#its as much as i am willing and able to pay for something i can get with an adblocker

[e17omm]

I know Ive asked it before, but have I missed any updates on Tumblr wanting to make Ad-Free cost 70$ instead of 40$?

Because Im checking my subscription and it still says 40$/y

[schwanemannsland]

Bill Collins and Self Curruption

I've had this personal theory ever since the ninth episode of Urbanspook released that, in short, Bill Collins was willing to enter this lifestyle with Mona at the beginning. Of course, this relationship (both as killer and as lovers) was incredibly one-sided at the end with Mona taking full control of Bill's every thought and action, but I have a hard time believing Bill was forced into this at the very start.

Bill Collins is by all means an American Joe-Schmoe; he has an honorable career in his local police force, he has a wife, he has children, he has that white picket fence type dream that every man strives for. Yet, despite all that, there comes a major catch: predictability. No matter how one obtains this nuclear family life it all runs upon the same script. No matter what he has to implement himself in events like anniversaries, holidays, family, vacations, school related events, that obligatory family drama, and don't get me started about the added stress of having to focus on paying taxes, the mortgage, what will and what won't insurance will cover, what trouble his kids caused, how much a new car repair will cost, and so forth and so forth. This American dream becomes a living nightmare once you have to juggle money and family relations that, at the end of the day, will amount to nothing and will never end with your deeds being thanked.

It's a monotonous life that I can't see a person like Bill Collins enjoying. At most, he would have forced himself into a delusion of enjoyment due to societal pressures and the need to abide by normalcy. This is all something he could never control so, to go completely against such routine, is the ultimate form of freedom. To live his life vicariously through his primal id with the removal of social and familial obligations isn't that insane of a concept for a middle aged man to commit. Yet, we are swayed to believe that he could never commit such actions. We, the audience, are fed this idea of "honor" and "respect" despite the lack of evidence outside of his job title as a police officer. 

This goes into my next point: he became a police officer for purely selfish reasons that had no relation to protecting the community he works for. I know, shocker; a bad police officer. I won't baby feed anybody on how corrupt the police system in America is, so I'll just focus more on the specifics of Bill Collins' career. Despite the gritty reality, we are told this idea of the police. We are told that an officer of the law can't be just anyone, but someone dedicated to the people. Someone who will put their life on the line to bring peace and justice when the citizens couldn't. We are told that this title is something only morally correct people can obtain. Bill very much goes against this ideology. I have a hard time believing that someone that easily became a bloodthirsty hedonist was a good cop to begin with. In fact, I am inclined to believe his desires for violence poked its head while on the line. 

Maybe Bill found himself jumping to physical restraint and assaulting suspects with weapons much quicker than his colleagues. Maybe he even jumps to the most drastic measure for small incidents like speeding or running a red light. Hell, maybe he seriously injured a convict for "justifiable reasons". Whatever it may be, violent tendencies don't pop out of nowhere for a person and a man that's in an environment that not only allows physically harming suspects, but encourages it isn't too far fetched. This could even go deeper if true with his actions being easily covered up by the department due to either image, his attitude and charisma, him being able to get his job done no matter what or a mix of all three. With such a small town, it would be a disaster if one or more officers were openly tried for misconduct and assault so it would be better to look the other way. We can't have the perception of the "good, morally correct cop" being questioned. 

The final point I want to cover is how convenient everything went in his favor once he and his family got affected by Mona. Think about it: he is spared from being killed, has had major pieces of evidence that pointed towards him being involved was destroyed (his car being abandoned in the ocean) or cleaned away (there was no mention of fingerprints or further murders besides hi infant once his house was investigated), and how he of all people obtained the killer's self portrait right before his home invasion. It's hard to believe Mona spared him nor that she would easily overpower a man like him, even with a weapon on hand. I'm inclined to believe he jumped at the opportunity to execute his family with Mona perhaps due to a spur-of-the-moment decision or a premeditated one crafted beforehand. Either way, the actions following didn't seem to benefit Mona in the slightest. Why would she destroy and abandon Bill's car? She never seemed concerned about leaving her prints behind nor was it going to deter the police away from her scent due to its placement by the lighthouse. If anything, it hindered her since she had to go about abandoning a car without the plate being read nor noticed in such a small town. The only reason she would need to get rid of the vehicle is if she wanted to wash away and hide incriminating evidence against Bill. 

We can further inspect this theory by looking at Mona's first painting of Bill. The painting is incredibly interesting in how it depicts a supposed victim due it being one of the most simplistic portraits so far (even "Scream Maggy Scream" had deep violets and hints of pink) with it being only black and white with the face itself being a cartoonishly bland one with two small eyes and a tiny smile on an elongated face. It doesn't show him being tortured nor in any sort of distress. It doesn't even have a puny title alluding to his demise with it just being dubbed "Bill Collins" (of course there is no sign of her giving it an official name so even assuming its named after Bill would be a stretch). With a quick glimpse it has a lot of striking resemblance to how Mona appears: pale skin, very smooth features, sunken in eyes, and a very simple yet off putting representation of human emotions. The only major difference is that he's popularly shown smiling, before and after Mona's involvement. It's safe to assume Mona is trying to reveal how similar she sees Bill and herself, from either actions, personality, or a mix of both. 

Now, the series isn't finished so Mona's reasoning for attacking the Collins family can easily go against everything I said. Maybe it all was just a coincidence and Bill really was that sweet hearted Joe-Schmoe. Maybe the painting towards him was made just to poke fun at how he looks and nothing more. Only time will tell. But, all and all, I believe Bill had a much bigger involvement than we are led to believe and is no better than Mona when it comes to that lust for sadistic torture. 

[shinystealingbirb]

This is a bit of a rant, but I wonder what Ratio's opinion on people who are in majors they don't want to be is.

Like, the people who clearly want to be studying one thing, but through one reason or another, are in a different major/professor.

From a teacher standpoint, I imagine it sucks to watch the life leave a kid's eyes every time they look at their worksheet, and it must be annoying if they turn their stuff in late because they were working on something else or just not paying attention.

I know that ratio puts an emphasis on not only wanting to be in that specific class, but actively participating and listening. Failure to do either of these gets you kicked out. i wonder if he would toss people from his class without a second look, or if he would take the time to consider why someone who fought to be in his class so clearly doesn't want to be there? if they're still taking notes, still somehow scoring decently, but its so obviously half-hearted, like they've resigned themselves to this, would he transfer them? Let them stay? kick them out entirely?

im certain he'd just toss them out, but they'd be better in the long run, and anotehr slot would open in the class for someone who wanted to be there. but i wonder what he himself thinks about those types of people. if he pities them for not being able to follow their own ppath, or finds himself disgusted that they turn away knowledge in favor of some other course. or if he considers this class itself, for these people, to be a roadblock in their own pursuit of knowledge. Does he consider what they want, if they're still in college, still trying to study, but forced to be in that major, to still be a pursuit of knowledge? i wonder how far his idea of "knowledge" spreads, if its purely math and phyiscs and medical and philosophy, or it if extends to art and writing and drama. if people want to learn to create expression, is that still knowledge to him? or is it the act of learning he finds so important, that as long as they are not closing their minds off and accepting what they know as fact so solid that nothing else can pass through it, then they are learning and willing to understand?

(honestly, i like the last one. it would explain why Ratio likes Stelle so much. She's got no education, but she's willing to question most things and think critically instead of accepting things as solid fact, and I think he appreciates that.)

i wonder all of this because college has been rough for me so far, and sometimes considering it from a more intelligent and higher perspective than my own helps me see a bigger picture, if there is one. If i am still learning, even if i am struggling, even if its not where i want to be, is it pitiful or embarassing? and could it still be cosnidered a worthwhile pursuit?

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

this is without a doubt the weirdest thing I have ever done

SALUTATIONS, HELLAVERSE FANDOM! 

You probably don't know me, but my name is Godfrey. (Pleasure to be meeting you, quite a pleasure!) 

To be quite honest, I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing here. As I type this, I'm unspeakably nervous.

"Why are you nervous, Godfrey?" I hear you ask.

Well...

I have a dream

I'm here to tell

About a fanfic I wrote for Hazbin Hotel 

(sorry)

Okay okay serious director voice from now. 

Look, this is gonna sound absolutely unhinged, but hear me out. (insane rambles under the cut, this bitch is LONG)

In April, a friend and I had a conversation about a song I wrote and how it was. Well, kinda coded to Vox and Valentino.

Then one thing led to another, and two-and-a-bit months and twelve thousand words later, I had written an absolutely sprawling shitshow of a fic (details later in the post)

Even as I was writing it, I knew the written word didn't do it justice.

Hence, this post. 

(golly, this sounds really demanding, I am so sorry)

Fuck it, my mom always says "if you don't ask you don't get", and for once I want her to be right.

This is, I suppose, a sort of... call to action, for lack of a better term.

Artists, animators and voice actors, I'd like your help to turn this fic into an animatic, or if we can manage it, an actual animation.

ONLY if we can manage it, not if it's gonna stress anyone out.

IMPORTANT NOTE

Just to get this out of the way, not that I should even need to say this but it's unfortunately 2024. If anyone even SUGGESTS using A.I. your ass is getting blocked. I don't fuck with that artificial bullshit.

On to my next point: I am unequivocally in support of artists and actors being paid for their work. 

However, I am a Broke Bitch. Unless we could somehow do crowdfunding or something, I physically would not be able to pay people. This makes me feel like a very shitty person, but unfortunately it's the truth, and I want to be upfront and honest about that.

This is why I hope to get as many people on board as possible for this project, so nobody has to do a shit-ton of work.

I understand that most of you are busy, with work, school/college, or life generally life-ing. Join the club, my life is hectic too.

This is why I really have no set deadline for this. Whether it takes a few months or a few years, as long as it's done well with a minimal amount of stress.

Well, now that that's out of the way, time to go into details a bit.

Characters in order of appearance (this is mainly for VAs)

Vox

Valentino

Velvette 

Angel Dust

Charlie

Husk

Alastor

Vaggie

Lucifer

Niffty

Sir Pentious

Asmodeus (yeah this is slightly a Helluva Boss crossover)

Frank (the egg boi)

Fizzarolli

Katie Killjoy

Tom Trench

And lastly, depending on what everyone else thinks, I have an idea for how Verosika and Zestial can be involved. 

Will there be musical numbers?

The short answer is YEAH, cause Hazbin is a musical. I cannot stress enough how much the music is My Problem. Literally, apart from people singing, I will take care of that.

My Idea Of The Process 

(please bear in mind I have little to no idea of how the animation process works so this is almost definitely wrong, please feel free to correct me about it)

Step 1. Storyboard

Step 2. Voice lines and songs get recorded

Step 3. Animatic (this could very well end up being as far as it gets and that is absolutely cool beans)

Possible Step 4. Animation

Finally, I'd be more than happy to be the one to edit all the clips together. Editing is its own kind of hell, and I'm totally willing to take one for the team.

The Vision

This is. (fffffff) this is the part that's gonna make me sound like a Draconian jerk but I promise I don't mean to come across this way.

I'm hoping to have something that's as close to the style of the show as possible. (this video kinda has the right vibes) This is so the final project will look cohesive and somewhat professional. (god that probably sounded so bad but I genuinely have no idea how else to say it)

TO BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR. I have nothing against artists with other distinctive art styles, in fact I've come across several that I absolutely love.

Regarding The Writing

I've never directed anything before, so forgive me if this is crossing a line, but like. 

I have my vision for how I want this to go and I'm kind of. not overly flexible on that. Obviously ideas that people have to get this to work good are more than welcome, but they might not end up happening.

Not to be a dick, but I am sorta the director so I do kinda get to make the call on that stuff. (ew god that felt odd)

If this gets off the ground, I'd have to turn this 12,000 word fic into a script to make it easier for people to read it and not get bogged down by my weird old-fashioned poetic style. This would be sent out to people who express interest at some point.

Just a heads-up: If you're expecting an AO3 link I am so sorry but it's Google Docs, mainly because this thing is wildly self-indulgent and I, for one, do not fancy attracting potential haters. Most people are nice, some are very vocally not. Besides, what would be the fun if everyone knew the story in advance?

BASICALLY

If you're interested shoot me an ask and I'll answer privately (OFF anon pls, I wanna know who I'm workin' with here!) or DM me and I'll get back to you.

If you see this and know someone who'd be interested, feel free to tag them or send this post to them.

I am gonna tag @achilleanauthor (my right hand man over here) @emeraldcity1900 and @onesidedradiostatic as they're kind of the only blogs I know who are I guess. Active in the Hellaverse fandom.

If this gains enough traction and I get people on board, I'll be setting up a Discord server (another first for me). 

Watch this space, and as Alastor would say, "Stay tuned..."

[kagedbird]

OKAY. Got a bit to yap about.

This month is looking rough all ready for funds. Two weeks in and I haven't even gotten a third of what I need for rent. I'm at 240$ out of 1,130$. That's REALLY bad. Work has been too light for peak season.

Just as well, I FINALLY found someone who's not a dick bag and offering a car for a decent sum of money and is getting it serviced to fix its problems and is willing to let me know how that servicing comes out to be.

They need to fix a motor in the window (driver side I think) and were very kind when chatting with me. That's about 3,350$. I have nothing saved for that and only have until mid November to get someone to drive me out there to them so I can pick up the car.

IN SHORT, I DESPERATELY NEED CASH. I know I am always begging for cash, and I am so sorry for that, I get it if you're tired of me begging, but I am too. Having this car would mean I could stop paying so much for Uber / Lyfts, food delivery, could work longer hours (should my body actually hold), and if worse comes to worse, live in it. I could even BECOME an Uber / Lyft driver, should I have the need to.

Now, just as a reminder, the 3,350$ is ONLY for purchasing the car. That's not including DMV visits, taxes, gas, and anything else I might need on top of that— as well as getting an actual ID / license for this state since I wasn't able to do that before elections. If we could shoot for 4,500$ that could probably cover a lot.

The car is a Jeep Liberty 2003, Sport Utility 4D.

Very good size with a large enough trunk (hopefully) for all my shit if worse comes to worse.

I'm very scared and don't like making fundraiser posts like this, but I'm going to be working on actually finishing the comms I've had sitting for a hot minute so I can reopen them and get some money that way too.

If you'd like to wait for that in order to get something for your money, perfectly fine! Otherwise, I have two options:

Car dono link:

Airbnb dono link:

You can also use my KOFI here if Paypal isn't to your taste!

And if you can't, reblogging to get the word out is just as well. Thank you, and I hope your financial situations are far kinder than mine!

[wanderingwomanwondering]

911 Season 7 Critique

This is a long post. If you don’t make it to the end, I totally understand.

I know we all have lots of feelings about this season and most of what I’ve read from others in the fandom here on tumblr has been overwhelmingly positive, but I have serious and persistent concerns. Here me out, if you’re willing and able.

This entire season something about 911 has felt off for me in a big way. I couldn’t quite put my finger on exactly what the problem was until recently. All I knew was that season 7 was weird out the gate. Now I finally think I have something coherent to say about this season now that it’s over. The whole season’s main plot(s) have been overblown and overworked. All season long, the characters have felt bodysnatched by extraterrestrials being just similar enough to our beloved characters to not raise total alarm - at least initially - but different enough to snatch some epic side-eye outta me. Then ep 4 happened and the whole time I was a mix of elated and confused. Anybody who’s been paying attention for the last 7 years knows that Buck is queer so that wasn’t the shocker. For me, it was the way everything went down in ep 4 with the characters that felt heavy-handed and untrue to who they are. The weird strange bizarreness through the season just kept on coming like a freight train with no breaks or relief. By the finale I was scratching my head and kinda irritated because the tiny bit of actual character work that we saw over the course of the season was odd as hell and now it’s over and I’m not really excited about much of anything that’s supposed to be coming in s8. The characters feel too ooc and the plots feel too uncharacteristic of 911. Like for a bit there I thought I was watching Days of Our Lives meets Miami Vice meets The Walking Dead, and that’s not what I signed up for with 911.

Season 7 left me earnestly wondering: Where are the family feels, the tight bonds, the heartfelt connections, the vulnerable conversations, the healing community that is the 118, the fucking togetherness? Everyone feels like they are adrift and alone without the found family support that they enjoyed in previous seasons. This season has been a trauma fest with little to no emotional payoff. Drama for its own sake. Problems resurrected, rehashed, blown way out of proportion, repackaged, and sold as authentic current issues. This season I felt like I was watching a completely different show.

Yes we are on a new network. Yes Tim is back. Yes a bit of shake up can be good. But this doesn’t feel like a good shake up. I feel like I’m being jerked around for sport. Like past BS is being thrown in my face instead of laid on the table and worked through by the characters that I know and love. Season 7 was mostly just trauma porn and I did not enjoy it.

Yes we could argue that Tim is trying to grab the attention of new viewers on a new network. But honestly that kind of feels like a cop-out explanation given what he delivered. If I were new to this show, I would not feel like I have any idea who these characters are beyond the wild crap that happens to them. I feel like I know more about how to sink a cruise ship or how to traverse the desert than I do about how the characters relate and connect with one another.

As someone who’s watched 911 from the very beginning live and in real time, the plotting, pacing, and character choices in season 7 feel like Tim is putting on a show instead of telling stories. Shows are a wacky wild ride with little cohesion and/or progress; characters take a backseat to whatever the ptb can cook up for the weekly plot. Stories center characters and what’s happening to them is processed by them and moves their arcs along in mostly coherent ways. A show is ‘shit happens’. A story is ‘shit happens TO ME AND I DEAL WITH IT in ways that show the audience who I am and what matters to me’’.

Maybe season 8 will feel more like a story since it won’t be a truncated season, and season 7 has reintroduced people to - aka dredged up long-past but somehow present again - character issues. I don’t know. I hope season 8 is more coherent, character-focused, and progress/healing-oriented like previous seasons have been. Honestly the show has been running too long to act like rehashing the past over and over again is enough to carry it for 7 more seasons.

Anyway, my specific concerns with season 7 are below the cut.

The main plots have just been hilariously bad. Soap opera levels of wtaf.

The cruise ship disaster had pirates, cheaters, and poorly-developed conflicts between lovers all of which (mostly) came out of the thin blue sea air and/or were handled in incredibly ooc ways. MIssing groom because of viral encephalitis. Hospital wedding like its a good thing and preferable to the warm fuzzies that Madney deserved. Long-dead wife put on such a high pedestal by Eddie that she walks the earth once more. Bobby chasing a random man from his past into the desert to say/do what exactly? All while mixing it up with a literal Mexican cartel. A desert crossing complete with traumatic flashbacks, a car crash, and a makeshift stretcher. (Bobby should have left Amir where he was after the crash and just walked the mile to the road without him in tow. But instead he slowed himself down and risked sunstroke in the process. That was a drama choice made by the writers, not a paramedic/firefighter choice made by the character.) Post-house fire Bobby’s heart stops for 14 whole ass minutes and he wakes up fine and perky as meringue. Athena Grant choosing cold-blooded vengeance over holding vigil for her allegedly dying husband. Racist and misogynistic Gerard returning for absolutely no narrative or character-related reason at all, at least not for one that couldn’t be more effectively accomplished by some/any other means.

The women have been side-lined in their own stories, and/or their characters altered in problematic ways.

Hen dismissed the councilwoman’s son in the season’s opening arc and ignored his potential injuries because he was being an asshole. A lesser paramedic would do that, but NOT our Hen. Also that plot point was unrealistic af because if someone is not in their right mind to make a life-saving decision for themselves, like in the case of intoxication, medical personnel can ethically treat them anyway. It was such a weird plot/character choice to Hen use that guy’s intoxication as a reason NOT to treat him when it’s actually a great reason to go ahead and check him out. She should have and would have worked the problem (poised and professional) instead of storming off in a huff (emotion-driven and unethical) because that guy was being a dick. Hen is not easily unsettled, nor is she unprofessional!

Hen and Karen were oddly clueless about Mara’s trauma and the fact that it was actively relevant to her behavior when they took her in, despite the fact that they have fostered several children at this point in the story. They considered “returning her” before they considered the trauma factor. Unreal. Our Hen and Karen were not born yesterday, are no strangers to hard times with foster kids, and have hearts the size of the 7 seas. This writing choice made no sense to me and made Hen and Karen feel like extraterrestrials to me. Ignorant ones at that. In the finale, Hen didn’t tell Karen she was going to see Mara. Like. Why? They talk about everything. Hen claimed it’s because Karen would have tried to stop her but we all know that would have been a half-hearted comment while she put her shoes on and grabbed her purse. No. Hen and Karen are partners and they act like it. The one woman show era between them has been over for a while. Especially when it comes to their family.

Athena and Bobby had a conversation at the end of season 4 about cutting each other out and leaving each other emotionally stranded and since then have been actively committed to communicating and staying a team. So what the hell was that vibe between them on the cruise. Athena was evasive and weird the whole time and in the most banal gender stereotyped way possible. In addition, Tim seems obsessed with women as damsels in distress this season which is not and has never been Athena’s vibe. Even with the Jeffrey arc in season 5 while she coped with the trauma of that encounter, she displayed agency. So I’ll never understand her indirect approach to dealing with Bobby running off to ‘Step 9’ Amir or her decision to turn right around and talk to Amir about Bobby instead of talking to Bobby directly. Athena is a direct person, especially about her family. She cuts to the quick and gets to the heart of things. The drama I needed was Bathena working through Athena’s fears for Bobby and Bobby working through his trauma/recovery with Athena…not a Mexican cartel and shenanigans in the desert. Then there was the way Harry talked to Athena when she discovered that he ran away from Miami. Athena’s response to Harry would have been understanding but corrective. She wouldn’t have stood there and let him disrespect her. Not in a million lifetimes. She also wouldn’t have left her allegedly dying husband at the hospital to reenact a revenge plot from some B movie. Plus what was up with her blaming herself for Amir supposedly burning the house down, and her doing no police work to puzzle out what happened? She just went on an emotion-fueled rampage. That’s not how Athena operates. Remember her namesake, goddess of WISDOM and warfare. Come on bffr.

Maddie. Oh where do I even start. From ep 1 she was treated like a means to an end instead of the first responder former nurse badass that she is. This whole season, she comes across as ‘just another dispatcher’ instead of the focused problem-solver and active agent that we know her to be. Prior to season 7 Maddie would have had her thinking cap fully on right along with Hen in the first episodes as they worked out a way to get in touch with the cruise ship. Calling Tommy could have even been Maddie’s idea since Chim and Tommy are still in touch but Hen and Tommy don’t seem to be. Then there was the whole Maddie hearing what she expected to hear with the abuse victim on that one call. Like. What?! This is not Maddie’s first rodeo, she is not easily unsettled, and she’s a damn professional. She would have done what she had to do to emotionally regulate and help the woman in danger before she let herself ‘hear what she expected to hear’. Admittedly she would have cried the whole time because that’s JLH’s jam and she’s good at it but Maddie wouldn’t have fallen down so hard on the job (especially not after what happened in season 3 with Tara and Vincent). And the wedding stuff! Maddie was just watching and waiting instead of using what she knew about her partner in life Chim to deduce where he might go or what he might do. Instead of collecting information about their previous calls and how they might be playing into Chim’s disappearance, she was busy being insecure about whether Chim actually wanted to marry her. Mind you, Maddie was the one who was originally reticent about marrying again AND she’s the one who proposed to Chim. After all the drama with the ring, there is no world in which Maddie would have imagined Chim was running from her. She would have known something bad was up and that it had nothing to do with their love for one another. In the finale Maddie calls Chim to talk about Athena’s suss behavior but Maddie has more connections and professional wherewithal than just ‘call my husband he’ll know what to do’. She would have called the precinct and asked about 727-L-30 in a discreet way and put most of the pieces together herself and then actually sent Chim and Hen to stop her. And she would have been ready at a moment’s notice to call the cops on the rogue cop. The way that scene actually played out felt more like gossip on the high school bleachers than Maddie doing her actual job.

The relationships seem plain odd/ooc, distant, and/or superficial. Very few vulnerable emotional conversations happened and when they did they felt generic, shallow, and/or incomplete.

Bobby and Athena on the cruise. Athena just didn’t feel like herself because she refused to talk to Bobby. When they did finally talk it was when they were about to drown and it was more of a mini-therapy session for Bobby. After Amir was introduced, Bobby pulled away again and Athena let him. Then Athena chose to approach the traumatized stranger rather than have a talk with her own damn husband. When they finally confronted each other about that situation, she walked away from Bobby almost like she was punishing him for walking away first instead of them both leaning into the conversation as partners. Really? Bffr.

Buck and Eddie having a bro convo about womanizing in the early episodes of the season. The ‘hey pal please talk to my kid bro because you have experience with these issues’ rather than the all important ‘there’s no one in this world I trust with my son more than you’ vibes of it all. Eddie making limited eye contact with Buck and ignoring him in ep 4. Eddie’s physical demeanor in ep 4 being bro-ed up and distant. Yeah I know we can argue that was all from Buck’s perspective in the moment but that explanation seems insufficient to me because it was so extreme, and was kind of maintained in some ways throughout the season. The ‘i’m gonna maim my best friend’ energy of the bucktommy origin story despite the fact that buck is not violent at all and definitely not towards loved ones. (Tim seems determined to ruin everybody just enough to generate unnecessary and ooc drama.) Buck’s weird dudebro conversation with Eddie while on his date with Tommy as if the foundation of buck and eddie’s relationship has ever been conversations about women solely to assert their heterosexuality * facepalm emoji * The super textbook sterile coming out scene in ep 5 like these guys aren’t besties and don’t actually know each other deeply. I wanted that coming out scene to have 504 patio conversation energy, not whatever it was we got in 704. Like that coming out conversation could have played out the exact same with one of the no-name background firefighters at the 118 or with Connor or some other rando. It felt so impersonal to who they are and to their particular brand of vulnerable courageous conversations. Honestly even the hug in 704 was weird. I was happy to have it but it was still weird. The kitchen conversation in ep 9 at Eddie’s place felt odd and incomplete for buddie. We get queer sexual innuendo (‘skulking around my back door’), basic mutual acknowledgment of worry about the dead wife doppelganger, and that’s a wrap? Okay I guess * eyeroll emoji * Then we had the finale where Eddie is obviously losing his mind and Buck is just sitting on the arm of the couch like ‘i dunno what to tell you man’. Like they’ve never had a (chris) conversation before in their life. Like buck wouldn’t have been the one to VOLUNTEER to go talk to chris without eddie spelling it out. Like buck wasn’t the person who stayed with chris talked to him and took care of him when eddie got shot and when eddie lost his damn mind in 513. The buck in the finale was not the buck who did all those things. He was so bodysnatched it’s not even funny. Also, in what world would buck have snarked that chris can’t keep eddie out of his room??? Buck, my good sir, if eddie wanted to break down chris’ door he wouldn’t have called you over bc he can do that on his own without a consult. That scene felt ooc af plus the dialogue was just plain dumb.

Hen and Chim have barely had a meaningful friend moment this season. It’s mostly Hen razzing Chim, a polite smile, or nada. Let’s not even talk about the ‘betrayal’ in the beginning with the councilwoman’s son and then the deeply meaningless drama that ensued after. So much so that they commented on it in a joking way on the helicopter. That’s not how Hen and Chim roll. They give each other clear and unapologetic honesty at all times. Not the cold shoulder for sport which is what it felt like when Hen finally said she wasn’t actually mad. The gender and racial implications of how that played out are not lost on me. It felt like a 180 from how these characters normally interact in serious circumstances. Complete waste of time and invented drama for drama’s sake. I don’t blame Hen and Chim for that, like everything else I’ve mentioned in this critique of the season, it’s pure writing room weirdness.

Bobby’s locker room conversation with Buck in ep 9 was more like mentor-mentee than father-son. We’ve stated that as their dynamic several times but that’s not what we got in that locker room. They were standing several feet apart, Bobby and Buck smiled politely, no hug, no shoulder pat. Just textbook sterile ‘you’re okay kid’. Bobby could have given that speech to no-name firefighter number 12 and it would have felt the same.

You mean to tell me in the finale that Bobby was just gonna stroll back into work in uniform after quitting like nothing happened? Like he’s still employed. My good sir, you didn’t even call headquarters before showing up to be like ‘just kidding i want my job back’. You mean to tell me Buck and Ravi were at work, in uniform and clocked in, but didn’t already know Gerard was there? You mean to tell me Bobby was supposedly that allergic to having a real emotional/vulnerable conversation with literally anybody that he strolled into work WHEN HE NO LONGER WORKS THERE like he was gonna get to actually work??? I just can’t -

Anyway, this post is long af so if you made it to the end, thank you. Honestly, I'm still processing this season but as of now, in the words of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, “I take no leave of you, [Tim Minear]. I send no compliments to your [season 7 showrunner decisions]! You deserve no such attention! I am seriously displeased!”

[mermaidlighthouse]

So the rabbit is Stede…not just the (amazing) art meme but like legitimately a metaphor for the relationship between Ed and Stede. 

Ok, this is not that deep but I have brain rot and I am subjecting all of you to it…

Yes, the show has gone out of its way to address where Ed’s head is at…we have Roach saying his brain is couscous, we have Stede saying he’s unmoored, we have Buttons saying he can’t tell what’s real and whats the basket anymore, we have Buttons saying pay him no heed, he’s still half dead and OF COURSE we have the proceeding emotional arc of Ed working/actively NOT working through his trauma. 

With all that in mind, I’m still saying this scene provides a showcase of how Ed perceives vulnerability

So, immediately upon seeing the rabbit, a cuddly, soft, prey creature, Ed calls it a wolf. Yes, this Is hilarious and a cute Ed moment and can be swept aside because of the aforementioned place where Ed is at BUT it also represents all the things that Ed feels threatened by ie being soft. He equates the softness with something traditionally predatory because that’s how he’s perceived the world ie being soft/being vulnerable are things that are not ok and therefore are threatening. (See all the very thorough takes on toxic masculinity)

HOWEVER, he also immediately gets down on the rabbit’s level literally lying down in front of it, and begins opening up to the rabbit. Ed is getting emotional/vulnerable and getting emotionally attached VERY quickly (paralleling the immediate connection he has with Stede). He explains his tattoos and in so doing reveals that the trappings of his Blackbeard persona are ways in which to hide from things he’s scared of (paralleling the scene where he “confesses” that he killed his father, that he is the Kraken). He tells the rabbit that it’s safe with him and that they have a unique and special connection (paralleling the cliff scene). And immediately the rabbit is killed right in front of him leaving him alone in this vulnerability (paralleling the dock scene).

The rabbit and how he reacts to the rabbit is a microcosm of his entire relationship thus far with Stede but also shows how Ed is still able and willing to make those connections and that having been burned in the past doesn’t prevent him from being able to open back up.

It’s also interesting to note that the rabbit is killed by an element from his past, from the pirate world, one that goes out of their way to say they don’t necessarily like the changes he has made (the length of his beard). 

This does all fall apart a bit when you take into consideration that they cook and eat the rabbit but I stand by my insane take on this…..however, I am fully able to take it further to say that this is the show indicating how the pirate world can and will eat Stede whole….but then I’d also have to go down the road of how Stede cannibalizes himself in order to fit into the pirate world and this is already way too much…

[loreweaver-universe]

And that's the show.

Holy shit. I'm SO MAD! Those monsters! They murdered their children! And forced Kino to suffer the knowledge of their fates and the burden they placed on them! God damn.

Mind you, I'm pissed in a complimentary way. Great art makes you feel things, and this has me in a way, let me tell you. God, seeing the look on Kino's face as they watched that town die...it was really rough.

Something I like about this series is that it presents you with facts, not opinions. The narrative generally doesn't judge the characters within it; it simply presents them, and all but explicitly invites you to judge them. It's an approach very rarely taken, and it's pretty interesting. It's also reflected very neatly in its protagonist; Kino is very carefully, deliberately neutral and apathetic in their interactions with most characters, and the times they drop that mask and care are among the most interesting moments in the series. I'll confess, I don't like Kino as a person very much; that kind of apathy doesn't sit well with me, especially when it's a deliberate choice, as it is in Kino's case. But as a protagonist? They're very, very interesting. I like thinking about what makes them tick.

This is NOT the end of Kino on this blog! The patron who picked this show wants me to do the pilot ("Episode 0") and the two movies, so we're not done yet. Look forward to that!

Before I go, I’d like to plug both my blog’s Patreon and my Twitch/Youtube Patreon. Patreon is my only source of income, and while I make enough to cover rent and bills (I make about $700-800 a month) I don’t make a ton of money from it and haven’t been able to save anything up for emergencies (medical or otherwise) in the last decade or so.  I also have received the news that I need to move out, and I'll (hopefully) be moving in with my partner next June--which I need to save up for. Every dollar helps, so if you’re willing, please consider pledging a dollar or two.

Thank you all for tuning in, and thank you to my 36 blog patrons, who make it so I can do this for a living!  I’ll see you next time!

IN OTHER NEWS:

I recently completed my first playthrough of In Stars and Time!  You can see the full playlist of those streams by clicking here!

I have an ongoing first playthrough of Final Fantasy XIV that I’ve been streaming on Twitch! If you’d like to tune in when I’m live, I stream it every Saturday at 1 PM EST, and I upload my stream VODs to my Youtube channel!  If you’d like to see that playlist, click here!

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It’s your kindness and support that lets me do this stuff, and I wouldn’t be where I am without all of you to do it for.  Thank you all so much for your support, and for tuning in every episode!

[onewomancitadel]

A scattering of TWC impressions, which I played because a mutual posted fanart featuring a guy with long hair and I wanted to see if he had long hair in the game. The character my protagonist romanced only had long hair in a flashback. I told you, they are trying to contain me

That being said, I'll try to be fair:

By Book Two I was calling that the mother is a traitor, and I presume the epilogue in Book Three confirms this. My favourite silly thing that authors do is something like:

"I'll never forgive anybody who ever does this."

[Character who is later never forgiven for something immediately speaks]

"I sure hope nobody betrays us."

[Traitor speaks]

or in the case of TWC, every time a Rogue leader was mentioned, Rebecca immediately began speaking. It's just a subtle way of linking information together that most people aren't going to pick up on, outside of actual hard clues (e.g. there's the bit where Rebecca gets the pure DMB, and somehow Murphy had pure DMB on hand, the repeated emphasis on doing anything for her child, caginess about leaving being a leader of the Chamber/the dad thing, etc.)

I cannot imagine how much work it was to twine together a CYOA game and try to structure the prose as part of that experience, so I tried to be really gentle on that aspect when I am at my most critical with such a thing.

Present tense works best with first person (there is one time that I've read third person present tense and it's transcended my issues with it, I think because there was a real deft employment of where it's good for - especially sex scenes) in my experience because it reflects that natural English conversational tone, though my preference would still be first person past tense, for the sake of CYOA I can see why it was chosen. That being said, I think it really did struggle at points trying to marry a past tense reflectional tone to the present, and there were times that the description of the environment was especially clunky. I wrote a post about dialogue tags that was implicitly about this series lol.

I did pay for all three books so I'm not knocking on something a fan put their heart into, hahaha. To its detriment I think the quality of the prose depreciated by Book Three - having gone back to do a second playthrough to do a male protagonist/Morgan playthrough, I don't think this is recency bias. In terms of actual structure, Book Three probably has the overall better dramatic moments but experiences a weakening of connective tissue - lots of 'and then'..., and fewer scenes where I can smash my dollies together.

This really brings me to my issue which is that I didn't go in knowing it was all about romance, and I really wish - ironically - it had leant more into being about romance.

The plot is there to carry the development (which I enjoy, unless you are able to write something truly literary) up until it fell more like it was beginning to overwhelm it by Book Three - then again I hated the fake dating in Book Two because it's a beloathed trope of mine, so maybe I'm just hard to please. I think this might be an issue of the will-they-won't-they Adam romance, which - whilst I love slow burn and most of all absolutely love slow burn which dicks around - really needed to torture Adam more and torture my protagonist more to get the message through, I think in part a consequence of the tone of this sort of story which is trying to feel grounded, but I would choose sensible character development in exchange for tonal compromise (especially as it would be constrained to one route). I'm willing to be seated for people who try to stay away from each other - yess please yummy yummy - but you need to feel comfortable in getting the emotional cattle prod out.

And I wouldn't be so upset about the realism of portraying a 900 year old vampire knight unless the setting leant hard into that 'supernatural-but-realism' modern style of cynical writing... like, you can't have characters laugh about believing in God (when God structured that period of Adam's early life and magic is real and a Gnostic-esque Echo World is also real...) and then get mad at me when I want you to portray a 900 year old vampire knight properly. He sounds like a traumatised soldier from 20-30 years ago; did he change with the times? Did he never fit in back then anyway? I guess I just wanted to go weirder! Also what's his attitude to sex. Lol

Also the fact that human bloodsucking didn't come up until the end of Book Three made me very disappointed. I wanted him to try sucking her like as early as Book One. I wanted to suggest it as a thing to help them fighttttt but it could also be so so sexy. 🥰 It felt a little like dramatic scenes kind of get postponed. No idea what Murphy is doing now

That being said, the most important thing to me were the nonviolent resolutions and being nice to the monsters. I think the real reason I kept playing is because it did keep offering outcomes that let me try to be peaceful and show compassion to the big sad mean monsters... whether that was in the romance itself, or towards the antagonists, that was actually great fun.

It's not even something you necessarily get to do in a Bioware game because combat is considered the lifeblood of video games (maybe in some older games you can talk down the antagonist, thinking of the original Fallout here - but notably its sequel eschewed this, almost like a joke) and the type of character I tend to construct for this setting is the gentlest I can think of, just because such gentle characters are so rare. So it's very very valuable to me to get to play that.

That actually brings me into what I liked about the romances, which is that I never had to consistently hit a 'flirt' option - something I hate about how RPG's construct romance now - because that's not even how people become attracted to each other! - and it asked me what route I was going to take. Notably on my second playthrough, it asked me why I had been avoiding Morgan - so it actually integrated how you met those hidden romance checks into the storytelling, even when I went through a romance with fewer checks seemingly hit. (I think this might've been because I let her wait outside? But why would I force my character on her? Lol).

And because Detective Majestic (okay I was thinking of Destroy All Humans because cops/supernatural/special agencies, I wanted something silly, and then they kept using her surname the whole goddamned playthrough...) is so gentle, she never pushed Adam not even once, and it let me keep playing that way without punishing that playstyle because it didn't ~meet the romance checks~, but it also had romantic scenarios where neither of them let themselves do anything hahaha, which was amazing. This is probably the rarest portrayal of romance I've ever seen in a CYOA/RPG, and pretty much redeemed my experience because it was so fun to actually play something unique which met me halfway. That in itself is very hard to do - the reason you'd structure something linearly with absolute checks is just because this method is very complex to write. Now you've got more than 'romance - no romance' to write a route for.

So the discovery element was really the strongest, and I enjoyed it for that reason above all else. It let me be nice, pacifistic, and play a romance with a unique approach - and though I am not always the kindest on some requisite romance tropes (part of the reason I liked playing a gentle character is that I like the subversion of pushy romance tropes lol) it was admittedly quite fun!

I'm glad I checked it out, so now I know who is the one with long hair and who isn't, and though I am rather curmudgeonly, I had a little bit of fun. I can definitely see how this would service a rich transformative fandom - especially because I don't know if you could reasonably write a sex scene in the main story proper. Blood sucking might have to supplement it... that's what the vampire can be a facsimile for, just with a much more negative portrayal, lol. Probably a separate thesis to be written on why the vampire has enjoyed a burgeoning positive reception in modern romance.

[deanirae]

i am begging for your help

things have been horrible recently but now they are going so much worse.

due to budget cuts i have lost my source of income and i am struggling to stay afloat. i have sent my resume to around 150 companies, but i still got nothing.

dad says that if i have to move out i will need to sell my cat just to fit bach in their 32 sq meters 1 room flat and have any money to add to the family budget.

i love my cats and dont want to live without them as simple as that. ill die.

please help me cover the rent until i successfully find something

if you are able and willing to help, id roughly need $750. i know its a whole lot, but it will allow me to be able to pay the rent for 3 months.

i dont know what to do anymore

you can help me through pay pal  paypal(.)me(/)saristreatment

i will be in your endless debt

please pass this one if you can

love,

sara and cats

[yourlocalmechanism-dr-carmilla]

“Striking a deal”

The Acheron is what awaits us after death, yet I never gave it much thought/ always living in the moment, never lingering on thoughts about my future/i despised joining it early

Then the love of my life was ripped away from me, torn out of life like a page out of a book/that's when the weight of the reality started to settle in

Her healthy mind trapped in the acheron, i gotta get her out somehow

Everybody warned me about going to Mx. Hades, saying they got a stone-cold heart

Well, i am not afraid, i will strike up a deal!

I consulted Teiresias, asking about her, begging to relay one last message/my mind was clearer than it had been after her death, i knew what i wanted

Having the love of my life re-bodied would be costly, i was aware/and i had to turn to a olympian- hades!

Her healthy mind trapped in the acheron, i gotta get her out somehow

Everybody warned me about going to Mx. Hades, saying they got a stone-cold heart

Well, i am not afraid, i will strike up a deal!

Then i stood before Hades’ throne, my resolve strong as i let my reprise be heard/ i cant recall when i last had put such emotion into a song, my feelings tangible In the air

Hades smirked, but it seemed i managed to soften their heart/telling me if i was willing to go the way of the lawless, i would be able to pay my debt to get my love out of there!/ i accepted in a instant and then waited for a message

Her healthy mind trapped in the acheron, i gotta get her out somehow

Everybody warned me about going to Mx. Hades, saying they got a stone-cold heart

Well, i am not afraid, i will strike up a deal!

I waited for Weeks, no message comes in/my mind is in the lotus haze, the dose having to be almost lethal to work/ i stockpile the muriatic acid, preparing to leave this life/ as a message arrives!

I snap out of my lethargic state, put on a pinstripe suit and ready myself/i havent composed a song in awhile, but ill think of something, i know i will!/now i can finally free my lost love!

Her healthy mind trapped in the acheron, i gotta get her out somehow

Everybody warned me about going to Mx. Hades, saying they got a stone-cold heart

Well, i am not afraid, i will strike up a deal!

I WROTE THIS SONG ON THE TRAIN, ITS ORPHEUS SINGING ABOUT HIS DEAL WITH HADES >:3

I will def record myself singing it hihi

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Prompt: “I feel like I can breathe better with you around.”

Song: I’ll Keep You Safe – Sleeping At Last

For Reader x Tolya please?

So, I'm a /little/ obsessed with TMA, and honestly that might show a little in this one because I just had THOUGHTS and I went okay let's apply that to Tolya for bestie.

If It's You Or The World, I Am Still Choosing You - Tolya Yul Bataar

Content Warnings: Canon Compliant Threat And Violence. Discussions Of Sacrifice, Death, Bereavement And Loss. Not Beta/Proof Read.

The look on Alina's face says more than you ever wanted to know. To Alina, Mal is the only consistent, the only thing that kept her moving when she felt she could not go on, they were each other's home, each others compass, the place the other was only ever trying to come back to. And now Alina was faced with the most awful choice, the place she had sworn to protect, the people she had sworn to protect, the fight she has been fighting day and night, the justice and the revenge she sought, it came at a price. She knew it would. Baghra had always said it would. But this price, this price was steeper than she thought it would ever be. She was willing to die for her cause, but Mal's life being held as the cost of winning, the cost of survival against the evil she wanted gone, that had her doing something she hadn't thought she was still able to do until now: she is hesitating.

The words that everyone is saying aren't passing into your mind, you're overwhelmed, and if you feel like this you can only imagine how Alina is feeling, and that dread wraps its way around your throat and you feel like the life is being choked right out of you. Tolya's hand gently taps against your arm and you don't even look at him to nod, and he is walking beside you gently, as you both exist the room.

The air is cold, and the brisk nature of it all starts a reset. "Can I help?" Tolya asks.

“I feel like I can breathe better with you around.” It's not a new admission, you're sure you've told him this a million times, and you will tell him a million more, more than likely. For everything in your life can be chaos, and Tolya he is always your north star. Has been from the day you met.

You sink into the stone floor and lean your back against the outer wall, and Tolya leans down and sits beside you, not saying a word, but those golden eyes watching you reminds you of what knocked you breathless to begin with. That price.

Any other price, you would pay it. The only cost that would be too much, is him. If you could never see him again, but you knew he was alive and well, you could live with that, you could make peace with that. But to know the only way to save everyone, was for him to die. That's too much for most, and it would be too much for you. So no, not any small part of you envied Alina and the bargain she has to strike with the Saints. If you still believed it was between her and the Saints. The amplifiers makes things muddy, they're creations from true magic, not the Small Science and true magic... it's wild, and the price is always too high. This price feels too high.

"Nothing is fair," you say, just above the sounds of your heavy breathing, "not even in love and war. Especially in love and war."

"Your empathy," he says, offering a hand, "that's what's caused this?"

"I couldn't," you tell him honestly, "I could not do what is needed of Alina, to part with the person who means the most to me, for the sake of everything, I know that is selfish, but I couldn't do it."

"It's a tall ask," Tolya admits, you do not ask him where he stands, you shy away from too much analysis of faith when it comes to the Saints. Not because you're scared of the answers Tolya might give you, but because you're scared to put him on the spot, and to see what answers he might give himself.

"I would choose you," you admit, knowing he probably already knows it, but knowing you need to tell him anyway. "I would choose you and I wouldn't even allow myself a moments doubt in the matter. How could I? Because this war, this fight, it's for freedom, it's for love and life and what is right, and my life is better for you being in it. This place is better for the moments you spend in it, and I could not take you out of this world in the name of saving it, that would not be saving this place, it would be worse for the loss of you."

"And you are willing to die for it," Tolya states.

"Aren't you?"

"I am," he says. "We all are."

"But death and sacrifice are not the same," you say, "I would not choose to die, but to die I am willing, and yet to lose you is to lose something bigger than the war."

"You may value me too highly," Tolya says, wrapping an arm around you. "But I guess that makes us both fools. For if I lose you to win the war, the war would not have been won for me."

[cheylouwho]

i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and i want to hear someone from SPHS’s thoughts.

i know you’ve noticed the “tiktok” fan base- the ones that only watch clips of the show and then say they’re fans. i read one of your posts talking about these types of fans and making blatantly incorrect headcanons. that’s something that bugs me, but another thing that bugs me is the fact i do not believe south park is tiktokable. i’ll use family guy as a comparison for my points.

first of all, compared to family guy, the humor is different, pretty much everything they explained in the cartoon wars two parter explains what i mean, m&t are not fans of interchangeable jokes and are able to give characters emotional progression throughout the episode. that’s one huge factor, i hope you get what i’m trying to imply with that. m&t are passionate about their story telling and it pays off in their episodes. i know not EVERY SINGLE joke follows this, but there are jokes made better by understanding the characters and the circumstance of the episode. the episodes work best in their entirety. (that was difficult to explain so i fear it can be misinterpreted easily)

the characters are another thing i want to mention. i watched the episode TSST with two friends awhile ago, one of which who had never seen an episode and didn’t understand cartmans character. she kept asking questions about him, or said how weird his hitler obsession was. the other friend hadn’t finished south park and said he hated cartmans character and it’s hes one of the bad pieces of the show. i believe even if you don’t like cartman as a personal preference thing, you should at least appreciate him as a character and his placement, it’s hard to understand him (despite us watching an episode that really dives into him, they still didn’t know much about him before). with family guy, one episode is enough to grasp the character, hell, even a single scene is i’d say, while m&t are very good at developing and fleshing out character personalities over time. it’s why they can pull off making sad episodes (like kenny dies and assburgers), heartwarming episodes (like tweek x craig and even bits of episodes like in raisins) all while still being a comedy show. they understand how to make the characters react in a way that can make you feel something while maintaining a good amount of jokes in the episode.

i dont know, theres more i could add but i’m just writing whatever comes to mind first so it might make no sense or it might be wrong. also, i’m by no means an old fan. i’ve rewatched the series quite a few times, watched commentaries, researched through wiki pages and am constantly trying to better my knowledge of the show, but i know i’m not quite there yet and could just be making a mistake GAHAH

No anon, I actually totally get this and agree 100%. SP as a show is not something that works well with out of context clips (and even then, the ones that do work are usually from very early in an episode before the plot fully gets established and stakes as drawn). Until pre s18 when they started soft continuity (and then s19-21s full continuity, after that is a whole other discussion entirely), the shows syndicated nature did make it easier to hop into any episode and watch it in its entirety and enjoy it without much prior knowledge of the show or it's characters. However, even then, you really needed to watch the *whole* episode to get the big picture of it's message.

And I get it, SP full length episodes are not as accessible as they once were. People these days don't know how or aren't willing to pirate things if they don't have the streaming service SP is hosted on, and beyond that, south park used to be free to watch on their website. Like, that's how I ended up catching up on the show when I finally decided to take it all in other than a handful of episodes and scenes I'd seen during my childhood back in 2013. It was all entirely available (save for Super Best Friends, 200 and 201, which I had to go track down on other websites) for free, with ads unless you used an ad blocker, right at your fingertips. And that's how M+T wanted SP to be consumed, because they explicitly noted that they didn't care about making money on streamed episodes, they cared about getting their show out there. (I will have to go find that interview, I know it's somewhere).

But still, regardless of that, you're right. SP is not something that you can consume short form as a brief tiktok video, and that's why I think we have newer fans with such big gaps in knowledge that seem like they would be easy to fill in. It's not that they're being willfully ignorant, they're just being fed a very piecemeal version of the show through social media, which is how we get people thinking Pip is a he//llpa//rk OC (augh!!! dont get me started) instead of realizing this dude was actually in the fucking show, or headcanons that are very easy to contradict with canon itself by watching like 3 episodes. That's not me knocking HCs btw, go wild and do whatever you want, but these people don't even know it's ooc, and that's a little troublesome. I've made some outlandish character decisions in the past but I at least KNEW they were not evidence based.

What that means for the fandom down the road I don't know, and its made a lot of discussion and analysis more shallow-- it's so hard outside of my SPHS friend group to find good breakdowns these days. I'm hoping maybe something will change, but who knows.

TLDR fuck tiktok and its watering down of media

[mysteriouslover1516]

IMAGINE:

I need your help

The young mechanic's breath quickened as his lock screen showed a text from MC, help with what? Was she starting to suspect him?

Uhm, you do remember that we have a paying customer in here?

Technically he wasn't lying, but maybe if he delayed the conversation she would forget? Highly unlikely.

Yes, I know

Richy sighed, might as well get this over. She wasn't gonna let up.

He is actually in the restroom right now, so if you hurry up...

Thanks Richy

A small smile tugged on his lips, as always sweet and polite. Ugh.

Can you think of anything to tell me about a "Jennifer" from Duskwood?

The phone nearly slipped from his hands as he read the text, how did MC know about Jennifer? And why was she asking HIM? Did she know his connection to the case? Oh god, this could be potentially bad and very catastrophic.

Quite a few things

I think I know three people with the name Jennifer in Duskwood.

He was bluffing, of course he was bluffing. He could feel the sweat on his hands starting to accumulate, how did she know about Jennifer???

It has something to do with the Duskwood Forest

Richy tugged on his hair, he knew EXACTLY what MC was talking about. And he was horrified, terrified, completely PETRIFIED.

You couldn't be talking about the girl that was found dead in the forest back then

Taking a deep breath, he reread the text he sent, honestly it sounded pretty calm, he hoped MC wouldn't be able to see through it.

To be honest I don't know yet

Okay, so MC didn't know everything about the circumstances involving Jennifer. This wasn't so bad after all, maybe....

I totally forgot about that. The whole town of Duskwood was up in arms at that time, as I am sure you can imagine.

He shook his head as if it would rid the awful memories from his consciousness, the guilt, the pain, it was inescapable.

What else can you think of?

As far as I know the killer was never found. They soon came to the conclusion that he wasn't from here and it didn't take long until Duskwood returned back to a state of normalcy.

Killer. He wasn't a killer, and neither was Hannah or......Amy. He hesitated as his inner demons waged war inside him, was he a killer though? Did he ultimately kill Amy by bringing her to the brink of suicide? He squeezed his eyes shut, willing the thought to release him from its torment.

Was there anything that indicated where the killer was from?

No, there was nothing. The three teenagers had buried the only form of evidence, the body. Richy had stolen the paper on the AMC Gremlin all those years ago, made it disappear. There was Nothing.

Well, I guess I don't know that much about the old case after all

What a piece of bull crap. He knew everything about Jennifer's death, as much as he wished he didn't. He wasn't innocent, the invisible blood on his hands still tormented him. Jennifer was dead.

But you know how people are. There are nicer things to think about than the thought of living next door to a murderer. And Jennifer wasn't from Duskwood either. So this makes the theory even more plausible.

Richy paused, the beginning question once again entering his mind. Why was she asking about the incident? About Jennifer?

But you don't think that Hannah has something to do with what happened back then, do you?

Unfortunately I do

He swallowed hard, if MC made the connection between Hannah and Jennifer, she would ultimately discover Amy's involvement, which would place him closer and closer to the burning flames.

Well I hope not.

"I wish not, I wish she didn't. I wish none of us did." He whispered underneath his breath, fist suddenly colliding with his desk. He didn't ask for this, why was this happening to him?

That happened at least ten years ago. Mmh, I think that's it. I don't know anything else.

I don't know anything else, that was one of the most bogus statements he had ever made in his whole life. He knew a lot about the incident, he knew too much. He wished it could have been different.

That was actually more information than I expected.

Chewing on his bottom lip, his eyebrows furrowed. Wait a minute.

Talk to you later.

Hold on real quick, why did you ask me that?

Was MC asking him this because she already suspected him? Or was she asking him this because of her subtle but at the same time obvious growing feelings for the mechanic?

Because I have a hunch that it might be getting me closer to Hannah

A small chuckle managed to escape his lips, was she messing with him? Or did she really not understand what he was getting at?

No, no, that's not what I meant. Why ME?

I like you

Richy's heart skipped a beat, she had finally said it. His mind raced, it was both a dream come true and a nightmare at the same time, what an oxymoron. MC had fallen for the culprit, for the man behind the mask. And he had messed up, by falling for her as well. Damn it.

I like you too, MC. A lot. Adios

He quickly logged off, needing time to think and reorganize his thoughts. The plan had to work, it was GOING to work, and then he would shoot his shot with MC, it would all work out.

[odybee]

G/t Secret Santa Gift

@sugarthegecko hello! I'm your Secret Santa. I'm sorry it took me this long to get this gift to you, things have been a bit hectic where I am.

I wanted to try something new and wrote a one shot! It also comes with a few colored sketches I made along the way of the two antagonists. I will put the drawings at the end of the story. Hope you enjoy!

---===+===------===+===------===+===------===+===---

Hadotrauma

Word count- 3854

Contains: Intentional fearplay, implied vore (let me know if you think I should add more here, this is my first time posting something like this)

---===+===---

It was a beautiful day to be beneath the waves. The normally dull weather that hangs over the Bermuda Triangle was set to clear for the entire week, leaving uncharacteristically safe conditions for a reconnaissance mission that Jack had been losing his little mind over for months.

A small vessel carrying a family heirloom, a gold-crested lock box dating back a few hundred years, had gotten hit by a stray wave, forcing the captain onto a lifeboat as his ship capsized and quickly sank. The good news is that the captain survived, which is how Jack got enough information to take the job at all. His recounting of where the boat was when it went under was spot on too, which is especially nice because finding out where the wreck is was only half the battle for this particular job. See, in escaping the ship with his life, the captain wasn’t able to get the lockbox, meaning it went down with his ship. The family it belonged to was less than thrilled, to say the very least.

And that’s when Jack heard about it. The family was willing to pay a fortune to whoever stepped up and got the box back; not that Jack was diving for an extra paycheck. Even before he had decided he wanted to be a marine archaeologist, he'd been enamored with stories of the mythical Bermuda Triangle. Tales of monsters appearing from its shadowy depths, however unrealistic, were something he liked to think about to keep his job interesting when things got slow. He could just see a megalodon’s lifeless eye peering up at him from the inky water, just waiting for him to get close enough to-

“Helloo, Jack? You there?” A voice sounded from the receiver in Jack’s mask, making him jump a little in surprise.

“M-Huh? Sorry Lori, yea, I’m here.”

“Good. Please try to focus? There could be sharks or marlins.”

“Of course, my bad.”

Lori is Jack’s assistant. A bit of a hardass, but he’s been getting through to her lately. Once the nerves of jumping into the water and sinking into the dark wear off and it’s just the two of them, she can be really fun to talk to. For however long the communications decide to keep working in their masks, that is. Water pressure doesn’t play nice with lightweight electronics.

As the silent descent continued and Jack made a mental note to complain to his manager, a boxy silhouette began taking form in the sea of shadows beneath him. A thin line of bubbles excitedly glimmering in the glow of Jack’s headlight made its way up from the shape,  meaning they were right on target.

“Bingo! You got an eye on it, Lori?”

“Sure do. Here’s hoping my camera’s still works, I just got a new lens for it.”

“Camera? Ooo, we actually gonna try to get a picture of a sea monster?”

“As much as I’d love to, no. Our clients just said they wanted to see where the box ended up. Plus, it’s great publicity. Tourist subs don’t get this far down. I’ll send you a postcard from the kraken’s stomach if we end up finding one though.” Lori fidgeted with the bulky tool as she descended a little ways above Jack, ensuring that nothing was gunking up the lens.

“What? You can’t get eaten! I’d be all alone down here..”

“A great white shark once said, ‘fish are friends, not food’. You can be friends with the kraken, or you can join me in its belly.”

“Yea yea, I bet the fish would be fresh in there anyways.” Jack made first contact with the wreckage now just beneath his feet as Lori playfully responded in disgust. The white plating of the boat’s hull barely had time to erode, much less allow algae growth, so it almost looked like it could float again. And it probably could have, were it not for the captain’s incompetence. Jack had thought it sounded strange for just one stray wave to send a boat under so quickly, so it was likely that the poor guy just didn’t do proper maintenance on the vessel’s coolant pipes and didn’t want to admit it. Nothing short of a missile could send a boat down that easily otherwise.

Feeling satisfied with his inspection of the boat’s port side, Jack made his way up to the open door of what appeared to be the helm. Peering in, there looked to be a small ladder leading down from right behind the captain’s controls.

“Okay, I’m gonna start looking for the box. You coming?”

“Yea, just getting some pictures of the outside first. Let me know when you find it so we can swap out. The two of us might clog up the cabin if we both go.”

“Aah, good thinking. Alright, I’ll let you know.” And into the wreckage he went.

---===+===---

“What the hell is that? Some kind of malformed angler fish?”

“I’m trying to tell you dude, it’s a human! I saw another one swim into that wreck, too!”

Nac layed low to the seabed, shyly pointing a claw at a tiny figure as it waved a cone of light around in the water. Every now and then it would suddenly flash an even brighter light from a box in its hands, then swim off to flash it at something else. Nac had to suppress a startled flinch in his tail at the brightness.

Nac’s more squid-shaped friend Rel rested in the seabed alongside him, squinting in confusion at the little human as it floundered about, flashing its light seemingly at random. “I didn’t know humans had lures, nor that they came down this deep. Are you absolutely positive that it isn’t just a big angler? I’m hungry.”

“Yes! Positive! I’m pretty sure that one’s ‘lure’ is just another human gadget, which I’ll bet is how they got all the way down here too. Cool, right?”

“Yea, I guess,” Rel sighed. “Oh well, they’re small but they’ll have to do. Dibs on this one,” he finished as he tried to take off from the sand. But before he could get anywhere, Nac latched onto one of his tentacles and held fast.

“Ugh, what is it Nac?”

“Jeez, chill out for a second, dude! We never get to see humans down here. Could we at least..” Nac’s tail twitched a bit as his eyes lit up. “Could we at least mess with them a little first? You’re hungry, I’m bored, it’s a win-win!”

Rel pulled back and put two fingers up to his chin, mulling over Nac’s proposal. “Mmm fine. But I’m taking both of them.”

“What? Hey! I’ve never tried human either, dude! Share!” Nac pouted, his claws subconsciously digging into Rel’s flesh.

“Ow! Okay, fine! I’ll take the one closest, you take the one in the wreck. Now would you please let go?”

“Sounds good, buddy! Have fun and don’t get hooked!” Nac exclaimed as he bolted off into the dark.

“Right.” Rel moped, staring at his prey. The passengers on this boat were supposed to have been his anyway! How was he supposed to know that it was only empty because the one thing he sank it for had gotten away?

Whatever. Perhaps this really would be more fun.

---===+===---

“What was that?”

Lori’s voice came on suddenly after silence had taken hold of the comms for a good ten minutes, making Jack bump his head against the ship’s hull. Ow!

“If you mean the sounds coming from the boat, that would be my head slamming against the hull.”

“No no, it wasn’t a sound, just..” Lori went quiet for a moment. “Nevermind. I’m seeing things.”

“We can call the expedition early if you want,” Jack checked his oxygen gauge. “I could do with a fresh tank anyway. We’re gonna have to make stops on the way up.”

“It’s fine, just keep looking for the box. I’m done out here.” Lori swiveled her head around as she made her way up to the door that Jack’d swam in through, but she couldn’t see anything. It was all black past the cone of her headlight, which was beginning to feel uncomfortably small. “Could you hurry up please? The water isn’t getting any warmer.”

“Sheesh, alright, hold on. I just need to- Ah! There it is! Lori, I found the-”

…

“Hello? Jack, you there?”

But the comms were nothing but static. It wasn’t exactly a surprise; these microphones were in desperate need of an upgrade. But something didn’t feel right this time. Something felt terribly, terribly wrong. There was a shadow, some inky blot that kept just to the corners of her eyes. It could be a shoal of fish, but then, why would it move like that? It’s almost as if.. As if..

Lori jumped violently as a few rhythmic knocks sounded from the boat’s main body, a signal that she and Jack had come up with the first time their microphones cut out to make sure they could still keep track of each other in the wreckage. She swam close to the hull to return the knocks, and as she did so, something brushed past her foot.

Immediately, Lori flipped around and prepared to bop a shark in the nose, but nothing was there. It was still just water, sand, and the void beyond her light, unknown and unyielding. She could feel her heartbeat start to pick up, the claustrophobic confines of her suit seeming to constrict her body in nervous warmth.

Just then, through the static of Lori’s mask, Jack’s voice started coming back through. “Hellooo? Loriii? Lori Dory Oreo, you there?” 

Lori steadied herself, the relief of hearing Jack’s voice overshadowed by the intense need to stay completely on alert as she took a moment to respond. “Jack, I think something is here.”

“Uuh yea? There is a boat, maybe some fish, and this totally awesome box that I’m coming out to let you take a picture of.”

“No, Jack, I mean something is in the water. I think it’s watching us.”

Jack laughed in cruel dismission. “Oh haha Lori. Good try, but I’m not that easy to scare. Good on you for taking the opportunity while we’re here, though!”

“Jack, seriously. We have to go right now. Screw the bends, we just need to-”

“Need to what?” 

… 

“Lori? Did this stupid thing cut out again?”

“It sees me.”

“What? What sees you? Lori, are you okay?”

…

“Lori, come on, this isn’t funny anymore. I’ll be out in a sec, just hang ti-”

…

The feed cut to static once more, leaving Lori completely alone, staring at two huge, luminous yellow eyes like a guppy in floodlights. She wanted to move, wanted to swim up and out of the water with all her might, but she simply couldn’t. The thing’s gaze froze her muscles into place, as if the water itself had turned to ice.

Without warning, a ginormous clawed hand shot out from the black shroud, enveloping Lori’s entire body before she could even scream.

Lori wasted no time in thrashing against the creature’s flesh with everything she had. The utility knife that’d been clipped to her belt was instantly freed, wildly slashing an escape into the walls of her pale prison. The creature loosened its grip in response, but only just enough to let Lori’s head pop out while it squeezed the life out of her. Even as dark spots began taking up her vision, she dared to look up at its face.

Dark, navy blue skin beautifully complimented the yellow eyes of a face that looked insultingly human, apart from two long, pointy ears. Long, white hair unfurled from the top of its head; each lock a set of tangling waves to further drown Lori’s hopes in. But she was too exhausted to fight now; any oxygen she had was forced from her lungs. Unwilling to gaze into the creature’s maw, she let the last of her waking moments be spent looking into its eyes.

She wondered why it looked so disappointed.

And all went dark.

---===+===---

“Lori? Lori?! Goddamnit, this stupid microphone! One second Lori, I’ll be right out!” Jack called into the dark cabins of the boat, his fists banging against the walls as he made his way out. In all his panic, Jack hadn’t realized that he made a wrong turn somewhere along the way, placing him on the starboard side of the hull’s interior.

Right where he could see a huge, perfectly circular gash that’d been punched into the ship’s metal plating.

“What the hell?! But he said-” but he had no time to waste. He had to get out of the ship right now, and he figured the breach should be just large enough to let him through, even with all his gear on.

Without a second thought, Jack grabbed the edges of the hole and prepared to hoist himself out into the open water. He only needed one mighty kick, and then he’d be able to find Lori and get the hell out of he-

“Hello~”

..!

Jack snapped his head up at the sudden noise, only to be met face-to-face with some massive thing with a human face. It had a long, toothy grin on its pale, scarred countenance, and every one of its teeth looked sharp enough to cut diamond.

…

Jack retreated back into the boat.

He clawed onto any surface he could in an attempt to force himself deeper into the ship’s body, desperate to get away from the thing just outside the paper thin walls. Jack could hear it chuckle as he clamored away, but just as he had clung onto a door, the thing started sucking water out through the breach. The force of the current was so strong that Jack’s hands were ripped away from the doorframe, sending him careening into the beast’s terrible jaws.

Rather than being instantly ripped apart, Jack growled into his mask as his stomach was met with several rows of teeth and his tank clinked against the thing’s lower set. The sharp points were catching on the fabric of his suit, just barely avoiding cutting into his skin. In an attempt to regain his bearings, he curled up and placed his hands against the monster’s lips, desperately trying to ignore the fact that he was about to be bitten in half.

“Nac, would you quit toying with it? I’m still hungry and the sun will be down soon.” another voice suddenly chided from somewhere behind Jack’s head.

“One shecond,” the sharkish creature responded, its voice rattling through Jack’s skull like a bell. “Itsh really hutting uh a hight!”

The other voice gained an edge in its tone. “Don’t speak with your mouth full.”

Jack’s fruitless struggle against the shark’s jaws suddenly came to a halt as it plucked him out of its lips like a cherry stem, thankfully with all of his lower body intact, except the utility knife that was supposed to be clipped to his hip was gone. Fingers were wrapped around him just as he tried to kick away, and there he continued to squirm.

“I said it’s really putting up a fight! See? Look at this one go! Even now it’s still wiggling around.”

“Yea, they tend to do that when they’re about to die. Speaking of, you should really be getting on with it.”

“Whatever dude, I was getting to that!”

The hand holding Jack’s entire body in place loosened up, allowing his blood to run cold and fast at the sight of an approaching maw. His headlight served to reveal every gruesome detail he hadn’t been privy to from the beast’s lips, including bits of viscera stuck between its three rows of teeth.

What if thats-

“OH MY GOD, WAIT, WAIT! PLEASE!” Jack pleaded through his mask after suppressing a gag. But his cries didn’t even reach the shark, not even a flinch came of its ears.

Flippers met the surface of the monster's tongue. It was too soft to push off of, not that anything he did would allow him to escape. The shark’s gills were probably quivering in anticipation, waiting to bring him down, down, down. What more could he do but jam his eyes shut and.. and..!

“STOP!!”

…

A pause. It seemed to last an eternity. Jack’s mouth had opened, but he didn’t know why. Let alone that it had released a sound loud enough to rival the thing he was about to be silenced by.

…

“Nac, please. This is getting old. And why do you look like that? It doesn’t taste that bad.”

The monster, henceforth known as Nac, once again plucked Jack out of his jaws, then brought Jack to the front of his face. The two stared at each other, both some strange mix of horrified and confused.

“Did.. did you hear that?” Nac spoke, almost in a coo. “I think it just talked to me.”

“Oh sure, Nac, because that makes complete sense. Listen, if you don’t want to eat it that badly, just give it to me. No need to make up such utter nonsense.”

“No, really!” Nac’s voice shot up again. Jack felt like he was going to implode. “I think it made a word! Like, a word word! Listen, I bet it can do it again, see?”

Jack was abruptly turned around and presented to a second enormous creature with a human face, this one having a tentacled lower half and extremely long hair. If the lack of care Nac had in handling Jack’s body didn’t kill him first, then surely his heart would pound hard enough to escape from his chest.

The other creature raised an eyebrow at Jack, then sighed and leaned in so he was close to its ear. He supposed that meant he was supposed to speak, but the words weren’t coming out. The lump in his throat just wouldn’t al-

“Ow! QUIT IT!” Jack yelled, feeling three rough taps against the top of his helmet. The navy blue creature in front of him jumped slightly. Jack froze in place.

“See! I told you!” Nac barked as his friend pulled away.

“B-but, how is that even-” it paused. “I’ll be.. Right back.”

The other monster’s tentacles disappeared into the abyss, leaving Jack and Nac alone together. For a moment, they just stared at each other in silence, but Nac was quick to fill it with a torrent of questions and niceties.

“This is so gnarly, dude! Oh my god, hiii! I can actually say that now and it isn’t weird! Do you think it’s weird to talk to fish? Rel says it's stupid because they can’t understand what you’re saying, so it’s even more weird that you of all things would be able to talk back! Do you have a name? Do humans even have names? Do you guys know any other fish like us? Go on, talk!” 

Nac’s smile returned to his face, somehow even larger than it’d been when Jack was trapped halfway inside of it. This couldn’t possibly be happening. It had to be some sort of decompression-induced fever dream. In just a moment, Jack would wake up to Lori squawking at him to get back on the boat.

Wait..

“LORI!” Nac’s ears twitched as Jack piped up again. “Where is Lori?!”

Nac’s slit eyes seemed to stare straight through Jack at the question.

“Aheheh, erm, uh, well, about that. The other human, they’re..” Nac looked around as though trying to catch her swimming away. “Theeeyyy’rrreee- oh! They’re right there! See? Rel has them!”

Nac turned Jack and pointed into the dark, where two yellow spots preceded the return of the second giant creature, Rel. In its hand was the comparatively small, black-and-silver form of Lori, lying completely still.

“O-oh my god. Oh my GOD! LORI! LORI!” Jack began squirming again, wanting nothing more than to make sure his friend was okay. But the shark held firm.

“Calm down, this human is fine.. Somehow. I felt its heart beating through this extra layer of skin you wear. Is it how you two managed to get down here?” Rel quizzed Jack, who had ceased struggling to lock eyes with the thing holding his friend.

“I-I, just..” Jack checked his oxygen gauge. Less out of necessity, and more out of habit for the sheer fact that not a bone in his body wanted him looking these monsters in the eyes. Forty-five minutes remaining, miraculously. He steeled himself, “Could you please, please bring us back up? I need to know if she’s okay.”

“Eh? Why would we need to go up?” Nac swam to Rel’s side, turning Jack along the way so that both monsters were in his view. “Are you trying to leave?”

“No! No, we just.. Our tanks only have enough time left for a few stops, and I don’t want Lori to get the bends. It might kill her if we don’t take our time.” As much as he wanted to get out of the water, Jack knew that it would only make matters worse if he wasn’t careful. Though he couldn’t see Lori’s actual condition, he chanced a guess that it wasn’t great if she’d passed out. Even if the monsters were just toying with him again, asking for their help was a risk he had to take. It didn’t seem like either of them wanted him gone anyway.

“Right.” Rel said promptly, though he looked at Jack like he’d just grown an extra head. “And, what exactly does that mean? Can’t you breathe here?” “..What?” Jack felt like he’d been slapped in the face. What kind of a question.. “N- Okay, you know what, wait. How about this. I’ll explain everything on the way up, and if you really want to, we can chat on the boat. I’ll also let you know when to stop and go, that way we can avoid barotrauma. Does that sound okay?”

…

“Yea, sure dude! Sounds good!” Nac, surprise surprise, put on a big stupid grin once again.

“I.. Suppose so. Just, don’t try to leave. Okay?” Though it seemed like Rel had composed himself, his eye twitched a smidge as he looked at Jack again.

Jack shrank back a little. “No problem!”

Jack wasn’t sure how long either of their composures would last in the long, cold journey back up to the surface, but he had to hope that it would be enough time for him to at least see Lori awake again. He himself had questions for the two sentient fish men he was somehow communicating with, and he had to admit that it was a bit exciting. Never once did he think that the stories he’d been told as a child were anywhere close to reality, and yet here he was, wrapped in the claws of a megalodon and conversing with a kraken, all while being in one piece. Of all the things to come of this trip beneath the waves, only one was certain.

It was going to be a long way up.

---===+===------===+===------===+===------===+===---

(This last drawing is a reference to a Spongebob scene. Just seemed in-character for a guy like Nac)

[trainerspiral]

Route 110 churns away beneath my Roto-bike's tires.

When I hit the crossroads with Route 103, I whip the bike sideways and come to a dusty halt, my heart hammering. I didn't realize how recklessly fast I was going. Slateport is only 30 minutes away.

I'm not ready.

I turn down Route 103. As I walk my bike along a stand of autumn-hued trees my breath starts to catch in my chest. Black spots appear against the midday sky. I drag myself off the road and slump down on a mat of red and yellow leaves, hands over my face.

I tell myself that the Makuhita will survive over and over again. I replay the Berry Master's wisdom like a mantra. I relive ASH's words of forgiveness until the moment becomes worn and distant.

And at the end of it all, I'm still afraid.

I'm afraid of the old, cold battle-lust that still comes far too easily, of the seed of pride that lay buried for decades and yet refused to die. And I'm also afraid of my fear, because for Coba's sake I need to be willing to fight. Not only to fight, but to fight and win, because if I hold back he will be the one to pay the greater part of the loser's fee.

And yet here I am, having a panic attack over a pitifully low-stakes match, because the idea of any Pokemon getting hurt as a result of my actions is so overwhelmingly painful.

I can't fight, and I can't retreat. I'm paralyzed.

My Pokémon died fighting because it's what they wanted to do. They chose that life, just like we chose to be trainers.

ASH's words echo the old cliche all young trainers hear, that a good trainer thinks of Pokemon as equal partners. Now I wonder if I've ever really believed it. I know that Pokemon are tough and resilient and smart, but humans are the ones giving the commands. Certainly there are times when Pokemon refuse to follow orders, but a captive Pokemon only has so much agency. The deeper the bond of trust between trainer and Pokemon, the greater the burden on the trainer to make responsible decisions.

But it is clear to me, here and now, that I will not be able to proceed if I can't accept on some level that they are choosing to back those decisions.

I let Coba out, and the V4ST follows. As soon as Coba sees my face, he cocks his head in concern and nudges me with his head.

I lift him gently and rest him on my knees. The V4ST watches from above, unreadable as usual.

"Coba," I say.

He's uncharacteristically still, his head turned so he can watch my expressions, sensing the weight of my feelings. I take a deep breath.

"We're going to have to do a lot of training and fighting. I'm really scared about that, because I care about you very much and I don't want you to get hurt. But if we're going to find your real trainer, we have to try.

"You've been really brave so far, and I know it's been hard for you because I'm so scared. That's because some bad things happened to other Pokemon I used to train."

I swallow hard, steady myself.

"But I don't want that to get in the way of helping you, so I'm going to do my best to trust you. I'll train you to be strong so that you can prove yourself, and I'll take you wherever I have to so you can get back home. I just..." I squeeze my eyes shut against the pain. "I just want to know that's what you want, too."

I open my bleary eyes and find Coba's little starry pupil looking up at me. I let myself stare at him, feeling...something. A sense of stillness, of connection.

Then he springs into my arms, and as I hold him close I feel something new--warmth and trust and childlike joy, things I thought lost to me. For a moment I feel like there is no separation between the two of us, and I stay in that moment as long as I can.

At last the surge of feeling goes out like a wave, and I turn my burning eyes up to the V4ST. It has moved closer and is hanging almost motionless in the air, watching us with its full focus.

"I'm going to trust you, too," I say. "I know what you're supposed to do if Coba doesn't pass, but I don't believe he's a glitch. You've already helped us so much." I hold out my right hand. "So I hope you'll be willing to keep helping us...Vast."

It stares at me long enough to make me unsure whether it understands. But then it says, "Bi-bing," and taps the palm of my hand with its right foot.

A fierce grin breaks over my face. I pull myself up; Coba capers around my ankles, crashing through the leaves.

"Let's get started," I say.

Vast beeps in the affirmative.

------

For the next four days, we train.

Warmup drills before breakfast, stretching and running and jumping in the woods. We do those as a team, all four of us.

After we eat, I have Coba and Bluk do isolated move training against practice targets I fabricate out of wood and stones. Vast is our lookout, alerting us when humans and wild Pokemon are too close for comfort. For the most part, we go unmolested. At midday, the woods are fairly quiet except for the occasional Zigzagoon crashing through the leaves. The few times a hiker wanders through, I withdraw my team and hide in the brush until they're gone.

After lunch, Bluk and Coba spar. Vast keeps one eye on our surroundings and one on Coba as he practices using his limited moveset. Its occasional comments--a bi-bing when a move lands and a drr-drrr when the execution fails--seem to help Coba understand what he's getting right and wrong. I come to think of it as a secondary coach.

When evening falls, it gets cold. I'm woefully unprepared for sleeping rough, but on the first night I notice a group of Zubat rising from the direction of the river that divides Route 103. I cautiously cross the road and climb down the eastern embankment.

Sure enough, after I've picked my way north along the river's edge for a little while, I find an opening in the rock.

Using my Roto-phone to light the way, I carefully explore. The cavern is about the size of a modestly large house with a nice, high ceiling. It doesn't smell very nice, but after a day training with Bluk, neither do I.

I build a little campfire just outside the entrance and use my Roto-phone to look up move training strategies, thinking of ways to optimize the work. When I'm sufficiently warm and my attention starts to fail I go inside, mark off an area with Repel, and sleep.

When the sound of the returning Zubat wakes me at dawn, we do it all again.

By the end of day four, Coba is confident with Mud-slap, Bite, and Astonish. Bluk has mastered Disable, Mud Bomb, Sludge and, of course, Minimize.

On the fifth day, we go looking for wild Pokemon.

Coba's first challenger is a Zigzagoon, nimble and quick. After fighting only slow-moving Bluk in the practice sessions, Coba is unsure. He takes a couple of Tackles before he manages to land a Mud-slap, and I'm worried the next hit will take him out. But the blinding mud shakes up the Zigzagoon's confidence, and it shifts to using Tail Whip, giving Coba the opportunity to engage with a Bite attack.

Coba hasn't enjoyed practicing Bite against Bluk much, for obvious reasons, and the first attack is somewhat tentative. But the second time I order it, the little Trapinch seems to realize how strong his jaws really are. The Zigzagoon tries to retaliate with a Tackle, but the mud hinders its aim and it misses.

After the third Bite attack, the Zigzagoon goes down.

"Bi-bi-bi-bing!" chimes Vast, and I let out a triumphant shout.

After I lavish Coba with praise and Oran berries, I carefully check out the Zigzagoon to make sure it doesn't have any serious injuries. I consider capturing it--they're useful little creatures, good at finding things--but I decide against it. I leave an Oran berry beside it and back off until it gets up and vanishes into the woods.

We spend the rest of the morning fighting Zigzagoon. Coba defeats another one, and Bluk defeats two more.

After lunch, I start working on teaching Coba how to use Sand Tomb. He's able to kick up a good amount of sand, but struggles to shape it. I have Bluk drill Sludge attacks, encouraging her to increase the volume of the attack bit by bit. I want her using Sludge Bomb as soon as possible.

I find myself talking to Vast a lot. Its wide range of expressive electronic sounds make the experience feel eerily close to a human conversation. Sometimes when I'm struggling to communicate something to Coba or Bluk it will chime in, and the information seems to come across easier afterwards.

In the evening, I gather us all around the fire for dinner. Coba and Bluk, tired but in high spirits from their victories, get into a mild wrestling match. Vast doesn't exactly join in, but it hovers nearby and makes playful-sounding noises, swooping out of reach whenever one of the others decides to lunge at it.

Before long they're all worn out. I put them back in their balls and settle down for the night.

We defeat more Zigzagoon the next day. By evening, Coba's Sand Tomb is starting to look just about right.

"I think we only need two more fights, right?" I ask Vast as I build up the fire.

Vast makes two deliberate tones in reply.

I breathe deep, pick Coba up and hug him. "Almost there," I tell him.

He squeaks and nuzzles my neck.

-----

When I emerge from my cave on day seven, I hear commotion coming from the direction of Route 110.

I sneak cautiously through the trees to the crossroads, hide in the brush and watch. A loose group of about twenty trainers--triathletes, fishermen and hikers for the most part--have fanned out across the lower path, blocking the way with Pokeballs at the ready.

Aware that I am filthy and smell like sewage, I approach the person who seems the least likely to be bothered by that--an older lady hiker who looks like she's been camping out for at least as long as I have, and ask, "What's going down?"

"Trubbish horde," she says. "Big one."

"We spotted them from up on the cycling path earlier," the triathlete guy beside her adds. "If they get into Slateport, they could start sneaking onto ships and spreading who knows where. The rangers have asked local trainers to defeat and capture until they can send more people."

"I've never seen a Trubbish in Hoenn," I say.

"We think they've been breeding in the abandoned levels of the New Mauville Power Plant," says the hiker. "Could be there's finally so many of them that they're looking to expand." She sniffs. "You been fighting them already?"

I sigh. "I'm training a Grimer."

A shout goes up somewhere down the line.

"Well, I hope you've been training hard, 'cause here they come!" says the triathlete, and throws his Pokeball.

All down the line, Pokeballs pop open in a staggered chorus, and a rank of Pokemon takes up position in front of their trainers.

Squinting down the road, I see them--a massive group of Trubbish, at least a hundred strong, tottering with determination down the road. The leaders pull up short at the sight of the blockade, stumbling and tripping into each other, but the mass behind quickly pushes the group forward again. The landfill stink of them hits soon after. The other trainers start to groan and cover their faces, but after weeks of training with Bluk I hardly grimace.

"Reflect!" the hiker orders, and her Lunatone murmurs and makes the air in front of us shimmer.

"Metal Sound!" the triathlete barks, and his Magneton directs a concentrated beam of sound at the nearest Trubbish, causing it to fumble and clutch its head.

"Well? What have you got?" the hiker asks me abruptly.

I realize I've been standing there gawking. I think about just slinking back into the bushes, but I shake the thought out of my head. I've made a vow to stop babying Coba, to make sure he survives all the way to the end of his journey. This is a good test for him.

Without another thought, I release Coba and Bluk together.

They've been training hard, but they're both still so green. At the sight of the horde and the cacophony of attacks and commands around them, they quail and turn back toward me.

"Coba! Mud-slap!" I shout. "Bluk! Minimize!"

They both hesitate for a moment, but I hear a sharp series of beeps from over my left shoulder. Vast's tone snaps them out of it, and once they've executed those initial commands, they fall into the rhythm of battle.

Bluk quickly realizes that with a few round of Minimize and successful Mud Bomb attacks, she's near invincible. The Trubbish start to back away from her and she goes on the offensive, blinding and Disabling Trubbish that are giving a nearby Manectric trouble.

Coba naturally wants to stick close to Bluk, but with Vast's help I encourage him to stay in the protection of the Lunatone's screens. The triathlete switches positions to be next to me, and once the group nearest us are sufficiently hindered by paralysis and mud, he starts ordering his Magneton to use Discharge, taking advantage of Coba's immunity to the attack.

The triathlete pulls out a Pokeball. "Catch them if you can," he says. "The rangers will exchange them for fresh balls if you don't want 'em."

I nod and start going through my eighteen remaining Ultraballs. Trainers all down the line follow suit, and the Trubbish horde starts to thin. Many of the stragglers start to turn and run, and I hear shouts of "Mean Look" and "Rock Tomb" as the trainers try to prevent their escape.

"Sand Tomb!" I tell Coba, pointing at a fleeing Trubbish.

He tries, spinning to kick up a small twister and flinging it forward, but he hasn't quite perfected the move. The Trubbish slips out of the too-weak dust devil and lunges at him, managing to hit with an Acid Spray attack.

Vast squawks, a sound of dismay. I grit my teeth. "You can do it, Coba!" I shout. "Shake it off! Sand Tomb!"

Coba looks back, unsure and afraid, and suddenly the urge to withdraw him is strong. Surely he's fought enough now to prove he's real.

Instead, I look steadily in his eyes and focus on projecting my confidence into him. "You can do it," I say again. Vast makes an affirmative chime.

With a fierce little growl, Coba turns and spins, a little longer and faster than before. The dust devil grows, swells, and shoots forward, engulfing the Trubbish. It struggles to break free, but the twister keeps it spinning in place. It tries to Acid Spray Coba again, but it misses.

"You've got it!" I shout. "Bite Attack!"

Coba charges forward and thrusts his head into the miniature storm, clamping down on the Trubbish with all his might. The Trubbish's eyes roll back and it falls unconscious.

A victory roar goes up from the assembled trainers. The last of the Trubbish vanish into Pokeballs. Vast and I join in, and then I drop to my knees as Coba comes running back to leap into my arms. A moment later I stagger as Bluk's heavy, wet arms wrap around my waist. Vast circles us, chirping and chiming with excitement.

"Is it over?" I ask. "Did we get it?"

"Bi-bibibi-bi-bi-bi-bing!"

I hold up my right hand to it, and it slaps my palm with its foot.

It's time to go to Slateport.

@novelistash