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n3g5nx · 1 year ago

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What Have I Been Dragged Into?

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CHAPTER NINE

Keep in mind previous warnings <3

I'm lowkey in love with my version of Amber in this !!!

AO3 Chapters

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X was in their room with a trash can propped up beside their bed. It was noon and they’d hardly moved, the hangover killing them. Not having a drop of alcohol for who knows how long and then drinking basically a full bottle of wine was doing absolute wonders on their body. Horrible, miserable, painful wonders. Head aching and stomach churning, they leaned over the bed again and hurled into the trash can for about the hundredth time.

The sun shown just a smidge two bright, agitating their persistent migraine and warming the room to an uncomfortable level. Luckily, it was almost fall and things would start to cool down soon. But that wasn’t now, so X writhed in misery on their plush bed. They were helpless when their thoughts began to drift to Negan, eyes falling to the dark bruises on their wrists. They remembered their husband too, making them lean over the bed again. Every memory flooded into the can along with the small breakfast they had attempted to eat, every ounce of water.

Still, they craved more. To stop thinking about Negan, forget this endless cycle they were in. Drawn in, chewed up, and spit out. It felt like hell, only now it seemed their taste was getting worse. Groaning, they wearily sat up against the bed frame and clutched Buttons to their chest. Their only solace in this fucked up place. That moment was interrupted by a faint knock on the door.

With a sigh, X pushed themselves up and went to the door, peaking out to see Amber in that same black dress.

“Hey.” She started softly, holding up a pill bottle, “I got you something. Helps with hangovers.”

They smiled at her, opening the door and gesturing for her to come in before taking the bottle. Wobbling over to the kitchenette, they grabbed a water bottle and washed down two of the pills as the bottle instructed. The water was cool and soothing to their throat, but settled oddly in their stomach like a foreign object.

“Thank’s, Amber.” X said with a nod before settling back on the bed, patting the spot beside one as they pulled their legs up to their chest.

Amber smiled back and waved her hand nonchalantly before sitting down beside them, “Its no problem. Least I could do for getting you drunk, right?” She laughed softly.

X couldn’t help but notice how melodic her voice sounded, though her eyes didn’t quite match. They were dull and sad looking, something far off in them. Still, they smiled back and tucked a strand of hair behind their ear. They sat in silence for a minute before Amber chirped up again.

“He’s been locked in his room all day. Wont answer to anyone.” Her eyes turned to the ground as she spoke, crossing one leg over the other. She didn’t even have to say his name. X knew.

X scoffed, glancing out the window and squinting their eyes at the light, “I hope he’s goddamn miserable.”

Amber looked back over at X, putting a hand on their shoulder reassuringly, “I’m sorry he entangled you in his fucked up web, really. We, me and the others, feel for you. Really. All been there in some way or another.” She sighed, a glimpse of her inner sorrow flashing outwardly on her face.

They studied her expression with a frown, that deep frown and sad eyes striking a chord within X. It felt familiar, mirroring their same sense of self-doubt and inner turmoil, the brink of complete emotional instability. Reminded them of themself and how the path they were on was leading right back to that. Everything had seemed fine before, everything was okay. Then they just had to run their mouth and let out the monster.

“I feel bad…” X mumbled, fidgeting with the hem of their shirt, unable to meet Amber’s gaze directly. “I mean, I started the argument. It was my fault really.” Their voice trembled with vulnerability, eyes stinging all of the sudden.

Amber's frown deepened, turning X’s head with one hand to hold their gaze on her with a firm but caring motion. “Don’t say that. He is not a good man. He’s toyed with you and played you like a pawn. That’s what he does. He can pout about losing his ‘favourite side piece’ all he wants.” Her eyes locked onto theirs, words flowing with a note of conviction.

There was a heavy pause, the atmosphere weighing heavy on both of them. X swallowed hard, throat tight with emotion before they cleared their throat to speak, “You know I’ve never slept with him, right?”

Amber looked surprised, eyes visibly widening and blinking in rapid succession, “Really?” She asked in genuine astonishment “The way he acts about you, I mean, it seemed like… I don’t know.”

X shook their head, mouth pulling into a tense, thin line. “Yeah,” Their voice held a bitter edge “I think, like, everyone thinks I whore myself out to him.” They groaned, laying back on their bed and covering their face with one of the pillows.

“Hey,” Amber pulled the pillow away, grasping their hand and offering a small squeeze, “I never thought that… I just thought, well, he did what he’s best at…”

That sad look of hers burned into X’s heart, making them ache more than the receding hangover. The two of them laid side by side in silence for a while, watching the ceiling. It couldn’t have been but for a few minutes but it felt like an eternity. Amber’s presence almost felt like an anchor keeping them in reality at that moment, their fingers still intertwined.

The events of the previous night seemed to play on loop in X’s mind, each moment playing in slow-motion over and over again. The way Negan spoke, physical aggression, the haunting memories it brought back. It was like at any moment they would crack and transform back into the monster they once were. Transformed by hatred.

Amber pulled away suddenly, slowly standing up and offering a last smile to X “I should be going back now. Can’t be gone for too long.”

X’s heart ached but they nodded in understanding, sitting up and crossing their legs. “Thank you for talking to me, Amber. And for the pills.” They smiled back wearily.

“Of course. I’ll see you again soon, okay?” and with that she made her exit, disappearing out the door.

X was left alone with their thoughts again, luckily much less nauseous this time. Their resolve began to weaken as they stared down at their bruised wrists, tears coming to their eyes. They wiped them away quickly with a sniffle, standing up and changing into a long sleeve shirt and black jeans. Much to their dismay, the sleeves came just short of the bruises, leaving them exposed.

They swallowed their shame and slipped their boots on before heading out the door.

Outside the confines of the Sanctuary, momentarily abandoning its imposing walls, X walked through the nearby trees with a pistol strapped to their side. There was time and walkers to kill, and that they would do. Boots snapped twigs under them, rustling leaves and leaving indents in the mud as they went. It wasn’t long until a few walkers had picked up on the noise, moving slowly in on them.

With furrowed brows, they turned around and held the gun steady, shooting both the undead freaks behind them. One shot each, finally. They couldn’t help but smile before feeling a bony hand on their shoulder. Whipping around, X pushed the walker away and raised their gun again, shooting it once in the neck before reloading and nailing it in the head. Their heart pounded as they fought to catch their breath, doing a nervous 360 with the pistol aimed forward.

They trudged forth through the brush once the coast was clear, suddenly more on edge than before. Still they followed the distant, haunting sound of walkers groaning and stumbling through the brush noisily, coming across a clearing in the trees. It looked slightly peaceful, wildflowers dusting the ground and light shining on the dew kissed grass.. X remained keenly aware of the sound of the dead nearby as they entered the clearing slowly.

Three walks bumbled out of the trees then and into the clearing, snarling and gnashing their teeth. X raised their weapon and shot. One shot, two shot, reload, one shot. A smile crossed their lips, their confidence building as a handful more followed. This time, they downed them all in one shot, letting out a gleeful giggle. For the next one that meandered out into the clearing on its own, X unsheathed a knife from their belt and ran at it from the side, ramming the blade into its soft head.

Another came, another downed. Again like clockwork, X stabbed walker after walker as they trickled in. Each wing got harder, more vigour put into each stab. It wasn’t long until a larger zombie came burling into the clearing. X shot its knee out, causing the behemoth to drop and start dragging itself toward them.

Their grin grew as they slowly walked toward the beast. Moving over to its side, X put one leg on the other side and crouched down, grabbing its rotting head in one hand and bashing it into the ground before stabbing it over and over again. Gore splattered onto their hands and sleeves, a wild look in their eyes.

Once it seemed like no more were coming forward, X laid in the middle of the flowery patch and let out a sigh, gazing up at the clouds passing by. Relief washed over them, the display of violence calming their nerves. Turmoil was replaced with a sense of bliss calmly nestled in their mind. They decided then they would talk to Negan when they got back to the Sanctuary. Hopefully smooth things over.

With one firm, loud knock at the door, X let their hand fall. Grasping one hand in the other in front of them, they waited, rolling on their heels and humming softly. They thought about knocking again, properly this time, but before they could even move the door creaked open. Negan was standing there, a scowl on his face. Glancing down and taking in who it was, his expression softened and he stepped back, opening the door wider. X smiled and walked in, making their way wordlessly passed him and onto that black leather couch of his.

Clicking the door shut, Negan strode over to the couch and cleared his throat, “Listen, sweetheart…” he started in a low, gravely voice but X cut him off, lifting their purpled wrists up. Negan paused, breath momentarily caught in his chest.

He seemed surprisingly nervous which pleased X, maybe he really felt bad after all. Maybe it was just all a misunderstanding.

“You know, I was married before dead people started eating everyone.” X said calmly, their intense gaze meeting Negans, “Before I watched him get eaten alive, he did this to me too. You would have hated each other though, funnily enough.” They smiled again.

Negan shifted uncomfortably, taking a seat beside X, facing each other. “Look, I didn’t want to hurt you, okay?”

X nodded, taking one of his hands into theirs “But you did.” they started matter of factly. “Because I pushed your buttons.”

He raised an eyebrow at them, not pulling his eyes away from theirs, “I don’t want to hurt you.” He raised his free hand to their cheek, gently tracing his thumb across their soft skin.

“I know, I can tell..” X admitted with a sigh, leaning into Negan's touch

“You are confusing as shit, sweetheart.” He let out a low chuckle, a whisper of that cocky grin sneaking onto his lips.

“Yeah, you are too.” They slowly leaned in and carefully planted a kiss on Negan’s lips.

Their heart fluttered at the contact, breath hitching as their eyes fluttered closed. Honestly, they were surprising themself her, but… It felt right somehow. Negan leaned in, deepening the kiss as he slid his hand to the back of their head, fingers running through their hair. X squeezed his other hand before pulling back, opening their eyes to Negan’s stunning eyes looking back into theirs.

Time stood still for a moment, both of them staring intently at the other. There was a hunger for more swimming in Negans eyes but he held himself back, not wanting to scare them off. They were looking at him with those goddamn doe eyes. He couldn’t help the way it tugged at his heartstrings. The tension between them was thick in the air, their faces still so close, breaths mingling together. This time, Negan pulled them in, a deep but gentle kiss.

This one lasted longer, X letting out a soft sound against Negan's lips as he put his other hand around their waist and pulled them closer. Timidly, X let their mouth slowly slide open, Negan immediately taking the opportunity to snake his tongue inside, desperately lapping at theirs. They reciprocated, tilting their head slightly and pulling themselves into his lap.

They stayed like that for a minute, pressed together tightly. Negan rolling his hand up and down their back while squeezing the back of their neck softly, X carefully running their hands through his hair. X pulled back again, moth still slightly ajar as a string of spit briefly connected them.

X gulped, their eyes cast down nervously. Of course, they found themselves blushing. Negan grinned as he found both his hands on their waist, admiring their body so close to his.

“I don’t know what I’m doing…” X muttered with a gulp, moving their hands to his shoulders. Their heart was facing feverishly, threatening to burst from their chest.

Negan chuckled in response, raising a hand to their cheek, “Does it matter?” His voice was light and playful, coaxing a small smile from X as they shrugged.

“Maybe.” They replied with uncertainty, eyes finding their way back to his ruggedly handsome face.

Tentatively, X laid their head on Negans shoulder, wrapping their arms around him. Much to their delight, Negan returned the favour, holding them close. He held them like they were made of glass, about to break at any moment. Each touch was gentle and tender. It was a stark contrast to the night before, and X couldn’t help but think he must feel guilty. That he must feel bad for what he did, and this was him making up for it. And, well, it was certainly working.

#negan #negan smith #twd negan #the walking dead #twd #fanfic #twd fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #negan x reader #negan x oc #its so toxic #theyre so silly #he is a bastard

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