#its more of a vent then anything
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Second-guessing
#been overthinking all day today and needed to draw how it feels lately#a bit of a vent ahead#it’s gotten really lonely and almost alienating in a way#and the fandom seems so vastly different#and in a way I dont really feel ok in#i do take the steps to avoid anything that i don’t want to see#but it just feels like what i do is pointless#like what i draw is pointless#i know the more platonic/familial themes in my art will always be overshadowed#but its been a harsh truth ive been hit with#and it’s kind of heartbreaking#i’m forever grateful for the reminders of how my art is like a breath of fresh air#but man is it difficult to not just quit entirely#because it always falls back to: why am I doing this? what’s the point?#i’m sorry I feel like such a whiny loser when I talk about things like this#it’s all jumbled and all over the place but to put it simply it’s been super lonely#i just needed to say something before it completely boiled over#im sorry again
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🧙♀️🐈⬛
#xmen#avengers#xmen comics#avengers comics#wanda maximoff#scarlet witch#francesca the cat#ORGANIC FRANCESCA POSTING FROM SNAP ??more likely than you think..#snap sketches#did i doodle this just so i could rant in my tags. maybe.#i will talk about this doodle first tho ... cause i still like to ramble bout my own stuff....#uhhh i just wanted to draw wanda :) and fran :) yeah thats it jvAELKJEKLAJ#thought itd be cutesy ... they can be friends ... if mags will be apprehensive about the cat wanda will be the exact opposite#its only natural ..... ok Unrelated Vent/Ramble Time#i was very mad when i started drawing this but ive mellowed out considerably... still i love complaining..#ill delete my venty ranty tags in the morn .. for now i need my piece read .. or at least out there for my sanity ..#anyways tldr we all know i hate my mom and i very much do not like using 'hate' so lightly when i hate I Hate#like you know the hate speech from I Have No Mouth yeah literally me. literally me about my mom#most days i tolerate her because she barely exists in the same room as i for more than thirty seconds#but tonight. Ugh. note to self remember to never ask her for anything again. as is what ive said for years..#what a fool i was to think that would ever change. THAT in of itself is whatever yk her being irritating when it comes to. Being A Parent#but then she had the gall to start talking about my dad like oh my god see NOW im getting mad again#nothing makes me angrier than her talking about my dad like. UGH ill cap it there so i dont catch on fire somehow#also ill feel compelled to drop three novel's worth of lore and i dont have tags for that. also this is just supposed to be a cute doodlejV#i had plans to draw something else that was cutesy but then i got mad and couldnt focus on it#so now we're here... in any case bye bye. ill try to continue that other idea..#then i wanna focus on another thing.... if i make any progress on That afterwards it'll be a miracle
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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"just like old times, eh, cucho?"
#my scribbles#vypersketches#valorant#valorant fan art#brimstone#valorant brimstone#tejo#valorant tejo#digital art#i worked so hard on this and (like usual) not very satisfied with the end result but i am trying to be more proud of my work#and be braver ion doing more big pieces with backgrounds and then posting then#sketches my comfort zone...#i used to be able to paint and then i stopped for so long and digitial painting is so hard to me#every time i watch a tutorial im like yeah duh of course and then i start and i just start taking tick damage#it takes so looonngggggggggggg#and then i always dont like the end result#i know to improve i need to practise but boyyyyyyy#i want to be able to paint so bad!!!!! i love paintings!!!!! i used to love the process!!!!#but now to me it is eternally in the ugly stage and i cannot get the balance between line work (my fave and often called my strong point)#and nice shapes and juciy colours#colours are a whole different thing#traditonally i use whacky colours and i love it#and as soon as i go digital its like i get petrified of using anything other than the original colours with no lighting and no adjustments#oh god this ended up as a vent#anyway enjoy i have tejbrim on the brain
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you know, i can handle a little bit of fun "Nandor is dumb" talk, but i have a net-zero tolerance for any implication that Nandor is not educated.
Nandor would have been incredibly educated in his lifetime.
even (or especially) as a soldier in the Islamic World. being a soldier was more like getting sent to boarding school that's also a military camp. they weren't just concerned with creating loyal fodder for war. they were building the next government officials, generals, accountants, advisors, etc. it was important that young men knew how to read, write, speak multiple languages, learn philosophy...sometimes even studying art and music was mandatory.
if he was nobility (and its most likely he was), take all that shit and multiply it exponentially. Nandor would have been reading Plato at the same age most people are still potty training. he would have been specifically groomed in such a way to not be just a brilliant strategist and warrior, but also diplomate and ambassador of literally the center of scientific and cultural excellence of the age.
so like yeah, he can be a big dummy sometimes, sure. but that bitch is probably more educated than any of us will ever be.
#wwdits#nandor the relentless#Nandor#what we do in the shadows#i think its obvious by how much Nandor loves to read that he grew up educated#it's one of my favorite character traits of his#anyways#this was just your local psa abt the depth of Nandor's character and intelligence#and how the medieval islamic world was like - so much more advanced than it's western counterpart it's hilarious how ppl mischaracterize it#(by hilarious i mean it makes me want to break something)#this was in my drafts lolol what did i read that made me vent this? idk#also 'islamic world' is just a term some historians use to describe a specific geographical location and historical age#kind of how 'western world' is used today#it doesn't mean it's specific to one religion or nation but the broader time and location#meaning that Al Qolindar or Persia or Ilkhanate or w/e you want to call where Nandor came from#the same expectations of education and it's vibrant social/cultural world remain an accurate image of the middle east in the medieval age#if you come from the west like me#think The Forum + The Library of Alexandria + Paris/Florence + and idk anything else u think of when u think of 'Western Excellence'#and then imagine of all of that in one place at one time and then u might get close to what the world Nandor was living in as a human
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maybe its just me but i cant stand when people are like "it just doesn't sit right with me how teruhashi thought about aiura 🥺" like yes... its not supposed to ??? because her thinking badly of other girls and prioritizing male validation over everything is one of her main flaws ??? can we talk about that WITHOUT making it seem like shes not allowed to have a single actual flaw without suddenly becoming an awful person? nobody can handle complex female characters at all and its so fucking annoying
#you guys all missed the point of her development AND her and saiki's relationship development#like did you miss the parts where the only times he genuinely seems to not like something she does is when shes mean to other girls#and he still understands that she isnt a bad person for having bad thoughts in the private comfort of her mind#and besides... in this case she was literally just being a dramatic and insecure teenage girl LMAO#like dont fucking lie to me and tell me when you were her age you didnt have similar thoughts#youre worse than her if you lie about it while judging her for it#sorryyyy#she shouldve been MORE unhinged youre all just cowards#AND ALSO ? how can something even be 'mean' if its just a thought#thats like if u opened ur friends private diary without permission and then unfriended them over something they said in a random upset vent#and in this specific situation if u found out ur friend called someone a bitch because they liked the same person as her ??#LIKE THATS ?? its bad but its not as crazy as you guys make it out to be#shes allowed to be angry and insecure in the privacy of HER OWN MIND#idk if this makes sense but i just feel that her thoughts are more of a concern about her wellbeing than anything else#like she canonically is extremely kind to others even when she doesnt want to be so why are we worried about how she treats others.#theyre fine. im worried about HER.#and WHY her mindset is so negative... but u guys dont give a shit because u cant handle even a spec of complexity#sorry ive said all this before i just like to rant#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#teruhashi kokomi#meows post
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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youtube ads becoming first one 5-second ad then two 5-second ads in a row or one 15-second ad then a million unskippable ads in the middle of videos instagram quietly inserting one ad in-between every 5 or 10 ig stories then 2 in-between 4 ig stories not to mention the new reel- and explore page ads. a quiet tumblr ad banner at the top of your dash then photo ads in-between posts then video ads then video ads in-between every 3 or 5 posts that play audio automatically while youre trying to read a textpost. the most popular, paid subscription, news apps adding ads between their articles, then in articles, then paywalling new articles further with a new "news +" subscription and putting ads in those as well. once every 15 tweets there being an ad, then every 5, then theres also an ad if you scroll to the replies. you cant look at tweets without logging in anymore, theres just no option for anon scrolling. facebook ai mining on instagram, facebook ai profiles hyping up ai generated photos im fucking going insane ai temu ads and gallery app ads and printer app ads and higher subscriptions while still seeing ads and i cant fucking do this anymore!!!!! its fucking shameless and worst of all its silent and nobody talks about how half the things we see anymore are fucking ads and we dont own a single thing we pay for and companies can just randomly raise their prices through the roof and nobody says anything about it
#im going insane???#we dont own anything movies are digital every fucking app and software i subscription based AND THEN THEY HAVE THE FUCKING GALL#TO PUT ADS IN THOSE AS WELL!!!!#20 bucks a month for a software that i have to watch banner ads on! its fucking insane#the entire world is owned by four corporations and ads are fucking everywhere i feel like i see more ads than posts nowadays#and it didnt use to be like this!!!! thats the insane part to me!!!!!!#i started social media in 2014 10 years ago and there wasnt a single ad on instagram#but the worst is that nobody fucking complains about it . everybodys like oh its bad that netflix isnt allowing people-#-outside of one wifi to use one account even tho theyve paid for it for like. two weeks#and then we go back to normal. no complaining no yelling no real backlash! and everybody keeps their subscriptions#im going insane genuinely i dont know what the fuck#rant#vent#anti capitalism#ads#advertisement#advertisements#advertising#social media#instagram#tumblr#facebook#twitter#UGH
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It baffles me that people will simp for Jimmy Crystal (a villain who has done horrible things) because they consider him attractive, but they will hate on Meena (a character who has done nothing wrong) just because she’s a plus-sized character. The double standards in this fandom is atrocious, if you’re going to hate on a Sing character, at least target your hate on a character that ACTUALLY deserves it, like I don’t know, Mike the Mouse or Jimmy Fucking Crystal.
#I’m not in the Sing fandom but I just had to vent about this#the hate and fatphobia I’m seeing about meena is horrible#idk if it’s just for shits and giggles its not funny at all#I’ve watched the Sing movies before and meena is a character that does not deserve to be slandered#especially if you’re just going to slander her just because she’s plus sized#tiktok for some reason has a huge beef with this character#anywho if you are a meena slander get the fuck off my blog#especially if you are a meena hater that simps for jimmy#if anything that fucker deserve to be slandered more than any other character in the movie#and unlike everyone else I don’t put him on a high pedestal just because he’s attractive meanwhile I’m hating on a character for being fat#sing movie#sing illumination#sing#sing 2#sing 2 illumination#sing meena#sing 2 meena#sing 2 jimmy crystal#jimmy crystal#jimmy crystal slander#cartoonstxrys rants
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i really hate gettign so frustrated i get extremely irritatable and so full of ... energy of just wanting to cry and punch and kick something, and for some reason i also get incredibly itchy but in a way that it wont stop and i just want to scratch my skin off, like theres a little guy running over my skin and stabbing me with a needle in the same spots over and over, every little normal thing can send me over the edge, even thigns like typos, today it was cutting a little avocado that wasnt quite ripe yet, so i wasted it, and annoying ads on TV-
been trying for ages to draw literally anything, been trying to work on a new design sheet for links shiekah arm and i thought maybe i should ditch the sketch part since all things seemed to get stuck on it, but no, i dont know what it is, been trying to just get some of those shiekah squiggly design lines on it and its been three days without anything looking even remotely like i want and its so goddamn stupid, its just some wiggly lines!!!!! and now i am stting here in tears bc im so angry and frustrated about it, all this time wasting over and over and over im so tired of it, i dont want to not draw either though, i have wasted hours doing shitty grind quests in slime rancher, i have been helping with baking cookies, been folding little paper stars, all things i hoped would help me get out of this but it wont work, i am at my wits end
crying and kicking stuff so hard it hurts you cant be the right way to cope with this but all other things that have worked in the past arent doing that...................
#ganondoodles talks#personal#i know these shitty vent posts are annoying#guess how annoying it is to be stuck in my body with my brain not being able to do literally anything#feeling more and more like you just want to explode#i have so mayn things i want and plan to do#but i cant even get one design done#WHY??????????? WHY WHY WHY?????????????#i have all the shit in my head and it seems so fun and then i try it and just want to gnaw my arm off#its been similar like this so goddamn long#what am i supposed to do when the only thing i truly enjoy and want to do sends me over the edge like that#art is my only lifeline to my sanity .......#even pondering if any of the meds i have here could somehow help me but i only really have .. painkillers caffein or alcohol#but the first i dont take for nothing - second im sensitive towards and it hasnt helped and lastly .... i dont like alcohol unless its-#-like a single chocolate thing with a miniscule amount of it#i honestly dont know what im goood at anymore#it was environment once- but that is long past#now i thought its character design but that went straight into the sun now too#no sketches no painting not even the shittiest doodle#i just want this to stop
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#tw vent#tw suicide#this is my diary#i cant stop crying its so annoying i start tearing up every other minute#nothing in my life is the way i want it to be#and i cant fix any of it#and i just feel horrible all of the time#i wish i would just die already#like.#im done here. ive nothing more to do#i wouldn’t really mind#i think i might be doing way worse than i have ever before because i cant stop or ignore things anymore#like i cant stop myself from saying it i cant bottle it up like before#i mean. i didnt even mean to admit to it but i fucking slipped up and said it earlier todsy#and suddenly the words ‘im doing bad’ slipped out of my mouth. which is crazy because i would never admit to anything like that.#its so scary to think about that im doing bad because that means im doing bad#wdym i would just give up wdym wdym wdym im. like thats not me its not me. its not me its not me thats not me#i feel like theres two uh idk brains inside me and the one that wants to live is being completely overstepped by the other one#i have so many feelings all the time and i still do but its also like. i dont care. like theyre somehwat muted or number now#and i dont think thats a good thing#also i feel horrible for admitting im doing bad because i know myself and i would never do that so im not me i cant be because me woulndt#and i feel bad that that worries people because as much as i feel like dying i wont do that and i know it sounds like i will but i wont#but i feel bad about making people worry#so pls dont worry because i Am doing fine. well. enough to live but like#i sound mentally ill
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i hope whatever weird thing thats wrong with me is resolved by the concert next month bc if its not im really not seeing how i'll be able to go
#im used to having health problems and usually they dont stress me too much. im good at compartmentalizing it away into a little folder#but this time its just completely weird and nothing ive ever had before and its driving me crazy bc ive been to the doctors 3 times#no help no idea wait until october 3 and its getting more painful and weird every day i keep needing to lay down for hours#and just doing anything womens health related is already a fucking struggle like i dont want to be doing any of this usually i dont#get stressed like this but ive never experienced this so it is freaking me out bc my aunt had weird cancer and my uncles been just diagnose#with stage 4 and hes been given 18months and my grandma died last year can you just take me serious for once#anyway sorry for the monday morning vent but if i dont put this somewhere im gonna have an actual freak out
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My weird relationship with the She-Ra franchise
#this is messy I know#feel free to ask me anything by the way if something isnt clear <3#please be kind and respectful btw. this is meant to attack anyone! just to share my feelings for maybe someone can relate <3#spop was my favorite show at one point and this is kinda how that relationship started to mud due to me growing more critical of it#as well as growing more and more uncomfortable in the fandom#I feel insanely guilty for being critical of the show#but I feel ignorant for shoving the criticisms aside#it has currently sucked out any of the joy I felt before#but 80s spop kinda lives outside of that context#it makes it safe for me#and I can at least in some way enjoy this franchise once dear to me again#she ra#spop#spop critical#again please dont be mean im already oof its been a lot#feel free to share your experiences though 💗#vent#vent comic#tw vent#fandom culture
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oh nice, can't wait to see the exact same posts about tzr discourse again and again all over my dash for the next three days
#ceci speaks#nonsims#text#negative#SORRY BUT#the way i mentioned it yesterday#and what happens today?#lmfaooo#oh simblr... never change#dw we're fighting the good fight here and all#this discussion is EXTREMELY important#sorry to those that have joined in the discussion im not mad at yall or anything lol#its just a lil frustrating thats all#just venting a bit#dw im gonna put some energy into working on my wips and get more positive energy ahdjdj#dont wanna fall into that negativity hole#but just a lil petty left atm
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I’m a trans man that recently got diagnosed with hyper mobile eds, so now seeing Steve makes me extra happy, because cool disabled ftm rep. Thanks for making the radical dude bro, he’s funky.
same disability (waving hand emoji)
Always extremely fulfilling to know my work makes people happy in some small way, it means a lot. Thank you for sharing with me
#I dont talk about having eds cause its not specifically really relevant to my work#been diagnosed with it since 17. woag 10 years next april...#anyways. yeah idk I like the blog to be about my art and I'm used to people asking me a LOT of questions about EDS or disability or canes#just a lot of stuff unrelated to my art. I'm happy to talk about it but I don't want it to be the focus of my blog!#So I've p much chosen to mostly just. not talk about it. even though I'm literally fine talking about it#it's just rarely relevant and no one needs to know LOL#but. I also know that EDS can feel very lonely#and that it's really nice to know other people out there have it#so. hi anon you're not alone#also just in case. literally don't feel bad about anything in the tags here LOL#mostly just like 'please people do not start sending me asks about whether or not you should go to the doctor'#or asks about ableist family members#or venting about pain...#just a lot of invasive and boundary crossing asks the more I talk about it hahahah#but I don't mind sharing at all.#sorry I think I lost the plot on this one#good luck on your journey. starting to accomodate yourself does wonders#and really just extremely happy my work could reach you in this way#sending you love#asks#anon
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so far it feels like all of the praise, or at least hype, for arcane is about playing around with the facts of the champions and not the actual meaning to their stories
im pretty sure this applies to other champs too but like theone foremost in my mind rn is everything to do with Orianna. people are going like oh, viktor will make her a machine! or singed won't be able to bring her back. Orianna's just dead or asleep in stasis and this is not at all the clockwork girl who tried to befriend an amusement park automaton because she was so lonely
it feels like this with warwick, with viktor, jayce even ekko and kinda jinx — season 2 has been nothing but. playground toys. make-believe in the sandbox. action figures are being mashed together but nothing of what made these characters Themselves is actually. Here.
idk it's 2 in the morning. this endless stream of praise is just bewildering. how haven't anyone else's brains been turned to mush by the rapidfire bullshit going on in each episode? shit just happens and there's no emotional weight to any of it. there's no time. off to mark the next thing on the checklist
ugh
#arcane crit#more like venting tbh i fucking hate it here#vent#arcane season 2#arcane season 2 spoilers#it's like. looking at people making all these wacky theories#about a character youve sunk so much time and thought into#and seeing them fundamentally misunderstand what you know to be something very articulate and meaningful in its own right#it's like seeing people say TFGraves had no hints of romantic themes or that they were Just Friends#when you Know tf basically killed himself after seeing all his friends die and being unable to save graves#when you Know graves was metaphorically tripping over his own feet giggling at annoying TF#feeling butterflies when TF expresses concern for him#you know those two are Devoted to each other and then people insist graves has the hots for vayne. like what? huh??#obvs that one is rooted in homophobia but the like complete misalignment of what you perceive to be reality and what they perceive it to be#i feel like im going insane and it doesnt help when arcane fans respond to crit or disagreements with 'you just don't get it.'#'it's show don't tell.' bro theyre not showing us anything#ugh im gonna stop now i just needed to let this out#im trying to focus on the positives bec i do think singed is being done Very well#but like he's the only positive and thats Not Great
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