#and i hate reception too!!!
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When ppl talk about how 'no one wants to work anymore' and how they're sick of the work ethic of immigrants and refugees, I have to assume they are talking Europeans.
The maintenance crew in my building is only Ukrainian. Only. And all they do is bitch about having to do their job.
Literally one of them took the trash bag out of my room that I was struggling to take out. And then they swept the floor. And then they put. The trash. Back in my room. Why? To stick it to the disableds.
Yes it was already tied up. Yes it was unmistakable as trash. And when I asked them if they could take it down they fucking were like "not me do, you do" like. Girl. You already took out the trash from my room. Then they tried to argue with me about how my room is junky. Like yeah. I'm disabled. I'm in. The disabled. Room. You can tell bc everything is lowered and it's literally smaller than the rest. So. You have less to clean. You half ass clean anyway. (They sweep visible areas and change the bedding amd switch the trash bag-only if it's in the hotel provided bin) . Half of these residents clean for themselves just bc they're literally so unreliable, and their supposed to clean every week but again, get to it every 2 months.
And yet!! You have the gall!!! To complain!!! When my room!!! Is a bit junky?????????????????????? Like girl yeah I literally cannot fucking clean my room to the specifications of a maintenance team????
If you hate doing your job why are you doing it and taking it out on people who need help??????????
#gods i fucking hate it here#and i hate reception too!!!#ive been struggling at this place for like 10 months now#amd they just thought to memtion that i could possibly get a carer to help me?????#DIE BY MY SWORD#of course i have to make a call for it#so we'll see when i can get to it#dear diary#health tag#also i shouldnt be surprised#every ukraining ive met is either a nazi or believes in eugenics#or both
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While im on the topic, the seething hatred by a huge chunk of this fandom towards Vaggie is so baffling to me. I'm not saying I expected her to be popular. I'm not new to loving an unpopular/ignored character. But the way some of these people go out of their way to misinterpret her so badly to justify their very vocal hatred for her is just such a huge shock.
#sometimes i feel like i see more people hate on vaggie than i see people hate on Valentino#yunno. the man who abuses and rapes one of the main characters on the reg? that one??#meanwhile Vaggie's just a latina lesbian who's maybe a lil too dedicated to her gf#and she gets such vitriolic hate#my brother for example doesn't really like her much cuz he's really picky about voice acting#and im fine with it. to each their own#but even he's confused about the majority's reception of her#hazbin hotel#wait no that sounds mean#ummmm more like#he said he would have liked her a lot more if her voice actor was different#so he likes her fine#and no he doesn't hate ms beatriz. he just would have preferred someone else
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Reception girlies
Mal's missing her tiara cuz im lazy and also i fucked up and cant ever edit this piece because i saved the file as one layer and i closed it before i realized my mistake.
#disney descendants#my art#art#rewrite#mal descendants#Mal redesign#Evie redesign#Evie maid of honor#Mal reception dress redesign#fuck the canon one that is an eye sore#ALSO WHY WAS MAL WEARING HER RECEPTION DRESS DURING HER GET READY STAGE?!#i know they wanted to show off the design BUT BRUH#its ugly and i stand by there#taht#that!!!#anyway so is her main dress#that shiz ugly too#the designers hated mal#like bruh i do to but i don't make her look awful for it#anyway pony tail mal ur welcome
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i think when guys hit on me and i become extremely awkward and visibly uncomfortable , they enjoy it
#like when i'm obviously trying to be polite but not too receptive and am like very clearly nervous#like i think they enjoy seeing you upset like that#i hate men!
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if anyone has any problem making sense of the way i interpret Kaiba just remember this: Tea Gardner looks at him one day and has the dawning realization "hes like a lesbian of some kind" this should make all the pieces fall into place
#not art#tea gardner#anzu mazaki#seto kaiba#yugioh#ygo#i mean it. kisara existing or not. i mean ittttt#i look at him. i look at myself. i look at his barely contained animosity towards all men- immediate competition- rivals#and then his much more calm reception of women. and i go ''hes literally me''#this is why im forever kaiba-mai valentine kaiba-ishizu friendship truther. tea doesnt make the cut but like.#if i write the series again id have to make him choose her for anything that isnt dueling. that spot is determinedly atem#but hes gotta sit next to someone from yugi gang for a flight? gardner. hes gotta share a cab? gardner. hes gotta save a yugi friend?#gardner.#not that they speak. not that hed want to spend time with her he doesnt have to. but to me hes like those dogs that hate men always#mai valentine would genuinely have his respect -she seems to have given battles of her own and came out a bit similar to him#hed actively enjoy her humor especially if joey is the butt of it. she would actively make an effort to get close too. birds of a feather#ishizu though. ohhh hed be so annoyed anytime shes like ''fate and gods and magic'' the way i am when straight girls bring up.#astrology. and tarot and whatnot. half disproving and trying to convince them. half listening to see where they take it#but 100% not taking it seriously for himself#but shes an accomplished woman who can be a deadly business woman and hed like that part of her.#again he can see himself reflected in powerful women and the sexist writing aside he just wouldnt be threatened by them#COUGH gozaburo COUGH.#sigh i just gotta make everything about that asshole dont i.#<- actual seto kaiba thought whenever he has an emotional awakening to his trauma once again being tied to gozaburo#DAMN im a good kinnie. yeeeesh
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i'm kinda heartbroken about the new redthreadgames title becoming one of those clown gamer ragebait targets, because even if it is genuinely bad, there's now no way to find a normal fucking conversation on it on the internet.
anyway, i'm obviously gonna get it during the christmas sale anyway, it just sucks that there's so much bullshit to wade through because gremlins can't be normal about minorities in video games.
#like obviously if the game had a positive reception otherwise no one would fucking care#but these cockroaches can smell the blood when something is being criticized outside of their weird little circles too#this is why it's so hard to be a hater about the netflix witcher tbh#you hate it because yennefer is being played by a south asian woman#i hate it because they're overwriting all the interesting material in the books with the most generic cliches#we are not the same#and because of you i usually just keep most of my criticism to myself because holy shit no one needs more noise#anyway maybe people will calm down about dustborn by december?#i just hate these guys so much like shut the fuck up and learn some critical thinking so you can recognize the real enemy#capitalism
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My personal interpretation of that panel of whether he just wanted his two most important people to meet and become close like family or if he "wouldn't mind if they got together" is that when he says "seeing her off with someone like you, itadori" he fully meant that tsumiki would be better off with yuuji in her life instead of megumi. As in he would replace megumi in tsumiki's life as someone close to her family-wise, almost like a brother. He saw himself unworthy of her kindness but he thinks yuuji deserves hers and she deserves yuuji's. He wanted them both to meet and grow close in a life where they could be happy, and he'd just be a bystander in that dynamic, happy to make sure they got that life from the scenes without interferring.
#idk thats just what i think#i also think the other interpretations of “setting them up” are fine just not something i agree with#bc imo itd be weird if megumi was envisioning his sister romantically involved with. ANYONE really#but i mean it could be interpreted that way too i cant stop them lol#but the “he wants them to be together and he wants to watch”... no.... just. no#i hate these types of jokes#please kill me#jjk analysis#kinda#im thinking too much about this chapter's reception and how shit it was#jjk you might have flaws but your audience might just be dumb as bricks
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finally had to buy a new phone 🤢🤢 spending money 🤢🤢🤢
#my phone is finally beyond the point of help 😭#had this one for four yrs and its reached its limit#the limit being connecting to my apartment's wifi......thats apparently too much for it#like i literally cannot make the wifi button turn on when im at home#it fucking immediately turns itself off like its got a mind of its own#ive done every singke thing that every goddamn website and video on the internet has told me to do and it still will not work#not to mention verizon hates poor people so i get the shittiest fcking -2 bars of reception at my apt so i cant even use my mobile data#and like.....whats the point of paying the stupid amount that i do for internet if im not even using it 🙃🙃🙃#so i had to buy a new fucking phone (i also need a new laptop but shes still hanging on by a thread knock on wood)#and im abt to have to pay for THREE classes this upcoming semester and put down my down payment for classes THIS WEDNESDAY#THATS SO MUCH MONEY IM GONNA BE SICK#talk#text#mine#not nct#ignore.mel
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maybe it's because i grew up on magical girls but i never understand the hate for the naive/innocent/optimistic character archetype. it can be frustrating to watch yes, but that is often the point...
#if you hate sansa stark you will die and go to hell#a#once again i feel like a really good example of this is lady oscar's marie antoniette#in terms of both writing and fandom reception of her. shes frustrating and spoiled and naive and keeps making stupid mistakes#but its also obvious how shes a victim of her upbringing and her role. and certainly her naivete too but its never dangled over her#as a misogynistic thing#and this writing is repaid by the fact the fans have always loved her lol see when you dont breed a misogynistic fanbase#it bothers me cause in media that isnt made with women in mind these characteristics are always framed as weak womanly things#and the characters are punished by the narrative in a way that feels just cruel. one thing is a character facing consequences#for their mindset. another is having them be ah! see stupid women who dare to be Nice...
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damn i'm realizing that i've really made it basically impossible for myself to watch a whole bayern match until. october. do i hate myself subconsciously or something
#i COULD watch next weekend's but i wish it weren't the topspiel#because my best friend is visiting so i'd feel bad being like... let's stay at home until 1:30 because i want to watch football#but maybe he'll want to watch or go on a run or something. we'll see#and i have therapy on fridays so i'll miss the first half of the leverkusen game#unless i move therapy which i might bc i REALLY want to see how we do against leverkusen#then i'm on a plane during the bochum match :(#and on a road trip w my family for the whole of the next week#so definitely missing the first pokal match bc i'll be hiking in the mountains somewhere#possibly i could watch leipzig in the car IF there's reception#oh fuck and then i'm at a wedding the weekend after so i'll also be in a car during freiburg#fuck me i will not be able to normally watch a bayern match until october 21 😭#bc the ucl matches are also always inconvenient lol#i hate when they always make us the sunday game or the topspiel let us play the early saturday kickoff!#anyway. this is way too much detail about my life. i'm just complaining#bella things
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Neta: ikkan.... You still awake?
Ikkan: mmmmm I am now
Neta: Oh I'm sorry. I'll tell you when we get home
Ikkan: I'm already awake now. You can just tell me...... Is something wrong? You've been fidgety this whole day
Neta: No there's nothing wrong I just I just have stuff in my mind.. is all
Ikkan: mmm............ Come here......
Neta: ok.......*sigh* this is nice.... You should get a chest tattoo. Maybe something that It goes with your scars. Maybe like vines or something plant related. You've been really good with your plants lately it's impressive
Ikkan: That's something to think about. What's on your mind?
Neta: I've been thinking do we get married after you graduate and we move or do we get married before so we don't have to plan anything and just settle down and adjust?
Ikkan:................................................................. um I don't know. I didn't really think about that........ I didn't really think about marriage. Haven't thought about that since we .........hm... Did my mom say something to you?
Neta: yeah she did.......I do want to get married. Do sill you want to get married?
Ikkan:........... Yeah. I do want to be married, but right now I think we should just focus on our lives. You deal with your store and me, with everything going on. I think we can put wedding planning on hold for now but I do. I do think we should renew our engagement.
Neta: that's good. I'd thought you'd say no
Ikkan: why would you think I would say no?
Neta: I don't know. I just get into my own head sometimes. I remembered moments when I was a lot to deal with. I don't think you'd want to deal with that the rest of your life.....not with me
Ikkan: That's not true. I would gladly live with you, be with you and love you through every moment of your life. Including the bad moments.... [Kiss].... Besides, I have bad moments too and you deal with me...... Remember when I couldn't find my guitar pick and just completely melted down... and I didn't speak for two days.......you stayed, most people wouldn't stay when I'm like that.... A lot people didn't
Neta: that's different.... Those are one time things and it could be preventable most of the time..... You just had a bad day.... When I have a bad day that extends to a week and then a month and so on............ That doesn't sound like a good life to share with someone. It doesn't seem like it's worth it. {Taka: it's not worth it... You're not worth it}
Ikkan: It is... It is worth it. You're kind, you're generous, you're attentive, you're nurturing, funny, smart........ You have pretty eyes.....[kiss]..... It's a good life...... You're giving me the best life Neta and I'm happy that I'm living this life with you.... You've change so much.
Neta: yeah like physically... Mostly just looks
Ikkan: no.... well yes,... But your physical changes also came along with a lot of other changes......More mature in a way. More vulnerable and affectionate. You're more calm, less angry when frustrated. Not on edge like you used to.....*sigh*....You let your guard down a little that a good thing..... You weren't like that when we met.... Or when we were first engaged..... I think at that time it wasn't the right time. I don't think you were ready. Honestly neither was I...... I think this time.... This time right now I think we're both ready for this kind of commitment
Neta: so It's a yes... Ikkan... Will you marry me?
Ikkan: hehehehe.. yes... I will marry you.... hehehe
Neta: yesss.... [Kiss] [kiss]... We're back...... [Kisskissksskiss]
Ikkan: Neta! Heheheheh stop! Hehehe
Neta: hehehe.....*sigh*...... Maybe I should have waited...
Ikkan: why?
Neta: I have this whole thing planned.... Where I was going to give you back your bass and tell you that I didn't want it anymore and you were going to ask why and I was going to explain that I didn't need it anymore because I played it when you were away.... and when I started to miss you but now that you're back in my life and it was this whole thing-
Ikkan: why don't we just forget that we had this conversation.... We go home and you get to do your little planned out proposal... Okay?
Neta: yeah..... That's a good idea....*yawn*..... We need to go to sleep........ Our flight is in the morning.........*snoring*
Ikkan: hehe how do you fall asleep so fast?... [Kiss]...
Next day
Mahi: you think it's weird that we're still at his place?... Maybe we should have went home.
Warabi: why? our whole side of the city including The mall's power is out... The hottest day of the year no less.... I'm telling you that zapfish is on its last leg..... That thing has been powering our city before it even was a city. When my grandfather was my age That's pretty old.
Mahi: yeah.... They live quite a long time and it's only 100 and what 5 years old? I'm pretty sure it can like live for maybe another 100 years
Warabi: their life span is 200 something. That's half of their lifespan gone. They're also powering underground life too. the war is over everyone has free power source. It's not just surface dwellers anymore.....
Mahi: They're going to have to get another one.. maybe a younger one..
Warabi: I'm not not one for making predictions, but I feel like this might be the first time inkling and the octarian military are going to have to work together and-oh shit hide hide hide
Mahi: *oof*
Neta: home at last! my own food and my own bed..........*gurgle*....... And my own toilet..... Brb baby.
Ikkan: where's my Nibbles! Nibbles! You miss Daddy??..... nibbles! what did I tell you about jumping on the counter! Come here!
Mahi:..............
Warabi:......... Shhhhhhh.... crawl to the bedroom when Neta leaves
Mahi: ok....... They left the front door unlocked
Ikkan:.. .. Babe did you eat my walnut shrimp!? That's been in there for a week before we even left!! ....... See this is why you're in the bathroom now. You just eat shit you shouldn't and then you pay the con-.......hehehe what are you doing?
Neta: I'm giving you back your bass... I don't need it anymore
Ikkan:...... heheh... Why I thought you wanted my bass.
Neta: I did. I used to play it all the time when you weren't here when I started to miss you. It was during a time when It was a lot harder for us to be in each other's lives.... When I played it I realize that I didn't want you to just be a little glimpse in my life. I want you to be a part of it . I want to be a part of yours...... I love you..... I-I don't really have words to describe my feelings for you. I just know that when I'm around you.... I feel safe and secure and wanted....... I didn't want to cry... *Sniff*.....I never thought I would get to this point......... where I'm actually happy..... Truly happy and I don't think I would have gotten there if I didn't meet you....... That's why I want you to have your bass back....... I don't need to keep with me all the time, it'll always be there when I need it like you. if willing?
Ikkan: if willing what?
Neta: if you're willing to marry. Ikkan......... Will you marry me?
Warabi: *gasp*
Mahi: *silent screaming*
Ikkan: hehehehe...... yes .... I will marry you
Neta: hahahaha yes! Nailed it! Hahahah [kisskissksskiss]
Ikkan: hehehe Neta!..... Cut it out! Hehe...............
Neta:................................
Ikkan:.............................
Ikkan and Neta: [kiss]
Warabi: aw....so sweet
Ikkan........*moan*....
Warabi: oh.... uhh
Mahi: we need to go NOW. They're not looking go.. gogogogogogo..... Before it gets worse..... Gogogo
Warabi:........ Oh my Cod........ Can't believe they didn't notice this!
Mahi:.......... Hahahahahahaha!
Warabi:....... hahahahahahaha!
Mahi: let's go. This was...... Wow!
Warabi: you think that the new rice place is open?... I heard it's good.
Mahi: let's just hope. The power is on over there...... You ate two week old shrimp by the way.
Warabi: but it tasted like one week...
Mahi put together with rubber bands and silly putty by @fish-at-fish-fish-resort
#They are no longer long distance boyfriends they're a long distance fiances#they broke the internet when Neta posted it on squitter and Inkstagram#taka is big mad but he won't come back..... maybe... I don't know I should write something that has neta tell him off#i rewatched the one episode of Fionna and cake with Simon and Betty and I got feelings#Neta gave two assholes his address and now he's paying for it#Warabi ate two week old shrimp and survived#Neta eats anything past the the expiration date or is a little too greasy he's one step closer to death#he does it anyway because he hates waiting food#when inkling parents tell their kids to eat there are starving kids underground. they were talking about him#it's honestly ingrained into both cultures not to waste food for very different reasons#octarians is because food used to be scarce and you had to eat it all cuz you never know it might be your last#inkling is because you should be grateful for what you have because there are others who don't have it#yeah their city is having power problems the great fish is either on its last leg or it's being overworked probably the latter#Neta might have to go on a emergency “business” trip to fix the problem#i don't think they would want a wedding they'd just sign papers and just have a reception or a party#neta
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tmw you give someone concise instructions but they ✨just do not get it✨
#incoherent rambling in the tags ahoy!!!!! idek where i was going with any of this so… yeah.#so anyways! a bunch of interns will be joining the lab life as of tomorrow and i already do not have high hopes for them#the reason? the school they’re from is kinda infamous in the science industry for churning out incompetent interns.#i know this to be true bc i was one of them many moons ago lmaooooo. that school was kinda… y e a h. y’know?#man… i was a truly horrible intern. i just slept at my desk all day… aside from going to the warehouse to collect chemicals and stuff#though that reminds me of that one kinda incompetent staff member who got me in trouble with one of the managers… freakin’ marvin!!!!!!!!!!!#i’ll never forget how he put the delivery order for some chemicals into the fridge with them for some reason after i left for the day??????#like dude whyyyy i put the things on the proper collection tray!!!!!!! whyyyyy did he have to put ‘em in the fridge???????????#and the manager lady called me out in the middle of the next day’s morning meeting for my apparent incompetence in losing the d. o.?????#i was so confused and 100000% not awake enough for it bc i *knew* i put the things in the correct spot >:(((((#another staff member kinda defended me but the damage was done… screw you marvin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! never forgive#and man. *all* the interns were banned from recording the reception of the chemicals and stuff after that. so gj marvin.#i wonder what that dude’s doing with his life now though… despite all that he was still trusted enough to be a backup shift lead so i?????#but at least he kinda gives me an ego boost. whenever i feel down i remember that a guy like him was put in charge sometimes.#freakin’ marvin… i think he was also the dude who occasionally misplaced labsheets and stuff that local intern me had to hunt down… not fun.#i don’t really remember people and names that easily unless they’re of people i hate so… hm. idk what that says about my opinion of marvin—#i just hope the new interns at my workplace won’t be as bad as the recent incompetent intern… or freakin’ marvin.#that guy will probs be the only one i’ll name and shame bc i last saw him over 3 years ago so the statute of limitations is def over right—#though come to think of it… my intern experience was pretty dumb and pointless. i did make an enemy out of the local microbiologist though—#but ig i’ll try my best to not be too mean to the new interns… i hope they don’t approach me thoughhh. negative social skills ahoy!!!!#i don’t wanna teach them anything either (finally returning to the subject of the post). i still have flashbacks to the incompetent intern—#and i know for sure that they won’t come pre-loaded with any knowledge of the tests here bc i was from their school…#but c’mon new interns!!!!! pls prove me wrong!!!! pls be better interns than i was in the past!!!! pleaseeeeeeee!!!!!!!!#i’m so done with the week already. pls let it end.#sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂
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I need my own documentary. I'm so fucking entertaining. And not even on purpose.
#I'd piss myself laughing.#my life is literally telling people not to trip over chairs whilst I'm tripping over one myself#and that's not even a metaphor or anything#that's my life. and EVERYTHING i do is like that#i'm still not over setting security alarms off at 7am opening the office#being called insane for taking myself on a trip at 4am to get to work for no reading other than i thought it'd be fun#walking into a TV trying to lead a first day trainee to reception#missing my bus stop. and having to power walk into work#not realising for the first 2 weeks i was supposed to start at 9am not 9:30am....#list is endless. I'm probably forgetting some key moments of my character development#i know for a fact there is a certain few who hate the rest of us for being so silly (mainly Avi)#Charlie found it beyond hilarious. to be honest he kind of was triggered to front when it happened which was cool#because we left him to work for the rest of the day. and he's damn good at the job. had over half done of a job in 7h ish despite it#being budgeted for 20h.#we got some over time in too. worked a 10h shift today. not even tired.
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#a dear childhood friend's wife died 2 weeks ago#his parents and mine have known each other since before we were born and we went to school together until we graduated from hs#we weren't in the same friend group as we entered middle school and onward but it was a small school in a small town etc etc#i've always thought very highly of him and would've liked to be closer friends with him but he was in the ~cool crowd~ and very outdoorsy#where i was neither of those things#anyway his wife suddenly and unexpectedly died 2 days before christmas and i've been so broken hearted for him since#they just had their 2nd baby about 7 weeks earlier#horrible tragic unthinkable heart wrenching#and i saw him at the funeral for the first time since his sister's wedding in 2011#he's been living in other places for school and training but he moved back here about 1.5 years ago#and i want to be there for him and be friends#i'm so mad i didn't reach out when i first found out he was back but i didn't feel like i could bc would be even care about me#and what if too much time has gone by blah blah he has a family yadda yadda#but i think that's bs actually bc people have been very receptive to seeing me when i've run into them or their parents or on social#things are different now and we're grown and not awkward kids (even though i feel like one all the time)#and i'm mad and sad that i could've met his wife who seems amazing and was deeply loved by everyone she knew#and i'm also confused bc i feel so strongly about him that i'm like ??? am i in love with him ??? wth#why am i like this#why do i feel every emotion at such an extreme#is this an adhd thing#i think i just care deeply about him because he's a great person and someone i have a strong tie to through the school we both attended#not to mention the connection our moms have and his older sister who was also very nice to me#i know i'm lonely but i think the situation might be worse than i thought#being the only child of 2 parents who are both aging and in pretty bad shape is not where it's at#especially because i'm disabled in ways too and i desperately want to improve but it's really hard and i hate myself and living like this!!!#so again that brings me thinking who will love you (certainly not him) and why are you thinking about this anyway#(i'm just as bad as the guys who swoop in to snag women who are freshly widowed or divorced or otherwise broken up with)#except i'm not (i think) bc this obvi isn't something i would wish on anyone and i want his wife's memory to be a blessing#maybe i'm just insane and need to take my meds and go to bed#personal
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i have this severe problem where once a friend always consistently texts me all the time nonstop, i would match their energy and feel admiration and adoration for them despite their morals being diff than mine so i'll overlook it. but the longer it keeps going and theres no space for me to breathe and theyre constantly in my space do i get so annoyed and distant and i start seeing the redflags i tried so hard to ignore and now im stuck
#its this close friend of mine#she knows alllllllll of my past relationships#shes the one who adviced me on what to do when it comes to dating and shes the person whos there listening to all my traumas and i do for -#-her as well!#but how we started being friends wasnt shared interest but me being receptive and unreactive to her traumas when other people would react#negatively.#we are two polar opposites . im a hopeless romantic loser and shes a baddie as she calls herself#she puts herself high on the pedestal (and id be saying rightfully so) but the constant self praise and also bringing people down its very#-girls girl of her you know?#so im conflicted#like i hate this attitude of bringing people down and shaming people for being other than herself . its obnoxious and pompous and i want to#get away from that. but at the same time she doesnt know i feel this way and i cant suddenly distance myself#so what am i to do#we can also go on 8 hours talking but with her occupying probably 6 hours of her talking about boys and men ALONE#i love her truly but im getting a little turned off by this behaviour#personal but not so personal#if i keep feeling this way i just know im gonna leave slowly and run away and then it be so awkward pretending we are good.#im not saying im a good person thats why im calling out my behaviour.#i have done this to another close friend before too. she acts the same as my current close friend
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Sometimes you have something that you could say, that you think about saying, that you more or less know how you'd phrase it... but it's just not fucking worth it cause you know for a fact that people don't fucking listen
I don't know, I try to stay... if not optimistic then at least with a mind set of "doesn't matter, we've got no choice but to try and make things better"
Truthfully though I think I'm extremely pessimistic when it comes to the chances of anyone actually listening to what I say
I'm not sure if I'm just bad with words but... it seems impossible to convey even simple thoughts to people so... truthfully I've more or less given up and have just stopped trying. Especially if I don't at least know people well
So there it is
#like I could have said this; and I could have said that; and... hmm... I just don't think I would have succeeded in conveying that like...#I'm actually on your side man; I'm in your corner on this#I think you might be tilting at windmills here#but it's not fucking worth it anymore cause history shows me I'd either get no response or one that missed every word I said#and... I just give up... with everything#I don't want to say no one listens because that goes too far; but even with people I like very few people feel like they listen#people I adore where it's like... I'm not sure how you don't get that I can't 'move out' of my house cause... it's my house; like I own it#it's a question of telling someone else they have to leave; but like... I ain't leaving my home... this is mine#and... I don't understand how... this is like the 3rd or 4th time I've had to explain this; and it doesn't add up to me#cause this is someone that's brilliant that I know cares about me#...so I'm mostly confused... and a bit sad and hurt... but mostly I just don't get what I'm doing wrong in communicating#but if that's how I feel about someone I'm close to; how do you think I feel about strangers?#I don't understand what it takes to get people to listen#and like... there's a chance they would have; there's a chance they would have been super receptive#it's just... it's no longer worth the effort to me#it's not worth the effort on a chance; and perhaps I do them a real disservice; and perhaps I do the next person one too#but... there's too many people I run into these days where I'm right and so... I don't know; kinda am closed off at this point#or something; fuck it; doesn't matter#also you people worry too much about me just saying what's on my mind#whatever the fuck I may say here... ain't I cleaning and shit; whatever... hmm...#you'd fucking hate Eeyore; you say you'd like him; but I'm telling you that people can't fucking accept someone being a bit morose#you'd bother him to cheer up; you say you'd accept him; but I'm saying you wouldn't#and I'm saying you wouldn't cause no one can just let me say shit that's on my mind without making a big deal out of it#like at what point do I earn the right to not have to fix myself on top of all the other shit I'm trying to fix?#at what point does taking practical actions to try and improve my situation make up for me saying gloomy shit sometimes?#whatever... doesn't matter#if there's one thing I've learned in life it's that people care very much; and they're fucking horrible at actually supporting people#most people want to very much and suck very badly at it; in part cause they can't just sit with someone; they're always trying to fix thing#mm tag so i can find things later
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