#and these ppl will finally understand how tiring it can sometimes get when you create things FOR FREE lol

[arcanegifs]

maybe if these people spend a lick of their time creating for the media they love instead of harassing other people with what they enjoy, they'll be less miserable.

if you're wondering why there's less fan content here over the years.... it's this. this is why.

[kewltie]

one of the great mysteries in hogwart is izuku's strange and intimate relationship with an older slytherin boy!dabi where he's constantly on the precipice of falling to dark side and izuku is perpetually in the light and how some ppl no matter how hard you try you cant be save and how sometimes the ppl we love are capable of terrible things. this 'verse always been endgame bkdk; it started that way and will end that way, but dabi and izuku's friendship deeply fascinates me esp dabi's intense unrequited love for izuku that keeps him from completely burning the wizarding world to the ground and dance on its ashes.

dabi comes from a long line of purebloods who are wildly known to be wizards who fought against the dark so when he was discovered to have an inclination to the dark arts... dabi went from being precious first born heir to the black sheep of the family that nobody talk about. the wizarding world has a v v clear distinction between light and dark magic especially because the dark arts been repeatedly abused and misused by terrible ppl throughout history so it has a deep and troubling connotation even though magic itself is neither good or bad because it's just magic. dark and light is just a division of it; it's ppl that created 'bad' magic and link it to the dark arts but it's easier to just denounced an entire system of magic then to say, 'ah, it's really all our faults; we're corrupted magic with our selfish ways.' magic is true neutral. But because there's such a heavy society bias/prejudice against dark arts in any form that any sign of it is consider taboo, cursed, and propensity to turn evil for the user so when dabi shown to have a talent for it his father turned his back to him in order to protect his family's honor.

dabi felt abandoned by his family and the wizarding kind so he seek to burn it to the ground; his anger and hate simmers within him and for many years he nurtured them till one day he can fully unleashed upon the world but then he met izuku and for once in his life he hesitated.

izuku was born a squib, had no single drop of magic in him even as he sees everyone else around him able to do wonderful things. despite feeling like he's worthless, he didn't resent them or their magic. izuku only becomes deeply fascinated with it and all the potential it could be. so all this means that when he does finally received magic from AM (a long winded story that i will get into another day), izuku who spent most of his life a magicless in a world full of it, knows what it like to be isolated, scorn, and feels as 'others' instead as one of them but that make it all the more for him to change it for the better so nobody would ever feel as isolated and helpless like he once did.

so dabi and his ability to wield the dark arts as though it's an extension of himself?? izuku finds it interesting, something he wants to understand and study and dabi as someone who knows what it likes to be outcast because they're diff and doesnt fit in the society's neat lil box saw this boy extending a hand toward him and first he spurned it but then izuku kept persisting and never judge him and never make him feel like he’s dirt, wrong, and that he’s alone… so yea he becomes deeply attached to izuku. their friendship started because they both feels terribly alone in a world that doesn't quite understand them and even when izuku has the ability to fit in, he sees how the wizarding world in its isolation has deep muggle/dark magic prejudice and there are cracks in this 'perfect society’ so while izuku is determines to change it for the better, dabi wants to burn it all to the ground.

While they bonded over their diffs but at the same time izuku recognizing though he has been mistreated in the past (his father a muggleborn and he was a squib), this world isn't all bad. there are good ppl in it too! and he got (new) friends to prove it. just because the wizarding world been set in its ornery way for hundred of yrs and STILL HAVEN'T adapted to modern time yet, doesnt mean it's stuck in bias forever; it can be change, it will be change because izuku will do it. izuku wants to see it change because he sees the potential it could be just like he sees what dabi could be if he wasn't drowning in his own hate and anger so much. he clings to their friendship in hopes that one day dabi will see the light and just stop going down this dark and dangerous path.

dabi loves izuku. it is the most unselfish thing he ever done because he expects nothing from izuku. not his love, not his friendship, not even his kindness because dabi knows what he's about to do will only hurt izuku so it's better that he doesn't have izuku because he'll only lose him later but he also cant seem to part way with izuku because this wretched thing call love has long holds him hostage and he's fully aware that either his revenge going to burn him out first or this tired and terrible love is going to eat him alive. something got to give and it's dabi either way

izuku loves dabi very much because he feels a kindred spirit with him and they understands each other the best even more than katsuki who is his soulmate bc katsuki comes from a place of prilvage and could never understand izuku’s feelings the way dabi could but,,, it's not the same love that burn within dabi. it's not romantic but it's strong enough that izuku can't stay away from dabi for long; always coming back to him. they have this not so much toxic but it's definitely codependent and dysfunctional because they both make it v v v clear what their intentions are and how they both deeply disapproved of the others standing and is firm in their own set of beliefs but they cant let each other go.

for dabi he's already paved his path on this treacherous and dark road and he's not turning back for anything or anyone; it's him or this fucking terrible society, but if there's one thing he can save as it all burn is izuku and that's all he wants; izuku to be untouched and free. So while dabi's decision is cemented in stone, izuku has a harder time knowing what to do when it comes to his relationship with dabi because how far is too much? how far can he watch dabi ruin himself hurt others before izuku say enough is enough, i cant do this anymore; i cant support you. sometimes the ppl we love is capable of doing terrible things and when they do act upon it we have to ask ourselves is this something we're willing to compromise our morals, our character for? is love enough to stay. is love enough to change/stop them from doing something terrible that they may regret later? then if izuku does have enough, what would dabi do? is he so secured in his revenge and goals that he is willing to let izuku go? can he bear the thought of izuku cutting himself off from dabi permanently? does that not make him waver even a lil bit? does it not make him rethink?

the way their relationship pushed and pulled with dueling mentalities and goals and the way they both so drawn to each other but yet also stands firmly on opposing sides; it's interesting to see how it all unfold in the end or... not depending on how far they're willing to go for each other

[shorkbrian]

ASKS

Hello again, asks are compiled under the cut. Please block the tag #shorkbrian answers a lot of asks# If you’d prefer not to see these types of posts from me. If I haven’t answered your ask, it’s because I’m saving it for a thirst, drabble, or fic.

I don’t ignore asks, but sometimes getting around to them overwhelms me lol. pls accept my apologies lol k here we go

I am very glad, I legit was so scared that it was too long and that it’d be disappointing bc the smut wasn’t super IN YOUR FACE yknow? But man am I glad to hear that.

I’m looking directly @ you

Someone noticed omg!!!  A lot of times I just put whatever song I played on repeat while writing that fit, but I have a *yandere* playlist that I listen to and it gets me going. Ty for noticing!!!

I’ve considered opening them permanently but I just... idek. I’d have to start deleting or ignoring the requests I don’t vibe with and Idk how to handle that lol. But thanks for the well wishes, hope your next few months treat you well friend!

Watermelon sugar why

Srsly you’re sweet but just wait until I start to really get going with all my nasty kinks okay, then you’ll be rethinking this strategy hunty lol!

I literally stalk @.vermiliren and @.kazooli and @.seita lol. Maybe when I get my blog more cleaned up, I’ll create a list of creators that I enjoy, along with fic recs. For now, here’s a link to my AO3 bookmarks which I read one like almost every single night bc I’m a horny gremlin.

I am the shark king. Sharks are my thing bro u don’t even know. I love them so much, they're dumb and big and beautiful and yeah I wish I was a mermaid who got to swim with them. Also I changed it bc I’m trying to make my blog more *professional* and all that so I can start being taken seriously askjakjdf

Compliments suck, if I'm being down and out honest. This does not bother me at all, I’m just unsure how to respond. I think I would prefer no comments, but I’m trying really really hard to just say “thank you!” and move on before I get uncomfortable. Having to fight with someone about how I perceive my self worth is exhausting, and especially so for the poor person that was just trying to say something nice and be nice to me. 

They do make me quite uncomfortable my dear lad/lassie/lasso. Say what you wish in the tags tho ! I don’t really reply to those, so there’s no pressure on me to have to say something back. I do however, see all the tags ppl use and some of them make me laugh so hard cause they’re so spot on, and it makes my day. like “Mark me down as scared AND horny” and “Bakugou better be able to bench 165 cause imma throw my fatass in his mf lap” and it kills me.

I SCEREAMED AKDHGSYDGASJSD this is the only format I'll be taking asks in now, no compliments just a yes/no answer to if my works help u cum god bless

you used the /gen!!!!! IDK what these are called but the /S and /gen and /J save my life!!!!

Frick you’ve figured me out, I do try to put like a nail-in-the-coffin sentence at the end. A lot of times it never works right, but I cannot for the life of my figure out how to end a single post ever. If anyone knows hmu pls ty

(Also ps I checked out ur blog cause yans are my jam and it is very much Not garbage!!)

That’s very kind of you, but pls don’t stay up past midnight it’s bad for ur Brian you’ll make bad decisions bro trust me all of my stuff is written after midnight

You will lafff..... but I will tell anyways..... I was prescribed a “life coach” after I got out of the hospital, which was really just a poorly disguised softcore “make sure u don’t yeet urself” type of thing. He had me write down things I liked about myself, and when I returned the sheet of paper still blank, he wrote stuff down for me. Like five sentences of “My hair and skin are unique and special” “I like animals and enjoy being kind to them” “I am worthy of respect” etc etc. and I had to look in a mirror twice a day and say those sentences to help “boost my self worth”. It sucked so bad dude, and I like got upset about it every time it came up, until finally my therapist was like “... this aint doin this sad bitch no good” and my parents got designated for yeet watch instead.

I know, logically, that (the majority of) people are not purposefully taking time out of their day to make me feel bad. They're trying to be encouraging and loving, and I appreciate it so much. But like... what do I say? If I say thanks, it’s almost like acknowledging what they're saying as true, and I can’t live with myself thinking I’m more than I am. I’m sorry you’ve had experiences that make compliments difficult for you also, I understand bro and I hope that your future holds healing and peace for you. 

Hopefully I won’t vent as much anymore lol, I’ll try to do that on my sideblog where I reblog really trigger-y memes akjdafhkjf. But thank you for your kind words bro, they’re appreciated and put in a nice lil jar.

Ah dw! This doesn’t sound like a jab. I think all of us r so sad n depressed and feel unworthy of love, so the fantasy of a Yan coming and forcing it on us and not leaving even when we lash out is just..... so attractive my heads gonna explode

me, thinking about kiri at any given moment like:

I have the next Hybrid! Kiri fic like lined up, but I’m so demotivated be I was SO CLOSE to finishing, and then wiped my computer like an IDITO

Waso, I’m taking horseback riding lessons bc my mom went:

and my grandpa told me that one of his horses was named Awaso and I immediately thot of u fun fact. But you’re so very kind, and I enjoy seeing you in my inbox. I’m never tired of u homie. You are loved and important, and it’s not an illusion. Even random strangers on the internet can feel soft towards you bro, and dats me, I’m the random stranger that likes u.

So I took Russian for a year, my dear friend, because I wanted to see if the language myth of “Russian is the hardest, Korean is the easiest” was true. I would say yes. So instead of like translating this and typing out a coherent response, I’ve resorted to google translate I’m so sorry but Виктор мог плюнуть мне в г��аз, и я бы поблагодарил его. Also, the way Vitya is written in cryllic makes my heart swell it looks so cozy idek what I mean by that but it does? I treasure you man, hope to see you around in the new year and maybe??? we be good friends

Can any year be good when Kirishima Eijirou doesn’t exist?

cryface;;sad.jpg

I just imagine anyone who comes across my stuff, sitting at their computer shocked and slightly horrified, maybe turned on like

Daddy Aizawa makes me

Wait!! I have something to aid your troubles!!

ur welcome now u can be horny whenever you’d like 

pls every time we talk about Kirishima I have to act surprised like 

LISTEN BBYGORL I have had therapist Suga in the works since *checks notes* November. I am excited for it yeahhhhhh but sadly, I don’t think I will be continuing piano teacher Suga. The story is petered out in my mind, idk where it would go. Therapist sugarbird tho? We have some thots about this. Coming soon to theaters near you

[thelastofgala]

I started The Last of Us, Pt. 2 last night, and here are my first impressions, musings on parallelism, Naturalism, Ellie’s characterization, Joel’s characterization, the “presence” of Riley, gameplay, story development, and more:

***SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT***

Starting with Joel. I always imagined The Last of Us 2 would begin at the end of Joel’s journey, though I will say that I did not expect to pick up so close to the end of the first game. I thought they would start us somewhere COMPLETELY out of context. Like I was prepared for much deeper flashback. In this way, I really felt like I was playing a sequel, which is not a bad thing. I just had no idea how they were going to frame this. The compelling thing about starting with Joel is that it immediately sets up parallels between Joel and Sarah, the character we start with in The Last of Us. There’s no way this was not a pointed decision. Just like it was with Sarah, Joel is our point of reference in a new, strange world. His point of view in this new world is all that we know. We don’t know what the new special world contains, and we don’t know grown-up Ellie at all. Plus, old fans will have missed him. It is a comfort to be Joel, and like a daughter protected by her father, a false and short-lived comfort. We are also now thinking of Joel as, like Sarah, someone who is in danger, whose agency is compromised, who, for whatever reason, is weakened this time around, and who may not survive the story. 

I will say, too, that I really loved that after the 4-years-later cut, Joel is held off-screen. He and Tommy are out on a patrol. They are out there, in danger, and that sort of restraint is really effective. We are ALWAYS looking for Joel, just like we were in the run-up to the release, because he is the only person we truly know in this strange, new world. ND knows and takes advantage of this.

There are many parallels between Joel and Riley. Both Joel and Riley sneak up on Ellie during their first interaction. They’re even wearing similar colors. Both Joel and Riley lied to Ellie in the previous story, and both betrayed her as an act of self-preservation. In Left Behind, Ellie is somewhat chilly toward Riley in the beginning, even as her younger, more optimistic self, just as Ellie is chilly toward Joel in the beginning of The Last of Us 2. Still, you can tell through Ellie’s dialogue with Dina that she and Joel are knitted together—he defended her against the bigoted bartender, and she appreciates this even if she doesn’t outright say it. They share taste in movies and have plans to watch a movie together soon. I haven’t interacted with Joel in the current timeline, but I do know that in Left Behind, Riley has to earn back Ellie’s trust and take measures to reenter her good graces, and that this is a large part of their relationship arc. I also know that, by the time they reconcile, it proves to be too late. The world will not let them have what they want, and nothing is simple. All of these parallels worry me a lot, as Left Behind, while still driven by a strong undercurrent of love (it is a love story, interwoven with Ellie’s desperate search for medical supplies in a bid to save Joel’s life), is a much bleaker, sadder story than The Last of Us, and it has a tragic ending.

Joel's conversation with Tommy feels important. I was very glad to hear Tommy say that he would have made the same choice, in terms of saving Ellie or letting her die for the possibility of a cure. It shows that Tommy is more like Joel than perhaps we knew. Plus, Maria will have taught him something about love and commitment, as the notion of saving the one you love above all else should make more sense to him now that he has foregone the youthful idealism of the Fireflies in order to focus on the practical wisdom of family. As a parent, I understand Joel’s decision to save Ellie at the end of The Last of Us and know I would have done the same. I also understand why Joel lied, even though I think it was the wrong choice. Hearing him confide all of this in Tommy was cathartic. It was also very characteristic of Joel to respond that Ellie “didn’t say nothing otherwise” when Tommy asks if she believed him. In all of his denial, Joel chooses to believe what is conveniently in front of him, even if he knows it’s untrue. Also, I couldn’t tell, but was that a Firefly logo on that guitar he’s shining up? Maybe I hallucinated that. But if it is, I do wonder where he got it.

Ellie’s character is much more deadpan and ruminative in young adulthood. She seems tired, and a little lacking in self-esteem and sort of immediately defeated by what happened during the experience with Joel. When Joel sang, we could see her return to that place, just a glimmer, and her response—that it “didn’t suck”—shows how she still shields her heart with sarcasm, something Dina points out to her later on (“Did I ruin your punchline?”). Joel has been broken down by the events of The Last of Us and now bears his soul to her with his music, unabashed and dedicated to her, and Ellie is now the stoic one, unshakable, sealed inside a heavy, protective armor that seems impossible to pierce. I look forward to getting to know Ellie as a young adult and, ultimately, crying a lot. She is artistic and honest and still a little soft underneath. You can tell by her early interactions with Dina especially that she can still blush, and she can still come undone.

I love the snowball fight lol. I am always so frustrated when these big environment games, like Red Dead 2, Dragon Age, etc., don’t have any kids running around. Why don’t these stories pay attention to kids? Kids exist. They are an important part of almost any open world or quasi open world environment. I love the presence of kids in The Last of Us 2, because the loss of childhood innocence is an important theme for Ellie as a character. It’s also clear we’re trying to set up the edenic innocence of Jackson. It is childhood, in a way, and just like childhood, it will come to inevitable corruption. The scene, too, reminded me of Ellie and Riley on their teen dream adventure, romping through the Halloween store at the mall, trying on masks and talking to the magic eight ball.

I’m really pleased by all the parallels with Left Behind and Ellie’s portion of the journey in The Last of Us. Winter was her season, and that’s where we’re starting now. The horseback riding, the blizzard, and all the blood in the snow bring flashbacks of Ellie hunting on the woods, Ellie alone in the frozen mall, David, and the Lakeside Resort, all of which layer the current moment with a lot of emotional tension for the player.

The opening is, I think, sprawling. I’m having fun but there’s this sense that I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of the story. Like Joel in the first game, Ellie is also big-timing me a little and I feel far away from her. I know this will change soon, and I’ll warm up to her, but for now, like Joel, we’re all being held at arm’s length. I actually like the POV shifts we’ve gotten so far and the multiple POVs is something I predicted a while ago, based on ND’s tendencies in the first game. Ppl are going to give The Last of Us 2 shit for being too cinematic but tbh it sometimes feels more like a playable novel than a traditional video game. We’re on a cable car headed straight into disaster and there’s nothing we can do. In this way the game is using the medium itself to perpetuate its Naturalistic themes. We play and we play, and we fight and we fight, but the environment entertains no interest in our struggle and the outcome will always be the same. There is no free will in The Last of Us.

On that note, the gameplay so far is, I think, pretty fun. I have played a lot of stealth games and am always looking for ways the genre is reinventing itself. Like Sekiro and Tomb Raider, The Last of Us 2 is increasing the verticality of the map with rope climbing and scaling up obstacles (though I do miss using Joel’s immense upper body strength to move those dumpsters around lol). In a stealth game I want creativity and problem solving to be central to the gameplay. I don’t want to be magically handed tools and weapons on a constant basis, to meet every individual need. I want to be forced into resourcefulness, and I don’t want to enter a shoot-out unless I absolutely have to. That said, I’m nearly to the tower checkpoint with Dina, and I’ve only fired my gun twice. The dodge/melee mechanic is neat, but more than anything, having real, actionable help from an AI enables stealth kills even in zones crawling with enemies. On that note, I am playing with a headset, and I’m glad I am, because I find the sounds of the goddam clickers to be all-encompassing this time around and a LOT bigger and scarier than they were in The Last of Us. Holy shit. They’re absolutely terrifying. I can only imagine the horror to come lol.

Now, finally, Abby: I don’t have much to offer on this yet. Abby is not who I thought she’d be. I’ll just say it. Still, the melee battle with her and the runners in the woods was AWESOME. For me, the most fun I’ve had yet, because it was completely different than anything from The Last of Us. Playing her, however, I will say, filled me with foreboding. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to help her. She seems beyond desperate and while deeply sympathetic, she is a new character and her loyalties are not mine...so far. I could be very wrong, and please don’t correct me if I am, but I get the sense she might be a Firefly, or somehow associated with Marlene, and she is looking for Joel, in vengeance. Her group was small and rogue, and they seemed new to the area. All I know is that ND is creating a moral dilemma here, and as to what will become of this, the jury is still out completely.

One small personal criticism, take it or leave it: I don’t personally love that the kiss with Dina and scene with Joel defending Ellie was kept off-stage in the game and left to the trailer. We could have started at the dance. That would have taught us everything we need to know about Ellie, Dina, Jesse, and Joel and Ellie’s relationship state. This is my only criticism of the story so far. From a writer’s perspective, it’s just inefficient and clumsy to try and cover all that in expositional dialogue, taking into consideration that many casual players will not have seen all the trailers. Even still, it’s not hurting my experience in any way. Just an observation and maybe a bit of personal opinion on the fact that perhaps the choice to reveal so much scene in pre-release trailers might be a great way to build hype but might not be the most efficient choice in telling the actual story. My two cents!

In the end, I’m overall super excited and can’t wait to keep playing. These are just my own personal thoughts, and I’ll be back with more thoughts soon!! PLEASE NO SPOILERS OR SPOILERY SUGGESTIONS IN THE REPLIES!! I am NOT privy to the leaks and I do NOT want to know what’s coming. Thank you!! ^_^ 

[thorcat]

LF RP Contact | WoW | Bhaal

(Art by spectr00m, https://www.deviantart.com/spectr00m/art/Bhaal-482238903)

ᛃ THE BASICS ––– –– –

Occupation: Inscription, mercenary for hire

Hobbies: Fishing, drawing, handling animals

Race: Human | Deathknight

Sexuality: Pansexual, Poly

Relationship Status: Single

Languages: Common and a little thalassian

Alignment: Chaotic good

Color-Wheel: Silver-Blue-Black

ᛃ PERSONAL ––– –– –

Residence: Mostly dwelling in her own garrison because of the quiet woods, sometimes in stormwind

Place of Work: Currently looking for work | At her own place

Birthplace: Tirisfal Glades

Fears: Rejection by other beings because of her cursed life

ᛃ APPEARANCE ––– –– –

Height: 5′4ft.

Build: Slightly toned

Age: 35

Gender: Female

Skin tone: Pale

Eye color: Ice Blue

Hair color: Silver

Body Mods: Piercings

Distinguishing Marks: Scar on her back, the killing blow she had recieved from the lich king before turning deathknight

Common Accessories: Ink and feather with a bunch of scrolls, weapons, treats for animals

(Art by Schlafmuetze, https://www.deviantart.com/schl4fmuetzesartcave/art/comission-run-forest-477850643)

ᛃ BODY LANGUAGE ––– –– –

Walk: Confident

Voice: Stern when with people, Gentle when with animals/dragons

Tics or Mannerisms: scribblings things she sees, trying to pet any animal..no matter how dangerous or massive it is

Smell: Fresh fallen snow, animal treats

Posture: Stiff and weary

Disabilities: None

ᛃ RELATIONSHIPS ––– –– –

Partner: None

Parents: Dead

Siblings: None

Children: None

Pets: Falcosaur hatchling and an emerald whelping she decided to keep as ysera died

ᛃ PERSONALITY TRAITS ––– –– –

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Addictive / In Between / Nonaddictive

ᛃ RP HOOKS ––– –– –

Runes/scrolls: If you need any, she will gladly make them to support in battle against foes or tries teaches some basics

Battle: She is able to hold a sword but horrible in fights. The woman would be thankfully to get a swordmaster (maybe a ebon blade companion) as teacher,

Drinks: Bhaal would never refuse a drink or two, to at least grand herself the little illusion of being alive

Animals: Nothing makes the woman crawl faster out of her little ice shell. For her, animals are honest and not judging.

Dragons: She never dared speaking to one of the aspects, but got a high respect for them and their brood. Meeting a dragon would be some sort of fresh encounter

(Art by Clover-Teapot, https://www.deviantart.com/clover-teapot/art/Bhaal-Chibi-Commission-509599029)

ᛃ About the Woman ––– –– –

Bhaal, born in the tirisfal glades, had always a great talent to draw and mimic the old art of runes like the kirin tor used in their spell books. During the lack of knowledge of those, a mage took the woman in to teach writing and basics about those spells..which were almost impossible to weave, but at least easy to recreate in form on scrolls.

Said talent was swiftly noticed by the prince of lodareon back there. The prince, known as arthas, was hunting down some sort of demon..a demon who had caused massive destruction and horrible outcomes around his and her own home. With a well picked expedition, sh was allowed to travel to nothrend and create those supporting scrolls who were used by the local mages to increase the defenses, heal the soldiers and cause some serious fire damages to those undead foes they had to face every day.

Soon though the prince disappeared and left the camp alone, to search something she wouldn't be able to understand. Instead she kept on creating and practiced handling a sword on the side..just in case of defense, as runes alone might not be enough in those harsh wilds. With the man's return, everyone thought that either their journey would finally find it's end and everyone able to travel home, but none of that was the case. Instead the by now twisted price slaughtered down the camp and burned the ships to ensure that no one would be able to return and give message of the horrible act. Sadly those runes sure turned out to be useless as defense and the amateur like act of holding a sword alone made the crazy driven prince only gifting her a tired smile. She was forced to share the exact same fate as the rest and the bodies got dragged to one of those cursed undead places, to wait for the most godless act ever seen.

Together with a bunch of capable soldiers, they got revived as deathknights to serve under the lich kings heavy leading tone.

While everyone went out to play it's role as pawn of the undead leader, the woman was hold back and dragged to the forges, to do what she had done best in her living times. Forcing and engraving runes...just not on paper, but on those very cursed swords, to allow the knight drawing out power of ice, corrupting plague and inner strength.

The solider fell in battle, as it turned out to be just a farce..a chess game to lure out a simple god damn person. Said person was able to beat the lich king in battle, forcing him to withdraw and allowing those under his grasp to regain their old will and eventually parts of their old memory.

It was eventually the most bitter part of the woman to wake up from a nightmare to stumble right into the next one with realization, that she would never be the same person as before. Still..till this day, she simply tries to support with her rune and little magic skills, while avoiding the living as good as she can..ashamed of her own appearance.

OOC: She is a woman, who had simply seen too much bad things in her life with a mix of betrayal and abuse of her skills and body. Bhaal is overall a gentle being, but it's hard to crack that ice shell and find and warm part. Animals are mostly the key to see a little gentle and not fake smile.

ᛃ LOOKING FOR ––– –– –

All sort of RP and people: Getting into the lore, meeting up, learning and understanding all the things are my main goal! From little chatters, to small plots, everything is possible!

ᛃ ABOUT THE MUN ––– –– –

Who I am: A pink Gecko, to licks monitors and eats steaks (35 years old mun, who shitposts alot and makes memes, to try making some ppl smile :p)

Server: Outland EU, main char (Argent dawn, alt char)

Time Zone: CEST European time Zone (Germany)

Availability: When i am online, since i work in shifts

Writing Style: Varies. I am trying to adapt to people and overwhelm them with too much text

Platforms: In Game and In Discord. On tumblr it’s more -what if- situations

(Art by Ashaton, https://www.deviantart.com/ashaton/art/Bhaal-546551901)

ᛃ Restrictions ––– –– –

Generally not up to gore/maiming/killing, especially so when not brought up beforehand.

As much as i love writing smut, i want to know the muse a little more, before engaging in any nsfw content

No Erotic or Romantic themes if you or your character are under-age or just SEEM immature.

Even less Erotic themes if you are a gome. It’s a no.

Contact: Direct Messages on Tumblr or discord Thorcatte#6253

[painandpleasure86]

It’s a Hard Life (Entry for Binky’s DTIYS)

A/N: Hello ppl! Again writing... I had a writer block until today :( But here I am. Writing something for the @binkyisonline ‘s DTIYS! I made a fic with her unicorn John. The ending it’s open, so, if this haves success, I could continue a little more the story. You with your support decides! ;) Was an interesting experience write something with an humanoid.

Summary: A young human-unicorn lives in an enchanted woods and it’s about to meet with a young artist that also loves exploring.

Warnings: none. Some swear words, but a few.

Pairing: Platonic Deacury (for now)

Word count: +1500

Permanent taglist: @warriorteam1924 @toomuchlove-willkillyou @deakysgurl

If you want to be in the tag list, just tell me! ;)

(John’s POV)

Everyone looks at me as something strange, something beautiful. They think that because I'm the way I am, I'm somewhat innocent. I'm not. I know the dangers of the world. I know people's thoughts. Everyone wants to ride me.

I'm an abomination. They didn't make me 100% animal or 100% human. Sometimes I take the form of a human with brown hair, long and wavy, six feet tall, very thin, gray eyes... But with one detail: my horn never goes away. Do you see why I say I am an abomination? I think whoever created me wanted to have fun at my expense. Thank you...

It seems not, but my life it's very difficult . I have no place to go, and no one who really loves me. No ulterior motives. I wander the woods, eating what I can, sleeping where I can. I try to do it in my animal way, because being in my human way, people usually get scared. It's not just the horn, but also the fact that I have nothing to cover me. But why do I usually say? Some maids want to possess me. Also some gentlemen. Don't they think I have feelings? I'm not someone who whores or someone who wants to be intimate with the first person who comes across me. Everyone wants me for convenience. Or at least, everyone I've met. Sometimes I fantasize about meeting someone who cares for me, loves me and respects me as I deserve. But it seems like it's something that will only live in my head...

By the way, where are my manners... My name is John. Or at least that's what I've chosen to call myself. I don't know how old I am, but in my human form I look like someone who's barely 21.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

(Freddie’s POV)

I love walking around these parts. I always find something beautiful, something strange, something worth documenting. It's full of wonders.

Today I wander through an enchanted forest, where a being lives that leaves me speechless. He is a young man who is barely over 20 years old, with long brown hair, tall, thin... Whenever he sees me close enough, he runs away from me. He usually looks at me with a frightened face, even when I ask him if I can come closer. "Get away from me. I don't want you to use me for your pleasures," he told me last time. Like every time. I don't know why he thinks I want to possess him, although I cannot deny his immense beauty and that his lack of clothes makes him even more tempting. I just want to know him better. To ask him why, even though he looks so human, he keeps that horn.

By the way, my name is Frederick. I'm 26 years old. I'm the son of a very important nobleman in my kingdom. My father wants me to get married, I'd rather be like this. I prefer to spend weeks exploring the world around me and making sketches in my notebook of the most curious things I can find. I don't want to deal with any of those serious things. I want to enjoy life. Marrying a maid for family arrangements is a bit of a letdown. It would ruin my life and the life of the poor woman they put next to me. They'd ask me for children. I don't want to. It would take time away from my enjoyment. But then, my father doesn't want to understand my decision. He prefers to say that I'm the disgrace of the family. Being the oldest of four brothers has its drawbacks.

When I'm not exploring, I spend my time painting pictures. I take my sketchbook and make one of them on the canvas. I paint over everything I come across, including that mysterious young man with long hair. Lately it's just that young man with long hair...

I think I've seen it. Or at least I've distinguished his horn. I'll go slowly, so I don't scare him. God, I feel like a stal-...

SHIT. IT HURTS.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

(John’s POV)

I was very quiet walking around, since I didn't see anyone around, when suddenly I heard something. It was a noise of something falling on a pile of leaves. My curiosity is stronger than that. I walk up and see a human being collapsed. He tripped over a protruding tree root. I don't usually get this close to a human in my human form, but I think I'll make an exception today.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yes, I just tr- Oh it's YOU!"

I got a little out of the way. I won't let him down, but don't let him harass me.

"Yes, it's me. I saw you lying there and I wanted to help you up. I may be an abomination, but I have feelings."

"Why abomination? You're unique. You're a wonder."

That sincerity in his words. That feeling... I couldn't help but I blushed.

"You're nice, but you know I can turn into a unicorn, right? And when I become human, I don't lose my horn. No one will ever take me seriously."

"Hey, why do you say that? Love is for everyone." responded him, smiling.

(Are you hitting on me, stranger?)

"Ha, really? Then why do you only want to have sex with me? Everyone sees me with a fucking object. I love walking around like this, with nothing, but they mistake it for seduction or being available for fantasy. That's why I prefer to be here alone, because I can be free."

I don't even know why I took it out on him so hard. Maybe because the others I've met I can't talk to them like that.

"Well... I'll help you to stand up," I said, trying to get back to what had gone before.

I leaned back so that he would rest his left arm on my shoulders, I took it from his waist. Slowly, we stood up.

Looking at his face, I ask him, "Can you walk?"

"I think. At least help me ride my horse. Too much exploring for today."

I rode with him for a mile. We went along the "road." He didn't want to attract attention.

"By the way, I'm John," I said, as we walked.

"I finally know your name... I'm Frederick."

"You seem like a nice guy. I see you have a notebook with you. Are you drawing me? Hahaha."

Blushing a little, he answers me.

"Not just you, John. But anything I see that catches my eye. I'm a painter."

"So I'm your muse," I add.

"Yes, lately you're my only muse. I can only paint you."

He blushes too much.

I don't know, but I feel very good with this young man.

---------------

After several minutes of silence, we found his horse.

"Shall I help you to ride your horse?"

"No, John, I can handle it. Thank you for what you've done for me today." Already on his horse, he adds, "Until the next time, John. I hope you don't walk away from me like you always do."

"I will not. Promise. Take care of yourself."

Little smile on his face.

"I will. You take care too."

I smiled at him.

His horse came out at a full gallop. And I thought to myself... Have I found what I've always been looking for? No, it's too fast to make sure of that. But the truth is that I met the first human who wants to talk to me. And that's an enough reason to smile.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Freddie’s POV

I went to the nearest inn to get some rest before comeback to home. Eating a little, I can't stop thinking about that young man. John. I don't know why he's so disregarded. He seems to be a very kind, affectionate being; as well as beautiful on the outside. I could enjoy his company forever. It was only a few minutes this time, but it was beautiful. They were like being in paradise. I would love to bring him to my palace, to live with me. But my father would still call me the family disgrace, as well as crazy. And gay. Yes, I am. But my father doesn't understand happiness. He only wants to keep alliances with other lords. Aren't my other brothers and sister enough for you, Father?

Well, at least I have my mother on my side. She knows how I like to live and she understands, even if she doesn't like it. If my father hasn't thrown me out of the house, it's because of her.

Well, stop rambling. I think it's time to go to sleep. I'm tired. I know in my dreams, he will be. That beautiful, divine creature. I don't know what the paths of life will be like, but I hope they'll allow us to continue to cross...

---------------------

If you like this, please reblog! It helps me a lot! :3 <3 And if you want more of this au, please tell me! ;)

Cheers, Lily.

[gg-astrology]

I liked what you said about Hobi not being such an extroverted Aquarius. I totally agree with you! This is exactly how I see him and ppl don't talk much about this side of him. I was wondering if Seokjin is similar cuz even tho he's a Sagittarius I feel like he's also a home bound kinda person?

Hey there! 💙🖤❤️ ;v; aaah I’m glad bc thats what I see too ;v; 💙🖤❤️ I asked my favourite sag astrologer about this (ahri; they used to be rkive on here, went by ren) and this is what they said:

.. That’s what ahri said. And I agree to an extent? The mind your business and doing their own thing to the excess is understandable. 

I also agree with you, he’s kind of home-bound. And it’s curious cause his Moon, Mercury and Mars all loop back to Aries Moon (want to do things his own way his own time when he wants) with Cancer Mars (doing things where he’s comfortable in his own space, stability) in mutual reception to each other. 

With mutual reception - this is kind of weak because both of these placements are already in detriments of each other. So it’s like a pair in a two-legged race (tied together) BOTH being tired/exhausted already, and so no one’s there to be the hard carrier of the pair. I kinda get it if they just collapse or fall over?? But that’s just me thinking about this analogy skjnknsakn and how it would contribute to this home-bound-ness.

Anyways.. Here’s some tid-bit stuff in case you’re curious about Seokjin!! ;; I think I didn’t provide a lot of info with just the above. So I added this in bc I don’t think we’ve? talked about it before?? 💙🖤❤️

So with rulership to find dispositors, let’s go one by one with each placements.

Sag Sun > Libra Jupiter > Cap Venus > Aquarius Saturn. God he’s strict strict. Wow. That’s ?? Kind of hot. 

 Aries Moon > Cancer Mars  } thats a loop of mutual reception on it’s own

Scorpio Mercury > Cancer Mars - Aries Moon {loop}

Capricorn Venus > Aquarius Saturn.

Cancer Mars - Aries Moon {loop} 

Libra Jupiter we know from above it goes to Aquarius Saturn, and Aquarius Saturn is it’s final form.

In conclusion: 

So wow!! Jin really is? A strong. Saturnian Person despite having Jupiter sun?? It’s kind of hot that it’s in Aquarius Saturn too, because that’s pretty progressive, like how to change/adapt, do better. It’s taking what’s already established/given (or built up to that point) and creating something more with it.  The ideology behind it, rather than just the material. It’s not looking for just material satisfaction, but influencing and sewing this idea into others as well. So they can plot this + grow it themselves (independence vs individualism)!

With it being the final dispositor of his Sagittarius Sun - it probably underlines a lot of his motives underneath his Jupiterian exterior. The core ego and esteem, although seemingly happy and optimistic to an extent - comes a thoughtful and  stern personality underneath. And this isn’t just because of his Capricorn Venus (though it might contribute to why we thought his Capricorn venus is ‘developed’ when it could’ve just been his Aquarius Saturn underlying alot of his placements as the final dispositor) who expects a certain modicum of standard and respect from himself/others. It might also explain why? It’s integral to his personality to be well-mannered and polite (Capricorn Venus (social) > Aquarius Saturn, Sagittarius Sun (pride/core/conscious actions) > Aquarius Saturn) 

Anyways. I just thought it’s interesting and we haven’t done this before?? So I hope this is fun! 💙🖤❤️ Also PS. Thank you for liking and supporting a lot of my posts!! ;v; I see you liking stuff sometimes and I always get really happy and warm inside, I just wanted to let you know I see it and I appreciate it a lot 💙🖤❤️💙🖤❤️💙🖤❤️💙🖤❤️💙🖤❤️💙🖤❤️💙🖤❤️💙🖤❤️💙🖤❤️ I hope you have a good day!! 💙🖤❤️

[kvltprince]

I was tagged by the lovely @leporidaefluff (Thank you! it was the push i needed to get started on this instead of just going oh~ neat~!)

Rules:

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same. Sorry if anyone has already been tagged, no obligation. @ heathie on whatever acct cos im a dumbass an i miss your bois(you miss em too), @randomwordsandstormydays, @randomfuzzbunny, @jornaquinn @chrysocolladawn ( @somewhere-withoutyou if you would...) and anyone else who would enjoy doing this. (if i get tagged again ill do anther oc. i would tag a few others but i feel weird tagging ppl i dont like ever talk to lol.)

What is your name?

"Lucy Grandchester, yeah that one.” 

How old are you?

“Fourty-five unless you are getting nitpicky about cryostasis. That doesn’t count unless I am joking with a ghoul, honestly.”

What do you look like?

He lets out a small half chuckle, "Oh, we are doing this okay. I’ll bite. Slightly short middle aged punk, long greying curly hair, undercut, with one leg and too many tattoos?”

Where are you from? Where do you live now?

Lucy uncomfortably takes down his hair and redoes his messy bun while sighing and becoming a bit short. “I’m from just the other side of that irradiated water near that gas station south of here. Name kinda gives it away. You have seen it? I honestly am not sure how it’s standing still between the bombs and everything else. It’s looked after now, and is a surprise asset to still have. I lived in Boston for a while after all that, and back in this area once Nuka World was opened, then back in the Boston area, and would you look at that I am back in Nuka World and it is a lot more comfortable now.”

What was your childhood like?

"...Unstable, for everyone. It got a bit better once my parents were dead... are we done with this line of questions? Or am I excusing you?”

What groups are you friendly with? Are you allied with any factions?

“Well, I started out trying to play nicely vaguely with anyone that didn’t try to shoot me first. That.... hasn’t stayed how it is. At least not fully, though i generally play nice until I am given a reason not to. I am friendly with the Disciples, the Operators, several of the Children of Atom groups that haven't irradiated their sense out of their heads yet, the Railroad.”

Tell me about your best friend.

He finally visibly relaxes the rest of the way after that history business, and takes a drink of a quantum. “Oh only one best friend? Are we in high school again? aw Alright. We have some parallel histories.” He swirls the glowing drink, but doesn't let himself get lost in his head too far. “Great humor, puts up with my shit somehow, doesn't blow my sneaking. Laugh that could take on the world even though they probably wouldn't. No I am not spoiling who I decided on. A man has to have some secrets somewhere and mine are in short supply”

Do you have a family? Tell me about them!

“My son Shaun never ceases to surprise me with what he can come up with, and how well adjusted he is. Codsworth is still helping out with the household, and helping keep Shaun from disassembling live turrets while I am away, though now he is living here at Fizztop with us. Surprisingly it seems to be an alright setup, and Shaun has taught a few people some upgrades in their downtime. There is enough room to keep things comfortable, and I have done some park remodeling since I arrived. My closest companions that don’t hate my choices I have made I consider family, but that has become a smaller circle than before.”

What about a partner or partners?

“Gage of course, he is my husband for whatever it is worth in the wasteland. Otherwise I suppose that depends how you are defining that. I am an affectionate person and some people seem to have rather strict definitions of where the edge of friend and partner should be”

Who are your enemies, and why?

“Several people aren’t speaking to me very well at best after I have settled into the Overboss seat here, on a personal level. The Pack were wiped out. The Brotherhood were wiped out. The Institute were wiped out. The minutemen are pretty pissed understandably. The Gunners still show up in vertibirds sometimes and are still pretty fun target practice. My settlements are generally comfortable, and my outposts mostly only have problems with gunners or trappers. Minor annoyances.”

Have you ever heard of The Brotherhood of Steel? What do you think about them?

“Yeah, of course. I think they got too headstrong for their flightsuits. I mean I understand but you really can’t do that shit and expect no repercussions. It was quite a firework show honestly, I wonder how far away the heat was felt..”

What about The Enclave?

"I don’t know much about them, only one of their ex-soldiers, he didn’t exactly tell me much. Cute, a bit odd. Not sure if it is the radiation that did that or not.”

How do you feel about Super Mutants?

He has a flash of a pensive thought drift across his face “There’s a few that aren’t so bad. Obviously the FEV isn’t mass-curable though, so not exactly much of a choice what to do about them unless you like getting a rocket launcher or a nuke in your face.”

What’s the craziest fight you’ve ever been in?

“Proobably~ around Bunker Hill, It was just, A Lot. That whole time was not just the specific fight. I don’t remember a lot of it, I’m pretty sure Gage half dragged me home after the main running around and meetings after the fight. I don’t think I had a full thought for a while.”

Have you ever fought a Deathclaw?

He thumb points to a sniper rifle leaning against the wall “Yeah, too often, thankfully usually I see them first, and I’ve gotten the sneaking thing down. They make pretty good steaks.”

Do you like fighting?

“Sometimes, honestly. Something tired and overstated about old habits or something boring. Really though, it is exciting and keeps the boredom away. Playfighting and sparring will do, no need to draw blood. I guess. Good to keep knife and sneaking skills sharp however you can.”

What’s your weapon of choice?

“A modded real sharp Throatslicer she called it, I swear Nisha found this thing in the loading dock or something it is the nicest box-cutter I have ever owned. Opens up anything.”

How do you survive? Your wits, your charm, your skills, brute force, some combination? (a.k.a. what’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L?)

“Outlive everything around me usually by not being seen, notice it first, shoot it faster, stab it more, talk my way out of it, or by luck. I have zero real idea, but I can eat nearly anything and I bet that helps too.”

Have you ever been in a vault? What do you think about them?

"Of course, there are a bunch, and I was ushered into 111 to turn my life upside down. They seem to only be any good for salvage, horror stories, clean water sometimes, and if you are real lucky a trade post and a shave. I have a settlement vault that is doing well that I have taken over and built up, but that is not Vault-Tec related, obviously.”

How do you beat all the radiation around here? Has it affected you?

“I have a few recipes that are good for radiation, though it doesn't affect me very badly overall and I am slow to feel any sickness. I suspect that one day I will turn into a ghoul.” He is rather matter of fact and unbothered by this, and hints that he knows that not getting sick much from radiation means just that.

What’s your favorite wasteland critter?

“Probably the stags and gazelles and other herd animals. They are overall unchanged other than most have two heads now, they are still nice to watch”

What’s your least favorite wasteland critter?

“Honestly? radscorpions? Those fuckers are too quick and you cant shoot them cos they tunnel and they knock you on your ass and poison you and just UGH”

How do you feel about robots?

"Robots are alright if they are not causing trouble. Some of them are nice. Jezebel is not so nice, but she is guarding red rocket and bitching the entire time so shes no longer my problem. The Rust Devil’s robots are a pain in my ass for real.”

How many caps do you have on you right now?

"Plenty.”

Nuka Cola or Sunset Sarsaparilla?

He cocks his head slightly “I havent heard that one in a while. Depends on the flavor of Nuka Cola, I do like Sunset Sarsaparilla though, if you have any.”

Do you do chems?

"Not recreationally anymore. No, not because of him.” He nods toward Gage “It just, gets out of hand”

Do you ever think about the Pre-War world?

"Not as often as you would expect, I mean obviously there is the ‘oh i remember when that wasn't destroyed’ of things, but things are more comfortable than I thought they could be”

What’s your deepest regret? What would you do differently?

His eyes narrow slightly “I don’t really do regret. Things were done the way they were because it was the choice at the time. A choice now for an old situation isn’t helpful to living my current life or my old life. I am not living then, I am living now.” 

What’s your biggest achievement? Or what do you hope to achieve?

“Surviving all of this, and myself. Creating this strange semi-stability in this post apocalyptic place.”

What do you want for the future? For yourself? Your friends? The world?

“Keep me and mine safe, happy as we can be, and I hope that my found-family never fully stops growing. Curious what the future holds for my raiders and friends, there is so much potential, it could be risky but it is there. For once it is a good solid place to be, and it’s mine.” Lucy polishes off his questionable as hell drink with a smile.

[seasaltmemories]

9, 16, 21

Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Oh it has been a while since I’ve actively hated a character, it is less me being righteous and more me getting tired of my own anger, but to be that nerd, I was just talking about Victor Frankenstein in The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein

His greatest sin isn’t even being a terrible human being but it is dragging the narrative down with him, while I get since the book was aimed at teens it wanted to have a clear message about abuse and especially wanted to avoid angsty edgy boi favoritism, but ugh what that cost was

I loved the move to interpret his relationship with Elizabeth as abusive, but to do that he became this flat evil caricature of Shelley’s protagonist, when her Victor was a spoiled, rich white boy who could never admit anything was his fault, that is already a prime mixing pot for dysfunctional relationships, I know a lot of this is just repeating myself but what I liked so much about Elizabeth in that book is that nobody ever said out loud to her “my love for you is conditional” but they still fucked her up all the same with their expectations, it was really realistic, but having Victor border on the yandere stereotype of all things broke that level of immersion, and it became difficult to see why she ever loved him in the first place

I’ve also talked about how it ends up creating plotholes and isn’t that believable but please can we finally have a Frankenstein adaptation that captures the same slimy pathetic-ness of the original

If you could change anything in the show, what would you change? 

For A5 I would have loved greater set-up to the Akaba family drama before the reveal, especially from Himika’s point of view bc that would just twist the knife directly, I think it could be done in a short time too, but tbh I understand the point of the xyz arc even if I dislike it and think it mostly comes down to my personal disinterest

What are your thoughts on crack ships?

Hell to the yeah, fandom is all about playing with these dolls and if I want these two to kiss for no particular reason, well they will, if anything sometimes the content is even better than popular ships bc ppl have to put in effort to explain why they are together rather than rely on common interpretations

[flying-elliska]

Hi Ellie! I really don’t want to bother you with these things while you’re on your vacation, but you really seem to have a nice understanding of it and I kind of wanted to read what you think. I’ve read so many things about how creating art can be great for mental health. I’m at a point in my depression in which I can tell I need something like that to pour my thoughts into like painting or writing and the idea excites me, but I don’t have the mental energy to do it. How do you handle this?

Hey dear anon ! Those types of questions never bother me don't worry, even tho I might sometimes take a little time answering but I'm having a bit of a solitary time out today so here goes.

I think this is a very important question ; I don't have a clear cut answer though, this is also something I often struggle with. But here are a few considerations :

- First of all, are you blocking yourself with stuff like perfectionism, super high expectations of yourself/what 'art' should be ? Because that can be a huge drain. I think it's important to offset that by taking a 'playground' approach. Or whatever works. And think that whatever you manage to do, it's always better than the blank page. It's training, and it's a healing process. Don't be afraid to try stuff, stop if you're not into it anymore, and see it all as a beautiful process...and to try to have fun, even if it feels silly at first.

- Another thing : mental illness can often create this void in your brain and life, where you close yourself off and creating only from your inner miasma can be so painful. So I think it's important to know what feeds and recharges you creatively ; what spurs your need to create in an easy, fun way. These are going to be times where you're not actively creating and yet, you're still working on it. For me it's stuff like walking in the woods, finding myself in foreign places, modern art exhibitions, reading fun and fast fantasy YA and social science articles, and simply good music...but I think everyone has their own. Stuff that makes you excited to create, and curious about the world.

- So yeah, also don't be afraid to be a little derivative. Find your role models and copy them a little (not directly and for profit of course lol) - write fanfic or meta, try to imitate a certain style...I find this is a good way to let go of your fears and ego and let yourself be guided by the genius of others. It can be very freeing and fun. And maybe you understand more why they did this or that in that way. And learn a lot about yr own voice.

- Just do the fun parts. Know what they are for you and when you are feeling down, skip to them. I write fanfic abt lawyers without researching much about the legal system lol bc it annoys me. I sketch too without really bothering about clean up. You can be picky or harsh w yourself another day. I didn't come up w this but I think it's also important to let yrself create shitty things and see it as part of the process. And on days where you are really not feeling it consider the easiest possible ways of doing stuff like doodling on a page, making collages, or speaking into yr dictaphone app. It's important to take breaks also of course.

- Another key thing is to start considering creating as part of your mental health routine and self-care. For me I know keeping a diary is essential, otherwise I go all antsy. I've been trying out to write more letters to vent about my emotions and tearing them up too. I know drawing works wonders for a lot of people. You can say this may not be art but actually I really practiced my (self) observation skills, ability to describe emotions, I found interesting metaphors and ideas...but also I think to create you need a sort of...flow of emotions, and familiarity with them. Even the ugly parts. I think creating requires a sort of radical (self) acceptance, so you can truly see yrself and others without wanting to set everything on fire.

- I find it really helps to find other people who are into creating the same type of stuff as you and are creative in general and make them into "accomplices" - I have a friend who is super into making zines so I've been working on one of my own, I found sb to write fic with, a really good beta, someone who loves to go to museums as much as me....that gives me extra energy when I'm lacking.

- Become more observant of real life around you. Watch ppl, listen how they talk. Observe how light falls. The patterns of nature. Try to notice new smells, new sounds, new tastes, little details (this is also a good exercise to deal w anxiety/dissociation tbh). Think about what they imply. Become a sort of poetic detective. Try to find new metaphors. Practice mindful openness, but also sharpen your skills, and decide what place to give what you perceive.

- Also I'm finding the "try to do sth for 10 min" thing is really useful. Sometimes I think I'm tired as in "I don't have the energy" but really I'm tired in a "I have an emotional block and I'm letting it sit on me" way. So having this idea of just starting sth for 10 min, often I find it liberates me and then I want to keep going. And if I really don't feel it I stop but having tried does give me a good feeling.

- Finally I think it's just...fall in love w yr own creative process. Your characters, the story you love, the things you want to depict, the irrepressible need that drives you...your own "symbolic culture". To get a bit woowoo for a minute I really believe that we all have this sort of...unconscious cauldron of creative stuff in our deepest selves, made of memories and experiences and core questions and sensory memory-triggers and fears and hopes and thought patterns and stories. It's always shifting but the more we engage w it and feed it the more rich it becomes. You can do stuff like write down your dreams, think about what your favorite characters have in common, try to do creative meditation, freewrite/doodle, go on "creative dates" w yrself ala Julia Cameron...and whenever it responds I think you'll know. It always gives me this feeling of...groundedness, satisfaction, but also openness to mystery and a powerful urge to create.

Anyway I hope you find your own ways to make. Pls feel free to tell me how it goes, and good luck 🧡💛💖💛🧡💖

[rhodesmystery]

what is the rough timeline of natasha and charlie relationship? i love your fics and how its like little peeks into the development of it all and how it doesnt rely on them being together ll the time its lovely

HM HM HM okay let’s see... like i guess the thing is that ultimately is written for charlie and what i’ve done for natasha is being their own person is rly integral to them? like charlie grew up in a house where at any period of time, nine ppl were living under the same roof? like he didn’t have much time to himself that he literally upped and moved to romania lmfao. and natasha like, one day i’ll remember to post her family tree, but she’s in the same boat in a way, especially when her family moves from america full time. then she’s suddenly thrown into a household with all her extended family. they need to be their own people first, and i mean that independence does hurt communication and the needs of not just themselves but others as well and i guess that’s why i wrote the long walk for their relationship to finally find that point where they were like. yes. where their lines finally crossed over and stayed crossed over, instead of simply running parallel and sometimes moving in but barely touching?

this got long so under the cut

they do meet in first yr bc the game is LYING that such a SMALL CLASS POST-VOLDY wouldnt exist like a literal baby boom happens post voldy dying but the current kids around would honestly be rly small groups? hogwarts would be so EMPTY REAL TALK everyone also afraid to let their kids go to school

natasha asks for slytherin, should've been ravenclaw. much distress, and first yr in between running around with the vault of ice kind of finds her spending a lot of time in the towers and stuff. she likes high places. 

this gonna sound bad but i dont rly remember much of the 1st yr of hphm apart from not sealing the vault properly, but anyway natasha and charlie were friends anyway that mattered and natasha wasn't a very good slytherin for befriending a gryffindor AND a weasley

second yr is kind of the time where she meets bill and like on the one hand is a little infatuated with him but they are rly good friends at the end of the day. she pulls away from charlie a bit bc of it but then again i figure around this stage charlie has started his crusade of entering the forest in some respects so like. he’s not even on the grounds half the time lbr. also, i dont remember much of this yr either a lot happened. but the ice knight was there.

third yr aka vault of fear! again, with the bs, i think natasha knew of everyone PRIOR to their intros and stuff so they’re all kind of good friends but ig this is also just my thing of like. small classes post war. even with the attempt at animosity between houses, especially post war, kids probably aren't going to do. that. and i know slytherin is all death eater kids basically but most of them are probably orphaned too by the end of the war. theyre all scared ANYWAY social circle expanding... idk this yr was a ride too i remember it a little bit more than the others ig. idk what happened here rly

OKAY SO FOURTH YEAR RIGHT that’s when it’s literally a year of dating charlie in game but whatever. so going from literally spending only classes together and maybe like the one christmas if bill and charlie stayed in the castle at the same time, natasha and charlie did talk and were friends but it was on the down low towards the end of third yr. until it wasn’t bc literally all the scheming to get into the forest and mr charlie ‘i asked my brother a million questions about you over the summer’ weasley just rolling up. and theyre in each others spaces A Lot which is kind of wild for the both of them considering they’re both from large families and personal space is A Thing™ they both really need but their friendship really deepens this year. they’re very honest with each other, and whilst bill is natasha’s best friend just because of how they click, her and charlie have this understanding between them that it’s hard to get between.

except fifth yr comes along and smacks everyone in the face. natasha finds out what puberty is over the summer, along with a prefect badge. charlie also has a bit of a growth spurt around this time, so they’re awkward and lanky around each other early on. natasha also dates myron wagtail during her fifth yr, as well as esther szohr and a couple of other ppl here and there. she’s all giggly and twirling hair and I'm so sorry charlie she just hasn’t noticed you at this stage. but it’s not rly a good year for her, mentally all around, so don’t feel too bad ig.

sixth yr she’s getting tired(er) and lightly dates other people as well. broke up with myron over the summer, and like. has started to see charlie in another light, kind of? but at the risk of ruining her friendship, madly writes to bill most of the time about ‘how do i get your brother to notice me????’ because communication is key and natasha doesn’t actually know what it is. she’s also named captain of slytherin quidditch team this yr, and well. ends up spending a ridiculous amount of time closer to charlie’s second great love. sees another side of him. swoons in the stands a lot. they kind of reignite their friendship as well, as it just politely simmered in the back. teach other spells. lots of touching with hands like no no wave like this... it’s very romantic and high strung and they’re dumb teenagers not sure what to do.

they mess it up over the summer between sixth and seventh yr tho. lots of kissing. some other stuff. natasha spends a bit of time with the weaselys before returning to hogwarts. hormones everywhere.

seventh year starts with them kind of tiptoeing around not knowing where they stand relationship wise, and they’re not!! good!! at talking!! so it’s like a big drawn out game of whispers to figure out who said what but it breaks off bad and natasha cries a lot and charlie feels awful too and they’re mopey and shit for a while. like they can’t be in each other’s spaces for a while that they kind of completely withdraw to their own houses sort of thing. eventually, with a few helpful nudges and stuff, they at least talk to each other but don’t know if the friendship is there. 99% sure penny was ready to amortentia the both of them to ‘fix things’ and also just to prove she could do it. also probably didnt help that barnaby and a few other slytherins jumped charlie and quidditch team as 1) for natasha but also 2) for quidditch and that also really prompts natasha and charlie to talk because they rly cant let ppl do it for them lol

same year still, but as things start to improve and they can somewhat pick up their old banter without getting sad, bill invites natasha over for xmas because he’s actually given it off. never mind that in between all this, natasha took to writing to myron again, which just. not nice natasha jfc. natasha and charlie enjoy an incredibly awkward trip back with some UST, kiss again in the spot where they pretty much shared their first kiss, refuse to talk about the kiss, natasha buys charlie a new wand, they try to talk about it but its mostly natasha apologising for being a brat.

theyre still not back ‘on’ though, and have some make outs in locker rooms anyway, to the both of their confusion. are they ever going to talk? no. UNTIL ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and natasha’s not good at words but she’s good at actions and yknow what? fk it. slytherin might’ve won the quidditch cup, but when she landed in the middle of the pitch, and charlie reached out to shake her hand, she grabbed the front of his uniform and pulled him in for a big damn kiss in front of literally everyone, cup in her other hand. she keeps a photo of it on her at all times after that. 

i also have a fic I'm writing that was kind of before the celestial ball was announced where they organised kind of 7th yr graduation dance thing and it was going to be quiet and intimate kind of and natasha and charlie end up finishing the night together, falling asleep on a balcony and waking up with each other sort of thing lol

and that’s only ‘91. late ‘91 is when they separate for job opportunities. natasha goes to work at gringotts for a bit with bill, and charlie goes off to romania. they get a few weeks in of summer loving before, though, also post graduation celebration. but they write constantly and stuff. pursuing their own lives kind of starts to become a thing.

in ‘92, early they kind of make a vow to each other when they get a bit of time off and go to greece. its very romantic and a big step forward in commitment for them, as they don’t really see each other for the rest of the year. also, late 92 natasha starts working at durmstrang, which removes her even further from the stream of things.

early ‘93 is not a good time for charlie because of what happens to ginny and ron, so he’s not exactly in the best mindset as theres some self doubt at removing himself so much from his family, he cant be there so easily when they need him most. midway through ‘93, natasha gets attacked at durmstrang, and it takes ppl a while to actually find her. charlie spends a long ass time in st mungos beside her until she wakes up, and they reaffirm their feelings for each other when she does. natasha admits that she had called for charlie, being the last thought she had, and she creates the little runic stones for the both of them as a way of contacting each other, or just reminding them the other is there.

natasha returns to working in late ‘93, and in ‘94 they see each other again at the world cup. i know i said they took a break and ig they did but its easy for them to flirt dumbly until things go to shit with death eaters. until they punch one! and later on natasha is brought in as hired help to tutor the students brought to hogwarts, but because her ‘inside knowledge’ of the school is valuable. her and charlie hook meet up quite a bit when he’s present for the first task. also because she’s hanging around for the entire year, she is there for the yule ball and stuff. lots of writing to charlie like do you remember when we danced? so romantic.

idk what happens in ‘95. i haven't planned anything. same for ‘96. short of natasha going to romania to visit charlie a few times, and how her work ends up bringing her into the ministry a bit. its not the same kind of cooling off as hogwarts where they question the relationship, but apart from letters they dont really see each other.

in 97 however!!!!! bill and fleur’s wedding and like. they spent a bit of time apart again, so natasha puts on her best to impress her boy. and charlie wants to propose but also because he’s totally smitten by the idea of making it real between them as a proposal via ribbon only does so much lmfao. and they get interrupted! and separated for quite some time actually. natasha ultimately returns to her family, for the larger part of 97 she's working with them as they deal with the fact her grandfather made a deal with death eaters, and that her ancient family history is coming back to bite them in the ass. like i know in the books they say charlie went around recruiting foreign wizards but thats so HANDWAVEY of jkr yknow? granted she never rly sounded like she knew what to do with charlie apart from shipping him off to romania. I'm sure he went to romania like YO we cant let this happen come with me when it mattered, but you’ll have to fight me to convince me he wasn't with his family for a large part of the story, and that he wasn't doing underground work and stuff in the mean time (you can’t change my mind)

in 98 though everything goes to hell for natasha’s family and she, in a moment of panic, calls for charlie. and he literally runs to her, and they both nearly die for it, but like he finally sucks up the courage to ask her, for realsies, if she would marry him. its been like 10yrs of will they wont they for them and only so many bets can be placed. 

they get married late 98, and i know i never quite decided on smth big or intimate, but i think i’m happy with a ‘they had a big damn wedding and it was ridiculously opulent and flowery for autumn where you would’ve thought it was spring sort of thing. or maybe even something blissfully wintery. they’ve moved out of their summer romance phase, where it only came around for a few weeks at a time. relationship development. 

DO THEY HAVE KIDS I CANT DECIDE i guess the eldest would be born some time in 99? and then from there a general progression lmfao but YEAH

also in regards to like the celestial ball i understand why the canon characters weren’t involved, but i’m just smad. barnaby was rly cute though so... THERE YOU HAVE IT ANYWAY

[fairyharps]

hello!! i just finished kh3 so below are my thoughts. obviously, spoiler warning if you havent finished the game.

first of all...... wow!!!!!!!!!! its real!!!!!!! i held the game in my own hands and played it!!!!!!!!! 12 year old me has been screaming non stop since the release im in a fog of emotion. every time i started up the game and heard that new kh3 rendition of dearly beloved with the ocean waves i just absolutely lost it

however, in the end, i feel mixed. i guess the hype over the years built up to an astronomical amount and while the game was incredibly fun and beautiful and i love seeing the story finally pan out into the finale, in a way it also felt very short? as of writing the first few paragraphs here i have just started san fransokyo, so i havent seen the actual finale, but these are my current thoughts and i will update this as i play. i still feel like there is so much more that is going to happen and ive barely even scratched the surface

theres a lot of new information that got me going WILD. piecing everything together & theorizing is always something i find fun about kingdom hearts since its so unpredictable. in fact i got so into it i had to start taking notes and making diagrams. i love a game that makes me bust out a notebook. (i do this for hm/sos/stardew and acnl as well lmao)

also every single time ienzo came on screen i went absolutely HOG WILD. when he laughed? the little laugh?? his smile?????? just thinking about it now is making me misty eyed fellas i love my boy

the implication that demyx, luxord (was his name always pronounced luke-sord??? i always said luck-sord wtf), and obviously marluxia and larxene's somebodies are from before the keyblade war is out of control!!!! vexen and demyx being double agents for ansem the wise?? ANSEM THE WISE'S REUNION WITH IENZO!!!!!!!!?????????? also zemyx is real sdfjsdlkfjsdlkfsdlkfjsdlkf jk

uHHHHHHH VENTUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BABY MY SONION!!!!!!!! AND AQUA!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO EMOTIONAL!!!!!!!!!!!! im honestly losing my mind everything is coming together aaaaaaaaaaaa literally seeing ventus looking SO BEAUTIFUL is making me lose my mind AND UHH AQUA.... REALIZING SHES IN THE WORLD OF LIGHT...........DAMN U NOMURA FOR MAKING ME FEEL

S-SAIX................................. I LOVE EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!

i felt very mixed about the paopu sharing scene. while i know this ship was always going to be endgame, i really hate how little development it actually gets throughout the Whole Series so instead it feels So forced. that scene is bone dry. the whole time i was wondering why they werent including riku since he was like.. 20 feet away.... like hes your best friend too guys.... i really am unable to understand this scene. like... nomura you KNOW how to write compelling relationships so what happened buddy. woody and buzz had more romantic tension than sora and kairi. also like when she leads him into the light or whatever.. whats the deal

i LOVE kairi but god. can you PLEASE let her do SOMETHING????? CAN I PLAY AS KAIRI??? im so tired of her being reduced to a damsel even when she has a weapon shes supposedly adept with now. she has had like.............. no development. im so sorry this happened to you kairi

im surprised there arent more worlds. i thought there would be the same or a greater number of disney worlds as kh2 but theres actually fewer?? and they feel much longer, or at least some of them do. worlds like the caribbean and toybox felt gigantic and took me forever while corona and monstropolis felt smaller. and some of the worlds you cant even fully explore until after you played through the story????

also im very intrigued about this new female character that keeps getting mentioned vaguely. i suspect there will be some intense retcons put in place abt her since she has NEVER been mentioned before dispite it seeming like shes very important. 

the final world place is very interesting conceptually but like how many times in this series am i going to have to collect soras lmao ALTHO i loved hearing from namine ;_; i miss u sweet girl

also uhh i could write for forever about sora as a character and how complex he is when you actually think abt it. i STILL see ppl saying riku is more interesting as a character but i feel like ppl only look at soras optimistic outlook. sora really keeps his feelings locked up way more than you think he would & not only that but hes so empathetic he ends up tackling everyone else's feelings too.. the idea that he is only powerful or useful because he has friends really hammers in how he says "my friends are my power" like.. every 5 seconds.. god  i love u but pls take a break for a Second. i just want him to go home and hug his mom

-

ok i just finished. like 5 mins ago. im still trying to like.. register what happened. the final act really packed a LOT together. i feel like theres too much to even mention right now. and theres still SO many questions. 

like i said before, i feel mixed. while there was a LOT to like about this game, there was also a lot that i did not like or was confused/put off by. i thought the first like, 2/3 of the game was too long and kind of boring sometimes? i couldnt handle in arendelle how they included the songs.. i get why they did it but it was NOT for me. the disney worlds kind of dragged on and, outside of the story connections to the finale, felt a little pointless. nothing happened other than the org popped in to egg on sora and then left. and the final act went by SO QUICKLY i didnt feel like there was enough time to register all the shit that was happening. also i fucking HATE how after everything, kairi was reduced to a damsel YET AGAIN. are you KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!! everything she does is off-screen and her "death" acts as a motivation for sora which is the worst way to do things like what the fuck

i personally really liked the game, even if parts were not as i initially expected. there was a lot of hype surrounding this game, but i think for what it was, it was as enjoyable to play as any kh game, and it delivered a lot of emotions, answered a few questions, created more questions, and wrapped up the dark seeker saga pretty nicely while still leaving room for future stories to be told. and BOY do i have some questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

people who dont like how convoluted, dramatic, weird,  tropey  or heavily-retconned the plot is might think its bad. but ppl have thought kh in general is bad for those reasons for years anyway. honestly while these are all things that i can understand and empathize with, in the end for me its about how it makes me feel rather than like, how well it follows storytelling rules? and it sure made me feel a Lot. like im saying this as a long-time superfan so lmao

anyway i cried a lot for a very long time about the following: old man yaoi, ventus and roxas being in the same shot, how everyone looks rendered in beautiful next-gen hd, lea isa  and xions new outfits, namixi date, uhhh seasalt trio finally got to go to the beach together, namine being ALIVE, all the shit everyone said after i beat them in the labrynth, how often everyone cried in this game, sora uhhh not existing??? what happened????? is this what the next game is going to be about??? 

THANKS NOMURA FOR MY FUCKING LIFE????????

[heartsoftruth]

1/Hi, I apologize in advance for this long message but I just wanted to ask you if you had ever received insults or criticisms or even guys who harassed you because you're a girl who loves football? I'm asking you this because I live this constantly. Yesterday when Barça won the CDR I was so happy so I shared my joy on my social media and I commented on some FB publications related to the match and the majority of ppl on these pages are men so I have only received insults degrading messages.

Anonymous said:2/I was told to go back to the kitchen, that I should go back to clean, that I loved Barça only for cute players or that I probably didn’t know anything about football and was probably repeating what men around me were saying to look smart,.. I will not tell you everything they told me but it was really degrading and mean, I absolutely did not say anything bad, there were comments from guys who writed bullshit on the post but no one answered them but under mine there was like 100 replies.

Anonymous said:3/And I just wrote “I’m so happy and sad at the same time, I will miss Andres so much, it will not be the same without him..” On my other comments also I received insults like "Come suck my c*ck, you will be more useful” “oh a girl trying to make herself interesting by loving football” “shut your mouth bitch it’s a page for men here, go back to cook” And all that just because I’m a girl, if it had been a man who had commented the same thing they would have agreed with him.

Anonymous said:4/It’s unbelievable that a woman can’t love football as much as a man do without being looked at or asked to justify why she really loves football because if a girl likes football it’s surely because she’s in love with the players or wants to fuck with them or that she invents it to have the attention of men, because it is impossible that a woman can really love or understand football, so when it happens I have to justify myself so that they are convinced that I really like this sport..Anonymous said:5/It’s sad that in 2018 for a lot of ppl women = cooking, doing housework, pleasing men and keep quiet. Usually I avoid going into the football debates of my male friends or those of my family because they automatically make fun of me and my opinion is irrelevant. So if you have a vagina your brain is too stupid to understand football and enjoy it? I’m tired of having to hide my passion for football because I risk being insulted. It’s sad because I know I’m not the only one who suffers this..

Anonymous said:6/I discovered football when I was a child, I quickly became a big fan, I even played it many years but growing up my dad start laughing at me and telling me that I should be more interested in girls stuff and he asked me which player I was as much in love to continue to love football like that and the men around me told me that women’s football was not real football so I should stop playing it, my mother also agreed that I should stop because she was afraid that her daughter become a tomboy.

Anonymous said:7/I was stupid enough to believe theses bullshit and I stopped playing at my club. Yes I am feminine in general, I also like makeup, dresses, shoes and stuff like that but sometimes I like to wear my Barça jersey or football outfits too and when I walk in the street with it I get glances, guys who come to talk to me or say that I’m ridiculous with my jersey, one day 2 guys even come to ask me questions on the club to see if I really know about Barça and that it’s not just to get attention..

Anonymous said:8/It’s tiring and exhausting, I’d like to love this sport without suffering all that, what’s the deal with that, it’s a sport among many, why it’s impossible to let a girl enjoy this sport without belittling her? Why is it so difficult for men to believe that we really love this sport too without necessarily wanting to fuck with players? I’m tired, it’s getting depressing and with all the insults I received yesterday I feel like I’m going to be crazy, I really wanted to cry because of my anger..

Anonymous said:9/If you or the followers of your blog undergo this too, can you tell me how you do to support it or to finish with that please? And if there are guys who follow your blog I’d like them to explain to me, if they do these things, just why ? Why a woman who loves football should deserve so much hate and criticism and why it’s as difficult for guys to accept that women can love football too? I’m really sorry again for this long message but I’m really fed up.. 😫

Heey girlie!! OMG dont apologize for the long message! I feel like you needed to vent a little and then it’s 100% better to just write it all down instead of keeping it in. and DAMN you had all the reasons to vent, because what those neanderthals wrote to you MAKES MY BLOOD BOILLLLLLLLL FUUUUUUCK!!!

BOOOOOILLLLLL!!!! 

Im gonna reply to the parts in parts because otherwise the answer will be an unstructured mess. 

½/3: I dont even know where to start with my first off all comment with this ask! But pffff. It;s so so soooo sad that in 2018 people like that put comments under just a very normal and very correct post. It’s also really sad because probably right now you will think twice before commenting something under a footy Facebook thing. 

AND PLEAAAAASEE! Let me know what kind of FB page that is? I am literally fuming and almost on the verge of making a Twitter account for my Tumblr page to post it on here. It’s not fucking normal that when a girl says something about football guys talk like that. It’s not and it’s not ok. 100 replies under your comment? And all like that?? Pfff. Damn. FUMINGGGGG. 

I can understand you feel bad about it bc of all these people jumping on some kind of bandwagon behind their PC’s. Insecure bunch of dicks! 

4/5: Indeed we women have to know WAAAY more about football then men, because if we dont then we’re not serious about it or only watch it for the guys. “YESSSSS!!! THATS TOTALLY TRUE!!!! I watch 90+ minutes of football just for a few close-ups of the football players I like!!!11!1 Makes total sense” said no women who watches football ever. 

6/7/8/9: aaawhh… That is so sad… :( I can’t imagine how that must have felt as a child to be doing something you love but your parents make it out to be as if it was wrong. Not every girl likes pink and barbies just like not every guy likes blue and cars/football. Indeed I also love make up and getting dressed up etc etc. But I also love sitting in a cafe and watching football with a beer or something haha. 

I never wear a football shirt on the streets - unless im going to a match or watch in a cafe - today was the first time actually in my yellow PSG shirt haha. But no one said anything to me (other than a few hey girl). But it’s sad we have to prove something to these idiots… 

I think we’ve sadly all have had an experience like that. When I was younger and asked my friend at her party (or whatever it was) to see the football score a guy was like “what??? You dont watch it? Well then explain to me what off side is?!” That was the first time some guy asked me it and I did do it, but when someone would ask me it now I said: “You would ask a guy that too who says he watches football? Nope huh? So I won’t show you either!”

In Paris also on the way to the hotel the Uber driver was talking etc etc. And we spoke about football and I said how excited I am to finally see Neymar and hope he’s not injured anymore (because at the time he was stil injured and unclear if he would play) and all that blabla. And in one moment he said (in a joking way) oh you’re only here to see Neymar other than that you dont watch it. And I gave him a reality check real quick. My friend wanted to interfere and talk over it and I was like no no noooo. Lemme say my peace. 

Or at work people know I also love Neymar and then one new colleague thought it was funny (and maybe cool in front of the other guys) to say I only watch football for Neymar. And I gave him a reality check too. 

I used to bite my tongue when it came to that, but nowadays I’m like nope. I dont watch so much football for some insecure dick to be talking like that to me. 

But theres also many guys who you can just have a normal convo with about football. Like yesterday I had one with a guy I didn’t know and he was so chill. Or when I’m in the bar watching you also have guys normally coming up like are you also this nervous etc etc. During the Euro’s too. Met many friendly people who just spoke to us about football. Ok and s

What I also think is one of the problem is because many girls indeed just wear a shirt because it looks cute (which they of course can), but it makes it more difficult for us to be taken serious. Especially with tournaments like the Euros and WC many just watch football bc it’s fun with everyone in a cafe but they have no idea what they’re watching. And end up only confirming some of the thoughts by these neathertals. 

Can I ask you where you’re from btw?And please do tell which bs ass fb page you posted this one. I would be a good thing to create all these accounts to back you up or something. 

And indeed I’m curious too how other followers react to stupid comments like that?

And keep watching the sport you love girl! I know its tough at times being doubted to often for just watching something you like but lets hope that someday no one will question why we watch the sport we love. 

[henrysun]

Some real trans thoughts from a real train boy

I love being in this body, going through this puberty, experiencing life a new man, becoming a new man every time I wake up. I love being nonconforming and fucking with your expectations. I love my little dick, even though he's not what I need him to be. I love being a man who loves men and a nonconforming boi who loves nb and nonconforming ppl. I love being this beautiful brown boy with eyes so dark they appear black and hair on my nose that I used to get insecure about.

Some days, I wake up from a dysphoria dream and I try to pull my breast tissue off like silly putty. Some days, I reach down to adjust my dick and discover I do not have the one I thought I did. And some days, that's more of a confusion than it is a striking pain. Some days, dysphoria comes in other shapes than dissociation.

Being gay is no longer a primary identity. It can no longer be when the world is subjecting me to so much for being brown and trans: what they can more obviously see on my skin, in my voice, in the way that I walk. I miss being gay. I feel as if I am not GAY anymore, as if yes I love men and yes I love nb and nonconforming ppl, but that that does not make me truly GAY because I am more truly TRANS bc that is where I am oppressed the most.

I walk into most interactions, especially with authority figures, with fear and yet nonchalance. I KNOW they will discriminate against me. I EXPECT not to get that job, to be disrespected, to be told trans rights do not belong Here.

Being brown and trans in this nation is difficult. But it could never had prepared me for being brown, trans, and on hrt. Before I was on hrt, before I was given this beautiful body that I love so much with all of these wonderful changes, before I had to shakingly stab myself in the thigh once a week to (what I now understand) save my life, you could categorise me in your head as a lesbian and move on. Because LESBIAN is less offensive to the cis brain than TRANS BOI and especially less than BROWN TRANS BOI. Because cis people can't even fathom that you can be nonconforming and on hrt, because cis people have no conception of the infinite flavours of manhood. I watch my other trans friends move through life without the kind of exhaustion I have, I watch them try to be allies to brown gay and brown trans ppl (gay as an umbrella term here). But they cannot know the unique experience of the brown trans person, because they're white, so many of them are white. There are trans support groups and racial trauma support groups, but where is my trans and racial trauma support group? There simply aren't enough of us to justify one.

My friends and I joke that I am an 80 year old man. But sometimes that jokes feels more like reality. Sometimes I get told by authority in my college that I am too trans to live with women and female dorming anymore. That it was okay for this year, but next year they are creating a new policy where all trans masc ppl are categorised the same way cis men are and they now have to accomodate religions that don't want to live with trans ppl. And they throw me around like a ragdoll and try to put me in inferior housing or housing that violates my ada accomodations. And I get exhausted and I say "do what you must to me, I will pick and choose my battles." I feel 80 then. I feel so tired, I feel as though I have so much weight on my shoulders, that I have to be 80.

It's not normal for a college student to have seen what I have in this life. It's not normal for a boy my age to know what I must know.

And as the testosterone continues to run its course, as I continue to masculinise and love myself, the discrimination gets worse. But one day I will wake up and I will just be a man to them, maybe--one day I will receive male privilege just like my cis male counterparts, maybe. And when that day comes, how will I grapple with all of this struggle? How will I reason it through? How will I live one life, inevitably, stealth and one life out and juggle in my mind the differences of my existence? I am scared. I am so scared.

I am scared to be a brown man in this country, too. Because while being read as a man means gaining so much privilege, being a brown man means I no longer fear cops raping me but I now fear cops shooting me dead. Being a brown woman meant, to me, sexual assault and being a brown man means, to me, death. And being a brown trans man means, to me, both.

But I am not a rapist, I am not a gang member, I am not any longer a drug dealer. I do not beat my girlfriends (or partners for that matter, but a gay brown man? They don't exist) and I do not commit crimes. I am not what you have built a brown man up to be, I am not what you think a Mexican man must be.

I've been abandoned and abused by my family, assaulted for this body, disrespected for the labels I have taken that do not begin to define me. I have been rejected from this country like a bad organ transplant.

But I love love love being Chicanx. I love love love being trans. I love love love being gay. I take all these things and I never wish I were white or cis or straight. Because what a sad existence I would live not knowing what I know. (No shame to any of my cis, straight, white pals out there. You would think your existence would be sad, also, if I took your key identifiers or experiences away from you. What if you were never abused as a child? What if you had never been broken up with in high school? I think you'll find your life is only your life because you have seen what you have seen.)

I don't have many friends because I cannot be friends with anyone who misgenders me or anyone who makes racist comments or anyone who calls me a fag (I recently lost a friend bc after months of friendship, he decided to finally let out his homophobia and transphobia--oh but only when I started to persue a man because that's when I became a real gay man, before I was just theoretically gay). And you begin to realise what a world we live in, when your options become so limited. Am I okay with this world? No. Am I okay with myself? I'm certainly fighting to be.

These are just my thoughts. Obviously, there are infinite unique experiences of trans folk. This is mine. I hope someone can relate. If you don't relate, that's okay, too. If you want to leave a negative comment, go away I don't need you in my life. I think you'll find your negative comments are going to be racist and transphobic, if you look close enough into your heart.

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE THREE

“this was literally one of the worst decisions i've ever had to make so now i'm just kinda pissed off!” - nash

HOH: Nash UPSIDE DOWN: Joey & Saira NOMINEES: Brianna & Gina POV: Jacob FINAL NOMINEES: Emma & Gina EVICTED: Gina (11-1), Jake (WALK)

ARIA

https://youtu.be/SyHPQkbxxw8

JOEY

WATCH THIS AGE LIKE MILK:

I feel great!!!!! Nash winning means my ass aint going up, I gave her 2 tokens, and she gave me 1, and I feel fantastic heading into this week

SAIRA

i feel okay about nash being hoh, she wasn't my first choice but i don't think im in any danger of being nominated (hopefully haha) im not sure who i WOULD want to be nominated, i just know who i wouldn't want, so as long as they're okay i'm good!

JEV

I'm once again feeling pretty good this week. I've grown pretty close to Nash since nominating her in week 1 and she told me and Nathan we aren't going up so, there's that! She's told me Gina is going up and will be her target which I'm not thrilled about but hopefully Gina can pull some miracle and win POV. I'm a little worried about Emma and Jake too, as they've both said they haven't spoken to her much which is dumb, bc like hello??? its week 3, i feel esp with Jake, I can understand Emma bc Nash keeps leaving her on read but I don't think Jake has even tried much (crying emoji) So hopefully they can ALSO pull something out

JAKE

FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate everyone in this game t b h. why can't people just follow with a plan and go through with it like it aint that hard to put your chips on one person from your alliance so youre all safe like........ i dont think these ppl understand strategy and it's TIRING. i frankly am over people relying on their friendships to get themselves through another week bc fucking nash won an alliance-based hoh comp. now we have to deal w this fucking friend group running the house another week. i don't know if i'm safe i'm honestly probably going to be put up??? even tho nash is the one that CONSTANTLY ignores my PMs even tho ive given her paragraphs to respond to... she's gonna do whatever her little friends want her to do. i mean that's what she literally said to me. i was like pls don't nom me <3 and she was like "im not making any promises im just doing whatever the house wants me to do" like girl............ lkjghklsdfjhg what kind of dumbass bullshit response was that. just tell me you're putting me up or you're not. youre a big girl you can make your own fucking decisions.

i give nash what i would give any hoh if they won and that is "i'd never ever nominate you it's never even crossed my mind" and hoping that's enough to make her wanna keep me. she might think im not going after her but, if she's smart, she'll send me out the door this week before i can retaliate. 

im super super worried that jacob will be like oh jev n jake aligned in BBHOS9 u should put them up together since jev nominated you week 1. like i feel like she'd do ANYTHING jacob tells her at this point cuz shes just another one of his sheep so like hoping im good w jacob but he's such a wildcard idfk

at this point im just hoping me or emma don't get put up and if we do there will be a veto to be won and a nash/jacob to come after next so...... period

ARIA

yall i feel so fucking cracked and tired of everything but itS FINE!!! I got this easy peasy!! Im not going to always feel motivated but im doing my best and thats valid baby!!! So lets jump in, first off lets start with a random information dump of things i've collected

-jacob has talked about me w/ nicholas during pasio

-monty and jacob have a connection ( i dont even remember how)

-nathan nash (maybe jacob) obviously tight lmao

-joey monty close

-Jake made a counter alliance to Jacob's (actually joshes) alliance made of me gina saira emma and josh

-josh emma me alliance

-JOEY RECORDS CALLS

-Jake is wary of nathan (but also thinks hes cute ugh)

-told jake im wary of pasio peeps so he might nom them

-Jacob alliance STILL isnt created

-called with josh and told him that jacob is wary that the alliance isnt made yet

-jacob josh have a pregame

-told josh, saira and nick have a pregame

-josh kiki close

-josh thinks saira is a social threat 

-josh prefers jev over nathan

-told monty to talk to jake more

-told joshua jacob is the most connected person

-got back to nash gina doesnt like her

-jacob kiki nash confirmed trio alliance

-nash told jev gina is the target (jev then told jake)

-josh thought jacob was the original maker of the alliance

-jake thinks jacob/josh are snakes

-jake also thinks jacob-josh-nash-kiki-bri-nick-nathan are an alliance

-josh wants to play the middle w/ me :uwu:

 So from here I want to get into how my ideal week will go and how it will realistically go. IDEALLY Nash noms jev and josh with them not winning veto and the house gets rid of a utr social threat but realistically its gonne be gina and jake with gina going bc she doesnt talk to anyone of have any motivation for this game (I LITERALLY WROTE HER A PARAGRAPH TO SEND TO NASH TO NOT BE NOMINATED AND SHE GOES "hmm idk maybe ill send it" LIKE????) 

Okay the other thing im freaking out about is bc i feel like theres tension between me Jacob Josh and Jake and im not sure what it is about. I mean i kinda do but im missing key components. The whole situation just doesn't sit right with me at all and I feel very at odds with them in a weird kinda way. I've explained this so many times but i have such a bad feeling that josh leaked the janelle alliance to jacob and is more with him than me and now josh is setting these two sides against each other and i just heard from him that nash isnt nomming him so now im really uncomfy ughhhh i have such a bad feeling and i really need to work on people like jev saira monty to make sure i have people behind me i can fall back on, but also im getting the vibe jake really really trusts me which is great because i want to go far with him as well, unless hes just misting me SUPER hard ughhh

god i just have such a bad feeling about this week buts its fINE totally fine ill work it out eventually,,,but now its trust ranking time yay

1.Gina (youre so inactive i adore you!)

2.Joshua (kid GANG!!! thank you for trusting me sometimes <3)

3.Jake (hes a crackhead but hes my crackhead)

VERY BIG GAP

4.Emma (shes chilling what a lovely gal)

5.Monty (better inactive than be active and a threat)

6.Nathan (youre kinda sketchy but hes like a funky older brother)

7.Josh (youre at the center of a balancing act i wonder if u can keep it up)

8.Nick (they always give such an honest vibe,,,,,i dont trust it)

9.Brianna (shes so sweet but the sweetest angels make the fiercest demons)

10.Jev(,,,,your on slightly thicker ice than joey but combined with a little more charisma)

ANOTHER GAP WOOT WOOT

11.Joey (youre on THIN fucking ice buddy,,,,please be more open w/ me)

12.Saira (im begging for u to talk game to me,,, but also since we havent talked u cant snake me yet)

13. Jacob (idk ily sm but youre so fcking connected and idk if i reached ur inner circle yet)

14. Kiki (my favorite furry)

15.Nash (please talk to me im begging ill do anything please plsease plaease plae-)

So update ive been talking around and wow this game loves looking at my allies and kicking them in the kneecaps while spitting in their eyes ugh. So nash is probably leaning towards nomming jake and Gina with gina as the target (really weird that jake is nommed makes me think jacob had some influence there) but in that scenario best case is that veto is used and anyone but josh goes up and that person leaves easy fucking peasy!! Anyway i just talked with josh and apparently jacob was the one who came up with the alliance idea which is interesting bc he tried to pin it on josh. Anyways not to totally contradict my initial rant but me and josh had a really good chat where we're kinda in the same position between two groups (the og alliance and janelle) and we dont know if we should make the og alliance and with who bc of janelle so we're struggling to see whats the correct move from here....or maybe josh is completely misting me but i fucking hope not ugh- either way im surviving this week and thats that!!

JEV

I'm realising that I'm getting myself into a pretty tight position since I have firm alliances with Emma & Jake and Nash & Nathan, as well as being extremely close to Josh C, which could prove difficult for me down the line, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

KIKI

https://youtu.be/6cn8xUFWqhA

BRIANNA

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XvZzg3dTEZ89VeFbG3bxk4JFNtr7Ixm0/view?usp=sharing 

i had to use google drive bc it wouldn't take my file on youtube :((((

JEV

So right now I've somehow accidentally wriggled my way into conspiring with Nash on how best to take Gina out, which is so dumb of me because I don't really want to see Gina leave this week, but at the same time I'm having to fight Nash's decision because she wants to put Emma up beside her and... I can't let that happen because I'm worried Emma would leave over Gina

JEV

So I'm speaking to Nash, taking the heat off of Emma by telling her I feel she could be a number for me/her/Nathan down the line, and now I'm pushing for Brianna to go up since Nash wants someone who 100% wouldn't leave over Gina and I'm thinking like... WHO would vote to evict Brianna, but at the same time I'm feeling super terrible about it because Brianna is a literal angel

JEV

Wow a lot going on so I'm trying to update as best I can, Nash is saying she's going to randomise for who goes to the upside down so I'm having to encourage her not to include me or Nathan in the randomisation just incase she needs us for strategising but REALLY its so I can stay and hang around and try my best to keep Emma from touching the block at all this week.

NASH

sorry for nominating women i didnt mean it.

EMMA

If i am being honest the more this game goes by i get so unmotivated and its only week 3 i suck because well in bbgames like galar and almia i mostly played from the bottom now im like alright i kinda want to fuck up my game for fun but kinda pisses me off a bit that i almost could of been nominated if it wasnt for jev but that pisses me off so much i tried talking to nash but i get left on read i dont take things 100x personal unless if somebody is being mean like laughing etc but knowing that i would be on the block over brianna when i did try talking to nash its still hurts a little but if somebody like gina wins veto if i get on the block it issss what it isss i guess but i played on the bottom way to many times maybe i can do this??

JEV

So my efforts worked and Brianna went up instead of Emma, now I've just gotta hope neither of the noms win POV/that the POV isn't used so I don't have to throw someone elses name out there to Nash :flushed:

JOSH

hello ladies and gays. straights aren't welcome here.

today, we are feeling GOOD because the person we nominated just a few days ago won power and STILL didn't nominate me. is that iconnery or what? i was honestly ready for my ass to be TOAST but i did approach nash before they won HOH and had a conversation about where we stood and they said i would be OKAY this week bc we did start talking. we love to see it, yes we do!

the nominees this week are gina and brianna and.. even though i'm in two different alliances with both of them, i'm not mad at either of them going up. i don't REALLY talk with either and i'd be happy to see either one of them go. the tricky part will be figuring out WHO to vote when the time comes, but we have a POV to happen before we get there. we'll SEE.

if i had to choose, i'd probably send brianna home simply because i find her a bit CHAOTIC where i feel like gina isn't really going to cause a lot of waves with me. she's much more quiet whereas brianna is more likely to be able to pick herself back up.

some other fun events going on:

jake was NOT happy about nash winning and thought he was going to get nominated because of it. he was about to RIP nash a new one and is really brewing with how much he hates them. MAKES ME LAUGH A LIL BECAUSE IT WAS SO UNWARRANTED BUT NEVERTHELESS, it's something to note that jake does NOT like nash.

i think aria is my number one right now bc we get along really well and have very similar opinions. i'm really open with how i talk to her so i'm HOPING she's not spilling everything i say to someone else but i don't think she WOULD? i dunno. i love her energy and i'm hoping we can SLICE AND DICE together in the middle.

my strategy is to take my HOH under my belt and take a step back for a minute while my two alliances (one: jake, aria, gina, emma, saira, me & two: jacob, aria, brianna, kiki, me) get picked off back and forth. i'm going to see if i can craft a narrative for them to go after each other but we'll SEE. there are a lot of people in the middle i enjoy a lot more than some of the people in my alliances so IDK. i feel like some people got thrown into these alliances that i did NOT want but they were kind of forced in so i don't trust it. and i think people KNOW because i'm not very chatty abt it in the chats (and i haven't even made one of the chats. am i supposed to? idk)

anyways that's all for now x 

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zp71zzR-wgE

someone help

JAKE

https://voca.ro/g2ZQWs9x8du

JEV

Not miss Nash coming to me asking how I'd feel about being renom :flushed:

JEV

So I literally just woke up from a sleep and in the space of 30 minutes have had to talk Nash out of renomming me, Emma or Jake since we've just made an alliance together so I warned her that probably wouldn't work out for us in the long run. We narrowed it down and she shortlisted Aria, Josh C, Monty & Nick, and I have spun her to try and get her to nominate Aria, because 1. I don't wanna see Josh C go up and 2. like with Brianna I feel nobody here would vote to evict Aria, and Nash wants Gina GONE (crying emoji) so I feel this was the only logical renom to suggest.

JEV

The conversation has turned back to Emma and I just really don't wanna let that happen because I do feel like she'd leave over Gina. Part of me is saying not to stick my neck out too much to save Emma but at the same time she's my number 1 in this game and I hope she'd return the favour if she was in my position.

NASH

this was literally one of the worst decisions i've ever had to make so now i'm just kinda pissed off! 

ARIA

Well,,,, FBSFJDF I feel like im making so many of these but honestly this game changes everyday so please dont be too annoyed by me uwu, the mood swing i had just this DAY was insane so lets begin w/ the general info-

IN TIME LINE ORDER

-Jev told jake that something about noms but acted dumb when I asked

-Gina/Joshua/Aria alliance created!!

-Saira and Josh are close

- VIDEO DR GOES HERE

-Jake spills Emma-Jev-Nathan-Nash-Jake alliance with Emma/Jev/Jake being a trio as well= Jev created the alliance

-Jev prefers gina out

-jake doesnt believe in screenshots or recording calls

-Jev and Jake are close

-Jev/Jacob/Jake all played together before

-I leaked Bri's backups to Jake as well as Jacob's trio with Nash and Kiki

-nash almost backdoored jev bc he wasnt responding to her

-jev was the reason i was almost otb

-I WAS ALMOST OTB

-Josh AND Jacob both want Jake out

-Bri thinks nash's comp ability is scary

-Nash and Nick are close 

-Jacob nervous about Bri's backup leaking

-Jacob barely talks w/ saira and monty

-made a final three w/ jacob josh called malibu

So now im debating whether its morally okay for me to analyze what happened in the living room in a game sense. FBSdffan So lets run down things in chronological order and I might mention my thoughts if they arent too controversial, Nathan leaks the alliance with jev/nash/jake/emma. Eventually emma says 'i wanna know who put these thoughts in the hohs head" and nick starts to shut the discussion down which is an interesting contrast to their earlier attitude where they were very for the drama continuing, which leads me to begin they had some sort of hand in it. Nathan goes on to say he likes nash on a personal lvl which jake analyzes as a nod to a friendgroup and a mini confrontation between nathan and jake occur. I believe that part was just a misunderstanding on both parties account. Then happy discussion until Jake calls nash out for being in the diary session for too long which leads to a discussion of house guests over analyzing production and using that as a strategy which is ultimately unfair and also at this time I believe nash was going through itTM leading to their friends to be slightly defensive on their behalf (which is valid) and i after rereading things i really hope that they're okay, ultimately this leads up to frustration on Jake's part and his ultimate quit. 

I mean where do i go from here? I have the Bri's angels but that did get leaked to Emma on Jake's way out so i need to figure some way to micromanage that where i think im gonna make a emma jev alliance and work with them as a trio in the future (if gina goes) but rn i feel like this force of energy that is Bri's backups is gonna body for a bit but i think theyre gonna throw hoh leading me jev or emma to step up and body a bit. Like i think i might actually win hoh and nom nash and monty with a nick potential renom bc im BORED and nash continuing to skate by without even talking to me is not valid, and monty is so not here its like??? HEWWO??? but idk thats making big moves i may just chill a bit for now but i dont want jev and emma being targeted in the future bc theyre gonna be numbers for me and thats on PEWIOD!

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L25lY813N1k&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=4&t=0s

[malicious-malice]

#SøülfülHappiness

Btw~ ...No... Is a full sentence. I'm not apologizing for writing to much!!! {{ Society is Sorry}} It's L.O.N.G., get over it. you'll prolly have dozens of thoughts and even more opinions. maybe I am crazy (is misunderstood ppl, judged by people who do NOT have all the knowledge) , off my meds (haven't been on any years) , or ease dropping with curiosity because is it... could it be... POSSIBLE that maybe her message shows evidence that with surrendering, REALLY having BELIEF in our given ability since birth... #Intuition. . . Your #Gut Instinct!!!! #DingDingDing . Everyone/ & Creature on earth is birthed with this unique ability. I'm guessing most will say " had I listened to my gut or panicky, sweaty/ shaky feeling this would NOT have happened. (Your ENERGY knew before the conscious state knew) Or... I have here and there. Sometimes it's been right or it hasn't. Well... I SOULFULLY BELIEVE what we MANIFEST in our thoughts, gossip with friends, the many people we cross daily and how there energy sticks to us if we attach to there crisis. What universe hears it creates to happen. Well... Back to where I was taking you...⬇️⬇️⬇️ You are the sole caretaker for your temple. How you treat it is how it takes care of you. If you treat it poorly then you will suffer. Signs include but NOT limited to over indulging in all aspects of life, skin issues, heart trouble, joint pain, weight loss and gain, sleep to much or have insomnia, Fatigue, memory loss, more susceptible to illness, time and money loss from not being able to work leading to depression and I could go on and on.... Getting to a point.... The last few wks have been the REAL test since December to most of you following my journey but its honestly been longer then that... I'll jus say "December 3" keep it kinda simple..... I thought the universe was punishing me, my karma... For what I didn't know.?.?.? I just stayed NEGATIVE... NEGATIVE... NEGATIVE!!!! Riddled with ANXIETY, FEAR, ANXIETY. FEAR with random brain zaps of GUILT and UNDESERVING every day that just became worse in time. Still pushing through each day, slower and slower I feel is becuz I'm beyond exhausted if that's even possible and if so.... I was beyond that point as well. Settling for anything, Everything, to much, less attractive area to FINALLY saying ENOUGH is ENOUGH!!!! STOP!.!.! #Breath. . . I'm going to DIE from the STRESS/ ANXIETY in all this alone.... I'm a spiritual creature one could say, or that of a GYPSY Soul.... All VERY emotional and drawn to ones who's energy is in need. I BELIEVE in the unknown, angels, guided spirits, healing crystals, numerology and the BEST part is with.... BELIEF in energy jus a lil greater than the human eye could see.... BUT.... Yours, Mine, his, hers and EVERYONE'S instinct does know, 100% (whether u follow it is up to you following it or leading YOUR own journey!!!!) So I took myself, Mack and Mimi to Cassadaga. I required answers to feelings, signs, smells - I normally can't smell stuff unless it's strong, and honestly I REALLY believed I was meant to go. I'm not going to share at this point in my journey what I gained from my first visit near the end of April till this very breath you take. I will say......⬇️💯⬇️💯⬇️ " ☆☆☆~~MANIFESTING is REAL~~☆☆☆!!!!" I think of it as becoming a "Nice Person" in life. Taking care of your temple. ALWAYS!!! Follow the saying "Take care of number 1" #SelfCare ☆☆~ALWAYS~☆☆ First 6 months to a year... YES, that was 200% #Correct I said " UP TO A YEAR.!!!." of SELF Improvement, Self LOVE, giving forgiveness to those u may of hurt, accepting forgiveness from someone u didn't expect to and learning through it that the LOVE you have for YOURSELF is all that REALLY matters...., Loving Happiness... #Twist ... The ENERGY we put out with REAL ♾ "SOULFUL" ♾ Happiness leaves a print in our journey. (Can't fib the universe; it hears, feels and then sends back accordingly to the energy) #Happiness Exercise at least 20 minutes a day. Even reading is considered mental exhaustion. Please try to at least get outside everyday for 15 min. (Yoga is wonderful for my situation.) #SunChargesUs Food is a ♡♡°°MUST°°♡♡ it fuels EVERYTHING in your body, appearance of your skin, and how your energy radiates to the universe. #FindYourZen Meditation 20 minutes a day. (I do mine at night; hypnosis to sleep or positive affirmations through sleep hypnosis.) #LoveSleepyTime Daily supplements are encouraged as needed to your special needs. Over all; I know my journey in this story is almost over. I've manifested this last test as one might think or I #BELIEVE that this was ALWAYS in my stars. Life changing adventures about to happen. Quick mini thought:~♡ if u feel, sense or see any unexplained event that gives you an uneasy feeling - FOLLOW IT... Learn to understand your intuition... It will NOT fail you! Also... A body in chakra alignment is in harmony with natural free flowing energy= No pains, negativity, crises, drama, health concerns, no sadness, and can really manifest clearly what we need help with or guidance with. It's okay to take care of YOURSELF!!! Stop feeling guilty, its okay to say "NO".... I am #IMPORTANT too!!! To #NOT feel guilty anymore. Own your #Positive fulfilling life NOW!!!!! Ask yourself right now; "is my SOUL HAPPY? Manifest it out to the universe for a day or two.... Then ask yourself that same question?!?!? #FollowYourIntuition I'm following mine... I'm inquisitive in a Fearful sense... Ill be taking (in progress) "I'm tired, soul RESTING, checking myself out of life, meditating, cleansing randomly dropping Månträs of my journey. . . Nåmãstê.... ❤🕉☯️ #Respect #ExpressYourYES #TreatYourTempleWithLove #FeedYourTemple #KnowledgeIsPower #PositiveLife #Meditation #FindYourZen #No .... is all that is NEEDED #Simplicity #Spiritual #LoveYourself #KnowYourWorth #Happiness #TeamPositiveLife #Rainbows #HypnosisToSleepys #ManifestWhatYouWant #NoLimits What will your SØÜLFÜL Happiness say about you when you're gone?!?!? ☆☆☆She's Mad; but She's magic!!!☆☆☆ #Madhatterswatch #DownTheRabbitHole #ImLateImLate #OffWithHerHead #WeAreAllMadHere #BeautifulDisaster #KnowledgeIsPower