#ive been struggling at this place for like 10 months now

[alienateddotmp3]

When ppl talk about how 'no one wants to work anymore' and how they're sick of the work ethic of immigrants and refugees, I have to assume they are talking Europeans.

The maintenance crew in my building is only Ukrainian. Only. And all they do is bitch about having to do their job.

Literally one of them took the trash bag out of my room that I was struggling to take out. And then they swept the floor. And then they put. The trash. Back in my room. Why? To stick it to the disableds.

Yes it was already tied up. Yes it was unmistakable as trash. And when I asked them if they could take it down they fucking were like "not me do, you do" like. Girl. You already took out the trash from my room. Then they tried to argue with me about how my room is junky. Like yeah. I'm disabled. I'm in. The disabled. Room. You can tell bc everything is lowered and it's literally smaller than the rest. So. You have less to clean. You half ass clean anyway. (They sweep visible areas and change the bedding amd switch the trash bag-only if it's in the hotel provided bin) . Half of these residents clean for themselves just bc they're literally so unreliable, and their supposed to clean every week but again, get to it every 2 months.

And yet!! You have the gall!!! To complain!!! When my room!!! Is a bit junky?????????????????????? Like girl yeah I literally cannot fucking clean my room to the specifications of a maintenance team????

If you hate doing your job why are you doing it and taking it out on people who need help??????????

[billsbabydoll]

“𝒸𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒾𝓃 ℴ𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝒷𝒿 𝓁𝒾𝓅𝓈.”

contains:SMUT<3

summary:while on my walk home, a very familiar cadillac pulls up beside me.rolling down the window calling out for me, my ex-boyfriend convinces me into his car for a quick “chat”.

WARNINGS:softdom!tom, sub!reader, light nipple play, pet-names, praising, blowjob, throat-fucking, make-out session, cat-calling, quickie, dry-humping, ex-sex.

notes:guys please excuse my last post im ovulating and i got horny in the middle of the night :3.

ugh today has been such a long and stressful day at work, finally im making my way back home, with music blasting in my ipod head-phones as i take in my surroundings, the orange sky and the sound of the city.

i was about 5-ish blocks away from my apartment before i randomly get the feeling of someone watching me and i was correct, i slowly turn my head over to the side of the road, taking a head-phone out of my ear and of course i see that stupid, ugly, pathetic cadillac i knew so annoyingly well and i instantly knew very well who eyes were watching me inside.

to no surprise he rolls the window down and stops the car, our eyes meet for the first time in 4 months.

“hii gorgeous, what are you doing baby?”he chuckles with that smug smile that i once absolutely adored, now only brutally hated.

i scoffed disgusted at his flirting, i decided to continue walking, putting my head-phone back in my ear.over my loud music i still managed hear his car driving slowly beside me and his long string of cat-calls.

“cmon doll, i’ll give you a ride!”

“schatzi (sweetheart), i know you hear me!”

“cmere, baby!”

“whats a pretty girl like you doing walking alone, it’s getting dark out y’know!”

i mean it was pushing 6:30 and the sun was already beginning to set, and i most definitely didnt wanna walk the rest of 5 blocks i had left on top of the 10 i already had walked.i sighed stopping right in my tracks taking my head-phones out of my ears and placing them in my tote-bag along with my ipod, before turning fully to the vehicle, signaling for him to unlock the door.

he smirked ignorantly, the door quickly unlocking with a switch of a button allowing me inside.i settle in the passenger’s seat, refusing to make eye-contact with him.

“how you been, i haven’t seen you since-well you know..”he questioned trying to make conversation as he began to drive again, his tone now more serious and gentle, taking note of my annoyed face and my refusal to meet his eyes.

“ive been okay just been busy with work, and you tom?” i replied obviously not interested in making small talk, especially with someone who dumped me.

“thats good, uh ive just been busy too with touring and promoting the new album, been thinkin’ about you a lot lately though schatz (sweetheart).”

“oh yeahh righttt.”i chuckle sarcastically, i know he had hundreds of girls throwing themselves at him everyday and night, heck they were even while we were together, there was absolutely no way he being honest.

“im serious, sometimes i ask myself why i let you go and, i mean really who would forget such a pretty girl like you hm?”he teased looking over to me, placing a hand on my thigh before looking back to the road ahead.

my heart begins to pump and race at the sudden contact of his large hand rubbing and softly gripping on my flesh, i could almost hear my heartbeat ringing in my ears.

i know i know what your thinking, and i was really struggling trying to maintain some sort of strength, i mean the guy dumped me!i also know hes just sweet-talking me like he always did but with someone so charming and handsome as THE tom kaulitz, it was like handing a child a huge lollipop and asking them not to eat it, absolutely impossible.

we sit in silence for another few minutes, still he continues to caress my thigh before he looks over to me again searching in my face for any sign of uncertainty or discomfort , to which he only finds willingness and desire.he nods, then proceeds to pull into an empty, quiet, hidden alleyway, parking the car before shutting off the ignition.

i waste no second more to quickly climb over to tom, straddling his lap my thighs resting on the sides of his own, capturing his lips into a hot kiss.he kisses back immediately toms hands finding their way effortlessly to my hips, helping me grind my clothed cunt against his urging length, creating a delicious friction.

we continue passionately making-out, our tongues swirling and intertwining perfectly into one-another.

as hes savoring the sweet taste of my lips, he removes his hands away from hips now using his left hand to lift up my skirt squeezing and slapping my delicate skin, his right hand finding its way inside my shirt, the tips of his fingers now rubbing fast circles on the buds of my tender breasts.

i moan lightly into his mouth, my eyes shutting as i take in the amazing sensation, my teeth biting down softly on his wet lips, my hips rocking recklessly against his seeking any further friction.

he pulls away from the kiss moaning and groaning with me, his cock begging to be released right at that instant.

“steig hinten ein, engel (get in the back, angel).”

i immediately comply, hopping off of his lap and climbing into the back seat, he follows shortly behind sitting down before going back to meeting his lips with mine.

he takes my hand in his and places it upon his groin, helping me begin to palm him through his baggy jeans, he groans into my mouth, his eye-brows furrowing together.

i take the lead now and pull away from his lips, looking into his eyes then looking down to his lap, i then lean over and quickly unbuckle his belt pulling his jeans down enough for his hardened length to be visible in his blue checkered boxers, begging to be pleased.i slip my hand in his underwear and pull his cock out, it swings out hitting his stomach before bouncing back up.

“your killing me here, c-cmon baby..”he whines impatiently.

i softly chuckle before i lowered my head down, my lips now not even an inch away from his leaky tip.i teasingly lick a few rings around his tip and lick up and down the sides of his shaft before i slowly take his length into my mouth.

he scoots up and relaxes his legs as he makes a make-shift pony tail out of my loose hair.i then begin to glide up and and down his cock, his tip once in a while kissing the back of throat.

“ohh f-fuckk keep sucking it that mmh-prinzessin (princess).”he praises, his head tilting backwards and hitting the headrest of the seat, his grip on hair becoming tighter.

i keep up a steady, quick, consistent pace throughout, using my left hand to stroke the extra inches i couldnt fit inside my mouth, i moan as i suck him off, sending high vibrations straight through his cock.

hes a complete groaning and whining mess, gripping my hair with one hand gripping the seat with the other.

“look ughh-into my eyes..”

“g-god i missed your fucking lips on my mmh-dick so much, doll.”

my watery eyes quickly looked up into his maintaining long eye-contact before looking back down.

he bucks his hips into my mouth seeking further relief, his orgasm coming in any moment now, his mouth hangs open mumbling desperate swears from his lips.he then grabs the sides of face with both of his hands and starts harshly fucking his cock into my throat.

i whimper as his tip rapidly stabs into the back of throat, my hands squeezing the leather of the seats, my eyes now crying from the brutality.

“f-fuck fuck im gonna cum!”

he announced before taking his length quickly out of my mouth and placing it on my blood-like-red lips.he pumps his length urgently, squeezing his eyes shut and with a primal grunt busts a fat load on my lips, covering my lips with his cum like lipgloss.

i lick the salty white substance from my lips, looking deeply into his eyes as i swallow, before an idea suddenly pops into my head-

“wanna finish this at my place, babe?”

“fuck yeah.”

THE END

[meanbossart]

i understand now why i couldnt figure out what the fuck your accent is, i asked some european friends if they could recognize it and one was like "idk he sounds like a gay american"

ive heard (iberian?) portugese once via youtube and its one of those languages that slides off my brain, the sounds refuse to penetrate my skull i know words are happening but it sounds like nothing and everything

the only other thing thats made me feel that way that i can think of are my first time hearing polish it sounded like russian and german being double spoken like a demon, i fucking thought one of my polish friends was japanese for a bit because "idk you sound like hatsune miku", and once i thought someone had a speech impediment but no they were just speaking dutch

i have language processing issues, sometimes i struggle comprehending english in my own regional accent/dialect, everything else is a spin the wheel of whether i know whats happening or not

and this is me assuming that you live in brazil because youre brazilian, and would presumably have brazilian portugese as a first language and arent from somewhere else entirely

You know a lot of people have taken my accent and assumed me to be from some non-english speaking place in europe before, Russia and new Zealand being two main ones. But then, other folks hear that and are like "what no wtf" hahaha.

I am told I have less of an accent than most Brazilians (I have been speaking english for 10+ years and have been to english speaking countries for up to a month, to be fair) but Brazilian portuguese accents ARE tricky to pick up on. Similar to dutch, I feel like we often just sound like we have a slight speech impediment - I've met dutch people before both here in brazil and out and made the same assumption at first.

Language, and the often hundreds of variations within each one is wild LOL

[antiendovents]

// vent, medical ableism

tldr; my fucking DOCTOR is pro-endo and her source is a dumbass paper that proves nothing and now my healthcare is at risk!!

just had my appointment with my gender wellness doctor. she asked how i've been and i mentioned finding a 2nd therapist for specific stuff. she asked what and i said dissociative disorders. i wanted to be vague but she pressed me to talk about it and reluctantly i talked about having alters and answered her questions bc i struggle with saying no.

i told her i was ok with doing an adverse childhood experiences scale but that i had stuff i wanted to talk about (like my hrt not being at the pharmacy for months) she said "we'll get to it".

after the assessment she asked abt it causing distress and she was talking about how in the office they use the term "plural identities" i said that was fine but that its still a disorder. she was like "disorder is negative" and compared it to how it used to be called gender identity disorder (comparing the two as if she has any place to talk on it, being cis and a singlet) but its better to use "plural identities"

i was like "thats fine as long as its still seen as a disorder and caused by trauma" and she was like "no its not always caused by trauma" and i straight up said "do you have a source for that?" and she was like "google my husbands name" and i did and THEN she moved on to my actual issues with struggling to get hrt for months.

the whole time after i had to mask how i was feeling so i could get basic healthcare. after she hung up i burst into tears. its been like 10 min and im still crying and feel sick. ive had doctors say they dont know what DID/OSDD-1 is before. ive had them say DID is a personality disorder. ive never had anything like this before and i feel unsafe. the fucking endo community IS affecting healthcare. i dont feel like i can ever talk to a doctor about this stuff again. she completely talked over me and then moved on like it was nothing

btw this is the stupid study her husband worked on. read it and its not even PROVING ANY OF WHAT SHE SAID. its just "oh well some people THINK theyre plural and of course disordered people have to be miserable so if you like ur alters they must be magically there!" and was from the plural association. its fucking disgusting this is being used as fact when theres nothing but subjective opinion.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S246874992300042X

i genuinely think im going to go to planned parenthood from now on. i cant work with her anymore. its been 2? maybe more years of working with her but im done. im sorry to ramble so much. im still having a breakdown over this.

-arachnid anon

im really sorry about that arachnid anon. That sucks and if you can we hope you manage to get a new doctor because she is clearly causing you distress. This really sucks, I feel like endos don't always realise how dangerous this stuff can be for actual systems. If doctors don't see it as a disorder then they won't treat it as such, meaning you won't get the help you need and you won't feel safe with her (as you said), which like,, isn't good. She's not a specialist meaning if anything she shouldn't really be saying stuff about DID/OSDD at all, because that's not her job or her place ((I understand you brought it up, but still. She should keep her opinions out of her damn job))

[kcalsforhim]

monday 25 november 2024 - 𐙚 ˚🍰 ⋆｡˚⊹❀˖°

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cals : ~900

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dinner : pokebowl with salad mix, cucumbers, carrots, edamame beans, avocado, chicken, spicy mayo dressing, nori seaweed seeds and sesame seeds.

dessert : teramisu cake but made out of biscoff lotus cookies... teehee

midnight overeating session / binge : 2 smoked salmon slices, a small serving of mashed potatos, half a cucumber, an apple, like 10 jelly straws, 3 pieces of candy...

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aha guys remember when i said i would go into binge recovery ? haha i failed. anyway i didnt fail nearly as bad this time, and i did cut myself once for every thing i overate... i just dont undersrand why i keep doing this lol but oh well. i talked with eli about it on a deeper level and i really began to think about it ;; im infact still thinking about it... but generally ive come to the conclusion that i need to stop centralising food so much in my life since its all i can think of.. i also want to go back to omad, and generally only not omad when i feel SICKLY and just go from there. i generally always feel like if im omad'ing i restrict better, the only cases not being when i feel siiiick to my stomach.. but then again... every time i felt sick from restricting so much... it kind of felt amazing too.. im also thinking of feeding my friend, specifically the one close to me since haku has been dieting for a long time and i dont want to overfeed him. generally i think it would be a good idea since i can dispose of food and still keep him happy... i just... really should focus on getting rid of all food that is appealing out of my life as well as just seeing it as fuel... i want to stop indulging so much... thats easier said than done... ive done alot of reflecting and honestly so far in november there has not been a single day where i felt proud of how i did, in comparison to october where i felt like i did great 90% of the days... omad is definently a good starting point, learning to say no more often... in general, food does not run away from me if i dont eat it, even in my own house. i struggle more with sweets than i do with salty stuff, im so afraid of it running away... but i need to stop being afraid... food is not my friend.. i shouldnt like it or indulge in it so much, it damages my progress and the guilt i feel after lasts for days if not weeks now... i really wish i could take controll of myself again.. but. i will. not give up, thats the last thing i want to do. in the grand scheme of things, one month of wasted time is not the end of it, i can pick myself up and i can always fix things and get back on track, i just have to keep trying and pushing... even if its hard or im having my moments where it feels like restricting is literally impossible, i have to keep trying... over... and over... and over... and over... and over... so ive kind of concluded on a few things i want to do moving forward

i want to generally try to restrict as much as i can, this is hard for me, because i actually very much enjoy food, but food is not my friend. i will try to omad as much as i can or just skip meals as much as i can.

avoid fast food places as much as possible from now on, if not all together, fast food places are packed with calories... making at home versions are ok... but i actually felt terrible the last few times and it never felt satisfying ?

stop drinking so many liquid calories...

FOCUS ON PORTION SIZES, i cannot stress this enough, dont try to fit every single last cal into what you can eat... focus on plating a satisfying amount except for plating how much you can eat (with an exception to vegetables).

today i also went out with my friend.. that was fun.. he got me some stuff which is always nice

some body checks i took.. im not very proud of what i look like, i feel like i could look so much better if only i actually tried my best...

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here is some BEAUTIFULL photo's i found online... this is waaay rather what id look like... and i should work harder from now on to get to that point...

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this song is nice and... kind of eery..

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[uncloseted]

I want to move out, Im 23 but im so nervous. I have a job and Ive been supporting myself other than paying rent (insurance, car, job, school, groceries, toiletries) for a couple years now while living at home. But im so scared that I will run out of money somehow and become homeless, once I move out my parents wouldnt want me to move back in so Id really be on my own. I think it would be better for me to move out as our relationship isnt good and it causes me a lot of stress and anixety, but the stress of potentially ruining my life by moving out also scares me. Do you have any advice?

Also on the topic of moving out, do you know anywhere where I could find guides to different things like maintenance and emergency kits and serious stuff like that and also basic stuff like cooking/cleaning/laundry? I know its stupid but I think it will be different once im cleaning an entire space if I move out versus just being responsible for my small bedroom. thank you again it means sm to me.

I think it makes a lot of sense to be nervous about moving out! Living on your own is a big responsibility and sometimes it can be hard. The fact that you recognize that tells me that you're making a thoughtful decision about this and that you're probably mature enough to deal with problems when they come your way.

As far as practical advice goes, the first thing I would do is create a budget. The website I use is this one, but there are lots of free options out there. Think about all of the expenses you currently have right now (insurance, car, job, school, groceries, toiletries), plus what you expect your rent will be based on average rents in your city and any other additional expenses you might have once you live on your own (utilities, internet, security deposit, furniture). I think getting a really good sense of how much money you need to make and how much money you can realistically save per month will make you feel more confident in your ability to afford living on your own. If you can, it's also a good idea to have 3-6 months worth of living expenses saved up before you move out on your own, since that will give you some buffer room to figure things out if you lose your income.

If the amount of money you need to afford living on your own is too high for you right now, that doesn't necessarily mean you can't afford to move out. It may be worth looking into other options, like getting a roommate, moving into a co-living space, seeing if there's a friend or other family member you could move in with, looking for other ways to lower the cost of your necessities, or looking into options for another way of making money.

As far as the anxiety that you're feeling goes, it may be worth going through all of your fears, their worst case scenarios, and coming up with plans for them in advance. For example, if you're worried you're going to run out of money, maybe a good plan would be to put 10% of your paycheck into savings every month so that you know you'll have money to fall back on. If you're afraid you're going to lose your source of income, you might work on creating a resume so you have it ready to go, put together a list of people you know who might be able to refer you for a job, come up with a list of places you would want to apply if you needed to look for work again, and come up with a list of jobs that you could get pretty easily if you were in a tight spot. If you're afraid you're going to be homeless, you could talk to your parents about what would happen in that worst case scenario and what the circumstances would have to be before they let you move back in with them. You might think about who else you could stay with short-term, look at the resources that your school, city, country, and local non-profits offer for people who are struggling, or think about other ways you could potentially get housing (like working as a nanny, couchsurfing, or WWOOFing). Having backup plans, even for situations that aren't likely to happen, may help you to feel more prepared to live on your own.

As far as guides go, here are a few that might be helpful:

This article has a good list of items you'll need right when you move in, and ones you can wait to buy

This article is a good primer on moving and all of the different elements involved in it

For emergency kits, this is a good resource, and this one is a good resource for first aid kits

This is a good resource for how to start budgeting

There are some good resources for easy, budget-friendly recipes here, here, and here

There are some good resources for learning how to cook here and here

There's a good resource for how to do laundry here

There's a pretty in-depth list of household chores here, including how frequently each chore needs to be done, and there's another good resource here

There's some good information on adjusting to living alone here

This free course has a lot of good information on how to support your own well-being and happiness (this isn't totally moving related, but I'll take any opportunity I can to shout it out because it's really good)

This is a good guide to taking care of yourself when you're sick and you live alone

And in general, Google is your best friend when going through the process of moving. Pretty much any question you have, from the reputation of different neighborhoods in your city to what the "prove" setting on your oven does to how to get rid of fruit flies is just a search away.

I know I've thrown a lot at you here and everything is pretty high-level, so if you have any other questions or things I can help you with, please feel free to ask! Moving can be a big task, but it's easier when you have the support of people who have gone through it before.

[bihansthot]

I’m probably not going to be around much today lovelies, as I mentioned earlier in the week it’s the 25th anniversary of my heart transplant and ngl it’s weird. I’m in a weird place today, I’m trying really hard not to be sad or upset or think about how traumatic that night was. I don’t remember a lot about the night but I remember the phone ringing late at night maybe just after midnight and I remember going into my parents bedroom, they didn’t have to come get me, and I said “it’s time”, I just knew it as soon as I heard the phone and they confirmed it and we relatively calmly got our stuff and drove to the hospital. I had no idea what I was getting into and had I known, I would have not reacted as calmly as I did. I remember they had to draw blood before the procedure to use during the operation, I remember it taking over 25 attempts to get all the blood they needed and I was sobbing, I was in so much pain and I absolutely hated getting my blood drawn as a kid and while 14 isn’t exactly a little kid anymore it’s certainly not an adult either. I still remember the nurse who was there with us, she had a very distinct, raspy voice despite being quite young and to this day people with that type of voice bring back this very unpleasant memory. I don’t remember anything after the blood draw, they give you medication to help you forget traumatic operations and it doesn’t get much more traumatic than a heart transplant. I don’t really remember much of recovery either, I do remember how painful it was when they made me walk though. I wanted to go home and they said I had to walk to the end of the hall to go home and if I couldn’t do it they would keep me at the hospital another day. You better believe I dragged all my various IVs and monitors down that hallway in an instant. My incision was bleeding afterwards and I felt like I was going to collapse but I held that shit together like the stubborn ass I am and gave them a smile and told them it was nothing and I was ready to go. Shockingly they didn’t notice the bloody incision or my clear exhaustion and I was allowed to go home after only 7 days which at the time was a record. The weeks and months that followed were absolute agony, a heart transplant is a ridiculously painful procedure the only time I’ve ever been in more physical pain is when I threw up from my painkillers after having my tricuspid valve replaced 10 years ago. It was awful, I couldn’t even wash myself, I had to have my mother give me a bath like I was a five year old and that was humiliating but I couldn’t do anything about it, it was just too painful to move my arms to wash myself when my whole sternum had been ripped open and was now held together by twist ties and super glue. Then there was the near constant pain from the weekly biopsies to check for rejection, they basically jam a catheter into your neck and then rip little chunks of your heart out to check to make sure your body isn’t rejecting the organ. On top of all that I gained so much weight from the medications and steroids I was on and my mother was an absolute monster about it. We had a very bad very toxic relationship during this time, she ridiculed me constantly but I depended on her for so much that I couldn’t do anything about it. I was so miserable and wanted nothing more than to die. I don’t want to get to into it though but it was really hard so trying to think positively about today is really difficult but on the positive side of things I’m still here. I made it through all that hardship, all that struggle, all that physical and mental anguish. I survived. For 25 years I have survived and while everyday hasn’t been easy, I didn’t give up. I guess I deserve to celebrate that at least even if I don’t like dwelling on all the misery I’ve endured. So, happy anniversary me, you’ve done the best you could and deserve a nice celebration. I know a lot of you lovelies aren’t going to read this but if you do, thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to get to know me outside of being a horny Bi-Han fangirl. 💙

[ellieeatsnot]

BIG RANT(?)/PERSONAL UPDATE

august 18th; i was at my lw (125lb) and suddenly my life suddenly flipped. out of control i binged about 4k cals before my horse training session. then, proceeded to keep eating till 5k cals. the following week was a spiral of binging and starving. i walked for 2 and a half hours just to binge on a whole 10 pack of sugar cookies the following week.

i spent 2 weeks of my life binging uncontrollably. until i made it a goal to learn how to p// and i continued to b//p for 2 and a half months, eating up to 7k cals and p//ing 3-4 times a day. i would wake up and see my bloated stomach. my face unrecognizable due to the throat and eye swelling. i managed to maintain 130lbs for a month but after that mia fully took over. i felt miserable and constrained in my ed and even was tempted to get help (i didn’t).

i spent my birthday in las Vegas, anxious and exhausted as i traversed the city in stomach pains due to the acidity in my stomach. uncomfortable in my body due to my weight gain. every meal i would have to rush to the bathroom just because i simply couldn’t keep it down anymore. i spent the majority of my time binging rather than being present.

i got back from my birthday trip, struggled to feel content with myself still as i tempted to regain control but just to fall into the binging cycle again. i went to parties and got high. and honestly i don’t really remember those nights.

around the first week of november i had another major b//p session. i bought $30 worth of food, just to spend my evening barley able to do my piles of college work because i would have rather eaten and purged my heart out.

however, i am happy to say that was the last time i p//. i spent november absolutely miserable but trying desperately to hold on and keep going. i relapsed in $h and was taking 400-600mg of Diphenhydramine (benadryl) every night. i had zero motivation to do the thing i love most, ride my horse, and zero intentions of getting better. i just wanted to disappear or something tragic to happen so i didn’t have to keep up the life i was currently living.

that’s the first time ive ever had depression kick me in my ass that hard. i cannot imagine how intense it is for people who have no choice but to experience that on a daily basis.

while being unable to do much else than get my college work done, i ate and ate. i made a promise to myself that i wouldn’t p// and so far ive stuck to that. because i started eating normally, it got easier and easier to not crave all the things that have now become major fear foods for me. pizza, ice cream, candies, cookies, rice, etc.

i would say that the last two weeks have been really good. my college quarter is over till the holidays end. i started packing lunches so i could know the calories i was eating and know that the food would actually fill me up.

i’ve only had one hiccup with my mental health when it felt like i had made friends with another person who just used me. but since then ive talked to her heavily about the subject and i feel so much more secure in our friendship. i honestly couldn’t ask for a better friend.

this week has been really really good. yesterday i was able to talk to my best friend about the personal feelings i was having about our friendship. then after that i had an amazing ride on my horse in a new place and i literally couldn’t be any happier with his progress. today i hung out and worked on a project with another friend and i feel super productive. happy with how it’s turning out.

i feel appreciated and supported for the first time in forever. it’s such a relieving feeling. like i can finally relax and continue moving forward.

another thing i should mention; now that my eating is manageable, ive started to slowly lower my intake again. i probably won’t go as hard as i did this summer since that caused my major b//p cycle. but i’m going to work on getting my maintenance down to 130lbs again. yesterday for lunch i had an apple and almonds. today just an apple. my dinners have been on the larger side. but slowly i know that the craving for those will dwindle too. im just not going to force my body to be hungry. if i’m hungry i will eat. i think i want to prioritize no bloat and cleansing my body of sugar.

[froggibus]

updates

for veteran followers, newcomers & people just browsing, a quick reminder on how this works, the kind of content posted here + a bit of an explanation! (of course, if im rambling, feel free to skip to the TLDR at the bottom ♥)

essentially, i have a bit of a bad habit of scattering all of my updates and news across various fanfic posts. ill probably continue to do this, but i know not everyone reads every post, so you're probably missing out on some info you might want to know

"like what?" mainly, requests + request statuses. but instead of making you guys scour through the depths of my posts to find out if i even received your requests, i thought it would be easier to just post it all here.

content you can expect here:

requests ive received and going to work on

WIPs im planning on posting soon

breaks, hiatuses, changes in plans & planned content

random life updates (sometimes)

to make it easier to digest (+ more relevant to you guys), its going to be in order of newest to oldest. (example: oct 2023 would come before jan 2023)

thank you guys, keep being amazing ♥

TLDR: ive decided to put all of my updates on requests, request status, wips + breaks etc in one place. its gonna be in order of newest to oldest, and ill update here whenever there's news :)

OCT 18. 2024:

brief mental health update here

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SEPT 26. 2024:

hi so sorry i know i've been inactive lately!

between breaking up w/ my long term bf, moving to a new city & starting school, things have been super chaotic & i haven't had much motivation to write :,)

requests are (tentatively) open to non-smut until kinktober starts on the 1st, and from there probably won't be doing any til the end of the month!

kinktober masterlist

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JULY 13. 2024:

summer suntacular was SO MUCH FUN!!! thank you to everyone who participated ^^ i really enjoyed doing this follower event & super looking forward to doing more w you guys in the future!

requests are finally open again! i am probably only gonna take about 6 - 10 depending on the complexity/types of reqs i get + only about 2-3 per character (to prevent another Venturepocalypse) ^^ super excited to see what everyone comes up with ♥

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JULY 1. 2024:

happy canada d’eh!

currently doing a bit of a rework on this blog! changing the way I interact w content on Tumblr to make it less spammy & more relevant for you guys!

requests are still closed as ive been really struggling with my writing as of lately :,) but once I sort them & catch up they’ll be open!

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JUNE 1. 2024:

happy pride ^.^

still working through requests right now & also working on something fun for summer! come vote in our summer solstice poll and feel free to come talk to me about all your summer faves & thirsts!

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MAY. 27 2024:

requests are currently closed! thanks to everyone who sent one in—im just catching up on them now ^~^

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MAY. 26 2024:

i’ve received quite a few requests this week that i am already working on :D im sick atm so it might take me a little bit longer to get through them all tho !!

changing up my rules slightly & retagging certain stories as well!

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APR. 3 2024:

thanks to everyone who booped me on April Fools :) I had a lot of fun interacting with everyone

requests are open!!! all of the ones submitted prior to March 24th have been deleted, but feel free to send them again if they follow the updated rules (found here)

I am also working on a small writing project that I may or may not post for my birthday in two weeks, so we’ll see how that goes

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MAR. 21 2024

requests are closed! rules for requests are being updated and all current requests are being cleared. feel free to resubmit afterwards!

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MAR. 17 2024:

- deleted Romeo & Ghouliet. I really wasn’t feeling like writing anymore, I struggled a lot with taking it in the direction I wanted it to go

- will be updating the graphics & theme of the blog this week so stay tuned!

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JAN. 22 2024:

we are officially heading into Valentine's season, and with that, I want your input on what you would like to see on the blog for that! you can vote here. have more input? have a request? send them to me here!

working on some fics, including OW Women HCs, poly! SatoSugu, Dick Grayson x civilian! reader, and possibly a series as well

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NOV. 14 2023:

currently not taking requests, sorry for the few people who submitted some this week! working on a cozy christmassy Dick Grayson fic rn, and possibly something exciting for the holiday season

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NOV. 1 2023:

life got way more hectic than i anticipated this month and because of that, i wasn't able to write for kinktober the way i originally planned. hopefully next year ill be better prepared and able to deliver quality content consistently. sorry to anyone who is disappointed! ♥

[imaginespazzi]

Bestie bestie bestie!

Hello :) Where to even begin after so much time.. I guess first I'll note that my last anon to you is starred below just so we can follow the thread of last convo somewhat (and honestly just wanted to ensure you knew I at one point wrote in over you hiatuses)..

Ok on to more new stuff: Biggest news is Im off to the wifeys motherland (ironic a bit as I believe shes currently playing in my fatherland). I'll report back on food a day drink 😋 ca va?

Yay Liberty, they did it! 🗽Plenty of kudos to the Lynx as well. Was a great series all around. Even if my nerves barely withstood those overtimes & dramatic endings.

Coaching movement in the W continues to make my head spin. OMG the Thibaults are gone, didnt see that coming tbh! I remain seated for all the hirings/happenings to come. And cant believe we're almost to the lottery selection w still so much upheaval in place 🤯

Hope all is well w you despite lifes busyness. Take care

** Hi hi hi bestie! Yes that anon was me ha. I realized after sending that I left of my emoji signature, but was pretty sure youd connect things, given some hyper specific topics ha. Hope life is treating you alright apart from just being busy!

Im personally just relieved that the Libs managed to even things up last night, while still trying to process the 2nd half & OT of game 1 lol. That one was all just absolutely bonkers. Crazy entertaining, even if it hurt my NY supporting heart at the time.

When it comes to the coaching moves, def in agreement that Indy doesnt deserve good things. What do you make of who the Valks named HC? Seems a good hire to me at a quick glance, but Im also leery of anyone who might be involved w the Aces lawsuit ordeal (tbf Im not super well informed on that, but dont believe Ive ever seen her referenced w that stuff). Yeah objectively I dont feel that a (random) late winning run/playoff push, external circumstances w the standings aside, was worth dropping your odds of getting #1/Paige from like 30 to 10 %. Still struggle to understand why they ended up trying to fight the path that established itself early on. Granted kind of unexpected and extreme circumstances, but still, lemons to lemonade if you will. Im not feeling eager for the draw next month..

Honestly it will be interesting now to see/follow any Liz activity while she hits the offseason as college ball starts up soon. Curious to see if any crumbs or reactions come up at all. W those two seeming to be at an avoidance phase, another college wbb couple needs to step up and provide us w some (non toxic) drama to follow over the season ha! Not you tho Pazzi, you stay lovely/wholesome/stable/healthy

One additional GH note - I obvi live for snark, so wanted to share my fav lines from Ch 10

���Won’t somebody please think about the complications” Jana in full menace mode and so funny. "I mean other than the woman you married as well that is" The fact that Azzi will not ever say her name I just love. I also have this idea that Stephie, when older and knows pretty much everything re her parents history, will continue the she who shall not be named thing in support of her mama. (And Im not entirely discounting the possibility of a bit of real time drama w Olivia that wont help w this whole Azzi grudge).

Wishing you a good start to the week!! -☕️ **

Hi hi lovely I missed you <3

Ah babes that must have gotten lost in my sea of asks because I've been so bad about answering them. It's funny how much has change since whenever you sent that thought because the W has become a revolving door of coaching changes.

I really like the Valks HC choice. She's been very effective with the LVAces and I expect that to continue. Same with the recent news we go today of Tyler Marsh with the Sky. I think LVAces coaching staff in general is so strong and them branching off is good for the league and both the Valks and the Sky with these coaches and a little bit of time for player development should eventually be really good. Ultimately the lawsuit is a front office issue and I don't think these two had much to do with it and so until I see issues in their new respective teams, I don't think we can hold it against them.

LIBERTYYYYYYY. So happy for them and of course props to the Lynx. And honestly thank you to both teams for giving us what I think, despite that one foul, is the greatest W finals we've ever had.

THE THIBAULTS ARE GONE. You were one of the first people I thought of when I saw that news. Honestly I have no idea what to think. I really didn't see it coming and as much as I've done a lot of nepo baby this nepo baby that, I don't necessarily know if this is the right choice but I'll wait to see who they appoint as the head coach to really figure out my thoughts.

Lottery in 2 weeks?? What the actual hell? Like y'all we're likely gonna know where Paige is going before we even see Azzi on the court and that's insane to me.

OOOOH I have some CWBB drama if anyone wants it. Did y'all peep Last-Tear's Poa's shady insta caption she deleted? Her and Sam'yah Smith were a thing and streets are saying maybe she cheated?

Pazzi are being wholesome as always. "Silly girl" - what if I jump off a cliff :)

[rottytops]

gonna be talkin abt my meds for a bit

so i started adhd medication arounnndd a week ago, maybe. and the effects have honestly been almost immediate and very drastic.

for starters everything is just a lot easier, doing tasks is easier, going to work is easier, staying on task at work is easier...just a lot of tiny things i struggled with before are way easier for me now, i feel.

part of me is like, what if this is a placebo!! and i could always do this, but another part of me is like wow if i wasnt medicated i couldnt have done x or y thing. like i keep finding myself in spots where adhd absolutely would have taken over at this point and made me stop but i just kept going. i have this weird. feeling. inside me a lot more often, like...my blood is jelly or something, sorry if that sounds weird but i cant explain it better, so i definitely dont think the meds are fake or anything like that, but it was something i was worried about.

however even if they WERE fake (for some reason), i think what really makes the difference is just knowing i have something thats helping me out in my daily life. living with adhd sucked so bad, but it sucked even worse when i realized i had it because it was like, there was nothing i could do! but now i KNOW i have medication and i know things will be fine if i keep taking them and i KNOW if something weird happens i have my doctor's visit at the end of the month so im just. so much more relaxed about things.

....thats another thing, i used to be so so so anxious about random stuff all the time, labor over every interaction i had either online or off, spend 10+ minutes debating on when to send a message and if what im saying is okay, but that doesnt happen anymore, in fact ive been talking to a ton of new people lately and its easier than ever to just go up to someone and say hi. I had a whole ass convo with my coworker about stuff i honestly wasnt that into, but i was still alert and engaged in the discussion, that's literaly never happened before!!

theres still things im struggling with and problems i still have that medication cant just. whisk away or anything, but i dont mind taking the time to work things out, im at the start of my medication journey and the doctors were saying yeah the root of your anxiety and even deppressive episodes can be traced back to the ADHD, so dealing with one can fix the others and that tracks to me i guess. overall though im currently in suuucuh a better mental place than i was at the start of the year where it was just breakdown after breakdown

thing are different, things are better!! its such a liberating thing to think and say but its the truth lmao

[shushthisaintmytumbla]

I guess its the Summer Solstice so here we are again! 6/21/23

Wow I knew I neglected my last pot but here we are back even later than the last one! Like i say everytime it is wild to see how much has changed in my life the past couple of years. Ups down and everything in between I come back to this spot everytime and see the growth I’ve made. All by myself. All for myself. I cant always see it but moments where I read back on the past I am brought right back to those moments and never lose sight of how I felt in the past. 

I keep seeing on TikTok that today is a Summer Solstice meaning it is a great opportunity for manifestations so lets try this out why not! I guess I’ll start by giving a quick synopsyis of my life from the past 10 months or however long (wow sorry I abandoned this for that long!!!!)

Lets start with Work. I am still at the same OI job and feel like I have grown sooo much. I cant say im perfect at my job, but I know I have made a shit load of progress that i’m very proud of. I shifted off of working with my mngr which has made the biggest impact on my happiness at the job. I was going from having weekly panic attacks to not even having to review a single email anymore. I am really proud of myself for treading through the mud and getting to the point where I am at now. Now for the manifestation segment. I am going to get a promotion soon. This SUMMER! I FEEL IT. I am such a hard worker and really have gained the experience to move up in the company. I am confident it will happen in the next couple months. I cant wait to come back here and tell you all about it. It will be my first real promotion at a job which is something that I’ve really wanted to achieve since I havent gotten to this point at any of my previous jobs. You got this Case. 

Now for relationships. Tricky subject and yep you guessed it D is still around. I have tested a coupe other relationships with E and A and C... but somehow D makes it through the motions of every single season. I do want to touch on E for a sec. I have grown to build an amazing relationship with him, but I havent seen him for a few weeks and I feel like the relationship is starting to fade. Im sick of getting 100% and then a week later not even 1%. I am fully aware it has nothing to do with me and more so his own struggles, but I do need to realize at the end of the day that its ok to want more from someone and he cant give me what I need as much as hes shown me how I can be treated in a healthy way. He’s the boy Ive always dreamt of how someone can treat/care for you, but this story just isnt ours at this point in time. Who knows what the future holds. Now D. Oh boy. As we all know its been a fucking roller coaster. I have felt the highest of highs w him and the lowest of lows. I do hold love for him (but not so sure ive ever been in love... idk what that even is lmao). We’ve gotten to a point where I feel like I have been holding my power for quite some time now. I don’t have the same anxieties as I had for him in the past and i don’t prioritize him over others. We’ve tried not speaking (jan 2023) for a couple weeks and ultimately he just came back and I allowed it. I cant cut him out of it killed me. It’s so fucking hard. I am working on figuring out his place in my life and how we can carry on without hurt, but I feel like I am slowy falling back in the trap/cycle. We had a really nice day together the other weekend and I felt those anxious attachment feelings creeping in... I need to remember the things that have happened and try to prepare for the worst, but is it crazy to say that what if we are meant for each other? The other day I was able to imagine being in a relationship with him and it shocked me how I felt so good the whole day. Idk prob the worst thought ever but.. idk.. why are we magents to each other? Lastly I wanna touch on friendships and new york life. My friends here are still the same (but Karina now lives in Miami) and I love them so much, but I’ve been feeling myself longing for my relationships in LA. There are many weekends where my friends here are out of town and I feel left alone many times. In LA I would have the comfort of my family when friends arent around, but theyre 100s of miles away from me. I really miss them so fucking much it hurts. I think the longer I am away the more and more I realize how special my family is. I especially feel bad being away from my mom. She asks me nearly everytime we talk when I’ll come back and little does she know I’ve been toying with the idea of returning once my lease is up. If not that I think I have 1 year left in me. It still shocks me to say it and feel confident in that, but I really miss my family. Thats truly the only thing pulling me back bc I love this city and who I have become here so damn much. Im not putting too much pressure on the decision as I still have 10 months on my lease, but it is in the back of my mind. I feel like I’ll lead myself to the right choice soon though. So much would change though. I told D the other day about the idea and he said he would be so sad which kinda surprised me. It would be the end for us if I did move back which im not sure is a good or bad thing. Sometimes I tell myself the love of my life is not here and I wont meet them till I move back lol. Im not sure where the future is gonna bring me, but im confident in myself to do what is right for me. Leaving my friends here would also be horrible, but at the end of the day if they are the friendships I believe them to be, we will still be as close as ever and planes exist!! I guess thats kinda it for now. But this is still the start to an amazing summer with so much fun in store I can feel it!!! I have a trip to the shore coming up next weekend and then im going back home for my bday end of july - aug. Later in the summer I am going to portugal with my family!!! and something BIIGGGG is gonna happen in the fam :o Cant write it in words here till it happens. Until then, I love you. Im proud of you. and life is always working out in my favor. <3  Love,

C

[aestheticvoyage2023]

Day 13: Friday January 13, 2023 - “He Just Needs Love”

My current hobby: learning all I can about how to have really exceptional Dad days with a busy toddler.  From wake up to bedtime, being mindful every step of the way, stacking one piece at a time.  Audrie wants to put a beautiful spin on it that makes it seem so simple - and maybe thats why she’s such an effective Mom. “play, eat, change diaper, repeat. As for me, Ive got to work a lot harder!  Where I am not a natural, I need to be skillful.  I’ve learned the importance of having a plan, and staying a step ahead, having distractions in my back pocket ready for when things get sideways on me.  Its a big responsibility and I can’t just wing it.  I got him.

Today, after only about 4 hours of sleep, we were up and watching some Bluey.  Until 9am when I had to get on a work call. I got the butter noodles and Signing Time queued up to help me out so I could juggle both. It worked, enough = Win.   I got him down for morning nap after a little struggle - no Mom milk available buddy, going to have to do this right or risk not getting that break at all!  Got the right combo of songs, and toys, and cuddles and he was out at 10:45.   

Time to hustle now.  I figured I had 20 to 60 minutes to be productive and I used it to clean and reset the house...nothing is more helpful to my mental health on these days than that.  Clean slate.  Time to breathe and clean up the chaos. When he wakes up, we’ll have our fresh start.   We’ll have gotten over the biggest hurdle - the “Thursday night / Friday morning tornado.”  Ready to start over.  

At one hour, on the dot, he started quaking from his bed.  I quickly scooped him up, bopped him across the house, and settled into our bed.  I figured Id lay and cuddle him, extend his nap, and take as much bonus rest as we could get.   He laid there with me, drooling on my shoulder, for another 75 minutes.   Big win!!!   Day=shortened.  Win. 

Just after 1 and I had to listen in on another work call - A+++ for whomever invented the bluetooth headset.  I have to imagine it was for working Dads and moments like these as I chased and entertained William all through the house and even outside while multi-tasking....where we both enjoyed how nice and warm that sunny sky felt!

As soon as my call was over, the next step of my plan was ready to go.  Lets go back get outside!    Drove down to the Zoo for our first visit to the giraffes in 2023.  Lots of other people to watch as we made our way around to see the Peacocks, the Rhino, an elephant, meerkats, Lemur, the flamingos, the lion, and even the big bear up close!   William, in his cute little romper, was happy to say hello and wave at everyone.  Happy boy.  Daddy was doing good work.   And I was ready for my reward.  Zoo Fries.  Yum!  Win for us both!

Great time to facetime in with Mama (who was settled into New York City for the rest of the day) - check in time=check.   Good for mama’s heart to see her happy baby boy mow down some ketchup and ice.   But this is where my planning was important.  Knowing he had that late nap, I knew Id need to do more to run out some energy and not just drive home.  So we walked Reid Park, and saw the ducks, visited a playground (he had little interest today). I could see the ball fields were busy and William noticed to.   All week, William has been pretty obsessed with his baseball and we wondered if he connected his “baseball” (a special one from Cooperstown) with the sport he hasn’t seen on TV for a few months....and then he answered it as he stood in his stroller, pointed at the fields off in the distance - “baseball!” I guess he does know.   So we wandered around the outfield fence trying to learn the way to the diamonds next to Hi Corbett Field where the UofA plays.  Covered some ground together finding our way around this place.  Should be spending more time here! What awesome soft green grass!  We found our way in, under a beautiful sunsetty sky and found 3 different travel high school games being played between the Tucson teams and a team from Washington state.   Very cool.   We stayed for over an hour watching the games (a long time for a Toddler!). Win again!  

I pushed William right up behind the dugouts so he could get a close up view of the boys, and hear the sounds of the game and the coaching and the cheering.  He loved it. “Baseball” became the word of the rest of the day, and as soon as we got home, thats what he wanted to find.  He definitely connected the dots.   And for me it was fun too, to think about coming out here to watch more baseball this Spring -”I should look up the UofA schedule!”  I looked affectionately at the other baseball Dads there keeping track of the runs and the pitch counts.  I let him play in that great grass and he took advantage of that time to tackle me over and over and over....burn that energy buddy.  It was my favorite part of the day. 

We strolled our way back to the car, and started the commute home, and he was asleep in his car seat before we were out of the complex. I watched in the rearview mirror as his head started to bob, glad I was able to push that out to get it logged as a really solid sleep. Successful Afternoon Nap= Check.  

Whats next?  Home stretch! But my work isn’t done yet.  If I could get through the next 2.5 hours Id have a successful Dad day.  Had the quiet drive home to vision it out and reset again. Groceries, dinner, Spartans Basketball, bath and bed.  Lets have fun with this last little bit and get to the finish line!  Engage play and enjoy.  The secret weapon?  Butter and Noodles.  Take me home Noo Noos.

Before we knew it, he was fed, bathed and ready for a baba.  I whipped up a good combo that include butter and heavy cream, and he drank that right down as we looked at the Trucks book and read Booby Moon together as we talked about wanting to get some good sleep tonight.  It wasn’t the easiest goodnight.  Every time I put him down he was right back up like he hadn’t been out cold moments before! He’s been doing that a lot the past week for both of us, but I stayed calm and patient.  “You having trouble going to sleep?” I asked.  “yass” he answered.  “Its ok, Im here with you, for as long as you need. And even when I step out, I’ll come right back if you call me.  We’ll do this together.”   I bopped him to the finisher song, I’ll Be Around, and laid him down quietly.  He held still. I think I got him this time. ...  waaaiiittt.....  He quietly whimpered “mama” then “night night” - deep sigh, and that was it. Id made it to the end.  Check.  Win!

Donald Miller writes about a “good story” having a very simple formula:  A character that wants something and overcomes conflict to get it.  My fatherhood story here hasn’t been easy or natural. We’ve had some bumps.  But here we are, the story still being written.   I haven’t just left it at “this is impossible” - that wouldn’t be a very good story at all, for anyone; most of all William.   So as the plot takes shape, Ive had to work harder at it and these weekends on my own are the inciting incident(s).  As each Thursday night rolls around, its time to accept the invite again.  If I am going to have good days. - happy days - successful days, like today, its going to take a lot of effort. And I am sure as soon as I have it figured out, I’ll have to figure it out again.  I got great advice from Deni (Grammee) last week after the Friday morning tornado wiped me out;  “don’t get frustrated, just try something different.”  It takes a plan that is flexible enough to shake with his frenetic pace, and time to think of new and different things.  It takes more than just saying “that didn’t work” - but instead “what am I going to do if this doesn’t work?” - its not enough for me to know the play, its about “whats the next play?”  

Each weekend, I learn a little more and add some more skill. And the most important skill, is the importance of sequencing.  Its not enough to hope for an easy good night but what do I need to do from A to B in order to set him up to have an easy goodnight.   Audrie, in her love for both of us, simplified it down to “he just needs love.”  Sounds easy enough.  But knowing how I am going to deliver that love step by step through the day to keep up the positive momentum, thats the real game.  Before she left yesterday, we started something that I asked be a part of our weekly routine.  The pep talk.   We vision cast each of the days until she was back, including “what do you want for dinner Sunday night?”  We talked about whats been working recently and maybe what some new ideas are for play and for food.  I am not good enough at this to just be able to run out the clock, and take it easy.  At least not yet.  Maybe one of these weekends in 2023 I’ll put together the perfect weekend, and get through from start to finish without even so much of a raised blood pressure.  Im not there yet, but I am getting there.  Days like today make me believe that I am on my way.  And who knows, maybe when I am done putting together this great story, I will be apply everything Ive learned to my own every day life and then we can laugh about the cliche, “who was teaching who?”

Song: Kenny Chesney - Get Along

Quote: “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” ― Brene Brown

[zalliafawn]

1. Zallia ! (usually my anon is 🍄, 🌺, or 👾)

2. A couple years? i use tumblr every now and then to read fanfiction or to interact with friends.

3. I have a taste deficit, but sushi or apples have been my go-to since i was a wee child.

4. strawberry kiwi ice sparkling water from schnucks.

5. I have a younger brother, and an older brother.

6. I have 2 cats, and a rabbit. Ive had a myriad of pets in my life.

7. 16

8. I speak english, german, and a little french

9. That's hard. I really like Bojack Horseman, Queens Gambit, Steven universe, Gravity Falls, adventure time/fionna and cake, bee and puppycat, the perks of being a wallflower, and more. i love tv, i've been searching for some good adult animation shows. i swear i don't just watch cartoons.

10. I'm a hobbyist. i garden, draw, crochet, sleep, watch tv, play games, sew, and more !

11. i have no clue. im on the spectrum, making friends is the worst, but im also really talkative and like people.

12. I like music that's good. there is no genre i like or dislike. i listen to anything and everything as long as i like it.

13. Washington state or Maine. i love traveling, ive always really wanted to go places. going out of country sounds scary though haha. Washington is so pretty, and i love coastal states, especially up north. the midwest is fine, but once you've lived here your whole life it gets kind of boring.

14. uh. everything? but i do really wish i was better at comprehending information, especially when it comes to history. im a huge history geek, but i literally know nothing about history. i have struggles with remembering information, and actually reading things, so history is difficult. i also wish i was better with tones, and getting out of bad situations.

15. I usually respond pretty quickly? i usually get a notification and immediately respond, i love talking to people, and people talking to me first is literally thr best.

16. I do not, but i might get one. i like having the option to change it though. if i did get one, it'd probably be a thigh one.

17. I'm omnisexual. I have a hard time with labels, and i feel like we shouldn't really *need* a label for every sexuality? i kind of wish i could just be like, "yeah, i like men and women" or, "i dont like" but i see why they are there. every day i discover a new sexuality, and i get even more confused.

18. I live reading. im terrible at picking favorites as we've seen in prior questions. I love the BMC book, and there was this other book i really liked, i believe it was called Eliza and her Monsters. i really liked it, it got me back into reading.

19. Tough question. do i even know what love is??? I've been in 4 relationships. one was in fifth grade, i don't really consider it a real relationship because he bribed me into dating him. my second relationship was with one of my best friends, found out i only liked them because they were nice to me and i only liked them platonically, we're still friends. my third relationship was an online relationship, lasted a couple months, found out i didnt like them romantically and couldn't do an online relationship. had a couple more crushed in between. my current, and fourth relationship is with a person i met in 5th grade, we were good friends for awhile, they dated a mutual friend, broke up with them, asked me out, and we've been dating for a couple years, theyre abusive. i really dont know what love is, but i'd like to think i have been in love, or else my whole life is based on a lie.

20. taken, but complicated(for me). I could be single in an hour, a day, never. i live my life teetering the edge of a mental breakdown.

21. I am both heart broken and in a relationship. and also every cute twink man with fluffy hair is taken, so if that counts too there's that.

22. I have a lot of best memories.

- dancing in the rain with my best friends on my birthday

- meeting my online friend for the first time

- my current boyfriend asking me out

- getting into chamber orchestra

- getting my rabbit adoption application approved

- rediscovering be more chill

- literally every time i get a package in the mail

- the first time i got a plant and i kept it alive

- my first interview for getting my florist shop job

- my brother being born

- my dad bringing me dinner for the first time

- my favorite person (jason tam) liking one of my instagram posts

- watching Bromance In Concert with my boyfriend

there are so many more too

23. there are a lot.

- my current boyfriend asking me out

- my online friends abandoning me

- my dad yelling at me on my birthday

- my dad going to jail

- getting in a fight with my best friend

- my best friend taking their life

- the time my boyfriend ran to hug one of their friends and completely ignored me

and more

24. i have a lot. i have a lot of phobias, but a staple fear of mine is being alone, and failing. as for phobias, my biggest are blood and storms

25. both

26. 1,321. moments mean a lot to me, i forget things easily. i also have a lot of art.

27. i had a lot.

- this guy named james who rejected me, and told the teacher

- the cat from The Cat Returns.

- the twins and the tall blonde dude from ouran highschool host club

- my female best friend

- varian from the tangled series

- steven from steven universe

- the squip

- all of the characters from the aphmau series'

- and many more. many many more.

28. i'd like to think im very romantic.

29. a picnic on a rocky beach during the fall bundled up in sweaters. or an arcade date / amusement park date

30. i think i mentioned before in Q.10

There you go! now you know everything about me! missed the chance to ask my bank info and home address

Let your followers get to know you asks <3

What's your name?

For how long you have this account?

Favourite food?

Favourite drink?

Do you have any siblings?

Do you have pets?

How old are you?

How many languages do you know?

What's your all time favourite movie/tv show?

What are you enjoying to do in your free time?

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Your favourite music genres?

Your dream place to visit?

Something you wish you were better at?

How long do you take to respond to texts?

Do you have any tattoos? If not, would like to?

What's your sexuality?

Do you like reading? If yes what's your favourite book?

Have you ever been in love?

What's your relationship status?

Have you ever been heartbroken?

Best memory you could think of?

Worst memory you can think of?

Do you have any fears?

Are you a morning or a night person?

How many pictures you have on your phone?

Who was your favourite childhood crush?

Are you a romantic?

What’s your dream date?

What are your hobbies?

[openyourwindowsconspiracy]

JOURNAL ENTRIES OF LIEUTENANT BROOKS (digitized - original in police custody)

FEB 22, 2021

What am I supposed to do when such a high profile case is so unsolvable. I swear this shit seems like it really is supernatural, but I cant tell the town that. That fucking butler seems so off, I dont trust him, nor do I trust that grandfather. One day, someone will read this journal and you’ll think I’m crazy, so here, look at this piece of paper I found in the attic, and youll realize I am not.

MAY 3, 2021

Its been months and we havent even found a hint of where the kids bodies went. Every time we search the house the butler lurks around us like the grim reaper. The grandfather doesnt seem to give a shit. How the fuck these kids kept coming here year after year is beyond me. Even more beyond me is where the fuck they went. Why was the window open. Theres nowhere to fucking go from there. And now people are scared to open their windows. Especially after what happened to that reporter. Its crazy shit, being scared to open a window. Ive never seen anything like this. Nothing but burn and scratch marks. SIgns of struggle but no DNA evidence, no leftover clothes, nothing. The only reason I know the kids were there was cause the other rooms had suitcases and the butler said they were there. Man fuck that butler, I hope I can find a way to pin this on him. Ive never felt such hate for someone before. Its brought out a darkness in me I didnt know I had. A great christmas present would have been him kicking the bucket. Ive almost shot him a few times anyways. Theres been lots of windows of opportunity.

MAY 4, 2021

I could have been up for a promotion, running the entire department here. This stupid case has cost me that. The chief wont retire now. The people are starting to turn on me. Everybody used to be so nice, now its like everyone has been replaced by their evil twin. Ms McDaniels used to be so nice to me and now she just frowns at me when I walk by..

MAY 7, 2021

I don’t know how much longer I can take this town. I think i neëd to move and get the fuck out of this place. Chief isnt the same as he was before. Part of me thinks he thinks Im to blame for this all going to shit. 

MAY 29, 2021

Im leaving this fuckhole. Im done with this stupid fucking window casë. Officer Barnes has been with me for much of the case, and itll bë his responsibility now. Im handing in my resignation tomorrow. 

JUN 10, 2021

D

[userblaney]

do Not read this im just so disgustingly overstimulated im going to crash out

that was the worst fireworks display i have EVER seen and im so fucking overstimulated and my brother is actually the worst fucking cunt ive ever had the displeasure of meeting and some how I am the only bilingual among my siblings. which isnt saying anything because they straight up dont even fucking talk except for when they are playing dress to impress next to my head when i try to do my homework since i have to share a room with them at eighteen .and i havent gad a productive conversation with them in genuinely 3 years and my mum is blaming ME. for the traffic because i broight up the idea of going to the fireworks display in the first place wirh friends but my uncle wanted to tag along and i might snap in a bit because i have not been not in host mode for a month now. these are my blood relatives nothing is gonna happen if i speak english in front of them or if i wear jeans instead of a traditional dress oh my fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk . i fucking hate my siblings ANDDDDDD MY SISTERS JUST COME INTO THE ROOM AND LEFT THE FUCKING DOOR OPEN AND WENT BACK DOWNSTAIRSSSSSS IM GOING TO THROW A BRICK AT HER HEAD. and i have so much fucking homework to do and i still need to write a cover letter because any "spare" (when im not in skl or outside. but im never outside bexause imnot fucking . ALLOWEDDDDDD) time that i have i have to be in the kitchen helping out because "that is my duty as a hostess" but my soblings havent lifted a FINGER and they are being praisdfor mediocrity. how the fuck do you want me to be a good student and a feminine person while treaatinf me like a fucking BITCH when i wear makeup and then also want me to ALWAYYYYYSSSSSS entertain my family and cook and clean for them AND my siblings . and you want me to get out of the jouse and get a job but you freak the fuck out when i actually attempt to do those things then you tell me i cant borrow money for a bus or taxi in the event where i actually do because i should have my own but you arent letting me and you keep all my bank statement and you read them and make me justify each purchase and. UGHHHHĤHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHi have a guy friend whos also bangladeshi brown and he said that he wouldnt wish being the eldest child And daughter in the bangla household on his worst enemy he was sooooo rigjt for that . and im not even a girl and the evil of jt . aka dysphoriais getting to me and eating me up but thats another issue . i fuvking hate my brother he doesnt attemp6 yo speak and my mum SCREAMED at me on the way home because i forgot the guy fawkes bullshit and i should tell my uncle the story of it in bangla but . idek it ib english . and then i told her that they arent mute . andthen shesaid . she doesnt expect them to know bangla they are too young . they are 14 and 10 or somthinf btw . at that age i had to take care of my siblings while we were home alone for weeks at a time and also take care of the house and cook for them because my parents were too busy having life threatening health problems or atte fing to those witj . that . and ive been sooòooooo nice about it . so nice about it . im nice to everyone even in school and online and at home but im literally going die and they are all calling me to eat the rice that . i made the Moment i got home from skl . along side the tea . wjen my fanily had just woken up and it was 12. and then they complain about the lack of time and MY laziness when i DARE to sleep in until 9am on a saturday 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 . yes i know my dad works with uber lare into the night and my uncle misses hisr jids and so does my grandma and my mum is struggling with her mum seeting such harsh expectations and balancing uni and i soumd like a brat but its doing by fucking head in my brain is soooo fucking tured. and i have mocks coming up and im not allowdd to tell my siblings to leave the room because theyll just tell my dad whow jll be mad at me . becasue i have no gokd qualities to excerise why am i even studying . im s ooooooo done bye