#-about being so stressed out by my simple part-time flexible-schedule job. i thought it would be stupid to complain about something tjat-

[databent]

sorry my posts suck today i have a headache and im stressed about my doctors appiintment tomorrow and its making me stupid. in my brain

[shorkbrian]

I swear I ain’t in it for the money, but I can’t stop thinking about sugar daddy shoto. Maybe he sweeps a cute little college kid or barista of their feet, just something fun and casual. But this man starts falling harder, needing a way to lock them down to him. Money isn’t quite cutting it anymore, so he decides fucking a baby into her would do the trick. Shoto would push her down into the mattress, large frame twisting her into a sweet mating press. This way they could stay together forever and Shoto would have absolutely no problem providing for his sweet family <3

but fr tho I feel like Shouto is NOT the type for kids.

Mans will tolerate them when they babble or wave at him, but he very actively Does Not Want them.

Always uses condoms, and even though he’ll threaten not to, it’s never a legit thought in his mind to cum inside. Shouto doesn’t want to be a dad.

-----

You’ll be sittin on a park bench, fading sunset dark and pretty in front of you yet all you can do is cry. There’s not really any people around so it’s not like you’re bothering anyone - you hadn’t wanted to cry in your shabby apartment (half the cause of your worries) just in case you received a noise complaint.

“Are you alright?”

A somber, smooth voice is heard. You’re swiping at your tears quickly as you look up, trying to laugh off your state of distress. “Oh, haha, yeah I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” It’s hard to smile with your puffy cheeks and red-rimmed eyes.

The man in front of you frowns, hands in his coat pockets, scarf draped around his neck. “You don’t look fine. Mind if I sit?”

He’s already claiming the spot next to you on the bench before you can say a word, turning to you with a passive expression. “Why are you crying?”

And that’s all it takes to have you breaking down all over again, tears streaming down your face. Just one person offering to listen to the heavy burden you have to bear.

‘’M sor-sorry...” You sob, wiping at your eyes with frigid fingers, successful in doing nothing more but smearing tears around your face.

“Here.” The man’s taking off his scarf, gloved hands offering it you.

“I ca-can’t use your sc-scarf sir.” But he’s insistent, pressing it into your hands up by your face.

“I’ll just get another one. Keep it, you’re in need of it more than I am.”

The kindness makes another fresh bout of tears roll down your cheeks, but this time you're able to dab them away with soft fabric as you sniffle.

It takes a moment for you to calm yourself. When you do, you can finally engage in conversation with the man.

You tell him about your job hours getting cut, how you’ve been turned down or ignored by every single place you’ve applied at for a second job. How you’re barely affording to wash your clothes - you have to hang them or drape them across things in your apartment because you don’t have the money to pay for a dryer cycle.

And to top it all off, you’re still short on rent, despite how you scrimped and saved and even forced yourself not to buy groceries this week - you’ve gone hungry for the past three days.

“You haven’t eaten?”

You glance up at the man and his incredulous expression, shaking your head. “I’ve been trying to save money, I thought I could afford my rent if-”

“What kind of food do you like?” The man is pulling out his phone, swiping and tapping immediately. 

“Thank you, but I’m not-” looking for charity is what you want to say. Plus, you shouldn’t accept favors from strange men.

But the handsome man is waving you silent. “I’m cold, plus I’d like to grab a bite to eat before I head home. I don’t like eating alone though, you’d honestly be doing me a favor.”

You take a moment to process. Is he telling the truth? He sounds like an honest guy.

“Seems like the only place open around here is “Joe’s 24 hour Diner”.... You mind burgers?”

So that's how you end up in a booth opposite the man (”Shouto” he had told you as you both headed to the diner), munching away at warm food. It tastes so good, you hardly have time to worry about the man watching you as he eats.

You’d been shocked at his looks the moment you’d seen him in the light of the diner. Pretty two-toned hair, different colored eyes, perfect skin, expensive clothes. Why was he even talking to you? It’s obvious the two of you led very different lives.

“How does everything taste?”

“Delicious.” Is your response, and Shouto seems pleased, nodding before taking another bite of his meal.

Maybe it’s stupid... but you feel weirdly safe with this man. He doesn’t seem to bear any ill-intent towards you, nor has he made any comments about your body or let his hands or eyes stray. He seems like a gentleman.

Conversation flows easily between the two of you, even sharing a few chuckles at times. He’s some fancy rich businessman, you learn, and you share about your own life, laughing at the comparisons. Shouto can’t fathom growing up in a house with less than five bedrooms and a personal servant.

He asks for your number, and you’re hesitant in giving it - he surely can’t be interested in you? But he seems so sincere, it’s hard to say no.

When the two of you part ways, Shouto gives you a wave, “Hope to see you again soon, and under better circumstances.”

“You too! And sorry for being such a mess and stopping your walk-”

Shouto shrugs, cheeks beginning to pink from the cold air as you two stand outside the diner. “You needed help. I like to assist.”

-----

The next morning you wake to find an atrociously large sum deposited in your Venmo account by none other than a Shouto Todoroki.

Immediately, you’re calling him. “It’s too much, we just met. How can you give away that much money to some low-life?”

You hear him sigh on the other end of the phone. “You’re obviously struggling. I was wondering what your hours are this week, perhaps we could talk about this over dinner? Or lunch, if that fits better with your schedule. I’m flexible.”

It’s a few days later, days spent questioning yourself, questioning his intentions, before you see him again, both of you deciding to meet for lunch to further discuss... whatever had just happened.

“Was what I gave you adequate to cover your rent?” Are the first words out of Shouto’s mouth after you greet each other.

“Yeah, more than enough-” You squirm. “But I need to ask.... why?”

“Why?”

“Why me.” 

“Oh.” Shouto’s expression clears. “That’s easy. I told you a few days ago - I like to assist. I’m quite lonely, and it feels nice to use my money on someone other than myself. I think providing for someone brings me... I wouldn’t quite say joy, but... contentment.”

You contemplate his answer for a moment. 

“Well... you saved me with my rent, I don’t really know how to thank you.”

The man leans forward. “Well.... I know it might be a bit sudden, but how would you feel accepting me as a.... benefactor of sorts?”

“You mean like a sugar daddy?” Is your immediate, blurted response. You want to slap yourself for speaking before you have the chance to think about your words, but luckily Shouto just lets out a light laugh.

“If you’d like to call it that. I’m willing to provide financial assistance for you, in exchange for companionship, if you’re willing to give it.”

Your face heats up as you drop your eyes, fidgeting nervously in your seat. “I don’t feel comfortable with a... a sexual relationshi-”

“That’s perfectly acceptable.” Shouto cuts you off before you can continue. “I wasn’t trying to insinuate a contract of that nature. I’m thinking more along the lines of accompanying me at meals, sharing experiences with me, providing company and friendship to a lonely man. If it seems that we’d like to progress further than that after we get to know each other, well, that will be addressed then. For now-” Shouto meets your eye, dipping his head a smidgeon so he can look at you directly. “All I ask for is a simple, non-intimate bond between two people.”

This is crazy.

And yet you accept.

The situation may be wild, and completely absurd, but you’d be a fool not to say yes.

Shouto is charming and handsome, respectful, courteous - you could go on and on about his positive qualities. He just seems like a sad, lonesome man swallowed by work and responsibilities, too stressed and busy to put the effort into making friends the conventional way. 

-----

Months pass by.

You’re eating at every meal, sated and never going hungry. You’re able to move into a new place, one that doesn’t smell like cigarettes and sits right next to a railroad.

Clothes aren’t a worry anymore, you have your own washer and dryer in your new apartment (Shouto offered to buy you a house, or a penthouse at the least, but you couldn’t justify it to yourself). You’re able to afford new things, and pretty dresses, shoes that are comfortable and fashionable and that fit.

You no longer have to wear clothes down until they have holes in them. You’re able to go to the doctor’s when you feel sick, able to pay for health insurance.

Life is good.

Shouto is a personable man, serious, but he can be rather funny and even crude at times.

The doubt and thoughts of “Why is he doing this for me?” and “I’m not good enough for this.” plague you, but Shouto always seems to catch on, reassuring you that you’re exactly what he needs - a friend.

And you’re more than happy to be that.

You think sometimes, that even if he wasn’t paying you, you’d still like to be friends with Shouto Todoroki.

Until he starts acting weird.

“You should just stay at my place. I have more than enough room,, it’d be easier for both our schedules. We’d get to see each other more often.”

“Uhm...” You don’t really know what to say. You like your freedom, and having your own place where you can walk around in your (expensive) underwear without being bothered.

“I think it’d be nice, don’t you? We could have breakfast every morning, you wouldn’t have to worry about traveling to and fro, we could spend more time together. We don’t see each other nearly enough.”

He’s pushing, insistent. How are you supposed to tell him no? He’s paying for your entire life. Plus, it wouldn’t be that bad to actually live with him. Shouto’s an amicable man.

So you move in.

“I bought you a few things, they’re on your bed.” 

Shouto’s striding into the kitchen where you’re making coffee, buttoning up his shirt as he comes closer. You’ve found that the man likes to sleep in nothing but boxers, shrieking and flushing an embarrassing shade the first time he’d come to wake you up with a sweet “welcome” breakfast in bed.

It’s taken a while to adjust, but you finally feel that you’re fully settled in.

“Oh, you really don’t ha-”

“I wanted to. I went through your closet - your clothes are nice, but your underwear seemed to be lacking.” He’s so matter-of-fact.

All you can do is stare at the back of his head.

“Could you pass me a spoon please?”

-----

Shouto had splurged on expensive, fancy lingerie. 

At least eight different sets were laid out on your bed. It was overwhelming. It also felt.... a bit intrusive? They were all in your size, in a complementary color for your skin tone. 

Weird.

Not as weird as the onset of Shouto’s casual touches.

You’d be reading, or drinking tea and watching cars race by on the street so far below, and Shouto would come up behind you, caress your sides before intertwining his fingers with yours on one hand. He did it as if it was a normal thing, but it felt anything but normal.

Or you’d be on the couch together, and Shouto would shuffle closer until his large body was pressed to yours, almost curled around you. The faux-cuddling was a bit more off putting. How do you tell him no?

The touches became more and more intimate, Shouto’s gifts more and more frequent until you weren’t even spending a penny, the man taking care of everything.

The arrangement was beginning to make you uncomfortable.

Shouto’s bi-colored eyes seemed to always be on you, tracing the shape of your body, watching you move, or breath, or sit. It was distracting, and you felt bad for feeling this way towards the man who’d pulled you out of poverty, but it was so unnerving.

He seemed to notice.

“You’ve been so stressed these past few days. Is something wrong?” Shouto’s rubbing a hand into your shoulder, hovering over you at the dinner table.

“No?” Is all you can manage, wiping your hands on your napkin as you finish your food.

Shouto frowns. With a sigh, his hand drops from your shoulder and the man leaves your side, heads toward the kitchen.

You clear your plate from the table, following after him so you can wash it and put it in the dishwasher before you head off to get ready for bed. 

But Shouto is rummaging in a cupboard, pulling down two wine glasses to accompany the bottle of wine that’s standing proud on the island.  It’s your favorite, a sweet wine that Shouto knows you like, always brings it out when he decides to drink whisky or bourbon after dinner.

He pops the cork and pours you a glass while you finish with your dishes, handing you the glass when you turn away from the sink, pressing it into your hands. “Let’s relax a little bit, it’ll be good for both of us.”

You’re fine with that, knowing that a little wine won’t hurt you, especially when it’s of such fine quality. You’d never dreamed that you’d be able to taste such richness in your lifetime, spend frivolous amounts of money on wine and fine eateries. Yet here you are.

Shouto pours himself a glass, barely a sip filling the bottom. The man raises it to his lips and takes a swig, grimacing a bit in his flat, unexpressive way. You giggle a little.

“Too sweet?’

The man nods, setting the glass back down. “I’m not entirely sure how you can stand to stomach it. But if it makes you happy-” He shrugs, before pulling on of the bar-stools out from under the island so he can sit facing you, long legs stretching out before him.

You look at him, and he looks at you, and then you take another sip of wine to avoid the awkwardness.

“You’re distancing yourself from me.”

The accusation is quiet, Shouto’s eyes focused on your fingers wrapped around the stem of the glass.

He’s always been straightforward with his words. “Is there a reason you keep drawing away?”

The wine disappears from your glass, sliding down your throat and settling in your stomach. You fill your glass again before speaking, struggling to find the right words without upsetting your... benefactor.

“Well, Shouto... I don’t really know how to...” You trail off, hoping Shouto will say something, change the subject, say it’s alright and move on to something else.

But the man stays silent, eyes appraising you.

Taking a deep breath, and another gulp of sweetness, you try again.

“Sometimes the closeness... like, physical closeness? Makes me, well, uncomfortable.”

Hopefully, that would satisfy his curiosity for now. That wasn’t the only reason you’d been avoiding Shouto seeming distant, but you didn’t think sharing the others would result in anything good.

Said man accepted your response, dropping his eyes to his lap as he mulled it over. More wine was consumed, glass re-filled. You felt nervous.

“You’re saying that my touch isn’t something you’d prefer.”

Biting your lip, you soften at his confused expression, at the hint of sadness swimming behind his eyes. “Kind of. I don’t mind you Shouto, you’re really kind, and you’re good company, and a wonderful friend. I just don’t think the.... the intimacy is for me.”

Shouto raises his head, stares at you with those pretty eyes, lips parted as he comes to terms with your words. 

“It sounds like you don’t trust me. I would never hurt you, you know this.”

You scramble to assure him. “I do! I do trust you, and I know you wouldn’t.” (at least you hoped) “But I guess I just... Coming into this agreement I wasn’t ready for that type of... thing. I don’t know if I ever will be.”

The man rises, shakes his head as he steps closer to you. “Don’t worry, I remember our first conversation about that aspect. I see that for you, that type of relationship would only begin after you really cared for the other person, trusted and wanted to see them happy, am I correct?”

“Oh, Shouto-” You rush. “No, I care for you, and I trust you, and of course I want to see you happy. I think it’s just, y’know, my last relationship like that went really bad, and it sucked. I don’t want to go through that again.”

Shouto nods, understanding. “I see. You don’t have to worry about any of that with me then.”

A smile crosses your face, and you feel relived that he accepted your rejection with grace and understanding instead of violence or anger. “Thank you, it means a lot to me.”

The mood of the room shifted, from tense and uncomfortable, to easy and light, and you poured another glass of wine, laughing a little at how worried you were about the conversation with Shouto, only for it all to turn out fine.

“I’m going to go drink some of the liquor that’s kept in my room. I could mix a few drinks for you to try, you might like how sweet they are. I know hard alcohol isn’t quite your thing.”

You beam a smile, nodding your head eagerly. Before, you’d feel apprehensive about going into his room with him to drink alcohol. But with the conversation the two of you just had, you knew - things would be fine.

-----

The room was spinning and you felt giddy and light. You were definitely tipsy.

“You can lay down on my bed, you’re getting wobbly on your feet.” Shouto had offered, and you’d gladly accepted, flopping down onto his comfy bedspread with a laugh at how the motion made butterflies rise in your tummy.

Shouto leaned against his dresser, swirling whiskey in his glass as he watched you, a half-smile across his face. You smiled back, before closing your eyes, a little bit tired as you realized that you might be a bit more than just tipsy.

Shouto had mixed quite a few drinks for you, and you’d drank each one eagerly, impressed with how little alcohol you could taste in each one. You don’t remember how many you had, but it didn’t really matter.

The next thing you know, hands are on your waist, scooting you further up the bed so your legs no longer hang off the edge. Cracking open an eye, you’re met with the visage of red-and-white, eyes soft and warm as they regard you, Shouto’s face tinged a bit pink from the few drinks he had consumed. The man had never been too good at holding his alcohol.

When those hands started to slip beneath your shirt, you wiggled like a little worm, not really comprehending the situation. Maybe it was a dream.

Your shirt was discarded, then your pants. It felt much more comfortable now, and you mumbled a “thanks” to the man helping you settle for bed. He was so nice, Shouto took such good care of you. You still kind of couldn’t believe the turn your life had taken with him, the good luck pushed into your path.

Someone was kissing you.

With a grunt of surprise, you kissed them back, meeting their feverish pace and trying to keep up, soft lips puckering and pushing against your own with intent. Kissing felt good. You liked kissing.

Then a hand was cupping your face, stroking tenderly over your cheek before it began sliding down, down your neck, into the valley between your breasts, trailing over your bra. It felt funny.

Pushing back for air, you gasped when the hand on your chest started squeezing at you, eyes flying open with the startling, sudden sensation.

Shouto was hovering over you, lips puffy, panting as he stared at you with lusty eyes, an uncharacteristic look on his face. This... this wasn’t supposed to be like this. You knew. Hadn’t the two of you just talked about something... important? Was it important?

You didn’t feel panic until a hand cupped your sex, feeling your skin through your panties.

This wasn’t right.

Alarm bells were ringing, dull and far away, but you didn’t think that Shouto should be touching you in such a way. you should be going to bed.

“Mm, Sho, can you stop?” But your words felt funny on your tongue, and Shouto didn’t stop. Maybe he didn’t hear you.

His hair tickled your chin as the man bent to mouth at your tits, pulling the cups of your bra underneath them so he could feel your hot skin, let his saliva drag slick and wet against your chest. 

Your hands instinctively rooted themselves in his hair as you gasped again, not expecting such a move, tugging lightly at his head to pull him up. Shouto just groaned, teething gently at your breasts and not moving an inch. His hips were grinding against the bed though, as he stood between your spread legs.

Before you knew it, your panties were gone, bra clumsily unclasped and discarded, and you were completely bare. Shouto was undressing before you, struggling with the buttons on his shirt before giving up, easily ripping the fabric of his body with one tug, grumbling.

You didn’t feel so tipsy anymore.

“Shouto, what’re we doing? We shouldn’t be doing this, we need to stop-”

“Stay down.” Was his firm command, a hand splayed across your naked chest and pushing you back into the mattress as you tried to sit up. It made you breathless, the growl in his voice, the dominance emanating from the man. You stayed still.

“This’s gonna make us a stronger couple.” The man slurred, eyes dark and hands wandering, effortlessly keeping you pinned against the bed as he ground his hips forward against the edge. You were getting scared.

“Wait-”

You fell silent as one hand pushed down his pants, his underwear going with them, pink cock bobbing free. He was so pretty down there, and it made sense, all of him was pretty, but you suddenly realized the weight of the situation, what was happening.

“Shouto, no, oh my god. We gotta stop right now, we’re drunk, we’re-we’re-”

“Don’t care. Not gonna let you hide away from me this time.” Shouto shook his head, taking his cock in one hand and giving it a long, slow pump, flushed tip weeping precum and wetting his hand.

“No, no, this is wrong. I don’t want this, I could get pregnant!” You cried, beginning to panic for real, pushing against the one strong hand anchoring you to the bed.

Shouto just chuckled, letting go of his cock to crowd against you, getting up in your face to press a wet finger to your lips, the salty taste of his precum threatening to slip into your mouth unless you kept it shut. “Shhh, shh. If you stay nice and still, if you do what I say, I’ll use a condom.”

You couldn’t believe your ears.

“You’re gonna listen to me, you always do.” The man nodded to himself, once again dragging his cock against the bed between your legs, as if he couldn’t stop himself. “Or else I’ll fuck you raw.” The finger was pulled from your lips, only to be wagged teasingly in your face. 

You couldn’t believe how he was acting.

“Be nice.”

Shouto tapped your nose with a neatly manicured finger, before groaning as he heaved himself upright, red cock bobbing against his stomach, desperate for attention. The man gave you a look, as if to say “don’t move” before he took his hands off you, heading for his dresser.

Once you saw him pulling out a strip of condoms, you were on your feet, stumbling toward the door.

Although panic had sobered you somewhat, you were still struggling with the effects of the alcohol, so your reaction time was maddeningly slow. Slow enough that you weren’t able to truly fight against Shouto when he grabbed you from behind toned arms wrapping around your middle and heaving you into the air, only to throw you back on his bed.

You were almost sick on the bedspread, world spinning and stomach protesting, but you were able to calm yourself.

But then Shouto was on you, flipping you onto your back, a soft hand pressing against your throat threateningly. 

“You want to have a baby? Want me to cum in you so you’ll get all fat with kids? Hm?” He was so intense, almost choking you, straddling your waist and keeping you pinned. It was too much

You were able to manage a tearful, desperate “No!” despite the hand around your throat, and Shouto backed off, releasing the pressure to instead stroke his hand against the sides of your neck.

“Stop acting like this, it’s the next logical step for us. You said you cared for me, wanna make me happy. This’ll make me happy. I won’t be like the last guy.”

His cock was pressed against your stomach, and you could feel it twitching. Shouto clambered off of you, letting go of your neck so he could grab the condoms he’d tossed on the bed before snatching you up.

“Do what I say and I use these.” He waved them in your face before tearing one off, beginning to open it. 

You stayed still, gazing at him blearily, limbs feeling fuzzy, mind feeling the same.

The condom was rolled onto Shouto’s cock, the man spitting into his palm and giving the latex a few rubs to make it slick before reaching for you.

He dragged you to the edge of the bed - the perfect height for him to fuck you - and you didn’t fight, terrified of his threat. You couldn’t stand the thought of a baby.

(You didn’t know, but neither could he)

“Wanted to do this since I met you.” Shouto mumbled, pushing your panties to the side with a few fingers so he could guide his tip to your hole. “Want you so bad.”

You didn’t know what to think of this side of Shouto. This unreserved, uncareful, slurring mess of a man that loomed before you, gaze dark and wild, limbs everywhere as he groped and squeezed and appreciate the shape of your body.

But he must’ve gotten impatient, because then he was pushing inside.

It hurt, stinging pain rippling up your back and you keened, causing Shouto to pause. One of his hands darted down to wrap around your calf, hauling it up on the bed so he could lean forward and press it to you chest, sinking his cock a few inches deeper.

“You’re gonna take it.” He hissed before messily kissing you, pressed so close together that it was hard to breathe. “I’ll make it feel good after you do.”

[btswishes]

Love me for who I am now

Bucky x Reader ( Chapter 1 )

Part1 / Next 

Summary: You apply for the Stark internship and end up getting it, so now you have 5 months to make a good impression to continue working with the Avengers.

A/N: This is my first Marvel fic and I am taking it as a challenge. It is opposite of what my account was made, but here I go. Sorry for any mistakes made, hope you enjoy it even a tiny bit.

Word count:  3,281

Warmings: fights, harsh language, not part of the original MCU 

Y/N- Your name Y/L/N:  Your Last Name

                                   --------------------------------------

  Through sleepless nights and dark circles, books and pens, through months of work you reached your goal. The moment you received the acceptance letter from Stark University you almost flew out the window without a fear in your mind. This was it!

  Time had passed since that moment, but it is still engraved in your mind- a memory keeping you strong during the hard midterms and piles of work, even the small glimmers of regret. Trying your best wasn’t an option, you could do only that and no less. It was no easy task, lost social life as much as you tried to keep it. You were really lucky you had good friends that understood and supported you. University wasn’t easy for anyone making this one even tougher. People of all ages, backgrounds and cultures were piled up with you in this building. The best of the best as the slogan said, the ones that proved themselves and emerged victorious.

  When you were young ,you used to spend a lot of time with your uncle at his places outside the country. He would introduce you to his work colleagues and things you had never seen before. There was a time where you would spend months on end with him. Not many memories were left from those moments in your head. At one point you spend a few years with him, your mother thought it would be good experience for you and it turned out to be nothing but the truth-at least you hoped so. You learned a lot from him and his friends, it felt like each spend day would offer you more knowledge in areas you never knew of. Computer work, ways of thinking and so much more that had become second nature to you.

  The sky was tinted in a wash of oranges, reds and yellows bleeding one into the other, swirling around the sun emitting them. The day was ending, but you found yourself filling up an application in the library, covered by the silence and smell of exam worry.

  Sponsored and founded by the one and only Tony Stark, this establishment offered an internship. Being part of the Avengers, Tony didn’t let just anyone from the students attending in, even if they were the best labeled by the school. It had been a year and a half since you started pushing yourself harder to be able to apply and there was nothing that could stop you. Pressing your finger over the enter button was very nerve wrecking yet simple. Even if it didn’t work out this year, you planned to do it again and again ,till he had no other choice but give you a chance.

  Usually F.R.I.D.A.Y. went over everything and left only the applications worth going over by Tony himself or Pepper. The next 5 weeks for you were very stressful, but there was nothing more you could do but wait and focus on your own work. The first person you wanted to tell about this was your uncle. He went to work in some distant place where they had no internet so you switched to mail. Not as much paper under his name passed through your hands, as he had stopped answering you. You missed him, but the muddy childhood memories kind of compensated for that.

“Did you send it in?” the phone muffled a bit the sweet voice coming from the speaker 

“Yeah, a few days ago actually.” You answered with a gentle sigh

“And no answer yet?” the girl’s pitch rose at the end of the sentence, amazed at that what she just heard

“I know, I know. Think about it though Nea. Who knows how many applications get submitted. Someone has to brush through them after all.” defending the situation was a form of coping for you, made you feel hopeful.

“So you are trying to tell me Tony Stark’s interface or whatever it’s called, can’t sort them out in a couple of hours? Come on Y/N! You and I both know you are trying to make yourself feel better.” The small pause made you anxious over what Nea said “Listen.” A breathy start of the sentence “ I don’t mean to brag, but I think I am one of the people who know exactly how much you deserve this. You were never the studious type, plus that you were gone for years on end with that mysterious uncle of yours. I never expected you to suddenly go for Stark University. Your dream changed you, from this quiet kid to crazy ol’ you right now on the call with me.I ain’t letting you bust yourself up over this just because it didn’t happen the first time around-”

                Ding ding

  Nea’s deep speech was cut off before she could unleash herself completely, by the slight ring of your phone’s notification.

“Who tf has the audacity to text while the great me is giving this legendary –“

                Ding!

  The second time the sound sung out made her choke up with anger, you could almost see the fumes coming out of the phone.

“WHO IS IT!” a loud hiss pierced your ear

“Maybe if you gave me a minute I could answer your question.” Pulling the call down, your finger ran over the screen to the email, making your notification lamp blink like a car. Almost instantly it opened before your eyes and you gasped. The action made you swallow suddenly and cough out a bit ,giving poor Nea an idea about the level of shock you were in.

“What?What? You can’t just almost die and not tell me what is going on.” She proceeded with a not so tasteful interrogation.

“I-…they accepted my application…” at the end a small smile flowed over your lips contorting the sound coming out

“Stop!?” she choked up as well “You gotta be fucking with me!? No fucking way this is real!”

“I am honest. It says here that they liked my skill set, my grades and the way of thinking I presented in my essay. I got the spot Nea! I fucking did it!” you threw the phone on the bed letting it bounce as you started dancing.

“Of course you did! I told you! You will be working with THE AVENGERSSSS!” at some point it sounded like your best friend was more excited than you “When do you start?”

“Well…” taking a second to calm down and re-establish contact with your phone, you looked up the schedule that came attached with the email “…ok…so it says here that I will be starting on Monday so~ in 2 days? “

“So soon! Any requirements for the job miss Avenger’s sidekick?” and the teasing begins

“A list, surprisingly.” Rolling onto your back, you held the screen away and above your face, scrolling past “ I guess my first job will be with Dr. Banner in the lab. Apparently I will be given some sort of assignments throughout the 5 months work span. I will be monitored by Dr. Bruce Banner and the grading, I guess if you can call It that ,will be done by Tony Stark himself.”

“Basically Hulk will be your babysitter.” once this girl starts teasing she never stops even in amazing situations such as this one, good thing you loved her “That sounds so cool though! You will be able to meet Captain America and Black Widow~! I am so jelly of you I swear! When you leave work make sure to wait for someone from the group to walk by, omgggg I am fangirling so much right now.What if you go to dinners with them!?AAAAA!”

“Fun thing about that.” Your eyes landed on the last paragraph of the email “It says here that I am supposed to move into the compound and stay there till further notice. The whole idea is that if I do things well I will get a permanent job. Weird…” you hummed

“Weird !? How? That is so cool! Who knows you might even become an Avenger! You will be living with them anyways.” at this point Nea was either not breathing or hyperventilating so fast you couldn’t hear it

“Don’t be ridiculous.” your attention landed once more on the thought process you had a moment ago “I don’t get one thing. They say here that my PE grades combined with my IT and overall studies make me a great candidate, but I don’t remember sports being a requirement at all, or even providing them in the first place. Does it mean that if my grades were low in that department I wouldn’t have gotten the spot?”

“I guess people of science aren’t that flexible. Who cares anyways! You got in, no ifs and buts. I am telling you, at this point you could be an Avenger.” poor girl began thinking of names and suit designs for you “ Hurry up and pack those bags before I drop by with take away, so we can gossip over Steve Rogers’s abs.”

“Um…don’t get me wrong he is super hot, I just see the Cap more like an older brother figure than anything.” It was true, you looked up to him since the first time you studied about the Civil War. Fearless, gave his life in a way for his people, astonishing man over all.

“Hey! Let me drool over him! You were always more of a Winter Soldier fan anyways.” Nea pouted audibly . Her words made some lone memory pop up in your head, but it was as murky as the rest. “I don’t know why I am interested in him. Somehow his look is very nostalgic and rugged. Anyways. ”you shook your head out of the mental image of the soldier “I will go pack up, tell my parents and fix up all my documents. Probably find some stuff from former Stark employees online. I want to have a bit of an idea of what he expects and what I am getting myself into.”

“Fine fine, you could have just said you like troubled guys. You were the one who was happy Loki got a second chance after all. I will be over in like 3 hours.” She informed you

“Hey! He deserved to redeem himself, he was used!” a firm Loki supporter as always “Ok then, see ya.”

   Hanging up the call you placed your phone to charge and rolled off your bed. The email gave vague information about what you needed, but clothing wise you would still be able to come home and get stuff if you had to. What was on top of your priorities were papers, documents, all your research materials and tech. Those things had to be organized no matter what ,since they got you this far in the first place.

  Nae came over as planned and you two had a nice sleepover talking about you know who. The night came and left, letting the morning find you in your bed at 11am. Your forearm rested on top of your forehead in a relaxed manner, letting enough space for an exhale to linger in the air in front of you. Your mind was going over everything that was about to happen to you. It was one of your dreams, you worked for it nonstop day in day out, so why were you so worried about meeting the rest of the Avengers? Maybe it was just anxiety or fear of the unknown, yeah made sense.

  All you did during the day was make lists for every piece of tech you were binging with yourself. Things seemed to be in order, but worry kept nibbling on your bones. The moment of truth finally rolled up and so did your suitcase in front of your house. Nea came to send you off as she promised.

“Sweetie, make sure to call us every day. Eat well, don’t overwork yourself and-“ your mom went off with caution about anything and everything that came to mind

“Mom, you know I am going 3 blocks down from here right? Plus I can come home at any time I want to. I am not moving to Mars or getting arrested.” You smirked the panic away from her, giving them a big hug.

“Call me or text me when you get there.” Nea pulled you in, whispering in your ear as quietly as possible “And don’t forget to sneak me a booty pick of good ol’Cap. You know what they say-”

“That is America’s ass.” Your voice came out in a mocking tone

“That i-…let me at least finish it by myself! Geez!” she pushed you towards the door “Ok ok, go now before you spoil me something else” her arms crossed in front of her chest

  The walk wasn’t that long, you were too invested in your own thoughts to notice when the time and distance had passed. The glistening windows of the compound building shined into your eyes. Your lungs filled up with a breath that they kept in for a moment, before releasing it back in the outside world. Pulling out the documents you stepped in. The fresh smelling air hit you making you close one eye for a second.

People were walking around you fast and concentrated. Some looked in a hurry, others were on break with a cup of coffee and a strain-leaving expression.

 Your feet, as slightly shaky as they were, took you right up to the front desk were a lady with a dark rich red colored uniform looked at you. She flashed a professional smile, her eyes asking for your purpose.

“Um, hello. My name is Y/N -Y/L/N.” she saw the logo on your papers and gasped

“You must be the new intern Mr. Stark told us about.” She signed something and reached out “Can you give me your hand for a second.” Your fingers didn’t go past the surface of the desk when she pocked your skin. Pulling in your extremity, your palm wrapped around the spot that began to sting a bit “Don’t worry about it. This is your identification pass. Fancy, no?” she smiled winking. Her body stood up as she pointed at the elevator far in the back of the foyer.

  Instructions were given with each step of the way, calming your nerves a bit. The moment you found yourself inside the elevator she pulled your hand to the sensor on the wall next to the buttons.

Recognized: Code 2514. Welcome Miss Y/N  

 Your head shot up when F.R.I.D.Y.’s voice echoed in the small space. The women smiled giving you a small nod and stepped out of the vicinity. Once her body was outside ,the doors slid closed. Over them glowed a protective blue light layering over the material like a soft veil.

 It felt like you weren’t moving an inch. Your body flinched when the sun stung at your eyes from the window. Your gaze landed over the view of the city, as you went higher and higher, ascending into the clouds  The blues and yellows were covering the inside of the elevator, such vibrant and lovely colors warming your body. For a moment your heart felt heavy- lost memory tugged onto it again. An often occurrence lately, yet you kept brushing off as deja vu. 

Floor 134. Welcome to the Avenger’s compound Miss Y/N

“134!?” the numbers cracked out with your voice. The interface made you turn towards the opposite opening doors revealing a room as big as a hall, if not almost a stadium. The ceiling was high being the lid to this round area. Your heart beat increased pumping blood to your body, dilating your pupils at least twice their original size. It look amazing, almost like you had just entered heaven. The walls were white, the furniture was perfectly placed and cream colored. Stepping outside you jumped at the sound of the elevator doors closing behind you. 

“Wow” escaped your lips, your hand pulling the suitcase closer. So this was the common room or the shared space. The windows were so big they were practically a wall of their own. The bright rays were making themselves at home giving the white paint a new color with each passing minute. The ceilings were probably the equivalent of 3 floors in height. There was this weird feeling of home inside, a bit of isolation maybe mixed in. 

“Miss Y/N?” your head swung to the side when you recognized that shy but bright smile. Throwing the papers on top of your suitcase, you extended your arm at the man.

“Ah.” Good thing your mind automatically responds politely to people without you giving it much thought “Dr. Banner. It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance.” you shook his hand gently a couple of times and let go ,finding the papers and showing them to him “My name is Y/N-Y/L/N.” gentle bow and a smile followed the words skillfully chosen

“Welcome Welcome. Tony is out right now so I might be the only one actively walking around the compound. Well…”he scratched the back of his neck, lightly hunching over with a sheepish smile “I am one of the people you will be working under anyways, so I guess it is good that I came to get you. I would love to show you the lab, but I am sure you would like to set up your things first.” You nodded and he showed you to your room. The corridor had 3 tall doors scattered on the walls, all looking modern and elegant.

“This is the side where usually we have our female members. Natasha and Wanda will be your nextdoor neighbors. Hope it won’t be any trouble.” Bruce looked at you ,when an aggressive shake took over your neck

“No, no. Not at all sir. I am very grateful to have such amazing heroes next to me. As a matter of fact won’t they be troubled with me here?” and here came the normal anxiety that you had for everything

“I am sure they will like you. Don’t worry about it.” Bruce stepped next to the door and waved you over “You don’t have a key or a door handle as a matter of fact. Tony’s idea, don’t ask. If you got up here on your own I assume he made the girls downstairs give you an identification implant. That is basically your entrance for everything here. Kind of an Avengers thing.” You nodded and him wiggling his fingers like a spell. Placing your hand on the door like he told you activated F.R.I.D.A.Y.

Recognized: Y/N. Access and ownership granted.

  The metal frame slid open and you found yourself standing before a big room. It was nicely furnished. The desk was big enough for you to work on it and have everything around. Bookshelves empty and ready to be used on your left and a large bed on your right flush against the wall. The window was once more its own wall right in front of you standing behind the desk. The bathroom door was opening a space before the shelf the same color as the paint in the common room.

“I will let you set up. If you need anything F.R.I.D.A.Y. is always here. The room is interactive, you can ask exactly what works under the interface’s control. The door is one.Take your time.”he was on his way out “Would you like some coffee or tea?”

“I would like some tea, thank you very much.” Bruce flashed you a smile “F.R.I.D.A.Y. the door please.”

Door closed 

  Done as said and requested, clicking behind you. 

Would you like an extensive list of my functions as an assistant?

“Please do.”

[abqbox]

Went to dinner with my folks last night.

It was a good and enjoyable time and we visited and talked about a bunch of stuff and one thing that came up was my dad mentioning now is a great time, with so many places hiring and desperate for help, to decide what I want to do professionally and start a new career if needed.

Once at home I checked and I currently make significantly less than my job right out of college (inflation adjusted), which I got laid off from in the 2008 financial crash. That was a depressing realization.

But last night in bed, listening to the wind outside, I thought about it, about what I would really like and enjoy doing for work. The things I like about my current job are the work from home part and the usual scheduling flexibility. The pay is not great, and the work itself is the same; neither great nor horrible.

I thought about it and everything I could think of where I would enjoy the actual job itself comes with some considerable hurdles, like averaging about half what I make now, requiring living somewhere I really do not want to go, having skills and talents I do not posses, or being 20 years or more younger. So, of the available options when I think about it the things that are important to me in a job are more simple, making a decent amount (or ridiculous on the high side if that is available), working from home or at least somewhere local, doing something not horribly physically demanding or wildly time consuming that I am at least moderately good at. That’s it.

I remember even way back when I was a child and other kids were wanting to be firemen or astronauts or whatever and I didn’t really care. I knew I had to do something for a job and I wanted it to be something that wasn’t too difficult that would allow me to support a family and not have to spend all my time working, but what it was was not particularly important to me beyond those requirements.

I am certainly lucky that working with computers comes easily to me and I am comfortable and capable doing that type of work, it has mostly served me well throughout my professional life, despite the setbacks coinciding with overall larger issues in the economy. It’s not something I find incredibly interesting enough to put in lots of effort to make sure I am always the best and most knowledgeable employee, and that means I am not on the cutting edge with new techniques and programming languages and things like that, which is always an issue when finding a job, or keeping one sometimes it seems. That is a problem, especially combined with my absolute disgust at the self promotion selling myself crap that is so vital to getting promotions and career advancements and new positions.

There is no question at all my professional life has been far from a wild success, somewhat like my personal life. So it is probably a good thing I am not the type of person who is really hung up on professional success. There are absolutely times where I would love the comfort and less (or at least different) stress of a bit more financial success, of course. That does not seem to be in the cards for me though, not considering my personality and other wants and desires.

So, in the end I think it is not so much a matter of finding a new career or anything as simply doing the work to get on the cutting edge of new things in my current field enough to get a job with the pay and remote features that are important to me and then just keep on not hating or particularly enjoying the work itself. And I suppose there are worse things to do for work than that.

But it would be great if I could find a nice, easy job that pays a stupid amount more than it reasonably should.

Oh yeah, pic is loosely related, shot from the security camera as the small amount of snow we got was forcefully blown into the lens while we were in bed last night.

[miikrokkosmos]

assistance || namjoon x reader

pairing: namjoon x reader

genre: fluff, angst, idol!namjoon, assistant manager!reader

word count: 4.3k

summary: Namjoon oversteps the line of what is appropriate in regards to his professional relationship with you, one of BTS’s assistant managers, and in more ways than one. Not that you could complain, though.

a/n: hey! i promise i will not be regularly leaving notes like this, but just wanted to say hey, i’m a new BTS fic writer, so feel free to say hi (or leave me fic ideas/requests!! i can’t promise to write every request, but i appreciate any inspo!) and this is something i hate to ask, but just wanted to say that i can’t express how much i’d appreciate a reblog if you enjoy this fic! just bc i am a brand new blog and have no other way of getting my stuff out there. thanks for reading, i hope you enjoy, and again, any ideas or criticisms would be so appreciated!! <3

______________________________________________________________________

What on earth was he thinking.

You had no idea what you were taking on when you accepted a job offer in an assistant management position with BigHit. You thought it would be a comfy little job to get your foot in the door of a big entertainment corporation while you continued your grad school studies on the side. You didn’t think your days would be taken up with helping your senior managers assisting a group of energetic young men with the craziest tasks. You didn’t think you’d travel the world, shielding the band from overzealous fans at airports, or that you’d be waking up at 5 am to help figure out scheduling issues with the other managers. And you certainly didn’t think you’d catch the eye and attention of one Kim Namjoon.

The interactions had started out simple enough. The time he overhead you instructing the other managers about the members’ particular favourite coffee orders, and he made it clear he was impressed with your attention to detail after working with them for only a small amount of time. When he shyly grinned the time you jumped in front of him at the airport when a fan’s reaching hand came a little too close to his jacket. The day he called you over to play Mario Kart with him and the boys while they were waiting their turn to perform somewhere, because he noticed you standing in the corner, not privy to the conversations of the older male managers who always seemed to subconsciously you leave you out. The day he was panicking, searching for a book he was reading before a show, and you had found it behind a make-up chair he had been sitting in. He gave you the biggest smile along with a “thank you” as he placed his warm hand on your shoulder, making you madly blush in front of the whole team. And most recently, the day he came over to where you were sitting, unprompted, just to chat with you in between sets. You were busy taking notes and studying for an exam the next day in between requests from the other managers while the boys were performing. He was very interested in what you were studying, but was appalled to see how much work you had due in between tasks and running errands for the team, let alone the massive migraine that was plaguing you as a result. As he was getting called to the stage, he offered to help you study. You were completely taken aback, and all you could muster was a “maybe”.

You initially beat yourself up for not being more accepting of his offer, but you were just so shocked. Why would an idol, who was by far your superior, want to give of his precious free time to help you study? Well, you had a feeling bubbling up inside of you whenever he glanced your way, and you were worried maybe he was feeling the same. Or maybe he was just horny. Which is why you were so hesitant to readily accept his kindness – what would be the point? Nothing could come of it. It wouldn’t be professionally appropriate to take interest in each other’s personal lives, and a “work friends with benefits” certainly wouldn’t be appropriate, not that you were interested in that kind of thing anyway.

Suffice it to say, you were more than a little shocked when you got called into a meeting with your superiors questioning after your personal health and wellbeing, due to a certain Kim Namjoon sending them a detailed email on your behalf speaking of your migraines and overworked schedule, imploring them to be more lax and flexible with you. You had vehemently apologized and promised you were perfectly capable of keeping up with (and grateful for) your work hours, and your headaches were of your own doing for staying up too late during your personal time (you left out the part of how you had to stay up all night just to keep up with your school work on top of your job). And when they not-so-subtly asked why Namjoon of all people was the one to bring the issue up, you hastily told them you had no idea, as you prayed in your head as fervently as possible that they couldn’t see the flush rising on your cheeks.

You left, trying to fight the small part of yourself that was touched by Namjoon worrying about you, and attempting to focus on the fury that was boiling within you for him doing something like that without even consulting you. It could have cost you your job, if the managers above you were any less understanding. The managers’ questions of why Namjoon had contacted them were haunting you. Why did he take that upon himself?

You knew why.

You just wish you didn’t.

______________________________________________________________________

Clad in pajama shorts and a baggy tee, you were slumped in a chair at the desk in your hotel room, working away at the homework on your laptop in an attempt to distract yourself from your feelings about the day’s events as well as those about a certain person. You were snapped out of your stupor when two loud raps sounded at your door. As you stood up to walk to the door, you glanced towards the clock – 1:19 am. Hhmm.

You didn’t glance at the peephole for fear you would stop yourself from opening the door if you knew who was there. Instead, you swung the door wide open, and there he was. Grey sweatpants, an oversized t-shirt, dimples on full display.

“Namjoon-nim,” you stated, more than greeted, mustering as close to a death glare as you could in the tall boy’s direction.

If he noticed the expression on your face, he didn’t show it, and greeted you with a wide grin. “Hi. I was wondering if now would be a good time to help you with some studying? If it’s not too late, of course. I just remember you mentioning you had an exam coming up soon, and…,” his mile-a-minute voice trailing off into an awkward giggle, as he realizes he’s still standing in your doorway, “May I come in?”

You slowly move to the side to make way for him, shutting the door behind you. You lean your back against the door with a loud sigh and put your head in your hands once you lock it.

Namjoon notices your disposition this time, his head quickly snapping towards you at the sound of your loud breathing. “Hey, _____, what’s wrong?”

Your snap your harsh eyes up to meet his soft ones, slowly walking towards him. “Namjoon-nim.”

“Are you stressed about your exam? I promise I will give you all of my time to help you study if you need it. Try not to stress about it so much, you’re a smart woman and -“

“Namjoon.” You stop walking when you are less than a foot apart from his face.

His soft gaze turns concerned. He closes his mouth, and prods you to continue with his eyes, deciding it best to give his words a break.

You do your best to keep your harsh stare steady, but it’s so much harder to do when you’re close enough to brush the fluffy strands of hair out of his eyes if you only lifted your hand. “Namjoon. Why did you have to reach out to the managers? What would possess you to do such a thing?”

His face contorts into an expression both relieved and confused at the same time. “Is that why you’re upset? I talked to them because I want you to take care of yourself. It’s not fair for you to have to be up before us, to bed later than us, giving yourself migraines trying to fit in an education on top of it. I just thought…it would help if I said something.” He looks down to his toes, not daring to meet your gaze.

You’re glad for the lack of eye contact, because you know you wouldn’t be able to seem as serious and angry as you want to if you were to meet his eyes. “I can appreciate all of that Namjoon, but it’s not your job to worry about me. What you did…I could’ve lost my job.”

As his eyes snap up, it becomes your turn to stare into the floor. “You’re not gonna lose your job. You’re too important to BigHit for that to happen.”

You huff a bitter laugh at that and walk around him to sit on the end of your bed, not being able to stand up in his face like you were for a moment longer. “That’s easy for you to say. I’m a lot more replaceable than someone like you are, and you and I both know it.”

“No, _____, I’m serious. They need you. Nobody knows the team like you do.” He walks over until he’s standing in front of you, between your legs. You embarrass yourself by letting out an involuntary gasp at his closeness, leaning back on your elbows on the bed to keep your distance. “I understand that’s not the point right now though. And I am sorry if my actions made you uncomfortable,” he says, kneeling down and taking your hands in his own. His eyes are staring into your own, hoping, pleading to get through to you. “It just hurts to see you struggling in any way. It has to be obvious by now that I care about you, _____” he says, voice barely above a whisper, as he reaches up to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, and then leaves his hand resting under your cheek.

You go against your better judgement and give into his touch as he leans closer, leaving you no choice but to meet him half way and let him press his plush lips to yours. You both lean backward onto the bed until he is hovering over you, and for a small moment you let yourself revel in the feeling that you didn’t dare let yourself dream about before. But the butterflies in your stomach soon turn into a knot, all of your suppressed fears and feelings coming to a head until you feel tears rolling out of your eyes and onto Namjoon’s face. You’re embarrassed but you can’t stop the tears from coming, gently pushing on Namjoon’s chest to get him off of you. Once he realizes the situation he quickly backs away until he’s sitting at your side on the bed, gingerly placing his hands in his lap. “I’m sorry, _____.”

His unnecessary apology just makes you sob all the more. “We can’t do this,” you say almost as much to yourself as you do to him. You let your head hang, hugging yourself into a ball as you continue to weep.

Namjoon looks around himself, unsure of the best way to help the situation. Still keeping his hands to himself, he leans his head closer to your own lowly-hanging one to be at eye level. “I’m sorry, _____, please try to relax.”

You snap your head up quickly to stare into his eyes, your own (y/e/c) eyes full of hot tears. “Joon.” His gaze softens, perhaps even turns a little sad, at the sound of the nickname. “We can’t do this, Joon. We can’t get attached.”

Getting his bravery back, Namjoon lets his hands rise up to hesitantly cup both of your cheeks and hold your head in place. “It’s too late for me, _____. None of this will change anything for me.” He drops his head, his own eyes slightly beginning to swell. “I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.”

A wave of realization washes over you, that this is actually happening, as you gaze sadly at the crying boy in front of you. You reach out a hand to brush gently through his shaggy locks, until you let your hand trail down to under his chin to push up gently so that his eyes meet yours once more. “I’m already attached too,” you admit in a tone so soft, as if speaking any louder would shatter the air around you.

The sadness in Namjoon’s eyes is replaced with a slight glimmer of hope, his eyes shining with a mix of his own tears and a reflection of the dancing city lights shining through the window behind you. But before he can open his mouth and give himself false hope, you gently place a finger over his lips.

“It doesn’t matter though, Joon. They’d never allow anything. You know it. If they found out I’d be transferred away from you at best, fired at worst. Nothing can work.”

“We can be a secret. We can make somethingwork.”

“How? We work together, all day, every day. People would know.”

“_____.” Namjoon breathes out your name, moving one of his hands to behind your back to gently pull you into his side, using his other hand to clasp one of your own tightly. You shudder at the close proximity, still not used to being anywhere near this close to him.

He looks down at you with heavy eyes, choosing his next words carefully. “It’s late. We’re both tired. Can we try to get some sleep and have a real conversation about this in the morning?”

As much as you want to get the pain over with and end the conversation now, you can’t bring yourself to say no when he’s staring down into your eyes with such a pure and sad longing. “Okay.”

You begin to push yourself off of him in order to show him out the door, but he grabs you by the waist and back into his shoulder. In a shaky voice, he pleads, “No. Can I sleep here…please? It’s just…you’re right. Realistically, I don’t know what, if anything,we can work out in the morning. But let’s just have tonight. Together. No one will know and it’s not going to affect or change anything for the worse at this point. If we can’t have every day, let’s just be at peace with each other tonight, as if we’re together. Please. And we can talk and work everything out for real in the morning. Right now I just…need to hold you.”

Any emotional strength you had left has been spent now, and there is nothing else you can do but give in. “Okay.”

Namjoon quirks an eyebrow at you, trying to ease out of his serious mindset for both of your sakes. “Deal?”

“Deal,” you say, nodding at him as you straighten your posture in his embrace. “But we do actually have to sleep. I have to be up in four hours, so I’m going to get ready for bed,” you add, standing up off the bed to head to the bathroom.

“Of course,” he says as he, too, rises. You begin to sift through your suitcase for a suitable pair of pajamas when you notice he has taken his shirt off and thrown it to the floor next to you – his version of “getting ready for bed”. You stop shuffling through your clothes for a moment as you think to yourself, and then grab his shirt from its balled-up position on the floor.

“So,” you drawl out, to get his attention, “If we’re in a relationship for tonight, that means I can wear this, right?” You hold his shirt out into the air in front of you.

His eyes widen, momentarily surprised, but soon a shy little grin overtakes his features. “Yes. Yes, of course.” He nods at you.

“Good,” you say, as you walk into the mini bathroom next to you.

After brushing your teeth and splashing water on your tear-stained face, you hop out of your clothes and into his oversized shirt, comfortably hitting you mid-thigh. You walk out of the bathroom to find him sitting crossed-legged on the bed with the covers pulled all the way back, waiting expectantly for you. His face scrunches into a bashful grin when he sees you clad in just his shirt. “You look so good.”

You loudly scoff at that as you climb into the spot next to him on the bed. “I have no makeup on, my face is puffy from crying…you really are sleep deprived, aren’t you?”

He rolls his eyes and smiles sweetly at you. Neither one of you move to lie down first, instead just sitting up on the bed, gazing at each other. It really hits you in this moment, the strangeness of it all, sitting on a bed next to someone who is essentially your boss. Yet even in the midst of the strangeness, and the unknowns, you can’t calm the feeling rising inside of you of how rightit all feels. Still, you don’t let yourself linger on that, and find yourself slipping into work mode when you let your mind linger too long on the fact that the man next to you whom you care about deeply is also 1/7thof the reason you have a job and get paid.

You glance down and take note of his attire. “Oh, Namjoon, I’m sorry, you’re still wearing your sweats…do you need me to find you something else to change into? Are you comfortable?” He smiles and puts a hand over yours, about to open his mouth before you cut him off with more of your nervous rambling, “Okay, uh, do you need some water or something before you sleep? Let me go find – “

“_____, stop. You’re not working. It’s just you and me.”

You smile at those words.

“Do you need anything?”

Those were words you were not used to being on the receiving end of. You smile and shake your head gently.

“Okay then,” he says with a grin, reaching down to the foot of the bed in order to bring the blankets up to your waists. You both lie back, and Namjoon turns his body towards yours to bring you closer only to find you a ridiculous amount of space away from him, stiffly staring up at the ceiling.

“Hey, _____,” he coos, and chuckles as you immediately whip your head towards him, “You can come closer, baby.”

Your mouth makes an “oh” shape as you realize how you subconsciously forced yourself to stay so far away, and inch sideways towards him until you are touching the elbow he has himself propped up on, your gaze back to being stuck on the ceiling.

He smirks and leans over until his face is hovering next to your own, and whispers, “Closer.”

This time, you will yourself to turn so your body is on its side facing him, and inch into his body until your face is pressed into his impossibly firm chest. Your wrap your arm around his waist, and he wraps his around yours, protectively pressing into your back, which pushes you until any possible remaining space has been squeezed out from between you. With your head tucked in under his chin and your ankles intertwined, you’re not sure if you’ve ever felt more secure or comforted in your life.

Namjoon presses a soft kiss to your hairline. “Please tell me I’m not the only one noticing how perfectly we fit together,” he breathes out onto your scalp.

You close your eyes and nuzzle into him further at his words, trying to hide your face from him. “Don’t think things like that, Joon. It’ll only make it harder.”

“Hey, we’re boyfriend and girlfriend tonight, remember? That’s a normal thing for someone in a relationship to think about.”

You gently nod under his head. You can’t argue him.

With both of your minds still wide awake, and not wanting to miss a moment of time together in your little bubble, the next hour ticks by quickly spent with you snuggling impossibly closer into each other, Namjoon gently carding his fingers through your hair. “I have insomnia. I’m sorry if I’m keeping you awake,” you whisper to him, worried you are unintentionally keeping him up, as well.

“It’s okay,” he says, “I’m here now. Just focus on my heartbeat.”

Which you do. It’s almost as loud as your own. You listen to the beat until you eventually doze off into the most restful three-hour sleep of your life.

_______________________________________________________________________

When you awaken in the morning, you have to keep yourself from jolting once you realize you’re still wrapped tightly in someone else’s arms, instead of sprawled out across your bed alone like usual. You gently nuzzle back into Namjoon’s hold, carefully trying not to wake him, as you want to make whatever it was that you both were doing last as long as possible.

You enjoy the next few minutes just staring up at his serene, peaceful face, looking absolutely beautiful under the sun’s rays coming through the window washing over his face. A few moments later he stirs, and throws his neck back, stretching out his whole body, yet still refusing to remove his arms from your torso. Eventually he opens his eyes, and breaks out into a wide, soft grin when he notices your doe-eyed expression staring back up at him. You gently rake your fingers through his soft locks for a while, letting each other get lost in the other’s presence.

“This is my favourite way I’ve ever woken up,” you breathe out, hand still entwined in his hair.

Namjoon offers a small smile as he reaches up to extricate your hand and hold it in his own.  He brings it to his chest, his large thumb brushing gently over your fingers. “Could we…do you think we could maybe put off our conversation until we have breakfast? Just so we can at least…eat together, and talk over coffee.” He smiles expectantly at you, knowing you can’t argue with that logic.

“Yeah,” you nod. “That’s a good plan.”

You stretch out to relieve your kinked up body, having not moved since the night before. But as soon as you extricate yourself from his grasp, he whines, making grabby hands to try and get you back. You have no choice but to roll back over, this time your body directly on top of his, with him lying on his back. He wraps his arm around your body once more, and you bury your face into his neck.

“So…when are we making breakfast?” he teases.

“Midnight,” you firmly reply, placing your lips on his collarbone for good measure.

“Okay.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Twenty minutes later you both have no choice but to drag yourselves out of bed and move on with the day. After you get dressed in the bathroom, you walk over to him with his t-shirt in hand and reach it out to him.

“What?”

“Your shirt.”

“Keep it.”

“Namjoon – “

“We still haven’t had our conversation yet, _____. No reason to give it back,” he says, not even attempting to hide the smirk on his face.

You smile up at him, a wistful look in your eye as you place the neatly folded shirt down on the foot of the bed.

You both spend the next half hour trying to make each other toast and omelettes, which ends in you putting Namjoon on coffee duty, since that’s the thing he’s least likely to burn. Seated next to each other at the small table in the hotel room, you enjoy your meal together, deep in conversations about anything other than what your subconsciouses were focused on. Not that either of you could complain. You enjoyed getting to talk about books, art, your hometowns, movies, your pets, and everything you didn’t get to converse about in your usual work environment.

Once you both downed the last of your coffees, the mood turned serious. You turned on your stools to face each other. “I have to leave for a meeting soon,” you said. His eyes turned sad. “Yeah, I have practice soon, too.”

He gently placed a hand behind your neck, slowly you dragging you forward to press his lips to yours once more. You move your mouths against each other with all the passion you felt inside of you, knowing this could very well be your last kiss. With heavy hearts you eventually had to tear apart, and straightened yourselves out in your chairs in preparation for the conversation ahead.

“So, about us…” Namjoon nervously trailed off, not quite sure how to begin such a difficult conversation.

You just stared at him, unsure yourself of what to say. Of what you could say, even. You let your eyes trail to the clock before glancing back over to Namjoon’s eyes, a tiny glint appearing in your own.

“My meeting actually starts very soon.”

Namjoon’s mouth quirks up at the end slightly. “I see.”

“Maybe we should be responsible and go to work, maybe we should put off talking…just a little bit longer.”

“I think that maybe that would be the smart and responsible thing to do, yes.”

“Okay then,” you say, standing up quickly. “Sounds good to me.”

You walk over to the night table to pick up your phone and keys, stopping when you walk by the shirt still sitting on the end of your bed. “Joon, don’t forget your shirt.”

He walks towards you and places his hands on your shoulders. He drops a quick kiss on your forehead. “Keep it,” he says with a wink.

With that, he grabs his own phone off the table behind you and leaves you to finish getting ready for the day. You edge back to sit against the bed, letting a small giggle escape from your lips, not sure the past twelve hours had actually even happened.

What on earth was he thinking.

[lonelypond]

A Coffeeshop Christmas Carol, Ch. 6

NicoMaki, HonoKotoUmi, Love Live, 2.4K, 6/?

Summary: We see what Professor Sonoda's day is like.

An Umi Day

A yawn. Soft hair tickling her nose. Honoka probably, Umi thought, smiling. Had the alarm gone off? No, something else had woken her. Umi opened her eyes. Kotori was staring, a lost look in her eyes that worried Umi. Perhaps New York was lonely and that was why Kotori was pushing them to spend the holiday there?

“Kotori?”

“Eeep?!?!?!” An adorable jump accompanied the squeal. Kotori wrapped her kimono closer, the cranes flying across the blue a soothing morning view.

“Is there something worrying you?”

Kotori shook her head, biting her lip. Umi considered kicking Honoka awake, but decided Honoka needed sleep and Kotori needed some individual attention. Their relationship was a garden Umi tended carefully.

“Let’s talk over coffee.”

“I wanted to visit that coffeeshop today.”

Umi grabbed her bathrobe, glancing back at a soundly sleeping Honoka. Bakery hours and Kotori time made for long days.

“Why don’t we let Honoka sleep in and come back and surprise her with our ratings of her pastries? She’s been perfecting her cheese danishes.”

“Ooohh.” A gleam in Kotori’s eye. Umi was pleased.

“Just give me five minutes.”

“What about your exercises?”

“I will do a warm up form while you pick your coat for today,” Umi pulled Kotori into a tight hug. “And we can walk briskly. I’m sure you will need to burn some calories in advance.” Umi teased lightly, relishing the feel of Kotori relaxing into her embrace. Perhaps it was time for an adjustment in the geographical distribution of their relationship.

###

Umi paused and lowered her violin. She had been demonstrating the different effects of bouncing a bow sautillé or spiccato on an Antonio Vivaldi piece but Nana Nakagawa was paying no attention, very unusual for the usually diligent sophomore.

“Nan, is something concerning you?”

Nana’s expression turned discomfited and she lowered her own bow and violin, gray eyes wide behind her glasses. “My apologies, Professor Sonoda. I am allowing other concerns to distract me.”

Umi gestured to a stool with her bow, sitting herself to encourage Nana to engage, “If you are preoccupied with something serious enough to disturb your focus, perhaps discussing it will help.”

Nana sat and said nothing and Umi was about to pick up her bow and begin again when words rushed out of her pupil, “I scheduled an audition after this, for a singing role, and I’ve never done anything like that before, well, never on a public stage, just in choirs and choruses and I don’t know what to do, or if I want to stay on the conducting track, but nothing feels like singing...at karaoke, even, just the way people NOTICE…” Gray eyes were gleaming and the bow was conducting an imaginary audience.

Ah, Umi could make a jump from those clues. “So you’re auditioning for A Christmas Carol and…”

Umi hoped her pupil's speeding words would continue.

“If I like it, really like it, what am I going to do, my parents already had to deal with me not being an engineer or a pre med, will they just think I’m a dilettante? I can’t tell them, Professor Sonoda, I just can't, but if I get a part, I’ll have to explain why I’m staying on campus.”

Time to interrupt the panic. Raising a hand to quiet Nana, Umi spoke,“First, audition. Do your tasks in their proper order. There may be nothing to tell your parents.”

Her audience doubted that statement but was willing to devote some thought to it, “So don’t plan my post audition life yet?”

Umi nodded, “Exactly. You are worrying about conversations that may not be required. You should save your energy and focus on communicating to Professor Yazawa your suitability for a role.”

Nana zoomed back to panic, pale face, shaky hands, never good for a violinist. Umi sighed. Time for a task they could succeed at. Confidence carried forward. Umi put her violin in its case, indicating her pupil should do the same.

“Let’s take a moment to analyze this piece. The composer has done some very clever things with the general arrangement.”

Nana leaned forward, switching her bow for a pencil, eyes intent on the pages before her, all worries lost in the challenge of music.

###

“UMI!” Honoka’s voice always gladdened Umi’s mood. The door of her office swung open with a vigor no one else could manage. “Thanks for letting me sleep in. Kotori’s got a bunch of business calls so I brought you lunch.” Honoka pulled Umi into a hug that neither of them wanted to break, Umi enjoying the comfort of a never too familiar warmth and strength. “How’s your day?”

Umi hugged tighter, surprising Honoka.

“What’s wrong, Umi?”

Umi broke the hug, but Honoka’s bright blue eyes maintained the warm connection.

“Other people’s worries.”

Honoka nodded, “Yeah, it’s that kind of a day, isn’t it.” Honoka closed the door and set two sandwiches on Umi’s desk, carefully spreading two cloth napkins first, “Nozomi was kinda grumpy and sad when I stopped in to see if she needed to reorder any pastries.”

“How was Kotori?” Had Honoka noticed anything? Or had Kotori hid her worries. Their coffeeshop conversation had yielded no insights, just Kotori describing the early sketches of her Summer theme.

“Kotori?” Honoka had a sandwich unwrapped, Umi’s lower filing cabinet drawer pulled out to prop her feet on, and a surprised look. “Is something wrong?”

Umi moved her chair next to Honoka, her own sandwich in hand, “I don’t think so.”

“That’s not convincing, Umi.”

Umi chuckled. Honoka always called out her hesitancies, “No, it’s not. Kotori, too, seems to be in a mood.”

“That kind of a day.”

“Seemingly.”

A sharp rap on the door pushed it open and Nico came halfway into the room. “Hi Honoka. Umi, fix your replacement. She doesn’t know anything.”

Honoka leaned her head on Umi’s shoulder, whispering, “Grumpus Contagious.”

Umi bit back a giggle. Her replacement? Oh, Nico must mean Maki. Nico vibrated impatiently in the center of the office. And Umi wanted to eat her lunch. Honoka had done something with pumpernickel and mustard from the tantalizing smell and Umi wondered what else had made its way into the combination.

“Are you going to fix Maki or not?”

“What did Maki do?”

“Walked in to my auditions and applauded the first two auditionees.”

“That is unusual.”

“Unusual?” Nico stomped. “It’s rude, it’s problematic, and it gives two freshmen inflated views of their audition.”

“Was it a bad audition.”

“No,” Nico fake punched in the direction of the door, “It was fine, but Nico needs an ensemble leader who is aware of theatrical etiquette.” Nico’s emphasis on the word etiquette snapped Umi out of her Honoka induced laissez-faire attitude. Especially with first year students, proper behavior modeling by teachers was essential.

“I am sorry I did not initially take this as seriously as it deserved, Nico.”

Nico nodded, pleased at the adjustment of Umi's tone.

“I will talk to Maki this afternoon and make sure that she is aware of how auditions and rehearsals are conducted.”

“Make sure you go over tech three times. Nico doesn’t need a rookie who thinks it only takes two hours.”

“I will ensure that Maki performs all of her required duties.”

“Good. Nico is flexible but…”

“There are students involved.”

“Exactly.” That problem solved, Nico smiled at Honoka, “Those look tasty.”

“They are.” Honoka had finished hers, “Nozomi’s going to try them out next week. Kasumi’s a mad scientist with spices and bread dough. It’s fun.”

“She may be busy soon.”

Honoka shrugged, “She’ll probably still come in. Kneading dough works out a lot of stress.”

Umi wanted her private lunch relaxation zone back, “Is there anything else, Nico?”

“Nope, Nico’s good. Sorry to interrupt…”

“Nah, it was good to see you, Nico.” Honoka waved, “Having another speakeasy this Friday. Be sure to come.”

“Nico’s looking forward to it.”

“I’ll let you know how my conversation with Maki goes.”

“Thanks, Umi. See you, Honoka.”

And finally, Umi could relish her lunch treat.

###

Honoka had overstayed her lunch hour and run off to meet a delivery truck. If Umi went to Maki’s studio, she would have no time to practice this afternoon. And today’s rehearsal with Nana had turned into a mostly conversational session, not the duet Umi had planned. No practice time always threw off everything, especially Umi's mood. “Grumpus Contagious” Umi thought as she moved her chair back to its usual spot.

Maybe a carefully worded text to Maki would be a good conversational starter.

U: Nico has expressed some concern that you are lacking an elementary awareness of theatrical etiquette.

Rather than stare at her phone and wait for a reply, Umi would begin her violin warm ups. Perhaps she should be added in more regular vocal practice as well. Kotori seemed very serious about the New York City Christmas Cabaret. Umi had seen glimpses of a dress sketches. It would be an elegant mood.

Phone.

M: I’m fine.

U: Not having any experience with production, you may not be aware of all the quirks involved in staging a show.

M: I’ll read a book.

U: It’s not that simple.

M: I get a schedule, right?

M: You know, I’ll just talk to Nico.

Umi believed that Nico would consider Umi derelict in her duties if after her attempt at educating Maki, the result was that Maki asked Nico 1,000 questions.

U: There will be stage managers. Talk to the production stage manager and have them explain to you how Nico usually works.

M: Production Stage Manager?

U: Nico’s assistant. It’s usually one of the older students. Their job is coping.

M: There must be a book. I’ll look.

U: Directing is difficult, takes time, and Nico does a very good job. Please do not unduly add to her burden.

M: Don’t worry. I got this.

U: I will hold you to that.

M: (^-^)ゝ

Umi nodded. Maki was now aware of the gravity of the situation.

###

This was one of Umi’s favorite classes. An advanced seminar that rotated topics and instructors. Managing An Orchestra was this quarter’s theme. Only half a dozen students: Nana, a sophomore, three juniors, two seniors.

They were discussing Japanese conductors, Hideo Sato and one of his most prominent students, Seiji Ozawa. Umi occasionally wore a white turtleneck under her tuxedo jacket to honor Owaza’s unique style. She had handed out an interview with Owaza from Joshua Jampol’s Living Opera book.

Nana had the floor, “I looked up Hideo Saito, Professor Sonoda, and read that he brought discipline to generally disorganized Japanese orchestras. Is this the first job of the conductor?”

Umi, perched on a stool, considered the question, leaving a space for another student to speak. But it seemed no one else had done supplemental research specifically into Ozawa’s influences. “I think the entire profession has evolved, both in Japan and internationally, and with the rigorous training most professional musicians receive, there is less need to educate them on basic courtesies like preparing for rehearsals.”

Ronna Emem raised a point from the article, “Ozawa quotes Saito and says that “For a conductor, the most important thing is if he can conduct an a cappella chorus. Because every note, every voice is important. Every word is important.” Do you agree, Professor?”

A direct question for Umi to field, “Ozawa says a little later that with the” best vocalists, the voice becomes the best instrument” and I certainly agree with that. For myself, with the violin, I have found much wisdom in Francesco Geminiani’s belief that the violinist’s job was to create “a tone that shall in a manner rival the most perfect human voice.”

“So if you believe all this,” Ronna leaned forward, “why do we spend most of our time conducting instrumental ensembles and not vocal ones?”

Umi blinked. Advanced seminars allowing opportunities for the teacher to learn from the students was why they were her favorite type of class.

“That is a very sound point, Ronna. And one which I believe requires a review of our current conducting curriculum. So what would each of you like to see added?”

###

Umi was still perched on the stool, mulling her students’ suggestions. Her next meeting with Director Minami would be a challenge. She would have to make time to prepare a thorough presentation.

“Did you talk to Maki?”

Her students had left the door open and Nico had bopped in, looking wearier than earlier.

“Are your auditions over? I trust they went well.”

Nico waved a hand, not to be distracted, “Maki?”

“We have agreed that she should not put any extra burdens on you.”

“And she said? You did talk, right?” Nico leaned in the doorway, arms crossed, suspicious.

Umi shook her head, “Text.”

Nico rolled her eyes, “Nico has to do everything.”

“I did suggest she talk to a stage manager.”

Nico’s eyes lit up, “That’s a great idea, Umi. Nico will assign one to babysit her.”

Umi thought that would be best because (^-^)ゝaside, there was no way that Maki was going to initiate a conversation with a student she didn’t know.

“Maybe don’t call it babysitting?” Umi offered hesitantly.

Another dismissive hand wave, “Nico handles more divas than you. Don’t help.”

Umi shrugged. As soon as Nico stopped talking, Umi could go home. So if the conversation continued, it would not be because Umi spoke.

Nico pushed off, “Thanks for the stage manager idea. Let Nico know before you head out for the holidays. Will you be in town for Thanksgiving?”

“I believe so.”

“Stop by for Friendsgiving carolling. The more the merrier. And the less isolated the students who aren’t welcome at home feel.”

Nico was much more involved in the lives of her students than Umi, but productions were a much more intense environment than classes. And Nico, having cared for young siblings from a young age, had mastered a quirky aunt vibe that made some of the most skittish students willing to be chivvied and teased by her. Umi wondered if that pushiness would also charm the reclusive Maki.

“Honoka and I will plan to be there; I’m not sure if Kotori is heading back to New York before then.”

“All are welcome. Spread the word.” Nico blew a kiss, “Thanks, Umi. See you Friday.”

Umi waved, no longer paying attention, thinking once again about how to approach expanding vocal opportunities on campus. Nico would surely relish adding a full scale musical to the performance repertoire.

A/N: Tired, obsessed with Romeo and Juliet (have you watched Romeo X Juliet, they give her a sword and a secret identity), and not going to rush this because I love backstage stories.

[maknaesdancersrappers]

Devoted 2.

Part 1

Overall warnings: kinkier smut (eg. voyeurism, exhibition, etc.), character death, dark themes, mostly written while tipsy over soju

>> read Devoted here

Just how devoted is Jaehyun to you?

wc: 3,095

Jaehyun jerks his hand back when you attempt to remove some chunks of glass shards embedded on his knuckles with tweezers. “Ow!”

“You were literally punching the mirror 30 minutes ago! Give me your hand!” You hiss, pulling his hand back and resting it on top of the blood-stained towel on his lap. You sat on the floor, keeping your eyes leveled on his open wound. It made your stomach churn, but you had to clean it properly before wrapping it up. As quickly and as carefully as you can, you tug the tiny glass pieces off of his skin and discard them into the bowl he held in his other hand.

He winced every now and then, biting his tongue when it had hurt a tad too much for him to handle.

“I think I got them all out.” You inspect it under the torchlight of your phone, trying your very best not to vomit at the sight of your boyfriend’s battered, bloody hand. “Uh, yeah, okay. Go wash it with warm water and come back here.”

Jaehyun quietly obeys, standing up from his seat and taking the bowl of glass shards with him.

You take out the small bottle of disinfectant and some gauze from the first aid kit. You had little knowledge about treating wounds as bad as Jaehyun’s but you’d rather deal with it yourself than having to explain to the doctor why he was injured without drawing suspicion.

When he returned to his seat, drying his hand with a new towel, you tend to his wound. “Jae, we need to talk about what happened.”

“I know.” He solemnly whispers.

“(Y/N), we need to talk about what happened.” Jaehyun stalks behind you, locking the front door of your shared apartment.

“I don't know what you're talking about, Jae.” You feigned innocence, tossing your purse onto the armchair. You turned to face him, crossing your arms across your chest.

“You know very well what I'm talking about.” He steps closer, locking you in between him and the back of the armchair. “Do not do that stunt you pulled back at the restaurant, especially when our parents are around.”

The “stunt” he is referring to was when your naughty little stiletto strapped foot had travelled up his leg when you were bored out of your mind while both of your parents had began talking about taking a vacation all together.

He was finishing up the remaining bites of his dinner when he felt your foot nudge his. Looking up at you, you pretended to listen to the conversation, swirling your drink around with one hand. He assumed you had done it by accident so he resumed to eating his dinner. But he feels your foot against him once more, and this time, it travelled up his calf.

You catch his confused expression, to which you cock a brow at. You push the leftovers on your plate with your fork as you stretch your leg a little, brushing your foot against the inside of Jaehyun’s thigh. The action had made him jolt up from his seat, catching the attention of your parents. When asked what was wrong, he shrugged them off, saying a shiver ran down his spine from the air conditioning.

Dessert was served soon after and while your boyfriend was distracted by the mango bingsoo, you took it as an opportunity to tease him some more. You pressed your foot against his crotch without hesitation, rubbing it with slow, short motions. Jaehyun had almost choked on his spoon, but everyone was too busy eating to notice his reaction. You gently dig your heel on his growing erection, looking at him through your lashes. He was at a lost for words at how you were behaving, ears turning red along with his cheeks. When you feel him open his legs up for you, you grin victoriously. But instead of receiving the footsie he was expecting, you pull away and eat your dessert, ignoring his pointed glare.

“Not unless,” Jaehyun pulls you out of your reverie, slipping his thigh in between your legs, “You want our families and the whole restaurant to see me fuck you on the table.”

“Like you'd have the audacity to actually do that, Jae.” You breathed, your voice hitching when his thigh rubbed against your core.

“You're right. I don't. But why did you, huh? You want our families to know how dirty you are, naughty girl?” He tips your chin so you'd look up at him. “Had I known you'd use those heels against me, I shouldn't have bought them for you in the first place.”

When Jaehyun got his first salary, he bought you the red-soled stilettos for you to wear to the celebratory dinner that doubled as your anniversary celebration. You loved the black velvety shoes, but he loved it more on you—especially if you were wearing just them.

“Did I hurt you? Shall I kiss it to make it better?”

He opens his mouth to answer, but his phone beats him to it. He clearly looked disappointed by the interruption and you knew who that ringtone belonged to.

“Go on, answer it. I’ll get ready for bed.” You press a kiss on his cheek, watching him shoot you an apologetic before digging the phone out of his back pocket and answering his adviser.

It has been three years since you and Jaehyun have graduated and moved in together. It took you some months to find the job that suits your tastes as a visual artist but Jaehyun was hired by a company before he even received his diploma. It was the brother company of his family’s casino business and it was meant to serve as a training ground before he could inherit it. He had been slowly rising up the hierarchy of the company and it meant a lot to him because it meant he can provide for you.

Your job as a freelance designer wasn’t as generous at salaries like Jaehyun’s, but it mattered to you (and to him) that you loved it and was flexible in terms of schedule. He originally offered to give you a position in his company because then he could be with you even during work hours. But you refused, only because it felt unfair to anyone else who wanted (and deserved) the spot.

You walk into the bedroom, heavily sighing as fatigue catches up to your body. Beginning your nightly routine, you remove all your jewelry and place each one in its designated section in your jewelry box. Next, you strip off your outfit: a simple black long-sleeved, off shoulder top with a maroon high waist skirt that billowed just below your knees. As you let your skirt pool around your ankles, you catch sight of yourself in the mirror.

The matching set of a champagne colored lace bandeau and thong was your little gift for Jaehyun. Little was an understatement: the lingerie covered nothing and merely looked like jewelry that clung to your skin. You don’t know how the saleslady at the store talked you into buying it, but it looked cute when you first saw it and you were probably red when you thought about Jaehyun seeing you in it.

However with Jaehyun on the phone with his adviser, you knew your efforts have gone to waste and you would just have to save it for another day. Instead, you pick your discarded clothes up and toss them into the hamper before freshening up in the bathroom.

You jump into the warm shower after stripping completely naked and wash off your makeup first. As you condition your hair, you hear the door open.

“Baby.” Jaehyun calls out, followed by the sound of the door closing after his beckoning. “I’ve got great news—what?”

You stand under the shower, waiting for him to continue and wondering what made him pause.

The shower curtains are pushed open and Jaehyun cocks an eyebrow at you, raising his hand that had your lingerie hanging off his fingers. “What is this? I’ve never seen this before.”

You smack it out of his hands, “It was supposed to be your surprise for the night.”

“Let me make it up to you, then.” He’s quick to strip off his own clothes and join you under the shower, pulling you against his body. Already, his erection was pressing onto your thigh.

“Hmmm.” You hum as you lean back into him, letting his hands run up your sides and eventually massaging your breasts. “You said, ah, you had good news?”

“Great news.” He corrected, kissing your shoulder. He plays with your boobs a little longer, rolling your nipples with his thumb and forefinger, softly chuckling at your whimpers before he continues. “My adviser said that I’m ready to be promoted to Vice President.”

“That’s great!” You yell when one of his hands drop to your clit, rubbing it harshly. “Th-that’s worth celebrati—we should celebrate—”

Jaehyun was already ahead of you, pushing you forward and making sure your hands were secured against the tiled walls. He switches the temperature of the shower to a cooler one and skips the foreplay by pushing into you. He knew you loved the slow burn of his cock entering you when you were barely lubricated, how it stretched your walls to accommodate his girth and have his cock throb inside of you.

The thrusts were shallow and slow; it was clear he had no intention of being rough tonight. Both of you were tired from the day you had and this was meant to be a stress reliever to cap off the night. But it doesn’t take long for both of you to climax; his fingers toying with your clit to help you off the edge and your walls tightening around him to reach his own.

You dry your bodies separately, wrapping the towels around your torso and his waist, and brush your teeth, side by side. His hand lazily perched on your hip while he smiles at you from the mirror. Avoiding his reflection, you look up at him instead and giggle, bumping your hip against his.

He finishes first, placing a kiss on the top of your head before he leaves to get ready for bed and let you continue with your skincare routine.

After twenty minutes, you pad out of the bathroom and put on your sleepwear. Jaehyun was about to doze off, jolting a bit when he feels you climb onto the bed. He immediately pulls you close and mumbles a ‘good night’ in your ear as he helps you get under the sheets.

You contentedly sigh, letting the warmth of his body protect you from the cold air of the room. “Good night.”

This was how most nights went for the past three years since you and Jaehyun started living together. Not all nights (or days) were spent making love (or fucking the daylights out of each other—it depends on your mood), there were soft hour nights where you would just want him to hold you in his arms and randomly talk about anything you two can think of.

The only topic either of you avoided was that night; the night that almost ended in a broken relationship and a broken, bloody knuckle. But both were healed in due time with proper care and promises.

You’ve never disclosed your boyfriend’s previous actions and psychological status with anyone, thinking no one would think you were in the right mind to still be in a relationship with him. Still, fear sits at the pit of your stomach. Just how devoted is Jaehyun to you? What were the lengths he was willing to reach to prove this?

His snores tickle your ear and you shift a little so his breath wouldn’t be directly by your ear. You push your thoughts away and drift off to sleep.

In the next few days, Jaehyun had finally completed his training and was given the go signal from the now-ex-vice president to take over his position. You were proud of him and he was just as elated as you are, but the consequence to this was a busier schedule for him. You didn’t mind it and understood the predicament. You gave him your full support and celebrated the promotion by enjoying a candlelit dinner on the balcony of your favorite restaurant.

“Doyoung meant to call you earlier, but your phone was busy so he asked me to extend his greeting.” You take the neatly folded napkin placed on top of your plate and spread it across your lap.

“Ah, I got caught up catching up with Johnny. He’s planning to move his business here. Maybe sign a merger with me once I take over dad’s spot.” Jaehyun sighs, mimicking your actions. “He already wants me to handle a merger with the new suppliers for the casino.”

You grimace into your champagne. You never really got the joy and addiction of gambling or casinos, in general. But it was strictly just the Jung’s family business and you’ve never seen any of his family member’s playing at the casino or show a bit of interest in playing. “Why? Are Sicheng’s family pulling out?”

Dong Sicheng, just like Jaehyun, was the only son of a business mogul. His family had supplied the new touch screen slot machines that tripled the casinos income. He and Jaehyun had gotten along with each other when they met during charity events and found out they were born the same year. It was equally convenient that Sicheng’s father had him learn Korean to make international mergers easier.

“No. We’re simply catering to more foreign casino goers.” He nods his head as a thanks to the waiter who served them their entree. “Nakamoto Technologies have been at the top of their industry in both Japan and China, they’re well on their way being top in Korea, too. I’m meeting their representative this coming Friday.”

“So you won’t come home early?”

Jaehyun frowns a bit, opening his mouth to apologize but you stop him.

“It’s fine. Work is work. Yebin and Minkyung have been pestering me about a girl’s night out for about a week now, but I keep putting them off.”

“You should meet them, [Y/N].” He urges, “Even Yebin sent me… a rather, flowery message.”

You laugh at this, “Should I ask what her message was?”

“Just a request for you to join them with a very specific set of consequences. [Y/N],” His voice gets serious, “I-I don’t want you to think you’re not allowed to do certain things because of me. You’re free to do anything you want—”

“—except leave you.” You cut in, making him look at you with a mixed expression of worry and anger. “I’m joking, Jae! You know I’m wrapped around your finger.”

He chuckles a bit, “Funny choice of words. And you’re well aware that I’m just the same towards you.” He clears his throat. “But seriously, I’m starting to sound like your dad. Just go have your girls’ night out with them.”

“Okay, daddy.” You drag out the words to tease him, earning a snort and a shake of his head.

The main course is served and the topics changed from office rumors to college memories. It had originally started out as your regular date nights, but all this reminiscing made you feel like it was something else. You felt oddly twitterpated with the setting, despite it being the normal set-up for eating out during special occasions.

Even Jaehyun’s eyes glinted differently in the candlelight.

Jaehyun struck up a conversation about meeting you for the first time while dessert was being served. You didn’t pay much attention to the platter being laid out in front of you since you knew it was your favorite chocolate lava cake topped with a whole fresh strawberry.

“I still wonder how we ended up here.” He reached over to hold your left hand, stroking your knuckles with his thumb.

You feel your cheeks warm up a little. “We got lucky.”

“Really lucky.” He tugs at your hand and kisses the back of it, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” You narrow your eyes at him, “When you’re being this sweet, you usually want something. So what is it, Jae?”

He laughs at you, “Ah, you know me so well.”

You wait for him to explain, cocking a brow in confusion, but he merely retracts his hand and turns his attention to his own dessert. You choose not to question it, picking up your fork to eat your cake. But you take one good look at it, to appreciate it’s presentation, before you gasp and drop the utensil on the floor.

Perched on the strawberry topper of the lava cake was a three-stone, princess cut white diamond ring; the same ring you had been adoring since you were a child.

In your peripheral vision, you see Jaehyun stand up and walk around the table, kneeling to pick up the fork you had dropped, unable to take your eyes off of the ring. “T-this is… How did you… Jaehyun, are you…?”

“You asked me what I wanted and this is it. We’ve been through a lot and you’ve witnessed me at my worst, yet you’re still here and in love with me.” He takes your hand after placing the fork back on the table. “Will you marry me?”

Your voice got stuck in your throat, vehemently nodding your head to his question.

He flashes a relieved smile, taking the ring off the strawberry and slipping it onto your left ring finger. He stands to kiss you, but ends up laughing when you tackle him with a hug.

“This is mom’s engagement ring. How did you get it?” You inquire, hurriedly, after pulling him into a quick kiss.

“When you excused yourself to go to the bathroom when we had dinner with our parents, I told them about wanting to propose to you.” His hands find their place around your waist and at the bottom of your spine like always. “It was your mom’s idea to use her engagement ring. I wanted to refuse but even your dad insisted because they knew how much you loved it.”

“And I do! I really do.” You gaze at the jewelry on your finger. “I’ve always wanted to try it on but mom never took it off.”

“How does it fit?”

“Perfectly.” You inhaled deeply, slightly amazed at how you were able to keep your tears at bay.

next: part 2

[howellrichard]

How to Adapt to Working from Home

Hiya Gorgeous!

People often assume I’m an extrovert. I can’t blame them, given my penchant for speaking in front of thousands of people and connecting online every day. But the truth is, I love being alone. Solitude is my happy place, and working from home has always come naturally to me.

That doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. Many find it easier to focus at an office. But as we practice social distancing to flatten the coronavirus curve, many of you have suddenly found yourselves with remote jobs… whether you like it or not.

If you’re feeling the whiplash, you’re not alone.

Folks all over the world are dealing with sudden, unexpected life changes, myself included! But since I have been doing the work-from-home thing successfully for a long time, I’m hoping I can help make this transition a little easier. So today I’m sharing what I’ve learned about what it takes to stay happy and productive while working remotely.

We’ll also talk about ways to create and maintain BOUNDARIES. Full disclosure: This is the area I struggle with most. I love what I do—it’s my life’s work! And if I’m not careful, that line between work and life gets pretty darn blurry.

When our world is turned upside down, it’s easy to bury ourselves in work or lose sight of what’s best for us. But I know that I’m happiest, healthiest and best-equipped to lead when I prioritize self-care and keep my boundaries strong. I think you’ll find that to be true for you, too!

Pulling back the curtain on common work-from-home pitfalls.

So, practically overnight you may have gone from commuting to the office to commuting to the… kitchen table (or home office if you’re lucky enough to have one!). That’s big, and on the surface it might sound like a dream come true. No more sitting in traffic or putting on real pants, right?

But with the need for social distancing accelerating at lighting speed, you probably didn’t have much time to prepare. That means you may be missing out on some of the best practices that can make working from home a win.

Whether you’re brand new or a seasoned pro at working from home, these symptoms indicate that remote work isn’t working for you. (No worries, though. Tips on how to make it work coming soon!)

Look out for these common pitfalls:

Breaking frequently because you’re distracted by household chores like laundry.

Not taking ANY breaks and sitting at your computer for hours at time.

Eating meals at your desk.

Rolling out of bed with only a few minutes to spare before work.

Working into the evenings instead of shutting down at day’s end.

Being constantly distracted by the people and pets you live with.

Difficulty balancing work with caring for your kids.

Having more anxious thoughts or dreams about work than usual.

Feeling isolated and disconnected from your coworkers.

Feeling like you can’t disconnect and transition into “home mode” at the end of the day.

I didn’t write this list just to stress you out. But if any of those sound familiar, there are some proven practices you can engage to protect your productivity (and your mental health!) while working from home. Now, ready to talk solutions?

How to Quickly Adapt to Working from Home

These practices have been essential for cultivating my balanced work-from-home life. I hope they help you stay happy and productive, whether you’re working from home or just staying home more than usual. And it doesn’t end when you go back to the office—you can keep using these ideas to improve your work/life balance, no matter where you are!

1. Create a consistent schedule with start-up and wind-down times.

Establishing start and stop times for your work day helps you maintain boundaries. I encourage you to try this out, even if you normally keep a flexible schedule! Your day is no longer bookended by getting to and leaving the office, so this gives you back that definition. Plus, establishing routines can provide a sense of normalcy in uncertain times.

Take it a step further by creating start-up and wind-down rituals. That means that the first hour of your day is dedicated to getting grounded and set up for success with the work ahead—and the last hour is dedicated to wrapping up that work so that you can “clock out” on time. My team and I started doing this recently and it has been a game changer!

2. Set clear objectives for each day.

This might be something you do during your start-up ritual! Pick two or three top priorities and keep them visible all day long. (I write mine in my Results Journal, but do whatever works for you!) Whenever possible, batch activities like meetings, inbox time, etc. together on your calendar. That way, you’ll have long periods of dedicated focus to work toward your top objectives.

3. When it comes to hygiene, act like you’re going to leave the house.

Take a shower, put on clothes… you know the drill! I’m not saying you have to do full hair and makeup—if yoga pants are your jam, go for it. But good hygiene is part of taking care of yourself and maintaining your routine. Plus, it can make you feel more centered and motivated.

4. Establish a dedicated workspace.

All of a sudden, work is home and home is work. Whaaat? When the two share a space, it can be pretty hard to maintain boundaries. Don’t worry if you don’t have an office, just be intentional about creating separate spaces for work and the rest of your life (aka don’t work in your bed!). Also, tidy up your space. Chaos in your workspace creates chaos in your mind.

5. Take real breaks.

When you go to the office, you automatically get a little fresh air and movement, even if it’s just walking from your front door to the car. You’re also more likely to walk to meetings and water cooler chats throughout the day. Fear not if you feel a bit stagnant or sluggish when you first start working from home—it’s totally fixable.

The key is to take real, mindful breaks. Take a few minutes for deep breathing in the morning or for stretching in the afternoon. Avoid the eat-at-your-desk trap and give yourself recess! Eat lunch outside if you can or do a quick yoga session in your living room. Just make simple self-care breaks a part of your day.

Need a dose of calm on your break? Grab my free Instant Stress Reduction guided meditation below!

6. Connect virtually.

If you’re new to working from home, you might feel disconnected at first. Luckily, there are a lot of ways to connect virtually. Have video meetings whenever you can using a tool like Zoom. Use Slack to check-in with your coworkers about work-related topics as well as fun stuff like photos of your at-home workspace and wins for the day. Just don’t keep chat notifications on all day. I’ve been there and it’s a recipe for getting nothing done!

7. Have kids? Read this.

I know that many of you aren’t just dealing with a surprise work-from-home scenario. You’re dealing with a whole new paradigm of parenting during the day, too. (You deserve a medal for this, by the way!) Trying to work while your kids are home can be really tough—and that’s especially true if you’re suddenly having to homeschool them. One of my amazing colleagues is a pro in this department (she homeschools and works from home on the reg!), so I asked her for a few tips…

Keep a routine, but it doesn’t have to be rigid. Set clear boundaries between school and play time, and make sure everyone knows what to expect.

Plan for together AND alone time each day so you can all stay connected while still having your space.

Make a list of activities to choose from and get your kids’ input. If they’re bored during free time, they’ll have a resource to go to.

Be gentle with yourself and seek support. If your partner is home, work out a schedule to trade shifts with the kids. Lean on your loved ones and fellow parents, too. They can’t be with you in person right now, but they can still be there for you from afar. (There may even be a loving aunt or grandparent who’d love to read your child a story on Facetime if you need a quick break.)

These are just a few of the ideas my friend shared to help those working from home with kids. Would you be interested in a blog post dedicated to this topic? Let me know in the comments!

And here’s my final tip…

Remember, you are a whole person who is likely going through a lot of stress right now. Please be kind to yourself. There aren’t hard and fast dividing lines between the many roles in your life. You’re a friend, parent, employee, boss, lover, artist, patient, thriver… all of these beautiful parts of you are intertwined. Try seeing this as an opportunity to explore those connections and to plug into the activities that give you energy and comfort. With a few simple boundaries, working from home can be a powerful way to bring all the parts of yourself together.

And as you adapt to this new reality, spread kindness around to those who can’t work from home. From medical and emergency workers, to the hospitality industry, to those who are keeping our supply chains running (farmers, factory workers, truck drivers, etc.)—many are braving traditional work climates because remote work isn’t an option. Recognize those who may be losing income or risking their safety to help others—and look for ways to help them in return. They’re looking out for us, so let’s make sure we have their backs, too!

Your turn: Are you working from home right now? If so, how’s it going? And if you have tips to share, please do!

Peace & boundaries,

The post How to Adapt to Working from Home appeared first on KrisCarr.com.

[toldmystory-madehistory]

Re-Starting The Journey

It has been a long time since I have updated this blog. Truth is, life got insanely busy and my journey hit many, many road blocks. I had big plans for this blog. Big plans for my weight loss journey and it just all crumbled before my eyes. This first update in a very long time will be raw, real, and open, tackling a few things I have put off consistently because of disappointment in myself, in the journey and in the choices I have made on some things. I warn you that it will be long, and most likely will start to ramble. But here I give everyone an update on the journey and what is next. 

Let’s start with the good. In 2015, after several disappointments in my weight loss journey and a overall very hard time finding a job that made me happy, doing something that I love, I decided to apply for grad school with the hopes of getting a degree in Music Industry Administration. I was accepted and started in August of that year. Fast forward to May 2017, I sit here now with said Masters degree and wonder what is next, where to start? What to do? During the tenure of my masters program, I was meeting a lot of new people, changing in ways I never thought I would. I became more open, got better at public speaking, learned how to network and interact with people in ways I never could before. 

But I was also going through another side journey. Watching all that I had worked for in my weight loss journey fall apart. I was at the tail end of a several month struggling mightily with my purpose on my journey. I was no longer losing weight, I was stagnant, and I felt no matter what I did I was no longer going to lose weight and that frustrated me to no end. I felt I could eat fast food or another meal of chicken and broccoli and see the same results. I was switching up my workouts, trying new additions, changing the cardio, everything that I could think of and nothing seemed to work. The stress and anxiety of this time, I’ve come to learn a bit more, was probably a huge indicator of why nothing was happening. Our bodies are marvelous things. They respond accordingly to what they sense we are feeling. My body was under major stress and felt it needed to hold on to whatever it had. My trainer at that time, bless her heart, tried everything she could as well. It got to a point that my food was so strict that if I couldn’t track single morsel, I wasn’t eating it. In the end, I was completely unhappy in any fitness and nutrition capacity and just had no desire to continue what I felt had become a chore. 

So I started my program, while working, and commented to Northridge every week for classes, projects, and events, and just pretty much let my fitness journey fall. I could no longer afford training, so I just figured I was done. I put my full focus into my program while kind of going to the gym irregularly and still continuing to prep food but not really track it as much as I used to. I still ate relatively healthy for the most part, but ate a lot more junk that I had been when I started my journey in 2011. 

In 2016, I felt a desire to, again, start to lose the weight, but had a strong lack of motivation to start over because I was so upset at myself for basically undoing all that I had worked so hard to accomplish. I was angry at myself, still am, about basically gaining most of the weight back and getting back to a place I swore I never would. My mood, my stressors, my anxiety, and most importantly, my confidence, have all taken quite the hit since then. I was genuinely happy and fully confident in myself for what felt like the first time ever at the beginning of my weight loss journey, but that has gone away. It will take a lot of work to get back there, but I am determined to do so. But I am getting a bit ahead of myself.

Flashback to 2016 and that desire to start losing the weight again and the thought of having to go through that again killed me. Did I really want to put myself through all of that again? Let me tell you one thing, the mind is a very powerful thing. It will tell you things that will never be true, but will convince you they are. And I struggled still, in staying consistent. I knew with my commute, working 30 hours a week, and trying to get my Masters, adding the gym back into my routine would be no easy task. I knew I would have to be so on top of everything. 

I knew what needed to be done, because I had done it before, but just didn’t know how I would fit everything or really, where to start. The gym had become intimidating again and I just had a hard time getting past things. While researching workout plans, nutrition logs, and everything in between, I came across a woman by the name of Karina Baymiller, who runs an online fitness and nutrition coaching business called Knox Strength and Performance. I ended up contacting her and seeing if what I was going through was something she could be of help with. We ended up connecting quite well and our journey in trying to get to to the core of my problems and restarting my weight loss journey began, very slowly I might add. Success has still not come in the form of full blown weight loss results, but I have discovered a lot more of the in-between. 

The in-between is the little things. The mental road blocks, and really just discovering things about yourself that you may have pushed away, not thought of, or really did not just want to see. The first thing I did with Karina is pretty much bare all. She wanted to know as much as I was willing to give, to judge my mental state and to judge where the next logical step in my weight loss would be. And boy was I sure in deeper than I thought!

The biggest thing over the course of about 8 months that she has made me discover is my borderline unhealthy obsession with calorie counting, scale watching, and overall mental state in how I had begun to treat losing weight and eating healthy. In short, I was stagnant for many more reasons besides working out. Like I had mentioned earlier, my food tracking had got to the point that I wanted to track literally everything I ate. I was also very restrictive on what I would allow myself to eat and when. Even if I cheated, I wasn’t going to In-n-Out or eating a 1/2 dozen donuts on a Saturday. I was considering things like bagels, an ice cream cone, and little small things like that, that overall in the grand scheme would not be make or break in terms of weight loss. Truth was, I just didn’t let myself have too many cheats or anything rather blatant because I was so afraid of gaining the weight back. The breakdown for me, was seeing that I was no longer losing weight and wondering why I kept eating so healthy when it *clearly* wasn’t working. 

With Karina, the plan is all about flexible dieting. There are no cheats, there are no restricted foods, but you follow a more simplistic plan of eating healthy but having that ice cream cone if you’re craving it, or having that donut on a Saturday morning if you’re feeling it. This is not to say that I should be eating a donut every morning or eating ice cream every night for dessert, but if I wanted it, sometimes I could have it. Her biggest thing in all of the many nutrition talks we have had, was the mindset shift. So what if you couldn’t track every morsel? In fact, no tracking app is ever really truly 100% accurate, so a bite of this or that, again, will not break you. My mindset needed to shift. And not see food as the bad guy, as the thing that caused me so much grief. But the big key was that I needed to switch up *what* healthy food I was eating. Chicken breast, brown rice, and broccoli is boring, let’s be real. Who the heck wants to eat that for lunch everyday for the rest of their lives? So I needed to start varying what I eat and that should bring about the hopeful lack of frustration on having to eat the same thing I was feeling. My goals were to find new things to cook and try. My biggest deterrent in most weeks throughout our time together so far has been really finding the time to accomplish any of this while in this program. When I say this Masters program kicked my butt for two years, that’s an understatement. I felt at times that I was struggling to come up for air after being stuck under water. But I’m getting off- track again. 

Overall it sounds so simple, but it really wasn’t and hasn’t been. The food thing was the first step. The second step was not letting the gym control my life. The gym was to fit into my schedule, my schedule was not to fit around the gym. My social life had suffered during my initial weight loss journey, but it also suffered during my Masters tenure, both for different reasons.  But I needed to find a schedule that worked. I pride myself on organization and planning, but for the life of me, I could just not get all 3 to work together like I wanted. 

The next biggest thing was really just getting myself in the gym. Easier said than done. With my commute to school, I needed more time on those days to drive, which cut into my time for things like getting in the gym, or doing something else. This proved the hardest in my time with Karina so far, which I am hopeful will alleviate itself now with one less thing on my plate. I was getting randomly sick throughout last year, ended up straining my ankle quite severely, both things keeping me out of the gym more than being on a fitness program should allow. Needless to say, I never really felt like I ever settled into a consistent routine. Because my life didn’t feel consistent. 

Another major thing on the food topic that Karina and I had gone back and forth with quite a bit was how much I was eating and what it consisted of. In being so restrictive of my food, I had messed up my metabolism, which was most likely a contributing factor to the lack of weight loss. What we discovered, is that I was actually not eating enough. I was not eating enough protein for starters, but surprisingly, on some days, I was not even eating enough carbs. I thought she was crazy when she set my numbers for food intake, and believe me I still struggle with it today and fought for a long while, still in the mindset that they were just too high. But after many explanations and back/forth we’ve met common ground and I see now why they are important, even though my mind sometimes says otherwise. Choosing the food to fill your day is even more important when you have specific numbers you want to meet. The great thing here, is we worked up to them slowly. We focused on one thing, then another, then another. And now we’ve got a better focus on the main protein/carb/fat ratio. It’s still not great, it’s still not complexly consistent, but I know it can be done. 

Even though I was busy, there were many excuses that still held me back from actually being consistent with trying to lose weight again. And in all honesty, I think knowing how hard I would have to work, it kind of deterred me from starting sometimes. I was going through the motions, walking to the gym, doing my thing, not great, and leaving. Or skipping cardio workouts. Not eating consistently enough to be able to see changes. I just wasn’t focused enough to see many positive changes. 

Flash forward to current time. I continue today with Karina, still really struggling mentally and physically to find my full groove, but now with the weight of my Masters program behind me, I am restarting the journey to a healthy body, mind, and soul. Karina has been insanely patient with my schedule and with the real lack of physical results we have been seeing. But the mental change, in many ways, as become quite different. In discovering the things I had pushed off, had been doing, and so on. She has been great at getting down to the root causes of just what I am thinking, things I am interpreting, and what the next steps would be. She calls me out when she knows I can be better. I know I can be 100% better than what product I am putting out now. I know that staying consistent for longer than a week or two will start to yield positive results and she reminds me of that constantly. I know it will not be easy. I know that I have not put even close to my best effort again into losing weight, but I know, most importantly, that it is in there to be done. I’ve done it before, and can do it again. 

As I sit here and write this and think back on everything that has seemed to move so quickly yet not at the same time, I am reflective. I know I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. I have a good life, but I want it to be better. Because in the end, I know how great it feels to be free of the weight and walk around with great confidence in your accomplishments. I am sure there will be more speed bumps and road blocks along the way, but as long as I can continue to navigate around them. I am hopeful that I will find success once again. I know this journey won’t be easy, in fact, I know just how hard it is. But I know it will be worth it in the end. 

For now, thank you for taking the time to read my rambling thoughts. I’m going to  continue on with trying to find a job in this crazy music industry that I am so passionate about and continue my journey into the next phase of my life. And I want to invite anyone who’d like to join in this weight loss journey to hop on. Because if I haven’t learned enough, I have learned that having people around you that feel the same way and that are doing things you are doing makes all of the difference. Whether that’s going to the gym, getting out in nature on a hike, or going out for a healthy lunch/dinner with friends. That connection is so vital. Because, in the end, my weight loss journey affects the people around me, and what is going on around me, in turn, affects my journey as well. 

[simpstyle]

Bear the Child, Get Back to Business: The Working Girl Mom Part |||

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

Moms…what are we going to do with them & what would we do without them. More than ever, we need to highlight the moms, the supermoms, those who do it all and then some.

The moms who are working from home in the living room & teaching the children in the kitchen.

Check out these bomb-ass moms, kicking ass at work and kicking it harder at home!

Lauren Smith

CAREER: Administrative Assistant

What does it mean to be a Working Girl-Mom?

I am blessed to be able to care full time for my children and work remotely. My job is extremely flexible and allows me to work & still have my down time. I also run an online sportswear shop because the hustle never stops when you’ve got two kids!

Tips To Other Moms:

Embrace each day; time truly passes so quick. Try to find an employer that values you and your family, which allows flexibility so you can be present and paid!

Alveda Alfred

CAREER: Re-entry Case Manager

What does it mean to be a Working Girl-Mom?

When you’re a “Working Girl-Mom”, you’re basically SUPERWOMAN. I wake up every day ready to conquer both worlds.  As a mom who recently returned to work from maternity leave, I know it can be difficult focusing on work while missing my children. I also know that as a superwoman, I have to do what I need to do. Working moms know what sacrifice is and we’re prepared to accomplish our goals by any means necessary to ensure the best life for our kids! 

Tips To Other Moms:

Don’t beat yourself up and believe that you’re doing great! Take time to breathe and recollect yourself. Asking for help should not be a foreign thought! If you need help, ask for help!

Jahaira Forbes

Career: Radiology & Maternity

What does it mean to be a Working Girl-Mom?

Being a “Working Girl-Mom” means sacrifice. Being a single working mother living in New York City means not only being a mom but being a provider and raising a child to be fully equipped with the knowledge, skills and abilities to make it as a competent and strong human being. Trying to balance the two can be very difficult at times but always my number one priority. Being a good mother is a selfless act. Continuously sacrificing your wants and needs for your children.

Tips To Other Moms:

Finding balance; that’s the most important aspect for both mother and child.

Jessica Dougherty

Career: Manager of Warehouse Operations

What does it mean to be a Working Girl-Mom?

As soon as I got my working papers at 14 years old, I started to work. I never wanted to rely or have to ask anybody for anything. I’ve always had an independent mindset, which was due to being raised by a single father. I learned by his example how important work ethic and raising your children to be strong minded and reliable is. All of these things made me the woman and mother I am today. I am blessed to have a career where I can be the mother that takes my kids to school, pick them up after, cook and have dinner together. My career allows me to be a successful working woman, while still being able to be present and make memories with my children. I think these are major factors when balancing being a boss and mom!

Tips To Other Moms:

Even if you’re stressed or overwhelmed, never get too busy to enjoy the little moments. Try to take a breath and appreciate the chaos. They grow so fast!

Queen Validum

Career: Elementary School Teacher + Owner of RoyalOverload’s SelfEsteem Youth Camp

What does it mean to be a Working Girl-Mom?

Being a “Working Girl-Mom” means holding multiple titles at once. It means combining all things “woman” with all things #BOSS. The two are interchangeable despite some people believing you can not be a woman and a boss at the same time. Being a working girl means having your own, being independent, always surpassing your male counterparts while being graceful and always humble. Now add being a mother to the equation, you might as well call us SUPERWOMAN!

Being a “Working Girl-Mom” is being superhuman, creating life, nurturing those around us, holding down the house while holding down our business(es)— WHEW ! Tiring but worth all the glory and quite frankly the most fulfilling experience ever. 

Tips To Other Moms:

Schedule, schedule and get you someone who will remind you to stay on SCHEDULE! Haha. My life felt chaotic at one point (juggling all things at once without looking “weak” to my male counterparts) but I sat down with a fellow working gal who literally mapped out my day in 20min! She created a schedule for me, color-coded and all. She showed me blank time slots I could use for self care, which is extremely important as a mom. More importantly, scheduling granted me a peace of mind. She helped me established my long term goals and my daily short term goals. I believe this is essential in being a “Working Girl-Mom”. Remember that we are built for this and everyday is a learning lesson.

Ria Mckenzie

Career: Restauranteur

What does it mean to be a Working Girl-Mom?

Being a mother means you’re constantly overwhelmed by either emotions or responsibility. You feel love and joy like you never had before. You also have a sense of responsibility and selflessness like you’ve never had before. To put in simple words; motherhood changes and enhances you. You start to see all the possibilities in the world through your children’s eyes. Those possibilities makes you want to be the kindest and most generous version of yourself so your children can always look up to you. Your only goal as a mother is to be better for your children.

Motherhood makes you become a selfless better you.

Tips To Other Moms:

My tip to other mothers would be to make sure you take care of yourself so you can take care of your family. You run your household whether you believe it or not. If you're not good; no one else in the house will be good. Remember to stay on top of your self-care. For me, that means meditating, exercising, eating healthy and making time for the things that make me happy (WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY!). A happier you means a happier family!

Jaylin Holland

Career: Operations Coordinator at Non-Profit Organization/Entrepreneur 

What does it mean to be a Working Girl-Mom?

Being a “Working Girl-Mom” means being a “power-house woman”. Yes, sometimes it’s sunshines and rainbows and sometimes I just want to hide, but I wouldn’t change this experience for anything. There’s just nothing more rewarding than knowing that you’re working on your goals because your WHY just got that much bigger. What’s even more great is that you don’t have to choose between a working girl or a mom; you can be both and kill it at the same time!

Tips To Other Moms:

Give yourself grace! When you are spending time with your little one be intentional about it, take time to learn their love language. Remember you don’t have to be Pinterest perfect.

Serè McBean

Career: Orthodontist Assistant & Lash Technician/ Student @ NYU Dental Hygiene Program

What does it mean to be a Working Girl-Mom?

Being a “Working Girl-Mom” has been such a challenge for me. I was 17 years old when I had my first son so I was forced to mature early. Working 40 plus hours a week, going to school, and coming home to be a mom is hard work but the most rewarding in the end. I'm constantly thinking of more ways to be successful so my kids never have to struggle. Being a mother is a hustle that never ends. It's a thankless job that we don’t get enough credit for. 

Tips To Other Moms:

My tip for other mothers & working girls would be to appreciate the time you have with your kids. Don't be the parent that spends so much time working and misses out on the little things your kids love to do. Also, make time for you; self care is essential.

zakia myrick

Career: Hospitality Management & Entrepreneur

What does it mean to be a Working Girl-Mom?

Being a “Working Girl-Mom” is definitely a task, but a rewarding one to say the least. After giving birth to my daughter, I was able to stay home for 6 months before going back to work so going back was in a way “me” time. While some would jump to the opportunity, not having her around was very different and a bit uncomfortable in the beginning. Being a full-time mom & worker you definitely have to prioritize. The work definitely never stops. You have to find a balance of your work life and your mom life. My daughter is definitely my motivation to keep going & staying leveled headed when I feel like giving up. I want my daughter Ryder to know that everything I do is for her. I want her to have everything I had growing up and more.

Tips To Other Moms:

Appreciate the time you have with your kids. Don't be the parent that spends so much time working and misses out on the little things. Also, make time for you; self care is essential when being a parent.

[kadobeclothing]

6 Secrets to Achieving Work-Life Balance, According to HubSpot Marketing Managers

Have you ever heard the phrase, “If you love your job, you’ll never have to work again.”?

Well, that myth is both false and incredibly misleading. In fact, research shows that the more passionate you are about a job, the more work you’ll actually do. The truth is, a successful career takes time, initiative, and hours of hard work. And, while some companies enable employees to successfully execute on their roles within 40 hours each week, you’ll occasionally need to work later or longer to excel at other organizations When you think you have the perfect job, you might tell yourself, “I clock in 70 hours a week because I’m doing what I love,” or “The family dinners I’m missing will be worth it in the long run.” But, while your role might not “feel” like a job, working long hours without making time for yourself eventually takes a major toll. In fact, research shows that throwing yourself into work too heavily could cause stress, burnout, and — commonly — a lonely personal life. Yes — Managers value employees who take initiative and put in extra effort when needed. However, your personal life is important to your physical, psychological, and emotional well-being. So, how do you continue to excel in your career while making time for yourself and your loved ones? The truth is, there’s no simple trick to achieving an ideal work-life balance. But, luckily, there are a handful of strategies that can get you pretty close. To help you juggle your work and personal life, even if you work remotely, here are six tips that I collected from a few highly-motivated HubSpot marketing managers. While the tips below work well for in-office employees, these can be especially helpful if you’re working remotely and finding it hard to separate your work life from your personal life.

6 Tips for Achieving Work-Life Balance 1. Set hard-stops for each workday. Despite the thought that successful employees will work late into the night, studies show that you’re least productive at night. Additionally, working late hours can make you tired in times of peak productivity during the day. If your role revolves around large projects or long to-do lists, you might be tempted to work late or on weekends to get more done. However, our marketing managers suggest setting hard stops so you don’t overexert yourself. “When working on a long-term project, it’s very easy to keep going into the night thinking, ‘I can get the whole thing done today,’ which was obviously bad for work-life balance,” says Joe Mayall, an associate product marketing manager at HubSpot. “Setting hard stops for myself in the evening really helped me balance things out.” “Set (and abide by) your own boundaries and accept that a task is usually not THAT important that it can’t wait until tomorrow,” advises Lisa Toner To prevent any tasks that you can’t plausibly complete in normal work hours, Toner says, “You should manage expectations with your manager about how much can actually be done during business hours.” When you’re working remotely, setting hard stops can be even more important. In a recent post, my blog colleague Christina Perricone explained that knowing when to stop working is a common struggle of remote employees who usually work where they live. “Since you miss out on the social cues to head out for lunch or end the workday that are inherent in in-office settings, you have to create them,” says Perricone. “Set calendar appointments for lunch or a walk or a midday workout. Otherwise, you might find yourself sitting in front of your computer for 10+ hours a day.” 2. Make time for self-care and breaks each day. Whether you’re working remotely or in an office, you can take steps towards managing your personal life without getting distracted from work. If your schedule allows, one way to do this is by blocking time for breaks or short self-care activities, such as taking a walk, on your calendar. “Schedule personal things in your calendar like workouts, phone calls with family or friends, or coffee breaks. Then honor those commitments. This will force you to take a break in your workday and do the things that will recharge and fulfill you,” says Jennifer Stefancik, a marketing manager in our acquisitions department. “When I get back to work after doing something personally fulfilling, like going on a run, I always feel more focused and energized.” Stefancik shares. 3. Be transparent with your manager and colleagues about your personal-life boundaries. While you need to set work-life balance boundaries for yourself, you should also be transparent about boundaries you’ve set with your team or manager. One way to do this is by noting your work and off-work hours on your company’s internal calendar. Additionally, you should also talk to your manager to come up with a schedule that enables you to experience and manage important moments in your personal life. One HubSpot manager who’s transparent with his team and creates a public schedule to embrace his life as a parent is Victor Pan, HubSpot’s Head of Technical SEO. “I cherish the small talk I do when I drop off my daughter at school and with other parents. To do this, I talked to my manager about blocking out time in my work calendar — which is shared externally to my peers and colleagues,” Pan explains. However, Pan notes that establishing a flexible schedule with managers won’t always be doable at other companies. “Being able to engage in work-life design is a privilege for teams with safe spaces, but it’s also something someone engaged in part-time work can consciously control,” says Pan. “At the end of the day, we’re here to make the most out of the time we have given to us.” 4. Prioritize and audit your to-do list. Along with establishing a transparent schedule that fits in both time for life and work, you can prevent yourself from instances where you’ll need to work overtime by taking on prioritization tactics and auditing your to-do list to ensure that you’re working efficiently. “So many of us get bogged down by never-ending to-do lists and as you check off one item, three more gets added. In today’s world, it’s more important than ever to focus on the high impact activities and reduce or cease the activities that do not drive significant results,” says Toner. To help her prioritize her tasks so that the most important items fit smoothly into her work hours, she draws out an “Impact/Effort Matrix”: a four-by-four chart where you list all your tasks on scales related to the effort needed to complete them and the impact they’ll create. Once she’s done filling out her matrix, Toner follows these steps: Review the activities in the high effort low impact bucket, and assess if you can simply stop doing them — these are usually not worth your time. Take the activities in the low impact, low effort bucket. Determine if you need to keep doing them or if they can be delegated to someone else. Look at the high impact, high effort bucket and research more efficient ways to achieve the same results. If so, move those items into the high impact, low effort square.

When you’re done using the matrix, “you should have one to two items remaining in the high effort, high impact bucket that you continue to work on over a longer period of time,” says Toner. “Everything in the low effort, high impact bucket should be the work you prioritize,” Toner adds. “By doing this exercise regularly you can learn if your to-do list is actually worth the time it takes to do it. Then, you can decide if you should stop, delegate, improve efficiency, or keep going.” 5. Schedule time off as needed. In a recent blog post where HubSpot marketers revealed how they prevent burnout, Irina Nica, a community and influencer relations manager, noted that taking time off can help you eliminate stress while also adhering to your personal life. “I was one of those people who would rarely take any time off because ‘there are so many things to be done,'” Nica said. “Even when I did, I still let some work slip into my day, even if that meant only checking my emails.” “Over time, I’ve changed my views on time off and it’s been great for my productivity,” Nica explained, adding, “I learned to disconnect in the evenings and during weekends. Now, aside from the regular summer and winter holidays, I take long weekends off every now and then. That helps me relax and refreshes my perspective.” Taking time off doesn’t necessarily need to be devoted to vacations or travel. For example, if you live with family, time off can be used for staycations, where you stay in and spend time with loved ones. Or, if you live alone, you could simply take a few days off to relax, video call friends, binge some TV, and perform self-care.  6. Physically separate work from your personal life.  If you occasionally or regularly work from home, the lines between work and life can get incredibly blurry. Because of this, you might find yourself working too late or thinking about work when you try to relax in your home. Luckily, one strategy that can help with this is creating a workspace for yourself. “Try to designate a space in your home exclusively for work,” Perricone advised in a recent post. “Taking calls from your bed or writing memos in front of your TV likely won’t be very effective. You need a space that allows you to focus and be productive. That way, you can keep your work and home life as separate as possible.” Finding a Good Balance While the five tips were all slightly different, they all followed just a few major themes that you can keep in mind when aiming to achieve a work-life balance: Time off: Everyone needs breaks or time to disconnect from work. Even if you work remotely, be realistic with yourself about when you’ll need a break from work and schedule break times in your day or longer PTO accordingly. Setting boundaries: Schedule hard stops and breaks for yourself, while also setting boundaries related to your work hours with your team and manager. Prioritization: Recognize the tasks you can save until tomorrow and how to complete your weekly to-do list more efficiently. Separate work from life at home: When you work from home, the lines between work and life can get blurry. Be sure to use the tips above to help separate your work life from your personal life at home. You can also find more detailed tips in this remote work post. To learn more about how to be successful in the marketing workplace, check out these blog posts on avoiding burnout, productivity, and how to stay creative under pressure.

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[cynthiadshaw]

What’s the Most Important Lesson You’ve Learned Along Your Journey?

Every twist in our story, challenge we face, and obstacle we overcome is an important part of our story.  These difficulties make us stronger and wiser and prepare us for what’s ahead.  As we grow and succeed we may imagine that soon the challenges will fade away, but in our conversations with business owners, artists, creatives, academics, and others we have learned that the most common experience is that challenges never go away – instead they get more complex as we grow and succeed.  Our ability to to thrive therefore depends heavily on our ability to learn from our experiences and so we are asking some of the city’s best and brightest: What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned along your journey?

Layna Lovelite | Producer | Stage Manager | Choreographer | Dancer | Event Planner, and Model

To be successful in life, a person needs a plan. It is important to make sure that part of that plan includes being flexible enough to let go of it and redirect, if it is no longer serving you. Evolution requires small changes over time to adapt, survive, and excel in our environment. We land on our feet through courage and determination.

@laynalovelite

LUIS CHIRINOS | DJ and producer

My biggest and most important lesson has been the affection of the public, to make me feel like their own family that made me an integral and humble person without a doubt that this has been the best as well as the opportunity to project myself in other cities thanks to the recommendation of several artists with whom I have worked that have made my work gradually climbing levels and every day because I am more of the public.

@djchirinosdfw

Vannarith Keth | head baker, Ash Bugler | pastry chef & Sothida Bugler | baker and everything else

The most important lesson we have learned in our journey so far is to always care. Everything we do at Moreish is done with care. We care about our product; we care about our customers and we care about our community. Over the last five years we’ve been in business, we’ve been involved in various local charities, fundraisers and sponsorships. The word moreish is an English term meaning tasting so good that you want more. For us, achieving Moreish means caring first.

@moreishdonuts @moreishdonuts moreishdonuts.business.site

Dorian Dane | Personal Assistant & Model

Hair by @thehairygodmotherr & @nealmhair

The most important lesson I’ve learned so far is simply that nothing lasts forever. You have to enjoy the moments you’re given while you’re in them, and the opportunities that you’re afforded while you’ve got them. You also have to know when it’s time to call it quits so that you can move on to bigger and better things. It’s like time management- but for every aspect of your life.

@dorian.dane

Mostafa Taleb | Filmmaker/ Video Content Creator

The most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey to becoming a filmmaker and content creator is to persevere. It sounds simple, but since I was a teenager in high school, I dreamed of becoming a filmmaker and working in Hollywood one day. I saw myself presenting stories that resonate with me, my community, and it’s values. I wanted to represent us correctly in the eyes of the people and speak the truth through film.

Growing up, I was the family cameraman, capturing our intimate moments – “vlogging” – as it were. I was obsessed with going to the movies and watching films on the big screen.

As I was on my way to pursue a degree in Film Production from the University of North Texas, my first major roadblock was that doubt of the people around me. Some of my peers and family were doubting that I would ever make it successfully as a filmmaker. They kept needling me with the idea that there was no money is filmmaking, or that I would never be able to support a family…etc etc.

But I ignored them. I believed in myself because it was my passion. And I truly believe that God has given me the inspiration and this talent to be a filmmaker for a greater purpose.

The second major roadblock was my grades. As much as I loved filmmaking, I did not love math, or school in general. I could not advance into the Film Production program at the university, so I was given an ultimatum. Two different advisors recommended to switch my major just so that I could graduate, or that I could continue to pursue the Film Production major but pay out-of-state tuition.

Faced with this decision, I persevered. Regardless of that, I still wanted to have a career telling stories. So in parallel to earning my degree in Political Science, of all things, I took it upon myself to learn about filmmaking on my own.

My family was very supportive and helped get the gear I needed to get started. The rest is history. A month after I graduated from university, I started working at Bayyinah TV as the solo Video Production Specialist. Over the two years I was there, I had grown in my field more than I had expected to. But then unexpectedly, I was let go. It took me by surprise but it was a reality check. I was angry for sometime because it was like I had failed the way my friends had told me I would.

But then I had to think about what my next move was. What was I going to do.

So I persevered.

I worked freelance for two year, understanding the business of filmmaking and producing video content for clients. After some time, I was offered a full-time position from one of my clients, Muslim Legal Fund of America, which I respectfully declined initially. But as I thought it over for a day, I’ve realized it was better for me to have a structured schedule than an open-ended one. So I accepted. I was with them for a year and a half when they unexpectedly pulled the plug and I was jobless again.

So I persevered.

I worked freelance for two months until I landed another job with a direct sales company called Revital U International. Seven months later, they let me go.

So I persevered.

And now, four months later, I work at Samsung and it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me in my career.

@mostafataleb_cinemaking

A. J. Legrand | Artist

@wafflesweekly

I guess in the journey of life—well I think it’s relevant to the artistic journey, as well—I think it’s important to remember that it isn’t a sprint, but rather a feat of endurance, if you’re really going to create your best work—or live your best life.

Generally speaking, I think artists improve with time. As artists age and continue to create and continue to become more aware of themselves and the world around them, I think the art improves.

I would say the same of all humans too—the more awareness, the more a person is able to contribute to the world and the lives of others.

So, stick around. Don’t rush. Enjoy the process. Don’t waste your one life.

I’m sure that your best is yet to come.

@a.j.legrand ajlegrand.com Merrick White | Blogger and clothing designer

The best way to learn is to just jump in and figure it out!

@merricksart merricksart.com

            Antoine Johnson | IT professional and Co-host of Unspokn Konversation Podcast

Consistency is the only way to accomplish sustainable success.

@antoine_da_source @unspoknkonversation unspoknkonversation.com podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unspokn-konversation/id1403657527

          Lindsay Robison | Fashion Influencer

The most important advice I would give to a young, plus size women, Would be to ignore comments. Do what you love, what makes you happy, & be you & authentic. Because at the end of the day you matter, & no one can change that!

@linkxoxo @Linkxoxo Facebook – Lindsay Robison

        Clint Palmer Jr. | Actor | Model & Security Lead

KJW Photography

The most important lesson I’ve learned so far is patience and to accept being told No. Cause 1 no could lead to your next big opportunity in film or Modeling.

@ClintonPalmerJr @ClintonPalmerJr

          De’Yara “”Buttagoharder”” Hardy |  Rapper/Singer/Writer/Actress/Creative Video Director/Stylist/Entrepreneur 

The most important lesson (s) that I’ve learned thus far, is to not rush or get discouraged by the process. I believe that any idle time you’re allowed, should be used to perfect your craft , educate yourself and strive to be greater. Be consistent. We are all unique individuals, embrace your imperfections and don’t ever think you’re not good enough. Control what you can and don’t stress about what you can’t. You will never please everyone, so do what feels right to you, you’ll be much happier.

@Buttagoharder buttagoharder.com

    Josh Butler | Athlete & videographer

The most important lesson that I’ve learned in my journey so far is to never give up and try your best to keep a positive mindset. Being able to have self motivation to persevere through the toughest situations in order to achieve your goals and beyond.

@joshbutlertv @JoshButlerTv

        Kristin Djurdjulov | Cheerdrop Owner & Designer

Every day seems to teach me a new lesson or dispel one of my beliefs! One of the biggest lessons so far is learning how to stop comparing myself and the state of my business to others and give myself more grace. I follow and have had the pleasure of meeting some super talented designers and business owners and along the way…I have been every shade of green with envy and comparison which has only hindered my progress and positivity. The comparison track playing in my head repeats “they have thousands of followers and I barely have any, they have been more successful in a shorter timeframe, they have a better story than mine, they are selling more, etc.” I have had to consciously stop looking at their work and posts so that I can focus on seeing the beauty of my own. There is most certainly a place for everyone to succeed and everyone’s pace and circumstances are different. I am sweetly reminded with every new customer I meet and every sale I am fortunate to get that the right people are finding my work at exactly the right time.

@cheerdropjewelry @cheerdropjewelry etsy.com/shop/cheerdrop Rene Hernandez | The Organic Gangster, Certified Personal Trainer

You can’t do it all by yourself!

@dallasthenics on all social media platforms @organic.gangster

            Dae | Recording Artist

The most important life lesson for me is knowing that whatever is meant to happen will happen on Gods timing. We all have a purpose and nobody can rush your process… not in how you find that purpose and neither in how you finish.

soundcloud.com/daetimemusic @daetime.tv

  Mayra Leon | dance fitness instructor/ wellness coach

I think the biggest lesson I have learned in this journey is that every challenge is made to make me stronger. Sometimes we ask God for greatness and with greatness comes great challenges. So I think that every challenge comes to make you stronger and builds you’re character. Along with patience, and tolerance because in my buissness you need a lot of that.

@mayras_fitjourney

Email: mayrasfitjourney@gmail.com

Danny Hernandez | Contractor & Painter/Remodeler

Something I’ve learned from working in the painting business is my love for transformation. I love arriving at a location and getting inspired to transform something that may seem ordinary into something extraordinary by simply changing the color. I have also learned the importance of communication with your clients and team members. In a small business everyone plays a big role in getting things done, so it is important to to have great communication both w our employers and our employees.

@Dna.painting

 Cristina Toledo | Paloma Accessories Co

@monicasalazarphotography

The most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey so far is to trust myself and to be confident in the decisions I make. I tend to be indecisive at times. With that said, this journey has taught me to be confident in the decisions I make, from branding to choosing the right pair of earrings for my followers. I’ve always believed that in order for me to start a small fashion/accessory business I had to have the “”fashion background”” or merchandising degree. That’s definitely not the case in my experience! Take a good look at trailblazer/elite celeb stylist Rachel Zoe, she majored in sociology and psychology. Hillary Kerr, majored in journalism at NYU and she is now the co-founder of Who What Wear and launched Clique Media Group in 2006. Accessories are my passion! It’s almost like a sixth sense. It truly drives me and gets me excited!

@palomaaccessoriesco

Kenndrea James | Licensed Hairstylist & Extension Specialist

The most important thing I’ve learned in my journey is to just do what makes you happy. In a profession like mine there’s so much that you can do. I love extensions, I love HEALTHY HAIR, & I love Big Hair so that’s what I do. I’m looking forward to growing and taking over the Dfw One Strand at a Time.

@iamdreathestylist @DtHextensions @DreastotalHair @DreasTotalHair

Michael and Nette Bolden | Owners of Gigi’s Cupcakes | Mansfield

Be patient. Everything is coming together. Whatever you are waiting for is on its way to you.

gigiscupcakesusa.olo.express/menu/gigis-cupcakes-mansfield gigiscupcakesusa.com

 Ernesto Baez | Owner of Baez Maintenance Services  Office Cleaning & Janitorial Services

@Soapsterz_shop

In my short but fast uprising journey, I have encountered many lessons. The one that stuck out the most is that you must not settle for what you think is enough and no matter how much you dream of something with no actions it will not become a reality. You have to work like there is no tomorrow, sacrifice time to build your vision but you must do everything with an open heart loving to serve others in a business it is important being humble and remembering that love is the answer to many things. Success truly comes when you absolutely love what you do.

baezmaintenance.com @baez_maintenance_services

Jim | Pitmaster and Mandi | Boss Lady

What I have learned is bbq is not a genre of food but an extended family.

LilliansBarbecue.com @lilliansbbq @lilliansbbq

Amanda Calhoun | PR Professional & Digital Content Creator

The most important lesson I’ve learned so far is to celebrate tiny victories! I put this practice into place in my career, family, friendships and relationships. I truly believe that by acknowledging those things that seem small, we empower ourselves and those around us to dream big. Too often, we wait until the BIG things (anniversaries, birthdays, weddings, etc.) to take the trip or do the thing, but why is it that we put such a focus on milestones, when the moments that matter are happening every single day. So, in my life, we celebrate WINS, big or small, and while they all might not warrant a grand gesture, it’s always the thought that counts.

@missamandadeann

Micah Unger | Owner, Casa Boho

The most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey so far is that no matter how big and successful your business becomes, at the end of the day, family comes first! I had a baby last year, at a time when Casa Boho had just gone through it’s biggest growth yet, and sales were at an all time high. Although it was hard at first, I made the choice to take a bit of a break so I could focus solely on my new little one and enjoy that new stage in life. I missed out on some big opportunities and my business took a bit of a hit as a result, but I wouldn’t have changed a thing!

shopcasaboho.com @shopcasaboho

Tony Dao | Dallas Nightlife and Hospitality Entrepreneur

“The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering” – Bruce Lee

So be grateful and be prepared for all the wonderful opportunities in life.

Develop your Craft and your Brand as a weapon. Strike and Risk Strategically and be prepared for failures which will come in all aspects of life. To maintain your moral compass as a human being and no matter what happens… both your personal and professional life will be worth remembering.

thetdcagency.com collectivemark.com

Norman and Lakeisha Willis | Husband and wife of 13 years & Co-Owners of Willis BBQ Company

The most important lesson we have learned in our journey thus far is to consider all options and explore every avenue prior to making every decision. Do not be afraid to change the plan! When we initially started our catering business, it was called Norman’s Holiday Smoke & Catering. Our initial plan was to limit our catering services to the holidays only. We thought it was all we could handle given that we had recently had our second child. Within 3 months, we outgrew that vision. We had not considered all of opportunity that awaited us. So, we decided to start again. We had to re-brand every portion of our business.

During the re-branding process, we decided to go as for as our abilities could take us; no more limiting ourselves. We acknowledged that improvements were necessary. Our branding needed to mirror the delicious Smoked Meats, Homestyle Sides and Cupcakes we were serving our customer. We expanded our target market to include corporations, wedding venues and individuals that needed special event catering. We also decided to use our abilities and time to feed the less fortunate. And so it began, we decided to build a 22 foot food trailer; a food trailer that any company or person would love to have at their event. We changed our name to Willis BBQ Company, re-designed the logo, designed a website, created elegant menus and changed our packaging. We were all in!

Thankfully, we realized we could do more and be more. Re-evaluating our business plan early allowed us to course correct with minimum losses.

willisbbqcompany.com @willisbbqcompany @willisbbqcompany Phone: 972-805-3432 willisbbqcompany@gmail.com

Desiree Davis | Mental Health Advocate and founder of United Black Women

The most important lesson I’ve learned on my journey is “if there’s a will, there’s a way”. It’s an expression my father used to say to me growing up. At times I find myself struggling with doubt and uncertainty. “”How can I accomplish that?”” “”Is this even possible?”” “”But no one has done it before.”” Those thoughts are nothing more than my fear of the unknown attempting to paralyze me back to my comfort zone. When those thoughts come to me I just remind myself “if there’s a will, there’s a way”. That phrase pushed me through college when I couldn’t afford my last semester. It pushed me through depression when I had no one to turn to. And most importantly that phrase is leading me to my purpose of helping others find their ’will’ and ‘way’ today.

@desiree.r.davis @unitedblackwomen

Alexa Lopes | Food Photographer

The most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey is to give all of yourself to your craft, but to always leave space to learn, improve and grow.

@fortworthfoodtographer @fortworthfoodtographer

Taylor Morrison | licensed registered dietitian and certified sports dietitian

What I have learned on my journey so far is that it’s easy to start looking at what others are doing or get distracted by shiny opportunities that don’t actually lead you in your desired direction. It’s important to stay true to yourself and to stay focused on what you are doing and what your purpose is. I continue to ask myself, “What is it that I’m passionate about? What gifts has God given me?”, This keeps me focused and ignites that feeling of purpose that keeps me moving forward towards my goals.

taylored-nutrition.org @taylormorrisonRD

    Brittney Fernandes | Hair stylist | Bridal Stylist | Makeup Artist

The most important lesson I’ve learned in the beauty industry is that with every client, each time they’re in your chair is a gift and fresh opportunity to bless them and showcase your best self and talent.

http://www.beautebybrit.com/ @beautebybrit

Relax Bodyworks | bodywork geared towards relaxation

Tiffany Harper

Probably the most important thing is realizing that every time I put my hands on a new client, I use my intuition to learn something new. I’ve learned to trust that more than anything else because it never steers me wrong.

relaxbodyworks.com @relaxbodyworks

Johnnie Hoang | Food lover & Owner of Hoang’s Noodle House

The most important lesson I have learned in my journey is that teamwork and patience is crucial in any business. At Hoang’s Noodle House, teamwork helps with the flow and quality of the dishes. Patience plays a very important role as well, as some of our food items we serve require time to prepare. We definitely focus on providing fresh and quality food. My biggest reward is seeing and hearing people enjoy the food that I have invested time in preparing. My secret ingredient to all my dishes is passion. I have always enjoyed cooking for others. I believe that food brings people together and therefore you end up with a unique experience. Good food and good company.

@Hnoodlehouse Hoangsnoodlehouse.com

@HNHFoodTruck

Shawna Fitzpatrick | Illustrator & Urban Photographer

Ignore the naysayers, regardless of who they are. You already know the answer in your heart. When you allow the noise in, you just invited in a world of chaos and confusion.

shawnafitzpatrick.com @the.real_shawna.fitzpatrick @therealshawnafitzpatrick

Matt (mattman) Pearce | photographer

I would have to say that being a professional photographer you need to be creative and share. Be creative and look for something that is different that maybe no one else sees. Share your ideas, techniques and knowledge with other photographers. I truly believe that there are two types of photographers, one who creates the image like wedding or portrait photographers. The other type is the one who captures the image like shooting sports, news, concerts or events. I like to capture the image! There’s nothing more exciting then capturing that moment in time whether it’s a singer at a concert or a Dallas Cowboys touchdown or a Dallas Stars goal or even a stock car going by you at 190mph just three feet away! It’s the passion of capturing that moment in time! LOL, I have people ask me all the time, “”do you shoot weddings?”” LOL, I tell them no, I leave those to the professionals, I just push a button for a living…

@mattman1310 @mattman1310 @mattman1310 mpearce1310@gmail.com

Rosy Gamez | Photographer and Crafter

Rosy Gamez

There are always a million reasons not to do something,” was a quote I heard Jan Levinson (The Office) say 5 times now in the last 6 years. As a hardcore fan of the show, her small quote resonated with me every single time I heard it, and throughout the 5-year journey of what was my freelance side business never once did I notice that I was living out those million reasons.

After the birth of my second son, I realized how much a 9-5 job took me away from my boys. I knew the best way to predict the future was to create it. I balled up those million reasons “why,” tossed them away, and introduced my crafts and designs to the world. I am an entrepreneur building my business, using my creativity and expertise for my family. The rewards are ten fold. I set my hours, earned back time with my boys and loving husband. I no longer have someone place a limit on my income because now it is limitless.

I guess you can say, the lesson learned was that you have to want it, believe it, and do it, and grasp the handful of reasons why you SHOULD and take that plunge, why, because trust me, you will be forever grateful that you did. Think about it, what’s the worst that can happen? Say you fail, well, get up and try again…and again…and again. Either way, at least you can say you tried, and that is infinitely more than others can say.

@serenestudiophotographyanddesign @serenestudiophotoanddesign

Beth Holland | Fine Art Photographer

I have learned to experience the exhilaration of seeing another side of our beloved National Parks, free of crowds, tour buses and the cacophony of civilization at night. Seeing the wonders of the familiar in a different light with the stars, moon, and milky way above is just awe-inspiring and keeps me going at 2:00 am to get that shot!

BethHollandPhotography.com @BethHollandPhotography

  Rod Castor

Most important lesson would be to keep being consistently on working on your skills.

@t.r.l_photography

Ericka Estrella | Photographer/Traveler

I would have to say, that the most valuable lesson has been to take one day at the time, to look beyond the fingers like our friend <Patch Adams> will learn in the movie from 1998, and really See what is before us the opportunity to be in this world yet another day, must be truly treasured, for there is no guaranteed there will be a tomorrow.

Therefore, witness the beauty and love around each and everyday, even in the simplest things like the half and half coffee blending dance, or the sunrise backlighting a window plant.

Photographing peoples most important moments has been and continues to be an amazing gift.

@ErickaEstrellaPhotography @ErickaEstrellaPhotography

Bob Brooks | Photographer

Starting your business without a mission statement is like taking a long road trip without a map. You can get lost easily within a short amount of time. Having something to reference later will help you keep grounded to your original goal. Knowing your target demographic is also one of the most important things. And finally for the person just starting out, don’t fall into the trap that shooting every day will help you capture better images. It’s better to choose one day out of the month, bring only one battery with you or just 2 roles of film, shoot till it’s gone and then don’t edit or processes them for 6-8 weeks and then look at then for the first time. Trust me, shooting 30k-50k in six months only gets you burned out, and from there, you loose your passion for photography all together. The old saying “Do what you love, and you will never work a day in your life” this couldn’t be further from the truth, getting the paying jobs and prospecting for work is the real work, this represents  about 80% of the work of the photographer, not the other way around.

@rlbrooks_photography Facebook: Bob Brooks @rlbrooksphotography

Eric Ziegler | Landscape and nature photographer

I think the most important thing I’ve learned is that you’re never too old to learn.

I started the hobby of photography as a teenager, and although I’ve been working at it for almost 30 years, I still feel that my work is not where I want it to be. I am always looking for new techniques and ideas to help me become more creative, and it is fun sometimes to compare my work from several years ago to see the growth I’ve achieved.

ericzieglerphoto.com @ezieglerphoto

The post What’s the Most Important Lesson You’ve Learned Along Your Journey? appeared first on Voyage Dallas Magazine | Dallas City Guide.

source http://voyagedallas.com/2020/03/01/whats-important-lesson-youve-learned-along-journey-2/

[themoneybuff-blog]

Questions About Crowdlending, Prayer, Christmas Trees, Chess, Beans, and More!

Whats inside? Here are the questions answered in todays reader mailbag, boiled down to summaries of five or fewer words. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question. 1. Investing for childs future 2. Crowdlending investments 3. Shorter workweek thoughts? 4. Struggling to improve at work 5. Last minute holiday gifts 6. Praying for financial help? 7. Child care suggestions 8. Christmas tree suggestions 9. Learning chess for cheap 10. Keeping beans fresh 11. 401(k) help 12. I never want to retire I get two or three requests a week from a reader asking to reprint an article Ive written for some purpose. So, heres my policy on that. If you wish to reprint an article of mine for a print publication or an email newsletter, not a website, you have permission to do so provided that you attribute the article to Trent Hamm at The Simple Dollar and include the URL of the site, http://www.thesimpledollar.com/. If you are interested in a reprint on a website, ask me first. Make sure that the article was actually written by Trent first, however, by visiting that article on the website and verifying that Trent was the writer of that specific article. Some portion of articles that appear on the site were written by other writers and youll need to ask them individually for permission. On with the questions. Q1: Investing for childs future I have a young kid (6 years old) and Id like to invest a little bit for him in a set and forget fashion. I realize Im pretty lucky to be living in an expensive place (Seattle, WA) while being able to max out my 401k, my Roth IRA and my wifes IRA. We dont have any loans, pay off out credit card monthly and just have a home mortgage with low interest. I am still able to put a little bit of money regularly on a brokerage account and a 529 for my son (although I dont want to put too much for a few of reasons: I dont know if hell go to college here (expensive) or in France where Im from (cheap), I value community college highly and dont necessarily aim for him to go to ivy league schools and finally I dont believe in taking at my charge all his higher education expense. My only downfall here is that I feel a bit behind on retirement because I moved to the US AT 26 for a temp job that became permanent at 32 and only understood 401k since I was 34. Im been maxing out ever since. I definitely have the saving mentality that we find Europeans! In essence, we live on about 40% off a single about 110k/year (my wife works for a non profit and brings an income that pretty much only pays for her laptop, cell phone, car gas and child care once in a while for us to go on a date). With that in mind, what could be our next smart moves (I feel that is not often addressed for people that are able to to reach all the conventional goals we see out there but dont fit in the high income category where advance money placement and tax schemes can be beneficial). So my questions are two folds: what is the next smart move for us (just keep investing in the Vanguard Total Market Index Fund?) what can I do to invest long term for my son? I was hoping for an IRA but he is not earning income. Is the anything else? Bob First of all, a 529 might still be useful for you even if your child goes to school in France, provided that hes attending a college or university thats eligible for Title IV student aid. There are hundreds of overseas universities and colleges that are, so youll have to research the ones hes considering. If youre not strictly saving for education for your son, however, your best bet is probably what youve already stumbled on gifting your child a certain amount each year below the gift tax exclusion limit ($14,000 a year) and then investing that money in a taxable account in your childs name while again gifting your child enough to pay any taxes on dividend income. This is of course assuming that your child is not earning an income of some kind via modeling or acting or something akin to that. For us, our savings for our childrens future is strictly in the 529 plans. Once they move out and go to school, their 529 plans are our financial support for their education. We hope to have enough in each account to cover in-state tuition for a few years at a state university (like Iowa State U or University of Iowa), though they can make other choices in terms of where to go to school should they wish too. Q2: Crowdlending investments What do you think about crowdlending investments? Carly Crowdlending refers to any program in which individuals can lend money to other individuals or businesses, supplying the capital for the loan and earning a return on that money in the form of the borrowers interest paid on that loan. Typically, many people provide small amounts to make up the capital for that loan for example, someone might want to borrow $10,000 and that loan is made up of 100 people lending $100 each. A number of businesses exist to help facilitate this, such as Lending Club and Prosper. It really comes down to the riskiness of the borrower. Someone with a high rating as a borrower represents pretty little risk and youll almost always get your money back and more. A high risk loan might net you a very nice return, but you have a real risk of losing your balance. In general, I would not invest money I needed going forward in a crowdlending investment. Its a good place to put money that you dont need if youre seeking a nice short term return on it and youre willing to pay a lot of attention and take on some significant risk. Remember, if someone defaults on a crowdlending loan, that means youve probably lost most (if not all) of what youve invested. Q3: Shorter workweek thoughts? What do you think about this article that argues that people 40 and over work better if their workweek is shorter? It matches my own experience. This one? Jenna I frankly agree with it. Speaking from my own experience, I find that the vast majority of my work gets done during three days a week. I tend to have about three days each week when I can really slip into a writing zone, and my work on other days is often just busywork. I think this is honestly true of most information and creative jobs. For every day of really great mental performance, I think people of all ages need at least a day of rest to recharge fully. If you demand mental performance day after day, that performance is going to degrade fairly rapidly and eventually result in burnout. The trick for me is in properly preparing for a three day week and getting it reliably without interruption due to personal or family illness or some other interruption. Part of why I write for a living is the flexibility of it, which means I cant just sit down and lock down three specific days of writing each week. Often, I have to break it up more than that. Q4: Struggling to improve at work I currently work as a bank teller. Went in for a performance review in October and read your advice about asking what I need to do to get a raise or promotion. Boss was great and gave me a list of things to work on. Thing is Im always busy and rarely have the chance to work on a lot of those things. I feel like Im not making progress on any of those things and cant find time for them. Not sure what to do. Bailey The best thing you can do is find opportunities to work on those skills in the course of your regular tasks. Without knowing your regular casts and the things that your boss suggested that you work on, I cant offer specific advice on that. However, there are probably at least some of the elements on that list that you can work on while doing other tasks. If theres new material to learn, do your best to learn it when youre not at work. If there are topics youre supposed to know about, spend time when youre not working learning those things. You should also try to get into a routine of having regular scheduled one-on-ones with your supervisor just to talk over how things are going and build a stronger relationship. If youve not really communicated in any way with your boss in two months, you might want to strengthen that relationship a little. Just ask for a regularly scheduled meeting once every two weeks or once a month and go over the things on that list. This gives you a deadline to push toward a little more effort on those things, and it shows your boss youre consistently trying to work for the brass ring. Q5: Last minute holiday gifts So my mom got sick and asked if I could host family Christmas and I said okay. In the past we did a name drawing for gifts but she also got everyone something small and shes not doing that this year but I want to do it so I am looking for good ideas for last minute small holiday gifts under $5. Amy What kinds of things did she give out? At that price point, Id probably go for consumable items. Get people nice bars of chocolate or a bottle of craft beer or something like that. Youre not going to go fancy at $5, but you can find something the recipient would enjoy. Just make a list of everybody whos attending and try to identify one food or drink item each one of them would like. Theres your shopping list, and thats exactly what I would do in your shoes. Q6: Praying for financial help? I pray and pray for financial help and it never seems to come. We never make ends meet. I try to follow your advice and things always turn out badly. Jaime A simple suggestion: rather than praying for financial help, pray to have the strength and wisdom and focus to make the difficult choices needed to put you and your family on a better financial path. Dont pray for money to be dropped on your lap. Instead, pray that youll have the foresight and wisdom to not spend money on foolish things. Pray that youll feel lower stress and that youll be able to lower the stress of those around you. Pray for the creativity to make your meal budget stretch a little further. Most of us already have the financial answers we need already in our life. We just need someone (or something) to take the scales away from our eyes so that we can see those answers. That change often comes from within, not from money from outside sources. Money drops into our lap more often than we think it does what matters is how we use it. Q7: Child care suggestions Moved to new city and starting school in January. Have a three year old. Thought there would be child care support through school but all slots are full. Program will subsidize child care but everything within subsidy is kind of scary. Suggestions? Danielle I have helped Danielle many times over the last few years. For some background, she was engaged to be married but her soon-to-be husband ghosted her and she cant find him for child support. She moved in with her parents for a brief while, then found an apartment on her own. She applied for a bunch of scholarships to go back to school and then I hadnt heard from her in a while until this question popped up. She has been using many different programs to help give her kid a great life and working her tail off, so I do have some real sympathy for Danielles situation. Danielle, you absolutely need to check and see whether your state has some sort of child care assistance offered through their Department of Human Services. Given your situation, its very likely that youre eligible for some help through such a program, which is available in a lot of states. Another approach you might want to consider is whether or not you have a close friend or relative you trust who could move in with you and provide child care in exchange for free rent. Do you have a sibling or close friend who might be interested in such a situation that youd trust? Those are the two best options I have in mind, other than making sure youre on the waiting list for child care options through your school. This will get somewhat easier when your child reaches school age, as youll both be able to go to school! Q8: Christmas tree suggestions Is a real Christmas tree worth it? We usually only decorate for a few days before Christmas and the twelve days after taking things down on January 6. Used a tiny artificial tree for the last few years and were considering a real one this year. Arne It depends on how you define worth it. Real trees are messier and take more work (because you have to water them) and need to be disposed of after the holidays; artificial trees have none of that. Plus, real trees have to be replaced every year. From a purely financial standpoint, real trees arent worth it. However, real trees have an enormous aesthetic advantage. They smell wonderful. When properly cleaned up, they look better than artificial trees (in my opinion, assuming you dont buy one thats half dead). Is the work and the (eventual) extra cost worth it to you? For some people, it is. For some, it isnt. We had a real tree for a few years when I was growing up and while I appreciated it in my teen years, it wasnt life changing for me. As an adult, I probably would not have a large real tree unless my children were genuinely excited about the concept and brought it up frequently. Q9: Learning chess for cheap My five year old was taught chess by his cousin at Thanksgiving and now he wants to play chess all the time. I can fumble through the moves but he is finding stuff on his tablet about openings and stuff that I have no idea about. I want to get better at chess and also help him find things to help him get better at chess. What tools are cheap/free? Andy It really depends on your goals with this. If youre just wanting to get a bit better and assume that this is a fad thats going to burn out, Id just get an inexpensive chess app for his tablet and for your phone and just play lots of games. Most games have a feature where they suggest good moves and point out bad ones and over a lot of games, you can gradually learn from that. If you really want to start learning openings and stuff, theres almost nothing better you can do than visiting your local library that has a selection of chess books, picking out a few, and then going through them at home. My local library has a couple dozen chess books on the shelves and can reserve hundreds more via interlibrary loan. Take them home and then just try an opening during a game with your kid. Pick one that looks like fun, memorize the first three or four moves of it, and bust it out with your son. Tell him what the opening is and then see whether or not it looks like youre in good shape. I have an eight year old that loves to play chess constantly but really has zero interest in actually learning the game. If your son is into openings, play into that and use it as an opportunity to learn together. Q10: Keeping beans fresh You mentioned cooking beans early in the week and keeping them in the fridge all week to use for meals. How do you keep them fresh and not just turn to mush? Every time I do it they get mushy. Blair First of all, dont cook them quite all the way to completion. I try to aim for beans that are not quite all the way cooked, just done enough so that they wouldnt be annoying in the dish but clearly could use just a bit more cooking. Theyre really firm at this point but definitely edible. I drain them and let them slowly cool down to room temperature. This usually cooks them just a bit more so theyre pretty close to exactly what I want. I drain them and rinse them again so that theyre close to dry, then I put them in a sealed container in the fridge. I aim to use them within four or five days. Most of the time, I add these beans late to something else Im cooking, like a soup. If Im using them in a salad or something, I might cook them just a bit more in some simple fashion, like with a bit of water in the microwave, but Ill usually just toss the beans right into the salad. This works for all kinds of beans. My personal favorite is black beans, which Ill use for pretty much anything I can get away with. Q11: 401(k) help I just signed up for my company 401(k) and there are only a few options available and none of them match up with anything you have ever mentioned. They have names like aggressive growth and moderate and safe. Alex Likely, the options you see are ones that whoever runs your 401(k) have pre-chosen for you and given friendly names that actually make it harder to figure out what they actually include. The first retirement plan I signed up for was very similar in that regard. You can ask the HR representative that deals with the plans whether or not you can pick your own funds, but its likely that you dont have such control, so you probably just have to choose one of these options. The honest truth? In a situation like this, its really hard to pick the best option for you because you dont really know whats going on underneath the options. In your shoes, if I was more than ten years from retirement, Id choose the most aggressive option available. If I was less than ten years, Id choose a moderate option. That is, assuming I couldnt see anything more about the plans than such vague descriptors. Q12: I never want to retire I dont like reading about retirement talk because I never want to retire. I love what I do (nursing) and I want to keep doing it in whatever aspect I can for as long as I can until Im shoved out the door and straight into a retirement home (or a casket). Why should I worry about retirement? Dinah Never retiring is a marvelous idea in theory, but it often doesnt quite pan out that way. Many career paths nudge people out the door when they get to a certain age, regardless of whether those people want to keep working or not, and sometimes health conditions pop up that continue to allow a mostly full life but cut off certain career paths. Another reason to save for retirement is that it opens up the possibility of a second career or a different kind of job later on. You may end up taking on a position that uses your nursing skills in a very positive way but it doesnt pay nearly as much as your current job; a retirement savings plan can help offset that loss in income. You really should save for retirement no matter what career youre in and no matter how much you love it. Its cover all your bases money, because you simply cant predict what the future holds. Got any questions? The best way to ask is to follow me on Facebook and ask questions directly there. Ill attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive many, many questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/questions-about-crowdlending-prayer-christmas-trees-chess-beans-and-more/

[theunclassifiedcool]

TUC University: Class is in session! W/ Entrepreneur and Real Estate Maven, Terrica Wright

Terrica Wright is a native of Atlanta, Georgia. She is a full time Realtor with Terrica Wright Real Estate of Palmerhouse Properties.  Terrica is an entrepreneur to the core. Having been raised by a father who was an entrepreneur, Terrica grew up most of her life watching the example of a mother and father who hustled to make ends meet, so naturally she took the entrepreneurial leap of faith and left her job at the tender age of 25 and has never looked back. With almost 10 years in business under her belt she has landed on a few rough spots over the years. She has faced challenges that have turned out to be some of the most ultimate blessings and lessons in her life. These lessons and experiences have been so advantageous that she has decided to share them with the world, more specifically, other entrepreneurs like herself, in the form of a podcast called The Terrica Wright Podcast, is scheduled to release in the fall of 2018.  In addition to her real estate and podcast endeavors, she is also an author of a self help book called "The Transition: From It Girl to Woman of Distinction".  In this book, she talks about her transition from being consumed with what everyone else thinks to being ultimately focused on what and who God says she is in order to pursue her purpose in this life.

I am so honored to have Terrica share with us some tips and advice on real estate,  especially since it’s many of us, millennials, are looking into purchasing homes and investing in the real estate industry. Read below some of the gems Terrica blesses us with.

What are 5 (or more) tips or pieces of advice you would give to an aspiring 1st time buyer? What is it he or she should have or need to be successful/ 

Five tips that I'd provide to a first time home buyer or anyone interested in purchasing a home is to:

1. Focus on your credit score!  A 640 or better should be your target. This score can open up many opportunities for a better deal on your home purchase such as: 0 down payment, best interest rates, and conventional financing.

2.  Don't write off your income. I know that writing off income sounds like a good thing, but not when you are interested in purchasing a home. The financing institution can only approve your loan amount based on the amount of income your report that you actually earned.

3. Get a great agent!  Don't choose an agent just because you know them or "like" them. You want to make sure you choose an agent based upon their level of integrity, knowledge of the local market, knowledge financing options available to you, their willingness to meet you at your point of need, and their experience.

4. Save, save, save. A good place to start if your are looking to purpose a home is a bare minimum of $5000 in savings.

5. Be flexible. Many buyers come into the process having an idea of what they want, which is a great thing, however there are many twists and turns in the process of purchasing a home and it is imperative to keep an open mind as you shop in order for us to lead you to the perfect home for you.

Bonus Question: what are 5-10 Essential Items or things Terrica must have or do to make Her day great?

I love this question, because in success there is a routine that each individual must established. There are habits of success! And a few of my success habits consists of:

1. Daily meditation.  I meditate to center myself and find that place of calm and tranquility where my creative genius flows.

2. Journaling.  I journal to empty myself. Sometimes there isn't anyone to call on, and that's when I crack open my journal and I write all my thoughts, feelings, ideas, and even prayers. Journaling has been one of the most powerful tools that I've employed along the way. After journaling I feel very light and airy; almost as if I've emptied myself of fear, anxiety, frustration and become ready for God to fill me with his purpose again.

3. Educating myself on my craft.  I am constantly reading books and listening to podcasts on self development, real estate, and business. I understand the importance of being knowledgeable in my field as it is a part of being the absolute best professional and person that I can be.

4. Exercise. While I am still working to become more consistent with me workouts, I understand its importance. Working out and exercise is a form a stress relief and the epitome of maintaining a healthy temple.  I often liken exercise to another form of praise and worship to God.

5. Maintain only healthy relationships both personally and professionally.  Many would like to believe that our personal and professional life must be separate, but I'm inclined to believe that who we are personally directly affects who we are professionally.  So, in maintaining healthy relationships that means ridding ourselves of people who are energy suckers, and pouring into people who pour into us. Simple as that.  You are only as good as the people you keep around you.

Follow Terrica on instagram [@terrica.wright] and show love!

[reviewkidoodle]

7 Ways to Make Life Work with Kids

I’ve had so many people say to me “how are you do it all?!?” and so today I thought I’d share with you my top seven tips. If you are new to the blog we have two biological children, ages 7 and 5, and 17 month old twins that we are in the process of adopting. Our goal is for us to lead a full life but not a hectic or crazy one (although sometimes it’s both hectic and crazy!). These tips will reduce chaos in your home and in your mind plus will give you and your children some semblance of calmness and order. And please know that many times our home feels like it’s lacking calmness simply because there are children with an abundance of energy running around… this isn’t a fool proof guide to leading a simple life but when AJ and I follow these guidelines it’s amazing how much easier our life seems to go.

Prioritize what is most important at that moment.

Without a doubt that has had to be the number one operating principle. I can’t do it all. I can’t get out the door with four kids and have them be on time to things and leave a perfectly clean house each morning. So I choose to have everyone look decent and be on time for school (often the babies are still in PJs while I do this) and know I can deal with the house when I get back from school drop off and errands. As Emily Ley says “I will hold myself to a standard of grace not perfection”.

Another example, dinner prep time isn’t always the easiest time of day. Sometimes I just throw the towel in and say “I’m not going to have a pulled together house when AJ gets home… but I’m going to have happy kids” and I’ll let the babies throw everything out of the cabinets. I pick my battles.

Early morning is key.

We have done our errands bright and early since Drew was little. If I am at stores when they open or shortly after everyone is in better shape because of it. There are less people at the store which means it’s just an easier shopping trip to start off with and I’m getting everything over with right before naps. I always find the traffic to be a lot less when I go first thing as well so just getting there starts me off on the right foot. Sometimes just the 15 minute power nap that the babies take in the car is enough to push them through to the later napping time I like (earlier naps = hellish dinner prep hour).

Have a “uniform”.

This spring my uniform has been a pair of skinny jeans (I rotate between two pairs, but mostly these affordable white skinnies that I buy in petite because I’m 5’3) and a cute top with leather flip flops or wedges. All summer long I wear dresses or bathing suits every day. I don’t even own a pair of shorts (other than running shorts). The simple choice of choosing a dress keeps me looking pulled together and takes about half a second to decide what to wear (even faster than choosing which workout clothes to put on!!!). I do the majority of my shopping at Marshalls or J. Crew Factory (I regularly get their emails announcing sales and wait to purchase items for when they are having additional percentages off).

The kids clothes are from an amazing kids consignment shop, Marshalls or J. Crew Factory. I feel like I’m purchasing clothes constantly but I have the same general principles with them to making picking out clothes simple. Elle has a closet full of dresses and Drew has a few pairs of shorts / jeans that he will pair with cute t-shirts from J. Crew Factory or polo shirts.

We’ve taught our kids ownership

Every morning Drew and Elle need to make their bed in a 5 star way (5 star differs for each age) and then I like to have them spend at least 10 minutes every day neatening up their room. This is flexible… some days it’s 10 minutes, some days it’s zero and some days it’s 30 minutes.

They will help sort laundry and always put their own clothes away (I will do all the hang up stuff). I never fold their clothes. I let them just put it directly into the drawer and if it needs to be ironed I’ll do that for them in the morning. I can’t even begin to tell you how much stress it saves from not folding everyone’s things.

I cannot stress enough how important it’s been to give them jobs from a young age because now, even though they will sometimes moan and groan about their jobs, they generally know what’s expected of them (and yes, I still usually have to encourage them to do their jobs… they aren’t that good yet ;)).

This Melissa & Doug job chart is a pretty good one if you want a reusable one!

TV Time

We hide our TV behind the painting!

This is a hotly debated topic but I have zero problem with letting them watch some TV if it helps me get stuff done. They can watch a show in the morning if it’s before 6:30am while I get breakfast and lunches together and then watch another show while I make dinner if their rooms are clean, homework is done and the downstairs is picked up. The TV is right in the kitchen area so I always know what they are watching.

We don’t have cable to save money, we instead subscribe to Netflix and Amazon Prime (which has some great kids TV shows and movies!).

Timers

Timers are one of my go-to tricks for all areas of my life. Often I will set the timer for five minutes and give the kids that amount of time to run upstairs and get their clothes on. Then three minutes to brush their teeth. Five minutes to make the bed… you catch my drift. It’s never a race of the kids going against each other (because I always find that results in fighting) but it’s a race against themselves.

I do the same thing for myself and I’ve started memorizing how long it takes me to actually do things. I know emptying and putting away everything from the dishwasher takes between 5-6 minutes. Cleaning my kitchen floor takes 10 minutes. Scrubbing a toilet takes about one minute. Breaking down jobs into little bite sized pieces changes the way cleaning looks. So at the end of the night, when everyone is finally in bed, all I want to do is sit on the couch but I know I need to clean the kitchen and vacuum the floor (ps: this is my favorite vacuum ever ,it’s super affordable and even works for cleaning the car!). Knowing that I can have the kitchen looking pretty spotless in 20 minutes seems manageable most nights. But some nights I’ll just set the timer for 10 minutes and tell myself that’s all I have to do… it’s a mind game. I hustle for 10 minutes and then I’m on such a roll most times I end up spending an additional 10 minutes polishing the space off.

Plan Plan Plan… and don’t be afraid to say no

I would be totally lost without my planner. I need to write everything down and check in with my planner at the beginning of each day to make sure I know what’s going on. Often I will write down my to-do items in specific spots in the scheduled part of the day so I know I can fit them in.

Recently I said no to a really fun morning book club with some of my best girlfriends because it was one of my three mornings a week with nothing while the babies were napping. Sometimes to stay sane I just need to say “no” and do stuff around the house… being an introvert means I really need that time by myself to rejuvenate.

Lastly… bonus tip: Say YES to things that rejuvenate.

Work out… even if it’s hard

AJ and I usually give each other time to work out each day. If I know only one of us has a chance to exercise I’ll do my BBG workout with the kids around. It’s total chaos but they see me making a healthy decision and I get it done while being with them… plus they think it’s hysterical to do the exercises with me. (In June I’ll be sharing the results of my 12 weeks doing this program!)

Say YES to getting away

Over April vacation we took the big kids to Florida and stayed at my in-laws condo. Say yes to a vacation that saves cash (we didn’t have to pay for a hotel) and gives you much needed time away! Save for it and get it on the schedule!

One of our best times was when when my parents took the kids for a weekend and AJ and I had a staycation in our own home!

Say YES to easy dinners and desserts

For the past six months or so I’ve been obsessed with All Recipes magazine and making the easy meals for my family out of the mag. It’s about $10 for six issues and it’s choc a block full of good ideas.

Also, have some EASY desserts to bring to a friend’s house for dinner. This 10 Minute Chocolate Mousse does the trick.

Say YES to furniture that makes your life easier

In December we traded in our old clip on to the table high chairs for these ridiculously easy to clean plastic ones. I can’t tell you how much less stress these are to keep clean.

 What are YOUR tips for making your home work?

The post 7 Ways to Make Life Work with Kids appeared first on Migonis Home.

7 Ways to Make Life Work with Kids posted first on aireloomreview.blogspot.com

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How Your Daily Routine Can Turn Into Your Biggest Enemy

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/how-your-daily-routine-can-turn-into-your-biggest-enemy/

How Your Daily Routine Can Turn Into Your Biggest Enemy

Ryan Holiday Instagram

Routine and ritual are everything, including, if you’re not careful, a dangerous weakness.

A few weeks ago, I got a letter—yes, an actual letter—from an NCAA player who will probably go pro. His question was a simple one: Like many basketball players he was big on pregame rituals and routines, but he was worried that these patterns made him vulnerable to being disrupted. What if the team plane was late and he had to rush his usual warmup? What if his headphones were dead or he forgot to pack his gameday socks?

Would his competitive edge—the comfort and confidence he took from these practices—suddenly turn into a liability?

This is a perfectly reasonable concern. Because while rituals can be a source of strength to an athlete or a writer, they can also be a form of fragility. Take Russell Westbrook, who is famous for his pregame routine, which begins three hours before a game. It starts with him warming up exactly three hours before tipoff. Then one hour before the game, Westbrook visits the arena chapel. Then he eats the same peanut butter and jelly sandwich (buttered wheat bread, toasted, strawberry jelly, Skippy peanut butter, cut diagonally). At exactly 6 minutes and 17 seconds before the game starts, he begins the team’s final warm up drill. He has a particular pair of shoes for games, for practice, for road games. Since high school, he’s done the same thing after shooting a free throw, walking backwards past the three point line and then walking back to take the next shot. At the practice facility, he has a specific parking space, and he likes to shoot on Practice Court 3. He calls his parents at the same time every day. And on and on.

The point is, while this process is likely very calming and reassuring in an entirely chaotic and emotional game, it also reads like a recipe for how one might throw someone off their game. A teammate vying for Westbrook’s playing time, a competitor who will stop at nothing, or just Murphy’s Law could all wreak havoc on that system and get inside his head. All it takes is “accidentally” parking in the wrong spot, or the right insult right before a free throw to send the whole thing sideways. And what if the trainer is sick and can’t make the sandwich? Or what if the arena chapel is closed due to a leaky ceiling?

Any routine junkie can tell you what happens when your routine gets messed up: Your thoughts race. You get frustrated. You feel what is almost like withdrawals. I can’t do this. This isn’t right. Something bad is going to happen. You doubt yourself. Then all of a sudden you aren’t getting warmed up or falling into the zone as easily as you usually do.

This problem is compounded the more successful you get or the more you specialize in a certain feild, because you get used to and feel entitled to have things your way. People enable this dependence because they want you to be your best, which makes it all the more frustrating and surprising if the script is suddenly deviated from.

I came face to face with this reality with the birth of my son in 2016. A few months before he was born I was profiled for the New York Times, and as part of the article, the reporter had me walk her through my fairly extensive set of morning and daily routines (what time I got up, how I journaled, where I sat, what my workout was, etc). She remarked that it would be interesting to see how this would all hold up with a newborn. Confidently, I told her nothing would change.

Ugh.

But of course she was right—because kids are, if anything—wrecking balls for the carefully built order of our lives.

The first couple months of his life, I struggled. It actually wasn’t the lack of sleep that was the problem. It was the unpredictability of that lack of sleep. Some mornings I was up at 5am. Some at 10am. Sometimes there was a baby I was supposed to quietly take care of while my wife slept, other times we were all up, other times it was just me while they slept. Was he napping at 2pm or not at all? Did I need to get home early for his dinner and bath or was the whole schedule blown apart by something that happened earlier in the day?

All of a sudden quiet time every morning, not checking email, going for a long run or swim in the afternoon, writing from 8-12am every day—this was not possible. At least not possible to do in the same way in the same order each day.

I experienced something similar years before when my career took off. I was used to working at home and then suddenly I was on the road a lot. Lot of flights. Living out of suitcases. Meetings and events that I had to go to. But early on I could compensate for this by spacing the trips out, setting up camp in each city for a few days and approximating some version of my normal routine there. As the trips increased and I got older, this became less tenable (even more so after accumulating a wife and a kid), and my reliance on my capital-R Routine became a weakness. A couple days on the road would completely set me back. It would also make me frustrated—even though I had chosen to say yes to these opportunities.

In both cases, my cherished routines either crumbled or were blown apart. But I still had to do my job (writing) and if anything, the stakes were higher than before. Which meant I’ve spent a lot of time thinking routine ever since.

What I’ve come up with might not seem that profound but the impact has been enormous for me: It’s not about having a routine. It’s about having routines.

I no longer have a writing routine or a morning routine. I have several. I have a routine when I get up early on the farm (We go for a walk, then I write until breakfast, and then resume writing). I have a routine for when I am on the road (run or exercise early, slot writing/work in as the top priority between whatever the scheduled events for the day are). I don’t have one shirt I wear each time I give a talk, I have a set of 3-4 that I choose from. Depending on what city I am in and what time of year, I have different mornings and plans that I’ll do. When I fly, I either read, answer old emails from starred folder, or sleep. I don’t eat before I perform, but if I do, I eat the same thing. If I get interrupted and can’t journal the way I want for a morning or two, so be it—but I’ll make sure I quickly resume my old habit. And on and on.

Depending on circumstances, I have strategic flexibility. I’m not winging it, but I am not such a creature of habit that I am flustered when disrupted (or can I really even be disrupted since I am indifferent to Plan A, B, C, D, E). Think about musical scales—the notes themselves are fixed but they can be played in a limitless amount of combination. This allows the musician to improvise while still maintaining a base they can return to and derive confidence and comfort in. That’s how you want to be with your routine. Not so rigid that you can’t respond to the moment, not so free that you can do everything in the moment.

There is a line from the Super Bowl-winning coach Bill Walsh about how most individuals are like water, they naturally seek out lower ground. By that he meant that without discipline or order, we are not our best selves. Ultimately, this is what routine is about: creating practices and habits and rules that force us to be better.

Without a routine of any kind, Resistance is given too much room to operate. Doubt, chaos, laziness—if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. Routines are essential in that battle.

In creative or athletic or entrepreneurial fields, the uncertainty and stress of the endeavor makes us crave simplicity and dependability. When Russell Westbrook was asked the reasons behind his many specific, very detailed practices, he replied, “No particular reason. I just do it.” Actually there is a reason. The reason is reassurance. As a player, Westbrook is emotional, chaotic, intense. The game he plays is random, difficult and overwhelming. Doing the same things the same way at the same time, creates comfort and order as well as superior performance.

We can get addicted to that. In fact, it may actually take more discipline to be moderate in your discipline than to be insane about it. There is an interesting Michael Lewis article about the NFL kicker Adam Vinatieri who actually works at making sure he doesn’t wear the same socks twice or having too many rituals because of how easily this can descend into superstition and thus psyching oneself off. But without this work, we end up beating on ourselves for falling short.

It’s better to remember Marcus Aurelius’s line…

“When jarred, unavoidably, by circumstance, revert at once to yourself, and don’t lose the rhythm more than you can help. You’ll have a better group of harmony if you keep ongoing back to it.”

In a way, this is what I’ve worked on most with my routines lately. Can I purposely disrupt them? What happens if I change things up? Am I still me? Am I still able to do what I do well? I want to be sure that the tail is not wagging the dog, that I am in control of the routine and not the other way around. Because the last thing you want to do is become ossified and unable to handle change.

Because life is change. Murphy’s Law is real, and you will drive yourself insane thinking you can simply outwill or white knuckle your way through the inevitable tendency for things to go exactly the way you’d rather they not go.

Discipline is a form of freedom, but left unchecked becomes a form of tyranny. So the key is the ability to rotate from routine to routine, discipline to discipline, according to the needs of the day and the moment.

Otherwise you’re not only going to be miserable…you’re an easy opponent to defeat.

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