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meanbossart · 2 months ago

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Hellow

I was catching up with the latest chapters of ANE before reading The Spice™️ and I was reminded of how well you build and describe the environment surrounding your characters. Which prompts me to ask:

1 Do you have any drawings/sketches of landscapes and places from ANE that you can/would like to share?

2 Any advice for someone (me) that isn’t really good at putting their characters in places? I always end up with either a ‘too crowded’ or a ‘too barren’ of a setting.

Thank you for reading and hopefully answering my questions byee:3

Hello!!

Thank you! I have no idea what I'm doing so I'm glad I'm able to paint a good enough picture 😅

I do have two VERY simple sketches of the house of blood/the compound that I made to compare against my boyfriend's mental picture of it, basically to see how well I had been able to describe it since it's by far the most challenging area to put down into text.

(everything is very boxy and not exactly the ideal proportion, but again, this was a very simple sketch I made to "aid" the descriptions rather than for it to stand on its own at all) Here you see the "apple core" of the hive with the drow settlement and all the precarious platforms that interconnect and spring out of it. The cabins you see are sometimes two stories high so the area us actually quite big! Which is how Do'zynge is able to walk across the support-beams on the underside of said platforms even though he's rather large for a drider. The catwalk pictured can be moved up and down to connect people to different floors a little faster.

Here's a similar sketch based off of an specific scene, this one focuses more on the walkways built into the walls. I'm not sure why I huddled the doors together so much, they should definitely be more spaced out.

Also, while I used the same shorthand for everything, the spawn living spaces are all wood and stone - from the doors to the floor and railings. While the drow settlement (where Dalyria is too) is mostly metal and well structured tents.

For your second question, that's rough because I am also never quite satisfied with my descriptions 😂but I think that's a part of it; you need to make peace with the fact that you will NOT be able to paint a perfect picture, and think of the whole process as less of a job that you must do alone, but rather a collaboration between you and the reader's own creativity! You have to be willing to put some of the onus on them to imagine what it is you're trying to transcribe, instead feeling under the obligation of giving them exact descriptions for every little thing.

I try to use words that evoke a specific style and mood - say that the room is ornamental, warm, say that it's all golden and red and six sentences from now mention that the couch your character sat in is velvety. Reveal things as they come into relevance instead of interrupting the pace for two entire paragraphs to describe the room your characters just walked into - when appropriate, consider what they would even pay attention to at all and maybe limit yourself to it. Set a rough base for your environment at the start of a scene and then sprinkle descriptors in throughout the prose, and always consider if you truly NEED to get into the specifics of something or if the reader can be left to their own imaginative devices.

Also, unless necessary or some sort of plot device, I find that trying to establish where things are in a room (doors, furniture, stairs) in a map-like manner is a waste of time. Just say "behind him", "to her left", "right ahead", I don't think being overly specific benefits anybody - your reader picturing this set of stairs facing the west rather than the east is unlikely to be consequential to your narrative.

That being said, don't shy away from pointing "unnecessary" things out when they help set a mood, or help in characterization. Way early in ANE there's a scene where DU drow walks into the room where him, Astarion, and Shadowheart have been staying and are now about to leave, he takes note of the fact that one of them made the bed - he doesn't say who, besides that it wasn't himself, but I put that there to hopefully establish from early on that one character's priorities had started to change. In the compound, Dalyria is described as collecting useless things she found in the underground and displaying them around the office - this, on top of her new look, outfit, and company should paint a picture. Irennor's living situation should say all there is to know about him, and the way DU drow dismantles his belongings after only what is immediately valuable instead of considering the historical significance of anything says something about him, too. That's my favorite way of setting scenes, by finding out how to say something about the people in it.

#ask #a novel experience #advice

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mischiefmaker615 · 29 days ago

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Use Me (Loki Love Story) Ch.8

Summary: Loki shows up at your brothel with an offer. What could go wrong?

Requested song inspiration: Use Me by Johnny Blue Skies & Dove Cameron & Diplo

Loki’s smirk faltered immediately when your mouth blurted out the rather un-lady like question. He still didn’t move but his eyes were trained on yours with a raised brow and you could have sworn he was able to hear your racing heart beat when you stood there shaking.

‘’I’m-.. darling, what has gotten into-‘’

‘’you most certainly haven’t’’ you said sharply, feeling your nails dig into your palms while your mouth seemed to have a mind of its own. Especially with Loki’s narrowing eyes and his body turning to face yours once he finished setting down his helmet on the table.

‘’what are you playing at?” he said carefully, his voice alone almost like a snake daring you to make a move. You hated that it worked a little and your voice certainly quieted down while you puffed out your chest, hoping to show some remaining intimidation in your demands.

‘’we had a deal- you’ve brought me here to be your whore and in return, I earn enough so I can get the Hel out of here! But little by little you seem to just.. just.. play with me! As if this is some sort of game to just-‘’ you then stopped short, blinking at his unreadable expression while you searched for words. You took a small step back in disbelief, your mind hinting at the pieces that lay close together in all this while you took a deep breath.

‘’..your prolonging my departure?”

Loki raised his chin as he looked down his nose at you, almost scoffing. ‘’I merely pay you for what I deem is the appropriate amount in which you’ve earned.’’ He turned to the side and waved a hand over to the other side of the table, not daring to break eye contact. ‘’you can see for yourself what you have accomplished this afternoon.’’

His tone was sharp, seeming to match your own but with more confidence than what you had right now. Your eyes briefly looked past him at the envelope and dare you say you were curious on what was in there.. but you knew you shouldn’t get your hopes up with your expectations here. Not when he was mocking and avoiding your question.

‘’this isn’t about the money.. is it?”

Loki then scoffed and looked away, eyes raising to the ceiling as if one was trying to figure out how to explain something to a child. ‘’what do you think this is about then Y/N? you are my whore; I may use that to what I please.’’ His eyes then dropped to yours in a way that almost startled you. ‘’do you honestly think that it’s more than just sex?”

‘’but we haven’t had sex-‘’ You didn’t move, your nails releasing the pressure in your hands to grasp the fabric at your sides instead. You held his eye contact, hoping youd see more answers than having to ask them instead before you allowed yourself a breath. ‘’I don’t believe you..’’

Loki blinked at you, his brows furrowing together while you just accused him of lying. Him! the god of lies! ‘’what?”

You took another breath, your voice quieter now and careful, like one was trying to get through a maze without setting off a trap at the same time. ‘’..I don’t believe you-‘’

‘’are you accusing me of all beings to be lying?” he asked, taking a careful step towards you while you willed yourself to hold your ground. ‘’you think this contract is beyond our bargain? That I care outside of flesh?”

‘’if you wanted to fuck me, you would have done so already, right?” you asked, eyes raising to find he was much closer now and your mind screamed to silence yourself. This was a straight ticket to treason to be speaking to a royal like this.

‘’have you ever taken a moment to think that perhaps I don’t want to?” he said sharply, sending a pain in your chest by his comment while you took another step back when he got two steps away from you.

‘’..then why am I here? Why make me your whore if you could find anyone else you might be much happier with and fuck?”

‘’who’s to say I haven’t when you aren’t present?” he asked carefully, an unsure hint in his voice that even now still made you think he was lying. He seemed to speak as carefully as you were, eyes challenging and you had to stop backing up once your back found the wall.

‘’then I could have found faster income somewhere else then.’’ You snapped and looked away, finding his shoes stopping in front of you while your bottom lip trembled. ‘’you claim this is just.. for your tastes in pleasure.. but so far all we’ve done was slow my chances for a better life!.. Is that it? Is that what this all is?” you demanded and looked at him with a glare. ‘’my goals for my future are some sort of game for you? Do you get off on seeing me like this??”

Loki’s jaw was tense, eyes glaring but to the ground while he seemed to have much to say but refused to say it. His own nails were in his palms, shoulders straining to stay at his proper posture but his breaths staying direct and careful. ‘’Y/N.. I-‘’

‘’I know I know- my defiance just lessoned the envelope, is that it? Well- if this is all just some cruel game between us, then by gods I’m done playing. Dare I say, I’ve figured it out!”

Loki raised a brow, his lips parted with struggling words while his eyes raised back to yours hesitantly. ‘’..you figured it ou-‘’

‘’yes I figured it out! you obviously got off on my initiative, you want to hold onto your gentleman persona and not force yourself on a woman so this is your own damn way to get them to go to you instead!” you barked, chest to chest now while you looked up at him with glassy eyes ‘’is this what it will take to earn my keep then??” you demanded and ripped the shirt you had on up and off, leaving you naked with his wide eyes dropping to your form.

Your hands then shot up to grip his chest armor, shaking never the less while a tear raced down your cheek. ‘’if this is all about fucking to you, then prove it. I’ll even do this one for free.’’

Regret hinted in your chest, though your mind determined to understand. Loki looked down at you with slow breaths, his eyes on yours and yours alone, despite you being naked in front of him. you didn’t care.. he’s seen you anyway and you were to hurt and angry to care regardless. Yet the longer he looked at you, the more self-conscious you began to feel and you almost seemed to think he was doing it on purpose- like his own desperate attempt to win at something when he couldn’t necessarily produce words to answer your questions.

Oh but he would..

‘’answer me-‘’ you almost wanted to shake him with your desperate plea flowing from your mouth but you couldn’t so much as see his expression when his hand suddenly shot up to grip the back of your head and bring you forward against his lips.

He kissed you with almost a desperate passion and need, his fingers cradling almost harshly the back of your head while you found yourself eagerly pressing into him as well. Hot tears flowed down your cheeks while you squeezed your eyes shut, the cold metal of his armor pressing up against your skin and causing you to shiver while you stayed sandwiched between him and the wall.

His other hand made sure to find one of your wrists and pin it beside your head, his grip though not painful, but sure it wouldn’t loosen unless he allowed it. His tongue demanded entrance and you didn’t think twice to give him what he wanted while your body told you it was just as demanding. It massaged and explored your mouth, a hum leaving his lips while you felt his fingers begin to curl and grip your hair instead.

Your free hand rose up, gripping his silky locks you dare say, longed to feel and seemed to whine against him, having no ability to move from against his control and you gasped for breath as soon as he pulled away. Yet he didn’t give you much time to recover once you began to catch your breath, you found his slender hands gripping your hips and turning you both before his lips crashed with yours once more, almost seeming to be a distraction while he walked you both backwards.

The back of your knees found the bed and his weight pushed you back to have you land on the mattress, his hands pushing you up it further before he joined you on top.

‘’Loki-‘’ you began before you felt his hands grip both your wrists and pin them above your head, being maneuvered so only one hand had to contain them before the other ran down your side and took hold of your thigh, raising it so it was pressing up against his hip and leaving you open with your heart racing.

Any second you tried to speak, his lips would return to you, silencing them with another passionate kiss and captured your bottom lip between his teeth before his mouth would caress your skin again. As they left open mouth kisses against your neck and collarbone, you felt more and more of your thoughts being washed away until there was nothing more to do than just feel.

It wasn’t until you tried to push past the feeling of your body shaking, that you discovered his own body was. Your eyes blinked open, wide and worried while your head raised to look at him but his head was not in a position where you could see well while his lips traveled to kiss between your breasts, a hand being gentle to rest just beside one of them but he has not dared indulge. Come to think of it.. he hasn’t touched anything you could consider intimate..

‘’Loki..’’ you whispered, biting your lip while you tried to pull your thoughts together and not melt once you felt his tongue caress and his mouth mark places scattered between your shoulder and your neck.

‘’Loki-‘’ you tried again, feeling his hips lower ever so slightly to feel his clothed erection begin to grind against your exposed cunt before you shook your head to try to snap out of it.

‘’Loki!” you begged, snapping his head up with eyes locked with yours and his body frozen. ‘’Loki..’’ you breathed, your eyes wide with concern while you saw how red and glassy his own were, his grip instantly loosening to let your hands slowly move down to cup his face. Your thumbs carefully wiped off some of the remaining wetness from his fallen tears and your body began to shake again while you searched his face.

‘’Y/N.. I love you..’’

Tag List: @comehomecomehometous @trash-panda-kitty @kuroturo @lovinglimerence @kathren1sky-blog @soulpiercing @ildflue-17 @navs-bhat @ririsasaki @allbymyself17 @howl-and-midna-smeltser @blackquartzsstuff

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schwanemannsland · 4 months ago

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Bill Collins and Self Curruption

I've had this personal theory ever since the ninth episode of Urbanspook released that, in short, Bill Collins was willing to enter this lifestyle with Mona at the beginning. Of course, this relationship (both as killer and as lovers) was incredibly one-sided at the end with Mona taking full control of Bill's every thought and action, but I have a hard time believing Bill was forced into this at the very start.

Bill Collins is by all means an American Joe-Schmoe; he has an honorable career in his local police force, he has a wife, he has children, he has that white picket fence type dream that every man strives for. Yet, despite all that, there comes a major catch: predictability. No matter how one obtains this nuclear family life it all runs upon the same script. No matter what he has to implement himself in events like anniversaries, holidays, family, vacations, school related events, that obligatory family drama, and don't get me started about the added stress of having to focus on paying taxes, the mortgage, what will and what won't insurance will cover, what trouble his kids caused, how much a new car repair will cost, and so forth and so forth. This American dream becomes a living nightmare once you have to juggle money and family relations that, at the end of the day, will amount to nothing and will never end with your deeds being thanked.

It's a monotonous life that I can't see a person like Bill Collins enjoying. At most, he would have forced himself into a delusion of enjoyment due to societal pressures and the need to abide by normalcy. This is all something he could never control so, to go completely against such routine, is the ultimate form of freedom. To live his life vicariously through his primal id with the removal of social and familial obligations isn't that insane of a concept for a middle aged man to commit. Yet, we are swayed to believe that he could never commit such actions. We, the audience, are fed this idea of "honor" and "respect" despite the lack of evidence outside of his job title as a police officer.

This goes into my next point: he became a police officer for purely selfish reasons that had no relation to protecting the community he works for. I know, shocker; a bad police officer. I won't baby feed anybody on how corrupt the police system in America is, so I'll just focus more on the specifics of Bill Collins' career. Despite the gritty reality, we are told this idea of the police. We are told that an officer of the law can't be just anyone, but someone dedicated to the people. Someone who will put their life on the line to bring peace and justice when the citizens couldn't. We are told that this title is something only morally correct people can obtain. Bill very much goes against this ideology. I have a hard time believing that someone that easily became a bloodthirsty hedonist was a good cop to begin with. In fact, I am inclined to believe his desires for violence poked its head while on the line.

Maybe Bill found himself jumping to physical restraint and assaulting suspects with weapons much quicker than his colleagues. Maybe he even jumps to the most drastic measure for small incidents like speeding or running a red light. Hell, maybe he seriously injured a convict for "justifiable reasons". Whatever it may be, violent tendencies don't pop out of nowhere for a person and a man that's in an environment that not only allows physically harming suspects, but encourages it isn't too far fetched. This could even go deeper if true with his actions being easily covered up by the department due to either image, his attitude and charisma, him being able to get his job done no matter what or a mix of all three. With such a small town, it would be a disaster if one or more officers were openly tried for misconduct and assault so it would be better to look the other way. We can't have the perception of the "good, morally correct cop" being questioned.

The final point I want to cover is how convenient everything went in his favor once he and his family got affected by Mona. Think about it: he is spared from being killed, has had major pieces of evidence that pointed towards him being involved was destroyed (his car being abandoned in the ocean) or cleaned away (there was no mention of fingerprints or further murders besides hi infant once his house was investigated), and how he of all people obtained the killer's self portrait right before his home invasion. It's hard to believe Mona spared him nor that she would easily overpower a man like him, even with a weapon on hand. I'm inclined to believe he jumped at the opportunity to execute his family with Mona perhaps due to a spur-of-the-moment decision or a premeditated one crafted beforehand. Either way, the actions following didn't seem to benefit Mona in the slightest. Why would she destroy and abandon Bill's car? She never seemed concerned about leaving her prints behind nor was it going to deter the police away from her scent due to its placement by the lighthouse. If anything, it hindered her since she had to go about abandoning a car without the plate being read nor noticed in such a small town. The only reason she would need to get rid of the vehicle is if she wanted to wash away and hide incriminating evidence against Bill.

We can further inspect this theory by looking at Mona's first painting of Bill. The painting is incredibly interesting in how it depicts a supposed victim due it being one of the most simplistic portraits so far (even "Scream Maggy Scream" had deep violets and hints of pink) with it being only black and white with the face itself being a cartoonishly bland one with two small eyes and a tiny smile on an elongated face. It doesn't show him being tortured nor in any sort of distress. It doesn't even have a puny title alluding to his demise with it just being dubbed "Bill Collins" (of course there is no sign of her giving it an official name so even assuming its named after Bill would be a stretch). With a quick glimpse it has a lot of striking resemblance to how Mona appears: pale skin, very smooth features, sunken in eyes, and a very simple yet off putting representation of human emotions. The only major difference is that he's popularly shown smiling, before and after Mona's involvement. It's safe to assume Mona is trying to reveal how similar she sees Bill and herself, from either actions, personality, or a mix of both.

Now, the series isn't finished so Mona's reasoning for attacking the Collins family can easily go against everything I said. Maybe it all was just a coincidence and Bill really was that sweet hearted Joe-Schmoe. Maybe the painting towards him was made just to poke fun at how he looks and nothing more. Only time will tell. But, all and all, I believe Bill had a much bigger involvement than we are led to believe and is no better than Mona when it comes to that lust for sadistic torture.

#urbanspook #mona lanius #bill collins

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ifitmeanslosingyouthenno · 2 months ago

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pls more of the prostitution au 🙏 I wanna see more of dadmack! but also.. how would andrew react?

sorry i never answered lol

on dadmack

i feel like he'd feel sooo protective over neil, because in his eyes this is a CHILD, neil is a child just barely past the age of 18 who had to do the unthinkable in order to survive because the cops didn't think he was worth more, but oh, neil is worth so much more than wymack could even imagine to give him

but in the start, he probably keeps his distance, bc neil had to get close and personal with many older men, but the fear of them never really went away, he just dissociated through the entire experience, pretended he wasn't real to begin with, and if anything he gained more bad experiences with older men to make him afraid of them

so wymack keeps his distance, tries not to spook him, keeps in clinical and impersonal

it only lasts like 2 days or something tho

because yeah, neil's clothing style was... tight, and yeah maybe a little too much on the revealing side, but like that could be his aesthetic

except one night when neil leaves his apartment's bathroom in shorts too short to be called anything but boxers, a tank top that rides too high on his belly and reveals the slightest bit of scars, and black eyeliner and mascara

and wymacks blood turns so cold so fast he wonders if hes dead

"where the hell do you think you're going?"

and neil, scared, anxious and just fucking exhausted, tries and fails to hide his wince, before just saying, "work"

wymack is too fucking shocked to even comprehend what the fuck is happening right now

like he *knew* that neil said he was a prostitute, but knowing and actually fucking understanding it and realizing that its fucking true are two different things

"dont worry, i wont bring anyone here, im going to find somewhere else to go"

and that kickstarts wymack's entire system

"you're not going out josten"

neil frowns, genuine confusion in his eyes, before they widen and just like that there's tension in his shoulders, there's something like regret and resignation and hurt, before all that completely fades in favor of a little smirk settling in place, smile playful and eyes sparkly and he's taking confident steps in wymack's direction

"i can stay if you want coach, i can do whatever you want"

and really wymack thought he was ready for anything, that at this point no story his foxes told him or nothing his foxes did would surprise him or take him aback or make him falter

but understanding neil's words and actions and the way he's raising his hand as if to caress wymack's shoulder makes him falter, makes him move so fast from neil and makes him so fucking *furious*

"no" is the only thing he says, but there’s so much rage, so much pain, so much grief in his soul, and the word comes out angry and violent in something that resembles a growl

because how could he not be fucking furious? how could he not feel anything but anger at the fact that this 18 year old child thinks he has to offer sex he obviously doesn't fucking want in order to survive? how does he not feel anything but rage at the idea of this 18 year old child, one of his fucking foxes, about to go out to find a man willing to pay him to treat him like a fucking object just to be able to survive?

neil's entire mask crumbles as he flinches away from him, fear visible in his eyes and in his shaking hands and shoulders

how is wymack supposed to feel anything but anger at seeing his fox in this situation?

his rage doesn't fade, doesn't magically disappear, but he knows its not towards neil, knows its not fair for neil, who must already be feeling so many things, to think wymack is angry at him

softer now, he says again, "no, neil, dont ever think i will ever ask of you anything like that, i am your coach, i will never ask of you anything that isn't related to exy, i promise i will never take from you or hurt you, i will never- just no neil, tell me you understand"

neil wont look him in the eyes, and his hands are still shaking, but ever so softly, he whispers, "i understand coach"

and it pulls at the strings in his heart, in ways only his foxes are able to, but he makes himself keep going

"good, and i need you to know you dont need to keep doing any of this anymore, you don't- this doesn't have to keep happening"

this time neil does look up at him, once again confusion bright in his eyes, frown in place

"i need the money coach, i understand if you dont want- i understand, but i still need the money, i can't just stop working"

and wymack is not an affectionate man, but it takes everything in him not to grab neil close and never let him go

"let me take care of the expenses, neil, you dont have to keep doing this anymore, you worry about exy, worry about kevin, let me worry about expenses"

and neil? neil has no idea of how to accept that

"i cant let you do that, i can't- i need to have my own money, i, i *can't* just let you do that, no-"

"neil, do you enjoy your work?"

that pulls him up short

like genuinely baffled, flabbergasted, shocked

not only because of the bluntness of the question, not because of the lack of judgement in wymacks voice, not when thats just intrinsically wymack

what shocks him is the fact that he can't make himself answer fast enough

because does he? no matter how much he wants to lie to himself, to convince himself it isn't a bad fucking job, that he can get through this and keep doing it, that he doesn't mind the ickiness, the roughness, the soreness, the worthlessness, the desperation

no matter what lies he feeds himself, he never wanted this, he did what he had to do to survive, he was helpless, he chose this but did he?

did he chose this when he couldn't find another choice?

he didn't want to choose this, why would he choose to be degraded and beat up and held down and abused??

he never wanted this

"no"

his voice is raspy, his throat hurts in that way it does when he's trying not to cry

he used to be better at not crying, at keeping the feelings at bay

the last few months have left him unraveled

he wonders if he looks as devastated as he feels, if the pain and grief and loss is written on his face

he wonders if he looks as small as he feels

ironic given that he hasn't ever felt like a kid

wymack's face doesn't betray him, not like neil thinks his face betrays him

"so it's settled", his voice doesn't betray him either, "you're not going out anymore"

for a moment, he wants to fight him over it again, he doesn't want to rely on coach, he doesn't want to depend on him

but

"okay?"

wymack must sense his hesitation, but at the same time, neil can feel his resolve falling

"let me help you neil"

he doesn't want to rely on anyone, but how can he not believe wymack? how can he not believe those pain filled eyes? how can he not believe his honesty?

"okay"

wymack's shoulders fall, the tension leaving him slowly

somehow, neil can feel the tension ease out of him as well

he feels shaky, hollow, too vulnerable for his own good, and when wymack throws him a tight lipped smile, he cant help but look away

"how about i order some takeout huh? how does pizza sound?"

neil tries to smile back, and it feels more like a grimace, but its got to be something right?

he looks down at himself, suddenly self conscious of the fish net tights and booty shorts and crop top

out of nowhere, wymack hands him a jacket, slowly and cautiously and neil feels like an abused dog, but he takes the oversized garment from wymack's outstretched hand

it covers him down to his thighs, and it shouldn't matter, but it warms neil up in ways that he doesn't even understand

"pizza sounds good coach"

sorry i got carried away lmao Andrew's reaction is going to have to be another post (eventually lol)

#aftg #neil josten #david wymack #dadmack #cw prostitution #cw sex work #cw dubcon #just tagging those in case anyone has it flagged :)#tw dubcon #prostitution au

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shinystealingbirb · 4 months ago

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This is a bit of a rant, but I wonder what Ratio's opinion on people who are in majors they don't want to be is.

Like, the people who clearly want to be studying one thing, but through one reason or another, are in a different major/professor.

From a teacher standpoint, I imagine it sucks to watch the life leave a kid's eyes every time they look at their worksheet, and it must be annoying if they turn their stuff in late because they were working on something else or just not paying attention.

I know that ratio puts an emphasis on not only wanting to be in that specific class, but actively participating and listening. Failure to do either of these gets you kicked out. i wonder if he would toss people from his class without a second look, or if he would take the time to consider why someone who fought to be in his class so clearly doesn't want to be there? if they're still taking notes, still somehow scoring decently, but its so obviously half-hearted, like they've resigned themselves to this, would he transfer them? Let them stay? kick them out entirely?

im certain he'd just toss them out, but they'd be better in the long run, and anotehr slot would open in the class for someone who wanted to be there. but i wonder what he himself thinks about those types of people. if he pities them for not being able to follow their own ppath, or finds himself disgusted that they turn away knowledge in favor of some other course. or if he considers this class itself, for these people, to be a roadblock in their own pursuit of knowledge. Does he consider what they want, if they're still in college, still trying to study, but forced to be in that major, to still be a pursuit of knowledge? i wonder how far his idea of "knowledge" spreads, if its purely math and phyiscs and medical and philosophy, or it if extends to art and writing and drama. if people want to learn to create expression, is that still knowledge to him? or is it the act of learning he finds so important, that as long as they are not closing their minds off and accepting what they know as fact so solid that nothing else can pass through it, then they are learning and willing to understand?

(honestly, i like the last one. it would explain why Ratio likes Stelle so much. She's got no education, but she's willing to question most things and think critically instead of accepting things as solid fact, and I think he appreciates that.)

i wonder all of this because college has been rough for me so far, and sometimes considering it from a more intelligent and higher perspective than my own helps me see a bigger picture, if there is one. If i am still learning, even if i am struggling, even if its not where i want to be, is it pitiful or embarassing? and could it still be cosnidered a worthwhile pursuit?

#hsr #doctor ratio #rant #college #teacher stuff ig #dr ratio #dr veritas ratio #stelle #honkai star rail

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butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway · 1 month ago

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hey! i really resonate with the stuff you say about community building and shared responsibility and activism and resistance... it really vibes with something in me. you also espouse values of sympathy and meeting people where they're at to a degree a lot of people in my experience just aren't willing to try, at least with my particular situation, because it gets called "impossible" or just written off as a "lost cause" a lot, i was wondering if you would potentially have any advice for this? (please feel free to not engage if this is too long, i know i am... A lot.)

basically, i can't leave my house, as in, i can't make it out the front door (i go to medical appointments sometimes but they're an all-day affair that basically wipes me out for the next 24 hours). i've been... REALLY struggling to build community like this, especially since my roomates don't want other people in the house without them wearing masks and doing tests first (we all have severe chronic postviral illness and can't isolate from each other if we get sick), and i've tried to meet people on apps and such, but none of them have been willing to do any of that before coming to my house, and usually they bow out once they realize i don't have my own bedroom anyway (none of us do, two room basement apartment babyyyy lol, one bedroom one dual-use common area/kitchen). i feel, like, really brutally isolated and like i'm not able to resist, but more than that, like i'm not even able to build my own community to survive whats oncoming. i keep trying social media, but it keeps making me want to explode, everyone on every single platform i've tried is so combative and the culture is just awful, and i haven't made inroads into a single group in years at this point despite regularly posting and replying to people on tumblr, instagram, and recently, also bluesky.

asking for advice often gets me advice on how to get over social anxiety and leave the house, but i dont know how to tell people that i just can't leave, i don't have the fortune to live in an accessible building so getting me out of the building can take over an hour on its own and leaves me in so much pain and exhaustion i can barely stay awake for the doctors. and i can't move at this point because like the entire hud department got laid off and the social worker i talked to last week basically said if she was giving it straight to me she was pretty sure subsidized housing wouldn't open again for at least this presidential term, probably longer. we get to live here for only $100 a month each because we got a shady under the table deal and theres just nowhere else in my city i can live at this point because the minimum rent for a studio apartment is nearly twice as much as the ssi limit. really i just feel like i lack imagination, i can't wrap my head around how to build community and solidarity, i can't figure out how to get people to pay attention and welcome me into their community with these limitations.

no pressure to respond, i know this is a complicated and really personal situation and i'm not expecting you to have advice, i just thought if anyone would, it'd be you. none of this is really helped by having no privacy and no windows (so rarely getting any sun) and seeing the same 4 walls all day every day making me really, deeply depressed. it's hard to untangle what's a real barrier and what's depression making it hard for me to imagine possibilities.

I need you (and the audience that will see this post) to understand that I am giving you a difficult answer with love.

You said something at the end here that I'm gonna contextualize a little for you. "It's hard to untangle what's a real barrier and what's depression making it hard for me to imagine possibilities."

Can you do me a favor anon? Grab a piece of paper and a pencil and then please read back through your ask. Mark down for me the number of times you named a "can't do", and mark down in a separate tally the number of times you named a "can do". As in, the things you named that are not available or accessible to you or that you cannot do or obtain vs the things you named that you do have access to or resources to do/obtain/etc. Next, read through once more and mark down for me the number of times you criticised yourself and/or apologized for yourself, regardless of whether or not you believe it was necessary/relevant to do so. And lastly, I would like you to read back over this post [link here and below] and tell me how many of the things named (e.g. taking photos or digitizing/preserving old records, making conversation in a shared digital or in person space, planting wildflowers somewhere, making art or sharing your thoughts in a discussion space, etc) are things that are RARELY or SOMETIMES or OFTEN a thing that is accessible for you.

This is a big ask on my part, but an important one for the following reasons:

I do not know who you are. You are literally an anonymous text message on social media to me. So the only context and knowledge I have of you is what is in this ask right here right now. Even if you reply and give me more context, I will never know for certainty that this next anonymous response is the same person (will I be fairly sure if it is? Maybe! But that's not the same thing as being able to know confidently enough to make inferences about this ask or future ones by assuming they were made by the same person. That's not a very responsible way to interact with anonymity.)

And unfortunately you have given me VERY little to work with here. You are asking me for advice to help you build community, but all I know about you is that you are ashamed of your presence in my space, you are feeling hopeless and frightened, and you believe you are not capable of surviving this moment in your life as things stand. Anon, this is not just a description of depression. This is a description of a trauma response associated with escalated depressive symptoms and associated with a risk in suicidal behavior and erosion of psycho-social-emotional resilience to intrusive suicidal ideation. [Follow the citation Daisy Chain and explore this idea further yourself please!

Trauma responses make it legitimately difficult and sometimes even impossible to adequately call upon the executive functioning skills we depend on higher brain function for, including problem solving, emotional regulation, and risk/safety assessment. Additionally, when these reactions become persistent/chronic and pervasive in our lives, it can affect our long term physiological health. Many people may have heard of the ACE Study conducted many years ago by Kaiswr Permanente, and while the ACE survey [link here and below] remains a standardizeable assessment that can help predict the level of trauma assessment and care a person may need, our understanding of the role of trauma in damaging long term physical and mental health when it is un-/under-managed has only grown since KP published their initial results. We understand that trauma can affect the brain, not just procedurally, but in cognitive and physiological structuring. We know these effects can heal with time, care, and safe environments. We know that chronic and traumatic stress significantly impact the autonomic nervous system and that the secondary dysautonomia that can result from trauma-related parasympathetic nervous system deconditioning is a major part of the physiological changes that can follow, such as changes to embodied processes of endocrine production, blood pressure and circulation, immune function, reproductive health, sexual satisfaction and comofrt, and so much more.

I cannot stress enough anon that while I do not know you, nor do I know enough about you to understand exactly how and why you have found yourself in this conversation, I strongly suspect that you need to have a serious conversation with yourself and possibly a trusted friend, loved one, or community aid worker, about how many of your basic needs are actually being met right now and what can be done to build a functional and safe floor under you. I cannot stress enough that you should not be pushing yourself to "community build" right now, but to "resource seek". This will still (likely) lead to community building in the end! But the order of operations here in how you prioritize your energy could really matter right now.

I talk a lot, and quite openly in tense dialectics that rarely 100% mesh with each other despite all being authentic and true, about my role in this work and its impact on my mental health. I do not necessarily talk about what has gone into making that feasible for me to do. This is partly a responsibility thing. I would absolutely hate for someone to read me talk about this stuff, treat it like a checklist, and get hurt because what was right for me wasn't right for them, but they trusted me more than they trusted their own pain as it was happening. This would be the worst case scenario for me in ways I truly can't describe, it's why I try more and more to acknowledge when I am and am not able to comment on certain things or make certain assertions, etc.

For now tho, lets suspend that and demonstrate EXACTLY what the work I do takes for me personally to sustain:

I see my therapist weekly.

I see my psychiatrist monthly

I meet AT LEAST weekly with my supervisor to go over skills, work that needs doing, policy work, ethical issues, resource navigation, growth, etc. Ever since the inauguration, my supervisor and I have never met for less than FIVE HOURS A WEEK to discuss these need areas.

I meet monthly with my entire department for a peer support program that we alternate facilitating. It can function as additional supervision and feedback, but often is just us making space for ourselves in a closed environment where we all understand each others contexts

I run 3 separate group chats, 1) a space for clinical, legal, and advocacy knowledge sharing, 2) a space for "open processing hours" where any of my department may pop in at any time to express they need to talk through something with someone, offer a brief description, and receive consultation and support from myself or a peer, and 3) a space for me and a couple of my staff who came up in the organization with me and are friends to cope together with the impact of our various de-radicalization works

I have a LOT of people I share this work with. For one, I there's all my direct reports at work in my day job, but ALSO there are people I have met and known over the years who I regularly or intermittently check in with and seek support from/offer help to. Not all of these people are what I would call "friends" but they are absolutely all "community". Understanding the difference between these two terms for me has been critical in not burning myself out or harming myself trying to be friends with everyone I need to be in community with while still allowing me to be **friendly** with everyone I'm in community with.

I am fortunate enough to be working for a person and organization who shares my values and priorities, and pays me well enough to allow me to devote most of my time to work through this org while still regularly calling on the tools of the organization to support the work I do outside of it, including material resources, aid referrals, human contribution, etc. Many of my staff do the same with me. One of my department staff (not direct report) has used the credentials our organization allows them to acheive to facilitate intra-communal mental health and community welfare initiatives on the reservation where they grew up. Another routinely sources emergency resource/aid requests that they receive in their community safety work with survivors of domestic violence. Another of my former direct reports has been volunteering in Palestine because they had an existing background in refugee support and had discussed with me heavily the role of our work in genocide prevention and response. None of these people are doing everything, but together, we are doing so much more than any of us ever imagined.

Because of the work I do, and the skills myself and my wife have, my wife currently manages our household while I work. This can get dicey at times and we are often deeply cash poor, but resource wise, together we have created a system that guarantees (as much as anything can) the following floor: 1) we will always have a roof over our head, 2) we will always have food to eat, 3) we will always have something to do for fun or relaxation, 4) we will always have somewhere we can go/something we can do if one of the first three things changes.

I have people in my life who help me walk away from these things when need be. Partners, friends, family, whatever the case may be, and while not every one of these people will be the right person to call every time, every one of them is the right person to call SOME of the time, and across the spectrum there are very few times when I have no one to turn to for space to have my feelings or let go of the stress

Despite ALL of this, the stress of what I do, compounded with my medical and mental health disabilities means that I have been in severe malnutrition for a very long time, and have been in slow rolling organ failure for at least a year (had my first surgical intervention exactly 12 months as of February in fact). I receive weekly injections and monthly infusions to keep my upright, walking, and talking at this point (fingers crossed this program takes and I can be done in April lmfao). My wife works from home in part because we can afford for her to, but also in part because we can't afford for her NOT to. My health requires semi-constant supervision and honestly I should have gotten a PCA years ago now to help me shower and manage my meds and other such things, but ee can't afford private pay and insurance says because I'm married I don't need it 🙃

I don't say any of this as inspiration porn. This isn't AT ALL me seeing "oh look how brave I am, if I can do it so can you." It is the opposite. I mean it when I say I want no one in the world to ever have to live the way I do. No matter how just the cause for doing this to yourself. But I **can**. I know how. I have been doing it my whole life. The balancing act is fragile but it persists and I survive to fight another day. Not everyone will be able to say the same. Every single pair of feet on the path will matter. So mine will be there.

This is now an incredibly long non-answer, so I'm gonna try and tidy up the threads of it here:

The golden rule of any support work is that you can't help anybody if you're fucking dead. So you need to know what it means to meet your needs, before anything else, and you need to know how much wiggle room you have to push that before it does more harm (to you AND your work) than good. Anon, I really hope you find community because it can mean so desperately much to each and every one of us. But I hope you find safety first. Because it can be deeply painful and counter-productive to try and find the former without first having at least some semblance of the other.

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godfrey-the-chaos-duck · 5 months ago

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this is without a doubt the weirdest thing I have ever done

SALUTATIONS, HELLAVERSE FANDOM!

You probably don't know me, but my name is Godfrey. (Pleasure to be meeting you, quite a pleasure!)

To be quite honest, I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing here. As I type this, I'm unspeakably nervous.

"Why are you nervous, Godfrey?" I hear you ask.

Well...

I have a dream

I'm here to tell

About a fanfic I wrote for Hazbin Hotel

(sorry)

Okay okay serious director voice from now.

Look, this is gonna sound absolutely unhinged, but hear me out. (insane rambles under the cut, this bitch is LONG)

In April, a friend and I had a conversation about a song I wrote and how it was. Well, kinda coded to Vox and Valentino.

Then one thing led to another, and two-and-a-bit months and twelve thousand words later, I had written an absolutely sprawling shitshow of a fic (details later in the post)

Even as I was writing it, I knew the written word didn't do it justice.

Hence, this post.

(golly, this sounds really demanding, I am so sorry)

Fuck it, my mom always says "if you don't ask you don't get", and for once I want her to be right.

This is, I suppose, a sort of... call to action, for lack of a better term.

Artists, animators and voice actors, I'd like your help to turn this fic into an animatic, or if we can manage it, an actual animation.

ONLY if we can manage it, not if it's gonna stress anyone out.

IMPORTANT NOTE

Just to get this out of the way, not that I should even need to say this but it's unfortunately 2024. If anyone even SUGGESTS using A.I. your ass is getting blocked. I don't fuck with that artificial bullshit.

On to my next point: I am unequivocally in support of artists and actors being paid for their work.

However, I am a Broke Bitch. Unless we could somehow do crowdfunding or something, I physically would not be able to pay people. This makes me feel like a very shitty person, but unfortunately it's the truth, and I want to be upfront and honest about that.

This is why I hope to get as many people on board as possible for this project, so nobody has to do a shit-ton of work.

I understand that most of you are busy, with work, school/college, or life generally life-ing. Join the club, my life is hectic too.

This is why I really have no set deadline for this. Whether it takes a few months or a few years, as long as it's done well with a minimal amount of stress.

Well, now that that's out of the way, time to go into details a bit.

Characters in order of appearance (this is mainly for VAs)

Vox

Valentino

Velvette

Angel Dust

Charlie

Husk

Alastor

Vaggie

Lucifer

Niffty

Sir Pentious

Asmodeus (yeah this is slightly a Helluva Boss crossover)

Frank (the egg boi)

Fizzarolli

Katie Killjoy

Tom Trench

And lastly, depending on what everyone else thinks, I have an idea for how Verosika and Zestial can be involved.

Will there be musical numbers?

The short answer is YEAH, cause Hazbin is a musical. I cannot stress enough how much the music is My Problem. Literally, apart from people singing, I will take care of that.

My Idea Of The Process

(please bear in mind I have little to no idea of how the animation process works so this is almost definitely wrong, please feel free to correct me about it)

Step 1. Storyboard

Step 2. Voice lines and songs get recorded

Step 3. Animatic (this could very well end up being as far as it gets and that is absolutely cool beans)

Possible Step 4. Animation

Finally, I'd be more than happy to be the one to edit all the clips together. Editing is its own kind of hell, and I'm totally willing to take one for the team.

The Vision

This is. (fffffff) this is the part that's gonna make me sound like a Draconian jerk but I promise I don't mean to come across this way.

I'm hoping to have something that's as close to the style of the show as possible. (this video kinda has the right vibes) This is so the final project will look cohesive and somewhat professional. (god that probably sounded so bad but I genuinely have no idea how else to say it)

TO BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR. I have nothing against artists with other distinctive art styles, in fact I've come across several that I absolutely love.

Regarding The Writing

I've never directed anything before, so forgive me if this is crossing a line, but like.

I have my vision for how I want this to go and I'm kind of. not overly flexible on that. Obviously ideas that people have to get this to work good are more than welcome, but they might not end up happening.

Not to be a dick, but I am sorta the director so I do kinda get to make the call on that stuff. (ew god that felt odd)

If this gets off the ground, I'd have to turn this 12,000 word fic into a script to make it easier for people to read it and not get bogged down by my weird old-fashioned poetic style. This would be sent out to people who express interest at some point.

Just a heads-up: If you're expecting an AO3 link I am so sorry but it's Google Docs, mainly because this thing is wildly self-indulgent and I, for one, do not fancy attracting potential haters. Most people are nice, some are very vocally not. Besides, what would be the fun if everyone knew the story in advance?

BASICALLY

If you're interested shoot me an ask and I'll answer privately (OFF anon pls, I wanna know who I'm workin' with here!) or DM me and I'll get back to you.

If you see this and know someone who'd be interested, feel free to tag them or send this post to them.

I am gonna tag @achilleanauthor (my right hand man over here) @emeraldcity1900 and @onesidedradiostatic as they're kind of the only blogs I know who are I guess. Active in the Hellaverse fandom.

If this gains enough traction and I get people on board, I'll be setting up a Discord server (another first for me).

Watch this space, and as Alastor would say, "Stay tuned..."

#the chaos duck has spoken #hazbin hotel #helluva boss #i felt like. such an asshole even writing this post #but yeah.#halp meh #hazbin fan project

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loreweaver-universe · 5 months ago

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And that's the show.

Holy shit. I'm SO MAD! Those monsters! They murdered their children! And forced Kino to suffer the knowledge of their fates and the burden they placed on them! God damn.

Mind you, I'm pissed in a complimentary way. Great art makes you feel things, and this has me in a way, let me tell you. God, seeing the look on Kino's face as they watched that town die...it was really rough.

Something I like about this series is that it presents you with facts, not opinions. The narrative generally doesn't judge the characters within it; it simply presents them, and all but explicitly invites you to judge them. It's an approach very rarely taken, and it's pretty interesting. It's also reflected very neatly in its protagonist; Kino is very carefully, deliberately neutral and apathetic in their interactions with most characters, and the times they drop that mask and care are among the most interesting moments in the series. I'll confess, I don't like Kino as a person very much; that kind of apathy doesn't sit well with me, especially when it's a deliberate choice, as it is in Kino's case. But as a protagonist? They're very, very interesting. I like thinking about what makes them tick.

This is NOT the end of Kino on this blog! The patron who picked this show wants me to do the pilot ("Episode 0") and the two movies, so we're not done yet. Look forward to that!

Before I go, I’d like to plug both my blog’s Patreon and my Twitch/Youtube Patreon. Patreon is my only source of income, and while I make enough to cover rent and bills (I make about $700-800 a month) I don’t make a ton of money from it and haven’t been able to save anything up for emergencies (medical or otherwise) in the last decade or so. I also have received the news that I need to move out, and I'll (hopefully) be moving in with my partner next June--which I need to save up for. Every dollar helps, so if you’re willing, please consider pledging a dollar or two.

Thank you all for tuning in, and thank you to my 36 blog patrons, who make it so I can do this for a living! I’ll see you next time!

IN OTHER NEWS:

I recently completed my first playthrough of In Stars and Time! You can see the full playlist of those streams by clicking here!

I have an ongoing first playthrough of Final Fantasy XIV that I’ve been streaming on Twitch! If you’d like to tune in when I’m live, I stream it every Saturday at 1 PM EST, and I upload my stream VODs to my Youtube channel! If you’d like to see that playlist, click here!

If you’d like to help me pay my rent, buy me some food, or help with my bills and medicine, please use my direct donation link! If you’d like to support me per liveblog completed every month, please pledge to my Patreon! If you’d like to support my streams or pick a game for me to stream, you can pledge to my stream Patreon too!

If you’d like more of me and my content:

My Episode Lists master page, where you can find every show and liveblog I’ve done!

My Discord server, where you can come hang out with me and other fans, check out member liveblogs, and join community gaming guilds!

My Twitch channel, where I stream variety games almost every day!

My Youtube channel, where you can check out past streams!

My ask blog, where you can send me questions and comments!

My Twitter, where I make announcements about liveblogs and streams!

It’s your kindness and support that lets me do this stuff, and I wouldn’t be where I am without all of you to do it for. Thank you all so much for your support, and for tuning in every episode!

#kino #kino's journey #kinos journey #kinobloggin #bloggin #kino episode 13 #kino26 #episode wrap up

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mortish-writes · 5 days ago

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Hey mortish, I wish I can support you in patreon, I’m so willing to pay cause I love your writing so much that I really wanted to play the early access because I am so obsessed with Bride of Shadows, unfortunately the patreon where I’m from is super restricted to ‘adult’ content and so I’m geo-blocked from any of your patreon exclusive content. Even with this disadvantage, I’m still happy with what you provided for me in itch.io and tumblr especially since it’s free. Valdricht and Serax are honestly my comfort characters, so thank you for everything. I really appreciate the amount effort and care you created on this story. I love its complexity, it even made me cry once, and the way I can emphasize and relate to MC. The two guys are so easy to love with flaws and all. I always wanted to be a mom and experience pregnancy but now I’m physically incable due to an illness so I’m gonna live vicariously through MC lol. I can’t wait to hold the Demi god baby and spoil them. You are super talented, keep it up! Giving you all my love! <3

That's so kind. If you can tell me which country you're in, maybe I can help find an alternative.

I'm so glad you're enjoying the story and I can relate to an extent about motherhood. I am very fortunate to have had a child of my own. I had hoped to be able to have two, but life circumstances and age have complicated that. Without a doubt, I channeled that angst into drafting Bride of Shadows. Around the time I started drafting it, it felt like everyone was having a baby, including my husband's cousin who was five years my senior, his little sister, and (the ultimate dark comedy) my ex-husband who I divorced because he didn't want to have a family.

I'm deeply grateful to have been able to experience carrying a child and I still hope to be able to do so again, but for the time being I think both experiences put me in an ideal position to write a story that can both realistically portray pregnancy (albeit a magical one) and also write something that eases that ache so many of us feel but struggle to assuage.

Thanks for sharing that with me, it means a lot.

Even though I was sad when I found out her mom was pregnant, I love my new niece, she's so beautiful and farts rainbows as far as I'm concerned.

#bride of shadows if #pregnancy romance #pregnancy #my ex definitely didn't give his daughter the name i picked if we ever had a daughter that would be insane #right?#RIGHT?

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blackdigitalrose · 17 days ago

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Wed - Smile Pretty Cure! - Ep 29 - 31 (These summer episodes are getting a little tedious now -.- too many at once.)

EP 29

It is another for the bingo card, it's the, I haven't completed all the summer homework and school is tomorrow ep and yes, it plays out like all the others so far, mostly.

Not one of Reika's brightest moments, she does often feel very out of place but 6:30 XD how specific, yet in other ways relatable, wonder why 6:30 though?

Sunny would be right on this one, that is pretty crazy but that is definitely a unique use of the attack. (Peace Thunder may be my fave attack from this series)

I had nothing to say, the changes are small but I really like that look on Beauty,

Oof, that's just an awkward finisher after all that talk. However, I guess the message it was trying to get across is there and it does get a bonus point for at least being willing to show, ironically, the bad end.

It is odd though, the ep was pointless and yet it flew by.

EP 30

Now, were these aired in the wrong order? They started school again at the end of the last one, then it is summer again in this one?

Who could they even show any of these photo's to? It isn't like they could explain how they magically got to a,b,c? Gotta appreciate that proper digi-cam screen quality though.

And trying all that food is one thing but whose paying? Magical currency conversion as they go to?

Or how they even had a book case for some of these locations? If anything, this ep is bringing up a lot of questions.

They say for the sake of a plot but seriously, this is the second time now but if they can do this, why not get the energy they need like this and not get the Precure's attention? It isn't like it suggests its barely enough or anything?

Wait... if Candy could have done this by herself this whole time, why did she keep getting the others to use the pact to use a charm?

Part of me expected more, make them more personal, on the other hand, it'd definitely be alot easier to animate like this. I am disappointed we didn't get to see all of them do their attack like this, March would have been quite fun to see. (I've only just noticed how glittery their attack backgrounds are...)

Triple KO, allies and enemy alike XD

Sounds menacing but falls empty because we have no idea what he's actually been up to or trying, just something, he never elaborated at any point. How are we suppose to know if it really is bad or not? They could have given it some build up if you were going to use him so scarcely.

(Free toy merch advertising!) Not that I'm trying to be overly critical here but with a light show like that, why didn't they do this in the secret hideout? Just miraculously never getting anyone else's attention.

EP 31

Didn't this start off dark again, dang Smile, you jump from one extreme to the other so easily.

Just what is his story? How much does he know? Can he see it or is he able to sense it? 30eps in and he's still such a mystery? How is he always steps ahead of everyone else?

The unintended contrast but that feels like foreshadowing some how.

You've got to give him points for thinking ahead and taking precautions.

XD Candy is having her equivalent of a super saiyan moment, the struggle, the anger, the yellow glow, the little speech about not hurting anyone... (This is very much Goku's first SSJ transformation, magical girl style)

Egads -.- we are doing this for a third time, why are we doing this for a third time? (this was in subbers notes)

And it ends with Joker having actually stuck around and kidnapping the other four because naturally, we can't have it the other way round? Pink saves the rest (here's looking at W.I.T.C.H, who actually had that role reversal in their S1.)

I can't tell if the show has derailed or not, it started of strong but it seems like it has lost its way abit but it can still have these amazing moments, none of these eps were really bad, bad. Nor can I tell if Joker is good or not, they've got the intrigue still there at least but he still feels too much of a background character.

Maybe next weeks set will clear things up a bit more?

#pretty cure #anime screenshots #precure marathon #precure #ep review #cure happy #cure sunny #cure march #smile precure #cure peace #cure beauty #pop #candy #joker #enough with the decors already what even happens to the old sets anyway did they just poof?

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kagedbird · 4 months ago

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OKAY. Got a bit to yap about.

This month is looking rough all ready for funds. Two weeks in and I haven't even gotten a third of what I need for rent. I'm at 240$ out of 1,130$. That's REALLY bad. Work has been too light for peak season.

Just as well, I FINALLY found someone who's not a dick bag and offering a car for a decent sum of money and is getting it serviced to fix its problems and is willing to let me know how that servicing comes out to be.

They need to fix a motor in the window (driver side I think) and were very kind when chatting with me. That's about 3,350$. I have nothing saved for that and only have until mid November to get someone to drive me out there to them so I can pick up the car.

IN SHORT, I DESPERATELY NEED CASH. I know I am always begging for cash, and I am so sorry for that, I get it if you're tired of me begging, but I am too. Having this car would mean I could stop paying so much for Uber / Lyfts, food delivery, could work longer hours (should my body actually hold), and if worse comes to worse, live in it. I could even BECOME an Uber / Lyft driver, should I have the need to.

Now, just as a reminder, the 3,350$ is ONLY for purchasing the car. That's not including DMV visits, taxes, gas, and anything else I might need on top of that— as well as getting an actual ID / license for this state since I wasn't able to do that before elections. If we could shoot for 4,500$ that could probably cover a lot.

The car is a Jeep Liberty 2003, Sport Utility 4D.

Very good size with a large enough trunk (hopefully) for all my shit if worse comes to worse.

I'm very scared and don't like making fundraiser posts like this, but I'm going to be working on actually finishing the comms I've had sitting for a hot minute so I can reopen them and get some money that way too.

If you'd like to wait for that in order to get something for your money, perfectly fine! Otherwise, I have two options:

Car dono link:

Airbnb dono link:

You can also use my KOFI here if Paypal isn't to your taste!

And if you can't, reblogging to get the word out is just as well. Thank you, and I hope your financial situations are far kinder than mine!

#important #signal boost #financial aid #mutual aid #fundraiser #donate #kb rambles #finances never stop aching ; ;

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wanderingwomanwondering · 10 months ago

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911 Season 7 Critique

This is a long post. If you don’t make it to the end, I totally understand.

I know we all have lots of feelings about this season and most of what I’ve read from others in the fandom here on tumblr has been overwhelmingly positive, but I have serious and persistent concerns. Here me out, if you’re willing and able.

This entire season something about 911 has felt off for me in a big way. I couldn’t quite put my finger on exactly what the problem was until recently. All I knew was that season 7 was weird out the gate. Now I finally think I have something coherent to say about this season now that it’s over. The whole season’s main plot(s) have been overblown and overworked. All season long, the characters have felt bodysnatched by extraterrestrials being just similar enough to our beloved characters to not raise total alarm - at least initially - but different enough to snatch some epic side-eye outta me. Then ep 4 happened and the whole time I was a mix of elated and confused. Anybody who’s been paying attention for the last 7 years knows that Buck is queer so that wasn’t the shocker. For me, it was the way everything went down in ep 4 with the characters that felt heavy-handed and untrue to who they are. The weird strange bizarreness through the season just kept on coming like a freight train with no breaks or relief. By the finale I was scratching my head and kinda irritated because the tiny bit of actual character work that we saw over the course of the season was odd as hell and now it’s over and I’m not really excited about much of anything that’s supposed to be coming in s8. The characters feel too ooc and the plots feel too uncharacteristic of 911. Like for a bit there I thought I was watching Days of Our Lives meets Miami Vice meets The Walking Dead, and that’s not what I signed up for with 911.

Season 7 left me earnestly wondering: Where are the family feels, the tight bonds, the heartfelt connections, the vulnerable conversations, the healing community that is the 118, the fucking togetherness? Everyone feels like they are adrift and alone without the found family support that they enjoyed in previous seasons. This season has been a trauma fest with little to no emotional payoff. Drama for its own sake. Problems resurrected, rehashed, blown way out of proportion, repackaged, and sold as authentic current issues. This season I felt like I was watching a completely different show.

Yes we are on a new network. Yes Tim is back. Yes a bit of shake up can be good. But this doesn’t feel like a good shake up. I feel like I’m being jerked around for sport. Like past BS is being thrown in my face instead of laid on the table and worked through by the characters that I know and love. Season 7 was mostly just trauma porn and I did not enjoy it.

Yes we could argue that Tim is trying to grab the attention of new viewers on a new network. But honestly that kind of feels like a cop-out explanation given what he delivered. If I were new to this show, I would not feel like I have any idea who these characters are beyond the wild crap that happens to them. I feel like I know more about how to sink a cruise ship or how to traverse the desert than I do about how the characters relate and connect with one another.

As someone who’s watched 911 from the very beginning live and in real time, the plotting, pacing, and character choices in season 7 feel like Tim is putting on a show instead of telling stories. Shows are a wacky wild ride with little cohesion and/or progress; characters take a backseat to whatever the ptb can cook up for the weekly plot. Stories center characters and what’s happening to them is processed by them and moves their arcs along in mostly coherent ways. A show is ‘shit happens’. A story is ‘shit happens TO ME AND I DEAL WITH IT in ways that show the audience who I am and what matters to me’’.

Maybe season 8 will feel more like a story since it won’t be a truncated season, and season 7 has reintroduced people to - aka dredged up long-past but somehow present again - character issues. I don’t know. I hope season 8 is more coherent, character-focused, and progress/healing-oriented like previous seasons have been. Honestly the show has been running too long to act like rehashing the past over and over again is enough to carry it for 7 more seasons.

Anyway, my specific concerns with season 7 are below the cut.

The main plots have just been hilariously bad. Soap opera levels of wtaf.

The cruise ship disaster had pirates, cheaters, and poorly-developed conflicts between lovers all of which (mostly) came out of the thin blue sea air and/or were handled in incredibly ooc ways. MIssing groom because of viral encephalitis. Hospital wedding like its a good thing and preferable to the warm fuzzies that Madney deserved. Long-dead wife put on such a high pedestal by Eddie that she walks the earth once more. Bobby chasing a random man from his past into the desert to say/do what exactly? All while mixing it up with a literal Mexican cartel. A desert crossing complete with traumatic flashbacks, a car crash, and a makeshift stretcher. (Bobby should have left Amir where he was after the crash and just walked the mile to the road without him in tow. But instead he slowed himself down and risked sunstroke in the process. That was a drama choice made by the writers, not a paramedic/firefighter choice made by the character.) Post-house fire Bobby’s heart stops for 14 whole ass minutes and he wakes up fine and perky as meringue. Athena Grant choosing cold-blooded vengeance over holding vigil for her allegedly dying husband. Racist and misogynistic Gerard returning for absolutely no narrative or character-related reason at all, at least not for one that couldn’t be more effectively accomplished by some/any other means.

The women have been side-lined in their own stories, and/or their characters altered in problematic ways.

Hen dismissed the councilwoman’s son in the season’s opening arc and ignored his potential injuries because he was being an asshole. A lesser paramedic would do that, but NOT our Hen. Also that plot point was unrealistic af because if someone is not in their right mind to make a life-saving decision for themselves, like in the case of intoxication, medical personnel can ethically treat them anyway. It was such a weird plot/character choice to Hen use that guy’s intoxication as a reason NOT to treat him when it’s actually a great reason to go ahead and check him out. She should have and would have worked the problem (poised and professional) instead of storming off in a huff (emotion-driven and unethical) because that guy was being a dick. Hen is not easily unsettled, nor is she unprofessional!

Hen and Karen were oddly clueless about Mara’s trauma and the fact that it was actively relevant to her behavior when they took her in, despite the fact that they have fostered several children at this point in the story. They considered “returning her” before they considered the trauma factor. Unreal. Our Hen and Karen were not born yesterday, are no strangers to hard times with foster kids, and have hearts the size of the 7 seas. This writing choice made no sense to me and made Hen and Karen feel like extraterrestrials to me. Ignorant ones at that. In the finale, Hen didn’t tell Karen she was going to see Mara. Like. Why? They talk about everything. Hen claimed it’s because Karen would have tried to stop her but we all know that would have been a half-hearted comment while she put her shoes on and grabbed her purse. No. Hen and Karen are partners and they act like it. The one woman show era between them has been over for a while. Especially when it comes to their family.

Athena and Bobby had a conversation at the end of season 4 about cutting each other out and leaving each other emotionally stranded and since then have been actively committed to communicating and staying a team. So what the hell was that vibe between them on the cruise. Athena was evasive and weird the whole time and in the most banal gender stereotyped way possible. In addition, Tim seems obsessed with women as damsels in distress this season which is not and has never been Athena’s vibe. Even with the Jeffrey arc in season 5 while she coped with the trauma of that encounter, she displayed agency. So I’ll never understand her indirect approach to dealing with Bobby running off to ‘Step 9’ Amir or her decision to turn right around and talk to Amir about Bobby instead of talking to Bobby directly. Athena is a direct person, especially about her family. She cuts to the quick and gets to the heart of things. The drama I needed was Bathena working through Athena’s fears for Bobby and Bobby working through his trauma/recovery with Athena…not a Mexican cartel and shenanigans in the desert. Then there was the way Harry talked to Athena when she discovered that he ran away from Miami. Athena’s response to Harry would have been understanding but corrective. She wouldn’t have stood there and let him disrespect her. Not in a million lifetimes. She also wouldn’t have left her allegedly dying husband at the hospital to reenact a revenge plot from some B movie. Plus what was up with her blaming herself for Amir supposedly burning the house down, and her doing no police work to puzzle out what happened? She just went on an emotion-fueled rampage. That’s not how Athena operates. Remember her namesake, goddess of WISDOM and warfare. Come on bffr.

Maddie. Oh where do I even start. From ep 1 she was treated like a means to an end instead of the first responder former nurse badass that she is. This whole season, she comes across as ‘just another dispatcher’ instead of the focused problem-solver and active agent that we know her to be. Prior to season 7 Maddie would have had her thinking cap fully on right along with Hen in the first episodes as they worked out a way to get in touch with the cruise ship. Calling Tommy could have even been Maddie’s idea since Chim and Tommy are still in touch but Hen and Tommy don’t seem to be. Then there was the whole Maddie hearing what she expected to hear with the abuse victim on that one call. Like. What?! This is not Maddie’s first rodeo, she is not easily unsettled, and she’s a damn professional. She would have done what she had to do to emotionally regulate and help the woman in danger before she let herself ‘hear what she expected to hear’. Admittedly she would have cried the whole time because that’s JLH’s jam and she’s good at it but Maddie wouldn’t have fallen down so hard on the job (especially not after what happened in season 3 with Tara and Vincent). And the wedding stuff! Maddie was just watching and waiting instead of using what she knew about her partner in life Chim to deduce where he might go or what he might do. Instead of collecting information about their previous calls and how they might be playing into Chim’s disappearance, she was busy being insecure about whether Chim actually wanted to marry her. Mind you, Maddie was the one who was originally reticent about marrying again AND she’s the one who proposed to Chim. After all the drama with the ring, there is no world in which Maddie would have imagined Chim was running from her. She would have known something bad was up and that it had nothing to do with their love for one another. In the finale Maddie calls Chim to talk about Athena’s suss behavior but Maddie has more connections and professional wherewithal than just ‘call my husband he’ll know what to do’. She would have called the precinct and asked about 727-L-30 in a discreet way and put most of the pieces together herself and then actually sent Chim and Hen to stop her. And she would have been ready at a moment’s notice to call the cops on the rogue cop. The way that scene actually played out felt more like gossip on the high school bleachers than Maddie doing her actual job.

The relationships seem plain odd/ooc, distant, and/or superficial. Very few vulnerable emotional conversations happened and when they did they felt generic, shallow, and/or incomplete.

Bobby and Athena on the cruise. Athena just didn’t feel like herself because she refused to talk to Bobby. When they did finally talk it was when they were about to drown and it was more of a mini-therapy session for Bobby. After Amir was introduced, Bobby pulled away again and Athena let him. Then Athena chose to approach the traumatized stranger rather than have a talk with her own damn husband. When they finally confronted each other about that situation, she walked away from Bobby almost like she was punishing him for walking away first instead of them both leaning into the conversation as partners. Really? Bffr.

Buck and Eddie having a bro convo about womanizing in the early episodes of the season. The ‘hey pal please talk to my kid bro because you have experience with these issues’ rather than the all important ‘there’s no one in this world I trust with my son more than you’ vibes of it all. Eddie making limited eye contact with Buck and ignoring him in ep 4. Eddie’s physical demeanor in ep 4 being bro-ed up and distant. Yeah I know we can argue that was all from Buck’s perspective in the moment but that explanation seems insufficient to me because it was so extreme, and was kind of maintained in some ways throughout the season. The ‘i’m gonna maim my best friend’ energy of the bucktommy origin story despite the fact that buck is not violent at all and definitely not towards loved ones. (Tim seems determined to ruin everybody just enough to generate unnecessary and ooc drama.) Buck’s weird dudebro conversation with Eddie while on his date with Tommy as if the foundation of buck and eddie’s relationship has ever been conversations about women solely to assert their heterosexuality * facepalm emoji * The super textbook sterile coming out scene in ep 5 like these guys aren’t besties and don’t actually know each other deeply. I wanted that coming out scene to have 504 patio conversation energy, not whatever it was we got in 704. Like that coming out conversation could have played out the exact same with one of the no-name background firefighters at the 118 or with Connor or some other rando. It felt so impersonal to who they are and to their particular brand of vulnerable courageous conversations. Honestly even the hug in 704 was weird. I was happy to have it but it was still weird. The kitchen conversation in ep 9 at Eddie’s place felt odd and incomplete for buddie. We get queer sexual innuendo (‘skulking around my back door’), basic mutual acknowledgment of worry about the dead wife doppelganger, and that’s a wrap? Okay I guess * eyeroll emoji * Then we had the finale where Eddie is obviously losing his mind and Buck is just sitting on the arm of the couch like ‘i dunno what to tell you man’. Like they’ve never had a (chris) conversation before in their life. Like buck wouldn’t have been the one to VOLUNTEER to go talk to chris without eddie spelling it out. Like buck wasn’t the person who stayed with chris talked to him and took care of him when eddie got shot and when eddie lost his damn mind in 513. The buck in the finale was not the buck who did all those things. He was so bodysnatched it’s not even funny. Also, in what world would buck have snarked that chris can’t keep eddie out of his room??? Buck, my good sir, if eddie wanted to break down chris’ door he wouldn’t have called you over bc he can do that on his own without a consult. That scene felt ooc af plus the dialogue was just plain dumb.

Hen and Chim have barely had a meaningful friend moment this season. It’s mostly Hen razzing Chim, a polite smile, or nada. Let’s not even talk about the ‘betrayal’ in the beginning with the councilwoman’s son and then the deeply meaningless drama that ensued after. So much so that they commented on it in a joking way on the helicopter. That’s not how Hen and Chim roll. They give each other clear and unapologetic honesty at all times. Not the cold shoulder for sport which is what it felt like when Hen finally said she wasn’t actually mad. The gender and racial implications of how that played out are not lost on me. It felt like a 180 from how these characters normally interact in serious circumstances. Complete waste of time and invented drama for drama’s sake. I don’t blame Hen and Chim for that, like everything else I’ve mentioned in this critique of the season, it’s pure writing room weirdness.

Bobby’s locker room conversation with Buck in ep 9 was more like mentor-mentee than father-son. We’ve stated that as their dynamic several times but that’s not what we got in that locker room. They were standing several feet apart, Bobby and Buck smiled politely, no hug, no shoulder pat. Just textbook sterile ‘you’re okay kid’. Bobby could have given that speech to no-name firefighter number 12 and it would have felt the same.

You mean to tell me in the finale that Bobby was just gonna stroll back into work in uniform after quitting like nothing happened? Like he’s still employed. My good sir, you didn’t even call headquarters before showing up to be like ‘just kidding i want my job back’. You mean to tell me Buck and Ravi were at work, in uniform and clocked in, but didn’t already know Gerard was there? You mean to tell me Bobby was supposedly that allergic to having a real emotional/vulnerable conversation with literally anybody that he strolled into work WHEN HE NO LONGER WORKS THERE like he was gonna get to actually work??? I just can’t -

Anyway, this post is long af so if you made it to the end, thank you. Honestly, I'm still processing this season but as of now, in the words of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, “I take no leave of you, [Tim Minear]. I send no compliments to your [season 7 showrunner decisions]! You deserve no such attention! I am seriously displeased!”

#I’m exaggerating with the p&p quote. I’m approximately 85% displeased with this season.#911 meta #911 critical #911 season 7 #911 abc #athena grant #bobby nash #hen wilson #karen wilson #maddie buckley han #chimney han #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz

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onewomancitadel · 7 months ago

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A scattering of TWC impressions, which I played because a mutual posted fanart featuring a guy with long hair and I wanted to see if he had long hair in the game. The character my protagonist romanced only had long hair in a flashback. I told you, they are trying to contain me

That being said, I'll try to be fair:

By Book Two I was calling that the mother is a traitor, and I presume the epilogue in Book Three confirms this. My favourite silly thing that authors do is something like:

"I'll never forgive anybody who ever does this."

[Character who is later never forgiven for something immediately speaks]

"I sure hope nobody betrays us."

[Traitor speaks]

or in the case of TWC, every time a Rogue leader was mentioned, Rebecca immediately began speaking. It's just a subtle way of linking information together that most people aren't going to pick up on, outside of actual hard clues (e.g. there's the bit where Rebecca gets the pure DMB, and somehow Murphy had pure DMB on hand, the repeated emphasis on doing anything for her child, caginess about leaving being a leader of the Chamber/the dad thing, etc.)

I cannot imagine how much work it was to twine together a CYOA game and try to structure the prose as part of that experience, so I tried to be really gentle on that aspect when I am at my most critical with such a thing.

Present tense works best with first person (there is one time that I've read third person present tense and it's transcended my issues with it, I think because there was a real deft employment of where it's good for - especially sex scenes) in my experience because it reflects that natural English conversational tone, though my preference would still be first person past tense, for the sake of CYOA I can see why it was chosen. That being said, I think it really did struggle at points trying to marry a past tense reflectional tone to the present, and there were times that the description of the environment was especially clunky. I wrote a post about dialogue tags that was implicitly about this series lol.

I did pay for all three books so I'm not knocking on something a fan put their heart into, hahaha. To its detriment I think the quality of the prose depreciated by Book Three - having gone back to do a second playthrough to do a male protagonist/Morgan playthrough, I don't think this is recency bias. In terms of actual structure, Book Three probably has the overall better dramatic moments but experiences a weakening of connective tissue - lots of 'and then'..., and fewer scenes where I can smash my dollies together.

This really brings me to my issue which is that I didn't go in knowing it was all about romance, and I really wish - ironically - it had leant more into being about romance.

The plot is there to carry the development (which I enjoy, unless you are able to write something truly literary) up until it fell more like it was beginning to overwhelm it by Book Three - then again I hated the fake dating in Book Two because it's a beloathed trope of mine, so maybe I'm just hard to please. I think this might be an issue of the will-they-won't-they Adam romance, which - whilst I love slow burn and most of all absolutely love slow burn which dicks around - really needed to torture Adam more and torture my protagonist more to get the message through, I think in part a consequence of the tone of this sort of story which is trying to feel grounded, but I would choose sensible character development in exchange for tonal compromise (especially as it would be constrained to one route). I'm willing to be seated for people who try to stay away from each other - yess please yummy yummy - but you need to feel comfortable in getting the emotional cattle prod out.

And I wouldn't be so upset about the realism of portraying a 900 year old vampire knight unless the setting leant hard into that 'supernatural-but-realism' modern style of cynical writing... like, you can't have characters laugh about believing in God (when God structured that period of Adam's early life and magic is real and a Gnostic-esque Echo World is also real...) and then get mad at me when I want you to portray a 900 year old vampire knight properly. He sounds like a traumatised soldier from 20-30 years ago; did he change with the times? Did he never fit in back then anyway? I guess I just wanted to go weirder! Also what's his attitude to sex. Lol

Also the fact that human bloodsucking didn't come up until the end of Book Three made me very disappointed. I wanted him to try sucking her like as early as Book One. I wanted to suggest it as a thing to help them fighttttt but it could also be so so sexy. 🥰 It felt a little like dramatic scenes kind of get postponed. No idea what Murphy is doing now

That being said, the most important thing to me were the nonviolent resolutions and being nice to the monsters. I think the real reason I kept playing is because it did keep offering outcomes that let me try to be peaceful and show compassion to the big sad mean monsters... whether that was in the romance itself, or towards the antagonists, that was actually great fun.

It's not even something you necessarily get to do in a Bioware game because combat is considered the lifeblood of video games (maybe in some older games you can talk down the antagonist, thinking of the original Fallout here - but notably its sequel eschewed this, almost like a joke) and the type of character I tend to construct for this setting is the gentlest I can think of, just because such gentle characters are so rare. So it's very very valuable to me to get to play that.

That actually brings me into what I liked about the romances, which is that I never had to consistently hit a 'flirt' option - something I hate about how RPG's construct romance now - because that's not even how people become attracted to each other! - and it asked me what route I was going to take. Notably on my second playthrough, it asked me why I had been avoiding Morgan - so it actually integrated how you met those hidden romance checks into the storytelling, even when I went through a romance with fewer checks seemingly hit. (I think this might've been because I let her wait outside? But why would I force my character on her? Lol).

And because Detective Majestic (okay I was thinking of Destroy All Humans because cops/supernatural/special agencies, I wanted something silly, and then they kept using her surname the whole goddamned playthrough...) is so gentle, she never pushed Adam not even once, and it let me keep playing that way without punishing that playstyle because it didn't ~meet the romance checks~, but it also had romantic scenarios where neither of them let themselves do anything hahaha, which was amazing. This is probably the rarest portrayal of romance I've ever seen in a CYOA/RPG, and pretty much redeemed my experience because it was so fun to actually play something unique which met me halfway. That in itself is very hard to do - the reason you'd structure something linearly with absolute checks is just because this method is very complex to write. Now you've got more than 'romance - no romance' to write a route for.

So the discovery element was really the strongest, and I enjoyed it for that reason above all else. It let me be nice, pacifistic, and play a romance with a unique approach - and though I am not always the kindest on some requisite romance tropes (part of the reason I liked playing a gentle character is that I like the subversion of pushy romance tropes lol) it was admittedly quite fun!

I'm glad I checked it out, so now I know who is the one with long hair and who isn't, and though I am rather curmudgeonly, I had a little bit of fun. I can definitely see how this would service a rich transformative fandom - especially because I don't know if you could reasonably write a sex scene in the main story proper. Blood sucking might have to supplement it... that's what the vampire can be a facsimile for, just with a much more negative portrayal, lol. Probably a separate thesis to be written on why the vampire has enjoyed a burgeoning positive reception in modern romance.

#the wayhaven chronicles liveblog #the wayhaven chronicles spoilers #idk I don't want to put it under the main tag because I do not want anybody being sad #even though I am nice and had fun

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