#ivan u fucked up little guy.

[shakingparadigm]

what is the theory that ivan manipulated the event where till and mizi met the wagyein?

It's not a theory, actually! It's confirmed that Ivan orchestrated the whole event. The true reason as to why however is still unknown. The information provides more context to this scene, though:

During the earlier times of ALNST the most rational explanation for this scene was that Till ran after a flower crown (presumably Mizi's) and Ivan followed him in out of curiosity. Now we know that Ivan was conveniently just standing there because he was waiting.

Side note, I find it heartbreaking (and maybe a little funny, sorry) that Till most likely didn't notice Ivan in this scene. That's just like him, isn't it. Always too busy running after Mizi while Ivan trails behind, an ever-present shadow.

I'm not sure how Ivan manipulated the circumstances for both of them to end up there, but it is confirmed that everything was intentional. What strikes me most is how they describe this particular scene:

I can't copy down what they said word-for-word (Patreon info), but they described Ivan watching "creepily" as Till and Mizi are faced with danger. We know that Ivan was familiar with the Cerberus wagyein beforehand, enough to touch its teeth and even to rest himself inside its maw. To Ivan, the wagyein is not dangerous, but to Till and Mizi, it could be. Ivan prepared the wagyein, led them there, and watched "creepily" from afar as Till fell on his knees, seemingly injured.

The closest I can get to making sense of Ivan's "scheme" is that he wanted to see how other children would react in a dangerous situation. Ivan's always been an observer, after all, and he's learned to survive by copying the more "normal" behaviors of his peers. This situation occured when Ivan was still young and had not yet developed his more charming mask, so perhaps he staged this encounter to study a situational response, to learn and mimic the emotion of fear. And what better subjects for the experiment than two of the most expressive and reactive humans of their batch? It helps that he was already fixated on Till beforehand, too. I think Ivan became irreversibly obssessed after this incident, especially since it's framed as a turning point in Ivan's life, comparing Till to the stars.

This is just my attempt at an interpretation, though. It could very well be for another reason. He most likely chose Till and Mizi specifically for personal reasons, not just for reaction. I'm still not sure on the purpose behind the whole thing.

The team wanted to capture Ivan's "dark emotions" through the shot of his stalking, which could relate to his more sinister intentions. His gaze can be read in a few different ways, though. Curiosity, interest, fear, etc. Maybe that's why they decided to redraw the shot in ROUND 6.

I think this better sells the feeling they were trying to convey.

[redrandomposts]

LMAO YES ACTUALLY bc i literally CANNOT stop thinking abt the alnst x orv crossover it's insane

till wants to sponsor ivan so he can help protect the bastard but ivan's been advised by dokja to not take this mysterious constellation that they know nothing about of, so ivan remains sponsorless for most of the scenarios until dokja convinces him to take on hades (technically ivan's adoptive grandfather lmao) as a sponsor

and till's in his lil pocket dimension wondering if he should laugh or cry. the ONE time he wants ivan to pick him and ivan just... DOESNT 😭

— 🌦️

hi 🌦️!!

have u ever considered that ivan will actually exploit his sponsor??

kim dokja is like... nahhhhh its too much for me this is a much better approach *jumps off bridge*

but ivan and his alien... he basically was just there and garnered info

and i think we need a new constellation name for till. secretive plotter is good and all... except till's not really secretive... nor a plotter. i cannot imagine till plotting anything other than his love life, and that's more of a fantasy than anything. rebellious musician or something?

here's what i'm thinking: ivan 100% knows his father(s) are unreliable. he will watch them and follow them to a certain extent, then completely deviate from whatever plots they've got going on. ivan is fine with dying, but does not want to be naked on star stream due to clothes burned off; that sorta deal. (kdj's little dragon lmaooooo)

guys am i changing up my mind i have no idea im not looking at my previous posts cause im scared

anyways y'know... kdj passed up the sponsors because he didn't want to be bound, but he did encourage his companions to choose one actually! guys i haven't touched orv in so long and i'm not touching it anytime soon it's angst paradise.

hades sponsor does sound fun though... hmmmm

idk man i think you would not want your grandparents to watch you stream. the money they give every year is more than welcomed, but watching you streaming..? i think ivan does not have the mental power for that

ANYWAYS guys let there be sponsor x person kdj and yjh narrowly missed that one and i wanna see it. i just wanna see till spending all his probability on ivan, coin after coin, while other constellations are confused. because, well, till has lived many lifetimes and probably gathered coins and probability and whatnot. and it'd be funny.

ivan: my clothes are torn (small rip on sleeve)

till (1): alright buddies, i think ivan would look stunning in this cyberpunk outfit

till (2): are you kidding? this skin-tight motorcycle suit is much better!

till (3): i think the best thing to do is give him one of our shirts!

till (2): !!! will that fit him?

till (4): just give him all of it, guys!

ivan: ???

constellations: ??????? who the fuck buys clothing? just give him an artifact??

guys i think im delusional

[rasin-c00ldude]

hey guys i REALLY need 2 rant about a certian person and some certian ships that really rub me the wrong way and i need 2 argue them.

ok ik i literly just made like 2 post but i had the joan x topher shipper blocked bc seeing them exsist made me have a srs mental breakdown and i get unbleavibly upset seeing them and when i unblock them 2 see what their up 2 i see ivan x lizze and topher x frida..... did they watch the show like do we know the same ivan???

"Ivan the Terrible is a disgusting, hateful, misogynistic incel, who despises all women for refusing to have sex with him." "He is a misogynistic incel, who hates women because he can't get laid." "I hate all women. I hate them because I want to have sex with them but they won't have sex with me because I hate them." "Ivan stated that he agrees with Abe's disdain toward Joan and added that he hates women for not wanting to have sex with him."

it literly states this so many times on the wiki and he even says it himself like he quite literly gets no bitches. just because lizzie is also outcasted 2 join the bleacher creaychues doesnt mean ivans probaly gona treat her any difren, still a woman. also like, maybe hcs speaking but lizze gives off like sweet but fucking insane lesbian who hates boys in a girlboss way (plz like understand what im talking about) and ivans just a shithead who thinks hes cooler than he actaully is and hates everyone, just doesnt work out in my head i dunno.

about topher x frida..

tophers is ashamed of his haritage and so tries his absolute best 2 be the most sportive nice guy he can and distance himself from his clone father, he literly CHANGED HIS NAME. BUT THE JOKE IS HE ISNT. HES A HORRIBLE STINKY INCEL TROLL WHO HATES EVERYONE. HE LITERLY SAYS IN THE SEASON 2 FINALLY BE4 HES ABOUT 2 GET BRAINWASHED THAT "HE THINKS WOMAN SHOULDNT WEAR "BE4 GETTING CUT OFF, SO HES LITERLY AN MISOGYNIST HE LITERLY BASICLY SAYS IT. also frida is literly a badass who would not put up with tophers incel bullshit like im 99 precent sure they dont have 1 positive interaction if they do id be happy 2 see it tho. the poster art doesnt count hes literly just laying next 2 her they arnt even looking st eachother,, FRIDAS ALSO A LESBIAN????????? SHE LIKES GIRLS!!!!!!!!!

i can quite literly argue about how topher is gay and has a crush on abe for DAYS IM SO FUCKING FOR REAL RIGHT NOW I MEAN IT. im not discriminating against ships but like i am. idk if this is the fagot hardcore ivan x vlad in me talking but going out of ur way 2 be hetro in a CLONE HIGH COMUNITY (like u know what show ur talkimg about??) makes me more than a little mad so i just needed 2 like talk about it (also if any1 wants my evidence on how topher is gay 4 abe in2 a little esay id be soo happy 2 share cough cough)

[moon-blanket]

I Finished the Imperium-- here are my findings.

Welcome to the Imperium / Your Place Amongst Magic

Not much to note, Echo wasn't as scary as I thought. I was more so "oooooh"ing and "aaaah"ing about the cool set up. I love me a good tragedy.

Hunted Down by an Obsessive Water Elemental

Kody why do you sing for so long. Please stop.

Blake's "But I'm not-" when being referred to as a Dreamwalker. That's clever, I see what happened here.

VINDEMIATOR !!!! WOOO !!!! I was So afraid that he was gonna be Mean the Whole Time. But I get putting up appearances. He slayed though.

A Desperate Incubus Asks For Your Help

The immediate tone change from Vindemiator oouugu guh YEAH.

Him apologizing if he scared us i'm going to Weep and Sob. The comeback of "living and being alive are two different things" had me shaking the bars of my enclosure. Oh yeah, that's my baby.

I will do Anything for you sir. I will die for this cause.

Hell YEAH getting Kody's ass. Get the fuck outta here baby !

"What are you gonna do, fuck me to death?" return also !!! we love callbacks.

At an Enforcer's Mercy

Vin's little thing about Not wanting to talk about what just happened, how it's just another means of survival :(((

HUXLEY NOOOOO. Huxley baby this isn't like you. Where are your mothers.

Freelancer standing up for Vindemiator when Huxley starts to punch him !!!!! Soulmates in every universe I'm tellin' ya.

Alone with the Fanatical Academy President

Would you hate me if i said I was kinda into it. I was a little Scared, but I get it a little bit.

His whole story about how he got where he is, golly ! that's a little frightening !! And his condescension when Freelancer keeps asking about Vin !!! ouu u ugh that was Something.

Uncomfortable Truths with a Hopeless Demon

Avior !!! Hi Avior. I didn't know that the Haven was a sort of ploy ! It does make sense in the long-term. The Imperium can take any power it gets huh.

And it's Starlight !! can these two not get trapped in a hell for like 5 seconds.

Oh there's the kicker !! an apocalypse !!! I knew this was happening, but hearing the characters acknowledge it !! uhoh !!

His little speech about how No One listens to him and how he goes to the roof to scream at stars :(( What if i Cry.

Consort to the Tyrant King-Imperial

I knew Damian was King-Imperial. I knew Angel was his Consort. Still in awe.

Angel has Very Valid concerns and Damian just brushes them off with "I'm the King" !!

Him freezing/tracing them so they couldn't move during their argument >:(( What the fuck sir. This is not love !!

Turned by a Devious Vampire

Do you think this is what Sam is going to do now that he's kinda left the Solaire Clan. The dentist part, not the mass-maker part. Could you imagine.

Regardless, he seemed nicer than I thought. A little nerve-wracking for sure, but there was Some kindness there. Poor Baby though, and Poor Ivan afterward.

The fucked up cycle of mass-making is crazy. No wonder the Meridian is Dying.

Caught By a Cruel Werewolf Pack

This one i was Most excited for. Imperium Pack Fics are some of my Favorites. I did kick my feet a little when Milo showed up. Sweetheart still being his mate :') once again soulmates in every universe.

ASHER !!! EJ, I understood before but now. I see the whole picture now. I immediately folded.

Him mentioning David and Darlin' OUCH !!! He misses his mate so much. I didn't know it was bc Christian and Amanda were off fucking !! what !!!

Babe asking if he's okay after chewing Christian out, and actually holding a conversation with them-- even if it's an interrogation a little bit. And once he finds out their agenda he takes them to the Den oh my god it's happening guys.

I ate this audio up. I think it's my favorite so far.

Claimed by Two Sadistic Vampires

What the actual fuck is happening right now !!! I mean good riddance Adam, but what !!!

Welcome Back

yeah yeah Echo thank you so much. I do now understand why everyone is afraid that it's constantly raining in the Prime Universe now though !! I get it !!! I'm afraid too !!!

The little bit at the end with Asher and David, and how David just wants to spend time with his best friend before the E&E Games :') that was a really nice touch and also. hurts a lot after the Inversion and Imperium !

It's time for the Cataclysm. I'm sure all of my thoughts will Drastically Change lmfao.

I gotta re-read some Fics first though ;)

[sparklywatercolors]

ZORI. THIS IS A HOLD UP. TELL ME HOW YOU MET IVAN.

Fun fact I'm actually writing a story on that too but here's some little bits and pieces of said fic explained in the dumbest way possible. Enjoy 😏✨

Blame Alfred (/America)

Literally blame him right now, don't even think about it, just do it.

He decided to host a huge party during the week Zorya had to present their senior thesis.

And no the party wasn't for them it was a hell yeah it's summer time party

What a goof I love Alfred so much ☹️ (fun fact him and Lovino are Zorya's best pals)

Of course Zorya and Lovino and all their friends get dragged along. Zorya's (outside of the trio) friends rejected bc they were like are you insane it's thesis and finals weeks absolutely not 🗿

Zorya would say no but they share an apartment with their best friends and they don't want to be a jerk alright

Anyways party time. Zorya is literally stuck to Lovino like glue. Like holy shit I don't know anyone let me join u and ur other friends

Alfred is being too social for Zorya, he introduced them to like 40 new people in the span of 5 minutes so Zorya went fuck that and found Lovino and went okay YOU ARE STUCK W ME NOW

Zorya would much rather be sleeping but it's fine Lovino's friends are rly nice, and they don't get to meet up with these people that often so it's nice to see some sorta fresh faces but not awkward meeting for the first time conversations

But holy shit there are so many people here

So stressful

Zorya doesn't do parties (I also don't rly do parties unless it's like my closest friends or if I'm at a family party, I have a friend with me or I can sneak out and go draw 🫡)

Zorya decides to excuse themself from the fun banter they've gotten involved in and they go take a walk around and maybe fight off random strangers for some apple juice

Yes Alfred got them to be on board bc he bought them fancy apple juice. Zorya likes striking a deal when they can

Juice

They drink the juice life is great

But NOW THEY CAN'T FIND LOVINO OR ANTONIO OR ANYONE THEY ACTUALLY KNOW OH GOD IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!

Poor Zorya *sad kazoo noises*

Zorya tries to look like they fit in just smiling at strangers, but it looks more like 😬😬😬😬😬 LMAOOOO they're trying okay don't judge them

Again blame Alfred (just in case you forgot)

But the juice is so worth it

Anyways Zorya is sipping their apple juice, and ready to sneak into their bedroom (that they locked up-yes this is happening at their apartment BTW Alfred is..... I don't even know anymore), and climb out to the fire escape and go get bubble tea 🧋(mmm bubble tea mmm) and just stay away

But they can't get PAST THIS TALL ASS RUSSIAN DUDE

yes it's Ivan but they don't know that

He's talking to some people, some look comfortable some look afraid that he will snap them in half if they don't laugh at his jokes

Zorya is afraid to ask him to move

So Zorya is just awkwardly there gawking at him and these people that he probably already knew cause of course Alfred is so popular that he can get strangers to bring their friends to this chaotic shit

Zorya is over thinking everything as usual ™

Alfred can be heard screaming the cha cha slide in the distance now BTW

Anyways Zorya feels a hand on their shoulder, it's this girl asking if they're alright

They zoned out and was staring at tall Russian man while in the process of zoning out

Good job Zorya we're proud of u

Zorya is like oh no he's hot AND I WAS STARING AT HIM OH GOOD GOD 🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍

Zorya awkwardly waves it off and goes oopsies sorry ah I was looking for my friends there's so many people here ah shit I'm sorry 😅... 🫠

And Russian dude that Zorya doesn't know the name of (it's Ivan) is like I'm pretty tall I can help you look

Zorya is like *NEARLY CHOKES AND DIES * SURE?????

So they go on a fucking hunt to find Lovino and gang

Zorya notices some of Russian guy's friends look low key relieved, Zorya wants to ask but is like nah I don't wanna know I just want to find Lovino

So they're walking around and talking

They exchange names

Hi Ivan

Hello Zoryana (fun fact it takes him months even when they start dating,, to just call them Zorya)

Zorya is genuinely having a great time talking to Ivan

And it seems the same way for Ivan!! 🥺

They're talking for a good hour that's how fucking crowded this party is and they're rly distracted just talking to each other about random shit and making jokes about stupid things happening

Alfred and Lovino are low key watching this btw, Alfred is like Zorya is gonna be simping and Lovino is like oh dear God no not again

Eventually they find Lovino and his gang

Zorya introduces Ivan to them

Seems like everyone knows everyone, Zorya is basically the new guy here 🧍🫡 good job Zorya

Before Zorya could thank Ivan he's getting dragged off

Zorya is BLUSHING BTW and was like damn he was rly cute I'd love to talk to him again.... Maybe ask him to coffee or something

Lovino notices and goes oh here we go again 🧍

Alfred overhears and WINGMAN MODE ACTIVATES

ALFRED IS SO EXCITED TO BE A WINGMAN PLS

HE'S BEEN WANTING THIS HIS WHOLE LIFE TO BE A WINGMAN

Zorya is like no don't 🗿

Fuck you this is America I'll do what I want biatch Alfred yells and disappears into the crowd

Bye Alfred

Zorya and Lovino are face palming 🤦🤦

Anyways

Party goes on until like the last stragglers leave at like 3 am

This party started at noon the previous day btw

Zorya is EXHAUSTED AND LAYING ON THE FLOOR

Lovino is like go the fuck to bed

Zorya is like no I miss my calmer apartment pls 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

The trio goes to sleep will clean when they wake up bc fuck that

How many fucking people were over anyway holy shit??? 😭

In the afternoon Zorya wakes up and Alfred is swiveling around the barstool and cackling

Lovino is on his 5th cup of coffee and telling Zorya go back to bed

...

So you remember Alfred wanting to be the wingman

Well he

He set up a little date to the zoo for Zorya and Ivan next weekend

Zorya goes back to their room

Closes the door

SCREAMS

... Zorya is both happy and terrified BC HOMIE WHAT WHY

The end 😌

That's basically the whole story but in condensed (...some would beg to differ) notes form!! I hope i have pleased you with this lore 👀

Tldr: blame Alfred.

[kallulovesu]

Heyooo :) can you do headcannons for a platonic yandere allies ?? Am aroace so that's the kind that floats my boat, also do you ever feel tired of writing ?? Like .. ur so productive, it's awsome but like .. I hope ur doing it cuz u have energy not cuz you have followers waiting 😬 take care Plz ❤❤🥺

For the anon that asked that yandere reader ask, thx u inspired this ask ur idea is rad :3

(A/N:) ahh thank you for the worry anon, but it’s no problem really!💞 I wouldn’t be making as much content if I wasn’t having any fun, since it’ll probably end up feeling more like chore...and I hate doing chores 😭

That one protective friend that makes sure to check up on you every second (but it’s turned up to the extreme and downright becomes unhealthy in some cases)™

It was ironic to him. Out everyone that he had gotten to know over all these years— hell, perhaps even Arthur; you were the only one he felt like understood him the most. Not many seemed to notice what was going on beneath the surface of his facade, which was why he appreciated you being there. You still liked him despite the many flaws that he had, and tried your best being with him even if it became downright tiring. Alfred would be heavily dependent on you because of this, often going to you to cheer him up— or before he was going to make a rash choice.

So it was only natural that he couldn’t see himself being without you.

You were like a best friend to him; Alfred would even go as far as to say that he felt a familial connection between the two of you. So the deep desire to protect you was normal, wasn’t it? Even when he felt himself worrying for your well-being at even the slightest approach of a stranger, it was just his instinct telling him that there was something wrong. It wasn’t anything unhealthy. Thus, would usually drag you away from anyone that he found to be suspicious; even those he was already familiar with. This would probably result in a lot of arguments, with him trying to say what was ‘best for you’ and with you denying that you needed this much...protection. You swore that it almost felt like he was just isolating you from the others, to have you purely depend on him for whatever reason you couldn’t make up.

Alfred can’t handle being apart from you— nonetheless the idea of you being angry with him, or even hating him . It truly didn’t matter if the reason was rather ridiculous or not, the idea of you hating him just...made his stomach churn uncomfortably. You were his best buddy, and basically one of the only ones he could trust with his inner worries; and the risk of it all being taken away from him because of a silly, childish mistake was all it took to send the poor boy into a state of panic. Please don’t leave him, he’d do anything to keep you there with him. Begging, gifting— you name it.

Arthur didn’t completely seem to realize his feelings at first, confusing it with romantic attraction for a little while— before quickly seeming to realize that it was all purely platonic. He did feel a bit protective of you, maybe even possessive...but it had nothing to do with romance, nor lust. It was just him wanting to have someone beside him, someone that he could call a friend. And someone that would never leave his side.

It won’t be hard to notice how...bad his communication skills were; with him often saying things that he didn’t really mean and slightly setting you off. Arthur is stubborn, so it may take some time (and slight teasing at how much he hesitated) for him to actually apologize. You’ll probably get used to it after a while, since he’s one big tsundere.

Saying this out loud was an absolute no-no for this man— but you being around Arthur was often enough to make him the slightest bit happier. It felt a bit lonely at times, especially with less and less people being around him these past few years. So having you as a friend almost felt like a breath of fresh air.

He’s very critical of those you choose to be around with, often analyzing even the smallest of things so he can determine if they’re actually worth being around you. Which more often than not ends up... not being the case. Arthur will tell you to stay away from them; saying that they were suspicious, and probably had something bad in mind. He’ll resort to isolating you if you were to disobey him, trying to take as much of your attention— and perhaps even kidnapping you if the extreme were to happen. You were his one and only best friend, and he had to make sure you were safe. Always.

Totally the big brother type...well, he usually proclaims himself as being one, so it isn’t that much of a surprise.

Francis will make sure to absolutely pamper you with his attention; hanging out with you, sending letters whenever he was too busy...and simply sending gifts from France. He simply couldn’t let you go off feeling unloved!

He adores talking about you; usually going off on a mindless ramble whenever someone even mentions your name, like a proud father showing off his child. Others will usually compare him to one due to how much he adores talking about you— or simply the way that he treats you. Which would quickly be disregarded with a: “oh, I’m no father! They’re just such a nice little friend to have around, who wouldn’t want to praise such a delicate person?”

On a second note....he actually did feel like a father figure to you. Huh.

Francis will often suggest helping you out with your love life, perhaps even gushing over cute guys together that you found on a random dating app— before quickly realizing that he didn’t really want this. Those silly moments were fun and all, but having you talk with someone that could just be out to use you made him a bit angry...and paranoid, mainly the latter. He will make sure that anyone that even so much dares to get close you first gets his approval first. The feeling of a broken heart was all too familiar to him, and he didn’t want you to experience such a thing.

This may result in him checking up on you...an awful lot, making sure that those around you were only the best of the best and wouldn’t end up being bad influence to you. Yes, he truly was like a father.

A sibling-like person in his life that he didn’t feel insecure against and acknowledged him as his own person? Fuck yes!!

Jokes aside— Matthew really does care deeply for you. Perhaps it was due to the Canadian barely having those that he could...truly call close friends, so having you around almost felt like a blessing. Unlike Francis, he won’t really show you off or talk about you much, especially around his brother. The American had already stolen enough from him, so why would he let something like that happen again?

He’s extremely wary of anyone that even so much tries to make a move on you. It’s just...you were someone that he held extremely dear; and having you potentially getting hurt due to some lowlife that managed to slip into your life would absolutely break his heart. Matthew didn’t want to fail in protecting you, he would never forgive himself if something like that were to happen.

Losing you is something that he wishes to avoid completely. He’ll even go as far as kidnapping you if it came down to it, Matthew just couldn’t see himself living happily without you by his side.

Yao likes cute things...and you’re a cute friend, so it’s a perfect match!

But seriously, he thinks that you’re absolutely adorable. Whether it be because of your personality— or your appearance, it really doesn’t end up mattering in the end. You’re his cute little friend, and that’s all that matters!

He’ll often treat you with more, yet gentler care than most of the others around him. He knew that you were well capable of taking care of yourself; but he just couldn’t help but see you as something fragile, something that he had to protect. So you can already imagine how frustrated he gets when someone treats you with even the slightest bit of disrespect— Yao will often confront them immediately, while you awkwardly have to sit back and watch it all. Almost feeling pity for the person that had to endure your friend’s seemingly never-ending complaints.

Oh, he probably doesn’t quite realize how he comes off as a father at times; seeing how much he’ll scold you for the smallest mistakes (while making sure to correct you of course!) and how he usually made decisions for you, making it hard to refuse his gestures due to his pushy nature. But it’ll probably become a normal thing for the two of you as time progresses, since it’s just...how Yao was, you assumed.

His controlling behavior will also reflect on how he treats your personal life. Yao is very selective of who he lets you be around with, so he’ll often look at your acquaintances and friends with a very critical eye, immediately expressing his distaste in them if they were even to do the smallest thing wrong. “Such a brute isn’t worth being around, (y/n).” Yao will warn you to stay away from them, but won’t bring it up any further if you decide to do what he says. If you don’t then...well, he had special friends to help him out with his dirtier work.

Yao might consider kidnapping you if this behavior keeps on repeating, but won’t feel compelled to actually do it unless something bad were to happen.

Ivan will always try his best to be there for you! While it most likely won’t quite work with him being a rather busy person; a country, nonetheless, but he’ll do his upmost best. It was extremely hard for Ivan to make friends that...weren’t scared of him or secretly disliked him, so having you was such a relief!

Being his only friend, he’ll make sure to be absolutely devoted to you— perhaps in a way that wasn’t too healthy in a friendship, and would often be looked down upon by those looking at your relationship from an outsider’s perspective. But could one truly blame him? Ever since he was born it felt like everyone around him were either toying with him, or were utterly terrified of the boy expect for his two sisters. It was lonely...so it isn’t hard to imagine how overjoyed he was once having you in his life; someone that didn’t display the usual fright whenever he approached them, nor did you look like you were out to hurt him.

Ivan appreciated you a lot.

It wasn’t hard to imagine that you’d most likely become the target of a few other countries, your connection with Ivan wasn’t extremely hidden from the outside world... (from how much he’d senselessly mutter things about you when daydreaming, and the many times he stuck by your side) and so, others would take it to their advantage. Those like Alfred will probably try convince you to leave Ivan’s side, spewing terrifying stories of the man to try and stir up something inside of you so you could leave him. It was mainly for your own safety, yes. But it was also to make the Russian weaker. It was obvious that he was depending on you heavily, and losing you would...god forbid if that would ever happen. Ivan would completely lose himself, perhaps even snapping completely.

So don’t hesitate to tell Ivan if someone was bothering you! Ivan will make sure to get rid of the little parasite from your life in an instant, giving them a short warning whenever the two come across each other...and making sure that he got his point across! It’s better to ignore their sudden disappearance after that day, since someone like them wasn’t worth lingering in your mind.

[literateleah]

ok thus far if I was a character it would probably be toni or dot. cackling at the thought of being henry but im too bitchy and irritable for that irl 💀 if I was stuck with the girls, i would probs hang with fatin and dot 🥰 maybe rachel too bcuz i love her (so many feelings about s2 Rachel. this is sooooo fucked up). i would not talk to Leah. I rlly would not. she would mention her bf and i would go 😐. im sorry Leah. I understand u as a character and understand ur narrative complexities and being a vessel for the plot but LORD if I met her irl.

anyway if I was in the guys little fucked up circle initially i would've chilled with ivan and henry. would bicker with ivan 75% of the time, but it would be fun. bo is so sweet tho. also liked rafe for a bit. 💗💗💗💗 something that has been killing me is 1. the seth plot. and 2. how uneven the boys backstories are compared to s1... they're just not given the same respect. i also see what u mean about rafe potentially being protagonist but then there's no way to confidentially call him that the way u can for Leah. granted, this IS the girls' story, but it feels like a waste ... only 2 eps left tho so idk

ok u as dot just feels real and right to me that’s so true. and u ivan and henry is kind of a nuclear trip that would be so funny

and hard agree on 2 i think the space to include the boys full stories would have been great but there just was not enough time in the episodes. like the girls were progressing in a really intriguing way but i also wanted space to fill out the lore of the boys to give their stories justice and due diligence too like it just felt so crammed. i feel this season should have been ten eps just so things could be more thinly spread because the boys are INTERESTING and i really like seeing them it just seems like a dilemma of focus that will be cast aside by s3 no spoilers ofc.

and the seth plot being the central conflict for the boys was. a choice. because i hate it on its merit and the fact that it exists but also the ripple effect of how it radically changed the atmosphere on their island and their chances of survival was something that i feel the girls didn’t have (and intentionally so because clearly that’s gretchen’s aim) particularly irt the development of characters like henry kirin josh and raf. it builds the meat of the boys screen time and basically defines their time on the island but i just wish it was anything else.

then again i’m not sure if ur up to seth’s backstory bits but i feel like those make u go “ok yeah that tracks and is completely expected from that creature” as vile as it is. which is also kind of wack because initially the end of ep4 came as a huge like WHOA tw out of the blue thing besides the precedent of his scene with henry on the beach, so it’s just introduced poorly then not really supported well until the end of the season basically. ugh just sloppy but conflict is conflict i guess and also alex fitzalan is acting his ass off if i ever saw that man in public i would cross the street and start running away

edit: back to the boys characters THIS IS A CHARACTER DRIVEN SHOW!!!!!! yes it is plot heavy and set heavy but like there’s a reason season one depended on individual vignettes and spotlights on each girl, and how she related to their journey to survival you can’t just eliminate that and try to tell another compelling story without that element of strong full focused characters to tell it for u. ugh

[skulkingfox]

Episide 17

- Communication! Well done you 2 for actually talking about Bbj's injury!

- Gregory is creepy as fuck

- Ok she's mega evil but kinda hot when about to kick Gregory's ass

- Oh no this isolation policy does not feel great

- This government is as dumb as the Uk's

- Them getting sad about losing their outfits :(

- Rogue hero, rogue hero!!!

- Aww Antonio blushing! I love how comfortable Ivan is around him too!

- Ben!! I missed you!

- Yuri you need some therapy bby :(

- Aww "We're still buddies right?" Kotetsu that's adorable!

- Thomas you frustrate me to no end >o<

- I really like the new ending song! Romantic trip for the boys again too.

- WELL I GUESSED THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN

Episode 18

- Thomas needs a good shake or a slap

- Sure 3 extra pairs is enough Barnaby? Why not 5??

- Oh Kaede be honest with your Dad :(

- Dinner date finally??

- oh noooooo discrimination :(

- Finally someone helps them consider Gregory is causing the trouble!

- Old dude got his money lol

- Operation - find the boozehound!

- Had to guess it wasn't gonna be that easy!

- Mattia was acting sketchy all episode, hmmm

Episode 19

- Aww Barnaby stucking up for his friend, bad timing but still nice to see

- Ryan deffo believes in conspiry theories lol

- Poor Mattia :(((

- Damn girl passing her mind around like a parcel

- Gregory u ungrateful bitch

- Aurora is making her move! Seems a little suss though

- Yuri is such a good son ;-;

- Well fuck! Yuri's Mama! :(

- Saito speak up! XD

- Yass! Go guys gooooo!

- Bitch those jam biscuits are not yours!!

- Fuck the police!

- oh poor Yuri. u-u

[lawrencegarte]

okay actually brief lightyear review

oh no i forgot how to do read mores on mobile UHHHH

If that doesn’t work then caution spoilers for lightyear lol

Things I liked:

Lesbians. Good sell. A little ambitious for 1995 tho I will say I don’t think we were quite at Black Lesbian Tertiary Lead in 1995??? (I also like that she was an established lesbian to Buzz and we didn’t get a stupid line like “omg who is he?😍” “well… it’s a she🫣🤭” “whoaa…. well i am still ur friend no matter what #ally😌”)

Buzz blowing in IVAN’s cartridge port was a cute nod to this being a 1995 sci-fi movie. Also liked that IVAN had a female voice with a masculine name like I don’t think that was a #RepresentationWin for anyone in particular but it kinda stood out to me for some reason

Sox actually wasn’t annoying like I was so sure he was gonna be and actually in general the side characters were some of my favourite parts of the movie. I love a fucked up old guy and a Taika Waititi

It had a lot of very fun nods to Toy Story and the lines Buzz says in the first and second ones specifically. They felt really organic to the character and not shoehorned in just to be fan service which was nice

And stuff I didn’t like ummmmmm

Hi okay so like yes the whole “I’m your father” exchange between Buzz and Zurg in 2 is a Star Wars reference whatever fine but this is like a monsters university situation all over again where they were just like hmmmmm well we wanna cash in on a sequel and have a specific idea in mind soooooo actually that line didn’t mean anything🙈🙈 and it’s like shut the fuck UP why would The Real Zurg and The Real Buzz (both those toys believed they were the real thing don’t forget!) just randomly pull a Star Wars bit out of their asses that makes no SENSE!!! and then buzz and zurg playing catch at the end like YEAH it’s all just an extended Star Wars bit but it’s still CANON STUFF!! and Zurg didn’t even show UP until 2 SOOOO!!! u can’t even say like ohhh we were pulling more from 1 cuz he didn’t existttttttt that made me so mad isgksbsksbsj the disney adult is jumping OUT but I didn’t LIKE it

It kinda just ended like I dunno the ending was a little rushed

Really it was just the whole third act that sucked the rest was like anywhere from actively good to kinda basic kids stuff that was kinda obvious as a full adult (which is fine obviously it’s a kids movie lol)

[need-more-meta]

Natashlia Romanoffva: What's In a Name

Like any professional spy, our beloved Black Widow has many faces (and haircuts). She also seems to have a lot of names. Ever wondered what’s the deal with that? Let your humble Russian speaker explain.

To start with, let’s go over the authentic Russian variants of the Widow’s first name. I’ll mark the stressed vowels in bold.

Natalia (Наталья) — the full formal form of the name.*

*Actually, there are two forms possible: Nataliya (Наталия) [pronounced: na-ta-li-ya] and Natalia (Наталья) [pronounced na-ta-lya]. The former has a ye olden days flavor, and the latter is your ordinary everyday Natasha.

Which brings us to:

Natasha (Наташа) — the most common shortened form of the name. In fact, so common that it has branched out and become a stand-alone name in the Western countries.

Now, let the fun begin.

Nata (Ната) — a shortened form of the shortened form. Used fairly often, slightly more familiar than the full shortened form.

Natashen’ka (Наташенька) — much tender, very familiar. Be careful with this one: it can sound condescending (if used by an old white guy, for example). Between close friends, though, it expresses some industrial-grade affection.

Natashechka (Наташечка) — almost like Natashen’ka, but with a dash of irony.

Natusya (Натуся) — no one but your parents (or grandparents) can call you that. In fact, no one should be calling you that, not even your parents (maaaaaybe grandparents). Trust me, if anyone calls our Nat this, they won’t stay alive for long.

This form can also, in families particularly fond of babytalk, devolve into the ultimate diminutive form Tusya (Туся), which will bring immediate violent death upon you.

Natalie (Натали) [pronounced na-ta-lee] — release les baguettes, someone’s going for French! Mostly used in a joking way.

Natakha (Натаха) — this is your Slav squat girl. She spits sunflower husks, gulps vodka like water, and will fuck you up with the neck of a broken glass bottle, which, by the way, is called rozochka [a little rose] in Russian and I think it’s beautiful.

As for the common English forms of the name:

Nat can be used in Russian as a vocative form of Nata, i.e., a shortened form of direct address, but not something you’d use when referring to a Natasha in third person.

Tasha is not something Russian speakers use to shorten Natasha, unless they want to be very extra.

Now let’s move on to Nat’s last name.

Here’s the thing about Russian surnames: they don’t actually end in -off in Russian. Here’s another thing about Russian surnames: they’re gendered, and most will have different male and female forms.

So, -ov is one of the most common suffixes for a Russian male surname. But, since Russian phonetics insist that the hard consonants at the end of the word are softened, it’s pronounced more like -of. Which led the West to transcribe the ending as -off.

Now, the female version of this suffix is -ova. No consonant softening here.

Thus, if Nat was born and raised in Russia by Russians, her surname should be Romanova (which is a pretty common Russian surname, which literally means “of someone named Roman”), a female version of the male surname Romanov. On the other hand, she could have changed her surname to Romanoff, which is a legitimate westernization of Romanov, when choosing to work with S.H.I.E.L.D. and cutting off her ties with Mother Russia (I’d do that, if I were her).

You think we’re done? Surprise surprise: Russian people have ONE MORE NAME to consider.

This third name is called a patronymic, and Nat’s patronymic MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. And no, it’s not exactly a middle name.

A patronymic is a common thing in all Slavic cultures and is formed based on the following pattern: the kid’s father’s name + gendered ending. Think Icelandic -son and -dóttir. Or something along the lines of the The Handmaid’s Tale naming system if you want to go all morbid.

A quick note on usage: in the Russian-speaking cultures, first name + patronymic is used as a formal form of address. This is what you’d call your teacher, your boss, your doctor, a character from Tolstoy’s novel, or maybe even a friend if you’re making a thing of being extra respectful (or just extra). Basically, you’d want to use this combo in the same situations where you’d use Mister/Miss Last Name in English.

Now, in Captain America: The Winter Soldier the shady Hydra doctor Arnim Zola calls Nat “Natalia Alianovna”. Seeing that -ovna is a female gendered ending, it would make Nat’s father’s name Alian, which is not a Russian name I have ever encountered. I mean, it probably exists, but it’s definitely not a common one.

But wait a minute. As much as we’d all like to pretend that The Avengers: Endgame never happened, there was that moment when Red Skull addressed Nat as “daughter of Ivan”. Trust me, Ivan is not and cannot be a form of Alian, so in this version Nat’s patronymic should be Ivanovna. (Also, the proper stress is Ivan.)

Dear Marvel, what the hell?

There’s a theory that Nat may have a biological father and a foster dad, which might explain why Dr. Zola and Red Skull have different information. And after all, if Bucky Barnes can have three different birth dates in the MCU, why can’t Nat have two different daddies?

[redrandomposts]

hi, I think the little mermaid au idea is so cool and I really like the concept! How does Mizi feel when she sees what left of Ivan and figures it out? I feel like since they are very close she would be very sad and mad at herself :(

Maybe Ivan can come back and everyone can be happy! :D

-🍎

hi 🍎!!!

mizi wouldn't notice, actually, because sua didn't tell her (or let ivan tell her) what would happen to ivan if he failed. sua's just like that. and... idk, man, she's pretty sheltered. too much to even make conclusions based on death, because she barely knows of it. she only feels something is wrong when she has to go back to the ocean without catching a glimpse of her best friend.

(she doesn't notice the letters, either. perhaps a passing servant had dropped them on accident, or it was specifically left for till)

but i can one up you!!! hahaha!

...it's kinda implied that till actually falls in(sane) love with ivan. why else would ivan would have his own entire wing near till's personal office, with jewelry and all kinds of clothes at his disposal?

ivan doesn't notice this because he was a prince and thought that ah yes, fancy lobster dishes and clothing made of the finest silks... this must be how everyone is treated. (guys ive grown fond of ivan and long black hair??? i knew what i was doing)

i have ideas for a HE, but for now...um, ok, here u are, something u did not ask for (till's pov (might be ooc))

===

it started at the beach. till ran away from his duties yet again (he was six! who entrusted him (of all people, nonetheless) with duties?!), this time heading to the beach. he's never been to the ocean so closely before, and couldn't help to just... get closer.

he never learned to swim before, as he was swamped by all other tasks that he despised. oversight on everyone's part. he was swept away by the waves, hopelessly fighting against the salty water. the salt burned his eyes, making him close them, but when arms (...smaller than him, what the hell!) wrapped around him he tried to open them.

pale skin, a pearl breaking through the water's surface. red and black scales that reflected the light so beautifully, as if sunset had just reached its end. jewels and silver chains that slowly fell back to place when displaced.

...skin? scales? what was going on?! is he like those... those addicts his mentor talked about?!

he closed his eyes. this was not happening. this was not happening.

when he opened his eyes, he caught sight of an angel from the sea. her face was beautiful, her pink hair, wet, fell like waterfalls. she had... blue scales, slightly tan skin, with gold decorating her. (what about the black and red sunset scales? the pale as pearl skin? the silver that reflected the sunlight like the moon did?) she was the most beautiful person he's ever seen in life.

a week later, he couldn't help but sketch the angel that had the wrong colors again and again by the beach. perhaps, if he got her attention again, they could become friends and eventually the king and queen of his kingdom! in his fervent imagination, he didn't notice the pearl until it slipped into the waters again, far from his grasp.

annoyingly, this repeated for weeks on end. over a year (or way more) of weeks, actually! the only reason till didn't think this was a weird doesn't-actually-exist image were the odd things he'd find when he was done sketching. fish, crabs, actual pearls, clams, a shattered but ornately-made hand mirror, a locket without anything inside, dadada...

and when he went into the library to find out (the first time he's stepped into there! everyone weeps in joy!), all he found were books about creatures in the sea that love music and make others love music.

music? he could do that! he brought a guitar out to the beach, and somehow got so lost in the music he forgot to check for the pearl! when he looked again, all he saw was black slipping underneath the waves again. what the fuck?!

each time he'd try this, it'd have the same result. he'd be so engrossed in his music and making songs that he'd barely, if at all, catch black hair and silver jewelry slipping into the ocean before he could clearly see it.

and he had a solution! if he came at night, then he'd surely catch the pearl before it could see him!

...listening to the singing, till once again missed his chance. pearl-pale skin reflected the moonlight, the ocean grew quiet to listen to the music, birds and fish crowded the rock the pearl sits on. black hair blended into the night, and the silver took and stored the moonlight, reflecting it to mimic the moon the best anything ever could.

and when it stopped, till was too dazed to react! he had to watch helplessly as it slipped into the ocean once again.

this continued for years. till was driven insane. a face he's never once seen, yet one he kept on chasing and chasing. he bought silver jewelry, imagining that one day, he could lay it out and trap the pearl once and for all. he bought various clothes, both men and women's, so one day he could cover the pearl and keep it for his eyes only.

it turns out he didnt need it, though! on his sixteenth birthday, the pearl was in the sand, a coat on his body, covering his thighs from the sun. long black hair splayed out, framing the face he's gone insane over trying to catch a glimpse of.

till decided to put him in the unused wing, the one right next to his. he carefully washed him, combing his hair and dressing him up to the neck. this could be a foretelling of his future, maybe. it's a much brighter future than he could have ever imagined.

ice-cold water, the kind that only appeared when the snow fell and the nights grew longer than day, poured on him when letters slipped through his door, sea foam decorating the parchment.

[afrival]

Hetalia Characters and Their Music Tastes

I’ve been in the hetalia fandom for like a year now and I stg thinking abt what these bitches listen to NEVER gets old

no warnings

will feature mostly modern day music, like 1950s-2010s

I don’t know a lot of artists that don’t sing in English so there’s probably A LOT that I’m missing on here, not even including shit from like the 1800s

The Allies

Alfred:

Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood, The Chain by Fleetwood Mac, Crazy In Love by Beyoncé

- Listens to basically everything, but particular fond of like 80s rock and early 2000s shit

- Likes country music bc ofc he does, a huge fan of Carrie Underwood, Sam Hunt, and The Band Perry

- Got his love of rock from England 💀 Especially during the like the 60s-80s when Queen, The Beatles, and Elton John really popular

- They really only bond over their love for this period of music lmao like they would absolutely go ape during karaoke

- He loves more mainstream artists like Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, all those iconic mfs

- Probably enjoys old wartime music just for nostalgias sake. Shit from the 40s and he listens to Civil War tunes (Union Dixie lmao)

- Definitely listens to musicals and forces Ivan to as well. His favorites are Hamilton, Hairspray, and Chess

- LOVES LOVES LOVES The Backstreet Bogs holy shit. This man had a whole phase where he dressed like they did. Don’t even dare play I Want It That Way because he WILL sing along

- Speaking of which he’s actually a really good singer, like he probably used to sing at clubs and shit back in the day

- It’s very specific but I imagine his voice to sound like Taron Egerton’s cover of “Crocodile Rock” by Elton John

Arthur:

Killer Queen by Queen, Set Fire to the Rain by Adele, Tiny Dancer by Elton John

- Old man who had a weird punk phase in the 90s. Definitely listens to The Beatles and Gorillaz

- Like I said, he and Alfred bond over Queen and Elton and Bon Jovi and FUCKING Michael Jackson

- Refuses to admit he really likes Elvis

- Oh boy. He had so much fun in like late 2000s and early 2010s— Panic at the Disco, MCR, Green Day, he absolutely got his ears pierced during this time

- Doesn’t listen to like current mainstream music that much he will sob to Adele and probably really likes the Cry Baby album by Melanie Martinez.

- Francis plays so much Lady Gaga in the car that at this point he really likes her music

- He likes Ed Sheeran I am so sorry </3 and he absolutely gets bullied for it

- He can sing too honestly? I know I just said he listens to Ed Sheeran but I honestly think he kinda sounds like him too just maybe a little deeper

- Listen to Galway Girl and you’ll get a basic idea of what I imagine he sounds like

Ivan:

Dance and Cry by Mother Mother, Baby One More Time by Britney Spears, смерти Больше нет by IC3PEAK

- THIS MANS MUSIC TASTE MAKES NO SENSE. It ranges from fucking Aerosmith to Ic3peak to Lady Gaga

- Literally has every Mother Mother album downloaded and probably on Vinyl bc he’s a fucking dweeb

- Also a huge musical stannie, loves Wicked and Hairspray

- He and Al will split the parts to sing along to in the car

- Alfred made him listen to Britney Spears ONCE in like the 90s and now he’s obsessed

- Speaking of the 90s he went absolutely fucking ape during this time. The USSR wasn’t very big on western music but when it fell there was a HUGE influx of it and suddenly like it was just his favorite thing ever

- Alfred also got him into Carrie Underwood, literally lost of his music taste comes from Alfred forcing him to listen to shit

- During the 70s/80s he got really into Fleetwood Mac and Aerosmith, maybe even a little bit of disco but not a lot

- Went to a club with Al a few times and he won’t ever forget dancing to Footloose by Kenny Loggins at like one in the morning and having the absolute time of his life, easily one of his favorite memories

- Like I get so soft thinking about him just letting loose and actually having fun, even though he was very stiff and shit during the 1900s

- He can’t sing LMAO but my friend and I said once that he could lowkey rap really well and now it’s all I think about

Francis:

From Eden by Hozier, La Vie En Rose by Edith Piaf, Primadona by Marina

- If you look up the gay agenda his playlist would just show up

- I mean seriously he has it all: Lana Del Rey, Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and Lorde

- HOWEVER she does really enjoy softer sounding music. Edith Piaf, Louis Armstrong, and Vera Lynn are favorites of his

- Listens to the Les Mis soundtrack like once a month

- REALLY REALLY loves Hozier, like a whole lot. He’s probably one of his favorite artists along with Sufjan Stevens

- Even more of his homo playlist includes Marina, Madonna and Troye Sivan

- Bullies Arthur for liking Ed Sheeran but he also really likes Ed Sheeran, just refuses to admit it

- Stromae ofc 🙄🤚 can’t just not include like the most popular French musician or whatever

- He can also sing but he sounds kinda raspy, it’s nice tho

Yao:

- I don’t think he listens to music LMAO, if he does it’s probably instrumental

The Axis

Ludwig:

Elastic Heart by Sia, From Now On from The Greatest Showman, Natural by Imagine Dragons

- Also doesn’t really listen to music but my friend said that when he does it ranges from classical to heavy metal

- For some reason I think he really likes Sia, he seems like a Sia kind of guy

- Doesn’t listen to Hozier but really loves Take Me to Church

- Most of his music listening comes from giving Feli the aux in the car

- The whore listens to Imagine Dragons like he fucking loves them

- When The Greatest Showman came out he had the soundtrack on repeat for a solid month, From Now Onis one of his favorite songs ever

- Cannot sing Jesus Christ do not let him near a mic

Feliciano:

Thank u, next by Ariana Grande, Break My Stride by Matthew Wilder, Bella Ciao by Manu Pillas

- Pop music! So much pop!

- Loves Ariana Grande and Conan Gray

- Probably listens to A LOT of classical because of his time with Austria

- His music taste is kinda all over the fucking place and it’s mostly happy and peppy shit

- Weirdly tho he listens to GRLwood? Like it’ll just shhow up on shuffle and suddenly he’s an entire different person

- Will listen to absolutely everything just to find something that Ludwig likes, was so proud of himself when Ludwig really ended up loving The Greatest Showman

- Doesn’t sing but plays like 5 instruments. Violin and piano are his faves

Kiku:

It’s Been So Long by The Living Tombstone, Faded by Alan Walker, Ophelia by The Lumineers

- LISTEN. LISTEN. HE LOVES VIDEO GAME MUSIC AND FUCKING THE LIVING TOMBSTONE

- The fnaf songs are his guilty fucking pleasures, he fucking loves them

- Loves loves loves the Undertake Soundtrack

- Listens to a lot of anime openings 💀 Me too tbh they’re so good at for what

- Big fan of TheFatRat

- In general he enjoys techno shit? Idk what the word is but it’s a lot of instrumental

- Listens to regular music as well (The Lumineers especially)

- Likes listening to Elvis because it makes him happy to see Alfred having fun

- Feli also introduces him to a lot of music but he can never fucking remember the names of the songs or artists

- He hums a lot rather than sings, and it’s really soft and gentle

If anybody wants any more characters lmk bc I love coming up with these, also I do have playlists for these bitches ���✌️ Spotify is in my linktree (bio)

[urlocalbunny]

ethan nsfw alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Ethan likes to clean you and he tells you to "GO PEE RN OR YOU MIGHT GET SICK" and you'll definitely bath ew wtf. But when he clean you you barely feel anything but his humming and some faint kisses on your back. If you're a map he might poke some light bruises a bit. To see you squirm >:3

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes his abs. Not too much, not too little. He's fine as fuck. Heh. As for you, ass. Ass. No matter what ass. If it's yours. Ass.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He cums quick spurts lmao and he cums a little. Enough for a good gulp, that's it. Tastes like bleach and it's clear.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He'd love to examine you and train with his knives on you. You're so cute even when you try to dom him that he can't help it. Maybe if you let him give you a scar and you give him one, or if you just dress yourself as a nurse and he'll put you under pressure and see how much you squirm to give him good head... Good, now he's hard.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He knows what he's doing with your body because he's a doctor. But I think he's still a little inexperienced because he didn't have many deep relationships so he thinks sex is way more shallow than it is (yet he already loves it lol) you'll feel good, but he's going to be mildly surprised by you each time.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Heh, he loves the ones where you're bent and restrained while he fucks you mercilessly, or the ones where he can ride you and see your angry face whenever he edges you to ready you about how much of a shitty dom you are.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He's not goofy, but he's sarcastic and a BIG brat. If you're subbing, he's the degrader type, the intensity I up to what he thinks you can handle. He also likes to talk dirty and laugh at you so beware.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He's on the hairy side bc shaving is not good for the skin and he won't fucking do wax. That shit hURTS, but you won't be bothered if you want to give him head. Kinda pleasing honestly. He trims often.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

When he's too fucked out, he's going to be the most affectionate little pet you could ever ask for whether he's domming or not. He'll literally sob and tell how much he loves you. And he gets WAY nicer when you're finished until you go to sleep or part ways. He'll go back to normal when you meet and be a brat by then.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He does jack off twice a week? Maybe 6 times a month? He doesn't feel like jacking off too much, but if someone he likes is around, he'll jack off a LOT, and he just can't stop bc his mind is way too fertile.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Knife play, nurse play, choking, shibari (receiving, let's all pretend to be shocked.), Dom and sub dynamics, he also loves to bend you in many ways. He also loves getting caught by people he knows, and semi-public places.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Moondance alleys where it's dark, his room, your room, the bathroom.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going) when you just coax him, play his game and win. He likes how nasty you get...

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Hurt you beyond combined, make you feel miserable because of his own pleasure, hurt your feelings, scare you.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)He loves to receive WAY more than giving, but he'll do it. You'll have to teach him more tho, he doesn't know what to do sometimes bc you make eye contact and he's just RED.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.) He's fast and mildly to very rough. He loves to cling onto you and sometimes, when it's a cold day in hell, he'll take it slow. That's his way of saying he loves you.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.) He thinks quickies are the best invention. He's mad? Quickie. He's gotta go but he craves it? Quickie. He does enjoy proper sex too and he'll make them sessions amazing, but to him there should be something to relieve you both quick.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.) He loves to experiment! Esp if you're the dom. Please do make him your little dummy. If you experiment shibari, he'll even skip to the bed and tell you to "hurry the hell up!"

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…) he lasts a few hours, but if he's too tired, quickie it is bc he won't spend his ENTIRE stamina fucking.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He has a few toys and they're mostly toys you can use on a partner. He keeps them on a case and he takes pride on his lil collection.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

I'd say he's the biggest tease if it wasn't for Ivan. But hey, he teases you completely out in the open and with people watching, so if you're a dom, put him in line.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make) kinda low but he talks and moans often enough. You can't hear him much because he likes to hear you instead, but if you despise a guy that's not vocal, don't worry, that's not him.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Ethan once told you you should have drunk sex after you denied him one night because you didn't want to take advantage. He then allows you to do it the next time he tries it, and it's kinda weird because you're drunk too and he tells you all the little things about you that he never did while sober and you're in love wow.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words) his dick is so pretty hihihih! It's curved upwards a little, the head is proportional and pretty. He does trim so it looks all the more appealing. He's veiny.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Not all the time, but two-three times a week? that's fine with him.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) He cums, aftercare, sleep. you can talk to him in your dreams if it's that important. Now sleep.

[kristheartist]

Incorrect quotes from incorrect quotes generator

Fudo, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Takane, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Akari, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you!

Akio, trembling: What are we playing???

------

Azumi: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven’t decided yet' is typically a good response.

------

Yogi: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Hiro: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents

Yogi: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

Hikaru: Actually I did the math, Hiro would have $225, not $0.15.

Hiro: Fam I’m right here....

Akari: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Yogi: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Akari: Sorry I only have a dollar

Yogi: :(

Hikaru: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Hiro would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

Akari: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

Hikaru: You can buy anything you want with $22,500

Obelix: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice

Hikaru: Apply juice to what

Obelix: Directly to the forehead

Hiro: Great chat everyone

------

Obelix: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Ivan: You’re a hazard to society

Daiyu: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

------

Akio: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so...

------

Obelix: bitches b like “im baby” but have childhood trauma and neglect like wtf do u know about being baby u were forced to grow up from an early age anyways I’m bitches

------

Takane: *Stubs their toe* FUCK!

Akari: Mind your language!

Takane: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???

Akari:

Takane: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

------

Eiko: You know how we roll.

Niko: And we're not talking about that time we fell into a pile of dung at the foot of a hill.

------

Kaori: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.

Henry: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Kaori: Yes!

Fudo: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you

------

Azumi: This is such a bad idea.

Ena: Then why are you coming along?

Azumi: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

[uncoordinated-house-cat]

pls rant about nicholas ii 👀

dude i am so glad u asked. i mean, u didn’t ask for the entire rant about both russian revolutions, but here u are anyway. (but also im a teenager history student so this is very biased and i checked most of my facts but not all of them so don’t quote me and if a history person who actually knows what they’re doing finds a mistake don’t @ me) ok so nicholas ii was an absolute ********** and had an iq of -1000 and he was still super convinced that he could run all of russia, which is like a freaking huge country with millions of people who are super poor (peasants made up 85% of the population in 1905 when the first revolution happened, the number of people below the poverty line was probably way higher when the actual revolution happened and he got overthrown but bitch had it cOMING) 

so here’s the thing. nick, a spoiled child who let’s say is twelve years old when his dad alexander dies of assassination (omg i googled the dates and HE WAS TWELVE I WAS RIGHT FHDSJKLAFHSD) has been told, since he was a tiny but no less annoying baby, that he was amazing and very smart and was absolutely entitled to rule all of russia and he was like ‘hell yeah bro this is my divine right wahoo guess i don’t have to pay attention in my ‘how to be a good leader’ lessons cos god chose me to be the tsar so i already am one #thuglife’ 

so he met this girl named alix, who was princess of somewhere irrelevant and incredibly religious (and also deluded but that becomes important later) and he falls in love with her and they get married, which is nice but probably not a good long-term decision because through her friend, nick meets rasputin (and i love the ra ra rasputin song but rasputin was very very problematic) and that’s one of the many, many, many stupid things he does that makes literally every single person in russia (again, lots of people) mad at him. but nick is in love, and he marries alix, and this is all very nice if russia was a substantially smaller and easier country to run and nick was actually a competent leader then maybe there wouldn’t have been a revolution! but alas, this was not the case. 

so as we all know, russia is fucking enormous. for people who have never looked at a map in their entire life, this is russia

and it has more landmass than several continents put together. chonky boi. and the capital city where the royal family lives? well, you’d assume it’s somewhere in the middle ish, since russia’s such a huge country and you kinda need to be in the middle in order to have literally any idea what’s going on and stop your people from revolting under your freaking nose, so put it in the middle. 

but nOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. they put the capital in st. petersburg, a place that’s like five minutes drive from finland, estona, latvia, ukraine (although that would probably take a while but u get the point) and LITERALLY NOWHERE NEAR ANYWHERE IN RUSSIA. ARGH. 

i’m pretty sure the reasoning for this was ‘it’s been there since forever and everything was fine then so we don’t need to change it’ cos back when russia was actually a country-sized country instead of the mammoth it is now (we’re talking 1539, and by country-sized country it was still bigger than most of western europe put together), the country was all the way over to the left, where st. petersburg is, so they probably had the capital there foreeeeeeever. even after they expanded and became mcfreaking enormous bc sOmEoNe (not naming names *cough cough* ivan the terrible *cough cough*) decided it would be an awesome idea to have some expansionist policy, yay, and now we’ve ended up with this monstrosity. and while you might think that having a big country is great, it’s not. here’s why:

- so many people. soooo many people

- how u gonna keep track of all of them?? it takes like 8 years to get from one side of this bad boy to the other

- since nobody can control russia cos of all the land and all the people, the culture just goes absolutely backward. the peasants are too poor to afford food, let alone an education, and it’s not as if nicky is gonna build free public schools or raise wages or anything, lol, so the collective russian mindset is a bit of a dumpsterfire

- if, say, a revolution were to happen, which of course it can’t hahaha everybody know’s nick’s the divine ruler and overthrowing him wouldn’t be possible cos everyone’s so thrilled with their life in a very cold place with no food, awful policies, terrible wages and working conditions and a tsar who cares more about hanging out with his family than actually doing his duty as leader of the biggest country in the world?? then the tsar wOULDN’T KNOW THE REVOLUTION WAS HAPPENING UNTIL IT WAS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY AND SOMEONE WAS HOLDING A GUN TO HIS STUPID TINY PEABRAIN HEAD

and nick did not do a lot to help the russian people to live unproblematic, non-poverty-stricken lives. in the early 1900s, there was a big move to the cities cos everyone was moving to the cities which meant there were more educated people getting jobs or going to university and going ‘hey, our wages are shit, nobody has any food and it seems like the tsar is doing a really bad job and just living in the lap of luxury while his entire country suffers?? should we do something about this??’

but he did do something. oh, boy. nicky, looking at all his ancestors going ‘bro aren’t u gonna expand the country that’s literally the one thing russia is good at u can’t break our streak’ went and conquered siberia. then he built a railway, cos he needed a water outlet for trade and stuff. he called it the trans-siberian railway. he wanted to make it really big, and cross over into manchuria, so he had a bit of a war with china which he won and then he built the railway in manchuria. 

meanwhile, japan has been practising their war tactics a lot recently and while they don’t have much of a reputation in the west (like at all, nobody takes them seriously) and they also want to expand and flex their fighting skills a bit, they cross into manchuria and are like ‘i want this land. gimme’ and nick is like ‘nah fam i’m good’ and japan is like ‘>:( one last warning’ and nick is like ‘lol ur country is tiny and my country is huge have u seen all these buff russian soldiers i have guarding the railway i could crush u with my boot’ and then the japanese launch a surprise attack! on the russian squadron at port arthur. nick made the pikachu face, then the russo-japanese war started. 

uh oh, bad decision! looks like the russians are losing and even tho there’s lots of them there are more japanese and they have better battle tactics, so nick sends more soldiers. thing is, everyone in russia is already super poor so they can’t afford to have the [relatively] healthy, working men go off to war and die, cos that’s not practical at all and now they have even less money and food. fast forward, russia loses the war, nick makes the pikachu face again, stays in his nice mansion while the rest of russia starts going ‘grrr’ as well as ‘brrrr’.

and then this dude called gapon who’s a nice priest guy goes to petition the tsar to have better working conditions, fairer wages, a bunch of other stuff but they’re all very fair and reasonable. nick is like ‘nooooo!!’ and his uncle is like ‘nOoOoO!!!!!!1!!!’ and orders the army to shoot the peaceful protesters, so it gets called bloody sunday. this makes everyone really unhappy again, and it’s called the russian revolution of 1905 cos there are a lot of strikes and even while nick is like ‘haha this isn't happening’ they don’t reeeally accomplish much bc nick stays on the throne, and the russians are very mad but not mad or coordinated enough to overthrow the autocracy. there was this new parliament thingo called the duma, because nick’s only competent political adviser, count witte, was like ‘bro u literally have no choice but to form a new democratic government’ and nick was like ‘oh ok what if i made a government but it’s not really democratic or effective bc they have very limited power’ and witte was like ‘nick nO’ and nick was like ‘hehe nick yes’ and the duma was formed

--fast forward to 1917-- *time vworp noises*

so russia is poor. again. everyone is mad. again. all the men have been sent off to war. again. this time, it’s because of world war 1! 

and yikes, the russian army have it bad. like seriously, those dude were suffering lots and lots. very ouchy, no food, too cold, everyone is dying. it wasn’t great.

nick was like ‘hmm this war seems to be going well anyway look at my children aren’t they cute one of them broke an expensive vase today that’s so funny!!!’ (i made that up but he really didn’t care much and spent a lot of money u get the gist)

lots of strikes are happening. nobody is happy, and this time there are actually some organised people who can channel the rage into a revolution that might actually get something done this time. 

by the way, rasputin has turned up!! *cue the ra ras*

so rasputin introduces himself to some lady who’s a friend of alix, and alix, being super religious and super deluded and also having a sick son -

oh yeah, she had like five kids (was it five? not sure it was a lot) and the first four of them were girls and she was like ‘oh my god who’s gonna rule the country i have to have a boy’ and then she finally had a boy and his name was alexei and everything was great until they discovered that he had haemophilia, which is a hereditary illness that means ur skin is super weak or smth and whenever u, like, bump a table and u would normally get a little bruise, instead u start bleeding like you’ve been shot and yeah it was super problematic and it meant alexei was constantly sick and bleeding

- and so alix said to rasputin, who proclaimed to heal people like he was basically jesus, ‘yo dude can u pls heal my son it’s pretty urgent ngl’ and rasputin was like ‘uh huh lemme just take a look at him’ and he had a check up with alexei who somehow healed?? i don’t know how, he just sorta did, (he still had the haemophilia but alix was convinced it was gone for good) and so she turned into rasputin’s Number One Fan and started spouting all his very false religious conspiracy theories and made him a very important member of politics which was Not Good

and then count witte, the sensible one, was like ‘hmm this rasputin fellow seems kinda shady also he has thousands of STIs i don’t think it’s a good look if ur wife is hanging out with him all the time bc there are lots of rumours and he just seems super sketchy i reckon we should get rid of him’ and nick was like ‘no U’

he just uno reverse-carded him. witte tried to investigate rasputin and then nick was like ‘hmm i guess i’ll dissolve the duma cos ur being annoying’ and witte resigned like two days later. fair. if i had to deal with nick on a daily basis, there would probably be a lot of punching (of him, by me, in case u couldn’t tell bc im full of rage)

and there were a lot of rumours going around about alix & rasputin (which was kinda fair, because they hung out all the time and rasputin was a very sus person) so alix’s credibility was questioned and she was accused of selling secrets to the enemy, which was a bit dramatic (im pretty sure it was because she came from germany, and she was called ‘the german woman’ by a lot of the public)

--- also this isn’t very relevant to nick but i thought it was incredibly funny how rasputin died and it was time for a break from all that serious stuff so ~INTERLUDE~ --- 

note: start listen to rasputin by boney m cos this is where it gets hilarious (and the song also narrates his assassination lol)

so nobody liked rasputin. he had a lot of sex with pretty much everyone, he was very religious but also spouted a lot of nonsense, he was involved in some very dubious stuff and he was in favour of a lot of policies that the general public did not want at all. so a lot of people tried to murder him. and nearly all of them failed!! turns out, rasputin is really difficult to assassinate. there were a bunch of attempts on his life, all failed, before this one dude was like ‘bro i gotta put a stop to this’ so he invited rasputin to his house cos he was rsaputin’s bud (his name was yusupov btw)

dude gave him some cakes. they were laced with cyanide (poison) and rasputin was like cronch cronch, nom nom. did not die. ate a lot of cake. 

yusupov was like ?????????????

gave him some wine. wine was also poisoned. rasputin was like ‘dude this wine is good where can i get some more’ and he drank three glasses of it. the wine was poisoned with cyanide as well, btw. and the doctors who had helped plan this had carefully put enough cyanide in each glass to kill SEVERAL MEN. still not dead somehow???? 

so yusupov went ‘ok time for plan c’ and shot him. rasputin was like ‘ow’ and fell over. yusupov checked his pulse, there was now, he was like ‘ok good job’

and then while they were discussing their cover story upstairs, yusupov went back down to check on rasputin’s body and dude was sTILL ALIVE.

so they shot him again, tied him up, shot him one more time for good measure (and they shot him in the forehead at some point but apparently he was still alive???) and then they threw him into a frozen river. where he died of hypothermia, after having consumed enough cyanide to kill dozens of men and being shot three times, one of which was literally in his head. hhhh.

*sigh of relief* he finally died. fINALLY. the dudes who assassinated him got exiled but nothing worse than that because everyone in russia was like ‘well someone had to do it’

~~END OF INTERLUDE~~

now shit is getting rEAL. i mean, not for nick, obviously. but everyone else is like ‘ohmygosh rasputin is dead we actually got something done yay!!!’ 

so it’s february 1917 in petrograd. nick is on holiday with his family 800km away with literally no idea what’s going on. 15 million russians were away at war, and 1.7 million had died. lots of strikes and protests are happening. bIG protests. people were breaking into stores to get food, because of the awful food shortages, and it was very very cold so everyone was slightly extra mad. the police shot at some of the people who had gotten up onto the rooftops, so they protests turned into riots. all the people who were on strike from work joined the riots, and the women workers who had come out for international women’s day marched around the nearby factories and got another 50,000 people (including students and teachers) to join the riots (which was A Lot) and by the 25th of february the riots had gotten so big that pretty much every business in petrograd was shut down. literally everyone was rioting. 

the tsar was like ‘hmm that doesn’t look good’ and ordered his army to shut the riots down. there were about 180k troops in the city, but only about 12k were actually able to fight bc the rest of them were all injured from the war. they didn’t want to suppress the riots by force bc a lot of women were in the crowds (guess chivalry isn’t dead?) so when the tsar was like ‘no u gotta do it’ the troops were like ‘fuck u’ and either joined the riots or yeeted outta there. hooray!! 

the tsar was like ‘ok everything is under control’ (partly bc his official informant gave him the wrong info rip) and didn’t accede to any of the rioter’s demandsor do anything for a while. and here’s the thing. the tsar’s cabinet sent a telegram to nick saying ‘bro u gotta resign, we’re literally on the verge of revolution’ and nick read it, wrote ‘lol’ in his diary and refused to answer. 

the next day, there was another telegram saying ‘bro, u GOTTA resign. the revolution is happening now. if u don’t resign, the entire monarchy will be overthrown and ur reign will be o-v-e-r’ 

and nick wrote an entry in his diary saying ‘what nonsense is this? i can’t believe they’re sending me telegrams about this rubbish, as if i’m going to do anything’ (and im paraphrasing bc i don’t have my book w me but he definitely used the word “nonsense” and wrote a bunch of awful stuff about it) 

the next day, nick got another telegram that basically said ‘welp. country’s over. good while it lasted, revolution is happening now and it’s too late for you to do anything about it bc u didn’t listen to my numerous warnings to resign’ and nick was like ‘wait should i... do something about this??? hmm... yeah!! i’ll go up to petrograd and show ‘em who’s boss!! can’t defeat the absolute power of the tsar, huzzah!!’ 

and he went up to petrograd and got arrested. he had no choice but to abdicate, adn then he and the rest of his family were put under house arrest. there was a bit of an argument about whether they should be exiled to some western country, but all the western europeans were like ‘we don’t want nick u can keep him’ so they put him under house arrest in one of his palaces, where nick pretty much just chilled out with his family until they were all executed because everyone in russia was still very mad at them. 

(and in 1981 nick and his family were recognised as ‘martyred saints’, which is fine for the rest of them but nick absolutely did not deserve it)

thus concludes my very, very long rant. i spent way too long writing this, but my history teacher would be proud of me.

[moontours]

I asked about Nat and u kinda left me wanting more. So Nat 616 is basically more established and confident in her line of work? Does she have a family? How’s her background? I remember somewhere in your blog there was a mention of her miscarrying and now has a child. Who is the father of the kids? Clint? I know she dated Clint in 616 right?

hello again <3 !!!! her family is her close group of friends (matthew, tony, logan, yelena and clint are her closest friends but shes also good friends with crystal, jessica drew and her champions team as well). also before the slight reboot, ivan is the one who saved her from that fire and he pretty much helped raise her and was like a father to her and they were really close friends (after the reboot he was like. a creep lol idk why). the most common storyline that she gets now is the whole ‘can she trust her friends? can her friends trust her?’ shit and its been done over n over again but like. its been well established that her friends trust her. she trusts them. shes not the loner that people think she is jhbhjasdjajshdb she loves parties n socializing. she did miscarry before and the father of baby rose was her first husband, nikolai. she married alexi shostakov after but they faked his death n the kgb trained him to become the red guardian. she was also in a relationship with matthew, they didnt work out but theyre good friends still (or theyre suppposed to be. if marvel could rmbr that) and she also briefly dated clint but like jrbhbhasdb in my opinion he was always much more in love with her than she was with him and also i just dont like them in general bc of the way he cheated on jessica w her 😭after that shes been in a relationship with bucky on and off not bc they break up but liek they keep getting punished for being in a relationship n they keep getting their memories fucked with so. :(

right now, in her current run, she has a little kid named stevie and the father of that kid is some random guy named james assuming its supposed to mirror bucky but anyways idk how any of that is possible considering the black widow program rewired her biologically so that any pregnancy that she has would result in miscarriage. granted, she did die n was brought back as a clone but like why would the clone not be a complete mirror of herself ... considering the fact that if they didnt clone her perfectly then she also wouldnt be enhanced either like .. none of this makes any senseeee

also i forgot to mention this yesterday but once natasha tried out for the bolshoi and russian olympic gymnasts team and she made both AND she studied fashion design at an art institute in moscow. also when she got tired of being a hero she literally retired for a bit and just indulged in being rich and wearing pretty clothes n having fun (she got tired of that lifestyle fast tho n went back to it) she literally has the range