#and because of you i usually just keep most of my criticism to myself because holy shit no one needs more noise

[mangotangerine]

what if ozzie created hell's version of ao3 and then radiostatic became one of the most popular ships but alastor didn't find out because ew, technology, until one day he did, but the top 69 fics are written by the same person & have incredibly realistic aspects that only one other person in hell would know

well, i wrote it. see below the cut for what i have so far

vox writes fanfic (and his username is alastors_babygirl)

Alastor goes nearly a century without acquiring any of those ridiculous, overdesigned electronic devices that the rest of Hell rots their brain with.

×

Things have been odd as of late. Angel Dust has been giving him strange looks—not the usual objectifying leer meant to evoke discomfort, but something more inquisitive—and Niffty has taken to giggling every time he walks past that tacky television they keep in the lounge. It hadn’t bothered him at first, as Angel Dust has always been a strange fellow, and Niffty is… well, Alastor isn’t sure if even she understands her own whimsy, sometimes.

But now, it’s getting a bit out of hand.

“Niffty, my dear,” Alastor says, “I have a question for you.”

She giggles, likely because he is standing next to the television. She manages to get it under control, though he can still hear the laughter in her voice as she says, “Yes?”

He glances pointedly at the television, then back at Niffty, and her grin widens. She kicks her feet and covers her mouth to hold back the giggles that threaten to erupt, and Alastor sighs. He is not going to get satisfying answers from her. “Never mind,” he says, weary. “Perhaps Charlie knows.”

×

Charlie blushes a bright red and flips her phone face-down in a panic, when he finally asks her in her office.

“Um—um, well…” she trails off, body language broadcasting her discomfort.

“This is getting tiring,” Alastor says, letting irritation bleed into his voice. “Despite my confidence that it is not the case, because who would be so foolish, I feel as though I’m being mocked. It is quite unpleasant.”

“No! No no no!” she squeaks. “No, it’s not that, it’s just…” she takes a deep breath. “The fan fiction.”

“The what now?” Alastor asks, eyebrows furrowing.

She bites her lip, glancing down at her phone. “Asmodeus um… launched this new website,” she starts, and Alastor wrinkles his nose in disgust. Ugh, not this nonsense again. “And, well… people write stories on it about... about media or things they’re fans of. Like—like use the characters and setting, and… andyou’rethemostpopularship,” she says in a rush.

Alastor looks down at himself, and then back up at Charlie. “I didn’t take you for the type to be critical of somebody’s figure, regardless of the inaccuracy of your statement,” he says, clearly disappointed, and Charlie gasps.

“No! Ship—ship, like relationship! Not—I would never.” She’s offended now, frowning at him. “Why would you think I’d—”

“Please, Charlie,” Alastor says sharply, “Explain to me in plain language.”

She bites her lip, then shrinks a little in her seat. “Sometimes people… um, write stories about people, who they think would be good in a relationship… like romance stories.”

“What does this have to do with anything?” Alastor snaps.

“You’re the top—you’re the um, most popular, uh, ship. Relationship. Well, not just you, it takes two—anyway.” She stops, and smiles at him nervously.

“Who is the second party in this ‘relationship’ involving myself?” he asks, eyes narrowed.

When she tells him, he very politely demands to be shown this website, and she meekly flips her phone over and slides it toward him. He looks through it, smile fading slowly until it’s just a barely-there quirk of the lips. “Who?” he asks, unable to hide the venom in his voice. “Who is writing these?”

“Many—many people, Alastor. It’s—there’s—I, I mean, you see how many stories!” she squeaks.

“Do you read the ones where I’m involved with your father?” he asks, suspicious, as he points at the device. She gasps.

“No!” Charlie practically yells. “No, I do—I do not read sex stories about my—”

“Sex stories?” Alastor asks, voice thick with radio distortion, and she covers her mouth in horror at her own mistake.

“I—I mean, not all of them are—I mean, there are a ton that are just—and not just with my dad, but with—you know, him, and they’re—they’re so sweet, Alastor!”

The exhaustion is settling in his bones now, his ever-present smile twisted into a sardonic grimace. “I fail to understand how there can be any stories involving me and that—that walking billboard that are sweet.”

“Well, um…” she hesitates, nervous. “You could… you could read some?”

“I will most certainly not be doing that,” he says. “I will be going now. I appreciate your transparency, as painful as the information was to extract from you.”

Alastor leaves with his signature flourish, melting into the shadows.

×

He goes a week before he folds, though he has one of those egg creatures Sir Pentious left behind procure an electronic device for him instead of trying to find one himself. He then commands it to demonstrate how to navigate to that vapid archive of obscenities everyone seems so enraptured by.

Though there are a lot of these creepy little stories, and just as many writers, the most popular of these ‘fan fiction’ novellas are all written under the same pen name and have very specific personal details that only one other person in Hell would know.

Well, he supposes it has been quite a while since he’s gone to terrorize that tower in person. Why, he’s been positively angelic since his return to the public sphere. It’s time to pay his old friend a visit.

×

He could go in the front door, cause a scene, really ham it up for Vox’s pervasive cameras, but that’s too easy. Too predictable, and what sort of performer would he be if he didn’t improvise and change things up a bit?

Alastor materializes in Vox’s office, behind his chair. He is, unfortunately, not alone, as Alastor had hoped. Startled, Velvette screams, and Alastor turns to blink at her owlishly.

“Was that really necessary?” he asks.

Vox spins around in his chair so fast it keeps spinning, makes 3 revolutions before Vox manages to stop it. Alastor looks Vox up and down, nose wrinkled in distaste.

“I just greased it!” Vox says defensively. “It doesn’t do that all the time, I can—I can control my chair!”

“Why is he here?” Velvette hisses, and Vox points menacingly at Alastor.

“Yeah! Why is he—why are you here?”

Alastor inhales deeply, and lets out a slow, disappointed sigh. “We need to talk.”

“Get out of my fucking tower,” Vox snaps.

“I’d love to,” Alastor says, “as soon as you answer some questions about the creepy little love stories you’ve been writing online.”

Vox blanches, as much as a television screen can blanch—that is, his face turns greyscale, reminding Alastor very distinctly of the picture shows his mother used to take him to as a child. It’s very amusing, on Vox.

“Velvette, get out,” Vox orders, voice sharp. The color slowly bleeds back into his face, one pixel at a time.

Velvette gets up, looking like she’s about to argue, when Alastor turns to face her directly, twirling his microphone in hand as his smile grows.

“Fine, fuck you,” she spits, and makes her way out.

Then it’s just Alastor and Vox. Vox and Alastor. Two old friends. Two old buddies. Pals. Former pals. Ex-partners.

“I can explain,” Vox says, panicked.

“Oh,” Alastor says, sounding delighted. “You’re admitting to it so easily? Usually you’re more difficult than that.”

“Fuck,” Vox groans.

[invinciblerodent]

(oh, i should not be trying to playfully weigh in on a "who's your LEAST favorite companion?" post, it starts off lighthearted and then it makes me go on my Fenris-rant again)

[ettadunham]

i'm kinda heartbroken about the new redthreadgames title becoming one of those clown gamer ragebait targets, because even if it is genuinely bad, there's now no way to find a normal fucking conversation on it on the internet.

anyway, i'm obviously gonna get it during the christmas sale anyway, it just sucks that there's so much bullshit to wade through because gremlins can't be normal about minorities in video games.

[michellesneptune]

HOW THE MOON SIGNS ACT WHEN THEY LOVE YOU pt. 1

disclaimer: forgive me if the series doesn’t cover all twelve signs, but i don’t think i’ve known enough people to speak about everyone’s way of loving. please be patient🤗

aries moon/1H

ooooh those little devils🔥😈 you can see the mischievous twinkle in their eyes. they’re children of Ares - the god of war! when they speak of their loved ones it feels as though they’re ready to kill for them any minute, only waiting for the right (or any😂) reason.

(just my observation, please don’t come at me) i believe that these natives are prone to being more loyal, less selfish and flaky than aries venus. aries is known to be 'the baby' of the zodiac, valuing independence and self-fulfilment greatly. however, i’ve noticed aries moons to be devoted af!! you will never catch them bad mouthing a friend or a partner.

also, from my experience, both placements like to fight, however aries venus often does it for own enjoyment, the initial chase turns them on. as for aries moons, they’re more steady. they would go to great lengths for friends and partners. you can call them in the middle of the night and ask the craziest favor, they WILL come and help.

(please keep in mind that i mean unevolved aries venuses that still have a lesson or two to learn!)

PS. they love to be treated like the center of your world, please give them attention💕

taurus moon/2H

hmmmm how do i put it… 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍! i will say that i am biased bc my boyfriend is one and the way he’s attentive, always asks about the details of my day, pays attention to my routines and shows love through acts of service🥹 you’ve probably heard the rumours and they’re true. taurus moons make the best cooks ever. and i don’t mean putting together a couple of cheap pancakes, nuh uh. their sharp senses only let them buy the best quality ingredients and cook with great care. bonus points if they prepare a dish that they know is your favourite!

i will say though, they are not the most verbal lovers. but when they’re in, they mean it. when they say they love you, it becomes a fact so obvious that they don’t feel the need to repeat it over and over. they like to settle into a routine, so don’t expect them to be flaky, send mixed signals and stir things up just to feel something/for fun (sag moons cough cough😅😅).

they also seem brutal sometimes. but i believe it’s because they see honesty as the highest form of trust. they want to feel comfortable with you. they value silence, too. they’re the type to show you their appreciation not by telling you how perfect you are but by actually putting in the work to show you your value and show that they’re worthy of being by your side.

lastly, their homes are their sanctuaries, a reflection of their feelings. usually beautiful and they look for someone worthy of letting in, to match their belongings. they get a rep for being possessive and stubborn, nevertheless with the right person they can make a sacrifice and at least try to change their ways😂😂

virgo moon/6H

okay so i know they’re said to be critical, demanding, neurotic etc but hear me out. virgo is a mutable sign, ruled by mercury and in true mutable fashion they DO get wild, fun and unhinged lol. as a virgo moon myself i am well aware of the fact that i often act like i’ve got a stick up my ass. but when i get closer to you i want it all: karaoke nights, fast car rides, spontaneous trips! sometimes i even take those things to the extreme!

they’re also said to have the highest standards. and while i imagine it’s partly true, i believe that this placement is all about accepting the biggest, weirdest quirks of your s/o (as well as 6th house synastry!).

besides, i think that we get more so insecure and self-critical in relationships, analyzing the f outta our partners, wondering whether we’re meeting their demands! we’re about the overall quality of the partnership and just want it to be perfect🥺 we’re also quite anxious and require lots of reassurance.

lastly, everyone knows it: virgo moons are like the final boss of small acts of service lol. vacuuming your flat, folding your clothes. they notice the smallest things that could improve your life and happily do them for you!

capricorn moon/10H

this one is tricky. they remind me a bit of taurus but more rough in a sense that they probably won’t pamper you with luxurious baths and gourmet food but they will do things like pay your rent, get you a job or buy a car😂. i’ve noticed them to be a bit grumpy sometimes, definitely not the softest lovers.

they’re up to giving some tough love. pushing you into a scary path that they know will be rewarding in the end. teaching you that even in the hardest lessons of saturn there is light. they’re not the most cheerful on a daily basis but - surprisingly- they are the ones that keep calm in the face of crises. they’re like okay we can’t do anything about it now let’s appreciate what we do have and focus on what we can change.

it’s because they know all to well how karma is. they had to learn it the hard way which made them so strong and resilient.

what i’ve personally noticed: they will stick by your side no. matter. what. this isn’t always a good thing as sometimes it’s best to walk away but if you’re expecting a cap moon to give up on you, don’t.

i also feel like they’re used to being the oldest sibling, the mom friend etc. please take care of them from time to time!

that is all i have for you! thank you for reading💕 i wish all of you lots and lots of love💋 see ya

~Michelle

[ohnoitstbskyen]

PINNED POST, FAQ, INFORMATION

Hi, I'm TBSkyen. I make videos on YouTube sometimes. This is my main tumblr blog, the "brand" blog as it were, where I maintain my Social Media Presence™ on this site.

I use the ironic ™ to signal my personal discomfort with the work of being a minor media personality even while I still do that work and make a living off it.

I have a sideblog called @tbposting, mostly for shitposts and reblogs, and in my opinion I have pretty darn good taste in reblogs, so you can follow that if you want. It's also where I'll do random personal posting, microblogging, etc.

This main blog is primarily for 1) answering asks, and 2) posting my Original Content™, usually my main channel videos, as well as the occasional longer essay or critique. Sometimes I'll reblog an interesting or useful thing, or boost a friend's work, but I try to keep the spam to a minimum.

---

About Me

I am a thirtysomething content creator whose primary expertise is character design.

I have a bachelor's degree in English, never finished my master's, did most of a bachelor's degree in history, and that's it. These are my academic qualifications, no more and no less.

My professional experience is primarily being a freelancer and self-employed creator. I spent the better part of a decade working as a commission artist, running webcomics, drawing fanart, and the occasional animation work and not safe for work commissions, and I have at this point a decade of experience and self-study in the subjects I cover. I have also done online community management for, god help me, almost twenty years, so that's a part of my skillset I'll never escape.

I do not have any particular professional creative industry experience, although given what I hear from my professional friends, sometimes that seems like a blessing.

Please maintain a critical distance when engaging with my work. I am a critic. My work is very rarely meant to be taken as authoritative or didactic, and when it is, I will make it clear in my writing. Just because I speak with confidence doesn't mean I am trying to assert objective truth.

---

TAGS (to follow, or filter)

#tbanswers is the tag for every single ask I answer on this blog

#tb reblog is the tag for reblogs

#tb essay is for the occasional longer essay or critical writing

#tbvideos is for my videos and Content™

#tb recommends is for the occasional recommendation of a video essay or other creator

Yes, I know the spaces are inconsistent. It's not on purpose, I just typed them in haphazardly when I started using them and it's stuck.

---

FAQ (before you ask)

Q: Will you ever do a video about ____ ? A: The answer to this question is almost universally "maybe someday, if I have time, and if I feel I have anything worthwhile to say." And the more realistic answer is "no, because I already have far too much on my plate and I have burned myself out too many times." In general, please don't ask me this question, I will most likely not answer it because I have given the same answer a thousand times, but I still feel guilty about not answering them.

Q: Will you continue your series of videos about ____ ? A: Yes! I will continue the let's plays I started, I will finish the Boss Designs series, I will do another What's the Deal With, I will do more shorts about the subjects I've got going on. The main obstacle is, again, my tendency to overload myself.

Q: Do you have a PO box? Can I send you something? A: Not yet, but I'm looking into it. It may be a while before I get it set up.

Q: Do you have merchandise? A: A little bit, yes, at tbskyen.redbubble.com.

Q: What's your opinion on [game/movie/comic/book/etc]? A: I struggle to answer very open, broad questions like this. Most things I have opinions about, I have multiple opinions, and different ones depending on the perspective and specific element in question. I'm much more likely to answer specific, bounded questions.

Q: Can I send you fanart? A: PLEASE. Askbox, tag me on bluesky, send it to my email! I love seeing every piece of it!

Q: Why do you never appear on camera? A: A forest witch cursed me to look not quite but ALMOST like Paul Giamatti in all photos and videos ever taken of me, and his laywers sent me a cease-and-desist.

Q: Are you gay/straight/bi/other? A: The decision I've made for myself, at least for this period of my life, is that privacy is precious, and once given up can never be reclaimed on the internet. I am open about being aromantic (not asexual), because it's a sometimes invisible and underdiscussed identity, and I know it would have helped me a lot to see someone speak about it when I was younger.

The rest of it is for me to know, and for you to speculate about, although preferably somewhere I can't see it. I accept that this is a part of being a Personality, but it still feels weird, y'know?

Q: Is it weird if I find your voice kinda hot? A: I've put a lot of work into developing this voice and making it nice to listen to, so that's not weird at all and I find it quite complimentary, thank you.

I generally don't mind people doing flirty/thirsty posting about or at me, just so long as we all understand that 1) you should never give a stranger like me information which could be used to harm you. Nicer-seeming YouTubers than me have turned out to be monsters.

And 2) it will never go beyond playful online flirtiness. I like to fluster my live chat, I'll flirt back in an ask or a post maybe, but I am not flirting with you, or inviting any kind of closer intimacy with you, the person I responded to.

Think of me like a comedian doing crowd-work at a show - you can chat to me in the bar after the show, but when I asked you what you do for work I wasn't looking for a personal connection, I was doing my work as an entertainer. Please no sending me nudes, or propositions, or confession letters in my email inbox. We are strangers, and I am always performing a persona in public.

[celestial-sphere-press]

what kind/style of endbands do you usually do? they look so good 👀

hi!! sorry for taking a while to answer, I wanted to make sure I could give you my best answer.

I usually do what's called a "double core" endband. I use double core endbands over the "bead on front" method because bead on front style is not great for uneven distributions of color, irregular patterns, or using more than three colors. Functionally it works by having your extra threads wrapped up inside the thread that is showing, forming the smaller secondary core. Ultimately you are doing figure 8s around the main core & then your secondary core of thread. This keeps things pretty neat & tidy. The tutorial I first used was this one by DAS Bookbinding, though I don't think his endband tutorials are his best ones. Another binder I've spoken with endbands about a lot is maleeka, who recently did an endband tutorial herself.

maybe I should do one... but it takes a lot for me to get enough motivation to make videos. I'll take this opportunity to write up some tips I've shared when people ask instead:

1. Endband core material is the MOST IMPORTANT component. You need a core that is stiff but flexible - it should NOT be floppy because it wiggles everywhere under the tension of the thread, but still needs to flex with the opening & closing of the book. You want something that doesn't compress, to reduce tension shifts in thread creating a lumpy endband. Have a smooth core is less critical but helps to avoid snagging threads & allows you some leeway on sliding threads around for adjustments. My personal choice is smooth leather jewelers cord (link is just an example, I get mine from a local craft store).

2. Thread size. All your threads need to be the same size; it will be visible if you are using two different sizes, and mess with your front core. Additionally, I know lots of people will use larger twists of multiple strands of embroidery thread, which can work, but is more likely to compress & alter its size in unexpected ways. A single strand is preferable. If you want something thicker you can find some thread weights that are heavier twists intended to be used in a single strand, not pulled apart. I prefer smaller sizes because it works better for the gradient designs I like.

3. Silk thread is your friend (if you can spend the money on it). It reduces fuzz (no fuzz like you get with cotton/DMC embroidery thread), it's usually easier to manage, has a more compact twist, and a higher shine. I use Japanese silk hand sewing thread in size #9 (9号). There's multiple brands (Tire, Daruma, KNK/kanagawa, etc). Here's a wholesale listing (minimum 20,000¥ for international). A non-Japanese brand is Guterman silk (German brand). Both the Japanese & German threads come in a heavier weight (Japanese is #16, Guterman is buttonhole).

4. Thread tension is the most important part of the actual technique. You need to ensure the threads currently wrapped in the secondary core keep tension when you are working the thread around them.

5. Working on a curve. This is only really relevant if you're doing an endband on a rounded book, but the circumference of the curve means there's more real estate on the outside vs inside of the curve. Sometimes this can cause bunching on the secondary core. My own solution to this is that sometimes I wrap the primary core but drop a wrap here or there around the secondary core (only between two wraps of the same color I'm dropping). I uh... don't know of anyone currently recommending this besides myself so I can't point to any pro endorsement for this method, it's just what works for me. Forgive my terrible writing:

6. Pattern management. I... don't really plan much how my patterns sit on the spine, which is not very helpful. HOWEVER you can do some pattern management on the fly, if you really want your pattern to end at a certain place. Thread can be packed more or less densely on the core, resulting in some pattern compression; you could also strategically drop wraps in less noticeable locations. An unintended example: I was replicating the pattern on this endband (left) when I realize I wasn't packing the thread as densely as I had the first time around (right), which resulted in the overall pattern taking up more space. You can do this on purpose, if you need to.

this was way more than you asked but it gave me a chance to put all this in one spot. Best of luck in vanquishing the dreaded EndWyrms.

[chiisana-sukima]

nine people i want to get to know better

Thank you for the tag, @slutsons-blog! Starting a new post because I'm autistic and therefore mostly only care about the "Current Obsession" question, and want to ramble excessively as usual in that one.

Last song: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Red Rescue Team: Pokemon Square because I'm currently playing Pokemon Mystery Dungeon with my daughter. Otherwise I honestly couldn't tell you. Whatever was on in my car.

Fave color: Purple

Currently watching: Star Trek Discovery

Last movie: Knives Out

Sweet/spicy/savory: Sweet, tart, salty

Relationship: married x 27 years

Last thing I googled: the word "dependent", for spelling assistance. which is a good thing because I spelled it "dependant".

Current Obsession: it's been spn since 2016. Truly we are the Hotel California of media franchises. I did recently play Disco Elysium twice in a row in quick succession, and I follow the DE tag. I can't recommend the game highly enough.... but I can feel my Special Interest-level obsession with it fading already. Spn has never faded even a tiny bit and I wonder if it ever will.

@slutsons-blog I feel after reading that you're watching spn for the first time, that I did you a bit of a disservice with my Sam takes to you before in that I mostly talked about Sam's evolution as a character as the show goes on and very little about him from the first five seasons.

Gotta be honest and tell you that although I liked both brothers all along, I was a Dean girl until the end of s6/beginning of s7, when the balance of who gets whumped the most started shifting and my subconscious suddenly decided to switch allegiances. It's not that I liked Dean any less; my id just loves a sopping wet pathetic kitten of a man who has been sexually abused, and Sam got suddenly way more kitteny and pathetic after the Cage. So I don't actually have a ton of takes on "what to love about Sam in the early seasons". I do love early seasons Sam too--she is my beautiful baby princess--but my early seasons takes are a lot more inchoate.

I count myself lucky about my id's sudden defection though, because I think we have limited control of who our blorbos are, and having Dean as a blorbo is a tough row to hoe as the later seasons go along. You know how you noticed that in s6, Dean suddenly gets a lot more assholey without apparent reason? Unfortunately he never gets better again, and in fact keeps getting worse and worse as the years go by, until by the last seasons he is openly far more abusive to their joint child(-in-an-adult body) than John was to him and Sam. It's a realistic picture of what can happen when trauma keeps piling up on people, but it's also honestly pretty distressing, especially if he's your blorbo.

If one is in it for the ship, there's some good destiel content in the later seasons, but if you're in it for Dean, you're left either 1) dealing with the fact he's got extremely significant interpersonal problems that he never gets much of anywhere on solving and that negatively impact his chosen family in profound ways, or 2) pretending he's the same character he was in s1 and Sam is the same Sam from s1, only more boring, and Dean is just trying to put up with him because he was brainwashed by John (or ig 3- something in the middle between those two. But that seldom seems to happen in practice for whatever reason). These two versions of the show are poorly compatible, and that's how the Sam girls and the Dean girls end up in isolated silos. A few people manage to live in both, but not many.

Anyway, I feel like without the context of how Sam and Dean change in the mid to late seasons, the two fics I recc'd as Sam character studies are going to seem insanely Dean-critical, so if you haven't read them yet, you might want to wait until s10. In the meantime, the general recs are fun reads and hopefully do a good job of showcasing both characters earlier on.

Tagging (but I would be a huge hypocrite if I didn't specify there's no pressure to respond, since I almost always fail at responding to tag games myself): @adihildilid @aliusfrater @quietwingsinthesky @sammygender @ardentpoop

@peanutbutterandbananasandwichs @schizosamwincester @normalbrothershow @jellybracelet.

[notmorbid]

all-night pharmacy.

dialogue prompts from all-night pharmacy by ruth madievsky.

you're so alive, it's scary.

being a person doesn't come naturally for me.

what's the deal with this place?

you are my best and my worst friend.

are we horrible people?

i like the idea of having someone to come home to.

i can't tell if you're being cruel or if you're just dumb.

these aren't the decisions of a well-adjusted person.

the less you know about my life, the better.

everyone here is a liar and a cheat.

you deserve to have a life of your own.

a person can't be held responsible for what they don't know.

all relationships are transactional.

no one should have that much power over you.

it isn't too late to come back.

you're uninvited from my birthday party.

i love you, but you're such a cunt.

who do you think you are?

forced intimacy makes me lightheaded.

i know you're in there. let me in.

jesus. why do you have a knife?

what happened last night?

it was less embarrassing to pretend i didn't care.

maybe i'm not the mothering type.

i wish i could carry some of this pain for you.

i need a break from feeling so much all the time.

sometimes i can't tell if i'm asleep or awake.

whatever's going on, we'll figure it out.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm scared all the time.

this is the most i can imagine for myself.

if you're not asking yourself 'am i ruining my life?' at least once a day, you're not living at all.

you act like you're over it, but it's okay if you're not.

all my life, i've felt like a dead animal with its skin still on.

it's a virtue to rid yourself of anything that doesn't serve you.

i've never had a day of rest in my life.

i chase after you like a dog, leaving pieces of myself behind, and every time, you act like that's how it's supposed to be.

you don't take me seriously. i'm not a real person to you.

i can't play house anymore.

never say that name in front of me.

to you, other people are always the problem.

you can't reach a mutual understanding without spilling blood.

want to make fifty bucks?

the only way to really see a person is to lose everything you have in common.

you don't think we'll get caught?

our loyalty is to story, not reality.

just don't do anything that could result in a lawsuit or a tmz article, and you're fine.

i don't have the energy to keep up with your antics.

our most beloved delusion was that lying to each other was a kind of love.

speaking our fears aloud won't save us.

one day, the mask slipped. i haven't been able to wear it since.

i try not to think about my life at all.

a junkie can spot another junkie without a flashlight.

your voice reminds me of wool sweaters.

boundaries? i don't know her.

i'm just sick of doing the same goddamn thing every day.

you are obsessed with a projection that will never love you back.

think of me as a spiritually connected friend.

i know liars. you don't strike me as one.

you have iconically poor judgment.

has anyone ever told you about your past lives?

you're capable of tolerating a lot. frankly, more than you should.

friendship can be a slow burn. you don't have to consume it like a drink at last call.

i'll give you a clue. i work for myself.

you make me want to feel things again.

criticism is still a cousin of attention.

you don't have to pretend to like something just because i made it.

i know you crave being told what to do.

you don't have to settle for being a person things happen to.

you have desires. act on them.

bitch, does this look like an intro to philosophy seminar?

i thought i had quit you.

my favorite. how did you know?

i feel like my organs are cannibalizing each other.

how did i get here? that's not a rhetorical question. i'm actually asking.

i can't tell if i believe it, or if i'm making excuses for myself.

sometimes i wonder if it's healthy how much meaning you see in things.

you're always waiting for the universe to hurt you or to love you. usually in that order.

that's how it was in my family. reading the room was a survival skill.

where will all the animals go in the rapture?

a bunch of fuckups under one roof doesn't constitute a family.

my little saint.

time passes more slowly as a sober person.

you'd better not pull away from me now.

there's a russian proverb that goes, 'so much is ruined by saying it aloud'.

you wear your emotions like a name tag.

your resting face frightens me.

how are you both the most innocent and the most experienced person i've ever met?

i need you to just be here with me.

our dead deserve to see you happy.

i like the idea of being marked by you.

i don't know what i saw, but it was more than i wanted.

i know what i saw.

i can't tell which of the memories are real, if any.

i can't believe you're mine.

nobody warned me how terrifying it is to get what you want.

you're cute when you're freaked out.

sex is supposed to be unsettling.

there are things i need to atone for.

you can't go back like it's nothing.

i won't live in service of my dead's vision for me.

___ was a real person. a murder isn't a metaphor.

count five things you can see. four things you can touch. three things you can hear. two things you can smell. one thing you can taste.

banish one god, and you'll end up worshiping another.

i want to be with you, but i don't want to keep feeling like this.

you know everything about me, but you won't let me know you.

you aren't someone i can keep at a distance.

i've been reading about intergenerational curses.

resisting something isn't the same as not wanting it.

anything you say stays between us.

i can't decide if i like you.

most people only possess a third of the empathy they think they have.

will it get easier?

hope is a tricky thing: losing it is bad, but so is having too much.

i don't want the future to come. i have a bad feeling about it.

in cartoons, you don't start falling until you look down.

why are you here? where have you been?

how did you know i'd come looking for you?

you never asked what i was going through. you didn't want to know.

i didn't have the language for what was happening to me.

you were supposed to protect me.

there's a lot i don't remember. a lot i don't want to remember.

i wouldn't have looked for me, either.

we belong to ourselves now.

you know where i am, and i know where you are. maybe that's enough.

when i'm down, vigilante justice makes me feel better.

survival is provisional.

[reignpage]

Frequently Asked Questions

When sending an ask, what are the rules?

All requests regarding smaus and fics will be sent straight to the trash Send a request regardless and you risk being blocked But you are free to ask questions and how jjk men would react etc I'm always very happy to answer questions Also, be aware that if you send a complaint or something negative, it'll likely go in the bin I do this for free so constructive criticism isn't of interest to me

When do you post?

Whenever I have time, sometimes multiples times in one day, sometimes every other day, but I'm generally known to post daily

Why do you like angst so much?

Contrary to popular belief, angst isn't my favourite genre to do, I actually like smut and fluff just as much

What app do you use to make your smaus?

I don't use an app. I use my own messages and I'll send myself texts.

Will you do other characters like Ino and Shiu?

I do add Ino, Hiro and Shiu sometimes but they're special guests. It's a little difficult for me to write for them because of timing and because l don't know them well enough so I don't want people to start expecting them. They're a treat.

Why aren't you answering my requests?

Unfortunately, I can't answer every request, it's too much A lot of the times, I'm just not inspired by a request either because it's too specific or too broad But just because I haven't answered immediately, doesn't mean I'll never do it

Do you read your inbox?

Of course, I read all comments and messages sent to my inbox I may not reply to every nice message, but that's usually because I like to keep most of them in my inbox for me to scroll through when I'm feeling low

How do you make the coloured fonts?

I followed screampied's tutorial, it's on their faq I use stuffbydavid

Do you have a tag list?

No and do not ask to be tagged either, it won’t happen

Will you be making dark content often?

Probably not frequently, but it’s certainly a possible. I won’t restrain myself because of a minority of people’s own discomfort.

Will you ever write for Yuta?

Probably not, he doesn’t interest me, and I get irritated by people who ask for him to be added. Requests are closed anyways but requests for any characters to be added pisses me off so you could end up being blocked

Why are you so mean?

What are you? 10 years old? Get off the internet, seriously. Some people are disrespectful to me so I give back the energy they give me in the first place, and also I have very little tolerance for stupid comments or impatient people

And as common sense dictates, free speech is a right but freedom from consequence is not. I reserve the right to respond any way I choose, just as you can utilise the anonymity feature, I can utilise the block button

[ayannasgf]

Angst because of Taylor and Gracies I love you I’m sorry x last kiss that got me in the feels🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Warning: might be boring is actually boring

Authors note: First thing I wrote, if u don’t wanna read it then don’t no one’s forcing u damn🫤 I take criticism to heart and I will cry☺️☺️☺️☺️

ALSO THIS WAS HEAVILY INSPIRED BY MILLIES FIC CAUSE I LOVE HER ANGST SM LOVELOVELOVE

————————————

Beep Beep Beep!

Stupid alarm.

I turned groggily to my side to shut my alarm up. Another day to dread.

I did my normal routine, eat, feed the camcam, get ready for my usual morning jog- Maybe I’ll call Paige first

And so I did, which was quickly sent to voicemail. Well, expected.

“Hey it’s Paige! leave a message I’ll get to you later, toodles!”

“Sure you will.” The tone always managed to make me plaster a small smile on my face, toodles? what are we mickey mouse?- anyhoo

“Hey it’s me, just wanted to.. at least try to reach out. I know I hadn’t seen you in months I just couldn’t bring myself to. But I promise, later okay? I love you.”

Time for my jog I guess.

——————————

The morning was kinda cold, dewey if you say, ‘twas raining last night.

You loved the rain, said it was cuddling weather and an excuse to be lazy.. You were lazy no matter the weather so it didn’t really make sense.

Smell of the pavement, after the rain, reminds me of the times where we used to go on late night walks cause I couldn’t sleep. A memory, you moved too far out of reach.

———————————

The rest of the day wasn’t easy, I didn’t keep my word. I couldn’t bring myself to- not after how we ended.

I sat on the floor, wearing your clothes, staring at the gloomy window as the rain pattered gently on the pavement. Your scent was fading, but what’s left of it felt like a warm embrace.

Bueckers, written on the back of the jersey. A name I thought I would take.

Ding!

~8th anniv wit pboogerss!!~

I try to be strong I really do, but when it came to you, my walls come crashing down. It didn’t help that you weren’t around.

So here I am again, attempting to call.

“Hey it’s Paige! leave a message I’ll get to you later, toodles!-“

“Hi, I’m sorry I didn’t go.. this is exactly why I don’t make promises. I just couldn’t bring myself to okay?- not after.. not after how I treated you before it happened- not with knowing.. you’ll be there but I wouldn’t be able to touch you or- hold you or see that damn grin on your fucking face again.. Paige I want you back- I need you. I fucking need you why.. why are you always gone when I need you the most?…”

Then the water works, something I thought I couldn’t bring myself to do anymore, not after months of hurting.

“I need you.. please..”

I sobbed, but it was different this time. I had no one to kiss my tears away, or to embrace me to the point I thought I was gonna suffocate, but I never minded cause I loved having you close.

“Paige just come back..”

She’s never coming back. I just wish I knew that was our last kiss cause I wouldn’t have let you go.

“I hope it’s nice wherever the fuck you are.. I never thought we’d end like this.”

The message was sent, but I know I wasn’t getting a response. My eyes make everything with light glisten, I look down to my ring.

“You took forever too seriously..fuck ass..”

———————————

a/n: I know it’s not the best or anything but I just really had the strong urge to post angst for some reason🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

[zukosdualdao]

the idea that zutara shippers are just ~shallowly*~ obsessed with the enemies to lovers dynamic is so funny to me, personally, because it’s so far from what my preferred ship dynamic tends to be. in general, i am much more predisposed to enjoy romances rooted in friendship and affection right off the bat. i can see the appeal of a lot of enemies-to-lovers ship dynamics on an objective level, but it’s historically pretty rare for that to be the kind of dynamic i am most invested in or pulled in by.

and funnily enough, though i do see and appreciate in retrospect the romantic coding before that point (zuko, buddy, what WAS “you rise with the moon, i rise with the sun” - and keeping katara’s necklace for six episodes after bribing her already didn’t work - about??? i have questions), it’s really not until the crossroads of destiny, where they connect as something other than enemies for the first time, on a much more personal level than anyone in the gaang has connected with zuko, that my interest in their dynamic took root.

*to be clear: this is not me saying that it’s bad for people to like zutara specifically because they generally like the enemies-to-lovers trope or to have started shipping them early on. and i don’t see that as shallow myself, it’s just a criticism i’ve seen slung around a lot. literally ship and let ship. and also, like, of course i enjoy the early aspects of their dynamic because that’s where the growth and story come from. their canon relationship arc wouldn’t be complete without it. so i do enjoy the enemies-(to friends)-to lovers of it all, it’s just that’s not what i generally am looking for in ships lmao. for me, it’s an outlier!

this post is definitely not about bashing other zutara shippers, let it be known, i want to be clear about that. it’s just born of general frustration and bafflement that zutara shippers are seen by antis as a monolith who can only possibly ship it because of their interest in a certain trope—when it’s not even the one i usually go for. lmao.

[dunmeshistash]

I can’t find it now, but you had a post about Kabru being high-masking, and you said you didn’t think he was, which is completely fair! I had a different opinion as someone who is high-masking AuDHD and wanted to share (but of course now I can’t find the post 9_9)

Personally, I read Kabru as being high masking autistic, with one critical difference between us: he’s an extrovert. I’m actually more like Milsiril than Kabru - I collect/make dolls, I’d rather be at home than anywhere else, I’ve been called creepy and weird and gloomy for all of those things, but I also learned how to mask relatively early on, so most people don’t ever get to see that side of me. For me it’s a lot of work and energy- most of the time. If I’m around people I like, it’s less so, but people in general take a lot of my energy. Kabru, on the other hand, is very extroverted. He gets a lot of energy from interacting with people, and for the most part his personality and interests are acceptable to the society he lives in. BUT his interest in dissecting people’s motivations and how they communicate and interact and how to move them in the direction he wants them to go, that’s considered overly intense and creepy even by his party. Kabru keeps a lot of his thoughts and honest reactions internal because he’s aware of how people interact and what is or isn’t acceptable. I do the same thing, and I engage in a fair bit of “manipulation” (neutral) as part of my masking - I know that asking people for advice, showing interest in their lives, complaining together about things, etc, will cause them to view me more favorably and I use that to keep myself “safe”, along with basically never talking about my interests. I’m friendly and open and helpful and I almost never fight back against anything, so people “like” me. It’s not all *fake*, but it’s not the whole truth either. I’d rather not engage in conversation at all, because I can’t talk honestly about my interests without being considered creepy- but if Kabru’s special interest is people and how they interact, to some degree he can talk about his interests without it seeming weird.

Anyways, that’s my perspective :D also thank you for being a Milsiril defender, it’s… really painful to see people calling her manipulative and superior. I know a lot of it is bc ppl DO NOT understand anyone who likes dolls as an adult but like….. liking dolls has less than nothing to do with “needing to feel superior” or in control -_-

Hello!! I collect dolls too!!! Proud to be nº1 Milsiril defender.

That's an interesting perspective! As far as I understand (I'm autistic too so I don't have personal experience to how allistic people work) everyone does some amount of masking, as in everyone has a version of themselves they use to interact with others and that "mask" usually falls when you're with people who know and understand you better

As I understand that type of mask is expected in society? Like you wont act at work the same way you do with your college friends (usually). But as some tumblr post said "we are the mask and the wearer" as in those masks are still a part of who they are.

That's why I said I didn't think Kabru was high masking, I hadn't heard that term before so I was confused

Maybe I don't fully get it but keeping some parts of yourself inside and not expressing it to people who wont understand is common among allistic and autistic people but masking is this but in a way more stressful way? Since you aren't just hiding facets of who you are you're making an active effort to hide the whole thing basically.

Kabru's mask seems to come easily to him and it doesn't seem like he makes an conscious effort to go against his nature to hide who he is that's why I said he probably doesn't do high masking in that sense. But in another sense he IS highly adaptable to the people around him and studies how people act so I understand that perspective! It's more of a personal interpretation tbh.

[ateez-himari]

Hi bb!!!! Hau?? I had a question and couldn't nap because of it and I actually forgot what I wanted to ask so now I have more questions so I can remember the og one :))))))))

•I keep annoying you with mingri moments but I realized that since they're now public and you mentioned that people are criticizing them for being too "close" (they're literally dating smh) have mingri ever acted up on stage on PURPOSE to annoy these "fans"?

•are there any junior idols that have a crish on hima, and if so have they ever publicly announced it?

•when hima dresses up by herself does she prefer skirts and dresses or pants and tops?

•what are some hima outfits that made mingi fold(ik that boy is down badddd🤭🤭)

•what were hima's lines in iomt(i wanna do smth)

This isn't question but a rant,so I basically make these kpop "poster edits(?)" and I used to do them back then, and I recently (today) got back to doing them and I wanted to show you(cause you're my unofficial bestie 😗)

•The wonyoung one sucks, if you know Japanese no you dont😜😜😜cause I have no idea what anything means except for the text that I translated myself

•the giselle one is my 2nd favorite(the wonyoung being my least) I honestly had a lot of fun doing this one cause I haven't made them in a while and this was the first one i did after a long time

•the hanni one is my absolute favorite. I find that I'm usually really attracted to orange/red designs and my god was it a pain in the butt, my phone was crashing every two second cause there was so many elements but atleast I got it done hehe

(I was gonna make a mingri one but I had no idea which concept photos I should use if you have any idea please tell me bb🙏🙏)

mwahh bb ilysm please take care and don't forget to rest and stay warm!! 💓💓

Hi Mina!! I'm actually doing great, thank you 😘You can ask as many questions as you want until you remember the og one don't worry!! (Answers might just be a little slow since I have a few more I need to answer from other anons)

• They usually ignore 'fans' commenting about their physical closeness, but there was one concert where they noticed a banner asking for them to stop kissing on stage as it made the attendee jealous so Mingi pulled his girlfriend over, pointing to the piece of cardboard. After practically doubling over in laughter, the vocalist hooked a finger under his chain and pulled him down - leaving a long lasting kiss on his lips which he rapidly got lost in, only pulling away once Hongjoong tapped him on the shoulder to remind him that his part was coming up

• A few juniors announced their crush on Hima;

Jaehyun from BOYNEXTDOOR accidentally exposed his crush on her through a live stream where he was watching a video of her singing 'Addict' from her LXST project and blurted out 'Himari sunbaenim is so pretty'. ONEDOOR caught on to this easily and he eventually admitted that she's been his bias since debut and is actually his ideal type. Since K'OZ Entertainment has reached out to her several time they have met in person before, and the very first time he saw her walk through the doors he could barely even utter out a proper greeting. When I tell you that boy is down bad for his senior...half of the streams for her 'Addict' music video were probably just from him, most of the comments on fan accounts are probably just from his secret account, at this point he probably runs a fan page (the blurred polaroid on the back of his phone is one that they took together when she visited the company building). Aside from his little crush, he's also learning a lot from her - he's sat in on producing sessions with Zico, had the opportunity to ask her questions and even worked on a sample with her to develop his own 'voice'

Ricky from ZEROBASEONE did not even try to hide his crush on his senior as he openly gushed about her beauty in real life when she guided him back to his group during the 2023 MCountdown, stating that from that moment on she became his ideal type. He actually has a keychain of her Aniteez on his bag at all times

Sunghoon from ENHYPEN admitted that he was slightly jealous during her stage with Heeseung at the 2024 Gayo Daejeon - Swan Lake Reimagined - because he's had a small crush on her for quite some time now. They're only a year apart in age but he still finds her very intimidating to approach due to the amount of achievements tied to her, something she quickly noticed and made the first move to introduce herself at an award show where both groups were present. Sunghoon didn't realize that he'd been holding her hand (that he was supposed to be shaking) and Mingyu (who was in a situationship with her at the time) practically death stared him

Junhyeok from TNX was having a hard time with his solo performance during 'Road to Kingdom: Ace of Ace' (a cover of Drowning by Woodz) and asked for Himari's help, which she gladly provided. He already greatly admired her as an artist but having the opportunity to spend some time with her, he could understand why people were so disappointed when it was announced that she was in a relationship. Obviously he fell for her beauty at first but then quickly fell for her raw voice as well when she showed him how the track was supposed to be sung

Other Idols Include; Eric from The Boyz (from Kingdom : Legendary War), Dino from Seventeen (briefly), Keeho from P1Harmony (when they first met) & Hwiyoung from SF9 (also from Kingdom : Legendary War)

A/N; Himari was down bad for predebut Jongho...like she had the fattest crush on him it wasn't even funny

• Hima loves wearing zip-up sweaters along with skirts! She'll usually wear tank tops under them so she can let one of the sleeves fall off her shoulder. Unlike her dark and powerful on-stage outfits, she loves putting bows in her hair, wearing leg warmers with bows and wearing lighter colors (though she's kind of picky and mainly wears light pink, grey, white, black and any shade of brown light enough). She also likes wearing tight/cropped tops with sweatpants or jean cargo pants and cropped sweaters when she doesn't feel like dressing up

• The Milan Fashion Week afterparty dress definitely made him go insane - yes it was an incredibly intricate and beautiful dress but the way it hugged her curves made him realize that he was going to have to try really hard not to drag her into the bathroom. Any bodycon dress has him on his knees, even just dresses that just hug her waist tightly enough that there are no more curves to imagine

Her 'Addict' outfit! The European tour dates are going to be extremely hard for him since not only was this the music video outfit, but it's also the one she's going to wear on stage. This man almost fainted when she came posed in the water for those photos, he was clenching the armrests of his chair so hard that there's still a dent in them to this day

Anytime she comes into his lives wearing either combination; one of his sweater without pants underneath or a crop top and loose sleep shorts (bonus points if those shorts are actually his boxers)

• I'm not the greatest when it comes to these types of line distributions but here's what I managed to come up with! (she's got approximately 18.55 secs without counting the background/supporting vocals);

(0:56); "난 시작부터 main course (course), 썰어 먹지, diamond cut (cut it)" Starting from the Main course. Slice and eat that Diamond cut/

(1:30); "저기 저 철새 말이 많네" Little bird over there has a lot to say

(1:49); "아, 차 하면 구름 위 끝이 없는 부름이. 감사하지 준비 다이아 미소 flirting" When I shout “Ah Cha”, it’s a never-ending call above the clouds. Be thankful, I’m ready with a diamond smile, flirting

(1:54); [Backing up Mingi's vocals]

(1:56); "씹어 먹어버려 바로 Yeah like this" Chew it up right away, Yeah like this

(2:17); "관심 없어, love call, 씹어버려, keep 'em shut" Not Interested in a Love call. Chew ‘em up and Keep ‘em shut

(2:42); [Harmonizing with the background vocals]

• I honestly love all of them but the Giselle one has to be my favorite by far! I love everything about this design, especially the way your editing really highlights the concept 🤭I have to admit though the Wonyoung one is a very close second because it makes me think about older Japanese magazine covers! (If I had to pick one for Hima I'd say Yeji's 'Born to Be' concept photos, especially the ones with the hood...this woman is so beautiful omg). These are so cool though! I always love when people make things like this because it takes the pictures to a whole new level!

Mwaahhh I love you too sweet! 😘 The snow is melting now so it's getting warmer (finally!) but I'm still huddled in my coat don't worry! Take care of yourself and I hope you're enjoying your break from uni 🩷🩷

[artist-issues]

You know... it also just seems really weird that Disney has been going out of it's way to subvert everything from its past.

If I put myself in the mind of "everything we were founded on, and everything we create before ~2016 was bad" I don't see why I'd keep going. Like... if Disney thinks Disney sucks, why be Disney? (money IG)

You're right! It must be a very discouraging thing to work for Disney nowadays, if you're the kind of person to think about legacy, or occupy your daily thoughts with some degree of foresight.

The truth is, there is a part of Disney that is successful because it was innovative--it raised the bar and set the culture.

But there's also a part of Disney that is trying to guess what the culture likes, and capitalize on that popularity--the culture tells it what to do.

That's all organizations. Some are brave and say, "no, this is who we are and what we believe, and you can take it or leave it." And usually the culture takes it, because the culture is inspired by strong leadership and clear identities.

But then they get a big following. And it's almost impossible for the organization that used to shape the culture to do anything but become terrified that they'll lose that culture. So then they start making decisions based out of fear, and self-glorification, and insecurity--the total opposite of the confident, bold, innovative identity it used to have.

Disney used to say "oh you think cartoons are just gags? Let me invent the first ever animated feature film--in color! See you in the National Film Registry, skeptics."

It used to say, "oh, you critics think all my fairy tale and animal movies are too light? That they've got no weight to help the kids face real life? Let me make a smash-hit about a Nanny who convinces a work-and-harsh-realities-obsessed father that what his children really need is a spoonful of sugar. Because yeah, life's hard, but that's why we make the job a game."

It used to say, "you think the animated genre died with Walt? You think everyone would rather watch George Lucas movies than a cartoon fairy tale? Let me introduce you to an Academy Award-winning Princess story we call the Little Mermaid. You can stop digging our grave; we just saved animation."

It used to say "you think it can't be done? Hold my mouse ears." And it just did it. And didn't care if audiences said silly, shallow things like "girls don't need to be rescued by a prince!!1!" Or "grown-ups don't watch cartoons lol!!"

Nowadays, though? They're so big they don't know who they are anymore. And they're so big they're scared to lose anything, or take risks. I'm sure there's a lot of political pockets involved, too. They don't dare say anything but what the loudest, most complaining members of our society tell them to say.

They're no longer trend-setters and trail-blazers. They're a monument that is whatever the loudest people tells them to be. Has to suck, when you're the company that followed Walt's "Keep moving forward" motto.

[anneapocalypse]

I realize I already haven't been posting a lot of DA stuff relative to how much FFXIV is on here these days, and that is probably going to be the case for the next couple months, until I've had time to play the new game at my own pace.

While I have found the barrage of promo material a bit overwhelming and have mostly chosen for myself not to worry about keeping up with it all, I'm not especially worried about spoilers ruining the game for me. For one thing, spoilers don't ruin a story for me, and for another, Bioware loves to do fake-outs in promo material where they show you something out of context that look like a massive spoiler and in some sense is but they don't give the context and it usually turns out to be something very different than the impression it gave us (showing In Hushed Whispers Leliana without revealing the time travel thing, for example, or showing Shepard's death like it was a potential ending for ME2 and not the prologue to the game). So like, whatever wild shit they've already shown or will get talked about after previewers get to play a scant few hours of the game, I'm pretty confident that there's going to be plenty of big moments and story context that very deliberately will not be shown before release. I'm going to beef up my blacklist, but I'm also not worried about it, personally.

Mostly, I am probably just not going to be engaging in a lot of meta discussion for a bit, because this just isn't my favorite time to be doing that. I was around for the hype train for DAI and also for the game's initial reception and I'll just say it was not the most pleasant time to be in DA fandom. And please don't misunderstand me--I'm not saying that none of the criticism was warranted or that nobody should complain when they play a new game and don't like something.

I'm just saying that a big new story with lots of new characters and lore and locations and details takes time to absorb. It takes more than a couple of weeks to fully process and analyze a complex story sometimes. And in my experience, the meta and lore discussions get better and more nuanced and interesting with a bit of distance from the initial release. And personally, that's where I start to really enjoy it. I had a lot more fun talking with people about DAI--its strengths and its faults--once the initial hype and backlash had died down. I expect it will probably be that way with DATV too. Again, I want to stress that I don't think there's anything wrong with sharing and discussing first impressions, including negative ones, just that I will probably enjoy the discussions more once things settle a bit.

So if I'm not talking about Dragon Age much here for a while, it's not from lack of interest, I just might chill for a bit and enjoy it on my own before jumping back in.

[rookinthecrownest]

Discussion about romances + expectations under the cut (I'd put it as like..mildly critical, but also coming from a place of understanding?). As usual, will tag as such so you don't have to engage/read on if you don't wish to. I always invite open discussion, just keep it respectful (as I will endeavour to do so myself).

This is going to be a bit of a ramble, so I apologize if my thoughts are not clearly laid out like they should be.

I think I've found the reason why I (and maybe others), feel that the romances in Veilguard feel a bit... idk, hollow, at times (not BAD!!! just feeling like there could be MORE). And that's because of the trap of expectations. I may also be speaking completely for myself here.

Anyway, let's rewind to 2014.

Be me, 10 years ago. You're not really a gamer, but indulge in action RPG's casually.

See a commercial for this hot new game coming out called Dragon Age: Inquisition. Be intrigued by the character designs, but know nothing about the world. Come to find out it's part of a trilogy. So naturally, you buy the first two games and play through them before playing the third.

Be amazed, and completely hooked on the characters, the lore, the world, the darker elements and themes. It becomes your favourite game series of all time.

But you had no idea that you could romance any of the companions going into the experience. And man, does it fundamentally rewire your brain chemistry to fall in love with cRPG and get ridiculously attached to your Warden/Hawke/Inquisitor.

So, you romance Alistair first because he's funny as hell, and has a really interesting story/character arc. Then you romance Zevran, and love that too - he's charming and suave and awkward and funny. Then you go onto DA2 and romance Fenris and Anders, and each of those romances pack their own emotional gut punches. Then it's finally time for DAI, and predictably, you go for Solas (a veritable slow burn that spans TWO games), Cullen, and partially (I never finished those playthroughs lol) Blackwall and Dorian.

I had no idea you could romance companions going into these games. It was a pleasant surprise! It always felt like an important part of the story, while not overshadowing the main plot. There was enough material in the codexes, the cutscenes, and party banter to make each romance feel complete and whole and awesome and nuanced.

And then, like some of you I suspect, I read an article that touted Veilguard as "The Most Romantic Bioware Game Yet", and I thought - "Wow, if they're saying this then the romances must be something else", given the quality of the previous romances you've experienced in these games!

But you get to the game - and while you're having fun, it definitely leans more into the ARPG style where romances feel a bit more pushed to the side in order to tell a certain story than the traditional Bioware/Larian RPG experience you've come to love.

Which is fine! Again, once I stopped thinking of Veilguard as a classic Bioware CRPG, and more like GOW/The Witcher, I found I was able to appreciate it a lot more for what it is. Things have to Happen A Certain Way for the narrative to work, and that's not a bad thing. DA2 was similar - it was a harrowing, personal tragedy about the Hawke family and their struggle to survive in Kirkwall.

Just like DA2, there are aspects of Veilguard that make me glad things happened the way they did. I'm not mad that Rook has so much dialogue without a ton of player input and you can't 'be evil' - because the game doesn't make sense if you can. At its core, Veilguard's narrative is centered around Regret, after all - you can't have an evil protagonist running around because Solas' Regret prison would never work (evil people don't generally tend to regret their actions...)!

Now, if you're expecting a long-winded, fully researched academic breakdown of every romance I'm sorry but that ain't happening tonight lol. This is not based in any fact, this is all opinion.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but sometimes it feels like the romances in this game (and I say this with the biggest grain of salt as I've only done Emmrich and Lucanis' - and am going through Neve's now), are just missing....something, to take them from good to great.

I loved Emmrich's romance. I thought it was very well done. I think a lot of people would agree it's one of the stronger ones in the game - doubly so if you play as a Mourn Watch Rook (you get a TON of MW specific lines going this route, it's great). His side romance with Strife if you don't get together is very cute, I enjoyed it. But as superbly well done as it was, somehow, I wouldn't even put it in my top 4 Bioware romances.

With Lucanis' romance - whatever my hangups may be about how it was handled, certain parts of his romance were done excellently (even better than some of the previous Bioware romances, I'd say). You can read more about my thoughts on his romance here which is why I'm not going into detail about it. Unlike Emmrich's, I would put it in my top 4 because I fell in love with the character that much (both in the game but really, I've loved him since Tevinter Nights), and I've grown very attached to my first Rook and him as a pairing. I've seen others share a similar sentiment on here (and I hate to say it but I agree) - sometimes it feels like I fell in love with Rookanis despite the way it was handled, not because of it. I can't say that for many other romances. While it's been fun to think up a lot of HC/write fics/make art about those abandoned concept sketches and parts where I felt the game could have showed us more of their dynamic, I can't help but feel like his (and other) romances would have immensely benefited from even 1 or 2 extra small scenes to flesh it out a bit more if they weren't going to let us freely talk to our companions.

The issue with the romances might also have something to do with the pacing of the game itself. I think Act 2 is where the pacing goes a bit awry, before picking back up in Act 3 (which is great, I love it).

Sometimes I also felt that there was a little too much reliance on codex entries and party banter to tell the story of the romance rather than showing it explicitly through cutscenes. I think that's what makes the romances feel a bit truncated at times, compared to the previous entries? Some of the romance-specific party banter was so good, it probably deserved its own cutscene. But it's also highly dependent on the party you have, and it's easy to miss/not trigger. I remember absolutely living for the cutscenes in the first three entries and I can't explain why I feel like, subjectively speaking, Veilguard just has less romance content (this may not be objective reality - I haven't compared the amount of romance specific content head to head with other games).

I also couldn't tell you why I feel DA2 doesn't suffer the same problems as DATV in terms of romance interaction - because you can't freely talk to your companions in that game either. Yet somehow, it always felt like I was getting enough of them to not notice that. I do miss being able to chat my LI's ear off and ask them questions about their life/their views/etc. like I could in DAO and DAI. I think it's a shame we can't because the companions in DATV are SO interesting. I want to ask them all a billion questions about their lives/stories/etc even if they're not my love interest. The party banter in this game is immaculate but being able to talk to them individually about this stuff would've been SO nice. I feel that I've missed out on SO MUCH of these characters just because I didn't have two of them in my party at the same time!

Anyway, I need to wrap this up.

In closing, perhaps, if I hadn't read that article about how it was going to be Bioware's most romantic game ... maybe I wouldn't feel this way? I think it sent my expectations through the stratosphere, and that's no one's fault but my own. Not Bioware, not EA, mine.

I know that this game's development cycle was a unique sort of hell that the other games didn't suffer. To go from Joplin -> Morrison -> Veilguard. To have so many of the original staff leave the team when Joplin got scrapped. To have to pivot from Live Service and then back to single person RPG. More lay-offs. It's a miracle this game got made. I'm happy I can sit around thinking about it. And I hope its successful enough that we get DA5 so we can all sit around dissecting that in 5-10 yrs time.

Don't get me wrong - I enjoy the Veilguard romances for what they are. I'm enjoying them more I play and discover additional banter/codex/etc that I missed the first time around. Like any Bioware romance, there are spots where they hit their stride, and spots where they falter a bit. When they hit their stride they knock it out of the fucking park. But when they falter, you can really feel it. Romance is hard to write! And you'll never fully please everyone.

But a small part of me wishes I'd gone in blind, and checked my own expectations a bit.

Maybe you agree, maybe you don't. Tell me about it. What was your experience with the romances? Did you also read that article and get your expectations up?

I hope this makes sense.

Kind regards good fandom folks,

Keep the discussion respectful. And please don't use this post as an excuse to just blatantly hate on the game.

-Rookie