#ive been thinking about this quote a lot lately

[maddisandy]

"But you died at my hands because I didn't love you."

Scar cusped Grian's cheeks in his hands; his eyes were filled with sympathy, filled with sorrow, filled with softness. "Grian I died and you grieved me. Yet here I am standing in front of you, alive, and you still grieve me. You do love me, you always loved me. I forgive you, and I always forgave you. Grief is love, and now its time to put your guilt to rest."

[sappymix1]

i was brain storming halloween fic ideas and all i got was ghost george gives psychic dream his 19tj century tuberculosis so. that’s about where we are rn

[mister13eyond]

that gender post has me wanting to put Gender Shit into words and like man

from Outside i suppose I'd probably be labeled 'nonbinary' since i present in a way that doesn't adhere to gender norms for men and my presentation is androgynous at best

but imo my personal view is like. the gender binary is fake and made up, it's a set of social rules enforced by societal norms, and opting not to comply with it doesn't necessarily change my internal view of my own gender

i'm a guy, that feels easy and uncomplicated. i like he/him pronouns, my medical transition has focused on masculinizing my body via T and top, my everyday interactions with family, friends, partners and coworkers all place me squarely in the realm of 'guy', i don't necessarily think my relationship to my identity is at all complicated or outside the binary. i like being a dude!

it's just, like. why would i ever BOTHER adhering to the social standards or norms for what men are supposed to look or dress like? i'm never going to be a Masculine Ideal- no amount of medical transition can make me taller than 5'0" or make my generally soft features somehow more acceptably masculine. I also no longer give a shit about 'passing' as this is just... not something i care to do and would require caring more about Outside standards than my own perception and comfort

Once i got to a point where I was at ease and completely present in my own body because it met my mental ideal, I just stopped overcompensating with more masculine clothes/leaving my face scruffy/affecting masculine mannerisms, i just like. don't care. i hit 'right' and everything else is My City and I am simply not interested in the standards for what men are supposed to look like or dress like. if we say a cis man can be effeminate and gender non conforming while still id'ing as cis, why do i have to be classed any differently for opting not to bother with social norms?

tl;dr: it's not that i'm NOT nonbinary, it's just that I simply think gender is ALL made up so my dressing and behaving in a certain way doesn't mean I Have To be outside the binary; i feel like a guy, the rest is all just fun and games

[chloelouygo]

Vent journal time babeyyyy

[kaiyunsim]

sk8er boi —

pairing : skater boy!taesan x academic gn!reader

summary : taesan, the well known skater, slacker, and band member of boynextdoor, catches the eye of one of the top students in school which leads to a flurry of complications.

warnings : a.n.g.s.t, fluff, band au, woonahk + leehan are wingmen, LOTS of insecurities and insecurites, featuring sung hanbin from zb1 and leeseo from ive as the readers friends.

a/n : IT FINALLY DROPPED !! i've been too obsessed with this song i think i might die. taesan was soooooo sk8er boi coded so like yk i had to.

— wc : 11.6k — not proof read —

the first time you really see han taesan, it’s not at school. it’s not in the hallways where he leans against lockers, talking lazily to his friends, or in the cafeteria where he slouches in a chair, kicking his feet up on the table while jaehyun smacks them off. it’s not even in the skatepark where he spends most of his free time.

it’s in the library.

it’s late. later than you usually stay, but leeseo convinced you to help her cram for an upcoming quiz, and sung hanbin, the responsible one, promised to treat you both to coffee afterward. the library is quieter than usual, the overhead lights buzzing softly as the three of you sit in one of the far corners.

“if i fail this,” leeseo groans, pressing her forehead against the table, “i’m going to cry. like, actual tears.”

“you won’t fail,” hanbin reassures her, flipping through his neatly highlighted notes. “just focus. here, try this question—”

but leeseo isn’t listening anymore. her eyes widen as she nudges you, not-so-subtly gesturing toward the entrance. “look who just walked in.”

you glance up, expecting a teacher or maybe some last-minute studier like yourselves. leeseo has been mentioning a teacher she found cute but you had to cut her out of her delusions.

instead, you see him. han taesan, pushing open the library door with one hand while holding his skateboard in the other. he doesn’t belong here. not in this quiet, studious atmosphere. and yet, here he is, wearing a black hoodie over a band t-shirt, ripped jeans, and the same scuffed sneakers he always wears.

behind him, the rest of boynextdoor trails in. sungho looks bored, running a hand through his hair as he scans the room. riwoo has his headphones on, already bopping his head to whatever he’s listening to. jaehyun is carrying a backpack, which means someone is actually planning to study. leehan is whispering something to woonhak, who nods before laughing under his breath.

they stand out in every way possible. loud personalities forced into a silent space.

“what are they doing here?” leeseo mutters, wrinkling her nose.

“probably failing their classes,” hanbin says, not unkindly but matter-of-fact. “jaehyun’s the only one who actually studies, i think.”

“doesn’t matter,” you say, turning your attention back to your notes. or at least, you try to. but as you read the same sentence over and over, you can’t help but be aware of taesan.

he moves differently from the others. while the rest of his friends slink toward an empty table, he pauses by the bookshelf near yours, scanning the spines of the books with mild interest. it’s weird. you’ve never seen him hold a book before, let alone look for one.

you try not to stare, but then his fingers brush against a book, flipping it open casually. for a moment, he looks genuinely focused, eyes scanning the page like he’s actually reading. but then he shuts it just as quickly, sighing before shoving it back onto the shelf.

“he’s so full of himself,” leeseo says under her breath, watching as taesan finally joins his group. “have you seen the way he acts? like he doesn’t care about anything.”

“he doesn’t care about anything,” hanbin corrects. “except skating. and his band.”

“oh, right, his band,” leeseo scoffs, making air quotes. “like that’s gonna get him anywhere.”

you don’t say anything. it’s not like you disagree after all. taesan’s reputation is as solid as stone. he’s the guy who barely passes his classes, who gets detention for skipping, who spends more time perfecting a kickflip than doing actual homework. your friends see him as a lost cause, and you’ve never had a reason to question that.

but then, as if he can feel you thinking about him, taesan glances up.

your eyes meet for a split second.

it’s nothing. it’s barely anything.

but instead of looking away, he holds your gaze. and then, he smirks. just the slightest twitch of his lips, like he knows something you don’t.

you snap your head down, suddenly very interested in your notes. re-reading the same word again.

“gross,” leeseo mutters. “he’s so arrogant.”

“he really is,” hanbin agrees. “come on, let’s focus. we need to finish this before the library closes.”

you nod, forcing yourself to concentrate, but your mind keeps drifting back to that one moment. his gaze, his smirk, the way he seemed completely unbothered by everything around him.

it was nothing.

but for some reason, it doesn’t feel that way.

you tell yourself it was nothing. a look. a stupid, meaningless look in the middle of the library, a place han taesan doesn’t even belong in. you convince yourself it wasn’t directed at you. maybe he was looking at something behind you. maybe he smirked because of something his friend said.

maybe you’re just imagining things.

but the problem is now you notice him.

it’s not on purpose. it’s not like you want to be aware of him. but suddenly, han taesan is everywhere.

in the mornings, when you walk into school, he’s there in the courtyard with his skateboard, practicing tricks while his friends watch. sungho claps him on the back when he lands a difficult one, and riwoo films clips for their social media. sometimes he messes up, but he never looks embarrassed, he just laughs, shakes out his legs, and tries again.

in the halls, you catch glimpses of him leaning against lockers, chatting with jaehyun or leehan about something you don’t understand. his hoodie is always slightly oversized, his hands tucked into the front pocket like he has nowhere important to be.

in class, he’s not as disruptive as people make him out to be. sure, he zones out, tapping his fingers against his desk like he’s drumming to a song in his head, but he isn’t rude. he doesn’t talk over the teacher or make a big scene. sometimes, you even catch him sketching in his notebook, half-finished designs of skateboards, little doodles in the margins of his notes, messy but interesting. even some lyrics he thinks about while bored.

you don’t realize you’re staring until hanbin nudges you.

“earth to y/n. you okay?”

you blink, tearing your gaze away from where taesan is sitting a few rows ahead. he’s slouched in his chair, twirling a pen between his fingers, not paying attention to the lesson at all.

“yeah,” you say quickly, feeling heat creep up your neck. “just zoning out.”

hanbin raises an eyebrow but doesn’t question it.

but it doesn’t stop there.

one afternoon, on your way home, you take a shortcut through the park. it’s quiet, with only a few people scattered around, mostly kids playing or joggers passing by. but then, near the skatepark, you hear music.

you pause.

it’s a song you don’t recognize, but it’s good. raw, unpolished, but good. you follow the sound until you spot them. boynextdoor, huddled together on a set of stairs near the skate ramps. sungho has a guitar in his lap, strumming casually. jaehyun is humming along while woonhak taps out a beat on his knee. riwoo is messing with his phone, recording bits of their practice.

and then there’s taesan.

he’s sitting on his skateboard, elbows resting on his knees, head tilted back as he listens. his dark hair falls into his eyes, but he doesn’t seem to care.

“again,” he says after a moment. “start from the top.”

sungho rolls his eyes but starts playing again, and this time, taesan sings.

you freeze.

you’ve never heard him sing before. you know his band performs at underground gigs, but you’ve never gone. you’ve never had a reason to.

but his voice. his voice is rough around the edges, not perfect, but there’s something real about it. something honest.

you don’t mean to linger, but before you can move, taesan’s eyes flicker toward you.

your breath catches.

for a second, neither of you move.

then, instead of looking away, he lifts his hand in a lazy wave, like he’s not surprised to see you there at all.

panic jolts through you, and you do the first thing that comes to mind. you turn around and walk away.

fast.

you don’t stop until you’re a safe distance from the park, heart hammering in your chest.

why are you acting like this? why does it feel like you just got caught doing something you shouldn’t?

it’s not a big deal. it’s not.

except now, han taesan knows you were watching.

and the next day, he makes sure you know he knows.

it happens between classes. you’re at your locker, organizing your books, when a shadow falls over you.

“did you like the song?”

you nearly drop your notebook.

slowly, you turn your head, and there he is. the han taesan, standing next to you like it’s the most normal thing in the world. he smells faintly like cologne and something else, something warm, like sun on pavement.

you open your mouth, then close it.

“what?”

“the song,” he repeats, tilting his head. “you heard it yesterday, right?”

your throat is dry. “i was just passing by.”

he hums, unconvinced. “sure.”

you grip your notebook tighter. “why are you even talking to me?”

taesan shrugs, the corner of his mouth tugging up just slightly. “dunno. you’re interesting.”

your brain short-circuits.

you? interesting?

before you can process that, leeseo’s voice calls out from behind you.

“y/n ! come on, we’re gonna be late!”

taesan steps back, stuffing his hands into his hoodie pocket.

“see you around, genius.”

and then he’s gone, disappearing into the crowd like he didn’t just completely ruin your entire day.

leeseo and hanbin catch up to you, and leeseo frowns. “what did he want?”

“nothing,” you say quickly. too quickly.

hanbin eyes you but doesn’t press.

still, as you walk to class, you can’t stop replaying his words in your head.

“you’re interesting.”

this is bad.

this is really bad.

the worst part is that taesan doesn’t even try to prove your friends wrong.

after that weird conversation at your locker, you expect him to keep bothering you, to tease you every time he sees you. but he doesn’t. he doesn’t go out of his way to talk to you. he doesn’t change anything about the way he acts.

he just keeps being himself. skating in the mornings, goofing off with his band during breaks, sketching in his notebook when he’s bored in class.

but the damage is already done. because now, whenever he walks past, your stomach tightens. when he laughs with his friends, you find yourself looking before you can stop yourself. and when he catches you and smirks, like he knows you’re paying attention, you have to force yourself to look away.

your friends notice, of course.

“you’re acting weird,” leeseo says one afternoon as the three of you sit in the cafeteria. “ever since he started talking to you.”

“i’m not acting weird,” you say. too quickly.

“you so are,” she insists. “right, hanbin?”

hanbin sighs, poking at his food. “it’s not weird, it’s just… unexpected. taesan’s not exactly the type to take interest in school stuff.”

“yeah, which is why y/n needs to be careful,” leeseo says. “guys like him? they’re fun to look at but nothing else.”

you don’t say anything.

they aren’t wrong. han taesan isn’t like you. he’s a skater, a musician, the kind of guy who doesn’t think too far ahead. and yet…

“maybe he’s not that bad,” you mumble before you can stop yourself.

leeseo stares. “excuse me?”

“i just mean—” you hesitate. “i don’t know. he’s not rude or anything. he’s just… himself.”

“that’s exactly the problem,” she argues. “he doesn’t care about anything. he’s never going to take life seriously.”

you want to disagree. but you don’t.

because if you defend him too much, they’ll know.

they’ll know about the way your heart jumps when he looks at you. the way your brain replays his stupid voice saying see you around, genius.

so you stay quiet.

and you try to push it all away.

but then there’s woonhak.

you don’t know much about him aside from the fact that he’s the youngest in taesan’s group. he’s always laughing, always cracking jokes, always the most energetic of the bunch.

so it catches you off guard when, one day after school, he falls into step beside you as you’re walking out.

“hey,” he says cheerfully.

you blink. “uh… hey?”

“you’re y/n, right?”

“…yeah?”

he grins, nodding. “thought so. you know, taesan’s been talking about you.”

your stomach flips. “what?”

woonhak laughs at your expression. “not in a weird way! just, like—he thinks you’re cool.”

you stare at him.

taesan thinks you’re… cool?

“why are you telling me this?” you ask suspiciously.

woonhak shrugs. “dunno. you seem chill. also, i figured you should hear something about us that isn’t from your friends.”

you tense. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

he gives you a knowing look. “we know how people see us. dumb kids who don’t care about school, right?”

you shift uncomfortably. “i mean—”

“you don’t have to lie,” he says, still smiling. “i get it. we mess around a lot, and taesan’s got his whole too cool for everything vibe, but…” he pauses, tilting his head. “you ever actually talked to him? like, really talked to him?”

you don’t answer.

because the truth is… you haven’t.

taesan has spoken to you, sure. teased you, smirked at you, made your heart do all sorts of annoying things. but you’ve never sat down and had a real conversation. never actually asked him about his music, his art, his life.

“he works harder than people think,” woonhak continues. “he just doesn’t show it in the same way you do. and he really does like you, you know.”

your breath catches. “what?”

“not, like, in a romantic way,” woonhak clarifies quickly, though his grin suggests otherwise. “he just thinks you’re interesting.”

there it is again. interesting.

you don’t know what to do with that.

so you do what you always do.

you ignore it.

“cool,” you say, trying to sound unaffected.

woonhak doesn’t look convinced, but he just chuckles. “anyway, just thought i’d say hi. see you around, y/n.”

and with that, he jogs off, leaving you standing there, brain spinning.

you should just let this go. you should listen to your friends, stick to your world, and forget about taesan entirely.

but as you watch woonhak disappear down the street, you feel something shift inside you.

something that tells you, this situation isn’t going away anytime soon.

—

you try your best to forget about han taesan.

after woonhak’s little chat, you tell yourself it doesn’t matter. what he said. ‘he really does like you, you know’ was probably just him messing around. taesan barely even talks to you. he’s just being his usual, reckless self, getting involved where he doesn’t belong.

but no matter how much you try to ignore it, you keep running into him.

and each time, it gets harder to pretend that something isn’t pulling you closer.

the library incident happens on a tuesday.

it’s supposed to be a peaceful afternoon. you’re at your usual table, buried in your notes, trying to focus on your upcoming exams. hanbin and leeseo sit across from you, whispering about something that isn’t school-related.

everything is normal. until the door swings open.

“i cannot believe you actually dragged me here,” taesan groans, his voice breaking the quiet.

you stiffen.

you don’t even have to look to know it’s him. but, unfortunately, you do look—because his voice is impossible to ignore, because your brain is stupid and wants to confirm that, yes, han taesan is standing in the library, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else.

sungho and jaehyun flank him on either side, looking much more comfortable than he does.

“we dragged you here because you’re failing, dumbass,” jaehyun mutters, shoving him forward.

“i am not failing,” taesan protests. “i’m just… struggling.”

“struggling to even open your textbook,” sungho deadpans, leading him toward a table.

leeseo makes a noise of disapproval. “ugh. them?”

“just ignore them,” hanbin says, flipping a page in his notebook. “not our problem.”

but it is a problem. because now, taesan is sitting just a few tables away from you, slumped over his books, looking absolutely miserable.

you try to focus.

you really, really try.

but then—

“psst. genius.”

your pen stills against your notebook.

you don’t have to turn around to know it’s taesan.

you turn around anyway.

he’s leaned back in his chair, one arm draped over the backrest, looking right at you.

“how do you do this?” he asks, pushing a book toward you like it personally offended him.

“do what?” you say flatly.

“study,” he groans. “it’s so boring.”

jaehyun smacks him upside the head. “shut up and focus.”

you should turn back to your work. you should.

but instead, you sigh. “maybe if you actually read instead of whining, it wouldn’t be so hard.”

sungho snorts. “finally, someone who says it straight.”

taesan huffs. “wow, okay. you could just offer to tutor me.”

“not happening,” you say immediately.

he grins, like he expected that answer. “worth a shot.”

you roll your eyes and go back to your notes. but even as you pretend to ignore him, you can still feel his eyes on you, like he’s waiting for you to slip up and react.

and the worst part?

you kind of want to.

the next time you see him, it’s at the skatepark.

you don’t mean to go there. you’re just walking home, taking a longer route because the weather is nice. and somehow, your feet lead you to the park, where you hear laughter and the familiar sound of wheels against concrete.

you could leave.

you should leave.

but instead, you linger at the edge, watching.

taesan is mid-trick, flipping his board with practiced ease. he lands smoothly, a smug grin spreading across his face as riwoo claps.

“finally,” riwoo says. “took you long enough.”

“shut up,” taesan laughs, grabbing his board.

you don’t realize you’re staring until woonhak pops up beside you.

“you so have a crush.”

you nearly jump out of your skin. “what—“

woonhak just grins. “don’t even try to deny it. i see you.”

“i don’t have a crush,” you say quickly. too quickly.

“uh-huh,” he hums, clearly unconvinced.

before you can argue, someone else joins you—leehan, quieter than woonhak but just as observant.

“are you coming to the show?” he asks casually.

you blink. “what show?”

“we’re playing this weekend,” he explains. “you should come.”

“i don’t think—”

“taesan would love it if you did,” woonhak says, grinning.

you freeze.

leehan elbows him. “stop making it weird.”

“what? i’m just saying.”

“you’re implying things,” leehan mutters. then he turns back to you. “seriously, though. you should come. it’ll be fun.”

you hesitate.

your friends would definitely disapprove.

but then you glance back at taesan, who’s laughing at something sungho said, looking so effortlessly cool, so different from the type of people you usually surround yourself with.

and before you can stop yourself, you say—

“okay. maybe.”

woonhak cheers, clapping you on the back. “knew you had it in you!”

you shake your head, already regretting it.

but deep down, a part of you is excited.

the night of the concert comes faster than expected.

you almost don’t go.

hanbin and leeseo invite you to study, and for a second, you consider it… going back to your routine, pretending like han taesan doesn’t exist.

but something stops you.

something pulls you there.

so now, you’re standing in the middle of a dimly lit venue, surrounded by people who actually belong in this crowd. the air buzzes with energy, anticipation thick as the stage lights flicker.

and then the band steps on stage.

and then he steps on stage.

han taesan doesn’t hesitate. doesn’t falter.

he owns it.

he grabs his mic, runs a hand through his hair, and smirks at the crowd like he knows he’s exactly where he’s meant to be.

the music starts, loud and raw and alive.

and then he’s singing.

his voice isn’t perfect. it’s a little rough, a little unpolished, but it fits. it’s real. it’s him.

and then, in the middle of the song, his eyes scan the crowd...

and lock onto yours.

your breath catches. for a second, the world tilts.

he doesn’t look away.

neither do you.

and in that moment, with music thrumming through your veins and taesan’s voice filling the air, you realize

you’re completely screwed.

you can’t breathe.

not because the room is stuffy, or because the music is loud, or because the crowd is pushing in from all sides.

but because han taesan is looking right at you.

the stage lights flicker, flashing over his face, highlighting the smirk curling at his lips. the microphone is gripped loosely in his hand, the strap of his guitar slung over his shoulder. he sings like the stage belongs to him, like the music was made for him, and yet...

his eyes don’t stray from yours.

you feel rooted to the floor, like if you move, you’ll break whatever invisible thread is keeping the two of you connected.

and you hate it. you hate how much your heart reacts to him, how your stomach tightens every time his voice rasps into the mic.

this is bad.

this is really bad.

and it only gets worse when, from the corner of your eye, you see woonhak grinning at you from across the room.

he’s standing near the side of the stage, watching the exchange like he’s witnessing the most entertaining thing in the world.

and then, because he’s the absolute worst, taesan winks at you.

you snap your gaze away, face burning.

but the damage is already done.

because now, you can’t not notice taesan.

the way his fingers glide over the guitar strings so effortlessly. the way his hair falls into his eyes when he tilts his head. the way he smirks between lyrics, like he’s enjoying this.

like he knows what he’s doing to you.

this was a mistake and you shouldn’t have come. but god, you can’t bring yourself to regret it.

because even though everything inside you is screaming that this is dangerous, that getting involved with him will only make things complicated.

but still. you don’t want to look away.

not now. not ever.

when the set finally ends, the room erupts into cheers. people push forward, clapping, whistling, shouting their names.

you try to steady yourself, try to ignore the way your pulse is racing, hand gripping your shirt for stabilty, but you feel a graze on your shoulder.

woonhak appears at your side.

“so,” he says, arms crossed, smirk firmly in place. “you’re definitely in trouble.”

you glare at him. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

he snorts. “oh, please. i saw that whole thing. he saw that whole thing.”

“he was just looking at the crowd,” you say, even though you know it’s a lie.

“right. because taesan always makes intense eye contact with random people while singing,” he deadpans.

you groan, rubbing your face. “i hate you.”

“nah, you love me,” he grins. “but not as much as you love him.”

“woonhak—”

“i’m just saying,” he singsongs. “you might wanna start being honest with yourself. and maybe with him, too.”

you don’t dignify that with a response.

but as you glance toward the stage, where taesan is still lingering, laughing at something jaehyun said—

you know woonhak is right.

and that terrifies you more than anything.

—

taesan doesn’t come to practice.

he never skips practice.

it’s something you hear from sungho after school, when he finds you by the front gates, watching the sky darken as you wait for your usual bus. you’re trying really hard not to think about what happened earlier. about the way taesan looked at you before walking away, about the heavy silence he left behind. but sungho showing up with that look on his face makes it impossible to ignore.

“he didn’t show up,” he says, standing next to you like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

you glance at him. “who didn’t?”

sungho gives you a flat look. “you know who.”

your stomach twists, but you force a shrug. “maybe he had something else to do.”

“he never skips,” sungho repeats, more firmly this time.

you don’t answer.

because what are you supposed to say? 'yeah, it’s probably my fault. i didn’t defend him when i should have, and now he’s upset. i didn’t mean to hurt him, but i still did.'

sungho sighs, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“what happened?”

you swallow. “nothing...”

“don’t lie.”

“i’m not lying.”

he levels you with a stare, unimpressed. “you totally are.”

you exhale sharply, looking away.

“look,” he says, voice softer now, “he’s been acting weird all day. he barely talked during lunch, barely even looked at his board, and now he’s skipping practice? that’s not taesan.”

“i don’t know,” you mumble.

sungho raises a brow. “don’t know, or don’t want to say?”

you press your lips together, gripping the straps of your bag.

because the truth is...

you do know.

and you hate yourself for it.

it started during lunch.

your friends were scrolling through their phones, passing around a video of boynextdoor performing.

“god,” leeseo groaned, wrinkling her nose. “he’s so obnoxious.”

“who?” hanbin asked, leaning over to look.

“han taesan.” she jabbed a finger at the screen. “look at him. he acts like he’s a rockstar or something.”

your grip tightened around your drink.

“he is in a band,” hanbin pointed out.

“yeah, but he takes it so seriously. it’s kinda embarrassing.”

they laughed.

but you didn’t. and you didn't say anything either

you just sat there, staring at the table, pretending like the words didn’t make something in your chest ache.

but just then.

taesan walked by.

he wasn’t close enough to hear everything, but he did hear enough. his steps faltered just slightly, his easygoing expression slipping for just a second before he schooled his face back into something unreadable.

and then his eyes met yours. not angry. not annoyed.

just… disappointed.

like he expected this... like he expected you to be different.

but you weren’t.

you didn’t speak up. you didn’t say anything.

so he walked away.

and now, he’s gone.

—

sungho watches you carefully, waiting.

when you still don’t answer, he tilts his head. “so… it was you.”

“i didn’t do anything,” you say quickly.

“exactly.”

you flinch.

sungho sighs, rubbing the back of his neck.

“look,” he says, “i don’t know what’s going on between you two, but if this is about your friends—”

“it’s not,” you cut in.

his brows lift. “isn’t it?”

you exhale sharply, looking away.

because it is.

and it always has been.

from the moment you met taesan, you knew your friends wouldn’t approve. you knew they’d see him as reckless, as trouble, as someone you shouldn’t be around.

so you held back.

you pretended you didn’t care, pretended that the way he looked at you didn’t make your heart race, that his stupid grin and sharp comebacks didn’t make you want to keep talking to him.

but you do care. you care too much. and now, it’s hurting him.

“you know he likes you, right?” sungho says, breaking the silence.

your breath catches. “what?”

sungho gives you a look. “don’t play dumb. it’s so obvious.”

you open your mouth, then close it again.

“you like him too, don’t you?”

your heart pounds. “i—”

“you do.”

he says it like it’s a fact. like it’s undeniable.

you swallow, gripping your bag tighter.

“so what are you so afraid of?”

you inhale sharply because the answer is simple.

you’re afraid of what people will say. afraid of how things will change. afraid of being wrong about him.

but most of all...

you’re afraid of how much you want this. how much you want him.

sungho watches as the realization washes over your face.

then, after a beat, he sighs.

“look,” he says, voice gentler now, “i’m not telling you what to do. but if you don’t talk to him soon, you’re gonna lose him.”

the words hit harder than you expect.

“i just want my friend back to normal so just… think about it, yeah?"

you don’t respond... but you don’t need to.

because the moment sungho walks away, leaving you alone with your thoughts, you already know.

you have to fix this.

before it’s too late.

—

days pass, and taesan doesn’t talk to you.

he doesn’t show up at school, and every time you hear the familiar buzz of a new notification, you convince yourself it’s not boynextdoor. not that you’d check it, anyway. not that you’re even tempted.

except you are.

the silence is suffocating.

the whole thing has weighed on you. his disappointment, your hesitation, the stupid comment from leeseo and hanbin earlier, everything. the guilt keeps clawing at you from the inside. and each time you see a new picture of taesan or one of his bandmates posted online, each time you hear about them playing a new show, you feel like you’re suffocating in your own indecision.

but you don’t do anything about it.

because you’re scared.

scared of what your friends will think. scared of what your whole reputation means, scared of breaking the illusion that you’ve built up for all these years. you’ve worked so hard to maintain this image, to fit in with the people you’ve always been around, the friends you’ve known for years. how can you just throw that all away for some guy you barely know?

for taesan?

no.

it’s safer to stay where you are.

so you do what you’ve always done. keep your distance. make yourself busy. keep your head down. you don’t need to deal with whatever feelings you’ve got swirling in your chest. you don’t need to question everything.

but when you hear the news about BOYNEXTDOOR performing at an underground gig that weekend, something in you snaps.

it’s all too much.

you can’t just keep pretending.

you can’t keep telling yourself that everything’s fine when you know it isn’t.

you’re standing in the middle of the hallway when the poster catches your eye. the colors are bright, the date is bold. BOYNEXTDOOR. their name plastered across the top in big letters, their faces a reminder of everything you’ve been trying to ignore.

the gig is that Saturday.

you don’t know how long you stand there, staring at the poster, feeling the weight of your own indecision. your heart is hammering in your chest, a familiar sense of unease gnawing at your insides.

but this time, you don’t look away.

this time, you’re not running from it.

you don’t tell anyone about it. not leeseo, not hanbin. not even sungho. you don’t need their opinions right now. you’ve heard enough of them. you just… need to make a decision. your own decision.

when the night of the gig arrives, you feel sick to your stomach.

your heart thuds against your ribcage, the adrenaline buzzing through your veins like you’re about to jump off a cliff. you’re standing outside the venue, the doors just up ahead, with a small crowd already lining up in front of you. the building’s dark, unmarked by anything other than the small neon sign above the entrance. the thumping music from inside pulses through the walls, and for a second, you think about turning around, walking away.

but you don’t. you walk forward.

because for the first time in ages, you don’t care about what anyone thinks.

and you want to see taesan.

you want to see him so badly that it almost hurts.

you missed him. his smirk, his teases, his presence.

the crowd outside is packed with people, but you push through, feeling the warmth of the others as they chat amongst themselves, their energy high. you walk in, and the moment you do, the music hits you. the bass reverberates in your chest, and for a split second, you forget everything.

until you see them.

you see BOYNEXTDOOR on the stage, taesan right at the front, his guitar slung across his shoulder, his eyes scanning the crowd. when they meet yours, something shifts in his expression. he doesn’t smile, but there’s something there, something that makes you freeze in place.

but he doesn’t come over.

he doesn’t even move.

and you don’t know if that’s worse. if you should be relieved, or if you should be disappointed that he’s not even trying anymore.

you’re frozen, staring, and then you feel a tap on your shoulder.

woonhak.

he grins, the usual playful glint in his eyes. “hey, didn’t think you’d actually show up.”

you swallow, blinking, trying to force your heart to calm down. “yeah. well… i guess i changed my mind.”

woonhak studies you for a second, his smirk softening into something that’s just a little too knowing for your liking. “you’re here for taesan, huh?”

“i—” you start, but you can’t finish the sentence. because it’s true. you are here for him.

woonhak laughs, nudging you with his elbow. “you’re not fooling anyone, you know.”

you look away, not answering.

he doesn’t press. instead, he just leads you to a spot near the front, a little closer to the stage. you can see the others now: jaehyun, riwoo, leehan, sungho. all of them lost in the music. and then you see taesan again, this time a little closer, his fingers moving across the strings of his guitar as if nothing in the world matters but the rhythm.

it’s intoxicating.

and, as you stand there, all you can think about is how badly you want to be a part of his world.

you glance at woonhak, and there’s a glint of something in his eyes, like he knows exactly what’s going through your mind. he catches your gaze and gives you a little nudge with his shoulder. “maybe you should talk to him after the set,” he says, his voice light, teasing.

you bite your lip. you want to say something, anything, but instead you just nod.

because the truth is, you’re terrified.

you’re terrified of what taesan might say. terrified of what might happen if you admit how you feel, how wrong everything has felt without him around, how much you’ve been hurting without the chance to make things right.

the set continues, and you find yourself caught in the music, in the connection between the band and the crowd. for the first time in forever, you feel like you belong. you feel like you could belong.

and when the music finally dies down and the crowd goes wild, cheering for an encore, you glance over at woonhak. he looks at you, then at taesan, and then back at you, his knowing grin widening.

“he’s waiting for you,” he says quietly.

you can’t breathe for a second, your heart thudding louder than the sound of the crowd.

you finally nod, the decision clear now, undeniable.

you’ve kept up appearances for too long. it’s time to stop running.

you push your way through the crowd, heading straight for the backstage area. you don’t look back. you don’t care who sees.

because, finally, you’re choosing him.

you can feel woonhak and leehan’s eyes on you as you make your way through the crowd. it’s like the air is thicker, charged with anticipation, but you don’t stop. your feet move on their own, pulling you toward the backstage area where the rest of BOYNEXTDOOR is winding down after the set.

the music fades behind you, but the echo of the bass still thrums in your chest. every step feels heavier than the last, but somehow, you don’t want to turn back. you’ve already made the decision, and now all that’s left is to face him.

taesan.

the backstage area feels quieter now that the excitement of the performance has died down. the crowd’s energy is still buzzing in the air, but it’s starting to feel distant, like an echo that doesn’t quite reach the calm of the space you’re standing in.

taesan’s there, still leaning against the wall with his guitar case by his side, but now there’s an air of distance about him. he barely looks at you when you enter. his attention drifts elsewhere, to the other band members, to anything but you.

your heart sinks at the coldness, the disappointment you see reflected in his posture. you want to go to him, to explain everything, to make it right, but you can’t. something’s stopping you. he’s clearly upset, maybe even mad, and you’re not sure how to fix it.

woonhak, the youngest, is still grinning over the fact that you’ve come here tonight. leehan, always the one to watch everything unfold with an amused look, exchanges a knowing glance with him. both of them seem to be aware of something that you aren’t yet, but you can’t quite place what.

the tension in the air is thick, and for a moment, you almost wish you hadn’t walked in here at all.

then, jaehyun breaks the silence.

“isn’t that y/n?”

he’s pointing at you with a raised eyebrow, clearly surprised to see you standing there. taesan’s wiping his face off with a towel, but his gaze never leaves you.

you freeze, a bit caught off guard by the attention. jaehyun, always so direct, seems more curious than anything. but his question lingers in the air, and all eyes are now on you.

you glance at taesan, but his expression is unreadable. his gaze is fixed on the ground, his body language telling you all you need to know: he’s not ready to engage, not yet.

“yeah,” leehan says, his tone teasing. “didn’t expect to see you here, y/n.”

you swallow, trying to steady yourself. “i wanted to see the performance,” you say, voice quiet, but clear. “i told you i would.”

you can’t tell if they believe you or not.

woonhak’s grin is still there, his eyes glinting with mischief. he looks between you and taesan, sensing the tension before anyone else. “yeah, sure,” he says, as if he knows something you don’t. “we all know how much taesan cares about you coming to the show.”

taesan doesn’t react, but you can feel his frustration simmering just beneath the surface. it’s impossible to ignore.

there’s a long pause, and in that moment, you wonder if you’ve made the wrong choice. if you shouldn’t have come, if you shouldn’t have tried to make things right, because it feels like taesan is shutting you out more with every passing second.

but then, just as you’re about to leave, something unexpected happens.

taesan looks up. just a glance, but it’s enough to make your heart skip. you meet his gaze, and for a moment, it feels like you’re the only two people in the room.

then, without a word, taesan walks past you, ignoring you as if you’re not even there. you can feel the sting of it, the weight of the unspoken disappointment in his actions. your chest tightens, and for a second, it feels like your feet are stuck in place.

you want to call out to him, to stop him, but you’re frozen. you don’t know what to say, don’t know how to make this right.

woonhak watches you, his grin still there but a little less playful now. he gives you a knowing look. it’s like he’s aware of the struggle inside you, aware of the way taesan is pulling away even though he knows you’re standing there

“he’s not mad at you,” woonhak says softly, catching your eye. “he’s just… not sure how to act around you, y/n.”

you don’t reply at first, still processing the way taesan ignored you, the way his distance felt like a rejection. but woonhak’s words sink in.

“he likes you,” leehan adds, his tone more serious now. “but he’s not good at showing it.”

the words hit you harder than you expect. they settle in your chest, a mix of confusion and longing. taesan likes you? it doesn’t feel like it, not when he won’t even look at you.

“why doesn’t he just... say it then?” you mumble, your voice barely above a whisper.

woonhak shrugs. “he’s still trying to figure it out, y/n. he doesn’t want to mess things up, especially when you’ve got so much going on with your friends and everything.”

you stare at him, your heart beating faster. you can’t deny it now. it’s clear that something is there between you and taesan. something you haven’t been able to admit to yourself until now.

and yet, despite everything, you can’t shake the feeling that you’re caught between two worlds. your friends, your reputation, and then taesan, someone you never expected to feel this strongly about.

“he’s scared, y/n,” leehan says, his voice quieter now. “he doesn’t want to be the reason you ruin your life.”

you look at taesan again, still standing off to the side, conversing with jaehyun, his face unreadable. his posture is stiff, almost like he’s bracing for something. maybe he’s bracing for you to walk away, for you to choose the people you’ve always been with instead of him.

you feel the weight of it all. the pull of your friends, the pressure of their expectations. and then there’s taesan, standing there, vulnerable in his own way, waiting for you to decide.

the silence between you two feels like it could last forever, and yet, it’s the moment you need to make the choice.

but you’re scared.

you don’t want to lose your friends, don’t want to mess up everything you’ve worked so hard for. but you also don’t want to lose taesan.

the choice weighs heavy on your chest, but you can’t stay frozen forever. you can’t keep ignoring what you feel.

and, maybe for the first time, you finally make a decision.

time to come clean.

the quiet hum of the room feels more suffocating than peaceful. you’re sitting on the edge of one of the couches backstage, fiddling with your phone aimlessly. it’s been a few minutes since taesan walked away, and you’re still left with this gnawing feeling that you could have done something different.

the members of BOYNEXTDOOR are scattered around the area, some talking amongst themselves, others sitting with instruments or music sheets in hand. it’s almost like nothing happened. but you know that’s not true. you can feel the weight of the tension hanging in the air, especially when you catch woonhak’s gaze across the room. he’s giving you a sympathetic smile, though it doesn’t make you feel much better.

you want to walk up to taesan, to explain everything, but you can’t. he’s still standing there, staring off into the distance, his arms crossed.

instead, you settle for hanging out with riwoo.

“you okay?” he asks, sitting next to you with a curious look. his voice is light, but there’s an edge of concern in it.

you nod, offering a tight smile. “yeah, just…” you trail off, unsure of how to explain what just happened. you don’t want to sound like you’re complaining about taesan. it’s not like you’re angry with him. in fact, you can’t even be angry with him when you’re just as confused.

“he’s hard to read, huh?” riwoo says, his voice calm but knowing. it’s like he’s read your mind.

you glance at him, surprised. “yeah. i don’t know what’s going on with him. it’s like, one minute, he’s all… well, taesan, and then the next, he’s distant. it’s frustrating.”

riwoo leans back on the couch, resting his head against the backrest as he watches the others in the room. “taesan’s always been like that. he’s not great with… emotions, you know?”

you blink at him, unsure where this conversation is headed. “so what, he just shuts people out?”

“basically,” riwoo says with a slight shrug. “he’s not really used to being honest about how he feels. but I think he does like you, y/n. he just doesn’t know how to show it without pushing you away.”

the words hit you like a freight train. taesan likes you? all this time, you’ve been so unsure of what he wanted, what he needed, and now it feels like it’s been right in front of you.

“but he’s been ignoring me…” you say quietly, almost to yourself.

“he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that you’re... well, you’re you,” riwoo adds, his tone light but thoughtful. “you’ve got your own friends, your own reputation. taesan doesn’t want to mess that up for you. he’s scared of it, y’know?”

that was the second time it's come across you. taesan cares about your reputation, maybe more than you.

the pieces start to click together. you’ve been dancing around your feelings for taesan, unsure whether to admit them or not, and now it seems like he’s been doing the same thing. the difference is, you’ve been letting the fear of judgment hold you back. taesan’s fear is different. he’s afraid of losing you.

the realization makes you uneasy, but in a good way. there’s something so real about the way riwoo describes taesan, and for once, you can’t help but want to believe it.

just as you’re about to respond to riwoo's comment, woonhak appears, practically bouncing into the room. his eyes are wide, and there’s a mischievous grin on his face.

“you should go talk to taesan,” he says, the grin never leaving his face. “he’s still being stubborn, but I think he’s ready to listen.”

you frown. “how do you know?”

“because,” woonhak says with an exaggerated shrug, “he’s been pacing around like a lost puppy ever since you saw eachother.” he looks between you and riwoo. “and leehan’s not much better. he’s the one who convinced him to talk, so… yeah. go talk to him. he’ll listen... eventually.”

you want to tell woonhak you’re not ready, that you don’t know how to fix things with taesan, but something in the way woonhak says it makes you feel like you have to.

“just go for it,” riwoo says, giving you an encouraging nod. “you’ve got nothing to lose.”

you nod, though your heart is pounding in your chest. you stand up slowly, feeling a little out of place in the midst of all the quiet chaos around you. taesan’s still by the wall, his posture tense. you can tell he’s trying to convince himself that it’s fine, that everything is fine, convincing himself you’re just here for the music, just like the others.

but you know that’s not true.

he knows that's not true.

as you approach him, you hesitate for a second, unsure of what to say. but before you can even open your mouth, taesan speaks first, his voice low and a little defensive.

“you didn’t have to come, you know,�� he says, not looking at you. his voice is almost too casual, as if he’s trying to brush off the seriousness of the moment. “I mean, this isn’t really your kind of music.”

you bite your lip, fighting the urge to just walk away. his words sting, but you know he’s just trying to protect himself.

“I came because I wanted to see you,” you say, your voice steady even though you’re terrified of how it sounds. “I didn’t come for the music, taesan. I came for you.”

there’s a long pause, and for a moment, you think you’ve said the wrong thing. but then taesan finally looks up at you, his eyes flickering with something you can’t quite place.

“you don’t have to pretend for me, y/n,” he says, his voice quieter now. “you don’t need to act like you like this stuff just to be around me. I get it.”

you shake your head, your heart racing. “I’m not pretending. I… I like you, taesan.”

taesan freezes, his expression softening slightly. he opens his mouth to say something, but the words get caught in his throat. instead, he exhales slowly, running a hand through his hair.

“you’re not just saying that because you’re here, right?” he asks, his voice uncertain.

“no,” you reply, taking a step closer. “I’m saying it because it’s true. I like you, taesan. I’ve liked you since you looked at me in the library, and I’m sorry I was too scared to admit it before.”

there’s a brief silence, and then taesan finally lets out a breath he seems to have been holding for a long time. his lips curl into a small, almost shy smile.

“you’ve always liked me?” he asks, his voice soft with a hint of disbelief.

“yeah,” you whisper. “I just… I was worried about what people would think. about what my friends would think.”

taesan’s expression softens even more, and he steps a little closer to you, his voice barely above a whisper. “you don’t have to choose, y/n. I never wanted you to. I just wanted you to be honest with yourself.”

you blink, surprised at how easy it is for him to say that. “honest with myself?”

“yeah,” he says, his voice low and steady now. “I just needed you to admit that you feel the same way about me. I didn’t want you to choose between me and your friends.”

you stare at him, feeling the weight of his words settle in your chest. it’s like a weight lifting off your shoulders, the tension you’ve carried with you for so long melting away.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, stepping closer. “I was scared.”

“it’s okay,” taesan says softly, his hand reaching for yours. “you don’t have to be anymore.”

and for the first time in a long time, you feel like everything’s finally making sense.

the moments following your confession feel like the longest stretch of time. taesan is standing in front of you, his presence almost suffocating, and for a split second, you’re unsure if he believes you. it’s the kind of silence that hangs in the air, thick and heavy, like it’s too much to fill with anything but the things unsaid.

taesan takes a step back, running a hand through his messy hair, his eyes not quite meeting yours. it’s clear he’s thinking hard about something, but what? you can’t tell. your heart is pounding in your chest, and a part of you is terrified you’ve said too much, too soon, but another part is relieved. you’ve finally admitted it. finally let the truth out into the open.

and then taesan looks at you, his gaze softer now, and you can see the conflict in his eyes. “you really do like me?” he asks, his voice still unsure but laced with something else. maybe hope? maybe fear?

you nod, your breath catching in your throat. “yeah. I do.”

there’s a long pause, and you watch him carefully. his hands are shoved deep in the pockets of his jacket, his lips pressed together as though he’s trying to figure out what to do next. you’re not sure if he’s angry, confused, or just processing everything, but you wait, giving him space to think it over.

“you should’ve told me sooner,” he mutters, more to himself than to you. “I’ve been waiting for you to admit it. but I guess I didn’t want to push you.”

you take a step closer, your heart fluttering nervously. “I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I didn’t want to mess things up with my friends, you know? I’ve had this group for years, and I didn’t want to seem like I was changing everything just because of you.”

taesan’s eyes soften as he watches you, and he takes a deep breath, clearly trying to wrap his head around what you’re saying. “I get it,” he says quietly.

his words settle into you, and you realize for the first time that maybe taesan’s always understood more than you gave him credit for. he’s not asking you to give up your friends, and he’s not trying to pull you away from the life you’ve built.

“so… what happens now?” you ask, a little unsure of where to go from here.

taesan shrugs, the corners of his mouth twitching into a small, almost playful smile. “we figure it out. I’m not going anywhere, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

you breathe a sigh of relief, the weight on your shoulders finally lifting. you’ve said what needed to be said, and taesan isn’t pulling away. instead, he’s looking at you with a new understanding, and it makes your heart feel lighter than it has in a long time.

just then, you hear footsteps approaching, and you turn to see woonhak and leehan walking toward you, both of them wearing knowing grins. leehan gives you a teasing wink, while woonhak’s grin is a little wider, almost smug.

“well, well,” woonhak says, his voice loud enough for taesan to hear, “looks like someone’s finally come clean.”

you feel your face heat up, and taesan groans softly, running a hand through his hair again in that familiar frustrated gesture. “don’t start,” he mutters under his breath.

leehan raises an eyebrow, clearly not willing to let taesan off the hook. “we saw the whole thing. looks like y/n’s got the guts after all.”

you glance over at taesan, who’s still avoiding eye contact, and let out a soft laugh. “it wasn’t exactly how I planned it.”

“hey,” woonhak says, his tone suddenly much more serious. “we’re not here to mess with you two. but, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you told him.”

taesan looks up at him, his expression softening, though he still doesn’t seem to know how to react. “you guys were waiting for this to happen?”

“obviously,” leehan replies, flashing a grin at you. “we could see it coming from a mile away. it was just a matter of time.”

woonhak chuckles, crossing his arms over his chest. “honestly, I’m just glad y/n showed up at the concert. I knew you’d figure it out.” he looks at you with a smile that feels almost reassuring. “you were meant to be here, y/n. not just for the music.”

you can’t help but smile, feeling the warmth in woonhak’s words. it’s as if, for the first time, you realize that taesan and his friends aren’t the strangers you’ve built them up to be in your head. they’re people you can trust. and taesan… well, taesan is someone who’s been waiting for you to figure out what your heart really wants.

taesan doesn’t say anything right away. instead, he just looks at you, his gaze softening. there’s a hint of vulnerability in his eyes that you haven’t noticed before. he’s not the tough, unapproachable guy you assumed him to be. he’s someone who just needed you to meet him halfway.

“I guess it’s about time I stopped running from it,” taesan finally says, his voice quieter now, almost like he’s admitting something to himself. “I don’t want to lose you, y/n.”

you step closer, feeling the warmth of his words settle into your chest. for the first time in a long time, the uncertainty you’ve carried around fades, and you can finally breathe easy.

“I don’t want to lose you either, taesan,” you say, your voice steady.

taesan looks at you, and for a brief moment, there’s this look of understanding that passes between the two of you. he doesn’t need you to make a choice between him and your friends. he just needs you to be true to yourself.

“so,” leehan starts, breaking the silence with a grin. “what now? you two gonna kiss, or what?”

you and taesan both freeze, the air suddenly feeling thicker than ever. taesan blushes, his face turning a shade of red that matches yours, while woonhak laughs loudly, clearly amused by the awkwardness he’s just created.

“shut up, leehan,” taesan mutters, clearly embarrassed but secretly relieved.

you chuckle softly, feeling the warmth of his presence next to you. it’s a different kind of silence this time. comfortable. familiar.

“you know,” you say after a beat, your voice teasing, “I think we’ll figure it out.”

taesan looks at you, his smile finally breaking through the tension. “yeah. we will.”

and for the first time, you realize that maybe the hardest part wasn’t admitting your feelings. maybe the hardest part was just letting yourself be honest.

—

the weeks following your confession feel like an endless rollercoaster, full of highs and lows. at first, your friends, especially leeseo and hanbin, don’t take the news as well as you’d hoped. you knew it wouldn’t be easy, but you didn’t expect it to hit this hard.

when you first told them about taesan, about how you felt, the reactions were... well, less than ideal. leeseo had stared at you like you’d just announced you were leaving the country, and hanbin had seemed more confused than upset. but the hardest part was seeing the disappointment in their eyes.

it wasn’t that they didn’t care about you. in fact, it was the complete opposite. they cared about you so much that it was more that they couldn’t understand why you would want to throw away years of reputation you built up, for someone who, to them, was nothing more than a rebellious skater.

"are you really sure about this?" leeseo had asked, her voice quieter than usual, her expression tight with worry. "taesan… he’s not like us. he’s part of a different world. why risk it?"

hanbin hadn’t said much at first, just quietly watching, as if waiting for you to change your mind. but the uncertainty was there, hanging between you all, heavy and uncomfortable.

you had tried to explain it to them, tried to make them understand that this wasn’t just some fleeting crush or an act of rebellion. it was real. but they just couldn’t see it. not at first, anyway.

it hurt more than you cared to admit, seeing their disapproval. these were your friends. the people you’d known since childhood. and suddenly, it felt like you were standing on the edge of something, unsure whether to jump or pull back. the fear of losing them, of being alone in your decision, gnawed at you, but something deep inside you knew that you couldn’t keep pretending. you couldn’t keep hiding how you felt.

you just had to trust that the people who truly mattered would eventually see the truth in your actions. that they would come around and accept you for who you were becoming.

and in the end, they did.

it wasn’t immediate, but as time passed, leeseo and hanbin began to understand. it wasn’t about taesan being a skater or part of a different crowd. it wasn’t about the fact that he was in a band or that he lived a life they didn’t understand. it was about the way he made you feel seen, understood, and for the first time in a long time, happy.

"so, when are you bringing him to hang out?" leeseo had asked one afternoon, her voice teasing but genuine. "I want to see what the big deal is with this guy."

hanbin had smiled too, though there was still a hint of hesitation in his eyes. "yeah, he’s got to be something special for you to stick with it this long."

and that was when you realized they weren’t just accepting your decision. they were supporting it. and that, more than anything, was all you needed.

taesan, for his part, had been more than understanding. he’d known how hard it had been for you to get to this point, to finally let go of the mask you’d been wearing, the one that kept you safe in the comfort of your old life. but he never judged you for it.

he made sure you never regretted your decision, pulling you into his world with open arms.

he showed you his music, the songs that were both raw and beautiful, filled with emotions he couldn’t always express in words. you’d always been the academic type, focused on grades and assignments, but now you found yourself getting lost in the music, in the way taesan played his guitar with such passion, as if the notes were extensions of his very soul.

late-night skating became a regular part of your life, too. at first, you were hesitant, worried you’d embarrass yourself or make a fool of yourself in front of his friends. but taesan had a way of making you feel like you belonged. the others, woohak, leehan, riwoo, and jaehyun, had all accepted you with open arms. they didn’t care that you didn’t have the same history with skating that they did. they just cared that you were there, trying something new.

taesan would always smile, his gaze softening as he watched you push yourself, getting better each time. "you're doing great," he’d say, always encouraging, never dismissive. "just keep at it."

and the laughter, oh, the laughter. you had never known what it was like to be this carefree, to just let go and enjoy the moment. taesan had a way of pulling you into his world of easy-going fun, where everything seemed light and full of possibility. the worries that had once weighed you down melted away whenever you were with him.

one evening, after a long session of skating under the city lights, you sat together on the rooftop of a building, the wind blowing softly through your hair. taesan leaned back, his head resting on the edge of the roof, looking up at the stars.

"you know," he said, voice low and casual, "I never thought I’d find someone who’d get me this way."

you glance at him, feeling a smile tug at your lips. "what, you’re not that hard to get."

taesan laughs softly, turning his head to meet your gaze. "you’d be surprised. i mean, maybe when you're not putting up a front it might be different," he jokes,

you nod, understanding more than you ever had before. "yeah, I get that."

he smiles, that real smile of his that always makes your heart skip a beat.

it’s in moments like these that you realize just how much you’ve changed, how much you’ve grown since you met him. you stop worrying about what others think, stop pretending to be someone you’re not. the people who truly matter, the ones who care about you for who you really are, will always be there for you. and those are the people you need to focus on.

you’ve stopped hiding. you’ve stopped pretending. and now, with taesan by your side, you feel like you can face the world as yourself. no masks, no fear. just you and him, and whatever the future holds.

—

it’s been a few months since you stopped hiding, since you started living life as yourself, unashamed, and unafraid. taesan’s world has become your world, and yours became his. BOYNEXTDOOR has started gaining more traction, the band’s energy electrifying, pulling in more fans with every performance. it’s not just the music that’s drawing people in, though. it’s the rawness. the authenticity that the group radiates. and as they grow, so does your connection with them.

sungho, riwoo, jaehyun, leehan, and woonhak. each of them has become an important part of your life. you’ve spent so many late nights with them now, at shows and skateparks, in studios and cafés, and each moment feels more natural than the last. the guys have all grown to appreciate your company, your unguarded nature, your willingness to let go of the walls you once had up.

woonhak’s grin is constant whenever you’re around, and he’s never shy about throwing playful remarks your way. “you know, if you hang out with us more often, you might start getting better at skating. or maybe you’ll just get really good at cheering us on,” he teases, elbowing you gently as you both watch taesan show off his latest tricks at the skatepark.

you laugh, shaking your head. “I think I’m good with cheering for now.”

“yeah, yeah,” he says with a wink. “we’ll see.”

leehan, quieter than the others but equally as kind, has begun to open up to you more too. you find yourself in deep conversations with him after practice, talking about everything from music to fish, which makes you wonder why he has a huge interest in fish. he’s got a way of listening that makes you feel heard, truly heard, and it’s something you’ve come to value in a way you didn’t expect.

“you know,” leehan says one night as you sit beside him on the band’s tour bus, “sometimes, I think you understand us more than we give you credit for.”

you smile softly, a little surprised. “what do you mean?”

he shrugs, staring out of the window. “well, it’s just… you fit in, y’know? and I don’t think you’ve ever tried to be anything other than who you are. it’s refreshing.”

the compliment hits you harder than you expected, and you realize just how far you’ve come since that first day of being unsure about yourself, hiding in plain sight.

jaehyun, the loud and often mischievous member, is always up for a laugh. he’s started making jokes about you and taesan, though it’s never mean-spirited. “so, you two are still doing that whole ‘silent romance’ thing, huh?” he teases one afternoon as the band gathers for a quick break before the next performance.

you roll your eyes but can’t help the smile tugging at your lips. “we’re not silent, jaehyun. we just don’t broadcast everything.”

he raises an eyebrow, his grin mischievous. “uh-huh, sure. whatever you say.”

taesan, of course, just watches the back-and-forth with a small smile, his gaze soft. you’re starting to learn how to read him, how his eyes light up with affection and pride when he looks at you, even when he tries to hide it.

“you’re in trouble now,” riwoo adds from the side, glancing between you and taesan.

but there’s something deeper there in the way the group interacts now. it’s not just about the music or the laughs. they’ve truly embraced you as one of their own. you’re no longer just the outsider; you’re part of their family.

and you realize, as the weeks go by, that taesan’s music is beginning to reflect the change you’ve both undergone. he’s been writing more, pouring his heart into the lyrics, and it’s clear from the way he talks about the process that it’s more than just songs to him. it’s his way of expressing everything he’s ever wanted to say, but never could.

one day, as you sit in the studio, scribbling down some notes for your own personal project, taesan walks in, his usual calm demeanor now mixed with a hint of excitement.

“I finished something new,” he says, looking at you. “I want you to hear it.”

you raise an eyebrow, intrigued. “what’s it called?”

“it’s… well, it’s about us,” he explains, shifting a little nervously. “about how I felt when you finally stopped pretending you didn’t care.”

your heart skips a beat as you look up at him, but you don’t say anything. you just follow him to the music setup, where he starts fiddling with his guitar.

he strums the first few chords, and instantly, you know it’s something different. it’s raw and honest, with a touch of rebellion, the sound of someone finally coming into their own after fighting their own doubts.

(listen to sk8er boi during this part guys !!)

when the final chord rings out, the room is silent. you’re sitting there, stunned, unable to process the feelings swirling inside you. it’s a song about you, about how taesan has always been there, quietly waiting for you to see him for who he truly is

he looks at you, his expression soft, almost unsure. “do you like it?”

you can’t say anything at first. your throat feels tight, and there’s a lump in your chest that you can’t shake. finally, you nod. “taesan… it’s perfect.”

he smiles, though it’s shy, as if he’s relieved. “I’m glad.”

later that evening, you’re in the crowd at one of BOYNEXTDOOR’s shows, feeling the energy buzz around you. the crowd is loud, excited, the air electric with anticipation. the lights dim, and the first notes of a familiar tune fill the air.

you recognize the song immediately. it’s the one taesan wrote. and as he steps forward, microphone in hand, he scans the crowd, his gaze lingering on you for a brief moment. there’s no hiding the way his eyes soften when he spots you.

you stand there, in the middle of the crowd, heart racing, as taesan sings the song he wrote for you. the lyrics are even more powerful live, the music thrumming through your body.

woonhak, stands beside you after the set, noticing the way you were both looking at each other. he grins, making eye contact with leehan, who’s watching from the side. they share a knowing look, as if they’ve been expecting this moment all along.

“hey,” woonhak says quietly, elbowing you. “looks like someone’s got the spotlight.”

you can’t help the smile that spreads across your face. you’re finally here, in this moment, with taesan. no more hiding, no more pretending.

and as the final chords ring out, you know you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

— ty for reading pookies :) —

~ fic taglist - @the0p

~ bnd taglist - @bxnedo

~ perm taglist - @s0shroe

[lggy]

I’m on both and every time I go back over to aphtwt it’s like that guy with pizzas going into a room on fire

its a long ass story thats been going on since the reveal of s7. here's just a recount of what's been going on lately for anyone curious i guess. its just to answer why a lot of people are icked out by laurance right now and why people are saying "i cant enjoy laurance anymore"

bascially laurance's va doesn't know how to properly manage his image,

ive been following him long before, he would have a few old tweets and tiktoks where he gets really annoyed towards aphmau fans, and reasonably so

...after the reveal of s7, he tried coming back to make his brand Laurance except he's using his NFSW bdsm account. after people started trying to link his nsfw links to his aphwiki page i made a twt post asking people to stop doing that. thats when we realized seb is obsessed with searching himself up on twitter and he proceeded to QRT me and make a few response posts reiterating what i said and apologizing for interacting with minors on his nsfw account. he made a new alt account for interacting with fans on aphtwt.

that was back around september-october

he searches himself and laurance up constantly to QRT and pick fights and stuff. its clear he's going through mental shit - he talks about it a lot. but it took him months to realize hes not fit to be running an account to host his image/brand that he wants to be about Laurance. he picks up on any drama around himself and kinda has a villain speech every time someone doesnt like him. im kind of starting to feel bad for him.

this is all while lowkey begging Jess to contact him again to bring him back for VA work, cryptically referring to her sometimes as "The Creator". I forgot to mention he had this whole "Guys im having a huge reveal, Im coming back to VAing for a very special charater.." thing. me and a lot of people picked up on him being kind of.. fake? basically, he shit on aphmau before, equated VA work to a MLM, then had a total sudden switch-up as soon as s7 was announced and realized he can renew his role. he had a video saying he wants this job to get a new tattoo.

^ 'What's wrong with wanting money?' the thing is being a VA means you need to have a good image and thats usually generated by having a good fanbase. all that really said was that he's just hopping on a bandwagon to get paid and thus his fan interactions just came across as desperate and bait-y and fake as hell. think about how other VA's interact w their fans then compare it to this,

what happened yesterday was that garroth's VA announced he was doing a mystreet rewatch with much of the og cast!... then sebastian QRT'd with this

someone even asked if he can join them too

then he joined the discord. then got banned after 10 minutes.. then crashed out about it on twitter, posting that garroth's va blocked him. not posting the massive paragraph he had because its kinda the sameburger poetry. i genuinely have no idea why he would post this than to like, try to get people to turn on garroth's VA. severely inappropriate behavior for someone trying to come back to being a VA

allegedly, seb had livestreamed a while ago where he said something along the lines of, (quoting from oomf's memory) "I don't recommend you contacting or asking any of the old VAs about me, I don't know if they still think about me the same bc of how I was back then. Bipolar Disorder was really bad for me back then, it made me so edgy." and how other VAs had issues with him and tension. - i dont have a source for this but it lines up with this tweet :

where he very inappropriately and for no reason mentioned he had issues with another VA. the problem is he had NO reason to bring that up and had the situation he was referring to was about gene having a fill-in on a cocomau video and nothing to do with seb himself or any drama or anything.

aaand i think thats all. that's the laurance downfall crashout chronicles , i didnt want to get too detailed but i can ask questions and whatever

personally, i nevr really beleived this guy would ever get hired again. all because he uses his real/brand name for his porno stuff. the company does background checks yknow

[copperbadge]

How did you find the doctor(s) who assessed you for ADHD? Im looking into the process of getting diagnosed because (although ive suspected I might have adhd for years now) I've been struggling a lot more lately and i want to try medication to see if it helps at all. Im trying to search for psychiatrists through my health insurance portal but the the results im getting are all for child/adolescent psychiatry specialists, and I dont think that'll be much help for an adult adhd assessment? Did you have an established therapist to refer you for your assessment or were you able to find a psychiatrist independently?

I actually just kind of had to freeform it, but that does mean I have some tips to share!

I will say, I have never once used a health insurance portal to find someone to treat me for anything. Often their search engine is fucked up and the information is sometimes out of date. I almost always either ask someone who I know has had similar issues if they have a recommendation, ask my treating physician if I have one, or just google until I find someone reputable-looking; any qualified medical center or professional will list what insurance they take anyway, and you can always ask when you make the appointment.

So here's the process for how to do that!

When I was first considering it, I asked a friend who'd had an evaluation that came back not-ADHD, which I liked because it meant we knew it wasn't like, a weird Adderall pill mill or something. I really wanted to have a professional and thorough evaluation because I knew myself and knew I was capable of gaming a questionnaire. The place she had her evaluation was unfortunately having some staffing issues; part of the reason it took me so long is that I played phone tag with them for ages -- I'd call, and regardless of what time of day I called, their scheduler would be "out", so I'd leave a message and never get a call back. Ultimately I said "I really need to talk to a human, because your scheduler has not returned any of my numerous calls" and they said they could transfer me to another office outside of Chicago (in the burbs). That was not going to be accessible to me, so I told them thanks but I'll go somewhere else. Then COVID hit and I was not going to go anywhere near a medical center unless I had to for about two years.

So, when I was making my second serious run at getting evaluated, I did what might be expected of me by longtime readers of this blog: I made a spreadsheet.

I want to caveat this up top with REALLY IMPORTANT CONTEXT: I did not do all of this in a single day. The process from starting research to making an evaluation appointment took about a month, and probably would have taken longer if I wasn't getting somewhat desperate. Do not push yourself to do this as a single act. Research alone is a multi-day process; some days I looked at the open tabs and only entered one tab's worth of information. It took me quite a bit of time to write the form email I sent inquiring about an assessment. It took me time to call the clinic back when they asked me to call to book the appointment. This is a series of steps, not a single leap.

So!

I was looking for a clinic rather than an individual, in part because I'd heard a couple of horror stories about people who went to a psychiatrist and just got argued with for an hour instead of actually getting evaluated. So I googled, and here are some key terms for you, chicago adult adhd assessment. Chicago obviously for the region, but "adult adhd" (putting it in quotes will help) is the important term that will help you filter out a lot of child psych stuff. A lot of what I looked at did included family or child assessment/therapy but were clear that they also evaluated adults.

Then I went through every legit-looking search result and noted down, in my spreadsheet, the name of the clinic/company, the contact phone and email, the URL, the physical location (I needed to be able to get to it fairly easily) and whether they took my insurance. Even if they didn't take my insurance (all but one did) I still put them into the spreadsheet so that if I found them again I could check the sheet and know I didn't need to investigate further. I also tended to bump more legitimate and friendly-looking places to the top of the sheet. And if I were going to do it again I would also look for one specific thing, which is an assessment guide of some kind.

The assessment guide may be something they only give you after you speak with them, so it's not a no-go if they don't have one on their website, but it basically tells you what generally will go on during the assessment, how long it will take, and what you should bring. A full assessment like I had is estimated to take 4-6 hours and they recommended I wear layers so I wouldn't be overly cold/warm in their office, and to bring a snack. That's the kind of information you want, duration of the assessment and what they recommend for you, to ensure that you're working with people who are thorough and care about your comfort.

So, I have this spreadsheet now of places to reach out to, which I know take my insurance and do adult assessment. In the spreadsheet I also had columns for what date I contacted them and whether they'd responded. I started reaching out via email, one per day, with the form email I'd written.

The form email basically said "I'm 42 with no previous diagnosis but I have a family history of autism and dyslexia. I've been told I should get assessed for ADHD, so I'm looking for a clinic that will do the assessment and takes (my insurance). I prefer to be contacted by email but if need be, my phone number is (phone number). Please let me know if you have any open appointments and what information you will need from me to book an evaluation with you." (You can always ask for more information about the actual evaluation process once they respond.)

If I didn't get a response within 24 hours, I moved on to the next, but I only greyed out the text in that line of the spreadsheet; I didn't disqualify/remove the nonresponsive ones because again, I wanted to make sure I kept that information in case they eventually did respond. I did this with about ten clinics, because I figured I must be able to find at least one in ten who could do the eval, and I could go back and research more if necessary.

I think the third or fourth one I reached out to was the first to respond, and I ended up going with them; I had a very positive experience in the assessment itself but it was a real pain in the ass getting the documentation from them -- they took about a month to go through the evaluation data (this is not abnormal but is rather longer than usual according to my psychiatrist) and they gave me an in-person-by-zoom report once it was ready. That said, it took another four months and the threat of reporting them to the state to get them to send me the text of the eval (in part because the evaluator left the clinic unexpectedly with my formal report not yet written). But that's something that's truly impossible to know until you're working with them, and highly unusual, so don't let concerns about that deter you. If you end up in that situation come hit me up and I'll tell you how I dealt with that.

My eval recommended an executive function coach, but if I haven't been able to func it by now I never will, so I thanked them for the recommendation and went looking for a psychiatrist unaffiliated with the clinic to prescribe me meds. There, the key words you're going to be looking for are again "adult adhd" but also "adult disability" and if you want medication that's less likely to be a huge fucking hassle, "medication management". My psychiatrist and I meet every two months to reup my prescription, but he doesn't require me to take a regular drug test or meet him in person in order to get a new scrip, as some people have encountered. We meet in person once or twice a year (I can't remember, it's due to a legal requirement in Illinois) but otherwise it's over zoom.

So yeah -- it's a process, but there are ways to streamline and manage it, and a few tripwires in place to make sure you don't end up screwed by the system. Definitely feel free to ask if you have questions, either here or if you want a more indepth conversation you can email me at copperbadge@gmail.com. GOOD LUCK!

[king-crawler]

HEY HI HELLO

Sorry for the random message here In the asks, it's ok if you don't see this or answer it since you probably got a lot already and I understand if you don't see this!/gen

But first of all, I just wanna say

I CANT BELIEVE I HAVENT WATCHED YOUR ANALYSIS VIDEO SOONER IM SO FUCKING LATE MAN

It's so well done and so fucking funny, I was literally smiling and cackling through the whole thing, it's shocking how similar our humor is

NOT TO MENTION THE END SCENE AREE YOU KIDDING HOW DID YOU MATCH THE LYRICS SO PERFECTLY TO THE FUCKING LORE ITS INCREDIBLE 😭💜/GEN, POS

It's insane how much dedication is put into it, let alone singlehandedly feeding turbo fans as myself

Genuinely thought it's so nice seeing more content for a hyperfixation I've had since 2012, and the fandom coming back along with this video Genuinely brings me so much joy as someone who's loved this movie since I was a kid

Sorry for the ramble but genuinely thank you for making that video, I can't wait to see what other stuff you do, wreck it ralph or not I WILL be tuning in/gen, pos

Okay second of all

The main reason why I'm sending this is because of sometning I noticed while rewatching a scene in the movie

Now, this might be me over analyzing as I usually do but it feels TOO. OBVIOUS.

SO

IN the kart bakery scene where vanellope and ralph go to bake a kart, they obviously make their way into the building and into the main room

You see all the Karts of course, and It pans to the one vanellope chooses

Which, at first glance you wouldn't really pay too much attention, especially when watching it for the first time, she's just picking the model she likes

..but looking back at the scene

Vanellope's kart model, how it was supposed to look, looks very

Familiar

Because the kart she chose..

...is a red and white kart

With stripes down the middle, with a very similar shape to a..certain persons kart. Now this might just be nothing, it's probably just like I said, and over analysis on my part

But the kart the chose looks WAY too similar to turbo's, not to mention the stripe is down the middle, just like turbo's car on the cabinet art of him

And vanellope could've chosen ANY kart

But it was that specific kart she chose, out of any of the karts

Not to mention in some of vanellope's concept art...

(Art made by Lorelay Bove)

..Vanellope's concept design and turbos designs strike SCARILY uncanny resemblances to each others designs

From the helmet and colors

All the way down to her GOGGLES having the SAME. YELLOW. TINT. that candy's have in the movie, which have the same effect here. There's no way that this didn't have the intent to mirror turbo purposefully

So with that in mind, the kart vanellope chose in the kart bakery scene being turbo foreshadowing, wouldn't be too out of place, nor would it be too far off

Turbo's foreshadowing was always prominent, even in the smallest details you wouldn't focus on, just like he's infecting this world as a virus, little by little, everywhere. You. Turn.

Aaaand that's basically all I have to really say

Sorry for the long ramble, I've been thinking of submitting this for awhile now, especially after I told a friend about this and they mentioned that this should be submitted to you

So I decided to go ahead and just do it, no matter how wild my comparisons might sound-

Anyways, I hope you have a good day, night, or what time it may be, and keep being awesome! I can't wait to hear back if you see this! Bye-bye! ❤️🏎🏆

P.s

I've been quoting these since I watched the video and haven't stopped

Thanks for destroying my humor even more-/pos

Okay bye bye now-

-skitters away-

NO YOU'RE SO FUCKING RIGHT OH MY GOD VANELLOPE WAS ALWAYS A TURBO PARALLEL??? CHAT IS THIS TRUE. IVE NEVER SEEN THAT CONCEPT ART OF HER TEEHEE THANKS FOR SHARING

also God. This is 99% just a coincidence with zero merit because its such a common gesture- but Ralph and Vanellope doing their thumbs up.. maybe Turbo parallels ?? and like the EXACT same poses too:

Vanellope having one hand on the steering wheel and the other doing a thumbs up while facing the camera.

Ralph hunched over doing the double thumbs up with the visor tinting his face yellow. EXCUSE ME HMMM?? WHAT THE FUCK??

NOW COULD I BE CHERRY PICKING? PERHAPS. but when Turbo has barely a minute of screentime, there's not a lot i can pick from, and things SURE ARE LINING UP... (I'm cherry picking)

SO SHHHHHH... ❤️❤️❤️❤️ LET ME HAVE MY LITTLE CONSPIRASCY

[monstersinthecosmos]

I've been thinking a lot lately about the de Romanus bloodline & the family pattern here because so much of Armand's turning feels (to me) like Marius trying to correct the way HE was turned, and in true Marius Fashion he's accidentally created a ritual to denounce Other Rituals. And not just the turning itself, but Armand's entire apprenticeship in which he is overloaded with human experience, in contrast to Marius spending his last year alive as a captive, and the full circle of Armand using Daniel to connect to the modern world.

[insert essay about Armand's trauma post-turning, abandonment issues, loving his pets more respectfully than Marius] but lmao Armand is that self-fulfilling prophecy of "my dad sucked so I worry I will be a bad dad so I'm not going to try" in regards to making fledglings, being convinced that this is IT, it's not just Daniel's death which he is already mourning, but he's convinced himself that it's the end of the relationship too, that makers & fledglings will never work out, and that it's over!!!!!!!!!!!!!

never gonna stop being fucked up about how marius treated armand's turning like a wedding while armand treated daniel's turning like a funeral, send tweet

[oh-no-its-bird]

after reading your izuna tobi time travel rambles I can't help but think about them just crashing the middle of a council meeting 😭 everyone is shook, and absolutely flabbergasted and ngl they kind of just.. Want the two to stay? (Well, mostly Tobi's old subordinates/students because they feel partially sad and sentimental and OH MY GOD IS THAT FOURTEEN YEAR OLD TOBIRAMA?!?) And then the psycho Hashirama timeline is just amazinggg I can't stop thinking about it you're actually infecting my brain bro

NO BC IVE BEEN THINKING NONSTOP ABOUT THAT EXACT SCENARIO LATLEY MYSELF !! The brain worms are spreading...

(Cont. From this post for those without context)

Every other time Tobirama and Izuna enter a world where it's modern Konoha, they start taking bets about which one of them died there. Funny bit where Izuna says smthn about how there quote, "aren't nearly enough crazy nightmare trees and brainwashed people for you to have died here" (bc 9 times out of 10 in worlds where Tobirama dies Hashirama loses it to a spectacular degree that leaves a VERY visable mark on Konoha)

Actually, taking that thought, it could be fun if they got dropped into a seemingly normal Konoha only to find out that hey Tobirama did die in this one, but it seems to be the 1 out of 10 that Hashi was able to stay sane

Only nope!! Surprise attack!! He's just really really good at pretending to be normal and when they try to leave he plays his hand, lots of fire and explosions ensue and they just barley escape

Izuna and Tobirama are SO tired of people trying to force them to stay in places, theyve had Madara do it they've had Hashirama do it, maybe they even had alternate versions of eachother do it. They !! Want !! To go !! Home !!!!

Also you can't tell me that seeing a young version of them specifically would hit Madara/Hashi harder than any revived adult version could. They're lowkey the "idealized" versions of their brothers, still small and in need of being protected, not consumed with anger and burdened by the things they've done and seen in the war. They're silly little guys!! And they're slamming on ALL the "Oh god I need to protect my little brother" buttons, it's sooo bad

Anyways, them crashing into a council meeting after quite a few different rounds of dimension hopping. Meaning they really don't give a shit ab destroying anything bc they've already come to the conclusion that it's too late to be worrying ab any potential side effects of fucking with possible time lines.

They're immediatley diving across the table making grabby hands at their friendly ball of interdimensional light as it floats off, trying to go for it as soon as they land before it wanders off and they're left having to hunt for it.

I need you to picture these 2 kids just DIVING across a table of important clan people shouting smthn ab DO NOT TOUCH THAT FUCKING LIGHT

They miss it and it dissapears through a wall rip

Maybe they end up slamming into it trying to catch it for comedy effect actually

Other than just sentimentality there's also definatley a tactical standpoint of trying to get them to stay

That's THE Senju Tobirama, second Hokage, white demon and inventor of a fuck ton of jutsus. And also Izuna, who is much less known here to his (by now used to it in these kinds of world) displeasure

All young and untrained and perfect for grooming into a loyal konoha shinobi, ready to grow into his prime by careful hands who knows exactly what he could become

How much more terrifying could he be, if trained specifically by someone who knows his talents, shown his own research to build off of and given all sorts of modern tools he never had before

And also Izuna is still there and he's so fucking sick of being underestimated rn guys what the fuck he's cool too

Anyways the second Tobirama and Izuna hear "hahaha maybe you should stay a little longer..." they're BOLTING

They've heard that song and dance like 20 times now they know the warning signs and you seem nice but they are NOT risking another 'secret yandere' situation again, goodbye.

Their only saving grace is that respect and sentimentality does win out here in letting them go without too much arguing, no matter how valuable they might be. Got lucky this time around, might not be so lucky the next

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 10/1/2024

come getcher BOY in HOUSTON TX limited time DEAL he will be going to the shelter where they hopefully have more resources to place FIV+ cats on FRIDAY!!! he has gotten so sleek and healthy looking after only a month of unlimited kibble he will be SUCH a nice silly companion for someone but unfortunately that someone is not me

^worried about the air purifier turning on

listening

OWW. feat BUBBLE by Halo Boy is fun bc it’s fun to yell “gimme love bites like OWW!” brain empty just songs that are fun to blast in the car. not quite a candidate for the “SOMEBODY COME FUCK THIS (GAY)” playlist but certainly worthy of inclusion on the “SOMEBODY COME FUCK THIS (NOT GAY)” playlist

-

reading

i have a lot of uncomplimentary thoughts about frank lloyd wright. part of them revolve around the fact that buildings are really not meant to last forever, especially experimental buildings made with experimental materials. i am furious, however, that a cryptocurrency grifter couple bought his only skyscraper for $10 to "save it from bankruptcy" from a tiny nonprofit, seem to be hacking it up to sell the furnishings in pieces, and have put the building up for commercial sale on a site mostly used for fast food franchises and strip malls. the building, like many frank lloyd wright buildings, is in pretty rough shape. i've seen some walkthroughs and video tours and there's a ton of water damage and then extra water damage from oklahoma winter ice. i do not know if the building as a whole is reasonably salvageable without tens of millions put into it and a new foundation put in place to take care of it.

Liz Waytkus, the executive director of Docomomo US, an organization that works to preserve modern architecture, said it strongly opposes any sale of the Wright materials. “They’re trafficked goods,” Waytkus said. “The same that you would say of pottery or vases from Egypt or Mesopotamia that were obtained through illegal ways, these pieces from Frank Lloyd Wright should be thought of in the same exact way.”

i think the above quote is a little dramatic. what the crypto couple are doing is more in bad taste than anything, bc they do own the building. in my heart of hearts, i do think pieces and fixtures designed specifically for a site should stay with the site as long as reasonably possible. they're not going to look or function quite the same anywhere else. this is the unfortunate reality of getting a superstar architect to design The Whole Site and not just the building, you're kind of (in good taste and not legally) obligated to continue to preserve The Whole Site and not just the building.

another in the "not technically illegal but in bad taste" file, for both sides imo but i do think the misbehavior is greater on one side. idk if matt is like Unwell, or if he has tech founder brain and it's simply been more visible lately. oh my god i looked up how old he was (40) and he is local to me. ive probably seen him patio dining somewhere or walked past him at the rodeo and simply haven't noticed

But in a dispute that’s meant to clarify what is and isn’t WordPress, Mullenweg risks blurring the lines even more. WordPress.org and WordPress.com both have a point — but it looks an awful lot like they’re working together to make it.

-

watching

kind of a light week? i don’t have anything particularly interesting to say about any of these.

i did not plan this bc i was kidnapped last minute by my bestie to see Howl’s Moving Castle in theaters, which was a very fun movie to see on the big screen. i have not seen a movie in theaters since Birds of Prey in early 2020, kind of scary to be inside a theater again! wish covid had not so thoroughly broken my health and confidence and i also wish covid was Over over instead of a constantly rolling crisis!!

-

playing

i am going to preface this section with two facts: 1) i have been playing genshin impact since version 1.0, before the second major region in the game came out and 2) i have been unemployed since january and have spent more hours per day playing this game than really anyone should in the past couple months.

ive set a bunch of very silly goals for myself bc genshin impact is largely a game about making your own fun within the grindy gacha framework and i have hit two and a half of them. you can "ascend" a character six different times to up stats by a decent percentage, and i have now ascended all 64 characters the maximum 6 times. the last one was heizou bc 1) fuck a cop and 2) fuck the machine boss in the chasm for his mats. why did THREE characters need these mats. wretched.

my next goal is to get all my characters to friendship level 10. you can increase this mostly by spending the in-game renewable resource "resin". getting your characters to friendship level 10 has no in-game benefits but does give you a fun little namecard for ur profile. i have been prioritizing my five-star characters and then going through the nations' characters in order. ive been done with the mondstadt kids for a while, i just maxed out my last five-star (dehya) today. as u can see by this list sorted by friendship level, i have five liyue characters and two inazuma characters left and just buckets and oodles of sumeru and fontaine characters.

i haven't really done much with the newest natlan character, kachina, bc i do not enjoy playing as the small children characters. there are so many tall hot ladies in this game. speaking of, the next character i will be pulling for is this tall drink of water

i have also caught one of every catachable animal! this one was very irritating bc u can only buy five nets a week. finding this one specific lizard was also very irritating. none of the point in the desert the official game map assured me were spawn points were actually spawning for some reason. had to go to several underwater caves and cross my fingers

-

making

fallow week

[stxrrnightjxr]

oh my god your post about Remus x James x Evan??? ive never thought about them together but i see it??? please be so kind to share some hcs about them because you are objectively correct about them <3

(also for their ship name itd be like moonrosechaser or smth!!)

Yes!! Also I think you’re my first ask so thank you ‼️‼️‼️ (sorry for the late answer, I just found out how to see this)

And moonrosechaser sounds so much more better than the ones I made up 💀

So!

Remus x Evan x James /MoonRoseChaser Headcanons

(Just struck me that I don’t actually know how to spell ‘headcanons,’ if it’s headcanon with one n or headcannon with 2 n’s?)

I’m gonna be honest, I feel like this wouldn’t work out in a regular AU, more in a modern AU or something like that, so I’m gonna a modern AU/no magic AU

I feel like it started out with James + Remus, and they both met Evan separately

Like James met him at the gym or something, and now they work out together

And Remus met him at the coffee shop he frequents, or the bookshop he goes to (Evan’s going to the local university for his doctorate in some medical science (I’d like to think anesthesiologist) and gets his textbooks from there)

And James and Remus have no idea it’s the same guy they’re hanging out with, and Evan has no clue they’re dating

This is because Remus doesn’t really go to the gym, because mobility issues + being in more pain isn’t really what he wants to do, and James doesn’t often go to that coffee shop because he doesn’t like the smell of coffee (I am a James “always has an energy drink” Potter truther)

And it’s not that James doesn’t read, Remus just doesn’t trust him to pick out their monthly book (because they do read the same book every month/2 months and then talk about it . I’m making this a thing because a lot of times i feel like people write James as kind of stupid or a himbo sort of guy, but I think he’s actually really smart (just makes dumb decisions sometimes).

And then eventually both James and Remus start to develop a small crush on Evan and feel really guilty abt it because like “is this cheating?” And they both feel really bad about it

Evan eventually finds out they’re dating, either by some obscure reference (Remus probably said something like “I’m gonna get this book for me and my partner” and then like a week later James said “I’m reading this book with my partner, it’s really interesting”)

yeah and Evan’s the kind of guy to stalk someone social media before he commits to a friendship (he needs to assess if they’re a “good” person (by his standards)) and he would’ve found out that way, except for the fact that Remus and James are both sort of nonchalant about their relationship. If you saw them together in person, they aren’t at all, but they just don’t see the need to broadcast “we’re together” all over the internet. Remus doesn’t even have social media, and although James does, he just posts random things or inspirational quotes or something, and very inconsistently.

James and Remus eventually invite Evan over for some reason or another, mostly to “meet their partner.” Evan ofc knows, but he doesn’t let on, because he just felt like being mischievous or something- and the look of pure confusion on James and Remus’ face when the same person shows up for both is really funny. There’s a lot of “YOU know him TOO?”

They eventually confess to eachother, and it turns out Evan’s been crushing on the both of them and was really conflicted about it, and then they all get together and be happy ig

Evan moves in w James and Remus, because it’s easier than paying full for rent when he can pitch in to James and Remus’, especially with how much his tuition costs for his doctorate

Evan definitely teases J + R for not knowing

J + E take care of Remus a lot when he’s got a flare-up or something. They definitely fight for who can help Remus the best, and at least Remus gets a kick out of it

Remus helps Evan whenever he gets overwhelmed with his classes (Remus already graduated with an associates, and runs said bookstore from early on, and James… idk where James works but I think he’s out of school. Evan still is, because a doctorate takes a lot longer to get)

I realize this is more of a story than Hc’s so I’m sorry for that but it’s really all I got 😭 hope it’s alrihht🫶

[villainesses]

OH, PRETTY WOMAN! an aimee-leigh gemstone mix 

→ listen on spotify, selected lyrics under the cut

part one

i. oh, pretty woman ‣ pretty woman, walking down the street / pretty woman, the kind i like to meet / pretty woman / i don’t believe you, you’re not the truth / no one could look as good as you

ii. take me ‣ i’ve been spending my attention on you, on you / i don’t wait long ‘cause i got better things to do / when you gonna take me out? / make a move and make it now

iii. so nice ‣ he’s my cup of tea, sugar on my street / hope he never leaves, i hope he never leaves me / ‘cause he’s all of the reasons i know / give me all of the reasons / apple of my eye, he took me by surprise / he swept me off my feet, i hope he never leaves me

iv. leather and lace ‣ still i carry this feeling / when you walked into my house / that you won’t be walking out the door / lovers forever, face to face / my city, your mountains / stay with me, stay

v. velvet elvis ‣ you’re my velvet elvis, i ain’t never gonna take you down / making everybody jealous when they step into my house / soft to the touch, feels like love, knew it as soon as i felt it

vi. sweetest devotion ‣ and there is something about the way you love me that finally feels like home / you’re my light, you’re my darkness / you’re the right kind of madness / you’re my hope, you’re my despair

vii. pang ‣ color the night electric, get in me like a secret / i open the door and you run through / into me / pang, and i go / into you / pang, and you go / into me

viii. thursday girl ‣ glory, glory, glory to the night that shows me what i am / as i go to the party on my knees saying, “take it all, please…” / and tell me no / tell me no, tell me no

ix. feeling of falling ‣ that summer night in texas, baby / too hot and wet to sleep / i heard you pull up in the distance / you’re comin’ to get me relief / we went screamin’ down the highway, baby / so much faster than we should

x. salvation works ‣ i can’t quote the bible, the chapter or the verse / and heaven’s just a promise for those left here on earth / but i believe that god loves us more than we deserve / and i hope that’s how salvation works

part two

i. late morning lullaby ‣ and the numbing sensation of everything i  lack that leaves me / dreaming, dreaming, dreaming your real world away / and beautiful, o beautiful bright eyes, lie / only beautiful, o beautiful bright eyes cry / singing late morning lullaby

ii. satellite call ‣ this is so you’ll know the sound / of someone who loves you from the ground / tonight you’re not alone at all / this is me sending out my satellite call

iii. just my record player ‣ conway twitty’d love to lay me down / but you know twitty, he ain’t around / but i think of you when i play that song / with just my record player on / well it’s hard for a lady always waitin’ on a man / when the melody is playin’, well, i'll ask myself to dance

iv. the dress looks nice on you ‣ i can see a lot of life in you / i can see your bed and make it to / and i think the dress looks nice on you / yes, i can see a lot of life in you / i can see a lot of life in you

v. afterlife ‣ living like you’re dying isn’t living at all / give me your cold hands put them on my heart / raise a glass to everyone who thinks / they’ll never make it through this life to live a brand new start

vi. morning elvis ‣ if i make it to the mornin’ / i should’ve come with a warnin’ / but if i make it to the stage / i’ll show you what it means to be saved / oh, you know i’m still afraid / i'm still crazy and i’m still scared / but if i make it to the stage / i’ll show you what it means to be spared

vii. interlude: portrait (wet)

viii. songbird ‣ ‘cause i feel that when i’m with you / it’s alright, i know it’s right / and the songbirds are singing like they know the score / and i love you, i love you, i love you / like never before / and i wish you all the love in the world

ix. american girl ‣ well, she was an american girl raised on promises / she couldn’t help thinkin’ that there was a little more to life somewhere else / after all, it was a great big world / with lots of places to run to

x. hello ‣ well, i was born in the heart of a hurricane season / in the house where my mama was raised / that old september wind feels just like a long lost friend

[gogodollie]

What is your full opinion on Copia? And Terzo I’m really curious to know

in all honesty i just don’t care much for any of the papas. that aren’t nihil of course.

i dislike copia’s character and i like. ugh it pisses me off because it’s not even because he gets severely mischaracterized or anything, tobias just took what could’ve been a super interesting character and made him a LOSER😭😭 i wish copia was just more hateful like back when he was dissing terzo’s music to promote prequelle- he can be silly AND a bitch but instead he’s just. incompetent. and his albums like aren’t even that good…….. he didn’t even win a grammy………… someone here made a post about cardi back when rhrn came out and the way he expects to be treated like an equal in conversations with sister imperator/papa nihil/mr psaltarian but that he IS too childish and isn’t prepared for them (i don’t remember it very well so do not quote me on this). he’s the nepo baby to ever nepo baby. out of all of nihil’s children, cardi seems to have gotten the most intense silver spoon treatment of them all. i don’t necessarily HATE cardi, ive definitely read fics where i can appreciate his character but overall, he just doesn’t interest me. plain and simple, he’s boring to me.

as for terzo i have the MOST beef with him because of how mischaracterized he is by the fandom. i genuinely believe i could enjoy him (maybe in another life) if people approached his character with more caution and weren’t so quick to make him an absolute saint and/or twink. he’s like 50 fucking years old and these people are writing him like he’s in his twenties… but like i don’t have any solid opinions on his character or what i think he’s like outside of his performances. i think that’s what it all is to him, his whole life is just one big performance. which is super cool and i think he wants to die which is cool. my friends say that terzo’s whole getup is trying to make the cult Not evil which i can believe but also i think thats super boring and lame of him which is totally a personal preference (i looooove when people’s blind faith turns them into something unrecognizable).

and the two of them together? i think there’s potential. not for anything family or brotherly bond related but more of a rivalry that people don’t touch on. they both want what the other has. they’re in these positions that call for them to constantly be better than the other and there has to be an underlying jealousy/disdain/resentment brewing. terzo hates how easy cardi has it and the attention he receives from sister and nihil. cardi hates that he’s constantly being put down for not being more like his older brother/predecessor. in some ways, they want to be like each other. in other ways, they’d rather die than become the other. their faith has been shaken radically in different ways. they have a lot more in common than they’ll ever admit. but nothing can ever become of it because it was too late anyways.

tldr: they’re grown fucking men and they need to lock in. but they’re fine i guess.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

I'm not a "ship" person whatsoever but I do scroll character tags on occasion and see quite a bit of Vox and Vel together as well as what seems to be a lot of what I'm assuming is female original character stuff. I've even seen some Charlie and Vox too. So it's out there, but unless you're scrolling through character tags I can see how it might be hard to find. Personally, I also block/filter a lot of the big "ship" tags so maybe that also makes it easier for me to stumble across this stuff that "slips" through since I don't know if those pairings have names.

I get your point though. I do think many are inclined to erase his bisexuality when it's convenient. Interestingly, they also erase Valentino's pansexuality too. The same with Husk as well, but I check his tag a lot less so who knows.

What disappoints me, and I know I'm about to come off as nit-picky right now lol, is the lack of research people put into their "sexuality" headcanons for the characters with reference to their different eras. When reading some of them, you'd think the idea of "gay rights" was a completely new and foreign topic that only emerged after the early 2000s. I get people want to go for the simplistic "repressed and doesn't know what being [insert identity here] is" for some of the older characters but that completely ignores a fascinating and rich tapestry of queer history that could create far more interesting (and still accurate) stories for the characters/their backgrounds. I would really encourage those who haven't already or are generally unfamiliar to dive into this history as it might inspire their character ideas while also educate them on the work, art, and activism our queer elders have contributed to the community we have today.

I think this may partially relate to character ages being under explored as well. While I've seen debate on what is canon/has been decanonized many of these characters, as far as we know, died in their late 30s and beyond. That's a lot of life to live and experience. While certainly many people throughout history (and even today) kept their sexuality hidden from the public due to culture, shame, and safety that doesn't mean there weren't many incredible private venues/spaces that could be utilized to explore those feelings/identities in secret.

I could go on and on about this but I've totally strayed from your original point (I'm sorry!) and I'm very tired haha. I just think there are multiple factors coming into play here with these character interpretations and, for me, the biggest missed opportunity is the lack of historical research. But end of the day people should have their fun! Just an observation.

Completely agree with this! I doubt my response will be as long since I just woke up but other characters doing certain things or not knowing about sexualities is interesting, it just seems like a lot of people think older people don’t want to explore any of that like it only just happened recently as you said. I like to joke about Angel being shocked about gay marriage and not knowing a bunch of current terms but thats about it. With him being in the mafia when he was alive makes it much more interesting as well, I’m pretty sure around his time the mafia was blackmailing men in gay bars but dont quote me on that I might be wrong.

Anyway for Husk and Valentino pan erasure I see that a bunch too. Not exactly erasure but just… ignoring it? Moreso erasure on Valentino’s end because Ive seen people get mad at people for shipping Valentino with a woman and was like “hes gay dont do that” no he isnt. Also dont ship Valentino with anyone for the love of god. But like people are super used to just making up headcanons that they dont bother to look up actual canon stuff. I know Hazbin isn’t the best but if you want canonically LGBTQ+ characters use what you have and add on later. Or headcanon a background character, thats what I did with Molly.

People are very focused on modern day queerness and forget that this stuffs been happening for decades and it’s a bit sad. Also I seem to have strayed from my own question as well?? Anyway ty for mentioning this! Its very interesting 🩷

[sukirichi]

LOVE LETTERS: longer asks

from: shhh anon

okay so with the limited time i’ve had, i do finally have some theories and things ive realised, i also think i may have gone a little overboard so enjoy this mini novel 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

let’s start from the beginning ☝️

→ SHHH ANON OMG this was 1.6k words that’s CRAZYYY I love you for that, really <3 okay LET US DIG IN also I am so sorry this took me forever to reply to, my life is just hectic *sobs*

chapter 1)

wakatoshi being the crowned prince by king’s favor makes sense — he’s the most responsible and with the newly added info that rin isn’t the kings biological son, it’s obvious the king would have wanted to be preceded by someone of his own blood even if it wasn’t an official crowned prince. a male born to a concubine may still become an heir if there is no other option iirc.

oooh yes this!! especially because I mentioned before that ushijima is the favorite son since his mother was the one that the king really liked!

“It was all my Mother’s plan to put me on the throne, and I accepted because she promised I could make you my concubine!” this was from rin in chapter 1. the queen was so adamant about rin becoming the king that she made promises out of desperation, her son becoming king would mean she is still protected by the royal law and even if it had gotten out that rintarou isn’t the late king’s biological son, he’d already have the highest rank of authority. the queen was desperate to keep her title and i guess the benefits of being royalty? or maybe she has nowhere else to go. the more i reread, the more i realise — yuzuru and the queen aren’t as similar as i thought. they’re the same side of different coins, yes they were both cheated on and their husbands ended up impregnating other women, but yuzuru would NEVER be desperate for a royal title like the queen is, like that fuckass eyeball mfer is.

right again, shhh anon! the queen really has taken measures to ensure she’d keep her title as queen because it comes with a lot of privilege, and like that cersei lannister scene, “power is power.” and yeah!! yuzuru would never be desperate for royalty and wealth because she already grew up very privileged and has loving parents, so yuzuru pre-marriage really won the lottery in life. but here’s the thing – the queen’s background wasn’t really divulged, but I will say that she wasn’t poor or struggling like eyeball either. in a nutshell, she really is just greedy LMAO

chapter 2!

‘Princess Iris played the naive part well of concealing her feelings’ it should’ve been obvious from the start, iris never loved anyone really, she loved being loved, but to her everything was an act to keep her afloat, bro actually get me in the ring with her i need to fight this bitch atp.

“you had to choose someone with the power to tear the family apart as soon as she finds out about your affair? I would not take her wrath lightly.” i mentioned this quote in another theory, but i think the foreshadowing was just really well done. i also think it helps highlight the difference between iris and yuzu, like iris was able to make rin believe she was everything he needed to love, she played the part of the heartbroken lover well. yuzu turned her sadness into power and motivation, she knows she’s capable of more than just manipulating the men around her. iris is a performer, she spends her free time being a puppeteer. yn spends her time playing the game of chess that the queen has set up, and i fr believe she’s going to have a checkmate soon.

HELL YEAH. iris loves being loved! she grew up having none of that, and when she became princess, she felt like she was becoming the exact opposite of what she believed – someone great, someone worthy of adoration. AGSHJKA BUT NO WORRIES I CAN GET YOU IN THE RING WITH HER. OOOHHH YES LIKE that’s a really good analysis actually – iris is a performer and a great actor, but yuzuru isn’t. while iris likes to flaunt to the people of what she has to prove a point, yuzuru prefers to have her own way by working behind the scenes (much like how the queen does, she keeps things very subtle but also will not hesitate to go out with a big bang if need be. iris isn’t like that. she’s much more straightforward and not that much of a strategist, we only saw her pull out the big guns from chapter 18 when she also broadcasted that public announcement to make rin a target of the government.

“I know there are no limits to your actions if it means protecting your power and wealth.” this was said to the queen iirc, and again THE FORESHADOWINGGGG. hindsight is truly a blessing

‘Your loneliness was one of the reasons you fell madly in love with the Crown Prince.’ yuzuru uses her loneliness to bond with people, iris uses her loneliness to use people. it’s why iris and suna don’t work well. they’re both people who see loneliness as a reason to be greedy and use those around them to fulfil their emotional needs, and how will those needs be met when they have nothing emotional to give to each other? whereas yuzuomi, both use their loneliness to form a connection and proper bond. or maybe it’s just cuz they’re actually normal humans who have functioning brain cells and don’t live in “me me me” land like ipiss. (rin gets a slight pass cuz he was essentially raised to be selfish and alone as crowned prince)

yuzuru uses her loneliness to bond with people, iris uses her loneliness to use people. OMG YES. A HUNDRED PERCENT YES. iris and suna see their loneliness as something that highlights what they’re lacking in, and it makes them want to take and take, while yuzuru sees her loneliness as a space to be filled and shared with someone else. that’s why yuzuomi works so well – they see that they have spaces in their heart left to be filled, and they welcome love with open arms <3 me me me land like ipiss IM CRYING AGHSJAA

‘You were confused what to feel—disgusted that she thought she could fool you into thinking her husband would be the father when the Prince was rumored to be rarely at home, or utterly mortified with dread over the possibility her husband was not the father.’ clocked it from chapter two, iris being rin’s baby momma was foreshadowed 🗣️🗣️

YEAHHH THE FORESHADOWING IS THERE also CAN I JUST SAY I’m so happy you went back to read the first chapters and noticed all these little things because I was actually trying my best to drop hints here and there that can all be connected to the latest updates and to have someone notice those details… I’m so so happy, you have no idea😭💓

“Royal marriages either happen to form alliances [or] hide a revolting scandal” this is where iris’ family comes in, i 100% believe they used sensitive information to get iris married in. im thinking her family were the original royals in itachiyama (the broken down castle) when it was still connected to inarizaki, and the queen could’ve had to give in, as a way to stop a war from breaking out between the two countries, icepole also referred to her marriage as being “forced, to stop [their] countries from going to war”…. so there’s that, but i do also believe they used rintarou’s status as an illegitimate child as the main bribe. which i also feel like is yuzu’s motivation to publish the article, cuz wdym you’re gonna threaten my husbands peace and identity for your own selfish gain? she got me sooo fucked up. but that begs the question… what is in that article? defamation? an allegation of treason?

ICEPOLE AGAHJSK okay so here’s the thing – we all know that inarizaki and itachiyama were originally one kingdom when a faction decided to split apart and be independent. however, they all still share the same land/country in a way, and itachiyama was richer when it came to natural resources, while inarizaki was more advanced in technology and society overall. the two countries have a peace treaty that they can equally benefit from one another, but as time went on, inarizaki’s monarchs were failing in their ruling hence the economic problems that were discussed around chapter eight or so, and it’s a problem that was attempted to be solved by having iris and kiyoomi marry because the royal family felt that they needed itachiyaman representatives within the crown to show that they are all “still as one.” it worked for a little bit, and it did stop the two countries from going to war (although it was mostly inarizaki being desperate because they needed itachiyama more than itachiyama needed them), buttttt it was still complicated because itachiyama was weirded out that iris (who was supposed to be their princess, too) never visited them, and they felt like she was never really a good rep for them

“Prince Kiyoomi is not the type of man to be reckless and drag himself into scandals,” but he defo cares enough about his brothers to sacrifice his freedom in order to protect them. or maybe he got the short end of the stick and had to take one for the team cuz he’s a fancy farm boy from itachiyama💀

he got the short end of the stick, unfortunately *sobs* the king mostly keeps his conquests his conquests within his kingdom but when he saw kiyoomi’s mother… he just couldn’t help himself, and when he was born, the king thought, “wait, this boy can actually be of use.”

chapter 3.

“Would you rather me impregnate a woman purely for that reason? To father a child I was not ready to have? To bear such the burden of the Crown onto a young boy who was born not because his parents wanted to love him, but rather because I am someone who ‘had to fulfill my duty’?” unironically, that’s exactly what he did. in his mission to rid iris of her loneliness, he impregnated her with a child he was not ready to have.

“And sometimes a lowly Prince must be smart enough to turn away from matters that do not concern him, lest he wishes to be exiled from the only place that puts food in his mouth,” rintarou is going to lose it all. i think the way dtd is going to end will be something like this: rin and his mother lose their titles, or well…. rin steps down, he has growth as a person and learns that the materialistic life and more power than you could ever imagine just… isn’t worth losing your humanity over. or maybe he does it for yn, but i do think he would step down. a motivation to step down as king / crowned prince is the fact that his mother lied, and rintarou realises that after only ever being used as a chess piece for his mother, a tool for her to use to give herself an advantage - after realising he was never his own person but a doll that sat pretty, only ever being dressed up and thrown around, no aspirations for himself other than what he’s been fed to desire… he takes control of his life and gets the ultimate revenge.

EEEEE YOU PREDICTED THIS OMG – RIN AND THE QUEEN LOSING THEIR TITLES DID HAPPEN!! although I will not lie, I really wanted to try a different ending where Rin faces the queen head on and exposes himself as he steps down from the crown, to show the queen that he wasn’t going to continue being her puppet, and also to finally be honest for once to his wife – to let yuzuru know that their marriage was never a valid royal one, so technically, they’re annulled, and he’d hope she’d finally be free from him because rin knows that if he doesn’t do something, yuzuru would still remain devoted to him (even if she’d already fallen for omi.)

HUUUGEEE jump cuz chapters 4-7 already have my theories iirc

chapter 8)

“I never knew my name could sound so important without the titles attached to it.” this kinda feeds into my idea from before!! i think this is the start of rinta realising, being a normal guy isn’t so bad. he has a name beyond the crown, he is a person beyond the roles and responsibilities he’s been forced to have. i think ushiwaka will be crowned prince and eventually king. despite being traditional, i think he would probably make an exception to the royal marriage rule for omi and yn. since their situations were very unique compared to what most royal marriages were about. yn’s technically would be allowed since rintarou isn’t even royalty technically, and id assume he’d let omi out of that marriage since iris technically threatened the royal family!

OOOH I LIKE THIS THEORY but yes!! I really do want rin to realize that being a normal guy isn’t so bad, although it’s still hard for him to accept because then it really just shows how he was a nobody who ruined yuzuru’s life, and the guilt will be something he’ll carry with him forever. not to say that he thinks he’ll have more right if he was someone wealthy, but… yeah that’s really how he thought during the first parts of dtd, that’s why he always said “as the crown prince, I don’t deserve anyone lesser than her.” for ushi though, yes I do think he can make exceptions to allow omi and yn to marry if we ever go down that route – he may be traditional but he is also such a softie deep down!

“but it was always a famous royal saying that whoever was your last dance on your debutante ball was your destined lover.” red string theory!!! MY BELOVEDDDD. this is why i think yuzutarou will have a platonic ending while kiyoomi becomes the main love interest, destiny is something akin to fate, it can’t be change no matter how much you try to manipulate the situation. just like how the queen cannot change her fate, she was destined to fail and i think we could possibly see a conversation in the future about how the universe would not allow her plan to succeed? probably from keiji. i also think she’s gonna rope keiji into her scheme tbh, get him to commit a little treachery maybe? have him be a scapegoat to protect herself and give herself a fighting chance… per chance?

ooooh also I’m sorry to disappoint in this part but when I said that the queen had plans to use Keiji, I actually wasn’t going to write any scenes about that BUT it’s true that the queen planned that if ever rin doesn’t become King, and Atsumu wasn’t approved to be King by the public, then Keiji would be her puppet King since she knows he’s ‘weak’ in terms of title and power, so Keiji “might agree” to be King 🥴

anyways that’s all for now, idk if i was cooking or just regurgitating stuff you’ve basically said 😭 i just don’t think the villains in this story are iris and suna anymore. the villains were always the villainesses - the queen and iris. theyll fight against whatever odds to change their fate, theyll use and abuse whoever they need in order to stay at the top.

this is deadass so fucking long but im excusing myself cuz its got content from like five chapters LOL also sorry for the lack of jokes, i was ‘erm ackchually’ing my way through this entire thing 🤓🤓 goofy ass text analysis bruh, got me typing shit as if me and sigmund freud were psychoanalysis rivals.

→ ANYWAYS I LOVED YOUR THEORIES AND ANALYSES SO MUCH LIKE i hope you know you have a special place in my heart!! you have shown so much love and support to dtd and i am just so so soft about that. thank you again!! AGAHJSK ERHM ACTUALLY I GET THAT BUT YOU GOT THEM RIGHT SO YOU WERE SO ON POINT!!

from: @kyriaan

Bruh i imagined such dark scene 😅😅😅 im so sorry this is very dark dhdhhshahha but imagine after rin tells yn he wants a divorce she just stays there, empty expression, her ears ringing. The word divorce repeating in her head until something shatters. Yn smiles softly but its not quite right? She moves graciously to her room and gets her gun. As graciously she walks around, searching for a certain woman in her house. White noise is all yn hears and then she finds her. BAM she shoots her gun not even hesitating, hitting iris in her stomach. Another shot echoes in the walls and then a thud as iris lifeless body falls on the ground. Rin shows right after his eyes opened wide, shocked as he hesitantly looks at his wife. Scared, hes so scared and she's there smiling oh so innocently and yet so unsettling. 'see, it took care of the problem, isnt that right? Rin' yns voice is sweet, the only thing rintarou's mind can register over the ringing of his ears.

→ I’m not really reading yandere content but does this count as yan?!?! anyways omg. also because it’s a well known fact that yn knows how to use a gun and is an exceptional shooter as well AGHSJAK. I do think this would go well on a darker theme (and ngl I have debated making dtd darker but it just!! didn’t fit the vibe LMAOOO) but also I feel like if yn really did shoot iris, she’d do it during a manic episode and then not even realize what she did until it’s too late 😭

Awww now that you talked about it i remember you briefly telling me the tooru ending and thinking about it made my tiny heart sad then and sad now 🥺 its a bitter sweet ending while they end up together and basically love each others company, yn never ends up loving him 😔 But yes! Totally just write the ending you like best (even if that shatters everyone's heart 🥹) its your story after all 😌

→ THE TOORU ENDING. I remember back in 2022 when I was still getting so much ideas on how DTD would go, my heart really wanted a tooru ending but idk AGHSJA somehow along writing it, I did not really expect to fall for Omi and have him move up a notch on my faves so him or suna have the highest possible endings </3

So the evil in me is working.... while i still want iris to abort... Theres something mmmm say usually women are in danger or miscarrying in their first trimester and iris have been looking rather sick, rin also mentioned doctor telling iris to move bla bla in case she gets sick..... How fucked up would be if she i dont knowwww miscarried it? 👁️ I mean even if she survives the 1st trimester theres just so much stress in the royal life especially now that her safety net aka omi is kinda not feeling so 'safe' now mmmm

→ i actually did plan for iris to miscarry it because she would be too stressed out from being deposed but she's offscreen right now so even if she did miscarry, we would never know 😭

Well i read the full update.. I dont know who i despise more now tbh The queen or iris Probably still iris but i was not at all expecting the surpreme bitch to 1st threaten to kill Rin and second threaten to exile us and Rin and then threatening to make Tsumu above all the king like 👁️👄👁️ Welp i cried when we called for Rin while sick and when Rin rejected us.. Like i said i thought it would hurt less now that i know he loves us but ahah 🤡 I still hope iris miscarries or aborts or goes ahead and dies while miscarrying 🤷 Kinda don't get it why they're all 'i need her here as the father of the child in case she gets sick bla bla bla' when she basically admitted she never wanted to be with him at all since hes no real prince or even royalty, and since both wanted the kid gone AND with the obvious no no from the supreme bitch but wtf do i even know anymore 😭 Like why all this now? They say one thing then they do another at this point my heart and my body are too exhausted to even process reasons why 😭 So much for iris wanting to be our friend and wanting rin to move on and be with us 😒 Also i see you Omi but sorry i still foolishly stand for RinTeam

→ hate the queen more, she’s more fucked up lmao! NOOO BECAUSE PLANNING TO MAKE TSUMU KING WAS SO FOUL LIKE not only did the queen force an incestuous marriage but she really wanted a sex offender be king :skull: oh the whole “I need to be there for her because I’m her baby daddy” thing was actually NOT real at all lol, they never went to a doctor or whatever because both rin and iris plan on getting an abortion anyway. it really was just rin’s sick plan of inviting iris to their room so he can hurt us more when we return, because at that point he really didn’t want us getting close *sobs*

Until now rin always said 'it was always her never you' right? And he never really told us he loves us even tho we know (well we readers do). So imagine if he gets to the point where he just goes like 'it was never her it was always you' when he finally admits his true feelings Jfjsjkaofhak The fact this works in both an endearing good happy scene and a really angsty one, leaves me both hopeful and extremely terrified 🤣🤣🤣🤣😭🤣🤣🤣🤣

→ IT WAS NEVER HER IT WAS ALWAYS YOU AGHAJKS I NEED THIS SCENE TO HAPPEN SO BADLY and you’re so right!! whether it’s a happy ending or a sad one that line delivery would be so heartbreaking AAAAH WHY’RE YOU DOING THIS TO ME RIN

BRO THE MOMENT I SAW FORCED INCEST I HAD THIS WAR FLASHBACK OF YOU TELLING ME IRIS AND OMI WERE HALF SIBLINGS AND I IMMEDIATELY KNEW WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT DHSHGDBSJJAJJA Kinda... Made me realize that iris... Said she was lonely because her husband/HER BROTHER never touched her... 🤢🤢🤢 Like i would forgive her if they were step siblings like no blood related but half siblings.... Yeahhhhhh I was really fucking satisfied by seeing iris in deep shit but god fucking damnit bitch always has to find a way to get back up 😒 like fucking suffer bitch By the way tho since she knew about rin being a fraud doesnt that make her an accomplice 👀👀👀👀 cause he didnt know but she did sooooo if she never told anyone and 'protected' the secret BITCH YOURE GUILTY TOO! PRISON WITH HER! Now the part where rin was drunk had me wanting to spoil him full of kisses omg 😭😭😭😭 Us saying we would pick omi tho 😒😒😒😒😒 like no So the last part while im fucking jumping in happiness since we're with rin now im hating the fact we're all omi omi when in the very last chapter we admitted we still loved rin and well technically we said he still holds a big part of our heart so.. Praying omi was just infatuation since we were sad and cravingg affection 🤣🤣🤣🙏 Thank you so much for this chapter like holy shit i was in the edge of my sit the part where we shoot??? BRUHHHH SO GOOD

→ AGHJKSLAA YES ALTHOUGH I actually took out the whole half siblings thing with omi since I thought it was gonna be just sooo weird but I was like yknow what screw it!! AND YEAH LMAO that’s why omi never touched her. and yes it does make her an accomplice for keeping it a secret!! NAURRR UNFORTUNATELY OMI WAS NOT JUST AN INFATUATION LIKE. we loved him fr. but we also love rintaro (more than romantically) that we couldn’t abandon him… also thank you so much AAAA IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!

from: 🎧 anon

Owieee you had a busy week :(( but is oki now because it's done!! Speaking of my dream uni, my classes start on August 9 and to be honest, I'm scared because my schedule everyday (except Thursday and Saturday and Sunday) is from 7 am to 7 pm... Plus we still have Saturday classes and I still don't know if I officially have no class on Thursday or if it will be for something else. Yes, I still read Bonten Wives... I read it whenever I miss TokRev and watching Windbreaker made me miss them sm 😭😭 so I ended up rereading the manga again 🤧🤧 and I'm falling for Mitsuya and Rindou all over again 😭😭😭😭 AND YES!! JO IS DEFINITELY NOT A MANWHORE LIKE AIKU AJSHAHSHAHHA SUKI! From the moment I first saw Jo on screen, I knew, that I have fallen HAGSHAGSHAHAHA so here are my rambles This is quite common for genres like TokRev and Windbreaker but sometimes, I like to think on how I wanna patch up their wounds when they run to you. I imagine, Jo would act all smug at first before admitting that he's hurt 🥹🥹 I want a Jo Togame in my life 🤧🤧🤧🤧 Someone to snuggle and cuddle to and all that OKAY BUT HEAR ME OUT! Imagine if the Yn that Jo is dating is like someone's little sister in Bofurin!!!! *sigh* can I not be a college student and just get transported in Windbreaker AHGSHAGSHAGSHA ALSO! Can't wait for later's update in DTD!!! Love ya lots!

→ OMG NGLL I DON’T THINK MY BUSY WEEKS ARE ENDING AGSHJK I have classes that are like 8-10 hours a day (sometimes less, sometimes more LOL) and I also go out like everyday so *screeches* also no way omg?! 12 hour classes?! weekend classes too? honestly I would cry but my class schedules were also like that for a while SOOOO BRACE YOURSELF BABE!!

and aww you still read bonten wives, that’s so cute! I actually miss tokrev so much too, like remember when it was so popular in 2021 and we just had so much content of it? like the dance trends, the filo memes, the timeskip content and everyone was just soooo hyped, ugh I miss that time. also!! rereading the manga after windbreaker is so real! when I got into WB I was actually missing tokrev so much but also I love how WB is still its own thing, and I’m just as in love with the characters as I did with tokrev! (okay, that’s a lie because I may or may not be a little more insane when it comes to the windbreaker boys. like. HAVE YOU SEEN SUO.) ALSO MITSUYA AND RINDOU – THE CANONICALLY BEST BOYFRIENDS <3 OH NO YEAH LIKE I DO FEEL LIKE TOGAME MIGHT GIVE OFF MANWHORE VIBES LIKE AIKU AT FIRST BUT?? idk, but I’ll forever die on the hill that togame is a soft loverboy!! aiku though… honestly I wouldn’t mind if he cheats on me because at least I’m still on his roster LMAO /lh

EEEE PATCHING UP JO’S WOUNDS?!! HIS BLOODY KNUCKLESS!! I think he’d be so soft and gentle while he just sits back and lets us do everything :< but yeah he’s going to play it off for sure and be like, “nah, this is nothing” but as soon as you’re not looking, he’s wincing from the pain AHSJKA. no omG I THINK ABOUT THAT ON THE DAILY TOO LIKE? TOGAME JO IS ACTUALLY MY IDEAL BOYFRIEND IN LIFE but where can I find a man like him?!?! ALSOOOO??????? SOMEONE’S LITTLE SISTER???? OOOH WHY DO I FEEL LIKE IT’D BE GOOD IF WE WERE UME’S LITTLE SISTER?!!?

awww love you lots too headphones anon, I hope you’re doing well in uni!!