#its validating. im normal
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gotta get what you can still get
#she ra#catra#double trouble#spop#spop catra#spop double trouble#its validating. im normal#my footprints#my she ra stuff#i have more in this tag#the next month will be a doozy for me so dont expect much
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Falmer appearance and attire headcanons
(click on drawings for more details and notes!)
Hair
In Skyrim, we pretty much only see two hair styles to go off of: completely bald and the hair the "shaman" have (which are also the only females we see (a post for another day)).
In concept art, particularly Adam Adamowicz's, we see more potential hairstyles. He draws it as wispy and messy, as well as containing braids and the ties we see in the shaman in the game. This art is largely what defines my own interpretation of their hair.

I picture the typical Falmer hair as wavy, thin, wispy, and looking frizzy. Given the high number of hairless Falmer we see, I imagine baldness is common, particularly among males, and sometimes among females. Their hair can be commonly styled into braids or knots to keep it under control.
The ability to grow long, thick hair is less common, but those who can tend to style it in other unique ways. Especially among females, long hair is commonly styled into large dense locs (akin to a Polish plait) and held into shapes using ropes or leather ties.
(While I think the intention with the way their hair is drawn and modelled in the game models and concept art was that it was braided and held up with those ties, before looking at it closely I always sorta interpreted it as too stiff to just be braided. As a result, I developed the locs headcanon and have become kinda attached to it even though I have 0 in game or lore support for it)
Materials
The material used in their clothing is obviously dependent on what is accessible to them, and given their unique situation that makes the materials they use and value unique as well. In Skyrim, we see that almost all of their armor (which is mostly what we see them wearing) and homes are made of chaurus chitin (and potentially shellbug chitin), so this is likely the most common resource available to them for non-combative coverings as well. Other materials from their arthropods companions could include their cocoons, unhatched eggs, etc.
Bones from other creatures (draugr, skeevers, trolls, adventurers, bandits, etc.) underground or from aboveground raids could also be used fairly often. These could also provide a source of leather or fur, albeit not a lot of it.
Falmer groups and subcultures inside or in close proximity to Dwemer ruins probably make regular use of the materials present in those ruins as well. With all the metal and machinery present in Dwemer ruins, metal probably makes regular appearances in their clothing (and general decorations) even if they can't manipulate it themselves. Falmer more separated from Dwemer ruins would make much lesser use of these materials, however. Additionally, We see implications of Falmer preparing, cooking, and potentially cultivating fungus in-game, but see nothing indicating they have any plants in their diet, and therefore it is unlikely they regularly make or use textiles or fabrics in their clothing, and if they do they likely come form Dwemer ruins or raided adventurers/bandits/settlements from the surface.
On that note, we know that there have supposedly been incidents of Falmer coming to the surface to attack its inhabitants and travelers, as well as instances of them killing bandits, adventurers, and researchers who venture below, so it's not far fetched to believe that they have access to some materials from the surface. This could give them some access to furs from surface animals, beads, glass, jewelry, textiles, metal objects, etc. they might not otherwise have access to. The rarity of these material among the Falmer would depend on the amount of access any given group of Falmer have to the surface, but among many of them these materials could be seen as more valuable for their rarity and the difficulty to gain them.
While gemstones and ore might be accessible from both natural deposits and underground ruins, unless they had some kind of auditory function or unique texture, they might not have much value to Falmer.
General Attire/Accessories
I like to imagine that the Snow Elves, and by extension the Falmer, have an innate cold resistance in the same way Nords do, and therefore don't require clothes for the purpose of warmth even in the chilly caves of Skyrim. Additionally, their blindness likely means that wouldn't dress for visual aesthetic either. My thoughts are that they are then left with the sense of sound and touch to communicate with each other, and their clothing and accessories could reflect that.
Falmer clothing, decoration, and society in general is very heavily based on touch and texture and little on appearances. They touch each other very often for both communication, movement, and just general day-to-day interactions, and their clothes isn’t very modest, but the tactile patterns and materials used can communicate certain things such as position in society, “wealth”/power, whether they are taken, single, pregnant, with a child, etc., their roles, their age, notable achievements/skills, who is who, etc. on both their clothes and buildings. The more noise one makes, the more attention they draw and the more they drown out other noises, and the more noise making things they can “afford” to have, so the amount of noise one makes in a Falmer settlement is a status symbol. Certain types of noises or noise makers are more coveted than others (chitin beads are common, while furs are less common, and materials only gained from raiding the surface are rare and coveted).
Some noise making accessories could include:
Dangling metal, bones, beads, chitin, etc. that hangs off of their clothing or ears and jingle/clank against each other (in my drawing I show them as pretty uniform in shape and size, but they would probably be much more irregular than I depicted them)
Bells (metal or other materials) that are affixed to or dangle off of their clothing or as earrings.
Hollow bracelets, anklets, necklaces, or other accessories that are filled with rocks or beads.
Rattles tied to the body (made of chitin, dried hollow chaurus eggs, dried chaurus cocoons, beads, etc.) with leather or rope.
Flute or whistle like tubes made of metal, chitin, or dried and treated tube-like fungus that makes a woodwind-esque noise when air passes through it in a certain way. They have been designed to make noise easily from even the slightest movements.
Dried grasses (more temporary) tied to the body that make a swishy noise. More permanently, a similar thing can be achieved with hair. The hair can be sourced from Falmer (either through just cutting hair or through taking it from fallen enemies) or killed humans/mer/draugr. That sort of thing can also act as a kind of trophy.
Necklaces with various materials dangling close together that jingle against each other.
Various materials can be tied into braids or the leather ties in their hair as well.
Some textural accessories could include:
Beads. Since they wouldn't have the ability to tell the color of the beads, the patterning of beadwork would be based on the roughness, material, size, or shape of the beads. (I'm sorry I suck as drawing beads)
Furs. This wouldn't be as common since the Falmer likely don't have too much interaction with furry mammals, but some they may have access to that are big enough to make clothing/accessories out of include skeevers or trolls (and potentially rarely animals from the surface). A potential meaning of wearing furs could be as hunting trophies, but it could have other meanings as well.
Chaurus chitin would like be the most common material in Falmer attire, and depending on the part of the chaurus body, the size of the chaurus, or the life stage of the chaurus it was sourced from it could have different textures. Some chitin parts could include large spikes and deep groves, while other parts could be smoother and less rough. The use of this chitin in clothing could take advantage of this contrast in textures. Additionally, chitin or shells from shell bugs might be a different texture from the chaurus chitin. (it's unclear to me whether shell bugs are exclusive to the caves around the Forgotten Vale or if we should consider them distributed throughout Skyrim's underground)
The placement of textured components on the body could have their own meaning to it alongside what accessories or textures are being used.
Specific Falmer Subcultures
While most Falmer settlements we see in Skyrim are just a small-ish collection of huts and chaurus corrals, there are two distinctive settlements that are larger, seemingly more organized, and I like to think have their own distinct subcultures worth mentioning: Blackreach and the Forgotten Vale. The unique scope and environment of these Falmer cities (as I like to think of them) could lend to unique clothing cultures as well.
The Falmer of Blackreach have access to a vast Dwemer settlement and have has the space to spread out throughout it more fully since it seems to be more in tact than other Dwemer ruins we see. These guys would likely have a clothing culture much more heavily based on what the can access from these Dwemer ruins (metal scraps, leftover fabrics, etc.)
The Falmer of the Forgotten Vale would also have access to unique resources, such as Vale deer, Vale sabre cats, and frost giants for fur and leather. Additionally, materials accessed from the Chantry of Auri-El such as textiles from clothing, bedding, tapestries, etc. could give them a greater access to fabrics than other Falmer groups. We don't see many close Dwemer settlements to the Vale, so they would have less Dwemeri influence in their clothing than other Falmer groups.
I like to think that the Falmer's evolution exclusively underground has made them poorly equipped to handle the outdoors during the day and has made them particularly susceptible to sunburn, necessitating the need for covering for those in the Forgotten Vale who have significant settlements outdoors. With greater access to textiles and leather, they could use them as coverings when outdoors.
Armor
I actually have very few notes on armor, for two reasons. 1) I hate designing and drawing armor. It is the bane of my existence. 2) I really like the armor they have in game! I think they look awesome aesthetically, and I like how clearly they are made from chaurus chitin. Per usual, Adam Adamowicz's designs seem to have been the major inspiration for the Falmer armor, and he did a great jobs (even if it isn't the most functional looking armor ever).


(off topic but I also just want to add that he draws them with little hairs and tufts on their ears and I love it. ok that is all)
I do have a few thoughts about armor though.
Even attire made of textiles make noise when someone moves in them, and I can imagine moving around in armor, especially armor made of hard, insect shells would make a lot of noise when someone moves around in it. When you're relying on sound to navigate your environment and pinpoint potential threats or targets, wearing something making a lot of noise would not be ideal. On the other hand, getting into a fight unarmored would be a problem.
So here's my solution: heavy armor (see below) would only be worm within the camps/settlements where noise was already high and space is more cramped (and therefore more risky in a fight) as a sort of guard in case they were attacked. Those guarding the settlements along the outside might still wear armor as well, but less of it. Those going out to scout or hunt (if they do hunt) would wear as little armor as possible, and try to wear it strategically so that it wouldn't rub against itself and make noise. This is why most Falmer we encounter in the game are wearing little except for loin cloths and kneepads.
One more idea I have for armor is a specific armor piece. On the note of guarding or protecting a camp or settlement, I imagine the noises of it all (especially with the noise based headcanons I've laid out here) would make it hard to actually catch any potential threats when you can't see. A large slightly concave piece of armor worn behind the head could block out noises from behind the wearer, as well as a help focus sounds ahead of them.
That is all! Thank you for reading! A lot of these concepts around the culture of sound I think could also be applied to their buildings and even a culture of music, but those are posts for another time.
All of the concept art I used was taken from here and all of the Skyrim screenshots are from UESP.
#skyrim#tes#the elder scrolls#falmer#skyrim headcanon#tes headcanons#headcanon#sorry this is long (but not really)#i just cant express my thoughts like a normal person. college conditioned me to format everything like an essay where i have to provide#sources and shit lol#also im kinda autistic about falmer#i appreciate those of you who read it all!#mine#adam's concept art makes me feel very validated in my echolocation headcanon because its very obvious he references bats in their face#which is another post idea i have for another day#my art
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me? finally working on my spock "TOS rewrite of SNWs 'Charades' episode, but this time i make it angsty and also its canon compliant now" WIP? More likely than you think.
#I am... so normal...#ive been meaning on finished this fic for (checks calendar) literal months at this point#dont get me wrong. I love Ethan Peck#I think hes great#i have a ***few*** things to say to the writers of SNW though#AND THAT IS *NOT* ETHANS FAULT#Mr Peck was NOT in the writers room (i assume)#i think if they wrote it Good he could act it Good. plus i think he does a good job w what hes given. (but who knows)#I just have a few issues with the writers...#just... a *few*#and its been said a billion times already ik ik#BUT DO THEY KNOW WHO THE VULCANS ARE??? Like-#*exaggerated inhale*#just because his physical body changes doesnt mean his ENTIRE UPBRINGING AND CUSTOMS go OUT THE WINDOW#it couldve been so interesting to explore how the absence of Vulcan telepathy would feel to a Vulcan. how having that ripped away would#be like having one of our sense just ripped away from us.#THEY COULDVE EXPLORED HOW HE WOULD HAVE HAD TO ADJUST TO A LOWER LEVEL OF STRENGTH IN A FULLY HUMAN BODY#okay half of this is valid and the other half is just the angst lover in me#and idk where that line is drawn#BUT STILL#what was i saying#oh yeah#im writing a tos spock angst fic#also no romance in this one cus- omfg#ANOTHER THING ABOUT THAT EPISO-#I need to be put down#goofy jelly thoughts#star trek#star trek tos#spock
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Sometimes I do just ignore parts of undertale worldbuilding lore if I decide it'd serve no purpose in the story, specifically monsters not being able to eat the same food humans do. Unless it's relevant to the plot or characters or something I will just avert my eyes like "I do not see it 😔"
#and its so validating to see many other authors do the exact same thing LMAOOO#i did stick to it for papyrus/reader college story since the two being biologically different is important#but i just made it so that monsters CAN eat organic human food but have to use energy to do so#not get any from consuming sustenance. so they do it for flavor experiences#and for bitty fics where there are only bitties no normal monsters i just ignore that shit entirely#like if im already playing significantly fast and loose with UT premise whomst the hell cares
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How did you manage to handle not one, but FOUR separate accounts in fl? I recently made the account for my HD little guy but having to do the tutorial again just seems miserable
there's... weirdly several answers to that question, actually??
a HUGE part of it is due to the way FL is structured. the 10-minute action timer is a core part of the game on a fundamental level, and the fact that i can very easily run out of stuff to do on one character and thus have an excuse to quickly and easily swap to another is just... convenient? satisfying? i'm not entirely sure how to explain it. the fact that i can make progress even while i am fundamentally simultaneously Not Making Progress is like pure dopamine for my freak insane awful little brain. there's just something really pleasing about spending all of my actions pursuing The Goal Of The Day™ on one account before casually swapping to another and doing the same without feeling like i'm wasting time or acting to the first account's explicit detriment. the downtime helps! the recharge time helps! the structure really really works!!
i'm technically only actively playing three, maybe two accounts minimum. the only reason the fourth (the one that'll be my future BaL playthrough) currently exists at all is so i can get his earlygame completely out of the way now and not have to waste time running through it all later, when what i actually want to do is play the ambition i've made myself wait a full year to play. and also getting free goodies as seasonal stuff happens,, something something surprise tools to help us later. the only two accounts i'd say i'm really "actively playing" at the moment are caeru and lark- and of the two, lark takes the most priority, since his ambition is the one i'm currently pursuing in earnest. for a couple months now- despite being My Main FL Character- the scoundrel has actually been pretty inactive on a gameplay front outside of the occasional progression in TLC and discordance content. purely by virtue of having Very little left to do outside of Very long-term grinds and vanities. they're in their "now what?" "now you can start playing the game" era. they've graduated to previous protagonist background cameo in a sequel anime series. they're like the yin FLPC equivalent of red at the top of mount silver. they're Literally just vibing rn. i only keep posting about them regardless because i'm insane and i will never ever ever ever ever let that bat go. but yeah, big TLDR, outside of doing the bare minimum to keep making waves/notability up every week, i'm not actually spending that much time on accounts i'm not currently actively interested in playing. and that accounts for way more gaming spoons than you might think.
i have a virtually lifelong history of playing MMOs, especially and specifically world of warcraft. i was born in the endless grind for useless video game pixel vanities and/or bragging rights. molded by it. you all have merely adapted to doing the same piece of content a pointlessly excessive amount of times for literally no reason besides whimsy and folly. me? i've done my time. i've served my sentence. i've spent weeks doing the original burning crusade netherwing dailies. i've devoted days to running praetorium over and over and over again, back-to-back, nonstop, long before square enix cut it in half and made it NOT take at minimum an hour and a half per run. i've perfected my silverwastes + auric basin goldfarming strategies. i've (almost) crafted dragonwrath tarecgosa's rest. i've killed the sha of anger so many times its dying scream of agony is embedded into the very fabric of my being. ""only"" doing making your name content four times over? that is nothing to me. it means nothing to me. it is so infinitesimal i can do the persuasive seduction quests in my sleep. it's not a matter of handling misery, or having the capacity, or even sighing as i remember the brass embassy raid segment of the watchful questline seriously i don't know why i keep forgetting that exists or what even is my problem with it i just am so consistently mildly inconvenienced by it and its highly specific resource requirements and it is the worst thing ever. maybe i'm just so used to the scoundrel's near-infinite money and troves of disposable items that i've completely forgotten what being poor is like. despite having done that step 3 fucking times now. ahem. anyway. i have transcended the feeble mortal bindings of my resistant-to-grinding flesh and ascended to a higher plane of enlightenment, they may call me insane but they will be the ones left laughing when they see what that "insanity" has wrought, i've usurped them, i've usurped them all-
hacks and coughs and awkwardly clears my throat. i mean. uh. um. Ahem.
the empress' court artistry + tales of the university nerfs helped too.
#and yes#before you ask#i have forgotten which account has which items/has done which content many a time#i think the most painful incident was forgetting to keep up the scoundrel's making waves while i was still playing nemesis with caeru#given that im trying to build it up to 12 and reset their specialization... that was uniquely painful#then again they have like 40 BDR so it wasnt actually that inconveniencing lmao#fallen london#ask#long post#sorry for the infodump + sudden villain monologue.#all jokes and personal accounts aside i totally get the apprehension abt doing that stuff again#it's not for everyone. not by a long shot.#im only doing this because im genuinely invested and in love with this silly little browser game#and way back when i started i made a (only half metaphorical) solemn oath to experience all of its ''main stories''#and truly see everything it has to offer#(bc i like. physically cant do hyperfixations by halves. i need to consume Everything abt the thing or i'll explode)#(and even then i'll probably explode anyway. it's either completely drop it or go All In until it stops taking up so much space in my brain#(and. given the track record. that is not happening with FL for a while yet)#but like. that isnt actually normal behavior. just. just to clarify.#from what ive seen a VAST majority of people do not go out of their way to play literally every ambition#and that is so valid. it is so overwhelming. you have to juggle so much.#you have to play the earlygame So Many Goddamn Times.#(as i said. served my time. did my sentence. i am my scars. etc etc)#the best advice i can give as someone who's so completely desensitized to that repetition it doesnt even phase me anymore?#the same advice i can stress to all FL players. legitimately just take ur time with it. play when you want to.#dont when you dont.#sometimes you have to grit your teeth and bear things. and when it comes to alts you Will have to grit your teeth and bear it all again#but the beauty of this being a game that one plays for fun is that unlike. say. crushing deadlines or annoying coworkers in real life#you are completely within your power to decide when where and if you want to grit and bear it all#..wow this is ADVANCED yin rambling holy shit. i actually reached the tag limit. i think this ask should be put on some kind of list
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The way people are becoming anti-children nowadays is really sad. And I'm not talking about people not wanting to have kids of their own, that's fine and something that shouldn't be shamed nor up to someone else to debate. No, I'm talking about the people who adamantly hate these little humans for simply existing, wanting to ban them from spaces due to them having emotional reactions that they are still learning to understand (you know, the kind of lessons that everyone had to learn and figure out at one point). It's gotten to the point where I've even seen these types of people genuinely support children being harmed and deny their hurt under the consensus of "Well then maybe they shouldn't be there," in your average public space. Like, imagine thinking hating on children, people who need assistance and guidance, is something to be proud of.
#like ill never forget this lady talking about how she took her son to some ice cream or cookie place#and let him look at the display (which is normal) only to have to pull him away bc a man got way to close#and when she talked about how weird it was (which makes sense bc it was) people were blaming her for letting her child run free (which wasn'#t what happened people just threw that in there to justify their hate & dismissing of the potential harm a child could've experienced)#“i vote that dogs should be on plans more than children bc they aren't as annoying!” is gross and brain dead bc only one of those two can#use the bathroom while the other uses it on a mat something in which has potential to stink up a plane & annoy people as well#you just want to bring your dog on board without all the hoops so you act like hating children will solve it#and coming from an animal lover dogs and other pets have the ability to annoy you on flights just as much as children can let's think now#also ive seen people say that children are wrong for experiencing emotional outbursts and im like “while it can be frustrating having to#deal with acting like you weren't in their shoes once and trying to shame them for these emotions is such a jerk thing to do“#also like its guaranteed that kids are going to cry on planes how about instead of shaming them & their parents maybe idk buy soundproof hea#-dphones? like parents are going to bring their kids traveling (as is their right) and are educating them the best they can that's not going#to change so why not take simple steps to prepare instead of hating on little humans? just saying#again this is not for people who just don't want to have kids! people who don't are just as valid as people who do#don't let anyone tell you otherwise#miscellaneous#idk necessarily how to tag this tbh#rants#tw for mentions of children being harmed
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actually maybe i dont understand monogamy as much as i thought i did because i dont feel any inherent discomfort at the idea of a hypothetical partner being romantically interested in another person or people as long as they are Still romantically interested in me
#was reading a post about how its like reasonable/natural to feel. Uncomfortable with a partner in an established monogamous relationship#to request to open it up#and yeah obviously. you know whats not normal though. saying “i would kill my partner and then myself if that happened” anyways#and then there was the reasoning for it. like “why do you want to do this” “is there another person”#and i think those concerns are inherently based on either not trusting that their partner is actually poly#or desiring exclusivity in a relationship#the first one i think. i mean yeah partners can be shitty and try to drag you into polyamory#when actually they just dont have the balls to break it off and get with their side piece#but. like. thats just one person being shitty and its ummmm Bigoted to apply that to every poly person . Hi#Also i think if you dont Trust your partner Not to do that. maybe thats not a good relationship idk im not an expert but#the second one is valid i suppose but i just dont really relate to it. i just dont care about exclusivity its not the reason i romance
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Btw as much as I feel for losing a former member of mcr (probably the main reason I feel sad about it) I also don't think white fans (like me) have ANY right to tell fans of color that they can't celebrate Bob's death. I might be sad because of the ache of losing a contributor to art that means a lot to me, but in NO world does that give me the right to tell someone they can't make memes about the death of racist. Sorry!
I am sad because I don't believe anyone deserves death, because I don't believe in punitive justice. But I also don't believe people are bad for feeling vengeful feelings against someone who actively harmed their community. As a trans person, I especially feel that with Bob. I didn't like him. I am sad about his death. Those can exist together, as much as letting people celebrate Bob's death while also understanding it was a brutal way to go. No one is happy about the three weeks before he was found part. But if someone is happy a racist died, I don't think it's my or other white people's place to tell fans of color they shouldn't feel that way.
#mcr#bob bryar#i hope this articulated well. im not sure its as clear as i think it is but#to me it's pretty simple to understand: mourning is fair enough but so is celebrating#and no one can tell someone not to feel validated by the fact that a maga guy died alone.#is his death sad and brutal? yes!!#personally i actually cried thinking about being alone like that in death#but that's a very personal feeling#that is not born from my moral beliefs#sometimes you have to process the emotions in order to get them out of the way to reach an ethical understanding of the situation#and at the end of the day: as a leftist i will never support the 'deserved' narrative of the death of shitty people--#--but likewise i will NEVER. EVER. tell someone theyre a bad person for being glad a shitty guy is dead#especially when he caused ACTIVE harm to their liberties as a person#everything has nuance and especially this situation#please. my fellow white mcr fans. PLEASE. be normal about letting poc celebrate bob's death.
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I've been trying to get on a more "normal" (not normal for me lol but normal for the world we live in) sleep schedule lately and I'm struggling with it and today my therapist recommended I make a pros and cons list....... I've got a lot on the list already but help me think of more things to add to it ? Looking for suggestions, pretty much anything to consider or think about one way or another about radically changing your sleep schedule please
#btw if anyone remembers me talking about this last week: i have confirmed with yet another mental health professional that i DO NOT have bpd#or bipolar disorder!!!! my therapist actually almost laughed when i brought it up to him and told me that I'm def not bipolar and that in#the two years hes known me i have not exhibited enough symptoms of bpd consistently for long enough to be diagnosed by anyone who should be#diagnosing. lol. and he said that even the so called symptoms i do exhibit occasionally are actually perfectly normal emotional responses#not only to the current situation but also within the context of my past traumas and shit. GOD thats so validating and nice to hear!!!!!#i am promising myself now that im not going to ask another doc/professional about diagnosing me with either of those ever again. it's pretty#clear now that its other stuff presenting symptoms that look like bpd a little. im not degrading myself like that again.
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the moment people stop being comically against courtney is the day i stop making fun of them for being weird and wrong. stop being weird about a fictional character in ways that are hilariously stupid and ill stop calling you hilariously stupid
#people see my posts and vauge post about it saying UM WELL I DONT HATE COURTNEY SO WHY DID YOU SAY THAT#im not fucking talking about you oh my gOD IM SO TIRED OF SEEING IT. sorry i try to be normal but why have discussions around her regressed#like its gotten so much worse WHYYY OH MY GODDD. “omfg courtney fans always jump to courtney haters being misogynists”#no i jump to you being a fucking weirdo for caring so much which makes me raise my eyebrows#i literally enjoy other people having different opinions about characters i like and dislike bc everyone echoing me would be so boring#but people never like her for the valid reasons there are to dislike her and jump on her in crazy fucking ways. BEEE NORMALLL BE FUCKING N#ps talks#jesus fuck i try not to say shit like this over and over and over again because; again; i dont like seeing my own opinions everywhere#i dont want people to see my opinions and repeat it every 5 seconds even though i dont think i have that much influence#its just when i see people posting about my posts saying that im weird for defending a character so hard it drives me nuts bc#it feels like people lost the damn plot so hard. you have to reach so far to think i fucking care if people dislike courtney BECAUSE I DONT#IVE SAOID THIS 5 BILLION TIMES I ENJOY SEEING CHARACTERS IN DIFFERENT LIGHT. AS LONG AS YOUR OPINION ISNT FUCKING WEIRD#sorry im getting so annoyed i need to go to sleep i havent eaten anything in like 20 hours
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Vent?? Question mark??
#tw vent#cw vent#maybe??#just to be safe#archaeosapien#archaeosapience#archaeosapiens#alterhuman#alterhumanity#neanderthalkin#cavemankin#i feel so out of place#i know i shouldnt worry about whether im actually valid or not but its really hard#considering everyone i see on alter/nonhuman/therian tumblr is. well. at least somewhat well known#i know nobody else who is a neanderthal. literally no one.#i have no one to relate to. i have no one to talk about similar experiences with.#and i feel like a traitor to those who are prehistoric animals eg sabertooth tiger or wooly mammoth or any other megafauna that were-#-around during the time of the neanderthals#because /i/ was the one who put your species into extinction. me and my people wrecked the earth that you call home#my people used the resources. because we are human.#and yet. i dont feel human at all.#its strange: i feel so alive#and every time i feel emotions or physical pain#it reminds me that i am human#but im not human in the sense of a homo sapien. im just always ever so slightly different#im so different. i feel like i dont belong as an alterhuman#nor do i belong as a normal human#i feel like a traitor to so many different groups.#to the humans because you will not see me as anything but primitive and archaic#but to the therians/alter/nonhumans because i am so human that you cannot consider me as anything but human.
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My mum’s birthday is on sunday and it is truly the most inconvenient day for a mother to have a birthday. All the cards are valentines day-themed, restaurants are booked up all weekend, and flowers are marked up to like three times the price.
#she doesnt even like getting flowers for her birthday (valid i suspect she got a lot of leftover valentines day flowers growing up lol)#but STILL i cant even get them as a bonus gift without bankrupting myself#normally i refrain from complaining about the timing of other people’s birtgdays#because mine’s in december and thats pretty inconvenient for people#but technically that is also my mother’s fault so she doesn’t get that exemption lmao#anyway im crocheting a potted plant!! so its fine#just an inconvenience
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i walked right into this one
#posts#the way that i didnt even mention this to her or any of my issues w intrusive thoughts or my compulsion like behaviors#i was just talking about my anxiety!!!! and stuff that looks like adhd!!!!!!!!!! particularly kept describing my thought processes#and she hit me with that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .#its kind of Validating in that way bc i didnt bring it up. she did. out of nowhere. im winning at not faking disorders#< im normal
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rnm spoilers
GODDD... GUYS IM BECOMING A RICKXDIANE TRUTHER
NEVER HAD ANYTHING AGAINST IT- IT WAS JUST THAT LIKE. before they didn't add too much substance to diane beyond 'dead wife trope haha' and the little hints of her that would get past both ricks avoidance of the topic and just the show being unable to fully dive into her as a character. and being able to have a little glimpse into her this episode has be like. raving for more bro she was so adkgjhkfd
#AND LIKE YEA IT WAS MORTYS FEAR THING OR WHATEVER BUT AGHHH YOU KNOW ONE REASON OR ANOTHER WHY ITS VALID#their dynamic#why did they have to kill her off i'm literally going ot revive prime just to beat the shit out of him again#LIKE I WOULDN'T EVEN WANT TO SEE MORE OF DIANE AND RICK BEING SMOOCHY SMOOCH I JUST WANNA SEE MORE DIANE#me pulling out my sorta normal domestic rick au that i haven't thought about for a while#sighhhhhh#rick and morty spoilers#rick and morty#rick and morty season 7#edited tags wait would it even be considered a ship cause#they did fr marry#sorry if im sounding dumb im just going coocoo after an episode#as always#HELPPP
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ruyan is literally so beautiful that i get ill looking at her
#a lot of my time as a person who cant recognize himself to the point that if you start asking about myself im going to lie to you#is that i really like to engage with media that asks you to be present in the text by creating an outside being who simply has#some similarities to me#like the concepts i know i have. but make them their own unique person#so ruyan is really fun in that if i was a well adjusted person she would probably be a self insert and not her own person#but instead by the grace of god and my own mental problems she exists and is a full person that i practically see as a friend#like when i like a character so much that they become a comfort to me (emil) my brain engages in relationship interpretation to that#chartacter. emil is my daughter who i feel paternal sentiments to despite me being a human person and her being code in a video game#for ruyan she is like a friend where i want to go to her wedding and see her kids and hear about her life#i may have made her but i watch her as if i just met her'#recognizing this thing i have going on has helped me immensely be comfortable with myself#ruyan is a friend to me a sister tock is my daughter who i feel a real world father-daughter dynamic towards#i feel the need to nourish her and entertain her and put her to bed and let her know i love her#and you dont have to think this is normal because if you by now havent harbored some sort of#This Guy is Weird sentiment towards me youre either like me or VERY kind#but i know that i have parts of me that are weird. i am 23 years old bringing toys to the beach#but i dont chase validation so much as i just enjoy when its given to me#but i dont need validation because i cant even form my own self to need validation for#im learning about myself like im wiping down an old mirror. that doesnt need validation because im seeing it for the first time#im having my understanding moment here and you are free to leave the room and leave me to my mirrow
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