed she was dressed casually, too. “You got me.” she giggled awkwardly and shifted slightly in her seat. “I was hoping you’d be out here, actually. Oh Maker, that came out strange...I mean, I wasn’t stalking you or anything like that. I just...wanted to apologize for earlier.” She brought a finger up to scratch the side of her cheek.

“Oh?” The Herald’s interest was piqued. She held his attention now. “Apologize, Whatever for?” “Oh you know,” she began “You’re only the last great hope of Thedas…” she bit her lip in regret “The last thing I wanted to do was cause you more anxiety about the situation. I know you have a lot on your plate.” “Hm…” he hummed, looking up at the moon and stayed silent on purpose, just to tease her.

"Oh, pants!" She exclaimed in frustration "Please just accept the apology!"

"Pants?" He cocked a brow and couldn't help but laugh. "I've never heard that one before!" When calm, which wasn't for a good long moment, he sighed and ended the exhale with a small chuckle. "I accept. Though, I was never offended either. Just for the record." He smiled softly at her.

Perhaps Harding focused on his lips a little too hard. The dimples that pressed into his cheeks revealed an endearing innocence in him that was rarely found in a leader. Without a moment longer she stood up on her feet.

"I should head back. Wouldn't want to miss my beauty sleep and all."

"You don't need it." Larkin turned to look at her, the corner of his mouth curling softly.

They exchanged tender looks under the stars for what seemed like an eternity.

"Good night, your Worship." Harding left him with a smile and vanished into the trees.

"I'll see you in my dreams." he said to himself now that she was gone. His eyes looked back at the moon, wondering if it felt as lonely as he did at night.

#dragon age inquisition #inquistor lavellan #scout harding #fanfic #http://reveriesramblings.tumblr.com/FANFIC

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hanaseulset · 5 years ago

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Dear No One,

- Random thoughts at 1 to 4 am by Bean

Have you ever experienced the feeling like where everything including your own future is already or almost planned, but then the more you thought about it the feeling gets overwhelming? It’s like you’re walking to a path and the farther it goes the foggy it gets, making your sight blurry and you don’t know what is waiting for you at the end. You’ll never know if it’s a dead end, a cliff, or another path that would lead you to more possibilities.

As someone who will be taking a shs entrance exam on the next day, I am in full thoughts that if I don’t study and failed then why would I still aim for something bigger in the future? If I happen to study and passed then what now? It’s not like I’m going to study there, is it even worth it?

Here I am making an essay, about my thoughts at this moment. I’ve been sleepless and hungry these past few days because I can’t help myself and be bothered. Twitter or Internet rather doesn’t even help no matter how much they try to make it a platform full of positive thoughts. I’ve been so restless with these thoughts and I don’t know. Sometimes, I just wanted to run away from reality but I can’t because even in my sleep they make it possible to remind me that I can’t keep on running away from it.

I always know that life isn’t always the way I want it to be, the world isn’t perfect as it can be, but why is it so hard to accept it?

I want to cry, I want to let my feelings out, I want to scream at the top of my lungs, I just wanted to feel myself more and feel assured and loved, I want to be free but sadly I’ve got it too much to the point no matter how much I want to cry there are no tears coming out, I’ve been feeling too much to the point that I’ve restricted from getting too much emotions. I feel empty and craving for warmth, I’ve been so lonely.

Let’s talk about my life.

I grew up knowing that what these adults taught me are normal, that I should always be following what they told me, be a good girl and you always get what you want, but as I get older all these things are somewhat different for me. My beliefs, perspective, and the way I approached life wasn’t the same as before. When I was a child, I trust everyone, I was happy, and not afraid to commit mistakes, I express myself freely but then shit happens I turned to be the opposite. I used to look up my parents, especially to my father whom I idolize a lot, and their relationship as a couple, but now I find their relationship somewhat toxic, and I don’t like my father that much why? Why would I look up to someone who did nothing but made my mother feel bad for just being her, and never tried to actually understand her? I know my mom isn’t perfect, all of us aren’t perfect but why would you make someone feel bad about it. Ever since they’ve fought, I’ve lost that adoration especially the moment he lied about not hurting mom, If I didn’t saw the bruise mom got, I wouldn’t have known. I remember that one moment I cried because he said why can’t I just stop whining how hard it is and just think about my mom sounding like how ungrateful I am for not trying (It’s about getting into that school which I will be taking the next day). I was not confident about it, and gave me a lot of pressure at that time I also wanted to say as if I wasn’t thinking about it, but I have so many what-ifs and I’m starting to doubt myself, all I need was some kind of encouragement that even if I failed at least I tried but they failed to give me that.

Things are somehow better now, but it’s more distant because when you had enough, you had enough.

Let’s talk about my friends.

Have you ever felt out of place in a certain group that your familiar with? Like you’re in a room full of people you have known ever since but it felt like you’re in a stranger’s party, and that’s how I always feel. Friends come and go, but is it bad if I ask for someone permanent? For someone consistent? Someone who can listen to my thoughts?

I don’t know but I don’t feel like I fit in, or more likely I don’t feel like I’m enough for them. Ever since that incident in grade school I find it really hard to fit in, I find it hard to meet more people, I find it hard to trust again, but I made a lot of mistakes to the point I’m afraid to commit one after another.

Yes, there are moments with them that I cherish a lot but there are moments where I am clouded with thoughts that made me think maybe they don’t really like me, maybe they find me, uninteresting and of course I have no one to assure me that I’m somehow still worth it and I feel burdened if I have one because they are also facing things or struggles in their life.

I feel so alone at this moment.

Let’s talk about my relatives and brothers.

I rarely speak to them but you know that you somehow want to get close with them but you just can’t. Being an introvert makes you have your own world, and somehow you enjoy your time by just being yourself, away from people, and resting from seeking validation.

Let’s talk about myself before I end these 3 pages of essay.

I despise myself so much, and always blame myself for not doing good. I have so many insecurities and I have a fucked-up personality that would make people go away from me. I always seek for validation, always fishing for compliments and praises, because I want to hear my worth from other people, I want to feel that I belong, that I have a home, I want to feel loved.

I always want people to appreciate me, but I don’t maybe I’m not worth to be appreciated. I’m an attention seeker, a daydreamer, and a lazy human bean. For almost 17 years of my existence, I’ve been going through ups and downs, and I don’t have any idea what kind of future brings upon me with all these undecided choices that I’ve had with me I don’t know.

Life is too short, as much as I want to enjoy and go with the flow, I can’t. I just can’t.

I know I’m still young but I’m chasing time, and I can’t afford to waste it.

Thank you for reading these thoughts!

The end.

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dailyaudiobible · 5 years ago

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05/26/2020 DAB Transcript

2 Samuel 9:1-11:27, John 15:1-27, Psalms 119:49-64, Proverbs 16:1-3

Today is May 26th welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is wonderful to be here with you today as we continue through this final full week of this 5th month of the year. It is wonderful to be around the Global Campfire together and just know no matter what's happening we are not alone. We are in this together. We always have been and here we are now together, allowing God's word to come into our lives for today. So, we’re reading from the English Standard Version this week and continuing our journey through second Samuel. David, this little shepherd boy who became famous for killing a giant and then had to run for his life and grow up really fast and sort of live as a national hero, unwittingly, and has…has arisen to become the king of all Israel. And, so, we’re kind of moving through a patch where we’re…we’re understanding his reign. He is now the full-blown king of Israel. So, today, second Samuel chapters 9, 10, and 11.

Commentary:

Okay. So, Jesus is having a really moving, very profound conversation with His friends and this is obviously before He moves into His time of suffering. And, so, it's a very, very intimate conversation that's happening. And what He's telling them is that that they need to abide in Him, to remain in Him, to stay in it. And the example that He uses is of a vine and branches. So, we can of a vine, we can think of a tree, we can think of branches that come out from that tree and we can say that we, you know, we know like if you go to cut the branch off the tree the branch is gonna die because it is disconnected from its source of life. And, so, Jesus is saying, “remain, endure, abide, stay where you are. Don't disconnect from your source of life.” And I’ve been watching the trees. I watch trees a lot as the seasons go by. And, you know, we came out of winter and everything looks like it's dormant, right? There’s…the trees are there, but there's no life. It seems as if there is no life there. And yet then springtime comes and the season changes and life springs forth and then the season changes and its in full bloom. Like, life is a seasonal thing. And sometimes we can be in like a winter season and feel dormant and feel dead and fuel stuck and just like try to figure out a way to get away, like just become a part of a different tree, just get out of here even though that will disconnect us from our very source of life and we will die. If we would abide, if we would remain, the seasons will change, new life will come. This is often that we don't see things…I mean like the seasons are in front of us in nature. The seasons of life are before us, but we rarely ever pay attention. And, so, things can be like we can be having a difficult season and decide we don’t want to have anything to do with the tree anymore. Like, we want to just go find something else even though if we would abide, if we would remain, if we would wait the seasons change. It’s just that so often we’re kind of sold this concept that we should be in complete overwhelming sense of harvest and blessing at all times. Like it should always be that way for us. We should just walk around with gold falling…falling out of the sky, like everything should work right for us. When that's really not the nature of things. And we can be like, “yeah but I'm a child of God and the most-high God owns the cattle on a thousand hills” and all of these things are true, but if we’re…if we want to understand life on earth then we have to look at God in the flesh. Like, we have to look at the example that God gave for us in human form in the person Jesus and see how He lived and then set our expectations accordingly. And in our reading today He was telling them, “if they hate me, they'll hate you too. Like, basically if you wanna bring light into the darkness, then this is so noble, and the harvest is ripe, and so ready, and I will be with you in it all. Like, you are intertwining yourself with God. Like the vine is God and you are the branches. Like, you have this chance to be a part of something really cosmically monumentally important, but it won’t be easy.” This is like sometimes when so…so often…and man…I have to like wave both hands over my head…like…I’m the chief…like me…me…me. When things aren’t going so well it’s so easy to go like, “what's happening What have I done wrong? What's going on? Why are you mad? Like where are you? Where have you gone?” When these are the very, very times to abide, right? Like to be rooted and to be still and to wait for the season to change.

Prayer:

Father, we invite You into that and we take it to heart. It's so beautiful…it's so beautiful, the kindness, the compassion, the instruction, the love that it is in today's reading. And, so, as we personalize it, as we take it on board into our own lives, we invite Your Holy Spirit. And may we abide, may we rest in You, may we stay connected, may we remain in You and You in us today. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base. That makes it the website. That’s where you find out what’s going on around here. That’s where the Global Campfire burns. And it’s home. So, stay tuned stay connected.

Be aware of the Community section of the website. That's where you find the different links to the social media channels. The…like the women's group or DAB Friends or the Daily Audio Bible Announcements and stuff like that. It’s also the home of the Prayer Wall, where prayer is continually happening. And, so, you can reach out there or reach in there any…any time. So, be aware of that. Stay connected in any way that you can, in any way that want to. This is all going on before there was a coronavirus and it will be going on long, long after. No matter what, we have a place to stay connected. And, so let's do that. And let's pray for one another and let's shoulder each other's burdens. And let's be in this journey of a lifetime to through the scriptures. Let’s be in it together.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link on the homepage. I am profoundly humbled that we are even here and that we have been here every day for these years. That has happened because we've been in this together. There's no other way or reason. And, so, it's humbling. So, if Daily Audio Bible’s bringing life to you then thank you for throwing a log on the Global Campfire. So, there's a link on the homepage. If you're using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if you prefer, is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi Daily Audio Bible this is Maria a missionary in Mexico. I’m out here in the barn so you might hear a lot of animal noises. Man, there’s so many people I want to call…shout out to. Was it, Jane that did the focus fix on Christ until still? Thank you. That was beautiful. God’s Smile and her hubby Peter. Wow, what a blessing you guys are. You always make me smile. I can feel your love God’s Smile. Michaela from Gloucester, I love it that you praying for the people who are Muslims, during Ramadan. Thank you. Stephanie from Banglador, Joanne from Happy Valley, Lady of Victory and Kingdom Seeker Daniel. Rosie in Oklahoma thank you. Rachel and Ben from Pennsylvania. Merinotha from Georgia. There’s Denise, airport missionary. So many people. I could just go on and on. Thank you. I think about you, I pray with you and pray for you. I want to lift up right now the people who are the unreached people groups. Another lady prays for them. Thank you. With voice of the modern prayer request. That is why were in Mexico. I never thought I’d come as a missionary to Mexico because I’ve always had a heart to reach people who never had a chance to hear the gospel. And this COVID is really hard on some of those unreached people groups who might even live in the city, but they don’t really speak the language, Spanish very well. They speak their indigenous languages. And, of course, this COVID is hitting them hard. The schools are saying, “teach your kids to read, teach you kids math.” While they’re literate, a lot of those parents. Their kids are in school, but they don’t know how to teach their kids. So, please be praying for us as missionaries here in Mexico reaching the indigenous people groups of Mexico. And pray for wisdom, pray for the people groups in Mexico, that they would come to know the Lord Jesus. Thanks guys. Bye.

Hi this is Rachel from Pennsylvania. Dear Lord, I want to lift up Ben who ran away. I pray that he will be safe and that You will bring him home and that You will address whatever it is that is making him want to run away from home. I pray that he will grow up to be a strong man in You Lord. I also want to pray for Rachel and Emily for their protection and healing and for the woman in Ohio who is church planting. I thank You for her and her desire to start a church. And I also want to pray for her sister’s salvation Lord. You know what is holding her back from You and I just pray that You will soften her heart and change her and…and bring her to You. I also want to pray for Joe in Pennsylvania and his family as they have a family member who’s transitioning from this life to the next. Lord please give them peace and comfort and I pray that You will be with Joe’s Father and that he will not suffer and that he will be with You in heaven. I also want to lift up the lady who has 100-year-old house. I pray for…for her. Please give her direction and show her what You have next to her Lord. Bless her and make sure that all her needs are met. I pray that You will help with the sale of the house and bring some…

Hi this is Arizona Steve. I’m just calling in today for the first time ever and asking you all for prayers my wife Nancy. She’s having surgery today because she broke her femur and is going to have a partial hip replacement. She’s been struggling over the last 30 years with rheumatoid arthritis, multiple surgeries for joint replacements, and a lot of pain and suffering. Anyway, I just ask you for prayers for a successful surgery and healing, so she’ll be able to come home. Thank you all. I love this…I love this podcast. I listen every day. And that’s all.

Thank you thank you everybody. It’s Lisa from San Jose and I’m calling to thank you for your words of encouragement and your prayers over me during this time. It’s been like a week and half since my husband passed and I…I’m going through the emotional roller coaster part of it all. I’ve got a lot of work to do. And yet I feel like I have to take time to breath. I just bless the Lord I bless the Lord for his mercy. Thank you, Lord for taking Craig in such a peaceful way. And thank you everybody for holding me up in praying for me. Thank you, God’s Smile for reading that chapter in Revelation. And that…there’s been many you who’ve prayed for me. Thank you. God’s been answering my prayers holding me up letting me know that Craig is in heaven with Him. He’s dancing a jig right now. Anyway, friends and family are surrounding me, supporting me in so many ways. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Just bless the Lord. Thank you, family. Okay family. I’ll let you know how it’s going a little bit later but keep the prayers coming they’re keeping me together. Lisa from San Jose.

This is Tired but Trusting in Texas but I’m changing my name to Trusting in God in Texas because even though I’m still tired…I apologize that my voice is always like this from my sinus problems…and even though I’m still tired I trust is in God and God alone and I’m trusting Him to strengthen me for all the work He’s called me to do to take care of these children and that even some adults with these disabilities. Will you pray for our clinic, pray for us, pray for me and my husband to be able to keep on going and do what God has called us to do. But I’m also calling in today to pray for Chris a lay pastor from New York who now lives in Washington with his wife’s family and his new baby. And he’s had his church fall apart and he’s losing faith. I’m just praying God that you will help him be faithful and that you will help him to remember that you are a God and that you have him and that you will keep him as the apple of your eye. Zechariah 2 verse 8 - for thus says the Lord of hosts, he sent me after glory to the nations which plunder you for, he who touches you touches the apple of his eye. Please help him Lord Psalm 17 verse 8 - keep me as the apple of your eye. Please just help him Lord to cry out to you to cast all his cares upon you. First Peter 5:6 and 7 - For you are the one who holds his hand. Psalm 18 verse 6 - you hear his prayer. Thank you, God Almighty in Jesus’ name.

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thefaithletters · 6 years ago

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Confronting Our Values: To a Troubled Muslim Community

Dearest whose trust in the Muslim community has been lost after an immensity of love,

On this day, nearly fifteen hundred lunar years ago, our Prophet Muhammed ﷺ was born. His birth changed history. His legacy, and our religion, was built on the foundation of our Prophet's character before he received revelation: honesty and trustworthiness.

Yet, our ummah is plagued by corruption, deceit, manipulation, and hypocrisy. These qualities are in every human society, to some extent. It's normal that some Muslims will have these qualities (after all, most Muslims don't choose their religion but rather treat it like cultural inheritance). But to find these qualities in the ones who have put themselves in positions of being entrusted to revive the message in the hearts, of people, who are elevated for that role, and who are privy to the spiritual hunger and thirst of vulnerable people --that is among the greatest fitnahs.

I am concerned about how desensitized we are becoming to news of this nature. I notice it in myself, and I see it in friends: a spiritual fatigue that doesn't want to be spoken about.

And it breaks my heart.

When there's a lack of consistency or agreement between two beliefs (or values) or a belief and behavior, the mind enters a state of cognitive dissonance. This state of unrest feels heavy and unsettling, and people are naturally motivated to alleviate this discomfort by changing their behaviors, adopting a new belief or idea, seeking new information that offers an alternative paradigm, or deciding to reduce the importance of one of the beliefs or values that are in disharmony. This seems like the state of the majority of young American Muslims today.

The more dangerous trend I see emerging is what I consider spiritual fission. In this state, people can no longer identify or point to the countless directions in which their faith has been shattered. It's a chaotic state, and it's too uncomfortable to confront directly so it naturally leads to numbness and apathy regarding anything religious or an inability to engage with such topics deeply.

Our religious institutions and spiritual leaders are largely responsible for the young generation's disconnection from their mosques and communities (parents play a significant role, too, but that's a topic for another time). It's stories like the ones that came out recently that have caused many people deep despair in spiritual communities.

We are all flawed people. The issue isn't that a Muslim committed a major sin or was fallible to his desires. The real issue is the lack of truthfulness in how it's handled by many involved. Deceit is what erodes trust, and trust is the foundation of faith and community. When it is revealed to a spiritual leader and the community members who closely work with him in a leadership capacity that he is no longer able to uphold his responsibility, the right thing to do is proactively step down and acknowledge a struggle and need for improvement.

Of course, none of us have heard of this type of honorable handling of such situations happening in our communities (I really hope I'm wrong here). Why? Money and ego.

Sadly, many of our spiritual leaders are financially reliant upon their image and reputation as people of God among the community. This means that a religious leader who becomes exposed for a betrayal of his position may suddenly lose all his income and face an overwhelming fear of instability and anxiety about the future. So the survival instinct kicks in (especially if family is involved) and the man no longer sees the moral and ethical layers of the situation.

Money and religion should never mix. Easy to say, complex to implement. I know. Yet, necessary and true, nonetheless.

Another primary reason so-called spiritual leaders don't step down or come forward truthfully when they've betrayed their positions of trust is probably that they don't want to lose their status in the community. Being a celebrity imam can become so ingrained into someone's identity that it becomes almost like an addiction to attention or power. This is also connected to a larger societal shift in values (studies show an upward trend of youth who say they want to become famous). It's even more connected to the shift in values hierarchy we have as a larger Muslim community. Authenticity, truthfulness, integrity...those are all secondary to knowledgeability, charm, and "success."

Until we become a people who hold honesty and trustworthiness among our highest values, our leaders will continue to reflect us.

As we continue to remain obsessed with image and reputation in the community independent of actual virtue or character, we continue to cultivate a culture of hypocrisy and double-lives. People only hide the sins that aren't yet accepted by the community. It's only a matter of time before the scope widens.

I have nothing juicy to say about the recent news regarding Usama Canon. Like many of you who had only love and admiration for Usama Canon and the community he founded, this week's news have been tough for me. I participated in Ta'leef's Refining the Core program earlier this year and met Usama Canon in 2016 when he came to Maryland to give a talk. He was one of the few people who took the time to answer a question I had with careful consideration and respect. I left that talk feeling a sense of hope. And then when I started learning about Ta'leef and participated in their community, I continued to carry with me the hope for our community to be healthy, respectful of all people, and authentically striving for goodness. For the good that he's done, and if this in fact his way of acknowledging the harm he's made and making amends, I pray for his wellbeing. And if this is Ta'leef's uplifting of accountability and honoring their positions of trust, I pray for their success and healing.

Like many, I wish I were surprised by this. Sadly, I know this kind of stuff happens. I’ve witnessed misconduct and heard about it from friends. I’ve tried to speak up about the betrayal of authority and unhealthy behaviors, but the disappointing reactions I got were discouraging. I talked to the spiritual leader who I had witnessed inappropriateness from, and his response was gaslighting. It was a complex and spiritually fatiguing experience. In the end, I just removed myself from the community. Though I didn’t experience abuse, my faith was deeply tested and my heart hurt. I almost lost my religion. I was lucky to be able to notice and protect myself from anyone taking advantage of me. I can’t imagine the pain actual victims endure, and it saddens me that the community cares more about the celebrity abusers than the “nobodies” who are abused (often the most vulnerable members of our communities who don’t have powerful families, financial resources, or impressive professional titles).

I've had my faith and hope in this community shattered a few times, and every time God somehow found a way to remind me that there are still beautiful people out there who are true seekers. They aren't the ones with the followers and fans and financial ties to their religion or spirituality. More often than not, the modern-day companions of the Prophet (the ones he referred to as his brothers and sisters he hadn't yet met) are those who keep their good deeds concealed and remain patient in the face of oppression. Their words aren't tweet-worthy and there are no fun perks to being their friends. They treat their family members and parents better than anyone else. They are known for their honesty and trustworthiness. On the day our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was born, I pray we are all able to take a moment to be truthful with ourselves about the state of our hearts. Where are we not truthful? What steps must we take to embody more honesty and trustworthiness? Where is our faith hurting? How are we in community? What are our own hierarchies of values? How can we be better believers?

Salam.

P.S. I share these thoughts selfishly because they continue to occupy my mind. I release them here so that I no longer carry the burden of their release. I’m not spiritually superior for writing this. Most know my deep struggles with my faith.

#islam #muslims #muslim community #taleef #usama canon

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goodvibesatpeace · 6 years ago

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Spirituality: The Trap of Spiritual Materialism

Spiritual materialism’ is a term first used by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, a Tibetan Buddhist teacher who came to the United States in the early seventies. In his book Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism, Trungpa expounded on his theories of how the ego likes to use the spiritual path for its own ends, and the mistakes seekers easily fall into in their quest for enlightenment.

The problem is that ego can convert anything to its own use… even spirituality. ~ Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

In the west, we have come to think of our spiritual quest as ‘self-improvement,’ which is all well and good, except what is the self? Ego.

Especially in the west, where we are conditioned from an early age into individualism and material accruement, it is easy to impose these ingrained structures of understanding onto spirituality as well. We can collect courses and retreats and practices like medals, or childhood sports trophies, feeding our ever-hungry egos. “Look at me! Look how much I’ve given up, read, invested in my spiritual life!” As if this spiritual search somehow makes us better than the person beside us; who feels no need to meditate every day or do an hour’s asana practice or sit at the feet of a guru. But in all of us, the spiritual path unfolds.

Whether we are aware of it or not – our soul is growing and finding its way. It is only when the ego grasps hold of this search and uses it to feed itself that we are in danger of falling into the trap of spiritual materialism.

The Three Lords of Materialism

Trungpa discussed how these spiritual errors fall into three misunderstandings, stemming from the materialism inherent in Western cultures. He called these the ‘Three Lords of Materialism.’ The first of these is ‘physical materialism’, where the belief that owning and accumulating more and more will bring us happiness. Yet, even when we attain what we first desired, we always yearn for more. In this sense, dissatisfaction accompanies every purchase. It is the yearning that must be addressed.

The second Lord is ‘psychological materialism’, where we believe that a certain faith or belief system will be the cure to all our ills. We fall in love with Buddhism, for instance, and think that if we throw ourselves into the practices with enough vigor, we will be able to evade suffering. Yet, we still suffer. We may strike upon an idea or a political party or cause that momentarily seems to relieve our burdens. But this relief is only momentary. We are still living in the world and the religion or idea, or whatever it is we’ve latched onto so enthusiastically, doesn’t stop challenges from arising.

The third Lord is ‘spiritual materialism’, the belief that a certain state of mind or spiritual practice will set us free from our daily troubles. We may seek to remove ourselves from the world through overusing meditation or breathing techniques, or by living in a drugged-out haze. Escaping. However, at some point we have to stop meditating or the drugs run out and the world again intrudes and the suffering we sought so hard to evade is back in our faces, louder and harder than ever. Life keeps on happening, no matter how hard we try to block it out. Shit still happens.

The Ego – A Projection of the Mind

Trungpa taught that these three Lords are based on the idea that the ego is real, that it is something to be tamed or trained, when in fact, it is constantly changing and does not exist in itself, only as a projection of the mind. If we feed it and build our sense of self around our spiritual practices for instance, then we are only feeding what doesn’t exist. Anything that feeds into this false self of ego will ultimately cause us only more suffering.

So what are the warning signs and how do we find our joy and relieve our suffering, without falling into the trap of feeding the ravenous ego? God knows!

Navel gazing has often been derided, though of course, it is necessary to examine one’s mind and motivations, but when the focus becomes one of boosting the self, narcissistic or self-aggrandising, then we know perhaps it’s time to stop looking inwards and turn our attention out into the world and set an intention to serve the good of others. Though, that too, can feed the ego – look at me, being so good giving up Christmas with my family (which I really hate anyway) to serve food to the homeless – aren’t I a good person? Just bringing an awareness of our true motivations is enough.

If we find ourselves jumping from one fad, one teacher, one book or idea to the next, hoping for instant enlightenment, or healing, that’s another trap. Unfortunately, there isn’t an easy way out; the work of living continues as long as we live. We can find ways of being that help us to embrace all of it more completely, without judgment, but there is no cure for life except death. Even enlightened beings grieve when someone they love dies. We all feel pain.

The Trap of Competing

That leads me to another trap on the spiritual path, one that I recognize as my ego’s favorite – my suffering is worse than your suffering, my bliss is greater than your bliss — comparison and competition, inherent in capitalism but of no use whatsoever in the quest for living more peacefully. We all suffer, we all find our bliss. Be aware of the ego grasping for fuel. If you find yourself dwelling on your own sainthood, then perhaps it’s time for a reality check. Sooner or later it will come to you anyway. If you catch yourself talking only about your latest spiritual teacher, book or practice, trying to enlist others to the cause – look closely at yourself – are you ‘selling’ it? If we’re selling something, then we’ve probably tipped over into spiritual materialism.

That’s not to say you can’t write a great book about the search for happiness, or provide healing services for a fee, it’s only a caution to ensure that the heart of your practice remains centred in being of service, not of serving your own need for a big fancy house and a brand new car.

Be aware also of buying into quick fixes, super-gurus and anything that promises instant enlightenment or a cure for what is missing in our lives. Perhaps these things do happen but the reality is, we each have our own path unfolding within us for the entirety of our lives. Even when we reach some kind of peace, events will still happen that shake us to the core and strip away all we’d fought so hard to attain.

In the West, we have a bad habit of appropriating the spirituality of other cultures, borrowing the rituals or practices we enjoy, mixing and matching without really thinking about the culture or history that shaped the path. Picking a little of this and a little of that, like a pick-and-mix lolly bag, collecting without due consideration. Accumulating. Treating the practices of other cultures with respect and care is important.

Language Clues

The words we use when referring to our spiritual paths give us clues as to whether we’re falling into the trap of ego identification through spirituality – spiritual materialism. If we’re using words like buy and sell, attain and lose, and win, and more and greater than, less than – words of judgment, separation, and acquisition, then we’re probably in need of a wake-up call.

Spiritual materialism is to deceive ourselves into thinking we are developing spiritually when instead we are strengthening our egocentricity through spiritual techniques.

What Then is Spirituality?

How can we approach our spiritual paths without falling into these traps? Awareness is key, and then once we are aware, focusing not only on ourselves and our own healing but on somehow serving the greater good. True spirituality, for me, means experiencing life as it is, while at the same time experiencing that part of ourselves, and of others and the universe itself, that comes from a higher source and connecting with that source in whatever way works for us.

Trungpa’s writings about spiritual materialism serve to wake us up from the trick we all play on ourselves of feeding the ego through self-improvement. Instead, he shows us a far brighter reality, the true joy that involves letting go of the ego and just being, here in the moment, riding the waves of life as they rise and fall.

We use our spiritual search to build a sense of self as a ‘spiritual person,’ a falsehood and deception, or the seeking of enlightenment as a means of escape. We’ve all met people who are hooked on Vipassana retreats, come out from each one glowing, but then a few weeks later are stumbling and lost once more, searching for another fix of their spiritual drug.

#spirituality #material #materialism #ego #ego trap #trap

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wisdomrays · 6 years ago

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Transforming Knowledge into Practice

QUESTION: When we study the life of the Companions, we see that as soon as a Qur’anic verse was revealed, they would immediately begin to act upon the Divine command. We are, however, unable to put forth the same attitude. What would be the reasons for our inefficiency at putting our knowledge into practice, and how can this ideal be realized?

ANSWER: In order to implement what we know in practical life, first of all, knowledge must be saved from being rough and simple information; it needs to be transformed into “ilm,” in the sense of knowing a matter with its true nature and grasping that matter through consciousness and systematic thinking. Otherwise, if what we know does not amount to anything beyond superficial information, it will not yield any practical behavior, for it does not make an impression on the heart. In this respect, the first thing to do to turn knowledge into practical behavior is to try to reach true knowledge and, from there, to certainty in faith, with an insatiable and fervent desire to learn. In the Qur’an (Ta-Ha 20:114), God Almighty gives the command to His Noble Messenger (which can be interpreted as follows): “…say, ‘My Lord, increase me in knowledge.’” Each and every one of us as the follower of the Prophet is then supposed be a fervent seeker of knowledge always trying to grow deeper in knowledge. For example, it is a religious obligation to recite the Qur’an. However, even if we commit the entire Qur'an into memory, if we do not make efforts to understand and delve deeper into it, we will fail to benefit from the treasures of the Qur’an, the eternal source of light. There are such meanings and inspirations to be derived through full concentration and sincere efforts that they cannot be attained in any other way.

Offering gratitude for knowledge

After the first phase of transforming information into true knowledge (ilm), there are other points to be taken into consideration. You may attain a magnificent profundity in theoretical knowledge and gain the certainty of knowledge (ilm al-yaqin), even to the degree of the certainty of vision (ayn al-yaqin). However, if you fail to implement such theoretical knowledge in practical life, then you will fail to recognize the truth of Divinity with the Divine Names, Attributes, and Qualities, and fail to be a loyal servant at God’s door. In addition, there is a glad tiding about the issue by the beloved Prophet, “Whoever acts upon what he knows, God lets him acquire what he does not know.” Accordingly, having a share from true knowledge requires acting upon what one knows. If God Almighty grants you a certain level of knowledge, you should strive to give gratitude for this blessing, without taking any personal pride in it. For example, if others perform forty units of Prayer a day, together with the Sunnah Prayers, you should think, “Having been honored with abundant Divine blessings, I should do as much as eighty units a day,” and thus ascend to the immensities of subjective responsibility.

Incidentally, I would like to relate a memory that is especially significant for me. In one of my visits to my late mother, she told me, “I read the Jawshan al-Kabir every day from beginning to end. Is there anything additional you would recommend for me to read?” This is a reflection of the spirit of someone asking for evermore and thus making continuous progress. A person honored with Divine blessings must turn to Him in due gratitude. The Prophet would pray until his blessed feet were swollen as narrated by his wife Aisha. Imam al-Busiri expressed this in a poem, “I failed to follow the Practice of the Prophet who kept vigil until his feet were swollen at the Prayer.” On witnessing that, Aisha asked the Prophet, “O Messenger of God, although God has forgiven your (possible) past and future sins, why are you praying to the degree of tormenting yourself?” The Pride of Humanity gave the following answer to her, “Should I not be a thankful servant (in the face of such blessings of my Lord)?” There is a very important message here in terms of consciousness of being a servant: every servant of God is obliged to offer thanksgivings to Him and praise the Almighty to the degree of the Divine blessings and favors bestowed upon him, and thus put his knowledge into practice in proportion to the profundity of his knowledge.

Practical reason

At this point, it is possible to mention a consideration in Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason. Kant states that God cannot be known through theoretical reason and that knowledge of God can only be attained through practical deeds. If this can be realized, in other words, if theoretical knowledge is efficiently put into practice, believers can feel a profound knowledge of God inside of them and consequently feel a deep love for Him—to such a degree that they will be saved from the gloom of this world and be seized by an intense yearning for reunion with God, craving, “Reunion with You O God, reunion!” Knowledge of God comes after this faith in God, then comes love of God, and then spiritual pleasure, which is granted as an extra Divine favor. When such a spiritual pleasure is experienced, we will naturally feel an irresistible flood of eagerness to see the true source of beauties, given that all beauties are merely faint shadows of the Divine Essence. If we do not feel such eagerness in our inner worlds, then we have not passed through this process and are still wandering outside. I do not mean to push anyone to hopelessness; however, we need to know that this is the result of the course we have taken. In this respect, let me reiterate that no matter how much you delve in theory, you are doomed to not make any progress but stay where you are as long as you fail to further rise to the level of practice. If you start practicing, but this time fail to deepen in the meaning of that practice and to acquire knowledge of God, you will not make further progress, unable to go beyond mechanical forms—to such a degree that you will view worship as if it were a daily chore; you do the relevant acts but fail to attain knowledge of God, and unable to feel love for Him, and savor spiritual pleasure. Those who do not implement their theoretical knowledge in practical life are likened to “a donkey carrying a load of books” in the Qur’an (al-Jumua 62:5). One needs to avoid from falling into such a situation, so that knowledge does not become a burden on the back. Otherwise, his or her knowledge will be useless. At this point, we can benefit from the power of prayer at putting knowledge into practice, as the beloved Prophet did by saying, “O God, I seek refuge in You from the knowledge that is not beneficial…”

Broader horizons through reading circles

Although it is commendable for individual believers to carry out reading, thinking, research, to scrutinize things and phenomena, to reflect upon the relationship between human, universe, and God, it will be a means for much different blessings to attend a gathering of faithful ones who cherish considerations and thoughts in this direction and benefit from that blessed atmosphere. Somebody who steps into such an atmosphere will unite with the other individuals in the group together and they will journey toward different horizons with this special connection among them, pervaded by the same spiritual hue (insibagh). As it is revealed in the Qur’anic verse, “God’s Hand is over their hands” (al-Fath 48:10). Also, the Messenger of God stated, “God’s hand (of support) is with the community,” and drew attention to importance of being included in a group. In another case, the Prophet emphasized the danger of being alone by stating that a stray sheep is to be devoured by wolves. Accordingly, one who acts against collective consciousness, who leaves the circle, and who does not fall into step with the group is doomed to be devoured by wolves. Therefore, we must try to be included in a righteous circle against all odds, support one another at that, and avoid acting individually. However, a very important point to be careful about here is to keep our gatherings or circles free from useless talk and amusements, and to benefit from them in the name of deepening in knowledge and spirituality, without even wasting a second. Unfortunately, we do not present the required sensitivity to do this. It is such a pity that even when we come together in the name of religion, faith, and serving for God, we sometimes talk about irrelevant matters that are of no benefit to our worldly or otherworldly life, or we adopt lighthearted attitudes, which lead people to heedlessness. In my opinion, a true believer must try to lead a disciplined life as was once lived truly in Sufi lodges. In an authenticated narration, it is reported that the Pride of Humanity laughed to the degree of chuckling only three times in his entire lifetime. As it is known, his blessed face was always smiling, but he never gave up being serious. That blessed person had such a manner that His consciousness of the omnipresence of God was reflected in his entire being. And one could not help but remember God Almighty upon seeing the Prophet’s state, manners, and even the depth of his looks.

In a nutshell, we must try to benefit efficiently from all the assemblies, all of our gatherings and the circles we attend in the name of reviving the horizons of our heart and spirit, in order to be well-equipped in knowledge and then implement it in our lives, thus making it very spirit and way of our lives in the true sense. If we wish to walk on the straight path, without any collisions and straying, all of our feelings, thoughts, senses, conversations, and discussions need to be straight; they need to be oriented toward becoming deeper and richer on the horizons of the heart and spirit.

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gegenji · 6 years ago

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Concerning Khandeed and Codices

Photo of the Speculum Alchemae in Prague taken by Alexazul (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

Once the little band of adventurers had left with Kandeed in tow, D’lilac went for her linkpearl again as she started digging her way through the stolen equipment. Equipment that they themselves had sought to utilize in their last endeavor, and its theft the source of their financial misfortune these past several moons. Even just looking at it brought back memories the Miqo’te would’ve rather left forgotten to the annuls of time and further darkened her seemingly perpetual dour mood this day.

“I still could have corrrrnered him myself,” she growled as she pried open one of the crates, despite having missed the entirety of the standoff due to reporting in. “We didn’t need the help.”

“Your audacious alpha allegations aside,” Tsunene intoned across the pearl, tapping a finger idly atop the open copy of the Doman picture book she had received from the leve to Kugane prior. “I could not suffer any setbacks in seizing that simpleton, so assistance seemed prudent. And seeing such success substantiates my keen sense of the situation.”

“They’rrre adventurerrrs. They’ll stick their noses in ourrr business,” the Seeker warned, shifting about to keep the linkpearl active while simultaneously trying to peruse the contents of the box before her. “It’s what they do.”

“Hardly,” Tsunene countered as she withdrew a set of colored wax sticks from a drawer. “Once our hardy help have their handout in hand, they’ll have no need to be nosey.” She paused for a beat, drumming a green crayon against the open page of the book. “Unless a certain cohort carelessly caught their curiosity while cavorting about?”

“Harrrdly,” Lilac snapped back, tossing the lid back in place haphazardly and moving onto the next. “All they noticed was apparrrently how ‘angry’ I am.”

“They are not wrong.”

“I’m angrrry because of you! I had this!”

“Mm,” the lady Lalafell murmured in response, obviously not paying much attention – instead adding a bit of color to the Doman picture book with her wax utensil. “On the thought of things you theoretically have, though... has there be any serendipity in your search of the stolen? Or has your ire inconvenienced even your inquiry into the inventory?”

“I’m fine,” the Miqo’te responded grumpily, cracking open a dirty notebook and flipping through the various scribbles and doodles within. “And I don’t see it anywherrre. Got some of Khandeed’s ‘notes,’ though.”

“I am absolutely invested in the inscribed idioms of that idiot.” Tsunene paused to switch to a violet crayon and continue her art. “Do its contents still include the contemptable coarse and crude caricatures of our coworkers?”

“Only the one rrreceptionist girl.” Lilac turned the notebook sideways with a perplexed expression. “And I don’t think herrr curves are quite so… exaggerrrated. Also, I’m fairrrly certain she can speak prrroper common.”

“I am afraid to ask.”

“’Khandeed is smartingest and handingsomest.’”

There was a huff that – for Tsunene – passed as a bark of laughter. But such merriment, no matter how subdued, was short-lived. The Plainsfolk was back on topic with neck-breaking speed.

“As entertaining as his errant elocutions are, they are extraneous to our efforts. Recover my records.”

D’lilac groaned. For a moment, the little Lalafell had almost seemed… tolerable. One of her rare brief flashes of amicability amongst a sea of annoyance and irritation.

“I’m looking,” she insisted, tossing the ratty tome aside to land atop one of the crates she had already searched. “It might not even be herrre.”

“Well, who else would waltz off with my work?”

“The conjurrror?” Lilac retorted with a shrug despite being well-aware it wouldn’t be seen. Or perhaps because of it. “The brat? I mean, the notes concerrrn him, after all.”

For a brief, wonderous moment, Tsunene seemed to be at a loss for words. And, being the hunter that she was at heart, the Seeker was quick to pounce on this moment of weakness. It wasn’t often she got to relish in such opportunity.

“You did think of that, rrrright?”

“Of course I did,” Tsunene snapped, though her hesitation earlier had given her away. “I simply wanted to capture Khandeed and confirm whether or not he carried off my codex before considering the conjuror or the child. Plus, there was the possibility to procure the purloined equipment essential to our efforts.” She set her artistic tools aside and admired her handiwork – have turned the moss-haired monster-turned-hero in Tsubu’s pictures into something much more familiar. “To that end, I am tasking you with transporting all that to the following target location…”

“Me?” the Seeker interjected incredulously, looking about the illicitly furnished cave. “Carrry all this?”

“You had claimed you could handle it, had you not?”

“I meant hunting Khandeed, you know that.”

“And this is purely part and parcel of that plan. Hopefully such a hale hunter can handle such a heavy burden?” Lilac could feel the dry, childing smile through the linkpearl. “While you work, I will wrap things up with our wonderful workers and their well-earned wages.”

“Now just hold on a sec—” Click. The linkpearl shut off with a sharpness and finality that got a wince out of the Miqo’te. She was half-tempted to just call back, but she knew Tsunene wouldn’t answer. She had decided the conversation was over, so it was over. Much to the Seeker’s growling chagrin as she continued to mumble complaints and curses, looking over all the recovered equipment and wondering how in the heck she was going to get it all moved.

At least this was just grunt-work – not that she enjoyed being thought of as a grunt – and not anything overly dangerous. Perhaps she could call in a favor with a couple acquaintances at Scorpion Crossing. They had plenty of porters and – more importantly – ones that knew how to keep their mouths shut. For a price, of course. Such were the ways around Ul’dah, after all…

And it would be not that much later that Lilac would have loved to be hauling around crates and managing porters instead, as she slammed the heavy smithy door shut behind her and assessed the situation.

It had seemed easy enough – she just had to get into the brat’s establishment and snoop around for Tsunene’s codex while the Lalafell had taken to looking into the conjuror. Which, from what the Miqo’te could discern from her accomplice’s annoyingly alliterative accent, might’ve involved having to deal with navigating the dangerous waters that was Ishgardian nobility. Tsunene had made a dig at Lilac’s inability to navigate high society, but the Seeker had actually been a bit grateful for what seemed like the “easier” job.

That was before she had forced the lock – a skill garnered from her less respectable suns – and entered the building. The diminutive owner had departed not long before to deal with some manner of leve regarding pirates or something out in the Yafaemi Saltmoors, leaving the Miqo’te free to take her time with the task. Or so she had thought.

Until that little purple nightmare had made itself known to her and flipped all that on its head. One moment she was checking shelves and crates, the next she was dealing with a tiny porcine whirlwind hellbent on taking her out. And the thing was like tiny voidsent what with all the biting, charging, kicking, and apparently some manner of magic as the beast whipped up tiny pillars of wind – made even more dangerous by the bits of metal and ore that they ensnared – and flung fist-sized burning rocks at her that she wasn’t sure were summoned or just ripped from within the fiery depths of the forge.

Just remembering that sudden chaos as the whole smithy was seemingly turned into a weapon against her, Lilac cast a dejected look at her poor tail. Once tipped with a proud puff of fur, it was now stripped of such simple beauty – the ball of fluff a spoil of war of that tiny hell-spawn. And that wasn’t counting all the bruises and scrapes and burns and other wounds she had suffered in her frantic egress from the place.

At least, she mused as she clutched tightly at her prize and sought to catch her breath, she had got what she had come for – and then some. She could take some solace in that Tsunene would be navigating all that pomp and circumstance in the both the literal and the politically icy lands of Coerthas for naught. Plus, she had managed to make off with a few other of the boy’s things as well. It wasn’t full recompense of the indignities he and the conjuror had imposed on her on that island those many moons ago, but it was a start.

A rather fine leatherworking knife, for one, along with a strange crimson-hued potion hidden behind his Orchestrion that had caught her eye and a couple extra books along with the one Tsunene so fervently wanted back. For as obnoxious as the brat had been, she had to admit he had some good taste as a fellow reader of Doman picture books. They’d make for at least some manner of entertainment while she recovered from this whole endeavor.

For now, though, she just had to get out of here. She wouldn’t put it past that little hellion to come bursting out of a window or something to continue its assault. And the absolute racket the both of them had caused in her escape might’ve caught the attentions of the Brass Blade guards patrolling the area. And her with no gil to pay them off with after having to use her own coin for those Scorpion’s Crossing porters.

Beat up and down on coin once again, along with having to deal with Tsunene being… Tsunene – which was a problem in its own right – D’lilac once again found herself wondering if this was all worth it. Momentarily, at least. Whether it was sunk-cost fallacy or an actual belief that the results of the lady Lalafell’s ambitions would be worth all the pain and effort, the Miqo’te tightened her grip on her prizes and shook her head to dislodge such weak-minded thoughts.

The Seeker would have her moment in the sun soon enough. All she had to do was wait it out.

... And see if the Alchemist’s Guild had any hair growth tonic for her poor tail.

To Be Continued in “It’s My Money and I Want It Now.”

#ffxiv #story #kyodai hero #the alchemists' return #tsunene #d'lilac #khandeed #gran

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